#Lucerna Sainahs

[kasunshine]

I was one of the original officers of the FFXIV housing discord. I'd been an officer for a year and a half. I left today.

Lucerna, you've hurt several people I care about, and it's happened too many times to be accidental. Lies about event drama, doing nothing about a stalker in the discord when provided with ample proof of harassment, trying to manipulate me (and others) into providing dirt on people who want nothing to do with you. The rules of the discord don't apply to you.

Final straw was when you misread a situation about another friend of mine. Everyone makes mistakes. But you don't admit yours, even when you proved it was your mistake with screenshot evidence. You doubled down and smeared anyone who pointed that out instead. So mean for us not to go after someone because an accusation was baseless! Poor you!

You have so much concern for appearances, for your "reputation", but you have no concern about actually having a good one. I can't respect that.

[ffxivash]

Nameday in the snow

The snow crunched under the chocobo's talons, as they winded through the frozen dead forest. It had taken Ash longer than he expected to arrive at his childhood home. Riding a living animal was not the same as the mechanical means of travel he normally used. The tundra and icy ghost trees was not the home he had remembered, landmarks had changed as well. Having to cross and follow the river gorge to not become hopelessly lost.

The slab of rock jutted out of the snow and ice, as a natural gravestone that overlooked the swift river below. Ash looked out over the world around him, the forest he once knew, tall alpine trees and underbrush was all gone.

Leaving the chocobo tied to a dead tree he walked to the rock and put his hand on the cold stone. The words etched there was in the tribal language called scratch, his fingers rand over them clearing off the snow. Ash had forgotten the words he carved there, the language itself buried in two decades of re-education by the Empire.

Opening his bag he took out the reef of flowers he had woven before they reached the bitter cold. He placed it on the point of the three foot tall slab, there it rested like a crown. The vibrant spring color of the flowers stood out in the world of white and gray.

“Mom, I’ll be right back.” Whispering to the stone before he moved to walk up the hill. The natural rock face formed by time and erosion sat in the snow. The wooden door was now gone, it had not stood the test of time. Inside didn’t show much more resistance to the elements then the door had, decimated by animals. 

Closing his eyes he tried to remember the single room home, the two bed rolls that took up most of the floor. It was all he knew before the empire, a simple, naive, savage life. He opened his eyes and looked at the place he mother suffered her final moons in agony. They were savages, living in filth, and ignorance. Ash’s fist balled up as he growled to the emptiness. The infection that killed her was treatable, he now worked every day around the medicine that would have saved her life.

Turning he walked out of the rustic home and back in to the cold crisp air, hoping to numb that anger he felt rising in his chest. Ash returned to the head stone and fell to his knees, reaching out a hand to touch the cold stone, before he lowered his head. The emotions had broken through the floodgates, years of walls he had built up to keep them numb. No one was there to witness him sobbing into the soft jacket sleeve for a solid forty ticks.

Bitter cold made his eyes and cheeks sting as the tears stopped flowing. Ash didn’t have the forethought to have brought a handkerchief, he really didn’t know how he would feel till he was here. The soft sleeve of the jacket would have to do for now, as he sat back on his legs. “They took everything.” His words were still shaky but he was finally able to speak. “I don’t even know who I am any more.” The next pause in his words were to crunch his eyes closed tight. “Mom, I’ve done heinous things, hurt so many people. If you were here, you’d be beyond disappointed.” There was a long pause as he fought away another wave of unwanted emotions.“Even with them taking away so much of who I was, I’d never forget you. Mom, can you forgive me?”

His eyes opened and looked at the reef of flowers. “The tech I’ve seen would blow your mind. Honestly, you would likely call it unnatural and hit it with a stick till it stops working.”

Running his hand over the quilted soft leather of the coat, a small smile tried to creep out of the pain he was feeling. “I’v meet a girl.. balls.. I’m not a child.” The last part was mumbled under his breath chiding himself. In a normal but shaky tone as he started again. “Mom, I’v meet this wonderful woman, she is smart, compassionate, kind…She just can’t see it, I have to keep reminding her.  I think you would’ve liked her.” With his hand he cleared away any lingering moisture from his cheeks.

“I know we never really had the chance to talk about this part of my life. I honestly worry, I’m messing it up somehow, that she will come to resent me.” He paused and shook his head. “Mom, I’m just making it all up as I go, following that instinct you always talked about.” A weary smile crossed his ashen skin. “When we are both on the same page, we lift each other up. She keeps the nightmares at bay, and chases away the guilt. I’d be lost in the drink without her.” He looked down taking a breath of the icy air. “We just started dating, everyone else seemed to know we were going to, just neither of us got the memo. I call her Dove, I guess that is when everyone else pictured her and I together.”

Reaching up he touches his ear, the sun was going down and with it the temperature. “When, I lost my freedom.. I never expected to feel anything again. I lost hope, found a few ways of making the pain go away. I never expected to feel like this towards anyone. We know how fragile this all can be, how in an instance it can all end.” Reaching back he pulled the hood up over his ears, the bitter cold was making them tingly and sore. “I wanted to visit sooner, just didn’t have the chance. It’s not the same as it was when you were alive. I heard about the Eikon and how it shifted aether here, I didn’t think I’d ever get to see it.”

