#MAYBE SHE FEELS PRESSURED TO KEEP UP APPEARANCES AND GIVE HOPE TO PEOPLE BC SO MANY PEOPLE DEPEND ON HER AND SHE DOESNT WANNA DISAPPOINT!

[ecstasydemon]

i just saw the worst take about melinoe that mischaracterized her completely and it pissed me off so bad . exploding that person in my mind

[maaarshieee]

U know how todoroki is popular in ua?

What about chubby reader who has a crush on him, but thinks that she doesn’t have any change bc what she looks like?

I just think shoto wouldn’t even understand that some people care about how they look. He would just be like ”why wouldn’t i like you..?” SO CUTE😭

➢ Sʜᴏᴛᴏ Tᴏᴅᴏʀᴏᴋɪ x F!Rᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

➢ 3,186 Wᴏʀᴅs

➢ Hᴜʀᴛ/ᴄᴏᴍғᴏʀᴛ

➢ Mᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

There were so many words that he could describe you with on top of his head, so he doesn't understand why would you assume he won't like you.

➵ Sᴛᴜɴɴɪɴɢ

cw: self deprecation, traumatic references, social anxiety references ⚠ just so you know, readers, you're beautiful no matter what you look! this is straight from my own insecurities and experiences!

No matter how much you reason with yourself, you can't help but feel everyone is looking at you, judging your every movement, and whispering behind your back.

You know that's not true, after all, Class 1-A has one of the nicest students you've ever met. The girls were nothing but accepting, and even Kaminari was shamelessly hitting on you from time to time. But insecurities won't just fade away just because you had a sudden change of environment, the damage has been done and the wound has been open ever since you could remember.

Your 'friends' always made jokes about your appearance and weight, which you'd always brush off with a laugh. They're just joking, right? No need to overreact. The last time you did, you ruined the mood, so you learned to keep your mouth shut and suck it up. No boy has even thought of giving any sort of interest towards you and chose prettier, slimmer girls.

You felt so ashamed of your body that you can't even stand being outside for too long. The suffocating, heavy pressure in your chest makes it hard to breathe as you always try to walk home as fast as you could. You always had your head down, trying to hide your round cheeks with your hands, or with the hood of your jacket. You always had your arms crossed to hide your big chest or your stomach. Even then, you still feel eyes on you. It's sickening.

So why do you even think you had a chance with Shoto Todoroki?

The thought of it makes you want to laugh at yourself. You've had crushes before, but the difference between those crushes and Shoto? Well, maybe you're foolish enough to actually fall in love. You weren't sure if that was the case, but these feelings were much stronger than what you previously had with other boys.

It merely started as a distant admiration.

Silently staring at him in awe, adoring his heterochromia eyes, his scar, the shape of his face, his hair, his quirk, and much more. It was as simple as that, an infatuation with the cold, quiet, and mysterious boy. I mean, who wouldn't? Girls like you would probably be drooling at his handsomeness. It made you feel silly about how basic you are. You really hoped it was just infatuation because that would be easier to deal with.

Now, why would you fall in love with Shoto in the first place? Well, it all pretty much happened after the Sports Festival. The boy grew more sociable, thanks to Midoriya. He tries to talk, but he was still awfully closed off. So you weren't sure why you were an exception. The day when you decided to beat Midoriya on inviting Shoto to your shared table was when Shoto decided to become close to you. Why? You had no idea.

Besides Midoriya, he often talked to you, maybe even more than anyone else. You'd invite him outside once and a while, and he'd surprisingly agree, showing up rather than leaving you in the dust. Which really made your heart want to explode. He's the first crush you had that interacted with you, and your emotions were a huge mess. You watched him grow, slowly getting used to conversations and often helping him with things he doesn't understand. The poor boy has 0 social skills, and you're more than happy to help him.

Which led to you falling stupidly hard for him. How? Shoto, underneath his aloof personality, was very kind. He offered to help with your homework, and to study with him, even with his struggle with socializing, he was being such a gentleman subconsciously to you, and overall someone nice to be with. He listened to your rambles without complaints and learned how to help you with your anxious habits.

In a crowded area, he always puts a hand on your shoulder and leads you somewhere more secluded. When you're delving deep inside your dark thoughts, he won't hesitate to call your name and rub your back to comfort you. The first time he did all this made you even more panicked, and his efforts in trying to be nicer to you backfired badly. It honestly makes your stomach do flips whenever he does something like this, it driving you insane. When you asked him when did he even learn all this, he gave you a straightforward answer.

"I asked Midoriya."

Eh, why?

"Because I notice you act not like yourself sometimes, and it's always in specific places. Midoriya has known you for a while, so I asked him. He told me you get anxious."

You blinked, astonished. Heat rose from your neck and onto your cheeks, growing hotter the more he spoke. Is... Is that so?

"I don't really understand why, Midoriya said it was a private matter to you, but I still wanted to help you in any way possible, so I asked for his advice as well."

You couldn't sleep that night. So many questions ran through your mind, trying to find a reason why he would go that far for you. You didn't want to jump to conclusions, but maybe he likes you too...? You wanted to slap yourself at that thought, face up in flames as you rolled onto your stomach, face planted on your pillow as it muffled your screams whilst you kicked your legs on your bed.

It's impossible for him to like you, not when you look like this. Maybe he just wanted to be friends with you, and maybe you're one of the easiest ones to befriend with! Yeah, that's only the possible reason why he's been so kind to you.

One thing you're sure of though, is that you're head over heels for him. You were so sure of it, and the fact that you've never experienced such a thing terrifies you. Gently, you began to hit your head. "Stupid stupid..." You muttered, rubbing your nose as you sniffled. "Why now...? Why him..?"

Did Shoto do something wrong?

Ever since he admitted to asking Midoriya how to help you in ways he could, you've been spending less time with him and more keen on hanging out with the girls. He's not against it, he's happy that you're trying to connect with the girls in your class, but the fact that you haven't spoken to him the whole day, or avoided eye contact with him bothered him a lot.

Was it the wrong thing to say? He wondered, a frown tugging on his lips. It was difficult to focus on his classes the whole day as he tried to think of why you were distancing yourself from him. You didn't entirely ignore him though, much to his relief. You gave him a smile here and there, but it wavered and he could see you picking on your nails, as much as you tried to hide it. Anxious. You're anxious around him. He could see it in the way you act, respond to him, and in your eyes.

The whole class noticed it. Usually, the two of you were always together, chatting, studying, or snacking. It deeply worried them that something happened between the two friends.

He asked Midoriya, Iida, Ochako, and Asui, but all of them were unaware. Midoriya was a friend of yours since childhood, yet he doesn't know why you're only avoiding Shoto. One thing he was sure of is that it probably wasn't Shoto that was bothering you, perhaps it was something more personal.

It was the most logical reason, based on how much Midoriya knows you. He trusts him. Shoto couldn't think of anything that he could've done that would upset you, neither can Midoriya since whenever you have a problem, you'd talk about it.

He deeply respects your decision to keep your problems to yourself, since he does it as well, but why did you have to avoid him? It wasn't a great feeling at all. It was like his heart was being squeezed into smithereens.

As much as he wants to respect your privacy, he can't stand being avoided by you. To be treated like a stranger after all the fun memories you've shared, all the laughs, pointless conversations, worries, and pains... He can't let it all disappear just like that. Shoto won't allow you to sever the connection you've built with each other unless you tell him why.

"L/n,"

He called for you just as you were about to go your usual route back to your home. You stopped in your tracks furrowing your brows as you turned your head at the source of the sound. Your made felt dry when you realized who it was, letting out a small squeak. You turned your head, your back facing him, focusing on the road instead. "Y-yes?" You managed, swallowing the lump in your throat.

Shoto felt his hands shake, unsure whether to press on. It was clear you're very uncomfortable with what's happening right now, eager to go home. Shoto didn't like that at all, a heavy feeling settling on his shoulders as he felt his heart pounding in his chest. He wondered if the anxiety you felt was much worse.

He steeled himself, walking in front of you and forcing you to face him, and yet you simply just stared at your shoes, biting your lower lip. "Why are you avoiding me?" He asked, straightforward as always. You bit your bottom lip harder, the pain distracting you enough to ignore Shoto's question, kicking your feet on the ground.

Shoto gulped, his expression growing much more solemn, shoulders drooping. He could practically hear his heartbeat in his ears as he clenched his hands into fists. Maybe he did hurt you somehow.

"Did..." His voice cracked, averting his gaze from you. That caught your attention, glancing up at him. "Did I do something wrong...?" His eyes fell onto you once more, watching your dismissive expression morph into horror.

Wahhh! You didn't expect that at all! This is all my fault, if only I could've just played it cool! You internally berated yourself, waving your hands nervously in front of you, a habit you picked up from your green-haired friend. "W-what!? No!" You sputtered out, shaking your head. "You never did a-anything wrong to me!"

Shoto perked up at that, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. He was so relieved. He felt the crushing weight on his shoulders had been lifted, and his heart finally calmed down. So it wasn't him that was bothering you? He grew more concerned for you, taking a step forward. "Then why are you avoiding me?"

You felt your face turn red, the sudden heat making sweat form on your forehead as your buried your face into your hands. No no no!! You didn't want to tell him so soon, what excuse are you able to give him? Anything that popped in your mind didn't make sense at all. You wanted to scream, the heat rising even more when you heard Shoto take another step towards you.

You stepped back, shaking your head vigorously as you struggled to speak to him. "I-it's not you- I'm the p-problem... I'm so s-sorry for avoiding you, T-Todoroki-kun!!" You bowed to him, sliding your hands off your face and clutching the fabric of your uniform instead. "It's nothing of your worries...."

"Y/n," Shoto called out your name once more, but his voice was more gentle than before. He got closer to you, hesitating, but ultimately decided to put a comforting hand on your shoulder. You flinched, but you thankfully didn't pull away. "You can tell me... I may not be the most reliable person, but as your friend, I want to help you." Those words left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. It was the truth, he wanted to help you, yet being 'friends' seemed like an idea he disliked. Did he want something more?

You didn't know what came over you. Maybe your overflowing glass of emotions was at its point where it's bound to break and spill the water everywhere. You sniffled, tears gathering in your eyes as you mentally prepared yourself. You weren't going to confess anytime soon, you opted to just force yourself to forget about these bothersome feelings towards him, but fate wanted to toy with you a bit more.

You took in a deep breath, clutching the fabric of your uniform. "I like you..." You finally relented, hugging yourself and avoiding his gaze. Tears emerged in your eyes as you shakily breathed in and out. Shoto hesitated, unsure if that was all.

"I... Like you too?" He said, uncertain about what he should say. "I thought that should be a given since we're friends." You had to stop yourself from bursting out in laughter, lips quivering as your shoulders slightly shook. A tear slipped as you let out a small snort. Now, Shoto was at a loss on what to say.

"N-no, Shoto..." You gulped, sheepishly rubbing the back of your neck. Maybe you should've taught him how to recognize romantic feelings... "I like you... More than a friend..."

"...Best friend?" He tilted his head to the side. You wanted to explode there and then.

"N-no!" You yelled, beginning to feel exasperated. "More than that!" You hoped that he'd finally realize what you're talking about, hugging yourself tighter.

Shoto was silent for a moment, thinking. Realization hit him, remembering what you said about relationships. More than friends... That means... "Oh." That was all he said.

Your soul left your body. Unbelievable!! You're here, crying your heart out right in front of him, confessing your love to him and that's all he says!? You wanted to scream.

"If you like me, why were you avoiding me then?" He suddenly asked, brows furrowed in confusion. Your eye twitched at the fact he just skimmed at your confession, but it was to be expected... It was understandable for him to ask this question though. After all, if you like someone, you'd want to get closer, right?

"Because I know I don't have a chance..." You admitted, sighing deeply as you returned to hugging yourself, looking down. You just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry even more. "You won't like me when there are girls like Yaomomo..." She's prettier, slimmer, smarter, and richer than me! You dared not to add that...

Shoto went closer to you, now arms-length away. He took out his handkerchief from his pocket, wiping your tears away with delicate hands. Your breath hitched, heat rising back to your cheeks as you made eye contact once again.

"Why wouldn't I like you?" He said, staring at you with such fondness. You blinked at him, dumbfounded.

"H-huh?"

"Why wouldn't I like you?" He repeated, "You're absolutely stunning." You froze, staring back at him with wide eyes filled with disbelief. Eh? Your mouth felt dry. Eh? EH!? This can't be happening. This. Cannot. Be. Happening. Shoto, bless his heart, didn't sense your inner turmoil and instead, took your silence as a sign to continue.

"I mean... What's there not to like about you?" He admitted a faint color of pink dusted his cheeks, his turn to be flustered. "I thought you were pretty," Shoto added as he ran his fingertips down your tear-stained cheek, then gently cupped it. "And I still do. I'm glad that you... reciprocate these feelings..." Your heart stuttered at how gentle he's being with you, voice soft. He continued to wipe that continuously poured down your cheeks without complaints as he awaited your response.

You knew he was straightforward, but this was all too much to handle. You wanted to melt into the tenderness and warmth of his hands, but you couldn't, your doubts eating you up. Is this boy blind!?

"A-are you sure?" You blurted out, your hand finding itself onto his', cradling his hand as you leaned against his touch, your voice shaky. "You're rather observant, Todoroki-kun... You know I don't look as good as other girls..." You gulped, one hand gripping your blazer so hard that your knuckles turned white. "I'm big, a-and just... Unappealing."

Your words went from one ear to another, more bothered at the fact you didn't use his given name. He let out a small huff, the hand cupping your cheek trailing down to your shoulders and onto your waist, pulling you into his arms. You let out a surprised yelp, not used to his sudden boldness.

"What are you talking about?" He queried, wrapping his arms around you, placing his chin on top of your head comfortably. "I like you just the way you are, Y/n." You hiccupped, hands shaking as he continued to speak, rubbing your back. "I don't understand you feel this way... But I'd love to listen to what you have to say, and I'll gladly help you... Whether on changing yourself, or accepting what you look like.

"Because I like you for you."

You choked out a sob, burying your face in his chest and wrapping your arms around his torso, finally hugging him back. Your cries were muffled against him, feeling guilty for wetting his uniform, but Shoto didn't seem to mind, as he continued to stroke your hair and comfort you. You felt so relieved, so elated that Shoto Todoroki likes you back. If you were dreaming, then you don't want to wake up anytime soon.

But it felt so real, so it had to be. You sniffled, muttering a muffled "I like you too," At him, making a small smile emerged from his lips. Insecurities were hard to deal with, he knew how you felt somehow, with the scar on his face. He may not understand why you talk about your body as if it was disgusting, but he won't deny your feelings about it. He will make sure you'll learn to love and accept yourself, he'll be there by your side. After all, he's learned to feel more accepting towards his scar, despite the bad memories it held.

With you, the burns the felt on his scar faded.

"I prefer you to call me Shoto, please..." He said, wiping away your tears again once you pulled away. You shot him a questioning gaze but nodded nevertheless. Shoto flushed once more, turning his head away from you. "I just... like how you say it..."

You let a giggle slip past your lips, feeling your cheeks heat up again. "Call me Y/n then..."

The next day was a little awkward. You were a nervous wreck and your face was always red to the point you had to be sent to the infirmary, while Shoto had this dreamy look on his face the whole day. The class had a suspicion about what happened yesterday, but nevertheless, they were happy you're interacting again.

How lucky you truly are.

✦ THIS IS SO CUTE AHDGSAHDA,, omg chubby reader~?? i so understand how that feels so,, may have projected in this HAHAAGDH,, i hope you like this anon~ if ever you feel insecure of your body, just know you’re absolutely stunning no matter what people say~! self love, people !! I hope this is okay anon, I may have gotten too far on uh, the trauma part... sorry for projecting ALSO WHOOPS FUCKED UP THE REQUEST BU NOT READING YOUR ASK

So uh, BNHA will remain themeless rn,, making KNY themes was a lot so let me take a break on that first 😭

Bestie you have no idea how much i wanted to abandon this after Tumblr did me dirty and whitescreened my ass for no reason leading to me losing like, 40% of the fic tht was EXTEREMELY important........

[mxchellesworld]

swim

Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings; smut, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, degradation, light choking, creampies, slight thigh riding

Synopsis; during a night out with your friends you spot a tall man in a dark suit with an even darker look in his eyes

a/n; this is literally just smut with very little plot lmaoo uhh i’ve been struggling in my smut writing/writing in general so here’s this, hope its not completely trash and you enjoy!

fic inspired by swim by chase atlantic, bc god knows i can't write anything original sdhfdh

***

It was 10 o’clock when your girlfriends rounded you up for a night out, hopefully full of sweet drinks and good company. By 11:30 you were happily buzzed and the feelings of warm bodies around you brought a heat to your lower stomach. Maybe tonight you’d go home with someone, wake up the next morning with that delicious sense of soreness between your legs. The only task at hand was finding a companion.

Once the current song ended you walked over to the bar grabbing a water and taking a seat next to your friends.

“How are the prospects lookin tonight y/n/n?” Jessica, the short brunette you’d known for years asked. Being around her had rubbed some of her boldness onto you. Hopefully that could make an appearance tonight.

“No luck so far,” you sighed “but my eyes are wide open.” You brought the straw to your lips, gulping down the cool water as you looked around the dimly lit room.

“Woah check out suit and tie over there. He’s been checking you out for a while,” chimed Erika. While she has happily taken, that didn’t stop her from going out with you guys and pushing you into random laps.

You looked up to see the darkest pair of brown eyes on yours. Maybe it was the lighting but here was something in them. Lust perhaps? His eyes travelled down your frame as you stood up. The tight lilac dress you had on hugging each of your curves perfectly.

"I'm gonna get some air, let me know if you guys wanna head out," you said never letting your eyes drift away from the handsome stranger a few feet away.

Once outside you let your back hit the brick wall. The music from the building could be felt vibrating through the cracks. You looked up seeing the stars barley visible through the city lights.

"Contrary to popular belief you can never see millions of stars, they simply aren't close and bright enough. On a really exceptional night, with no moon and far from any source of lights, a person with very good eyesight may be able to see 2000-2500 stars at any one time."

You turned to see the same man from inside. He was gorgeous, a light stubble grazing his cheeks, long hair falling past his ears. He was a lot taller than you had thought probably taller than 6'0 but all that made you think about was him towering over you.

"Did you make that up off the top of your head? Or do you approach all your conquests with astronomy facts?"

"That depends do you usually let strange men corner you behind bars or am I just special?" he said walking closer to where you stood.

"Touche Mr."

"Doctor actually."

There was a brief pause where you both let out a giggle. The dark eyes from before seemed lighter and you cold almost make out a blush on his cheeks. The lack of alcohol on his breath told you it was from the conversation, though there was nothing to be flushed about yet.

“But seriously a pretty girl walking out to a back alley late at night is just a recipe for disaster,” he finished scanning both ends.

“Well do you plan on hurting me doctor?" you said coyly. You did you best to flutter your lashes looking up at him.

"Is that what you want?" he said letting one of his hands tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear. That same hand ended up resting loosely around you neck making you gulp.

"Yes," you breathed out, "please doctor."

He wasted no time in crashing his lips to yours. You moaned into his mouth as he slid his thigh in between your own. His unoccupied hand went down to your hip, slowly guiding the pace of your frantic rutting.

Your lips parted as your head tilted back onto the brick wall. A symphony of whimpers leaving your mouth.

"Look how desperate you are for me. I haven't even done anything and you're already such a mess," he said leaving wet kisses, cooling on your scorching neck.

"Oh fuck doctor," you said clinging onto his arms, "need y'to fuck."

The power he had over you turned your brain to mush. It was sad how quickly he had you melted in the palm of hand without even doing much but kissing. At this point you didn't even care. The only thought swimming in your head was having him inside you.

