#Like drive it to the ground and kill it. Idk man

[meejijis]

ah yes today is the day where one of my most hated manga moments of all time gets animated and I’m already just salty just thinking about it

[jammydodger3579]

Young Lust

Summary: Reader is an ex-widow. She escaped with Yelena and lives at the Avengers compound, though she denies being one. The X-men have been working with the Avengers quite closely lately. (I plan on making this a series so that's all the context you get for now hehe)

A/N: so this is the first piece I've put out in a long time so pls be kind, feedback is welcome as long as it's constructive. idk when I'll post the second chapter so enjoy this for now. Also couldn't stop listening to Young Lust by Pink Floyd and Closer by Nine Inch Nails while writing this iykyk ;)

18+, for mature audiences only.

1000+ word count.

Warnings: smut, p/v sex. cursing? I'm really bad at writing smut so apologies

It wasn’t the first time they’d met, it was just the first time he’d noticed her. Her hair, messily curled. Her makeup, strikingly bold. It suits her. Y/N noticed him too. Drink in hand, leaning against the kitchen island. He seems to have put effort into his appearance for this night. His hair was done, his beard freshly shaven. He even wore his nicest jeans and jacket. Y/N was half listening to a conversation between Kitty and Yelena. Something about how Kitty had come to be at the mansion. They all got along, especially since the Avengers, and their associates like Y/N and Yelena, wanted to bridge the gap between them and the X-men.

Professor Xavier had come to the compound around 3 months ago to discuss with Stark the future of the X-men and how they should all work together. They were practically already neighbours, Stark remarked, the Avengers compound being only a 20-minute drive from the school. Logan had visited that day, sparking up a conversation with Y/N and Bucky.

“So you’re an avenger?” She looked up and smiled at the large man. 

“Only by association. They give me a place to live, and I help them out with missions” She shrugged and stood up. Compared to her, Logan towered over her. “So you’re an X-man?”

“Only by association” Logan nodded and noticed the Professor leaving Starks office. And with that, he was gone. Y/N sighed. Bucky stood up and put a hand on her shoulder. 

“Guess we’ll be seeing more of them,” He said. He was right, Y/N would be seeing a lot of Logan. She wanted to know more. 

The X-men had successfully worked with the Avengers for a series of related missions, Y/N only onboard for some of them, so as a celebration of their success, Professor Xavier hosted a dinner night for the Avengers. Y/N parted ways with the woman and walked over to Logan. She leaned over the counter and poured herself a drink. 

“Enjoying yourself?” They’d only spoken a few times during their missions. They seemed to work well together without talking. Logan nodded and took a sip of his drink. “I’ve never actually been here before, it’s nice” 

“It is, have you had the tour yet?” Logan pulled a cigar out of his pocket. “I need fresh air anyway, so I can show you around a bit” Y/N nodded and followed him out of the kitchen. They walked through the dining room and a living room. One of a few, Logan had said. They made their way outside to the back of the building. Y/N watched as Logan lit his cigar and she took this opportunity to light herself a cigarette. Logan scoffed slightly. “Didn’t peg you for a smoker, bub” 

She smiled and shrugged. “Sometimes you just need a cigarette,” Logan nodded, understanding. He couldn’t help but notice her face, under the moonlight. Her makeup making her features more prominent. He’d recognized she was naturally pretty before, but tonight was different. She was wearing casual, nice clothing. Not her usual tactical gear. Her hair was down unlike how she usually had it. She looked almost regular, someone you wouldn’t expect to have a gun tucked under her skirt. But she was raised to be prepared for anything. “Tell me, how does the Professor feel about his teachers smoking on school grounds?”

“What he doesn’t know won’t kill him. Besides, it’s a stressful job” Y/N was drawn to him, especially tonight. Maybe it was just the alcohol or the moonlight. Something in her stirred. She needed more. His massive body, his arms around her…

They’d had a moment, about 3 weeks back, a one-time thing. Logan was at the compound with Bobby and Kitty, discussing some information they had with the team. Y/N wasn’t a part of the conversation, she had just been training with Yelena. As she walked into the room, the conversation died down. Stark called the meeting there and everyone piled out of the room. Except for Logan, he stayed behind. They made small talk, but there was tension between them. He’d seen how she’d fight, still looking gorgeous after each punch. Even after she’d been training, she barely looked bothered. Logan was collecting files from around the table when he leaned past Y/N, brushing past her shoulder. He held his breath, fearing something would happen if he moved. 

“Good workout?” he finally said, breaking the tension. 

“Could’ve joined, y’know, since we’re a “team” now” She replied calmly, leaning against the table. “God knows I need a new training partner, Yelena is relentless” 

“You guys are very close.” Logan was still standing right next to Y/N. He extended his claws out to retrieve the last file on the table. 

“We were raised together, in the red room... We escaped together, and when she found her sister, she offered for us to stay here. We were family, shared trauma and all..” she trailed off, shaking her head “Sorry, I shouldn’t be dumping all this onto you” 

“It’s okay, I get it” Logan looked over. He saw a vulnerable woman, not the same snide-commenting one he’d gotten to know on the battlefield. His gaze flickered between her eyes and her lips, hurt washing over her face. And then it happens. Y/N had leaned in and kissed Logan. By instinct, he pulled back, shock all over his face.

“Oh my god, I’m so sor-” Y/N was cut off by Logan's lips crashing against hers. His hands dropped the files and moved to her waist, pulling her in flush against his body. He was rough, his lips chapped. She was comfortable, her lips soft. Y/N lifted a hand into his hair. That caused Logan to pull away again, second-guessing what he was doing. 

“No I’m sorry, you’re upset and I’m taking advantage.” Logan grabbed the files off the table and left the room, leaving Y/N alone with her thoughts. It felt like second nature, the act itself feeling so normal that it left Y/N feeling confused. Why had she done that? Why did she open up like that? Logan was an X-men. They should be working together, not getting together behind closed doors. 

