#Loathsome Lenny

[inspiredwriter]

Mud Dogs!Pirate AU

Well, you guys can consider this my Halloween Special😅😁🏴‍☠️

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Leonard (Captain) x Selena (Seniorita Mate)

Mickey (Lookout) x Ariana (sailmaker)

In this universe, after the Mud Dogs gang escaped from prison, they stole Captain Piel's airship and renamed it the SS "La Sylphide". They mainly rob Big Mom's merchant ships, but sometimes rob other mafia units in the Hidden city. These guys call themselves noble pirates and periodically help the turtles in their missions

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Happy Holidays to you all~😈🕷🎃🕸✨

@swagreecrown @neocelticavalon @kawaiibunga @sivy-chan-blog @narwals14 @angelcatlowyn @dai-su-kiss @janet-the-dark-queen @turtle-babe83 @foxflamewarrior @cowabunga-doll @wolfroks @aeempress @androidships007 @iheartchv @raphsmuneca @mcwentfandomtraveling @roxosupreme @thedl2912 @cthonyxa @lordfreg @niphredil-14

[protoslacker]

Paul Krassner … in 1963 created a miracle of compressed intelligence nearly as admirable for potent simplicity, in my opinion, as Einstein’s e=mc2. With the Vietnam War going on, and with its critics discounted and scorned by the government and the mass media, Krassner put on sale a red, white and blue poster that said FUCK COMMUNISM. At the beginning of the 1960s, FUCK was believed to be so full of bad magic as to be unprintable. COMMUNISM was to millions the name of the most loathsome evil imaginable. To call an American a communist was like calling somebody a Jew in Nazi Germany. By having FUCK and COMMUNISM fight it out in a single sentence, Krassner wasn’t merely being funny as heck. He was demonstrating how preposterous it was for so many people to be responding to both words with such cockamamie Pavlovian fear and alarm.

Kurt Vonnegut quoted in a post by Jason Schafer in Dangerous Minds. Cagnitive Dissonance: Paul Krassner's 'Fuck Communism' Banner, 1963.

The last few weeks at work I've done little else at work other than load bags of mulch into people's vehicles. An awful lot of guys my age are dicks. Some of them have 'Fuck Biden" bumper stickers on their Yank tanks. I've known for a long time sayiing that I'm an old hippie doesn't mean what I think it means. A whole lot of people really hate hippies. And the Biden bumper sticker and Krassner's banner gets to a part of what people think they don't tlike about hippies.

"Fuck Biden' isn't funny today because the F-word simply doesn't have the same "bad magic." I do suspect that people sporting the sticker sense of specter of humor, Lenny Bruce or George Carlin's 'Seven Words'. But nobody finds 'Fuck Biden' funny, it's merely mean and crass. It's the cruelty that titilates.

I do sometimes visit The Realist Archive. I don't know what people today will make of it.

[dalekofchaos]

Imagine Arthur bounced back from his bout of TB, made a full recovery prior to the last robbery and was in full health.

Arthur kills Milton with no problem after learning Micah was the rat. 

The Last ride happens as per canon 

Arthur calls Micah out for his treachery and the stand off happens

Arthur goes with John. In this Arthur fights Micah  as they do in the game. Micah believes Arthur is still sick. “You’re weak black lung and now you’ll die” Arthur punches Micah in the face and knocks him down on his ass. “You see, that’s we’re you’re wrong Micah. I made a complete and full recovery, you fucking rat.”  If Arthur has High Honor, Arthur will beat Micah in an inch of his life and just toss him off the mountain. If Arthur has Low Honor, Arthur will beat Micah to the point of death and finally decides to put this loathsome fucking rat out of his misery. Arthur takes his gun out and blows his head off. Regardless of how Micah dies, afterwords Arthur is confronted by Dutch. Arthur finally lets Dutch has it. Telling him he let Micah deceive Dutch and damn us all. Dutch feels remorse and just leaves. They never see each other again

Go For the money. Arthur wants to go for the money and plans to split the money with John, but mostly he wants to kill Micah. The knife fight happens. When Arthur reveals he made a recovery, Micah begins to crack. “You....you’re lying” “I’m going to send you STRAIGHT TO HELL! I’VE BEEN WAITING TO KILL YOU MICAH!” Arthur screams at the top of his lungs.  High Honor. Arthur slashes Micah’s eye to mark him as the rat throat and leaves him to die. Arthur and Dutch leaves at a standstill and Arthur takes the money Low Honor. Arthur intends to make this hurt. Arthur tackles Micah to the ground and starts stabbing “This one is for Jenny, this one is for Davey and Mac, this one is for Sean, this one is for Hosea, this one is for Lenny, this one is for Molly, this one is for Miss Grimshaw and most of all THIS IS FOR EVERYONE YOU BETRAYED YOU RAT” Micah is dead. Arthur takes the money. 

Arthur would split the money with John. While John would live with Abigail in Beecher’s hope, I do believe Arthur would’ve either found Mary and they would’ve lived in peace or Arthur and Sadie would’ve been a Bounty Hunting Couple and been together. 

[reallifesultanas]

Portrait of Canfeda Hatun / Canfeda Hatun portréja

Origin and post

Canfeda Hatun was probably a woman of Circassian origin who, according to some sources, had a brother named Ibrahim who lived his life as a moderately influential statesman. The exact date of her birth is unknown, but Canfeda was roughly similar in age to Nurbanu, so there is also the possibility that the two women may have known each other since childhood. Nurbanu then left the Old Palace as Prince Selim's concubine, while Canfeda remained there and rose higher and higher on the ranks of the harem servants. Nurbanu,  soon after Selim's accession to the throne asked made Canfeda tha head of the harem. With this Canfeda became one of the highest ranked harem servants in the harem. In fact, later she became the first woman to manage the harem after moving to Topkapi during Murad III's reign. Her responsibilities included assigning the jobs of the harem, overseeing the education of young girls, selecting girls, overseeing the households of all women living in the harem, and teaching servants of the personal service of the Valide and the Sultan.

The kethüda hatun

As the right-hand of Nurbanu, Canfeda gained immense influence and recognition and certainly helped the Valide in everything she needed. Thus, perhaps indirectly, she may have been part of the fierce struggle between Nurbanu and Safiye. When the health of the Valide began to deteriorate in 1583 and she left the Topkapi Palace, Canfeda took control of the harem. Then in December of this year, the health of Nurbanu was finally shaken. On the deathbed of the valide, she made her son to swore that he will entrust the leadership of the harem to Canfeda. On the one hand, Nurbanu wanted to leave her son and the harem in good hands, but she also had the undisguised aim of limiting Murad's Haseki, Safiye, from gaining excessive power.

With the death of Nurbanu, Canfeda became the first kethüda hatun, the servant to control the harem, who essentially completely took over the duties of the deceased Valide Sultan, thus acting as a defacto Valide Sultan. According to some sources, Canfeda tried to send  beautiful concubines to Murad, but he soon recalled and probably also married Safiye, who was exiled by Nurbanu. Although Canfeda continued to control the harem, and although she was a highly influential figure, she still had a lower rank than Safiye Sultan. No concrete evidence remained about the relationship between the two women, however, the fact that Canfeda openly supported one of Murad’s sons, Mustusta and his mother, presumably suggest that Safiye and Canfeda were not too close together. Canfeda’s support and special commitment to Prince Mustafa may suggest that the little prince’s mother may have been gifted to Murad by her. But is it also possible that the prince was an orphan, so Canfeda took special care of him? We will probably never know the answer, but in any case, although Canfeda was not close to Safiye, there were no open enemity between them, their relationship could have been respectful.

Charity and clash with the janissaries

Canfeda was a particularly intelligent woman, thanks to which she was able to be a part of the intrigues inside the palace's harem. Thanks to her influence, many concubines sought her favors, which Canfeda cleverly exploited and amassed a huge wealth by accepting bribes and expensive gifts. However, she did not use her vast wealth arbitrarily. She donated a great deal, setting up several foundations, through which she established, among other things, a mosque and a fountain in Istanbul in 1584. There was also a school in her mosque complex. Then in 1593 she also established a mosque and a bath in the village of Beykoz. In addition to these outstanding architectural projects, she also received permission from the Sultan to renovate and expand a water supply canal that transported water to her mosque in Istanbul and a nearby spa.

Although she never used her vast wealth in a selfish manner, the displeasure of the Janissaries was nevertheless provoked by her wealth. In 1593, during one of the janissary mutinies caused by a delay in the payment of the salaries, the discontented soldiers demanded the heads of the Grand Vizier, the head Defterdar, and the loathsome Canfeda. Canfeda presumably came into the view of the Janissaries not only because of her great fortune, but also because of the actions of her brother (Crazy) Ibrahim Pasha. Ibrahim Pasha served as a beylerbey of Diyarbekir, but was imprisoned for his numerous abuses. Canfeda, using her influence, rescued his brother from prison and reached to put him back in his position. Maybe the Janissaries didn't like it either. Only with great efforts did Murad manage to calm the mutineers and save the lives of his associates.

Later life

The fall of Canfeda was brought by Murad’s death, for Canfeda tried to smuggle one of Murad’s sons, Mustasta, out of the palace to save him from fratricide. The fact that Canfeda also risked her own life, wealth, and influence for the prince raises the possibility that perhaps she could indeed have been close to the prince or had a close bond with his mother. However, she failed to accomplish her deed, so the ten-year-old prince was executed by the new Sultan Mehmed, and Canfeda was immediately retired, thus moved to the Old Palace. Witnesses reported in detail about Murad’s harem moving to the Old Palace, highlighting how many chariots were needed to carry Canfeda’s belongings. Canfeda received 100 aspers as a daily salary after her retirement. When her salary proved insufficient to continue her construction projects and charity, Mehmed immediately raised the salary to 200 aspers. This clearly shows that although Canfeda’s action annoyed the new valide and the Sultan, the Sultan did not want to make Canfeda’s charitable actions impossible.

Canfeda presumably died around 1600, during the reign of Mehmed, probably due to natural causes.

Used sources: L. Peirce - The imperial harem; R. Ekrem Koçu - “Canfeda Hatun”; Kayaalp-Aktan - The Atik Valide Mosque Complex: A testament of Nurbanu’s prestige, power and piety; Ömer Düzbakar, Charitable Women And Their Pious Foundations In The Ottoman Empire: The Hospital of The Senior Mother, Nurbanu Valide Sultan; B. Tezcan - The Second Ottoman Empire: Political and Social Transformation in the Early Modern World

*    *    *

Eredete és beosztása

Canfeda Hatun valószínűleg cserkesz származású nő volt, akinek egyes források szerint volt egy Ibrahim nevű bátyja, aki közepesen befolyásos államférfiként élte életét. Pontos születési ideje nem ismert, de Canfeda nagyjából Nurbanuval hasonló korú volt, így felmerül annak eshetősége is, hogy a két nő talán gyermekkoruktól ismerte egymást. Nurbanu aztán Szelim herceg ágyasaként elhagyta a Régi Palotát, míg Canfeda ott maradt és a háremszolgálók ranglétráján emelkedett egyre feljebb. Innen kérette magához aztán Nurbanu szultána, II. Szelim trónralépése után. Canfeda lett a hárem egyik legmagasabb beosztású háremszolgálója. Tulajdonképpen ő volt az első asszony, aki a Murad trónralépése után, Topkapiba költöző háremet igazgathatta. Feladatai közé tartozott a háremen belüli munkák beosztása és kiadása, a fiatal lányok oktatásának felügyelése, a lányok kiválogatása, a háremben lakó minden nő háztartásának felügyelete, valamint a valide és szultán személyes szolgálatában álló szolgálók kitanítása.

A kethüda hatun

Canfeda Nurbanu jobbkezeként hatalmas befolyásra és elismerésre tett szert és minden bizonnyal igyekezett a valide szultána segítségére lenni mindenben, amiben csak kellett. Így talán közvetve része lehetett a Nurbanu és Safiye szultánák közötti kiélezett harcnak is. Amikor a valide szultána egészsége 1583-ban romlani kezdett és elhagyta a palotát, Canfeda vette át a hárem irányítását. Ez év decemberében aztán Nurbanu szultána egészsége végleg megrendült. A valide halálos ágyán megeskette fiát, hogy az halála után Canfedára bízza a hárem vezetését. Nurbanu ezzel egyrészt jó kezekben akarta tudni fiát és a háremet is, azonban nem titkolt célja volt az is, hogy korlátozza Murad Haszekijét, Safiyét a túlzott hatalomszerzéstől.

Nurbanu szultána halálával, Canfeda lett az első kethüda hatun, a háremet irányító szolgáló, aki lényegében teljesen átvette az elhunyt valide szultána feladatköreit, ezzel mintegy defacto valide szultánaként működve. Egyes források szerint Canfeda igyekezett szebbnél szebb háremhölgyeket küldeni Muradnak, ő azonban hamarosan visszahívta, sőt valószínűleg hites feleségévé tette a Nurbanu által száműzött Safiyét, aki így visszatérhetett a hárembe. Bár Canfeda irányította a háremet továbbra is, és bár kiemelten befolyásos személy volt, rangban akkor is Safiye szultána alatt állt. A két nő viszonyáról nem maradt fent konkrét bizonyíték, azonban az, hogy Canfeda nyíltan támogatta Murad egyik fiát, Musztafát és annak anyját, feltehetőleg nem álltak túl közel egymáshoz. Canfeda támogatása és különös elkötelezettsége Mustafa herceg iránt arra utalhat, hogy a kisherceg anyját talán ő ajándékozta Muradnak és az ő nevelése volt. De az is lehetséges, hogy a herceg árva volt, így Canfeda különös gondot fordított nevelésére? A választ valószínűleg sosem fogjuk megtudni. Mindenesetre bár Canfeda nem állt közel Safiyéhez, ellenségek sem voltak, viszonyuk tiszteletteljes lehetett.  

Jótékonykodás és összeütközés a janicsárokkal

Canfeda különösen intelligens nő volt, melynek köszönhetően remekül tudott belefolyni a palotán belüli intrikákba. Befolyásának köszönhetően sok ágyas kereste a kegyeit, melyet Canfeda okosan kihasznált és hatalmas vagyont gyűjtött a megvesztegetések és drága ajándékok elfogadásával. Hatalmas vagyonát azonban nem önkényesen használta. Nagyon sokat adakozott, több alapítványt is létrehozott, melyeken keresztül többek között egy mecsetet és egy kutat is létrehozott Isztambulban, 1584-ben. Mecsetkompexumában helyt kapott egy iskola is. 1593-ban aztán Beykoz faluban is létrehozott egy mecsetet és egy fürdőt. Ezen kiemelt építészeti projektjei mellett pedig a szultántól engedélyt kapott arra is, hogy rendbehozasson és kibővíthessen egy vízszállító csatornát is, mely a vizet szállította isztambuli mecsetjéhez és egy közeli fürdőhöz.

Hatalmas vagyonát bár sosem önző módon használta, a janicsárok nemtetszését mégis kiváltotta gazdagsága. 1593-ban a janicsárok fizetésével megkésett az állam, akik erre fellázadtak és több fejet is követeltek, többek között a nagyvezírét, a fő jegyzőét és Canfedáét. Canfeda feltehetőleg nem csupán nagy vagyona miatt került a janicsárok látószögébe, hanem testvére (Őrült) Ibrahim Pasa tettei miatt is. Ibrahim Pasa Diyarbekir helytartójaként tevékenykedett, azonban számtalan visszaélése miatt börtönbe került. Canfeda pedig befolyását kihasználva kimentette testvérét a börtönből és elérte, hogy újra pozíciót kapjon. Talán ez sem tetszett a janicsároknak. Murad végül nagy nehézségek árán képes volt megnyugtatni a lázongó katonákat ezzel pedig megmentenie emberei életét.

Kései évek

Canfeda bukását Murad halála hozta el, ugyanis Murad halálakor Canfeda megpróbálta Murad egyik fiát, Musztafát kicsempészni a palotából, hogy ezzel mentse meg a kivégzéstől. Az, hogy Canfeda kockára tette a saját életét, vagyonát és befolyását is a hercegért, felveti annak a lehetőségét, hogy talán valóban ő nevelhette a herceget, vagy annak anyjához fűzte szoros kötelék. Tettét azonban nem sikerült kiviteleznie, a tíz éves herceget az új szultán Mehmed kivégeztette, Canfedát pedig azonnal nyugdíjazták, aki így visszavonult a Régi Palotába. A szemtanúk részletesen beszámoltak Murad háremének Régi Palotába költözéséről, kiemelve Canfeda rengeteg szekéren utazó vagyontárgyait. Canfeda 100 asperes napi fizetést kapott visszavonulása után. Amikor napi 100 asperes fizetése nem bizonyult elégnek, hogy folytathassa építési projektjeit és jótékonykodását, Mehmed azonnal megemelte a fizetését 200 asperre. Ez egyértelműen mutatja, hogy bár Canfeda cselekedetével bosszantotta az új validét és a szultánt, a szultán nem akarta ellehetetleníteni Canfeda jótékonysági akcióit.

Canfeda feltehetőleg 1600 körül, Mehmed uralkodása alatt halt meg, valószínűleg természetes okok következtében.

Felhasznált források: L. Peirce - The imperial harem; R. Ekrem Koçu - “Canfeda Hatun”; Kayaalp-Aktan - The Atik Valide Mosque Complex: A testament of Nurbanu’s prestige, power and piety; Ömer Düzbakar, Charitable Women And Their Pious Foundations In The Ottoman Empire: The Hospital of The Senior Mother, Nurbanu Valide Sultan; B. Tezcan - The Second Ottoman Empire: Political and Social Transformation in the Early Modern World.

[longitudinalwaveme]

Looking in the Bathroom Mirror

It never failed. No matter how early Sam got up (and he considered himself a fairly early riser, especially compared to the Pied Piper), there was always-always-at least a four-person line to the bathroom, and, since their hideout only had one bathroom, this was a problem. (Sam would never understand why Len had decided that it was a good idea to buy a house with only one bathroom to serve as a hideout for nine highly unstable people, but he had.) At the moment, he was standing behind Mardon, who was standing behind Mick, who was standing behind Len, who was standing behind a whimpering, dancing James, who clearly had to use the bathroom.

“Who’s in the bathroom?” he asked Mardon.

“I think it’s Dillon, but whoever it is, I hope they hurry it up in there. I haven’t showered in three days,” Mardon replied. Sam frowned. Well, that certainly explained the smell.

“That’s really gross, Mardon.” Mardon shrugged.

“Hey, the less I have to wait in this line, the better.” Sam had to admit that the man had a point. Showering was nice, but it was definitely not always worth incurring the wrath of eight other people.

“I need to pee!” James whined loudly. Sam groaned. Why did James always wait so long to use the bathroom? He knew that there was always a line, and yet he always waited until the last minute to go to the bathroom. Len moved past James and banged on the door.

“You’ve been in there for forty-five minutes, Dillon! You’ve gotta be done by now!” Len snapped. The door opened a crack.

“One cannot rush perfection, Cold,” Dillon’s snooty voice announced. Then the door slammed shut again.

“Fine, but if Trickster has an accident out here because you’re taking nine years in the restroom, you’re cleaning it up,” Len replied. Five minutes later, Dillon finally left the bathroom, perfectly shaved, hair immaculately combed, showered, and fully dressed in a yellow-and-green striped tuxedo.

“Top of the morning, everyone,” he said in a tone that was probably intended to sound cheerful. Then he walked off, whistling “It’s a Small World After All” as he did so. James rushed into the bathroom, not even bothering to close the door behind him, but thankfully, Len managed to close the door before James made it to the toilet. A minute later, James rushed back out again. (He’d taken a fifteen-minute shower yesterday, so there was no need for him to spend a long time in the bathroom.) Len went into the bathroom and slammed the door. Then Sam turned back to Mardon.

“Are you sure it’s only been three days since you showered? Because you reek,” he asked. Mardon nodded, but then he frowned thoughtfully.

“Uh, now that you mention it, Lisa kicked me out of the bathroom before I could take a shower on Wednesday, so it’s actually been more like a week and a half,” he said sheepishly. Sam took a few steps back-and backed right into Digger, who had apparently joined the line in the interval. He also smelled bad, but this wasn’t unusual for him, as Digger had always said that he thought showers and deodorants were highly overrated. Sam sighed. Apparently, he wouldn’t be getting any relief for his nose for awhile.

“G’day, mates!” Digger exclaimed, much too cheerfully for Sam’s tastes (at least at 7:30 in the morning), but Sam decided to engage him in conversation anyways.

“You’re in luck, Digger. Dillon’s already finished,” he told the Australian.

“Really? How long did he take this time?”

“At least fifty minutes, by Len’s clock.” Sam had no idea if Dillon really had been in the bathroom that long, but it wouldn’t have surprised him, as the arrogant elitist never got out of the bathroom in less than twenty minutes.

“He’s got kangaroos loose in his top paddock, he does.” Sam nodded in agreement, used to Digger’s colorful Australianisms. Dillon was many things, but sane was rarely one of them.

“So, who’s in the bog now?”

“Len,” Mardon replied, evidently having decided to join the conversation. As if on cue, Len left the bathroom, still in his bathrobe and fuzzy polar bear slippers but looking decidedly cleaner and better shaved.

“Make that Mick,” Mardon added quickly as the gigantic pyromaniac ducked into the bathroom. At this point, Lisa showed up, wearing her pink satin nightgown and with her hair a tangled mess.

