#Living alone was definitely isolating (I had a roommate but it’s obviously different than being in a house with 3 other people)

[shima-draws]

Btw I hope you all are doing well!! For some reason I feel like it’s been quiet around here, some of that probably has to do with me not posting as much but the other part is probably bc I’m not in a super active fandom right now so interaction activity is kinda low. Usually when I’m making stuff for bigger fandoms my inbox is blowing up all the time but it’s been pretty quiet for a while lol

Or maybe tumblr’s just dying and I didn’t realize. But from what I’ve heard it seems like people are actually coming here from twitter so like? You think there’d be MORE activity but idk

Anyway. Halloween is coming up. If you all have plans I hope you have fun and stay safe!

[makoto-nanami]

Miraculous Rewrite: Origins Part 1 (Chapter 1)

Hi, this will be my first Miraculous fan fiction, while I love the show, I most definitely have my gripes with it, how they treat their characters is something that infuriates me, and while this fic may get salty sometimes, I do love the characters, it’s just because of the status quo that the writers are instant on maintaining, they can’t grow or act sometimes completely out of character. So I’ve decided to have a try at writing a fic with my own OC in, to act as the voice of reason when Marinette starts going overboard/borderline cringy or when Adrien is a innocent baby who doesn't understand the world or when he thinks it’s okay to have a tantrum or flirt with ladybug. I’ll be following the episodes, so they won’t be too different, just told from a different perspective. Again I apologise in later chapters if I seem too have ingested a ton of salt, but know if I salt on a character I plan to resolve it at the end of the episode. I hope you enjoy!

- Also, if anyone could suggest which tags this needs because I blanked when I tagged this... (-_-’)

Origins Part 1 - Chapter 1

Many millennia ago, concepts of life were born, however, these beings realised they had too much power, a power that could easily be abused. So, they gathered to a kind human who had chosen to live in isolation from the rest of his kind and protect the world when needed, a bestowed their blessings in hopes that the human would help them. The human was confused by the seemingly god-like beings’ request, how could they trust a lowly human such as himself, a coward who turned his back on the rest of the world after witnessing the corruption such power brought to his brethren? These gods simple smiled upon this man and said you are no hero, you are no villain, you are simply an observer, a helper, someone who despite his hate to the world, chose to protect it in its time of need.

So, the man heeded their call, creating magic jewels embedding them with extraordinary blessings from these gods, the Kwami, binding them to the jewels restricting their powers. These were… the Miraculous.

Throughout history, heroes have used these jewels for the good of humanity. However, The Creator of the Miraculous realised, that two of these jewels were more powerful than the other despite his efforts of balance; the earrings of the Ladybug, which provided creation; and the ring of the Black Cat, which granted the power of destruction. The Creator knew that whoever controlled both blessings would achieve absolute power, a power that the Kwami had feared would be manipulated with malicious intent. After realising his mistake, The Creator promised that no matter what, he would observe the Miraculous, personally in their times of use, as he could not stop humanities tragedy on his own; leaving the Jewels with his disciples allowing them to distribute when humanity cried out in suffering.

However, no one can live forever without a cost. Many have tried, all of them have failed with various degrees of success. Immortality is a fickle thing. Wishing for eternal youth, cursed to never grow, burying loved ones and always begging for an end to your torment. The Creator had witnessed this, one of his many mistakes, one he most definitely wanted to learn from. So, he wished to be reincarnated, to watch the miraculous in humanities time of need. Unfortunately, souls and memories of humans are just as fickle as the body. While he would reincarnate he would inherit the life his successor, cursed to watch as the loved ones drift away, fade and die, cursed to watch with red eyes.

But that’s just a silly story my mother would tell me as a child. She would tell me how maybe I could be the next reincarnation of this strange man; I’d laugh when she would tell me that. Then suddenly out of the blue; I started having strange thoughts, dreams of another time, voices of people crying out for help. My mother, Evangeline, a woman who raised me, a woman who while not connected to me in blood, still cared for me as if her own, one day told me this story again, this time… I did not laugh, I cried. I looked at my mother; realised… she had not aged a single day since the day I had met her all those years ago, she smiled and told me I was ready. She told me of her friend who trained to protect the Miraculous and how she housed and protected him in his early days after the temple was destroyed. She then explained how it was time for me to fulfil my promise to the world and how I would be going to Paris, France to work with her friend to protect the Miraculous.

Why though? It wasn’t my responsibility; I never made any promise to the world! All I wanted to be was slightly successful, hanging out with friends and working towards achieving my dreams as a P.I! I never wanted this! But as I was on the plane to Paris, I couldn’t deny it… I felt the pull of that man’s promise; I won’t give in though, no matter what I will not be that man! I will observe but I will not change myself, I will not become him, not while I still have my dreams of friendship and life.

Once in Paris, I find myself outside of a massage shop… this looks shady. Why the hell would Eva send me to a massage parlour? Well, I need to figure out what’s going on and figure out my living accommodations, so might as well bite the bullet on this shady place.

Knock-knock.

The door opened at the force of my knock; that’s some security for world-ending jewels. I make my way into the shop and spot an old man meditating… this is just getting weirder. As I’m about to announce myself, he speaks. “Welcome, Young Creator.” He opened his eyes, widening as he took in my appearance. “Well… this was not what I was suspecting at all.” Rude. “But worry not, come and I shall explain the gaps in your memory.”

“Excuse me, but I am not that man, obviously. I am my own person, while I intend on helping him fulfil his promise… I have no intention of becoming him.”

“But…”

“I’ll help you but know that I am not him.”

He stared at me considering my words before gesturing for me to sit down. I sit as he pours green tea into cups.

“I understand. Now allow me to introduce myself, I am Wang Fu, Evangeline has told me a lot about you.”

“Likewise. However, I am a little confused about the situation here in Paris. There is no media mention of any Miraculous holders, so obviously neither the Ladybug nor Black Cat is in circulation as the powers they hold are less than subtle when used, so why am I here?”

“I see, you are correct in your deduction of the state of the Miraculous’, however, you were drawn to Paris, correct? We believe that that pull indicates humanities potential ruin. As soon as you started to have visions of the past, Evangeline contacted me, I was already here in Paris so we decided it may be best to let you settle in and learn about your role and responsibilities hopefully before the path to ruin forms. Of course, due to your age as well, we have been forced to enrol you in a local school high school.”

I blanched at this, having already graduated from a high school for the gifted where it wasn’t considered strange for children to skip grades depending on their academic standing. Great… just freaking fantastic… Fu looks at me as if looking for my opinion, I simply sigh and shrug, excepting my fate, begrudgingly.

“So… Where exactly will I be living? I mean, not to be rude or anything, but this shop/apartment isn’t exactly big.”

“Yes, my home is only so big, and I already have a littler of picky roommates. Evangeline and I have decided to let you stay at her old home while she lived in Paris many years ago. She assured me that it would be to your tastes and it isn’t too far from your new school.”

Eva’s old home? I kinda worried now, she’s the sort of person who loves antiques and old dollies, sure she grew out of it when she adopted me but if this is her ‘old’ home… It’s not exactly a place I want to be, surrounded by creepy dolls and old stuff, at least I didn’t have to pay rent… wait…

“What about money? If I live alone, won’t I have to buy food and stuff?”

“Ah yes, Evangeline told me, that while she is more than happy to supply money for food and essentials, it will be sent to an account that will record what you buy, she stressed that I tell you that money is for essentials only.”

“Sounds like Eva… did she mention anything else?”

“Oh, she told me to give you this note when you asked about money.” He hands me a small note.

-       If you want games, junk, comics/books, anything not essential… GET A JOB!

-       Love you, Eva!

Yup… that’s definitely Eva. I laugh weakly, thinking who would hire a 13-year-old kid for more than a paper-round. Suddenly a flash of green whizzed around the room, I instinctively tensed ready to defend myself but quickly feeling foolish, seeing a green Turtle like creature.

“Wayzz…” I find myself muttering, having no idea of where the name came from… perhaps one of his memories.

“Master, Master! Master, the Moth Miraculous, I felt its aura!” Wait, what?

“I thought it had been lost forever!” He lost a Miraculous?! What?!

“But Master, it’s a negative aura. I fear it may have gotten into the hands of a dark power!” Oh just great!

“We must find Nooroo and his Miraculous. If it has gotten into the wrong hands, it means the path to ruin has formed and there’s no telling what evil will come to the world!” He stands raising his fist hand to the ceiling, a green turtle shell charm bracelet reviling itself. I find myself stammering.

“Hh-hey wait a sec- “

“Time to transform! Wayzz- Hack!” He doubles over in pain. If I wasn’t so confused, I’d find this almost comical… almost. Wayzz floats over to him almost exasperated.

