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vatofrain · 5 years

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On Winnie the Pooh & Paddington, Honey & Marmalade

Oh, something sweet on bread! To crave only sweet things: marmalade on toast, marmalade straight, another jar of honey. To subsist on sweet spreads and friendship alone: is this not the dream? To be a very nice bear going around the world, making the world (other people! other animals! hell, the weather!) nicer in turn.

My friend K and I have a running metaphor concerning honey. 11pm, on the backroads around a farm near the New York / Connecticut border, as “All the Birds” by Julia Weldon crooned through their beat up speakers, one hand on the wire by the headphone jack to keep the music playing (the wire bent just so)— we were talking about love. We were talking about how we had so much to give but were afraid to give it to anyone for fear that they didn’t want it— which is where the honey comes in, because, we thought, isn’t it like having an armful of honey? So much golden, syrupy sweet to give that we hold on to simply because we are afraid to make of others a sticky mess?

And our arms are not meant to hold viscosity so some of it drips, by accident, onto the grass, the road, someone’s shoe, but when we finally find somebody who says yes, love me, and I will love you too— in whatever capacity it may mean— we start to pour onto them and are afraid that they will stay shit you’re getting sticky all over me I don’t want this I don’t want this anymore. So we hold onto our honey. Though it doesn’t want to be held. You tell me to love you but I’m afraid that you won’t want it once you know what shape it holds. I don’t want to make of anyone a mess they didn’t agree to. There is so much honey in my arms.

A poem on honey and love: “Aunt Rose’s Honey Advice” by Lorna Goodison:

My aunt Rose told me that it is always good for lovers to keep honey mixed in with their food.

"Keep it around the house at all times," she said. Replace slick butter with pure honey on bread.

Feed it to your love from a deep silver spoon. Throw open the curtains draw free honey from the moon.

Use it to lend a gold glow to wan lustreless skin. Fold it into honey cakes, drizzle it into honey drinks.

Add a satin honey glaze to the matte surface of everydays. Voices sing polished with honey's burnishing.

Shall we then beloved become keepers of bees, invite an entire colony of workers, drones and a queen

to build complex multicelled wax cities near our home by the sea? Would that mean that salt

would be savoring through our honey? And you say, "What of it?" and give me a kiss

flavoured with honey and sea-salt mix. Integrated honey you say. Kiss me again is what I say

because the salt in that kiss could be the sting from old tears and we need to make up for all our honeyless years.

Honey as love, honey as effort, honey as a gift that can be both salty and sweet. When I say my love is an armful of honey, what I mean is this: I don’t quite know how to give it out slowly, how to make it just a honeyed piece of bread or a spoonful in the morning. What I mean is this: I am so concerned with its stickiness that I forget how sweet it goes down.

Winnie the Pooh is not a bear concerned with romantic love, but he is a bear concerned with love. Friendship, honey, let me shove my snout into the pot, let me lick out with my long hungry tongue every drop I can manage. Winnie the Pooh is a bear of very great appetite and a bear of very generous loving. His love is a constant loyal warmth, an endless hunger for the presence of the loved, a generosity, a deep and abiding faith. Some exhibitions:

Winnie the Pooh: It's always a sunny day, when Christopher Robin comes to play

Christopher Robin: I've cracked.

Winnie The Pooh: Oh, I don't see any cracks. A few wrinkles, maybe

Piglet: I-I think I'll just s-stay here... Y-you don't really need me anyways.

Winnie The Pooh: Oh Piglet... but we DO need you...

Piglet: Y-you do?

Winnie The Pooh: [takes Piglet's hand] We ALWAYS need you, Piglet.

Christopher Robin: I'm not the person I used to be.

Winnie The Pooh: You saved us. You're a hero.

Christopher Robin: I'm not a hero, Pooh. The fact is, I'm lost.

Winnie The Pooh: But I found you.

Pooh is not only hungry for honey; he’s generous with it. His actual physical honey may be a kind of love he keeps for his own consumption (I don’t feel very much like Pooh today / There, there, I’ll bring you tea and honey until you do), there is no denying the very greatness of his heart. His care for his friends (we ALWAYS need you, Piglet) his faith in them (you’re a hero), his devotion and love, the way his life is crafted around loving: is that not its own doling out of honey? So, then, with Pooh we learn that honey is not something to hide from the world: that while we should be mindful of human dignities like boundaries and agency, there is little to be gained in the rationing of love.