A pout formed on your lips as his hands dropped from your frame. However it was quickly wiped away as you heard the familiar sound of a belt unbuckling.

"Is this what you needed baby? You need my cock to stretch you out?" he said pulling your hips closer to his.

You looked up at him for permission before you reached forward to pump your hand along his shaft. He lifted your right leg, hooking it over his arm as he pulled the thin material separating the both of you to the side.

Guiding his length to your glistening folds was a sight you'd want engraved in your brain forever. The first intrusion of his fat tip in your tight hole had you mewling a mix of curses and his title.

All you could do was wrap your arms around his neck and hold on for dear life as his thrusts gained speed. The sound of your skin slapping luckily wouldn't have been heard through the door with the loud music playing inside. But anyone who walked by the alley or decided it was time for a breath of air would surly be in for a show.

"Fuck you're such a good little whore for me," he said gruffly against the skin of your shoulder, "letting me fuck you out here where anyone could see."

Your pussy clenched at his words and your moans amplified as he continued to pound into you. The curve of his cock hitting the spot inside of you that had you seeing all the stars in the sky contrary to what he said before.

"More doctor! Please wanna cum," you whined.

He made a noise of disapproval before pushing you back farther into the wall. At this point you and the red bricks were one. You were sure to have crescent marks on how hard he was holding up your thigh.

"Greedy little whore aren't you," he gritted out, "You take whatever I wanna give you."

"Please I need it! Need t'cum please please please," you rushed out bucking your hips to meet each one of his thrusts.

His hold on your hip got tighter as he started drilling into you. You could feel his heavy breathes on your shoulder and the way his cock was throbbing inside you ready to fill you up.

Your mind was dizzy. It felt like you were in a bubble of him, the scent of his cologne trapped in your senses. Your nerves were on fire, any pressure on your neglected bud would be sure to set you off.

It was as if the gods had answered your prayers when he spoke, "I can feel you clenching around me baby. Go ahead and touch yourself for me," he rasped out.

Reaching between yourself you felt the slippery mess where you both connected and started rubbing at your stiff clit. Your fingers sent lighting strikes through your body, breaking the damn that was building in your lower tummy.

"Gonna cum! I'm oh god cumming doctor," you all but yelled out. If people walking around the corner were unaware of the spectacle they sure would be now.

"That's it.. such a good girl."

Your arms around his neck let up as you pulled him in for a sloppy kiss. His lips swallowing the moans you let out as he helped you ride out your orgasm.

"Where do you want-," he tried to speak out but you cut him off.

"Inside," you begged, "Need to feel you cum inside." His thrusts turned frantic as you spoke against his lips. Pleading for hum to fill you to the brim with his seed.

You sighed as you finally felt the warm liquid coat your walls, his thrusts continuing to pump into you.

He pulled out stepping back to watch the creamy mess spill down your center before be swiped it away with his fingers, bringing them up to your awaiting mouth.

Happily you took his fingers in your mouth, moaning around them at the salty taste of your mixed release. You looked up at him keeping your gaze on the sliver of brown around his dilated pupils.

_

Walking back into the bar Jessica and Erika's eyes nearly popped out of their heads as they took in the limp in your walk and your disheveled hair.

"You whore!," Erika screamed out greeting you with pats on the shoulder.

"Shut up," you said looking down feeling the heat rising to your cheeks.

Jessica giggled handing you her compact mirror, "Yeah I bet we're not the only ones who called her that," she finished with a raise of her brow.

Looking back up across the bar you saw the same dark eyes from before staring at you with a smug smile, proud how much of mess he left you in. If the little business card tucked in your bra told you anything, it was that the stunt from outside would be far from the last.

[violettelueur]

RYŌMEN SUKUNA || LITTLE CAGED ARTIST

| featuring : ryomen sukuna ft. itadori yuji 

| warnings : mention of emotional abuse and murder as well as grammar errors

| form : imagine

| word count : 1691

| published : 22 december

| request : Hello, idk if your request are open but feel free to ignore, but just, imagine another reencarnation au (those imaginw of yours are my favourite) where the reader was a painter and Sukuna's personal favourite so he took her and kinda abused her psycologicaly to the point where she would just draw him and only him and he loved that, and in the future she's still an artist that draws Yuuji bc theyre friends but when she sees the tatoos she again draws Sukuna and he feels guilty for the way he treated her and her art in the pastIf It's angst i would apreciate but it's not really necesary

| barista’s notes : hi there~ i apologies for the extremely long wait for your coffee order but now it is there ╲ʕ·ᴥ·　╲ʔ right now it is nearly 5am in the morning and i have no idea why the hell i am awake, but oh well ʕ ᵒ ᴥ ᵒʔ  DONT WORRY THOUGH! after this, i am going to sleep and rest up since today it is Fushiguro Megumi’s and Kageyama Tobio’s birthday today ʕ≧ᴥ≦ʔ but other than that, i hope you enjoy your order of a cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen request!) and i hope you come back soon! ʕ •ᴥ•ʔゝ☆

“Sukuna….please leave me alone...leave the village alone, I beg of you please,” you whimpered to the man that was standing tall and proud with a sadistic smirk painted on his face, while you were on your knees tightly holding onto his large wrist - somewhat slightly covering the black ring marking - as if your weak physical strength could do anything to stop his raising them up and giving a rain upon hell to the people that was residing in the small town you lived in.

You have no idea how you had managed to catch the attention of the most feared curse to both humans and jujutsu sorcerers nor did you know how you managed to become acquainted with the man in front of you. All you knew right now was that the situation you were in at this current moment and time, was not ideal to anyone at all.

You were just a simple artist. A simple village girl artist that was blessed to be hired by the nobility and aristocracy to paint their family portraits with the finest colours that they would offer you, for you to be then paid so you could provide for your village. However, as luxurious as it sounded, you were in love with the idea of just placing a sharped piece of charcoal on a piece of paper or cloth you could find anywhere and sketch your heart designed.

“Leave you alone?” Sukuna questioned you in his deep voice, before slowly crouching down to become face to face with you. “I could never leave you alone, not when you have caught my attention with your craft little one,” Sukuna then stated, as he gently placed a hand on your cheek before using his thumb to caress the soft skin he was touching. 

Ever since Sukuna had caught sight of you delicately painting a portrait of a noblewoman with such care and gentleness, he couldn’t help but wonder how your hands were so carefully and how patient you were to make sure every stroke was perfect to your desire. Slowly, he began to wonder what it was like to be the subject of one's view. A subject that someone desired to recreate on a simple piece of paper. However, compared to his past sightings, you were the most talented as well as the most beautiful he had ever seen and once he was able to gain a clear view of the noble woman that you were illustration, he was surprised at how much detail you were able to encapture in your work and just like the noble woman’s reaction, they both were extremely happy with the result of the final product.

“How about this?” Sukuna suddenly asked, causing your head to suddenly shot up leading you to meet eye to eye with the King of Curses, “if you come with me and draw me and me only for the rest of time, I would leave this little village alone as well as the people residing in it. How does that sound, little one?”

‘Come with him? Where? Why? What’s going to happen to me?’

“If you don’t accept this deal, every single person here will die. Burned, stabbed, slashed, any way possible I can. Men, women and even little children’s lives will be gone, and it would be all your fault.”

‘My….fault? But-’

“You know I’m not a patient person little one, I might as well start my massacre while you take your time to think, it will be-”

“NO PLEASE! DON’T, YOU CAN TAKE ME, JUST LEAVE THE VILLAGE ALONE, PLEASE!” you screamed in desperation, as you tighten the grip of his wrist that was within your grasp to keep him down, as you didn’t want to risk him getting away from your sights for the safety and protection of the people  within the little town you had lived in since the day your life had started.

With a large cruel grin, Sukuna had somehow managed to pry his wrists free from your tense grip before sliding an arm under your knees as well as an arm around your body lifting you up in a bridal position, while you were just expressing a face of shock and fear, confused and fearful on what you had just accepted in exchange for your life. Where were you going? Was this the end? Were you going to die? How much longer have you had left?

“Don’t worry, I won’t kill you, you’re too precious to be slaughtered little one,” Sukuna answered - as if he knew what you were thinking - before placing a ghostly kiss upon your temple leading you to freeze still, petrified on what he would do with you had moved a single inch.

This was your life now. 

A caged artist.

                                               ꕥ

Here you were, sitting on a wooden platform outside with a sharpened piece of charcoal that Sukuna had kindly given you, in order for you to sketch a portrait of him. The second you placed the charcoal upon the paper, Sukuna couldn’t help but stare at the light movements of your hand as you lightly stroke a few lines to create an outline before watching your hand suddenly pause, causing the King of Curses to switch his view from the sheet to you, only to find your look at him with such a frightened look.

“I’m sorry…..I shouldn’t look at you, should I? I apologise deeply,” you softly muttered before quickly turning back to the portrait that was right in front of you - you didn’t want to do anything wrong in his eyes, you knew he could go back on his words and harm the people that you cared about. However, it seemed like Sukuna didn’t care at all, he had managed to trap you into his life and had the power to demand you to draw him every time he would mention he could go back to your little village and burn it to the ground. He relished in the idea of being the subject of your attention.

This is what he wanted. 

His little caged artist.

                                               ꕥ

1000 years later and here you were. 

Here you were sketching a picture of your best-friend Itadori with a picture of him that you had managed to capture on your phone. Itadori first came into your life shortly after you had enrolled into Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Techincal College around the same time as your other classmate Kugisaki did. 

You have no idea what drew you into the boy with the pink hair, but something within you pulled you towards him causing the blooming and somewhat hilarious friendship to start, even causing Fushiguro and Kugisaki to wonder what was going on in your mind to somehow relate to the boy - yet, they didn’t mention their questions since they didn’t really think you knew the answer yourself, and they were correct.

However, as you continued to smoothly glide your pencil across the page, applying different pressures to construct some definitions as well as shadows within the photo you were copying from, you began to suddenly realise that you were starting to draw marking upon his portrait. Markings that were so familiar to the ones the person within him had.

Ever since that day at the Eishu Detention Centre, the sight of Sukuna standing in front of you with his shirt ripped off showcasing his black marking caused a trigger of unknown memories to suddenly flood into your mind, causing excruciating pain that was so unbearable, you thought you were going to pass out from the intense pressure, maybe as even close to dying from the immense pain.

From what you could even recall from the sudden flood of blurry images that appeared in your mind, there was a picture of you drawing with a piece of charcoal with the infamous King of Curses seating right beside you, watching you draw will whispering in your ear the threats that he would bombard you in order for you to make sure that you were only drawing him and him only.

Slowly but in a shaking manner, your drawing hand continued to sketch in Sukuna’s markings that would appear on Itadori’s body as you were somewhat extremely afraid of what the King of Curses could do to you if you didn’t - just how you left 1000 years ago.

Although unknown to you, your best-friend Itadori was standing right behind you, having a clear view of what was happening to you as well as the drawing right in front of him. Seeing your shaking figure with slow but clear teardrops landing on the sketch book as well as the drawing evolving from him to the curse residing inside of him, made him realise how damaging Sukuna was to not only him but also to the people around him. Carefully, Itadori placed a hand over your hand that held the pencil, causing you to flinch before finally noticing that it was your friend that was holding it and not the special grade curse.

Within his Innate Domain, Sukuna also had a clear view on what was happening to you and slowly but strangely began to feel something drop to his stomach with the feeling of his throat closing up at the sight of you slowly breaking down into a small state of insanity. This isn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want his beautiful little one to become lifeless and paranoid like you were now.

Even after 1000 years after your death, your incarnation was carrying the feeling of fear, despair and numbness that you were weighed upon the second you had given your life away to the King of Curses for the sake of your village. Even though you had more freedom then you did then, you still left trapped and lost within the metal cage that Sukuna had enclosed you in. Even with the small hint of guilt that was manifested within the cruel curse’s heart. 

You were trapped with no escape out.

You were trapped forever with no key to open the door that was clearly right in front of you.

Forever his little caged artist.

[perhapsthanatos]

10:32 pm with yuta ♡

nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)

alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn

genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.

word count: 1400~

playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.

warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.

a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3

“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”

“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”

“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”

“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”

you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?

you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?

after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.

“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”

a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.

“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”

“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“

“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”

his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”

you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”

he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”

“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”

“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.

knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.

yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.

he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.

“get in, princess.”

and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.

“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.

“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”

you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.

© perhapsthanatos (efa)

[writesowhatnext]

the feeling that we’re meeting // sirius black

Summary: Sirius Black has never liked the reader and this he made known. Maybe it’s because she’s a Slytherin. Maybe it was the bat-bogey hex. Strange, though, how things change with a war in full throttle.

Request: hello :) can i have an angst to fluff w sirius pls? (slowburn) post-hogwarts a few years where y/n was one of the main targets along w snape for james’ and sirius’ ridiculing and bullying, and they were just dreadful to her (she was in slytherin) :( but then a few years after hogwarts she joins the order and sirius acts just rlly immature and mean to her but then slowly starts falling for her as he starts noticing little aspects of her personality :) and at the end can there be like a fluffy cuddling scene where she asks him why he was so nasty to her and he talks ab how guilty and sorry he is :) ty babe!

A/N: I liked this request tbh bc it’s so important to remember that sirius is a brill character bc he’s so realistic with his equal good and bad traits – I was a bit liberal with canon context but I can’t say I don’t enjoy a world with James and Lily alive :) Also I listened to ‘For the First Time’ by The Script when I was writing and I agree

Reader: female, Slytherin

Warnings: female!reader, drinking, death eater parents, innuendo I suppose, also long af, injury, parental abuse, battle, deaths

Every time you tiptoed down the stairs of number twelve Grimmauld Place, you had to remind yourself that the war was far more important than whatever colour you’d like to dye Sirius Black’s hair. You considered pink, but thought better of it when you realised, he’d probably enjoy it.

It had been months, but you remembered the first time you set foot into the Black family home like it was yesterday. Following Dumbledore through the strange threshold, your nerves climbing as you heard the strangely familiar voices of the boys that had tormented you till you cried from the other room, you found yourself pulling at your sleeves, desperate to be anywhere else. The silence that fell as you stepped out from behind the Head of the Order was suffocating, and you could feel all eyes were on you. Biting the bullet, you glanced up from the crusty carpet, facing people you’d never wanted to see again. You recognised them all despite the years passed, standing together equally unenthused to see you. Remus was taller, impossibly, than you remembered him and Lily’s face was all angles now. Sirius’s hair was longer and styled differently, more like a muggle’s, but James still had the same half-broken glasses, and Peter the same child-like roundness to his cheeks.

“This, as I’m sure you know,” Dumbledore began, crossing his arms over his front. “Is Y/N-“

“Dumbledore, Sir,” James interjected, his tone as incredulous as his expression.

“You can’t be serious!”

You exhaled sharply from your nose at Sirius’ words, dipping your head when it seemed no one else saw the irony.

“Y/N is an excellent witch and she’ll be an excellent addition to the Order.”

“Sir,” Sirius huffed, shooting you a glare before stepping forward towards Dumbledore. “Her parents are death eaters; you can’t possibly trust her.”

“Remind me, Sirius,” you said, your voice echoing in the room for the first time. “What was tattooed on your brother’s arm.”

Although you were entirely correct, you felt a pang of guilt at the hurt that flashed in his eyes before the ever-familiar Black scowl creased his brow. Dumbledore’s presence beside you suddenly felt less and less comforting.

“She was always excellent in Charms,” Remus said gently. You faced him sharply, surprised to see his eyes so apologetic.

“And Defence Against the Dark Arts,” Lily’s tone was light and you were oddly pleased to see a smile on her face. You hoped that meant you would have at least one friend here.

“I wonder bloody why,” Sirius muttered, storming past you into the kitchen, shoulder hitting yours. You clenched your jaw, biting your lip to avoid saying something you’d reject.

“I hope you will treat Miss Y/N with the respect all allies deserve in this time. She’s risking her life to spy for us. You are all aware of what she’s put on the line for this,” Dumbledore said, an air of finality to his tone before he left you there, in the lion’s den, alone.

“Well,” Lily said, standing up from the armchair she’d been nestled into. She offered you a calloused and freckled hand with a smile. “Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix.”

It didn’t take long for the older members of the Order to trust you; they didn’t care about petty squabbles and rivalries, only the information you could provide. The story, however, wasn’t the same with your old Gryffindor pals. Lily, you accepted with equal parts hesitance and glee, was a fast friend. She had got into the habit of asking you how you were daily and offering you tea in the mornings. Sometimes, after a long mission, you found yourself talking into the night with her.

“Wait, wait,” you said, hand sloppily gripping the stem of an old wine glass you’d found in the cupboards. “You and Potter are married?”

She giggled at your response, leaning her elbow on the armchair next to her as she careened forward, the carpet crunching at the shift.

“Yes,” she nodded, smiling brightly. “I was just as surprised as you, at first, but he-“ a hiccup escaped her lips, earning a round of laughter from you both. “He’s a sweet guy. A tosser, by all means, but loyal and brave and kind.”

You’d never considered James Potter any of those things at Hogwarts, but now, in the real world, you found yourself slowly warming up to him.

“He’s changed, you know,” she said earnestly, suddenly a lot soberer than you felt. “They all have.”

You pursed your lips, taking another sip of the dark wine in your glass.

“Sirius hasn’t.”

She sighed, rubbing her eye with the knuckle of her thumb.

“He’s always hated me.”

Speaking of the devil, a familiar shadow appeared in the doorway before you could carry on your conversation. Sirius stared at you for a moment, his dark eyes locked on your face. He swallowed, mouth curling downwards slightly as he looked at your messy hair and casual position, sat in a place he’d hated for years. Something stirred in his chest and his expression shifted ever so slightly, but before you could question it, he disappeared up the stairs. You huffed, shaking your head as you turned back to Lily.

“See?”

It wasn’t another twenty minutes before James walked in, an amused grin playing on his lips at his wife’s tipsy state.

“C’mon, love. Let’s get you to bed,” he said, gently taking Lily’s arm to lift her up.

“Wow,” she said, whispering very loudly to you. “James Potter with a good idea; there’s a first.”

“Oi!” he laughed, poking her in the ribs and catching the wine glass before she could throw it onto the floor. It would’ve been a shame, you thought sarcastically, if someone ruined such a lovely carpet. He turned to you then, still smiling.

“Cheers, Y/N.”

He shot you a wink before escorting Lily upstairs, her drunk rambling fading the further away they got. You chuckled under your breath, pleased that maybe you weren’t such an outcast as you took another sip. Your mood soured dramatically, though, as you remembered the time, not exactly excited to be returning to your parents.

The next week, you had a few days between missions. Although you probably should’ve been resting at home like everyone else was, Remus included, you ended up on all fours in the Black family living room, pulling up carpet. Remus sat in the armchair at the other end of the room, a newspaper in one hand and a mug of tea in the other. Occasionally, he’d throw a teasing remark at you or ask for help with a tricky crossword clue, but mostly the silence that settled between you was comfortable. You were halfway across the room, surprised you hadn’t thrown up yet at the awful stains on the underside of the carpet, specifically avoiding the one that looked like blood.

“What are you doing?” a voice asked you from the doorway. You looked up, blowing a loose strand of hair from your face as you met Sirius’ eyes. You frowned, sitting back on your feet, carpet still in your hands.

“The laundry,” you replied dryly, a smile tugging at your lips to hear Remus snort into his mug.

“My mother loved this carpet,” he said, a strange look on his face. If you hadn’t known him better, you would’ve mistaken it for approval.

“And a charming family keepsake it is.”

He stared at you for a moment, his gaze steady and unreadable. You doubted whether destroying the carpet without asking him was such a good idea.

“Thank you.”

