#Ashliel’a Vallenya

[ffxivash]

Nameday in the snow

The snow crunched under the chocobo's talons, as they winded through the frozen dead forest. It had taken Ash longer than he expected to arrive at his childhood home. Riding a living animal was not the same as the mechanical means of travel he normally used. The tundra and icy ghost trees was not the home he had remembered, landmarks had changed as well. Having to cross and follow the river gorge to not become hopelessly lost.

The slab of rock jutted out of the snow and ice, as a natural gravestone that overlooked the swift river below. Ash looked out over the world around him, the forest he once knew, tall alpine trees and underbrush was all gone.

Leaving the chocobo tied to a dead tree he walked to the rock and put his hand on the cold stone. The words etched there was in the tribal language called scratch, his fingers rand over them clearing off the snow. Ash had forgotten the words he carved there, the language itself buried in two decades of re-education by the Empire.

Opening his bag he took out the reef of flowers he had woven before they reached the bitter cold. He placed it on the point of the three foot tall slab, there it rested like a crown. The vibrant spring color of the flowers stood out in the world of white and gray.

“Mom, I’ll be right back.” Whispering to the stone before he moved to walk up the hill. The natural rock face formed by time and erosion sat in the snow. The wooden door was now gone, it had not stood the test of time. Inside didn’t show much more resistance to the elements then the door had, decimated by animals. 

Closing his eyes he tried to remember the single room home, the two bed rolls that took up most of the floor. It was all he knew before the empire, a simple, naive, savage life. He opened his eyes and looked at the place he mother suffered her final moons in agony. They were savages, living in filth, and ignorance. Ash’s fist balled up as he growled to the emptiness. The infection that killed her was treatable, he now worked every day around the medicine that would have saved her life.

Turning he walked out of the rustic home and back in to the cold crisp air, hoping to numb that anger he felt rising in his chest. Ash returned to the head stone and fell to his knees, reaching out a hand to touch the cold stone, before he lowered his head. The emotions had broken through the floodgates, years of walls he had built up to keep them numb. No one was there to witness him sobbing into the soft jacket sleeve for a solid forty ticks.

Bitter cold made his eyes and cheeks sting as the tears stopped flowing. Ash didn’t have the forethought to have brought a handkerchief, he really didn’t know how he would feel till he was here. The soft sleeve of the jacket would have to do for now, as he sat back on his legs. “They took everything.” His words were still shaky but he was finally able to speak. “I don’t even know who I am any more.” The next pause in his words were to crunch his eyes closed tight. “Mom, I’ve done heinous things, hurt so many people. If you were here, you’d be beyond disappointed.” There was a long pause as he fought away another wave of unwanted emotions.“Even with them taking away so much of who I was, I’d never forget you. Mom, can you forgive me?”

His eyes opened and looked at the reef of flowers. “The tech I’ve seen would blow your mind. Honestly, you would likely call it unnatural and hit it with a stick till it stops working.”

Running his hand over the quilted soft leather of the coat, a small smile tried to creep out of the pain he was feeling. “I’v meet a girl.. balls.. I’m not a child.” The last part was mumbled under his breath chiding himself. In a normal but shaky tone as he started again. “Mom, I’v meet this wonderful woman, she is smart, compassionate, kind…She just can’t see it, I have to keep reminding her.  I think you would’ve liked her.” With his hand he cleared away any lingering moisture from his cheeks.

“I know we never really had the chance to talk about this part of my life. I honestly worry, I’m messing it up somehow, that she will come to resent me.” He paused and shook his head. “Mom, I’m just making it all up as I go, following that instinct you always talked about.” A weary smile crossed his ashen skin. “When we are both on the same page, we lift each other up. She keeps the nightmares at bay, and chases away the guilt. I’d be lost in the drink without her.” He looked down taking a breath of the icy air. “We just started dating, everyone else seemed to know we were going to, just neither of us got the memo. I call her Dove, I guess that is when everyone else pictured her and I together.”

Reaching up he touches his ear, the sun was going down and with it the temperature. “When, I lost my freedom.. I never expected to feel anything again. I lost hope, found a few ways of making the pain go away. I never expected to feel like this towards anyone. We know how fragile this all can be, how in an instance it can all end.” Reaching back he pulled the hood up over his ears, the bitter cold was making them tingly and sore. “I wanted to visit sooner, just didn’t have the chance. It’s not the same as it was when you were alive. I heard about the Eikon and how it shifted aether here, I didn’t think I’d ever get to see it.”

He stood and looked around, the sun went down while he was not paying attention. “Mom, I don’t know if your out there. They took away any thoughts of gods, and the things you told me about when I was young. If… if you’re out there please forgive me.” Ash took a moment to fight away the tears. “While Dove likes to tell me I didn’t have a choice, she also keeps reminding me that she should have died to make a choice for herself.”

Closing his mismatched eyes as his thoughts went to darker places, playing out his only true moment of resistance so many years ago in his mind. No matter the ‘what ifs’ he could come up with, ending his life was never one of them. Even now as he tried to think about how it would have happened, he still wanted to survive in spite of the pain he endured and inflicted. “Mom, I don’t know how to feel, I don’t even know what I’m feeling half the time. So, for the others, if they are out there.. let them know I’m sorry.”

Grabbing the reins of the chocobo he secured his bag on to the saddle and hoisted himself up. “Yea I’m tired to buddy, but neither of us are prepared to sleep in this weather.” He would start steering the chocobo down the mountain. “How about we get to a place where we won’t be popsicle in the morning… deal?”

[ffxivash]

With every hammer fall

The rain fell from the sky in silver threads as he pushed his bike up the hill. The gravel keeping the wide tires from running ruts in the dirt and grass of the Lavender beds. A scarlet red roof announcing he had finally arrived at the manse, he was home. That feeling was still so new to Ash, having a home. Filled with people that were more than a rank, or fellow expendable conscripts, people who he could actually talk to and care about.

Frisk looked up as Ash walked in the door, the man always gave Ash pause. Looking down Ash made sure he was not tracking in any mud, or doing anything else disrespectful to the house. Ash's first experience with the manse gave them a respect he normally reserved for his Garlean handler. Putting a hand up over his red right eye, he give a salute as he walked past the check in counter, where Frisk was often seen. Then he would pass through the heavy wooden door to the dorms.