And here we come to another bear who doles out love like something only slightly thicker than water.: Paddington. While Pooh’s essential task is love, Paddington’s is kindness, that cousin of honey, both products of both effort and patience, both sweet & sweet & sweet & delicious on bread. While Pooh’s is the story of loving those we already love, Paddington’s is the story of how to offer kindness and compassion and respect and dignity to those we don’t yet know. Pooh tells us how to live and love within our inner circle; Paddington tells us to offer love wherever we go.

Some exhibitions of Marmaladeism, both by Paddington himself and his films at large:

Paddington Bear: if we're kind and polite the world will be right.'

Paddington: Thank you, Mr. McGinty. Nuckles McGinty: Don’t thank me yet. I don’t do nothing for no one for nothing. Paddington: Beg your pardon? Nuckles McGinty: You get my protection so long as you make that marmalade. Deal? Paddington: Deal.

& how through Paddington’s kindness, McGinty’s perspective changes:

Nuckles McGinty: [to Paddington] If you’re going to clear your name, you’re going to need our help.

Nuckles McGinty: “This bear is now under my protection. Anyone that touches a hair on this bear will have to answer to me, Nuckles McGinty. That’s Nuckles with a capital N.”

Henry Brown: No, of course you don't. YOU never have! As soon as you set eyes on that bear you made up your mind about him. Well Paddington's not like that. He looks for the good in all of us and somehow, he finds it! It's why he makes friends wherever he goes. And it's why Windsor Gardens is a happier place whenever he's around. He wouldn't hesitate if any of us needed help! So stand aside, Mr Curry. 'Cause we're coming through.

Aunt Lucy: Long ago, people in England sent their children by train with labels around their necks, so they could be taken care of by complete strangers in the country side where it was safe. They will not have forgotten how to treat strangers.

While both Paddington movies are completely wonderful, Paddington 2 is more effective in communicating its point: through a surprisingly nuanced look at the prison industrial complex, capitalism, and the insidious nature of evil (and how it roots from believing oneself superior to everyone else), it tells us that by offering people kindness, human dignity, compassion, and even love, we can often coax out their better selves from the protective shell of their worse ones.

These are times like any other: by which I mean, times in which we often learn the correct rhetoric, the correct stances, the correct politics, the correct opinions, and forget what all this is meant to be in service of: honey & marmalade, love & kindness. We speak out against prejudice (racism, sexism, classism, ableism, prejudice against LGBTQ people, etc.) rightly so— I don’t mean to say that we should stop activism or protest or a careful monitoring of language— but we must remember what we do this all for. Yes, structural change is crucial. What else is important? Treating the people you come across who are of these minorities we claim to support and defend well, treating them with kindness, with compassion, loving them well, as they need and want to be loved. Large-scale rhetoric is shaky and doomed if it doesn’t come from some deeper, sweeter instinct to ensure we are all fed: in food, in shelter, in education, in joy, in honey & marmalade. Let us not forget this.

I think we need to watch more kids’ movies. I think we need to reteach ourselves the fundamentals. I think it’s a goddamn shame that kids’ movies are dismissed as uncomplicated and unimportant, that wonder, hope, naivete, whimsy, charm, warmth, sweetness (those 2 secret sauces) are not granted the same gravitas as misery and grittiness, that there is somehow nothing important to say about them, that only cynicism and brutality are intelligent. One is not smarter for being miserable. One is not smarter for their pessimism. One is not smarter, is not better, is not more morally responsible or ethically aware or more worldly for refusing to place in their mouth a piece of bread spread with something sweet, for refusing to say yes, this is , in Leslie Jamison’s words (again, I know) significant, this“ single note of honey”.

