#Literally everyone in Hogwarts has upsetting backstories so why not

[garthofshayeris]

I've seen you've talk about how rebirth Garth is not real Garth and I believe you obviously mean personally I am still annoyed over Roy's clone from n52 that everyone keeps acting like is Roy is still a thing, but how is he different?

I’m so glad you asked! It sounds obvious, but typically people like a character for their personality or their story arcs or their character development. Like, why else would you like a character, right? So when there are huge changes to the things that make you like the character, uh…there’s not much left.

So, obviously with reboots some things are going to be changed. Maybe someone’s appearance is altered. some of their backstory is switched up, some personality traits get dropped or added. What sucks about Rebirth Garth is they changed everything about his character, none of it for the better. And for a character who, until now, has had a major part to play in Aquaman and other dc comics for about half a century, it’s honestly pretty insulting. So many creators poured their hearts into shaping him into a character before the reboot. There was so much love put into his stories, that the comparison to rebirth is so, so noticeable. Like…if Dick Grayson was rebooted with a completely different backstory and personality and was only vaguely related to the Batfamily, I think fans would be rightfully upset. I feel the same about Garth.

His personality, or whatever attempt they made at one, is bland and boring. He’s a brute who likes fighting and….that’s it. Compared to preboot Garth who is consistently sweet and sensitive and emotional and good. He’s just a good guy who thinks of fighting as a last resort, because he would rather use his words than his fists. It was such a lovely, refreshing take on a male character (and one who is in big name comics like Aquaman and Titans and JLA) that to lose one of his key elements is terrible sad and disappointing.

Garth’s story is, ultimately, completely tied to Arthur’s. They bring out the best and worst in each other. Garth is Arthur’s foil, from the start he is there to complement Arthur as a hero and they’re part of each other’s arcs. And his backstory heavily influences how Garth acts and what he does. His story is one of grief and loss and identity and overcoming stigma, prejudice, and taking control of your destiny. His story is about healing. Or it was.

Because Rebirth Garth doesn’t have any of that. He is, essentially, a completely different character who happens to be named Garth. Sure, he mentioned offhandedly that when he was in Magic College he had a girlfriend who Died Tragically and then they never mentioned that again. It’s a cheap imitation of his Tula storyline, told in like 2 panels, because Tula is also a completely different character now. They’ve spoken in canon once. Two characters who have been so closely joined together for 50 years barely know each other now. This is the same for every other character who still exists in Aquaman canon (they’ve written out a ton). He’s never even spoken to his other love interest in preboot, Dolphin, at all.

Let’s get back to Magic College though. Garth’s powers (or the few he retained from his original power set, though honestly he just like glows now? They’ve never really explained what he can do) are there because he went to underwater Hogwarts and I guess you can just do that and become magic. In comparison, preboot Garth has magic because he’s an abandoned prince from a long line of powerful sorcerer-kings. But power corrupts and his father is murdered and his mother flees, and although she abandons Garth as birth he is so haunted by their deaths that they plague his nightmares. His powers are earned through an incredibly moving journey that includes (among other things) closure from grief and the literal act of taking ones destiny into their own hands. Garth earns his powers because he is pure of heart, because he is brave, and because he loves so, so much and because others loved him. And when he uses those powers in other comics, you remember the meaning behind them. So Rebirth Garth being magic “just because” is so reductive, so boring, so uninspired. I’d rather him be an average atlantean.

But Garth has absolutely no history with the Aquafamily. Giving us an emotional story with him now would be meaningless because he has no part in the comics or the Aquafam. Sure, they mentioned once that Arthur “raised” Garth but…there’s no evidence of that. They don’t speak to each other in Rebirth. There’s actually no way Arthur could have done that in the canon timeline, but it doesn’t matter because they make no attempt to show he’s even part of the family. Garth has been to exactly zero life events for Arthur. He’s never met Arthur’s daughter. He’s never shown just hanging with the others, and they hang out with assholes who tried to kill them before. He is never there. But we are told, once, that he and Arthur like each other. This character means nothing. You can write him out of the few issues he appears in and nothing changes. He’s completely worthless as a character.

So his personality is gone, his backstory is gone, his character themes and growth are gone…surely he still looks the same?

Wrong. He’a ugly. I’m sorry, he is. Everyone is always posting pictures of him saying he’s so pretty (and comparing him to his look on TT:YO as if those aren’t completely different continuities?) but he looks like every other black haired character in DC right now. He looks like Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson and Time Drake and every other fucking guy it’s boring and it’s stupid. He has ugly straight hair (a far cry from Garth’s usual big, curly locks) in a boring ponytail because apparently YJ and TT are the only source the artists ever used to draw him. And his eyes. He has blue eyes. BLUE. When his character has had purple eyes for his entire existence, when his purple eyes have been a major plot point for his entire existence, when his purple eyes were his one defining trait for his entire existence. Insulting.

And he has eye tattoos. Sure, you say, because we all know Garth got his eye scars while training with Atlan (also now a completely different character) when claiming his birthright (written out of canon) to gain his powers (written out of canon) so yeah, maybe they’re just tattoos now. Except some dumbass at DC couldn’t be bothered to put them on the right side of his face. Yet another defining character trait completely fucked up because nobody at DC cared about making this character. He exists to tick off a box, to say “hey, look, we brought back a character you guys wanted. Buy our comics.”

So, when I say Rebirth Garth isn’t the “real” Garth, this is what I mean. The characters are different in every way that makes characters matter. He’s a character who shares a name and nothing else. And I hate him.

[blitheringmcgonagall]

Hello! Love your works, if its not too much trouble, how about a Mia x Monty Hogwarts Fluff?

Ah thank you @richerthannoir I’m loving writing about Mia and Monty Potter (Minty) at the moment, so enjoy some Minty Hogwarts fluff!! As this is to celebrate a We Can Be Heroes  reader milestone on ff.net, it’s a reminder that in that story, I did say I would do a backstory get-together fic for Mia and Monty and I will do it at some stage soon!!

How Many Detentions Will it Take?

“Hullo, Mia.”

“Hullo, Potter.”

“Well past curfew, you know, old thing,” Fleamont Potter said, leaning against the wall in a relaxed manner.

“Oh, I’m well aware, Potter.”

Mia’s hazel eyes twinkled and he shook his head and grinned back.

“What?” she said.

“Nothing,” he said.

There was something about him, about his kind smile, his casual confidence and quiet positivity, that made her feel safe and excited, all at once.

“Are you not going to ask me what I’m doing out and about at this hour, Potter?” she smiled.

It was after midnight.

“Do I look like I want to know?” he said.

Mia laughed, her dimples showing.

“I’m willing to bet you and your fellow Buccaneers are up to something,” Monty said, idly twirling his wand.

“Oh never doubt that, Potter, The Five Buccaneers are always up to mischief,” she said. “You can take that as a given.”

“I’d rather not know the details,” Fleamont laughed quietly.

“Why’s that?” Mia asked, walking closer to him.

Their hands were practically touching. Mia’s strong, thick hair, cut in a bob (purposely, a muggle hair do, to cause outrage) shimmered gold against the torch light. Fleamont’s spectacles glinted, or perhaps it was his eyes shining, she couldn’t tell.

“I don’t want to have to give you detention,” he said.

“That’s cute, Potter,” she said, still smiling. “You gave me five detentions last month.”

He snorted and shook his head at her.

“That’s ‘cause you gave me no choice,” he said. “Almost like you wanted me to catch you red-handed.”

“Almost like I wanted you to catch me,” Mia repeated, her eyebrows raising theatrically. “Who knew?”

He didn’t say anything this time, just ran his teeth over his lower lip and laughed. She was quite sure she had managed to rile him up a little bit. But it was so hard to know, he was uncommonly good at appearing unperturbed. In fact, even now, she wasn’t sure he was even remotely interested.

“You Hufflepuffs are a menace,” he said eventually, running his index finger along the groove of the stonework. “Others always underestimate you.”

“You underestimate us at your peril, Potter,” Mia said, with a brazen wink at the tall, dark-haired chap.

He looked away as he smiled, bashful, just for a split second, and when he looked back at her there was something so pleased, so adoring, in his gaze, that her hopes rose. Maybe he wasn’t quite as nonchalant as he wanted her to think.

“I said others,” he replied.

His voice had dropped, lower, warmer.

“You’d think you’d have learnt your lesson by now, seeing as I’m always beating you on the Quidditch field,” Mia added.

She was almost embarrassed by her outrageously blatant teasing, her outright flirting. Almost. She did not do embarrassment. It wasn’t in her vocabulary.

His face took on a more confident grin, this was their usual banter, during inter-house games.

“You wish,” he said lightly.

“Gryffindor Seeker and Head Boy. Not bad, Potter,” she said, beaming up at him.

He was so much taller than her.

“Hufflepuff Captain and Rogue Buccaneer,” replied Fleamont, leaning his foot against the stone wall. “Not bad yourself.”

“Ha!” she grinned mischievously. “Pity my parents don’t think so.”

His smile dropped.

“Do they not?” he said.

