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lilacmoon83 · 5 years

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A Darker Curse

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Chapter 20: Morning Musings

As Snow started to rouse that morning, she became almost fearful of opening her eyes. The pair of arms around her, the warm body pressed against her back, and the scent of the man she loved was finally a dream once again realized. That's what made her fearful. She almost felt like if she opened her eyes that he would disappear and be lost to her again as he was for twenty long years. Always the risk taker, though, she finally did open her eyes and turned her head to gaze into her husband's beautiful blue eyes.

"It wasn't just a dream," she said with a smile. He smiled back.

"It wasn't...I was afraid that it was going to be too good to be true," he agreed, as their lips met tenderly. He gently caressed her cheek, as their lips parted and gazed deeply into her eyes.

"I love you…" he said.

"I love you too," she said.

"Are you ready for your first day as Deputy Mayor?" he asked. She smiled.

"As ready as I'll ever be," she mentioned.

"You're going to be amazing," he said. There was no doubt in his mind at all.

"Thank you, my love...I suppose I should get ready for the day," she mentioned.

"Want help?" he asked in a sultry tone and she grinned.

"I thought you'd never ask," she purred, as they got up and she giggled, as he chased her into the bathroom.

~*~

Sometime later, they came out from behind the curtain, dressed and ready for the day. Their arms and hands weren't far from each other, as they just couldn't seem to keep their hands to themselves, but this was really nothing new for them. They had never been discrete and passion had always been so very prevalent between them. She had wondered if it would fade between them, as it often did for other couples, but no such detractor seemed to have befallen them. They were still like newlyweds and she had a feeling they always would be.

The sight on the couch though was a bit surprising for them and heartwarming. Neal was sleeping there with baby David asleep on his chest.

"Guess he's really serious about being a part of his life," David whispered quietly. She hummed.

"I...I just hope he doesn't hurt Emma again," he mentioned and she looked up fondly at him.

"He made mistakes...but I don't think he'll let either of them go again. He's stopped running away from his father and that's a good sign," she said. He nodded.

"But we'll both be there for her, no matter what. I don't think anyone would dare hurt her again, especially with her daddy ready to skewer them alive if they did," she said, as she caressed his face fondly. He smirked.

"Damn right I will," he agreed, as he kissed her cheek, just as Neal began to rouse. He instantly looked half embarrassed and half scared to death, as he saw them standing there.

"Oh...it was late when we got home and Emma said I could crash on the couch," he said quickly and Snow put her hands up.

"It's okay Neal...you're baby David's father and you're welcome here always," she assured, as their grandson began to wake up.

"I heard him whimpering during the night and got up with him so Emma could sleep," he said.

"That was very nice of you," she said. She was a bit worried though and put her hand to the little boy's forehead.

"He's been sleeping through the night mostly, except the last few nights. He's seemed restless...I hope he's not coming down with anything," she fretted.

"I thought about that...but he doesn't seem sick. He kind of seems pretty perceptive though. Maybe it's all the stuff going on. Cora is pretty pissed," he said worriedly. She nodded.

"That's what I'm afraid of, but we're not going to let her hurt this family," Snow assured and he felt humbled in being included in that.

"Nana…" he whined, as she picked him up.

"Oh...it's okay sweetie…" she said, as both she and David kissed his head.

"Why don't we change him and then all go to Granny's for breakfast?" he suggested.

"I won't say no to that," Emma said, as she and August trudged down the stairs.

"Me either," Neal agreed.

"Yeah...I mean we don't want to miss all the commotion my article is about to cause," August reminded.

"That's right...a lot of heads are going to explode," Emma said. David smirked.

"Well...we can't miss that," he agreed, as they got ready to go.

"We better make a stop at your father's shop on the way though," Snow told Neal, as they looked at the sapling.

"Are you sure giving it to my Dad is the best idea?" Neal asked.

"I mean, I love him...but if that thing has magic, there's no telling what he'll do with it," he added.

"We can't risk keeping it here though. Cora probably has keys to every place in this town if I know her and she absolutely cannot get her hands on it. At least we know your father has ways to keep her out of things he doesn't want her in," Snow reasoned. David nodded.

"She's right and so far...we're on the same side as him. We all have a vested interest in seeing Cora go down," he said.

"He's right...besides, according to the book, your father's only done all that he's done to find you," August reminded. Neal sighed.

"That doesn't make it okay," he refuted.

"No...it just makes him a parent. Trust me...we get it now," Snow said, as she looked at her husband. Neal shook his head.

"You two are way too forgiving...but I appreciate it. For both of us, because I know I screwed up too. I just hope he appreciates it as much as me," he replied.

"Time will tell, I suppose," Snow said, as they headed out for the day.