“Excuse me, boys,” she said as she cut to the front of the line. Mardon groaned. Sam understood why, as Lisa took even longer in the bathroom than Dillon usually did, but both men kept their mouths shut. What Lisa wanted, Lisa always got, and no one was about to anger her, her brother, and her boyfriend by refusing to let her cut to the front of the line. Mick left the bathroom about two minutes later (being bald, he was a fast showerer, and he rarely shaved), and Lisa entered. Thirty minutes later, she was still in the bathroom, and Digger had started doing his own variant on James’s bathroom dance. At this point, Mardon’s patience apparently ran out, and he knocked on the door.

“Are you almost done in there, ma’am?”

“No. I’m still applying my makeup. Beauty takes effort-not that any of you would know about that,” Lisa replied.

“Okay, but Digger really has to use the bathroom, so you might wanna hurry,” Mardon said as he backed away from the door. Thirty minutes after that, Lisa finally left the bathroom, hair styled, makeup applied, and wearing a lovely orange dress. Digger rushed to the bathroom, almost knocking her down in the process, and left it thirty seconds later.

“Did you even wash your hands?” Sam asked him.

“Nope,” Digger replied cheerfully. Then he and Lisa walked downstairs, and Mardon entered the bathroom. With all his companions gone, Sam groaned. It would have been so much easier if he could cut the line by using the Mirror Realm, but after he had accidentally “walked in” on Len once, he had decided that the risks outweighed the benefits (especially since Len had punished him for said incident by making him clean out the bathroom for three months) and stopped doing it.

“I’m singing in the rain, just singing in the rain,” a loud voice sang. Sam rolled his eyes. Despite his lack of talent, Mardon insisted on singing in the shower, and, since Mardon was also very loud, the off-key voice was hurting his ears. Thankfully, the bad singing stopped once Mardon left the shower five minutes later, but about two minutes after that, he yelled

“OW!” and emerged a few minutes later with a large bandage on his cheek. Apparently, he’d nicked himself while shaving. He went down the stairs, and Sam went into the bathroom, took a shower, dressed, and then started shaving. While he wasn’t nearly as particular as Dillon, he still liked to look good (or at least better than Len, Digger, and Mardon), so he was still shaving when the Pied Piper stumbled into the bathroom about twelve minutes after he’d entered it. The small man’s long, red hair was a frizzy, tangled mess, and he looked half asleep.

“Good morning,” Sam said cheerfully as he finished shaving.

“G’morning,” Piper mumbled.

“You’re up early.” Usually, the Piper never got up before 11.

“The roof was leaking.” Piper grabbed his toothbrush and then started to “brush” his hair with it. Sam stared at him. What was he doing?

“Uh, Piper? Why are you using your toothbrush to brush your hair?”

“Huh?” The Piper replied drowsily. He looked at his toothbrush in confusion.

“So that’s why it felt funny.” He put the toothbrush down and proceeded to fumble around for his hairbrush. After a few seconds, Sam handed it to him, and despite being half asleep, the Piper managed to tame the frizzy mess that was his hair enough to pull it into his usual ponytail. He then grabbed his razor and started shaving haphazardly. Sam stayed in the room and watched, both out of amusement and a desire to keep his teammate from accidentally slitting his own throat. When Piper finished shaving, he stumbled out of the room, and Sam followed him. It was definitely time for breakfast. When the pair made it to the kitchen, it was already a disaster area. Dillon and James were already almost finished with their food, Mick appeared to have burned three waffles and was attempting to toast a fourth, Mardon had spilled his orange juice all over the table and Len’s cereal and Len was screaming at him, and Lisa was pouting.

“We’re out of yogurt,” she explained when Same looked at her quizzically.

“Oh,” Sam replied, not sure of what else to say. He moved over to the refrigerator and grabbed two eggs, which he proceeded to start hard boiling, while the Piper blinked slowly, as though unused to the kitchen’s brightness, and then grabbed a banana, which he proceeded to take a bite of without peeling it.

“I think you’re supposed to peel bananas before you eat them, Piper.”

“Oh. Right,” Piper replied sleepily. He peeled the banana, and continued eating it as he stumbled out of the room.

“What’s wrong with him?” Lisa asked, still sounding annoyed about the lack of yogurt as she poured herself a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats.

“He’s not awake yet. Apparently, his roof was leaking, so he got woken up early.”

“What?” Len demanded, apparently having lost interest in Mardon (who was now futilely trying to clean his mess up with a ridiculously small napkin).

“The roof is leaking over Piper’s room, and it woke him up,” Sam repeated. Len groaned.

“Great. That’s just great.” Across the room, Dillon suddenly shrieked angrily.

“You disgusting, loathsome creature! I have told you a thousand times that you should utilize better table manners, and now you have spit food on my tuxedo!” he yelled at Digger (who had been eating his cereal with his face since Sam had arrived in the kitchen).

“Don’t care,” Digger replied (although he had his mouth full, so it sounded more like ‘onto coo”). Dillon stormed out of the room in disgust, and Len smirked.

“Serves that snobby lunatic right.” Lisa scowled.

“Lenny! My boyfriend is not a lunatic!” she exclaimed angrily. Len looked at the ground.

“Okay, so he’s not a lunatic, but he is really weird,” he muttered apologetically. Lisa shook her head and went back to her cereal.

“You were asking about the roof?” Sam prompted.

“Oh, yeah. Who’s gonna fix it? I patched the last hole in the roof, so I ain’t about to do this one, too,” Len replied.

“I’ll do it!” Lisa volunteered.

“No, sis, you’re too little. I don’t want you to get hurt,” Len replied. Lisa scowled and sighed huffily, and Sam rolled his eyes. He would never understand why Len was so convinced that his sister was a helpless little girl when he’d seen her rob banks and fight the Flash, but he didn’t feel like inflaming the situation.

“I’ll do it, boss!” Mick said as he burnt the waffle he had been toasting.

“That sounds good. You’re on roof duty, Mick,” Len replied. Mick saluted and smiled broadly.

“Thanks for letting me help, boss. You’re the best!” Len turned to Sam.

“When you’re finished with breakfast, go buy groceries.” He handed Sam a stack of bills. Sam groaned. The last time he’d gone to the grocery store, he’d run into Iris Allen and only narrowly escaped having her call the police on him, and he had no desire to go through that again, especially since she had also informed him that she carried a pistol in her purse. However, since Len already seemed to be in a bit of a mood, he pocketed the money and continued cooking, only for Mardon to throw up his hands and use his weather wand to create a wind that dried up the spilled orange juice. Unfortunately, said wind also knocked Sam’s hand into the boiling water.

“OW!”

“My bad!” Mardon yelled. Sam glared at him, but decided to ignore his pain and continue cooking. Len muttered something unintelligible that was probably supposed to be vaguely threatening but instead just came off as silly, given that he was still wearing his stupid polar bear slippers, and grabbed an apple, presumably to replace the cereal that Mardon had ruined. He continued glaring at Mardon as he ate it. A few seconds later, James finished eating and cartwheeled out of the room, narrowly avoiding kicking Digger’s face. Digger just continued eating his cereal with his face as though nothing had happened. Lisa finished her cereal and stuck her bowl in the sink, then exited the room, and, about a minute later, Sam finished boiling his eggs. He put them on a plate and sat down to eat them as Mick burned a fifth waffle and grabbed a banana, evidently having given up on being able to toast a waffle. Sam quickly ate his eggs, dumped his plate into the sink, and departed the kitchen. As he passed through the living room, he found Piper passed out on the couch, with the remains of his banana on his face. Sam took a picture, sent it to all the other Rogues (and the Flashes), and then went to his room. He sighed, steeled himself for his mission, and then traveled to the grocery store through the Mirror Realm. Upon arrival, he grabbed a shopping cart and started throwing all the necessary groceries into it. The faster he could get done with the store, the better. Seven minutes later, he was in the checkout line-a new record! He purchased all the groceries (a total of $570), and then started throwing them into the mirror realm. When he was done, he entered it himself, walked to the mirror that he used to get back to his room, and threw all of the groceries out of the mirror realm and into the house. Once this was done, he exited the Mirror Realm himself and used the same system to transport the groceries from his room to the kitchen.

“This is why I always send you to buy the groceries-you’re efficient,” Len said respectfully. Sam smiled. Compliments from Captain Cold were few and far between, so Sam appreciated this one.

“No problem. It’s easy for someone who has my way with mirrors.” By this point, the kitchen was mostly empty, but Digger was still there and shoving his face into what appeared to be his fourth bowl of cereal. Sam wrinkled his nose in mild disgust. Why did Digger have to be so...Digger?

“Doesn’t he ever get full?” he wondered aloud.

“Not that I’ve seen. Could be worse, though. You should see the way our “friends” in the red PJs eat,” Len replied. Sam wasn’t sure when Len had actually seen the Flashes eat, but since the Flash Museum blared the fact that speedsters had high metabolisms on the annoying PA system every five minutes, and he had been to the museum many times in attempts to vandalize it, he figured that the man was probably accurate. A series of loud bangs followed, suggesting that Mick had made it to the roof.

“Good old Mick,” Sam said. Of all his teammates, the brawny pyromaniac had surprisingly proven to be his favorite. He was quiet and friendly, and too dim to betray secrets or jockey for position, so it was hard not to like him, even with his destructive tendencies.

“Yeah, he’s good to have around,” Len agreed. (Last week, he had said that Mick was a liability, but then again, Mick had managed to catch the stove on fire last Wednesday.) The two men left the kitchen together and walked into the living room-only to find Lisa and Dillon standing in the middle of the room, locked in a very passionate embrace. Len walked over to them and cleared his throat loudly in that “I’m-trying-to-get-your-attention” way. Dillon reluctantly broke away from Lisa.

“What do you want?” he asked.

“I want you to stop PDA-ing with my baby sister!”

“Lenny, nobody was here but us until you walked in! That’s not a "PDA"!” Lisa protested.

“Piper’s here,” Len said.

“Yeah, but he’s asleep,” Sam blurted out before he could stop himself. Len whirled on him.

“Whose side are you on here?”

“First, I never said anything to imply that I was on your side, so your question makes no sense, and second, I’m on their side. Your “baby sister” is thirty-three years old and fights the Flash on a regular basis. I think she can handle her boyfriend,” Sam said. Lisa smiled, and Len scowled.

“But he’s a freaking psycho!”

“Who worships the ground she walks on and follows her around like a lovesick puppy? Yeah, not seeing the problem here.” Lisa’s smile widened.

“Thank you for your support, Sam,” she said. She winked at her boyfriend and pecked Sam on the cheek (much to his surprise). He blushed, and Len glared at him.

“Stop encouraging her!”

“I didn’t do anything!” Sam protested, and Lisa nodded.

“Yeah, stop being such a grouch, Lenny. I’ll be fine. If Roscoe tries anything I don’t like, he’ll get a skate to the face,” she said fiercely. Sam mentally reminded himself not to anger her.

“Besides, I am no cad, Leonard. I would never force my beloved to do anything she does not wish to,” Dillon added. As if to prove his point, he stepped a few feet away from Lisa.

“See, Lenny?” Lisa asked. Len just scowled again and stormed off. Upon realizing he was gone, Dillon embraced Lisa once again and the two began making out.

“Uh, don’t mind me, guys. I’m just going to watch some football,” Sam said, and then he quickly exited the room. He had no desire to watch Dillon and Lisa practically eat each other’s mouths. He rushed to the den, only to find that Mardon and James were already there and predictably fighting over the remote as the TV played a rerun of Barney.

“Tell him to watch his stupid Barney show somewhere else! I wanna watch the weather channel so that I can make sure their forecasts are wrong!” Mardon exclaimed. Sam sighed. On a normal day, he would have insisted that they hand him the remote so that he could watch the Central City Cougars (hopefully) defeat the Star City Sea Lions, but the shopping trip had exhausted him, so instead he just said,

“James, as soon as the episode is over, let Mardon watch the weather, okay?” James nodded and smiled evilly. Some sort of Barney-related prank was definitely going to be played on the Flash (and probably Mark as well) in the near future. Sam left the den and went back to the living room, where Dillon was now showing Lisa a jewel-studded top. He ignored the couple and checked on Piper, who was finally awake again but still looked rather exhausted.

“Morning, sunshine.”

“Ha. Ha,” the Piper said grouchily. He disappeared from the room, and then returned with a cup of coffee. While he drank it, Sam tried to ignore the constant giggling and kissing noises coming from the house’s resident lovebirds and awkwardly drummed his fingers on the arm of the couch that Piper was sitting in. About five minutes after Piper finished his drink, he smiled.

“Sorry for my unpleasant behavior this morning,” he said. Sam snorted. Of all the unpleasant behavior this morning, Piper’s had easily been the least offensive. Piper vanished a few seconds later (he was remarkably good at pulling disappearing acts for a man without access to the Mirror Realm or super speed) and then returned wearing a ripped pair of jeans, a green t-shirt, and holey sneakers, which was basically his civilian uniform.

“Uh, hey. Glad to see you up,” Sam said. He didn’t really know how to relate to the idealistic rich kid, so their conversations were usually brief and awkward.

“Thanks. What did I miss?”

“Digger being gross as per usual, a long line for the bathroom, a disaster area in the kitchen, a shopping trip via the Mirror Realm-we have yogurt again now-and Len freaking out when he caught Dillon and Lisa kissing. Oh, and Mardon and James fighting over the TV remote,” Sam explained.

“So, nothing unusual, then?” Sam shook his head.

“Okay, see you around, Sam. I’m going to meet Wally at the homeless shelter,” Piper said, as though a supervillain going to help people at a homeless shelter with his enemy was perfectly normal. Piper was a weirdo, no doubt about that.

“Uh, you have fun with that dumb goody-good stuff, I guess,” he said as Piper left the house. Not having anything better to do, Sam retreated to his room and pulled out one of his well-hidden JSA comic books and began reading it. Although he would never admit it to his teammates (the last thing he wanted was to share Piper’s reputation), he was a huge fan of the heroes, due to having loved their adventures as a child, and he just couldn’t bring himself to stop reading them now. His love of those dumb comics had once made his mother so proud-but no, thinking about stuff like that was stupid. His mother hated him now, and for good reason. The boy she’d raised to be a hero-hah!-had become a villain, so it was better for everyone if they forgot each other. That way, no one would blame her for him. She wasn’t like Len’s dad-she had done no wrong. He was just a creep, and all the chaos in his life was his own fault. In frustration, Sam ripped the comic in half, deposited it in the trash, and dove into the Mirror Realm. At least that way he didn’t have to look at his reflection. He stayed in the Mirror Realm until he heard Lisa screaming.

“Sam, get down here!” Sam sighed, emerged from the Mirror Realm, and went down the stairs and into the living room, where he found Len and Dillon in a Mexican standoff with an angry-looking Lisa in the middle.

“What is it?” he asked exasperatedly.

“Tell them to stop kissing!” Len barked.

“I don’t care if they’re kissing, Len. And even if I did, what would you suggest I do about it?”

“You could dump Dillon in the Mirror Realm,” Len said, sounding far too enthusiastic about the idea. Lisa frowned and Dillon gave Len a glare that could freeze even the Master of Absolute Zero.

“No, thanks.” Sam didn’t particularly like the snobby elitist, but considering the fact that Dillon was telekinetic, he wasn’t about to anger him.

“Sam, tell Lenny to stop treating me like a little kid! He listens to you!” Lisa exclaimed.

“Yes, do, and tell our “beloved” Captain that he is being unnecessarily hostile as well,” Dillon added. Sam sighed. How did he always end up playing the middleman?

“Look, Len, I know you and Dillon aren’t each other’s favorite people, but can you at least try to like each other for Lisa’s sake? Also, Len, seriously, stop treating your sister like she’s ten years old. It’s getting ridiculous, especially since my mom was married when she was ten years younger than your sister is now,” he said, trying to ignore the memories that the mention of his mother brought up.

“I am not doing anything! It is only he who is not trying,” Dillon protested.

“Oh, yeah, then who was it that called me an uneducated piece of trash the other day, your secret twin?” Len shot back. Lisa looked surprised and hurt, and Sam wanted to scream. Why were these people so difficult?

“I was only speaking truth,” Dillon said disdainfully.

“Roscoe, my brother is not trash! He’s a hero!” Lisa exclaimed. Upon realizing what she had said and how odd it sounded, she blushed, but she didn’t retract her words.

“My apologies, darling. I did not realize that your brother was so...highly esteemed in your eyes,” Dillon said gently. He wrapped his arm around her, but she pulled away.

“Of course he is! He was the only person who cared if I dropped dead when I was a kid!” she yelled, eyes sparking with anger.

“But he’s so barbaric,” Dillon protested. He seemed surprised when Lisa slapped his hand and glared at him.

“Yeah, and you’re a freaky weirdo with a top obsession,” Len said. To Sam’s surprise, Lisa frowned at him, too.

“Lenny! Roscoe is not freaky! He’s a gentleman!” Sam snorted. No one who had ever been on the receiving end of one of Roscoe’s attacks would ever have described him as a gentleman, but then again, he had never raised a hand-or even his voice-to his girlfriend.

“No, he’s a snooty jerk,” Len muttered. Lisa frowned.

“Both of you, stop insulting each other right now, or I’ll stop speaking to both of you and kick you both with my skates to boot,” she said icily. Len and Dillon immediately fell silent, something that would have been the envy of police officers everywhere had they seen it.

“Sorry, Sis. I still hate Dillon, but he does make you happy, and he hasn’t hurt you yet, so I guess I should try to keep my mouth shut when he’s not actively being a snob,” Len said.

“And I apologize once again, sweetums. I still believe that your brother is obnoxious, but his raising you allowed us to meet, so I will try to keep the abrasive comments about his background to a minimum,” Dillon added. Lisa beamed.

“See? Friends,” she said firmly. Sam sighed in relief.

“What did you need me for?” he asked her.

“Moral support,” she replied. With that, she and Dillon walked off, and Len turned to Sam.

“Wanna watch football?” Sam shrugged.

“Only if you can convince Mardon to stop watching the weather channel.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll handle it.” The two headed to the den and found Mardon sitting on the couch, staring at the weather channel in utter delight.

“Change the channel to football,” Len barked.

“But I don’t wanna,” Mardon whined.

“Now!” Len barked. Mardon pouted, changed the channel, and left the room. The two watched what proved to be the last six minutes of the game and saw the Cougars lose to the Sea Lions, 29-0.

“Our team is terrible this year,” Sam muttered and turned the TV off in disgust.

“This is why I only watch the Cubs and the Combines,” Len replied, sounding equally annoyed. (He often made this claim, but he always watched the Cougars the following year anyway.)

“I’m starting to think somebody from Gotham put a spell on our team the last time we played them or something.”

“Maybe so.” The Gotham team hadn’t played in two years, due to being called the Jesters, something that had prompted the Joker to turn up repeatedly and attempt to murder several players and the team mascot, but they were still formidable in the minds of the other sports teams.

“You got anything planned, Captain?” Sam asked, more out of boredom than anything.

“Not for another two weeks. Sorry.” Sam groaned.

“You bored?”

“A little. Want to go bother Piper?” Sam asked, not having any better ideas. It beat sitting around in the hideout watching reruns all day.

“Sure. Just let me get dressed.” He left and returned five minutes later wearing jeans and a t-shirt that read “Cold” on the front.

“Subtle,” Sam said. Len shrugged.

“Hey, it’s not like Hartley won’t know who we are anyways.” With that, the two left the hideout and started walking to the homeless shelter. (Sam probably could have used the Mirror Realm to get them there, but most people who weren’t him tended to puke when they were yanked through it, including Len, so walking was for the best.) About ten minutes later, they arrived at their destination, only to be grabbed by an exhausted-looking lady.

“Oh, good, you’re here! Our workers in the kitchen are completely understaffed!” Before Sam could explain that they weren’t there to volunteer, she dragged the two of them to the kitchen, and Sam found himself with dishpan hands. For the next two hours, he washed dishes, in part because the kitchen was so busy that he could barely finish one plate before ten others were shoved into his hands, and in part because he had neglected to bring his Mirror Gun and therefore couldn’t escape through a reflective surface or threaten someone into allowing him to leave. Len, meanwhile, had been more or less pressed into becoming a waiter, and no one had yet listened to his angry protests that he wasn’t a volunteer. Sam sighed. He was never going to complain about being bored again.

“What does Hartley like about this place?” Len asked as another tray of food was shoved into his hands by a smiling teenager.

“Oh, you know Hartley?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Len replied, sounding as confused as Sam felt. What was so special about one volunteer amongst like a hundred?

“That’s so cool! He’s amazing!” she exclaimed dreamily. Len made a face and walked away with the tray, while Sam turned to the girl in the hopes of figuring out why the Piper seemed to be a celebrity here.

“Why do you like Hartley?” he asked, only to have to turn away from her as another person shoved two plates into his hands.

“Because he really understands the people we serve. A lot of volunteers, myself included, have a hard time relating to the people here because we don’t want to come across as rude, but he acts like he’s known them all his life. Oh, and he’s a total babe,” the girl replied.

“Yeah. There’s nothing better than a cute guy who’s also a nice guy,” another girl, who was cooking, agreed.

“Basically, there’s only one guy who’s cooler than Hartley working here, and that’s Wally. We’re really lucky to have a real-life superhero volunteering here, because it encourages other people to help out. He’s great,” the first girl said.

“And he’s super cute,” the second girl added. She giggled, and Sam made a face. The Flash was not cute, and frankly, neither was Piper. How had he ended up in a place where they were celebrities after putting in so much effort to avoid such places? He decided to end the discussion and turn his attention back to the plates. At least they didn’t remind him of how non-heroic he was. About ten minutes later, Len returned, looking oddly pleased.

“Why are you smiling?” Sam asked. Len never smiled.

“I found a new Lisa,” Len replied cryptically, and when the next tray of food arrived, he practically grabbed it out of the cook’s hands. Sam just sighed. He had a weird boss.