He sounded astonished. But then again, his parents weren’t obsessed with pureblood nobility and the likes. Sure, the Potters were purebloods, but they didn’t appear to give a toss about such drivel as Sacred Twenty-Eights and other daft nonsense. Everyone knew it. In fact, despite being a very old and reasonably well-off family, they managed to remain on the outer fringes of respectability and quite outside pureblood elite circles. Lucky bastard. She was quite sure she had heard her father talking about what a disappointing, pathetic man Fleamont’s father was. It made her like Monty all the more. Just like she loved that he never called her by her surname.

“No. Hufflepuff was literally the worst House I could have chosen,” she said, determined to keep a light tone. “My parents think it’s the losers’ House. They were mortified. They said if I had been in Ravenclaw, they’d have accepted it, if Slytherin wasn’t an option. Gryffindor would have infuriated them, but there’s plenty of purebloods in your House. Mine is where most misfits, as my parents would call it, end up. You know – muggleborns and the likes.”

She rolled her eyes derisively.

“I’m sorry,” Fleamont said, genuine concern in his tone.

“Yeah, so am I,” Mia said.

She looked away pretending to fasten her cloak so he couldn’t see she was a bit upset. Only a bit.

“Anyway,” she said, after a pause, hoping he didn’t notice the tremor in her voice. “I don’t care. My father and I have never really gotten on. It doesn’t bother me what he thinks.”

Fleamont had been looking at her, tentatively, both feet back on the ground, one hand now scratching the back of his neck.

“I think my mum is proud of my Quidditch skills, but she’d never say it to me. The only time I hear from them is when I’ve gotten into trouble with the Professors. A Howler from my father. You’ve probably heard them.”

She wrinkled her nose and made a disgusted face, her laugh coming out all watery.

“A lot of them,” he said, smiling back.

“They don’t seem to deter me from getting into mischief.”

“I’m glad,” he said.

She smiled and looked away again, her wand tracing haphazard patterns in the air.

“My father has already decided who I’m going to marry, you know…”

“Oh?” he raised his eyebrows marginally.

“Yeah, some creep called Casper Carrow, a committed pureblood, a Ministry of Magic official,” she said. “He’s nearly ten years older than us.”

She knew he had seen her shiver.

“Dad says I better change if I know what’s good for me, or the Carrows may decide to pull out of the agreement,” she said.

This time she looked at him, really looked at him, and he could see worry and resistance in her eyes. He stepped closer to her.

“I hope you never change, Mia, not like that,” Fleamont said.

He looked so sure, his grey eyes were burning, and she felt so much better when he was close to her.

“So, you like me, Monty?” she said, biting her lip, hoping she looked as confident and debonair as ever, that he couldn’t see the vulnerability hidden behind it.

He continued gazing into her eyes, steadfast, and brought his two hands to rest lightly on her shoulders.

“Of course I like you, Mia, you daft thing. I like you, an awful lot,” he said quietly.

“You do?” she whispered, standing on her tiptoes and wrapping her hands around his neck, pulling his face down closer.

“I do,” he said, his whole face lighting up now.

“Oh thank Merlin, I was resigning myself to daily detentions for the rest of the year, hoping you might get the gist,” she grinned, all traces of sadness disappearing.

“What gist is that?” he asked, teasing, his lips practically touching hers.

“That I like you back, an awful lot,” she said, radiant and triumphant.

They kissed, long and slow and full of hope, under the dim torchlight, bursts of tiny stars shooting from the tips of their giddy wands.

(Hope you liked it!)

Arranged marriage?   Minty   Minty fluff    Mia & Monty Potter Hogwarts fluff

[fishoutofcamelot]

Hi there! I hope you’re well. I just wanted to send a message to thank you for the elyan content 😍 he is my favourite knight but for some reason I never see much of him on tumblr! So it’s awesome to see him on your blog. I hope I didn’t bother you with this ask 🙈

I AM doing well, actually! And you didn’t bother me, asks will probably never bother me <3

I could go on for a million years about why no one makes content about Elyan - and sometimes forget he exists altogether - but I don’t wanna start drama so we’ll just. Not touch that topic with a 10-foot pole

BUT! Elyan IS a fantastic knight, and the fact that he is your favourite knight too is very iconic and sexy of you. Elyan fans/stans are the sexiest members of this fandom. That’s not even opinion, that’s just science

So! Here’s a list of Elyan headcanons, because he’s worth it:

Elyan is ace. Them’s the facts

He’s also gay but in that stage where he’s questioning if he might be bi. Unfortunately, he died before reaching an answer

I hate to talk about Hogwarts Houses in 2020, but he is one hell of a Hufflepuff. Elyan is his name and protecting his loved ones with life and limb is his game. It is very easy to earn his loyalty, and once you have he will ride straight through Hell for you

Elyan likes hoods. He wears hoods whenever he can (i mean c’mon, that outfit in season 3 was serving some killer looks)

He’s just a protective older brother to literally everyone in Camelot. Yes, even Gaius

Gwen, Elyan, Leon, and Merlin have family game night once every month. They all gather in their old house in the lower town to get drunk, play some dice games, and spend the whole night goofing off

Only a few people know about game night. Even fewer people have seen it with their own eyes. Arthur and Gwaine frequently try to sneak in to see game night for themselves, but somehow never succeed

Elyan loves swimming. They don’t get many chances for it, but whenever they do, Elyan is the best swimmer out of all the knights

He’s also like. Really good at sneaking up on people. Consistently rolls high on stealth checks

Out of everyone in the Round Table, Elyan is the most easily spooked. He hates it when they gather around the fire to tell ghost stories, bc he will NOT be able to sleep the rest of the night after that

Why do people think there’s no dynamic or chemistry between Elyan and Gwaine??? Those two had a SOLID friendship and I will not stand for this disrespect (also, Perelyan is good but Elyaine is godtier imo)

Elyan is bad at blacksmithing. Like really bad. No one even understands how that works, considering he spent his whole childhood training under his father. All the blacksmithing talent apparently went to Gwen somehow

He likes bugs. When he was a kid he would go out in the woods and collect beetles and stuff to stick in little terrarium jars. He’d even give them names and backstories and personalities. Sometimes he would sit under a tree and tell Gwen stories about all these adventures his bugs would go on when no one was looking

Leon HATED bugs, and got creeped out by them, which meant Elyan was legally obligated to harass him about it

Elyan doesn’t get much chance to catch bugs anymore, but he’s also the only member of the Round Table who can put up with spiders

Spider in the armory? Everyone is freaking out while Elyan just calmly picks it up and lets it outside - but not without lots of snark and eye-rolling, of course

The reason Elyan ran away from home was because his mother had died and he saw it as a personal failing. He felt that it was his fault she was dead, because he couldn’t protect her, and left Camelot because he couldn’t bear the shame of guilt

In the last few years of his time away from Camelot, Elyan fell in love and lived out an mlm cottagecore fantasy where he and his lover raised wyverns together. But when Morgause came to capture him, she killed his lover and burnt their wyvern farm to the ground

Elyan tries not to let his grief be known, though. Not just because he doesn’t want to burden Gwen with his pain, but also because his lover had magic and he could get arrested for having fallen in love with a sorcerer

Morgause had Elyan captive for a while before Gwen showed up. She even used the nathair on him in small increments; not long enough to kill him or damage him irreparably, but enough to make him suffer. It’s for this reason that Elyan was able to bounce back from being tortured by Morgana whereas Gwaine didn’t survive it, because Morgause had already microdosed him with that kind of pain two years ealier

Still traumatizing, though. Like. This boy is EXTREMELY traumatized, can someone please get him some therapy???

Moving back to Camelot with Gwen was simultaneously healing and harming. Healing, because  he visited his dad’s grave, rebuilt his relationship with Gwen, and his companionship with her, Merlin, and Leon helped him move on from the pain of his loss. But harming because of all the anti-magic prejudice that surrounded him, and every time someone said magic was evil it was like another dagger in his heart. That was his dead lover they were talking about and calling a monster. Someone who was kind and compassionate and funny, who didn’t have a lick of evil in them, who would have burned at the stake by Camelot’s laws

Elyan didn’t think about what it meant to be a knight of Camelot when he agreed to be knighted. But he was just so determined to fight and kill Morgause, the woman who had killed his lover and his wyverns and abducted him from his home, that he didn’t even think about it. He just wanted Morgause dead. It wasn’t until a few days later when he realized that being a knight of Camelot meant enforcing Camelot’s anti-magic laws, and this realization naturally caused him distress

Instead of abandoning his knighthood, Elyan found a compromise. He would support Arthur in everything, until magic got involved. If Arthur ever captured druids or put sorcerers to death, Elyan decided he would smuggle them out of the city. He would never actively kill or capture those with magic, and would sometimes even try to sabotage efforts in capturing harmless magic-users

Elyan knew full well what Dragoon was doing. He knew that Gwen and Arthur’s love was true and required no enchantment, meaning Dragoon had simply framed himself to get Gwen out of a jam. He appreciates Dragoon, and even though he supposedly killed Uther, Elyan can’t even fault him for that. Elyan wanted to kill Uther too

Merlin is the little brother Elyan always wanted, and Elyan is the older brother Merlin never had. They act so much like siblings it’s not even funny, and some people question if they were actually raised together 

He and Merlin like to team up and tease Gwen. They’ll walk behind her and chant stuff like “Gwen and Arthur sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G”. They’re like children, and it’s both very funny and very annoying

