#Love to everyone who still is figuring out how to unpack it all and unlearn it all- there are ppl who will gladly listen and help

[chaosandwolves]

This this this

Ppl in fandom please realize what you do to real ppl over fictional characters

This is my first and probably last post I will ever make. I’m here to consume the content, not necessarily create it.

I see all of you fighting the good fight for Billy and his story. And I wanted to add my thoughts into the ring.

As someone who works with children and adults from abusive backgrounds EVERY SINGLE DAY. I can tell you that Billy checks every single box for being in his survival state 24/7.

I have had extensive trainings about trauma, how to recognize it and the effects it can have on a person and how they act. Personally I have endured a lot of trauma myself and had to unlearn a lot of unhealthy behaviors and ways of thinking because of it.

With that being said: someone who is in a state of survival constantly is not capable of thinking rationally, the only goal is to…survive.

Billy Hargrove was an abused child. A CHILD. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. Does this forgive his actions? No. But it explains them. Gives us a deeper insight into the “why?”

Neil hit his son, he insulted him, called him a slur and then reminded him that Max, his younger stepsister’s well-being is in his hands. That’s a lot for a 17 year old to go through. Then he goes to the Byers residence where he’s insulted and lied to. His sister (who’s well-being is in his hands) is alone with 5 boys, one of them is his age? THEN to top it all off, Steve punches him? All that built up rage from what just happened with Neil comes spilling out. Oh and to make matters worse, he gets sedated and Max MIRRORS Neil’s abuse by making him repeat himself. Keep this in mind, while all this is going on Billy has absolutely no idea what is going on. He still doesn’t know what Max is doing with all of these boys in this house.

Moving forward- Billy gets possessed by the mind flayer, he still has no idea what is going on and loses control of his own body. He had to watch as his hands take the lives of many people to feed this creature from his worst nightmares. Then this group of children lock him in a sauna, he is FINALLY able to beg for help and sobs. Even then NOBODY tells him what’s going on, no one really makes an effort to help him. It’s only in the final episode of season 3 that El breaks through to him, she see’s his past, his mom leaving, the abuse. Even standing up to the mind flayer Billy has no idea what he’s up against, he’s still in the dark. All he knows is that it’s him or this child that showed him how to come back to himself. It’s him or Max, and as we already know Max’s well-being is in his hands. Nothing is more terrifying than Neil’s wrath. And in his dying breath he apologizes.

For my fellow Billy Stans- Please never let anyone bully you about what characters you can and can’t like. Your ability to see deeper into the characters and push past the hate is needed in this world. Not just in fiction, but in the real world. If you relate to Billy as I do, from past trauma, I am so sorry. I am so very sorry that you have to fight, explain and rationalize your love for him every time. For whatever reason you stand behind Billy Hargrove, it is valid. And unlike Billy’s story, I hope that yours doesn’t end in tragedy. My inbox is always open for those who need to talk.

Now, for the Antis- I want to say, good for you. You managed to take a broken and deeply complex character and reduce him to a heartless villain in your minds. Think what you want about him, it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is how you act to the people who do relate to Billy. The name calling, the hate, the wild assumptions about real people!! It’s so insane to me. I hope that turning into the bully to make a point was worth it. How other people relate to a character doesn’t affect you in any way at all. Somehow many of you have managed to put people down and make them afraid to express their love for a character. It’s not something to be proud of.

I am not willing to argue with anyone on this, this is just my views and my opinion. Dacre Montgomery stated that he worked hard to humanize Billy Hargrove. Seeing his character be dragged through the mud and continuously be turned into the irredeemable monster by the Duffer Brothers and the fans is just really sad.

Billy Hargrove means a lot to me. For a lot of different reasons. He deserved so much more than he was given. He deserved a chance to redeem himself and to tell his side of the story. He deserved a chance to apologize for everything he did in his survival state. He deserved the chance to finally be happy and be surrounded by people who actually cared for him, who wanted to help him.

Just keep going everyone. ❤️

[fllagellant]

Ooo, 1, 2, and 7 for each of your Tavs? 👀

OFC MY FRIEND … questions from here !

1) what's your tav's name, class, and race?

Giilvas Quickfoot , Bardbarian ( Wildheart and College of Lore ) , Wood Elf

Zerxes Sarbis , Cleric ( Knowledge Domain ) also pondering a possible multiclass , Mephistopheles Tiefling

Seoras Vrein , Ranger / Druid ( Beast Master / Circle of the Moon ) , Drow Half - Elf

2) which background do they have? how does it play into their story?

Giilvas is a Folk Hero ! He’ s dealt with enough injustices and cruelty growing up , he wants the chance to stop or prevent the cycle for other people . He has a strong mindset of help others before he helps himself , but also is scared of having people rely on him for extended amounts of time . There’ s a lot he has to unpack and unlearn during the game , stemming from this . It also means he has to be careful about who does and doesn’ t know his face .