“Please Master. Be reasonable. You are- “

“Still young! I’m only 186.” Only?! Then again, I just found out the woman who raised me is an immortal child, so what do I know. “But you’re right, Wayzz. Young One, I can no longer do it alone, it is time… We’ll need some help.” He walks over to the gramophone and revealing a box with symbols I somehow knew all too well, a box that housed the most powerful jewels in the world, the Miraculous.

As we roam the streets of Paris, I notice a school. Other kids making their way inside, chatting about their summer vacation. I feel myself dread at the idea of enrolling during the second year, everyone already knows each other, it’s gonna feel weird, dammit. We get to a crossing and I see a short navy haired girl rush out of the bakery across the street with a box in her hands, as I am about to dismiss her from my thoughts, Fu started to walk forward acting frail and old despite the light still being red for pedestrians. “Hey, wait!”

“Uuuhhaawh?!” The girl rushed out and grabs him by the hand, taking him to the other side of the street, dropping the box in the process. The light changes and I rush over, noticing people stepping on the baked goods that fell out the box.

“Thank you, miss. Oh! What a disaster.” Yeah, I wonder who’s fault that is, old man. I pick the box up and hand her it back.

“Sorry about your macarons, he just walked into the road suddenly.”

“Don’t worry, I’m no stranger to disasters, besides, there are still a few left. Would you like one?” She said kindly, offering the box to pick one out. Fu reached out and took one before eating it.

“Mmmh. Delicious! Do you attend Françoise Dupont? My friend’s child here is enrolling today for the second-year class.” Wait, what’s he doing?

“Oh really? Welcome to Dupont then! Do you know which class you’ll be in?”

“Erm, I believe Miss Bustier’s class?”

“Same here! Would you like me to show you the way?”

“Oh no, there’s no nee- “

“Oh thank you, it’s reassuring that this little one will have such a friendly face in class.” What the hell old man!? As if reading my thoughts, he looked at me innocently. “After all, it’s normal for a child to attend the first day of school, right?” Ack… he goddamned planned this! I don’t know how but he definitely planned this! Aren’t I supposed to help you find the holders for the Miraculous, Fu? Again, he simply smiles as he looks at me. “I’ll inform you of my progress when school finishes.”

“Oh no, we’re gonna be late! Ah, have a nice day, sir! Come on!” She cries as she pulls me along. “Oh, how rude! I don’t think I’ve asked your name!”

“My name? Oh, it’s Alice.”

“Alice, eh? Nice to meet you, and I must say, what lovely red eyes you have!”

[marvinswriting]

Gut feeling

Prompt: no prompt in this one buddies, just check out bear's borrower!janis au. Like my g/t mg au its something i thought about a lot but never officially put down anywhere, but she did and you fucking bet im gonna write it

This is a long one boys, and there's still more i wanna write lmfao

Think about everything you know about borrowers-

-and throw it out the fucking window.

Yep, fuck your stereotypes. I'm Janis, and yeah I guess your right about the whole tiny-people-who-live-in-walls-and-steal. You're also creepily accurate with your borrower's code (so I wanna know who blabbed. Probably Gretchen, god. I always wonder where she was before this house). I'm sidetracked. Other then that, you guys got it all wrong. 

We are very much aware of the concept of not all humans wanna kill or harm borrowers. Thank you very much. 

We just know most of them do.

And we aren't as rare as you may think. Lots of humans know about borrowers, and you all think we're a dying species or a myth. No. We're just good at what we do, thank you. The goal is to live undetected. It's safer that way.

We also don't live totally alone, isolated in walls. Well, some of us do, and some of us wish we did. (Me, it's me, I hate my roommates.)

I live with Gretchen and Kevin. Won't call them friends, because they're not. We aren't close enough. We keep each other around because we'd go insane without the interaction from others. A borrowers life can be boring and isolated.

Its the total opposite of a human's. When the owners of the house sleep, we're awake doing food runs. When the owners of the house are awake, we're hiding away, tucked in bed.

And for a long time that worked. But then something changed. I think the owners of the house called it 'the school year ended'? Now the boy, Damian- from what we've gathered he's our age. But who knows, it's not like we can just go up and meet him. He definitely seems to be the most sympathetic one of the family. 

The dad kills any fucking bug without even getting a good look, so like- don't get caught with him (not that you wanna get caught with any of them). 

The mom watches a lot of gory sci-fi shows that always end up with the main character in some type of experimental facility so we don't trust her. 

Damian just hides in his room, playing music and singing along. I like it, its harder for us to be heard that way. 

The final member of the household is the fucking cat. Her name is Ariel which is supposedly a reference to some princess, but the only royal she is is a royal pain. Little bitch almost killed me once. 

I'm so off track though. 

Apparently, this 'school year' is over, and now Damian is home all the time. He doesn't have to get up early to leave so he's opted to not sleeping at night at all. Which is just great for us. He doesn't often leave his room, but Gretch, Kevin, and I have to be a lot more careful often resulting in us grabbing a lot less.

I glance around my 'bedroom'. Through the years I like to think it's grown to be decorated nicely. Unlike my two roommates, I pride myself in my living space. I spend most of my time here, so why not. Yeah, I have the necessities, but I also have other things like plants and makeshift art supplies. In the corner of my room is what you could call a bed and a bottle cap nightstand. There's a piece of a mirror hanging. We all found mirror shards and took them, and might I say life hasn't quite been the same since. 

We don't really look at ourselves that often, there aren't many reflective surfaces to do so. Yeah, I'd catch my face staring back at me in my water, or on a shiny surface, but it was never as clear as the mirror. As I look right now, I just look stressed.

Pretty accurate.

I've got a weird feeling about tonight.

"We need food."

"No shit Gretchen." 

Gretchen and I are sitting in our combined space, waiting for Kevin. I'm hesitant to call it a living room because it hardly looks lived in. There are four beer cap chairs (and three of us, it's fucking stupid- I know) a pizza saver as a table, and a bunch of miscellaneous items that haven't found a home yet.

"Hubbards are asleep." Kevin walks out from where he was keeping watch. "The kids light is still on and I couldn't locate the cat, are we sure we want to go out tonight."

"We need food," Gretchen repeats herself.

"We don't have much of a choice," I say, shoving makeshift grappling hooks and double-sided tape into my satchel, and grabbing another bad for food. "We gotta make a big run tonight. We can't guarantee a day by day flow anymore, Damian has to unpredictable of a sleep schedule."

Gretchen makes a noise of agreement, packing up her own things.

Kevin is still peaking out of the exit into the household, worriedly. 

"Janis are you down for that trip tonight? You look stressed as fuck."

I bitterly. "Yeah, I'm just- tired. And hungry. And quite frankly I may be coming down with something."

"They stay away from me," Gretchen says, swinging her bag over her shoulder. "Ready?"

"Let's just grab food and go," Kevin says before spinning around to look at me. "Only food, Janis."

I nod. No point in trying to defend myself when he's not wrong. I have an awful habit of finding something I could use for art and going out of my way to grab it.

But we have priorities tonight. 

We file out into the household, all pressing against the wall. The exit we used lead right to the floor. Its a debate on which was riskier, but I for one, preferred to be higher. Further from the cat and a better view of everything. Kevin mumbled something about keeping watch and made his way over to the island table the Hubbard had. He pulled out his climbing supplies and made his way up as Gretchen and I continued our trek across the floor, waiting to reach the kitchen to get to higher grounds. 

"It hasn't been this hard since we all moved here." Gretchen says quietly, but I understand.

"Yeah." I whisper.

We all moved into this house together maybe two ago. We tell time by the day and the decor around the house. Humans often put of decorations for holidays and it's like marking points though the year. My least favorite holiday happens during the summer. I don't know the name but everything turns red white and blue and there's tons of loud booms and explosions. It kills my ears and sends me into sensory overload every time.

 We've pasted two Christmases. I don't know much about the holiday, but its the most decorated, with fancy trees and cookie crumbs everywhere. A borrower's dream. But it wasn't like that now. It was hot and sticky, food got left out on the counter less. We haven't eaten anything more then the minimum to survive, if you don't count yesterday where we didn't eat at all. 

I was so lost in my thought for food, I almost didn't hear it. Kevin calling out, the patter of paws on the floor-

-oh shit. 

I whirl around just in time to have a paw whacked with my side. 

Cat.

There was no claw, Ariel is here for a game of cat and mouse obviously. Roles already clear. 

That didn't make it hurt less though.

I groan skidding across the floor, curled into myself. 

Gretchen shrieks and runs away, the cat's interest on me.

She left me for fucking dead.

Wow.

Rude, but unsurprising.

I'd fucking bolt too. I wonder if Kevin ran as well. 

My heart stops as the truth of the statement catches up to me. 

I'm gonna die.

I'd like to say there's so much I still haven't done, or that my life had only just begun. But that wasn't true. I live to borrow another day and borrow to live another day. But I was content like that, I don't wanna die.

Ariel stalks towards me again. I sit up and push my self backward, only to find a wall.

Fuck.

I can see Gretchen duck back into the wall out of the corner of my eye, Kevin with her.