Gwen gets her revenge, of course. She always gets her revenge

They also team up to be like. Super protective of Gwen. The vetting process Arthur had to go through - between Elyan, Leon, AND Merlin - in order to date Gwen was ridiculous

Arthur: Merlin I’m literally your boss. Your friend. You've been my personal manservant for like six years now

Merlin: Yeah, which means I know exactly how much of a dick you are

After being possessed by the druid ghost, Elyan is a lot more in tune with the supernatural

Am I suggesting that Elyan can now see, talk to, and interact with ghosts, and even starts a little agency where he goes around helping them complete their unfinished business? Why yes, yes I am

When Gwen was banished, Elyan wanted to go with her. But she asked him to stay behind and keep an eye on Agravaine, as she suspected him of treachery, and to stop him from taking over Camelot should Agravaine make a move. And, well, Elyan has never been able to say no to his sister

Elyan and Merlin decided to try and find a way to prove Gwen’s innocence. There’s no way she was acting of her own accord, after all. There was some kind of enchantment at play, there had to be. Merlin doesn’t tell him about Shade!Lancelot directly, but does propose it as a theory regarding how Lancelot had come back from the dead. Elyan supports the theory 100%

About two months after the wedding, Merlin and Elyan locate the enchanted bracelet, and Gwen and Lancelot’s names are finally cleared

In Avalon, Elyan, Freya, and Lancelot spend the whole time watching/narrating the events of season 5 like sports commentators. They are all mutually exasperated at Merlin’s antics

When Arthur shows up in Avalon, the only reason Elyan doesn’t punch him in the face is because he’s too busy restraining Lance from doing the same

He does, however, give him a strong talking-to about how “all your magic and you still can’t save my life” is a horrible thing to say actually

Lancelot, however, is more upset about the “I guess I was wrong” speech

Gwaine shows up in Avalon like. SUPER traumatized. He died while being tortured by a nathair, died in a way that he perceived to be failure, and he’s kinda messed up because of that. Elyan, who has already had a few years to cope with nathair torture, is the one who helps Gwaine heal from his trauma

In the 21st century, Elyan gets reincarnated along with everyone else. His childhood is plagued with weird dreams, dreams that terrify him. Snakes and pain, wyverns and fire, all of it. He meets an old man who calls himself Merlin, who helps Elyan through the pain of remembering his past life. For once, Elyan gets to be taken care of instead of the other way around. For once, he is allowed to be vulnerable and weak and struggling. He doesn’t hide his tears. He gets the help he needs and works through his trauma

And one day, many years later, he is walking down the street when he sees someone who looks oddly familiar. The face of an old lover, perhaps

Thanks for the ask! <3

[zhuilingyizhen]

If the juniors were to be sorted into hogwarts houses, which one would they be in & why? (Theres not enough junior love here) :D

This blog strives to give all the junior love the world is missing right now 🥺

Also, let me preface this by saying that we DO NOT support JK Rowling’s transphobia on this blog. Or any transphobia, for that matter, please and ty.

Anyways, I have a bunch of old hogwarts hcs which we’ll be ignoring today. Let’s do this!

Ouyang Zizhen is an innocent baby, probably a Hufflepuff. The Lans would both be Gryffindor, and Jin Ling... I have no clue. I mean, I think he could be a Gryffindor? It seems to fit the most but I dunno. Wait a sec, I’m gonna take a hp quiz for him, bc idk what I’m doing with my life.

After taking one too many quizzes, the Sorting Hat has placed Jin Ling in... Gryffindor! Wowie.

As for why...

I have already stated that Zizhen is an innocent baby, who deserves the world, so there. Plus, he’s kind, and I very much hc him as a pacifist. He’s super chill, maybe plays as Keeper for his team? 

A Ling was sorted into Gryffindor bc of the hat, idk why. I think his parents were both wizards, though they both lived in the mortal world. By that, I mean JL was raised like a half-blood. Magic was just sorta there, but not too important until it accidentally murdered his parents. :(

It would be hilarious if JC was a muggle who knows about all this shit but is still just eternally pissed off. He ends up taking care of JL for like a year before shipping him off to wizard school.

Since JL was homeschooled, and bc he’s is a lonely bitch, he doesn’t really make any friends. He’s still upset about his parents’ deaths (he’s not the hp in this au, but his backstory is similar), and doesn’t really give a fuck about all the wizarding stuff because 1. he’s done this shit already and 2. it reminds hi of his parents.

Jingyi and Sizhui knew each other from before Hogwarts, and Jingyi’s dad (who left them) was a wizard, so he’s a 1/2 blood but doesn’t know that magic is real. Sizhui grew up in a magical household, but prefers the muggle world. Lqr is a really harsh teacher, and lsz just wants to be a normal boy! He spends most of his time w/ jingyi, and literally only goes to hogwarts bc jingyi is going. 

lqr as headmaster? 0-0

wen ning is the house leader (idk what it’s called) of Gryffindor, the only one lsz tolerates. everyone is pushing for him to become a master wizard or something bc he has potential, but he doesn’t want to?? stop making him do magikal stuff.

ljy on teh other hand is super stoked.

oyzz comes from a long line of brave Gryffindors, but looked at them and said nope. he yeeted over to hufflepuff, so he could be left alone and study herbology in peace. 

ljy plays beater or chaser (probably the latter), lsz keeper, and jl... seeker maybe?

idk really. @the-juniors thoughts on hp au?

[yannfredericks]

PLEASE talk about your polly backstory 👀

omg ty SO much for asking!!! 🥺 (and sorry for taking far too long to answer!!)

To me, polly shows obvious signs of being an only child with a massive inferiority complex instilled by her parents for not meeting their outrageous expectations, but I think that’s only if you’re specifically looking to understand why she is the way she is and not just writing her off as Pretty Popular Girl Is A Bitch :) This has gotten very long so I'll put it under a read more!

So in my mind, she’s not only an only child, but the only gryffindor in an all slytherin family. Her family were ~almost~ in the sacred 28 (which they pride themselves on) and only missed out due to the ‘unfortunate’ choice of partners a very select few of their ancestors made. They weren’t necessarily on Voldemort’s side, but I wouldn’t say that they were overly opposed either, I imagine they mostly kept themselves to themselves and skirted by by keeping up appearances and being friendly with, but not close enough to end up entangled with, pure blood extremist families. So not great people needless to say, quite cowardly too in all honesty for all their ambitions of being amongst the likes of the Malfoys. While this mostly concerns her grandparents, they raised her parents to have the same values and general outlook on life.

So then we come to Polly’s childhood. Her parents never really loved her unconditionally so much as loved the idea of her being the golden child to restore their name and carry on their legacy. Which was unfortunate when she failed to show any signs of magic for the first 9/10 years of her life. They didn’t have any real time for her being a child and mostly regarded her and expected her to behave like a little adult. She didn’t get to play or actually be a child really, she was usually left to her own devices outside of schooling and piano classes and was in many ways, raised by the family house elf Pipsey. Polly mostly saw her parents at the dinner table, for breakfast and supper and had the rest of the day to herself, mostly shut in her room with her piano (which, although reasonably good at it, she grew very quickly bored of). She had a very vivid imagination and grew bored of study and lessons easily. She wasn’t given any dolls but managed to make her own out of the clothes she grew out of, while they weren’t very pretty she loved them and could create stories out of the most mundane things since that was really all she had at her disposal. This carries on for the first 6/7 years of her life, she would create stories in her room for hours and was much closer with Pipsey than her parents knew, which meant that Pipsey was often involved in her (very limited) play time under Polly’s instruction. This lasted until she started homeschool.

She was expected to study every day from the day she started school as her parents demanded excellence, which is where the disappointment started but no where near where it ended. She was schooled in a group of other pure blood girls, the children of her family’s friends, which was where she first learnt how effective manipulation and humiliation was. Actually, that’s not quite true, the first person she learnt that from was her father, who seemed to find endless things about polly childish, unbecoming and disappointing. Her mother wasn’t much better, and the more time that passed without her showing any signs of magic, the more resigned and borderline hateful they became of her, calling her a squib and a ‘failed endeavour’, and unfortunately, as children often do, she started mimicking this behaviour around the other girls and found out very quickly how to get what she wanted. Whether that be to get a specific girl to be her best friend, another to be ignored by everyone, to get answers for the homework, to get out of the homework, or most importantly: frighten the girls out of ever bringing up the fact that she couldn’t do magic. She probably made threatening comments about being very powerful and not trusting herself to use magic around them to cover up the fact that she was coming up nine and a half and still hadn’t had a single instance of magic.

I don’t think she really understood how horrible her behaviour was then and likely thought this was normal behaviour bc the girls she was schooled with weren’t exactly nice either, and when that’s how people behave in your home and in your class/every aspect of your life you tend to make the assumption that that's just how everyone is. It made her feel good in the moment, having power over others often does have a certain appeal, however dark, but I imagine she spent a lot of time thinking about it at night and feeling awful but not being able to articulate why. I like to picture her having long chats with Pipsey and skirting around the subject, wanting to talk about it but being too afraid to find out what was making her feel this way.