His room would be a short hallway from the airship landing, the two places he spent most of his waking hours working. Tossing the leather bag on the carpet, near a currently empty fish tank. He swiftly walked past and checked on the piece of metal he left for a slow cool near the sleeping forge.

One sapphire blue left eye looked over the edge as he squinted down it's unfinished length. A smirk crossed his right cheek, as he found the blade was straight. A flick of his wrist and aether leaped to his hand before taking on the aspect of fire, then leaped to the sleeping forge to awaken it from its slumber.

Turning he smiled, and pulled off his leather coat. He felt alive, as the forge embers turned a hungry red. He grabbed the protective thick leather apron, and put it on, to protect him from the sparks that soon will fly. This feeling is what kept him going, it sustained him while he was as slave in every thing but name.

The sword slid in to the embers as he picked up the hammer in a tightening grip. Others in the manse had their own ways of dealing with pain. Some would chase monsters into the darkness from whence they came, some would get lost in books about warriors of light and gods from above. Ash would to turn his pain into something, as a hammer beat metals into shapes, shapes that could defend those in need.

The sparks jumped with each hammer fall, and in them he would see his past. The Garleans that broke him, that burned the savage ways out of him, that made his mother's words into lies. The people he briefly called friends, just to see them die, not just in person but in his endless painful visions. Die to the desperate bids for freedom by those who wanted away from the Imperial yoke. Even with his uniform’s ashes scattered to the arid rocks of The Peaks. He felt the pain the Empire still inflected on those around him. He was still not free of them.

The blade glowing a hot angry red was lifted in the air briefly before being quenched in hot oil. It would stay in the oil for a few long moments, as if his own past would drown in the bubbles that jumped to the oil’s surface. Careful to make sure when he pulled it up no flames would appear. Smoking with wisps of white, his blue eye looked down the blade's spine, then turned it to glance down it's tapering side.

Hanging the blade he left it to finish cooling. Another practice blade, his last before working with the temperamental Allagian steel. He looked to the crude bar he had formed from the broken ancient blade. Unlike the expected Allagian metals it had no visible aether channels, and was far harder to work with. Grabbing the bar he put it in the red glowing embers of the forge.

A weapon that could be used as a magic focus, and a blade. The rest of the parts were scattered on the workbench behind him, waiting for the final blade to be forged. The barrel and rotary for a gunblade, one he had liberated during his final moments in uniform.

“Your not beat yet, there is still some good you can do.”

If he was talking to himself, the ingot in the embers, or someone else all together, there was no one there to know. A hand reached back and he pulled on his shirt. The sweaty material sticking uncomfortably to the scars left by fire there.

“Time for you to prove your worth.” His tongs picked up the glowing red ingot. “Work with me, and perhaps you will be a blade again, deal?”

[ffxivash]

Curse of the clueless

Thoughts ran around in his head, again it was complicated, he was lost not knowing how he should feel, or what he should be doing with himself. There was progress when they spoke to Loivoix, Lucerna seemed to be able to pull herself back from the abyss. As long as she wanted to fight, he would find some way to help.

The tuna tenderloin was rolled in the pepper crust, the actions more automated than anything he had to think about, he had to have made it hundreds of times. Though he was not paying attention when he put the full loin on the hot pan. There was down sides to having such a creative genius mind, the racing thoughts was one of the bigger drawbacks.

He didn’t hear Laplace Daemon come down the steps, his own mind lost in the sea of thoughts.

"Ash? Where's uh..." There was a brief pause, “...where's Lucerna? Asleep, I take it?"

An ear flicked, as her voice cut through the thoughts racing around his brain. “Perhaps…” A shrug left him not entirely sure why she was asking him about Lucerna’s state. He left her in professor Loivoix’s room. He looked at the tuna, more than he could eat portion of food, he accidentally cooked. "Want some tuna, pepper crusted."

There was a clear look of confusion on her face, making Ash wonder if he spoke in the correct language. "...Sure. I was hungry anyway, and I don't mind tuna." Laplace finally answered.

One problem solved, he took down another plate and started making the salad of sprouts, arugula and baby biter leaves that would help offset the pepper sweetness of the tuna. He also was not able to have a good meal with out some carbs, so two pieces of thick bread found a waiting skillet. “I felt, we made progress tonight.”

One of Lap’s eyebrows go up as she watched him. "With Lucerna? I think so too, poor girl. I hope she can learn to forgive herself someday..." Laplace crossed her arms, gently shook her head. "...It's a good thing she has you though. Maybe you two can figure things out." He caught a glimpse of Laplace smiling as she spoke again. "Lucerna is a sweetheart at her core, even if she'll never admit that now. I think she just needs to be supported, and maybe that can be coaxed out. Or so I like to think, but I'm no professor."

"She isn’t going to forgive herself." It was a fact in his mind, he had at least been paying attention during the emotional chats he had with Lucerna in the recent past. The tenderloin was off the heat now and he buttered the slices of bread. "It’s what defines her, how she lives with herself and what happened."

The woman heaves a deep sigh, “Perhaps not, but a girl can hope for it all the same. What of you, Ash? How do you feel?" Laplace asked while he worked on getting the toast on to a small side plate for himself. "About this, I mean. You said you didn't like feeling helpless back in there, so I know you care, at least."

There was a lot he could have said, some of it danced around his brain for a moment. "It’s complicated. Just don't push your hopes on her, or get upset when they don't workout." Sound advice that would save anyone frustration when dealing with a survivor’s recovery. A sharp clean knife cut slices of the pepper crusted tuna, placing them around the two undressed salads. "I want her to be free, to make her own choices. The same thing everyone wants I assume." He handed her the plate of food right after sprinkling the salad with some light dressing.

Taking it with a grateful smile she started to talk as she followed him to the bar to sit. "And here I thought I was just having a sandwich when I came down here." He heard her laugh softly before continuing. "I know what you're saying, though. I'd had no intention of pushing things. I just worry for her, is all. When she said what she did yestersun when we got out of there.”

