#Lyrics very fitting actually thank you brain for the musical narration

[shmowder]

was having a good day until I remembered the lines:

"Oh God, what now? Oh God, not now! Help me, somehow. Please take the pain away! Feel it fill me. This will kill me. Please, God, will me—somehow to fight, I pray! Oh, God, help me! GOD HAVE MERCY! DON'T LET HER SEE. NOT ON OUR WEDDING DAY!"

From that one Jekyll and Hyde musical—while rummaging through my drawers for a pad in desperation because I forgot about periods being a thing and just got reminded

[albatris]

HI hello hope you're enjoying this nice rainy Tuesday, I was listening to 'The Only House That's Not On Fire (Yet)' and I know it's a ATDAO bop and I was just curious as to how exactly? May I request a Ramble? As in-depth as you would care to be? Thank you thank you

hey hey hello hi!! I am enjoying this nice rainy-Tuesday-that-is-now-a-not-rainy-Thursday c: I hope you're enjoying it also, hope you're goin good, hope you're up to all sorts of cool stuff!

thank you for the question!!! I am always always excited at any opportunity to ramble about ATDAO song choices so as soon as I saw this in my inbox my thoughts started going a billion miles an hour

anyway, hey, yeah, ramble time! ramble might be a little fuzzily-worded because my brain is a little fuzzily-everythinged but hopefully it makes enough sense ahaha

ok, so!

this one is a bit of a peculiarity on the ATDAO playlist, actually! it falls into the category of "this song doesn't have an awful lot of direct plot relevance and is mostly just here because Vibes" yet, somehow, if pressed to name the song on the playlist that encapsulates ATDAO best as a whole, I would say it comes pretty close to the top spot :P

so, yes, a lot of the specifics of the lyrics don't particularly fit if we're thinking in literal terms......... the ENERGY is unparalleled though. HOWEVER I do have some particular parts of the song I can direct your attention to, of course, which I'll get into in a sec -

but ya, as for the song as a whole? it's the cheerful, upbeat acceptance of a series of completely bizarre circumstances! it's just a good bop for being like Welp I Guess This Is My Life Now. and being so accustomed to the completely bonkers state of your reality that it's all just completely mundane to you, which parallels to ATDAO so nicely

plus the start of the second verse, like so

I feel strangely regular / but honestly I prefer it to the usual bizarre / damn that oxymoron

AND the very...... feeling....... concept.....? of this being the only house that's not on fire yet is just kind of like........ I mean, whatever the narrator of the song is involved in, it very much gives me the impression of being entirely at the whims of some force that's volatile and completely incomprehensible

with the "yet" being crucial

But something keeps me as a pet / the only house that's not on fire yet

combined with the general tone of the music gives me the image of just like. sitting on ur front porch sipping a margarita, having just watched the rest of your street devolve into chaos and fire knowing you're completely at the mercy of something bizarre and all-powerful and just being like. "hm. yikes. anyway--"

it's a good tone for the general state of the ATDAO world, which is full of people going about their everyday lives against this bizarre backdrop of ever-present looming apocalyptic dread, completely at the whims of a chaotic and indifferent universe

like

the world is ending! the world is ending! a reality-warping sinkhole just opened in your local bowling alley! but in more pressing concerns, you're almost out of milk, you should try and get to the store before it closes or your mum won't have anything for her cereal tomorrow morning

another point I wanna address is the bridge (?) which is just

the punchline is that there is no punchline

repeated over and over, which is the kicker for this song in its relation to ATDAO imo

'cause like

the theme in ATDAO that keeps coming back and the main......... antagonistic......... concept? force? The Thing The Protagonists Are Constantly Up Against And Struggling With In Some Fashion Or Another? is simply "there is no meaning to this, there is no answer, there is no grand puzzle to be solved, this is all just cold and unfeeling cosmic machinery that doesn't even know you exist"

quite literally, if this is the universe's idea of a joke, there's no punchline

like, the things that happen to Tris and Noa (and Shara and Kai), the things that set the plot in motion, these are acts of chance, these are people being in the wrong place at the wrong time, these are ordinary human people getting swept up into the gears of this endless grinding machine they can barely comprehend and There Is No Point To It. There Is No Motivation Behind It. it happens because it happens!

and there's this shift from like..... seeing it through this very human lens, being angry AT something, being angry AT a particular force, trying to reason with it, trying to plead with it, trying to make it hear you......... to the realisation that there's nothing on the other end of it, there's nothing there to hear you, nothing to take the force of your anger and fear. and like, you knew you were alone, but you're only just realising you're ALONE

n just. "there is no punchline" just clicks FANTASTICALLY for that

(n of course, that's..... grim. so it bears repeating that, like...... the whole heart and soul of ATDAO is people coming face-to-face with the reality of an uncaring unfeeling universe and deciding, Hey, No, Fuck You. it's people caring about people, intentionally, purposefully, violently, no matter the costs! it's the human capacity for love and kindness and connection in the face of horror and indifference! and it matters! even if it doesn't matter at all, it matters!! it matters here and now in this tiny speck of time and space!! love is at the centre of everything!! it's the single greatest act of defiance against the nothing!!!!)

(and that's not relevant to this post at all, I just would have hated to leave on that sort of note LMAO)

long story short: tune good c:

[passionate-reply]

This week, on Great Albums, we finally get around to discussing an industrial album--and we’ve started with one of the best there is, from the OGs themselves: Throbbing Gristle! (No, it isn’t jazz funk, I promise.) As always, full transcript under the break.

Welcome to Passionate Reply, and welcome to Great Albums! Today, I’ll be talking about one of the most important albums in the history of industrial music, and certainly one of the most...infamous. If you’ve ever noticed this album hanging on my wall in my other videos, you may well have wondered how an album that looks like this fits in with the rest of the stuff that’s up there. This record is the pioneering industrial group Throbbing Gristle’s classic 20 Jazz Funk Greats, and it’s essentially a bait and switch. It looks like a dorky, “family band” record from the bargain bin, but when you put it on, it sounds like this:

Music: “What a Day”

...well, not really. I’ve fibbed a bit here, much like Throbbing Gristle lied to you with this album cover. “What a Day,” one of the most sonically abrasive tracks on this album, is actually the second to last track! They take a little time to warm you up to the heavier stuff, actually. The first two tracks, the title track and “Beachy Head,” are still not really “jazz funk” by anybody’s standards, but they ARE decidedly softer than some of the other stuff you’ll encounter here.

Music: “20 Jazz Funk Greats”

Things arguably don’t start really heating up until we reach the third track on the album: “Still Walking,” which introduces us to ear-splitting distortion, rapid, disorienting percussion, and buried, albeit deeply ominous vocals, sounding like the first “typical” Throbbing Gristle track. It’s dense and almost comically busy, almost exhausting to listen to--and yet we have only just begun.

Music: “Still Walking”

So, where do we go from here? 20 Jazz Funk Greats wouldn’t be the legendary album that it is, if it was a one-note knock-knock joke, a jack in the box that emerges fully within the first few minutes of the album. What I think it really excels at is its ability to keep us on our toes throughout its entire runtime--it goes back and forth between showing a slightly friendlier face, and peeling back the skin of that face to show us the gory skull underneath. The whole thing vibrates along that contrast. Side two of the album, for instance, opens with one of Throbbing Gristle’s best-known tracks: “Hot on the Heels of Love.”

Music: “Hot on the Heels of Love”

Positioned squarely in the middle of the track listing, and at the crucial point of opening the second side, “Hot on the Heels of Love” certainly seems crucial to the album. It reads as a sort of dark parody of Giorgio Moroder’s famous “I Feel Love,” in which the voice of Donna Summer stands nakedly alone in a sea of pulsating synthesisers. It’s a pretty quick rebuttal, too, given that “I Feel Love” was released just the year before! Despite those sultry, breathy vocals, courtesy of Cosey Fanni Tutti, there’s no mistaking this one for a disco hit--not with its harsh hi-hats and gritty, highly textural synth scrapes. “Hot on the Heels of Love” features minimal lyrics--and they’re almost insultingly vapid--but 20 Jazz Funk Greats also features two prominent tracks that are much heavier in lyrical content, which I like to think as complementary to one another: “Convincing People” and “Persuasion,” which appear on the first and second side of the LP, respectively.