To be fair, I'd do the same. I can't bring myself to be too mad.

"Hey, kitty," I say softly, holding my hands out in defense. The cat sits down in front of me, eyes wide and pupils dilated, ready to play. "Ariel, right? Good kitty. I'm not a toy."

Ariel doesn't seem to get the message as she lifts her paw.

No!

"Hey, whatcha got there girl?" A voice comes from behind the cat. 

My blood runs colder than it already was. 

That was to loud to be Gretchen or Kevin, to masculine to be the mom, not deep enough to be the dad-

Hands pull Ariel away despite a mew of protest, leaving me totally exposed in the open. 

Put the cat back I'd rather die that way.

My eyes connect with the boy of the household- Damian. His gaze travels up and down my small form and he lets out breathy 'what?'.

Once again, I know not all humans are bad, but you try not even being four inches call, curled up against a wall with a full ass living moving human standing there. It's a lot.

Damian kneels down so he isn't towering over me but it doesn't feel any better. I push myself closer to the wall, ignoring the pain in my side.

"Are- I uh-" Damian seems as equally at a loss as I am. 

Don't worry buddy, I didn't think I'd be getting caught tonight either.

"Are you okay?"

I can't exactly say I've been caught before, so I don't exactly know the 'this is a bad guy' red flags, but asking about my well being probably isn't one of them. 

"Yeah." I say, shakily. My voice is weak and seems a lot quieter in contrast to the boy's in front of me.

"I'm sorry about her." Damian said, placing the cat down. Ariel glares at me before walking away, clearly bored.

I could tell we were dancing around the important questions. What are you? Why are you so small? What are you doing here?

"My name's Damian."

I almost say 'I know' but believe it or not- I do have manners and hey, this human hasn't killed you yet, don't be rude and give him a reason to.

"Janis." I say, giving a small wave. 

"Janis," Damian repeats like he's testing the name in his mouth. "It's pretty."

"Thank you." I glance around but as I suspected, my roommates did not even attempt to come back. 

"You're a borrower." Damian states. It wasn't a question and his voice sounded sure, but his raised eyebrow told a different story.

"Yeah, we're real, just-" I take a breath. "Uncommon?"

Damian nods. He knew what I was right off the bat which probably means I'll have less explaining to do. It also made me feel safer in a way. It meant he's less curious. Not to mention he has yet to move any closer or invade my space, so I felt okay. I push myself off the wall a bit, trying to ignore how my head spins a bit from lack of nutrients. 

"I'm sorry if I interrupted whatever you were doing. We'll leave if you don't want us here or-"

"No, it's okay. I honestly am glad I stepped in then I did- wait, we?"

Shit.

It was one thing to expose myself, but not I'm mentally hitting myself for exposing Gretchen and Kevin too.

"There are multiple of you?"

"Nonono forget I said anything." I wave my hand as if waving away nonexistent flies. 

Damian looks like he wants to press more but doesn't. "What are you doing out here? It's like, four am."

"It's still early for me. We- I need food." 

Damian's eyes light up. "Of course! Oh my god, I'm so sorry then. Do you-" He pauses. "Do you need help?"

My instinct is to decline but- there hasn't been much food out and Damian seems genuine. Its either die by cat or human. "Yeah, help would be nice."

Damian smiles softly. "Can I pick you up?"

What?

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah. 

Riiiight.

"Yeah, you can." I smile, trying to seem brave about this, but I've never been picked up before. The only time I'm off the ground is with my climbing tools with my fate in my own hands. 

Damian places his hand down next to me, it's huge. The sheer size difference doesn't sink in when somebody is crouched a couple of human feet away from you. 

I step onto his hand regardless, trying not to concentrate on how weird it feels. 

"You ready?" Damian's voice asked from above.

Was I ready?

Why did I think this was a good idea?

I could die right here right now.

I don't know anything about this kid other than his name and his favorite musical soundtrack. 

What if he's bad news?

"Yeah, I'm good." I say, despite my inner turmoil. 

The ground beneath me shifts and as much as I like to think I was mentally prepared, physically I was not as I ungracefully fall backward into Damian's palms.

"You okay?" He asks, freezing. 

He was as nervous as I was.

This sudden realization gave me a bit more confidence in the situation.

"Mhmm," I say, patting the hand beneath me gently. "Thanks."

"Of course." Damian says, and we're moving again. Its a significantly shorter trip from here to the kitchen for Damian. He holds me close to his chest, his fingers curled around me slightly. Its comforting, and contrary to what I expected, I don't feel ready to drop. I can see Ariel curled up contently on the couch, and the entrance to my home from here. One of them at least. I wonder if my roommates are watching or if they're already cleaning out my room. 

Damian places his hand on the table and I get off on my own.

It feels better up here, to be further up. I don't feel as small when Damian steps away. 

"You've made it clear it's just you," He does air quotes. "But how many people do you take food for."

The lie of 'it is only me' is the first thing on my tongue, but I hold it. Damian has done nothing but help me so far and he already knows there's multiple of us. No harm in giving exact numbers.

"Three," I say. "One with a big appetite." I smile as Kevin comes to mind. 

Damian grins. "What do you normally take?"

"Whatever is out." I shrug, glancing around at the table. Just like the past couple of times, the tables were empty.

Damian notices this and is silent for a bit. "I'll have to conveniently forget to put stuff back then." He says quietly. I can't tell if he was talking to me or himself but I smile nonetheless. 

"So, you've never had options?"

"No." I say. It feels weird to admit that. Damian grins. 

"Guess you're in luck. Wait here." He turns around and walks over to a cabinet. Where am I supposed to even go? 

His back isn't turned long enough to let me figure that out, because he soon comes back with two things. "So I brought this because I want you to try it," Its a cookie, I know that much from Christmas, but instead of decorative frosting and sprinkles its dotted with splotches of brown. "It's a chocolate chip cookie. And I brought this for practical reasons." He lifts up a bag. "Its granola and it comes in these little chunks- well for you they'd be big, but you can just break them off as you need!"

I smile at the thoughtfulness. Maybe this kid isn't all bad news. 

He opens the bag and pours a bit into his hand before placing one on the table. Sure enough, a cluster of granola is just big enough to fit maybe two into my bag. I can break off a piece and it will last days (assuming Kevin doesn't go to town).

"Woah." I say softly, picking it up. This is the most food I've ever even been near in one place. 

Damian chuckles as I carefully place the granola into my bag miraculously fitting three. One for each of us. Damian watches me silently, I guess we're both still stying to wrap our heads around the situation. 

"Oh! I almost forgot!" He picks up the cookie breaking off a piece and handing it to me. It's the size of my head but I can just save what's left for later. Damian takes the rest for himself, watching as I silently break a piece off to eat. 

It's grainy but smooth a the same time. Sweet and salty. It's-

"Woah." 

Damian laughs, its loud and sudden, but also contagious.

I giggle a bit as I feel my face flush. I know he's not laughing at me maliciously.

"They're good right?"

"Yeah." 

We fall into silence, and I look around. I've been up on the counters before, but I've always been in a rush, get food, and get out. I've never been this relaxed in the open and certainly never so close to a human. 

I look up at Damian and he smiles. "What are you gonna do now?"

"Huh?"

"I don't know how true the stories are but isn't this where you leave and never come back because you've been caught? I won't tell anyone if you don't want to leave."

He had a point. But- the borrower's code wasn't law. More like- recommended guidelines? I mean, not true at all, but it's not written in stone or anything. Borrower police aren't gonna break in and arrest me or anything.

I think.

Besides, I didn't want to leave. I liked my room and my roommates (not that I'd admit that to them). They don't need to know I met a human. And Damian said he wouldn't tell anyone-

"How do I know I can trust you?"

The question had a lot more of an edge then I expected, but Damian didn't seem to take offense. 

"You don't. But, follow your instincts. I'm not trying to trick you or anything if that's what your thinking."

He did help me get food. Which saved my life. He also saved me from the cat, which saved my life too. Even before he knew I existed, he always seemed to be the nicest Hubbard. Something tells me his word is good.

"I think I'm gonna stay," I say after a while.  "I'll just- never tell my roommates about this. One of them flips over everything. She'd pack in an instant if she knew."

Damian smiled. "I understand if you hope to never see me again and if you wanna just walk away like this never happened, but I'll be sure to leave granola out every once in a while."

I grin. "Thanks, Damian." It felt weird to be so close to a human and already trust them so much. Something deep inside told me that this wasn't the last time we'd see each other, and that's okay.

"I figure you can get down on your own? You don't want me to know where you live or anything."

I shook my head, patting my climbing tools. "I got this from here. Thank you so much for your help."

"Of course, Janis. I'll take Ariel to my room to make sure she doesn't cause any trouble. Maybe I'll see you around, hopefully not under any life or death circumstances though." Damian grins before walking away, leaving me alone in the kitchen. I can hear him call out to the cat followed by padding of paws as a door closes. I almost feel as if I've hallucinated the whole thing, but the weight of the granola in my bag proves to me otherwise. 