#winnie the pooh #k #paddington bear #paddington 2 #christopher robin #honey #love #reflections #cultural criticism #marmalade #leslie jamison

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justincaseitmatters · 3 years

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Rewind: A Man and His Film

L.Q. Jones returns to KC with his cautionary tale, A Boy and His Dog

by Dan Lybarger KCActive.com April 14, 2010

At 82, character actor L.Q. Jones has a lot to be proud of. Even if his name doesn’t sound familiar, it’s a safe bet that he’s been in the movie theater with you or on your TV. The tall Texas-born actor with the craggy voice and a bushy mustache has been in The Wild Bunch, Casino, Gunsmoke, Hell is for Heroes, Rawhide and even the movie version of A Prairie Home Companion, directed by Kansas City’s own Robert Altman.

He’s collaborated with everyone from Elvis Presley to Marlon Brando to Meryl Streep to Martin Scorsese to Charlton Heston to Clint Eastwood to Sir Anthony Hopkins to Antonio Banderas.

Because he’s best known for starring in a long string of television and movie westerns, it initially seems odd that Jones is in his own words “inordinately proud” of having written and directed a 1975 science fiction film that has stayed in theaters like gum under the seats. This is despite the fact that A Boy and His Dog has been on video and “Netflixable.”

The film received the 1976 Hugo Award for Best Dramatic Presentation at the 34th World Science Fiction Convention-Mid America. Jones came to Kansas City to promote the film when it originally opened and will be returning to Cowtown with a new 35mm print on Saturday, 7 p.m., at the Tivoli Theater as part of KC FilmFest. Tickets are available at www.kcjubilee.org.

True vision

If Jones seems an unlikely custodian of science fiction writer Harlan Ellison’s vision of a world where the surface of the earth is a vast wasteland because of World War IV, a few minutes on the phone will let you know the source of the film’s droll, sardonic humor.

While setting up an interview, I told Jones I was looking forward to our conversation. He replied, “You may not think so after we’re through.” Before we eventually talked, he politely told his other caller, “Let me lie to this gentleman, and give me a buzz back in a couple of hours.”

When I informed him that I viewed the film online before the interview, he sounded almost sorry and said, “I can’t blow smoke at you because you’ve seen it. I can lie, but you’ll catch me at it.”

When I talked with him about the film’s print, I found out I hadn’t seen the movie properly. On VHS, the film was presented in pan and scan, which means that nearly a quarter of the picture was removed in order for the movie to fit on a standard television. Through much of the film, a pre-Miami Vice Don Johnson is wandering through the frame with only a dog for company, and the sense of loneliness gets lost in the narrower format.

Even on DVD or Blu-Ray, there are some subtle shots that need the big screen treatment. According to Jones, the opportunity to catch A Boy and His Dog on a theatrical screen was almost lost. “They said, you need to put (the movie on stock) where the negative will last 50 years,” he recalls. “Of course, it cost an arm and a leg, but that’s what we wanted to do, so we took it up. Then, of course, they came back and said, ‘Well, we do have a little problem. It doesn’t last 50 years. It’s barely lasted 30.’

“The picture was sliding off the negative. We were losing our picture. When I say losing it, I don’t mean it was totally falling off of the print. But everything was changing. Blues were going to greens. Greens were going to pinks. And everything’s shifting, which is bad for us.”

The restoration was additionally hampered by the fact that the film was shot in a process known as Technoscope, which was initially cheaper than 35 mm film because it took up half as much space. Unfortunately, the machines necessary to print the negatives aren’t readily available so the film had to be restored one frame at a time. This meant the restoration and the new prints took nearly three to four months to complete. Jones says, “When we got through, you have a product just like you shot the picture yesterday.”

Not your typical dog story

Part of the reason the film required restoration is that Jones and Ellison’s story is tricky and requires a clear image to be properly understood. To say the film is out of the mainstream is an understatement. After a prologue of nuclear warheads exploding (which was added in 1982), we hear a couple of voices talking as a scruffy, battered young man named Vic (Johnson) crawls along the ground along a seemingly endless desert. We hear both Johnson’s familiar nasal drawl with a deeper, unfamiliar voice.

Tiger and Vic (Don Johnson) in A Boy and His Dog

Jones says, “We start with the bottom of a shoe. The voice to most people is friendly, courteous, reverent. It’s a father speaking. It’s a brother, a mother. It’s a military man. It’s a professor that’s talking. It’s got all those timbres. And it starts telling you things your eye sees. You go, ‘Ah. It’s the truth. It knows what it’s talking about. It knows what it’s doing.’