“You’re cold, here” That snapped Y/N back. Logan removed his jacket and put it around her, his hands lingering on her shoulders. Y/N leaned in and kissed his cheek without thinking. Stupid. Logan smiled and kissed her forehead. It was instant. Y/N put her cigarette out, took Logan's cigar away from his mouth, and kissed him. It was hungry, desperate. To her surprise, logan leaned into it this time, putting one hand around her waist and the other on her face. Then he pulled away. “I wouldn’t take a man's cigar away from him, sweetheart,” he said, taking it back. 

“What are you gonna do about it” The words escaped before she could think about it. Then, without warning, Logan took her hand and pulled her inside the building. This was exciting. He found an empty broom closet and the two went inside. Before she could ask what was happening, Logan had her pinned against the door. They could hear talking and laughter. Logan locked the door, just in case. Y/N was drinking in his scent, the cigar still burning between his lips. He removed it, put it out against his hand, and placed it back in his pocket. He was thinking about it, a suitable punishment. 

“Let's see, what would a dirty woman like you deserve” he snarled before kissing her again. It was heated, sloppy. Y/N had been waiting for a moment like this for months. Before this, it was stolen looks and glances towards the other. He would casually ask if she was okay during their missions. Constantly checking in. This was different. This was heading somewhere. Finally.

She moved her right leg to wrap around Logan’s left leg in an attempt to bring him closer. He kisses her roughly, poking his tongue inside his mouth to show whos boss here. Logan’s hands roamed her body, smiling when he found the gun she had hidden for emergencies. He removed it carefully before returning to explore Y/N’s body. He left marks down her neck, causing a loud moan to escape. Logan placed a hand over her mouth, the other returning to her leg. She leaned into him, desperate for him to feel her. She could feel his growing erection against her. She muffled something against his hand quietly. He moved it away.

“I need you” she panted, she was eager, he’ll give her that. He wanted to devour her. He pulled down her underwear and traced her clit painfully slow. 

“So wet for me already,” he purred. Her hips moved closer, wanting more. Her hands roamed his chest, then moved down to his belt. She started to unbuckle it, fumbling as she was very distracted when he stopped her. He moved away slightly, taking in his view. He quickly took his belt off with one swift tug and then freed himself of his pants. Y/N’s eyes widened at the sight, daunted by his size. Logan smiled and returned his lips to hers. He placed his hands under her thighs and lifted her onto him slowly. Y/N moaned against the contact. “Shh, I’ll need you to be more quiet sweetheart” 

Logan got a good rhythm going before returning his lips to a special spot on Y/N’s neck. She whimpered, not wanting anyone to hear her get fucked against a door. Her legs wrapped themselves around Logan's waist, not wanting him to leave. His hand covered her mouth, not wanting any noise to escape. He nibbled and licked and kissed all along Y/N’s neck. Her hand reached into his hair, holding on for dear life. She was already close to her end. She bit the inside of Logan's hand. This made him speed up his thrusts, knowing she was almost close to coming undone around him. 

“Such a dirty girl, taking me so well,” Logan growled against her skin. His movements were getting rough and sloppy, also close to his climax. Lust filled his eyes when he saw the pleasure on Y/N’s face. He became animalistic almost, kissing her, dominating her mouth. Y/N could feel the build-up coming, moaning against Logan's mouth, no longer caring about the possibility of being heard. He placed his hand back over her mouth as she came around him. Logan continued until a deep grunt left his mouth, coming undone inside her. Y/N felt him fill her up, and it drips around Logan's waist. They're both breathing heavily and kissing each other sloppily. They rode out the high together for as long as possible before Logan placed her back down. Her heart was racing, she couldn’t believe what had just happened. Logan pulled his pants back up and adjusted his belt. He didn’t know what to say. Y/N was still trying to catch her breath when he handed her gun and underwear back to her. She put everything back into place when Logan broke their silence. “I hope we can do that again sometime bub” and before she could reply, Logan had left the closet, returning to the dinner night.

Part 2: here.

[elvensorceress]

idk I get incredibly angry at homophobes being cast on my gay shows. anybody want the start of my fic where Eddie dumps her bigoted ass and then has a gay ole sexy time with his husband and his husband's new boyfriend? because here. you can have. it's cathartic 💕

test drive - 2K, BuckTommy, BuckEddieTommy, Buddie endgame forever / Explicit

The restaurant is dimly lit in a way that might be classy and romantic, but Tommy’s hand is also on Buck’s thigh. And he’s having a lot of very not-classy, not even very romantic sorts of thoughts. Everything is far more along the lines of, he could put his hand on my dick, and I know what his cock feels like down my throat, and why are we here in a public place when we could be back at my loft taking turns fucking each other until we’re both a mess of cum and lube and sweat and sexy bruises and love bites? Because all of that is way more appealing than what they are sitting here, waiting to do. 

If it were just one of their dates, it’d be great. Those are fantastic. Tommy likes to pick him up and take him to nice places and he smiles in a really, really soft cute way that also has an air of, I am going to fuck you until you scream and you will love every second. And holy fucking god, does Buck love every second. 

Bisexuality, man. Who knew? 

It’s so fantastic. It’s so different? Or maybe it’s just that Tommy is different because he’s ridiculously cool and hot and Buck always really liked when someone knew what they wanted and would take the lead and he could do everything in his power to please them and make them feel good. Confidence is infinitely sexy and competence even more so. And Tommy has all of that in spades. 

And Buck loves men. Buck really loves men. It makes so much sense and how had he never even considered? Maybe he considered but he sure as hell never realized wanting a man and being attracted to a man was something that fit so well. Fuck, it fits so well. 

Maybe he could even end up with a man someday? Maybe he could marry a man and have a relationship that is like this all the time for the rest of his life? Not that he doesn’t like women still. Women are great. People who don’t identify as either or they identify as both or however they choose— they’re great, too. 

Everyone is hot and Evan Buckley is very bisexual, and it just might be one of the greatest revelations he’s ever had. 

He’s just really, really enjoying being with a man right now. 

He is not, however, enjoying the thought of this dinner. Everything about this dinner makes his stomach a washing machine of anxiety. For no reason. He doesn’t know why. There’s nothing wrong with it. 