~*~

Kathryn stared at the official document with disbelief and defeat. It was done once she signed the line underneath where David had signed. Of course, she could refuse to sign and drag the divorce out for a while. But she knew that David's lawyer would just petition a Judge to order her to sign the papers and he would win. His lawyer was the illustrious Mr. Gold and even if she was foolish enough to hire the best lawyer she could find with her father's well of endless funds, she knew Mr. Gold would rip her apart in any kind of court battle.

He would dredge up everything in her and her father's past, including another contract that would spell a lot of trouble if it came to light for her father. Then he would also bring up her verbal and even physical abuse of her own husband. Even with the stigma that existed when it came to the possibility of a woman abusing a man that was physically bigger and stronger, she would lose. Too many people knew about the years of her abusing her husband. Half of them had condoned it, the ones in her father's circle. To them, David was a second class citizen and belonged to her, making him hers to do with what she pleased. That was how the upper class in her father's circle thought and she was the same as them. Then there was the other half that had silently stood in the background and allowed the abuse, too afraid to step in to help him. She had seen it plenty at the diner. The looks of pity in their eyes had humiliated David on a regular basis and only made him more ripe for her picking.

But everything had changed now. It seemed like it happened with a blink of an eye. Mary Margaret Swan and her two spawn had waltzed into town just mere months ago and had utterly destroyed her life in a sequence of events that none of them had seen coming.

Somehow, David had gone from a man she could order around with a mere look to a man with a backbone that refused her every whim. She had once commanded his every move and held him in her iron fist. He was hers, bought and paid for. He performed his husbandly duties to her, including the warming of her bed, and stood on her arm dutifully at every social event like the perfect, pretty little trophy husband he was. Until her.

Having another woman steal away what was hers and him practically sprinting into her arms was humiliating enough. But the woman he had divorced her for was twenty-years his senior, though an argument could be made that Mary Margaret Swan had seemed to age like fine wine. Most women could only hope to look as good as she did at forty-eight, as she easily looked ten years younger than that.

The utter humiliation that woman had put her through made her blood boil. Sometimes. That was another odd thing that she had been experiencing lately. At first, David's defiance had enraged her, but lately, she felt much of her anger giving away to indifference. She even had notions of regret lately, which was horrifying at first. But there was a nagging voice inside her now, telling her that she was the abuser and her misery was well deserved. She had no idea where such notions had come from though. It wasn't at all like her to think such things. She was one of the town's most powerful women, after all. Or at least she was. With Regina in power now...she had a feeling that her days in any kind of powerful position were as numbered as Cora's.

"So he did it…" Cora said coolly, as Kathryn looked up at her. The older woman wanted to sneer, as the look on the blonde's face was infuriating. She had gone from the cold, unfeeling tyrant that Cora had molded in her image to this simpering mess of a woman. That wouldn't do for her at all for what was to come and what had to be done.

"Even if I fight it now...there's no use. A Judge will just order me to sign," she said pathetically.

"Or maybe not," Cora replied.

"What do you mean?" Kathryn asked.

"I mean that your family's secrets are already out, thanks to Mary Margaret Swan's bastard son," Cora spat, as she showed her a copy of that day's edition of the Storybrooke Mirror. Kathryn looked at the headline and felt the indifference in her ebb away, only to be replaced with that familiar and powerful anger that had made her the feared woman she was.

"How dare they…" she growled.

"Yes...he painted quite a picture. Your poor father is probably beside himself right about now. Everyone knows for sure now that Albert Spencer sold his step-son for a hefty sum and that your marriage is nothing more than a master/slave business transaction. You're the town pariah now," Cora goaded, trying to stoke the seeds of anger and cruelty that she had planted inside the kind Princess Abigail with her perfect curse. Kathryn clenched her perfect teeth in anger and read the words that wrote her as an abusive, controlling wife and her husband as some kind of strong, championed hero that had survived insurmountable adversity.

"Damn him...damn her…" Kathryn growled.

"Yes...she did this. Trust me when I say that Mary Margaret Swan is the reason for all of this," Cora prodded. Kathryn gave into the rage inside her, like a light was flipped, and shredded the newspaper to pieces in her hands with a scream of fury. Cora smirked.

"Good...then you're ready to stop crying and licking your wounds?" she said.

"I'm...ready…" Kathryn hissed and Cora gave her a pleased smirk.

"Good...because for what we have to do...I cannot afford anyone to get a weak stomach now," she warned.

"I want...blood. Their blood," Kathryn said, Cora was thrilled at that, as it seemed August Swan had unknowingly put Kathryn perfectly back under the evils of her spell. And she knew that's what it was. Abigail would be horrified by the things she had done and was probably about to do if the curse was ever broken. But if Cora succeeded, then the curse would never break and Kathryn would remain as her right hand. She needed one too, since she could never count on Regina to be what she wanted. So molding the noble blooded Kathryn into her image would have to do as a surrogate for her own daughter.