Music: “Convincing People”

Taken alone, “Convincing People” is weird, but it’s so vague and disorganised that it’s hard to come to a firm conclusion about what’s going on the first time you hear it. Unlike “Still Walking,” the fairly minimal instrumental accompaniment makes it easy enough to make out what the words are, without the sleeve handy. But it’s also so repetitive that it’s bound to infect you with semantic satiation, and fog up your brain’s ability to pay attention to those lyrics. The clearest statement “Convincing People” seems to be making is that you’ll never convince people when you come across as someone who’s trying to be convincing...well, alright, I suppose. But what really gives this song a darker significance is its counterpart on the flip, “Persuasion.”

Music: “Persuasion”

Abrasive numbers like “What a Day” and “Still Walking” are physically uncomfortable to listen to, but “Persuasion,” like the earlier Throbbing Gristle number “Slug Bait,” unnerves you with its lyrics instead. It takes up the mantle of a narrator who’s clearly a predatory, sexually violent character, and once again, a fairly simple instrumental makes us confront this vile subject matter head-on, as though we are alone in the room with this creep. “Persuasion” and “Convincing People” are actually extremely similar, but the biggest difference between them is that “Persuasion” is the escalation of their shared basic idea, with its much more explicit lyrics, and use of dissonant, unpredictable human screaming sounds. It’s actually a great metaphor for understanding how this album works--it gradually pushes our boundaries as we listen, worming its way into our consciousness like some masterful manipulator. And it dovetails with how Throbbing Gristle frontman Genesis P-Orridge would later style herself as a charismatic cult leader, with varying shades of irony, in later projects related to “Thee Temple ov Psychic Youth.” As we’ve recently been told, you don’t convince people by coming across as someone trying to be convincing. Or do you?

As I alluded to in the beginning, the name and cover design of 20 Jazz Funk Greats are a sort of musical booby trap, to hopefully ensnare innocent victims. It’s not jazz or funk, it doesn’t have twenty tracks, and its seemingly quaint cover photo, featuring the band in sunny surroundings, actually has a dark secret: the spot it was taken at, Beachy Head, is the most popular suicide destination in Europe, and one of the most popular worldwide. It’s Britain’s highest sea cliff, a stark, sheer wall of chalk that looms over the English Channel, and just a few feet away from where Throbbing Gristle are standing, people regularly throw themselves off of it. It’s a place where delicate natural beauty meets the profound human sickness sown by our twisted, exploitative industrial world. It’s just one more insidious detail, that heightens the cruel spirit of the album’s visual identity. It’s worth remembering that Throbbing Gristle were, first and foremost, provocateurs. I think that may be a better way to think about them overall, compared to thinking of them as “musicians.”

In my day, I’ve often seen 20 Jazz Funk Greats recommended as a good introduction to Throbbing Gristle, and to industrial music as a genre, more broadly. Industrial is one of the very few genres of music that was given its common name by an artist and not an outside critic--and we have Throbbing Gristle to thank for coining it, so they’re inarguably industrial royalty. Their catalogue remains indispensable to understanding what industrial is about--like so many acts we consider seminal or foundational, the seeds contained here inform a great deal of subsequent music. The problem, though, is where to begin, since they were arguably more of a jam band than a studio act, with legendary live performances that probably influenced other artists much more than anything they ever pressed on wax. Their discography is hairy, peppered with live recordings, non-album A-sides, and releases whose official vs. bootleg status is unclear. If you’re looking for a traditional album listening experience--as many music enthusiasts often are--it’s hard to do better than 20 Jazz Funk Greats.

At the same time, though, I think there’s something to be said for respecting the fact that Throbbing Gristle were never trying to offer anyone a traditional listening experience. Just the opposite! 20 Jazz Funk Greats is a Great Album, for sure, and it’s also a bit more of a softball than some of their other work, which arguably makes it a bit more accessible. But is it really all that fair to try and wring an “accessible” experience from a band like Throbbing Gristle, when it isn’t particularly representative of their work? Or is it better to meet them head on and try to tackle them on what appear to have been their own terms? If you’re new to them, but want to understand Throbbing Gristle and feel literate in their work, I think I might recommend their 1981 “greatest hits” compilation, Entertainment Through Pain, better than I would any of their proper albums--particularly if you’re like me, and prefer their more aggressive cuts to the ambient ones.

Music: “Adrenalin”

I think my favourite track is “Walkabout,” even though I would argue it’s one of the least “industrial” sounding tracks here. It isn’t heavy, rhythmic, or sludge-textured, but instead serves as a sort of “breather” between “Persuasion” and “What a Day,” a brief, floating melody that drifts by like a cirrus cloud. It’s both playful as well as devious, wedging itself between some of the hardest-hitting stuff, looking like it might be a reprieve, but ultimately leading right back into harsh musical territory--like an abuser love bombing you between some of their worst behaviour. Perhaps “Walkabout” is something like a masochist’s after-care, a moment of healing and cooldown after the excesses of simulated abuse. Or perhaps it’s the stillness and disquiet peace of the grave, for those who meet their end at the hands of “Persuasion”’s narrator? Ambiguity and possible irony are an integral part of Throbbing Gristle’s particular danse macabre...so I’ll leave the rest of the interpreting up to you. Thanks for watching!

Music: “Walkabout”

[lesbian-kyoru]

Can I ask 1-9 for the Kyoru FWB fic? (Which btw is probably my favourite Kyoru fic ever)

first off thank you so much, that’s so freaking kind?? there are some truly amazing kyoru fics out there so i’m honored that you would consider mine one of your favorites!!! i’m more than happy to answer these questions ahhhhh 

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

i got the idea to write a fwb AU completely on a whim! came to me randomly one day and thought it would be fascinating to explore, especially because it’s a concept that kind of goes against how people view kyoru as very Pure and Cute and Wholesome Only... it’s like, you read fb and you’re like “they freak out when their hands touch there’s no way they’re fwb....” but. what if they actually were lmfao. not exactly written out of spite, but more that i thought it would be an incredibly interesting scenario because it seems so out of character and implausible on the surface. it was a super fun challenge and i really like how it all came together!! didn’t expect for it to be 25k+ but yknow. sometimes it do be that way

2: What scene did you first put down?

the very first scene on the rooftop, actually! i tend to write extremely chronologically, actually, so most of inertia was written very moment to moment, beat by beat. i think the reason is bc i’m a theatre actor and you always perform plays in order, so storytelling is naturally very chronological for me and it’s hard for me to write out of order lol. notable exception is that i wrote the ending/epilogue before i had finished part 2! (and it actually was finished before i even realized i wanted to write a part 3 at all LMFAO)

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

She watches him, and she wonders how anyone could call someone so beautiful a monster.

i am a simple woman and “in love with a monster” stories just really speak to me. i like how this is peak angst and peak romance in a single sentence. feels good feels natural feels kyoru💖

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

“This was supposed to be about… I don't know, helping you be prepared for when you meet someone, okay? Just… practice for you. It's not about me." "Does it even matter what the reason is?" she asks. "Yeah, because it keeps both of us from being idiots."

fun fact this question made me realize that my favorite lines are always prose/narration and never my dialogue and it’s because i kind of write dialogue very sparingly. because i hate when characters say what they actually feel hsdhfoisdhfos. having said that, i’m gonna go with this exchange because i like how it toes the line between saying what they feel and. absolutely obscuring what they really mean with bullshit LOL. very them

honorable mention:  "Oh, so you want to bone Honda-san?" haru....what a king. egot