“Incidentally, the voice is coming from a dog.”

The animal in question is Blood, played by Tiger, the dog who starred in The Brady Bunch. He has the disembodied voice of Tim McIntire, who also provided some of the film’s music. Blood, through reasons that are only alluded to in the film, can communicate telepathically with Vic and is smarter, more compassionate and more perceptive than any human being left in the world.

“You realize the only smart human thing in the picture is the dog. All the rest of the things have become animals,” says Jones. “Believe it or not, I’m trying to get you to think. If we don’t get our head out of our fanny, what’s on the screen in A Boy and His Dog is going to happen. That’s the way the world’s going to end up if we don’t stop being so damn greedy and beating up on each other.”

This especially applies to the uncouth Vic, who seeks out women for sex when he’s not scrounging for food. Johnson was an unusually brave performer because he played second fiddle to Tiger. Jones recalls Tiger may indeed have been as bright as the character he was playing.

“No matter how brilliant, you can’t teach any animal sequential tricks. You can teach them to do one, maybe even two, but that’s it,” Jones says. “I said, ‘Tiger, god dammit, you’re on the wrong side of the boiler. I can’t see you. I’m talking to the dog. I’m not talking to the trainer. The dog stays glued to (Johnson’s knee). He stays with him. When Don stops, the dog stops, the way an actor should.”

The dog then proceeds to change positions and bursts into tears on cue in a single take. “Now think about that, sports fans. There are eight tricks in a row. I can’t teach a human actor to do that, and the dog did it in one take,” says Jones. “I accused (trainer) Joe Hornok of reading him the script every night because the damn dog knew what to do that day,” Jones says.

Local vibe

Although the film was shot in California, some of the film’s success can be tied to some intended and unintended local ties. Johnson was a born in Flat Creek, MO, grew up in Kansas and went to college at KU. According to Jones, Johnson was seen as a promising talent during the mid-‘70s, even if he wasn’t a household name yet.

“He was doing big pictures, but he wasn’t making an imprint. I talked to a little over 500 people for the male and female (Susanne Benton) leads in the picture. I worked on that for, good heaven, a year and a half to see if I had the right person. In watching Don work, I knew he could do it, and he does a marvelous job. The old adage is don’t ever work with dogs. Nobody’s even saying don’t work with talking dogs, but he did, and he made it work,” says Jones.

Another local connection isn’t immediately obvious. Later in the film, Vic is lured into a subterranean community that seems like a nightmarish parody of small-town life before the nuclear war. The bizarre community resembles Silver Dollar City on crack, only without any willing tourists. Ellison and Jones named it “Topeka.”

As a native of Kansas’ capital, I had to ask him why he and Ellison chose that name for the dystopia, he first quips, “No. Google. You’re now Google.”

“I really don’t. I tried to stay as close to what Harlan what was doing in the book. I’m used to the name. I’ve been there. I know what the people are like. It’s comfortable, Middle America. I said, ‘Hey, it’ll work.’ I’ve asked Harlan. You can talk to Harlan about things like this. Eventually, you realize he doesn’t know what he’s saying anyway.”

According to Jones, Kansas City was where he faced the most puzzling question about his five-year labor of love with A Boy and His Dog. When a radio host asked him why he made it and wouldn’t accept what Jones told him, the director mulled the question for months.

“The real, real answer is they told me I could not do it. That made me so mad that made me say, ‘By God, I’ll show you,’ he says.

While most films or television shows might employ dozens of animals to play a single character. A Boy and His Dog was entirely dependent on Tiger.

“Do you know what we were going to do if the dog didn’t work or if the dog got sick?” Jones asks. He then answers, “Me. I had makeup. I had wardrobe. I was going to be the dog, as a character, not as a dog, of course.”

“We’ve got one dog. His stand-in was a stuffed toy. If he steps on nail or a piece of glass, we’re done. We’ve got 52 tons of crap to build our sets: everything broken, rusty wires, crap, junk from hospitals. If something happens to the dog, I put on the stuff, and I become a human character. That’s losing 99 percent of what’s making it work. But that’s better than not getting the picture done at all. From listening to everybody, they told me it couldn’t be done.”