"Good...and you'll have it if you stick with me. You may be the pariah, but that can still work to our advantage," she said.

"How?" Kathryn asked.

"They'll be at the diner soon. Why don't you take those papers and cause a scene. It will bode well for the storm that's coming," Cora replied cryptically. Kathryn smirked. Oh yes...she'd go tell her husband exactly what she thought of these papers and the little trollop he was sleeping with.

~*~

The shop bell rang, as Snow and David entered the shop that morning, while the rest of their family had gone onto the diner.

"When I told you both to bring the sapling here right away, I wasn't kidding," he said.

"Sorry...we got a bit distracted last night," David said, with a smirk that told the whole story.

"Clearly…" he deadpanned, as Snow sat the sapling on the counter.

"Have...have you seen Bae...Neal? I went by the Inn last night, but he wasn't in his room," Rumple inquired.

"He crashed on our couch last night. I think he wanted to be close to little David," Snow answered.

"Understandable," he said, as he looked at the sapling.

"Remarkable…" he muttered.

"Yeah...so how do you propose we keep this safe from Cora. I mean, if we know her like I think...she probably has keys to every place in this town," David mentioned.

"You're right to assume the worst of her. Fortunately, I have a place where she will not find it," Rumple responded.

"And you're not going to tell us where," Snow deduced.

"If she goes for broke and threatens someone either of you love to get to it...I think we all know that you would cave too easily," Rumple said.

"Even if she could destroy the sapling, she can't destroy our love. We wouldn't risk the life of someone we love for it," David replied. Rumple nodded.

"You do have a point, considering you both are the source. However, it's still too risky since it's magic and thus unpredictable in a world without," he said.

"Then why did you have me hide a potion that you made from us in Maleficent?" David questioned.

"That's my business," Rumple answered.

"And ours too. In case you've forgotten, we now share a grandson with you. And your son clearly still has feelings for our daughter and Emma may act like she's over Neal, but I assure you it's just that. An act," Snow said.

"She's right. We're the leaders of this family and in this family, we do things together," Charming added.

"I usually work alone," Rumple said.

"And working with us will get you into Neal's good graces," Snow reminded.

"Oh hell…" he cursed inwardly.

"All right...if you must know, originally I hid it away so it would come over with the curse and I could use it to bring magic to Storybrooke. I was going to need it to find Bae...but obviously things have changed on that front," Rumple stated.

"If Cora had magic, we'd all be in serious danger," David said.

"Which is why she can't get the potion or the sapling," Rumple agreed.

"That's what I don't get. Why did she bring your son here? That actually helped you," David said.

"He got free that night and he wasn't supposed to," Snow reminded.

"You weren't awake yet for that part," she added.

"She's right. Cora planned to keep him captive to use against me and if she thinks she can use our children against us in the future...she'll do it," he said.

"Then we can't let her. We have to present a united front," Snow said.

"Which means no more working alone," David added.

"Fine...but you two better be ready for the fight and that means no mercy. You two have a track record of being too forgiving," Rumple warned. Snow sighed.

"Though I will never think mercy is wrong...that was us in the past," she said, as she looked at her husband.

"After what Cora has done to us...we won't stop until she's gone and can never hurt anyone again," David agreed.

"Good...I hope that's true," he said. They nodded and joined hands, as they left for the diner. Rumple remained behind and walked into the back room of his shop. He looked at the magical looking glass and smirked.

"That should do," he said, as he proceeded to come up with the perfect hiding spot.

~*~

Finally. It was finally happening. When he received the call, he could hardly believe it was true. It had happened very fast yesterday when Captain Selvig of one of Portland's precincts had spoken with a Cora Mills, Mayor of a very small town by the name of Storybrooke, Maine. He had found it a bit strange that she had placed a call about an old larceny case involving a man named Neal Cassidy. He was wanted in Phoenix as well, but she had chosen to call them, which would allow them to prosecute the case if they were first to bring him in. It got even stranger though after that. The woman claimed that they were so small that she had taken the liberty of mailing a special map to their precinct to show them how to find the town. And sure enough, just an hour after the call, the map had shown up in the mail. Like magic or something.

If all of that wasn't peculiar enough, his precinct's boss received a special assignment from his superior and sent off on the new assignment. A temporary Captain was brought in at this point, which was why he was now in Maine.

Greg Mendel wasn't new to Maine and he had tragedy in his past. A tragedy that had set him on his life's path to find those responsible and make them pay. He still didn't know exactly what had truly happened that night. Only that some dark force had ripped through the forest that night and killed his father. He could still hear his father's screams that night, as they slept in the woods and some mystical happening had ripped him away.