5: What part was hardest to write?

definitely the clusterfuck that is the last scene of part 2. firstly it’s over 6k which was a monster to write, felt never ending LMFAOOOO. also just was a challenge across the board because it required a lot of me as a sex scene, and then plot/character-wise it was also just sooooo complex and messy and emotionally-charged. the section in between tohru mental breakdowns 1 and 2 took about a week of agonizing over it and tweaking to get it right. i think the agony was worth it though bc it’s definitely the scene i’m most proud of in the series now :’)) also it made people cry and that feels so satisfying as a writer >:)

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

it’s my only kyoru fic that’s not a one shot! my first kyoru AU as well, and it definitely just has the most angst and has the most complex plot of anything else i’ve written. it’s also the first time i’ve ever written smut LMFAO...this fic is just my baby it’s special to me haha

7: Where did the title come from?

so the series title and the part titles all come from the song inertia by brother moses!! from very early on i had a fwb AU mix to listen to while i wrote, and i added inertia on a whim along with some others. as i listened to it more, the music and lyrics really ended up having just the right vibe that i wanted for the title. “entangle me” feels very impending chaos and getting caught up in a situation that is going to spin out of control, which is very part 1 lol. “moments when you and i are one” feels very intimate and quiet and secretive which i thought fit part 2. and then i settled on inertia as the series title because i think the concept of stagnation vs moving forward is super relevant to fb as a whole, but specifically to kyoru and their mutual pining! if u can’t tell i like naming fics ahaha

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

i definitely have some kyoru fics that are more inspired by my real life than others LMFAO but tbh this one is mostly just inspired by me thinking about kyoru all the goddamn time. i’ve had some disaster relationships and that energy inspires me as well LOL. but i can’t say i’ve ever had a fuckbuddy and also been in love with them, i’m truly just drawing on that Universal Feeling of Yearning there

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

big one is that it started as just a tohru POV fic because i love getting inside her brain, but i later incorporated kyo POV because i felt like i needed both to tell the story best and justify the complex motivations (and mental gymnastics lol) that led them into this situation. i’m super glad i included kyo POV though, because i really can’t imagine the fic without his scenes now! i love kyo so much and i love writing him. oh and another one! this started as one giant oneshot. then it became two parts. THEN it became two parts + an epilogue. and now it’s three parts + an epilogue. my deepest apologies because that’s why i’ve left y’all hanging for over a month now LMAO

ask me about a fic

[loseyoutoloveme]

can you do a rundown/review of every song on folklore like you've done for selena? and what your current top 5 are??

considering this is officially one of my top 3 favourite albums ever i’m v happy to 😌! warning, absolutely every single song will be ranked 10/10

thank for wanting to know my thoughts :( i can’t believe anybody would volunteer to read this JDNSKSDJKDS

first of all, my top 5 is probbbbably gonna change (maybe not tho bc my lover top 5 hasn’t really changed a lot), but for now, i think it’s: august > seven > mad woman > illicit affairs > mirrorball

THE 1:

ngl my very first thought was that it reminded me of same love by macklemore skdjdskjdskjsd but not in a bad way!

literally some of the prettiest lyrics, i knew just from this song that this would top red as her best lyrically (best album in general)

honestly just rly sad and sweet and one of those songs that has such a universal sound i feel?

also the simplest song of the album lyrically (also not in a bad way, just like objectively this is the easiest subject matter on the album with the least opaque lyrics), so a really good opener

best lyrics: “we never painted by the numbers baby but we were making it count/you know the greatest loves of all time are over now” and “we were something don’t you think so/roaring twenties tossing pennies in the pool/and it my wishes came true it would’ve been you”

a cute girl, 10/10

CARDIGAN:

i was surprised by the darkish sound of this one

idk what that like clanking sound in the background is but i find it a lil distracting in the first half of the song - but if i ever find out what it is and it has some symbolic meaning/purpose for being there (i assume it does) i’ll accept it sdjknsd

i love the nostalgia that is so present in like almost every song on this album :(

also the music video is stunning and frames the entire album in the most interesting way, metaphor-wise

best lyrics: “i knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss/knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs/the smell of smoke would hang around this long/cause i knew everything when i was young/i knew i’d curse you for the longest time/chasin’ shadows in the grocery line/i knew you’d miss me when the thrill expired/and you’d be standing in my front porch light/and i knew you’d come back to me”

10/10

THE LAST GREAT AMERICAN DYNASTY:

love this one bc it’s like a nice lil exhale in an album filled with angst, like it’s cute and boppy without being aggressive

i’m suddenly absolutely obsessed with rebekah harkness, particularly the “bitch pack” thing and her dyeing someone’s dog green

i love taylor’s storytelling and i love how that’s always been a big part of her approach to songwriting. this is taylor at her best narration, like starlight but so much better. this is a type of songwriting that is so underused these days, esp by mainstream artists and i love so much that she has always used it and been so invested in it

the pronoun change made me screech. sooo goooood

taylor’s obv a deeply autobiographical artist which is why it’s so incredible to hear her tell OTHER people’s stories and somehow make them so her own. like i think it’s mostly the english major in me that just gets so emotional over that...... the way that other people’s stories became our own through the way we tell them......

this song is def the one that is most explicit about the album’s theme of telling stories but ones that tell something about her (and about her listeners too), by switching to personal pronouns at the end. it sets up a pattern for the rest of the album, where each song is about one thing (the actual story she’s telling) but also about a bunch of other things.

a good example of why she’s the greatest songwriter of this generation

best lyrics: “there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen/she had a marvelous time ruining everything”

10/10

EXILE:

bon iver’s voice was a full shock to the system the first time i listened and idk why sdkjnds it is just so deep and i was not at all expecting it esp after the cuteness of tlgad

anyway these lyrics are GORGEOUS

i love a duet where the 2 singers’ lyrics are meant to be directed at each other. is there a word for that type of duet idk but it always makes a duet infinitely better

the miscommunication exemplified in the bridge...... chef’s kiss heartbreaking

out of all the songs this is the one that makes me feel the most like i am in the middle of a forest in winter. i can already picture myself listening to this song in december with the sound of a crackling fire in the background mmmmmmmm my exact vibe

best lyrics: “you’re not my homeland anymore/so who am i defending now?/you were my town, now i’m in exile seeing you out” and “i’m not your problem anymore/so who am i offending now?”

10/10

MY TEARS RICOCHET:

this chorus BRRROOOOKE ME

writing songs presumably about the masters situation and framing them as breakup songs was absolutely galaxy brain

i feel like the image of tears ricocheting has like a million layers to it and is just suuuuch a smart metaphor

also just such a visually rich song ? so is every song on the album but the metaphors of this song are all just so visual

best lyrics: “i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace/and you’re the hero flying around saving face/and if i’m dead to you why are you at the wake?” and “i can go anywhere i want/anywhere i want, just not home”

10/10

MIRRORBALL:

ok so i did like this one on first listen, i loved absolutely everything on first listen, but it didn’t hit my top 5 until like 8 listens later, so it’s def a big grower and i think could be a huge fan fav by next year

the self-awareness in her writing will never fail to amaze me

the way that life is just performing...... yeah

but it’s crazy to me that a person could be like “i’m a compulsive people pleaser and performer and i’ll do anything to get ppl to like me” and that leads to “i am a disco ball” like ???? her brain is so big. it’s such a gorgeous metaphor.... and the circus imagery AHHHHH

best lyrics: “i’m still on that tightrope/i’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me/i’m still a believer but i don’t know why/i’ve never been a natural, all i do is try try try/i’m still on that trapeze/i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me” and “i can change everything about me to fit in”

