#MASTER FORGE AND PRESIDENTS CHOICE

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Trunk or Treat with The Yandere Student Council Pt. I

Based Off the OCs in this Post

“Alright everyone let’s start talking about ideas!” 

“Uhm do you mean ideas for what to do with Halloween coming?”

“Oh no darling, we always do a Trunk or Treat kind of thing.”

“We are talking about our costumes.”

As bizarre as it sounds the college’s students look forward to the costumes of the student council

Allowed to enjoy whatever festivity that comes with their choice

For reference they share that last year they had a ‘kiss–in–the–coffin’ booth for their shared vampire costumes

“J-j-just so you know the kisses were on the cheek only!”

“I didn’t ask but okay.”

It set the precedent for this year to be just amazing if not better

“Since we have you now (Y/n) we should have something special that welcomes you in!”

“I-i-i-i think that’s a great idea.”

“I’m all for it too!”

Despite your protests, in fear of being singled out by their fans your haters they forge on

“They won’t be bothering you. Not on my watch.”

“You say that but–”

“Seriously (Y/n) believe us! We’ll make sure there won’t be any problems.”

“And if there are we will kill them.”

“What?!”

“Joking. Joking.”

They’re not

Anyway it was decided on that the council will be Ghostly Royalty

Which makes costumes really easy or so you thought 

According to Min, quite a large part of the budget went into your costumes

“Pick your jaw up (Y/n)! This is the best part! You don’t think we get this big of a budget without showing off, do you?”

“Still…it feels a bit overkill…especially when I don’t have a fan base at all.”

“Ohhh that’s what you think–ow!” 

“Roman, always such an optimistic chatterbox. Always saying things that are not true.”

Lucoa takes the role of the king naturally

Spencer is forcefully given the role of the queen

Min takes the role of the dungeon master, despite his meek character

Roman takes the role of an advisor

Gil as a duke

June as a duchess

“Wait so what am I?”

“Our dragon.”

“What?!”

“We wanted to put a spin on the old system!”

“But that isn’t really accurate…nor does it really fit the ghost royalty theme.”

“.....”

“....”

“So? We’re doing fantasy ghosts then.”

In your opinion, it's just an excuse to make your costume as ridiculous as they please

“This is an early draft of your costume.”

“What!? Wait where are the actual clothes? I’m just seeing gold necklaces and bangles.”

“...That was the idea.”

“I’m not wearing that if there aren’t actual clothes underneath there.”

“...But it will ruin the integrity of the design and disrupt the choreography and–”

“Then hide it under the gold! I’m not going to be half-naked for the entire school.”

“...I will consult the President.”

You owed him a favor after that

Saying you agreed to this as an honorary member

But when you’re not having to fight Gill on your costume designs

You are helping the others

“June…this is just a dress.”

“Right, it’s a perfect occasion to wear it. And don’t my hips feel and look great.”

Adjusting the golden belt meant to hang off his waist you try to ignore how his poses requires that he touch you in some way shape or form

“Well yeah but don’t you feel like your fans would want you in something else?”

“Oh baby! You don’t have to worry, they love this sort of thing.”

And helping with their research

“Roman I know you never seem to run out of ideas to hang out but why a medieval diner?”

“It's for research! By the way, how do you like the food? I made sure the critiques were as positive as they could get.”

“Roman.”

“Yes?”

“Why did that waitress, compliment our relationship?”

“OMG they brought another plate of bread and for free? So cool.”

“Roman!”

Or helping organize their booths

“So Spencer what are you going for?”

“A kind of dunk tank except it drops on me.”

“Oh okay….this says that you’re not actually using water but…oil?”

“Yeah Lucoa suggested I show off my scars and muscles.”

“Wait you have those?”

“Hahaha very funny but seriously give me your opinion.”

“Oh wow….yeah, I think they’ll like it…no they’ll love it.”

“Oh really? Well, thanks!”

As if he didn’t already know

But eventually as the date comes closer it comes time to focus on your booth

But it seems that as an honorary member you don’t get to have much control over your own booth

Or any decision involving your event

“Hey Min what are you building over there?”

“Oh this is the art for your exhibit. Lucoa put me in charge of matching the gold from your costume to the setting around there.”

“Aw thanks can I help?”

“N-n-no!”

“Oh.”

“S-s-s-sorry the President gave us explicit instructions not to include you in the making of it. I’m r-r-r-r-really so sorry!”

“It’s fine Min, don’t worry about it.”

It’s just so apparent how little you would be included in your own activity no one really bothered to hide that fact from you

“Hey Gill this meeting on your calendar, I don’t remember getting your usual reminder for it.”

“That is because you are not invited to it.”

“Don’t be sad (Y/n)~Afterwards we can just come visit you after.”

“No no that’s okay I’ll just take the day off then. Catch up on homework.”

“Aw~ Don’t be like that we’ll come over to your house after.”

“No I’m not sad. I’m going to be happily doing my homework alone!”

“Putting that on our private calendar: Going to (Y/n)’s house an hour after the meeting.”

At the end of the day you’re just as surprised when the event begins and they shove you in the room under the stage with nothing but a warning not to move from the chair you’re in:

Part 2

[autisticsupervillain]

It's Fictional Throwdown Friday!

This Week's Fighters...

Spider-Man vs Raiden!

Conditions:

Base Marvel Comics Spider-Man vs Metal Gear Rising Raiden.

Scenario:

Spider-Man is doing his daily patrol when he sees Raiden dicing up some of Kingpin's henchmen and swoops in to stop him, recognizing him from the news report detailing Raiden's terrorist attack on World Marshall. Raiden is trying to stop the Kingpin from selling Metal Gears to AIM when he sees Spider-Man swooping in to stop him. Raiden recognizes Spider-Man from the numerous slander pieces that the Daily Bugle prints and assumes he's working with the Kingpin.

Analysis: Raiden

As a young boy, Jack lived in the tumultuous era of the Liberian Civil War, where his parents were killed President of the United States Solidus Snake, who took the boy and raised him as his own. Turning Jack into a ruthless killing machine, Jack would develop a dreaded reputation on the battlefield by the age of six, earning him the nickname of Jack the Ripper. Being adopted by the Patriots after Solidus abandoned him, Jack would be given a new name, Raiden.

Several conspiracies and plot twists later, which I'm skipping for the sake of not making this six paragraphs long, Jack would defeat Solidus, mend his relationship with his wife Rosemary, and turn his back on the traitorous Patriots after being used as their pawn.

Later captured by the Patriots, Raiden would be forcibly transformed into a cyborg, only to escape and help Solid Snake bring down the Patriots for good. Raiden would then go on to become a member of Maverick Security Counciling in order to provide for his family, only to part ways with them later in order to forge his own path.

Raiden has been a master of stealth, diguise, gunplay, and martial arts combat for nearly his entire life. Throughout his lifetime he has mastered a wide variety of weapons, including grenades, smoke grenades, white phosphorus grenades, hand guns, rifles, and even sleeping darts. His weapon of choice, however, would have to be the High Frequency Blade.

Raiden has wielded a variety of High Frequency blades throughout his career, from the twin scissor-like blades called Bloodlust, to the long reaching L'Etranger, but his most recent sword would have to be the Murasama sword, given to him by his fallen rival Jetstream Sam. Each of these swords can cut through objects on an atomic level, weakening the molecular structure of whatever he's attacking to allow him to cut through nearly anything with ease. On top of that, he carries the Dystopia, a magnetic sai that he can use as a ranged weapon or as a makeshift EMP grenade, giving him a leg up above other cyborgs.

Speaking of cyborgs, Raiden's cybernetic amplifications enhance his already impressive acrobatics, allowing him to leap onto missles in midair, run up and down the side of buildings, and catch up to helicopters mid flight. When combining this with his lifetime of training and experience, Raiden is a frustrating combatant to pin down.

Speaking of experience, Raiden has walked in the footsteps of some of the best. He has trained in near perfect VR replicas of Solid Snake's missions and defeated legendary swordsmen like Jetstream Sam and Solidus Snake, some of the most skilled sword fighters in the world. Sam in particular stands out for being able to fight cyborgs and cybernetically enhanced individuals without any enhancements of his own, relying solely on skill and his suit, which enhances his statistics.

As a matter of fact, when Sam and Raiden first fought, Sam effortlessly kicked his ass, forcing Maverick to provide Raiden with a whole new robot body. This new body enhances Raiden's speed and strength to absurd levels. Where Raiden's old body was easily capable of moving at massively hypersonic speeds, Raiden's new body is well more than ten times that, putting him in the Sub-relativistic range. That's anywhere from 1% to 5% the speed of light.

Source:

What's more, Raiden's strength is boosted to an astronomical degree as well, allowing him to toss Metal Gear EXCELCEUS over his head, rip it's giant metal arm off, and cut it apart with its own sword. He's even strong enough to tank a punch from Senator Armstrong with 121 kilotons of force behind it, more than enough to obliterate the aforementioned EXCELCEUS.

Source:

What's more, this is far from Raiden's peak. With Blade Mode and Ripper Mode, Jack can boost his immense speed and strength, making those comparable to him move in slow motion with a ten times speed boost. In these modes, Jack uses his Solid Eye to detect his opponent's vital areas and weaknesses, allowing him to hack them to pieces. However, these modes come at an extraordinary cost...

Firstly, they eat through Raiden's power reserves at an extraordinary pace, forcing him to rip the electrolytes from his foes in order to keep going. On top of that, Ripper Mode can only be accessed by Raiden turning off his pain inhibitors and giving into his malicious and sadistic Jack the Ripper persona, a split personality he developed in order to cope with the trauma brought about by being forced to kill at such a young age.

Still, even with his weaknesses, Jack is ridiculously tough, able to shrug off the loss of limbs and even impalement in order to keep fighting. He's a weapon to surpass Metal Gear. He is lightning, the rain transformed. He is... Raiden!

Analysis: Spider-Man

He's Spectacular! He's Amazing! He's Spider-Man! It hasn't been long since we last looked at Spider-Man, but today, we're looking at Spider-Man Classic. The original Peter Parker from Earth 616!

I'm assuming you know the story by now. Young dork Peter Parker gets beaten by a radioactive spider and gains incredible superpowers. He initially uses his powers for his own gain, but when his uncle is killed by a mugger he let go, Peter learns the hard way that with great power comes great responsibility. As such, he uses his amazing powers to fight crime as the Spectacular Spider-Man!

Said Amazing abilities include an extraordinary level of superhuman strength and speed, such that he can dodge bullets, catch collapsing buildings, survive punches so powerful that they create valcanos, and even survive an explosion that destroyed an entire mountain! That's 606 kilotons of tnt!

Source:

And he's throwing that level of strength around with remarkable swiftness too. Thanks to Peter's wall crawling powers and omnidirectional, precognative Spider-Sense, Peter is considered to be the greatest arcobat in the Marvel Universe. And considering he has to compete with the likes of Daredevil and Captain America, that's saying a lot. Hell, with his Spider-Sense, Peter is capable of reacting and moving fast enough to dodge light speed laser beams, moving at 38% the speed of light to do so.

Source:

Kinda makes the title of "friendly neighborhood Spider-Man" seem a little quaint when he's strong enough to level said neighborhood in one punch. That said, he's still nothing next to Marvel's heavy hitters and he knows it. Remember Thor "I'm literally faster than time" Odinson? Yeah, Peter's not competing with that. If there is any area in which Spider-Man can stand toe to toe with Marvel's all time best, it's with his intelligence.

Peter relies quite heavily on gadgets for his superhero career, so it's a good thing he's so good at making them. Peter's iconic web shooters can store a large quantity of pressurized web fluid, an artificial substance he created himself that allows him to swing across the city, web up foes, and even lift buildings. He did, however, design it to dissolve after a few hours, so as to not leave webbing every where he goes. Moreover, he can use them to make weapons and tools like a sticky Green Lantern ring, including bullet proof shields and hard clubs.

Peter's intellect constantly shows itself through in fights, as he regularly thinks up clever plans to outwit foes far above his level in order to get a winning blow, whether it be hacking into Iron Man's suits mid-fight, creating a compound to dissolve magic gold on the fly, or calculating and adjusting his trajectory in his head whilst falling from space. Hell, not only does Reed Richards of all people consider him an intellectual peer, but Hank Pym, the guy who invented sub-atomic shrinking technology, flat out calls Peter smarter than him after seeing technology he designed as a teenager.