Zerxes is a Noble ! He knows his family name won’ t carry a lot of weight where he’ s ended up , but still wears his family’ s signet ring in case it may help him later . It’ s not like he’ s on good terms with his family , but he’ ll use whatever influence he can to make things easier for him and the others . Problem is , he is rather disconnected from other people due to a sheltered home life . There’ s a lot of things he has difficultly navigating . And he has to learn how to rather quickly .

Seoras is a Guild Artisan ! A rather well - known face amongst the sellers of textiles in Baldur’s Gate , he knows how to keep people happy and he knows how to haggle . Issue is , he can be seen as rather naïve , really only used to a certain handful of interactions and experiences . He knows how to talk to merchants , and he can see how a deal should work out . But not everyone is a merchant and not everyone is going to uphold their end of a deal . There’ s a lot he has to manage to figure out without his father .

7) typical party lineup?

For the sake of making this a bit easier , I am excluding Halsin , Jaheria and Minsc . Love them dearly but including them would make the lists Longer

Giilvas holds Wyll’ s hand and takes him everywhere , so I cannot separate them . It usually ends up being Wyll + Lae’zel + Karlach . Second most common is Wyll + Gale + Shadowheart . Third is Wyll + Lae’zel + Astarion .

Zerxes has the same thing going on with Gale . Do not separate label and all . His usually ends up being Gale + Shadowheart + Karlach . Second most common is Gale + Wyll + Shadowheart , third is Gale + Lae’zel + Karlach

Seoras ends up being Karlach + Wyll + Astarion , second most common is Astarion + Shadowheart + Lae’zel , third is Astarion + Gale + Karlach

[cleoculture]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Last time that I checked,...I was on quarantine celebrating my BIRTHDAY!

That’s right! Today’s my born day! April 7th!

Since my original plan was to be on a cruise in Mexico, flirting with somebody son, and enjoying martinis, I decided to bring the sea life to me instead. Wearing flamingo slippers, walking around my cabin getting ready to feel the breeze, in sundresses and sandals, is definitely a daydream I still want to make a reality. However, for now I’ll halt such travels for healthier conditions.

Life, despite COVID-19, has still been great! In fact, I’m thankful for the time spent at home. I’m quite fond of “living in solitude” so, this is very peaceful for me. Yet, reflecting on who I’ve become, has brought me insightful awareness. In fact, I’ve compiled a count of the knowingness, of such things. Share? Don’t mind if I do.

1) STAY TRUE TO SELF, ALWAYS

No one will set the boundary for how I connect and extend myself to others, that’s why it’s vital that I set the limits for myself. I am not able to assist, complement, or be of any use to anyone, without taking the necessary precautions, to prioritize my own wellbeing. Although, I may want to believe that I can be there for everyone, all the time, anytime, I absolutely can not. Not without showing up for myself first.

2) PROTECT YOUR PEACE

My goal is to always keep my spirit uplifted at its highest frequency, through the energy I feed myself daily. I take my morning routine seriously when setting the tone for my day. It’s filled with prayer, positive affirmations and music to set me up for success. However, I understand how situations in life escalate, based off energy fed to them. Yet, where there is no fuel, there is no fire. Positive and negative energy included. So, picking wisely is crucial to protecting my peace.

3) ACCOUNTABILITY FOR MISTAKES

I am capable of great things. Accepting the part I play in experiences I’ve had, hasn’t always been one of them. Acknowledging this, is the tip of the iceberg. Unpacking this, has been a mountain in itself. Embracing experiences for the lessons they come to teach and how they change me is a perspective worth fathoming. It’s not what I did, or what was said, it’s about who I am and how I work to be a better me. However, preventative measures are ideal.

4) NAVIGATE YOUR LANE

Blogging has become the best decision I ever made to utilize my gift of writing. Writing has provided me a pathway to directly connect with others. By sharing events and adventures, the chance and opportunity to live a life, I manifested is flourishing. So, when I receive a response message, dm, any emoji love, and emails, I’m thrilled! Why? Because, people are embracing me, for me, and I am highly appreciative.

5) FREE YOURSELF

Shedding layers of adopted ideology has allowed me to release layers of myself. Through behavioral habits, I’ve learned these traits by practicing them over and over. Accessing and unlearning such patterns, have provided me room to grow in order to evolve. Figuring out how to handle life’s many happenings thus far, brought me to an eye-opening awareness of self. I’ve constantly revisited ideas of what a successful woman is, what being a life partner entails, how to balance personal and public life, and how to create a legacy. I’m aware of when I need to free myself of what I can not control. I now know enough to know the difference, by choosing to philosophy my own life. I am only to be my true, authentic self, and that is enough. I’m content with that. Complete with that. Free in that. 10 toes down. Strong and still standing.