“Here you go,” a guy said as he handed Sam twenty plates. Sam wanted to scream at the guy, but knew that Len wouldn’t be happy if he caused trouble off the clock, so instead he just started to wash the new load of plates, trying to ignore the fact that his back was killing him because he’d been standing in place for over two hours. Several minutes later, Len returned, still smiling widely and apparently as happy as a clam.

“Len, I haven’t seen you this happy in ages. Seriously, what gives?” Sam asked as he finished washing a plate and had six more shoved into his hands. (By this point, he was pretty much on autopilot when it came to washing the dumb things.)

“I told you. I found a new Lisa.” Sam scowled. Why was Len being so secretive?

“But that doesn’t make any sense!” he protested. Len smiled again, this time a bit sheepishly.

“Okay, if you’re really desperate to know, I’ll give it to you straight. There’s an adorable little girl out there who looks just like Lisa used to. Her name is Josephine, and she… she don’t have a father worth speaking of, and, well, somebody needs to help her,” he said.

“Um...okay,” Sam replied. He’d long been aware that Len had a soft spot for young kids, but he’d never seen the man take this much of an interest in helping one before today. Supervillains didn’t help people. It just wasn’t done (unless you were Piper, but Piper was weird.)

“I’m coming back tomorrow-and bringing her some presents, if I can get them. Nobody who looks that much like my sister is gonna go without if I can help it.” Sam stared at Len in shock and wondered idly if the Piper had used his flute to somehow brainwash him.

“Whatever floats your boat, Len.” He personally planned to never come back, as, unlike some people (including Len, apparently), he actually wanted to maintain his reputation, but he wasn’t going to rain on Len’s parade, either. Len grinned, took another tray, and then exited the kitchen again. Sam rolled his eyes and kept robotically washing plates. A few minutes later, Piper appeared, beaming.

“I didn’t think you cared about the poor, Sam. I’m glad to see that I was wrong.” Sam almost laughed out loud. Was Piper really naive enough to think that HE would want to help people? Him, the scourge of Central City? What a laugh. There was nothing good about him.

“Actually, I came here to bug you, but then one of the people who I think works here dragged Len and me to the kitchen and I’ve been washing dishes ever since.” Piper’s face fell.

“Well, if you came here simply to bother me, then you deserve your current fate.” The man sounded utterly disappointed, and Sam rolled his eyes for what was probably the twentieth time that hour. Hadn’t Piper figured out that he was the bad guy yet? Did he honestly think he was a good man?

“How’d you even know I was here?”

“Captain Cold told me.” Given Len’s recent mood, Sam wasn’t surprised.

“Of course he did.”

“Well, I’ll leave you to your task, Sam.” Sam stuck his tongue out at Piper’s retreating back and continued washing dishes. Two hours later, he was finally relieved from duty (the shelter evidently really was very understaffed), only to find that Len didn’t want to leave.

“Len, come on! We’ve been relieved from duty! We can go!”

“But I don’t want to leave just yet. I’m enjoying myself.”

“Well, that makes one of us. Now let’s go!” Sam said. Len smiled plaintively.

“At least let me introduce you to Josephine.” Sam groaned.

“Fine.” Len eagerly led him out of the kitchen and up a flight of stairs, where he saw a children’s playroom. A tiny little blonde girl ran up to Len and hugged his leg. Sam examined her and decided that she did, indeed, look a lot like Lisa-and then noticed that she had a black eye.

“Wait… did her father…?”

“Yeah. He did. That’s why I want to help her out.”

“Hi, there, kid. I’m Sam, Len’s friend,” Sam told the little girl awkwardly. He was the last person who should be talking to the kid, what with a) being a villain and b) having a decent childhood, but he figured that he should do something.

“Hi,” she said quietly. Then she buried her face back in Len’s leg.

“Why did she trust you so quickly?” Sam asked. Len looked at the floor.

“I have scars, too,” he muttered, which made Sam feel like a bit of a jerk for being so mystified by Len’s uncharacteristic niceness- this girl reminded him of himself! No wonder he was being nice to her. A brown-haired woman walked up to him. She also looked a lot like Lisa, except for the hair color, and, just like her daughter, she had a black eye.

“Your friend is terrific. My Josephine adores him,” she said.

“I’m glad, but we have to go now,” Sam replied, shooting Len a glare to try to get him to get moving. Len sighed and turned to the little girl.

“I’ve gotta go now, princess, but I’ll be back soon. Good-bye.”

“Bye,” the little girl replied. She released his leg, and Len and Sam left the room and exited the shelter. They walked home, Len still seeming pretty happy, and upon arrival, they found that the roof had been repaired. They went inside-and found Lisa and Dillon making out again. Sam was hopeful that Lisa would be able to keep Len and Dillon in line, but just in case, he prepared to exit the room. He was shocked when Len smiled at them and said,

“Hey, sis? I just wanted to tell you that I’m giving you two my blessing.” Dillon looked at him skeptically.

“What is the catch, Leonard?”

“No catch, Dillon. I still don’t like you, but my sister’s old enough to know what she wants. If it makes her happy to be with you, it makes me happy, too. Sorry I’ve been such a creep, lately.” He shook Dillon’s hand, pecked his sister on the cheek, and walked off.

“What was that about?” Lisa asked.

“As far as I can tell, he has a new person to protect now, so he can see you as the adult you are. I was bored a couple hours ago, so I suggested to Len that we go to the Piper’s shelter to bug him, and he agreed. Bad idea, by the way, because we got forced into working there, but while we were there, he met a little girl named Josephine, and he enjoyed helping her, I guess because they have lousy fathers in common, so now he’s taken it upon himself to protect her, and since she needs help a lot more than you do, he can lighten up around you.”

“Fascinating,” Dillon said, not sounding at all fascinated. Lisa smiled.

“Thanks, Sam!” she exclaimed. She pecked him on the cheek again, much to his confusion. Did she think that he had intended to introduce Len to Josephine?

“I, uh, wasn’t actually planning to help you guys by going there, but I’m, uh, glad that the trip ended up helping you out,” he said. Lisa nodded, and then she and Dillon embraced and started kissing yet again, and Sam went to his room, exhausted. What a day. As he collapsed on his bed, he glanced on the comic book that he had thrown away, and he felt another pang of guilt. If Len could change his spots, and if he could help resolve a family quarrel without even meaning to, maybe-just maybe- he could change his spots, too. He picked up his cell phone and dialed the number that one of his parole officers had programmed into his phone years ago upon one of his many releases from prison. The phone rang for a few seconds, and then someone picked up.

“Hello? Mom? I know it’s been forever, but I was wondering if maybe you could talk.”

[timeagainreviews]

Thoughts leading up to series 12

Happy holidays, friends! I know, I know. It's been a while. I would love to sit here and say I have been away doing important things, but really I've been hibernating. The results of that awful election, mixed with the holidays had left me feeling a bit lethargic as of late. That being said, I had a nice Christmas. Being an immigrant, I don't see my family on holidays. My boyfriend and I spent the day piecing together a Babylon 5 jigsaw puzzle. I made my pal Gerry a celery for his 5th Doctor cosplay and he gifted me a replica of the Li H'sen Chang poster from "The Talons of Weng-Chiang." It was a very Doctor Who Christmas! Sadly, there was no Doctor Who Christmas episode!

Alas, it hardly matters, as new Doctor Who is mere days away! As I did last year, you can expect weekly coverage for each new episode. I'm looking forward to getting back into the groove of consistent writing. Usually, the fandom is more abuzz when the show is actually airing, so please remember to check in with this blog, as I will be watching along with the rest of you!

If you recall, prior to series eleven, I made a list talking about some of my hopes and expectations for the new TARDIS team and the new production team. Seeing as series twelve is just days away from premiering, I thought I might do it again. Let's get to it, shall we?

The Thirteenth Doctor

Seeing Jodie Whittaker back in the TARDIS for another round of adventures has me massively excited. One of the downsides to Christopher Eccleston's run is that we never really got to see him develop the role of the Ninth Doctor. I'm hoping we'll get to see more aspects of her character. Seeing as I don't expect her to regenerate any time soon, there's still much of her personality left to explore. We've met the friendly adorkable Doctor, now let's see her bend a little.

One of my primary complaints about Jodie Whittaker's portrayal as the Doctor was that I didn't think she got scary. While I love her bravery, running headlong into danger, I would like to see a shade or two of her dark side. Up to this point, she's been too friendly to be scary. I know I'm not the only person with this complaint, so it will be interesting to see what a year of hiatus and refocusing will do for her. Honestly, I hope they don't change her too much, as she's pretty great. I'd just like to see them flesh her out a bit.

Other than her personality, I'm also hoping to see some costume variations. The trailer for the new season does give us Jodie in a bow tie, which I am all for. I've also seen a picture where her trousers are black. I'm hoping they continue to tweak her costume here and there, as watching the Doctor's costume evolve over time has always been one of my favourite things about the show.

Chris Chibnall's return

Was there anyone from series eleven that drew more ire than Chris Chibnall? Sure you got the people who hated Jodie solely because she was a woman, but on the level of legitimate concerns, Chibnall was up there. I myself threw a bit of mud in his direction, and I don't feel as though it was without good cause. The general management of the show seemed a bit aimless, despite many promising elements.

Something about the way series eleven was received gave the BBC pause to reevaluate the show's trajectory, and I have a distinct feeling that Chibnall was at the heart of a lot of it. From his lack of a season-long story arc, to the villains being a bit shit, to an overly dour tone, his first year as showrunner left something to be desired. The fact that we didn't even get a single webisode during this gap year shows me that they're still not 100% sure what to do with Doctor Who.

However, having said this, Chibnall's core TARDIS team is one of the most exciting aspects of series twelve. I can't wait to see more from this great line up of characters. And if the exciting trailer for this new series is anything to go off, we're in for quite a ride. Chibnall's most recent endeavour as showrunner was last year's "Resolution," a much-needed bit of classic Who villainy in the form of a Dalek. I was left feeling optimistic that Chibnall was capable of delivering solid storytelling. And that's the operative word- optimistic. As long as he doesn't get needlessly gritty, I'm cautiously optimistic that this year-long hiatus has yielded positive results.

The Companions

Like many other viewers, my chief complaint about the companions has to be Yaz. She really got shafted on the level of character development last year. When you have someone as talented as Mandip Gill, it's a shame to waste her. I know the fandom was quite vocal about this fact, so I fully expect to see the show give her more time in the spotlight. I don't know anyone who disliked her character, which is a good sign that the fandom wants more of her.

Ryan and Graham were two characters that I felt got a great bit of character development. The moment when Ryan finally calls Graham "granddad," was a truly exciting moment for two characters we had grown to love. The logical next step, at least in my mind, is to test the boundaries of this new relationship. I'd really love to see Graham meet a new love interest. Introducing someone into Graham's life would make Ryan have to broaden his definition of family even further. It might also be a catalyst for his own personal growth.

I wouldn't be surprised if we didn't also see one or more of the companions depart from the TARDIS. My gut says it would be Graham, but I wouldn't be surprised if all three of them left at the end of the series. As much as I love the current companions, I would love to see what energy a new companion or two might do for Jodie's Doctor.

The Villains

Prior to series eleven, I was feeling very optimistic for new Doctor Who. That is until I read an article where Chris Chibnall announced there would be no returning villains. Other than the announcement that Chibnall would be showrunner, nothing had made me more concerned for the show's future than "no returning villains." It's not that returning villains are a must for Doctor Who. It's actually a rather brave thing to attempt. The reason it's brave is that if you're going to leave out classic baddies, you've got to justify your decision by crafting new classics. And I'm sorry, but some Slipknot dude with teeth in his face is not classic.

From what I've seen of the trailer and promotional stills, we're looking at at least three returning creatures from the Whoniverse. We've all seen the picture of Jodie staring down the Judoon. If I am completely honest, those have left me with the least amount of hype, as they weren't ever even full-on villains. I've always found the Judoon slightly hokey, so I could take or leave them. The plus side is that there is still plenty of room to develop them as a species. Are there non-Shadow Proclamation Judoon? Are there evil factions? I'm curious if nothing else.

Another familiar face is the Cybermen. While I feel like both the RTD and Moffat eras used the Cybermen ad nauseam, they're still a classic baddie with a solid track record. It appears they'll have something to do with the finale and that "timeless child," storyline I'm uninterested in, so fine, sure, ok. The real alien species I'm excited for is the Racnoss! Much like the Judoon, the Racnoss are also underdeveloped. I wasn't a big fan of them the first time around, which is why I'm excited for more. I'm curious to see what depth can be found in these campy arachnids. If nothing else, the makeup is fun.

The Guest Actors

Series eleven treated us to a surprisingly tender performance from Lee Mack in "Kerblam!" We got a decent turn by Mark Addy, working with not a lot to go off as the underwritten Paltraki. But without a doubt, the best performance came in the form of Alan Cumming's King James. Not only was he as hilarious as he was loathsome, but he also elevated what could have been a more straightforward performance, by finding that sweet spot of camp and contemptible.

That being said, with actors like Stephen Fry, Lenny Henry, and classic Doctor Who alum Robert Glenister joining the show, I'm hopeful we'll get at least one memorable performance out of the lot. I've not followed many of the ins and outs of the storylines, so I have no idea who anyone is playing other than Goran Višnjić as Nikola Tesla. That being said, the addition of Tesla to the series seems an obvious fit. He was an eccentric man who was a bit weird about his pet bird. I expect his story to be one of the stranger ones we'll enjoy this year, or at least, it had better be.

The BBC's involvement

I'm hoping that in this last year, the BBC weren't just reevaluating Chris Chibnall's direction for the show, but their own involvement as well. They got rid of Bake Off and Formula One, Top Gear's audience followed Clarkson over to Amazon. All that's left are partisan news coverage, QI, Countryfile, and Doctor Who. Oh and I guess "His Dark Materials," but I don't know anyone who's talking about that show. As I said earlier, it's been a year of nothing from Doctor Who as a series. Other than comics and a less than perfect VR game, we've gotten nothing from the Thirteenth Doctor and the fam. Not even a novel or webisode to tide us over. How hard would it have been, while filming series twelve, to shoot a quick little skit on the TARDIS set? The Moffat era did this a lot, and it was always nice to see a little bit of Doctor Who while waiting for more episodes.

As the last vestige of the BBC's once-great television empire, you would think they might start to give a shit about Doctor Who. I know it's a crazy concept, but perhaps shelving one of your best shows for a year wasn't the best option. It would be nice to see them put more money and effort into the show. It would be a welcome sight to see them also put more money into the budget for things like merchandise or extended universe media. We've got three books for the current Doctor and that was last year. David Tennant had over thirty novels, while Matt Smith's Doctor appeared in over 15, and Capaldi only appeared in nine. Do you remember the last time we got a Character Options figure that wasn't a repaint of another figure? The most recent one we got was Harry Sullivan, and I'm pretty sure the only new element to that figure was his head. I've seen previews of the new companion figurines, and they're great, but I want more.

Perhaps I sound a bit spoiled. Many shows never expand beyond their allotted episodes, but this is Doctor Who, a show with a broader reach than your telly. It seemed last year that they were finally giving the show its dues. There were billboards of Jodie's face everywhere. The hype was palpable. Now, it's just four days from series twelve, and I've not even seen a bus ad for the new show. A woman I see out on dog walks was surprised when I told her the show was returning on the first of January. She had no idea. This is the Doctor Who audience that they're failing, not people like me who count the days like an advent calendar. The BBC needs to decide once in for all if they're going to give Doctor Who the respect it deserves, or sell it someone who will.

And that's it for now, friends. I hope you're all just as excited as I am to be back in the blue box. If all goes as planned, I should have a new review up the day after each episode. I'm optimistic that I'll have some great things to say!

[insanely-creative-things]

Big Hero 7: The Series

 Big Hero 7 : the series

www.fanfiction.net

Big Hero 7 S2

Eyes fluttered open as it adjusts to the bright light above him. The light became tolerable enough for his eyes to fully open and take in the surroundings, revealing it to be similar to a hospital room. The young man tries to turn his head only to flinch at the sudden pain coursing through his body, making him hiss through his coarse throat.

"Good day to you sir.''

The young man hears a voice which soon reveals itself to be a woman, with dark blonde hair tied to a ponytail, green eyes, fair skinned, and wearing a doctor's coat. She gave a smile doctors gave after a successful surgery, which got the young man thinking. Just what happened to him that led him to a hospital? The doctor continues to smile as she heads over to adjust the man's view so he could sit up without the pain.

''A nurse will come by soon to give you your meal and painkillers. In the meantime I want to ask a few questions for you young man.'' she said, sitting down at a chair nearby. The man thought over his memories and found that the first things that arrived.

''There were flames.. a person... And that's it. That's what I remember so far.''

The doctor nodded as she takes notes, humming as well. She then looks up as another nurse comes in, a male this time, and places a glass of water and a pill case of medication. The doctor sighs before she gets up and starts heading towards the door, to which she then turns her head to him.

'' Do you recall your name at least? Or should I write you as John Doe?'' said the doctor.

The young bit his bottom lip in thought before his eyes lit up. Clearing his throat he gives his answer.

" My name is-

*The young man's eyes widened as the deep alarm sounds off in his room, jolting him awake. He groans as the memory of the dream fades into nothingness. He could hardly believe it's been a year since that faithful day... That day he woke up from what he remembered was an inferno to a room where he thought he would be safe as he recovers... oh how naïve and stupid his past self was. The room he is in is dark as night, barren save for a bed and a door beside him that leads to a restroom. Getting up he dons on his black skintight suit, quickly cleaning himself for he cannot appear half dressed in front of her... The Witch. That is when he hears that dammed voice from behind the door. Did he really have to appear by his door so soon?*

Lenny: Get a move on, you and the others have some training to do with a special guest... You're growing in strength and obedience... so do not disappoint the Madame tomorrow. After all… this is the last test.

*The young man shakes his head before his brown eyes look up to the mirror in front of him. His breathing turns heavy as he thought over his memory dream. Just how stupid is he?! How could he be so foolish to do something like that?! His right fist starts to shake as more anger runs though him, his blood increasing his temperature to the point that steam is barely visible.*

*He hated this. He hated the Madame, that vile witch that turned him into what he is today... he hated that smug grin of her second in command Lenny, his approachable aura a façade for naïve people like himself... He hated his past self the most. He looks up to see who he was before.. that hopeful, optimistic young man who had a bright future against the world. What a fool. He lets out a frustrated, loathsome growl as he sends his fist to the mirror in front of him, cracking it and shattering to pieces, destroying the image.*

*At SFAI in a cool afternoon, Miyuki is sitting in her usual spot, sketching out whatever she sees through the view of the campus. Inside her book where some students walking around the She sighs as she puts down her pencil and sketchbook aside, lying down on the grassy hill under the shade of an old Oak tree, to which her mind decided that a short nap on top of it wouldn't hurt. Her eyes closed as she waits for the soothing lull of sleep to take over to take her to her dreams. And so she did... for about 12 minutes.*

Ian: H-Hey Miyu-yuki.

*Her eyes squint in a mixture of wakefulness and irritation of being woken up from her peaceful slumber. Her squinted eyes soon shown itself to be Ian, her partner for her class. She holds in a sigh of irritation as she sits up and stretches her back.*

Miyuki: Hey Ian...

*There were more moments of silence between them until Miyuki decided to head back home to finish up her work and start making dinner. She quickly starts gathering her things and stuffing it to her backpack when Ian decided to join in and starts to grab some of her papers.*

Ian: Y-You need any help?

Miyuki: No... I'm OK. Just hand them back to me-

*A large gusts of wind blows the papers hard from Ian's hands to which the man goes after them. Miyuki groaned internally knowing in someway he would mess up and loose some of her papers. But when she looks again Ian had gathered all of the papers without incident, even catching one paper away from the path of someone riding a bike with ease. That was certainly odd... she didn't recall Ian being this flexible and quick to his feet. The first time they ever met he nearly tripped over a chair while he carried his own backpack after class ended. He quickly walks back to her and hands over her papers, to which Miyuki gingerly takes it back, avoiding his hand. Ian clears his throat as he follows her down the hill.*

Ian: S-So I'm having a party at my place tonight and I was wondering if you would like to go? It'll be fun! There'll be music and food and uh... you like twister?

Miyuki: I don't know Ian, I'm not in the mood to be around other people tonight-

Ian: Well that's the best part cause it'll be just you and me there.

*Miyuki could not believe that had come out of Ian's mouth... a party... for the two of them.. alone.. Somewhere inside her mind all kinds of red flags were flying.*

Miyuki: *Chuckling nervously* Well... that's rather.. interesting. But I-

Ian: I even got a wedding photographer so he could take pictures in case things happen.

Miyuki:...Things?

Ian: Yeah! Just in case we wanna remember it like forever, ya know?

Miyuki: *Slowy backing away* I'm going to have to pass on that one. I have homework to do at home.

Ian: So this Saturday tomorrow?

Miyuki: *Walking away* Bye Ian!

Ian: Saturday then!

*But Miyuki is far away enough to not hear him any more; which the guy gives a sheepish smile until he goes behind the tree and starts growling and groaning in frustration.*

Ian: 'Wanna play Twister?' Are you kidding me?! Just dance would've been fine!

*Ian punches into the oak tree to which he groans in pain. Miyuki turns her head when she heard the voice of Ian shouting at the tree.*

Ian: Stupid tree! You hurt my wrist!