He had watched in complete disbelief as a town sprawled up from the forest out of no where and as quickly as it appeared before him, it had disappeared. But the damage was done and he found his father's body a couple miles away from their campsite, his eyes frozen open in death.

He had run through the woods, his tears blinding him, as he cried for help. He wasn't even sure how long he had wandered along the side of the road until a passerby had stopped and taken him to the police. He had ended up in Augusta and told his wild story about a dark purple cloud carrying his father away and a town that appeared and disappeared before him.

He could tell immediately that the cops chalked his story up to a boy's wild imagination and that his father's death had obviously been caused by some realistic, but possibly nefarious occurrence.

It was two days later when a patrol car took him back to the vicinity and he was able to lead them to his father's body. By then, animals had found the body and there was not much left, to his sorrow and horror.

Despite all that, the detectives had assured him that there was not, nor had ever been, any town sprouting up in that vicinity. But Greg had never been convinced of that. He may have been young, but he knew what he had seen.

The medical examiner was limited in his findings after the autopsy due to the exposure the body of his father had suffered and the wildlife that had eaten parts of the deceased.

While inconclusive, the medical examiner ruled his father's death as accidental. He had found a broken bones, likely from impact with the ground, and a few burns on the skin still in tact. Apparently, the national weather service had picked up signs of an electrical type storm that night in the vicinity that included high winds. Therefore, the death was ruled accidental due to this "storm". But Greg had never and would never be convinced that what had happened that night was an electrical storm. He had been searching for answers his whole life and found people that believed his story. They had told him about the strange things that happened in this world and found that they had connections throughout the country that could get them into various fields, including, but not limited to, law enforcement. They were called the Home Office, a rather benign sounding name for what they did. They sought out the unexplained things that occurred in this world. The things that mainstream wrote off as impossible and usually buried or gave a plausible explanation, like his father's death. Greg was certain that the electrical storm that night was no electrical storm. And now he was finally going to prove it.

He was no cop, but the Home Office had put him through law school. It allowed him to plausibly involved with law enforcement and cases like these. The district attorney had mandated the precinct to take an assistant district attorney with them to deal with the legalities in this case. In reality, he was a lawyer, but not an assistant district attorney for the state. But the two detectives with him did not know anything was amiss. Nor would they, for they were only interested in making a collar and closing an old case.

Once he had more information, the Home Office would give him further instructions. He would have his answer and they would wipe away whatever unholy impurity had infected the world to quote the words of his handler.

"Damn...where is this place? We're in the middle of no where," the detective that was driving said. Greg didn't know him, but he had a few years of experience on the job and his name was Michael Bishop. The other was a woman. She was petite and beautiful, with curly blonde hair and blue eyes. He was sure she was every bit as capable as her male counterpart, but there was something about her that made him think she was more than she seemed. It was possible the Home Office had inserted another operative into this like they had with him, but he couldn't be sure and he knew better than to question her about it. One of many rules to working for the Home Office was that you didn't ask questions. That was fine with him. So far, they had gotten him to where he was in his life and at long last, this path would give him the answers he needed.

"It should be just around this bend," the female detective answered. Her name was Tia Bellum.

"How? There is literally nothing but woods," the male detective complained. But like out of no where, there was suddenly a sign.

"Huh...there it is. Welcome to Storybrooke," Tia said, as they sailed past the sign and slowed down. Michael looked surprised, as they drove into town proper. There had been nothing but woods for almost fifty miles and suddenly the town was just there. Greg was more certain than ever. This town was the reason his father died almost twenty years ago. Now he was going to find out how and why. Then he was going to make those responsible pay...

#Snowing #SnowxCharming #Charming family #Emma Swan #August W Booth #evil cora #CORA cast the curse #Regina Mills #AU #warning #mentions of abuse #nothing graphic #romance #angst #adventure #family #a darker curse

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askemilydeanyo · 5 years

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Hello, yes. We had a threesome.

Before I start, I’d like to say that for the bulk majority of my life, I have identified as a relatively jealous person. Not jealous in a comparative way, but in a “tell me everything about your past, in detail, and then comfort me when I get upset about it because I will get upset” kind of way. That being said, when my urge to have a threesome crept up, I was honestly taken off guard. Imagining my partner with other people in the past used to make me queasy, but suddenly thinking of them with someone else was making me seriously horny. What the fuck was going on? I’ll paint the scene for you:

I was on the front porch eating strawberries, reading my final pages of Karley Sciortino’s Slutever, when it first came over me. In a lascivious daze, I looked up to my partner, then cutting the grass, and said: “Do you want to have a threesome?” to which they plainly responded, “Yeah, sure.” So like any self-proclaimed horny millennial sex aficionado, I immediately took to Instagram. (Obviously, I realize that not everybody can hop on their social media account and solicit for a sex partner, but I have a majority of family blocked and let’s be real they are all pretty aware of my sluttiness, so it seemed plausible to me.)