He stood and looked around, the sun went down while he was not paying attention. “Mom, I don’t know if your out there. They took away any thoughts of gods, and the things you told me about when I was young. If… if you’re out there please forgive me.” Ash took a moment to fight away the tears. “While Dove likes to tell me I didn’t have a choice, she also keeps reminding me that she should have died to make a choice for herself.”

Closing his mismatched eyes as his thoughts went to darker places, playing out his only true moment of resistance so many years ago in his mind. No matter the ‘what ifs’ he could come up with, ending his life was never one of them. Even now as he tried to think about how it would have happened, he still wanted to survive in spite of the pain he endured and inflicted. “Mom, I don’t know how to feel, I don’t even know what I’m feeling half the time. So, for the others, if they are out there.. let them know I’m sorry.”

Grabbing the reins of the chocobo he secured his bag on to the saddle and hoisted himself up. “Yea I’m tired to buddy, but neither of us are prepared to sleep in this weather.” He would start steering the chocobo down the mountain. “How about we get to a place where we won’t be popsicle in the morning… deal?”

[jancisstuff]

Grindstone

August 4 2018

[ffxivakyi]

Second Sun of the Second Umbral Moon

Book I told Kega No Dieing allowed! I told him this, why does he not listen to me it is important!

The door was broken, an his possessed teacher body was taken by the meany time person. Book I heard things like this before, the history of the blood totems. Protect us from ourselves kinda nonsense, sacrifice people to it. Even my Mother as terrible as she was, she did all of that because she wanted the blood taint to end. Soo Book.. it was messy. Prey we had no idea about, and the only plan was to flee if things looked bad. People suck an fleeing Book, leave me here to die is not how to do the thing. I was gonna grab her and pull her with us.. But then Kega gave me the second orb. Book I realized now had both the things the meany time thingy wanted, and I bolted. No way was I gonna let that thingy get them.. It already got Laplace, an it was likely gonna get the others to, seeing Uzu was soo much not in control of himself any more, an Luce was.. being selfish.  

Oh Book I nearly forgets, I decided that maybe the best way to not feel torn in two is to try to use light instead of Abyss today. It kinda worked.. Oh ya Book I ran.. An things started to feel fuzzy. Like I was fuzzy an blowing around in the wind. I do not think I died, it was not dead feeling. That is when we meet Kega’s teacher, I was gonna kick him in the shins, but people were being all spazzy.

I really do not understand magic enough to know exactly what was going on, but I get the feeling. This teacher guy who keeps talking about Kega like he was the unwanted kit. He made a fake Kega out of the memories he thiefed from Kega. An then plucked Kega out of someplace in time, just before he died and put him in the fake Kega.

I’m staying In Faysal’s room while I am being all fussy.. People are stupid sometimes.

[blade-who-left-monsters]

"Soooo, now that you're own that truth serum uhhh, wanna take a ride on my new bike and grab a few drinks, see where the night goes?" (Savy's letting everyone know she finally got her motorcycle lol)

“Of course! I would definitely enjoy getting some coffee or tea with an old friend!”

[johnwaterstrike]

Wishing to help

[A time before of unknown memories.  John offers to try and help Lucerna Sainahs with memories that she has missing by using his Gift.]

@darkestaftermidnight

[fiontan-ffxiv]

[6:42 p.m.]Lerran Nemas: "Aye. A'lek gets it. For once."

[6:42 p.m.]A'lek Lanza: "...I am so insulted."

[6:42 p.m.]A'lek Lanza: "I take back my frantic happy running. You get NONE of that."

[6:42 p.m.]A'lek Lanza: "NONE, LERRAN.

[6:42 p.m.]Lucerna Sainahs fails to understand A'lek Lanza.

[6:42 p.m.]Lerran Nemas: "Okay."

[fourtharbiter]

Push, Shove

The Grindstone and the Spellstone removed Lucerna Sainahs from healing and overseeing duties today. This is purely a post to acknowledge that this is not a bullying/oppressive/isolating/hateful/whathaveyou action. She’s not banned from attending, she isn’t removed from associating. She just isn’t permitted to be part of the staff after today. There are reasons for this and you can ask if you want to know why, but to get into the nitty gritty would be unwarranted in a public post like this. This is purely to put context to any out of context snips people may see. We look forward to hosting you at future events.

[darcy-ff14]

My FC Scarlet Bloom is currently recruiting EU/People play on EU timebase.

My free company, The Scarlet Bloom <Bloom> (Balmung) is currently seeking to recruit EU members to join and to form an EU unit as we have few EU players cannot attend two US events, it is our aim to become EU/US base RP FC. We wish to bring to EU players/NA players prefer EU Timezone enable to RP during GMT/EU's Timezone and to able spend time with the FC. What is Scarlet Bloom and what is its purpose for? We are Merc/Story plot drive/Social/Combat RP FC. IC, the company set up by Lady Zasha and Nasan to give those unwanted, unloved and different from the rest, a place they can call a home, to seek for something they longed for and to find what they looking for. Homestead is a sanctuary inn and people will find the place to get away from everything and to protect from the world. The company is a Merc FC that wish to protect those people and the lands from the danger and to give people a little hope or a new hope after those lost during the Calamity and their faith in everything. They seek out to give back something those has lost. People have something to fight for and to protect.

