#MUM THE CHICKEN RAPTOR ATE MY TOY
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The heels make a sexy “tap tap” but the claws make a rubbery, disquieting “scuff, scuff” which makes your (stumbling) gait sound like a chicken wearing a single flipflop. Absolutely fantastic, I’ll wear these to girls night
#something about having 3 young kids and 3 pet chickens makes you preternaturally conscious#of the significance of small guilty sounds and unusual gait patterns#catch me wheeling around suddenly while the wearer of these heels scuttles away tap tap scuffscuff#and I’m hissing WHAT DO YOU HAVE. WHAT DO YOU HAVE.#eventually sweeping out of their mouth a small plastic Komodo dragon that came in a Kinder egg#offended ruffle! offended! jail for mother for a thousand years!#taptaptaptaptaptap scuff#THATS NOT FOOD THOUGH OH MY GOD#Kinder eggs are dropping weird loot lately we’re just getting the Komodo dragon and yellow salamander constantly#I have to put marks on them with sharpie or people get Big Mad about whose is whose#MUM THE CHICKEN RAPTOR ATE MY TOY#that’s what this evokes. the toes of a terrible thing that eats plastic.#also I will wear these to the pub where women want me and fish fear me.#life is complex and these are the shoes to encapsulate that#good morning!!!
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