He could see her color drain some as she shook her head. “She ran right off a cliff, apparently. Lucerna is…” her words faltered, “... I consider her my best friend. I want her to be free as well, but I'd also like it if she could smile for herself, if only a bit. Perhaps it won't happen but I will keep hoping."

Reaching for the iced water he took a drink like it was whiskey on the rocks. The pain that he felt at the words, suicide was an unfortunate reality in the castrum. Not everyone can do the things he had done, and live with themselves. "We will see.. " He let it drift off some as he held his water. "One day at a time, there will be days like this, were things seem to fall backwards. Hearing her say she wants to be free, gives me some hope." Lifting his glass before he was truly done talking, his words of self deprecation lost to it.

Taking the next stool, Laplace had a gentle smile, despite the dark circles around her eyes. The natural empathy Ash possessed, told him she was in a good mood. "Yeah, that made me hopeful too." There was a pause as she peered at him while he was eating. "Forgive me, am I bothering you?"

Looking over he paused clearly unsure why she would ask such a thing. Though seeing her shovel the food in to her mouth, he was not sure if she would be able to clarify without choking. So he guessed, “No, not at all. Just beating myself up some.”

Mouth wide as she was about to devour another fork full of tuna and salad, her cheeks suddenly went red. In a flurry she suddenly corrected herself, correcting her posture and dabbing her lips with the napkin, Trying to perhaps pretend she was not eating like a hungry wolf at the table. “The tuna, it's really good, you're a fine cook."

Standing she went off to get herself a glass of water was she spoke. "Regardless, what are you beating yourself up for? If you don't mind my asking. You seemed to do a hell of a lot more for her this sun than anyone else, barring perhaps the Professor."

"I can cook a very few things well." He corrected as he cut a piece of tuna in half. Then he ate it between thoughts, enjoying the fish before became cold. "I, never was great with people. I… I feel clumsy when it comes to things like this.”

Laplace simply shook her head as she sat back down. "She's a grown woman. She has her struggles but..." Lap bit into a bit of salad she'd caught on her fork, and quickly deals with it. "...ultimately, you want her to make her own choices, right? You two already have pet names for each other."

Something skipped a gear in his head and he just stared at her, before repeating the words like they were in some foreign language. “Pet names…” Blinking some as if trying to command his brain to reboot. “It’s, like inspiration, not umm…” Nope process failed and that was all he was able to say.

Her red eyes just looked at him for a long moment before her shoulders started to tremble, and the giggles escaped her in a sudden fit. "You call her 'Dove', and she calls you 'Brave', Ash!" The giggles were not done yet, continuing to interrupting her sentence. “You two are cute together, you know? She was melting into your arms earlier, it was the sweetest thing I've seen in moons."

It was not really registering what she was getting at, though she seemed amused by it. “Ummm…” He lifted his fork and ate another slice of the tuna, no higher thinking needed for the action.

Laughter now as as she fought to speak. "Forgive me, forgive me. I could ill resist the opportunity, but I mean it, you two get on well." Ash watched Laplace go back to eating and seemingly done with confusing him further. It was odd, but at the same time familiar, to be apart of a joke he had no knowledge of. Like perhaps someone placed a ‘filthy savage’ sign on his back, and every one was laughing, while he was oblivious. “It seemed to help.” His ears were pink while his moon touched gray cheeks did a good job of hiding the warmth he was feeling. “Better than doing nothing, right?” He truly sounded unsure, as if he was waiting for her to take the sign from his back, and reveal the joke.

Shaking her head she went to speak again still holding the fork ready to attack the food. "I wasn't saying it was a bad thing, not at all! On the contrary really, Lucerna, I know she responds really well to physical contact. I don't know why she's like that, but when she's uncertain, or when she's upset, she seems to calm down if she's hugged, or even if her hand is held." The last remains of her plate were eaten before she continued. "Hells, even when she seems to be having bad dreams. While she was recovering, after that Highlander drugged her, she seemed to calm a bit when someone was with her."

Peering over at him she had a smile on her face as she once again spoke. "Call me presumptuous, but I think she wants you to be the one to hold her hand in those times. If how she was leaning into you in Loivoix's room was anything to go by, at any rate."

Panic, yes, that is what he was suddenly feeling, though he racked his brain to figure out why. “I overstepped my place…” Looking away from Laplace he looked at what was left on his plate. “I’m new here, and should have not leaped in like I did."

Her head was shaking in his peripheral vision. "You're thinking too hard, Ash." There was a small break in her words for a sigh. "Think less about your 'place' here and more about what you want out of life. Forgive me for saying this, but, your job here in this Free Company, isn't your entire life. It doesn't need to control you."

There was some relief in the change of subject, less focus on the joke. "It's what I’m good at, and nobody's getting hurt by what I'm doing." He picked at what was left of his food. "Place, rank, order, it is like a first language, a good default.” He tried to explain between bites. “I also teach at the orphanage, seeing I know what it is like to not have anyone or anything. I want them to have opportunities, without being swept up by the Empire." Looking over at Laplace his ear flicked some, perhaps finding one of the sources of her confusion. "You do know I’ve only been out of a uniform for a year and a half? Of that I’ve only been here, a moon or so." Saving her from explanation that he spent most of that first year being a hermit, and scavenging, before being manipulated by a psychopath.

Some understanding as she shook her head, no she didn’t know. "I didn't know that, but I do now, forgive me.” A small apologetic smile filled the air between thoughts. "I suppose I can understand, though. T'would be like me, trying to shake myself out of a huntress' mindset. It's my default." "If you'll bear my prattling a bit longer, I think you should chase what you want. Do what comes naturally sometimes. Like that hug she needed that, I think, but I won't lecture you further. You say you teach at an orphanage? I didn't know that, either. Would you tell me a bit about them?"

The thought of the children brought a small smile to his face. "I won't turn away advice, though not sure if I will follow it. I think people are making this out to be more than it is." He had hoped to spare Lucerna from the teasing.

Laplace chuckled at that. "I'll not fluster you further, not tonight at least."