OOC, we do run many kinds of events, we held social RP sometime in the gather during the holiday seasons, we have members run their own unique personal plot whenever they can, we have our own FC story arch, members are welcome to make events whenever they can and each officer/team leaders have their weekly events and offer free slots those members wish to run something for the event. Bloom is a company that encourages all sorts of different styles of roleplaying styles but Free Company Story is built on a build your own adventure, heavy story base. If you do not like huge scripted events we may not be a good fit for your RP style If you have lots of questions or curious about our company, please do reach out (Discord tag can be seen below here.) or any officers or Team Leader if Marina D'arca is not online. FC leader/co-leader:Lerran Nemas/Acelin Temier or Zasha Hope  Team Leader: Lucerna Sainahs or Kiest Resad To be aware, before to filling in. Please do not apply as an alt, Mains are our focus for application. We can run Alts on a case by case situation for new applicants so if  you are determined to apply as an alt, please talk with an officer of the company prior to see if we'll make exceptions. Right now, we are not running any EU event as we don't have EU members yet expect Marina, herself and one EU member and once we get a few people and we will start on EU events but when you join, please make sure to be aware of that.

If you are interesting in joining, please do reach out Marina D'arca or her discord Darca#5171 or filling the form to apply. (Link below)

  https://scarletbloom.enjin.com/apply 

[zashahope]

Zasha Hope was humming in a peaceful manner as she was trimming the hedges of her topiary to make sure it kept its carbuncle shape.

Farrson Odim came walking up and through the arch to the manse. His coats was dripping wet and it looked like his left pant leg was soaked in blood, "Hey, Zasha."

Zasha Hope glanced over, holding a trimming sheer in hand with a small smile. That smile faultered though. "Ah... you okay there?"

Lerran Nemas walked up the path a bit trying to get the water out of his hair with a small cough. "Hmh?" He paused, glancing over at Zasha when he heard Farrson greet her.

Alexander Rendon was about to stride into the homestead, right through the front door before his eyes widened upon the sight of Zasha. He looked down at himself, looking like he just came out of a slaughterhouse - covered in blood, drippings, and entrails of the Amalj'aa he had slaughtered as he stepped right on the cobble leading to the main door. "Shite...I'm covered in blood..." He murmured, having heard stories of Zasha's wrath. "Wait... I KNOW!"

Alexander Rendon experiences a brief moment of enlightenment.

Farrson Odim: "Hmmm? Or. Its fine. Just gutted a toad in the shroud and rubbed it on my leg. Sort of a fetus."

Zasha Hope grimmaced. "Well make sure you wash off before going inside." she said before going to put the scissors on her tool belt. "I'll get the ho---" she paused as she heard Alex shout his 'I know!' and glanced over with a clueless expression.

Lerran Nemas: "I have a bad feeling about this."

Lerran Nemas: "Nothing good happens when he has ideas."

Farrson Odim: "He has ideas?"

Lerran Nemas: "Not ones that are actually worth calling that. . ." Lerran muttered under his breath.

Alexander Rendon with a grin and a look of accomplishment and actual self-respect, he confidently /strut/ over to the hot tub, stripping off pieces of armour on the way as he disappeared behind a screen, which was soon followed by a splash. Alex, the blood-covered Midlander, the former Demon Wolf of Carteneau, was now stripped down to his skivvies, revealing his scarred, chiseled physique and eight-pack abs which glistened with perspiration from the exertions of battle...as he hopped into the hot springs +

Alexander Rendon: with a relieved sigh.

Lerran Nemas: ". . ."

Zasha Hope stared. "D....Did he...Did he just go...blood covered in there..."

Lerran Nemas: "Yup. . ."

Farrson Odim: "Uhhhh... I'm sure Frisk will stop him?"

Zasha Hope: "That's... incredbily unsanity for the others that go in after right?"

Lerran Nemas: "Yup. . ."

Farrson Odim: "Oh. speaking on that. We'll be having a few geusts tonight... they are not as blood covered as Alex, of course."

Zasha Hope: let out a small noise before pulling out her bush trimming sheers and stomping over to the hot tub.

Mathye Bishop comes out, quickly wrapping a bandage around his left hand again.

Lerran Nemas: "I don't think she can hear you right now. The rage is to strong."

Alexander Rendon: "Oh man, this was a great idea!" Alex's voice floated over the walls of the springs, "I should've done this sooner! Now I won't track blood all over the inside of the Homestead and make Zasha mad at me!"

Zasha Hope: "What. THe. Actual. Fuck. Rendon."

Mathye Bishop: "Wait what's this about...blood and rage?"

Mathye Bishop: "...Why is she using profanity?"