And, of course, Peter would be stupid if he didn't use that big brain to learn some martial arts skills. Combining the training he got from Shang-Chi with his knowledge of biology, Peter is able to hit body's nerve clusters to paralyze people, and after training with Captain America, he can channel his spiritual chi to amplify his strength and speed. Hell, he can even break into Latveria, the home country of Doctor Doom, undetected. Anyone who can sneak past the world's greatest supervillain while dressed in bright red and blue should be respected.

And of course, Peter's superhuman body allows him to survive otherwise impossible odds. He's been zapped with thousands of volts of electricity, been submerged in acid that can melt a man down to bones in seconds, been buried alive, and even survived the vacuum of space.

Peter's one true weakness... is his horrible Parker luck. Life cannot cut this man a break. From the death of long time girlfriend to being cloned and nearly losing his entire life, Peter's life is always in constant shambles as life just cannot resist the urge to dump all over him. It's remarkable he can even still get up in the morning, given how often he falls asleep with broken ribs. I'd say at least he has a loving wife to go home to, but his marriage got stolen by Satan, so no dice.

Yet, throughout it all, Peter Parker is a survivor, an Avenger, and a Hero. And nothing spells that out more than the time he had to relive every single fight he'd ever been in in his life, back to back to back, with no rests, in the span of a single day. He not only survived, but he won all of them. That's why they call him Amazing.

Throwdown Mashup:

Throwdown Breakdown:

All right, the big finisher, lightning bruiser against lightning bruiser. Who comes out on top?

To be frank, these two match each other in almost every way. Spider-Man is remarkably stealthy at times, but Raiden has been a trained assassin since his childhood, but both of those facts are countered out by each of their enhanced senses. Both are similarly acrobatic to a ridiculous degree, meaning that a large chunk of this fight will be spent in the air and on the side of buildings, with Raiden chasing Peter straight up a skyscraper. A lot of their arsenals counter out, as Raiden's HF Blade should cut through Peter's webs with ease, while Peter's webs could also give Spidey a way to disarm the cyborg.

There are a few key advantages that make this fight Peter's game. First of all, there's stats. Peter is both significantly stronger and faster than Raiden, though not to an insurmountable degree. Ripper Mode and Blade mode and close both of those gaps and match his Marvel counterpart. Which plays into Peter's other big advantage: Stamina

Raiden's fuel supplies are limited, so his attempts to match Peter's speed and strength will only result in him burning himself out. Keep in mind, Peter had to relive every single fight he ever experienced in his life back to back. That's a level of stamina Raiden can't hope to match. He has the endurance and determination for it, but his fuel supply just won't let him.

And of course, there's Peter's scientific genius. With his level of intellect, Peter could likely hack into Raiden's body or even deactivate his sword provided he's able to gain enough distance and time to do so, pretty effectively shutting his enemy down.

Raiden's main issue in this fight is that he only really matches Peter, rather than grabbing his own advantages. He matches Peter's skill, his speed, his gadgets, his acrobatics. But he can't surpass them. And while the HF Blade would doubtlessly decapitate the webslinger in a single blow, he has to use it to land a hit on someone who is can match him in almost every way, and who is far, far smarter on top of that.

This Throwdown's Winner is...

Spider-Man!

[alaffy]

X-Men ’97, Ep. 1x09 – Tolerance is Extinction Pt. 2 (Spoilers)

We all agree that, no matter what they do in the new X-Men movie, we all want to see Magneto say those two words to Xavier, right?  Even though I tend to side on the side of Xavier, my God you might actually get more people on your side if you world just stop with the speeches. 

There is a lot that happens in this episode and I’m probably going to forget things.  Hopefully, I get the important parts. 

So, Xavier is back and he and Scott have it out.  It turns out that Xavier did give the school to Magneto in order to give Scott a chance at a normal life.  But, honestly, that was just delusional.

Meanwhile, Bastion is (I guess) mourning his mother and Magneto raises the old Asteroid M (although it seemed more…intact then it was when it fell to earth).  He may be the Master of Magnetism, but time and tides should have moved parts of that thing away by now.

Jubilee and Sunspot are trying to get away from a mob, when they are rescued by Storm and Forge.  The four of them go back to the remains of the mansion (I love the doors falling) and Jean and Storm happily reunite.  Meanwhile, Rouge wakes up and Nightcrawler fills her in what’s happening (and I know she was knocked six ways from Sunday, but she seems really nonplused that her room suddenly has a few less walls…and no ceiling). 

So, the plan is thus.  Jean and Storm will lead the Gold Team to defeat Bastion.  Meanwhile, Rouge and Cyclops (and others) will go and find Magneto, as he’s powers are killing the earth, and try to convince him to stop.  But first, they need to get supplies for Muir Island because time is of the essence. 

….Which is why is makes no sense that we find ourselves at the lake on Xavier’s property a few moments later (I mean, this couldn’t have happened on Muir?).  Rouge is understandably upset about Gambit and Genosha and is really questioning her place right now.  So, it’s a good thing that Magneto happens to float on down with his giant freakin’ asteroid.  It’s here he gives the X-Men a choice; he walked their path and look what happened (the description of Leech’s death is haunting), now maybe they should try his.  Rouge agrees and so does Roberto. After all he was given up by his family, what’s left for him (you know, besides his girlfriend).  So, they all leave.

And the X-Men go to Muir Island.  As they are gathering supplies, Xavier is trying to convince President Kelly not to use the Magneto protocols.  Kelly doesn’t want to listen because, according to him, this is all Xavier’s fault for giving the X-Men to Magneto. Yes, this all happened, not because of the government sanctioned program that just committed mass Genocide (an atrocity so bad that even Doctor Doom is like, hey, I never agreed to this shit); but because Xavier handed Magneto the keys to a mansion.  Are you even listening to yourself?

But Kelly says he’ll give Xavier a few hours.  So, the blue team comprised of Xavier, Cyclops, Nightcrawler, Wolverine, and Jubilee will go to Asteroid M.  (And anyone who’s read “The Fatal Attractions” storyline looked at Wolverine…)  Everyone else will go and stop Bastion with the neutralizer that Beast has modified. 

And at this point he have a bunch of actions scenes, which are awesome.  Xavier is trying to convince Magento to stop what he’s doing, but he just doesn’t want to listen.  So, Xavier realizes that they need to remove Magento’s helmet (Which shields his mind from Xavier), so Xavier can get inside his mind and fix the Earth. 

The problem is, if they do it too soon then it means that Bastion could take over the hybrids again.  What has made matters worse is that Bastion is able to control a fairly large group of Sentinels, which the X-Men are fighting.  Also, Sinister apparently has the same type of control over Cable as he did Madelyne and he’s using Cable to try to kill Jean.

Back on the Asteroid, the X-Men are fighting Magneto, Rouge, and Sunspot (ah, two teenagers with powers having a lover’s tiff…now I understand the dangers of mutants).  They are able to get Magneto’s helmet off and Xavier gets into his mind.  Just then Cyclops connects psychically with Jean and he sees that she’s fighting Cable.  She tells Cyclops she loves him, just before it looks like she’s killed by Cable.  Cyclops then uses his powers to stop Xavier from controlling Magneto, because the other team needs more time.

It was in this moment, Cyclops realized that he fucked up.

Magneto is, understandably, enraged and he basically pins (almost) everyone to the wall.  And then he sort of strings up Xavier and it looks like he’s going to kill him.  Except, in his rage, he doesn’t notice he didn’t trap Wolverine.  And Wolverine, who has from the beginning of the episode made it clear that they have to kill Magneto, stabs him through the chest.  (or somewhere near the chest.  The actual area seems to move between scenes).

This turns out to be a big mistake on Wolverine’s part.  Now that the gloves are off, Magneto does the one thing that he could of, realistically, done to Wolverine at any point and time…rip the adamantium out of his body.

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[starboundanon]

22 and or 23?

23. Vader/Anakin Timewarp Fuckery

tw: selfcest (preluding to), canonically dark!Vader, time travel bs

To Mustafar, young Skywalker must go, Master Yoda had said, his face older, yet indiscernible as always. Your destiny, find there you will. Yoda had aged a century and a half in the twenty-two years Anakin Skywalker had jumped forward in time. But in one way, he had not changed at all; he was still as cryptic as ever, speaking in riddles as ambiguous as the Force itself.

Yet Anakin had no choice but to follow the road revealed to him. If what Master Yoda said was true, there was still a way to fix this — this hateful future where everyone and everything he had ever loved had been lost, no matter how shrilly the Force sang to him in warning. He had no idea what would be waiting for him on Mustafar. But after waking up more than two decades in the future, that was true everywhere.

Even still, he’d not been expecting the small sun that greeted him when he dropped out of hyperspace. Golden fire, red lava, black rock — Mustafar was dark and bright all at once, and heavily guarded, with pilots so skilled Anakin had to actually apply himself to land without being shot down. These were no ordinary soldiers, average pilots assigned to patrol the skies. These were experts, brutally trained and hand-forged, existing for one purpose and one purpose only: whatever was waiting for him on the planet’s fiery surface, they were meant to keep him at bay.

But Anakin could not be dissuaded. There was no Padmé in this future. No baby. No Obi-Wan, or Ahsoka. No Jedi Order, no Republic, no one he knew at all, save for Master Yoda and the friendly Chancellor who had apparently betrayed them. No. Anakin would not be stopped. There was nothing for him here. He would find a way to reverse it, to save everyone, or he would die trying.

A castle blacker than a starless sky rose hundreds of feet out of the molten rock, looming over him. Anakin cut his way through red-robed guards and security droids, every one of his senses on high-alert. “Who is the Lord of this castle?” he shouted, snarling when a plasma-tipped lance swung for his face, nearly beheading him. “Tell me who you serve!”

The guards would not answer. Frustrated, Anakin reached out through the Force and propelled them backward, slamming them against the obsidian walls of the Great Hall. The Force came to him easily — easier than it ever had before, even when he was young, and followed its guidance as blindly trusting as his own mother. Here, in this dark, cruel place, the Force felt slick, coiling around him in a slippery grasp, biting cold despite the sweltering heat all around him. Anakin knew the answer to his question, then. Regardless of who presided over this castle, the Dark Side was the true ruler here.

Skywalker.

Anakin shivered, his knees locking up. A voice beckoned him in the Force, deep and dark and frightfully inhuman. It was familiar, in an odd, off-putting sort of way, though he knew he had never met anyone who spoke in that uniquely terrifying tone. It reminded him, oddly, of meeting Padmé at nine years old. She’d been a stranger, yet even that first time, she somehow felt familiar to him. This felt much like that, except for all the ways it was oppositely worse.

Luke. Come to me.

That made him pause. Luke? Who was Luke? The voice had called to him — it knew him as Skywalker, recognized him as he had recognized it. He closed his eyes and reached back, tried not to flinch at the cold fire that greedily enveloped him as he did. Oh, whatever was waiting for him in the belly of this castle was incandescent with the Dark Side of the Force. It shined like a beacon of black fire, so cold it burned his skin, made it hard to breathe. His lungs hurt. His limbs ached. The creature beckoning him into its maws was wreathed in suffering, and clearly, hellbent on making sure everyone knew it.

He clenched his teeth, suppressing another shiver, and pressed on. There were no more guards to block his way. Just the suffocating heat and the pitch-black stone covering miles and miles of featureless hallway. He had the vague sense that he was going up, steadily ascending the great dark tower he’d landed beside, but there no markers to confirm that theory.

You have come at last, the voice gloated, darkly pleased. You cannot resist me.

Don’t get too full of yourself, Anakin thought, really not caring if the voice heard him or not. You’re my only way out of this nightmare.

Your anger is most impressive, young one. The voice practically purred in satisfaction. You have changed. The fires of Mustafar are cleansing you, as they did me.

He felt the sensation of burning on his skin, bubbling, itchy. Sweat dripped from his brow, he wiped it from his eyes with his sleeve. It was getting colder the further he walked, the closer he got to the owner of the voice. But that didn’t stop the sweat from clinging to his skin, a mix of pain and nerves, shared and halved by the mysterious being leading him into what was most certainly a trap.