I begin to take out a hook and rope while I think of what I'm gonna tell my roommates. Gretchen will flip either way and I don't think Kevin will believe me that I was able to fend off a cat alone, but it's what I have to do if I don't want to move. Besides, deep down I feel like I can trust the teen of the Hubbard household. 

Let's just hope my gut isn't wrong. 

alt title: how borrower janis got hooked on granola tag list!!! @realmisspolarbear @musicallygt @smallsoysauce @sourishlemons

[stevenuniversallyreviews]

Episode 81: Same Old World

”I’ve got nowhere to go.”

It’s impossible to overstate how important Mirror Gem was in redirecting the entire series from the daily adventures of a magical kid to a long-term story about (among many other things) how sins of the past loom over the present. But I’ve certainly tried! I’ve gone on about the episode’s impact at length in multiple reviews, but it bears repeating again here, because Same Old World is where Lapis Lazuli finally starts to shift from Important Character to regular fixture.

For someone that leaves such a lasting impression, we don’t see much of Lapis until Season 3. After she flies away healed in Ocean Gem, we catch a glimpse of her in The Message, where she once again has a huge impact for her small amount of time on screen. This frantic, confused version of Lapis is what we’ll get in The Return and Jailbreak and Chille Tid, but we see her get angrier with each appearance as she’s forced to face trial after trial. Her suffering was supposed to be over, but it keeps happening, and by the time she’s finally free again it makes sense that her first instinct is to get the hell off this planet.

But the saddest thing about Lapis isn’t her horrible luck, even if her ordeals are arguably more intense than any other character’s. It’s that she’s had to face these ordeals alone. The Crystal Gems and the Off-Colors are ragtag teams of outcasts, but they still have each other. Homeworlders like the Diamonds and their underlings, even the wandering Jasper, fit in just fine with an established society. Peridot makes a relatively smooth transition from the latter to the former. But Lapis’s comfort zone only exists in a past that will never come back. Steven may be the only Gem with parents, but the tragedy of Lapis Lazuli is that she’s an orphan. Only in Spinel do we meet another Gem cursed with such abandonment.

Why does Lapis attach herself so strongly to Steven, to the point where she’s willing to risk everything to protect him from Homeworld? For the same reason she eventually latches onto Jasper despite knowing that it’s toxic: because she has nobody else. And that isolation, rather than the specific injustices she has faced, is the trauma she’s actually forced to overcome starting in Season 3, beginning with Peridot in our next episode. But for now, Same Old World does a brilliant job establishing who this character is (a lost, lonely soul) and what she needs (a home and a family) so that she can make a change. And it does this not by showing her wallowing, but rather, for the first time since Ocean Gem, by showing her happy.

It says everything about Lapis that she sincerely enjoys hanging out with Steven. Despite her antisocial tendencies, she doesn’t hate people, she just doesn’t trust them (and for good reason). By freeing her in Mirror Gem and healing her in Ocean Gem, and by bonding with her in both episodes through open-hearted conversation, Steven earned her friendship. And an arc where Lapis finds the strength to open up to others benefits from our knowledge that she’s already capable of doing so, so that’s what Same Old World does. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and knowing this makes it even harder to watch when she stumbles, but all the more rewarding when she starts to come out of her shell around more people.

Lapis’s newfound exuberance is best conveyed by Aivi and Surasshu, who modify her theme (still my favorite) from its typically haunting or mystical tone to a breezy, adventurous anthem. Lapis began as a source of wonder for the audience, so it’s great to see her actually feel that wonder herself as she learns more about the planet that held her prisoner for so long. 

Steven’s narration gets funnier and funnier as they travel from the woods to Empire City to Jersey; even a show this sweet can’t help but make fun of New Jersey. While Empire City is a clear blend of New York and Paris, with a little Vegas thrown in judging by the town motto, and this universe has locations like Delmarva and Keystone and Aqua Mexico, I love that Jersey is just...Jersey.

Further signs that this is a setup episode are found in the Empire City segment, and not just because we go back there in Mr. Greg. We’ve already seen Peridot living it up in the barn, and soon enough she and Lapis will be roommates in the way Steven foreshadows here. But more importantly, he’s using the language of television, which Lapis might not understand now, but very soon will. 

Of course, an episode where Lapis is chipper throughout would be disingenuous, and boy does Same Old World deliver on the inevitable gut punch. We get one last moment of whimsy as the two head over the ocean, but the gleeful variant of her theme fades away as they encounter the Galaxy Warp.

Considering the way Pearl left Steven hanging in Rose’s Scabbard, there was a very real chance Lapis would drop him here as she has a minor panic attack, and the suspense allows us to feel all the weight of Lapis’s problems rushing back after a day of fun. It might not sound like a big deal, but this episode needs us to switch from happy and peaceful to antsy and pensive within seconds to keep the pacing solid, and it’s amazing that it does so without giving us even a hint of whiplash.

The return of Lapis’s hollow eyes is a nice touch, and leads us into a flashback that efficiently and stylishly shows us the depths of our hero’s misfortune. She wasn’t a Homeworld zealot but a noncombatant, and her cracking was a complete accident caused by a nameless, unidentifiable Gem. There’s no twist or big moment, simply a series of events outside of her control that built upon each other to ruin her life. This isn’t to say we don’t get lore—the Gem who poofed Lapis is our first glimpse at a bismuth, perhaps the Bismuth, and we see the Diamonds’ corruption attack with a quick taste of their theme—but the message here is that Lapis’s fate served no great purpose, and wasn’t even an intentional punishment. Sometimes life just kicks the shit out of you for no reason.

Lapis is clearly used to it at this point, shrugging off how horrible her life has been before she tries to leave at the beginning of the episode and rejecting Steven’s sweet offer to take a minute at the end of it. This isn’t to say she isn’t upset, but there’s a sense of acceptance that her life will continue to be miserable no matter what, which is why it’s so important that Steven doesn’t just tell her that she’s welcome on Earth, but that Earth is a place that allows change. He tells somebody who had no control for ages, then went on a power trip as soon as she had the opportunity to dominate somebody else, that she finally has the opportunity to make a healthy choice. And she takes it. 

Peridot obviously becomes a bigger factor in our next episode, but she’s established quite well in the first act so that her “surprise” appearance at the end feels earned; why would she have gone away in the day or so that Steven and Lapis went exploring? Lapis’s petulant reaction to sharing her new home with Peridot gives us one last bit of foreshadowing for her arc: her adjustment to Earth transforms her into an angsty teen.

I can imagine this characterization disappointed some people; certain fans are bound to insert their own concepts into a character as mysterious as Lapis, which of course makes any divergence from this headcanon a disappointment. But the idea that Lapis’s Daria Phase comes out of nowhere is baffling to me. Really, what better way to portray someone whose life feels like one crisis after another inflicted by forces beyond their control than as a teenager?

Lapis Lazuli rarely displays overt happiness after Same Old World, and will quickly develop a sardonic sense of humor that genuine playfulness occasionally escapes from. But it nonetheless sets the stage for her potential before Barn Mates wisely reminds us that her journey towards trusting others won’t be a walk in the park.

(And then we get a walk in the ballpark. Season 3 picks up quick once it gets rolling.)

Future Vision!

I already mentioned Empire City, Bismuth, and the Diamond Corruption, but it’s also quietly sweet to rewatch this episode after we learn Lapis actually held onto Steven’s leaf in Beta.

I hinted at it a little, but there are definitely echoes of Lapis’s story in Spinel’s, with the major difference being Lapis’s series of misfortunes versus Spinel’s single act of betrayal. Both endured thousands of years of solitude, both attack others on instinct as a result, and both are moved by Steven preaching the power of change.

If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have inconsistencies…

It’s weird that there’s never any follow-up on Lapis’s poofing, considering she starts hanging out with Bismuth after Change Your Mind. Even if it was a different bismuth, that’s still worth a joke or something.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Such a great Lapis episode. If it had a song it might be even higher up, but it still holds its own through great characterization, great music, and awesome setup for her new arc.

Top Fifteen

Steven and the Stevens

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Winter Forecast

When It Rains

Catch and Release

Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

     5. Horror Club      4. Fusion Cuisine      3. House Guest      2. Sadie’s Song      1. Island Adventure

[dyaz-stories]

The Maid and the Bodyguard - Chapter two

Chapter one - Next - Also available on fanfiction.net.

Kagome was a curious person. She knew it was bad. Well, not inherently bad, but it was definitely not something a good housemaid was supposed to be. Still, she just couldn't help it, even if sometimes it dragged her in rather uncomfortable situations. Maybe it was because, unlike most people here, she had been pushed to develop that curiosity. Her mother had made sure she learnt how to read and write, and as a result, Kagome had taught herself as much as she could through that. It wasn't much, because they couldn't afford teachers or books, but it was still very unusual for someone without a rank.