Mathye Bishop: "And hasn't slumped into a faint?"

Farrson Odim: "Oh... But she's so cute when she is angry. Her voice goes up a few octives."

Lerran Nemas: "Alexander Rendon is why."

Mathye Bishop: "...GODDAMN IT ALEX CAN'T YOU KEEP OUT OF SHITE FOR LIKE TWENTY FOUR FUCKING BELLS."

Farrson Odim: "He went into the hot tub covered in blood... So somebody is going to need to clean it."

Alexander Rendon: "...She gave me moko brownies, I should be considerate of her - " His head snapped so hard it almost gave him whiplash, "Wait, what do you mean what the actual fu - wait, what the fuck you just swore, Zasha. Uh...I'm making sure I don't track blood all over the homestead?" He grinned weakly.

Mathye Bishop: "...The hot tub that Amber uses for her medical treatments?"

Lerran Nemas: "It's more of a general tub, but Amber does use it more then anyone else. Hot springs are meant for relaxing, not actual bathing."

Farrson Odim: "You are ment to clean yourself before you go in."

Zasha Hope held up the trimming sheers. He couldn't see her face from the rim of her hat hiding casting a shadow. "Do you know... that blood leaves pathogens that can be very harmful to the sick or pregnant thus why I tell people to -hose- off before going in the HOmestead...?"

Mathye Bishop facepalms. "Goddamn it. Though if he dies, I call dibs on all his belongings."

Farrson Odim: "Alex... Well... He had all sorts of blood and other boddily fluid on him."

Alexander Rendon 's hands immediately went to cover his groin after spying the shears in Zasha's hands. "...Isn't...this a way of hosing off?"

Mathye Bishop: "..."

Mathye Bishop: "Yeah I'm not touching that shite with a ten yalm pole."

Zasha Hope: "That is a place people go to rest and relax. Not bathe. -Amber- who is -6- moons along uses it to sooth cramps. And you're putting -blood- in it?"

Alexander Rendon: "...Am I not supposed to?" Alex blinked twice.

Mathye Bishop makes to finish tying off the bandage around his left hand. "Zasha if you murder him, I want the body for science."

Farrson Odim: "I'm more worried about Zasha. She's holding sheers and is clumsy as can be." he paused, "Though... I've never seen her fall down stairs and such while angry..."

Lerran Nemas: "Bless his idiot soul. . . he tried." Lerran said dryly.

Mathye Bishop: "...WHY ARE YOU LETTING HER HOLD SHARP THINGS?!"

Zasha Hope leaned out. Were here eyes glowing red like a demon's. "Shut the fuck up Mathye." she said before leaning back slowly to the hot tub, pointing the sheers at Alex.

Zasha Hope: "No."

Farrson Odim: "Because you think I could tell her what to do?"

Alexander Rendon backed away from Zasha as she pointed the shears at Alex, squeaking as he backed up against the wall. "I thought I was doing a good by bathing before going in...I'm...not doing a good?"

Mathye Bishop: "...Woman, if you fucking faceplant and stab yourself, your ass ending up in my infirmary, and we're both going to be unhappy."

Lucerna Sainahs is dropped off along with Zayaat and ten captives of various ages and races. She had an arrow sized for an Amal'jaa sticking out of her abdomen, but she has since snapped most of the shaft off so she could move around easier. "Um.. is everything alright?"

Lerran Nemas: "Zasha. . . we have guests from a traumatic experience walking up the path to the homestead. Can you pause the threats for a moment?"

Mathye Bishop: "...WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Zasha Hope: "No. You get the hose and spray off. That's why we have the hose." Zasha said. "You've contaimented a medical area and did you what that I am have the full training of castration of pigs?"

Farrson Odim looked over his shoulder, "Oh... alex is making Zasha want to murder him. The normal things."

Alexander Rendon: "...."

Mathye Bishop: "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE AN ARROW STICKING OUT OF YOU AND WHO THE FUCK ARE ALL THE PEOPLE?!"

Alexander Rendon: "I should run now, shouldn't I."

Mathye Bishop rushes over to inspect Lucerna!

Zayaat Malqir: "Oy, language."

Zasha Hope glared, he could see the look of pure rage on her face. "I will put that knowledge on YOU if you don't empty out the hotsprings and sanatize it up to Lerran's expectations."

Lerran Nemas: "Alex had an idea and tried to do a good thing, but did a bad thing inseat. Theusual."

Alexander Rendon: "..."

Mathye Bishop: "No.  If Zasha curses, I get to curse. Period."

Alexander Rendon: "................"

Zayaat Malqir: "Two, I was going to have it removed before we left, but everyone else left before I could start removing the arrow."

Mathye Bishop pins Lucerna with the Medical Look of Doom. "You."

Alexander Rendon: "I'mgonnapaysomeprofessionalcleanerstodothisforyouinsteadcauseI'mnotgoodatthissortofthinganywaythanksforlettingmetakeabathBYE!"

Zasha Hope grabs Alex's aether suddenly, holding him still from a distance.