But he had no other choice.

For his family. For his loved ones. For the galaxy, he had to press on.

The voice hissed at him, curious and discontented. Your foolish idealism will be the death of you, Skywalker. So it did know who Anakin was. Why, then, had it called him ‘Luke’? There is no escape. Your destiny lies with me. Obi-Wan knew this to be true.

Anakin stumbled to a halt. Obi-Wan? He gasped, bombarded by a memory that was not his own; an old, weathered face, silver hair and greying beard, but the same blue eyes he knew better than anyone else’s. A smile, wise beyond his many years. And a blood-red lightsaber cutting him down, slicing him directly through the heart, though there was no blood, no viscera, no body. Just a pile of faded Jedi robes, cushioning the familiar hilt of a lightsaber. OBI-WAN.

With a shout, Anakin summoned the Force like a tidal wave and sent it crashing forward, destroying all in its path, finding a heavy set of durasteel doors and blowing them off their hinges. He stalked through them, seething, blind with rage, and barely noticed the glowing bacta tank in the center of the room. Twelve red-robe guards charged at him, but he didn’t ignite his blade, not this time. He felt their bones crack, watched the light of their lives flicker to nothing in the Force as he bashed them against duracrete walls.

“You,” he hissed, seeing the bacta tank at last, thundering toward the mangled occupant floating in its waters. “You killed Obi-Wan.”

No, the voice answered. His head was bowed, lowered toward his chest. Curled up like a fetus. Anakin stopped before the tank, glaring at his own reflection in its surface. He didn’t understand the turbulent emotions this being was sharing with him, all of a sudden. Surprise. Disbelief. Grief, pain, sadness. The creature lifted his head. To Anakin’s horror, he recognized that face, burned, scarred, amber-eyed, staring at him as though it were a mirror. We did.

Send me one of @brassknuckled's WIPs, I'll write a fan snippet!

[the-order-of-fools]

The knights' treasured keepsakes? Specter Knight has his locket and Propeller his rose but what about the other knights? Also, I just remembered reading something in the comments section on Treasure Knight's wiki page where it mentioned a dev (I think Sean Velasco??) saying TrK used to have a wife and I thought you'd find that interesting.

This was such a fun idea to work on. We made Treasure’s ex wife a buff, sea dragon corsair. King Knight happens to be quite the materialist. His Majesty proves himself to be superior to others once again as he not only has one personal keepsake, but two; the first being his iconic crown. His loving and supportive mom once bought him a platinum crown (platinum wasn't considered a valuable metal, so it used to be quite cheap) which he painted with a gold layer and decorated himself. He's incredibly proud of his work. During his early days adventuring (in search of kingdom to rightfully conquer, despite the fact that he was quite literally in a kingdom already), he had amassed enough jewels and gold to improve not only his crown, but also afford a hefty gold armor (though - he could only afford a gold finish and not a suit made entirely out of gold - and you do not want to show up to a duel in what is practically a flashy cardboard box). The second keepsake is his cape, as his mom has lovingly sown it for him. Even if he occasionally denies it, he's attached to his mom's gifts. It's as simple as that

Specter Knight has his dear locket. Gifted to him by his late friend Luan, Specter finds himself heartbroken whenever his mind wanders to it. What he now realizes was practically an engagement ring, was a testament of the bond shared between them, a bond forged through years of thievery. If only he could have realized his feelings for Luan were more than platonic... Bitterness fills his heart when he recalls the showdown at the Tower of Fate, how he had forsaken his only chance at humanity in exchange for Reize's freedom. He does no regret it one bit, even if a frighteningly selfish part of him wishes he had just accepted his reward without a fuss. For a moment, the memory of the locket doesn't stab into his dead heart. Perhaps he could take it out of its chest again? Just for a moment, to remember the last gift Luan bestowed upon him

Mole Knight has always been a being of simple tastes. He's happy with what he has, he's happy with who he is. Still, he knows that he could never have the life he has if it wasn't for his beloved armor. Yes, the armor he possessed is his keepsake. It's resistant enough to face the high temperatures of a lava-filled mine, and it allows him to perform all of his tasks easily. He found it one lucky day when he was still a shapeless mass of sentient magic, seeping into the very soil the mine workers always dug through. The armor he found seemed to bear the appearance of a giant mole - maybe the legacy of an ancient civilization of giant moles? Still, he had no problem claiming it as his. He has never thought about changing it, he feels comfortable in it - you could say that it has become his permanent house. Plus, it gives him the appearance from which his name is taken, Mole Knight wouldn't be Mole Knight without his armor

Plague Knight has his reasons to keep a giant grimoire close to his heart. His birth was... complicated, he gained his sentience artificially, and whoever created him left this strange book before he disappeared. It's a little bigger than Plague himself, but he can use it just fine (as long as his Plague minions put enough work into holding the giant thing). The tome contains a variety of alchemical formulas, old legends and spells. They were all written by hand - and Plague has taken the liberty to add his own formulas, the most notable one detailing the process of creating a human-shaped body out of magic. Sadly, certain pages have been ripped out at some point. He has managed to find a few of them hidden throughout the Explodatorium, but most seem to have vanished

Tinker Knight is the most practical out of the entire Order. He must have at least one thing he particularly cares about. Every engineer, no matter how old and skilled, must have started from scraps and faulty attempts - our tiny Knight is no different. Back when he was still an amateur, his head was already buzzing with ideas that he promptly scribbled down as blueprints. Only one of these projects was put into practice in order to create a little basic robot with no function other than moving around and emitting monotone beeping sounds. It wasn't the result Tinker Knight had hoped for, but it was a starting point and he was still proud of it. To this day, he keeps his first blueprints and the -now old and unusable- little robot. He has challenged himself to renew the blueprints and bring them to life thanks to the skills he has acquired. Once the Order will fully establish its power and he’ll find some spare time for himself, he may take up those old scraps once again

Treasure Knight is greedy. A greedy underwater pirate who is obsessed with gold. If one were to guess his most beloved keepsake, they would turn their gaze to his treasure vault. Despite this educated guess, there's something more to him. He may seem shallow on the outside, but he treads deep waters. Inside his vault, away from the most desired riches, lays a small chest. Inside of that chest sits a silver ring with a pearl head. At first glance, it seems awfully suspicious. Why leave a single ring in a chest all to itself? Does it hold great power? Can it lead you to an even greater treasure trove? No. It's a memento. A memento of someone he can only come to describe as his past wife. During their first meeting, she decked him. Hard. How they had gotten along after that is unknown to him, but at some point, they simultaneously accepted the fact that they were a couple, and with it, he gifted her a ring resembling her pearly dragon scales. However, sea captains aren't bound to stay together. His choice of pursuing riches was clear, and forcing her morality onto him wasn't ideal. She gave it back right before she left - the same ring locked in that little chest. He doesn't regret it, or so he tells himself

Polar Knight is awfully difficult to read. The mysterious aura that envelops him might appear as apathy and hardness of heart, which seems to drive away the majority of adventurers. As you may guess, this titanic Knight does not have a keepsake. Or at least, one that he could define as a possession of his. If you pay attention, you'll see how deeply he seems to care for life. The loyal Spinwolves that never leave his side, a poor black tortoise that he took care of when its master was nowhere to be found. The icy wastelands around the Stranded Ship claim many lives, but not as many as it used to, back when Polar Knight didn't preside the lands that were rightfully entrusted to him by the Enchantress. He took care of them, nursing them to health until they were able to leave the Stranded Ship again. His keepsake might not belong to him directly, but it's one that gives him immense satisfaction - and a sense of redemption from the terrible duty he has decided to honor

Propeller Knight is a stud. Some may come to ask themselves: has anyone conquered this gentleman's heart? Yes, you thirsty motherfuckers, but not in the way you may expect. Propeller was a bit of a wild card during his younger years (to be fair, he remains as flighty as ever), and during that period, he had been through many on and off relationships, mostly due to his tendency to court others, single or married. Though, one of them was different. The bouts of love were nothing compared to the flame burning bright within his heart. There was only one problem: his newfound lover was very ill. Propeller wasn't one to quit. For perhaps the first time in his life, he had truly felt love and affection for someone, and he cared for them until their very last breath, holding the very final present he had given them, a brilliant rose. He had arranged for them to be buried quietly, and planted roses at their grave. He took the last rose that they've ever held and found a fellow who enchanted it for him. His lover has faded into the realm of the dead, but the rose will forever remain intact. He placed it in a chest for safekeeping, and left. Members of his crew, as ordered, continue to keep a watchful eye over it

Black Knight might have an infamous reputation, but we all know that he's the romantic type deep inside. His romantic vein might be a little twisted, just like his sense of justice, but this doesn't mean that he's uncaring. He happens to have two keepsakes instead, one of them being his mighty steed. Black Knight raised Terrorpin with all the care and patience he could muster (something you wouldn't expect from him) as the creature mistook him for its mom when its egg hatched unexpectedly, right as the Knight was passing by. How lucky, if it wasn't for the fact that Black Knight wasn’t (and still isn't) quite the perfect parent, that little tortoise would have been no more. He tried his best, though. His second keepsake is his beloved Shovel Blade, which was forged by the same blacksmith who created Shovel Knight and Shield Knight's weapons. He wanted to wield the same weapon as his rival. He must have had his reasons. He, too, is a very practical person, so it's no mystery that he prefers weapons over useless trinkets

-Mod Tinker and ~Mod Propeller

[maddie-grove]

The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2020

My main takeaways:

I’m glad that I set certain reading goals this year (i.e., reading an even mix of different genres and writing about each book I read on this tumblr). I feel like it really expanded my horizons.

There are a lot of proper names on my Top 20 list this year, which possibly means something about identity? That, or I just tried to read more Victorian novels. 

Be horny, and be kind.

Now...

20. The White Mountains by John Christopher (1967)

In a world ruled by unseen creatures who roam the countryside in tall metal tripods, all humans are “capped” (surgically fitted with metal plates on their heads) at age fourteen. Thirteen-year-old Will Parker looks forward to becoming a man, but a conversation with a mysterious visitor to his village raises a few doubts. This early YA dystopia has gorgeous world-building (notably a trip to the ruins of Paris) and expert pacing. The choices Will has to make are also more surprising and complicated than I ever anticipated.

19. What Happened at Midnight by Courtney Milan (2013)

John Mason wants revenge on his fiancée Mary after she skips town following her father’s death...apparently with the funds that her father, John’s business partner, embezzled from their company. When he tracks her down, though, she’s working as a lady’s companion to the wife of a controlling gentleman who refuses to pay her wages, and John’s fury turns to sympathy and curiosity. This is a smart, well-plotted Victorian-set novella about a couple who builds a better relationship after a rocky start.

18. Johnny Tremain by Esther Forbes (1943)

It’s 1773, and fourteen-year-old Bostonian Johnny Tremain has it all: a promising apprenticeship to a silversmith, the run of his arguably senile master’s household, and...unresolved grief over his widowed mother’s death? When a workplace “accident” ruins his hand and career, though, he must “forge” a new identity. Despite its jingoism and surfeit of historical exposition, I fell in love with this weird early YA novel. It’s a fascinating, heartbreaking portrayal of disability and ableism, and, to be fair, Forbes was just jazzed about fighting the Nazis.

17. Something Happened to Ali Greenleaf by Hayley Krischer (2020)

After universally beloved jock Sean Nessel rapes starry-eyed junior Ali Greenleaf at a party, his queen-bee friend Blythe Jensen agrees to smooth things over by befriending his victim. Ali knows Blythe’s motives are weird and sketchy, but being friends with a popular, exciting girl is preferable to dealing with the fallout of the rape. This YA novel is a complex, astute exploration of trauma and moral responsibility.

16. The Color of Law by Richard Rothstein (2017)

Rothstein details how the federal U.S. government allowed, encouraged, and sometimes even forcibly brought about segregation of black and white Americans during the early and mid-twentieth century, with no regard for the unconstitutionality of its actions. He brings home the staggering harm to black Americans who were kept from living in decent housing, shut out of home ownership for generations, and denied the opportunity to accumulate wealth for generations. It’s an impactful read, and I was honestly shocked to learn Rothstein isn’t a lawyer, because the whole thing reads like an expansion of an excellent closing statement.