He laughs, “They were right. I couldn’t do it.

#LQ Jones #a boy and his dog #Don Johnson

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itsjaybullme · 7 years

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Gaming Roundup: Holiday 2017 Edition

1 of 10

1. Destiny 2

Courtesy of Activision

A more-than-worthy successor to the 2014 phenomenon, Destiny 2 shows how closely Bungie listened to its community, building on the co-op and competitive aspects that made the original so great and improving on the story, which most players agreed was lacking. Destiny 2’s campaign is a complete, satisfying experience, even if it only deepened the mystery around the Traveler’s origins. Even leveling up feels simpler, if only because most veteran players have already established their preferred playstyle, taking tough decisions about which direction to move your character out of the equation. Shooter tradition almost demands that you finish the campaign before hopping into multiplayer, but it’s probably smarter to mine as much XP and gear as you can through crucible matches before going too far solo. With a stronger character, you’ll breeze through the story. The Collector’s Edition of this game is one of the crazier editions we’ve seen; it comes with an ornately detailed leather bag and triangular metal tube, modeled after the one carried by a character named Suraya. That tube opens up and folds out into a portable solar-powered USB charging station. It also includes a bevy of printed collectibles, a steelbook edition of the game, and a pass for DLC packs I and II.

Available on: PS4, Xbox One, PC

2 of 10

2. Super Mario Odyssey

Courtesy Image

On the surface, we’ve got this: The same Mario game you’ve played a hundred times, only now he’s got a boomerang hat. Play beyond the first 30 minutes, though, and you’ll discover an almost flawless game in every detail, sure to be one of your new personal faves. Switch owners were hoping for a worthy Mario game to help cement the system as a success. Nintendo over-delivered in spades, shipping a game that leapfrogged to the top of the Game of the Year discussion, and somehow entered the Best Game of All Time discussion. It’s hard to argue with any of that buzz. The rhythm, balance, and pace of Super Mario Odyssey is perfect, a confounding feat considering its open-world nature. At times it can feel like Nintendo has a patent on human curiosity and joy. That’s how effortlessly this game can make you feel like a kid again.

Available on: Nintendo Switch

3 of 10

3. Call of Duty WWII

Courtesy of Activision

The first campaign stage on Normandy Beach feels like a playable version of the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan. It’s brutal and frantic, and sets the tone for this welcome return to Call of Duty’s roots. Multiplayer and zombie modes are as tight as ever, but what makes this one stick with you is a story that respects the real sacrifices made by the Greatest Generation. That lifeline to the real world gives it some staying power that’s just not possible to achieve in a far-flung sci-fi adventure. As long as this much love and attention goes into each iteration, we’re completely fine with COD coming out every year.

Available on: PS4, Xbox One, PC

4 of 10

4. Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus

Courtesy of Bethesda

A story about Nazis taking over America wasn’t supposed to have the kind of real-world resonance that it currently does, but that’s where we are. Setting aside that unpleasant reality, The New Colossus is a brilliant follow-up to 2014’s The New Order, with you picking up right where BJ Blazkowicz left off (spoiler alert: he survived the first game’s climactic scene). Just as it did with the first game, developer Machine Games eschewed a multiplayer mode altogether, focusing entirely on an engrossing single-player experience. That shines through in everything from its smooth gameplay mechanics to its distinct characters you can actually remember. It’s a bold, old-school mentality, but the payoff is huge. Makes you wish more developers would have the guts to follow suit.

Available on: PS4, Xbox One, PC

5 of 10

5. South Park: The Fractured But Whole

Courtesy of Ubisoft

This giant, 15-hour episode of South Park is so funny and packed with clever satire it deserves to be mentioned with the best South Park multi-episode arcs ever. (It’s right on par with the Imaginationland trilogy, the Black Friday trilogy, and the Coon series.) That would be reason enough to make this a mandatory purchase for South Park fans, but the fact that it’s a surprisingly deep and well-crafted RPG seals the deal. You have a ton of options for character development, from how you look to how you fight. The racial commentary is also sadly spot on. For starters, you select the difficulty of the game with a skin color slider—white is easy, tan is difficult, black is very difficult. As you get deeper into the game there’s a sequence where the South Park cops task you with taking down a supposedly infamous drug dealer, who turns out to just be a black guy in a nice house. Ouch. That’s South Park at its best and most biting.