Lucerna Sainahs: A tiny black-haired blue-eyed lalafel child, not older than twelve summers, is standing by Zayaat's legs. "We get to curse here? Fuck yeah!"

Lerran Nemas: "I was going to take care of it when we got here. . . I didn't feel like dealing with her not wanting treated on site."

Zasha Hope: "No. You're FUCKING doing it. RIGHT GODSDAMNED NOW!"

Alexander Rendon was stopped in mid-air, and the wind aether was cut off abruptly. To add injury to his misfortune, Alex immediately began to fall down the cliff, tumbling and smacking into the cliff-face as he fell down the rocks.

Zasha Hope used her aether manipulation on his aetherial signature, yanking ALex backwards and reversing his movements to make him splash back in the bloody hotsprings.

Alexander Rendon was yoted back into the hot springs, bruised, bloodied, and with several rocks and twigs sticking out of his muscular body as he fell into the hot springs, face-first, despaired gurgling the only indicators of life.

[kasunshine]

Since my parting comment is currently being weaponized in the officer's chat by Lucerna, I will put it out here in public where everyone can see. As you can tell, I was angry. In fact, I still am. But here's the thing. I don't. Regret it. At all.

Somehow it was our fault that your own evidence proved you were not telling the truth about today's incident. Instead of learning from it as one of the other mods encouraged you to do, you chose instead to take it as a personal attack because we did not act without question against your target.

You got yourself kicked out of events because of your own well-documented misbehavior. You stalked the person you claimed was stalking you. You tried to use myself and others to get dirt on this person. When my friend was harassed, you demanded absolute proof before doing anything--and then you STILL didn't do anything when you were presented with that proof, because people might say bad things about you. You, you, you. We're supposed to feel sorry for you when you cause people pain and refuse to ever take responsibility for it. Not them! Poor you. No. I have no sympathy left for you. :)

[ffxivash]

Curse of the clueless

Thoughts ran around in his head, again it was complicated, he was lost not knowing how he should feel, or what he should be doing with himself. There was progress when they spoke to Loivoix, Lucerna seemed to be able to pull herself back from the abyss. As long as she wanted to fight, he would find some way to help.

The tuna tenderloin was rolled in the pepper crust, the actions more automated than anything he had to think about, he had to have made it hundreds of times. Though he was not paying attention when he put the full loin on the hot pan. There was down sides to having such a creative genius mind, the racing thoughts was one of the bigger drawbacks.

He didn’t hear Laplace Daemon come down the steps, his own mind lost in the sea of thoughts.

"Ash? Where's uh..." There was a brief pause, “...where's Lucerna? Asleep, I take it?"

An ear flicked, as her voice cut through the thoughts racing around his brain. “Perhaps…” A shrug left him not entirely sure why she was asking him about Lucerna’s state. He left her in professor Loivoix’s room. He looked at the tuna, more than he could eat portion of food, he accidentally cooked. "Want some tuna, pepper crusted."

There was a clear look of confusion on her face, making Ash wonder if he spoke in the correct language. "...Sure. I was hungry anyway, and I don't mind tuna." Laplace finally answered.

One problem solved, he took down another plate and started making the salad of sprouts, arugula and baby biter leaves that would help offset the pepper sweetness of the tuna. He also was not able to have a good meal with out some carbs, so two pieces of thick bread found a waiting skillet. “I felt, we made progress tonight.”

One of Lap’s eyebrows go up as she watched him. "With Lucerna? I think so too, poor girl. I hope she can learn to forgive herself someday..." Laplace crossed her arms, gently shook her head. "...It's a good thing she has you though. Maybe you two can figure things out." He caught a glimpse of Laplace smiling as she spoke again. "Lucerna is a sweetheart at her core, even if she'll never admit that now. I think she just needs to be supported, and maybe that can be coaxed out. Or so I like to think, but I'm no professor."

"She isn’t going to forgive herself." It was a fact in his mind, he had at least been paying attention during the emotional chats he had with Lucerna in the recent past. The tenderloin was off the heat now and he buttered the slices of bread. "It’s what defines her, how she lives with herself and what happened."

The woman heaves a deep sigh, “Perhaps not, but a girl can hope for it all the same. What of you, Ash? How do you feel?" Laplace asked while he worked on getting the toast on to a small side plate for himself. "About this, I mean. You said you didn't like feeling helpless back in there, so I know you care, at least."

There was a lot he could have said, some of it danced around his brain for a moment. "It’s complicated. Just don't push your hopes on her, or get upset when they don't workout." Sound advice that would save anyone frustration when dealing with a survivor’s recovery. A sharp clean knife cut slices of the pepper crusted tuna, placing them around the two undressed salads. "I want her to be free, to make her own choices. The same thing everyone wants I assume." He handed her the plate of food right after sprinkling the salad with some light dressing.

Taking it with a grateful smile she started to talk as she followed him to the bar to sit. "And here I thought I was just having a sandwich when I came down here." He heard her laugh softly before continuing. "I know what you're saying, though. I'd had no intention of pushing things. I just worry for her, is all. When she said what she did yestersun when we got out of there.”