15. My Friend Dahmer by Derf Backderf (2012)

In this graphic memoir, Backderf looks back on his casual, fleeting friendship with future serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, a high school classmate who amused Backderf and his geeky friends with bizarre, chaotic antics. Backderf brings their huge, impersonal high school to life, illustrating how the callousness and cruelty of such an environment allowed an isolated, troubled teen to morph into something much more disturbing without anyone really noticing. It’s a work of baffled, tentative empathy and regret that stayed with me long after I finished it.

14. Daniel Deronda by George Eliot (1876)

Gwendolyn Harleth, beautiful and ambitious but with no real outlet, finds herself compelled to marry a heartless gentleman with a shady past. Daniel Deronda, adopted son of her husband’s uncle, finds himself drawn into her orbit due to his helpful nature, but he’s also dealing with a lot of other stuff, like helping a Jewish opera singer and figuring out his parentage. I love George Eliot and, although this bifurcated novel isn’t her most accessible work, it’s highly rewarding. The psychological twists and turns of Gwendolyn’s story are a wonder to experience, and Daniel’s discovery of his past and a new community is moving.

13. The Plot Against America by Philip Roth (2004)

The Roths, an ordinary working-class Jewish family in 1940 Newark, find their quiet lives descending into fear, uncertainty, and strife after Charles Lindbergh, celebrity pilot and Nazi sympathizer, becomes president of the United States. This alternate history/faux-memoir perfectly captures the slow creep of fascism and the high-handed cruelty of state-sanctioned discrimination, as well as the weirdness of living a semi-normal life while all of that is going on. Also: fuck Herman and Alvin for messing up Bess’s coffee table! She is a queen, and she deserves to read Pearl S. Buck in a pleasant setting!

12. David Copperfield by Charles Dickens (1850)

Young David Copperfield has an idyllic life with his sweet widowed mom and devoted nursemaid Peggotty, until his cruel stepfather ruins everything. David eventually manages to find safe harbor with his eccentric aunt, but his troubles have only begun. Although the quality of the novel falls off a little once David becomes an adult, I don’t even care; the first half is one of the most beautiful, funny, brilliantly observed portrayals of the joys and sorrows of childhood that I’ve ever read.

11. The Rise and Fall of Adam and Eve by Stephen Greenblatt (2017)

Greenblatt examines the evolution and cultural significance of the story of Adam and Eve from the Bible to the modern day (but mostly it’s about Milton). I can’t speak to the scholarship of this book--I’m not an expert on the Bible or Milton or bonobos--but I do know that it’s a gorgeously written meditation on love, mortality, and free will. Greenblatt brought me a lot of joy as an unhappy teenager, and he came through for me again during the summer of 2020.

10. The Music of What Happens by Bill Konigsberg (2019)

Self-conscious seventeen-year-old Jordan is mortified when his widowed mother hires Max, an outgoing jock from his school, to help out with their struggling food truck. As they get to know each other, though, they realize that they have more in common than they thought, and they end up helping each other through a particularly challenging summer. This is an endearing, exceedingly well-balanced YA romance that tackles serious issues with a light touch and a naturalness that’s rare in the genre.

9. Red as Blood by Tanith Lee (1983)

In nine wonderfully lurid stories, Tanith Lee retells fairy tales with a dark, historically grounded, and lady-centered twist. Highlights include a medieval vampiric Snow White, a vengeful early modern Venetian Cinderella, and a Scandinavian werewolf Little Red Riding Hood. Fairy tale retellings are right up my alley, and Lee’s collection is impressively varied and creative.

8. A Room with a View by E.M. Forster (1908)

Unnerved by an impulsive make-out session with egalitarian George Emerson on a trip to Florence, young Edwardian woman Lucy Honeychurch goes way too far the other way and gets engaged to snobbish Cecil Vyse. How can she get out of this emotional and social pickle? This is an absolutely delightful romance that gave a timeless template for romantic comedies and dramas for 100-plus years.

7. My Ántonia by Willa Cather (1918)

Jim Burden, a New York City lawyer, tells the story of his friendship with slightly older Bohemian immigrant girl Ántonia when they were kids together on the late-nineteenth-century Nebraska prairie. It was a pretty pleasant time, give or take a few murders, suicides, and attempted rapes. This is one of the sweetest stories about unrequited love I’ve ever read, and it has some really enjoyable queer subtext.

6. Mister Death’s Blue-Eyed Girls by Mary Downing Hahn (2012)

In 1956 Maryland, gawky teen Nora’s peaceful existence is shattered by the unsolved murder of her friends Cheryl and Bobbi Jo right before summer vacation. Essentially left to deal with her trauma alone, she begins to question everything, from her faith in God to the killer’s real identity. Hahn delivers a beautiful coming-of-age story along with a thoughtful portrait of how a small community responds to tragedy.

5. The Lais of Marie de France by Marie de France, with translation and introduction/notes by Robert Herring and Joan Ferrante (original late 12th century, edition 1995) 

In twelve narrative poems, anonymous French-English noblewoman Marie de France spins fantastically weird tales of love, lust, and treachery. Highlights include self-driving ships, gay (?) werewolves, and more plot-significant birds than you can shake a stick at. Marie de France brings so much tenderness, delicacy, and startling humor to her stories, offering a wonderful window to the distant past.

4. Maus by Art Spiegelman (1980-1991)

In this hugely influential graphic novel/memoir, Art Spiegelman tells the story of how his Polish Jewish parents survived the Holocaust. He portrays all the characters as anthropomorphic animals; notably, the Jewish characters are mice and the Nazi Germans are cats. I read the first volume of Maus back in 2014 and, while I appreciated and enjoyed it, I didn’t get the full impact until I read both volumes together early in 2020. Spiegelman takes an intensely personal approach to his staggering subject matter, telling the story through the lens of his fraught relationship with his charismatic and affectionate, yet truly difficult father. 

3. At the Dark End of the Street by Danielle L. McGuire (2010)

McGuire looks at a seldom-explored aspect of racism in the Jim Crow South (the widespread rape and sexual harassment of black women by white men) and the essential role of anti-rape activism led by black women during the Civil Rights movement. This is a harrowing yet tastefully executed history, and it’s also a truly inspirational story of collective activism.

2. In for a Penny by Rose Lerner (2010)

Callow Lord Nevinstoke has to mature fast when his father dies, leaving him an estate hampered by debts and extremely legitimate grievances from angry tenant farmers. To obtain the necessary funds, he marries (usually!) sensible brewing heiress Penelope Brown, but they face problems that not even a sizable cash infusion can fix. This is a refreshingly political romance with a deliciously tense atmosphere and fascinating themes, as well as an almost painfully engaging central relationship.

1. Mansfield Park by Jane Austen (1814)

Fanny Price, the shy and sickly poor relation of the wealthy Bertram family, is subtly mistreated by most of her insecure and/or self-absorbed relatives, with the exception of her kind cousin Edmund. When the scandalous Crawford siblings visit the neighborhood, though, it shakes up her life for good and ill. I put off reading Mansfield Park for years--it’s practically the last bit of Austen writing that I consumed, including most of her juvenilia--and yet I think it’s my favorite. Fanny is an eminently lovable and interesting heroine, self-doubting and flawed yet possessed of a strong moral core, and the rest of the characters are equally realistic and compelling. Austen really made me think about the point of being a good person, both on a personal and a global scale.

[thewarriorandtheking]

Mistletoe

Imagine what would you do if you saw the King walking under mistletoe...

 A bit of Warrior and The King holiday fluff I wrote last year...revised to flow better (because I will never stop editing). 

Enjoy!

The Warrior and The King Masterlist

*******************************************

Balin stowed the last parcels in the wagon and climbed onto the seat, moving to the middle to make room for Thorin who stepped up behind him. Fili picked up the reins and whistled to the ponies, guiding them toward the city gates. The wagon creaked as the wheels rolled through the ice on the puddles in the road, clouds of steam from the pony’s breath swirled around their heads, forming ice crystals in their furry ears.  

It was a crisp midwinter day; they had started out from Erebor in a flurry of snowflakes but over the day the skies had cleared. Now the sun was just setting, bathing the Lonely Mountain in a soft lavender glow, the land sleeping under its white blanket. Balin looked over at Thorin, his beard buried in his fur coat, his face grim. The King had been in a murderously dark mood for months now, Balin had convinced him to come to Dale today hoping a change of scenery might lift his spirits. Thorin had brightened up negotiating with the traders, but now it looked like his black mood was reasserting itself. Balin worried at the grip this dark humor seemed to have on his King. He had always felt Thorin’s recovery from dragon sickness had been too quick, his worst fear was it would one day reassert itself.  

They made their way slowly through the streets of Dale. It was the day before the midwinter holiday of Men and the streets were crowded. As they passed through a neighborhood with many inns and public houses, they were stopped by a herd of cattle being driven up a cross street. Balin was talking to Fili about trade deals when he felt a breath of wind and looked over to see Thorin was no longer sitting next to him. Surprised, he looked around and saw him hastening down the side street toward a large public house at the end.

“We seem to have lost the King,” he said. Where is he going? “Your young eyes are better than mine, what is the name of that pub?”

“I do not think it is the pub that caught his eye,” Fili said, smiling crookedly. “There is a tall black horse tied up at the rail.”

Balin could just make out a black horse in the fading light. “Are you sure?”

Fili shrugged. “Looks like her saddle, and there are not any horses like that north of Rohan.”

Balin shook his head. “This is not good, there are many things that need the King’s attention in Erebor!”

Fili laughed, punching the older Dwarf in the arm. “Cheer up! At least my uncle will be in a good mood!”

 Thorin had been idly wondering if he could make up an excuse to stay in Dale. The weight of his kingdom had been sitting very heavily on him lately, sometimes he felt as if it was crushing him. The demands on his time were endless and Shurri seemed to be going out of her way to make his life difficult. Even forging offered him little relief. He had enjoyed getting out of his city, now he felt like staying for a few days. When the wagon stopped, Thorin was idly looking around when to he spotted what looked like Kaylea Wolf’s horse. He was off the wagon before he even thought about what he was doing. When he drew closer he could see it was definitely her horse, there was no mistaking her saddle. He strode up to the inn and pushed the door open.

The place was pleasantly warm after walking in the chill air. The crowd inside seemed to be mostly tradesmen; armorers, masons, leatherworkers, a few who looked like woodsmen. As Thorin’s eyes swept the room he spotted Kaylea Wolf at a table in the corner near the hearth, the hood of her coat covering her golden hair. She was studying a piece of parchment in her hand. As Thorin started to walk across the crowded inn he became aware the place had fallen silent. It was not every day that the King Under the Mountain showed up at the local pub. Thorin knew he should probably be more cautious, but right now he only had eyes for the woman he loved. As the hush fell over the room Kaylea looked up, her face surprised at first, then melted into a wide smile. She held her hand up and Thorin paused. He heard some whispering from the Men at the nearby tables, pointing at something over his head. He looked up to see a sprig of some plant with small green leaves tied to the beam above him with a bright red ribbon. Then Kaylea was in his arms, her hood thrown back, silver beads in her hair glittering in the lamplight. Thorin drew her mouth down to his, feeling all the worries and frustrations of the last months fading away, he knew only the taste of her mouth, the feel of her body against his, the desert smell of her skin. It was a very long moment before he drew back, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to hers.

“My love…I cannot believe you are here,” he whispered. “It is all I have wished for these many months.”  

“Congratulations, your majesty,” said a tall man in weathered clothing sitting at a nearby table. He raised his mug in a toast and drank.

Thorin eyed the greenery over his head. “I do not know this tradition of Men,” he said. “Perhaps you can enlighten me.”

“If you kiss a lady under the mistletoe it is said she will be your wife,” the man replied. “And your love will long endure.”

Thorin glanced up, then smiled widely at Kaylea. “If that is the case, I will kiss you again! Just to be sure.” He pulled her close, aware of the whispers around them, but not really caring. Suddenly the bell rang at the bar and the pub came to life, Men jumping up from their tables to shout drink orders to the barkeep, the Dwarf King and his warrior woman quite forgotten. Thorin looked over to see Balin sliding a stack of coins to the innkeeper. The old Dwarf crossed the room, setting three mugs of ale on Kaylea’s table.  