My request, posted in typewriter font over a photo of my leather flogger, simply stated: “Seeking a third for play *devil emoji*.” And voilà, just like that, she was baited. I will say, I got about 9 responses in total, but none of the others quite fit the description. We didn’t want anyone we knew too close, anyone we didn’t know at all, or anyone younger than me. I suppose this is my first tip, being that it might take a while for you and your partner to find someone that you are both attracted to, and it is both okay and encouraged to allow yourselves to be choosey (like, sure it only took us about 3 hours, but I’d say we are an anomaly to the rule.) I know a lot of people take to bars, or get on Tinder, or hire a sex worker, and I think those are excellent options for certain kinds of people, but we didn’t want to just pick from a sea of faces, we wanted to have some sort of connection to our third.

So, when she slid into my DM’s, we were stoked. We both knew her, but very, very vaguely. She and I had met a handful of times in social settings, but never engaged in anything beyond surface level conversation. However, like many of these types of interactions in my life, we had, at some point, talked about sex. I speak very candidly about sexuality – and my online presence is certainly no exception. I run weekly sex polls, I post pre-smut photos of me in full rubber lingerie, and I have an advice column where I answer questions about sex and relationship issues. So the chances that I have given someone sex-related advice online, while only having a conversation about their dog in person is surprisingly high.

Since we had some back-and-forth in the past, she approached it by saying: “If it’s not out of line, maybe I can reach out to you two about joining in the fun? I’ve always thought you’d be fun and comfortable to be around.” Finally! My outward slut-ass-ness had paid off! I was sold on her. I took the idea to my partner and they immediately agreed. As I said, the entire process of deciding we wanted to have a threesome and finding our third took, quite literally, 3 hours, but I’d imagine it is comparable to when you go to adopt a puppy, and think “omg! This is the one!” – it just felt right, you know? We knew that she was hot, and she was kind, and wasn’t a sociopath looking to come in and wreck our relationship, so it genuinely seemed safe.

It became a massive topic of conversation. We began vocalizing our fantasies out loud while we had sex (“You want to see me eat a pussy?” and yes LORD I did), we discussed our expectations and boundaries in depth, and on at least a dozen occasions I said “oh my GOD are we actually doing this?” jumping around like an idiot while doing the dishes. The thought was so exciting. We are both sexually adventurous people, both naturally hedonistic, seemingly born with a desire to please, so adding a third into the mix felt more like an extension of us. Just something and someone fun to do. We ended up running into her that weekend and fucked like literal maniacs afterwards. It was amazing.

The timeline of deciding on the rendezvous and actually putting it into action took a whopping 10 days. The closer the event came, the more and more I became the most annoying version of myself. “Oh my god, she’s coming in 3 days. Oh my god, she’s coming tomorrow. OH MY GOD SHE’S COMING IN 4 HOURS.” When the time finally came, I prepped my body as if I was going to senior prom all over again (except honestly significantly more.) I waxed my bikini line, did a facial, did a hair mask, shaved my legs, exfoliated my entire body, rummaged my closet, took 10 minutes on my eyebrows. We swept the house, washed the sheets, shined all the latex, and boiled all the sex toys. The energy was fun and frantic and flirty.

Within the comfort of your monogamous relationship, it’s normal to begin to care less about these things, which is not to be taken as a diss. When you see someone essentially every day of your life, you care a lot less about deep conditioning your hair and more about paying your rent on time. Knowing that someone was going to experience our home, our bodies, and our relationship dynamic for the first time took us back to those butterfly-in-tummy vibes – when you actually made an effort to match your socks and tend to your ingrown hairs. It was so sweet knowing my partner was taking the time to landscape their pubes and make sure they looked good in their outfit. I felt like I was going on our first date all over again, which was a really welcoming and unexpected phenomenon.

I’ll fast forward and spare you the visual of me crouched over cleaning the toilet in leather pants (just kidding, there was the visual): She arrived. My partner and I were sitting in separate rooms when I saw her car pull up. As one might imagine, I literally screamed. The following is a rough description of what happened: She came in, we gave her the house tour, we chatted over a glass of champagne (that I admittedly took no more than three sips of because I had taken two power shots when I saw her car pull up) (that and my partner refuses to fuck drunk people which is one of the hundred things I love about them.) And then… we showed her ‘The Drawer.’