Why wouldn’t he and his boyfriend go on a double date with his best friend who is their mutual friend, and his best friend’s girlfriend. What is wrong with that? It’s fine. Should be— fun? 

Shouldn’t be a bad taste in his mouth that the wine still hasn’t gotten rid of and roiling in his stomach that is really killing his appetite. But it very much is. 

Tommy squeezes Buck’s thigh and rubs it in a way that surely is supposed to be comforting. But it makes Buck want to drag him out of this restaurant and back to the loft where he can show Tommy how good he is at fucking him now. Not just because it would be a thousand times better than the prospect of this dinner. The bar is so low on the ground, it’s buried at this point. But also because sex with his new boyfriend is better than— actually, Buck is having a hard time thinking of anything that is better right now. 

Very hard time. 

They’ve been practicing. Everything. Blowjobs, fucking, fingering, ball massages, prostate milking, rimming— all sorts of really fun things Buck never even imagined could feel so good. Not that he was oblivious to a lot of it. He has toys. His ex was into pegging. Buck might have been unaware of how intense and gay— well, bi. He’s bi now. Buck is bi now. Probably always was but he knows it now. He’s bisexual.— his attraction to men could be. But he was not unaware of sexual acts that feel good to his body. 

But it’s totally different with a real man and a real cock and being manhandled by someone who might actually be bigger and stronger than you is really fucking hot. 

He checks his watch again and it’s already 7:28. They’re almost half an hour late. Which is so not like Eddie. He’s not sure if Marisol is like that but he knows for sure Eddie is either fifteen minutes early for everything or he texts if there is a problem. Even then, he’s only ever a few minutes late. If that. And last Buck checked, there were no new messages on his phone. 

He checks again, and still nothing. Not even to Buck’s message of, hey u ok? u on the way? He frowns and sets his phone back on the table and turns to Tommy. “How long before I’m allowed to be really worried?”

Tommy gives him an amused smile. “You can be worried.”

“How long before we need to bother Athena? Ten more minutes? Five? Sh-should I bother Athena now?”

Tommy’s eyebrows scrunch and he looks at Buck like he’s crazy. Okay, it’s probably crazy. Just. He’s worried? That must be the churning in his stomach. “I’m sure Eddie’s fine. It hasn’t been that long. And he’s Eddie.”

Yeah. Yeah, he’s Eddie. But Eddie was also shot downtown in the middle of broad daylight and nearly bled out all over, and there’s not much anyone can do even if they are trained in hand to hand combat and self-defense and those kinds of things. Not many ways to defend against a sniper round that shouldn’t even be a thing. 

Not that Buck is thinking about that. Ever. 

He’s just turning into a washing machine over this dinner. That’s all. 

Five minutes later, some of it finally eases when Eddie finally shows up and sits down across from them. Alone. 

Alone?

“Sorry, guys,” Eddie runs a hand through his hair and breathes like he’s run a hundred miles. He’s hardly been looking distressed at all lately. He’s been glowing smiles and pretty laughs. Not pretty. Nice? Good? Good that he’s so much happier and at peace. 

But he’s not that now. 

“I would’ve—” Eddie checks his own watch, one that was a Christmas present that Buck had engraved with, all the time you need, and must realize how late he actually is. “Fuck. Sorry. Really sorry. I’ll buy? Unless you’ve already eaten and paid and are about to leave.” 

Tommy shakes his head and has that nice smile that’s so reassuring. “We haven’t. Don’t worry about it.”

“We were waiting,” Buck adds and itches to ask him what’s wrong, why he’s late, why he looks— like he isn’t okay. 

“Great.” Eddie nods tersely and it sounds anything but great. “They got anything stronger than wine and cocktails here? Because—” He doesn’t say. But he does make a face the conveys everything. 

“Doubt it,” Tommy says. “But we can get something somewhere else. Is Mar— Mari?”

“Marisol,” Buck supplies. Not that it matters. Not that he cares. Is he supposed to care? There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s fine. 

“Right,” Tommy says, which should say everything. Eddie’s been hanging out with Tommy for months, Buck’s been with Tommy for months, and Tommy is pretty damn good at remembering people’s names. “Marisol. Is she still on the way?”

Eddie’s jaw gets very tight. “No. We’re done.” 

Tommy looks at Buck and Buck looks at Tommy. They’re done? They broke up? Not that it’s particularly surprising. Part of the curse of dating someone you met on a call. Gotta be. Also the whole thing where Eddie has some kind of commitment issues or something because as soon as he gets a girlfriend, he has to spend all his time doing anything besides being with said girlfriend.

“So, drinking?” Tommy says. 

Buck pushes his wine glass across the table. They usually share when they eat together. Drinks, food, anything. And he’s happy to offer it to the cause. 

“Yes, drinking.” Eddie takes Buck’s wine and downs all of it. 

Eddie’s single again. Marisol isn’t coming to dinner and she’s not part of their lives any longer. Not that Buck has a problem with her. She’s fine. She was nothing really. That wasn’t going to last. Eddie likes the idea of being with someone. So he says. He’s allergic to actually having a relationship for some reason. 

The washing machine in Buck’s stomach disappears though. Which is so much better. Now, it’s just Buck hanging out with his best friend and his boyfriend. 

Maybe there’s a little washing machine. It’s nothing though. 

They order food and drinks, and Eddie only goes through a couple shots and three glasses of wine and one beer. But he eats and also drinks water and doesn’t seem inebriated at all. So, they focus on the meal and Tommy’s latest work stories of helicopter rescues. 

It’s not until after Buck discreetly hands their waiter his credit card before they’re actually brought the bill, that Eddie actually starts talking.

“I kind of fucked up. Didn’t mean to. I owe you an apology,” he says and looks at Buck with worlds of regret and sorrow. 

Whatever it is, Buck forgives him. He’s sure he’s done far worse than whatever it is. “Why? What, uh, what happened?”