“Master Balin, it is good to see you again,” Kaylea told him. Thorin slid onto the bench next to her, running an arm around her shoulders, she snuggled against him, her hand caressing the inside of his thigh.  

Balin smiled at her. “It is always good to see you, lass.” He liked Kaylea Wolf almost from the moment he met her, and he never tired of looking at her. Many years had passed since their first meeting on the road to Rivendell yet she was completely unchanged, her face smooth, her hair untouched by grey. It seemed his notion that she was of Elven blood was true after all. This was not the best time for her to make an appearance, but if anyone could draw Thorin out of his black mood it was her. Sometimes Balin chided himself for not encouraging her to marry Thorin all those years ago. It would not have been the right choice politically, but it would have been the right choice for the King.

Fili had parked the wagon and joined them, glad to see a smile on his uncle’s face again. They spent a merry evening catching up, Kaylea wanted to know all that had happened in Erebor and the Dwarves were curious to hear her news from the South. Finally, as the evening crowd began to thin, Balin stood up buttoning his coat.  

“We should get back,” he told the King.  

Thorin dismissed him with a wave. “You go ahead, I will catch up in a day or two,” he said. “I think I will stay here for the winter holiday.”

Balin gave him a reproachful look. “You have a formal feast for the princes of the Blue Mountains tomorrow. And your cousins from the Iron Hills should have arrived today.”

Thorin scowled at the old Dwarf. “So, make up an excuse! Shurri will be more than happy to preside over any formal occasion.”  

Balin looked to Kaylea for help, but she only smiled at him and shrugged. “Perhaps you could delay the feast for a few days,” she said, looking at Thorin. “If it is what the King wishes.”

Balin sighed. “Well, I suppose I do have the ride back to Erebor to think of something.” He gave the King a reproachful look. “You owe me one, laddie. Or I should say, another one.”  

Thorin chuckled. “Put it on my tab.” He watched Balin and Fili leave, then turned to Kaylea. “My love, do you happen to know if there is a room nearby where we could have some…supper?” His fingers traced the skin of her stomach under her tunic.  

“Upstairs,” Kaylea answered. “This place has excellent rooms, one has a view of Erebor.”

 Hours later, Kaylea rolled over to watch Thorin as he walked across the room to stoke the fire. As she had promised the room was large and well-appointed, the bed soft as a cloud; it was one of only two rooms at the top of the inn. From the windows the gates of Erebor could be clearly seen, the braziers along the top brightly lit. Kaylea noticed Thorin had gained some weight since he had been king, no longer the thin warrior she had met on the road to Rivendell. She decided to tease him about it, but not tonight. Her eyes traveled down his body, lingering on his mane of dark hair, his wide shoulders, strong arms scarred from battles and years of working hot metal, the curve of his back, the thick muscles in his legs.

Feeling her eyes on him, Thorin looked over at her. “Are you watching me?”

“Just enjoying the view.”

Thorin chuckled. He went to the window, studying the gates of his city in the moonlit vale. For the first time in months he felt a little distance between himself and all his responsibilities. After a moment he turned back toward the bed, looking down at his feet. “I am afraid I do not cut quite as dashing a figure as I once did.”

Kaylea smiled at him. “You need to start training again. I decided to tease you about that tomorrow.”

Thorin slipped back into bed beside her, pulling her close. “Is that so? Then tomorrow I will tease you about your clothes.” The fact that Kaylea always wore her black fighting clothes had always been a sore spot for him. She had a few dresses in her wardrobe in Erebor, he wished she would bring some new ones. “Do you not have tailors in your land that can make you something different?”

“Is it decreed in Erebor that the King should have three helpings at every meal?”

“Actually, it is four. But I will resolve to only have two if you let me order you some new dresses.” Smiling, he brushed her hair away from her face. “Tell me about this winter holiday of Men.”

“This is the holiday that marks the new year for Men,” Kaylea said. “The shortest day of the year has passed and the days are starting to grow longer. It is a time to gather with your family, exchange presents. People decorate their homes and enjoy a feast. There are many little traditions this time of year, it is the only time you will find mistletoe indoors.”

The King laughed. “You stopped me when I was standing under it,” he said. “Does that mean you do want to marry me?”

“I told you before it is not my destiny to be married, but I hope our love will always remain strong.”

“And I told you I will not take no for an answer. One day you will be my wife,” Thorin replied. He stroked her back with his fingers. “You said it is a time for gift-giving, did you bring me a present?”

Kaylea smiled mischievously, taking his hand and guiding it between her legs. “You already opened it.”

“Mmmm…exactly what I wanted! How did you ever guess?” 

[jasontoddiefor]

Ik you're probably busy but I wanted to ask if you have any fic rec where Anakin gets hurt , listen I do realize he gets tormented enough in canon,,,but I crave more

Sure, I’ve got some! All kind of ships, ratings and hurt. (most are kinda fix it still bc i don’t read only angst.) Enjoy!

as light (as the dark's incense)  Good Morning, Mrs. President, Your Excellencies. We are here today to hear the trial of Prosecutor versus Darth Vader, for charges of War Crimes, Aggression, and Crimes Against Civilization committed across the Galactic Population of the Republic for the past 20 years. If there are no inquiries, we shall now begin the trials.

Broken The Twins are unstoppable enforcers of the Emperor’s will, the sun and moon that hang in the black void of his rule. It is said they are not the same age and that under their hoods they do not look alike, but they fight as one entity, silent and terrible as an eclipse in a spring sky.

desert’s oasis oasis (n.) a pleasant or peaceful area or period in the midst of a difficult, troubled, or hectic place or situation. At the age of three, her people deceived by a Jedi imposter, Ahsoka Tano was taken by the bounty hunter Latrans. At the age of nine, promised by Qui-Gon Jinn that he would be freed and trained as a Jedi once the threat of the Sith was vanquished, Anakin Skywalker was left behind on Tatooine. A decade later, the Force forging for them a new destiny, the two meet in the streets of Mos Espa, unaware of how they’ll change each other’s lives - and the fate of the galaxy - forever.

Elements The words “Yes, Master,” come out of Anakin’s mouth so naturally that Obi-Wan suspects they were his first words. The realization comes to him so suddenly: his Padawan still has the mindset of a slave. When he decides to fix that, everything changes.

flowers for a ghost When I Say I Forgive You, Know This I did not bury the hatchet. I have the hatchet in my hands. I am building myself a new house. - Brenna Twohy(Anakin, Obi-wan, and the long road home.)

Force of Many Sights Sometimes second chances are harder than the first time around.

Hearts Mighty, Skins Whole Once he was naked he walked to the fresher and stretched his arms. A small groan escaped his mouth. His muscles were displeased with him. But his mind was more displeased with the world. One soreness outweighed the other. Padawan after padawan. Every single one. Turned twenty-one, got their mark inspected and recorded, and then were sent on their way. But he wasn’t a padawan. No, he had moved quickly. Maybe too quickly. He had a padawan. It might have been easier facing all of this without another person to care for.

I Will Wait for You "It was... an ambush." replied Anakin. Obi-Wan nodded, his heart breaking when he saw the situation more closely. Anakin would not survive. Anakin, his ex-padawan and his secret lover. Now dying. "I waited ... you ..." said Anakin, more blood dripping from his lips. "Did you, my love?" "H-help me Obi... Wan" asked Anakin and Obi-Wan could no longer hold on and a sob passed through the Jedi master's throat. He knew that Anakin was not asking to be saved, he was asking Obi-Wan to help him through the Force. 

the places you will be from Anakin's soulmark was taken from him the second he was born. He's kind of given up on finding his soulmate, even if Ahsoka hasn't.Enter Obi-Wan Kenobi.

We Passed The Setting Sun When Anakin is old enough to understand what the words on his arm are supposed to signify, but not quite old enough to read them, he asks his mother. He isn’t old enough to understand the strain of the smile on her face when she tells him, either. Or, the one where your soulmate's last words to you appear on your skin when you are born.

Well It Goes Like This At the end of it all, the thing is: Palpatine breaks his heart.(or the one where Anakin makes the hard choice, the right choice, the other choice. Then he keeps making it.)

wonder Obi-Wan woke up suddenly.For a moment, he wasn’t sure why. His quarters were dark, and he didn’t see or feel anything particularly threatening, but then he heard the terrible retching, and then he was staggering up to his feet, his legs briefly getting tangled in his sheets as he tried to get to the door.[or: Anakin's sick, and still-getting-used-to-having-an-apprentice-Obi-Wan-Kenobi handles it. Tries to handle it.]

you're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece  Ahsoka carefully peeled back the warm, bloodied layer of his undershirt, exposing a collection of battle scars littered across his skin like night sky constellations, a makeshift binder made from medical tape and bandages, and molten purplish-blue watercolour bruises across his scarlet flesh that seemed to paint the canvas of Anakin Skywalker together. Or Anakin is ftm trans, injured with yet another battle scar like it’s an ordinary tuesday, and Ahsoka finds out his secret, while deciding to be an ally.

[vividracing]

New Post has been published on https://www.vividracing.com/blog/first-look-introducing-the-all-new-2024-gmc-hummer-ev-suv/

First Look: Introducing the All-New 2024 GMC Hummer EV SUV

The GMC Hummer EV electric truck was unveiled to the world last Fall and it looks as though General Motors stayed true to its word of expanding the lineup. Introducing the Hummer EV SUV because, well, not everyone favors a pickup. GMC showed off the 2024 Hummer EV SUV earlier this month during the NCAA’s Final Four telecast in a new commercial narrated by LeBron James. The SUV version will offer many of the same capabilities and off-roading features as the Hummer EV pickup, making this duo the most “capable and compelling electric supertrucks” ever produced. 

“The new Hummer EV SUV is the next chapter, offering more options for customers to tailor the truck to their lifestyles, while continuing to encourage them to forge new paths with zero emissions,” said Duncan Aldred, vice president of Buick and GMC.

Browse All Hummer Parts Here

The all-new Hummer all-electric SUV is expected to arrive in the first half of 2023 as part of GMC’s 2024 model year lineup. So far, we know that the Hummer EV pickup will go into production at Factory Zero in Detroit and Hamtramck later this fall. GMC has about 10,000 preorders for the pickup, which starts at $112,595. Subsequent editions will come out starting in 2022, but the cheapest edition still starts at nearly $80,000.

GM has also announced that the Hummer EV SUV will be built at Factory Zero as well, and it goes on sale in early 2023. At that time, it will be a fully loaded Edition 1 model priced at $105,595, which is slightly lower than the pickup Edition 1’s price tag of $112,595. Subsequent SUV models will follow, namely the EV2, EV2X, and EV3X. Consumers who want to get the full power of three electric motors can wait until spring of 2023 for the 3X with a starting price of $99,995. The price for the two-motor version (EV2X) is reduced by $10,000 and is also scheduled for spring of 2023. The base Hummer EV2 will take a little longer and will not arrive until spring of 2024 with a price tag of $79,995. 

In both cases, the limited-run trim called Edition 1 sold out in about 10 minutes after the order books opened up on October 20, 2020 for the pickup and April 3, 2021 for the SUV. This just goes to show that people flocked to the Hummer EV website and reserved a truck or SUV of their own with a $100 refundable deposit on those two dates. That’s pretty impressive, but we are not surprised given the looks, spaciousness, performance, handling, and special features of these next-level, all-electric vehicles. 

This revolutionary Hummer EV combines the significant features of the pickup with the versatility of an SUV. The SUV boasts a rugged design that includes a new rear end with a mounted full-size spare tire. The SUV is a bit shorter than the truck on which it’s based – GM cut off 20 inches in total length as well as 8.9 inches off the wheelbase. In fact, the Hummer EV SUV has a 126.7-inch wheelbase that delivers “best-in-class off-road proportions” with a tight turning circle of just 35.4 feet. According to GM, not only do these measurements give the SUV a more muscular and stubby aesthetic, but it also allows the vehicle to have more agility in the trails. Expect the SUV to be an open-roof off-roader like its pickup sibling and sized somewhere between a Tahoe and Suburban. 