10000/10

SEVEN:

this one simply rips my heart out

at first i was like oh this is so weird and then the chorus just would not leave my head

for me personally, nostalgia is literally 90% of my personality and just for so many personal reasons the thought of childhood ending and all of the growing pains that come along with that have been at the forefront of my psyche for the past year. so it just kills me whenever i find a song like this one and it kills me that taylor specifically has several songs about this topic and this is 100000% the best of them all. like it’s the most beautiful experience to have your thoughts and feelings and fears expressed so perfectly by a total stranger, and that’s rly what art is about and i love taylor for doing that for me and millions of other people

i just feel like this song brings up so many vivid beautiful memories of childhood for so many people, like being outside in the summer and screaming and being free. ugh

the pause after “i hit my peak at seven” before completing the phrase........ OOOOOOOOOF IT HITS TOO HARD

and sound-wise, just so off-beat and cool and unique

best lyrics: “i hit my peek at seven/feet in the swing across the creek” and “are there still beautiful things?” and “love you to the moon and to saturn/passed down like folk songs/the love lasts so long” and “before i learned civility/i used to scream ferociously/any time i wanted”

100000000000/10

AUGUST:

i knew immediately that this would be my favourite tbh like i could sense it the second it began

i wrote my first impression thoughts in my journal and you can tell the exact moment i got to the bridge bc i just started screaming sdnjksdkjsdn

i would 100% get a tattoo that said “to live for the hope of it all”

everything about this song is LITERALLY flawless like i have.......no notes......no thoughts.......it’s just an absolutely perfect song

best lyrics: “back when we were still changing for the better/wanting for was enough/for me it was enough/to live for the hope of it all" and “august sipped away like a bottle of wine/cause you were never mine”

100000000000000000000000000/10

THIS IS ME TRYING:

this song is rly good but i keep forgetting it exists omg :/ once i learn all of the lyrics i’ll appreciate her more

the strings are gorgeous

i was rly surprised that this one was done with jack instead of aaron just bc the bridge of this sounds SOOOO the national

these lyrics could be interpreted in so many different ways depending on the listener’s experiences and that’s beautiful

best lyrics: “i was so ahead of the curve/the curve became a sphere/fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here” and “it’s hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound/it’s hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you/you’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town”

10/10

ILLICIT AFFAIRS:

that soft high note on “down,” “stop,” etc is sooooo nice

i don’t have many thoughts on it, it’s just so soft, SOOOOOO gorgeous instrumentally and lyrically

best lyrics: “it’s born from just one single glance/but it dies and it dies and it dies/a million little times” and “don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby/look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/you showed me colours you know i can’t see with anyone else” and “you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else/and you know damn well/for you i would ruin myself/a million little times”

100000/10

INVISIBLE STRING:

like i said about tlgad, this is a nice little break from all the angst and pain and anger sdnjksdnskjsd just a sweet little break to remind u there are good things in the world too. so placed really well in the tracklist imo

super super super super cute chorus

so many pretty melodies

absolutely an autumn song btw

best lyrics: “time, mystical time/cutting me open, then healing me fine”

10/10

MAD WOMAN:

i literally lost my mind listening to this for the first time

i have such a thing for scorned women anthems like i will immediately love it whatever it is

the pure rage when she says “cause you took everything from me” gives me full body chills

it is just so eerie and haunting and perfect

best lyrics: “women like hunting witches too/doing your dirtiest work for you/it’s obvious that wanting me dead/has really brought you two together” and “every time you call me crazy i get more crazy/what about that?” and “good wives always know/she should be mad, should be scathing like me/but no one like a man woman”

1000000/10

EPIPHANY:

i find this one so hard to listen to but it’s absolutely beautiful and devastating and so heavily relevant for i think the whole world rn

the heart monitor and the trumpets tying both of the topics in together is so genius and so heartbreaking

i think will be the sygb of folklore where it makes everybody cry so much that it becomes a skip despite being a beautiful song

best lyrics: “something med school did not cover/someone’s daughter, someone’s mother” and “some things you just can’t speak about”

10/10

BETTY:

first of all THE HARMONICA

this made me so happy bc it’s just so debut and so fearless and it made me SOOOOO nostalgic on my first listen, because it really felt to me like i was getting to listen to a song from debut or fearless for the very first time again

it’s just so sweet and cute and simple and yet another very self-aware moment of looking back to her past material/subject matter

best lyrics: “would you have me? would you want me?/would you tell me to go fuck myself/or lead me to the garden?” and “i’m only seventeen, i don’t know anything/but i know i miss you”

10/10

PEACE:

the bass at the beginning is soooooo nice

this miiiiiight be the strongest song on the album lyrics-wise but idk yet

not much to say, it’s just so gorgeous

best lyrics: “i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm/if your cascade ocean wave blues come/all these people think love’s for show/but i would die for you in secret” and “would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” and “i talk shit with my friends, it’s like i’m wasting your honour”

10/10

HOAX:

i have a feeling this one will be underrated/underappreciated bc it’s just simple and dark and the last song, but this is....... a lyrical masterpiece

i feel like i need to be playing this on vinyl with all of the lights off and just a candle burning yknow, like there’s just something so dark and ancient about it

best lyrics: “my winless fight/this has frozen my ground” and “your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in/don’t want no other shade of blue but you/no other sadness in the world would do” and “you knew it still hurt underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark/darling this was just as hard”

10/10

OVERALL: 10000000000/10 literally one of the best albums i have ever heard and (while i wouldn’t put it past her to top it) absolutely the best work of her career. so complex and layered and emotional and painful and genuine and different. not to get ahead of myself but this is/should be considered her blue, her rumours, her abbey road....... god. can’t wait to listen to this album for the rest of my life and play it for my future children and just watch it live on as the greatest work of one of the most important artists of the 21st century

[enesjay]

let’s talk about the novel

I keep vaguely mentioning the novel as if I didn’t create this blog because of it. It’s time to talk about Ever Yours. 

「Meet the Characters」

To those around her, Devi Viridian is living the perfect life: she’s ambitious, talented, and successful. She’s also the best liar in the world. And everyday, Devi lives as though she is running out of time – soon, that pristine mask will slip and reveal the ugly truths she’s spent her life running away from. 

After the funeral of her beloved mentor and friend, Devi is thrown back in time by an unexplainable freak accident. Waking up, she finds herself in an unfamiliar world, far away from home. Will she be able to find her way back – or rather, does she want to find her way back? 

----- ----- -----

At the tender age of 23, William Pitt has fulfilled his destiny: to follow the footsteps of his father and become one of the most powerful man in country. Aloof, ingenious, and unstoppable – the whole world sees nothing past the facade which he has spent his entire life building up. Just as it should be. 

Fast forward four years: Christmas recess, 1787. It was supposed to be just another tedious journey back to London – until he finds a young woman lying unconscious on the road. Nothing could have prepared him for what was next, and how their lives will forever be changed. 

A young woman from the 21st century. An 18th century Prime Minister. A whole lot of chaos (and Whitney Houston). This isn’t your typical history flick. 

(I plan to write a proper blurb at some point, but we’ll see). 

(Top left: Robert Home, Portrait of a Malay Woman, c.1770-1778; Bottom Right: Gainsborough Dupont and Thomas Gainsborough, The Right Honourable William Pitt the Younger (1759-1806), c.1787-1790. )

One of the greatest challenges is deciding to have a main character who’s a WOC, and fitting her into a historical setting that was extremely hostile towards POC. But in truth, I didn’t think twice about it because as a WOC myself, I’ve been waiting all my life to see somebody who looks like me in historical fiction. When southeast Asian women are shown in the media (generally speaking), we’re usually portrayed as degrading stereotypes and caricatures, which (it goes without saying) are not representative of who we are. I hope my novel will make things right – you know what they say, ‘be the change you wish to see’. 