Available on: PS4, Xbox One, PC

6 of 10

6. Gran Turismo Sport

Courtesy of Sony

It’s been four years since a Gran Turismo game came out, and with Forza firmly in command of the biggest virtual garage in gaming, GT put its efforts elsewhere, namely online play and VR. Serious players will get a kick out of the online mode. Over time, it’s easy to imagine that players with low sportsmanship ratings—those involved in the most pileups—will be shunned and shamed. While you can’t take VR online or into the campaign, it’s a pretty awesome arcade experience (if you’re not susceptible to motion sickness). With the price of the VR headset dropping $100 for the holidays, and with a steadily growing library to go with it, Gran Turismo Sport stands as another worthy selling point, and you can now get it bundled with the headset.

Available on: PS4

7 of 10

7. Crash Bandicoot: N-Sane Trilogy

Courtesy of Activision

Crash never looked so good, from the newly rendered opening sequence to all three PS One games remastered in HD to smooth out his jagged polygons. Those are welcome changes because the core gameplay has aged well, even for an on-the-rails 3D platformer. Everything is slick and responsive, and once you get going you won’t rest until you smash every crate on every level. One downer: long load times are one of the few carryovers from '90s games that don’t satisfy any nostalgic urge.

Available on: PS4

8 of 10

8. Forza 7

Courtesy of Microsoft

What was missing from a racing series that has given you an accurate representation of nearly every car on the planet? You probably didn’t say story mode, but you won’t be sorry that that’s what you got. It’s actually a perfect way for the game to sink its hooks into you and get you to sample a ton of different tracks, cars, and weather conditions right out of the gate. The replay value is huge; you can unlock a whopping 700 lovingly detailed cars. Forza 7 is also the poster child for enhancements on the Xbox One X, but it looks good no matter how you’re playing.

Available on: Xbox One, PC

9 of 10

9. Middle Earth: Shadow of War

Courtesy of WB Games

The first Middle Earth game played fast and loose with Tolkien lore while borrowing heavily from the Arkham series gameplay mechanics. The result was a shock: tight and cohesive, and hands down the best game of 2014. Shadow of War finds the co-main characters Talion and Celebrimbor forging a new ring of power to destroy the inhabitants of Mordor for a story that leaves off just before the events of The Lord of the Rings. Developer Monolith jacked up the dials on everything that worked in the original: the nemesis system, your ability tree, and the brutal combat animations, which have all been expanded and polished. For an open world game, the pace remains lightning fast because it’s just so densely packed. Wander in any direction and you’ll discover something, be it a collectible, a side mission, or a pack of enemies to sneak up on.

Available on: PS4, Xbox One, PC

10 of 10

10. Cuphead

Courtesy of Microsoft

Styled after early 20th century cartoons, Cuphead has been the subject of much anticipation since it was first teased three years ago. It’s a standard platformer, but one that looked so unique everyone wanted to pick it up. Now that it’s finally out we know what took so long: every frame you see was drawn by hand, from the main characters Cuphead and Mugman, to the level bosses, to the top-down map where the locations pulse with life, an intentional side-effect of hand animation. And in true throwback fashion, this gameplay is solid, difficult, and addictive. For $20, you can’t say no to this.

Available on: Xbox One, PC

TOP 10 GAMES OF THE YEAR

1. Horizon Zero Dawn

2. Super Mario Odyssey

3. Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus

4. Destiny 2

5. Zelda: Breath of the Wild

6. South Park: The Fractured But Whole

7. Middle Earth: Shadow of War

8. Injustice 2

9. For Honor

10. Call of Duty WWII

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trendingnewsb · 7 years

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The Harsh Truths About Accepting the Unacceptable

Why is it that people have significantly different outcomes with similar experiences? Have you noticed some people can experience trauma, yet thrive, while others spiral into darkness? I have personally lived through this darkness. As a young child in foster care, I felt trapped and alone.