Inside, a similar five-passenger layout from the Hummer EV pickup truck remains and includes a large and useful rear cargo area. You can fold down the rear seats to open up 82 cubic feet of additional cargo space, with even more room available under the load floor. The cabin also features the pickup truck’s easy-to-remove Infinity Roof sky panels, which can be stored directly in the frunk for when you feel like transforming your Hummer SUV into a 4×4 convertible. Other interior elements include a dashboard a 12.3-inch Driver Information Center and a 13.4-inch touchscreen infotainment center. From this system, you will be able to engage the EV’s Super Cruise hands-free driving and use its new trail mapping, accessible through the myGMC app. 

Driven by General Motors’ next-generation Ultium Platform, the new Hummer EV SUV has an output of 830 horsepower and 11,500 pound-feet of torque, enough to go from 0 to 60 mph in just 3.5 seconds. That’s certainly an impressive figure given the burly body of this off-road beast. These numbers are for the EV3X and the Edition 1, which have a trio of motors (one up front and two at the rear). The EV2 and EV2X have the dual-motor setup that delivers an estimated 625 horsepower and 7,400 pound-feet of torque. 

The Hummer EV SUV launches with the exclusive Edition 1, which gives customers the choice to equip the beast for optimal driving range or maximum off-road capability. The Edition 1 comes standard from the factory with 22-inch premium wheels, assist steps, and floor liners. You can also opt for the available Extreme Off-Road package which adds 18-inch wheels and 35-inch-OD MT tires, underbody armor and rock sliders, front eLocker and virtual rear lockers, heavy-duty ball-spline half shafts, UltraVision2 with underbody camera views, and more! 

Standard features on 2X, 3X, and Edition 1 models include 4-Wheel Steer with CrabWalk, which allows diagonal-drive functionality, as well as Adaptive Air Suspension with Extract Mode. You may have seen some videos surface of this so-called “crab walk” which is a revolutionary setting that utilizes the Hummer’s 4-Wheel Steer that lets the rear wheels turn up to 10 degrees in either direction. This allows the vehicle to drive diagonally at low speeds, helping it to traverse tight trails with a capability that no other SUV can brag about. Meanwhile, the first-of-its-kind Extract Mode helps the Hummer get over tough spaces with added height using the Adaptive Air Ride Suspension to raise approximately 6 inches. 

Additional highlights:

Master of maneuverability, with a 126.7-inch wheelbase giving it expected best-in-class off-road proportions with impressive departure and break-over angles, and a tighter turning circle of only 35.4 feet (10.8 meters) with 4 Wheel Steer standard on 2X, 3X, and Edition 1

An immersive interior puts the driver at the center of every moment, including customizable, multisensory user features and an open driving experience with the standard Infinity Roof with removable Sky Panels, I-Bar, and rear drop glass

GM’s Ultium Drive System offers up to 830 horsepower and up to 11,500 lb-ft of torque (GM estimated) — enough power for super-fast 0-60-mph sprints in approximately 3.5 seconds with Watts To Freedom

New tactical technology via the redesigned myGMC app including Energy Assist

Great degree of customization via My Mode, auxiliary buttons, and nearly 200 accessories available at launch

Next-gen electric, with a 20-module Ultium battery system offering up to a GM estimated 300-plus miles of range on Edition 1 (with standard equipment)

New automatic lane changing feature, where the system can determine when a lane change is optimal and initiate the maneuver, while following signaling protocols

Super Cruise6, an available driver-assistance technology offering hands-free driving on more than 200,000 miles (approximately 322,000 km) of enabled roads

To see the reveal of the 2024 Hummer EV SUV or place a reservation, visit GMC.com/HummerEV.

[cynergy-laughter]

Obey Me! One Master to Abridge Them All! Ep. 4

4. For the Record, T-Pose to Assert Your Pact

It was just a normal, second day for MC... until...

Asmo: PPFFFFTTTBWAAAHAHAHAHA! *gasp* AAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHA!

Satan: Asmo, can you not laugh so loudly this early in the morning?

Asmo: B-Buhut... Mammon... got tricked... into entering a pact! And with none other than Enn!

Satan: Pffftt!

Asmo: Boy, you think it’s funny too, don’t even try to hide it!

Beel: Mmm, these cockatrice breasts are so crispy, every bite gives me a wonderful crunch.

MC: Is no one gonna tell him that he’s also eating the plate?

Asmo: Don’t tell him, it’s more entertaining that way. But look at you, not even a day in the Devildom and you already snagged a pact with a moron, I bet you feel like a ruler, don’t you, Enn~?

MC: No, I feel exhausted. The whole time after we made the pact, he kept on texting me, and it was basically, “Just so we’re clear, I did it for my credit card. She’s my one true love, you better not come in between us.”

Satan: Ugh, the way he talks about that thing.

Asmo: I wouldn’t be surprised if he imagines making love to it. Gross...

Levi: Imagine? He absolutely does. Headcanon accepted.

Asmo: What does that even mean, Levi...?

————

Asmo: Anywho, Enn, who would you wanna make a pact with next?

MC: ... You want my honest answer?

Asmo:

Satan:

Levi:

Beel: *munching*

MC: I thought not, I wanna pact with Asmo. *flutters eyes*

Asmo: Haha, I mean who wouldn’t? But I wouldn’t with you because I have no intention in entering one with you.

MC: Oh neither do I, I just wanted to see the look on your face when I chucked the Grenade. I checked RAD’s last yearbook, I wanna pact Astaroth. He can get it.

Asmo: *jaw drops to the floor*

Satan & Levi: *snort and bit their lip*

Beel: *eating* Can someone pass me the Poison Oak Maple syrup? I wanna try adding sweet to this savory.

*interview*

Asmo: Enn thinks they’re so funny. Have they even met Astaroth?! Cause he used to be my ex. He is the absolute worst... I may miss him, but I don’t really... and plus what is Enn doing, having sights for my ex?!

MC: I’ll admit, Astaroth is pretty intimidating, but he’s seems cool. Especially for a mid-rank demon. For the record, I just said Astaroth to get under Asmo’s skin... and based on his reaction, I think I just made a pimple start forming on his forehead.

————

Asmo: PSSH PAH PIH PFFTT W-Whatever! He’s not even that hot anyway.

Satan: You sounds like you still caught feelings.

Asmo: Shut up, you sound just as moronic as that poor excuse for a demon Mammo-! *head gets slammed into his bowl of cereal* ACK! MY FACE! What the hell Mammon?!

Mammon: Shouldn’t have been talking smack, Asmo. Don’t forget, I’m still your older brother.

MC: Good morning Mammon.

Mammon: Go to heaven, Enn.

MC: Would have been funnier if you meant heavenn.

Mammon: Whatever, point is, I got my card back from Lucifer. Mammon one, Lucifer nothing, like it should be. Think he’s so smart to put my card in the freezer, he’s such a dad.

Lucifer: *appears behind him, holding a leather belt loop, and he snaps it loudly*

Mammon: ... AAAAAIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!

———— Later ————

MC: *walking down the stairs with Mammon* You ever think that maybe you should practice what you preach?

Mammon: *sniffling, rubbing his butt* “yOu EvEr ThInK tHaT mAyBe YoU sHoUlD pRaCtIcE wHaT yOu PrEaCh?!” S-Shut up, human... preaching ain’t gonna do nothing.

MC: First of all... wow. And second... Enn... my name is Enn.

Mammon: I don’t care, human! I’ll call you whatever I’ll feel like calling you. You’d better watch your back, because if a lesser demon decides to make you his meal, I won’t be there to save you, cause I couldn’t care less! Now out of my way! *goes to stomp down the stairs, bumping MC out of the way*

MC: ... Mammon stay! *voice pulsates through Mammon, making him stand up straight and not move!*

Mammon: A-Ah! What the- I can’t move... You better hope I don’t get out of this huma-... hummm... hu... NB. No! Huuu-better work, everybody give it up for the supremely talented host with the post, dropping lines since birth, life and debuting in the Devildom, give it up for MC NB! *makes air horn noises*

MC: *smiles* That’s better. Next time, just respect my wishes and call me by my name. Now, Mammon, let’s get to class.

————

*walks into class*

MC: With as many demons dancing in this place, you would think that this is was High School Musical: Another Story.

Demon1: Hey, it’s that human who slapped us.

Demon2: I wouldn’t mess with them, I heard Mammon forged a pact with them... imagine what he could do to us, if the human is ballsy enough to slap us...

???: Well, it seems rumors do spread faster than a glorious opening speech. You really have made quite a celebrity out of yourself.

MC: Sebastian from Black Butler?

Diavolo: Easy Barbatos, no need to be shady, I say these rumors are good, it means eyes will be on them at all times, so no one can really truly make a move.

Lucifer: Especially since Mammon is absolute garbage at looking after them.

MC: And a good morning to you all too, Mr. President, Mr. Vice President, and Mr. Chief Secretary. Nice to see you talking about me like I’m not here.

Diavolo: I wanted to congratulate you on such a big accomplishment, and it’s only been your second day. I knew that I chose the right person for the program.

MC: Well, it’s not like a had a choice in the matter, but thank you, Lord Diavolo. And who is this?

Barbatos: I’m Lord Diavolo’s steward, Barbatos. Apologies for not introducing myself immediately.

MC: It’s okay, it’s nice to meet you.

Lucifer: Barbatos is a very smart and powerful demon of many talents. I just wish I could have him as my brother instead of Mammon.

MC: I mean, people tend to keep their talents deep within them, I’m sure it’s the same for Mammon.

Barbatos: I believe there’s a saying in the human world about that, a true wiseman doesn’t flaunt his talents, he keeps them secret.

Lucifer: That may be so, but he, is to put it lightly, an incompetent fool.

MC: Well... looking at all the idiots that make up my world’s population, Mammon is pretty tame and intelligent...

*interview*

MC: Seriously, I used to work retail, someone asked me for Pampers Pull-Ups while I was stocking the baby aisle... lemme say it again, the person asked for Pampers Pull-Ups. That’s the same energy as someone asking for Burger King’s Big Mac. It doesn’t exist. There are Huggies Pull-Ups, and Pampers Easy-Ups, if you are looking specifically for Pampers Pull-Ups, you don’t deserve the right to teach children right from wrong.

————

Diavolo: I also heard that the most stubborn and headstrong child is the cutest.

Lucifer: Diavolo, he is my younger brother, not my child. I think I would have a lot more gray hairs and as Asmo would say a few more lines in my forehead. Stop it.

???1: So you don’t deny that he’s cute. Though the winner of the most stubborn award would most undoubtedly go to you.

???2: And for the record, that’s not a compliment, it’s an insult.

Lucifer: Simeon, can you please tell your little chiweenie to not yip so loudly this early in the school day?

???2: I am NOT A CHIWEENIE!

Diavolo: Enn, these are the two students from the Celestial Realm, in other words, angels. This is Simeon, and his canine companion Luke.

Luke: Diavolo, do not feed into this! I am an angel, not a canine of any sort!

MC: *going over to Simeon fast* Oh thank the heavens, finally some angelic melanin. *shaking Simeon’s hand* it’s so nice to meet you, I’m already a stan, I mean a fan.

Simeon: *chuckles* It’s to meet you Enn, congratulations on your accomplishment, I hope we make friends of each other yet.

Barbatos: We should get going, the first bell is about to sound.

MC: B-But... I wanna hang out with Simeon some more...

Diavolo: All in good time, Enn. I’m glad you’re doing well here on your second day here. Have a good school day.

Lucifer: Even though it should be the other way around... look after Mammon for me, Enn? I thank you.

Simeon: I’ll see you later, Enn.

————

Luke: *stays behind* ...

MC:

Luke:

MC:

Luke:

MC: Can I help you?

Luke: Don’t ever trust a demon, especially not Lucifer.

MC: ... Where I live and grow up, you learn to not really trust anyone, but thanks for the advice, Lassie.

Luke: ARGH! Not you too! *storms off*

[pastelastronomy24]

Noted

College!Chris Evans x POC! Plus Size!Reader

(College!CEvans x POC!Plus Size!Reader)

A/N: ah yes! My first CEvans fic. I just love the idea of Chris being a goof in college. He’s so cute lmao. Anyways this started off as a joke. My best friend Aliana found the picture below from an insta post about Chris in “The Perfect Score” and then when I said the prompt she gave was like actually pretty good she said I had no choice but to write it 🤷🏾‍♀️ I took some liberties with the prompt but I think y’all will still like it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘A common misconception is that JFK was the civil rights president, when in fact it was LBJ. JFK only brought up civil rights because his brother Robert pushed for more civil rights issues to.....’