*Miyuki continues to walk away from the scene. So aside from the increased flexibility, there's also the fact that he took his anger out on a tree... She decided to brush it aside and continue walking back to her apartment. She noted the chill in the air and the decorations setting up for the upcoming holidays around the city. Being a woman who controls ice and snow, the chill and cold were as natural to her as bees to flowers. and naturally, when the special time of year comes around with the cold, couples would walk hand in hand and cuddle for warmth. Watching them pass by with content smiles made the small pang of bitter envy pierce her heart before it melts into melancholy. She would never experience the warmth of another person because the one she loved is gone... a young man named Tadashi Hamada. Miyuki shakes her head of those thoughts, focusing on her path home through the chill and colored lights. Finally, she reaches her apartment complex and climbs up the stairs all the way to her apartment door; once inside she is greeted by the decorative lights and ornaments of the holidays as Esme lights up the candles, humming along the radio.*

Miyuki: I'm back Esme.

Esme: *Spotting Miyuki and giving a warm smile* Heya Miyuki! You're a little early. Hit a little dry spell on sketching?

Miyuki: Sort of, and one was in the form of Ian. He tried to ask me out on another date.

Esme: So? He does that all the time and you hold your ground.

Miyuki: He did by claiming it was a party for the two of us and a wedding photographer.

Esme:... A wedding photographer..? Jeez, Ian seems to pendulum swing to being an awkward dork to massive creep. That's the type of guy I avoided back in my escort days.

Miyuki: So you usually stick to rich older men and women?

Esme: Somewhat, the dork factor could have work if that's what that, a dork. Ian has 'nice guy' written all over him.

Miyuki: Yeah.. hopefully he can just move on and find some pretty face so he could stop bothering me... and I know this is a silly wish, but I hope he gets over his crush on my super hero self... jeeze. Now I know what Hiro felt like when that Karmi chick obsessed over his super hero ego.

Esme: Yup. *Looking around the room before turning to Miyuki: Hey Miyuki, do you think you could use your powers to... add one or two decorations here?

*Miyuki looks at Esme with a pensive expression before she gives a small smile. Her hands slowly forming a small snowball with tiny snowflakes dancing around it. Once her fingertips got its blue hue she launches it up the air where it promptly explodes to snowflakes that connected to the lights hanging on the doorways to join its colorful glow, landing on the walls which quickly grows frost with beautiful geometric designs. In the end, it resembled a winter wonderland amidst the colored lights and candle flame.*

Esme: *Scoffing jokingly* Showoff.

Miyuki: Scuse me, you asked for the best. I gave my best.

*The two laughed together before Miyuki removed her coat and started making dinner for the two of them. Miyuki then chuckled as she thought up a memory.*

Miyuki: You remember how we first met?

Esme: Oh yeah I do. You just moved here a almost two years ago and set up an ad to share an apartment. I answered and agreed to meet the following day... though I never would have thought that we would officially meet earlier... at a burlesque club.

Esme: To be honest, I would have preferred that we didn't meet when I was half naked dancing onstage being whistled at.

Miyuki: I can see that. if you weren't the person who answered my call, I would have continued on thinking of you as the woman who danced and just happened to sketch. But in a way, I'm glad you are my roommate.

Esme: Me too.. *Sniffing the air* You better not burn the chicken this time!

Miyuki: Oh shi-!

*Miyuki quickly lowers the flame of the stove and checks the chicken in question. The edges were on the brink of turning black and the golden cooked skin becoming more dark red. At least she could cut off the edges rather than toss it out to the garbage this time.*

Miyuki: Chicken's fine!

Esme: Good, I rather not have ramen cups and ice cubes again.

Miyuki: It was one time!

*Esme chuckled as she gets up and starts to set the table to eat their humble meal of slightly burned chicken and rice. Meanwhile, the young man is in his room eating his own meal, a plate of one ounce meat, kale, and two large strawberries for dessert. A simple and humble meal in response to his long day of training he spent. The food was cooked.. just like that. There's nothing else to say about his meal. Most would try to describe the flavor depending on how well its cooked or how it tasted. It did not taste terrible nor was it used from spoiled produce. No, everyone must eat food. And that's just that, food. Nothing came to mind. Its odd that knowing who cooked it would prompt the person to either compliment or recoil; family members were always given the strongest compliments or disgusted remarks in regards to cooking, though the later they would disguise it if it were to hurt their feeling, but he did not know this person. And therefore, the chef and its food meant nothing to him... well.. aside from that woman.*

*The young man's stomach churned in memory of that smile. That smile that hid the most deplorable and vile hag that she truly is; nothing more than a trap to get what she wants. He looks down at his empty plate before playing at a little elevator to deliver it up to be washed. Lying down at his bed he stares at the ceiling once more, trying to entertain himself by small gossip and news he would hear from Nozako's minions and from Lenny himself. So far, the story was that one of her minions by the name of Diane Amara was delivered to this island rather than its rightful place in prison, and with the woman was her twin sister, Liv Amara, and a man named Chris, who was Lenny's former lover. He had heard that Diane was planning some sort of betrayal to the Madame via marriage... a marriage to whom he had yet to know. Whoever it was, it was enough to send Lenny to deliver them personally. And those who face the Madame personally were the ones who received the worst torture/punishments imaginable. Ultimately, Diane had her face literally torn off by the Madame and sent to work in the latrines of her 'pets', Liv Amara having her hands cut off due to her association to her sister, and Chris... well.. nothing is known about Chris' fate. Knowing that he was Lenny's former lover he would at least get reduced to lowly servant. What did he care? He's most likely never seeing either of them in person unless he passes his test on Saturday, or worse, be reduced to a shivering mess like that woman. Finally, he thought over his family... his family... his heart panged in pain for them. They have no idea he was trapped in this prison he calls hell, no idea that he was forced to work for this wench. He finally allowed himself to sleep, letting go to tonight and awaiting another horrid tomorrow. Not even in his sleep is he free from his memories.

Walking felt so queer yet freeing after one month and a half of first walking on crutches, then to braces, and now his own feet. When those braces had been removed and declared him fit to walk his excitement had risen beyond what he felt. And he had the doctors and Madame Nozako to thank. From their efforts they had cared for him and guided him along the way, showing what the world outside his room had looked like, with The Madame overseeing his progress personally, and with a pleased smile on her lips. It had been a pleasure to meet the old woman shortly after his awakening at his room; her smile coy yet welcoming and reddish brown eyes resembling like burning embers. Though she has the wrinkles and face lines that indicated age, and she needed the help of some nurses and her trusted companion Lenny to get her cane, she held herself the elegance and strength she undoubtedly had in her youth. What he learned is that they are on a island south of the state of California yet north of Hawaii, where they have called this island their home for more than 155 years. Founded by her husband's ancestors after moving from Japan during the twilight years of the Edo Period, and the last of the shogunate. The man wondered how they could have lived for so long and yet posses the technology he knows has yet to exist in his hometown, to which the madam simply said that they had opened trade far wider than previously imagined, and took in geniuses or businessmen that had potential but were shunned from society. To him it looked like paradise. But as much as he enjoyed his time there, he was more than ready to go home. During the last sessions he had retrieved his memories of his early life and his family. He even remembered the event before he woke up in the room... an event that had temporarily stung his heart. But that memory doesn't matter now; He had been summoned by Nozako just after his hours of exploration. Perhaps she called him to let him know that she has prepared for a ship to take him home. To which he would run home and share that he's alive and well. He could already imagine their reactions after seeing him-

" My Madame! Please! I-I couldn't do that -"

A slap is heard across the room. The man's eyes furrowed in worried concern and so he slowed his step and went to the sliding door and pressed his ear.

" I gave you ONE TASK to do and you can't perform that?''

"B-But he was in pain! I just wanted to give him water-"

Another slap and a yelp, followed by a thud and a whimper.

"He was a failure. Remember that. He has to earn back his hands.''

The younger woman sobbed as footsteps now walk towards his side, to which it opened to reveal the woman holding her left cheek... but he could see the bleeding scratches of long fingernails.. one that was over her eye. She continued to sob as she walked past him. He turned back to the now open room... where Nozako merely wipes her fingernails clean as if nothing had happened earlier. She then sees the man's aghast face and gave her best smile.

" Come in now, don't be so shy.''

He wasn't anything but. Her walked towards her with his baffled expression. He noticed that there was no chair for him except for the Madame, which to him resembled more a throne. Figuring out what he must do, he kneeled down in front of her and looked up to her face, feeling less like a guest and companion... and more of a servant.

" I've been watching your progress since you arrived, and I'm pleased by what I saw. Not only have you shown to be a young man of strength, but one of intellect... a genius according to your records... from your birth town.''

He continues to look on to the old woman with the pit of dread slowly crawling from his stomach on its way to his throat.

"I've thought over what use you will be of me... and I've decided this... you are to be part of my special force. A force for gifted soldiers... Your training starts tomorrow.''

As the Madame got up with the help of Lenny, the young man finally found his voice, though it wavered a bit.

"M-Madame Nozako, I'm not going to stay here."

That got the madame to pause in his footsteps... and Lenny's eye to perk in slight interest. After what seemed to be an eternity, the silence was broken by the woman.

" Could you repeat that young man?''

The young man felt his dry throat gulp before he repeated himself.

" I want to go home Madame Nozako. I'm not going to stay here... especially if that's how you treat others...''

Before he knew it, Lenny was twisting his arm from the back with the increasing pressure threatening to break his arm in half. The young man let out pained yelps before he felt the arm released but pushed to the floor. He looks up to see the Madame… to which Lenny plants a foot on his back, making him yelp in pain. The Madame then used her cane to lift his chip up to look at her wicked smile.

'' I don't recall asking for your opinion boy. Besides...''

The Madame pulled out a hologram from the corner where it displays an old piece of news around the time he woke up... His eyes widened in horror before he looked up to the Madame once again.

''As far as the world knows... You are a corpse. And the World has no need for corpses'. Here, you are given a second chance of life, my doctors repaired you, and I was generous enough to place my first improvement chip."

"I-Improvement chip?''

The woman merely chuckled with her cruel smile.

"You work for me now.''

She then looks at Lenny and gives a nod. That's when Lenny picks him up and starts dragging him, leaving said man to flail around as to escape Lenny's iron grip.

"You can't do this! I have to go home! I want to go back to my family!"

*The young man's tears slip quietly through his closed eyelids, his face slightly pained as the horrid memory replayed in his head. But even if he were to wake up, he knew it was real, as real as his surroundings. No matter where his dreams or memories take him, he was trapped in this island run by that sadist. That evening, Miyuki had just submitted her art assignment to her art history professor as she stretches her back. It took her some time to write, then edit, then re-edit that whole essay regarding Caravaggio's art pieces relating to his life, but with determination, studying, and iced coffee she made it through. She then went to make herself a glass of lemon water with ice to reward herself for the hard work; her hands already going with the lemon and sugar for it. Once she got it together she used her hands to freeze the water enough to be the consistency of a slushie. Looking at her hands Miyuki though over her own powers in a long time since her arrival at San Fransokyo. Had it really been years since that fateful day?*

A little girl of seven with brown hair and brown eyes is giggling happily as she arrived at the frozen pond in the park one winter morning. Joining her side was her older sister, her mother, and father. She put on her skates as the three arrived and couldn't help but smile at the little girl's excitement. The older sister joined the girl and helped her get on the ice, smiling and laughing merrily.

"Come on Anyu! I'm ready! I've been practicing!'' said the little girl.

The older girl smiled at the younger's excitement.

''Whatever you say Mimi.''

Smiling brightly, the little girl let go of the elder's hands and slowly skated on, at first delicately and slow before she did a perfect spin on the other side of the pond. The elder sister clapped happily as the parents smiled. The little girl continued to laugh until she heard cracks... cracks forming underneath her feet. And before she knew it she plunged into the ice cold waters below with a terrified yelp, the last images being her family's horrified faces and shouting her name.

" MIYUKI!''

There was darkness... and the cold. it enveloped her body and shocking her... and yet.. the shock went away and the cold embraced her... the first thing that brought her back to the world was the bright light trying to penetrate through her eye lids, to which she fluttered her eyes to adjust. That's when a doctor, who had just looked up from his paper files, let out a yelp at the girl.

"I-IT can't be!''

Confused, Miyuki reached out her hand towards him.

"Mister? Where am I? Where's my Mama and Papa? Where's Anyu?''

The man only continued to back away, muttering so lowly that she couldn't hear him. But both gasped at the frost that was growing on her fingertips and making the room cold.

"You-You shouldn't be awake! You're heart stopped!', chattered the doctor, backing away from the little girl, who is growing more scared than ever.

"What do you mean? Where's mama and Papa?''

This time ice and frost was growing rapidly at the girl's reaction, making him lunge at the door and leaving her behind.

"Wait! Please don't go!''

The girl started to breath heavily as she looks around the ice that was wrapping itself, making her grow more terrified at her surroundings. That's when in the reflection of the ice she saw it. Her chestnut brown hair became pale, her peach skin was nearly as white as snow, and her brown eyes became icy blue. She pressed her hands to her heart to which she gasped. It was slow.. far too slow for any heartbeat to be. That's when she heard footsteps and voices coming from the door.

"Miyuki?"

"Mimi you alright sweetheart?!"

"Sis?!"

The girl cried out as the ice now is barricading the door.

"Mama! Papa! Anyu! Help me!''

"MIYUKI!''

*Miyuki snapped out of her memories to find the room slowly being covered in frost and the room dropping in temperature. She quickly used her powers to remove most of the frost to return it back to normal, save for the decorations and ice water she made, and checked on her roommate.*

Miyuki: I am so sorry Esme! I-I didn't mean to freeze the room... I was thinking about...

Esme: Tadashi?

Miyuki: *Shaking her head* No. The day I got my powers...

*That got Esme from her annoyed look to one of concern. She bit her lower lip before she brings out a wool shawl for the snow maiden, wrapping it around her shoulders to warm her.*

Esme: Well, you go ahead and relax for a bit. I'll make us some hot cocoa.

Miyuki: OK... *Remembering something* Hey... do we have an outing to go together with the gang?

Esme: Yeah, we're heading over to Fred's place to discuss a secret Santa thing or something.

Miyuki: OK. Its just I realized that I never told them how and why I became a super.

Esme: Oof! That is quiet a story to tell them.

Miyuki: But not as wild as their origin story was I bet.

Esme: I guess, but its sure is something.

*The two women laughed at their words through the winter air outside the room, contrasting the cold barren wasteland of the young man across the sea.*

~~~~~~

*The morning came and went as swiftly as the cold wind. They had just gone through their morning class and did their best to handle groceries and the rent before setting off to Fred's mansion. when they arrived they take note of Wasabi's car and the moped aside as they get through the front door. Soon enough the two ladies are escorted through the mansion by Heathcliff until they reached Fred's room where the gang are hanging out, with Baymax standing by looking on..*

Miyuki: Hey guys.

Esme: We're here~!

Honey Lemon: Miyuki! Esme! Hi!

Baymax: Hello.

*The chemist went over to hug the fashion major and the animation major before she brings them over to the couch. Cora looks up from her phone to which she smiles widely and waves her hand.*

Cora: Hey guys!

Esme: Hiya baby. Doing good?

Cora: Mhmm! Just finished writing down the names for the Secret Santa!

*The blue haired teen gestured to the pieces of paper folded in half as Fred brings out a Santa hat for her.*

Fred: OK now, to keep this completely fair, Heathcliff is gonna be handing out the papers after these are properly jumbled up.

*The whole group of friend group of friends gather round the couch as Heathcliff is given the hat with the names inside. He ties the opening of the hat with string, to which he puts it in a red bag. With that, he starts to shake them wildly... for quiet some time...*

Cora: Wow... he's sure shaking it like a maraca...

Fred: He does this every time, so it may take a while...and I mean a WHILE.

Miyuki: Hmmm...

*That is when Miyuki felt her side being prodded by Esme, who whispers into the snow maiden's ears . Miyuki nods in response, taking a deep sigh before speaking.*

Miyuki: If it's really gonna take a while, might I interest you all with a story?... Specifically of how I became a super?

*That got everyone's attention. As they recall, they had never heard of Miyuki's decision to become a super hero even after learning her secret identity.*

Fred: *Excitement rising in his voice* You're gonna tell us your origin story?!

Miyuki: Yes.

Fred: Hold on! I'll get the popcorn!

*Fred rushes out of the room and into the kitchen, leaving behind the group as Miyuki starts wringing her hands. Esme looks at this and frowns a little. Miyuki wrings her hands whenever she is feeling anxious or nervous. It was her tick, a way to comfort herself as to prepare her for anything happening in front of her.*

Esme: Hey... You got this...

Miyuki: *Smiling softly* Thanks Esme..

*With that, Miyuki cleared her throat before she starts, her mind already replaying it as she talks.*

Miyuki: It was shortly after my high school graduation back in my hometown, Burgess...

The graduation caps floating down as soon as everyone starts to meet up with their families. Among them was Miyuki, still retaining her pale chestnut brown hair and ice blue eyes as she sighs in relief. Some girls stop by at first and greet her.

"Hey Miyuki, wanna hang out at the beach with us?'' asked the first girl, with her hair tied to a high ponytail. But the other girl, the one with dark skin and curly hair shakes her head before taking the former away.

"Forget it, she never hangs out with anyone. She's ice cold..''

Miyuki shook her head as she blew a piece of hair on her forehead before heading towards her family, a family that stayed and grew a little thank god. Her mother and father were there, holding a bouquet of white roses for her, her beloved sister Anyu was there along with her husband, a tall handsome man with reddish hair that grew sideburns, a man named Hans. Her mother and father were going to hug her but Miyuki merely held out her hand, though she had her earnest smile. Smiling back they all shook her hand, with the mother handing her the roses. Anyu came next as she spoke.

''Its OK Mimi. You're not gonna freeze by hugging you know.''

''Just wanted to play safe.'' replied Miyuki.

She heard the soft sound of ice crackling, to which she looked at her bouquet and quietly gasped at the now frozen roses.

"Oh no...' Miyuki moaned quietly, ''Mom I'm so sorry-''

''There's nothing to be sorry for Miyuki.' her mother interrupted, her reassuring smile staying, '' Sides, I think they look prettier with all that frost.''

Miyuki did her best to give a convincing smile to show that she's alright, but deep down she's ashamed that this continued to be a problem.

Ten years it had been since that fateful day at the ice pond... ten years since waking up and finding herself in an ice covered room in the hospital scared out of her mind. After her family got in there were men in uniforms that took them away. She had to see doctors to do tests. What they concluded was that somehow, that fall in the pond had altered her biology and genes to the point that she had cytokinesis. Or in layman's terms... she can summon forth cold and ice by her hands alone. The doctors said that if they, her parents, want to leave her with the doctors they have complete right to do so. They adamantly refused to leave their youngest alone. In the end they reached a compromise. She would stay with her family, but after her high school graduation, she is to move to go to their doctor's and study over her new biology. Over the years her family, bless their hearts, had done their best to guide Miyuki through her new powers, which he sister calls a gift. But despite their efforts and reassurance that she is fine the way she is... Miyuki felt that she is cursed. She had nearly frozen her entire room to the point that Anyu moved out to a different bedroom cause the ice wouldn't melt away. Each flower she touched would freeze and die on contact, her hands were ice cold, heat bothered her to the point of dizziness, and learned too quickly that her emotions greatly affect her powers.

And so, the jovial social child became distant and cold to her friends, away from their parties and gatherings and into her new comfort; her drawings. And thanks to this developing passion she had been scouted by San Fransokyo Art institute, one of the best art schools in the country. But her dream felt too far away now that she is to go away. Her father wraps his arm around her shoulders in a comforting embrace before speaking.

''Let's go Mimi. We got a reservation at your favorite restaurant this evening.''

"Lascaris?''

"Yep'', smiled her father. Miyuki sighed before she smiles back.

"OK, just let me go change clothes for a sec. I'll be right back.''

In the bathroom, she quickly changes out of her graduation gown and into her best dress, a humble sheath black dress and blue scarf. She then gets on her dark blue hoodie to cover her arms, now content with her appearance. As she steps out of the bathroom door she heard something...or rather... someone...

"Let me go! Please!''

"I will after you give me the money!''

Whatever that was, Miyuki knew it wasn't good. She quietly walks towards the voices and quickly sees the cause. An older man in black clothing was holding a young girl crying in his arms, one of the graduates standing still and frightened along with their parents held back by two older men with large muscles. Miyuki's eyes widen before she ducks her head in, flipping her hoodie up to hide her face just in case. She should get out of their, run towards security and inform them about this-

''If you're not giving me the money I'm taking this chit!''

Miyuki heard the family cry and beg the man to not take the poor girl, only for the man to yell them, telling them if they don't give him the money by midnight the girl will die. Its not enough time. Miyuki sees the man drag the girl while covering her mouth. That moment she didn't think. She didn't consider what possibilities would happen if she took action against these brutish men. That didn't matter.

''AHHHHHH!''

The other two men heard the screams and run out, leaving behind the family. What they find is their leader covered head to toe in ice in a petrified state, only able to move his eyes towards the other two. The men then look back to the hiding place to check their prisoners... only to find them gone. That's when they saw a flash of ice and flurry as they felt the cold and chill surround them just like their leader. Miyuki, the young girl, and the family ran towards campus security. Once there the girl hugged her family, who cry in relief of her safety. The graduate turned her head to thank the person who rescued her sister... but she was gone. Miyuki flips down her hoodie as she breaths heavily. Ultimately, she quickly ran back to her family, deciding to keep what she had done a secret... unaware of a man staring at her.

Hiro: Woah...

Cora: So what happened next? Did you end up going with those doctors?

Miyuki: Somewhat... when we got to the restaurant Commander Carter arrived. He took my family and I to the private part of the restaurant and well... turns out he saw what I did. That's when he revealed this. Some of the doctors work for the Super hero training program and told him and other officers about me. After he saw me save that family he fully invited me to be a super hero, even offered to help me move to San Fransokyo to attend SFAI. I could still see my family, I got here and began being a super.

Honey Lemon: I'm glad things worked out for you and your family.

Miyuki: Yup. Now they can rest assured that their little girl not only will be creating animated films, but she's a super hero helping others the way she can... and honestly… That moment... I didn't feel ashamed of my powers. That moment made me realize that I could genuinely make a difference with my powers.

Cora: I'm happy for you Miyuki. And your sister was right, your power is a gift.

Miyuki: *Smiling warmly* Thank you. *Looks down at her hands* And hopefully, someone would see me do what I done and realize that their powers are a gift as well.

*At that time the simulation starts ringing up through the electric board, where the young man and other warriors like him are awaiting for their tests. Finally its dings, showing their names and serial number. It appears that he will be group with three women, Japanese in origin, who had shown skill with skates and knife like fans.. so much so that their feet were replaced with electromagnetic skates.*

Lenny: *Over voiceover* Stand aside as you await further instructions.

*The four walk away as they see others be handed over their tests. The youngest female, age of seventeen, looks at the young man who's eyes gaze off to the distance. The young girl turned her head to the middle girl, age 20, and whispered.*

young girl: Are you sure we will be safe with that young man?

Middle woman: What do you mean? You know he's one of the strongest in this hell. Pairing with him had just increased our luck.

Young girl: I know... but he never seems to talk to anyone... and I've heard of his power... he could hurt us as much as he could help.

*That's when the eldest, who appears to be in her late twenties, joined in their hushed conversation.*

Eldest: I'm surprised we even have our tongues since our arrival here. No one could be as chipper as you when it comes to conversations you know... As for his power, he knows it'll be put in his best interest and ours to not upset the Madame.

*The young man heard it all, and his brow burrowed deeper in memory as pain and loathing taints his features.*

It had been 3 months since that day. And each day had been tougher than the last. The young man found himself in a prison cell and given a serial number, basically stripping his name without doing so. And training was hell. He thought it would be self-defense exercises and basic training like policemen or soldiers... instead he and many others were trained as mercenaries fighting for their lives. Training against machinery and brutish creatures of nightmares had quickly taught him and others that failure is death... as he had witnessed countless souls be torn apart by these creatures, by these things. after surviving that, those who excelled, and survived, were given rank and allowed to move up. He had moved up in rank considerably, but told time and time again that he had yet to use his 'gift'. He had no idea what gift Lenny or Nozako referred to, and was too afraid to find out. Course, whatever gift he received must've been internal in comparison to others. The three girls, all sisters, had their feet replaced with electro-magnetic skates as to increase their speed. However, he did notice that whenever his anger is rising, his body becomes warmer than it should; his arms that are now rid of his burn scars seem to trick his eyes that it was glowing. Even so, he pushed it aside and remained focused on one objective: Survive.

"RAAAWRRRR!''

The young man dodged against the slam fist of a mechanical sumo wrestler, his heart pumping faster and deafening his ears. Studying from its movement, this bot needs to overheat to be disabled before he could rip out its chip that acted as its heart. But the mech was nowhere near the slightest hint of overheating, and the young man was growing tired. If he grew tired he would be weak, and if he was weak he would be slow, and if he was slow it all over for him. No. That will not happen. Not after everything he's gone through. His anger rose dangerously as he let out a furious growl at the thing, his body now enveloped in flames as he runs towards the mech with all his might and punches it to its eye. The flames quickly grow in size as the creature squirms and flails. Hold on... flames?! The young man had no time to think before he is flung to the ground, landing with a groan but no serious damage to his body. He sees the bot finally still to a halt as the flames had now dug deep to his wiring and lands down with a great shake. Now the man looked at himself. He was covered in flames and yet it did not sting, in fact it felt like a second skin. But it scared him none the less. Then before he knew it the flames were gone, and he was still perfectly intact. No burns anywhere on his person, his hair intact... but how? A slow clap is heard, making his heart still.

"Congratulations my phoenix.. you've finally used my gift to you.'', congratulated Nozako.

Lenny: *Voice Over* Its time to go. Get ready.

*The young man and the three girls stand up and head their way to meet their fate, their 'gifts' ready for use. Now it came to the final test. The four run in unison towards their objective, a large cliff to which they are to climb up on. One by one they each get up to scale the cliff, swinging and climbing towards their finish line. However, there were obstacles in the way. A group clad in armor is waiting up ahead and soon they confront the four. The first one, the youngest, swings up and lands a kick to the face, resulting in the man loosing balance and dropping to the floor with a resounding thud. They all fight with their assailants as they climbed; the eldest using the blade of her skate to kick it in the back. But each fight grows difficult to handle as the sharpshooter up ahead keeps shooting at them. Its there that the young man runs up to the shooter, dodging each blast before he picks up a flint stone and slashes its throat. The three girls were in the middle of fighting four when the blasts hit their adversaries in the back, leaving the three safe. The three look down and see who is responsible, and found their answer. The young man said nothing as he carries the riffle blaster and continues running up to the top along with the three. They jump on board and find themselves greeted by Lenny, who gives his best smile of congratulations.*

Lenny: Your training is now complete. You are free to retire to your rooms until Nozako summons you.

*The four leave him, ready to retire to their rooms. Once the young man gets to his, he collapses onto the ground and groaned pathetically. He survived 'training'... but who knows what that wicked woman would make him do. He's a good person, with a promising future, a loving family, great friends... and a someone who he never confessed his love to... It doesn't matter now.. He looks to the broken mirror and found a large shard reflecting his face...He never felt so helpless and monstrous than in this moment, nothing more than a shell of his former life.*