His plate was at least clear now, "They are all so thirsty to know everything, innocent even the ones who are the most hurt. I, have a hard time remembering myself like them. I teach science, once a sennight we do something practical outside, a space to safely experiment. It has been a tad taxing they do not understand what happens when I... when I have to step away."

There was a brief moment of silence as she listened. "Step away for visions, I take it? I... Well, perhaps they need not know." Ash could see her grimace, likely remembering the one time she had witnessed him having a vision. "Sorry, 'tis hardly my business, but, I would simply tell them you have regular migraines.”

"That is what I have said, the head mistress seems to be forgiving, and my lessons are not a main focus of the cas… orphanage.” The Imperial terminology was likely going to haunt him for the rest of his days.

“Ah, but I digress. I'm glad you have something you enjoy. Ash, if I may offer a light suggestion?"

There was a pause as he waited for her suggestion. "If they're in Eorzea, perhaps bring them to Lucerna's restaurant sometime? There's apparently magitek-based games there, it could be a fun way of showing them different uses for science."

He was not going to over step his boundaries there. “They are in Gardenia, though I'm not…” Shaking his head some. “... it is not really my place. Though I may make something like it, perhaps something that helps them understand how things relate to each other.. " His words drifted off as he thought about a couple of visuals that could help with his lessons, including some basic problem solving games. He felt his mood sink some, he had a full time job, and one on the side. "A lot of ideas not a lot of time."

He could see she understood, likely faced similar problems herself. "I see, I misunderstood, forgive me."

Did she think he ran an orphanage? A year and change away from the empire, where did she think he would find the time. Also he was not going to tell her that he was not legally in Eorzea, the Alliance had no idea he was there, and he had no intention of telling them.

"If you ever decide to pursue that idea though, to create something similar, I'd like to see what you come up with." She gave a light smile as she got to her feet. "Much as I'd love to chat all eve. I fear my lack of rest since last eve is beginning to take its toll, and I feel my body telling me it's finally willing to sleep.” “If you ever need help chasing those ideas of yours Ash, try and remember you've got friends now, alright? People who will help you." Turning she made her way up the steps with a few parting words. "Take care, Ash. Thanks for the tuna, I'll repay the favor sometime."

"Rest well. After this turn around, I will likely also see how much sleep I can get." There was a small wave before he picked up the dishes and went to the kitchen to clean them. The racing thoughts were at least more organized now, and now he was able to focus. Though he was not looking forward to the nightmares, the memories of people who had ended their own lives, were already trying to get a hold.

[ffxivash]

Section 9 : Castrum Abania

The weather was not favorable, making Ash grateful for the hood and goggles. They also obscured his identity enough to give him some chance to flee if people came to close. He paused at the gate as he fought that constant nagging feeling in his gut. This was not a place he wanted to be, the formidable walls of Castrum Abania. The gates still intact and on lock down, as he made his way around to the already exploited weakness of the Castrum’s defenses.

He was not sure if the visions, or his natural born empathy, that made the memories seem so fresh. It was only a span and a half ago, he remembers the massive cannon firing, shaking even the deepest depths of the Castrum.  

What was above ground was mostly cleared out and picked clean, the resistance and scavengers took anything not bolted down. Though to be honest most people didn’t want to get close to this place, he was fairly sure everything below was mostly untouched. Only the few of the resistance who made it to the depths actually found out it was a Section 9 Facility. Hence why he was placed here, to make more abominations, more weapons.

Ash’s hand would go to his head, the memories hurt, the memories of visions of seeing his friends dying. Never having access codes, and the place seemed to have lost power, he was not going to get any of the doors open the easy way. At least he knew where the weak points in the Castrum’s defenses. Air management was never elegant, and in this case it was a weakness he could use to his advantage.

Just as he had planned the pulley was placed over the covered air vent and used it to pull the round grate free. He then affixed a hook to the pulley and looked down into the dark opening. Everything in him screamed at him to not go back, to find some other place to get the materials he needed, any other place.

Clipping the hook to to his belt he would brace himself and then descend down the air shaft. Bracing for the pain he knew was coming he tightened his jaw, having to use his back to brace as he went down. By the time his feet were once again on plated metal flooring, he nearly fell to his knees, drained by the pain.

Wiping the tears from his eyes and cheeks, Ash took a few stabilizing breaths. Righting himself and looked around. It was haunting how eerily quiet it was, the hallways only lit by reserve emergency lighting. The hook from above was removed from his person and left to dangle for now. Ash did not need it to get himself out, he was more then able to teleport home if he wanted. The materials however would not be as willing to travel through the aether.

The span and a half did not dull his memories, he had no problem navigating the access corridors towards where he once worked. Ash stayed focused not wanting to look around, he was convinced the bodies were still laying where they fell. His gray moon touched hand went up to rest on the door in front of him.

There was one body he was sure was still there, still right where Ash left him. Levin aether leapt from his hand and directly in to the door he was touching, just enough to power the servos that would unlock the door. It did take a few tries but he found the correct amount of levin and just the right moment to push the door.

The lab was untouched, only the glistening layer of dust gave the measurement of time. The four magitek pods left just where he remembered. The second one from the left was still closed and sealed. The alarms were blaring in his memories, the cannon was taken off line. Ash remembered working on the pods, remembered the fine work he needed to do to get the last of the tech assembled and on line.

“Vallenya! What are you doing? We have to get these out in the main chamber now!” His handler, a Garlean scientist who was well past his prime. Time was not kind to his temperament ether, not that Ash had any fond memories of him.

That was when the resistance had breached the facility, when people he knew started to die. Keeping secrets is near impossible, when everything you do in your life is an assignment, is watched over, and managed. Luck runs out, the pain he was in would not pass unnoticed by the Garlean who was yelling at him. 

Punishment was swift, punishment for not making eye contact, for not snapping to attention, for not saying ‘Yes Sir.’ Not that Ash could have done any of those things while he felt daggers being jabbed in to his skull. While he saw overlapping visions of all the deaths that were happening above. On top of that the pain of the punishment was distant, it could not measure up to the pain he was already in.

Opening his eyes Ash’s thoughts returned to the present, the silent room. He knew deep down he had a temper, that beneath the years of Imperial discipline, was rage. A part of him he hated, and wished he could burn it away like the Empire burned away so much of his life.