Okay, look. My partner and I are sex freaks. If you know either of us in person, I can guarantee that our sex drawer is exactly what you are visualizing. It is filled with latex and leather, and sensory deprivation accessories, and cock lassos, and butt plugs, and dildos and vibrators and weird medical equipment that even freaks us out at times. This was the moment of truth. When you open your sex drawer to someone, you are essentially showing them your lifespan porn history, your darkest fantasies, your bank statement and your daddy issues all at once. It is vulnerable and spooky and oddly exciting. Anyways, she was into it.

After some chatting in the bedroom, we were all clearly getting antsy, so I decided to take initiative. I asked our third to strip to her comfort level. I asked my partner to blindfold her. I took myself in the bathroom, got into a latex get up, and had a full blown Issa Rae style pep talk with myself in the mirror. When I emerged into the bedroom I found our third blindfolded and stripped to her panties, while my partner was rubbing her legs. My first thought was “Oh my god, am I gay?” I was so turned on. The roles of my partner and myself became immediately clear. Here they were, prioritizing comfort and consent, not wanting to overstep any boundaries (especially while I wasn’t in the room), and I come in wearing full domme gear, leather riding crop in hand, alarmingly ready to turn some asses red. My partner is truly the yin to my yang.

I won’t go into too much detail, partially because I blacked a lot of it out (adrenaline, not vodka, I promise) but also because this is meant to be less smut and more narrative; so let’s just say I was in a deviant bitches version of heaven. As someone who identifies as a 96% heterosexual woman, I was honestly anxious about having a vulva in my face. Believe me when I say I am a huge preacher of “vagina’s are snowflakes,” but admittedly, I’m picky (don’t come for me I am literally just straight.) I was so relieved that when our third was naked before us, I was in absolute awe. My dreamboat of a partner, a beautiful naked person, and a nightstand covered with sex toys; I could’ve died right then and been totally cool with it (except our third did not sign up for Necrophilia 101 and let’s be honest I knew immediately that I wanted to do it again.)

The one thing that put me the most at ease was our ability to prioritize comfort. This has to take form in various ways. Being comfortable enough to assert what you want: harder, deeper, lower, just spread my butt cheeks more, being comfortable enough to fumble (i.e. having to literally remove our third’s fingers from my body after dropping the magic wand on the floor and watching it vibrate its way across the room,) being comfortable enough to show someone a drawer filled with electric stimulation pads and urethral sounds (unused, before anyone freaks out), being comfortable enough to ask someone to swap gloves so you don’t exchange bacteria. It is seriously vital. In porn, we often see someone take their dick out of one vagina and put it in the other, and in reality that just isn’t safe. That being said, when our third hopped out of bed and put on gloves without being instructed, I felt like a proud mom (except like horny step mom that fucks the girl next door), because not only was she prioritizing our safety, but she was also simultaneously not judging us for wearing medical exam gloves while we fucked. Truly a win-win.

In summary, we all came, we cleaned up, and we sat on the bed after and recapped straight slumber party style. A visual: All of us are wearing crop tops and undies, drinking Moscato from the bottle, a murder scene of sex accessories littering the floor beside us. During this time, I was paying close attention to my emotions. I had been a third to a couple once in the past, and the girl told me that immediately after the horny feelings subsided, she cried a lot. I was waiting for this feeling to sweep over me, but instead, my thoughts were more “oh my god, I can’t believe I forgot to fuck her with the strap on.” It was all really, really pleasant.

After she left, my partner and I had sex once again, and for the next few days we brought it up at least once every hour or so. In the middle of an art fair: “Remember when you first walked into the room and grabbed her? That was my favorite part.” in the middle of eating pancakes: “Do you think she came good?” in the last few seconds of a Warriors vs. Clippers game: “My finger literally went into her ass on accident.” It was like a Facebook memory popping up to remind you that you are a sex goddess, rather than an unfortunate seventh grader with side swoop bangs.

In addition to these micro bursts of horny memories zapping me throughout the day, I also found myself feeling tremendously liberated all around. Suddenly, I felt like that bitch. I felt more sure of myself and my relationship than ever before. I felt proud of my ability to casually share my wonderful partner with someone else. I also experienced some unexpected but cutesy and innocent feelings of having a crush, like, omg I wonder if she’s told her friends, I wonder if she liked us, I wonder if she’ll want to come back. I still feel all of that.

Some people might read this thinking: Emily, was this really worth a 4000 word essay? It’s a threesome, chill, people do this all the time; while others might think: Hell no, I would never let my partner fuck someone else! Both to which I respond: I get it. A ton of people take comfort in routine, and monogamy, and would never think of sharing their partner’s bodies with someone else. Other people are more laissez faire, and are totally cool with the thought. I guess I fall somewhere in the in-between. The reason I am writing this is solely to inform others of one thing above all else, and that is: When you allow someone else to be with your partners body, it is solely that: their body. You must be able to compartmentalize your sexuality. The sex you have with your partner right after a fight, or at 7a.m. half hard and half asleep, or after a romantic anniversary dinner can never be replaced by a 10p.m Friday night Ménage à trois, nor is it meant to. You are not lending out your partner’s heart, you are lending out their oral sex game because you yourself find it to be phenomenal and you want someone else to experience it.