That was before her grandfather's death, though. After that, her family had lost all income. They were modest before that, only relying on what the priest could gather, but there was a significant difference between modest and starving. This was why Kagome had left when she had been given the offer to work at the castle. At least, that way, they would survive until Sota could start working. He was barely eight when she had left.

She had received a letter from her mother telling her about how him turning nine and their life since she had left, and she preciously kept it hidden in her room.

The safety of which she was currently leaving, after curfew, despite Ayumi's frantic recommendations not to.

With a quick look to both her left and then her right, she decided that things looked fine. She crossed the hallway running, her bare feet allowing her to be almost completely silent. She soon reached the room towards which she was heading and softly knocked against it. It slid open almost immediately, revealing a disheveled Nazuna. The girl had clearly been crying.

"Yes, what— Kagome?" Nazuna grabbed her arm and pulled her in the room, in which she stayed alone. Being the princess' personal maid had its advantages. They both sat on the floor, on Nazuna's mattress.

"I just wanted to check on you," Kagome explained, carefully keeping her voice low. "We didn't see you all day, and with what happened to the princess, we feared you were…" She didn't need to finish this sentence. Nazuna visibly shivered, like Kagome had done in the morning.

"It's nice of you," Nazuna commented. Kagome smiled. The other girl was more isolated due to her job, but they still knew each other enough for her to appreciate the gesture. "I'm… fine. I guess. I just…" She sighed and shook her head.

"It's alright," Kagome said gently, putting her arms around her. "You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to."

"But I want to," Nazuna answered with a sob. "I can't keep it all to myself, I feel like it's driving me crazy. It's just, master Ungai, he said that if I ever talked about it he'd—" She hiccuped and pressed her hand against her mouth.

Kagome couldn't help the sudden anger that flowed through her veins. It was easy to guess that that… That awful man had threatened the traumatized girl. It made her want to scream. How dared they? Why was it that all these people considered their lives to be so completely worthless, just because they were born in the wrong place?

Why was there nothing she could do about it?

"It's alright," she whispered. "If you want to talk, I promise I won't tell anyone. If you don't, I can stay here a bit longer if you wish for my company."

Nazuna looked at her for a few seconds, before nodding. She didn't know why, but she wanted to trust Kagome. She had no reason not to. She knew that the girl was nice. After all, Kagome, being one of the only servants who could write and read, had helped her before writing to her dad and had read her his answers, written by the local priest.

"I was the one who… found it."

Kagome nodded, indicating her she was listening. So it was her scream that they had heard in the morning?

"There were p-pieces of bodies, and blood, everywhere," Nazuna cried. "And Inuyasha, he was lying on the ground."

That did surprise Kagome, although she tried her best not to show it. He had looked fine in the interrogation room. Surely, it couldn't have been all his blood. Nazuna was too focused on her memories to notice her confusion.

"Everything in the room had been destroyed, and the Princess, she was nowhere to be found. I remember screaming, and then I think I fainted. I woke up in the infirmary. Inuyasha was there too, but he was already awake and yelling at master Ungai." She shook her head. "It's just… I thought the princess was dead, Kagome."

"So it was Inuyasha's blood then?" Kagome asked, trying not to show too much interest. She didn't need anyone finding out about her stupid crush on the man.

At that, Nazuna simply shrugged. "I guess so. He's a half-demon after all, he would probably survive that." The disdain in her tone made Kagome stiffen, but there was nothing she could say. It was no good, showing sympathy for demons.

"Will you be fine?" she asked softly instead. "I can stay here until morning if you want me to."

But Nazuna shook her head, and wiped her cheeks, as if that would magically make her feel better. "I'll be fine, Kagome, don't worry. Plus, we'll both be in trouble if we're found out." She squeezed her hand. "Thank you for listening."

"Anytime," Kagome answered warmly. "Let me know if you want to write to your family again, okay?"

Nazuna nodded, and soon, Kagome was out in the hallway, running back towards her room. Just as she was going to slip in, a voice behind her made her freeze.

"Stop! Who are you and what are you— Kagome, is that you again?"

The girl cursed under her breath and then turned to give Hojo a smile that managed to be both sheepish and innocent. He had surprised her. She usually could tell when someone was behind her, but apparently, he was too far to be on her radar.

"Sorry, Hojo. I just wanted to check on Nazuna," she said while he walked towards her. To his confused look, she explained: "The princess' maid, the one who found the room this morning."

With another guard, she would have been in deep trouble. But Hojo was not only a nice guy, he was used to that type of stuff coming from her. Kagome would argue that it was definitely not her fault, of course. She couldn't help it, or she just had to be out that late! And he would always let her off with a mere remark.

"Oh," he simply said, nodding. "Well then, just hurry up inside before someone—"

"What the hell's going on here?" A voice barked.

Startled, both of them turned towards the place where it came from, Hojo reaching for his sword and protectively stepping in front of Kagome.

Standing there was Inuyasha, and Kagome held her breath. It was the first time she saw him from so close, and it wasn't exactly the best situation. He snorted at Hojo's move, obviously amused by the mere thought of the human man trying to fight with him, then reported his golden eyes on her. She felt her pulse rushing and hoped she wasn't blushing too much, but he didn't look at her for long. It was rather dark, with only one torch burning on the wall, and he visibly didn't really care for her.

"Any explanation, soldier?" he asked roughly.

Hojo straightened up. Like many men here, he didn't like being ordered around by a half-demon, but he accepted it out of respect for the princess.

"I was just escorting Miss Kagome back to her room because she was delayed tonight," Hojo explained. Neither Kagome nor Inuyasha missed the fact that he didn't add any honorifics, but Inuyasha didn't say anything, although Kagome couldn't help but notice how his ears drooped almost imperceptibly.

"Then what are you waiting for?" he barked. "What d'ya think this is gonna look like on a night like this?"

He stormed past them, leaving behind a surprised Kagome and an angry Hojo.

"Who the hell does he think he is?" he muttered. "If it wasn't for princess Kikyo's kind heart, he wouldn't even be alive."

"But he is, and he was protecting her," Kagome said dryly. Hojo looked down to her, blinking. He hadn't expected the lovely Kagome to retort anything to him.

"Oh how sweet you are," he said, smiling brightly. "It is just like you to want to defend everyone, Kagome. Now get in before anyone else comes by. I fear master Ungai wouldn't let you off like that."

Kagome nodded and managed to bring a smile to her lips when she answered "Sure, thank you, Hojo", before quickly getting into her room. Hojo stood there for a few more seconds, amused, and completely unaware of how annoyed she was.

As soon as she got in, her three roommates pretty much jumped on her, whispering heatedly to know what she had discovered.

"Would you calm down?" she finally protested. "I just checked on Nazuna, and she was fine!"

"Come on Kags," Yuka pleaded. "She must have told you something, right?"

"Of course not! She risks her job here, you know? With the princess gone, she probably doesn't even know whether or not they'll keep her!"

There were a few other whispers, but she just ignored them, and finally, the girls begrudgingly went back to their beds. Kagome did the same, happy to be able to lay down. She didn't give much thought to what had all happened. In her mind, there was no doubt that the princess would be found soon, and that everything would get back to how it all was before.

After that, a few days went by without any new events or informations. It wasn't like the domestics would have been told anything, but most of them could tell when there was a shift in the global atmosphere of the castle, and so far, there was simply nothing going on. Yes, globally, everyone was tense. The soldiers were particularly on edge, but the servants all remembered vividly the death threat that was above their heads, should anyone outside of the castle find out what was happening.

Kagome also kept an eye out for Inuyasha. She knew it was ridiculous, and the man certainly never seemed to notice her, but she just did. She saw him more during the week that followed the princess's disappearance than she had in the past eight months, since she had arrived here. He was always walking fast, seemingly ignoring the whispers he created on his way. Kagome had noticed that his ears were often twitching in the direction of the people talking though, so she wondered whether or not he actually heard it all.

The situation was probably particularly hard on him, she found herself thinking while tending to her chores. He was very attached to the princess, and he was the one who was supposed to be protecting her, so he must have been feeling awfully guilty about the kidnapping. Sometimes, she noticed him, jumping onto the walls around the gardens, and looking away. He never actually left, but she guessed he wanted to. Probably to go after the princess.

She wanted to talk to him more than once, but always felt intimidated. Everyone said he was agressive and rude, and so in the end, she didn't.

At least, until Hojo came to look for her. She was focused on washing sheets, and didn't notice him before he was right behind her. When he put his hand on her shoulder, though, she was aware of his presence, and could even guess it was him. She turned to look at him, worried. The other girls were focused on their work, but like Kagome, they had all mastered the art of watching without looking up.

"Hojo?" she asked. "What…"

"I need you to follow me, Kagome," he answered, his voice surprisingly formal. "You are awaited. If you could please come with me…"

He took a step, looking at her expectantly. Kagome knew she should just follow him, but she had no idea why he wanted her to go with him.