He could see her color drain some as she shook her head. “She ran right off a cliff, apparently. Lucerna is…” her words faltered, “... I consider her my best friend. I want her to be free as well, but I'd also like it if she could smile for herself, if only a bit. Perhaps it won't happen but I will keep hoping."

Reaching for the iced water he took a drink like it was whiskey on the rocks. The pain that he felt at the words, suicide was an unfortunate reality in the castrum. Not everyone can do the things he had done, and live with themselves. "We will see.. " He let it drift off some as he held his water. "One day at a time, there will be days like this, were things seem to fall backwards. Hearing her say she wants to be free, gives me some hope." Lifting his glass before he was truly done talking, his words of self deprecation lost to it.

Taking the next stool, Laplace had a gentle smile, despite the dark circles around her eyes. The natural empathy Ash possessed, told him she was in a good mood. "Yeah, that made me hopeful too." There was a pause as she peered at him while he was eating. "Forgive me, am I bothering you?"

Looking over he paused clearly unsure why she would ask such a thing. Though seeing her shovel the food in to her mouth, he was not sure if she would be able to clarify without choking. So he guessed, “No, not at all. Just beating myself up some.”

Mouth wide as she was about to devour another fork full of tuna and salad, her cheeks suddenly went red. In a flurry she suddenly corrected herself, correcting her posture and dabbing her lips with the napkin, Trying to perhaps pretend she was not eating like a hungry wolf at the table. “The tuna, it's really good, you're a fine cook."

Standing she went off to get herself a glass of water was she spoke. "Regardless, what are you beating yourself up for? If you don't mind my asking. You seemed to do a hell of a lot more for her this sun than anyone else, barring perhaps the Professor."

"I can cook a very few things well." He corrected as he cut a piece of tuna in half. Then he ate it between thoughts, enjoying the fish before became cold. "I, never was great with people. I… I feel clumsy when it comes to things like this.”

Laplace simply shook her head as she sat back down. "She's a grown woman. She has her struggles but..." Lap bit into a bit of salad she'd caught on her fork, and quickly deals with it. "...ultimately, you want her to make her own choices, right? You two already have pet names for each other."

Something skipped a gear in his head and he just stared at her, before repeating the words like they were in some foreign language. “Pet names…” Blinking some as if trying to command his brain to reboot. “It’s, like inspiration, not umm…” Nope process failed and that was all he was able to say.

Her red eyes just looked at him for a long moment before her shoulders started to tremble, and the giggles escaped her in a sudden fit. "You call her 'Dove', and she calls you 'Brave', Ash!" The giggles were not done yet, continuing to interrupting her sentence. “You two are cute together, you know? She was melting into your arms earlier, it was the sweetest thing I've seen in moons."

It was not really registering what she was getting at, though she seemed amused by it. “Ummm…” He lifted his fork and ate another slice of the tuna, no higher thinking needed for the action.

Laughter now as as she fought to speak. "Forgive me, forgive me. I could ill resist the opportunity, but I mean it, you two get on well." Ash watched Laplace go back to eating and seemingly done with confusing him further. It was odd, but at the same time familiar, to be apart of a joke he had no knowledge of. Like perhaps someone placed a ‘filthy savage’ sign on his back, and every one was laughing, while he was oblivious. “It seemed to help.” His ears were pink while his moon touched gray cheeks did a good job of hiding the warmth he was feeling. “Better than doing nothing, right?” He truly sounded unsure, as if he was waiting for her to take the sign from his back, and reveal the joke.

Shaking her head she went to speak again still holding the fork ready to attack the food. "I wasn't saying it was a bad thing, not at all! On the contrary really, Lucerna, I know she responds really well to physical contact. I don't know why she's like that, but when she's uncertain, or when she's upset, she seems to calm down if she's hugged, or even if her hand is held." The last remains of her plate were eaten before she continued. "Hells, even when she seems to be having bad dreams. While she was recovering, after that Highlander drugged her, she seemed to calm a bit when someone was with her."

Peering over at him she had a smile on her face as she once again spoke. "Call me presumptuous, but I think she wants you to be the one to hold her hand in those times. If how she was leaning into you in Loivoix's room was anything to go by, at any rate."

Panic, yes, that is what he was suddenly feeling, though he racked his brain to figure out why. “I overstepped my place…” Looking away from Laplace he looked at what was left on his plate. “I’m new here, and should have not leaped in like I did."

Her head was shaking in his peripheral vision. "You're thinking too hard, Ash." There was a small break in her words for a sigh. "Think less about your 'place' here and more about what you want out of life. Forgive me for saying this, but, your job here in this Free Company, isn't your entire life. It doesn't need to control you."

There was some relief in the change of subject, less focus on the joke. "It's what I’m good at, and nobody's getting hurt by what I'm doing." He picked at what was left of his food. "Place, rank, order, it is like a first language, a good default.” He tried to explain between bites. “I also teach at the orphanage, seeing I know what it is like to not have anyone or anything. I want them to have opportunities, without being swept up by the Empire." Looking over at Laplace his ear flicked some, perhaps finding one of the sources of her confusion. "You do know I’ve only been out of a uniform for a year and a half? Of that I’ve only been here, a moon or so." Saving her from explanation that he spent most of that first year being a hermit, and scavenging, before being manipulated by a psychopath.