Without giving you a second to process, he turned left, the front door slamming not a second later. With wide eyes and your jaw on the floor, you looked to Remus, who seemed just as surprised as you.

“Did that just happen?”

He nodded slowly, his brows drawing together. You hummed, matching his frown before you started pulling roughly at the carpet and he returned to his paper.

“Six letter word for a muggle screenplay?”

You didn’t think that much more about Sirius’ gratitude in the next few days, too busy with keeping your lies straight and the war to waste time on why you hated each other. You did notice, despite yourself, that he seemed gradually less and less opposed to your presence. His conversations seemed to dry up less when you entered a room, his glare settled on you less often in Order meetings. As things got more and more difficult at home, the pressure from your parents to get the dark mark growing, it was the small things that helped.

“Y/N,” Peter said one morning, crossing his arms on the breakfast table. You’d warmed to Peter; he was always a little lost, a little wayward. It made you smile most of the time and you couldn’t help the motherly instinct you felt toward him, despite your similarity in age.

“Do you have a spare towel?”

“Why? What did you do with yours?”

A blush covered his cheeks and immediately you found that you really did not want to hear his answer.

“Yeah, I’ll fetch it,” you said, moving to exit the kitchen with a great deal of haste. You’d stayed at the headquarters a few times after hard or early morning missions and Sirius, despite your history, had been kind enough to give you towels to use. You’d been sure, though, that Kreacher, the house-elf, was behind that.

You hadn’t anticipated seeing Sirius in the corridor, muttering to himself as he stood next to the velvet curtain on the wall. His arms were full of what could only be described as junk, the nail of an old bed-frame catching on the fabric. He didn’t notice you behind him as he struggled and with a decidedly irritated yank, he pulled the wooden post free. However, much to his chagrin, and everyone in the house’s eardrums, the curtains fell loose and an extortionately loud screeching filled the air.

“This house is full of blood traitors! Mudbloods!” it hissed, echoing through all the rooms. Seeing Sirius’ arms full, you bent down next to him and gripped the metal rod of the curtain, eager to put it back into place. He jumped a little when he saw you, stumbling out the way slightly, his eyebrows threading together as the high-pitched shouting continued. You took one look at the ugly, yellowing woman in the portrait and shoved the curtain in front of her face, hoping you’d never see it again. It took some jiggling, but soon the portrait was covered and you could only hear rustling behind the fabric, muzzled yells rattling the frame.

“A charming woman, your Mother was. I’m surprised you don’t leave the curtains open all the time,” you said, a distasteful expression tainting your features. Sirius looked at you for a moment, his jaw clenching slightly.

“It’s okay,” you said, smiling a little. “You can laugh.”

He didn’t, but the slight upward curve of his lip didn’t escape you.

“Did you ever have the pleasure to meet her in the flesh?” he asked. Your brows raised at the first real question he’d asked you since you joined the Order.

“No, sadly not,” you crossed your arms and leant on the door. “My parents spoke highly of her, though, which is never the best sign.”

He only nodded, standing awkwardly for a moment before turning to leave. You blinked, before remembering where you’d been going.

“Sirius,” you began, the light tone not suiting his name in your mouth. “Do you have spare towels? Peter-“

Sirius smirked, a strangely handsome expression on him.

“Peter dropped chocolate frogs all over his again,” he huffed, shaking his head. “Just ask Kreacher.”

You barely paid attention to him leaving as you wandered upstairs, in search of the grumpy house-elf. You were pleased to know that Peter’s towel hadn’t been ruined by something more suspect than chocolate, but you couldn’t deny that you were even more pleased that you’d finally had an interaction with Sirius that didn’t involve a row.

Your next interaction, though, was less than ideal. You stumbled toward twelve Grimmauld place with a throbbing headache and shaky legs. Your parents had not been kind when they discovered your treachery, your place in the Order; you were lucky to escape with your life. That’s all you could tell yourself as you dragged yourself up the steps, knocking loudly on the door. It was just your luck for Sirius, of all people, to open it. His expression was at first worried before he realised it was you and a frown settled on his features. As you looked down, trying to concentrate on the swaying floor, you didn’t notice the concern that returned upon seeing your injuries.

“What the blood-“ he began, grunting slightly as you collapsed into him, no longer able to keep your body upright.

You woke the next day in a clean bed with a dull headache. The house-elf shuffling around your room had garnered your attention, and you blinked at him as he placed towels, sheets and clothes in a pile next to the bed.

“Kreacher?” you asked, your voice sore in your throat. “Why am I here?”

“You’re a blood trait-“

You shot him a dry look.

“I mean, how did I get here? Why are you putting clothes out?”

The house-elf sighed, a grizzly sound.

“Master Sirius ordered me to,” he said gruffly. “Said you shall be living here.”

“Oh.”

You frowned, barely registering Kreacher as he made to leave.

“Thank you,” you called after him, earning a grumble in response.

You and Sirius never spoke about the fact that you were now living in the Order Headquarters, in his house, but you never forgot the kindness he showed you. It was a strange feeling, to be grateful to Sirius Black, especially after everything he’d done to you as a student. The topic of your parents didn’t even come up until the night before a particularly difficult mission planning to infiltrate a meeting of death eaters.

“Lily,” you said, sitting on the counter in the kitchen with the others dotted around, even Sirius. “I don’t know if I should come on this mission.”

“What?” Remus asked, placing the chocolate he’d been aiming from his mouth down on the tablecloth.

“I was useful to the Order when I knew things and now,” your voice broke slightly at the memory of the last time you’d seen your parents. “Now I have no information and I might have to… I might have to fight the people that raised me tonight and they don’t have any qualms about killing me or any of you where we stand.”

“Exactly!” James said, moving his arm from the back of Lily’s chair to rest his elbows on the table. “They don’t care about killing us. They killed Gideon and Fabien. You saw what they did to Frank and Alice.”

Your chest tightened. Frank and Alice had always been kind to you; now they were at St. Mungo’s.

“Information or not,” Sirius said, surprising everyone. “You’re a good fighter; we need that.”

The silence that followed his words made you feel like you were missing something as you stared at him, seeing his eyes soft for the first time.

“Sirius is right,” Lily said, nodding. “We have to do all we can; you know that more than most of us.”

The mission had been horrendous.

It had been a bloodbath of proportions you’d never seen before. You’d lost Benjy and Caradoc and Dorcas; people you looked up to. You’d expected losses in a war, you weren’t stupid, but you’d never anticipated the weight behind a spell thrown by your own parents. Despite your own casualties, you’d taken out six death eaters and despite yourself, you were glad your parents weren’t among them. The journey back to the house was a quiet one: Lily busied herself with James’ broken arm and Remus wiped the blood from Sirius’ forehead, dabbing delicately at the cut above his eyebrow. You all disbanded when you got inside, tired and aching, disappearing into your rooms with heavy hearts.

You couldn’t sleep, though, too haunted by the flashes that appeared behind your eyes. It must’ve been past midnight when you tiptoed downstairs, more desperate than ever to not agitate the portrait. You didn’t notice Sirius in the kitchen until you’d shut the door behind you, jumping out of your skin to see him sat there with a glass and a bottle of firewhiskey.

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, lifting his glass and taking a swig. You’d come down for tea, but the idea of numbing your senses appealed. He must’ve noticed the way your eyes lingered on his glass and without a word, he reached behind him to grab another, pouring you a liberal shot. You sat down almost tentatively, fingers gliding around the edges of the glass.

He watched with an amused smile as you downed the whole thing, wincing at the burn before you rested it back on the table. He filled it again immediately.

“Rough night.”

“Indeed,” you said, rubbing your eyes and sighing. “I never thought we’d be here.”

He raised an eyebrow, stretching the bandage on his forehead as his lips pressed against the rim of the glass.

“Me and you,” you laughed a little. “Drinking together.”

“Not something I’d have bet on,” he muttered, laughing too. Your smiles both faded as you looked at each other, though, across the plastic gingham table cloth.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

The question tumbled from your lips before you could stop it.

“I don’t hate you.”

You shot him a very dry glance. He shook his head and sighed, putting his glass down a little too loudly before running a hand through his hair, looking anywhere but you.

“You’re a pureblood Slytherin,” he said, running his hands over his face. “And I hated it. I hated anyone that reminded me of this place. And you- you were everything my parents wanted me to be: smart, loyal… dark, I thought.”

You nodded, sipping your drink quietly.

“You were an easy target, too, for a pillock like me. Didn’t have that many friends-“

“That was because they were all stuck-up death eaters.”

“I know that now. It didn’t matter then, though. I was a kid, though, and I thought it was just kids’ stuff-“

“You know, that time you exploded my cauldron in the final Potions exam, I cried for a whole week.”

He had the good sense to look guilty for a second before amusement lifted his cheeks.

“You did bat-bogey hex me for that.”

Your cheeks heated up at the memory, your fingers fiddling with the glass more.

“Which is entirely illegal.”

You smiled, pressed your lips together as you shook your head. It all seemed so long ago; so childish, now. You leant your elbows on the table, resting your chin on your interlocked fingers.

“It was a good shot, though,” you mused, enjoying the way his lips spread into a dazzling grin.

“A bloody good shot,” he laughed. He leant back slowly, tilting his head to the side and biting his top lip. The mood dropped again as he stared at you.

“What?”

“I’m really sorry.”

You wanted to take the piss, but something about his tone or the look in his eyes trapped your words in your throat. You just watched as he stood up, moving towards the sink.

“I made your life hell because I hated my own,” he said, pressing his hands to the counter, leaning forward. “It wasn’t fair. I’m not surprised you hated me, I deserved it.”

You stood up slowly, softly stepping toward him.

“I did hate you,” you said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I hated you for so long it was all I could think about. Even here, I hated seeing your face.”

He turned to you, expression hard and tears sparkling in his eyes.

“I’m not sure if I do anymore.”

He turned around slowly to lean back on the counter as your hand slid down his arm. He caught it gently in his, surprising you.

“I want you to forgive me,” he whispered, staring at you so intensely a lump formed in your throat. You felt like you’d never even met this Sirius before.

“I-“

“I want to earn your forgiveness.”

You were at a loss for words as you looked at him, frozen in place. His hand was warm in your own and you couldn’t, for a moment, think about anything else. You bit your lip and nodded, stepping towards him gently.

“I’d like that.”

You leant into him, your side pressing against his, enjoying his warmth and the new feeling in your chest. You’d been in the war so long you forgot what real life felt like. You felt his hand hover around you nervously before it settled against your back, his hand resting on the counter next to you. And there, with the moonlight pouring in behind you, is where you stood till the sunrise peeked over the horizon; your hands clasped together with Sirius’ arm at your back, silent as you both felt a hope you’d not felt in a good few years.

harry potter tag list:

@creator-appreciator

@loveisblindness​

@decadentwastelandtrash

@xinyourdreamsx​

@brainlesspasta​

@hariosborn

[assassins-and-hidden-blades]

Interrogation

15/06/2020: Sooo, hi there. Me and @marshmallow--3​ were talking (once again) and we got to talking about how assassins would react while being interrogated. Naturally, I like my dark fics + my hurt/comfort fics, so this came out. It’s an experiment than unashamedly spans 4.5K words, but I enjoyed writing it and after a bit of convincing I decided to post it. I worked surprisingly hard on this. I also like putting my characters through their paces. This can also be considered as an ‘asshole writing 101′ course for me bc everyone knows I need it lmao. Okay, enough justification; just... here -- have Jacob needing a lot of hugs :) heed the warnings, friends -- you have been warned. Spoilers for the fic in the warnings, btw

Feedback is greatly appreciated :D

Also, mainly GN!Reader (apart from the first scene) :)

Italics are thoughts bt-dubs.

Warnings: Swearing, violence, beaten for information, abduction, sick mention, PTSD mention, Night terrors, naked mention (sfw we good)... Yeah I got a bit carried away here :3 (if I missed any please lmk)

----------

“Jacob, we need that intel.”

“Why does it have to be me? I prefer to have my weapons on my person, if you don’t mind.” Jacob was sitting at the desk everyone was talking around, feet crossed on the desk.

“Maybe it’s because it’s a Gentleman’s Club, and women don’t necessarily fit in; if they find a single blade on you, the entire mission is compromised.” Evie looked pointedly at her brother. 

He looked to you for help, but you held your hands up in surrender. “Don’t look at me; she’s got a point.”

Sighing, he rose to his feet, leaning against the wood and drumming his fingers against it. “Fine. Who am I tailing again?”

----------

“Weapons, please.” Evie stopped him before he could go anywhere.

“What weapons?” He smiled innocently at his sister, while you scoffed amusedly from behind her. 

She said nothing, and instead held her hand out expectantly. Obstinately, Jacob relented, pulling out his cane sword and giving her his thigh holster. “All of them.” 

His kukri came out of his waistcoat.

“All. Of. Them.”

His gauntlet was reluctantly confiscated. As was his revolver.

Evie raised an eyebrow. “Alright, fine!” He reached into his boot and pulled out another knife. “How did you know?”

“I saw you hide it.”

When they were finished, you walked up to him. “Be back by tonight. Alright?” You kissed him softly. He broke apart and gave you a reassuring smile. “You’ll barely notice I’m gone.” As the train came to a stop, you watched as he blended into the crowd at the station, disappearing in the blink of an eye. 

----------

The courier Jacob was supposed to tail wasn’t too hard to find. Bowler hat, stocky build, weird scar on his cheek… All he had to do was get close enough to hear the password, get in and get out. 

But first, he had to follow him there. In unfamiliar territory. No gangs, no Rooks.

Jacob left his top hat on the train, opting for using his hood as an added source of anonymity as he stalked his target. The streets were busy, and he lost eyes on the man’s bowler hat once or twice, but all in all, it was going smoothly. They were halfway down a street when the target crossed the road and went into an alleyway, sparse of people. 

Jacob looked both ways before crossing after him, walking through as naturally as possible, in case he runs into people he would rather avoid. The road took him into a clearing blocked in by buildings, but not a man in sight. His brows furrowed, confused at where his target could have gone. Looking around, he saw that there was only one exit, and that was behind him. There was no way the target could have circled back around without him noticing.

“Wait a second…” 

There were multiple small clicks, before multiple people came out of nowhere, all pointing firearms at him. Jacob raised his hands in surrender, taking small, calculated steps backwards. “Let’s just take it easy for a moment; I’m sure this is all a misunderstanding.”

“Our boss wants you alive. I couldn’t really care. It’s best if you cooperate, Mr Frye; I’m thinking you’ll put up less of a fight dead.” The hammer was pulled down with a resounding ‘click’ for good measure. The more Jacob observed, the more Templar crosses he could find. 

Oh, for the love of--

Before he could react, two feet came into contact with the back of his knees, and he was forced face down to the ground. His shoulders were pinned as his arms were forced behind his back. He blindly managed to hit someone with his elbow, but it never released any pressure as he felt thick rope cinch around his wrist and knotted tightly, lest he manage to break free of them. “Are you certain we can’t come to some sort of agreement?” His words came out half mumbled, as his face was pushed against the mud.

All too suddenly he was pulled back up to his knees, a very gruff sounding “Get up,” mumbled in his ear. The one seemingly in charge of this whole operation stood in front of him. Sounds of an approaching carriage came closer. Assessing the distance between the two, Jacob smirked. “I hate to disappoint you, but I’m spoken for.” 

The man standing over him didn’t react. “Do it,” he said to the people holding him. 

Jacob’s jaw was prised open before a rag was forced in, a bag coming over his head a moment after. He was pulled roughly to his feet and couldn’t get a stable footing before a force threw him backwards, landing on the floor of the carriage with his hands trapped under him. A noise escaped his throat. Jacob could only hope to use his sense of hearing as he shuffled backwards to lean against the door behind him, as multiple people entered the carriage and shut the door -- to supervise, no doubt. The wall was hit two times, and the horses began to trot.  

The journey was the only time he could hope to escape; who knows how they’d be keeping him once they arrived.

He couldn’t help cursing himself under his breath, but it was only comprehended as a random noise to the others in the cab. Jacob began to wiggle his fingers, digits searching the wall behind him for something sharp, like a nail or some splintered wood. His fidgeting must have been noticed, because someone lightly kicked his leg. “Don’t even think about it.” He felt something cold press against his temple, a click sounding in his left ear. He held an involuntary breath as light chuckles rippled around the carriage.

“Forgive me for not finding this funny…” he quipped inwardly.

The gun barrel mockingly shoved Jacob’s head to the side, a silent threat, before withdrawing. 

He had a three mile long argument to have with Evie after this.

He tried to swallow, pushing down the rising anxiety in his throat. Is there a way out of this that wouldn’t end with a bullet in his brain?

There must be.

His fists clench and unclench restlessly as he thinks. Or, tries to think.

All he could decipher was the carriage turning right, pressing him against the wall behind him, before stopping. There was a long moment of waiting, before the door he was leaning against opened. He fell to the ground, the air knocked out of him. Without giving him a moment to collect himself, hands grabbed his arms and pulled. His orientation was in shambles; he couldn’t figure out which way was where. 

There were momentary pauses as doors opened, and just as he had begun to breathe properly, he was shoved. His balance was thrown off, and wood bit into him as he rolled down an incline. He hit the floor ungracefully, half haphazardly dragging a knee up; he was pushed down some stairs. Stifled groans were muted by his gag as they yanked him up again, pushing him down onto a chair. Multiple people tightly bound his ankles to the legs and his wrists between the rungs, the pressure pinning him down causing his heart to skip a beat. 

He hated this feeling of restriction; of being exposed. He knew he had no control. He knew he was fucked.

His head began to throb, no doubt an injury from his tirade with the stairs. As the people around him left, he tested his bonds. There was no give whatsoever; the rope bound his wrists to the rungs behind him, pulling his shoulders taut. He tried lifting his leg; he could bounce them, but that was it. It was instinct; the restless energy needing a bigger outlet. His anxiety was palpable, and he found himself exhaling through his nose multiple times in an attempt to calm himself down. He tried to look around through the material over his head, increasingly desperate, though he knew his chances of escaping were low now that they had him exactly where they wanted him. He briefly wondered whether he’d ever see natural daylight again. 

… Shit.

He had no idea where he was; if he got out, then what? He’d have to cross that bridge when he comes to it.

If he comes to it.

Resigning himself to wait, he sat straight, challenging his bonds every now and then, hoping that the next time would be different.

It didn’t take too much longer for the door to open again, but the fear inside him was painful, squeezing his heart in an iron fist. He strained his ears, and heard multiple light footsteps, followed by a distinct pair of slow and heavy ones. They screamed authority as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

The bag was pulled harshly from his head, light blinding him as he squinted, trying to acquaint himself with the area around him. Jacob tried to swallow his anxiety as he took in the newcomer’s appearance; easily over six foot, and built of pure muscle. 

Bloody hell.

Someone came up to him and pulled the gag out of his mouth. He tried re-introducing saliva as the man came closer, his small entourage disbanding around the room behind him. 

“If this was so urgent, couldn’t you have booked a bloody appointment?” 

The man chuckled, though there was no humour in his tone. He rubbed his wrist before he swung at Jacob’s cheek, whipping his head to the side.

His jaw was seized and pulled to lock eyes with the six foot tall interrogator. “I won’t stand for that; understand?” His voice was low and rumbled maliciously. Jacob glared at him defiantly, heart pounding in his ears. He responded by spitting blood in his face. The man recoiled violently, wiping the substance out of his eyes. Jacob exhaled amusedly through his nose. 

Once the man recovered, he chuckled again. “Cute.” He walked over to Jacob, bending down to his eye level as he rolled up his sleeves. “Let’s start with an easy one; what’s your name?”

“Ethan.” He was met with a punch to the gut. 