Furious was the hand that held the pen, and you were that hand. History was a pretty standard subject, you had your opinions but didn’t want to risk upsetting the less... melanin-ated people of your class. Honestly you weren’t really focused on the subject, it was all about your notes.

You may have not been an academic scholar but god damn could you write the hell out of some notes. The way your various colored gel pens came together to create an easy to follow and organized masterpiece was the essential key to you passing this class. Honestly if you weren’t such an amazing note taker you would have been fucked.

‘Alright, don’t forget to read pages 165 to 210 by Friday. Tomorrow we’ll talk about the Kennedy Assassinations. Yes, Assassinations PLURAL’

With a deep sigh you closed your notebook and threw your gel pens into your pencil bag. You were about to put your (godly) notes into your bag when you felt a tap on your shoulder.

When you looked up, you were met with a smile and “hey” from a boy who screamed ‘boy next door who pretends to be a pool boy to fuck the cougar from next door’

“Uh hey? You’re Chris right?” His eyes lit up in shock. You assumed it was probably because 1). He’s never talked to you a day in his life 2). He’s never been awake a day in this class.

“Oh...yeah I’m Chris. Listen can I ask you somethin” the second thing you noticed about Chris besides his charming aura, was his thick accent. You wanted to say it was maybe a New York or Bostonian one, but you couldn’t quite place it. You quirked your eyebrows at the sound of his request. He’d walked up to you all confident but he seemed unsure all of a sudden.

“Sure, whats up??” Chris scratched the back of his neck and a boyish grin appeared on his face.

“So.. I uh, I heard you were like the master at taking notes. And well, our Professor says if I don’t start paying attention she’s gonna fail me. So I was wondering if you would ya know, let me see your notes. That way, I can compromise. I could still pass, and do my thing ya know?”

I mean, you had to laugh. You couldn’t hold in your chuckle, looking up at Chris whose grin went from boyish to confused. He laughed out of awkwardness and confusion while you put your notes in your backpack and stood up. You had to look up at him as his stature dwarfed you.

“No.” You stated simply before attempting to walk away. Chris quickly grabbed your arm before you could get too far.

“Awe come on!! Look, I really need your help to pass and I don’t have any other options. I’m too far behind for tutoring and everyone else even says you have the best notes. I’ll even pay you! Name your price.” You looked up at him, and I mean really looked up at him, analyzing his pale blue eyes and pink lips drowning in panic before you sighed.

“Alright fine. But I don’t trust people with my notes, so if we do this I’m gonna be there and I’ll help you organize and copy them by hand. You can pay me 10$, I’m not gonna bleed you dry just because you’re struggling.” The load of stress had been lifted off of Chris’s shoulders as he thanked you profusely and began to walk away. You shook your head, slapping the palm of your hand on your face before yelling out his name. You laughed as he stopped abruptly and turned around jogging back to you.

“Oh uh, whats up? Did I forget something?” You nodded a slight smile on your face. It seemed hard not to smile at the bumbling dummy.

“You don’t know my name, how to contact me, or when and where we’re gonna do this Chris”

He looked genuinely dumbfounded, but before you could speak you began filling in the missing information

“ I’m Y/N, here’s my phone so you can give me your number, and we should start tomorrow after class. I guess the Starbucks or Library could work.” Chris paused while typing in his number to look at you.

“Well see, I was wondering if we could do it at my dorm because well, I’m really hyper and public places make it hard for me to concentrate. I’m afraid we won’t be able to get anything done I have the attention span of a peanut, and I don’t want you to get mad at me.” For the millionth time that day you sighed.

“Okay I guess. Your dorm tomorrow after class. Buy a big notebook. You have a lot of work to do. “

And thus a routine had started. Everyday for the past month you and Chris would saunter off to his dorm and spend hours copying notes and helping him make sense of them before guest hours were over. The first week and a half really tested your patience as Chris really did have the attention span of a peanut if not worse. You helped him concentrate (mostly by threatening to leave if he didn’t stop “going to the bathroom” and “getting something to drink”.) and he mellowed out after awhile. You couldn’t quite place when it happened, but you and Chris had become sort of like close friends. Chris had some crazy magnetic energy that made you always want to be around him but never be able to stand him. It was a friendship forged in fire (well, gel pens).

“Hey y/n, we’re gonna have to adjust our study location today” Chris jogged up to your table where you had just finished zipping up your backpack. He grabbed your bag and slung it over his shoulder like he’d gotten used to doing for the last few weeks (he may have been a big oaf, but he was a sweetheart. He would deny it every time, telling you not to call him a sweetheart for being a decent human being but you digress.) You paused and looked at Chris confused.

“Yeah my roommate just got this girl and they’ve been going at it like cats in heat. I mean they’ve really been fuc-“

“Okay Chris I get it. “ You choked on your laughter. “I was thinking we could start studying at your dorm instead since I’m not sure when they’re gonna let up”. You shrugged “I mean I guess, but you sure you don’t want to do it a Starbucks? We have a shit ton of notes today and I know how sleepy and restless you can get.” He shook his head vigorously. “Nah Y/N it should be fine, plus you know how I am in public spaces, we’ll never finish even with all the coffee in the world.” You sighed and nodded. He was right, the poor baby couldn’t concentrate in public to save his life. It’s probably why he slept so much and zoned out during class.

“Yeah love, you’re probably right. Lemme text my roommate and tell her. Make sure she knows we’ll try to be out of her way.”

You texted Valeria, you best friend and roommate about the situation.

Of course the first thing her little messy ass had to say was ‘oh the hot one who looks at you like you’re the moon to his stars?? I’m cool with that.’ You groaned in irritation which prompted Chris to try and sneak a peek at your text. You snatched the phone away from his view before he could see it.

“Heyyy!” He tried again and you shoved his shoulder.

“ ‘Heeyyy’ nothin! Get your nosey ass away from my phone!” You giggled, and Chris couldn’t help but do the same. It seemed like nowadays your laughs and smiles were infectious to each other. “What?! I’m just trying to see what Val said! That’s my -what do you call it?- oh yeah that’s my dawg!” He was grinning like the shit eater he was as you looked at him dumbfounded.

“Absolutely not. I don’t ever want to hear you say that shit again.” He threw his head back in fake annoyance as you continued walking towards your dorm.

“Awe come onnnn! You say it all the time. Maybe it’s only cool when you say it. “ you chuckled and reached over to pinch his cheek. He whined and swatted your hand away.

“Awe! Little Evans wants to sound like me. That’s so cuteee!” It was Chris’s turn to shove your shoulder. He almost made you tumble over, but he caught you by the waist and steadied your balance. “Ugh Y/N don’t do that you know that’s not what I meant! Sometimes you just say stuff and it’s kinda... it’s kinda cool ya know? Like the way you talk.” As you continued your trek towards your dorm, he kept his hand on the side of your waist very lightly. “All I’m hearing right now, is that you wanna be like me, and that’s all I’m acknowledging.” Chris threw his head down in defeat knowing that if he kept going you’d keep embarrassing you. You were on him like white on rice with the comebacks at all times.

“Yeah whatever. You continue to have selective hearing if you want to, but it’ll get you nowhere.“ He shrugged as you used your key card to get into the lobby of your dorm. You both flashed the front desk your key cards before signing in and approaching the elevator.

“After you, my favorite note taker” Chris ushered you into the elevator while you rolled your eyes. “I’m your only note taker. You don’t even take notes dingus. That’s why we’ve been doing this for two and a half months.” You told Chris to press the button to the 5th floor then he leaned back against the corner of the elevator while you stood beside him.

“That doesn’t mean you’re not my favorite note taker.” He reached over to boop your nose, and you scrunched it up in response. “You know what? I don’t like you” You poked his chest and all he did was smile while leaning closer to you. “That’s cool. You don’t have to like the people you love anyways.” You stood wide mouthed and shocked, but before you could retort the elevator doors opened and Chris began walking away.

“Come on Y/N it’s hot as shit and you said we have a lot of work to do.” You reluctantly stepped out of the elevator and found Chris, stepping ahead to lead him to your room. “Welcome, to the most comfortable place on earth.” You very dramatically threw your arms in the air to get him to marvel at your room. It was a good thing you’d cleaned it up earlier in the week (it was a disaster before). Chris walked around looking at the various nerdy posters you had on your wall and the pictures of friends on your desk while you went to turn on your fairy lights for better lighting. When you finished, you turned around to see Chris splayed across your bed and you scoffed. “At least you’re considerate enough to keep your dirty ass shoes off my white marble comforter. It would have been a shame if I had to end you today.” He sat up and reached for your arm, pulling you with him to sit down on your bed.

“It’s because I’m nice like that. You’re welcome.” You ignored the cheesey smile on his face while he passed you your backpack so you could get your galaxy spiral note book. Chris reached into his bag and did the same pulling out the notebook he bought to match yours (more receipts to prove that he wanted to be like you). “Shush. Your mouth wastes time and I don’t wanna hear you complaining to me when it’s twelve years later and we’re still organizing and going over these notes.” You pulled out your gel pens and the work began.

Three hours. Three whole hours. That’s how long you and Chris had been organizing his notes before he tapped out. “Good god I’m fucking wiped OUT!” Chris exclaimed. He threw his pencil down and plopped his head down on your thick thigh. “Y/NNN, can we please take a break?? I’m dyin over here. My hand has never cramped harder in my life!” He looked up at you with pleading eyes and a pout. He was a human puppy dog. You couldn’t deny that the action had caused a heat to rise in your cheeks and your heart to flutter, but you played it off, amused at his exasperation. “Fine! Your whining has won me over. And you’re also right we need a break. But I get to pick the show!” Chris did a little victory fist pump in the air and you patted his head. He jumped up and sauntered over to the pantry, looking through it before pulling out two bags of Extra Butter Movie Theater Popcorn and a bowl. While he put the first bag in the microwave, you got up and looked in the fridge, pulling out two bottles of Mountain Dew.

You walked over to your TV and turned it on grabbing your Roku remote. “Hey Chris, since you think the way I talk is so ‘cool’ I’m making you watch The Boondocks.” You yelled over to him while he poured the popcorn into the bowl and walked over to you. Your TV was placed purposely in front of your bed, so you both popped up on it, with Chris getting comfortable on the corner of the wall that the bed touched and you sitting crisscross besides him. “Here” you handed him his drink and he said thank you before placing the popcorn bowl in your lap. “Okay so The Boondocks is probably the best cartoon made in television history. And I know that sounds dramatic but it’s true.” You looked over to see Chris laughing quietly. “I trust your opinion. You’ve never been wrong before. “ he shrugged and you shook your head in agreement. “You’re damn right. I’m glad we’re on the same page.” You hovered the remote over to the first episode titled “The Garden Party” and clicked play. “We’re only gonna watch THREE episodes before we get back to work okay??” Chris smacked his teeth and tossed his head on your shoulder. “That’s lame. What if I really like it?!” You pushed his heavy head off of you playfully. “What’s lame is you failing class when I’m supposed to be helping you do the opposite. We can finish it another time fool.” You vaguely heard him say ‘alright alright’ before the familiar theme song came on, you silently rapping along.

When you got to episode 2 “The Trial of Robert Kelly” Chris was dying laughing. When Huey got to his speech he was aggressively clapping, while you were aggressively pointing at the screen hollering “THATS WTF IM TALKIN ABOUT!! LET EM’ KNOW HUEY”. By episode 3, you and Chris were fighting to stay awake. Somehow, your head had drifted onto his chest, and his arm had shifted to around your waist. Your legs had been comfortably strewn on top of each other as you listened to Granddads crazy girlfriend drone on. You didn’t make it to episode 4.

You woke up before he did, groggy and confused. Your eyes were still closed as you tried to shift around only to be met with resistance. You felt a tightening around your waist as a still sleeping Chris pulled you closer into his body, nuzzling is face into your neck. “Oh shit...” you whispered, your eyes no longer closed and in fact, wide ass open. “Chris. Chrissss. CHRIS!!” Chris shot up involuntarily tightening his hold on you before looking down into your concerned face.