Some understanding as she shook her head, no she didn’t know. "I didn't know that, but I do now, forgive me.” A small apologetic smile filled the air between thoughts. "I suppose I can understand, though. T'would be like me, trying to shake myself out of a huntress' mindset. It's my default." "If you'll bear my prattling a bit longer, I think you should chase what you want. Do what comes naturally sometimes. Like that hug she needed that, I think, but I won't lecture you further. You say you teach at an orphanage? I didn't know that, either. Would you tell me a bit about them?"

The thought of the children brought a small smile to his face. "I won't turn away advice, though not sure if I will follow it. I think people are making this out to be more than it is." He had hoped to spare Lucerna from the teasing.

Laplace chuckled at that. "I'll not fluster you further, not tonight at least."

His plate was at least clear now, "They are all so thirsty to know everything, innocent even the ones who are the most hurt. I, have a hard time remembering myself like them. I teach science, once a sennight we do something practical outside, a space to safely experiment. It has been a tad taxing they do not understand what happens when I... when I have to step away."

There was a brief moment of silence as she listened. "Step away for visions, I take it? I... Well, perhaps they need not know." Ash could see her grimace, likely remembering the one time she had witnessed him having a vision. "Sorry, 'tis hardly my business, but, I would simply tell them you have regular migraines.”

"That is what I have said, the head mistress seems to be forgiving, and my lessons are not a main focus of the cas… orphanage.” The Imperial terminology was likely going to haunt him for the rest of his days.

“Ah, but I digress. I'm glad you have something you enjoy. Ash, if I may offer a light suggestion?"

There was a pause as he waited for her suggestion. "If they're in Eorzea, perhaps bring them to Lucerna's restaurant sometime? There's apparently magitek-based games there, it could be a fun way of showing them different uses for science."

He was not going to over step his boundaries there. “They are in Gardenia, though I'm not…” Shaking his head some. “... it is not really my place. Though I may make something like it, perhaps something that helps them understand how things relate to each other.. " His words drifted off as he thought about a couple of visuals that could help with his lessons, including some basic problem solving games. He felt his mood sink some, he had a full time job, and one on the side. "A lot of ideas not a lot of time."

He could see she understood, likely faced similar problems herself. "I see, I misunderstood, forgive me."

Did she think he ran an orphanage? A year and change away from the empire, where did she think he would find the time. Also he was not going to tell her that he was not legally in Eorzea, the Alliance had no idea he was there, and he had no intention of telling them.

"If you ever decide to pursue that idea though, to create something similar, I'd like to see what you come up with." She gave a light smile as she got to her feet. "Much as I'd love to chat all eve. I fear my lack of rest since last eve is beginning to take its toll, and I feel my body telling me it's finally willing to sleep.” “If you ever need help chasing those ideas of yours Ash, try and remember you've got friends now, alright? People who will help you." Turning she made her way up the steps with a few parting words. "Take care, Ash. Thanks for the tuna, I'll repay the favor sometime."

"Rest well. After this turn around, I will likely also see how much sleep I can get." There was a small wave before he picked up the dishes and went to the kitchen to clean them. The racing thoughts were at least more organized now, and now he was able to focus. Though he was not looking forward to the nightmares, the memories of people who had ended their own lives, were already trying to get a hold.

[jancisstuff]

Grindstone #230 - Josiah Covey

[ffxivakyi]

Twenty Second Sun of the Fourth Umbral Moon

Book, this sennight end I will be making new armor.

It was the biggest spider I have ever seen, it was a moment of chaos. Kiest and Luce trying to negotiate, Farson getting stabby. To me it is a spider, who can talk and was already asking us to be good meat sacks for her eggs, or was it babies. Papa is back for now, he says he is scouting for my Mother. He expected me to be cross at him, he has that look, like he expects me to growl. I know he wants to do something, he feels helpless. I do not want him feeling this way, I gave him my blessing, I pray he never finds her.

So Book, I got acid all over my armor, and on me. It was very unfun, and I am still trying to control all of this. I felt, like I was kinda there and kinda not, it was strange, like that one time I tried drugs. I woke up trying to scream but I had no voice, they were around me worried. Book, someone was afraid, I could feel it. I was not afraid, was I? The spider was dead, why was I feeling something I was not? Papa gave, and I healed. I do not know if I am alright with that. I do not know if I could hurt him this way. So I went to the work shop and started cutting new leather for my next set of armor. It will be like my old set, just perhaps a different color. I have plenty of dragon scales, and the armor pieces Faysal made were fine.

[blade-who-left-monsters]

(dagger) raw power

Raw power. ★★★★★

Formal Training. ★★★★★

Combat experience. ★★★★★

Willingness to kill. zero (0) stars

Previous victims. ★★★★★

I’m sorry if this is Mary Sue of my character, but the main theme of her backstory is that she was forced to become a weapon of war. Sorry >.