“I forgot to tell you; these first few questions? I know the answers to them. I know when you’re giving me bullshit.” He grasped his hair and harshly pulled. “Let’s try again; your name.”

He said nothing and was considering lying again, until the man gave another rough tug, threatening to yank his hair right out of his scalp. “Jacob.” He relented through gritted teeth, seething in frustration. His hair was released.

“Nice to interrogate you, Jacob.” The man took a step back and leaned on a table a few feet away. “I’m the Boss around here. See how easy things are when you cooperate?”

The assassin rolled his eyes. 

“Now, I was told that you were, as you put it, ‘spoken for’.”

Jacob raised an unimpressed brow as he tried to hide the hitch in his breath.

“Who is it? A woman? A man?” Jacob left his expression unchanged. “I don’t judge!” The ‘Boss’ raised his hands. “I bet I can guess their name: Henry, Evie… Y/N, perhaps?” Jacob raised his chin and clenched his jaw, an involuntary defensive move as he listed his closest friend, his sister, and his lover all at once. 

“You see,” the Boss sighed, pushing himself off the table. “Even if you don’t say anything, you’re just as good to us as bait. If you speak now, you could be saving everyone a headache. Just remember that.

“Now; why were you tailing that courier?”

----------

The session ended with a condescending backhand. “We’ll pick this up again later.”

Jacob smiled mockingly. “I’m looking forward to it.” 

Once he was finally alone, his defiant front dropped, and he allowed himself to feel the pain in his torso. He groaned as he shifted in his seat, his ribs aching from the inside. He knew he wouldn’t give them any information, no matter how hard they tried to extract it. He instinctively tried to hold his side, but to no avail. His tongue ran over the cut on his lip, busted open time and again. 

He doesn’t know how long it’s been; hours or days. But he’s tired, thirsty, and in pain. He can barely keep his eyes open, but his anxiety has kept him awake; an insomnia he could never quite shake. He was too tired to expend any of it physically; it was brewing inside him like a bad cup of tea. He couldn’t stop thinking about the threat of you, Evie, and even Henry. Even so, unless he could be sure his information would be able to counteract that, he kept it to himself.

His chin rested on his chest, and he was on the verge of passing out when the door opened again, causing him to jump and tense at the sudden loud noise. “Sorry I’m late; this is the only time I could slip in.” 

The Boss took in Jacob’s tired eyes. “Did I wake you? Such a shame.” He laughed at his own quip. 

“It’s fine; my schedule was open.” Jacob tried to bite back.

“Seeing as you weren’t doing so well answering our earlier questions, I decided to start on some different ones, this time.” 

Jacob furrowed his brows. “What makes you think that I’d tell you anything?” 

The Boss revealed items he was hiding behind his back. “Are you thirsty?” 

Jacob tried to smirk at the jug and glasses, though it wasn't as wide as before. “Kind of you to offer.”

The Boss poured out all the water into a few glasses. “You can have as much as you want; just tell me what I want to know; what have you learnt about our current… agenda? Any heists being planned that we need to know about?”

There’s a few moments of silence, before Jacob spoke, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “We’ve decided to go on holiday for a few weeks, actually.” 

The Boss huffed humorlessly. He grabbed a glass of water and brought it near to Jacob, before chucking it over his face. Trying not to react, Jacob only flinched. The liquid made the cuts on his face twinge. “That’s for lying.” Discarded on the table sat a pair of brass knuckles, spiked and gnarly. He picked them up, sliding them over his fingers before clenching a fist to test his comfort. 

“I’m going to ask you this one more time…”

----------

“You’re going to be here for a long time, Frye. Get comfortable.”

Not likely.

The last words spoken to him felt like hours ago. He was drifting in and out of consciousness, his body forcing him to sleep by shutting down. Slumped forwards in his chair, his arms were the only thing holding him upright. His shoulders were numb. He tested his bonds again, as if they would magically loosen after all this time. Fingers stretching, he tried to get blood black in his hands. He rotated his wrists, wincing as the rope pinched his raw skin. His leg began to jump of its own accord once he was faced with his own hopelessness again. 

How long would they keep him alive for? How long until help comes? They must have realised that he was missing by now, right? 

He heaved unsteady breaths out of his lungs; keeping his composure was becoming increasingly difficult, and he was looking at the increased likelihood of coming face to face with his own mortality a lot sooner than he would have liked. 

The only reason why he hadn’t starved was because of someone who came to feed and water him once a day, though he can barely stomach solids. “It will get easier if you tell them the truth.” They kept saying the same things over and over again. 

“Stop it.” Jacob didn’t want to hear any more; his mind was conflicted -- whose side were they on?

“Just tell them what they want to hear; it will make it so much better for you.” 

Jacob clenched his jaw and remained silent. 

“Otherwise, they’ll keep beating you.” They prodded Jacob’s ribs, and he squeezed his eyes shut in pain, refusing to make a sound. They took off his coat a while ago, exposing his body for more beatings. “Food for thought,” they said as they left him in silence once again.

The only other time he would get contact with another human being is when they’d take him out of the room for a bathroom break; they’d undo the rope before rebinding his hands in front of him immediately, dragging him to the bathroom before he’s forced back into the same chair again, waiting for the cycle to repeat.

The familiar tell of nausea was growing, and his stomach had stopped holding down the food he’d been given. He didn’t know how much longer he could hold on. 

----------

He was awoken by a series of noises that blended into each other, incomprehensible from the next. 

The door opened, and the Boss walked down the stairs, a serious expression on his face. “You have visitors, Jacob.” A fist came into contact with his gut, and for the first time his pain was vocalised. Though still stifled, the noise was noticeable. “It’s a shame, really. We were getting somewhere with you. Hopefully those allies of yours won’t be as stubborn.” 

He grabbed a cloth and balled it up, being met with almost no resistance as it was pressed into Jacob’s mouth. “Not a sound.” He crossed the room at pace, unsheathing a knife as he closed and locked the door behind him. 

The aftershocks of the assault on his gut still had him wincing, but as he heard gunshots and cries above him, he began to panic.

People he cared about could die, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. 

With every bang that erupted above him, his heart rate increased. He tried to weakly pull at the ropes again, and made a hopeless noise through the fabric in his mouth as he got nowhere. He was frustrated, anxious, and scared. The future was completely out of his control. 

His body wouldn’t listen to his mind; it was slumped in the chair, all but exhausted. He couldn’t breathe. Fear clouded his mind, the adrenaline pushing him to his limits. It wasn’t until he tasted the salt in the gag that he realised that a few tears had escaped. He closed his eyes.

This wasn’t him. He needed to stay calm.

I’m not usually the praying type, but if anyone at all is up there, keep them safe…

Please…

“Please…” It sounded like a groan but he said it; he was never one to beg, but he’d do anything to know what the hell was going on up there.

Everything stopped when he heard it.

“Jacob?” 

He barely moved, his mind clouded, but his heart swelled in relief at the voice -- a relieved noise that became stifled in his throat. But then, he remembered what was said to him.

He was bait.

He flinched as the door was kicked down, fists weakly clenching behind him. Footsteps came down the stairs. 

 He heard someone kneel in front of him. “Jacob? Hey, it’s me.” His face was taken into gentle hands, and the fabric was taken out of his mouth. “Jesus… Can you open your eyes, Jacob?” Slowly, he did, eyes heavy with exhaustion. You were in front of him, visibly relieved at his responsiveness.

“No… Please, leave.” He tried to pull his face out of your hands.

“They’re dead, Jacob. We’re safe; you’re safe now.” 

The ropes around his wrists broke, and he gasped in pain as he fell forward into you, hands slowly coming up to grasp your arms. Evie had moved to Jacob’s ankles, quickly cutting his bonds. “We were given false intel from the beginning; it was always going to be a trap.”

You pulled back. “Can you walk?” 

Jacob nodded, the action dizzying him. You pulled his arm over your shoulders and pulled him to his feet, hissing in pain at the movement in his torso. You stood him up, but he began to crumple almost immediately. Evie half caught him, copying your movements. 

Slowly but surely, he was brought out into the open. It was overcast and miserable outside (not the greeting he was expecting). His vision swam with flecks of green. How you managed to bring Rooks out here, he didn’t know. 

Gang members helped him into a carriage that was parked out in front, and you followed, helping him onto the seat. You lowered him down so he was lying on his back, his head in your lap. “How did you find me?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper.

“It’s a long story.” You pushed his hair out of his eyes, observing his wounds in worry. “I’m so sorry we didn’t come sooner.”

Jacob smiled softly and grasped your hand, rocking with the gentle movement of the carriage. “You came; that’s what matters.”

The soothing motion of your thumb over the back of his hand finally convinced his brain to shut down, engulfing him in the comfort of sleep.

----------

He was back in the cellar. Except this time, he wasn’t alone. There was someone across from him, he couldn’t tell who it was, but they were familiar. And they were screaming. There was no way for him to get them to stop, even as he began to beg, to plead, to volunteer information if they would just stop hurting them…

He startled himself awake, gasping. His eyes were open and alert, with his skin covered in a sheet of sweat. 

He wasn’t in a cellar; he was in a bed. 

Deep breaths, just take deep breaths. Everything is fine...

He tried to sit up, but before he moved an inch a pained gasp left his lips. He clutched at his torso, as if holding it would stop the pain. Once it began to subside, he lifted the sheet off of his body. He was shirtless, and he was wearing clean breeches. He raised an eyebrow, but that was low on his list of priorities. Instead, he saw green, blue, and purple bruises saturating his skin. Bandages were wrapped tightly around his chest, no doubt securing a few broken ribs. He threw his legs over the side of the pain, pausing at the fresh wave of pain washing over his body. His eyes were closed as the door opened somewhere, causing him to jump slightly. “Jacob, you’re awake!” 

He looked up and smiled when he saw you come towards him. “How long was I asleep?” 

“Over a day. Um, did you call for me, just now?” You heard him scream for you, most likely in his sleep.

“No, why?” He furrowed his brows as he watched your expression.

You decided to not pry, and instead let him tell you of his own accord, whenever that may be. “No reason; I must have been hearing things. Listen, you need to rest for a bit longer. You’ve taken a lot of damage.”

“Nonsense; I’m fine now.” He went to stand up, but sat back down as his world began to spin. “I’m not staying here… wherever we are.”

“We’re in Lambeth Asylum. We took you straight to Florence Nightingale.”

“Where’s Evie?”

“I finally got her to rest; she hasn’t been able to sleep at all since…”

“Sounds like her.”

“What happened, Jacob? When you didn’t come back that night, I thought you went to the pub or something, but you still weren’t back by the next day. How did you end up outside London?”

“Haven’t the foggiest. One moment, I was following a man in a bowler hat, and the next I was ambushed by about fifty Templars.” Your lips quirked at the exaggeration. 

“I was so worried, Jacob. They almost killed you.”

“It’s going to take a lot more than fisticuffs to take me out.” 

You took his face in your hands. “While we’re here, you need a bath.”

“And here I thought you were going to be romantic.”

“Aha. Cute.”

The word echoed in Jacob’s mind as you prepared the hot water. Absently, his hand ran over his bandages, replaying the memories in his mind. 

“Jacob!” 

“Huh?” He didn’t realise he was staring off into space until you looked at him with concern. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Yes, fine.” 

You went over to him and helped him up, supporting him over to the tub. “Get in.” 

“If you wanted to--”

“Don’t finish that sentence; we’ve seen each other naked enough times.” 

He chuckled, undressed and slowly sat in the warm water, with help from you. “What about the bandages?”

“I’ll replace them afterwards; they’re there to keep your ribs in place.”

As Jacob washed his lower half, albeit slowly, you got a clean rag and dipped it in the water before turning his face towards you. You wiped the grime away from the open wounds on his forehead and lip. “Ow.” He didn’t flinch, but he still voiced his pain in a deadpanned tone. 

“Sincerest apologies,” you teased, for a moment it was silent, with Jacob watching you intently, before he nudged your hand away, leaning in to kiss you. It was a kiss he never thought he’d give you so soon; the ‘I-thought-I’d-never-see-you-again’ kiss. You broke apart, knowing exactly what he was feeling. “It’s alright now,” you reassured, swapping the rag for hair oils. He returned the smile you gave him, allowing himself to breathe.

You poured water over his head as you tilted it back, shielding his face from the liquid. Then, you massaged his scalp, watching as he slowly became more relaxed. 

“What do I have to do to get this more often?” he murmured softly.

“Just ask,” you laughed. 

“What do I have to do... to do this for you?” You washed out the suds in his hair, sweeping it back. 

“Again, ask -- wait until you’ve healed though.”

“If I must.” 

----------

On the outside, Jacob was healing fine. 

On the inside, scarring was plentiful. 

He was back on the train after a few weeks, glad to be somewhere he could call home. Though his mind always seemed to be somewhere else. 

Walking around the carriages, he was mostly doing desk work; Evie’s way to keep him off the streets until his body was healed. 

Night terrors frequently plagued him. He’d bring you into his arms at the end of the day, but as he fell further into his subconscious, he began to heave out frightened breaths. You would sometimes wake up when it was at its height, but other times his cries for help, his begs and pleads and calls of your name as he startles, would sit you up straight. You’d wake him up as gently as you could, waiting patiently for him to realise where he was and who you were, the fright slowly dissipating. 

“It’s okay, it’s alright.” You’d hold him as tightly as he held you, as if you’d never hold each other again. “You’re safe; I’m safe. We’re okay.” These were the only times Jacob revealed just how hard the recent event had hit him, preferring to lock it away and pretending it wasn’t there instead of facing it for what it is.

Slowly, he’d recover.

Slowly, he’d heal.

Slowly, everything will return to normal.

[reineyday]

some feelings abt touya and bnha 302 in general! (long post)

jesus this whooooole chapter makes me so so so sad for touya, like he's canonically a crier and i just have all these images now of him crying off to the side while enji looks at his other kids and gives them the time of day. knowing that he was/is a frustrated crier makes the fact that dabi cant cry cuz of his burned tear ducts that much sadder ohhman

one of the things i cant get over is how touya was SO shunned by his dad that when he went to go tell enji about his fire turning from red to blue, he says "i might be as awesome as shouto sooner or later!" like?? this boy is 13 and shouto is 5 yet he's talking like the brother that's eight years younger than him is better than him and thar it's just a fact. the sky is blue, enji wants to beat all might one day, and shouto is better than the rest of his siblings. nevermind that he's only five and just wants to play with his siblings (and dont even mention to me how shouto says he wants to play with "touya and them" cuz im gonna fucking cry abt it. like even though touya's accepted he's bottom of the ladder in this family, shouto clearly wants some sort of acknowledgement from his older siblings and especially his older brother. IM FVCKN SOBBN). enji has made it clear in this family that shouto was what he was looking for and everyone else is not as important, and i knew this from shouto's pov but it's kinda wild to see it implied so casually in touya's words.

"you'll be glad you created me! i just know it!" HOLY SHIT. god my heart. oh my fuck. literally all enji had to do was show up to the fucking mountain, and he couldnt even do that? what the hell?? your son asks you to go to the mountain, you tell your wife not to let him go traim but she said she couldnt stop him, and instead of going yourself to make sure he's okay and BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU TO COME (and with an actually valid reason, no less! fire changing colour is kind of a big fucking deal!!!) you just?? let him go and let him stay there??? my god the amount of times touya must have burned himself and the trees with tears in his eyes. ahhhHHH!!!

what kills me (and touya too soon?) was that we thought before the back story started that enji forced touya to train till he burned up. then when 290 came out--and definitely after 301--we thought maybe touya overtrained himself and burned up. and sure, he was definitely overtraining, but to find out that the burns that "killed" him started just bc he was crying so much he lost control and didnt know how to ease up on his flames? he was upset and literally trying to get himself to stop crying, and then he just set himself aflame and burned up cuz of all his emotions??? that HURTS. holy fuck.

i cant believe natsuo's feeling lowkey guilty for not socking enji in the face like he wasnt EIGHT???? and let's be real, enji woukdnt have fucking listened to natsuo telling him to talk to touya--he already wasnt listening when touya would straight up say "look at me" and when even rei said touya just wanted enji to look at him and notice him. listen, i know sometimes miscommunications happen in families and children are embarrassed to admit they want attention and so their parents remain unaware that theyre not giving their kid something they want, but touya was as clear as can be on MANY occasions, and even rei agreed touya needed the attention and enji just wasnt listening.

also i know there was discourse abt touya being sexist by telling natsu that "the women in this house are good for nothing" and mb it was partly diff translations cuz i feel like saying "this house" makes it specific to rei and yumi instead of all women everywhere, but even disregarding that--i think it's a valid thought for him to have when rei wasnt standing up for him (where he could see, at least) and yumi admitted herself that she was too scared to interfere and so just tried to fix things and keep appearances. i feel like based on what touya's seen from them, it makes sense that he has that opinion. (also gonna mention that i think rei's and yumi's choices also make sense and i think they were valid, seeing as how they were afraid as well.)

and poor natsu being woken up in the middle of the night (what was implied to be often enough, esp cuz it seemed they share a room and their futons are close) bc of touya's pain. that's a lot of emotional responsibility for an eight year old, and it is also so sad that at 13, touya didnt have anyone else to turn to but his kid brother. at 13, i remember being fully aware of the distinction in maturity between an 8 year old and myself, and it sucks that touya couldnt go to anyone but a younger child with all his pain. i bet yumi being too scared to interfere translated to touya as "she wouldnt help me" and thats another reason he didnt go to the 2nd oldest when he needed to vent. (also not related to this but how the FUCK was natsuo so tall at 8 years old? wh a t)

this chapter. this fucking chapter. my heart aches for touya, and it's just such a huge fucking shame he didnt get the attention and validation and support he needed. there must have been workarounds so that touya could safely use his quirk. there weere DEFINITELY better ways to support your son through a self-destructive quirk, ways that involved actually being there and seeing him. i feel like if someone showed him the attention he needed and talked him through how to better control his emotions (and by extension, his flames) and a positive and healthy way, he could have been someone so great. and if he ever learned how to set aside the way he felt infefior to shouto and saw that shouto just wanted to play with his cool older siblings, it might have been really beneficial to see that there was someone there who thinks he's cool and gave him attention just bc he was an older brother, who needed him when everyone else in the househild didnt seem to need him.

and lastly, the fact that the chapter ends with rei saying that shouto is the family hero and that shouto will have to face dabi?? and it makes me angry that shouto has to take on that responsibility. that he was five and suffering for things he wasnt even a part of, couldnt be properly aware of, bc he was so young. he just saw that he was separated from his siblings and that his dad bullied his mom, then grew up shouldering enji's heavy goals and high expectations and abusive training alongside the barely-there memories of his older brother who died (i say barely there bc if natsu didnt even know shouto liked cold soba, shouto was definitely not around enough to have solid memories of touya before he "died"), and now he has to do the emotional labour of fighting his villain brother (who i bet shouto lowkey empathizes with when he thinks abt it late at night) as well as suffer the physical consequences of that agni kai. and it makes me angry that he has to do that, bc he's a Good Guy and he probably feels he has some sort of filial and familial responsibility. he's only 16. he just wanted to play with touya and them, and now he has to deal with this horse shit dabi's causing cuz his dad's an emotionally neglecting asshat who couldnt see past his dumb fucking ego until he saw shouto play with a bunch of kids during shou's remedial exam a decade after his eldest son burned himself to death. what the fuckety fuck.

lastly, since we saw touya burn uo the way he did... did he really just like... burn so much his jaw fell off, and that's how they found the jawbone? cuz holy hot (BURNING too soon???) damn that must have been painful as all hell. i wonder if next chapter we get to see if someone found touya at the park and helped him out and sorted out the jaw bone thing, or if we finally get to see if deku wakes up lol.

anyways this chapter hurt my heart big time, and i kinda wanna draw kid touya crying while being overlooked by his family to let out some of those feelings but we'll see.