Skip forward and her parents began to talk about replacing Pipsey, she’s old and a lot slower these days and far, far too indulgent with Polly. Polly, struggling to get her parents attention at the best of times, begs and begs them to keep her on, begs them to just get another elf to help alongside Pipsey instead of getting rid of her entirely, and when they refuse to listen and send her off to her room, she throws the tantrum to end all tantrums, screaming, crying, kicking, throwing things, all the behaviour she has been taught against suddenly comes tumbling out of her until they all realise that she's levitating their massive heavy wooden bookshelf up and up in a very menacing way over her parents.

It’s not her conscious intention to hurt them, but on a subconscious level it’s definitely her desire to make them feel the hurt, upset, and fear that they’ve made her feel, and I’d consider this the first time we see just how strongly she cares for the people she loves. It’s the fear of losing Pipsey that drives her to use magic for the first time. Her parents are OVERJOYED at this display of magic as they’d honestly almost completely given up on her and decide to keep Pipsey as a reward for her display. Not a great thing bc it instilled in her the idea that she can get whatever she wants if she throws a big enough tantrum and is threatening enough, but on the other hand it teaches her to always fight for what she feels is right so... plus Pipsey is so grateful to Polly for working so hard to keep her (as if Polly would /ever/ let anything stand between her and what she loves)

The magic doesn’t come easily after this though, it comes rarely and is quite difficult for her since she’s been raised to be so reserved and emotionless, but she’s felt it now and manages to achieve the barest of minimums from here on out. I don’t think magic is exclusively connected to emotional states or a persons openness but being closed off has definitely been to the detriment of Polly’s power. She’s got a renewed sense of self worth from the experience though and begins to feel once again like she might be able to make her parents proud.

She gets her Hogwarts letter and it is the happiest she’s ever been and it’s the closest they’ve ever felt like a real family. Everything is perfect until the moment she meets Yann Fredericks on the train and her world image starts to crumble.

Yann is easily the nicest person she's ever met and it's confusing and INFURIATING and she has no idea how to cope with it, but suddenly (and she doesn't know HOW) she has a friend and the sorting hat is on her head and she's in Gryffindor with this boy she's only known a few hours and her entire world is upside down.

That first night she creeps down into the Gryffindor common room because she's so confused and sick with anxiety that she can't sleep, only to find Yann down there too. He also can't sleep, but his reason is that he misses his mums and his sister Leah, and the combination of that mixed with his excitement for the years ahead means that he probably won't sleep for hours. They end up talking about anything and everything until they can't keep their eyes open, and although she's still more nervous than she's ever been, she's also made her first real friend. They end up having long, quiet chats in that corner almost every night for the rest of their time at Hogwarts.

She gathers the courage to write to her parents the next day and never receives a reply, which is a reply in itself, and she's absolutely devastated. Not to mention she's not managing any better with her magic, and seems to be just about the only one with this issue except for:

Albus Potter.

Her homeschool days come back to her and suddenly she's picking on Albus and pointing out all his flaws and the fact that he can hardly manage any magic it all and now no one even notices that she can't get her feather to levitate or a broom into her hands because they're all noticing that in Albus. It's not nice and it doesn't make her feel good, but it's a relief to not have to worry about herself when she's got everyone laughing at someone else's misfortune. And in doing so she makes another friend: Karl Jenkins! Who seems equally as keen to make jokes at the expense of others, and who introduces her and Yann to his friend Craig Bowker Jr.

I could go on and on but it's already taken me like, a year, to answer this!! and it gets a bit more just 'story' rather than 'backstory' from here so there you have it! I'm sorry for taking an absurd amount of time and for rambling so much and probably only making a small amount of sense but there you have it! I love Polly so much and I'm so excited for her to grow, mature and get the help that she needs to become the person that she's meant to be <3 Thank you thank you thank you for asking!! I am literally always down to talk about Polly, or any other member of the gang, and I will endeavour to do better than a year's turn around in future <3 love youuuuu

[quidfree]

hi! hope you're well and that you're having a good day:) I absolutely adore LMV - I genuinely think it's the best fic I've ever read. anyway, the point of this ask was that I was wondering whether you had any thoughts about sirius as a godfather? like, was he suited for the job, did he actually do a good job... idk, maybe you've answered that question before, in that case, sorry! and ofc don't stress abt answering:))

this is so nice of you ty!!!

ive never talked about dogfather sirius, actually!! what an interesting pair of questions.... i would have to say a qualified yes to both?

was sirius suited for the job: personality-wise, maybe not entirely (raising a child alone in the event of jily deaths would have been Rough, and he’s not exactly a stable parental unit, not to mention he would have spoiled harry rotten), BUT he has the most important prerequisite, which is undying love and loyalty for the potters and for harry, and that means he would have done everything in his power to be a good parent figure to him, which is what really matters, so. not to mention that jily realistically weren’t contemplating he would have to be godfather alone for the majority of harry’s life- with jily around he could have been just The Coolest Godfather Ever instead of harry’s first living parental figure who didn’t treat him like shit.

did he actually do a good job? i would say a resounding yes. bearing in mind he was stuck in azkaban for twelve years (let’s not get into that), we only actively see him godparent harry for three years (plus when he was a baby). obviously baby harry was spoilt v much by his dogfather; what we see of sirius + teen harry also speaks favourably of him, i think. ok, little bit of a rough start what with the unhinged prisoner vibe, but the FIRST thing sirius does when free is go check up on harry- and he keeps tabs via crookshanks etc once at school, knows his interests well enough to send him the firebolt, and he values harry’s opinions enough to not murder peter on the spot despite his thirteen year revenge vendetta. obviously, the fact harry is the spitting image of someone sirius hasnt seen except for in his nightmares for over a decade doesn’t hurt, but he’s just so awkwardly sweet to harry afterwards- when he offers harry to come live with him, expecting him to refuse and completely understanding of it, it’s so endearing (and it always broke my heart how excited they both were about it- i bet sirius was thinking about another time a potter asked to live together). and from the start sirius ALWAYS speaks to harry like a whole person, not a child to be kept in the dark (which, if everyone else had done, looking at you dumbledore...)- the speech he gives him before he escapes is so important for harry to hear, especially from someone who knew his parents. sirius is always so careful to tell harry things about james and lily. now, it’s not that sirius treating harry like an adult would be ideal on its own, and i do think in part the issue is that he skipped his entire childhood and harry looks so much like james, but i also don’t think sirius actually treats harry too much like a grown man, apart from slipups- just like a grown teen. he advises him against threats, tells him the edgy backstories harry SHOULD know (and no other adult ever wants to tell him), looks after him as best he can (HE LIVES IN A CAVE EATING BONES TO LOOK OUT FOR HIM), listens to his teen melodrama. even when he’s fucking up by encouraging harry’s risk-taking i don’t think he’s treating him like an adult- he’s treating him like a *marauder*, because at that age, that’s what he or james would have done; being able to make informed choices is what sirius would have wanted at his age. i don’t think molly or sirius necessarily have the better argument- both make good points; sirius gets what harry wants and molly gets what harry might need even if he doesn’t want it, but that makes perfect sense- molly is an older woman who’s raised seven children, and sirius is in his early thirties and lived with kids for (1) year. james and sirius were order members by age /eighteen/ and sirius was in azkaban at /twenty-one/- he was basically a kid HIMSELF before he got put in the torture prison. i always found it so unfair that literally none of the other adults ever mention the debilitating mental issues he must be suffering from- remember the lifelong PTSD hagrid got from a MONTH there???- and that’s without even mentioning dumbledore’s purposeful exacerbating of them. not to say that mental health excuses poor parenting, but sirius both /isn’t a parent/ and really does very well at filling that role anyways, on the whole, so i think he can be cut some slack for once in his life. harry loves sirius SO MUCH and sirius loves him right back- and sirius teaches him some of the most important lessons in the whole series, even if he himself never managed to learn them- lessons that i really think shape the adult harry becomes, and the kind of lessons his parents might have taught him. so overall i’d give him kudos- and considering the absolute bullshit he’s living through, with james and lily dead, azkaban sucking the light out of him for over a decade, peter running free, and dumbledore QUARANTINING HIM IN THE HOUSE WHERE HIS ABUSIVE DEAD MOTHER IS (?!?!), i would say he does a stellar fucking job.