Eddie doesn’t look at him. Or Tommy. He does shake his head but not like he’s saying no. More like he’s disgusted. “I let it slip that you two are— that you’re. Dating. Together. Boyfriends? Do you call each other that? Are you boyf— never mind, I let it slip. I’m sorry. That was my bad. Not my secret to tell.”

Tommy looks scrunched and confused again and Buck— he doesn’t understand what the problem is? No, he hasn’t told many people yet. But it’s not a secret that he and Tommy are together. 

“Eds,” Buck says and immediately thinks he probably shouldn’t have called him that. He doesn’t know why. But he shouldn’t. “It’s fine. I’m not— It’s not a secret. I’m not hiding. Or— or in the closet? I’m out. Now. I’m bi and—” And he’s really happy about that. He really loves it. He’s bisexual. He loves women and men and whoever regardless of gender. And holy shit, does he love men right now. He really, really loves being with a man. He looks to his side and grins brightly at Tommy. “And I’m not ashamed or embarrassed that Tommy and I are together.”

There’s a cute half smile that curves the side of Tommy’s mouth and Buck so wants to kiss him. And do all sorts of other things with him. 

“Well. Good.” Eddie taps his finger on an empty shot glass like he’s contemplating ordering another. “Still. Didn’t go well. Didn’t mean to out you like that.”

“Didn’t go well?” Tommy asks. “Saying that Evan and I are dating didn’t go well?”

Eddie purses his lips and does a slow, exaggerated shake of his head. “Nope. But at least I learned that now. Has the waiter brought our check yet? Because I’m just going to drink more if I don’t head out soon. Not that I’m sad about her or anything. I’m pissed. You think you know someone, and no. No, she’s a raging homophobe.”

She— oh. Oh, that’s what happened. “She broke up with you because we’re gay? Bi and gay? Or— you know what I mean.” Is Tommy gay? Or bi? Or something else? Buck hasn’t actually asked what label he uses. How he qualifies his sexuality. He felt weird asking. It’s so personal. Is he supposed to ask? All he knows is that Tommy was into him. Tommy kissed him and it was breathtaking, incredible, magnificent and changed Buck’s whole life. He didn’t really think anything beyond that. Couldn’t really think beyond that. 

Eddie definitively points at himself and then at phantom nothingness. “I dumped her. Because I said this was a double date with you guys and she said, well not really, and I said, no really. It’s a double date. Her and me and both of you. Double date. Except not her. Ever. Anymore. Because she had to go off about how it was wrong and made her uncomfortable and I ‘let both of you be alone with Christopher?’ And it couldn’t possibly be a date like me and her would go on a date because she’s a woman and I’m a man and that was normal. But you two are both men. Both muscular, powerful, masculine, manly firemen type men— so it could never be the same especially because neither one of you are flamey or girly or whatever, so it could never work, the two of you since neither one of you is ‘The Girl.’ Which is all bullshit. By the way. Obviously. And,” he finally stops and breathes, and there’s a hard swallow in his throat and his eyes are distant and his whole body is strung tight and if he could breathe fire? He probably would. Holy shit, he’s pissed off. Buck isn’t even sure he’s ever seen Eddie this angry at anyone who hasn’t hurt someone he loves. 

Although. Technically she did? Not hurt per se, Buck doesn’t give a shit about what she thinks of him. But she was insulting them. So. Yeah, okay, of course fiercely protective Eddie would be angry. 

“And anyway,” Eddie says, still never quite looking at Buck or even at Tommy. Never quite focusing on them. “That’s how I’m single and back on the market again.” He smiles a wide, bitter, snarky kind of smile, and steals the half-full beer glass in front of Buck and downs it in one gulp. 

(Read on AO3)

[es-3]

i love how no one can remember anything from trc except for vibes and so here’s a list i compiled of everything i remember from the entire series

blue made out with a ghost

the ghost was the funniest character and then everyone realized he was a ghost and then everyone forgot about him

persephone lived in the attic

there was a tree that showed them their worst fears when they went inside it and for whatever reason they took turns going inside it like why did they do that and also i think ronan dreamt it????

im pretty sure the trees spoke latin

was that a thing

now that i’m thinking about it i have no idea

boat shoes

the set up for manmouth manufacturing was set up in a way only teenage boys with no supervision could set up

they pulled a little defense against the dark arts teachers but with latin class instead and but i don’t remember how many latin teachers there were

blue and gansey talked on the phone

and then they took little drives but i don’t remember how often that happened

adam straight up killed a dude

blue is NOT a prostitute but she IS half tree

ronans objects of worship were confined to one downtown block

uhhhh i think there was a part with a lake in a cave and i’m pretty sure there were like deer or something and i think blues dad might have been but i do remember they got split up at some point in that cave

latin teacher killed noah

noah had a red car

i’ve heard there was a toga party but i don’t remember anything from it

ronan did not like lamps

adam is the eyes and ears for a sentient forest

the pig

bees

robot ones too

declan dated a bunch of girls named ashley

there was like a hole??? in the ground?? at school i think??? and henry forced gansey to go in it and then trama dumped and then gave him the most traumatizing exposure therapy of his life

gansey has seen ronans dick at least once

adam and ronan ran around pushing each other in shopping carts

“she makes me quiet”

ronan did imaginary drugs and it ended with his organless brother getting kidnapped because his drug buddy had a big fat crush on him and i’m pretty sure there were fireworks involved in the rescue

did gansey go around knocking on doors and talking to people in different accents or was that lockwood and co? or was it both?

adam and ronan went around moving rocks because the trees that talked to adam told him to

blues aunt had lovely cubby hands also i think she might have been a bad guy but i don’t actually remember

oh there was like a crazy lady they found in a tomb idk why i forgot about her

gansey didn’t want to find glendower that one day because the aesthetic was off

maura and calla and persephone met on the side of a road

ganseys sister can fly helicopters

adam and ronan blackmailed their latin teacher for a fake crime with fake evidence that they dreamt up by making dream latin teacher do those things

the gray man was very slay

also he killed ronans dad

and he worked for the latin teacher

oh and there were sleeping mice

and a sleeping mom

and a toaster that didn’t work anymore

there was a grocery store scene i think and im pretty sure there was fighting in that scene

henry was kidnapped when he wasn’t wearing any pants

that’s all gang, tune in next time to see if i can remember anything from the plot