and i still stand by my idealistic and naively optimistic hope that dabi gets redeemed and they soend some actually time together as a family (without enji. or at least, with an enji that has apologized to touya in seiza. like, forehead-to-floor apologize.)

does this hope sort out how dabi redeems himself, seeing as how he's murdered people in cold blood and shouldnt be excused for that bc those actions are also inarguably terrible? no. not sure how he could redeem himself for that kinda stuff honestly, but it doesnt mean i dont still somehow want the todoroki sibs to get along, cuz im weak for mending families.

also id like to send a huge kudos out into the world to rei todoroki for being firm for once and for also not running away from her mistakes like her asshole husband has been. i really admire and respect that. she was afraid and being abused, but now that she's been away from enji and has had time to heal, now that her and shouto are in the mend and she's seen that her eldest son is alive and a villain, she's a place where she can acknowledge that even though she was a victim too, she played a part in touya's emotional neglect and she's taking responsibility and that speaks to some incredible fucking strength. damn.

i hope one day that dabi realizes the same in regards to his mother and natsuo, who shouldered a lot of his emotional pain and suffered the consequences of his outbursts (even though his emotions are valid and his outbursts understandable, he still hurt rei and put a lot of pressure on natsu), and i also hope he sees that for all that he hates his father, his whole existence revolves around enji and it's a shitty place to be (and then he'll have ANGST abt it and that shit will be!! so good!!!)

yeah i think those were all my feelings. i had so many lol. their family situation is so difficult, i hope they all turn out okay and alive and healing.

oh i guess i also wanted to say that i kept calling enji an asshat and asshole cuz he was for sure, but i still think his redemption is valid and im glad he's taking those steps to be a better person by being a better father. i dont know if id want his family to forgive him for all that horrible shit he put them through (im personally hoping that no matter what anyone else does, natsuo will choose to to cooperate in the healing of his family as a unit but will never forgive enji) but i think it's good of people to try to be better than they were yesterday regardless of whether or not they get forgiveness. i dont personally like enji, but i dont hate that he's getting a redemption. i just hope it's a redemption that makes sense and forces him to put in the work, and isnt something like a death sacrifice for shouto or dabi. i want him to be alive and i want his redemption process to hurt like a fucking bitch while he forces himself to make better choices and be a better person, cuz redemption isnt supposed to be easy in the slightest. i GUESS all the crying he did in 302 was a good start.

anyways, if for some reason you read all the way down to the bottom--hello! and thanks for reading haha. cheers! :)))

[dclleyes]

hello, idek what to write here anymore djsddssd  but i’m back at it again, bringing you my last child and the least dumb out of the bunch of dumbos, miray ! unfortunately, she’s a darkling stan and thinks he has some valid points, i won’t even comment on that... as usual if you’re interested in some juicy plotting hit the like button or just message me ! 

pinterest  .    profile ( tba ) .    d*scord  six of hoes🔪#7888   

[ miray stoskaya ], a [ twenty-seven ] year old human. she is a a [ oprichniki ] and are known as the [ clean slate ]. they are known to be [ balanced ] and [ vacuous ] and vaguely resemble [ özge yağiz ]. 

- miray did not always carried the name stoskaya. like many of the other kids of the orphanage she had better things to worry about than a surname. truth to be told, unlike the other orphans she was quite lucky.  a couple of noble descent took a interest in miray and decided to take her with them

- when miray would ask why they chose her out of many other orphans, there were always two versions of the story. one of them being the truth and naturally the other the lie. miray would only know the latter for a long time. what they’d tell her was that they were simply charmed by her. big, dark-brown eyes untouched of dullness. little miray with her glittering eyes. however, the truth was much more blunt than that. truth was, they knew that her biological parents were grisha. hearttenders. so, what they assumed was that she’d be born a heartender as well.

- they were using her but they didn’t feel bad. after all they showered miray in luxuries and perhaps even what one could call their very own version of love. they taught her how to protect herself and much to their joy miray was excellent. so the hope that one day she’d be outstanding only grew more.

- and miray wouldn’t notice their parents greed until her sibling would be born. it was an surprising and unexpected pregnancy as everyone assumed her mother would never carry a child. yet, she did and the day her little sibling would be born was also the day miray stoskava would die.

- ( she didn’t die, i wanted to make that dramatic )

-  miray’s parents expected the same from her younger sibling. they were supposed to be perfect like miray ( or at least was expected to be ). they thought by playing them off against each other their potential would unveil. their parents didn’t make a secret out of their expectations but also they just expected that both would turn out equally well. truth to be told, this thing somehow became a whole show. a show that everyone participated in and could watch. that is why they wanted their testing this grand thing and thus refused having miray tested earlier and instead she was supposed to be tested with her younger sibling. they would even organize a (whole-ass) gathering for the day they were supposed to be tested.

- their parents were .. invested. so invested that they seemed to be busy with anything else but their own children. although they were supposed to be the main character of their obsession. her sibling acted up a lot, they were starved for the affection of their parents. miray however, just became numb. she needed to focus on perfecting her skills, and then she’d somehow earn her parents’ love back.

- skipping to the testing and the probably most important event. it turned out that miray wasn’t even a grisha to begin with. much to her parent’s shock of course. her sibling however, turned out to be one. from this day on, miray was treated as non-existent. despite of how excellent her combat skills were. she was an investement that proved to be unworthy of their time. however, they just couldn’t get rid off her. so they just planned to marry her off and hope that they would deal with her.

- miray hoped that their parents indifference would just be a phase. however, while her sibling would be brought to all these important events, miray was treated as nothign more than some accesorry which was supposed to make her sibling look good.

- it took her a long time to realize that that nothing would change. so she just ran away. no plan, no good bye letter and some expensive jewellry she could sell. it was a stupid plan to begin with. and a young women wandering around in her expensive garment was the perfect victim for an attack. 

- she didn’t know who attacked her, all she tried to do was to defend herself. indeed, miray’s combat skills were excellent and she was able to fend off a good bunch of her attackers but even for her it was difficult to win against a group of skilled fighters.

- luckily, she got help from some grisha and that is also how she got to the little palace ( i’m too lazy to write all of this out ). with them having witnesed how she fight most of the attackers off, she’d soon be offered a position as an oprichniki and she accepted it, after all she turned from a noblewomen into a peniless orphan again.

personality

- miray appears to be quite intimdating at first sight. it might be the oprichniki uniform combined with the tight sealed lips and  stoic expression adorning her features, however miray is surprisingly soft-hearted and some might even say naive, when one gets close enough to her to make her talk. having spend most of her life rather sheltered ( despite the pressure their parents put her under ) she doesn’t have the best social skills, barely knows what to say and therefore chooses to be quiet. yet, she enjoys the company of people ( as her job as an oprichniki doesn’t really allow her to socialize ) despite of their intentions. she honestly believes that people always have good intentions so she can be swayed easily (rip: so basically she’s a big dumbo people seem to be afraid of bcs they think she’s dangerous)

headcanons / misc

-  when miray ran off her parents were able to track her by the jewellery she sold. they know that she is at the little palace and even send her a good amount of money for quite a time, thinking that she’d return soon. however, miray told them that she wouldn’t and so they just stopped sending money. as spoiled as miray grew up she thought that she’d be fine but ended up completely overestimating her budget and spend all of it within a week. she might or might not owe some people money, however she forgot whom she owed money too and bcs they were scared of miray they just decided to keep quiet. 

- miray is a big animal lover, she talks to them a lot and gives them names. she would probably think that bird thing that attacked them was cute....

- unfortunately, miray seems to be quite fond off the darkling ( rip ), maybe it’s just bcs its her job to protect him, thus she thinks they have some connection but she genuinely believes that the darkling is that well-meaning guy who will protect them... she might or might not have a crush on the darkling ....

connections ( my head is empty )

ex-fiancé/e ( bcs i want something angsty, prbly will send this in as a connection when i’m not feeling lazy but pls gimme ) : they were supposed to marry ( so miray’s parents could get rid off her ) before miray ran off. perhaps, they had some sort of connection and did care each about each other at some point, however when miray just left without saying anything they started to question whatever they had before (i just want angst that’s it)

friends: this is very vague, but maybe someone who was intimidated by miray but learned that she is a big softie, someone she used to know from her life back then, etc.

random: but just people who she owes money to, i just think that’s hilarious

people she knows from her time @ the orphanage or just people in general she used to know before she became an oprichniki

my head is empty but i’ll update this later sddjdssd

[apenapaperandadoofus]

14 angst Jaehee

Damn y'all ANGSTY today lmao I gasped so loud when I saw three angst requests suddenly appear and then I laughed evilly because I love writing angst ✌️

This time it wasn't exactly a GN reader (sorry BUT it'll make sense later) and I wanted to make the MC's and Jaehee's relationship up to the reader, bc I know some people love Jaehee as a friend and some as something more, so Jaehee's feelings for the reader are up to interpretation!)

Also you didn't specify if you wanted a happy ending or not, so I'll take it into my own hands (now you won't know if the fic, will end up fluffy or angsty muahahahaha)

Health (Jaehee angst)

The work seemed to pile up more and more. Jaehee sighed as she took a sip from her eight cup of coffee and rubbed her temples.

She was the one that had volunteered to do the job, mostly as a present for you and Jumin. Well, who was she kidding, it was all for you.

You had appeared in Jaehee's life and changed it all for the better. She loved you so much, you were one of her closest friends. She loved spending time with you, and talking to you, and being with you in general.

Eventually though, she knew it had to end. You ended up meeting Jumin, the two of you got married and now, you were due to give birth in a few days. So she decided to let Jumin take the time off to spend it by your side. She knew it was important for you to have him beside you the whole time.

Still, she didn't expect so much work. She now had her old tasks, plus Jumin's on the side. He did volunteer to still work, but Jaehee thought of you and decided that it was better if the last day's of pregnancy the two of you spent it together.

She had now been up for 32 hours, working non stop.

At one point Zen called her, mostly because he needed her to take a break. Jaehee tried her best to keep the conversations short, but Zen wouldn't let her, and then he'd offer to go to her house and help her, and that just made her feel worse. She wanted to do this by herself, for you.

This time though, she heard Zen's panicked yet excited voice scream "THE BABY IS COMING! OR WELL, IS ABOUT TO COME THEY JUST LEFT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE SO EXCITED FOR THAT JERK BUT HOLY SHIT!!!"

Jaehee let out a tired laugh, she was really sleepy but she couldn't help and smile. She was so excited, for the two of you, and Zen's phonecall helped her gain her energy back. She happily got back to work, humming her favorite songs from Zen's musicals. She couldn't wait to meet the baby, to see them grow up! She wanted to show them all of Zen's musicals, or at least the ones they were allowed to watch, and she felt excited that if the baby was going to be a girl (the doctor said it was a boy, but you never knew!) , then the three of you could always hang out and drink coffee, go shopping (especially for baby clothes!) And even more things. She couldn't keep the smile off her face.

.....

It had now been a whole 47 hours with Jaehee working, and you still in the hospital.

The baby hadn't been born yet, and everyone was becoming a bit more anxious.

Finally though, Jaehee finished all her work and she sighed, leaning back on her chair. She saw dark spots in the corner of her eyes, and she felt them close every now and then. As she was finally going to sleep, a loud ringtone was heard, coming from the table. It was a call from Zen.

Apparently the baby was about to born, and Jumin and you had wanted everyone to be there to be the first ones to hold the baby.

Jaehee quickly grabbed her bags and left the apartment, the hospital only being a few blocks away. As she walked she suddenly felt her vision grow dark and her legs wobble, only to wake up to be barely able to dodge a car that was driving by.

She felt her breath hitch but kept going. She had to see the baby no matter what. The sun was shining brightly in her eyes, and she felt dizzy and lightheaded.

She doesn't exactly understand what happened, but at one point, suddenly, everything went dark.

......

....

...

"Congrats you two! I'm so happy to be an uncle now!" Saeyoung cooed while he held your baby in his hands, and you let out a tired laugh.

"Hey Saeyoung!! You've held the baby for too long let me hold 'em now!" Yoosung grunted from beside Zen, who was rolling his eyes, and made his way to Saeyoung, trying to hold the baby. Before he could do anything though, Jimin grabbed his child from both their hands, delicately as if he was holding a porcelain doll, and he glared at his friends. "Enough from the two of you, you're going to drop the baby and I will not hesitate to call in the security guards."

You laughed as you laid on the bed, and Jumin walked over to you and handed you your kid. "It's fine....I don't really think they'd be able to harm the baby anyway."

"Talking about that, haven't you decided on a name yet? You can't just keep calling the baby...well...the baby." Zen said from the corner of the room.

You shrugged. "Well we did have a name planned, since the doctor told us we were going to have a boy....but then all of a sudden when they get the baby they told us that it's actually a girl! We weren't prepared at all, so for now we're just....uhm...calling her the baby."

"But you can't let your child unnamed like that! Imagine how sad she'd be if she knew that her parents never gave her a name, until uhm...later!" Yoosung said.

"Yeah you're right, although I don't want to take suggestions from any of you." You smirked as the boys let out shocked gasps.

"I thought calling her Windows 10 wasn't that bad! It's a beautiful name and you can call her Win, or Dows, or Ten or-"

"Saeyoung, that's why we're not letting you name her, you're all horrible at naming stuff...well exc pt Jaehee, she actually helped me pick out the boy name we were going to use!" You smiled at the memory as you glaced down at your little girl.

"Yeah about that, Zen, didn't you say you had called her before? Where exactly is she?" Yoosung asked, and Zen looked nevously at his phone.

"I don't really know. She should be here by now, I did call her. Maybe she's late because she's too tried from all the work she was left to do." He glared at Jumin, who sighed and took out his cellphone, quickly tapping the keys while speaking in a cold manner towards Zen.

"She was the one who kindly volunteered, and I'm really grateful to her for it. Don't think her efforts won't go rewarded, after this I'm going to let her take three weeks off, my other assistants can handle everything else."

Then he out his phone away. "I've now asked for Driver Kim to go and check if she's still in the house to pick her up. She should be here soon, and we might as well let her get a few check ups while she's here. I'm sure she's been really pressured with the amount of work...." He looked at the ground a bit guiltily but you grabbed his hand and squeezed it, reassuring him that it wasn't his fault and that he was a good boss and he smiled at you.

.....

"Excuse me?" Jumin said, his face going white. Everyone in the room, except you who were sleeping on the bed, looked up at Jumin in alarm.

"Are you sure?....I.....oh god....alright. Thank you....driver Kim. You can now go home."

"What happened?" Yoosung asked as soon as Jimin got off the phone. Zen was about to aggressively ask again, but stopped when he saw that Jimin looked as if he was going to cry.

He led them out of the room to speak to them. When they came back they were all white, and looked as if they had been crying,but when you woke up they tried to act bright and cheerful, not wanting to worry you. Although eventjally, you were going to find out.

......

...

....

6 years later.....

You grabbed your daughter's hand and walked through the familiar halls, greeting the staff as you passed by.

You made it to the familiar room and placed some flowers on the vase you had bought in the room a few years ago. Then you grabbed a chair and grabbed your friend's hand.

"Hey Jaehee....it's me..."

Silence. You kept going though, your daughter curiously looking at the woman who was on the bed, a bunch of tubes in her arms.

"It's been a while. Saeyoung and Saeran now own a shop, their inauguration was yesterday. You would loved it....Yoosung also got promoted at work! Jimin said if he keeps it up he'll be climbing the corporate ladder in no time. As for Zen, he's now acting on a new musical. The hunchback of notre dame. He's the soldier, and we're all extremely happy for him and he's given us tickets to see him when it first plays. I've got a ticket for you too....just in case....I've also....well....Jumin and I found out that we're pregnant! Again! We found out a few days ago, and everyone in the RFA is so excited." You rubbed your thumb over Jaehee's hand and you let out q shaky sigh. "I promise I'll come visit more often. I'll even let you be the first one to touch my stomach when the baby kicks... although I hope that by that time you might wake up....I have to go now but just know, that no matter what, we're all here for you. Especially me and Jumin. See you, and I....I love you Jaehee. Bye..."

You stood up and walked over to the door, turning to see your daughter looking at Jaehee with her eyes wide.

"Mum, is this who you and dad were talking 'bout earlier?" She asked and you smiled, nodding.

*Yes love. She was a wonderful woman, and I can't wait for her to wake up and meet you."

Your daughter smiled and skipped over to you, grabbing you hand. "She's very pretty mum! And she has the same name as me! When uncle Saeyoung talks about her I get really happy that we both have the same name. I want to be just like her when I grow up!"

You smiled at your daughter and pet her head. "And you will. You'll grow up to be a wonderful woman and I'm sure you'll make her proud. Now why don't we go and visit daddy? He wants to eat lunch with us today."

"Yes mum! Let's go!" Your daughter grabbed your hand and led you out of the hospital, and you glanced back at the hospital room were Jaehee was staying in.

You were sure she was going to wake up soon. She had to. And you couldn't wait to hug her again. But for now all you could do was wait....

[turbulentt]

Just Friends

genre: smut | mingyu × fem!reader

word count: +2.6k

warnings: size-kink, dirty talk, explicit content, unprotected sex, public sex

sumary: you and your psych classmate, kim mingyu, have been friends for a while now and you start to doubt your feelings towards the boy. after testing his limits at his friend’s party, mingyu proves to you that, in fact, you have a crush on the taller boy.

“I’m telling you! It will work.” Mingyu said confident, truly full of himself. 

“I don’t believe until I see it. I still think you’re going to get a straight no,” you said playfully while walking through the hallways with the taller man by your side.

Mingyu was sure he could trick one of his friends into hosting a party this weekend, one he already stated he didn’t want to host for like six times, using a luring strategy that you both learned in psych class.

You both walked to the group of boys in the corner of the cafeteria and you could see how people looked at both of you. It wasn’t very surprising though, you have already heard the rumors that roam in the hallways about you and Mingyu being a couple. For you, your relationship was like any other, classmates who casually became friends. Nothing more, right? Well, denying you don’t find him attractive would be a lie, but you don’t really think he’s into you, so you just keep yourself in the same zone of your friendship.

Finally approaching the group of boys you are the first one to be greeted. For some reason, Mingyu’s friends liked you the very moment Mingyu presented you to them. And, thinking about that, you don’t really get why he introduced you to his friends since the two of you are just casual friends that don’t even hang out that much.

“Okay, I get it. She replaced me.” Mingyu faked pouted and turned to Seungcheol. “Hyung.”

“No.” Seungcheol was quick and effective with his response.

“I told you.” you laughed by Mingyu’s side but he just shushed you.

“Just listen to me.” he sat by his side and the elder looked at him with curiosity. “It is not just a regular party. If it was, even I would host it. I’m asking you to do it because it is good for you. You need the status, Hyung.” Mingyu was looking him straight in the eyes and his hands were moving according to his words.

You had to admit, you were quite impressed. He was really using what you had learned in class. His posture struck dominance, one important point to make him win the argument. Mingyu also used the ‘need’ strategy, which is pretty effective when you want someone to be convinced of something. And his hand gestures resembled confidence in what he was saying. You took a quick look at Seungcheol and there was when you knew. Mingyu won the argument.

“You can always say no like you’ve been doing. But I really wanted to explain to you why I’ve been so committed to getting you to host the party.” and there was his final strike. Shit, why did this sudden burst of confidence made him look so hot?

“Fine. I guess you’re right. I’ll host the party.” Seungcheol sighed and laughs could be heard all around the table. “This Friday at eleven. You’re helping me,” he stated and everyone agreed.

Mingyu looked at you from across the table and winked. You rolled your eyes at the boy and felt your phone vibrate. How obnoxious could he be? You were both on the same table but he decided to text you.