anyways harry & sirius’ relationship is so important to the series- even the GP was upset when sirius dies in OOTP, largely because everyone could see how bad it hit harry. that scene in dumbledore’s office? oof. they just care about each other so v much and we were robbed of a lifetime of sirius as harry’s absolute fav adult. if sirius had held onto harry that day- if dumbledore hadn’t decided to place him with abusive bigots for a plan which would only pay off by OOTP- i honestly think sirius would have outlived the series. because with harry he’d have been less unhinged by grief, able to testify properly, gotten support from other order members, not gone to azkaban- and with harry he would have had a reason to live. thirteen years of raising harry would have made harry the snarky little fucker he is at his core by age eleven, confident and happy and very good at quidditch indeed; thirteen years would have made sirius as whole as he can get. they would have patched things up with remus. there’d be no OOTP tragedy of errors. sirius would have punched dumbledore at some point. harry would have sent a pic of him and his new friends over week 1 of hogwarts and sirius would have punched through a wall and then calmly strolled over to hogwarts and taken ron’s pet rat over to minerva mcgonnagal, where unspeakable things happened to it. he would have gently butted heads with hermione (but won her over via crookshanks if nothing else) and gotten on very well with ron; snape would barely have been able to be such a dick to him because sirius would have gleefully sent him howlers for every minute of his day until he cracked. lucius on the school board terrorizing the other parents? not on sirius “billionaire heir to the toujours pur line” black’s watch- he’d happily invest even more obnoxious wealth into the school fund to get first call, not to mention lucius’ imperius excuse would not get very far with sirius around. “who’s nicholas flamel? we can’t ask adults- we’d get in trouble with the teachers and our parents are either muggles or wouldn’t know- oh wait nevermind, sirius, who’s nicholas flamel?” no more expelliarmus-ing for four years; harry Trained Duellist By Age 11 more like. dobby the house-elf? oi dobby sirius is family too- now spit it all out, won’t you? chamber of secrets? yeah, sirius knows what that is. parseltongue? yeah, sirius is familiar, and fuck those other kids for being weird to harry about it, does he want to come home for the holidays? weird creepy diary? oh, sirius’ family will have Magicke Moste Evile around somewhere. book 3 is just Harry’s Holiday: The Book because there’s no sirius subplot. you think snape would have dared treat remus the way he does with sirius hovering around paying half his checks? i think the fuck not. you bet your ass they had box seats for the whole of gryffindor house at the Quidditch World Cup. barty crouch? yeah, sirius knows THAT asshole- and remembers his son. catch harry whizzing through all the challenges minus the nerves ahead of time while sirius and remus do half the investigating for him. yule ball? no sweat, just go with ron; that’s what james and sirius would have done. if the maze went the way it goes in the books, “moody” wouldn’t even have been able to drag harry off without sirius intervening. and sirius “ptsd” black would have been The One Person who Got harry’s feelings in OOTP- not to mention sirius Skilled Legilimens black could have coopted that shit from snape and gotten harry up to scratch. sirius-raised-harry would have given umbridge twice as much shit. no kreacher lying here- and harry has sirius’ mirror anyways. so no massive drama in the ministry, and no suicidal recklessness / desperate first taste of freedom on sirius’ part means no veil incident even if they got there. hence book six through seven going Quite Differently. sirius shows up book six to be DADA teacher, why not. him and remus think it’d be funny, and besides he’s petty enough to steal the job from snape. move over firenze, new hot teacher in town. half the books are avoidable.

[bookishtickles]

Ranking all of the movies and books of Harry Potter. I genuinely enjoy all of these I just enjoy some more than others

1) Deathly Hallows book

I can't praise this book more than I already have. This book shows what masterful storytelling the whole series had, and, the best part imo, it shows us why Harry had these random little out of character moments throughout the other books where he had the feeling he "lost control" or got "taken over", it's in this book I realized why Harry had such a big and beautiful patronus (Ron literally says Harry had the most beautiful patronus he's ever seen), and, the best even in the best, we learn why Dumbledore has a "flicker of triumph" in goblet of fire after he learns Voldemort took Harry's blood. And "Forest Again" is the best chapter in any book I have ever read. Harry's walk is unlike anything I have ever read and it evokes emotion in me that nothing else in fiction ever has (in any medium, no movie, no tv show, no book, no video game). Battle of Hogwarts is amazing as well, and it gave me actually anxiety. Actually this whole book achieved that tbh. It's just absolutely amazing

2) Goblet of Fire book

When I hear people talk about Harry Potter, this is the first book I think of. It's the first truly dark book in the series, and I adore it. It's such a perfect mix of fun, and the magic, and darkness, and it all leads up to the moment Harry gets kidnapped by Voldemort, and he is forced to watch Voldemort ride back to power. That entire chapter gave me actually anxiety after I read it. First chapter in the series to do that. And the way the book is written too where you know something is going in and don't know what and you can't help the feeling Harry is in trouble (which obviously turned out to be true) even though everything bad happening has nothing to do with him. This book also has 2 of my favorite scenes in the whole series, which is Mr Crouch acting like a madman in the woods because he's been tortured by Voldemort to the brink of insanity, and the hospital scene where we see unlikely allies and Mrs Weasley hugs Harry

3) Order of the Phoenix movie

With all the criticisms I have for the movies, no one is more surprised than me that a movie is in my top 3, and above the book at that. But the reason the movie is so high is entirely because of Daniel Radcliffe and the lady that plays Umbridge. This movie would have either failed or thrived based in their performance and it thrives. Umbridge is perfect, and she truly is the character in the books so much so that I see her reading the book, which I can't say for any of the other actors. I would be able to say the same for Daniel had they kept his stuff as it is in the book like in this movie because he radiates book Harry energy in this movie in every single scene. He plays the trauma exactly, he plays the shy perfectly where in the other movies it's just awkward rather than cute like in the books but here he is adorable, the kindness and gentleness (Daniel has such a soft voice, it's perfect), and he plays the part so well you can tell when it is Harry and when it is not. When he attempts Crucio on Bellatrix, it was clever to have him hear Voldemort in his head because obviously they can not say Harry "lost control" *wink wink* in the movie, and in a way hearing the horcrux trying to get him to do it is more effective. And I also love how he had that little head thing to show Voldemort is inside him. Also, Daniel's scream when Sirius dies was so raw, so real, so distressing, so horrible that it made the entire cast cry, the crew cry, jk Rowling cry, but they cut it so they did not traumatize kids. If it was that upsetting, Daniel did a fucking good job. The movies only missteps are cutting the scene where the trio see Neville in the hospital with his parents, and cutting out the first half of Harry in Dumbledore's office when he has a breakdown, screams at Dumbledore and breaks some of his things. The second half of it where Harry is calm again but still horrified and upset are extremely well done I just wish they kept the first too, especially because Daniel probably would have absolutely nailed it. And last thing, thank fuck that they kept it that it is still Harry's pure heart and having too much love for Voldemort to bear be the reason Voldemort flees from his body and didn't do some Movie Harry bullshit (oh don't worry, you'll know what I mean by the end)

4) Prisoner of Azkaban book

Very good. The dementors and the patronus charm are good. The reveals are all good. Quidditch is amazing in this book. The time travel was a bit.... long to read. All in all, very good though

5) Order of the Phoenix book

I don't really have to say anything I didn't say for the movie in some way, but the deep dive in Harry's trauma from goblet of fire is chilling and seeing him cope with it is so sad as he wonders why everyone is cutting him out, than purposely isolates himself, than comes back around just to have Hogwarts be controlled by Umbitch

6) Prisoner of Azkaban movie

This would be a perfect adaptation if they included quidditch and didn't have Harry want to give Pettigrew to the dementors. Who thought that was a good idea, I have no idea. The start of what I like to call, "Movie Harry" because movie Harry is Harry but with an edge. But you can't judge a whole movie from a 2 second line so it's still high

7) Philosophers stone book

This book is so cute and such a good intro to the world and the characters that it just makes me smile

8) Half blood prince book

This was originally my least favorite book, but I think I was too hard on it. Harry's lack of trauma is a problem, but the rest of the book is great so I guess I can ignore it and Harry's trauma is back at the end of the book, I just don't understand why Harry, save for like, 4 scenes, is just normal again and not traumatized

9) sorcerers stone movie

It bothers me that this is called sorcerers stone, yeah I'm American so we say sorcerer but this takes place in England so Americans should get over it, but it's a very good adaptation. Nothing was drastically changed, the kid actors are cute and do a good job, and it's solid, except that Movie Harry kills Quirrell. Not what happens in the book

10) chamber of secrets book

Still good, it's just not my favorite 🤷‍♀️ I don't have any big criticisms, just that it's not as good as the others

11) chamber of secrets movie

Just like the book, I have no big criticisms. Just like the book, very good, only criticism is that it has pretty uninspired cinematography, it kinda makes it feel like a stage show

12) deathly hallows 1

Nothing wrong with this adaptation on a surface level, but things aren't as developed as they could be because they got neglected in other movies, like Dobby. Also another appearance of "Movie Harry" because Harry is somehow a badass who rlly tries to fight Nagini the snake, when in the book he freezes in fear and than gets attacked

13) deathly hallows 2

Battle of Hogwarts -> underwhelming

Gringotts break in -> underwhelming

Harry's walk -> underwhelming and comes no where near the book (especially that forced scene where Harry talks to Ron and Hermione that doesn't happen in the book)

Final battle between Harry and Voldemort -> can't be anything really cause it doesn't happen in the book. It's All "Movie Harry". The book is just Harry trying to make Voldemort understand what he's done wrong and trying to get him to feel remorse and than Voldemort tried to kill him and Harry disarms him, and the killing curse bounces back on Voldemort cause the wand he's using sees Harry as it's master cause reasons, read the books. The movie they have this long and weird duel where Harry is suddenly an action hero? That's why we call him Movie Harry. It's really weird and they don't even mention the protective spell his sacrifice cast or the fact voldenort has a chance of redemption cause he took Harry's blood, or have Harry try to save him. Do it turns out that Harry's pure heart and the amount of love Harry has ISNT really his "power the Dark Lord knows not", in the movies it's.... disarming people? I don't know though but by taking out the fact Harry tried to save Voldemort and his sacrifice didn't trigger the protective charm (which can only be cast by true and untainted love), it certainly isn't love like in the books which is very disappointing cause it's what made and makes Harry such a special character