[sschizoid]

Hello again :3 idk if you did something like this in the past (sorry if you did I'm new to the blog :( ) but you ever did the tulpar crew in an AU they survive the crash? Like how their lives are going now?

tbh I've actually never really thought about it! but I'm up for the challenge ( ◡̀_◡́)ᕤ

--

curly

(ignoring the fact that in a realistic setting, his injuries would have most definitely killed him) when rescued, he's got hypothermia, sepsis, blast lung, as well as a laundry list of other complications. it's a miracle he's even alive. his burns are treated through a series of xenographs

he's deaf, as the explosion ruptured his eardrums, and his vocal chords have been effectively fried, so after a series of surgeries and physical/speech therapies, he's left only able to communicate with an eye-tracker until his laryngeal burns are eventually healed. even then, his voice remains scratchy and rough

he's not the man he once was. he has a particularly rough time adjusting to and accepting his new life, as well as dealing with extensive pain and trauma from the crash, but his support system is incredibly strong. he eventually comes to terms with his situation and becomes an ambassador for talking about workplace negligence and the importance of mental health awareness

and he blames himself for everything

jimmy

when initially rescued, everyone is in so much shock that nobody thinks to even mention him being the catalyst of just absolutely everything. but once the shock wears off and people start talking, his deeds are soon brought to light, and he is promptly sent to a maximum-security psychiatric hospital for an indefinite amount of time. he is never charged or held criminally responsible for his crimes on the grounds of insanity

he feels nothing. after months on the ship, his body, mind, and emotions being in absolute overdrive, he can't even find it in himself to feel anger anymore. to feel guilt. to feel anything. its as if a switch has been flipped, and all he hears is a perpetual ringing in his ears as the underlying thought echos that he should have aimed the gun higher

anya

after a lengthy court battle with extensive news coverage, her and the rest of the crew are individually awarded with a hefty sum of compensation due to physical and emotional damages. she's able to take a deep breath, knowing that the medical bills she had from getting her stomach pumped were easily covered, as well as her utilities and rent, for awhile

she miscarries from a combination of stress, malnutrition, and of course, her overdose. her emotions are... well, she doesn't really know what to feel. part of her feels relief, obviously, but the other feels a sick sort of grief that she cannot understand. to cope with these emotions, she finds an online support system for those who have gone through similar experiences as well as a therapist, and curates an environment for healing/moving forward

after taking a few months to herself, healing and spending time with loves ones, she eventually finds the drive to head back to nursing school. while there, she meets a girl whom she grows to be very close with, one who almost loves her cat as much as she does

swansea

just absolutely numb and jaded in every sense of the way. it takes a great deal of effort for him to open up regarding not only the head trauma, but the mental trauma as well. his family eventually drills it into his thick skull that being vulnerable around the people you love isn't weak, and in fact, its one of the bravest things you can do. putting his pride aside, he learns mindfulness, how to open up, and how to accept the help people want to give to him

he has frequent nightmares, mostly revolving what he did to daisuke, but his dog sleeps at the foot of his bed and is quick to wake him up with a few licks to the hand when he's displaying frantic behaviors. after awhile, the two of them finally meet up, and daisuke ensures swansea that he did what he thought was right. and he forgives him

spends a lot more time outside these days. goes on walks, travels with his wife, even has his coffee on the patio instead of somewhere like his desk or couch. he finds that his memory isn't the best anymore, but when he can, he remembers to appreciate the little things in life

daisuke

it all feels like a dream, really. one moment, he's floating through clouds and running through a river, the next, he's awake. in a hospital, and everything hurts. he wakes up with his family at his side, as well as gifts, bouquets of flowers and balloon arrangements. his mother feels guilty beyond belief. daisuke tells her it's not her fault and that he loves her

the surgeons did a pretty bang-up job at patching him back together, the only real evidence of his physical trauma being a faint diagonal divide between his eyes after he's fully healed. he's not quite as symmetrical as he once was, but he says the scar makes him look 'rugged'. he actually hates it, but keeps that to himself

takes a break from the workforce and goes to college, but actually stays in the field of electrical engineering. its what he's found himself to be good at, and passes his introductory classes with relative ease, thanks to the knowledge swansea drilled into him

--

this one actually took me a long time to piece together as I tried to make it as realistic as possible. hope you enjoy!

[thatonepersononline]

a dangerous hookup

idk how i felt abt that ending, i rushed it 😔😔 but im slowly easing into writing smut, i read a lot of it but i don’t write it well. so bare with me 🩷😛

paring: spencer x y/n.

summary: Spencer has been tracking a killer for months, little did he know his newist hookup, has a dangerous secret.

warnings: talks about sex, doesn’t get to detailed.

word count: 4136

The BAU has been tracking an unsub for the last 2 months. The unsub, who is known as “The Widow”, is known to seduce rich and powerful men and murder them. Each kill is a different style, with over 15 kills and barely any evidence, the BAU is stumped. Especially Spencer, he has tried every deductive reasoning practice in the book, studied her M.O. looked over all the evidence, which there’s not much of only a blonde hair, from a wig, and a partial print that doesn’t match anyone in the system. To put it easily Spencer Reid is stumped, and everyone on the team can see it.

“Reid, you need to take a break,” Derek says to Spencer as he pours over the reports for the 100th time that day. “I might be onto something, I’m going to stay a little longer,” He doesn’t even look up from the report as he says that. Derek sighs and pulls Spencer up by the arms.

The two men drive to a regular cop bar, they entered and immediately walk up to the bar table and order two beers. A couple drinks later Derek finds himself two ladies who he walks off with. As Spencer stands alone, his first beer still untouched, he hears a voice behind him.