[mikhasunthistle]

Grindstone: Always a bridesmaid, never a  bride

Welcome to Grindstone #176, Mikha’s 18th! An extra exciting one, with some very unusual happenings in it.

As usual, things started with the fighters lining up.  Last week Hannah Castille and her husband fought each other to earn more donations for Grindstone, and she won:

Hannah Castille: "If you're not in line, you're not fighting!  Welcome to the 176th Grindstone tournament.  I am Hannah Castille, and I'm acting Arbiter this week.  I won the job off Warren at last week's Valentione's Massacre."

Fighters called out their names and what weapons they’d be using:

Flameson Hammersmith: "Hammersmith.  Rock onna stick n'a Goat." Steel Rose: "Steel rose of the fist. I will be using martial arts in this tournement. May Rhalgr smile upon our clash and bless our blows." Jun'to Nharuya: "Jun'to Nharuya - Blade, body, an' some killer swivin' charm. Eat ya hearts out, ladies, gents, an' e'eryone else!" Gervesin Redsteele: "Gervesin Redsteele o' Ala Mhigo! Fightin' wit' me blade an' buckler, me fists, an' me thick bleedin' skull if ye shites're unlucky 'nough t'get hit!"

Thought Mikha’s match against Berrod last week was uneven? His first match this week was against Flameson Hammersmith, long-time Grindstone combatant.

Meep!

Flameson Hammersmith pulled on his soggy cigar and grunted. "Yez good t'ae dance then?

Mikha thought this would be an easy match. No chance such a big man would be able to keep up with him!  Using his usual tactic, he took off running, but Hammersmith had plans in place for just such a thing: Chains hidden in the grass around the area. He pulled on one, which was attached to a goat’s head, and attempted to trip Mikha up.  Though the archer took one hit from the weighted goat’s head, he won in the end.

Flameson Hammersmith spat a clot of blood and fished his cigar out from behind his ear. "Give em hell bowman."

On to his second round!

Rhan'li Zohra holds up a finger, and fishes out his flask.  He takes a quick swig, and stows it.  He levels a stare towards Mikha, and offers an easy smile and nod, "M'ready t'dance when y'are, mate."

Mikha’s tactic of running and keeping distance is never effective against another ranged user, so he had to do something else. This backup tactic hadn’t worked in the past, but he had always used it against larger foes -- this was the first time he was using it against someone smaller than himself.  He got in close. He tried to stay so close that the other wouldn’t be able to shoot (sadly less effective against a gun-user than it would be against a bow). 

Mikha hit him with his bow, tackled him down, and eventually came out on top... literally!  On to round three! 

His next round, he fought against Khulan Jindir, a newcomer to Grindstone. 

Khulan Jindir: "Its my first time here and I never expected to get this far, so I will continue to give it my all, as should you, I wish you luck"

Though it was a fast fight, the one blow the Au Ra landed against him was a bad one, opening a cut along the back of his leg.   Still, Mikha won in the end, 1-3. 

Judge Jredthys: "KHULAN RELENTS. MIKHA IS THE ARBOR BRACKET CHAMPION AND ADVANCES."

On to the semifinals!

His next fight was against Keira Rioux.

Keira Rioux: "I'm not the kind to worry. Don't even think about going easy on me." She gestured to the daggers on her hips, nodding to the arrow. "Let's do this."

Another good fight, and once more Mikha came out on top! While he took a number of small blows, he had only one big injury thus far, so he was doing pretty well.

Hannah Castille: "Mikha defeats the Wash champ, Keira, and will move on to the Grindstone finals!"

The finals! Mikha had only made it that far once before!  But he had a long wait for the other bracket to catch up and for his opponent to be chosen. 

During that time, a reporter came to talk to him.  Mikha had never met a reporter before, let alone one who was interested in him!

The man wrote for an IC newspaper ( http://news.thecrystalchronicle.com/ ).  They cover Grindstone every week, so Mikha is going to have to find a copy of it!  

Then, even odder, Mikha discovered he had fans.  He had a fanclub. 

Jack Hearts follows the Hyur around as he picks up arrows. He looks at Sye as she approaches. "This is my associate, Sye. She was the first of us to become your fan." Sye Syrlia sees you and blushes with embarrassment. Lucerna Sainahs smiles as the midlander archer is approached by fans. "I wonder if the staff has fans too.." She muses.

Then, finally, on to the last battle! The finals!  Mikha was fighting Wanderer Gadieo to become Grindstone champ!

Wanderer Gadieo immediately drew his fists upward, one open hand hovering just above his eyes and a fist, turned over and set to his opposite hip. He faintly smiled and nodded to Mikha.

It was unfortunately a fast fight.  Mikha did land two hits against the other Hyur, but Gadieo was fast and easily able to keep up with Mikha when the archer ran.

The battle ended 2-3.   Gadieo stomped on Mikha’s shoulder, and that was enough for the archer to yield. Gadieo was the Grindstone champ.

Even though he didn’t win, he had a lot of good fights. All in all, it was a successful night... but he sure would like to win Grindstone one day.