14) half blood prince movie

I can't explain it, this movie just has such a weird energy. Daniels acting is so awkward and bizarre, and coming off of order, it's really disappointing. And no only that, but the fact they cut 99% of the Voldemort backstory is terrible. They also slaughtered Harry and Ginny. And took out one of Harry's best lines in the whole series when Snape gets irritated at Harry and corrects Harry by repeating his sentence and saying "sir" at the end and Harry says "there's no need to call me sir professor". Daniel, throughout the movies, was so good at Harry's deadpan snark lines that's bizarre they cut it. And yet another appearance of Movie Harry when they have Harry be brave during the horcrux Hunt when in reality Harry wanted to leave as soon as possible. That's the thing these movies do that's really weird, Harry is either uncharacteristically badass with an edge or unbearingly awkward. They also cut out one of Ron's best lines when Snape asks Harry to explain the difference between a soul and Inferi and Harry doesn't know the answer and awakardly says "Ghosts are transparent" and Snape says "inferi is a body controlled by dark magic and a ghost is the mark of a departed soul, and as Potter so wisely tells us, are transparent" and embarrassed Harry in front of the whole class and Ron, being the protective friend he is, says "well that's helpful! See a ghost we're gonna notice it's transparent, we're not gonna say "excuse me, are you the mark of a departed soul?" Two gold lines they cut for some reason. And of course, I'll never forgive hem for cutting "I'm not worried, Harry. I'm with you," THEY EVEN FILMED IT AND JUST CHOSE NOT TO INCLUDE IT WHAT WHY WTF, that for not including Hermione telling Harry "you said there would come a time where whether Ron and I could go back if we wanted (from order of the Phoenix), well, we've had time, haven't we" and Ron says "we're with you, whatever happens". The two lines that show how much Harry is loved and they cut them

15) goblet of fire movie

This movie is an insult to anyone who has read the book. And of course, Movie Harry does it again when he, like a true badass, saves himself by ascending from the water during the second task. And Movie Harry suddenly becomes an extrovert just got one scene where he loves the attention he gets from the crowd after the first task. When has Harry ever been an extrovert? When has Harry ever liked all that attention? All the character development got cut, all the quiet moments got cut, Dumbledore screams "HARRY DIDJA PUT YA NAME IN THE GOBLET OF FIYAH", and Voldemort's return/Harry's kidnap is mediocre at best. Remember the book when Voldemort hit Harry with Crucio while he was tied up? Well here he just touches his scar. Remember the book where Harry sees Dobby in the kitchens when Hermione brings him down there and Dobby frequently visits Harry cause he never forgot how Harry saved him from the Malfoys? Well Dobby ain't in the movie. Remember Hagrid being a half giant? Glossed over a lot. Remember Crouch being mad and the hospital scene, aka two of the best scenes in the whole series, they're not here either. And this movie has a weird habit of making things up, like when they say a kid went in the department of mysteries and than never came out. They made that up

So yee

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

PLEASE share your fantastic beasts 2 opinions

alright I’m not gonna turn this into a full fledged dissection of the story or anything because I’m tired and also don’t want to care about the movie that much, so I’m just gonna list stuff off the top of my head I remember bugging me when I saw it yesterday. obviously, spoilers:

so like we established the American Wizards™ have a congress with a president and everything but literally the very first thing we see on screen is the words ‘American Ministry of Magic’ please just remember what you named things

the whole opening scene with Grindlewald escaping literally. did not need to be That Long. surely if he was powerful enough he could’ve just…killed everyone at once and bounced like

I know it looked cool at first but it really just ended up dragging on 

‘how do we make him look even more evil’ ‘ooh…let’s make him kill the lizard’

the title, “Crimes of Grindlewald”, made me think oooh, we’re gonna get a backstory here, we’re gonna find out what he’s been doing that makes him the most-wanted wizard in Europe!!! but no

he literally barely even COMMITTED crimes in the movie asdfgh like a few murders but nothing that would imply he was Worse Than Voldemort…literally the most he did was give a speech which the aurors themselves said wasn’t illegal

Nagini was. worse than I expected

like did she even talk??? I’m screaming 

Eddie Redmayne was phoning it the fuck in acting wise and honestly mood

like. my love has an Oscar. we know what it looks like when he’s trying. he really just read his lines and got his paycheck lmao I can’t blame him

actually speaking on that, Jude Law and Alison Sudol were the only ones who seemed to care lmao

did Tina do anything the whole movie??? no

Credence had like maybe three lines despite being the center of the plot

we didn’t need the parasite in the eye scene

why was Nicholas Flammel…………Like That

GOD that character that was half-house elf. like, first of all. Blatant Starkid plagiarism. they could make a case for copyright infringement,

but ANYWAY I HATE THAT SO MUCH BECAUSE!!! NOW THAT I KNOW PEOPLE FUCK HOUSE ELVES!!!! ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS HOW IN GOF  BARTY CROUCH’S ELF WINKY WAS SO DEVESTATED AFTER HE FIRED HER THAT SHE BECAME AN ALCOHOLIC!!!

JK Rowling wrote that character in there, made the concept canon in this movie, as a means of leaning over to me and whispering in my ear, “Barty Crouch was an Elf-Fucker, Barty Crouch and Winky the Elf were fucking” AND I HATE THAT FOR US!!!

why did they have to make every single thing about Leta be cryptic like…calm down

why did we have to make Queenie a rapist, kidnapper and a fascist??? like. like. I just feel as though we could have…..not? done that? like there could have been other routes taken? just saying

why was every other sentence spoken reminding you that they were in Paris 

were Leta and Credence on the Titanic??? wtf

out of every hp character they could have referenced with a relative….McLaggen??????????

I thought Dumbledore was the transfiguration teacher??? why was he DADA???

McGonagall being a grown woman and a professor at least 10 years before she was born…..imagine being that powerful

why did all the aurors move in a fucking pack like….am I supposed to assume there’s absolutely no other crime happening other than Grindlewald?? not a single thing people might need the police for??? nope all of them just had to roll up to Hogwarts to stare at Dumbledore and pose like they were in fashion catalogue 

so how did we get from ‘Dumbledore won’t move against Grindlewald because he’s still in love with him but he eventually realized he needed to put the good of the world before his personal feelings, a character point that plays a major role in Harry’s story, and took him down and imprisoned him’ to ‘Dumbledore is 100% pro taking down and possibly killing Grindlewald and he wishes he could do it himself but because of a blood pact he physically cannot do anything and has to send spies to do the work for him’ like. how did we make that jump. just curious

the really went and implied Grindlewald could’ve stopped Hiroshima and the Holocaust. that….was a lot

also, actually, you know what? can JKR just….stop trying to tackle Hot Button Issues™ already because she’s really fucking bad at it???

I remember in the first movie there was that scene where Newt and Tina were given the death penalty, and the way it played like. it was CLEARLY supposed to be a statement on the American justice system she wasn’t even trying but uh!!! hey Joanne!!!! you already established that in Britain the wizards have their souls sucked out of their bodies!!!! so you kinda fell flat!!!

and then in THIS ONE it was all, the aurors are trigger-happy, they’ll torture you, You Cannot Trust The Wizard Cops and yeah! that could’ve been an interesting route to explore! especially given the current political climate about the police which obviously inspired that plot point! BUT UH. THE BAD GUY WAS THE ONE TELLING YOU THE COPS WERE BAD???

so even though we were *showed* the aurors doing these Bad Things uh!!! you aren’t supposed to agree with the evil fascist dude!!!! and Theseus and Leta and Tina were all portrayed as good guys even though they were among the group!!!! Hmmmm!!!!!!

um. some good things? The scene where Newt disguised himself as Theseus and then immediately ran into Theseus was the funniest fucking thing ever. Tina still being able to do her job and work with Newt while she was upset instead of being played as the Jealous Scorned Ex Who Won’t Cooperate was good. Pickett and the Niffler were still cute. the magic fight scenes were visually stunning. that’s all.

why the FUCK DID THEY KILL LETA

Zoe Karvitz is a solid person to have in your franchise!!!! she barely even had a coherent plot line!!! what happened there!!! 

they could’ve done more with Theseus 

the timeline for Credence to be a Dumbledore LITERALLY IN NO WAY works out with the already established timeline honestly what the fuck. that was the dumbest thing ever

probably gonna be some fucking twist like Grindlewald fucked Arianna or Albus’ mom or something and he’s Credence’s father. just wait. I literally wouldn’t put that past this franchise. 

uhhh…that’s all I got for now. if you like bad movies, I definitely recommend!! :) 

[astudyinsarcasm9]

Fantastic Retcons and Where to Find them 2: The Misdoings of Grindelwald

*Sighs* Why, just, why? 

Caution, may have spoilers! 

I’ll start by saying that while this is by no means an awful movie, it;s still not good. 

Visually? Yes it is quite stunning. Except for the beginning where I could barely tell what the hell was going on. Did it really have to be a heavy storm? 

Plotwise? It was a mess. If I were to tell someone what this moive is about I could not sum it up in a sentence. And that is bad. The plot should be simple to follow and not a tangled mess of characters and plot threads that go nowhere. 