“Shiiiit. Y/N what time is it.” You searched the side of the bed for your phone before turning it on and checking the time. It was 7:46 A. M. “Oh fuck! We didn’t finish the notes!! Oh fuck Chris we slept past guest visitor time! How imma sneak you out?! Oh god I don’t wanna be the reason why you fail and get kicked out! I’m gonna lose my closest friend because I-”

“Hey wait...” Chris placed his hand under your chin and pulled you into him, looking up and down your face with hooded lids. All you could focus on, was him. The way his lashes brushed his freckle dusted cheek. The way is eyes peered at you mixed with a haze of sleepiness and something else more intense. “ Y/N look at me... everything is gonna be okay, I promise...” The room, the air, the god damn particles around you stilled. It was like all of time froze except for you and Chris.

You didn’t remember you had the ability to breathe until he licked his lips and leaned towards you, pulling you closer, completely halting your ability to breathe. Your lips intertwined in a soft battle of heat and passion. It was slow and intimate, you didn’t know you could muster up so much passion in a kiss. Before you knew it, Chris gripped your left thigh and swung it over the other side of him making you straddle his waist. The pillows of his lips never stopped their assault and only got more aggressive as he palmed your ass. Your body felt hot, and you NEEDED more. You rutted your core against Chris’s lap causing him to pull on your bottom lip with his teeth and smack your large thigh.

“Don’t play with the fire if you can’t put it out.” He groaned out, his voice strained as you both breathed heavily. You moved your lips down to his neck and began to nip and suck softly before smiling into his neck. “When have you ever known me to be afraid of the fire?” You heard the sharp intake of his breath before he flipped you over, slamming your back into your bed. Chris placed soft kisses all over your face making you giggle before he continued his tirade on your mouth. Maybe Chris was a good kisser. Actually, a phenomenal kisser. You gripped the back of his neck, your hands tangled in the nape of his hair. Chris’s hands were inside of your shirt feeling on your soft stomach before you both heard the snap of a camera. You both jumped up at the intrusion and sat up, banging your foreheads together on accident.

“Ahh shit!! Fuck!!” “God damn it! Fuck!” You and Chris both exclaimed as you heard the culprit, your roommate Valeria, laughing hysterically. You groaned rubbing your head and shot her the dirtiest look you could muster.

“HA! You got mad at me for saying he looked at you like you were the moon and stars in the sky, but you’re borderline fucking AND he stayed past guest hours!” You threw your head back on your pillow while closing your eyes and sighing. You could feel the pressure and warmth of Chris’s body leave you as he got up to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Val!! How’s it going big dawg?!” Valeria cringed and shook her head. She approached Chris and pat his head. “Hey Chris I think you’re great, but I don’t ever want to hear you say that again okay?” Chris grumbled an ‘okay’ and despite everything you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Anyways you guys can continue doing the do. I actually came in here to ask how note taking was last night, but I see it was pretty good.” Valeria winked before shuffling to the door and closing it, cackling after she closed it. Before you could even process what had just happened Chris took your chubby cheeks into your hand and rubbed his thumb along your bottom lip.

“Hey Y/N... you know how Val said I look at you like the moon and the stars?” He trailed off and his eyes darted down to your lips. All you could do was nod, too entranced in the way his lips moved and the shine in his eyes.

“Well, she’s not wrong. I don’t know exactly when, but for awhile you’ve been the sun and moon and the stars and everything in between. And god, every time you smile I wanna kiss you until my smile becomes as bright. Every time you laugh I can’t help but join in, because even when it sounds like a Windex spray bottle it’s the only sound I wanna hear.” You softly smacked his chest and buried your head in his neck running your hand down his chest.

“I love the way your cheeks puff up when you get irritated at me, and the way you look at me when you have no idea what the fuck I’m trying to say.” some how, you moved impossibly closer into his neck.

“You gonna let me take you out some time doll?” Chris sounded so soft and unsure of himself. It reminded you of the first time you’d ever talked to him. When he didn’t know you knew his name. You rose up from his neck and placed a long soft kiss on his pink lips.

“Of course Chris. I can’t say no to my favorite note copier.” Your foreheads pressed against each other and you both stayed completely still, trying to make the moment last. Chris moved first, taking his forehead off of you to place a kiss on top of your head and pull you into his embrace.

“I’m your only note copier.” He couldn’t help himself. You both started to giggle into each other.

“And it’s gonna stay like that. Just like I’m gonna be your only note taker.” Chris squeezed you tighter and pulled you into his lap, placing one last kiss on your curls.

“Noted.”

————————————-

Bloop! I’m finished. This took all day man yeesh. Anyways y’all know I’m a slut for comments so please for your favorite comment starved plus size POC writter, leave a comment.

Taglist

@thequeerishere555 @willowtree42095 @tessathedragon @nina-sj @noire-griot @canumoveurseatup-no @thememoireeofme @overlordred @l-auteuse @bugngiz @mejustme06 @nonsensicalmetwhimsical @issa-blak @steveslulbaby

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Album Review: Short Sighted People In Power: A Home Recording- My Politic

I am hungover. Not like...in the sit down in the shower way, though. I am writing this just days after watching the hopeless horror show that was our first Presidential debate of 2020, and just a few hours after watching the Vice-Presidential Debate. I am emotionally dehydrated. Thankfully, My Politic’s latest effort, “Short Sighted People In Power: A Home Recording '' is serving as my intellectual Pedialyte. This raw, unfussy collection of songs wades through the View-Master of the current American consciousness and I think it’s safe to say that most people feel concussed in two very different ways right now. The point of Kaston Guffey and Nick Pankey’s latest release is not to convince the listener of anything, but rather to put antiquated and learned ways of thinking next to facts and have them duke it out. It takes the overused rebuttal of “yA gOtTa sEe iT fRoM bOtH SidEs” to its most literal level and, well, it is as uncomfortable as it should be.

The title track puts music to all the things that bounce around in your head before you lift your head off the pillow. “Short Sighted People In Power” morosely lists the “bigger than me” bullet points of anxiety that coyly creep over one’s shoulder; all those annoying flashbulb headlines that run on a constant loop in the ticker of your brain.  No matter who you are, those weary inner voices are louder now more than ever. Earth’s environmental ticking clock, the ageless, nationwide opioid crisis, the pockets that have been stuffed because of it, and, ultimately, the devastating wake of greed are all on display here. It’s a blunt brick to the head. Am I supposed to feel hope or the lack of it from the line “It’s gonna take every one of us to get what we want”? I haven’t decided yet.

One of the most compelling things about this album is that it plays like a conversation at the dinner table. It’s Thanksgiving. There you are, surrounded by your family and all the strings that both bind and divide you. You and your cousin in the “Feel the Bern” shirt keep exchanging glances at each other as the temperature of the room rises. If the previous track was the hushed, corner mouthed conversation you had with each other before dinner, “Wrong Side” is the one shouted from across the table at a horrified Grandpa Rick and drunk Aunt Sharon. It’s a hailstorm of a chorus that cries, “Fuck the President. Fuck the GOP. Fuck the folks at Fox News spreading lies on TV. Fuck you for getting us into this and refusing to see. It ain’t no side. It’s one side. It’s your side and it’s the wrong side.” The rotating solo at the end of the track perfectly encapsulates the cyclical nature of conversations like this. It’s hard not to feel like a hamster in a wheel of our collective frustration right now. Nothing seems to ever get done, but we are worn the fuck out.

As the conversation continues, Rick and Sharon get their time, too. Told from the perspective of someone who prefers their hats red and their presidents orange, “Fantasies of a Fox News Viewer” is perhaps the rawest and most uncomfortable song on the entire album. It’s every baseless argument you’ve ever heard in all its glory, lacking all logic and overstuffed with emotion. Xenophobia, white nationalism, homophobia, blind Biblical trust, and just straight up, cold-blooded fear are Pollacked all over the dinner table and you’ve completely lost your appetite. (Whew. I really need to get out from under this Thanksgiving metaphor, folks). The thing that struck me the most about this song was my inability to stop my head from bobbing to its anthemic chorus. It proudly chugs along and would pair very nicely with a drink of choice being held high above my head. I don’t even recognize what I’m saying when I sing to myself, “Yeah, I miss America the way it used to be. When I turned on my TV all I saw was people just like me.” I stop singing for fear that my neighbor or my dog may think that I *actually* believe the words I’m saying. But, isn’t that so indicative of how the web gets spun so easily? When information gets dressed in the gown of performative politics, reality distorts. Sarcasm is lost, truth is lost, context is a bug to squish and you’ve decided how you feel about something based solely on how someone else is telling you to.

As the funhouse mirror stretches on, “Voter Suppression” welcomes us deeper into the Conservative Carnival. The whispered countdown ushering in the listener sounds as if the narrator is hatching a plot. It’s both sinister and tantalizing, two classic ingredients for manipulation pie. This song could be invited to hang out with the satirical company of South Park and Saturday Night Live (on its good nights) and more than hold its own. I can’t help but picture Trump, McConnell, Pence, and Barr in little ill-fitting barbershop quartet outfits, cigars flopping out of their mouths, singing this while bouncing around a fake saloon in the middle of Silver Dollar City. However, “Voter Suppression” doesn’t lean on cartoonish exaggerations of the truth to get its message across. One person’s satire can very easily be taken as another person’s doctrine. After all, the best and smartest comedy is rooted in life’s uncomfortable truths.

I think we can all agree that the one constant of this year has been the unveiling of a lot of those aforementioned uncomfortable truths. In “All American Way”, the narrator, in two minutes, lists over thirty examples of absurd and very real reasons why Black people have been targeted by the police. The track opens with, “Can’t go jogging. Can’t go walking. Can’t watch TV in their own fffffuckin’ apartment.” (That isn’t a typo. Listen to it and you’ll see what I mean). Each verse is more hurried and breathless than the last and you can practically smell the smoke coming from the pencil marks on the paper when it was written. As each example rolls on, a new name scrolls across your mind’s eye. “Can’t get caught with a broken tail light (Sandra Bland). “Can’t get caught selling loose cigarettes” (Eric Garner) “Can’t get caught playing with toys” (Tamir Rice). Then, we turn to the names we wish we never learned at all and ones I refuse to type here. “They can shoot up Black churches. They can shoot up the schools… White folks can shoot ‘till they’re blue in the face and you can bet they’ll walk away. It’s the All American way.” That last line is sung like a salute. Hand over heart, chin in the air, hat off the head. And most likely, someone out there doesn’t understand why that’s disturbing.

Track 6,  “The Experts Told Us”, sounds like how we all felt about a month or two into quarantine, or as the song says, “when we traded hope for darkness.” Knowing what we do now about the president’s negligent withholding of information about COVID-19 and the impact it was going to have on every aspect of American life, this song sits heavy on the mind and heavy on the chest. “The experts told us. The science showed us. But the ego of the POTUS was too big to fight off again.” The sleepy harmonica woven through the last half of it is forlorn and exhausted. It sighs in and out at the bleakness of it all like it’s sitting in the driveway with the engine off; at the house, but far from home.

The wit of Prine, the gusto of Cash, the fire of Guthrie, among others, are peppered seamlessly throughout this album.  But make no mistake; My Politic’s voice is all their own. Nowhere is that more evident than on the closing track, “Talkin’ RNC Blues.” Here, the listener is taken on an anxiety and alcohol-induced fever dream that plops the narrator right in the middle of this year’s Republican National Convention. It plays like a comic book; vivid and distorted. I wish I could hear this for the first time again so I won’t ruin anything for you, but be prepared for some well timed laughs to lift you out of the funk, even for just a moment.

Through the inexplicable fog, we forge on to another day of 2020. But we shouldn’t keep acting like this is some kind of “cursed” year that we just need to get through. To suggest that the problem is the year on the calendar and the solution is the page after December would be flippant, to say the least. Despite all of it, meaningful art and the fearless depths it dares to go will always rise above the silence and drown out the static. My Politic’s “Short Sighted People In Power: A Home Recording” is now available exclusively on Bandcamp and is set for a wide release on all streaming platforms this Friday, 10/30. Just in time for you to play it over Thanksgiving dinner….or not.