~~~~~~

*Back in San Fransokyo the sky had given way to the late tones of dusk, which at the time the red hat is back in Fred's hands. When it came to shuffling, Heathcliff wastes no time to properly shuffle them.*

Fred: Alright! Go ahead and pick a name! Any name!

Gogo: About time.

Honey Lemon: Yay!

Wasabi: OK then.

*The gang pick a piece of paper and look at their names. Miyuki reached in and found that the name she had chosen was none other then Hiro Hamada. This certainly placed a pickle to her ideas. As much as she grown with the gang, she hadn't gotten to be personally close with Tadashi's family, least of all his brother, to know what are their personally hobbies and likes/dislikes. And she wasn't sure how personal she could get with him without tipping him off about her status as his Secret Santa. She supposed she could go talk to Aunt Cass... Aunt Cass... her heart panged at the thought of the woman. Ever since that day she had been a mother hen to her whenever they are in private, ready to share stories about Tadashi. And as much as she hated to admit it, she wasn't ready to talk more about him. Sharing how they met was enough to send her to tears and her heart aching painfully. Her fingertips starts to frost as little, her mind becoming filled with pained memories of the fire. That's when she felt a pair of hands over her own.*

Esme: Miyuki? You're looking a little anxious.

Miyuki: Oh?

Baymax: Yes. According to my scans, your neurotransmitters indicate you are feeling troubled and anxious. It is alright to be feeling this way.

Miyuki: Of course... just things going through my mind...

*Baymax blinks before he hugs Miyuki from behind, causing the snow maiden to sigh contently.*

Miyuki:*Softly* Thank you Baymax.

Baymax: You're welcome.

*Its there that the discussion went onto family, specifically Hiro and Cora's families and their plans for the holidays.*

Hiro: You should've seen Aunt Cass this morning. She was jumping up and down for joy as soon as December 1st came over. It won't be long till she starts pulling out the decorations.

Cora: Wow. It still feels unreal you know... its been almost two years since we got together... Back then Christmases with my family were small. No colored lights, no Christmas tree... but we celebrated it by watching Holiday movies and that was it. Then Papa would bring out presents for us. It wasn't much but it was Christmas... then we celebrated with you guys. That was an experience.

Hiro: Yeah. Cass must've made your dad jump up with that holler.

Cora: Yup! I was so nervous too... I felt like I was in some other world with all those decorations and loudness.

*The teens chuckle together, prompting Miyuki to smile. That's when Cora's smile turns a bit melancholy.*

Cora: I was so thankful Tadashi helped me calm down and enjoy the time together... It showed what we missed out all those years hiding behind closed doors.

Hiro: Yeah...

*The two teens sit in silence before Hiro turns his attention to Miyuki.*

Hiro: Miyuki?...

Miyuki: Yes Hiro?

Hiro: Is it alright if I ask you... when did you realize you fell in love with Tadashi?..

*Miyuki looks at Hiro, her hands wringing together to soothe herself. That's when Hiro, seeing her discomfort, immediately back pedals.*

Hiro: You know what, never mind. You don't have to answer it.

Miyuki: No no… its fine.

Cora: Are you really?

*Miyuki stares off to the side, biting her bottom lip as her stomach begins to churn. Finally she sighed... leaving a puff of air.*

Miyuki: I guess even now I still get chocked up about Tadashi huh...?

Hiro: *Comforting* You're not the only one here.

Miyuki: Then why is it so easy for you guys to talk about him after all this time?

*There was silence going until Gogo spoke up.*

Gogo: Truth to be told, sometimes it isn't easy to talk about him... it still hurts. But Tadashi was our best friend, and we want to keep him alive in our thoughts..

Miyuki: Oh…. I see. *To Hiro* Alrighty then, I'll tell you the story.

*Miyuki gulps as she prepares to share her story to her friends, wringing her hands nervously in front. Back at the island, the young man is granted permission to go to the dinning room along with the three girls to get themselves whatever they wished to eat as part of the reward before meeting Nozako. The girls took it upon themselves to eat ramen and chocolate cake while watching a movie of their choice. The young man chose to eat a bowl of Katsudon and staring out of the window for the first time in forever. He forgotten how beautiful the stars are at night.*

*Miyuki's face felt the tears drip down her cheek as Hiro holds her hand in thought and memory of Tadashi. The memories play out her mind as she recounts the tale of her and Tadashi. At the same time, the young man thought over his family, his friends,.. and his crush... Ultimately, he decided to recount the tale of when he realized he fell in love in her...*

Miyuki: It was actually around this time of year... I was at the lantern festival looking for inspiration...

*The man thought over that winter... the lantern festival was going on, and he was looking for a present...

Miyuki let out a breathy puff of air but did not bother to adjust her jacket as to appear to be warming herself. She didn't mind the cold. Her hands were sketching the passing people as quickly as she could, smiling a bit when she spotted a few interesting characters... That is until she looked up.

The young man pulled his winter jacket tighter as the air continued to get colder, but not enough for snow. He chuckled as he recalled his misadventures of creating snow back when he was young. He hoped his present would be ready by next year for sure. He could imagine their faces... that's when he spotted her. And she was looking at him... for a moment he was stuck in love filled stupor, but immediately shook himself out as to not bother her or anyone else just in case. Finally, he spoke..

"Hi Miyuki.'' Spoke Tadashi.

Miyuki felt her heart race as Tadashi called her name out. For a moment she didn't know how to respond back, feeling herself ready to run away if she were to embarrass herself in front of him. She didn't know what this was called, it felt far more than a mere crush... but she didn't know the name of it.. Finally, she calmed herself down and looked at him again, and spoke.

"Hello Tadashi.''

Tadashi felt his heart slightly flutter at Miyuki saying his name, but he immediately squished it down before it could affect his facial expression. Then he felt himself at a loss for words as well, starting to look around the plaza as to find anything to interest Miyuki in a conversation.. that's when he spotted her hands.

"Don't you have gloves?''

Miyuki looked down at her hands and slightly blushed. immediately she giggled half heartedly with an awkward smile.

"You could borrow mine if you want', offered Tadashi. Miyuki however is quick to stop him.

''No no no its fine. The cold doesn't bother me anyway.'' replied Miyuki.

Tadashi blinked before he let out a heart filled chuckle, which made Miyuki's heart skip a beat.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were another Elsa.''

That caused Miyuki to chuckle back, her smile radiating a warmth she hadn't felt in some time, the same smile that made Tadashi's heart skip a beat. Another blast of wind goes through and it makes Tadashi shiver, to which she goes over and giver him her scarf without a second thought. The young man saw this and immediately felt himself blush at this kind gesture... a blush matched by Miyuki as soon as she realized what she had done. The two look to the side before Tadashi regained his voice.

"Thank you Miyuki...''

"Y-Your welcome...''

Silence continues to penetrate between them before Tadashi spotted something in the distance.

" Hey, I see some of the staff setting up their equipment to start the dance over there.''

Miyuki turned her head to see exactly what he's talking about. She saw a pianist and a string quartet tuning up their respective instruments as the lights are adjusted to let the lantern's natural glow take center stage.

"Oh.. that's cool...''

That's when Tadashi blurted out his thought.

"D-Do you want to dance?''

Miyuki's blush returned ten fold as she felt herself stutter.

"W-Well Tadashi..I-I would b-but... I don't know how..''

That's when she felt his hand on hers, making her blink at the gesture before looking at Tadashi, who was rubbing the back of his head.

"Its OK Miyuki... I'm not a great dancer either...''

Hand in hand, Miyuki and Tadashi headed towards the center just as the staff and musicians were ready to there that the first song is played.. a lovely melody from Tangled called 'I see the light'.

"Well.. that's something', commented Miyuki, her smile giving an air of playful coyness. Tadashi chuckled as he puts his hands in position, making her smile go away and blush return.

" You could say that again."

As the piano and string instruments play its song , Tadashi and Miyuki took their first steps together, moving slowly as the lanterns glowed softly as their only source of light. It felt hard to believe its been months since they met, and neither didn't know it... but they fell in love with each other. Neither could believe it after all this time. For Tadashi, he thought he'd remain singled forever after missed chances to confess, and his friends involvement with his crushed. for Miyuki, she thought she would be content with her family and one friend she made in the city, content to not be in a relationship. But in each other, they found something they thought they wouldn't find in another. Neither felt alone nor cold, and both wondered if their love held the same thoughts for them. But before that nagging thought of doubt could creep through, they pushed it away...

It was their night together, the uncertainties running in their minds silenced by their beating hearts.

For now, this was enough for both of them...

*The two snapped out of their thoughts and forced back to reality. Tadashi's eyes burned as tears try to escape, but he quickly wiped them away... but his melancholic smile remained. Miyuki's tears however flowed quietly... but there was no ice forming at her feet or the room drooping in temperature... she was surrounded by Tadashi's friends... her friends. All giving her a hug to reassure that she isn't alone in her mourning. Hiro is the one closest to her being, tears slipping through his eyes as he hugged her. With Tadashi, he knew that he couldn't have the embrace of his friends and family... nor of his love. But somewhere inside, in those last pieces of humanity he hoped that they would be together this year despite his disappearance. Both knew that even they are far away and apart... their memories of each other would keep them warm and content despite the tears that may spill.*

A.N: Whelp, I dead. Now, I've thought about this over and over and about how Tadashi would be in. I understand that Tadashi surviving would change a lot of the story in this, but I hope that I could do it in a way that would satisfy this story and to you guys. I'll be working on the holiday special soon so there's that to look forward too. Also, the gang won't learn about him till much, MUCH, later.

Happy Holidays you guys. Love you!

[fleur-fairy-risa]

can i just say a few words about “the young pope”?

for the one who doesn’t believe in god for quite a long time (agnostic) i expected those series to show me the dirty of a church. i mean, it’s not like i don’t like church, but if you would’ve live in russia and have that loathsome corruption church sistem (when the main pope was a kgb agent in soviet union) you would’ve had those disturbing feelings too. seeing people who doesn’t even truly believe in god and the god is only an excuse for terrible things like homophobia makes you feel disappointment in the whole idea of “god” and “divine” itself. especially if you are a teenager, the one who sees how church is putting people in jail only because of making fun of image of pope or making memes with jesus (i’m not even exaggerating, it’s a law). actually that’s why soviet union became an atheistic country, church was the same in russian empire.

i was an atheist, became the agnostic only in university cause i found something “divine” in orthodoxy, catholic art, especially in music. i felt the spiritual power of it. i believed that i cannot deny the possibility of higher materials’ existence. but i didn’t see the god at all. i refused the possibility of bible creature existence, the whole concept remained alien and decrepit.

so when started watch “the young pope” at first i was satisfied, thought i found what i was expecting. i wasn’t ready for the changes that each episode will do to me. the beaty of believing, the beauty of searching for the god. and the god itself. lenny is the one who lost the god and the one who found it. not like the face in the sky, or the angels’ songs. the peace inside the heart, love, trust. god is not the one who always with you, is the one who you should find by yourself. it is not someone out there, it’s you. in the end of the first season i felt so purified. none of the churches or bible didn’t give me that feeling before.

i’m still an agnostic. i think my scepticism is way too strong and i find a beaty in not believe in anything except for the power of the human mind. as the one who is curious as hell i will always want to find the verity and the proves to that verity. and still didn’t find the god. but now at least i know what should i find in the end and it gives me straight.

[ralfmaximus]