Like, take the plot point of Tina and Newt being awkward with each other. It seemed to so forced, so contrived. Just so that we can have some drama. Same with Jacob and Queenie. 

They literally could have resolved the Tina and Newt drama if Newt told her the first time she saw her that he was not marrying Leta. But nooo we have to stretch it. 

Characterwise? The same mess. 

There were soooo many characters that shouldn’t have been there yet they were. 

Nagini? Jus there so people can say ‘Hey isn’t that Voldemort’s snake?’

Nicolas Flamel? He is there so people can remember this film still has some ties with the HP cannon. 

Bunty? Just there so we can be told just how popular Newt is with women. I swear she appears out of nowhere, no explanation given as to how the hell Newt decided to get help and why. She swoons over Newt a bit and then disappears as if she were not there in the first place, bearing no significance to the plot whatsoever. And that is the case with a loot of characters. 

The woman helping Grindewald? totally irrelevant, he could be working alone but she’s there to be this sort of Bellatrix Lestrange only way less intetesting.  Yusuf Kama? useless and added just for creating drama. 

Queenie? well she was just plain stupid. We know Jacob loves her so why the hell did she need to enchant him. Just so he can agree to marry her? I swear it s like we lost about an hour of movie in between Part 1 and Part 1 of Fantastic Beasts. She then has a breakdown, I guess? because she can’t find Tina and because she lost Jacob and has a massive headache from hearing everyone s thoughts and then BAM she is picked up and taken to meet Grindelwald, after which she has a change of heart. 

That creepy woman at the french Ministry of Magic was just so out of place. She existed just to have this evil grin on her face and sic her evil cats on Newt and Tina. (ok i know they’re not cats but still). 

Side note: it was never explained why Queenie could not find Tina at the french Ministry of Magic. Like TIna is an auror so she should be in their records. unless she was lying? Who cares that subplot takes us nowhere. 

There were so many problems in this movie that I honestly have no idea where to start. 

First, why the hell is McGonagall a teacher at Hogwars during Leta and Newt’s time if we know she was born in 1935? Just how do you mess that up?

Why is casting Avada Kevadra as easy as taking candy from a kid? In the HP canon this spell is supposed to be incredibly hard to cast and it requires a lot of power from the caster, as well as for them to essentially rip a part of their soul every time they cast it. Yet here they’re casting it like it’s nothing. Even an auror goes as far as to cast it. Oh and all of this is done nonverbally even though we know that only extremely powerful wizards and witches can perform nonverbal magic. But whatever. 

Why is the Mirror of Erised showing the past as opposed to showing one’s deepest desire like in the current canon? Dumbledore should not be seeing that scene with him and Grindewald making a blood pact. That’s not how the Mirror of Erised works. 

How in the everloving fuck do muggles not notice the giant flying carriage at      the beginning of the movie? One can assume it was enchanted to not be seen but we’re given no indication of that. And on the same note, how the hell did the muggles not question the GIANT cat like monster that was wrecking havoc on their streets? When Newt and the others come out of the sewers we see the beast doing its thing and I don t think that those scared people were wizards. They had cars, they had to be muggles. Wizards don’t have technology like that. 

How, just how can Credence be a Dumbledore? Why retcon what we know about the Dumbledore family like that? Where would a forth sibling even fit in? And why did Credence have to be related to one of the major wizarding families. Credence was already interesting, what with having an obscurial, you did not need this subplot movie. I mean fine he can search for his family but in the end he could have learned that it doesn’t matter where he comes from or who he was but who he is now and that he can still be loved and all that. Tossing him around and making it seem like he is a Lestrange only to just mindfuck us at the end and say he is a Dumbledore is just awful. 

Many fans are hoping Grindewald is lying and while I kinda hope too because at least we d get rid of this stupid plot point, I am afraid he is not and that it will just be a permanent thing. 

What else? Ah, yes! 

Well the acting was ok. 

Johnny Depp as Grindewald was nothing noteworthy. The movie tried so hard to convince us he was evil that it was becoming cartoony. 

Grindewald got rid of his pet. See? See how bad he is?

Grindewald had a baby killed. See? He is evil. 

Grindewald killed one of his followers. He is super evil. 

Grindewald killed some strangers to take their apartment and then stood outside as their bodies were being taken away in coffins just so that we can see what an evil motherfucker he is. 

Goddammit movie WE GET IT he is evil. 

But you see the problem is just this. We know Grindewald is an awful person, we don’t need it hammered in like we’re 5 year olds. 

I am still upset over the fact that Collin Farrell could not be Grindewald. He would have been amazing at it. 

I fee like, while Jonny Depp was not bad, it just felt like another one of his characters where he gets over the top make up and that s it. I would have loved if he looked more normal. I mean with Voldy it made sense he looked weird as fuck, it was his doing. What s Grindewald’s excuse? 

Oh and also Zoë Kravitz can’t act. And her backstory about killing her brother was stupid. She did not want to harm him yet she took her infant brother and put him in another room WHILE THE SHIP THEY WERE ON WAS SINKING. Yeah I’m sure you meant well, dear. And another thing: she said that he was crying all the time but...they have magic. Ok, weak magic cus their caretaker was a half-elf but still. Is there no spell that can shut up a baby? 

Jude Law was fantastic. Just fantastic. 

Also big points for using the original actors for young Dumbledore and Grindewald. Stroke of genius there. Wish we could see more of them. 

And now for the last part: the PANDERING 

Oh my god the pandering. 

We waste time at Hogwarts because the movie wants to pander to its audience namely the HP fans and their nostalgia. Every shot was thought up like that. 

See? It’s Hogwarts. remember that?

See? It’s DADA classes. Neat right?

See? Random classroom. Pretty cool right?

See? Random flashback showing parts of Hogwarts and its grounds. Amazing isn’t it?

It didn’t feel like the story needed us to visit Hogwarts. There was no crucial plot point that demanded that. It was just pure nostalgia.

It’s ok to be nostalgic, it’s ok to be happy to see Hogwarts. I was, but that is not the point of this movie. Yet it is. In fact, that’s what they are counting on to keep selling tickets. 

All in all I think it’s a movie who had no idea what it wanted to be so it just was all of it at once. 

A lot of characters, a lof of plot threads, a lot of things that just do not add up. 

I give it a 5 out of 10. 

[ganymedesclock]

ALL RIGHTY, onto them TFA people. since these take a lot more out of me than I was expecting, I’m gonna close this particular meme for now and not take any more asks.

Bear in mind these reads are only as far as SUV: Society of Ultimate Villainy and I would really prefer to avoid any spoilers! I’ve already seen some and it’s not fun. And yes, I do read the tags/replies on this post so watch y’alls spoilery mouths, people.

@numinousbones said:prowl and shiro for the ask meme!

Shiro was last masterpost, so, Prowl!

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life

Prowl is my absolute favorite out of the main crew so far and that’s pretty darn hot competition since most of the TFA main cast won me over fast and hard. I mostly love how deeply expressive he is with his noticeably flat affect and how this isn’t met with a “ha ha but what is Prowl feeling or thinking??? he’s such an impossibly unreadable enigma.” Prowl does have his enigmatic qualities but they are not tied to his autistic traits.

Also when he grinned really big in Megatron Rising Part 2 that absolutely melted my heart. Prowl, you are like almost definitely a child soldier career assassin with deep personal issues where do you get off being that cute.

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

Evaluating the attractiveness of robots is. weird. I like Prowl’s color scheme and also him being a delicate-built lanky motorcycle man.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

This was a tough one. I almost went with Ravenclaw or Slytherin, and excluded the former because while Prowl is smart and observant, he doesn’t particularly value knowledge for its own sake- his curiosity and fascination is saved for specific things that capture his interest. 

And Slytherin is right out- Prowl might be ambitious, but the other side of Slytherin is interpersonal loyalty, maintenance of a trusted circle, and while Prowl heavily benefits from that, he relies on others to build it for him, and often doesn’t really think to reach out to it.

Thus, Gryffindor remains- because if there’s one thing to be said about Prowl, he’s very headstrong- about what he believes in, about what he thinks needs to be done. He pushes tenacity further and further to the point that in Fistful of Energon in particular, “whatever it takes” is practically his mantra.

best quality:

His empathetic side is pretty prominent, especially when that’s the thing that reigns him in during Fistful of Energon. Where his mind can justify almost anything with the urgent, hand-to-mouth way he seems used to operating, he sets his compass to his heart to figure out if he’s going too far. Also, he loves cats, and that’s adorable.

worst quality:

Prowl. Prowl for the love of fuck I don’t know what your backstory is yet but these implications are incredibly viciously unhappy please just. pursue journaling. Get a cat. Talking to your teammates might be too uncomfortable and you’re afraid of the only friends you’ve had in a while judging you and that’s understandable but please talk to someone, and, of course, you won’t, not until this becomes an informative but upsetting episode plot. :/

ship them with:

I have no Prowl ships at present. Mostly I’m trying to figure out what exactly his approximate age ‘in human years’ is. 

brotp them with:

Honestly Ratchet loaning him the EMP generator in Fistful of Energon was a pretty deep statement of trust, which makes me really want to see the two of them interacting more in positive situations. As far as relationships we’ve actually seen, I really like his interactions with Bulkhead and Optimus.

needs to stay away from:

I Still Don’t Know Prowl’s Backstory disclaimer but nobody gets like that without someone else setting things up and I have three guesses who and all of them start with “fucking” and end with “Megatron.”

misc. thoughts:

I have a Prowl backstory theory and it’s one part the entire way he relates to Grimlock and one part “so anybody, at any point, gonna call Prowl on his ability to fly and noticeably dark, murky color scheme compared to literally every other autobot we have clapped eyeballs on”

@theicombaticon​ said:  Hi! Since you're doing the character asks and I haven't seen you say as much about her.....what are your thoughts on Sari?