Also, In light of everything that’s going on today, I think it’s important to go beyond the white-washed history of our textbooks. The historical domain characters (bar a few), are all elite white men and women, which is unavoidable. But in my process of creating the rest of the novel’s cast, I’ve been able to explore the lives of those who didn’t fit into that description, and it has greatly enriched my understanding of the 18th century and deepened my love for one of most vibrant periods in British history. 

Again, this point deserves its own post, which I can’t wait to write some day!

「So, how’s it actually going?」

Ah, the hard part. 

In my return post, I already mentioned some adjustments I made during my hiatus, viz. the new title and the re-write. The new title is pretty straightforward, as I’ve explained, the re-writing less so. 

To start with, let’s talk structure. The novel is split into two parts: Part I covers January-August 1788 (+ December 2017, pre-time travel chapters), and Part II from August 1788 to April 1789 (+an epilogue set a few months after). Each part contains ~40 lengthy (1k words+) chapters give or take, and the story is told chronologically, with the exception of some flashbacks. So yes, I have my work cut out for me. 

I decided that it was worth investing in a proper word-processor, so I bit the bullet and bought Scrivener*. Since I’m going into my third year, I’m sure I’ll make extensive use of it for my dissertation so that the slightly hefty price tag is justified. Google Docs, you have been a worthy companion, but my computer does not thank me for having 25 tabs running simultaneously, and I the last thing I need is organisational inefficiency. 

(*this post is strictly NOT sponsored by Scrivener or anybody related to it but hey feel free to hit me up if you’re reading this, Literature&Latte). 

I hope to make some progress throughout the year, but it’s definitely going to be challenging. Research is unbelievably intensive, and I’m not willing to compromise (too much) on authenticity. So far I’ve read secondary materials on topics ranging from Georgian kitchens to the printing business to POC in the 18th century. And that’s not counting primary sources like letters and newspapers! Again, this research is something that I hope to share with you all as I go along – I’ve already researched many things so actually, I have quite a massive backlog I could work with. 

「The Playlist 」

Before I go, I’d like to leave you, dear reader, with a very crucial element of the novel:

Throughout the story, these songs are either directly mentioned, or snuck in as cheeky lyrical references in the narration. I don’t want to give away too much away just yet, but you have to trust me when I say that this is an important part of Devi’s character, and by extension, the entire novel. 

This 80s heavy playlist is inspired by the hours I spend listening to Smooth radio, which is always on blast in our living room (cheers, mum). Generally, I’d say that the music of our parents’ generation are enjoying a sort of Renaissance because streaming apps has increased accessibility to these oldies but goodies – and of course, it may as well be that we inherited the taste for it from the adults around us.

Also, 1780s vs 1980s, duh. *galaxy brain*

Well. I think I’ve done enough rambling for now – see you next post! 

- nsj

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2016

I think everyone will agree that 2016 had “Impending Doom” written all over it, and as a result a lot of pop music became very depressed very quickly, and as such, I’m less enthusiastic about this list than some of the previous ones.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

For a year that was so cataclysmic worldwide, 2016 was pretty mundane for me, so let’s just skip to the albums that came out that year and which I consider relevant to my tastes. Obviously (and unfortunately) there was David Bowie with Black Star. We should have known we had jumped right into the Worst Timeline when the year started with the death of Bowie. Nine Inch Nails also released Not The Actual Events, which was pretty good, and as I said previously I consider Coldplay’s A Head Full of Dreams to be more of a 2016 than a 2015 album. And then there was the biggest surprise of all, the return of Enigma after eight years of silence, with the very good Fall Of A Rebel Angel (even if A Posteriori is still my favorite “modern” Enigma album). EDIT: I forgot Ghostlights by Avantasia. Took me YEARS to listen to it & realise how good it was.

But no. Surprisingly enough, my favorite album of the year wasn’t any of those. It was... oh god, that title. Here we go. It was I Like It When You Sleep for You Are So Beautiful yet So Unaware of It by The 1975 - which I like to call “The 1975′s second album” instead, because what the hell, guys. Anyway. It had been a while since I had found a new band I’d consider to be one of my favorite bands. I really liked Chocolate from their previous album but that was it. But this one? What a breath of fresh air. A Change of Heart, She’s American, Please Be Naked, The Ballad Of Me And My Brain, Somebody Else, The Sound, This Must Be My Dream? That’s only the songs I listened to on a loop and that’s already nearly half of the album. Great music, love the vocals, but I especially love the writing, full of strange and awkward details and lines that make everything feel so alive. The first time I listened to some of these songs, some lines actually got a chuckle out of me, like the American girl wanting the narrator to fix his teeth, or him hopping on a bus to ask the passengers if someone found his brain, or his girlfriend complaining about his shoes and his songs then immediately adding “I thought that you were straight, now I’m wondering”.

As someone who’s constantly puzzled by human relationships and tends to act super awkwardly, all of this is extremely relatable. So yeah. Album of the year, love this band - impatiently waiting for that fourth album!

As far as unelligible songs go, as you can guess I’m furious The Sound (The 1975) wasn’t a hit because I was and I’m still listening to it on a loop. And that’s about it. Wait there’s also Kids by One Republic. It was super good. Apart from that, there’s also one (1) elligible song that I’m gonna put on the 2017 list instead because I really struggled to find enough songs I liked for that list, and that particular one is elligible for 2016 thanks to the French year-end list and 2017 thanks to the US year-end list, so eh.

Time for some honorable mentions.

This Girl (Kungs vs Cookin’ on Three Burners) - Number one of the year here. Every time I heard it (and I heard it a lot) I enjoyed it until that wretched drop.

Fast Car (Jonas Blue ft Dakota) - Not a good cover, but I love the original so much I’d be lying if I said I hated this completely.

Sucker for Pain (Lil Wayne & Imagine Dragons) - No, that slow, heavy, tortured beat that all recent Imagine Dragons songs have doesn’t work on topics like being a natural at something, being a believer, or describing thunder. It does work, however, with a chorus saying “I'm just a sucker for pain”.

Cheap Thrills (Sia ft Sean Paul) - Sean Paul, and a song about having fun without any money. Everything I want from an average hit song on the radio.

In the Night (The Weeknd) - This would be much higher if I didn’t find The Weeknd’s upper register slightly painful to listen to.

J’ai Cherché (Amir) - Hey look, the guy France sent to Eurovision that year. He’s still around, too. He’s pretty good, and that song is super cute.

Ride (21 Pilots) - Not the last time they will appear on this list.

Je Suis Chez Moi (Black M) - Pretty good song about racism, and the singer explicitly calls out a far right political figure who said some pretty terrible shit about him, and it’s a good answer.

Perfect (One Direction) - This is just Style by Taylor Swift all over again except slightly less good. But as I said before, copying good songs isn’t always a bad thing.

Human (Rag’n’bone Man) - Would definitely be on the list if listening to it didn’t feel like working.

Into You (Ariana Grande) - The last cut. The ending is wonderful and explosive, it’s just a shame that the entire song doesn’t sound like that.

And now... the list.

10 - Stressed Out (21 Pilots)

US: #5 / FR: #9

Defining song of the entire year, whether you liked it or not.

Fortunately, as you can see, I liked it a lot, even if I don’t have anything interesting to say about it.

9 - Don’t Be So Shy (Imany, Filatov & Karas remix)

US: Not on the list / FR: #2

I often joked that the melody sounded weirdly similar to Goldman’s “Envole-moi” by singing the lyrics of the verses over the Don’t Be So Shy verses, and it fits nearly perfectly. But apart from that, great song, great remix, very overplayed but never to the point of being annoying.

8 - I Took A Pill In Ibiza (Mike Posner)

US: #15 / FR: #29

There’s nothing I could say about this song that Todd hasn’t said before in what I consider to be one of his best reviews, if not the best, so here it is.