Imagine you are trapped in a tank of deep water. You tread water for a long time. You start getting tired. You aren’t sure how much longer you’ll be able to keep your head above water. You try to stay afloat, try to conserve energy and pray someone will come along and help you. Time ticks on. You are so tired. You sink below the surface, hold your breath for as long as you can. Nobody is coming to save you because nobody notices you need help. Desperately, you pull to the surace, gasp for air, sink back down again. You aren’t going to make it. You have lost all hope.[1]

Even though I felt all hope was lost, somehow I made it. I did not hopelessly drown. My younger brother is a different story though. He seems to be hopelessly trapped. So, how did I make it while he did not?

Be brave through traumas.

What exactly do we go through after a traumatic experience? Let’s answer this question by diving into the 5-Stages of Acceptance (otherwise known as the 5-Stages of Grief). There are different types of “acceptance or grief” models; however, we will focus on one in particular, a model introduced by Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross – the Kubler-Ross model. [2]

Stage #1: Denial.

The first stage is denial. People enter this first stage after shock from experiencing a traumatic event in their life. Events such as the death of a loved one, physical or sexual abuse, rape, being in a serious accident, or the traumatic exposure veterans experience during war.

If you or a loved one have experienced a traumatic event, you are most likely in one of these five stages. In order to recover from your experience, it is important to be able to identify which stage you are in. Here are a few things to look for in this stage: [3]

Clinging to a false sense of reality.

Your outlook on life becomes meaningless.

Your life makes no sense.

Example

I was placed into foster care as a young child. My younger brother and I were in a state of denial when we were placed into the foster care system. We believed our parents would change their behavior and become better parents for us.

Why This Matters

Denial helps us survive loss. It is a way for the universe, God, Buddha (whatever you believe) to tell us that we have reached our limits of what we can handle.

Stage #2: Anger.

The second stage is anger. Anger is where we possess the need to blame someone else for our problems. Here are a few characteristics of this stage: [4]

The need to blame someone else.

Your anger extends to everyone around you.

You feel abandoned.

Example

After being placed into foster care, I was extremely angry. I blamed everyone I could think of. I blamed my mother, my father, my social worker, my grandparents, and even God. What is funny (looking back now!), I remember cursing God one evening and woke up deathly sick the next morning… coincidence?

Why This Matters

When we feel our anger, instead of suppressing it, we start to recover. Think of an open pit. You are stuck at the bottom of this pit with no way out. Once you feel your anger, it is as if a rope magically appears to pull you out of the pit.

Stage #3: Bargaining.

The third stage is bargaining. Bargaining is when you believe you can avoid the actual problem through negotiation. Let’s take a look at a few ways to identify this stage: [5]

You have self-doubt.

You are constantly using “what if” and “if only” statements.

You are stuck in the past.

Example

As a foster child, I remember telling my biological parents that I would do anything they wanted or be whoever they needed me to be if they would only stop their drinking and drug use.

Why This Matters

It is important to recognize when you reach this stage. In this stage, you are stuck in the past; however, it is fairly easy to recognize that you are in this stage simply by paying attention to your thoughts and words. You will find that you use quite a few… “what if” and “if only” type statements in this stage.

Stage #4: Depression.

The fourth stage is depression. Depression is a dark stage where you withdraw from everything. Depression is the most dangerous stage, so here are few things to look for:

Withdraw from life.

An intense sadness.

Suicidal thoughts.

Example

I can vividly recall the sadness I experienced when I finally realized nothing could be done to save my parents. I had a horrible feeling that one day soon they would both die due to their lifestyle. Sadly, my father would commit suicide not too long after.

Why This Matters

This stage is important because grief enters your life at a deep level; a deeper level than anyone could ever imagine. It is important during this stage to understand that depression is an appropriate response to trauma. [6]

Stage #5: Acceptance.

The fifth and final stage is acceptance. Acceptance takes place when you accept the true reality as your permanent reality. You will know when you enter this final stage by the following characteristics:

You realize that you can’t remain stuck in the past.

You start to enjoy life again.

You make new connections.

Example

I finally hit this stage when I told myself that I could not change my family. I had to start preparing for a reality without the majority of my family in my life. I wasn’t happy about this, but I accepted it.