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

So Sari is one of the few details I knew about Transformers Animated before watching it (specifically her having some sort of relationship with Cybertron/ not being all human) but I didn’t have that many assumptions about her character, but whoa nelly does she deliver.

I would seriously point to Sari as a case study in how to attach a Kid Sidekick to any kind of long-running franchise. Because she’s narratively, perfect- has a well-defined niche, conflicts and problems, unique and reasonable relationships with multiple characters, she’s cute, endearing, has character flaws and conflicts, has nicely diversified interests and is proactive in a way that’s both realistic and effective. 

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

She Is An Eight Year Old.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

In like... the third damn episode Sari basically told the gods to fuck off and brought Optimus back from the dead because what’s the point of gaming the system if you can’t punch the world hard enough to make it cough your friend back up and that is like the most Slytherin possible exercise in heroism I have ever seen, ever.

best quality:

Honestly I love this scheming eight-year-old. I love her heroics and equally obvious inclination to break the rules because. what are you gonna do??? stop her?

worst quality: 

I mean she has character flaws but a lot of them are related to her debilitating loneliness and the growing horrified realization that a lot of her life was living in a kind of narrow protected bubble that her father made for her because the possibility for magic destiny aside, the Allspark itself pretty clearly implied that her story isn’t one that she particularly is gonna enjoy hearing.

And that just feels... mean to criticize. She’s eight. She’s doing the best she can. That’s only so much. 

ship them with: 

This Is An Entire Child.

brotp them with: 

Her sibling relationship with Bee and Bulkhead is adorable, and I would LOVE to see more out of her interactions with Ratchet but this is because I want to see Ratchet interact more with everyone because I love Ambulance Dad from the bottom of my heart.

But y’know what I really, really want? I honestly want Arachnia and Sari to take their grudging mutual same-hat to the next level. I want Arachnia to become Sari’s terrible decisions big sister. By their powers combined they would be literally unstoppable. Optimus gets to find out second hand what sort of shit his sorta surrogate niece and his Significant It’s Complicated have been up to when Arachnia rolls up an hour past midnight like “guess who’s officially a wanted criminal in Botswana?” 

There is at least one (1) heist in which Arachnia gets Sari to climb in the vents to infiltrate a place, which she complains about the entire time but is mollified when someone corners her and tauntingly asks what a Little Girl can possibly threaten him with and then Sari’s just like “oh, y’know” and a giant spider crashes through the wall.

needs to stay away from:

Fuck you, Powell.

misc. thoughts:

Literally my only qualm with Sari is why the hell doesn’t she take her pigtails and hairclips off to sleep. What’s up with that Sari. I know you’re some manner of bizarre cyborg child but what.

Anonymous said: TFA Optimus Prime

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

So I’ve been very aware of Transformers for a long time because it’s pretty impossible not to be, but I’ve also been obstinately indifferent to it for a long time. Watched the first episode of Prime ages ago, really didn’t get into it, haven’t really felt compelled to look further until friends of mine whose cartoon tastes I trust talked me into TFA.

Optimus... won me over a lot. It’s really nice to see energy and color breathed into a character who’s such an archetypal cornerstone hero- he feels fleshed out and this allows me to actually connect with him as a character.

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

I know all the autobots have pretty baby blues but like... Optimus in particular. They are nice. I also like the curvature of his mouth because especially in his more snide expressions (e.g. The Headmaster Returns) it means that Optimus Prime, Headliner Hero of the Transformers Franchise, goes >:3 sometimes. Also when he’s sorta miffed about something, it makes him look like he’s pouting.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

See the interesting thing here is Optimus is exactly the kind of person who’d get incredibly snippy at the Hufflepuff House reputation, but, what mostly sticks with me is that fitting with his fireman’s motif, Optimus’s primary weapon in this setting is a fire axe- which is not a weapon meant for fighting. It’s a tool- meant for clearing obstructions in the way of rescuing people. 

This is both a rather powerful statement of confidence- it implies that the enemies he faces down are obstacles, rather than rivals, reflecting both his formidable skill as a combatant and the certain degree of unforgiving pressure he brings to bear on people he sees as obstructing what needs to be done- and it heavily suggests that to Optimus, combat is a labor of necessity, not something particularly glorious or to be reveled in.

Optimus is a hard worker. His morals are stated repeatedly in someone willing to put his nose to the grind and who would rather be doing meaningful work with people he finds honorable than reveling in glory. In a meta sense in Garbage In, Garbage Out, an episode partially about being a hero and what that makes, the first thing we see Optimus doing is personally hauling waste because it’s a job that needs to be done- and it’s Prowl that comments on the indignity of it all, not Optimus who was actively covered in other people’s trash.

best quality:

Optimus has an impressive tenacity of personal character. He’s, I think, one of the big archetypal Lawful Good characters out there, and his willingness to do things like take Sentinel out in Mission Accomplished is contrasted by his willingness to calmly walk right up to Ultra Magnus and state that he accomplished his objective- if Optimus appears to rebel from the system, it’s because, in his eyes, he’s not the one turning away from the ideal of what should be- it’s Sentinel, it’s Magnus, it’s Cybertron that turns away and leaves him to chase what he’s sure is the right course of action, and, as a Lawful Good, he is also willing to quietly turn himself in and face the consequences of his actions as long as he feels his point has been made.

worst quality: 

He feels pretty overly responsible for other people. This can lead him to sink deep into personal grief (see Along Came A Spider and the way he parsed Elita’s fate before reuniting with Arachnia), it can make him a little pushy and intrusive (see the way he needles Ratchet about opening up to him about his history in Transform And Roll Out part 1 and again in Thrill Of The Hunt, the latter only acknowledging there’s a reason Ratchet might not want to discuss it after something similar happened to him) and, at his absolute worst, it can make him incredibly snappy and controlling when he feels like every minor thing counts (several occasions, but Megatron Rising part 1 is the cleanest example)

ship them with: 

Arachnia. It’s pretty clear they both miss each other terribly, though, they’ve still got a lot of work to do.

brotp them with: 

BRIDGE CREW! BRIDGE CREW! I particularly like his interactions with Ratchet (surprise there, huh) and Prowl.

I’d like to invite Sentinel to this party but Sentinel has a lot of emotional shit he needs to sort out first, because, while Sentinel is clearly at least awkwardly trying to patch their friendship, he’s still not... listening to Optimus about what’s important to him.

needs to stay away from:

Nobody in particular that’s not a general hazard to all autobots.

misc. thoughts:

For the longest time I thought Optimus was the equivalent of a twentysomething but now I am genuinely wondering if he’s actually like. basically eighteen. The bridge crew is just Ratchet shepherding a bunch of teenagers around.

@sepublic asked: General opinion on Lugnut?

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life 

Lugnut’s honestly got me really intrigued. From his appearance to the sheer raw firepower he’s capable of to the way he is absolutely, to the bottom of his soul terrified of Megatron and at the same time snarls at the idea of anyone so much as suggesting Megatron is less than a grand and benevolent god resplendent on the planet raises some deeply upsetting questions. There’s clearly something to him we haven’t heard, yet.

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

Not necessarily in the conventional sense but he’s got a really appealing monsterish design that makes him stand out a lot visually.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

Fervent, unyielding loyalty, personal ferocity in the face of battle. Lugnut never abdicates unless it’s in the face of Megatron- if anything, we’ve never seen him afraid of anything except his beloved lord.

best quality:

Loyalty and tenacity, definitely. 

worst quality: 

Like Sari, it feels a little mean to criticize Lugnut because I think it’s pretty obvious a lot of his flaws aren’t really of his own crafting outside of stubbornness. He’s pretty obviously profoundly indoctrinated, and the purr to Megatron’s voice in Lost And Found when he calls Lugnut “truly loyal” is deeply disquieting when we know thanks to Soundwave and Grimlock both that Megatron is quite fond of child soldiers... and Lugnut looks almost nothing like a conventional cybertronian.

ship them with: 

I’m not convinced he’s not a child given cybertronians basically pupate directly to their adult size and then stay there so I consider him off the shipping table.’

brotp them with: 

None of his current canon connections seem super appealing to me. I mean, in an AUish sense I really like the idea of after Megatron’s defeated or driven off Earth, Isaac Sumdac taking in Lugnut and helping rehabilitate him. The guy just... really deserves better than to fling himself reverently at the feet of an abusive person who actively finds his worship either obligatory or annoying.

needs to stay away from:

Megatron, child protection services has a sniper on the roof.

misc. thoughts:

Lugnut’s really not a guy I expected to care about this much, which is kinda the story of TFA. If I didn’t go in expecting to love the character, I was proven wrong.