Snow White and the 1026 Dwarfs

Snow White woke up in the strangest little bed!   She'd happened upon the small, cozy house deep in the woods, found nobody at home, and promptly crashed in the first bed she'd spotted.  Sleep claimed her then, dragging her away to a place of relative peace and calm... carefully letting her ignore how tiny all the furnishings were, how oddly low were the ceilings and fixtures. And now, the next morning!  What odd little men surrounded her!  Normally she'd be alarmed by close proximity to so many strangers, but the events of the past day had granted her an oddly calm outlook on life.  Nothing much rattled her anymore. Snow White blinked sleepily, yawned, and stretched.  The men watched her every movement, transfixed. "Do you talk?" She asked experimentally. One older man -- tiny, rotund, and wiser than the rest with a long white beard -- glanced around at the others and nodded.  He adjusted his spectacles and stepped forward. "I'm Doc," he explained with a jolly chuckle.  "And these are my friends: Smarmy, Ragey, Explainy, Glossy, Pookie, Pesty, Grippy, Inebriated, Teary, Swampy, Piggy, Catty, Hitler, Stroky, Zombie, Mooky, Tandy, Fakey, Twinky, Biggie, Munchy, Stingy, Intrepid, Gabby, Shitsnacks, Packy, Growly, Sleazy, Pervy, Ookey, Maggy, Slither, Effy, Jelly, Freezy, Snuggy, Dippy, Toothy, Banger, Loathsome, Smelly, Loofa, Eerie, Jenny, Zoidberg, Fatty, Porkey, Cutty, Brazen, Krabby, Outlandish, Irony, Queasey, Juicy, Ugly, Wonky, Appealing, Lectory, Terminator, Off-putting, Shorty, Irregular, Hissy, Silky, Hardy, Whacker, Ginny, Pammy, Lovely, Chasey, Numby, Abba, Unmentionable, Phreaky, Gawkey, Spooly, Dairy, Flamy, Pickley, Jammy, Croaky, Diehardy, Sordid, Boasty, Rumbly, Klepto, Siggy, Serendipity, Touchy, Thrifty, Cassy, Noxy, Woggly, Gaggy, Beauty, Bluto, Easty, Larky, Sleepy, Hottie, Cloggy, Muffy, Busty, Flouncy, Oly, Wordy, Floopy, Bently, Winky, Rampy, Twitty, Rutty, Witchy, Boxey, Sexy, Sicky, Blazey, Googly, Chemistry, Humpy, Bloggy, Palsey, Tranny, Nipply, Creepy, Jumpy, Weekly, Dready, Burny, Stjnky, Potty, Poofey, Affable, Sippy, Yeachy, Volatile, Jacky, Pokey, Tumbly, Stinky, Hippie, Restless, Frosty, Slicey, Grabby, Bashful, Milky, Lenny, Slick, Losty, Dramatic, Subliminal, Peeny, Inserty, Botfly, Whipser, Edgy, Strutty, Gamey, Goaty, Slammy, Hickey, Murdery, Lickey, Quiet, Bastard, Sprainy, Griefy, Freeky, Snicky, Snobby, Destructive, Pagey, Hefty, Freepy, Dreamy, Tinny, Jaunty, Larpy, Yelpy, Pumpy, Techey, Wackey, Krappy, Porky, Banny, Lawdy, Spikey, Noxious, Robby, Forky, Woeful, Cringley, Roasty, Grumpy, Queefy, Slabby, Qwerty, Oaky, Rusty, Donner, Bitey, Ernie, Bratty, Reddy, Alky, Pearly, Tooky, Clingy, Rapey, Contagious, Wheezy, Toasty, Nosy, Hungry, Cupid, Woofy, Wicked, Kitty, Slappy, Silly, Oogly, Quagmire, Chumpy, Spocky, Secretive, Yukku, Checky, Goofy, Porney, Seepy, Angry, Junkie, Dumpy, Cagey, Handy, Ghastly, Bunny, Narky, Crummy, Tipsey, Wizzy, Peachy, Splashy, Frighty, Towley, Rangey, Twitchy, Birdy, Blotty, Wheely, Tweety, Mealy, Tazey, Boozy, Mopey, Icky, Hacky, Mental, Pasty, Guffy, Yelly, Picky, Lucy, Bloody, Doomy, Balky, Sharky, Moby, Tastey, Clunky, Happy, Nancy, Fry, Puke, Zany, Sweaty, Pimply, Poppy, Testy, Classy, Scratchy, Righty, Smegma, Pissy, Schmutzy, Proxy, Preachy, Prey, Baddy, Westy, Clumsey, Jumbo, Pawy, Jaundiced, Masturbatey, Spasms, Wiley, Pukey, Havok, Puffy, Startled, Prissy, Snoopy, Ruffian, Iggy, Acid-Refluxy, Nifty, Dressy, Gomer, Flabby, Deadly, Smalls, Neurotic, Hideous, Shecky, Blondy, Skunky, Yummy, Victor, Jewy, Arny, Neuty, Biff, Toady, Humpty, Moogly, Grassy, Corny, Feisty, Angsty, Creamy, Techy, Lopsey, Queeny, Stretchy, Mo, Spanks, Regretful, Snarfly, Underpants, Ready, Lanky, Splenda, Naggy, Faily, Yakky, Sizzly, Jokey, Pacey, Spooey, Traumatic, Screamy, Tucker, Pimpy, Beady, Roughy, Snoozy, Roofy, Quimbly, Brewy, Gumby, Pointy, Hooky, Writey, Shimmy, Bulgy, Nootsy, Bingey, Mooby, Dunky, Sully, Neurtsy, Woey, Jiggy, Prietsly, Terry, Forgetful, Comfy, Romney, Campy, Northy, Giggidy, Dipsy, Beefy, Poledancey, Apocalypse, Woozy, Evil, Talky, Vapid, Freaky, Whackey, Inserto, Bleaty, Chufty, Scuzzy, Crispy, Tepid, Snazzy, Sqealy, Grotty, Jimmy, Nanny, Godlike, Furious, Booty, Wolfy, Cumpy, Toily, Crumbly, Biggo, Boggly, Ironic, Belchy, Flaily, Killy, Puggy, Wendy, Gloomy, Verbosity, Listless, Twisty, Waffles, Archy, Wheatley, Iconic, Klassy, Pauley, Bruiser, Prefunctory, Ruffy, Poopy, Zuckerman, Snappy, Oily, Shakes, Yiles, Priggy, Airy, Godly, Hotty, Lassy, Fudgy, Wooky, Bursty, Leggy, Soggy, Soulful, Walky, Unkillable, Bindlestiff, Pathy, Soothy, Lolzy, Spiffy, Trekky, Toothsome, Goldy, Daffy, Yucky, Pappy, Snowy, Dancy, Sappy, Lana, Cursey, Drippy, Cackles, Fuzzy, Malignant, Ghosty, Quality, Hurty, Schulty, Fizzy, Toughy, Tweaky, Starry, Jigsaw, Piney, Magnanimous, Softy, Denty, Damned, Intolerable, Dodgey, Spazzy, Ropey, Socky, Moomoo, Sammy, Dampy, Cracky, Zippy, Whorey, Likey, Wooy, Spewy, Farty, Perthy, Kinky, Peely, Wetone, Squeaky, Frenzy, Noisy, Danny, Flippy, Fartsy, Gravy, Barfy, Loopy, Regular, Nedly, Quacky, Sloppy, Snooki, Crampy, Wetty, Appealy, Boofy, Snotty, Kwazy, Nutty, Regal, Zappy, Candy, Scary, Shakey, Yeasty, Trampy, Runty, Turgid, Icey, Dusty, Adolph, Pocky, Shitty, Nasty, Cranny, Mommy, Monkey, Prickley, Lumpy, Snippy, Quaffy, Wendigo, Opulent, Henny, Prancer, Pervo, Pippy, Rotund, Cavey, Dazzle, Clooney, Rumpy, Pudgy, Spunky, Ralfy, Questy, Dwarfy, Limpy, Rugby, Junky, Insideous, Assy, Hizzy, Hotsy, Honey, Punky, Blingy, Spinny, Nicky, Spindly, Lacey, Banshee, Feely, Baldy, Rabbity, Lunky, Swarley, Damply, Whiley, Splattery, Squirty, Alcoholic, Foggy, Denny, Berty, Zinny, Mammy, Delicious, Dropsey, Vixen, Beary, Beatlejuice, Knobby, Loudly, Meaty, Teethy, Drinky, Woz, Wanky, Scuffy, Swimmy, Gummy, Posse, Milly, Wallop, Pouty, Ruby, Chicken, Poofy, Funny, Smugly, Spinry, Grimey, Ripley, Savory, Schmuckey, Stainy, Quivery, Pooly, Droopy, Lappy, Herpy, Able, Goosey, Dapper, Beasty, Dazy, Giggy, Drowsy, Lowly, Coolie, Slutty, Burby, Nippy, Firey, Sniffy, Glassy, Factory, Cheney, Slidey, Chippy, Kludgy, Orly, Meany, Kreepy, Pooley, Ninja, Whizzy, Victim, Iffy, Saggy, Kenny, Floppy, Nabby, Sickley, Groggy, Liquidity, Hussy, Jinxy, Kewpie, Lampy, Saxy, Dexter, Doleful, Dandy, Peggy, Mooey, Slashy, Drunkey, Homo, Rolly, Hoggly, Healy, Salty, Gropey, Ghouley, Whirley, Faggy, Weedy, Teaser, Dasher, Ego, Artsy, Quippy, Insanity, Beastly, Chappy, Sparky, Zesty, Tasty, Bumpy, Tappy, Uggy, Herky, Greasy, Weakly, Grungy, Jeery, Menthol, Ouchy, Trollface, Morty, Pandy, Scooby, Miley, Racky, Upchuck, Stumpy, Spongy, Slurpy, Kiley, Tummy, Incindiary, Tokey, Flighty, Pussy, Porker, Pranky, Itchy, Spongey, Fuckey, Stuffy, Quiver, Dreary, Ravey, Dirtzy, Tanky, Crabby, Besty, Dregs, Killzy, Wackry, Daisy, Killer, Chevy, Tacky, Stimpy, Tiny, Buffy, Piggie, Crufty, Stabby, Oozey, Unlucky, Beatnik, Twitly, Kingly, Aery, Ogly, Gimpy, Shanky, Trippy, Fingery, Trumpy, Quackey, Cringey, Hokey, Emergency, Flowery, Tinky, Wifey, Crowley, Gassy, Gingery, Bobby, Tender, Penny, Nutso, Mighty, Crazy, Klinky, Blitzen, Clappy, Slitty, Leaky, Queasy, Wallaby, Buddy, Bootlicker, Peeky, Sadistic, Lovey, Glowy, Pickles, Gingerly, Misty, Lofty, Mickey, Wrappy, Ridiculous, Perky, Tangly, Sprockets, Lackey, Awful, Crassy, Runny, Nasal, Frigid, Doggy, Leafy, Planty, Stealthy, Soapy, Draggy, Queery, Texty, Undie, Davey, Fucky, Futurey, Lefty, Sickly, Diseased, Cranky, Nukey, Gangly, Totty, Dummy, Flakey, Lizzy, Tighty, Froggy, Gunny, Doily, Blotto, Seizey, Lazy, Venty, Blacky, Sandy, Immotral, Spangly, Clowny, Falsey, Loosey, Hanky, Wavy, Shifty, Annoying, Navy, Broody, Cunty, Impressy, Tuffy, Anonymous, Dickey, Pugly, Trolly, Kissy, Reflexy, Prawny, Obnoxious, Duffy, Kingy, Clicky, Nosey, Weepy, Phony, Frenny, Blinky, Neutral, Icony, Southy, Jetty, Teeny, Brutus, Wiffy, Smuggy, Busy, Plucky, Fisty, Spotty, Smokey, Chokey, Lippy, Tammy, Baggy, Powerless, Whitey, Typo, Mimsey, Tiki, Slurpee, Tearful, Flamey, Boozey, Moochy, Jewlery, Wobbly, Bossy, Randy, Curmudgeon, Grampy, Treacherous, Tonedeaf, Handsy, Speedy, Lulzy, Marty, Smacky, Rooky, Frightened, Piggly, Artful, Plowy, Bitchy, Barky, Preppy, Sunny, Rocky, Whappy, Hiney, Spanky, Whammy, Deafy, Mathy, Brainy, Fishy, Barfly, Swifty, Clueless, Dizzy, Lordy, Swindly, Pony, Snooty, Twix, Banksy, Wisty, Squirmy, Brewery, Scrappy, Slippy, Trollop, Ballsy, Willy, Rappy, Sneezy, Addy, Icy, Earny, Fidgety, Schooly, Klangy, Wistful, Metal, Lucky, Obsessive, Henzy, Huggy, Sassy, Agey, Pinky, Horny, Benny, Passy, Tingly, Rippy, Reagal, Freebie, Tossy, Slippery, Touchey, Kermy, Wiggly, Druggy, Hippy, Sweety, Dougie, Crappy, Peaty, Nazi, Faulty, Swirley, Crunchy, Bully, Flambe, Biddy, Hoppy, Bangy, Punny, Unsavory, Derpy, Jizzy, Ratty, Unlikable, Gently, Droppy, Ren, Smithy, Knotty, Deady, Chicky, Jerky, Flatulent, Billy, Pithy, Humphrey, Hansel, Poopie, Snuggly, Loki, Dopey, Yippy, Ridonkulous, Cody, Blatty, Renny, Parky, Prancy, Banananery, Yukky, Cheaty, Lossy, Scruffy, Silty, and Drifty." Snow White laughed and clapped her hands with delight.  "My, there certainly are a lot of you!  I'm ever so sorry for barging in here uninvited, but I don't really have a home any more... would you mind terribly if I stayed for awhile?  I can cook and clean and--" Doc raised a hand, interrupting her gently. "We'd be honored if you stayed!" All 1026 dwarfs nodded in agreement, and were so thrilled they threw Snow White a party to celebrate their new friendship.  The party lasted late into the evening, and everyone passed out with full tummies and a happy smile lighting their faces. The next day the dwarfs arose early and prepared for work.  Snow White cooked them breakfast and when it was time to leave they all lined up at the door to bid her farewell for the day. Snow White expressed her gratitude by kissing each dwarf on the forehead: Smarmy, Ragey, Explainy, Glossy, Pookie, Pesty, Grippy, Inebriated, Teary, Swampy, Piggy, Catty, Hitler, Stroky, Zombie, Mooky, Tandy, Fakey, Twinky, Biggie, Munchy, Stingy, Intrepid, Gabby, Shitsnacks, Packy, Growly, Sleazy, Pervy, Ookey, Maggy, Slither, Effy, Jelly, Freezy, Snuggy, Dippy, Toothy, Banger, Loathsome, Smelly, Loofa, Eerie, Jenny, Zoidberg, Fatty, Porkey, Cutty, Brazen, Krabby, Outlandish, Irony, Queasey, Juicy, Ugly, Wonky, Appealing, Lectory, Terminator, Off-putting, Shorty, Irregular, Hissy, Silky, Hardy, Whacker, Ginny, Pammy, Lovely, Chasey, Numby, Abba, Unmentionable, Phreaky, Gawkey, Spooly, Dairy, Flamy, Pickley, Jammy, Croaky, Diehardy, Sordid, Boasty, Rumbly, Klepto, Siggy, Serendipity, Touchy, Thrifty, Cassy, Noxy, Woggly, Gaggy, Beauty, Bluto, Easty, Larky, Sleepy, Hottie, Cloggy, Muffy, Busty, Flouncy, Oly, Wordy, Floopy, Bently, Winky, Rampy, Twitty, Rutty, Witchy, Boxey, Sexy, Sicky, Blazey, Googly, Chemistry, Humpy, Bloggy, Palsey, Tranny, Nipply, Creepy, Jumpy, Weekly, Dready, Burny, Stjnky, Potty, Poofey, Affable, Sippy, Yeachy, Volatile, Jacky, Pokey, Tumbly, Stinky, Hippie, Restless, Frosty, Slicey, Grabby, Bashful, Milky, Lenny, Slick, Losty, Dramatic, Subliminal, Peeny, Inserty, Botfly, Whipser, Edgy, Strutty, Gamey, Goaty, Slammy, Hickey, Murdery, Lickey, Quiet, Bastard, Sprainy, Griefy, Freeky, Snicky, Snobby, Destructive, Pagey, Hefty, Freepy, Dreamy, Tinny, Jaunty, Larpy, Yelpy, Pumpy, Techey, Wackey, Krappy, Porky, Banny, Lawdy, Spikey, Noxious, Robby, Forky, Woeful, Cringley, Roasty, Grumpy, Queefy, Slabby, Qwerty, Oaky, Rusty, Donner, Bitey, Ernie, Bratty, Reddy, Alky, Pearly, Tooky, Clingy, Rapey, Contagious, Wheezy, Toasty, Nosy, Hungry, Cupid, Woofy, Wicked, Kitty, Slappy, Silly, Oogly, Quagmire, Chumpy, Spocky, Secretive, Yukku, Checky, Goofy, Porney, Seepy, Angry, Junkie, Dumpy, Cagey, Handy, Ghastly, Bunny, Narky, Crummy, Tipsey, Wizzy, Peachy, Splashy, Frighty, Towley, Rangey, Twitchy, Birdy, Blotty, Wheely, Tweety, Mealy, Tazey, Boozy, Mopey, Icky, Hacky, Mental, Pasty, Guffy, Yelly, Picky, Lucy, Bloody, Doomy, Balky, Sharky, Moby, Tastey, Clunky, Happy, Nancy, Fry, Puke, Zany, Sweaty, Pimply, Poppy, Testy, Classy, Scratchy, Righty, Smegma, Pissy, Schmutzy, Proxy, Preachy, Prey, Baddy, Westy, Clumsey, Jumbo, Pawy, Jaundiced, Masturbatey, Spasms, Wiley, Pukey, Havok, Puffy, Startled, Prissy, Snoopy, Ruffian, Iggy, Acid-Refluxy, Nifty, Dressy, Gomer, Flabby, Deadly, Smalls, Neurotic, Hideous, Shecky, Blondy, Skunky, Yummy, Victor, Jewy, Arny, Neuty, Biff, Toady, Humpty, Moogly, Grassy, Corny, Feisty, Angsty, Creamy, Techy, Lopsey, Queeny, Stretchy, Mo, Spanks, Regretful, Snarfly, Underpants, Ready, Lanky, Splenda, Naggy, Faily, Yakky, Sizzly, Jokey, Pacey, Spooey, Traumatic, Screamy, Tucker, Pimpy, Beady, Roughy, Snoozy, Roofy, Quimbly, Brewy, Gumby, Pointy, Hooky, Writey, Shimmy, Bulgy, Nootsy, Bingey, Mooby, Dunky, Sully, Neurtsy, Woey, Jiggy, Prietsly, Terry, Forgetful, Comfy, Romney, Campy, Northy, Giggidy, Dipsy, Beefy, Poledancey, Apocalypse, Woozy, Evil, Talky, Vapid, Freaky, Whackey, Inserto, Bleaty, Chufty, Scuzzy, Crispy, Tepid, Snazzy, Sqealy, Grotty, Jimmy, Nanny, Godlike, Furious, Booty, Wolfy, Cumpy, Toily, Crumbly, Biggo, Boggly, Ironic, Belchy, Flaily, Killy, Puggy, Wendy, Gloomy, Verbosity, Listless, Twisty, Waffles, Archy, Wheatley, Iconic, Klassy, Pauley, Bruiser, Prefunctory, Ruffy, Poopy, Zuckerman, Snappy, Oily, Shakes, Yiles, Priggy, Airy, Godly, Hotty, Lassy, Fudgy, Wooky, Bursty, Leggy, Soggy, Soulful, Walky, Unkillable, Bindlestiff, Pathy, Soothy, Lolzy, Spiffy, Trekky, Toothsome, Goldy, Daffy, Yucky, Pappy, Snowy, Dancy, Sappy, Lana, Cursey, Drippy, Cackles, Fuzzy, Malignant, Ghosty, Quality, Hurty, Schulty, Fizzy, Toughy, Tweaky, Starry, Jigsaw, Piney, Magnanimous, Softy, Denty, Damned, Intolerable, Dodgey, Spazzy, Ropey, Socky, Moomoo, Sammy, Dampy, Cracky, Zippy, Whorey, Likey, Wooy, Spewy, Farty, Perthy, Kinky, Peely, Wetone, Squeaky, Frenzy, Noisy, Danny, Flippy, Fartsy, Gravy, Barfy, Loopy, Regular, Nedly, Quacky, Sloppy, Snooki, Crampy, Wetty, Appealy, Boofy, Snotty, Kwazy, Nutty, Regal, Zappy, Candy, Scary, Shakey, Yeasty, Trampy, Runty, Turgid, Icey, Dusty, Adolph, Pocky, Shitty, Nasty, Cranny, Mommy, Monkey, Prickley, Lumpy, Snippy, Quaffy, Wendigo, Opulent, Henny, Prancer, Pervo, Pippy, Rotund, Cavey, Dazzle, Clooney, Rumpy, Pudgy, Spunky, Ralfy, Questy, Dwarfy, Limpy, Rugby, Junky, Insideous, Assy, Hizzy, Hotsy, Honey, Punky, Blingy, Spinny, Nicky, Spindly, Lacey, Banshee, Feely, Baldy, Rabbity, Lunky, Swarley, Damply, Whiley, Splattery, Squirty, Alcoholic, Foggy, Denny, Berty, Zinny, Mammy, Delicious, Dropsey, Vixen, Beary, Beatlejuice, Knobby, Loudly, Meaty, Teethy, Drinky, Woz, Wanky, Scuffy, Swimmy, Gummy, Posse, Milly, Wallop, Pouty, Ruby, Chicken, Poofy, Funny, Smugly, Spinry, Grimey, Ripley, Savory, Schmuckey, Stainy, Quivery, Pooly, Droopy, Lappy, Herpy, Able, Goosey, Dapper, Beasty, Dazy, Giggy, Drowsy, Lowly, Coolie, Slutty, Burby, Nippy, Firey, Sniffy, Glassy, Factory, Cheney, Slidey, Chippy, Kludgy, Orly, Meany, Kreepy, Pooley, Ninja, Whizzy, Victim, Iffy, Saggy, Kenny, Floppy, Nabby, Sickley, Groggy, Liquidity, Hussy, Jinxy, Kewpie, Lampy, Saxy, Dexter, Doleful, Dandy, Peggy, Mooey, Slashy, Drunkey, Homo, Rolly, Hoggly, Healy, Salty, Gropey, Ghouley, Whirley, Faggy, Weedy, Teaser, Dasher, Ego, Artsy, Quippy, Insanity, Beastly, Chappy, Sparky, Zesty, Tasty, Bumpy, Tappy, Uggy, Herky, Greasy, Weakly, Grungy, Jeery, Menthol, Ouchy, Trollface, Morty, Pandy, Scooby, Miley, Racky, Upchuck, Stumpy, Spongy, Slurpy, Kiley, Tummy, Incindiary, Tokey, Flighty, Pussy, Porker, Pranky, Itchy, Spongey, Fuckey, Stuffy, Quiver, Dreary, Ravey, Dirtzy, Tanky, Crabby, Besty, Dregs, Killzy, Wackry, Daisy, Killer, Chevy, Tacky, Stimpy, Tiny, Buffy, Piggie, Crufty, Stabby, Oozey, Unlucky, Beatnik, Twitly, Kingly, Aery, Ogly, Gimpy, Shanky, Trippy, Fingery, Trumpy, Quackey, Cringey, Hokey, Emergency, Flowery, Tinky, Wifey, Crowley, Gassy, Gingery, Bobby, Tender, Penny, Nutso, Mighty, Crazy, Klinky, Blitzen, Clappy, Slitty, Leaky, Queasy, Wallaby, Buddy, Bootlicker, Peeky, Sadistic, Lovey, Glowy, Pickles, Gingerly, Misty, Lofty, Mickey, Wrappy, Ridiculous, Perky, Tangly, Sprockets, Lackey, Awful, Crassy, Runny, Nasal, Frigid, Doggy, Leafy, Planty, Stealthy, Soapy, Draggy, Queery, Texty, Undie, Davey, Fucky, Futurey, Lefty, Sickly, Diseased, Cranky, Nukey, Gangly, Totty, Dummy, Flakey, Lizzy, Tighty, Froggy, Gunny, Doily, Blotto, Seizey, Lazy, Venty, Blacky, Sandy, Immotral, Spangly, Clowny, Falsey, Loosey, Hanky, Wavy, Shifty, Annoying, Navy, Broody, Cunty, Impressy, Tuffy, Anonymous, Dickey, Pugly, Trolly, Kissy, Reflexy, Prawny, Obnoxious, Duffy, Kingy, Clicky, Nosey, Weepy, Phony, Frenny, Blinky, Neutral, Icony, Southy, Jetty, Teeny, Brutus, Wiffy, Smuggy, Busy, Plucky, Fisty, Spotty, Smokey, Chokey, Lippy, Tammy, Baggy, Powerless, Whitey, Typo, Mimsey, Tiki, Slurpee, Tearful, Flamey, Boozey, Moochy, Jewlery, Wobbly, Bossy, Randy, Curmudgeon, Grampy, Treacherous, Tonedeaf, Handsy, Speedy, Lulzy, Marty, Smacky, Rooky, Frightened, Piggly, Artful, Plowy, Bitchy, Barky, Preppy, Sunny, Rocky, Whappy, Hiney, Spanky, Whammy, Deafy, Mathy, Brainy, Fishy, Barfly, Swifty, Clueless, Dizzy, Lordy, Swindly, Pony, Snooty, Twix, Banksy, Wisty, Squirmy, Brewery, Scrappy, Slippy, Trollop, Ballsy, Willy, Rappy, Sneezy, Addy, Icy, Earny, Fidgety, Schooly, Klangy, Wistful, Metal, Lucky, Obsessive, Henzy, Huggy, Sassy, Agey, Pinky, Horny, Benny, Passy, Tingly, Rippy, Reagal, Freebie, Tossy, Slippery, Touchey, Kermy, Wiggly, Druggy, Hippy, Sweety, Dougie, Crappy, Peaty, Nazi, Faulty, Swirley, Crunchy, Bully, Flambe, Biddy, Hoppy, Bangy, Punny, Unsavory, Derpy, Jizzy, Ratty, Unlikable, Gently, Droppy, Ren, Smithy, Knotty, Deady, Chicky, Jerky, Flatulent, Billy, Pithy, Humphrey, Hansel, Poopie, Snuggly, Loki, Dopey, Yippy, Ridonkulous, Cody, Blatty, Renny, Parky, Prancy, Banananery, Yukky, Cheaty, Lossy, Scruffy, Silty, and Drifty each trooped past Snow White and received a farewell kiss and by the time she reached the end of the line her lips fell off.