Your third doesn’t get to know the exact 45 degree angle at which your partner likes their penis stroked, or the exact string of words that’ll make you cum in seconds, or how you like your scalp rubbed before you fall asleep. They are there for newness, for fun, and for straight up sexual gratification. Their roll is essentially to cum and leave (after sitting cross legged blushing over the fact that you both have outie vulvas, and also, like maybe not leaving forever because you might want them to come back in the future!) not to rock your partner’s world and leave them looking at you like an old pair of beat up sneakers or whatever. If you are worried about your third outshining you, or your partner developing feelings, or your primary and secondary running off and having some kind of love affair, then a threesome just is not for you. Having a fear of infidelity as a result is a pretty clear indicator that something deeper is going on, and why subject yourself to unnecessary anxiety if you don’t have to? (PSA: You don’t have to.)

A threesome will not fix your relationship if it is on the rocks. It will not mend your trust issues. It will (likely) not cure your diminished libido. It will not grant you any otherwise unreciprocated respect in your relationship. You get no brownie points. A threesome is literally a novel concept. It is to witness your partner in action outside of your standard point of view. It is to learn new things that turn you on and turn you off. It is to remind yourself that you can be in a long term, serious, primarily monogamous relationship and still be able to experience the joy of other people’s bodies in a safe and controlled environment. It is to fuck, and to get fucked. To cum, and to make cum. It is to let someone eat you out that doesn’t eat you out every day.

If you came here for my recipe for a successful threesome, here is what I can suggest: (Please keep in mind that I am a literal amateur, but I do feel confident in my knowledge, so here you go:) First, plan accordingly. Plan around your menstrual cycle, around your work schedule, when you can get a baby sitter, etc. Then communicate! The communication is pivotal before, during, and after, but it is especially important beforehand as this can make or break your situation. Discuss your boundaries: What are your hard limits? What would you like to try? What are some things you know you like, know you don’t like? Which toys strike your fancy? What are some names you like to be called? What are your pronouns? What terminology do you prefer us reference your genitals with? Which parts of your body are off limits? When was the last time you were tested? Are you wanting to keep this between us three, or can I write a 4,000 word blog post about it? I could go on and on.

Other important things to discuss are rules and expectations (which fall under the umbrella of communication.) Some of my rules were that I didn’t want them being in contact without me knowing, so no exchanging of phone numbers or socials, and we also unanimously decided that there would be no penis in vagina intercourse. Some other rules to consider might be: Areas of the body that can and cannot be touched (anyone say asshole? Cause I sure didn’t), if the third can stay the night, certain sentimental pet names to avoid, etc. Some expectations that I outlined were basically just that everyone do what I say. Surprisingly, this was less of me being ‘the dick manager’ and more of me being more dominant in nature. Luckily, my partner and my third are (or at least were) more sub leaning, so they happily obliged. Other expectations were that everyone felt comfortable to speak freely, to take breaks, to vocalize their needs, and to stop if they needed to stop. Also I wanted to know a general idea of what I was expected to wear and what kind of energy I was expected to bring to the table.

Another massive thing to consider is safety. Do you have any transmittable diseases or infections? Are you feeling sick? Are you allergic to any materials? Are you willing to sanitize toys, change condoms, use gloves, use barriers, and wipe down the hitachi head when switching partners? If not, seriously don’t even consider. It is selfish, and potentially transmitting infections, getting someone sick, or GOD forbid pregnant is seriously not worth the extra set of hands. Clearly talk about safety, make it accessible (condoms and toy cleaner by the bed) and don’t let yourself get too drunk to forget about it.

Something that proved to be really important to us was someone who would honestly just accept us for the freaks that we are. Lack of judgement is important in any activity where you are putting yourself on display, but especially in a sexual situation. Imagine if you came to someone with your deepest desires and they crinkled their nose in disgust? It is honestly world shattering. So, plan your threesome with someone who you know is open minded. In my case, I am lucky that I am pretty outwardly filthy online, so our third likely had some type of idea, but in the case of anyone else, use your best judgement, and have some conversations around the topic. Be clear about your wants and your needs. You want to be able to proudly ask for someone to shove a dildo in your ass, not be hesitant and afraid. Both your orgasm and your dignity are on the line here.