“What is a handsome man like you doing here alone?” You ask as you walk towards him. Spencer stares at you, like he can’t understand why a gorgeous girl like you would talk to him. You smile as you sit next to him, “What, is there something in my teeth?” Spencer looks down at the ground before meeting your eyes, “No, no nothing there, I was just surprised,” he chuckles. You laugh along with him softly, “How were you surprised,” you place your hand on his arm, that’s resting on the bar table, gently. “I- Well, I don’t get hit on very much,” he confesses shyly. “Well let me change that, what’s your name,” You smile at him.

Spencer smiles. “My name is Spencer… Spencer Reid.”

You smirk, “Well Spencer, I think me and you will have a nice time tonight. How about a drink to start off?” You order a glass a champagne for you and Spencer. While the bartender gets our drink we start talking. “So Spencer, what is a hot guy like you doing here by your self,” You ask as the bartender brings the drinks over. He takes a sip of the champagne before answering, “Me and my friend, Derek, came here to help destress from our job. But Derek left with some girls,” He chuckled. “What do you do for work?” You ask, tilting your head slightly. “Oh, I work for the FBI, we were trying to blow off some steam about a case we can’t close,” He sighs. You smirk, “How about you take me back to your place and i’ll help you blow off a lot of steam.”

We enter his apartment and as he shuts the front door, he puts his hands on my hips and kisses me nervously at first. You kiss him back deeply, not as nervous then him. You and him slowly start stumbling into his apartment, kissing as you guys try and walk towards him room. There’s a trail of discarded clothes that’s follows you two through the apartment. You reach his bed, you’ve only in your undergarments now. You look down at a mostly naked Spencer who is on his knees, in front of you. “let me worship you..” he mumbled as he starts kissing up your thighs towards your clothed clit.

timeskip 2 weeks later

Almost everyday for the past 2 weeks you and Spencer have hooked up. Each time more wild and fun than the last. With the unsolved case still underway, Spencer uses you to deal with these pent up feelings.

“Kid we got a new break through,” Derek said as he waked past Spencer’s desk towards a large tv in the middle of the room. Spencer turned in his chair toward the tv, he got up and walked closer. “Last night, Harry Coleman who was a local politician, was murder in his home. It was the Widows M.O. so we have reason to believe it was her. But Coleman had secret cameras in his home, and it captured a partial image of the Widow.” Garcia says as she shows the images of Coleman murder. Finally she shows the picture that the camera took. It shows for a bit but the face was blurry, as it zoomed in and cleared the image. Spencer sat forward as he proceeded the image. She looked familiar somehow. Spencer stood up as it hit him, it was you…

[thewhumpcaretaker]

Hiyyaa!! 💖💖

I just know that when Santino is in some kind of pain, and he doesn't want to show it, he's extremely irritated and moody.

Like, idk, he got shot or hurt somewhere, for example like, maybe his knee, or ribs or anything really. And yeah he apparently healed but he actually didn't. Maybe something went wrong and the wound or whatever didn't heal fully but he is not saying that to anyone. Especially not to John. And he's like snapping at John for the littlest things and is just always moody. John doesn't know why, until he connects some dots in his head and asks him if he's in some kind of pain. And... Santino finally after some time admits that yeah he's in pain 😞

What do you think about that? :)

Hellooooo! 💝💝

This is such a fun trope - there's always a dramatic reveal when a character tries to hide an injury. And Santino would be such a bad liar when it comes to this - whining the whole time without saying why. Poor Santi, he should just tell John what's wrong! Well, when he finds out, John will take care of him. 🖤

(John is his bodyguard in this, btw.)

●・○・●・○・●

The shootout was relatively minor, all things considered. When Santino said he wasn't hit by any bullets, that was the truth. When he said he wasn't in pain, that was almost the truth too - in the shock right after the fight, he didn't feel much. There was, at least, nothing significant enough to mention when they were in the midst of an escape.

But being body-slammed to the ground has its effects. By the time they got home that night, around 2 AM, there was a deep ache on the left side of his ribcage. If he mentioned it, John would make a fuss for sure. He'd probably even make him stay home the next day to rest. So Santino played off his discomfort as the result of being exhausted and rattled by everything that had happened (which was true). He just wanted to go to bed, he said, and of course John agreed that was best. They fell asleep hand-in-hand without talking much.

But the pain kept waking him up when he moved, so he was tired the next day, on top of being wounded. He snapped at John when he was coming out of the bathroom. "You took forever in there. Do you want to make us late? Come on, help me with my tie." He didn't mention that this was because it hurt to lift his arms too much.

He was supposed to give a tour to an important business contact that day. A day of showing him around the best sites in the New York underworld. "Wine-and-dine him," Gianna had said. He groaned just thinking about it.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just a long day ahead. So let's get going."

Thankfully, John let it slide. What he didn't let slide was Santino's attempt to skip breakfast. "You have to at least bring something to eat in the car." He grabbed a bagel on the way out to go with Santino's coffee. Santino grumbled that he wasn't hungry, but to no avail. The pain was killing his appetite.

However, by the time they were walking through New York listening to this rich asshole go on and on about the way crime operated in London, Santino was glad he had eaten. He was really worn out. Every step hurt his side, but he had to keep a straight face, focus on what his guest was saying, and respond politely to everything. It was making him unbelievably frustrated.

They went to an armory, the Continental, the museum, a weapons dealer… While the man had his back turned to admire a view from the roof of a skyscraper, John caught Santino frowning miserably off into the distance. He nudged him and Santino winced before he could stop himself. Damn it. John noticed that immediately. A look of concerned realization stole over his face. He reached out again, more slowly this time, and poked at Santino's side deliberately. Santino smacked his hand away.

Their guest looked back over his shoulder. "Did you say something?"

"No! Not a thing." Santino smiled with teeth, and glared at John when the man looked away again.

"We're going to drive to the next location," John said. "It's too far to walk."

Santino opened his mouth but he couldn't contradict him without making it look like he didn't have control over his bodyguard. Best not to bicker in front of company. And honestly, he was relieved.

John didn't just call for one car, he called for two so they could talk by themselves. As soon as they were alone, he was fussing over Santino. "Pull up your shirt, let me see what happened."