Walking over Ash put his hand on the lock of the sealed pod. “I’m so sorry.” He was not spared even the vision of the Handler’s final moments. Apparently the visions’ definition of ‘people he knew’  was not just people he was friends with, or even people he liked. Ash unlocked the pod and stepped back, not entirely sure what to expected. The mummified body of the Garlean fell out onto the floor plating. He had suffocated in the non-active pod, hours after Ash had made his escape. He let a heavy breath out of his nostrils, he remembered how it happened. He felt something snap that day, that rage, that is when he turned on his Handler, and shoved him into the pod. The moment after he realized what he had done, fear of punishment, fear of what they would do to him. He hated him self for how easy it was for him to kill a man, with the choice to do nothing. Pulling himself away from the sight of his first murder, he looked back at the door that lead to where the plating he came for was waiting. He looked down at his hand it was trembling slightly, to many emotions where in this room. He balled it in to a fist and walked to the door, and with another use of levin aether getting the door to open at his command.

The leather gloves on his hands he would grab as many of the reinforced magitek plates he could carry. He would not bother closing the doors, he had no interest to come back a third time. Lugging the plating to where the pulley hook waited, Ash would yank on the cables to get more slack before wrap the plating into a bundle.

With a hand on the cable he stood on the bound plates and then activated the pulley far above. The accent was far less painful as he made his way up the air shaft, the setting sun was welcome on his face, almost as welcome as the first time he made his way out of the Castrum. Ash put the air vent cover back in place, it was a hazard other wise, and he for some reason couldn’t leave it as a danger.

Everything ready he would load up the transport he brought with him, Ash did not have the airship close by, again not wanting to draw attention to himself. Only once every thing was loaded, and he was in the air, did he finally felt his legs turn to pasta. Heavily he planted himself in the captain's chair, mentally and physically exhausted. “I can’t believe we deserve to suffer.. we just do it anyway, like a bad habit.”    

[ffxivash]

Section 9, Castrum Tempus

Retreating into his room Ash closed the door and bee lined for the washroom. He turned on the faucet, making the cold water flow to his waiting hands. The cold water felt like ice on his flushed cheeks. The water flow stopped and he pulled the towel from the wall and buried his face in it. Slowly the burning feeling was finally leaving his cheeks and ears.

“What in the hell am I doing? She doesn't need this, I'm just embarrassing her.” The towel in hand was thrown in to the hamper, even though it didn't deserve to be there yet. Leaving the washroom he would pick up a book and flop in to the soft chair near his bed. 

Meanwhile some place far north of Ala Mhigo...

Castrum Tempus was smaller than its military counterparts. While there was armed forces marching on the outside, with in was clearly more focused towards science. Garlean scientist in white coats, looking over screens and adjusting tech around them. They focused on their work, ignoring the commotion happening in the center of the lab.

Strapped to the angled table was a young Hyur, about twenty years, dressed in a standard imperial uniform. Standing before the restrained man was a pure blood Garlean, his imperial uniform pristine, creases in perfect lines with his rank perfectly straight. Behind him two Elezen siblings stood at attention awaiting orders.

“Thank you for coming all this way conscript, I see you have been made comfortable.” His expression was blank, as his cold blue eyes looked to the restrained Hyur. “I was informed you have something to tell me about a conscript?” He glanced at the folder nearby. “An Ashliel’a Aan Vallenya?”

“Y..yes sir. Conscript Vallenya, he could see things before they happened. Vis.. visions Sir.”

“Interesting, and this is what you reported when they questioned you about where he might have ran off to?”

“Yes sir.”

“All those years you have kept his secrets from the Empire. How little integrity you have shown for The Empire, your savior, or he as a friend, and fellow conscript.”

The Garlean turned to look at the sibling Elezen. “Go fetch this Ashliel’a Aan Vallenya for me.”

Their heels click and forearms crossed their chest in the expected Imperial salute. “Yes sir.” Then they marched out of the laboratory.

Turning back to the restrained Hyur the Garlean scowled. “Don’t worry, I have a use for you yet. Your lack of loyalty won't be a problem.” Turning the Garlean gave a small flick of his hand, a signal that he was done here. Turning he would move to leave the laboratory “We fix the useless here, make them useful again, you -will- learn what loyalty means.” The words bitter in the air as he left.

The tech around where the Hyur was bound came to life, as the angled table started to return to a horizontal position….

Ash put his hand to his forehead as the pain came in waves, like needles being stabbed in to his eye and temple. Closing the book he moved to the bed and reached for his eye patch. He had come to accept this pain as warning signs, though it did not always become a vision.

“This damned war.. “

[ffxivash]

The first wish

The door closed a tad heavier than he intended, causing Ash to turn and give it a look. Mismatched eyes looked at the steps that lead up to the loft, the liquor that resided up there was more than tempting. A hand went to his side where Lucerna’s ax had cut him open, the chain and leather he wore did nothing to stop the blow. Though the stitches and bandages were doing their part in helping him heal, nothing would be able to numb the words spoken by the Ascian.

Two steps up the stairs and his body just became too heavy to continue. The white tail, still stained red in some places, curled around him. The fluffy tuft still flicking back and forth on the end in silent agitation. Normally the alcohol would be the first thing he would have. The sting of it washing away the thoughts that ran through his head, numbing the mental, and physical pain.

Wrapping his arm around his side he just sat there mind racing, so many thought, too much to make sense of any of it. His life was never complicated, the Empire was pretty cut and dry with what they wanted, and how he was allowed to feel. Attacking Lucerna was, painful more than just fighting someone who was stronger and faster then he would ever be. He never had to attack someone he considered a friend before today.

She was going to be alright, the Ascian was ripped to a million pieces of aether. At least that is what Ash think he saw. It was hard to see with only his right eye able to see what was happening. Most of what the Ascian said was just stercore, desperate grasps at people’s fears. Though it was not all empty words, it did say something that struck its mark, one of Ash’s fears.

“Ash, so quick to renounce your allegiances to the Empire and join ranks with their enemy. Is that truly your motivation? Why are you here? You're just protecting your best investment so you can turn Lucerna over to your Imperial allies to climb their ladder. You're the kind of person who will just end up using her.”