[howtodrawaeyes]

These are the best memes

They spread fast - almost like viruses - but are not dangerous, but often great fun: Memes. These are the funniest motives on the internet.

Yes, This is Dog "Truly, This is Dog" (otherwise called "Hi, This is Dog") is a picture large scale arrangement highlighting a dark Labrador humanized with the inscription as though it is picking up the phone. The expression and picture have been remixed into a wide range of photos frequently incorporating different creatures in human circumstances.

Impossibru The man appeared in the first photo is a Japanese entertainer named Ayumu Kato, who ended up one of numerous big name exploited people in the mainstream covered up camera trick show Panic Face King. In the scene, Kato is acquainted with a gathering of agents (played by enlisted on-screen characters) under the reason of a conference. Be that as it may, as they start their discussion, the three representatives all of a sudden get shot down before him and a man wearing body protective layer goes into the space to discharge at the "marksmen" outside. Kato tumbles to the floor in frenzy and minutes after the fact, another man goes into the stay with a firearm, puts it to his head and educates him that he'd been punked by the TV appear.

Swaggering Leo Swaggering Leo is a photoshop image highlighting a photo of the entertainer Leonardo DiCaprio strolling happily toward the camera while on the arrangement of the 2010 sci-fi film Inception. Instances of the image commonly superimpose DiCaprio's pattern picture into different hilarious settings, like the Disaster Girl and Prancing Cera exploitable arrangement.

Slender Man Slender Man (a.k.a Slenderman) is a legendary animal regularly portrayed as a tall, dainty figure wearing a dark suit and a clear face. As indicated by the legend, he can extend or abbreviate his arms voluntarily and has arm like members jutting from his back. Contingent upon the elucidations of the legend, the animal may cause memory misfortune, a sleeping disorder, suspicion, hacking fits (nicknamed "slendersickness"), photo/video twists and can transport freely. The urban legend has propelled fan expressions, anecdotal creepypastas and a mockumentary arrangement in the style of the 1999 non mainstream blood and gore movie Blair Witch Project. As the character has developed in fame, he's increased various different epithets including The Operator, Der Großmann, Mr. Thin, The Administrator, Daddy LongLegs, Mr. Slender, The Tall Man, The Thin Man and Slendy.

Doge - Restraining order is now in effect Doge is a slang term for "hound" that is essentially connected with pictures of Shiba Inus (nicknamed "Shibe") and interior monolog inscriptions on Tumblr. These photographs might be photoshopped to change the canine's face or subtitled with inside monologs in Comic Sans text style.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) / Lenny Face - Sorry but I do not like being a meme Perhaps the soonest appearance of the emoji was presented on the Finnish picture board Ylilauta at 8:45 a.m. EST on November eighteenth, 2012. Posted on the site's International board, "( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" was utilized as a remark in a string about whether heads should change the settings on their spam indicator. After somebody grumbled about observing such a large number of posts in stickied strings, an unknown client utilized the emoji and the expression "this string is spilling from the sky." Other clients started wrecking the string by posting subordinates of the emoji with various kinds of eyes, which proceeded for three days.

ForeverAlone ForeverAlone is viewed as one of the principal significant angry pic turn off characters to be creater after the first Rage Guy, which originally jumped up on 4chan in 2009. As indicated by different sources, the first comic was transferred in a string titled "April Fools" by FunnyJunk client Azuul on May 28th, 2010 (demonstrated as follows).

Navy Seal Copypasta Naval force Seal Copypasta (otherwise called the "Marine Copypasta," "Web Tough Guy Copypasta" and "Gorilla Warfare Copypasta") is a flippant message containing a progression of absurd cases and bombastic dangers that depict the blurb as an Internet extreme person generalization. In the first post, the author professed to be a previous Navy Seal with a long history of battle encounters, utilizing amusing grammatical mistakes and metaphors like "Gorilla Warfare," "300 Confirmed Kills" and "I can slaughter you in more than 700 different ways with simply my uncovered hands." Since its rise in mid-2012, the copypasta has produced an assortment of side project stories, like the John Copypasta meme.

Zerg Rush Zerg Rush is an online slang term used to portray a circumstance where one is dwarfed by a power of a staggering scale. The term starts from the prominent ongoing procedure game Starcraft, in which the "Zerg" race is famously known for its capacity to mass produce hostile units inside a brief span outline, in this way enabling the player to overwhelm the rival by sheer number.

Trollface Trollface is an angry pic character wearing an insidious grin that is intended to speak to the outward appearance of an Internet troll. The picture is most normally used to depict a character as a troll in angry pics, or on the other hand, to distinguish oneself or another member in that capacity in online exchanges.

Me Gusta Me Gusta is an angry pic face that is commonly used to express one's endorsement of an unbalanced or unreasonable circumstance. The subtitle "Me gusta" means "I like it" in Spanish. In its start, the expression passed on an odd feeling of delight in explicitly unreasonable settings, however the meaning has since expanded to depict an increasingly broad condition of being upset and satisfied at the same time.

Do A Barrel Roll "Do A Barrel Roll" is a catchphrase used to call on somebody to play out a 360 degree horizontal turn. The phrase is some of the time used to caption image macros where the subject appears to be in mid-rotation, or in animated GIFs where the subject is playing out a full rotation.

Flipping Tables Flipping Tables (composed as: (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻) is a book based emoji portraying an individual flipping a table out of wrath. Principally utilized by East Asian web clients to express fierceness, the emoji ended up prominent among Western web clients finishing its presentation universally well known web based games.

Ermahgerd Ermahgerd (otherwise called "Gersberms" and "Berks"), a rhotacized way to express "gracious my god," is a picture large scale arrangement including a photograph of a young lady holding a few books from the kids' loathsomeness fiction arrangement Goosebumps. The phonetically composed inscriptions are intended to seem like a discourse obstacle brought about by the utilization of an orthodontic retainer, frequently utilizing the snowclone format "Ermahgerd X." They spread fast - almost like viruses - but are not dangerous, but often great fun: Memes. These are the funniest motives on the internet.  Yes, This is Dog "Truly, This is Dog" (otherwise called "Hi, This is Dog") is a picture large scale arrangement highlighting a dark Labrador humanized with the inscription as though it is picking up the phone.  #memes #memesengraçados #memesgraciosos #memes😂 #memesespañol #memesbrasileiros #theofficememes #memesquad #memesenespañol #memess #memeslayer #memes2good #harrypottermemes #memesrlife #dankmemes Read the full article

[sunnivadee]

"This book is so much more than I thought it would be. So much more angst and heartache and grief and love. It's not an easy book to read, it made me question almost everything. At times it seemed brutal and scary and other times it felt light and happy. This book was nothing at all like what I expected.“

Coming October 16th.

Grief comes in many forms. There is no right or wrong way to grieve... Right? Except, what if you douse that grief with sex in ways so culturally unacceptable you leave it to a veritable male harem led by the porn-star brother of your fiancé to decide if you’ll emerge from the jungle intact? ✨✨✨✨✨ It wasn't a problem to be the only girl in a house full of guys. Until my fiancé died and his identical twin took over the roost. Sweet, easygoing Julian passed, while loathsome, bossy Luka, who pays his way through med school by getting his dick wet on film, is still alive. What kind of twisted reality is this? Now, Luka’s on a mission to fix both of our grief. Like I’d ever accept anything from him. He doesn’t understand that gorgeous and sexy mean nothing if you’re a promiscuous jerk. If only the nights didn’t destroy me. They’re painful and long and empty, until, on a Monday night, my insomnia attracts Diego. That Tuesday, it attracts Lenny. Next, it’s Marlon, James, Nathaniel, and on Saturday, it’s Connor. By Sunday night, I get the picture. This is Luka doing what Luka does: solve problems with sex. His remote-controlled comfort leaves me in our roommates’ arms six of seven nights. On Sunday, there’s only one man left in the house. There’s no way in hell I’m opening my door—or my heart—to a porn star.

[inspiredwriter]

Mud Dogs And Their Girlfriends

Loathsome Lenny💙(Ogre) x Selena🩷(Snow Leopard)

He beat her in a beer drinking competition🍻

Heinous Green❤(Toad) x Caitlin💜(Western Gray Kangaroo)

She almost beat him in wrestling🥊

Malicious Mickey🧡(Electric Eel) x Ariana🩶(Butterfly Greta Oto)

She stole his dagger in a nightclub🪩

Dastardly Danny💜(Rat) x Addilyn💛(Siberian Weasel)

He didn't hand her over to the police🚔

@swagreecrow @neocelticavalon @apritello-newspaper

[trendingnewsb]

30 Books That Everyone Should Read At Least Once In Their Lives

The greatest books are defined as classics for a reason.  Written by the greatest literary minds of their time, they have universal themes, characters, experiences, emotions, and perspectives that are still relevant today.  Some of them are the very inspiration from which entire modern genres of literary fiction have sprung up from.

If you love reading, here are 30 books that that we feel are defining milestones in our literary tradition.  Some are well known classics, others are modern giants.  All are well worth reading at least once in your life!

To Kill a Mockingbird

by Harper Lee

Published in 1960, this timeless classic explores human behaviour and the collective conscience of The Deep South in the early 20th century. Humour entwines the delicate strands of prejudice, hatred, hypocrisy, love and innocence to create one of the best novels ever written.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

1984

by George Orwell

Although 1984 has passed us by, George Orwell’s dystopian, totalitarian world of control, fear and lies has never been more relevant. Delve into the life of Winston Smith as he struggles with his developing human nature in a world where individuality, freewill and love are forbidden.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

by J.K. Rowling

I’m willing to bet you’ve heard of Harry Potter, but have you read the books? Join Harry Potter as he begins his journey into the world of magic, where he is the celebrated Boy Who Lived. Visit Hogwarts, meet your favourite characters and watch Harry grow into the one of the most famous literary characters in the world.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Lord of the Rings

by J.R.R. Tolkien

Middle Earth is a wonderful, expansive fantasy world filled with turmoil, heroes, evil and innocence. Although our protagonist Frodo Baggins’ quest seems impossible to complete, this trilogy is a tale of triumph in the most impossible circumstances.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

he Great Gatsby

by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Published in 1925, Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby explores the decadence of the Jazz Age, and one man’s introduction into a world where even those with the most indulgent lives cannot earn love.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

Pride and Prejudice

by Jane Austen

One of the most famous novels of all time, Pride And Prejudice details the courtship of two opposed characters in a world where manners and courtesy are of the utmost importance.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Diary Of A Young Girl

by Anne Frank

Unforgettable and deeply influential, Anne Frank’s diary is a raw account of a young girl’s life as she hides from the Nazis. Despite her circumstances, Anne believes that people are still good at heart and that the world is full of beauty: she will change your life.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Book Thief

by Markus Zusak

Set in Germany during 1939, The Book Thief follows Liesel as she rescues books from the tyranny of Nazi rule. Meanwhile, her family has hidden a Jewish fighter in their basement and death looks down on the family, narrating our tale. Experience bravery that is rarely found in the world, and friendship that is formed in the most unlikely of situations.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Hobbit

by J.R.R. Tolkien

Although the movies are inexplicably long, The Hobbit was originally written as a short children’s book. Meet your favourite characters for the first time as the unforgettable Bilbo Baggins traverses the harsh landscapes of Middle Earth to challenge a dragon.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Little Women

by Louisa May Alcott

Join four sisters, each with their own prominent personality, as they come of age in charming 19th Century New England. Experience their struggles and revel in their flaws, as these girls become strong women.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Fahrenheit 451

by Ray Bradbury

Books are forbidden, and it is our main character Guy Montag’s job to burn any books he comes across. Often compared to George Orwell’s 1984, Ray Bradbury’s dystopian world is an unsettling commentary on Western societies’ addiction and dependence on the media and conformity.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Jane Eyre

by Charlotte Bronte

Arguably one of the most influential fictional heroines of all time, Jane Eyre is a strong, unbroken women despite her troubled childhood and repressed Victorian society. Print | eBook | Audiobook

Animal Farm

by George Orwell

This famous 1945 satire, examines the realistic risks of revolution and the dynamics animals will inevitably give in to.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Gone with the Wind

by Margaret Mitchell

Set in The South during The Civil War, chances are if you love the movie you’ll love the book. Although the main character and the world she lives in is loathsome, readers’ opinions are twisted as this novel dishes out a fated justice when both Scarlett and The South lose their wars. Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Catcher in the Rye

by J.D. Salinger

Starring the original cynical adolescent, The Catcher In The Rye explores the challenges and isolation of adolescence. Decipher your own message as you follow sixteen-year-old Holden Caulfield, in this novel that has split audiences for decades. Print | Audiobook

Charlotte’s Web

by E.B. White

Team up with Charlotte, a loving and generous spider, and Fern, a farmers daughter as they try to save Wilbur the piglet from becoming breakfast. Charlotte’s Web is a compelling reminder to bask in the simplistic wonders of everyday life, and to be kind to all living creatures. Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

by C.S. Lewis

Another renowned fantasy world, Narnia is the home of hundreds of magnificent creatures each with their own origins, morals and ideals. Let you imagination run wild as you enter the wardrobe and meet some of the most famous literary characters in history. Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Grapes of Wrath

by John Steinbeck

Published in 1939, this novel set during The Great Depression follows one Oklahoma family as they are forced to travel to California. Experience America in a tale where it’s people are divided into the haves and have-nots, the powerful and the powerless. Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Lord of the Flies

by William Golding

This classic novel follows the lives of boys marooned on an island as they regress into savages; and their beautiful, enjoyable island existence collapses into a primitive and cruel nightmare. Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Kite Runner

by Khaled Hosseini

A story of true friendship, The Kite Runner follows Amir as he tries to find the only true friend he’s ever had – despite abandoning him due to ethnic and religious differences that were prominent in Kabul, Afghanistan. Print | eBook | Audiobook

Of Mice and Men

by John Steinbeck

Of Mice And Men is a complex story of a friendship between two migrant workers: George Milton and Lennie Small, in California. Watch their friendship develop as the pair work towards their modest dreams of owning their own land and pets. Print | eBook | Audiobook

A Tale of Two Cities

by Charles Dickens

Following eighteen years as a political prisoner, Dr Manette is released and returns to England with his daughter Lucie. There, two very different men fall in love with Lucie and become entwined in a tale of love and sacrifice. Print | eBook | Audiobook

Romeo and Juliet

by Charles Dickens

Perhaps the most famous love story ever written, Romeo and Juliet is an epic tragedy that explores the euphoria of desire and the tragedy of revenge. Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

by Douglas Adams

Grab a towel and accompany human Arthur Dent on a fantastic adventure across the galaxy. Learn not to take the universe so seriously and forget any meaning you’ve applied to anything in your life, because we all know the real meaning of life is 42. Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Wuthering Heights

by Emily Bronte

Published in 1847, this passionate and harrowing story of love, rivalry and revenge follows Catherine Earnshaw and her father’s adopted foundling Heathcliff as they grow into very different adults. Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Color Purple

by Alice Walker

Winner of multiple awards, The Color Purple is a devastating tale that tackles the lives of colored women in 1930s USA. Censored and challenged, the harsh reality displayed in The Color Purple will leave you shaken. Print | eBook | Audiobook

Alice in Wonderland

by Lewis Carroll

Bizarre and curious, Alice In Wonderland explores the potential of imagination and the reality of fiction. If you’re a fan of escaping the real world, this is definitely the book for you. Print | eBook | Audiobook

Frankenstein

by Mary Shelley

A combination of gothic thriller, cautionary tale and romance novel, Frankenstein is a story like no other. Written by Mary Shelley when she was just eighteen, Frankenstein prompts readers to ask themselves some truly shattering questions: what makes us human? What do we owe to one another as living creatures? How far can science push the boundaries of nature? Print | eBook | Audiobook

 The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

by Mark Twain

Often titled The Great American Novel, The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn is a deep and complex tale of friendship, adolescence and shifting societal norms. Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Slaughterhouse-Five

by Kurt Vonnegut

Although Vonnegut himself admits there are few characters or confrontations in this book, the impact of his novel is undeniable. We travel through life with our protagonist Billy Pilgrim as he experiences World War II from a rather unique perspective – that is, he’s been abducted from his home planet of Tralfamadore. Rich and deeply funny, this tale aims to discourage us from war and murder that the authorities force the public into.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

Featured photo credit: Girl Reading A Book | Picjumbo via picjumbo.com

The post 30 Books That Everyone Should Read At Least Once In Their Lives appeared first on Lifehack.

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[authorncthomas]

The Media Keeping Us In Our Place

Friday night. I bought the noses. I donated money. Alcohol was in the fridge chilling. All set. The thing about Comic Relief, or Red Nose Day, is that yes you are going to cry at those utterly heart-breaking videos of people’s lives completely torn to pieces by war or famine, and yes you get progressively more irritated as the night goes on when they keep asking you for money even though you’ve already given what you can - but you are also guaranteed the laughs. Laughs that come courtesy of the absolutely cream of British entertainment. And considering the current world we live in where I genuinely wake up some mornings surprised we’re still here instead of vaporised to oblivion, laughs are needed. Laughs are integral. So it’s nice when we all collect as a group to laugh.

I didn’t laugh. I didn’t smile. All I did was sit completely confused at what I was seeing. It was a disaster. The sound was embarrassing. There are gramophones out there with better sound than what we got on Friday night. The hosts were mostly inexperienced. Stellar and reliable acts were completely stale and unfunny. I actually cringed at the Lenny Henry skit. The live audience were indifferent and I am absolutely certain I could hear a bar close by where clearly the real action was going on. I cried when I was supposed to, when children were dying on my screen from malaria, and I also cried when my comedy heroines French and Saunders bombed continuously by doing a skit that is basically the same as James Corden’s, but with costumes. The funny seemingly being you had to guess who Saunders was dressed and that French over-emphasised every word she sang. (In case you aren’t aware of this ingenuous concept of Corden’s, it’s when he drives with celebs in his car, and they sing. Genius. This is what we are told is entertaining now. Much like Lip Sync Battle.)

 But the skit that finally made me switch off was when the so-called darlings of 90s cult comedy Vic and Bob arrived on the stage. I should point out that Vic and Bob have never appealed to me. Not their comedy anyway. Bob can act. Vic can make me want to smear shit on my television screen. Anyway, they were interviewing Susanna Reid who from what I gather, as I am not a celeb expert, sits alongside the utterly loathsome Piers Morgan every weekday morning. The two males, the funny ones in this scenario apparently, were dressed up in joke shop paraphernalia and asking Reid questions in silly voices. I couldn’t exactly hear what questions because I was straining to hear what the guy at the front of audience was asking his wife to get him at the bar. Then, before you know it, there it is. Vic, who is wearing a kilt, opens his legs and flashes Reid a plastic penis that he has attached to himself. There’s the joke ladies and gentlemen. Benny Hill would be bloody proud.  

Saturday night. Twitter informs me, through trending, that Cheryl Cole has had a baby. Good for you Cheryl? Sore isn’t it? She posted a picture of the baby on Instagram. The press haven’t been able to cope with only getting access to the one photo. So much so that they have scrambled for newsworthy pieces for this subject. They’ve queried what the baby’s name could be. They’ve stated that Liam, the dad, has a mum who is so happy. (Hardly groundbreaking news, but ok.) They’ve released a story that Cheryl doesn’t see her uncle as much anymore and so he hasn’t seen the baby. (I haven’t even met some of my uncles.) Who will be the baby’s godparents the Mirror asked. (Vital stuff I know.) And my favourite headline is that Cheryl’s mum will be moving in with the family for a while to help Cheryl “cope” with the baby. That one is also courtesy of the Mirror. Hollywood.com used the word “help”, but not the British Media – they use “cope.”

 Leggings got banned by an airline company over the weekend. This gave the media the opportunity to showcase photos of celebs in leggings, looking great. And real women in leggings, looking like boiled potatoes stuffed in sausage skin. This story gave the Mirror (I know. It’s like I’ve got something against the paper isn’t it? Cos I certainly don’t buy it. I don’t condone murdering trees for evil.) the opportunity for this headline… 5 fashions that we'd ban on planes after United Airlines bars passengers from wearing leggings. I should state that all items listed were in fact unisex. I should also state that every photo used was of women wearing said item. Ooops, nope the cap had a male wearing it, but just for good measure there was a woman’s foot resting on the spare seat next to him. And the photo being used was from the man’s Twitter account complaining about said feet. I actually agree with the guy, keep your disgusting cheesy taloned trotters away from me every time, but it really brought home the message about women and airplanes – we just don’t how to conduct ourselves on them clearly.

Hey, maybe I’m clutching at straws. Maybe I need to calm down. I’m being one of those arsehole lefties who whinge about everything. Breath… …. …

 Remember last week’s awful atrocities in London? Did anyone else hear or read the sentence, “Why aren’t the Muslim community condemning this behaviour?” Well, they did. And it was wonderful. Muslim women, hand in hand, stood along Westminster Bridge in solidarity and defiance against the acts of last week. The photos are wonderful. And the message clear and united. The reporting of it? Not widespread. But the most noteworthy headline comes from the Daily Mail Muslim women dressed in headscarves stand hand-in-hand on Westminster Bridge in solidarity with the victims of London terror attack. At first glance nothing wrong with that. Its reporting what happened, its clear, concise. BUT JUST REMEMEBR THEY ARE WEARING HEAD SCARVES! THAT’S REALLY IMPORTANT! HOW ELSE ARE WE GOING TO KNOW THEY ARE MUSLIM AND, THEREFORE, DIFFERENT FROM US?