Santino huffed. "It's fine, I just…remember when I got flipped onto the ground last night?"

John inhaled sharply. "Shit, look at these bruises. You could have broken ribs, love. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Do I really have bruises?" He did, all over his side. He felt a little bit faint just looking at it. John saw the color drain out of his face and put a hand on his shoulder, protective as ever.

"Here, I told them to bring painkillers." The driver handed over a bottle of pills. "But we need to take you to a doctor right away."

"I can't leave in the middle of this tour!"

John shook his head, but he knew that was true. "Well…let's not walk anymore today. And let's cut it as short as we can. I'll text the doc to be ready as soon as we get home. Until then, I'm not taking my eyes off you." That dark, steady gaze said he meant it.

As much as he had dreading being doted on, Santino was almost blushing with the thrill of seeing John so protective now. "…Thank you. I'm sorry I was so out of sorts all morning."

"It's okay. I just wish I'd known you were hurting."

Always so understanding. Santino leaned forward to kiss him but winced again, so John pushed him back against the seat and came to him instead. For a moment, Santino was lost in that kiss and all the pain disappeared.

[ae-azile]

I have another ChanBig plot for a fic in my head, one that would be dark, explicit, and somewhat traumatizing. 😬 It was likely loosely inspired by the information Chan provided in Gossip After Death, where Korn was considering throwing Big into a business deal with people who wanted to "alter" his duties. I feel like I am literally incapable of writing a one-shot in this fandom, so idk if I will attempt it or not, but here is the general outline:

Despite not taking any time off for an extremely long time, Chan takes extended leave to care for his dying father. The family is supportive and tells him not to worry about anything while he is gone. They encourage him to take whatever time he needs. While most of the guards tend to be intimidated by him, they offer their well-wishes and condolences when they cross paths with him prior to his departure. The only guard who goes out of his way to see Chan is Big, who brings him food and offers to help him pack. He offers to sit with Chan the night before to watch a movie. Chan surprises himself by saying yes. He didn't realize how much anxiety he had over everything until he was presented with the option of Big leaving or staying for a while.

Big drives him to the airport the next morning. Chan's father lives in London, and it will be a long flight. Big surprises him with some books and downloaded movies and shows on a tablet to help make the flight go faster and for him to take his mind off of things. It's something Chan needs. He doesn't particularly like his father. For the longest time, he hated him. He is starting to question why he agreed to do this. When he sees his father - sick, dying, and still as nasty as ever - Chan wonders if he might kill the man before the cancer finishes the job.

But there are some good things about going back to London. He sees his grandmother, who is somehow in much better shape than his father despite her age - and much nicer. Chan doesn't see how the two are related. He also catches up with a few cousins on his father's side, as well as their children. However, the best thing about being back in London is surprisingly the people who reach out from Bangkok.

Mainly one.

At first, Chan is curious, slightly critical, and surprised that Big has his personal phone. It's normally against the rules outside of certain circumstances. But then Big says that Chan isn't on duty to enforce the rule and that Porsche is surprisingly soft and empathetic when it comes to the technology rule. Chan having to leave to tend to his estranged, dying father made Porsche even softer and he convinced Kinn to do a trial run of letting the guards with seniority keep their phones so they aren't isolated from their friends and families.

While Chan has some concerns about the change, he doesn't make calls to express his criticisms. If that is mainly because he looks forward to Big's texts and calls everyday, then that's his business. He tries to stay professional and treat it as an employee checking in, but Chan finds himself talking to Big about things he hasn't spoken to anyone about. Chan even finds himself not caring about what time they talk, despite the six hour time difference. Big has a business dinner he needs to detail security for? Chan doesn't mind setting his alarm for 3 am so Big can call him and let him know everything went okay. Big can't sleep? Chan doesn't mind texting him while he feeds his father breakfast.

He prefers it.

When his father goes downhill quickly, has mere days left, and Chan is experiencing complicated feelings over the matter, only Big can ground him and make him feel calmer.

"He's going to die soon. I want him dead, but I also don't."

"I know."

"I already started arranging the funeral."

"Kinn mentioned he is on standby to get plane tickets in order to fly out. He and Porsche want to support you. Korn too, I think."

And since Chan isn't conducting matters at the moment, he can't just schedule Big to accompany them. All he finds himself doing is vulnerably asking if Big could make sure he is on their security team for the trip.

"You are one of our most trustworthy guards," Chan gives as an excuse, "I trust you to make sure they are safe."

"Is that the only reason, sir?"

Chan doesn't give Big an answer either way.

But when the funeral happens, only Korn and Pol fly out. Chan is confused for multiple reasons, and he can see that Pol does not want to be there. When Chan texts Big to see what is going on, he doesn't get a response. When he asks Korn what is going on, Korn just dismisses the concerns and says there were some minor mishaps but to focus on his family.

He ends up cornering Pol later that night.

"Khun Korn sent a few men to a get-together in order to spy on the Bianchi family. They didn't come back. Kinn and Porsche are trying to track them down and don't want to worry you when you are dealing with all of this-"

"Who? Which guards?"

"...Gear, Third, and Big."

The news makes him feel sick. He calls Kinn and Porsche incessantly until they finally give in and respond. He knows he comes off as more demanding and panicked than he ever has before, but he can't take the time to calm down. He doesn't even want to stay for the funeral. He wants to take the first flight back despite Kinn's promises to track them down and get them home safe.

And he certainly doesn't want to stay and accompany Korn back as his fucking guard, not when he is the one who sent Big.

And so he doesn't. He visits his grandmother late that night, tells her something happened and that he's leaving, and that he's sorry. His grandmother asks if it has to do with the guy he has been talking to, and he admits that it does. She surprisingly gives her blessing and he takes an early morning flight without saying a word to Korn.

When he arrives and turns his phone back on, he sees that he has several missed calls from his boss but he can't find it within himself to return them. He goes straight back to the compound and sees that Kinn and Porsche have both been made aware that he was likely coming back without notice. Porsche tries his best to give reassurances while Kinn promises to calm Korn down.