Mingyu: I hope you have smth good to wear this Friday

   You: Why?

Mingyu: Bc u’re going to the party with us

   You: And why would I go?

Mingyu: Bc u want to

You just looked at him with a ‘Really?’ expression for trying to use a psychological trick with you. He just smiled and tilted his head mouthing a ‘Don’t you?’.

   You: Sorry, that one doesn’t work with me

Mingyu: Okay, what if I tell u that I want u to go?

   You: U do?

Mingyu: Actually I do. Really badly

You just stood there looking at the last text he sent, your heart started racing inside your chest and your breathing was becoming heavier. Since when did he make you feel like that?

Mingyu: Y/N? Why r u blushing?

Defeated by his smugness you just stood up and headed off while quickly saying goodbye to everyone. You had to find something to wear to the party. 

[The next friday] 

You were standing by Seungcheol’s door regretting your decisions. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have come. You can always go back. You’re not the party type, that should be obvious for everyone. But, on the other hand, Mingyu has been so excited to see you there. He even texted you the entire day making sure you’d go. You can’t ruin his expectations now. So you just rang the doorbell and waited until the door opened. It burst open and a happy Soonyoung appears. 

“Hi,” you said a little shy. 

But the older boy just stood there, with his mouth wide open and a famine expression. You then remembered what you were wearing. He must have been struck by your see-through top that showed your black lace bralette. 

“H-Hi… Y/N.” his voice sounded shaky and he just looked down while giving space to let you in. 

There were already a lot of people in the house, even though it was still early. You looked around, looking for the host. When you found him, you just walked to him. As you passed through, people looked. Guys, girls, everyone was eyeing you from the bottom to the top. 

“Cheol Oppa!” you called and he turned to you smiling instantly. “The party is amazing.” you complimented. 

“Thank you, Y/N. You look amazing.” he took your hand and made you spin around to look at you. “Are you this beautiful for Mingyu?” he laughed. 

“W-what? No. No.” you choked with your own words “I just…” you couldn’t explain, maybe you really were dressed up for him. To make him notice you. “Do I have a crush on Mingyu?” you thought to yourself. 

“It’s okay. I was just kidding.” Seungcheol laughs even more “But, just in case you want to know. He’s by the kitchen handling the drinks.” he looks at you with a suggestive look and you just ignore his dirty thoughts while heading to the kitchen. Mingyu was the only person you had more intimacy at that party, even though his friends always took you so well you always felt more comfortable next to him. 

As you enter the place the first thing you do is to search for the boy that kept wandering in your thoughts. You spot him next to the beer machine while talking to some random people. You were about to take a step further, however, something stopped you from doing it. A girl was clinging onto his arm, he didn’t seem too comfortable with the girl’s action, but nor did he tried to back up from her touch. Furiously, you take the first drink available and get out of the kitchen before combusting.

“I’m so mad, really mad.” you think to yourself, trying to find a quiet spot to drink without being bothered “Why am I mad though? Am I jealous?” that thought just hits your head like a truck and there you realize what had been tormenting you lately “Fuck, I like him.” you slap your own forehead after listening to your own words.

“Who do you like?” you hear a voice approach, his voice “Hm?” Mingyu’s body was dangerously next to yours and you could already feel his hot breath. You decide not to answer, it would be too much of an embarrassment trying to find an excuse and fail while stuttering. He smirks and raises your head gently by your neck, so he can look at you. You feel intimidated by him, not in a bad way. You feel intimidated at how well his body heat felt. At how strong and tall he was and how easily he could just pick you up at that exact moment and make you his’. “What do you need, Y/N?” Mingyu’s raspy voice whispered next to your ear “Tell me what you need and I’ll give it to you.”

How could he be such a smug without even trying hard? How could he make your heart feel like it could explode anytime? How could he be so damn handsome standing right in front of you with that infernal gaze?

“I-I…” you couldn’t form words, it felt like your body was pleading for him, but you knew you had to resist the temptation “I need to go.”

You quickly swift away from the taller boy leaving him behind with a frustrated and confused expression. 

That party wasn’t even near to be over and you already were a mess. “It’s better to go home.” you think looking back at where you left Mingyu. When your eyes met his’ he just winks and smirks once again. You blush violently and go out the front door with no hesitation.

[The next monday]

“I’m sorry, Cheol. Something happened and I really needed to head off earlier,” you explain yourself to the guy in front of you and he just shrugs. He knew something wasn’t adding up, but he wouldn’t pressure you since he doesn’t really want to bother you. He just left for his class.

The class finally starts and you can feel Mingyu’s burning eyes on you the entire time. He was doing it on purpose because he knows it bothers you and you can’t focus properly when you know someone is watching. On a normal day, you would’ve been mad, but the only thing you could do was blush as look away from him, trying hard no to think of him.

The class seemed endless, like minutes turned into hours, and you could only feel your frustration grow bigger. The teacher sounded more tedious than he ever did and you haven’t been so uninterested in psychology like yo are today. “Fuck you, Mingyu. Get out of my head.” you sigh letting your head rest on the table.

“Class dismissed.” the teacher announces and you couldn’t be happier to hear it. You try to grab your stuff as quickly as possible to exit the classroom, but the more desperate you became to grab things the more clumsy you got. Everyone was almost out when you finally got everything you needed. As you were walking through the door a strong hand pulls you back inside and forces you into the wall.

“Are you going to run away from me again?” he blocked your sides so you wouldn’t have a wait out and lowered his face to meet yours “Are you afraid of me, baby girl?” he bites your earlobe seductively and you let out a small sigh.

“M-Mingyu… I d-don’t.” you try to say but as soon as you feel his big hands grab you by your ass you give in. 

“Don’t try to deny me. I know you like me.” he tightens his grip and places wet kisses in your neck “I like you too, baby girl. And I’ve dying to fuck you,” he confesses and you hold your breath surprised. He lifts you up by your ass, pinning you to the wall so you can finally be at the same level as him. “But you’re so small…” Mingyu’s thumb slightly caresses your bottom lip and you just smile at his action “I’m afraid I might break you.”

“Don’t be.” you finally speak up “Break me apart. Fuck me hard.” you moan out in expectation leaving him speechless. But it doesn’t take him to much time to come back to the real world and hungrily take your lips into a heated kiss. As you’re kissing you feel him walk to the nearest table and sitting there. You break apart from the kiss only to start leaving small bites in his neck and desperately looking for his belt.

“You’re so eager for my cock, Y/N.” he throws his head back in amusement and you bite your lip looking at him with innocent eyes. He stares back at you and you can feel the bulge in his pants grow bigger, he was as eager as you. Without wasting any more time you take his pants off, kneeling in front of him and being face to face with his covered erection.

“It looks so… big.” you think to yourself while licking your lips, it must taste really good. Rapidly you free him from his boxers and his bulge sprung to life with full power. “You’re so big…” it’s the only thing you can say after seeing the boy’s cock “Will he fit inside of me?” is the first thought to come to your head.

“Can you take it, baby girl?” he asks gently caressing your cheek “I know you can.” he encourages you to keep going, he really needed to feel your soft lips around him. So you started shy, licking his tip earning some low moans, but, not satisfied, you decided to take it into your mouth as much as you could. Mingyu let out a loud moan and his large hand gripped your hair tightly making you close your eyes. What you couldn’t take in your mouth you pleasured with your hands and you knew how much Mingyu was enjoying it, you could feel how warm and how much his length was pulsing inside of your mouth. “You feel so… so good. Fuck… Y/N.” he moans helplessly.

His grip starts to lose strength and you know he his seconds from coming, so you just deep throat him the best you can. After a long and husky moan, you feel his liquid slide down your throat, swallowing every bit of it while making eye contact with him.

“You’re over now.” Mingyu picks you up and lays you on the table “I hope your little pussy can take me as well as your mouth did.” he groaned undressing you as quick as he could. He hops on the table and lays right on top of you. Again, you felt intimidated, maybe he was right about breaking you. But you were also thirsty for his cock and you couldn’t deny it. Mingyu slides one of his hands through your wet heat and smirks “Is this all for me? So wet…”

He takes his fingers to his mouth and licks them staring straight into your eyes.

“Stop teasing me…” you begged. Not wanting to wait anymore either, Mingyu took his length and placed it in your entrance slowly sliding in, as he also felt like it was quite difficult. “O-Oh fuck…” you moaned loudly. 

“You’re so tight, baby…” he panted burying his face in your neck after successfully fully entering you “… but you feel so damn good.” he gave an unexpected thrust and you screamed out his name. “Fuck…” he seemed aroused at the way his name exited your lips.

You slightly moved your hips looking for contact and Mingu started moving. Unlike his kind and sweet self, Mingyu was being rough and going hard. You felt like you were seeing stars and his name kept slipping through your lips “M-Mingyu… Ah yes… Like that…”

Motivated by your pleas, the boy kept hitting you roughly right in your sweet spot, and you knew you wouldn’t last much longer. “Hard… Oh fuck, G-Gyu…” you scratched his back trying not to pass out from so much pleasure.

“Shit, Y/N… I’m coming…” he breathed out, giving his lasts thrusts into you with all the strength he got “Y/N..” he moans low next to your ear after releasing all his liquid inside of you. You cum right after screaming his name so loud that probably the entire university heard it. Mingyu gets out of you slowly and helps you stand up. 

“We need to do this more often.” you chuckle dressing yourself up. 

“Oh definitely, baby.” he slaps your ass jokingly while watching you walk away from the classroom.

[uncloseted]

How Can I Care Less About My Image Like Effy? Less About Impressing Others And More About Just Doing What I Like Without Letting Them Influence Me?

Anonymous said:

So I have some problems with my confidence. I can be confident at times but it lasts for a very short time and I begin analysing every part of myself and find new insecurities. Sometimes it makes me feel really disgusting so any advice?? Thank you for this blog btw

Anonymous said:

Even though there are people who like me I feel like I'm not a likeable person because I'm insecure and this gets in the way of me socialising, having fun and having good relationships with people. How do I stop feeling this way?

Anonymous said:

last night i had the worst breakdown i’ve had in foreve about how ugly i was, every single detail about myself was so prominent and i’ve fallen so deep down this hole where i couldn’t hate myself more. i’m so unattractive andthat’s the only thing that people give a fuck about , relatives, friends, family, employers, it’s consumed my life. sometimes i’ll look in the mirror and like what i see &for that fleeting moment i’m so fucking happy you can’t imagine but then i go back to seeing the truth

Anonymous said:

I hate myself. How do I mask my insecurities and make people think I'm confident and make it look like don't care about what they think?

Anonymous said:

how can i appear more confident?

Anonymous said:

how do i deal with fear of being judged? I'm always so scared that people I've known for a long time will remember embarrassing things I've done and still laugh at me for it

Anonymous said:

I'm so insecure because I care so much what people think, its so bad that I don't even want to leave my house. When I go out with all my friends, almost all of them get complimented somehow and I never do, it might sound selfish or something but it really brings down my self esteem, I start feeling like I'm invisible or that people only hang out with me because they feel bad for me, and it makes me want to stop being social/getting out of the house, etc.

Anonymous said:

I sometimes hate my face so much and I feel so insecure and it's the worst feeling :( I hope I like the way I look one day but it seems so hard.

Anonymous said:

I can’t be confident with myself, I’m a huge ppl pleaser bc it feels like is the only way to keep them around, and I guess that’s ok but what frustrastes me the most is the fact that ppl don’t see me or my personality, it’s like I’m just there to help them out, to be their side kick... whenever I try to be confident I cringe at myself... How can I feel more secure with myself?

More than any other question, the thing I get asked most is how to build self-confidence, overcome insecurities, and deal with the fear of being judged.  In this post, I’m going to put every tip and trick I know about becoming confident, no matter who you are and the situation you’re in.

The first thing to remember about confidence is that people aren’t drawn to people because they’re beautiful, or smart, or kind, or fun, or interesting.  People are drawn to people who are confident.  If you’re confident and weird, you’re not weird, you’re a visionary.  If you’re confident and ugly, you’re not ugly, you’re “unconventionally beautiful” or a trendsetter.  If you’re confident and overly serious, you’re not boring, you’re a leader.  A lot of people think it’s the other way around- that only beautiful, smart, charming people who are well-liked can be confident- but it’s not true.  To use a Skins example, Tony’s not a good person.  He’s manipulative and cruel.  But people like him (at least in the beginning) and go along with what he says because he’s confident.  The same goes for Katie.  You can argue about whether she’s objectively the most attractive girl in the group, but she acts confident in herself and in her appearance, and it works. Lots of guys are attracted to her.  So that’s the first thing- don’t focus on changing yourself (physically or emotionally) in the hopes that you’ll be more confident.  Instead, focus on changing your mindset to that of a confident person.  It will make a huge difference. 

Of course, that’s all easier said than done, and the process of building self confidence can take a while.  In the meantime, while you’re on the journey of actually becoming confident, one thing that can help is “faking it until you make it”.  When you’re going about your day, ask yourself, “how would a confident person who’s never experienced insecurity or anxiety handle this situation”?  Then do what a confident person would do.  If you have a really confident friend, it can help to imagine what they would do in a given situation and then do that.  Pretend everyone you meet already loves you and thinks you’re great.  Pretend like you think you’re great.  It will feel uncomfortable at first, but you’ll start getting used to it and the “confident” responses to things will start feeling normal.  One thing that can make this a little bit easier is to talk to yourself in the second person.  By saying things like “you’ve got this”, your brain will (sort of) feel like you’re receiving advice from somebody else, which is more motivating than getting advice from ourselves.

There are also some exercises you can use to build your self confidence on your own. Some of you have heard this one before, so bare with me, but the first thing I suggest is:  every morning, look at yourself in the mirror and say some things you like about yourself.  I know you probably feel like you can’t find any, but try.  Focus on those things that you like and try to only focus on those things.  Write them down, either physically (on a sticky note on your mirror, maybe) or in your phone.  Each day, try to add a new thing to the list.  When you’re out and about, remember those things that you like about yourself, focus on them, and try to draw attention to them.  When other people compliment you, add those to your list as well.  I think eventually by recognizing all of the things that you like about yourself, you’ll be able to feel like there are things about you that you can be confident in, and you won’t focus so much on the things that you feel are negative.  These don’t have to just be things that are physical.  You should include things you like about your personality as well.

I mentioned this trick the other day, but I want to put it here as well.  A lot of people who are insecure use deprecating humor to cope and as a bid to get other people to like them.  But I think that can be really emotionally damaging.  Like Hannah Gadsby said in Nanette, “I have built a career out of self-deprecating humor, and I don’t want to do that anymore..do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already exists in the margins? It’s not humility. It’s humiliation. I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission to speak, and I simply will not do that anymore, not to myself or anybody who identifies with me.”  Self-deprecation impacts our self-esteem, and it impacts the way people around us view us.  The more times we say something, even as a joke, the more we start to believe it, and the more the people around us start to believe it.  So instead, make fun of yourself by pretending you’re really, really cocky.  If you trip and fall, instead of saying, “I’m such a disaster”, replace it with “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”.  If you make a piece of art and you think it sucks, say, “Obviously I’m the next Di Vinci/Michelangelo/whatever.”  If you say something dumb, instead of saying, “I’m so stupid,” say, “I’m clearly the next Einstein.”  You still get to make a joke and diffuse any awkwardness the situation has, but you also get practice saying nice things about yourself.  And eventually, you’ll get so used to saying nice things about yourself as a joke that it won’t feel so weird to say those things about yourself in a serious way, too.

For those people who feel insecure about things they did in their past, try and think of something embarrassing one of your friends has done.  Can you think of anything?  The vast majority of people remember their own embarrassing moments really vividly, but don’t remember things other people have done at all.  Reminding yourself that you’re probably the only one who remembers or cares about the mistake you made can help you let go.  The mistakes you’ve made in the past are learning experiences that you’ve grown from and changed from, and the fact that you’re embarrassed by them is a good thing.  It means that you’re not that person anymore- that you’ve become someone better.  I think that’s something to celebrate instead of something to cringe at.  It can also help to talk to yourself as if you were a friend who’s remembering an embarrassing moment. Would you tell them how embarrassing that moment was and how much they suck?  Probably not.  You’d be nice to them and tell them things will be okay.  Talk to yourself like you would a friend.

The fact that people aren’t paying attention to what you’re doing doesn’t just apply to cringey things you did in your past.  People are unlikely to remember that one time you tried a new hairstyle or wore an unusual piece of clothing.  They’re unlikely to remember that one time you asked someone out and they rejected you.  So many of the social pressures we feel can be remedied by remembering that most people are way too worried about what they’re doing and how they appear to the world to care about what you’re doing. 

One more piece of advice- stop comparing yourself to other people.  The old adage, “comparison is the thief of joy” is totally, scientifically proven to be true.  Comparing ourselves to other people (or to TV shows, movies, characters in books, etc) makes us much less happy because we’re comparing everything we know about ourselves, good and bad, with a curated version of this person.  We don’t see them when they wake up in the morning with crusty eyes and frizzy hair, or when they have the flu, or when they’re overwhelmed and anxious and lashing out at the people around them.  But the truth is that everyone, even the people you think have perfect lives that you see on social media, are just people.  They have bad habits and negative traits and days where they’re not at their best, just like the rest of us.  If you really want to start being confident, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to mute or unfollow the people who make you feel insecure online, and replace them with people who inspire you- artists or activists or cute videos of animals, whatever works.  You’ll never be able to feel good about yourself if you’re constantly tracking all the ways in which you feel you don’t measure up.  But you will if you’re constantly seeing all the ways in which you do.

Last thing. Basic life care stuff, like good posture, exercising, eating well, sleeping well, meditating, and just generally practicing self-care and taking care of yourself can improve your confidence as well.  If you’re not starting on a strong foundation, it’s hard to build anything that will last.  But if your foundation is solid, all of the things you do to build your self-confidence on top of that will be, too.

[robin-the-enby]

Drabbles

Pairing: personalized (so me as MC, can be viewed either as platonic or romantic)

Summary: just a few drabbles

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR VINCENT'S, ISAAC'S (IF YOU SQUINT) AND LEO'S ROUTES!!! Description of mental health issues (I can't specify, bc I don't know what's wrong with me) (it's escalating from the least to the most angsty drabble), suicide intention

A/N: This. Is. Super. Angsty. I've been struggling lately and this is for my comfort only, I'm posting this for the small chance you'd like to read it and maybe find comfort in it yourself. I must warn you though, this is triggering.

* * * * *

Opposites

"Truth is...I'm not like most people." Vincent confessed, his eyes never moving from the canvas.

It was a warm and sunny day and Vincent asked Robin to keep him company, while he painted. And who was she to turn down The Vincent van Gogh?

However, this sentence quite caught her off guard. "I mean, you're a vampire..." she said and he chuckled, the sound so light and carefree it made a smile appear on her face as well. "Although that is true, it's not what I meant." his hand worked effortlessly on the painting that was slowly unravelling in front of her "I don't feel things like other people do." he explained.

The made her confused. What did he mean? As if sensing her question, Vincent continued "Ever since I can remember, I never felt any negative emotion. Sadness, anger, envy, all those things are foreign to me."

Suddenly, his smile felt completely different, despite never changing. It was strange seeing him talk about such a glum thing with such a gentle smile on his face and look in his eyes. Then again, she couldn't recall a single moment, where Vincent would be angry or any type of negative...

It came to Robin that this was probably an intimate subject for him and she certainly didn't want him to feel pressured into talking about this with her. When she voiced her concerns, he turned to look at her "There's nothing to worry about Robin. After all, you said you wanted to get to know me better, so I thought you should know." he assured her with a smile, finally looking at her.

Then the conversation stopped and they were both left in silence. Not an awkward one, perhaps Vincent was just giving her time to process it all, which was something she definitely needed.