Ash shook his head some, hoping to banish the only thing that remained of the Ascian from his mind. He could not deny he was indoctrinated by the Empire, that they had a strong influence over his day to day choices. The possibility of him using Lucerna was truly something he feared, using anyone the way he had been used, the way the Empire uses everyone.

Standing he went down and to the washroom, starting work to get the blood stain out of his white tail fluff. “Think positive..” He ordered himself as the water flowed with rust colors in to the drain. “She is going to be up and walking in a few days, we did win…”

One more layer of bandages around his abdomen, before he would change into a loose shirt and pants for sleeping. It was not the Imperial issued pants and shirt he was given, and the bed was actually soft, some nights too soft. Pulling the blankets up he was asleep, as soon as his head hit the fluffy pillow.

Visions, they sometimes gave warning, like a sudden migraine, needles were being pushed into his right eye. Sometimes they just struck him like a bullet to the brain, making him forget about any other pain he has ever had. This time the warning sent him reeling out of the lands of dreams, and off the side of the bed. His right hand up over his red eye, as soon as he was able to discern which way was up. The vision, while he was experiencing it, always made him feel almost light, the pain would drift away as if he was for the moment out of his own skin. Standing he looked around still having his right eye covered, he was in his room alone. Then his right hand moved away, and the world suddenly had the vision overlapping the reality around him.

There was a bed, it seemed to overlap not to far from his own, and on it was Lucerna. Though many of her features seemed different, her hair was nothing but fuzz at only an ilm long. There was bandages, but he had come to expect there will always be bandages. “So this is the past…” He mumbled to himself, it helped him remember the visions, details that would fade otherwise.

The vision though had more the Lucerna, something that had never happened before. Ash normally would only see shadows or distortions of people he never had meet. He stood and looked at them, taking in as many details as he could, knowing the vision could end at any moment. First was the Roegadyn, a massive man with sea green skin and black hair. Second was a Lalafell, with short sun kissed hair. Last was a Miqo’te seeker with sandy hair. "Pity she's struck dumb. We could use that ferocity she showed on our front line. Though I figure since we've at least got finder's rights, I can smack some paint and a wig on her and get some gil from a few of my contacts who like them stupid." The Seawolf’s words made Ash’s ears go back in to his hair and tail flick in anger.

The Lalafell’s words however at least lowered the dread he was feeling in his chest. "We don't know what she's been through. Give her some time before you throw her to the highest bidder.” The woman nudges the leg of the Miqo’te. ”M'yrr, you try her.”

The sandy Miqo’te seeker crossed the room with a scoff and waved his hand in front of Lucerna’s face. “Can you hear me?”

Lucerna nodded to the seeker, while Ash walked over. The dread in his gut was like a brick, he hoped he was not going to witness abuse. He never would get use to seeing people he knew die, the idea of seeing Lucerna abused made Ash uneasy. "Huh. That's progress. You gonna come with us?" Her features hardened as Lucerna tensed, "I-I can't. I'm rotten. I killed so many. I can't be redeemed. I need to- I need to die. That's the only way I can stop hurting people." “So this is right after you got away from the Empire…” Again Ash spoke to himself as he normally would do during a vision.

"She's no use to us dead! Try harder!" The seawolf growls at his companion.

M’yrr clears his throat as he once again speaks. "Even if you think you should die, there's got to be something you want to live for. Do you have a wish?"

The newly liberated Lucerna started to shake her head, but then nodded. "One thing. But I can't make it happen."

"Sure ya can! You can do it with us, what's your wish?"

"With the- with the Imperials.. I let them into my head and then I did horrible things with them. I want to- I want to make sure that doesn't happen with anyone else. I want to save people if there are more trapped." There was a smile on her face as she spoke, and a feeling Ash was very familiar with.

The Seawolf claps his hands. "Then trust us! We're heroes, we'll guide you to make your wish come true. Just stay with us, and don't die. You'll live with us and we'll help you." He turned to the lalafell, speaking softly. "Habibi, get an adventuring contract drawn up. Grade E terms, I'll make sure she signs it after she gets a painkiller dose." Ash’s gaze was on the manipulative Roegadyn in a instant, a growl in his chest. “You are a savage, you would be lucky if we never meet.”

The Seekers words spoke next with a wolfish tone, "Good. I know we'll help you grant lots of wishes. You just focus on getting better, and don't let yourself die or leave us until that wish is granted." Ash could feel his fists ball up, helpless to do anything. “It is the past, nothing to d…” He started to reminded himself just as the pain of the vision ending struck him, and he fell to his knees. His right hand going over his red eye trying to stop the pain he was feeling with no avail. His head feeling like it was splitting in two, and his stomach turning threatening to evict whatever it had on hand. This was a secret he held for years from the Empire, he would not cry out just suffer as he always had quietly.

Crawling to the shelf by the bed he pulled the eye patch off it and slipped it on over his right eye. Even in the dark of his room it was to bright and too painful, without it. Then he just laid on the floor where he was, trying to hold on to what he could remember from the vision. The cold metal of the eye patch brought some relief, but not enough to consider standing any time soon.

“Sorry Lady Lucerna…” He spoke quietly to the empty room. The guilt of intruding on Lucerna’s past, and a history she may never wanted to speak on. It was not really like he had a choice, but the guilt found him anyway.

[ffxivash]

Pros & Cons of Dating: Ashliel’a Aan Vallenya

Pros

Patient: Ash has been through a lot while he lived in Ilsabard, as a slave to the Empire. While he can’t claim to be centered and focused every day, he understand people all have things they struggle with and suffer through.

Mostly Positive: Despite all he has been through Ash’s outlook is mostly positive. He genuinely thinks he can help people and make a difference. Making him a good person to talk to when you need that uplifting energy.

Emphatic Soul: He doesn’t like to see anyone or thing suffer. He will likely be the first to apologies when there is a misunderstanding or a fight, as well as first to try to mend bridges.