"But my work?" she said, only trying to gain time to figure out what on earth was going on.

Hojo simply shook his head. "It will be fine, Kagome. Now come, please."

She nodded shakily and started walking behind him. The only thing she could think of was the Queen's threat. But she hadn't said anything! What if she was accused of something she hadn't done? How would she get out of it? Oh God— If they learned she could read and write, it would make it much easier to accuse her, even though she was innocent.

It was with those thoughts in mind that Kagome was gently pushed in a room, in the Queen's part of the castle. It took her a second to understand that the Queen was there. The door slid close without her without a sound, and she moved to throw herself on her knees, but the Queen was quick to dismiss that.

"Please don't, child," she sighed, her voice tired. "Such formalities are not needed now. Is Inuyasha coming?" she asked, turning to master Ungai who was standing a step behind her.

"I sent for him," the man answered, immobile. "What do you think of her, my Queen?"

Kagome shot him a shocked glance. What did he mean by that? Why would the Queen know anything about her? She remained frozen as the Queen slowly towards her.

"Ye were quite right, Ungai," she commented, her one eye staring at Kagome. "Lean towards me, child," she ordered, "so that I can see you."

Kagome obeyed, vaguely noting the Queen's strong and oddly rural accent. She was pretty sure she had never heard it before. The Queen looked at her intensely, her pupil moving to take in the young woman's face, and finally nodded, apparently satisfied by what she was seeing.

"The resemblance truly is eerie."

"I noticed it instantly, my Queen," Ungai answered dejectedly, "and immediately thought it could be of use."

Kagome was lost. What resemblance? What use? What were they trying to do with her? In other circumstances, she would have assumed she was going to be sold in some underground market, but there was no way the Queen and the captain of the guards would do that… Right?

She didn't get much more time to think about it, because the door was suddenly opened and then closed in a violent movement.

"What d'ya want?" Inuyasha's angry voice growled.

Ungai took a step, his face morphing into a furious expression, but Kaede stopped him, simply by raising her hand.

"Inuyasha, I would like you to meet Kagome."

Kagome could only blink at the information that the Queen knew her name, but then turned, bowing, towards Inuyasha, who didn't pay any attention to her.

"Yeah I know, I smelled her before, what the fuck do you want me to—"

"Inuyasha. Just look."

With an annoyed sigh, he did look at her. Her heart was beating like crazy in her chest, and she hoped she wasn't blushing too much. It was the first time ever they actually… Well… Saw each other. Or at least, the first time he ever acknowledged her existence. She had been imagining that moment more than once, but she had never expected the look of surprise on his face, and she had certainly not expected him to turn back to the Queen and ask, obviously distressed: "Is that supposed to be a joke? Who is that?"

It would have been a lie if she said she hadn't felt hurt at how he vaguely gestured at her or how he addressed her. She felt herself shrinking back, trying to disappear. She knew she shouldn't have imagined this encounter so much. Reality was always less fun than what her mind put together.

"If it is a joke, tis destiny's," Kaede answered. "I had never met the girl before today. You must have seen her though, as Ungai mentioned you interrogated her together."

"I told ya, I smelled her, I didn't look at her. I didn't expect… Well, this."

Kagome was rather starting to lose her patience. They talked as if she wasn't even in the room, and it was really getting on her nerves. She knew better than to voice that, though, and she didn't open her mouth, patiently waiting for someone to explain her what on earth was going on.

"Now listen, children," Kaede said, and Kagome's eyes widened when she realized that she was talking to both her and Inuyasha. "We received alarming news today. Ungai, would ye please tell them about the letter?"

"What letter?" Inuyasha immediately asked. "Did you get news from Kikyo and didn't tell—"

"I recall telling you not being so familiar with the princess," Ungai's voice rung out, making Inuyasha's ears flatten against his head like Kagome had seen before. "Remember, without her here, your status is… uncertain."

Inuyasha didn't answer anything, although he certainly looked like he wanted to.

"Good. The letter we received came from a demon named Naraku. He said to be the one who has taken Princess Kikyo and—"

"Where is he?" Inuyasha hissed.

Kagome looked at him in surprise, confused by the low rumble she heard coming from him. Was he… Was he actually growling? He seemed furious enough to do so, but it was the first time she ever heard the sound.

"I would be faster if you stopped interrupting me!" Ungai snapped. "He apparently comes from the lands of the North, which is where he took the Princess. He seems to have some demonic ability that allows him to be very fast. He says here that he wants a… ransom."

"Well let's give that to him!" Inuyasha immediately said, obviously angry. "The fuck did you need a reunion for?"

Such language in front of the Queen seemed unimaginable to Kagome, but no one seemed shocked, even though master Ungai's eyelid twitched dangerously, so she guessed it was pretty normal for Inuyasha.

"What he is asking for is Kikyo's hand, Inuyasha," the Queen answered with a tired voice. "He wants to become King of this country."

Inuyasha went completely stiff at those words. He froze, and his mouth gaped open. Kagome couldn't tell what was going through his mind, no matter how much she looked at him, although she could definitely take a guess.

"Wh— And is that— Are you—"

"I am obviously not going to give my granddaughter away to some demon," Kaede answered, a spark of sympathy in her eye. "This is precisely why ye are both here."

Inuyasha frowned. Both? Who was the other one? Oh. Yeah. The girl. The one who looked so much like…

"Kagome," Kaede started. "I'm sure ye must be wondering why ye are here. What Ungai noticed, when he first saw ye, was how much ye look like my beloved Kikyo."

It was Kagome's turn to freeze. She didn't flinch, even when the Queen slowly moved her wrinkled hand to softly cup her cheek.

"We can't send men after this Naraku," Kaede explained. "People would understand that something happened in the castle, and we cannot have that happening. Other lords would take advantage of it. But we can send Inuyasha." So far, it all made sense. "With you."

Kagome numbly heard Inuyasha's protests, which she really should have felt offended by, but they just didn't seem to register. What the Queen had just said… It was impossible. It was stupid. It made no sense whatsoever.

"Have you completely lost your mind?" Inuyasha was yelling. "Why would make me travel with that girl? What good's she gonna do? I'll be much faster on my own, and I'll get Kikyo out of there and bring her back here! I don't need no—"

"What do ye think people will do when they will see a half-demon alone, walking through the country?" Kaede asked, interrupting him. "They will either try to kill ye or capture ye, or they will recognize ye and understand that ye are here for the princess. But with her… With her, they will probably assume that she is the princess, and she is just traveling the lands. That way, ye will be safe, which means more chances to get Kikyo back here. Ye will be on yer own out there, Inuyasha. We cannot risk losing ye. Ye know Kikyo would not forgive me for that."

That was stupid, and no one in the room was missing it. He could die out there, and what would Kikyo say then? But the argument seemed to work on Inuyasha, and he nodded slowly.

"Kagome," Kaede continued, "if ye accept to do this, ye will be sent back to yer family with enough money to provide for them for the rest of their lives and yers." At those words, Kagome felt like she had stopped breathing. She hadn't really considered refusing, not if Kikyo's life was at stake, but this seemed like a miracle. All she had to do was travel with Inuyasha basically pretending to be the princess?

"I-I will," she stuttered with several nods. "I— Yes. I will go."

She heard Inuyasha's scoff.

"She'll have to do a lot better than that if she wants people to believe that she's Kikyo." His voice was full of deference. "We sure are lucky that there ain't any other demons here, 'cause that smell sure wouldn't have fooled them."

Kagome shot him a shocked look, and her lips moved before she could think. "Are you saying that I smell?" she asked. She instantly wanted to take back the words, certainly not wanting to anger the man she was going to travel with — and not wanting to anger that man in any way, dammit — but she just stared at him, refusing to apologize.

Inuyasha smirked mockingly. "Look at that, she can talk!"

She had never wanted to slap someone so much in her entire life. And she had an extremely annoying little brother.

"Kagome, go pack," Kaede ordered. "The two of ye will leave tomorrow at dawn. Ye are now dismissed. I still have instructions for Inuyasha."

Kagome gave a deep bow and walked out, thinking nothing of it. Inuyasha probably had specific informations that he needed, as to what to do once they'd reached that Naraku's place, that sort of things. For once in her life, she wasn't curious.

Maybe she should have been.

"Better get more convincin' than you were before," Inuyasha said as soon as Kagome was out. "Cause there ain't no way you're making me take her for safety. That can't be good for either of us."

Kaede nodded solemnly. "Ye are right, Inuyasha. I expect ye to get Kikyo to escape, or to make sure, at whatever cost, that she comes out alive." Inuyasha's face darkened. She was asking him to kill for her. And the worst part was, she knew he would do it if Kikyo's safety was at risk. Fuck. He hated killing. "However, should ye not feel like this is a possibility…"

She paused, and Inuyasha could tell that she wasn't comfortable with whatever it was that she was thinking. She closed her eye, and Inuyasha waited for as long as he could before he lost her patience.