Robin layed down on the warm grass, putting an arm over her eyes as she listened to the soft sounds of Vincent's brush gliding over the canvas.

What did that feel like, not feeling negative emotions? For a fleeting moment she thought it must've been nice, but then all the downs of it dawned on her. Not being able to be sad when someone close to you dies. Not being able to get angry at someone mistreating others... She'd hate herself if she wasn't able to feel these things and yet she wouldn't even be able to do that.

"Thank you for telling me that Vincent." Robin said quietly, her voice loud enough for him to hear. "You went quiet all of a sudden." the painter pointed out. "I just imagined what that must be like." she shrugged her shoulders.

If he told her something so personal, it only made sense that she tells him something about herself too. Robin had an idea of what she could tell him, but the thought of confessing something like that made her anxiety shoot through the roof, insecure thoughts filling her mind.

Robin hesitated on her next sentence, choosing carefuly every word "I think I have the opposite problem." His head perked up at her words, his whole body turning to face Robin, yet she still layed with her eyes covered, not looking at him. "What do you mean?" it was now his time to be confused.

"I think too much about everything. Small things, big things, things that aren't even happening to me. I like to think about it all, ponder and view from all the different angles. It's my biggest gift and a curse as well." she removed her arm and gazed at the blue sky, not wanting to be envelopped by darkness when she says this.

"A lot of things happen in the world. All the time. Sometimes...it gets too much. I feel like I'll burst with all the thoughts and emotions raging like a storm inside me and then I'm just...numb." Out of the corner of her eye, Robin could see Vincent tilting his head to the side a little. "It's like my whole mind just...shuts down and concentrates on the simplest tasks, like doing my work, eating, sleeping. I can be empty like that for months and months. The truth is," she paused to turn her head to look into his eyes, those bright blue oceans, that no longer looked happy, but rather concerned "the truth is that there's so much pain in my mind, that it refuses to acknowledge it anymore." Robin shifted her gaze towards the grass as she began to play with it "Or so I've been told."

The silence that followed was much heavier than the previous one. Robin thought it was because this time, Vincent didn't smile. No, he was frowning. Just like he did for her, she gave him time to process it, secretly hoping that she didn't ramble too much.

But after a while Vincent smiled again, though this time she thought it was for her sake only "Thank you for telling me Robin." She blushed at his words "Are you sure I didn't talk too much?" she asked bashfuly to reassure herself. Vincent nodded, chuckling "Of course not. After all, I said I wanted to get to know you more too, didn't I?" he smiled at her and the afternoon continued as peacefully as ever.

Purpose

One of her most favorite things in this new life she was living was napping with Leonardo.

She was never a good sleeper, so she'd come to him and ask him if they can nap together and he never declined, much to her joy. After some time, she stopped asking. She saw him sitting on the library floor, that droopy look in his eyes and she just plopped down next to him and leaned her head on his shoulder and he understood.

Today, she found him in his room, laying in his bed for once. Once he saw it was Robin who entered, he scooted away to make room for her and she joined him. They layed on their sides, facing eachother to save as much space as possible.

But today was different. While Leonardo's sleepiness always made her relax and fall asleep as well, it seemed today even he couldn't sleep. And so they talked. At first it wasn't anything serious, everything and nothing, their voices hushed, so they wouldn't ruin the quiet atmosphere and besides, there was no reason to be loud.

But as the conversation went on, the topics started getting more serious and so turned the tones of their voices as well.

The deep sadness Leo's eyes held as he told her about his alchemy experiments was surely engraved in her mind for the time being.

"I think that because your lives are limited, it gives you purpose."

She took in that sentence for a while, before she giggled. The sadness that plagued those beautiful golden eyes was quickly replaced by confusion and before he could think she was making fun of him, Robin tried to explain, not realizing where would this sentence take her "I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you, I swear!" she wheezed breathlessly between giggles.

Leonardo quirked a brow "And what are you laughing at then?"

Not long after she managed to calm down her breathing and the realization that she'll really have to confess something she hasn't told even the doctors in her time dawned on Robin. She suddenly didn't feel like laughing at all.

"Well, the irony of the situation." she started sheepishly. Leonardo didn't seem much wiser, so she took a deep breath and collected her thoughts for a short while.

"I actually think the opposite." another deep breath and a sigh "Stop me if I ramble too much, alright?" she looked at him and he smirked at her in a way that told her that he knew this isn't going to be a happy topic, but in no way in hell was he going to stop her. Curious bastard, Robin thought with a grumble and shuffled closer to him, that way she wouldn't have to look him in the eyes.

"This happened a long time ago, but it stuck with me. I don't remember what I was doing, I just remember, I stopped in the middle of completing the chore, for some reason, and thought to myself: Am I happy?

And do you know what the answer to that was? No. No, I didn't feel happy. To be completely honest, I didn't feel anything. But that didn't make sense, everything was going fine, I didn't have a reason to feel this way or in this case, not feel.

I started thinking about it, monitoring myself more and I realized just how numb I really am most of the time. Of course, I started to question it. Why was this happening? Why did everything feel like a dream? Why did the days, weeks, months go by, while I felt like I lived in a bubble, one that numbs everything, makes things feel muffled.

I started questioning my life. Was anything really real? Was I real? It didn't feel like I was. How does it even feel, being real? I should know, I am... Aren't I?

It started out so small. One stupid question. One easy question.

The more I thought about it, the more disconnected I felt. Every day I felt more numb. I wished I could just stop everything, but I couldn't. I carried on doing the things I was supposed to do. Go to school, do my chores, socialize with other people. I didn't know why I was doing it, it didn't make any sense, but at the same time, it was the only logical thing for me to do, something I was used to, I couldn't just stop, that would only make this chaos worse.

And I suffered through it all. When somebody asked, I didn't lie. I had no reason to. I knew there were people who'd gladly help me, but fear of annoying them and upseting them made me stay away. If they would leave, I'd truly lose my mind.

Nothing made sense anymore. My life, my choices, nothing. I was clinging to any at least a bit logical thing in my life, because everything felt so pointless, so abstract and absurd. I thought I didn't matter. That nothing I'll ever do will matter.

I still think so. I still don't feel anything most of the time, I still think everyone on this planet is worthless, even though saying it out loud feels wrong. I'm just too numb to care at the moment."

She didn't want to look at him. Through her whole speech, Leonardo was as quiet as a mouse. Finally his rich voice sounded above her head "Why didn't you just stop thinking about it then?"

Robin smiled dryly "Because it felt like I was avoiding the subject. Like it was a responsibility that I just have to get over with and I'll finally be able to breathe again."

Leonardo was quiet. Her words were strong, nothing like he'd ever heard before. There was a real pain in those words and he, as much of a smooth talker as he is, wasn't sure he could say anything that would change her mind.

So he opted for just holding her, until he'll be able to make her smile again. And perhaps a real smile this time, one she'd truly feel.

Sung woes

(I'll pretend I can sing and play the piano in this one XD)

Inspired by: Irony - English cover by Lizz Robinnet

Soft knocks sounded through Mozart's room, the great composer huffing in annoyance and turning away from his desk, where he was working on his newest piece.

Opening the door he found Robin nervously shuffling in front of him. "What do you need?" Wolf asked boredly.

"W-well, you see, uhm..." she stumbled over her words. Mozart rolled his eyes impatiently "Get on with it already." he groaned out. Robin tensed "I wanted to-to ask you, if I could play something on the piano, maybe..?"

When he just blankly stared at her, she waved her hands dismissively in front of her "O-or not! It doesn't matter, if you don't feel comfortable, I get it, hehe." she tried to laugh it off.

Mozart was in fact considering letting her play, since to this moment, he didn't know she was capable of it. Curiousity winning over his obsessive cleanliness, he sighed "Fine. Just don't get it dirty or anything."

Robin quickly nodded and rushed to the music room.

When the door closed behind her, the composer stepped back into his room, but instead of continuing his work, he headed for the bed. He sat on it and listened carefuly for any sounds.

At first, a few random melodies rang through the air, to warm herself up, he presumed.

Then, a seemingly cheerful melody, although muffled by the wall, floated from his music room.

It sounded light and airy, but had a sad undertone to it. He thought about maybe coming to listen, but quickly discarding the idea, for he himself hated being interrupted.

And it would stay that way, had the woman in the next room not started singing. Mozart couldn't make out the words from his room and so his curiosity won.

Quietly, like a thief, he crept out of his room, towards the white door to his music room. He could now hear everything much clearer and had to admit, Robin wasn't half bad. But the music was louder than her voice and it bothered him. He desperately wanted to know what the lyrics were about.

Maybe he could open the door, just a tiny bit, so the sound could escape?

Is this how others pass this room when I play? the composer wondered with a frown, feeling a bit ashamed.

If that's the case then just hear my plea: Pick me up and drop me into unfaltering sleep!

The sudden change in melody startled Mozart from his thought's, the slight glimpse of the song's lyrics worrying him. There was no way now that he'd turn away.

He reached for the knob and with the speed of a snail turned it around, making sure no potentional creaks could be heard.

He flinched at the sudden increase in volume and opened the door wider, so he could comfortably watch her. If she noticed him, he could just say he was checking if nothing happened to his piano.

What he wasn't expecting, was a hand on his shoilder and a joyful voice whisper too near to his ear for comfort "Peeping into your own room, are we?"

Mozart quickly recovered from the surprise, quickly pulling his face away from the door and facing an unlikely duo that isn't seen unless a certain physicist is present.

"What are you two doing here?" Mozart hissed at Arthur and Dazai, both writers smiling innocently. "I just noticed the sudden change in the songs, so I figured someone else must be playing and that alone is a wonder. I needed to see it with my own eyes. I didn't know Robin could play." smiled Arthur.

"I'm wondering where did all the sadness come from. Toshiko-san looks always so happy, I wanted to see what has made her so sad?" Dazai's smile turned a little sad and sympathetic, as if he knew exactly what was happening.

"How do you know she is sad if you didn't hear the lyrics?" asked Arthur. "Don't you hear? It's not the lyrics, it's the way she sings. Only an idiot wouldn't notice that." Dazai answered. Mozart nodded "I only was able to make out bits of it, but it doesn't sound very positive.

Arthur's expression turned serious "Well then we should confront her about it, singing or not." and pushed past the composer, him and Dazai hot on his tail.

The sudden arrival startled Robin and the music stopped for a short while. She didn't look at them, she didn't want to, if she did, she would break down and the song would be left unfinished.

Just as Arthur opened his mouth, her voice cut him off "Step back from me, please, leave me be, this so deceitful road that I stumble on is never going to end." her voice was soft, before suddenly increasing again.

"It's getting difficult to maneuvour and it's just worthless to try and run away, so I'll just hold my hands over my ears and block out all this noise. How can I live not knowing what life is? Sometimes my dreams seem to be more realistic, obviously I can't be called happy, then what am I after all? "

The way Robin sang felt like she was talking directly to the three men in the room with her and left them speechless.

She gently put the lid on the piano keys and quietly stood up, drying her hands on her skirt. Muttering a quiet thank you to Mozart she made a beeline towards the exit, trying to get away from the situation and probable interrogation as quickly as humanly possible.

A certain Japanese writer caught her sleeve before Robin could slip past him "That was truly beautiful Toshiko-san." he said with a smile, although the tone of his voice was nothing but serious "But if you ever need to talk... My windows are always open." joked Dazai at the end, prompting a chuckle out of her. Arthur and Mozart stayed silent, neither of them being the type of person one would come confess to.

"Thank you Dazai, really, but...I'm alright." and with a smile she was gone. But neither of the men could believe her words.

The thought came out of nowhere.

Momentary relapse

Now would be a good time to do it.

And so she did. She tied two scarves together and put them in a bag, ready to go.

The middle of the night, the sky clear, stars littered the black canvas like pearls. Would this be any other night, she would stop and admire the view above her, but tonight everything that didn’t have to do anything with her goal was a potential distraction that could change her mind.

Her brain already decided she was gonna do it and she went along with it, chickening out now would only be cowardiness, Robin thought. And if there was anything she learned from the geniuses she residet with, it was bravery.

Tiptoeing out of her room, Robin quietly crept through the hallway past all the resident’s rooms.

A muffled melody could be heard in the music room and light shone from under Arthur’s door. They must be still up, thought Robin and it made her feel strange. Would they realize tommorow morning that she must’ve went past them while they were still awake? Would they feel guilty? She hoped not. It would be best if they just forgot she ever existed.

Robin wasn’t naive. She knew she was loved and very much so, she also knew that by ending her life she would hurt those who loved her, but they were strong, stronger than she was anyway, maybe it would take a while, but they would get over it eventually.

Once she was out in the garden, Robin breathed a tired sigh of relief. Focusing only on her way she made her way through the garden, towards the forest surrounding the mansion. How hard could it be? You just have to find the right tree, pick a branch strong and high enough, tie the end of the noose around it, put your head through the actuall noose and the rest is easy, right? She could figure it out once she gets there, it’s not like anyone was following her.

“Ehm. Where are you going?”

Too soon. Robin winced. She was so consumed by her thoughts that she didn’t notice Isaac stargazing in the garden. Stupid, she reprimanded herself You should’ve expected something like this. It’s okay, you can lie your way through this.

“Hi Isaac.” she smiled her best smile at him. It felt strange, acting so casually while her end was nearing.

The air between them grew awkward, so Isaac coughed slightly and said “It’s not like it’s my business or anything, I was just surprised to see you here, and so...” his voice grew quieter as his confidence dissapeared. Mary smiled a him “It’s alright, I was just going in the forest for a stroll.” Isaac lifted an eyebrow “In the middle of the night?” “Yes, it will be an adventure! The forest can be quite spooky at night.” she grinned in response.

The physicist looked towards the dark woods, then back at his friend. “I will acompany you, if that’s okay.” Robin blinked at him in surprise. This wasn’t how it should’ve gone! He would only complicate things! But saying no could be suspicious. While Isaac took her surprised look as confusion “There could be wild animals and knowing you, you would definitely get in trouble.”

His words nearly made her cry. Once again she was reminded of how much she was actually loved. And so she agreed.

Side by side they walked deeper and deeper into the woods. While Isaac was looking up at the sky, Robin inspected all the threes around them. “We’re pretty deep in, how would you know your way back?” the man beside her wondered. Robin’s heart dropped. How was she supposed to answer to that? Maybe if I stay quiet, he’ll drop it. But that didn’t seem to be the case. “Well?” Isaac turned his head towards her.

“Uhh...I-I don’t know.” she shrugged her shoulders and laughed nervously. Isaac squinted his eyes and looked at her with a strange expression on his face. “What do you have in that bag anyways?” he asked curiously. Robin quickly shoved her bag behind her back to hide it from view, as if that would make him forget about it “Nothing important, really.” she quickly said. Perhaps too quickly. “What time is it?” she changed the subject.

Isaac blinked at her in surprise, then looked towards the sky once again “It’s close to midnight I think.” he muttered. “Well then, shouldn’t you be getting back? I mean, I don’t want you to starve, just because you’re too considerate.” Robin pushed on. “What about you?” Isaac asked as Robin started pushing him in the direction of the mansion. “Oh don’t worry about me for once. I remember the way.” she waved him off, said a quick goodbye and sent him on his way.

Isaac didn’t like that at all. Surely if she didn’t want to spend time with him she’d tell him, no? He just wanted to keep her company, since he heard from an unusually glum Dazai she hasn’t been feeling very happy lately.

Now that he thought about it, there were some red flags in his mind and the whole situation left him suspicious. Deciding to trust his gut more than logic, Isaac turned around and went to look for Robin, all the while trying to push the worst scenario out of his head.

He found her not far from the place he departed from her. She was facing a tree, holding something in her hands... "Robin?” he called out to her softly. Said woman jumped around, revealig her pale face and the object she was holding. 

A noose.

“What are you doing?!” he asked, panicked, his worst fears confirming. Robin’s face was hard as steel, determined look in her eyes. Perfectly composed, she stuffed the deadly instrument back into her bag, marching past him towards the mansion “Nothing.”

Isaac, bewildered, quickly jogged up to her “Well, you were about to do something.” “Well, not anymore.” she huffed. “So what, you try to kill yourself and then pretend it didn’t happen?” “Yes, exactly. It was a momentary relapse, it won’t happen again.”

“I don’t want to try anymore Isaac. I’m tired. It’s been six months and things are only getting worse and worse. I’m not strong enough for this, I don’t need this, I never asked for this.” the longer she talked, the more rapid and shakier her voice became. He only squeezed her tighter “We’ll think of something.” he tried to assure her. “And what do you want to do? Isaac, this is not something temporary, not even the doctors in my time can do much about this! I don’t even know what’s wrong with me!”

Isaac quickly jumped in front of her and grabbed her shoulders. Robin turned her head down so she could avoid his gaze and pursed her lips. “You’re right. It won’t. I won’t ever let it get that far again.” Isaac told her quietly and firmly, drawing her into a hug.

The physicist quietly shushed her and slowly rubbed her back as she trembled in his embrace. He maybe looked composed but on the inside he was panicking. Truly, he didn’t know what to do. He would probably ask Comte or Leo, hell, even Arthur if that helped. They were certainly wiser or more suitable for this kind of problem. But he’d help however he could. Call it selfishness, but he would do anything to keep her here just a while longer.