7 - Heathens (21 Pilots)

US: #21 / FR: #23

Super ominous and tense. It’s rare when a mostly grey song looks interesting, and this one definitely does. I also like the ending a lot. Don’t hang out with too many toxic people, guys, they will influence you over time.

I had no idea this was made for the Suicide Squad movie until very recently and frankly I wish it hadn’t because it’s way better on its own, especially the hand grenade line which works a lot better as a metaphor for self-destructive tendencies.

6 - Starboy (The Weeknd)

US: #58 / FR: #16

As I said before it took me ages to like The Weeknd. His voice is great but I found most of his songs fairly boring or disliked their lyrics. And then he teamed up with Daft Punk and to be honest, I didn’t even care if the lyrics of this one included weird lines about drugs on furniture, the beat was completely worth it and the singing was great. Not enough to put it on my mp3 playlist, but a delight every time it was on the radio.

5 - Faded (Alan Walker)

US: Not on the list / FR: #11

I adore this post-apocalyptic, contemplative music video. The music itself has this weariness and this quiet despair that felt super relevant, and even the drop is a bit slow instead of energetic. I usually don’t like this kind of song but this one found the perfect balance. If we really need to have more sad, exhausted hit songs, more like this, please.

4 - Closer (The Chainsmokers)

US: #10 / FR: Not on the list

I usually don’t like love songs if they are just that, random love songs without a good melody or good colors or good stories. If the melody isn’t particularly great and the colors boring, it needs to paint an interesting picture, and the more details the better, even if they are super awkward, like, as I said previously, in some of The 1975′s best songs mentioning bad shoes, or people’s jobs, or how a car smells like.

So yeah, what I’m trying to say is that my favorite thing about this song is the over-abundance of weird and kind of off-putting details that most people consider to be its main flaw. To each their own, I guess.

3 - Never Forget You (Zara Larsson & MNEK)

US: #46 / FR: Not on the list

See, this is one of the reasons why I decided to make these lists: to find great stuff I missed over the years. I discovered this song while making the 1.0 version of the lists on a google sheet in early December, and now this has a spot on my mp3 player. And it’s so weird because this song shouldn’t work. The drop is ridiculously lifeless compared to the soaring quality of the chorus and it actively works against the rest of the song. It takes a while to get used to it and I’m still not entirely sure it does work, at all.

But what can I say, framing is, once again, everything, and songs about imaginary friends are super rare, and that music video made me cry and catapulted this song from “that’s pretty good” right into the “holy shit that’s fantastic” category. And it made me rewatch Where The Wild Things Are, so yeah.

2 - Perfect Strangers (Jonas Blue)

US: Not on the list / FR: #70

This, on the other hand, stayed on my mp3 player for about two years, and the music fits the lyrics perfectly. It’s not a groundbreaking song, it’s not even that original, but in such an average year for pop music, “happy energetic song with beautiful colors and nice lyrics” meant the world to me. It’s kind of telling that it was enough to put it as high as #2, though.

1 - Hymn For the Weekend (Coldplay ft Beyoncé)

US: #73 / FR: Not on the list

And with this, Coldplay has officially topped as many of my lists as Linkin Park. If, back when The Scientist dropped, you had told me how much I would love this band in the future, I would have laughed pretty hard, but here we are.

But yeah, it’s one of my favorite songs on the album and it’s a super weird combo of heavy and aerial sounds, soft and super colorful notes, and I love the lyrics that completely mirror that feeling, feeling “drunk and high", “poured on a symphony when I’m low, low, low”. A great party song that’s also strangely melancholic. Exactly what I needed.

And then the Seeb remix happened and added a truely fantastic drop on top of an already great song, like turning the saturation up and adding little pulsing lights and transparency effects and shit. It’s sincerely hypnotic and visually so complex and fragile I’m afraid I won’t be able to draw it if I ever attempt to turn it into a synesthesia drawing. Just like A Sky Full of Stars, I was driving the first time I heard that remix on the radio, and I wasn’t expecting that drop at all, and I was gawking.

Godspeed, Coldplay, I’m so glad you’re still a positive force in my life, especially in these trying times.

Next up: Oh my god are you telling me that after 15 years I can finally put a song from that other band at the top of one of my lists

[marypoppinswasmyfatherbitches]

Oh my goodness, I didnt see the link to your fanfic account! I am dumb. So ignore my previous ask and instead answer this one for the meme. 13, 3, 14, 1 and 2 for Happiness goes on? (I shall leave reviews on your beautiful fanfic soon I promise, they are good.)

(Hiii, sooo…this whole reply is late because I actually typed up ALL OF THIS last night, and then accidentally “x”-ed out of my browser and lost it all, because I am very very stupid. And then was too tired to retype it up before going to sleep. I hope I remember roughly everything, and apologies for that mistake.)

Oh! Haha! Alright then! Thank you! Don’t feel dumb at all for not realizing which AO3 account is mine or for your previous ask(which for others who are curious, said: “1 - 5 for all your fics! Just talk about your favs!”). I was prepared to choose 3 fics (including “Happiness Goes On” since that’s definitely the one I’m most proud of, so I guess that’s closest to a “favorite” right?), and go through the first 5 questions for each, though I won’t lie and say it wouldn’t have taken some time to answer.

BUUUT…since you said to scrap that first ask, I’ll answer these individual ones for “Happiness Goes On.” And your compliment and promise for a future review means SO goddamn much, thank you sincerely.

(WARNING / REMINDER: This is about my fic that deals with the subject of child molestation, and I do reference that a little bit in this reply. Don’t read further if it makes you uncomfortable, which I entirely understand and respect.)

**********

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

HA! Well, American Pie obviously, for a majority of it. While brainstorming / writing / editing the epilogue? A lotta Billy Joel. ;)

The idea to use American Pie bounced into my brain when it came on the radio at the thrift shop where I volunteer, one of the rare times my own music speaker battery died. Usually a disaster, because our store radio is pretty crappy, but the sound quality wasn’t too bad that day, and I rediscovered how much I love that song and ‘Why isn’t this on my ipod again?’. Listening to the lyrics, I realized how much some of them fit the Guardians in general, and this story specifically, which I have Gamora mentally note in the fic. I was sitting and casually chatting with the manager while also thinking, ‘Google what year this came out when you get home, but I’m sure it’s the 70′s. Peter would know it, and it could be the Zune. I think it could work.’ I’m proud that I was able to reference the song so many times without actually naming it by title, but I assume most readers knew what it was, it’s just that famous. (I also couldn’t resist the light-hearted joke, later when things calmed down, of Gamora saying “This…is the longest song…I have ever heard.” and Peter smiling without even looking at her and giving a cheeky “I know.”)

In terms of using Billy Joel for the epilogue, I’m just a Billy Joel fanatic. The use of him for this story began just from the We Didn’t Start the Fire joke toward Rocket at the bar (I thought it was clever, Peter!), and later on I saw how The Longest Time fit romantically for Starmora, and some of the lyrics matched the healing themes of the overall story, and I thought ‘Maybe they’ve been playing BIlly Joel since that night; maybe that can be the joke.’ Why shouldn’t his Greatest Hits albums (at least) be on the Zune? I struggled a lot over what song should be the final one Gamora comments on before they switch artists to appease the group. I never specify which romantic Billy Joel song Peter and Gamora slow danced to during their “date night” in that six-week summary, but I like to imagine it was Just the Way You Are. I considered Keeping the Faith or Vienna for the final one, but I thought they deserved something more fun and naughty to analyze this time, so Only the Good Die Young it is. :D

In conclusion, I listened to The Longest Time, and the entire An Innocent Man studio album, a lot (as if I needed an excuse).3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

The portion in italics is my favorite line, but I’m including the entire sentence for context purposes: “She would need to grow used to him viewing Yondu as a caring parent who was extraordinarily protective of his boy, and would have hunted down this pervert to whistle a glowing arrow through her skull.”14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Ohh geez, wow, that one is tough. I don’t know if it’s accurate to say this story was intended to educate, but just to explore the idea with fictional characters. I have no expertise on the subject, and would never claim such, or talk down to those who do. I didn’t intend to create a PSA. I suppose all of the “lessons” for Peter (if they can be called that) I hope all readers already know and agree on (basically a collection of “it wasn’t your fault” and “this doesn’t define you” and “trauma isn’t a competition, someone else suffering worse doesn’t invalidate your experience” and “you should feel comfortable talking about anything without judgement or shame” etc.).