Another thing I would like to highlight is that although the role of the third (in our case at least) is to essentially serve as a human sex toy, they are exactly that: a human. It is crucial that you are checking in, making sure they feel catered to, and safe, and comfortable. I’d like to think this is too obvious to state, but in the event that it’s not, I will say it: Everyone’s comfort and pleasure should be a priority. Only in some fucked up alternate universe does inviting someone new into the bedroom mean you start prioritizing one person’s body over the other. Everyone is equal and worthy of respect, and just because someone might get off on being called a slut in the bed, doesn’t mean they want to continue to feel like a slut once they leave your house. Be mindful. A good third understands that that their role is temporary and doesn’t need to be reminded through negligence of their basic human emotions.

My last point to touch on is how to bring up the subject to your partner, which will likely vary from relationship to relationship. My partner and I are very laid back. Our approach to sexuality is much less focused around ‘the art of seduction’ and much more on direct pleasure and connection. Like, instead of lighting candles to ‘set a mood’ we are lighting candles to pour the wax on each other… because it feels good… you know? So in my case, it was as simple as asking directly because we are always direct with requests. Other people might need more tenderness. You might consider saying: “While I am totally satisfied with our sex life, I was wondering if you would ever be interested in introducing another person into the mix? I think it would be a fun way for both of us to explore, together, and safely, as we would be in view of one another.” Clearly state your expectations, your desires, and your intentions. And if your partner declines, respect their decision. Nothing should be forced on anyone, and asserting time and time again that you want to fuck someone else will likely leave your partner feeling like they aren’t good enough. Then you don’t get your threesome and your partner feels like shit. Was it really worth asking that fourth time?

Returning to my first question (me questioning my overall sanity) – before, during, and after the fact, I realized what was going on inside of me was that I was finally dating someone that I trusted entirely. The reason that I was able to walk into a room to find my partner sitting in bed with a beautiful naked person and not literally vomit is because they weren’t doing anything to me, they were doing something with me. If you are proposing a threesome to keep your partner’s interest, or to prove something shallow to yourself, spare yourself the energy. I have said it before and I will say it again: Expanding outside of monogamy should always be from an abundance rather than a lack thereof. You should not be thinking “My girlfriend doesn’t let me fuck her in the ass, so maybe our third will.” You should be thinking “My partner does this really amazing thing with their tongue, and it would be really hot to see how someone else reacts to it.” (And maybe if you’re lucky your third will gladly take it up the ass?)

So, wrapping up, perhaps you should consider having a threesome if you: Are secure in your relationship, if you find your partner to be too hot to keep to yourself, if you have an abundance of trust and respect for one another, if you are both willing to respect boundaries and safety measures, if you are wanting to explore other bodies while keeping your partner included, or if you are horny hedonists looking for some good spank material. You should not consider having a threesome if you: Feel pressured to, if you think it will mend an otherwise crumbling relationship, if you are feeling insecure, if you have trust issues, if your partner has expressed romantic interest in the third, if either of you have had a relationship with the third in the past (could get messy), if you are not attracted to the third, or if it is a last ditch effort to impress your partner.

Realistically, there are probably hundreds of reasons why introducing someone into your bedroom is or is not a good idea, so please note that I do realize I am only speaking to a small percentage of people. The reality just is that: like a raw vegan diet is not for everybody, like funneling a beer is not for everybody, like adopting a cat, or backpacking through Europe, or learning how to unicycle is not for everybody, having group sex is not for everybody. It is okay to leave certain kinds of activities to certain kinds of people, no matter how intriguing they might seem from a distance.

By no means am I saying that all group sex configurations must be rooted in love. They can be rooted in lust, in adventure, in curiosity – but one thing that is absolutely CRUCIAL is that they are rooted in trust. I trust that you will switch condoms and sterilize shared toys. I trust that you will respect my body and my boundaries and my concerns. I trust that you won’t turn into a pussy crazed lunatic and start trying to have threesomes weekly. I trust my partner with everything from my social security number to my incest fantasies, which means, most importantly, that I trust that they won’t go off and try to fuck anyone without me. If you have any doubt in your mind that you are doing this for reasons outside of solely hedonistic, pure, and/or loving intentions, consider reconsidering.

Now to share some gratitude: Thank you massively to my partner for allowing me to fulfill my sexual destiny, for supporting all my impulsive endeavors, for prioritizing my orgasms, and for never making me feel small (unless I want to feel small, then thank you for catering to that too.) Thank you so much to you, dream third, for making us both feel safe, for coming into our dynamic with an open mind, for feeling comfortable enough to not only share your body with us but also your stories, and your requests, and your positive energy (and for tolerating my demands and recurring slapping.) And thank you to anyone who has read all of this x so so much love.

#scared to tag anything naughty

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