Protective: Not wanting anyone he cares for to suffer, Ash is quickly to act when a person he cares about needs help. While he is aware he can not fix everything, and some burdens people have to walk alone. There is a fount of knowledge and ideas he can offer to help with problems. Even if he does not know much on the subject he is willing to do whatever he can to help.

Cons

Alcohol: Ash is walking close to the line of being a functional alcoholic. Using the drink as a way to numb the physical and mental pain of seeing visions of people in their final moments. His visions have started to not just cover a person’s death, but the pain of them has not changed.

Awkward: No, Ash has no idea what he is doing when it comes to relationships.

Triggers: The Empire did a number on him while turning a young tribal Miqo’te male, into the godless Allagian engineer he is today. There is a number of things that people do daily that causes him discomfort. While he has chosen to suffer this in silence, it has made it harder for people to be allowed close to him.

Night Terrors: With his past being a slave to the Empire, Ash has seen, and done things he may never speak of. While he uses alcohol to try to make the memories fade, his mind is quick to make sure he never forgets.

Tagged by: No one.

Tagging: @blade-who-left-monsters

[ffxivash]

Your Muse’s Backstory Ashliel‘a Vallenya

OOC answers will be Italic Ic answers will be in normal text 1. Where were they born? What is the story behind their birth, if any? Mun: The alpine forests east of Coerthas. His mother Ashliel fled the Raven clan after becoming pregnant. She feared the wrath of the clan and her mother who is still the matron. She secretly was in love with the Clan’s Seer who happened to be a Seeker. Such things were frowned on, especially seeing her birthright was to be the clan’s priestess. Ash : Mismatched eyes look to the interviewer.  “In the northern woods, it was just me and my mother for the first bit of my childhood.”

2. Has their living situation changed from when they were born?

Min: Yes, though after the age of 8, his living situation changed dramatically after his mother died. Becoming a Imperial Conscript, meant his tribal ways had to be purged from him. He also received a formal education.

Ash: White ears fell to the side as his eyes looked to the floor. “Yes.. Living in the Empire, even as a conscript, is a huge change. Before that I was happily living as a savage in the filth of the forest. I didn’t know any better. Now things are at least better then they were in the Empire. Living near family, having friends, and having choices.” There was a pause as he changed how he was sitting in the plush chair, leaning forward some. “The little ones like what I’m allowed to ware, personal freedoms are a big thing, once you realize what it’s like not having them.”

3. What occupations did their parents have when they were born? Did this job influence your muse in any form?

Min: His mother was a huntress, seeing she ran away before getting the blessing from the Raven Totem. That ever burning need to hunt and find stronger prey is what eventually lead to her long painful agonizing death. Ash was there for her as much as the seven year old could be, but he had no real medical knowledge to really help. Tribal remedies could only go so far. Even before he witnessing her death, Ash made some choices. One was to become a pescatarian, the second was to never follow in her footsteps Ash: “My mother was a savage tribal Huntress, it in the end that is why she died. I’m well beyond that, and I’ve no interest in harming animals for food or sport.” There was a clear tone of disdain in his voice, though Ash’s eyes still kept to the floor.

4. Did they have any childhood enemies? Any friends? Enemies that became friends? Mun: When he lived with his mother, it was only them and the woods. After he was found and conscripted, he was isolated and re-educated. Not wanting his savage ways to infect anyone else. When he was in his late teen years, his purpose was exposed to him. That purpose made him very unpopular with in the castrums his handler brought him to.

Ash: “No. it was just me and my mother.” Pausing Ash took a moment to consider as his gaze went to the interviewer once again. “After that, it was just me and my tech. No, I haven’t really made many friends, or rivals.”

5. What sort of religion was practiced in their home? Did religion play a role in their upbringing?

Mun: His mother was in line to become the next clan priestess. The belief in the gods and Menphina especially, as the Moon Mother of all Keeper Miqo'te. It did, but not in a good way. The Empire sees Gods as something the Savages cling to and use to make Eikons. The re-education Ash went through was mentally traumatic, and one of the things that turned good memories he had of his mother into painful lies.   Ash: “Most Eorzans believe in the gods, my mother was no different.” Shaking his head with a small smirk, like Ash was talking about how the Easter bunny is just a made up to sell chocolate. “I no longer believe in them.”

6. How many siblings did they have? What was their relationship like? Were they an only child who wished for siblings?

Mun: None, it was hard to write such a backstory for one Muse. I was not about to put a second through this tragic backstory.

Ash: “I was an only child. I personally never really thought about siblings, I suppose I didn’t have any other children around to even know it was a thing.” Ash shrugged, “By the time my mother died, we never really had the talk about chocobo’s and the bees.” 7. What is their fondest memory? Their worst?

Mun: His childhood has some wonderful memories, not all of them were corrupted or destroyed by the Empire. The best memory he has, not including recent events, is trying to teach his mother how to fish. 

As for worse, Ash was forced to do things for the Empire that he will never speak about. He has witnessed things that no one should ever see. 

Ash: “After I sworn off meat from animals, I tried to show my Mother how to fish. I was never really taught how, but as a clever child, I fashioned some netting from plant fibers. I didn’t learn there was a tool for that till I was in Eorzea.” Ash’s gaze hardened, and featured darkened as he remembered some of his worst memories. “As for worst, how about I save you the nightmares and keep that to myself. No you don’t have to thank me.”

8. If they could name the worst moment of their life, what would it be? Did this change them as a person or change how they perceived the world, themselves, and others? Mun: Well I would say it would be The Allagan Experimental Weapons Project. Yes, this changed him, the events of it and his initial refusal to follow orders. He realized freedom was not something he would ever achieve. He accepted he was a slave, and a monster for his heinous acts. He will not talk about what he did openly, only to those who he believes needs to know.

Ash: “I was sixteen.” Ash’s white ears flicked back seeing the interviewer had to push the topic. “The Empire had plans for me, those plans, made up the worst moment in my life.” Pain showed in his eyes, and regret. “Yes, it changed me, made me a much colder person, numb to the consequences of my actions. Even though I didn’t have a choice, I feel it has somehow...” There was a pause as he looked down. “...corrupted me. I don’t talk about it unless I feel I have no other choice. I know people will start seeing that as who I am.”