"What now?"

Kaede opened her eye and looked at him.

"I want ye to substitute Kagome with Kikyo."

Inuyasha blinked. This… felt wrong. He didn't know the girl, didn't really care for her, but this still didn't sound right.

"You sure?" he simply asked.

Kaede sighed, which didn't surprise him. If his conscience had a problem with that, there was no doubt hers was probably screaming at her right now. However, it was clear that the queen had made her decision.

"Yes. These lands need their Queen. Kikyo has many powers, and she will do a wonderful Queen, as soon as she'll get married. We cannot have a succession war, and the only way to make sure this doesn't happen, is by bringing her back here. Do ye understand, Inuyasha?"

He gulped down. He felt a weird lump in his throat. He wasn't used to the feeling of guilt, and it had haunted him way too much in the past week. He knew Kaede was right, probably, but the truth was, he didn't really care. All he cared about was Kikyo — or that was what he kept repeating himself. Made it easier not to get hurt at the rest of the world hating him. If people got hurt on his way to her, then it was what it took. He nodded.

"I'll do what's necessary. But demons may not be fooled very long."

Kaede seemed relieved at that.

"Very well then. We do not need long. We just need ye to bring Kikyo back. Ye will take her bow and arrow to her, and then she should be able to deal with the situation herself." There was a silence after that, during which she looked lost in her thoughts, before she blinked and glared at him. "Ye should go start packing now."

Inuyasha nodded, and that was the only salute she got before he left. Once he was outside, he grinned joylessly. Like she didn't know as well as he did that he had nothing to take with him…

"You did the right thing, my Queen," Ungai said in the now almost empty room.

"I know that is what my mind recommends," Kaede said, looking exhausted, "but I cannot get my heart to agree to it. I will pray for all those children to return safely."

She was convinced that this needed to be done, if the situation she had mentioned to Inuyasha was to occur.

She just would never forgive herself if it happened.

[confessionxblog]

I am so unbearably jealous and hurt and upset about this situation and I need to vent. I used to have 2 really close friends at school. One was my freshman year roommate and one was a friend I met through my program; I think I introduced them. The 3 of us were always together, always messaging each other, always involved in each other's lives, planning trips, going out, staying in, laughing, crying - everything. My freshman year roommate, C, is still pretty much my closest friend. I know we've got each other's backs, I can trust her with anything, and I know she knows that, too. I'm not worried about our relationship. We're good. But in the past few semesters, I've had a falling out with L. It happened gradually. It started when she signed up to work at my workplace without asking me first - which, okay. I can get over that. Most of my initial anger at that was just a weird, childish feeling of "no, that's MINE." But I kept thinking about it, and even outside of my selfish reasons for not wanting her there, I had legitimate concerns. She tends to put a lot on her plate and then crack under the pressure, and this job requires a good amount of focus, planning, TIME, and emotional labor - I worried she'd either break down about it OR put it on the back burner because it's not a priority for her. I love my job, and I knew i'd feel hurt if she didn't make it a priority, ESPECIALLY if she wanted to talk to me about it. I worried I'd have to comfort her for not liking a job that I absolutely love. I worried she'd want my advice all the time, or worse - I worried she'd refuse to take any advice and dismiss my experience. I convinced myself I was being silly, that my concerns were unfounded, but within a month or two, ALL of those things happened. She talked about how she wouldn't do the job if it weren't for the good paycheck, and scoffed at me when I told her it meant a lot more to me than that. She came crying to me when she thought she wasn't good at the job, and didn't speak to me for days when I told her that there's always a learning curve and that she needed to work at it if she wanted to improve. She dismissed advice I gave her about scheduling with a "no offense, but forgive me if I don't listen to YOU because..." It was humiliating and I was angry. She'd also act like an expert when someone asked about our work, never mind that she'd only been there for less than a few months and still talked all the time about how she hadn't settled in to it yet. Anyway. The job thing was really only the tip of the iceberg. L thinks of herself as a Great Ally - someone who's always there to listen and learn and admit their fuckups - and that's true, to some extent. She's happy to learn and be a listening ear in terms of greater communities + institutional/social marginalization, and I'm glad. I admire her for that. But she does NOT do that when it's personal, when it's with people close to her, when it affects her directly. If a friend - me, C, or anyone else - tells her that she's made a mistake or done something to hurt us, her immediate reaction is to cry and make it about her. I was angry at her once because I felt like she was cutting me off socially on a trip where I was trying to meet people, so I was trying to keep quiet and keep my distance while I calmed down (hard to do, since we shared a hotel room). She could tell that I was upset, and she burst into tears and kept talking about how she didn't want to ruin my night and how she felt like such a horrible friend, and it got to the point where I ended having to comfort HER even though I was angry. It's not that I wanted her to feel sad, or that I didn't want her to express how she felt, but this is a trend with her - I feel like I'm not allowed to have any kind of emotions or to ever be upset with her in any way, because she reacts by making it about how performatively upset she is. This is ALL THE TIME. "L, I was hurt when you left me out of x." "IM SO SORRY I AM SO AWFUL I UNDERSTAND IF YOU HATE ME" "L, thank you for trying to check up on me, but you're not being helpful right now, please give me space." "OH NO IM SORRY I KNEW THAT I KNOW YOU COPE WITH THINGS DIFFERENTLY AND I SHOULD HAVE JUST LEFT YOU ALONE I'LL SHUT UP NOW YOU SHOULD HATE ME" and in all of these situations, I end up rubbing her back and telling her it's ok and i don't hate her etc. etc. which is all true - I DON'T hate her - but it ends up minimizing the actual problem and turning it into Comfort L Time. And always, ALWAYS, when the comforting is over and she's calm again, she stops being willing to admit to whatever she did, and starts to play it off as "a big misunderstanding" where "everyone overreacted" and "haha but it didn't matter and we're all good now!" Where in my head, I'm saying ".....no, it wasn't a misunderstanding, no, I didn't overreact, no, we're not 'all good' if you're going to pretend you were never at fault." We've been drifting apart for months. I don't want to pretend that she's the only guilty party; I'm sure I've made mistakes, too, but I have absolutely no idea what I did. If L asks me if I'm upset or if she did anything, I'll pretty much always address why I'm hurting (if that's happening) and what I need. If I ask L if she's upset or if I did anything, she'll say some variation of "what? no! we're fine! you're great! lol" and then go to someone else - usually C - upset about how she and I don't get along anymore or there's "tension," but will absolutely never address anything with ME. back to C. Remember how I introduced L and C? I'm glad they're friends. I was glad when we were all friends! We planned a camping trip last fall together at a beach I'd never been to before, and most of the planning was "omg, she hasn't seen this, let's show her x!" It was silly and fun and I was really excited. We didn't end up being able to go - hurricane season hit - but we decided on a rain check. Well, when spring break was rolling around, L was telling me that she and C had been talking about revisiting the beach plans, and that she "wished I could come" but "knew I'd be busy." When I told her that I actually had a lot of free time that week, she was suddenly dodgy about the whole thing, saying "well, who knows if it'll work out," etc. It was blatantly obvious that she didn't want me there. She wanted to take our planned trip with C, without me. I asked C about it and she told me "no... I definitely told L you'd be free... that's why I was pushing for later in the week when you'd be here, but she kept trying to move it earlier while you were gonna be out of town..." So. It definitely wasn't in my head. She DEFINITELY didn't want me to come, and she also lied to C about it - when C confronted her, L claimed she'd never mentioned the trip to me. Ever since then, I feel like L is trying to "take" C from me. I know C is a person and she doesn't belong to any of us, but she and I are really close, and I hate feeling like someone is trying to keep us from spending time together. I would never try to make her choose between me and L; I know she loves both of us and wants to spend time with both of us, and that isn't a problem. But I know for a fact that L doesn't like it when C spends time with me. According to C, if I'm even brought up in conversation, L's attitude changes and she doesn't want to hear anything at all about things that C and I did together. She's also said a bunch of things to C about how she loves being close to her, and keeps guilt-tripping her and saying how she doesn't feel important or special or like a "priority" and it FEELS like she's trying to get C to ALWAYS put her first, ALWAYS hang out with her more, forget about her other friends because she wants to be The Best Friend. And it SUCKS! I know C can make her own choices, but she's uncomfortable, too. She feels isolated. She feels like L doesn't want to share her and it makes her feel cut off from everyone. I'm hurt by it, too, obviously. I see the thousand pictures L posts with C and I know it's irrational, but in my head, I've worked myself up enough to tell myself she's gloating/throwing it in my face. I haven't spent a lot of time with C recently because I've been in and out of town, and L knows that, and with her posting a bunch of pictures, talking/posting all the time about how much fun they're having and how close they are, and even changing her profile picture to a phot with C in it... I don't know. I think I'm just being bitter and overreacting at this point and imagining intentions that aren't there, but when my feelings are hurt, all of it FEELS like she wants me to see that they're closer now. They actually did end up going to that beach without me. C apologized and planned to take me there another time; L never mentioned it to me at all and posted a bunch of pictures from the trip documenting how amazing it was and how much fun they had together. I guess she got what she wanted, but like... fuck. The jealousy I'm feeling is irrational because I know my friendship with C is solid, and good, and healthy, and no one can really threaten that. So, I'm trying to get over the jealousy. I know it's dumb. But the anger? The anger is real. And I feel like the hurt - at least most of it - is justified. I don't know what to do. I just needed to rant.