And now we arrive at today. The event that incensed me so much I have typed this post with steam coming from my fingers. I’ve already called my computer a knob twice and threatened to bin it if it doesn’t do what I want, which is essentially type the whole thing for me because my thoughts are too quick for my typing digits.

I got several tweets this morning regarding the Daily Mail’s front headlines today. In the picture is Theresa May, the British Prime Minister, and Nicola Sturgeon, the Scottish First Minister, who met to discuss, what boils down to, the future of the UK. And the Mail’s headline? Never Mind Brexit, who won Legs-it! Because both women are sat with skirts on which reveals their legs.

What I have listed here only occurred since Friday and yet look at the way women are portrayed. Why are we not angry? I mean, don’t get me wrong. Twitter is going berserk, but Twitter is fickle and something else will trend that will get the populous enraged and we will forget all of this.

 I plan to raise my daughter with the message that she is worth so much and has so much to give the world and that she should never doubt that. That she should strive for greatness. Just because she is a female doesn’t mean her only worth is her looks, or how she dresses. I want my daughter to admire women like this. I don’t want her to be a Kardashian or a Charlotte Crosby. I want her to use her brain, make a positive difference, command respect from her very presence, and one day even have other little girls want to be just like her. How do I preach this to her when society rejects the very values I want to instil in her? Ladies, we have a long way to go. Please, don’t let this one go. Keep being angry. Be a nag. You might as well, it fits the stereotype.

[theampreviews]

Favorite Films of 2016

2016 will probably be remembered more for its big budget flops like Ghostbusters, Alice Through The Looking Glass, The Legend of Tarzan, The Huntsman than for any breakout hits, outside of the obvious annual clock-punchers from Marvel and Lucas Film. From a distance a brace of Summer duds can unfairly colour a year, and that’s certainly the case for me. Aside from (and sometimes including) these under-performing, perceived failures, there was some absolute gold among the silt.   

Will Smith (and more to the point, his wife) throwing toys out the pram over the lack of an Academy Award nomination for Concussion [30] took away from what was an admirably thoughtful film about the heath issues plaguing the NFL. Sure, it was always Leo’s year, but he deserved to be in the conversation at the very least (although to be fair to the Academy, not making the final 5 doesn’t mean he wasn’t). 

Paramount continue to deliver under appreciated brilliance with the 3rd in their rebooted franchise, Star Trek: Beyond [29] hit all the right notes for a summer sci-fi blockbuster; fast, fun and frivolous. People complained it felt like an extended episode, but that’s exactly why I liked it, I’ve had enough of world building, just show me a good time. They also had another zinger at the start of the year with Michael Bay’s underrated 13 Hours [28]. Chances are his name alone, attached to a military action/drama, was enough to put audiences off, but they missed a trick skipping this one. He may be off-puttingly jingoistic, but he even managed to temper that somewhat here, whilst delivering action set-pieces that put most others to shame. 

Another notable failure of the year was Natalie Portman’s Jane Got A Gun [27]. It’s one of those “development hell” cautionary tales yet, it didn’t show its scars for me. I’m a big fan of Westerns and this one kept things intimate & lean, and all the better for it. The opposite of that, and another of the years casualties, was Duncan Jones’ Warcraft [26]. A (likely) failed franchise starter based on the oddly popular role play game, this was a hulking great bowl full of cinematic jelly & icecream that few bothered with. It certainly showed that The Hobbit likely killed off any notions of Fantasy’s great comeback. It’s a shame because amongst the ridiculousness, Jones managed to put some life behind the eyes of his CGI characters in a way that is desperately lacking in the craft (I’m staring you straight in your dead Peter Cushing eyes, Disney). 

Far smaller in scale (and finding a far smaller audience) was Elvis & Nixon [25], the Michael Shannon/Kevin Spacey comedy about the meeting behind the most requested photo in the White House archives. Shannon seemed unlikely casting for The King in a visual sense, but he finds ways to convey the spirit of Elvis (from what we know of him) that allows for the lack of physical likeness. Spacey, a familiar face in that room thanks to House Of Cards, is a far cry from finding the depths of Nixon that Anthony Hopkins did, but he’s fun in the role and the two enjoy a great chemistry behind their masks.

Don’t call it a comeback (people will yell at you), but seeing Mel Gibson back on screen in 2016 was a heartwarming delight. Blood Father [24] was a nice beefed-up throwback to the sort of films he made back in the 80s and 90s with one eye on the Liam Neeson market. A story of a loathsome alcoholic putting himself in harms way for redemption may have been a little on the nose for those that have no time for him, but they likely didn’t see it anyway. Nor did many make the trip to see another star of the 20-30 years past take a stab at the aging action hero in Kevin Costner’s batty Criminal [23]. The preposterous story of murderous psychopath being the only viable candidate for a dead Ryan Reynolds memory transplant, Criminal was loopy enough to rise above its own absurdity. It was also filmed in Croydon, adding to the whole whatthefuckness of it all. I had a blast with this one.         

A Bigger Splash [22] is one of those meandering films that does very little but won me over thanks to Ralph Fiennes being absolutely bloody marvelous. I’ve really taken to his latter day renaissance as a fine comedic actor. I’ve also taken greatly to Kiwi Comedy, and Hunt For The Wilderpeople [21] carries on their fine tradition of distinctly idiosyncratic humor that can be as heartfelt as it is hilarious, with a touching and delightful performance from newcomer Julian Dennison. Lenny Abrahamson also managed to balance both the traumatic and the sentimental perfectly, with a standout performance from the mini Jacob Tremblay, in Room [20]. As a huge fan of the …Top Model TV show (Australia, America, Britain in order of preference) I found Nicholas Winding Refn’s absurd psycho-horror The Neon Demon [19] a highly amusing satire on the fashion world. And there’s no denying he creates visually arresting films. I laughed my arse off at the ending, not sure if that was the desired reaction or not, but it worked for me. So to did Ben Wheatley’s immaculate construction of a simple metaphor, High-Rise [18], a tribute to decadence & squalor was one of those films that entertains as it confounds. Hiddleston, Miller and Evans were all superb. 

Hollywood reconstructions of real-life tragedies can often feel clumsy and exploitative but credit where it’s due, Peter Berg kept the glorifying heroics to a minimum (mercifully devoid of slow-mo) with Deepwater Horizon [17] and worked on delivering an effective build up to a chaotic and intense finale. Speaks volumes that the tech-heavy opening half is as gripping as the explosive stuff, if not more so.   For a subject that could feel a lot like homework, Adam McKay also made a bold and brash film out of The Big Short [16] that did a good job of explaining itself in entertaining ways and ended up being an incendiary and surprisingly emotional account of one of recent history’s most colossal financial tragedy. Bale’s Oscar nod was well deserved.

Deniz Gamze Erguven and his superb young cast tackled the depressing truths of life as a young girl in a strict Muslim country in Mustang [15] and breathed a commendable amount life and vitality into it. What could have been a grim tale of patriarchal oppression becomes a spirited bid for freedom. Wonderful film.

Amusing and emotional, the pairing of Michael Caine and Harvey Keitel looking back on lives lived and/or wasted worked wonders for me. A heady mix of regret and sensuality with segways into the sublime and the ridiculous, Youth [14] was a sensory cocktail. Rachel Weisz was the standout, one of my favourite performances of the year.

On paper, Captain Fantastic [13] looked like a Wes Anderson wannabe, touchy-feely cringe fest but, despite appearances, this was one of the most affecting films I saw all year. Put me in a brilliant mood, and that’s worth celebrating. As did The Jungle Book [12]. This was pure joy; an old fashioned story told with the very best technology the industry has to offer, without losing any of its heart or soul. Sets the standard for all future Disney live action adaptions. Bravo, Favs!

With Boyhood leaving me pretty cold, aside from an appreciation of the impressive production scale, I was glad to see Richard Linklater revisit Dazed and Confused (always my favourite of his films) by way of an anthology-style sequel in Everybody Wants Some!! [11]. Following a group of two-track minded Jocks (Baseball & Women) this became a casualty of the super-Woke climate of 2016, but I frigging loved it. Good to see more of the promising Wyatt Russell and a (should have been) star making turn from Glen Powell. One of the best feel-good Comedies I’ve seen in an age.

Hell Or High Water [10] was an incredibly simple story of Cops n Robbers incredibly well told. Sometimes, that’s all it takes. (It also featured the years most satisfying beatdowns)  

Tobias Lindholm is one of my favourite filmmakers to emerge in recent years; writer of The Hunt and director of A Hijaking, two of my favourite films of 2012 (numbers 1 & 3 respectively). A War (Krigen) [09], staring A Hijacking’s brilliant Pilou Asbaek, is a taught drama covering the trial of a Danish Commander accused of an illegal killing (or, civil murder) in Afghanistan. Frustrating and engrossing in equal measure, this is the type of honest, contemplative war films rarely seen in Hollywood.

With all the dust settled on the DiCaprio Oscar Campaign, The Revenant [08] stands tall as a devilishly engrossing revenge thriller that’s as linear and explosive as any Hollywood Action Flick, despite its protestations to be something more cerebral/spiritual. And, for what it’s worth, Leo was fucking great. Films rarely look, sound or feel this good. 

If Blue Ruin made me take notice of Jeremy Saulnier in 2013, this years Green Room [07] ensures I will be there day one for whatever he comes up with next. A brutal, claustrophobic rush of Horror-Realism, this was a huge “Fuck You!” to the bland and predictable schlock that spills out of studios all year. It’s also a punk-as-fuck farewell to the late Anton Yelchin, who’s premature death this year was the biggest gut punch.

For too long Hollywood has paraded The Great White Hope in boxing movies (and still does), so it was great to see the Daddy of them all address the balance by bringing Apollo Creed’s son front and center to carry on this beloved franchise in Ryan Coogler’s euphoric Creed [06]. Michael B Jordan is stellar in the lead role and Stallone gifted one of Cinema’s most enduring Icons a worthy and heartfelt send-off. For people of a certain age, this was their most emotional trip to the cinema in 2016.

Continuing my love affair with Danish cinema, Anders Thomas Jensen’s absurdly wicked comedy Maend & Hons (Men & Chicken) [05] playfully flirtswith horror and pathos in ways I’ve seldom seen. Finding a beauty in the grotesque, this was the most bizarrely fascinating and fulfilling film I saw all year, one that had me going over what I’d seen for hours after as it revealed ever more miniature complexities. It’s also great to see Mads Mikkelsen taking huge roles in two of the years biggest Disney behemoths but still have enough love in his native Cinema to fit something lie this in too. What a guy.

Shane Black’s sense of humor really clicks with me (Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a Hall Of Famer for me) and The Nice Guys [04] had me rolling. Russell Crowe was game for playing the straight guy to a movie-stealing performance from Ryan Gosling, who, it turns out, is a Comedy Genius. The Year’s best Comedy, hands down, and a film that already appears to have endless rewatchability.

Another film that I’ve had no issues with watching several times last year, despite its hefty run-time (4 at last count) was Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight [03]. Outside of the exceptional run of his first three films, this is QT’s MASTERPIECE. His writing is as good as it has ever been but his growth as a Director is most evident in this film. I feel like I’m in that haberdashery with them every time I watch this; it’s some of the richest story telling I’ve ever seen with a brace of stellar performances.

Then we come to my most contentious pick in all of 2016; Batman v Superman [02]. I’ll never apologise for liking this movie as much as I do, but the amount of scorn thrown its way needs to be acknowledged. The disappointment most people felt with this film seems to boil down to one thing: Zack Snyder. People don’t like him or his style of film-making. I love him. As annoying as it has proved to be to express to people; for me Snyder has made the best Comic Book Movie yet. It’s an absolute tour de force of owning the world you’re creating, not apologizing for it or trying to excuse the inherent absurdities with knowing humor or smug cynicism. Sure, it aims for the Man-Child audience du jour, kids will be bored to death here (as many adults were, yes, yes, bravo) and that’s something I think is a fault with the Genre across the board, but Snyder sets his tone and rides it, hard. Going for broke with the grand mythologizing, Snyder has taken a huge leap with the DCU and, whilst for many he has landed flat on his face, I think he soars. Henry Cavill’s conflicted Superman is the most interesting take on the character I’ve seen yet. The distrust shown him by the people he’s promised to protect making him question his role on Earth gives what has been a rather bland Hero in the past an actual arc, and Cavill is just brilliant. So to is Ben Affleck as an aging and unforgiving Batman/Bruce Wayne. Even Jesse Eisenberg’s infinitely irritating Lex Luthor worked a treat for me. I’m not being contrarian when I champion this film, I went twice to see it at the cinema (regular and IMAX) and have subsequently watched the (superior) Ultimate Cut at home a further two times; my feelings towards it only grow with each viewing. 

And that brings me to my number one, which will be a surprise to exactly no one who has had to endure my gushing over this film since the BFI London Film Festival Gala screening in October of 2015; Bone Tomahawk [01].

This isn’t just my favourite film of the year, it’s my favourite film in over a decade. A brutal Western with Horror trappings starring America’s Greatest Actor Kurt Russell, it felt like this film was made just for me. For all the gold standard performances (Russell is on career best form, Matthew Fox is a revelation and Richard Jenkins straight-up steals the movie) it’s S. Craig Zahler’s screenplay (married to his beyond-his-years debut direction) that sets Bone Tomahawk apart form the pack; it’s an exemplary piece of writing that should be praised until the end of time.

It’s easy to say “I love this movie”, but I legitimately *love* Bone Tomahawk.

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30 Books That Everyone Should Read At Least Once In Their Lives

The greatest books are defined as classics for a reason.  Written by the greatest literary minds of their time, they have universal themes, characters, experiences, emotions, and perspectives that are still relevant today.  Some of them are the very inspiration from which entire modern genres of literary fiction have sprung up from.

If you love reading, here are 30 books that that we feel are defining milestones in our literary tradition.  Some are well known classics, others are modern giants.  All are well worth reading at least once in your life!

To Kill a Mockingbird

by Harper Lee

Published in 1960, this timeless classic explores human behaviour and the collective conscience of The Deep South in the early 20th century. Humour entwines the delicate strands of prejudice, hatred, hypocrisy, love and innocence to create one of the best novels ever written.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

1984

by George Orwell

Although 1984 has passed us by, George Orwell’s dystopian, totalitarian world of control, fear and lies has never been more relevant. Delve into the life of Winston Smith as he struggles with his developing human nature in a world where individuality, freewill and love are forbidden.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone

by J.K. Rowling

I’m willing to bet you’ve heard of Harry Potter, but have you read the books? Join Harry Potter as he begins his journey into the world of magic, where he is the celebrated Boy Who Lived. Visit Hogwarts, meet your favourite characters and watch Harry grow into the one of the most famous literary characters in the world.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Lord of the Rings

by J.R.R. Tolkien

Middle Earth is a wonderful, expansive fantasy world filled with turmoil, heroes, evil and innocence. Although our protagonist Frodo Baggins’ quest seems impossible to complete, this trilogy is a tale of triumph in the most impossible circumstances.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

he Great Gatsby

by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Published in 1925, Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby explores the decadence of the Jazz Age, and one man’s introduction into a world where even those with the most indulgent lives cannot earn love.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

Pride and Prejudice

by Jane Austen

One of the most famous novels of all time, Pride And Prejudice details the courtship of two opposed characters in a world where manners and courtesy are of the utmost importance.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Diary Of A Young Girl

by Anne Frank

Unforgettable and deeply influential, Anne Frank’s diary is a raw account of a young girl’s life as she hides from the Nazis. Despite her circumstances, Anne believes that people are still good at heart and that the world is full of beauty: she will change your life.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Book Thief

by Markus Zusak

Set in Germany during 1939, The Book Thief follows Liesel as she rescues books from the tyranny of Nazi rule. Meanwhile, her family has hidden a Jewish fighter in their basement and death looks down on the family, narrating our tale. Experience bravery that is rarely found in the world, and friendship that is formed in the most unlikely of situations.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Hobbit

by J.R.R. Tolkien

Although the movies are inexplicably long, The Hobbit was originally written as a short children’s book. Meet your favourite characters for the first time as the unforgettable Bilbo Baggins traverses the harsh landscapes of Middle Earth to challenge a dragon.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Little Women

by Louisa May Alcott

Join four sisters, each with their own prominent personality, as they come of age in charming 19th Century New England. Experience their struggles and revel in their flaws, as these girls become strong women.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Fahrenheit 451

by Ray Bradbury

Books are forbidden, and it is our main character Guy Montag’s job to burn any books he comes across. Often compared to George Orwell’s 1984, Ray Bradbury’s dystopian world is an unsettling commentary on Western societies’ addiction and dependence on the media and conformity.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Jane Eyre

by Charlotte Bronte

Arguably one of the most influential fictional heroines of all time, Jane Eyre is a strong, unbroken women despite her troubled childhood and repressed Victorian society. Print | eBook | Audiobook

Animal Farm

by George Orwell

This famous 1945 satire, examines the realistic risks of revolution and the dynamics animals will inevitably give in to.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Gone with the Wind

by Margaret Mitchell

Set in The South during The Civil War, chances are if you love the movie you’ll love the book. Although the main character and the world she lives in is loathsome, readers’ opinions are twisted as this novel dishes out a fated justice when both Scarlett and The South lose their wars. Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Catcher in the Rye

by J.D. Salinger

Starring the original cynical adolescent, The Catcher In The Rye explores the challenges and isolation of adolescence. Decipher your own message as you follow sixteen-year-old Holden Caulfield, in this novel that has split audiences for decades. Print | Audiobook

Charlotte’s Web

by E.B. White

Team up with Charlotte, a loving and generous spider, and Fern, a farmers daughter as they try to save Wilbur the piglet from becoming breakfast. Charlotte’s Web is a compelling reminder to bask in the simplistic wonders of everyday life, and to be kind to all living creatures. Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

by C.S. Lewis

Another renowned fantasy world, Narnia is the home of hundreds of magnificent creatures each with their own origins, morals and ideals. Let you imagination run wild as you enter the wardrobe and meet some of the most famous literary characters in history. Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Grapes of Wrath

by John Steinbeck

Published in 1939, this novel set during The Great Depression follows one Oklahoma family as they are forced to travel to California. Experience America in a tale where it’s people are divided into the haves and have-nots, the powerful and the powerless. Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Lord of the Flies

by William Golding

This classic novel follows the lives of boys marooned on an island as they regress into savages; and their beautiful, enjoyable island existence collapses into a primitive and cruel nightmare. Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Kite Runner

by Khaled Hosseini

A story of true friendship, The Kite Runner follows Amir as he tries to find the only true friend he’s ever had – despite abandoning him due to ethnic and religious differences that were prominent in Kabul, Afghanistan. Print | eBook | Audiobook

Of Mice and Men

by John Steinbeck

Of Mice And Men is a complex story of a friendship between two migrant workers: George Milton and Lennie Small, in California. Watch their friendship develop as the pair work towards their modest dreams of owning their own land and pets. Print | eBook | Audiobook

A Tale of Two Cities

by Charles Dickens

Following eighteen years as a political prisoner, Dr Manette is released and returns to England with his daughter Lucie. There, two very different men fall in love with Lucie and become entwined in a tale of love and sacrifice. Print | eBook | Audiobook

Romeo and Juliet

by Charles Dickens

Perhaps the most famous love story ever written, Romeo and Juliet is an epic tragedy that explores the euphoria of desire and the tragedy of revenge. Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

by Douglas Adams

Grab a towel and accompany human Arthur Dent on a fantastic adventure across the galaxy. Learn not to take the universe so seriously and forget any meaning you’ve applied to anything in your life, because we all know the real meaning of life is 42. Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Wuthering Heights

by Emily Bronte

Published in 1847, this passionate and harrowing story of love, rivalry and revenge follows Catherine Earnshaw and her father’s adopted foundling Heathcliff as they grow into very different adults. Print | eBook | Audiobook

The Color Purple

by Alice Walker

Winner of multiple awards, The Color Purple is a devastating tale that tackles the lives of colored women in 1930s USA. Censored and challenged, the harsh reality displayed in The Color Purple will leave you shaken. Print | eBook | Audiobook

Alice in Wonderland

by Lewis Carroll

Bizarre and curious, Alice In Wonderland explores the potential of imagination and the reality of fiction. If you’re a fan of escaping the real world, this is definitely the book for you. Print | eBook | Audiobook

Frankenstein

by Mary Shelley

A combination of gothic thriller, cautionary tale and romance novel, Frankenstein is a story like no other. Written by Mary Shelley when she was just eighteen, Frankenstein prompts readers to ask themselves some truly shattering questions: what makes us human? What do we owe to one another as living creatures? How far can science push the boundaries of nature? Print | eBook | Audiobook

 The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

by Mark Twain

Often titled The Great American Novel, The Adventures Of Huckleberry Finn is a deep and complex tale of friendship, adolescence and shifting societal norms. Print | eBook | Audiobook

 Slaughterhouse-Five

by Kurt Vonnegut

Although Vonnegut himself admits there are few characters or confrontations in this book, the impact of his novel is undeniable. We travel through life with our protagonist Billy Pilgrim as he experiences World War II from a rather unique perspective – that is, he’s been abducted from his home planet of Tralfamadore. Rich and deeply funny, this tale aims to discourage us from war and murder that the authorities force the public into.

Print | eBook | Audiobook

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