Overall, I am PROUD of the woman I’ve become. I know who I am. I like the way in which I learn and for the rest of my life, I’m no longer focused on finding myself. I’m dedicated to creating the life and legacy I desire to live. Period.

(April 7,2020 - CA (sitting up in my room)

[bustedraw]

11/13-11/14

(It took two days to get all this down, hence the title of this post)

It’s Tuesday morning, approximately 8:44am. November 13th, 2018.

This will be lengthy as I have a hefty amount to unload and unpack.

I have not written a post in quite some time due to improved circumstances. I guess that’s a good thing, all things considered. The last post titled ‘Wrong Question, Wrong Answer’ was written on April 28th, 2018. It’s been almost 7 months since I’ve sat down and purged my thoughts. I know I wrote a post before the last one, but I had a shitty wifi connection which prevented me from posting it. Here it is:

Title: The Dust in Your Lungs

March 5th, 2018 at 2:35pm

I want to sleep but I can’t. I’ve been averaging 3-4hrs a night for the past 2+ weeks. It’s exhausting. I know my body needs more rest to function, so how am I able to get through an entire day? I’m still trying to figure out this new medication. I feel a little better about things.. My attitude is starting to shift. I’m trying to live intentionally and not just go through the motions. I’m trying to let things come to me. I’m also trying to take action.

This abrupt and drastic change has really made me reevaluate everything in my life. I’m confident I made the best decision, given the circumstances. It’s still hard to fully accept. This wound is fresh. I’m relearning, I’m unlearning.

But you play in the street at night…

I feel so happy and liberated. I also feel so fucking sad it hurts. What is missing? What am I not seeing? I’m keeping my eyes open.

...A lot has changed since then, and for the better I must say.

Let’s catch up, shall we?

Since I last posted I’ve made some huge, life-changing decisions. It’s insane to think about how much has happened over the past few months.

Change is inevitable and those who are most likely to accomplish great things are the ones who adapt with ease and grace. They do so by embracing the uncertain, and welcoming the discomfort.  Saying ‘yes’ to propositions and opportunities that will undoubtedly prove to be challenging, but not impossible. Without obstacles, without resistance, without uncertainty we cannot expect to grow, to learn, to develop our abilities. One must view each scenario as a way to better themselves. One must utilize the space around them to expand and reach new dimensions.

A somewhat brief summary of what’s happened:

After deciding to drop 3 of the 4 classes I was taking I started to pick up more hours at the Savannah Room. Over the following couple of months I realized I didn’t like the work environment, or the people. I became apathetic and felt like I was wasting my potential. Most of all, I was tired of working in the food service industry with irregular hours. I left at the end of April/beginning of May. There was a period of time where I was unsure of what my next job would be, what my future would look like.

In the middle of May I went down to St. Simon’s Island with Hannah and jack. We stayed for about a week and it was refreshing to get away from everything. During this visit I matched with a guy named David on Tinder. I was bored and I wasn’t taking it seriously since I didn’t live in the area- nothing serious would happen, shit, probably nothing at all to be completely honest. But I was wrong.

We ended up talking every single day over the next two weeks or so. I really began to like him a lot… But I lived in Athens, and he lived in the Savannah area. Was this realistic? Perhaps..

I ended up driving four hours down to Richmond Hill to stay with him for a couple of days. I was so nervous and anxious- I didn’t know what to expect. As soon as I walked in the door and saw him face-to-face I realized I made the right choice. We connected instantly and I felt so comfortable with him.

I continued seeing David over the summer, driving back and forth from Athens to Richmond Hill. He helped me move in to my new 1BR apartment at the beginning of August and built me a bed frame. We became ‘official’ on July 18th. Since then, it’s felt more of like a ‘we’ vibe, not ‘me and you’.

From May-October I worked as a customer service representative at a custom t-shirt company. I genuinely enjoyed working there so much. Everyone was so nice and I loved helping people, even though it was frustrating at times. That job taught me a lot, but the most important thing I took away from it was that I love working with and helping people. I like solving problems. I’m good at it. I realized this is the career path I want to pursue. It is a profession I can thrive in.

In early summer I had an epiphany that I am not meant to return to school. That chapter of my life is over for good, and I’m at peace with that decision. It wasn’t until after days of feeling dread and anxiety that I finally understood school was one of the primary sources of my depression and stress. I let it go and I’m happy I did. I have no regrets.

On September 28th I had a seizure while I was at work. It was in response to my dosage being too high on one of the medications I was taking at the time. My supervisor called 911 and an ambulance took me to the hospital. Everything turned out to be fine, but it was a really scary experience. I feel like this year I’ve gone to the doctor so many times for various reasons. The waiting room almost feels like a second home.