9. If they were to make a timeline with their life events, which ones would they list? Which would they leave out?

Mun: His first and only hunt, his mother’s injury and eventual death, being found by the Empire, the aforementioned worst moment in his life, the day his Father died, the day he escaped the Empire during an attack on Castrum Abania, Aunt Talrhin summoning a void-sent in to his hideout, going to the Scarlet Bloom Inn, meeting his niece, and meeting Lucerna.

He would leave out much that has to do with the artificial Allagan echo, exactly what was done to him by the Empire, things he did for the Empire, the Re-education process, and his first murder.

Ash: “Timeline of events? You’re writing a book aren't you? My first hunt, My mother’s death, being conscripted, escaping the Empire, arriving at The Scarlet Bloom, and trying to understand what it feels like to be in love.” Shaking his head as Ash rubs one of his temples lightly. “I’d leave out a lot of things, as you’ve figured there are things I don’t really want to remember or talk about.”

10. What was the hardest lesson they had to learn as they got older?

Mun: I’d say the hardest lesson was accepting he was a slave.

Ash: “Accepting my purpose within the Empire.” Ash glanced back at the interviewer. “The Empire had a significant impact on my life.”

11. What occupation did your character want to have growing up? Is this the same as what they wish to be, or are in, now?

Mun: He had a lot of dream of what he wanted to be when he was still with his mother. Fisher, taking care of animals, just being a Keeper and exploring the world. No, he didn’t even know about any sort of Tech, or even his own affinity for magic. Now he wishes to learn all there is to know about Allagan tech, find a way to help people with it. Ash: “Growing up?” Pausing for a moment thinking back. “I just wanted to be a savage just like my mother was. Tech wasn’t even a word in my mother’s language. I truly feel I’m destined to work on Allagan tech, my innate abilities should not be wasted. I plan to use it in some way, hopefully to make someone's life better.”

12. Did they face any kind of bullying or abuse growing up?

Mun: Not till he arrived in the Empire. Now I know some Imperial writers out there may try to brush off the brutality of the Empire. In the game there is plenty of lore bits to paint me a pretty straight up picture of who the Empire is. The extend of the abuse, Ash had to endure in the Empire. Is with in my head the same lines as the Re-education I’ve seen in history books done to people in Germany. Even to some extent in Russia with in the last 50 years. Ash: “Yes...” Leaning to the side as his arm rested on the chair, it was clear that was all he was going to say.

13. Are there any moments of their past they keep secret?

Mun: Yes.

Ash: “Yes.”  Ash then just stared at the interviewer waiting for the next inquiry.

14. Did they live near extended family in the past? How did this shape their environment? Are any of their relatives near their age? What are their feelings towards extended family in general? Mun: No he only had his mother growing up. He has since met his Aunt Talrhin, and he was not impressed. She however has her own story on how she became such a twisted corrupted person. He has recently met his niece, Akyhi Tyme. His feeling on his extended family is tainted by the Empire, however he does want to know more about her. Ash: “I only recently learned that I had an extended family. I have no interest in meeting the Raven clan, my mother saw it fit to run away from them.” This question didn’t seem to bother him like the ones before, he looked much more relaxed. “Akyhi isn’t around my age, she is younger by a decade, and still has a lot of the clan’s savage ways.”

15. Would they rather go back and relive their childhood? Why or why not?

Mun: Yes and no. While he does treasure many of the memories he had with his mother, he knows with the good memories comes the bad ones. Can he change things? Can he bring his knowledge of medicine and save her life? Ash: “No, it’s painful to think about my childhood, even the good times with my Mother. She suffered for three months...” He rolled his eyes and corrected himself. “...I mean Moons.” Feeling the need to explain he lowered his voice some in regret. “I don’t know if I’ll ever will get past the Imperial words for the passing of time.” With that out of the way he went back to the question at hand. “My memories and my feelings of my childhood, have been corrupted by my time with the Empire.”

Source:blackcreatiives

[ffxivash]

Ashliel’a Vallenya

THE BASICS

Age: 27

Race: Miqo’te Seeker/Keeper Hybrid

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Marital Status: Single

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE 

Hair: White

Eyes: Blue left, Red right

Height: 5’11”

Build: Military fit.

PERSONAL 

Profession: Engineer, Allagian tech expert.

Hobbies: Teaching orphans in Gridania science

Languages: Eorzean, Garlean, Hingan, Doman, Allagian

Residence: Lavender beds, Ward 11 Plot 30

Birthplace: Coerthas Forests

Patron Deity: Atheist

Fears: Being re-captured by the Empire, Becoming everything he hates about the Empire

RELATIONSHIPS

Spouse: Single and not currently dating

Parents: Mother - Ashliel Vallenya (Deceased) Father - A’isic Tia (Deceased)

Siblings: None

Other Relatives: Cousin - Akyhi Tyme

TRAITS 

* Bold your character’s answer.

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between /  Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION 

Smoking Habit: No

Drugs: No

Alcohol: Yes

RP HOOKS 

Escaped conscript of Garlean Empire: Ash was found wandering close to the southern walls in Xelphatol north of Ala Mhigo. The boy was only eight years old, and was not hard to subdue. His red right eye caught the interest of the Garleans and they quickly went to work to find out what it meant. His natural knack at Allagian tech gave him a permanent place working on lost weapons for the Empire.

Seer: His knack with Allagian tech is not just his inelegance, it has to do with the gift/curse of being a Seer. Never knowing or meeting A’isic his father, Ash had no idea what was in-store for him. The day after Dalamud fell, Ash started getting visions. Untrained and having to keep this a secret from his Garlean handlers, he until recently only saw the deaths of the people he knew.

Teacher: When he is not working on maintaining Scarlet Bloom’s air ships, Ash works as a teacher in Gridania. While he keeps his past a secret, he teaches science to the orphans there. Wanting to give the children there as many options for success as he can.

WHAT I’M SEEKING 

Friends and associates. As I establish Ash with in the Rp community it is nice to have the contacts. While my focus will always be on The Scarlet Bloom first, it is nice to have options for RP in Discord and if possible in game.

CONTACT INFORMATION  Contact me in game!