[yyxgin]

as quick as love alarm was progressing compared to other dramas i’ve seen (usually wait ten eps for the first kiss and that’s it) it still seemed,, idk important for the story? n e way.

meteor garden is insanely messy like in the final episode daoming si just mentions everything dong shancai did that makes her so amazing and i honestly forgot they even did some of their things 😳 at one point they went to london and filmed in china town and i was just like ‘oh. i know that place’ and didn’t clock after that 😭

I GOT PEN ON THE BACK OF IT IM SO MAD AT MYSELF ✋✋✋✋✋ but come find me anyway lmao i got a changbin & minho film strip 🤪 can’t have anything nice around here and i learned my lesson the hard way.

i went through a phase when whenever i watched english tv i was like ‘why does this make sense without subs..’ and would be like squinting at the screen until it occurred to me that it was in english.

oh bruh i remember making a bank account the second summer bc my employer was like why tf do you not have a bank account ,, yeesh people had been paying by card for meals and stuff and not cash like the year before. so i made one and then she paid me in cash bc people started paying w cash 😐😑😐😑 i waitress so even though i get anxious about other things, i’m comfortable about waitressing so i am super nice to everyone. i am the designated person who orders for everyone (as long as you point at what you want in case i can’t remember everything i will say it). i know how important it is to be articulated to your server bc if they f up you get mad and they get mad bc ur mad and the chef gets mad bc the server f-ed up and the chef has to cook again and it’s a never ending circle of wishing you’d just gone somewhere else and i hate that. i also get mad at my fam when we go out bc the last time we went out (literally like two years ago now bc covid) there was a guy serving at this place we’re fairly frequent at and i was like maybe he’s training don’t be so mad at him for forgetting things just gently remind him! don’t cuss him out behind his back! there’s so much pressure about not pissing off your colleagues bc there’s a groove they’ve got and you’re just there not wanting to ruin it whilst also meeting customers needs!!

ive been waiting to pass my drivers test for over a year now bc covid has pushed it back and back and back again 😐 i finally get my next test date and i have to ask a different instructor for their car bc my instructor is on annual leave when my test is scheduled. i’m holding it together so i can ask an instructor, buy a car and yeet. the bus is okay but i need my own space sometimes.

i am good w my money im the jungkook of the working class. if there are pots and pans on the go i will take them. free food? count me in. i do have that broke b*tch mindset. although i don’t buy $300 white tshirts i will spend $200 on a day out 😃 and sis,, buy whichever one you like bc of the concept!! it’s always fun seeing the posters (personally i don’t put them up bc how am i gonna have sir johnny suh STARING at me while i get changed,, no THANK YOU) i’ll cry if i ever pull a yuta card bc he looks ✨spicy✨ in all of them.

i think i get what you’re saying about gg’s! boy groups have a wider range. eg, haechan hits those high notes and jeno/mark rap/sing quite low but girl groups can’t. unfortunately i feel like they rely on visuals heavier bc they don’t have the same range bg’s do. itzy are good!! i personally haven’t listen to a lot/watched a lot of their mv’s. i’m more into red velvet for their mv’s. im terrible at watching content so i am slowly working through bts’ content, monsta x’s content and ocassionally nct’s content. im gonna work on mamamoo next 🤞fake fans unite 😔✊✨

it’s so easy to feel invisible here. don’t worry. i’m here to brighten your day! much like a sunflower ~ 🌻

I cant really speak about the importance of the kiss in love alarm since i didnt watch more than the first ep, but i will trust you if you really say so ?? 😳 I WANNA WATCH METEOR GARDEN JUST FOR THE DRAMA DHSNSK

dude dont fucking test me i WILL find your address and i WILL visit you in your sleep and steal all your kpop stuff. MINHO FILM STRIP ??????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

i still watch english things w eng subtitles sometimes bc my first language isn't english so just in case i dont hear something i can always read it you know djsksk

this is my first job so i didnt have to have bank account before but now that i have it i feel very adult😩✋i am so old. i dont like it.

oh no i hate people that arent polite to waitresses like they are just doing their job and its so hard and stressful and i dont want to make their life harder so im just really anxious abt everything in my life ever.

i'm rooting for you on your driving test !! lets hope you make it after such a long time <3

JUNGKOOK OF THE WORKING CLASS NO- thats actually me. also free samples. give me all of them. also i think its completely justified to spend so much on a night out since its for the memories !! #yolo am i right

I AM SO TEMPTED TO ORDER THE ALBUM NOW 😭💔😭 i actually have my posters on my closet and i change inside the actual closet at all times bc me and my brother share a room, so no one's looking at me thankfully haha. well, i do have bts pics on the warderobe next to my bed as well so they watch me sleep every night but we dont talk about that. YUTA CARD i would cry. he for sure does look spicy half the time of his life.

i dont know that many rv songs (the audacity, i know) but seulgi... ah. i watched the sm new years concert and when she appeared i couldnt keep my eyes off her. i should really listen to more of their songs so if u have any recs i am all ears

thank you for brightening up my day sunflower ily mwah😔❤

[disslve]

𝐲𝐞𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐰 & 𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐝𝐲 ! this is nai and my cowboy ass is here to throw roxy @ u and also tell u bad jokes and cry over life is strange 2 because i’m still not over this game and I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. just a heads up, i came up with roxy on a whim because this rp just looked so good,  so if it seems like i don’t know what i’m talking about ... it’s most likely the case whoops . ( this is an excuse for me bringing shitty muses ). anyway, my fake cowboy ass loves to ramble so if you’re interested in plotting feel free to LIKE this post or hmu. i forgot to mention that i’m also a fake grandma so idk anything about discord at all and i still need to set it up which will happen in the next few days dsdnsdsdn. 

ps: wanted connections/plots can be find in my wanted tag ( a link is on my blog ) and i’ll also list some below !

EDIT: discord name is nai #7158

 * [ kristine froseth + cis-female + she/her ] —— have you met roxanne ‘roxy’ bailey ? they are a twenty-two year old junior currently studying romance languages and literatures. they live on decker house and word around campus is that this scorpio is compassionate + dedicated, as well as impatient + dishonest. i wonder if they’ll make it out alive. 

basics.

full name: roxanne elise bailey

nicknames: roxy, rox

sexual orientation: bisexual

birth place: valencia, spain ( but only lived there for five years ) 

history. 

one could say that roxy had lived an easy life, though her parents weren’t distinguished by their social status, it didn’t mean they lacked money which was enough to support their daughter in whatever she wanted to do.

truth to be told, roxy was indeed a little spoiled, the type of kids who would try all kind of things on the expenses of their parents only to quit a new ‘hobby’ again. she could barely stick to anything. she was some twisted kind of golden child, good at many things but never had the patience to continue something for long enough to cultivate it. 

skipping over the part where she almost tried everything from arts, music etc. she finally found her passion ( and even roxy herself was surprised ). figure skating. she didn’t know what drew her in, she couldn’t explain it, she tried it and it felt right. roxy always describes the feeling as finding a soulmate if she feels extra dramatic that day. 

unsurprisingly, she was good at it. not that kind of good at something she was at all the other things she tried before, but that being good at which stemmed from genuine interest. maybe, that is why she managed to get so far. and it didn’t take too long that people even started to call her a figure skating prodigy. 

at this point at her life, she had it all, spinning the stars on her fingertips ( or warning bad pun ahead: spinning on the ice ). until, well, her parents company was in some crisis and they had to cut corners in the meantime. also oh so ‘conveniently’ roxy lived at the arse end of nowhere and getting to her practices was now even more difficult because as mentioned before they had to save their money for more necessary things. of course, there were more things , small and big, which totally threw her off ( which i am too lazy to list rn).

roxy tried to work part time, but a) the money wasn’t enough b) she didn’t want to cut more hours of training she managed to get. AND well, here comes the turning point and roxy thinking she was oh-so-smart without realizing that it would cost her career. oh-so-smart roxy came up with the idea to , well, just steal some stuff. after all, she trained with many other wealthy peers and she could just sell off their stuff or something. 

at the beginning she only did it to afford certain things she needed, but soon it somehow became an addiction. she felt in control when everyone else in her life was an utter mess. however, the more she took things away from others the more she felt comfortable, doing it more often and sometimes taking things which weren’t even worth that much. it was only a matter of time until she was caught. and as if she was lucky for too long, the person who caught her pressured her into either giving them a hefty sum of money (which she didn’t have) or to quit figure skating. she decided for the latter.

well, here she was and her sudden departure was quite a shock. but she had no choice and stated it was for personal reasons. 

skipping over her being devastated over it, etc. her parents managed to save their company (whatever this company is) but at this point it was already too late and roxy was accepted into holloway. 

right now she actually wants to pick up her figure skating career again, however, she’s too afraid that the blackmailer is going to expose her and also she doesn’t really know who they are (lets pretend they wrote her letters, txt messages >??) and also she’s kind of afraid due to the lack of practice she had .

personality.

okay i’ll keep this short bcs i wrote way too much for her background story. but to sum it up, roxy kind of has that perfect girl facade.  considering how many friends roxy has and how social she appears to be it is odd that no one seems to be able to describe her.  roxy doesn’t want people to know who she truly is, and she keeps her distance as she actively avoids conflicts that might cause her to say something wrong and exposes herself. 

she shields her feelings by only presenting polished version of herself, the facade of the perfect girl: kind, hard-working and polite. someone whose life is easy and someone who looks like she doesn’t have any worries. it doesn’t mean she isn’t anything of that, but it’s not as if her kindness has no bounds or that she doesn’t need to put effort into the things she does. nevertheless, she believes that she must be perfect in order to make people like her. and while, she is pretty good at masking her emotions and smile along, as soon as someone threatens to see past the illusion, she will become defensive and won’t hesitate to lie in order to preserve it.

plots.

best friends: although roxy pretty much keeps her distance from everyone else, this person had always stood by her side. maybe they knew about roxy’s sudden wannabe-thief phase ( which she is still in ) and well tried to talk her out of it ( which obviously didn’t work ). also adding some drama here and maybe they had a big argument over it and distanced from each othr because of it. however, my angst ass doesn’t want to ruin it and they’ll rekindle their friendship. they might meet again at holloway and it’s awkward at first, maybe they even have some arguments but they’ll get over it because everyone loves a good rekindled friendship story.

annoyance: someone who gets under roxy’s skin.seeing past the perfect girl face and constantly calling her out on it. maybe they just have fun annoying her and want to see what she really likes or they just don’t like roxy , thinking that beneath all of this act, she is a really unpleasant person. perhaps, they’re even doing it with good intentions and want to show her that she doesn’t need to hide who she is. whatever it is, they’re determined to expose to the world who she really is. 

pen pal ??:  muse a and roxy had been friends for a very long time, yet the funny thing is that they’ve never met each other nor do they know what the other look like. all they know is their name ( or maybe they only know each other by their usernames ) and their deepest secrets. maybe they already have crossed paths many times and perhaps even know each other but don’t like each other irl. or they never had noticed the other.

blackmailer: BECAUSE WHY NOT??? the person who forced roxy to give up on figure skating. maybe, they were a rival or just didn’t like her, or any other reason. they might as well, have noticed that roxy is secretly training again and might be back at their shit again. 

exes: GIVE ME THE ANGST, maybe muse a and roxy used to be in a serious relationship and as naive they were back then both of them thought this love would last forever. however, at some point roxy started to distance herself from muse a, constantly cancelling their dates because of their busy schedule. at first muse a tried to be understanding towards her, but as time passed things only got worse. roxy hating any kind of conflict just decided to ignore the problem instead about talking about it and eventually stopped replying to muse a messages. muse a never really got to know the real reason behind their break up and was left with unanswered questions. but anything works  

unrequited love: (this is just me throwing in my favourite way to make myself suffer) It doesn’t matter who is the one with the the one sided love because i just want some good angst.a)  muse a has a crush on roxy, yet they never told her about it. yet, muse a can’t hide it and it doesn’t take too long until roxy notices it. but instead of trying to talk to muse a about it, roxy just ignores it acting as she usually does and perhaps even give them false hope that she might like them back. maybe muse a even confessed to her and because roxy didn’t want to hurt them she told muse a she’d think about it.

b) roxy has a crush on muse a but doesn’t admit it. she doesn’t want to show their vunerable side and just plays it down. maybe they’re friends and roxy doesn’t want to lose another friend. but one day she confesses to muse a on accident, making everything awkward between them.

someone she stole from: idk i thought this would be fun ? maybe she confessed to them about it or maybe they caught her but decided to not confront her about it.

fan: someone who used to watch her perfomances on their tv and is still not over the fact that she quit.

i also have a connection page on my blog if these are too specific or none of these work 

i’m too tired to come up with more dsdsdnjsd but gimme everything !! THE ANGST, FLUFF, DRAMA PLS!!! 

[hypnotixstorm]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* to do list *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Key

Normal Text = Have NOT started working on the request

Bold and Pink Text = I am CURRENTLY working on the request

Once I have completed a request it will be REMOVED from this list

Can I get an imagine of Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho? Maybe an AU hundreds of years ago where he ends up caring for a human woman and teaching her how to defend herself. If you don't like that one, anything you think of.

Character: Kanda from DGM NSFW Prompt: "Make me." Love youuuuuu 😘

How about a NSFW scenario of Kakashi coming home to his sweet little naughty civilian S/O? 😜 A bit of role play where they call him sensei while he's doing them on the kitchen table?

Thanks for the Soi Bean Post! This gonna be my last Soi Fon request. Sorry for being quite a Soi Queen freak. For my request can you Soi after shower decides to wear s/o clothes. S/O tries to take picture of her. Then she tells that she has falling in love with you. You have changed let me take care of you. You can be very very very sluff on this one. Thanks!

ok ok so i have a few requests 🥺🥺 so! first could you maybe do an “I missed you.” with Rukia? 🥺💗 just fluff for my baby girl aaaa

Ichigo kissing his s/o in the rain 😆😆😆 Headcanons or scenario is up to you! 💙

ANYTHING SHIKAMARU. Deadass anything

Hey! I was wondering if I could request some Rukia x fem!reader relationship headcannons? Only if you're able to! Tysm! 💖

I hope requests are open but I was wondering if you could do something with byakuya and his s/o being like a very intimidating couple but his s/o is actually very sweet to everyone?

Kakashi x reader and instead of team 7 its now y/n tryna see whats under the mask and eventually she just asks and he actually reveals it adfhsjjs

Can I please get rat dad Ging being seduced by a younger woman who refuses to take “no” for an answer until he finally gives her what she wants? NSFW please! 💖

ok so please don't feel pressured to write this birthday imagine 🥺 i know u have a lot of requests rn ah. but! if you're able to i really would love another toshiro one bc i'm a sucker for him 😭 maybe one where he's really overworking himself so the reader helps him relax and it just ends in cuddles 🥺💓 only if you're able to! ilysm 💓💖💓💖💓💘💓💘💓

ok i swear this is the last one i feel bad requesting sm 😭 but maybe a “Do you wanna, maybe, go out sometime?” with toshiro bc he really is best boy 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

OKAY SO ANOTHER ONE WITH SABURO WITH UHHHH GOING ON A FIRST DATE WITH HIS S/O ICIXHAJGSSHSSUSKSU he'll probs driving his van around with the music blasting out 👀👀

honestly i would kinda die if u wrote some renji smut 😳😳 literally in any situation, i'm just needy rn 😭

ok ok i'm here hehe. how about, the reader gets really injured during a battle and shiro's kinda blaming himself for it. kindaaa angst into a super fluffy ending if that's ok hhh 🥺

Hi 🥰 Can I get a headcanon for Kakashi with a really seductive s/o, like she likes to tease him in public and whispers dirty things in his ear and calls him daddy? Nsfw pls? 😊😁

“make me” and hisoka??? thank you

hehe this is for the 🦋🦋 event! congrats on 200 bb!! so, i saw attack on titan on your list and i'm experiencing a severe lack of my best boy marco 🥺🥺 if you don't write for him that's fine hehe, but if you do, could i please maybe get a lil scenario where marco helps the reader out with her training and then they accidentally confess their feelings and it's just rlly fluffy and cute? 🥺 i need marco being happy in my life rn sbdjdhdjr 💓💓

“If you keep biting your lip like that, I’m holding you accountable for my actions.” for Kakashi please! I love him 🤤

If your requests are still open, can i ask for some domestic kakashi fluff? Ty

Hi mommas❤️❤️ CAN I PWEASE request some Guren (seraph of the end) relationship headcanons ? Not nsfw but maybe a little steamy 🥺🥰 I LOVE UU -🍒

Hi Chloe 🥰 Can I have some spicy nsfw headcanons for Yami where his s/o is acting really bratty during sex and he puts her in her place? 😪😂😊

Kageyama wirh Oikawas sister reader? there just chillin Nd stuff and toru comes over and picks y/n up and they hug and kageyama is like “eXcuSe mE???” forgive my spelling im on mobile lmao

Hiii❤️❤️ Can I request an imagine where you live in a small town and work at a cafe and Bakugou is your cliche small town boyfriend? Or headcanons! The idea is so cute and I love your writing 😊

okay so uHHHHH you can just go for Mephisto sharing some food with his s/o owo;; take your time on it too because i know it's gonna be really great either way!

A reader insert saved by vampire! main YYH crew from a pack of werewolves

Since you said requests are open maybe.. suga subbing for you? Idk he's just always appeared like someone who would love to please you in anyway possible.

V A M P I R E LAVI!!! DO IT GIRL!! 👌👌♥️♥️♥️

Fake dating with Lavi!!!!! Need more of the DGM boyz!! 😂

can I get an itachi x reader fic where it's itachi's birthday and the reader decides to give him a special night (👀), wearing lingerie, lighting candles, etc. for him to come home to? I love your work (and you!!) sm btw 🥺💞 - nina!! (@kunoichihatake)

hello ✨💕 it’s me, ryn 😘 if it’s okay, can i request a nishinoya x female!reader? perhaps a first date at the boardwalk with like the rides and carnival stuff? then at the end of the date he kisses her and it turns out the karasuno squad was following them the whole night hehe?

Hi! Can I request a prompt of some soft Kakashi, maybe some cuddles, perhaps it gets a little heated... a lil' Nsfw never hurt nobody👀👅 Thank you so muuch!~😍❤️

If I had kakashi in front of me I would tell him “aren’t you tired of being the most handsome man here?”

Hi! I saw that requests were open for the Haikyuu!! boys so here I am! I was wondering if I could request a Tsukki x reader where Tsukki has a crush on the reader but doesn't know how to express his feelings other then throwing insults. it can be angsty or fluffy I just really love Tsukki as a tsundere lol. (also btw I LOVE your theme and blog aesthetic its very pretty!)

Hey wifey😚 so Ichigo has stolen my heartttt can I get the strawberry boy with an S/O who gets super shy with with physical contact? Tyy💗💗

Fake dating with Lavi!!!!! Need more of the DGM boyz!! 😂

NSFW Vampire Squall (FF8) for very obvious reasons because UUUUUUGH

Hello there miss, my name is kandaxxx. Nice to meet you since I have definitely never requested from you before and this is definitely my first time and i am definitely not taking advantage of your bomb writing skills to ask you to write a “Choke me, daddy.” for Seymour from FF (love you forever and always!!!!!!)

hey butterfly 🥺 can you please write a story where the reader and (any character) are fighting and it turns out it was just about something stupid? like chicken nuggets? thank you 🥺💗

Eek! DGM! I was wondering if you would do a request for a general Allen Walker relationship HC? I don’t see him on the character list, but I’m just curious *bows* Thankyou senpai!

Spin The Bottle with any of the DGM characters that you're comfortable writing????? (but like obviously when Kanda spins the bottle it has to land on the reader [me] because YOU KNOW WHY OK????????) ilysm!!! 😍

I’m thinking a smut scenario of some kind that uses the prompts “Perhaps I need to remind you of your place.” and “Let me show you what happens to little brats who don’t follow the rules.” I feel like those are very Nozel Silva things to say. 😈 -bakubabes-hatake

Omfg HI mommy, Can i request really fluffy and soft itachi after he comes back from a mission? Non-massacre AU and you’re on the same team as sasuke lolol thirsty for them age gaps ❤️ thank youuuu ily -🍒

Can I get a fake dating with Kand--Roy Mustang (hahahaha) 👉👈🥺

Is this okay to ask for? Egor taking care of s/o who has period cramps... Ty!

can I get an itachi x reader fic where it's itachi's birthday and the reader decides to give him a special night (👀), wearing lingerie, lighting candles, etc. for him to come home to? I love your work (and you!!) sm btw 🥺💞 - nina!! (@kunoichihatake)

Hello! Can I please request some headcanons for Kiba with a S/O with a praise kink? And for Shikamaru with a S/O with a choking kink? Thank you so much.

Wow. Here is me putting in a request. Shocker, right?? 😂 I want some Greed, baby 😈 as for the prompt, it's not in your list, but could you maybe do something based off of "Oh my god. Did we just break the bed?" ???? 👉👈

It's a shame u only have one ling request, so could I request some Ling x Reader where they're both absolutely oblivious until Lan Fan or Ed or someone finally just tells them for them? Sorry if I didn't make any sense ❤️❤️

ok idk if you write threesomes but 😳😳 if you could write one with daichi and suga n maybe some dp, i'd probably die 🥺💓 only if you're comfortable with that tho ♡

Tyki flirting with his crush in his native language of Portuguese? I really love your work and please have some candy 🍬🍭🍫

hi butterfly! 🥰 i hope you're doing well! you already know what i'm going to ask you for — a request! i just feel really down in the dumps lately. can i request headcanons for an s/o that takes graduation pictures on their grandmother's 3 year death anniversary with kenma, nishinoya & kuroo? i hope you can do my request! you don't have to do it if you don't want to!

hehehe kuroo, tsukki and kageyama headcanons of their s/o sending them a nude while they at training and them making an excuse to get home and fUcK yOu SeNsELeSs - 🌊

Hello may I request itachi x reader. People learned the truth and he can finally return to his wife and children in the village 🥺 and they don’t have to be in secret anymore

holy shit,, i am starved for the squall content,,, if you don't mind, catching you wearing their clothes?

S/O walking in on kakashi masturbating? 👉👈 💕