In the state of GA one cannot legally drive for 6 months from having a seizure which means I won’t be able to get behind the wheel, legally, until March 28th. Losing my ability to drive put a strain on me and David’s relationship. I decided to quit my job and move down to Richmond Hill to be with him. That was about 2 and a half weeks ago.

Now, I am jobless and I don’t have a car. I’m actively looking for work but due to the circumstances I am fairly limited. Everything will work out in the end, but right now I feel a bit discouraged. One day at a time.

[humanelemental]

Y’all need to listen to op. Here’s an insider scoop for the racist south. The only thing that stopped me from growing up to be a racist, homophobic, xenophobic piece of shit is that I’m gay. I realized that at 11. I was still young enough to be taught something new and curious enough to go look for it myself. Even that early meant I had a shit ton to unpack and unlearn. It’s still a process today.

Then as a new adult, I had the unbelievable fortune to meet better adults. And they were the ones that really lead me away from being a piece of shit. They were the kind of adults I wanted to be like. Men and women who were intelligent, political, open minded, and above all kind. Kind just for the sake of it. People who said, “the buck stops here,” and meant it. Y’all, they didn’t let me get away with shit. And I don’t mean that in the cancel culture kind of way, I mean that in the, “we see something in you and we are not going to let you fail yourself,” kind of way. And that’s what it’s going to take in a lot of the more secluded areas of the country. Good people holding other people accountable. It won’t change everyone, but it might change enough.

Anyway I could go into a dissertation about what growing up poor in the south is like and how easy it is to be radicalized. But I’ve already hijacked this post enough. The point being is that not everyone down here is a racist terrorist. But there are a hell of a lot of people laying the groundwork for the ones that are. Some of them are loud, like the former Cheeto in charge. But most of them are your parents, your teachers, your coworkers. People you see every day, people that are tired and angry. They’re people that you love and respect, and really how can they all be wrong. Of course it’s the Mexican’s that are stealing the good jobs.* Blacks don’t work because why would they? They get everything handed to them.** And clearly the people on welfare are lazy bums and druggies.*** The only way to change that is to be a counter voice, and it’s going to have to come from inside the house.

The only good thing I can say about Trump is he definitely made the battle lines clear. He brought all of the above and more out of hiding. Suddenly people you had believed were good were showing their roots left right and center. But the opposite is true as well. People looked at their friends and neighbors and bosses and said no. This is not how this is going to be. And it is absolutely disgraceful that the charge had to be, and is still being, lead by the victims. By people of color tired of being murdered in the street. By trans people scared to death to even go to the bathroom. By literal fucking children. But what we absolutely cannot do is let that momentum stop. We cannot let the snakes that showed their asses for the last four years slither back into the dark. Public figures must be held accountable but so must the people right next to us. They must never be allowed to forget that we know what they are now. And we cannot be complacent because the lesser of two evils is in office. Now is the time to dig deep and try to turn people around. Because if we don’t, four years from now is going to be worse than the previous four ever thought of being.

*Welcome to the south, everyone darker than white and lighter than African American is a Mexican or Indian. Also they all speak Mexican. That’s right. Mexican, not Spanish. Good fucking luck.

**Apologies to any poc that read that, you already know exactly how that bit sounds. Everyone else, please read Blacks with the same derisive tone you would hear the n word.

***You cannot argue this point with people, it will literally drive you to suicide. Trust me, you can break out all the stats, government documents, anecdotal evidence, and laws you can get your hands on. In their minds everyone on welfare is getting hundreds of dollars a month and using it to buy iPhones and meth.

Another thing to remember for these next four to eight years of Biden: While the capitol rioters were a bunch of youtubers and lawyers and people cozy enough to afford spontaneous plane tickets, a much larger proportion of Trump’s base were radicalized so easily because they were poor and are still poor. Republicans spent years lying to them about the sources of and solutions to their suffering, scamming them with trickle-down policies and scapegoating “illegals” as more and more jobs just get automated or sent overseas, while a lot of Democrats just kind of focused on the coastal cities and let the rest keep deteriorating. Remember Hillary not even fucking CAMPAIGNING in some entire states??! Just completely snubbing the poorest parts of the entire country??????? Yeah??????????????? Even if you believe that huge swathes of America are populated by nothing but dumb, slovenly racists, which isn’t true and makes you kind of a fucker actually, their poverty and lack of education are symptomatic of problems that affect you too, there are minorities there too, there are little kids who didn’t ask for any of this shit and deserve to eat three full meals a day no matter how they’re being brainwashed by their KKK stereotype dad. That could have been you too. You have to want things to be better for everybody.