[nirah10]

From Jill,

A Christian cousin of mine who is a ‘heterosexual awareness activist’ (yes, he actually calls himself that)   shared the following extract from a blog post of a gay male bartender, who goes unnamed in his blog. (Yes, my homophobic cousin spends his free him trolling gay bloggers and then flaming them.)

Now my cousin claimed this bartender was heterophonic and according to my cousin’s rant was ‘bashing on straight people and traditional marriage and shaming any straight woman who dared to be happy about marrying a man.’

I personally think my cousin is insane and reading into things. But as a lesbian sometimes I may be a bit of a bias judge.

I remember ages ago a debate on here about heterophobia potentially actually existing and of problems with creating LGTB only streets and communities.

So below is the extract my cousin posted.

Do you think my cousin is right? Or is the bartender being reasonable?

I think the bartender is being reasonable. Although to be fair I feel a bit jilted by bachelorette parties. I was at a gay night club a while ago and a pretty young girl started dancing with me. We started making out and she started giggling. I broke off the kiss and saw another girl filming it. Turns out she was straight and had been dared at the bachlorlette party to make out a lesbian. So yeah. I felt humiliated and like they were making light of my sexuality. And thought I never met him, I kinda get where this bartender is coming from.

Does that make both him and I hetrophobic?

So here is what my cousin shared, which was written by a bartender:

‘In Australia same sex couples can’t get married yet. Homophobia continues to be a problem with same-sex couples still risking getting dirty looks and lewd comments by some members of the public. The saturation of heterosexual culture and straight couples  can also make you feel alien, isolated and lonely.

So there is a reason LGTB people want safe spaces like Gay Bars; not just for hooking up and dating but also to be in a space that you know is free of homophobia and full of people who get you, and  get the feeling of being an alien sometimes and are there embrace the chance to be together and feel like part of a community. Community spirit is important and we are stronger together. With LTGB suicide so high, having a space where you are surrounded by people who know what you are going through is important and after a hard day, say after a flight with homophobic relatives, walking into the pub can be like a breath of fresh air and the sense of community and not being alone is mood altering to the extreme.

In other words, I love where I work. I am a bartender at a LGTBQ pub. And despite working there forty-eight hours a week (six nights a week, with 5pm starts and 1 am finishes) I can’t get enough of it. While I work nights, sometimes I will even go to the pub for lunch with friends and I don’t mind it at all. I love the community, the locals and the atmosphere and am honestly one of the people who love going to work.

Sometimes we even get straight people coming into the bar, and they are more than welcome to. A lot of the time straight friends will come as a show of support to help their friend who may be questioning their sexuality or just recently come out and have never been to a LGTB pub before and don’t have any LGTB friends.

I also love when parents will come in with their LGTB kids, the mum and dad will sit eating lunch with their young adult kid to show they are learning, adapting and supportive of their child’s sexuality.

There is only one problematic thing about some of the heterosexual guests (only some, the majority are lovely, supportive and very respectful) and that is hen’s nights/bachelorette parties, one or two of which seem to find their way to the pub every weekend.

We are obviously happy that they are getting married.

But to celebrate getting married in a pub that caters  to LGTB people who legally can’t get married is a bit insensitive.

For example, more than half of our customers as in loving, committed and long-term relationships and  if they could would have been married years ago. And so to come in to a LGTB safe space and remind a lot of the couples who are trying to enjoy a peaceful Friday night that they can’t get married yet is a touch insensitive.

Another problem with bachelorette parties is the lewd comments and sometimes even attempting groping. Women like to let loose and have fun on their friend’s last night of freedom. But if you want to flirt with men, go to a straight club or a strip show as lewd comments and groping makes many of the men feel awkward and like they are pieces of meat. LGTB spaces are a space for gay men where they can be open about their sexuality and so to come into the pub for that peace of mind and then to be suddenly hit on by partying women can be uncomfortable.  If you want to get down and party with someone at a gay club ladies, I’m sure some of our lovely lesbians will be willing to oblige you on the dance floor.’

I will share that blog post but I won’t share what my cousin wrote as it was ugly and contained offensive and foul language.

So what is your opinion on the bartender’s opinion?

Dear Jill,

It’s a very interesting and a very complex topic to discuss. It’s the kind of thing that I’m sure could be a conversation that lasted hours, but I’ll try to keep my response fairly simple. Please keep in mind that this is all simply my opinion, born from what limited knowledge and experience I have.

1) I have met people who are clearly heterophobic, so I would definitely say that it’s real. It’s quite rare but it’s out there. I have met a few people who just make little remarks about “breeders” being gross, making faces at straight couples, or not respecting a straight person refusing their advances because “everyone’s a little bit gay”. But then there are some, like one woman in particular that I used to see semi-regularly and even stayed in my home (a relative of an old roommate) who was extremely rude and could actually get violent because she disliked heterosexuals so much. She was very confrontational and had a blind hatred for anyone that wasn’t obviously gay.

2) In my opinion, as tempting as it is to create communities and safe places for certain types of people, I believe it is ultimately volunteered segregation and I think it doesn’t help things in the long run. This is, of course, an opinion and one that I am quite open about because I’ve not had many discussions with people who have spent large amounts of time in such communities. My main reason for this belief is because of what I see happening in my own country between the First Nations people and pretty much everyone else, or with the Chinese communities in some of the big cities. There are reservations for First Nations people to live in so that they can be with their own people and live in their own culture--a lovely idea. I’m not going to debate all the pros and cons and he-said-she-saids of it, because it is a sensitive subject, but I can tell you that that segregation leads to tension, hatred, and a lack of empathy from both sides. It creates an Us and Them mentality and divides us both mentally and physically based on nothing other than our races. My boyfriend has been verbally attacked and called a traitor by other First Nations people (yes, he is First Nations himself) because he disagrees with the idea of living on a reservation. In bigger cities, the same thing is sometimes seen with the China Town areas. I fully understand the desire to be surrounded by people just like you in order to feel comfortable, but I’ve never seen isolation lead to anything good.

3) That all being said, I give Australia more leeway with this particular situation because there is not yet real equality for the LGBT community. In Canada, we have equality and it’s quite rare to see open homophobia (at least in my province anyway-- I can’t speak for the whole country). Here, I think creating LGBT exclusive communities or bars would only serve to needlessly deepen a divide that has been slowly disappearing over the years. In countries or areas where homophobia is still common and there are not yet laws in place to give the same protections and rights to LGBT people and everyone else, I think the need for safe places is very understandable and I support it.

4) Sure, it’s insensitive to celebrate a marriage around people who can’t get married yet, but I really think that making a fuss about it isn’t going to help. If you want straight allies, you don’t make them by ruining something beautiful for them because you can’t have it too. Instead of getting mad that I can’t get married too (which is something that particular person can’t change for me), I would just try to be happy that they’ve found someone to love. Isn’t that what’s it’s supposed to be about anyway? Worry about hatred and discrimination, not someone just being thoughtlessly insensitive or else people stop listening to what you have to say.

5) I don’t really think what this bartender is talking about is necessarily an LGBT problem. Bachelorette parties go to straight bars and get out of hand too. I used to work in a Chinese restaurant and experienced a bachelorette party come through that were rowdy, inappropriately sexual for a family restaurant, and harassed the male staff and other customers. I’ve seen women be too pushy with their advances (married, gay, simply not interested, etc) and disrespectful of men’s right to their own body in many different situations as well. While the events discussed in the article occurred in a gay bar, I think it’s more of a problem with the double-standards our society has created regarding women’s sexual behaviour (primarily that it doesn’t count as sexual assault if a woman does it and women sexually assaulting people is considered “funny”) and people just being douchebags in general. It’s the kind of thing that pops up everywhere and it just so happens that this particular bar that experiences it is one for LGBT people (though the woman who wanted video of her making out with another woman was clearly LGBT targeted).

Finally, I suppose I do agree with the bartender, just with a couple of footnotes added in. I think safe places for LGBT people in Australia are appropriate as equality and acceptance has not yet been established. Celebrating a marriage in a gay bar is definitely insensitive, but I think getting upset about it will hurt the cause more than help it. And I absolutely agree that the behaviour described is incredibly offensive and inappropriate, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a gay club problem so much as it is people who would probably be just as offensive and inappropriate if they went somewhere else. Douchebags are gonna be douchebags no matter where they are.