Slightly lesser scale messages, there’s also reminders about the importance of communication, trusting each other, letting the other person speak in an argument, not letting one’s jealousy/instincts/bad mood interfere with fairness, not running away from a fight or staying angry, respecting boundaries and privacy, all that healthy relationship jazz that these two are still figuring out. 1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

This post is already very long, and I could probably talk for hours about the decision-making process for many scenes (of my GotG fics, this took the longest to write and publish, over 2 months), so I’ll try to condense this to a few bullet points that probably don’t fit the “inspired” criteria.

- It was originally going to be in two parts, 4 scenes each, when I thought the epilogue would be much shorter. But as the lil’ wrap-up got longer (because we needed a fluffy conclusion, dammit!), I decided to make it a separate “chapter.”

- I think the concept probably started as one of those strange, angsty “what if?” scenarios I make up in my head at night that I still can’t believe I created into a full-fledged work. I liked the idea of Peter and Gamora having this conversation and her comforting him, but I knew if I was really going to throw it out there for other fans, it had be more balanced with happier moments, too. I just know I was always going to make the offender a woman - both because it would lead to the misunderstanding that she was a past consensual hook-up when Peter was an adult to spark some irritation and jealousy in Gamora, and because it’s realistically different from other sexual assault stories, since women can be pedophiles and child predators too, and they’re just as horrible. :(

- The fanfic idea of “Gamora accidentally starts a fire while trying to cook, and Peter falsely accuses and lashes out at Rocket” was in my head before, but there were two key differences. 1) It was the entire plot, not a light-hearted subplot in the shadows of something bigger, 2) Meredith’s letter was either fully or partially burnt as a result of the fire. By the end Gamora was going to confess it was her fault, that she was trying to surprise Peter by cooking spaghetti, and he would apologize both to her and to Rocket for losing his temper and getting so angry. I hated that idea later and found it too sad (he’s already lost the Walkman and second cassette tape, why would I want him to lose even more from his mother?), and in “Spark My Memory” (the Christmas fic I wrote for “12 Days of Starmora”) the Guardians put his mother’s letter in the photo album gift for Peter, completely safe and unharmed. I like to keep all my fanfics canon-compliant and non-contradictory from each other, so the letter is fine, no burning it.

Yet “Gamora started a fire cooking” still seemed fun to me, as I like the idea that she’s so badass and skilled and intelligent, but failed at something so domestic and simple. Kinda cute. I was so excited to insert it into this, because I think it worked on multiple levels. It’s a driving force for the plot (the reason the team go to the restaurant and they stumble upon that particular waitress), the reason Gamora was already in a bad mood during her fight with Peter, it could be used as a metaphor/comparison for Peter’s anxiety and Gamora’s guilt, it was something for the Guardians to put at a higher priority to tease and mock Gamora for while oblivious to the main story, something for Peter to just break down into giggles over once they changed the subject (because he earned a good laugh after that heartbreaking and vulnerable childhood trauma story), an excuse to give Rocket so many funny lines, an overall silly and sitcommy-style subplot to fall back on, and a sweet “victory!” for Gamora to have (sort of?) conquered by the epilogue. ^_^2: What scene did you first put down?

This is easy. I’ve written all but one (8 out of 9) of my fanfics in order, except for “Just Like Everybody Else.” So ya, I wrote the opening scene first, Baby Groot’s magic trick lesson and Peter’s oh-so-cruel “can only be seen once” deception. I needed to ease readers (and myself) into the angst and heavy shit to follow, and that cute idea had also been in the back of my mind for a while. ^_^

**********

PHEW, OKAY, ALL RE-TYPED! Thank you again SO MUCH for the lovely ask and wonderful questions, your actual interest and curiosity thrilled me! You see I wasn’t kidding about the incessant babbling. :P

Thank you also for the kudos you left on AO3, and take care!~

[kidd-uk]

Interview with KiDD

Interview conducted by A.C. Vermouth for the Thrillington Times 15/12/17

 Q: "Why did you decide to make a solo album?"

KiDD: Well I play in quite a few different bands and write for some of them too. On the occasion that I write alone, I decide what would be good for the Wellgreen, or for Dr Cosmos Tape Lab etc, others that don’t quite fit those moulds, I record myself.

Q: "Were you influenced by John's adventures with the Plastic Ono Band, and Ringo's solo LP?"

KiDD: Probably somewhere along the lines, but I’m more influenced by my Da’s.

Q: "Are all songs by KiDD alone?"

KiDD: No, one was a co-write with a chap called Ian Thistlethwaite, whom I have never met in person, but he sent me some chords and some lyrics, for his own project, and I added some more bits and sent it back to him.  I like it so much I asked him if I could keep it.  He seems a lovely chap.  He said yes.

Q: "Will they be so credited: KiDD?"

KiDD: well….aye…. apart from that one

Q: "Did you enjoy working as a solo?"

KiDD: Yes I do very much, but I always prefer to collaborate.  I am very lucky to be able to write songs with two of my musical heroes, Marco Rea and Joe Kane.  I will ALWAYS prefer that option to writing alone.

Q: "What is Linda's contribution?"

KiDD: Linda is a lovely lady who lives upstairs.  She never complains about the noise.

Q: "Where was the album recorded?"

KiDD: At home and I did some of the drums in a rehearsal room using two mics.

Q: "What is your home equipment (in some detail)?"

KiDD: A Focusrite Interface, a Joe Meek VC3Q and an Audio Technica condenser mic. That’s it.

Q: "Why did you choose to work in the studios you chose?"

KiDD: I don’t charge myself expensive rates to use them

Q: "The album was not known about until it was nearly completed. Was this deliberate?"

KiDD: Not really, nobody asked

Q: "Why?"

KIDD: Dunno, I never asked

Q: "Are you able to describe the texture or the feel of the album in a few words?"

KiDD: Home-Fi, Sci-Fi, Melodic, the sound of someone wrestling with equipment he doesn’t fully understand

Q: "How long did it take to complete?"

KiDD: Probably about three or four months.  I was just absent mindedly recording songs until I felt like stopping.

Q: "Assuming all the songs are new to the public, how new are they to you? Are they recent"

KiDD: Yes these were all written around the same period, apart from Little Flower which was musically fresh, but I’d had the lyrics to a different tune for a few years. Modified Radio Birdsong was also an instrumental for a long time before I decided it needed some Vocoder.

:  Q: "Which instruments have you played on the album?"

KiDD: All of them! A lot of the songs were triggered by little phone recordings I chopped up, sampled and looped, and then coloured it all in with guitars, synths, drums and bass.

Q: "Have you played all these instruments on earlier recordings?"

KiDD: "Yes"

Q: "Why did you do all the instruments yourself?"

KiDD: Everyone else was probably busy at the time.

Q: "Will Linda be heard on all future records?"

KiDD: "Could be. Depends if she does the hoovering during a particularly sensitive vocal"

Q: "Will Paul and Linda become a John and Yoko?"

KiDD: xvze\sazh’’’hou (I let Jude answer that one)

Q: "What has recording alone taught you?"

KiDD: That sometimes the mistakes you make can end up influencing the direction of the arrangement thereafter, so go with it.  I also learned to trust my own instinct as there was nobody there to tell me my ideas were either good or shite.

Q: "Who has done the artwork?"