Why This Matters

Accepting the true reality as your permanent reality is an important step in recovery. Typically, we don’t necessarily like it, but we accept it and learn to live with it. It is important to remember, we cannot start this stage until we have allowed an appropriate (determined by the individual) amount of time at each stage… essentially, we cannot rush into acceptance.

You can’t control everything, but you’re always in control of something.

Once we develop a growth mindset, we then find that we can become better. A growth mindset will put us on a path, not just to recovery, but a path allowing us to thrive. It will put us on a path to Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG). Along the way, look for meaning or purpose in your life. When we discover meaning, we find that we have a greater purpose to live.

Here are some ways you can develop a growth mindset:

Believe you can become better.

Attempt to learn as much as possible – knowing you can and will become smarter.

Read and listen to audiobooks.

Exercise and eat nutritional foods.

Embrace challenges – know that you can learn from them.

Embrace failure as opportunities to learn.

Embrace effort as a necessary step toward growth.

Eagerly learn from criticism.

View the success of others as an inspiration – learn from them.

Create synergy with others and stimulate growth in yourself and in others.

Additionally, really think about the following quote…

“Never let a good crisis go to waste.” – Winston Churchill

Remember, there is always the silver lining.

When I personally developed a growth mindset, I soon discovered the meaning in my life. I didn’t have to look far to uncover it… in fact, it had been with me all along. My beautiful wife and my precious daughter are my purpose… they are the meaning in my life.

You too can easily discover meaning in your life, accept the seemingly unacceptable realities of this world, and thrive. All you have to do is open your eyes!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1]^Scary Mommy: 10 analogies that perfectly capture depression[2]^Grief: The 5 stages of grief[3]^Grief: The 5 stages of grief[4]^Changing Minds: The Kubler-Ross grief cycle[5]^Recover From Grief: 7 stages of grief through the process and back to life[6]^Grief: The 5 stages of grief

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Text

The Harsh Truths About Accepting the Unacceptable

Be brave through traumas.

Stage #1: Denial.

Clinging to a false sense of reality.

Your outlook on life becomes meaningless.

Your life makes no sense.

Example

Why This Matters

Denial helps us survive loss. It is a way for the universe, God, Buddha (whatever you believe) to tell us that we have reached our limits of what we can handle.

Stage #2: Anger.

The second stage is anger. Anger is where we possess the need to blame someone else for our problems. Here are a few characteristics of this stage: [4]

The need to blame someone else.

Your anger extends to everyone around you.

You feel abandoned.

Example

Why This Matters

Stage #3: Bargaining.

The third stage is bargaining. Bargaining is when you believe you can avoid the actual problem through negotiation. Let’s take a look at a few ways to identify this stage: [5]

You have self-doubt.

You are constantly using “what if” and “if only” statements.

You are stuck in the past.

Example

As a foster child, I remember telling my biological parents that I would do anything they wanted or be whoever they needed me to be if they would only stop their drinking and drug use.

Why This Matters

Stage #4: Depression.

The fourth stage is depression. Depression is a dark stage where you withdraw from everything. Depression is the most dangerous stage, so here are few things to look for:

Withdraw from life.

An intense sadness.

Suicidal thoughts.

Example

Why This Matters

Stage #5: Acceptance.

You realize that you can’t remain stuck in the past.

You start to enjoy life again.

You make new connections.

Example

Why This Matters

You can’t control everything, but you’re always in control of something.

Here are some ways you can develop a growth mindset:

Believe you can become better.

Attempt to learn as much as possible – knowing you can and will become smarter.

Read and listen to audiobooks.

Exercise and eat nutritional foods.

Embrace challenges – know that you can learn from them.

Embrace failure as opportunities to learn.

Embrace effort as a necessary step toward growth.

Eagerly learn from criticism.

View the success of others as an inspiration – learn from them.

Create synergy with others and stimulate growth in yourself and in others.

Additionally, really think about the following quote…

“Never let a good crisis go to waste.” – Winston Churchill

Remember, there is always the silver lining.

You too can easily discover meaning in your life, accept the seemingly unacceptable realities of this world, and thrive. All you have to do is open your eyes!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

The post The Harsh Truths About Accepting the Unacceptable appeared first on Lifehack.

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2p7EJbH via Viral News HQ

#IFTTT #Viral News HQ

0 notes