KiDD: The very brilliant Adam Smith, who did all the artwork and narration for the Dr Cosmo’s Tape Lab album Beyond The Silver Sea.  You can find his album artwork on many Glasgow albums from The Owsley Sunshine to Colonel Mustard and the Dijon 5.  To those in the know, he’s THE man.  He is a phenomenal talent.

Q: "Is it true that neither Allen Klein nor ABKCO have been nor will be in any way involved with the production, manufacturing, distribution or promotion of this new album?"

KiDD: Absolutely 100% true. Beware of ABKCO.

Q: "Did you miss the other Da’s and Uncle Da? Was there a moment when you thought, 'I wish Ringo were here for this break?'"

KiDD: I always wish Ringo was here.

Q: "Assuming this is a very big hit album, will you do another?"

KiDD: For as long as my brain and fingers work, so will I

Q: "Are you planning a new album or single with The Wellgreen"

KiDD: "We are indeed.  Marco, Daniel and I have contributed solo songs and Marco and I have written a few together. I love it.  It has a more upbeat vibe to it and has been really great to be writing with ma Da again."

Q: "Is this album a rest away from The Wellgreen or the start of a solo career?"

KiDD: "It is neither.  It’s just a further extension of my perpetual need to be creative."

Q: "Is your break with Dr Cosmo’s Tape Lab temporary or permanent, due to personal differences or musical ones?"

KiDD: "Not at all. Joe and I actually have another record in the bag already, but recently have found it difficult to find the time to work together. So he does his thing when he can, and I do mine.  

Q: "Do you foresee a time when Kane/Kidd becomes an active songwriting partnership again?"

KiDD: Absolutely

Q: "What do you feel about John's peace effort? The Plastic Ono Band? Giving back the MBE? Yoko's influence? Yoko?"

KiDD: "I love John.  I love Yoko. John loved Yoko.  Yoko Loved John.  All you need is Love"

Q: "Were any of the songs on the album originally written with The Wellgreen in mind?"

KiDD: Actually no.  A lot of these songs were written using dice.  I got heavily into Brian Eno around that time and loved his Oblique Strategies and recording by chance.  I also read The Dice Man by Luke Reinhart about a guy who makes every life decision by rolling dice.  I came up with the idea to combine the two and developed a system whereby I would let the roll of a dice dictate a lot of my decisions.  The result was what you can hear on the album.  Cyan Seren was the first attempt.  It turned out great so I kept going.

Q: "Were you pleased with 'Grin And Bear It'? Was it musically restricting"

KiDD: " I was very pleased with it.  Still am.  It’s a great record.  It’s me an ma Da.

Q: "What is your relationship with Javi?"

KiDD: "He’s a Da."

Q: "What is your relationship with Pretty Olivia Records?"

KiDD: "Well we released Summer Rain by The Wellgreen through them and built up a great working relationship and friendship with Javi.  Thanks to him we have a following in Spain, so when I finished this record, it was a natural decision to offer it to Javi for release. I am grateful he said yes.  His Wife also makes a tremendous Gazpacho Soup"

Q: "Have you any plans to set up an independent production company?"

KiDD: "Skiddmark Productions."

Q: "What sort of music has influenced you on this album?"

KiDD: "I was very influenced by the recording techniques I had observed when working with Joe on the Dr Cosmos records, although my techniques are a bit more throw at the wall and see what sticks.  Brian Eno was on a lot and I listened to Wild Honey a fair amount around then too… but then, I always do.  Grandaddy’s The Sophtware Slump was on heavy rotation and as always The Super Furry Animals"

Q: "Are you writing more prolifically now? Or less so?"

KiDD: "I have been on a writing flurry for about a year and a half.  With the news I was going to be a dad, I decided to get as much done as possible before the due date.  I have another album finished and one actually released one a week ago, which was a collaboration with a teacher I work with who has written a children’s book called Tinkle And The Big Whoosh."  I’m also currently working on another project, and I hope to begin recording very soon.  I have around 20 songs for it and it’s another concept album.  I love a concept album.

Q: "What are your plans now? A holiday? A musical? A movie? Retirement?"

KiDD: "A bowl of lentil soup, and a walk with Jude in the pram!" 

[canonicallyanxious]

2, 3 and 13 for MNC!

Ahhhh thank you friend!!

2: What scene did you first put down?

I wrote this fic chronologically so the very first scene is the first scene i wrote! As for first scene I conceived of I’m not, like, a hundred percent sure, because i wrote my ideas down more or less chronologically as well, but i think the scene i THOUGHT of, the one that solidified the concept of it, was the one in chapter five where they meet eyes during their lunch break for the first time in years. I really liked the idea of it being similar to canon where Isak just happens to glance at this beautiful boy across the room and it’s quiet yet still sort of profound, but also with all this baggage and history attached to it. The actual moment is almost exactly the same, but the thought processes and the emotions are entirely different. And that’s what I wanted to write about!

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

This is quite difficult [not because I have a lot of favorite lines but because this fic is so stupidly long i don’t even remember 80% of what i wrote lol] but i think i’ll go with this one from chapter 8:

He starts to write a definition for the two of them, and that’s where he gets stuck. He turns his words every which way in his head, trying to make them fit in a way that makes sense. But no matter how late he stays up trying to figure it out, all he can come up with is the word together, and it marches through his thoughts like the words to a song he can’t remember, over and over and over again.

This whole section was kind of interesting to write because I wanted it to have a poetic quality to it and show that Isak was really thinking about this shit, but also it couldn’t sound too poetic because Isak isn’t really much of a poet, so i had to strike this balance between the tones i was trying to achieve while also thinking about how Isak thinks of himself and Even and represent that in a believable way. And I think this paragraph sort of made it click for me, like how he can’t really think of the words that describe them and what they have. That’s really what the fic is about, feelings that you can’t quite categorize and put into words, and I feel like this paragraph sums it up pretty well.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

AHHHHH I’M SO HAPPY YOU ASKED THIS QUESTION ACTUALLY!!!! I listened to a lot of music to get into the mood and in fact I have three different playlists for this fic because i have utterly no chill and I’m going to take this moment to ramble about them because i will never get the chance to otherwise so I’m sorry but also i’m not

Part 1 - so this music doesn’t necessarily lyrically fit the whole fic i’d say but it’s the stuff I’d listen to in order to get into Even’s headspace. It comes across as a bit more melancholy than the tone of part 1 i think because I wanted music that would ground me a little and help me through the more serious sections of this part, and also temper the happier sections with the kind of tone i wanted to have throughout the entire fic

Part 2 - this music was definitely to help me get into isak’s pov, it goes from more intense songs to quieter, softer night time-y songs so that I could try to get into his headspace at the beginning of the part better. and i want to talk about this song choice real quick i’m sorry i know this is really not the place for it but if i don’t talk about it i never will so “beautiful women” is this song where the singer is like obsessively thinking about beautiful women - “beautiful women running through my brain” - and this was probably not the intention of the artist but I listen to it and its frenetic energy thinking about how Isak tries desperately to think about women or at least come across like he does, and then right after that comes “Worry” which starts with “my nights are broken up by the sounds of women I’ll never meet” thinking about how he really can’t think about or feel for women the way he feels like people think he should. and the rest of “Worry” itself kind of talks about another character who left the singer but the singer still worries about them and wants them to rest, so. yeah [also “all i wanna say” is my go to song for all the bike ride in the dark scenes js]

Part 3 - Part 3 is about even and isak’s relationship so this playlist is also about their relationship in this fic!! It’s pretty happy and upbeat because i feel like despite the problems they have to overcome in this part, their relationship itself remains a force of positivity and strength for the both of them. There’s lots of references to best friends and distance and stuff because yeah. Also tongue tied is, like, my theme song for this fic - “take me to your best friend’s house, I loved you then and I love you now” so yeah that’s nothing but self indulgence lol