Chan frankly doesn't care. All he wants to do is get to work and track down Big.

Chan doesn't expect it to take months, nor does he expect Korn to tell him to let the matter go, that the guards can be replaced.

He also doesn't expect to quit on the spot. But since the guards can be easily replaced, Korn should have no issue finding a replacement for him. It's the first time in a while he has seen Korn look surprised - maybe even regretful - and it is probably the first time Korn has seen him this angry. While Kinn and Porsche promise to keep looking and ask him to please reconsider, Chan tells him he won't be back until Big is safe.

He only remembers to add Gear and Third as an afterthought. But by that point, Porsche's gaze becomes more knowing, and so does Kinn's.

Chan goes solo after that. He has more than enough money to live comfortably, and he doesn't need much to feel comfortable. Kinn and Porsche call to check in and to give updates on their search. Arm does too, and so does Tankhun, who tends to praise him for standing up to Korn.

Korn doesn't call once, although Chan doesn't expect him to, nor does he particularly care. All he can care about is finding Big, and it's feeling hopeless. Even when he flies to Italy to meet with a member of the family, they act like they have no idea what he is talking about. It's a wreckless meeting that leaves two people dead, and he gets no answers out of it.

He only gets answers when Arm reaches out to tell him he has discovered a large transaction between the Bianchis and the Kalashovs. Not long after, the Kalashovs rented a private plane and had an even larger transaction with the Hanchars, a prominent family in Belarus known for sex trafficking. Arm notes that the relationship between the two latter families seems new. Despite feeling sick to his stomach, Chan researches them and finds his way to weasel into their inner circle. He has skills to offer, and he is currently unemployed. When he is able to successfully send word that the top security expert for Thailand's most powerful family is looking to relocate and practice his skills elsewhere, it doesn't take long for someone to track him down.

He plays hard to get and unyielding at first. Being uninterested in what would be considered incredible offers makes criminals intrigued, and making it clear he wants to be regarded differently than he was at his last place of employment gets them to invite him to an exclusive event, an event where he can "enjoy" the best of their business practices. They will even let him bid on something that catches his eye.

While he had hoped saying yes to that would lead him to Big, he didn't expect to have to bid on him once he is put on display - naked, blindfolded, and clearly drugged. It takes everything within Chan to keep his composure as he puts in bid after bid, going high enough to make the men who think they are his prospective employers raise eyebrows. But what matters is that he's the highest bidder.

When Big is thrown at him and Chan catches him, Big immediately goes for Chan's clothes. Chan holds Big's hands in place and requests a private room. While the men in the room try to say he should let them watch - that it's more fun for everyone when there is an audience to watch the winner play with his toy - Chan says that he wants his toy to be able to see him, that he doesn't like the blindfold, and he is willing to pay extra to have a night with him alone.

They allow it, and Chan and Big are escorted to a room in the mansion. Once the door is shut, Chan rips off Big's blindfold and finds his composure crumbling.

"It's me," he says, cupping Big's face, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry it took me so long-"

"Would you like me on the bed or on my knees, sir?"

Chan pauses and takes the sight of Big in. He won't meet his eyes, he looks broken, and Chan is ready to go back out and kill every single man in the auction room.

"Neither," Chan says, "Look at me. I'm getting you out. You're going to be safe-"

"Would you prefer the wall? Or maybe the shower?" Big continues.

"Big, it's me," Chan says, shaking him slightly, "I'm here to HELP you, to get you out-"

"They're watching."

Chan pauses and glances around.

"There are cameras in every room," Big says, kissing Chan's face as he runs his fingers through his hair, "And they will keep watching until they are satisfied, especially for first time bidders. So tell me what you want and how you want to do it."

"I don't-"

"If you came here to save me, then you can't give them reason to think you might betray them," Big whispers into his ear, "They'll kill you. So I need to satisfy them by satisfying you. We'll go to sleep after and escape together in the morning. Do you understand?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Notes for the plot after the rescue:

- Chan tries to make their first time as gentle and loving as possible. It's something Big is clearly not used to and is almost uncomfortable with. Chan isn't comfortable either. He hates that they are in a situation where they are both forced to do this. Chan thinks it is possible that Big is just paranoid by how much these people watch and give a shit about what they are doing. But then they get checked on by a high ranking staff and an offer for a partial refund is made if "the toy" isn't continuing to please Chan. Chan tells the staff to leave and they sleep together again. Round three happens on its own just before dawn. They haven't been bothered for hours and Big initiates, but it is all-consuming and desperate on both their ends because they both know they have the odds stacked against them as soon as they leave the room.

- The escape is brutal. While Chan is set on killing every person who put Big in this situation, Big is on a warpath and clearly holding onto a LOT of pain and resentment.

- They go on the run after they leave and somehow make it across the border. They don't stop driving until they hit Berlin and take a little time to rest.

- While Chan is relieved that Big isn't completely brainwashed like he initially believed, it's clear that he is traumatized. He routinely gets into a headspace where he assumes Chan wants sex. Or he gets paranoid that he will be dragged back to Minsk because Chan kept him for too long. He snaps out of these short episodes, but it's heartbreaking for Chan to witness at all.

- They share a bed, which comforts both of them. At first, Chan worries it may re-traumatize Big, but Big has nightmares that seem to not be as intense when they sleep together.

- Chan informs Kinn and Porsche of what happened. He doesn't get into the details, but he tells them that he and Big will not be coming back anytime soon, that Big can't handle a long flight right now. When Kinn asks about Third and Gear, the only information that Big has given is that they were too old so they were killed. Later, Chan learns they were tortured until Big cooperated with his new "job" and they were killed right after.

- When Chan thinks Big can handle a short flight, he gets him to London, where they stay with Chan's grandmother. She is very sweet to Big and makes sure he is comfortable. She recognizes he has been abused since she dealt with an extremely abusive and controlling husband.

- Kinn, Porsche, Tankhun, Arm, and Pol fly out after. Tankhun is surprisingly sweet to Big and eventually confides that he sort of understands what he went through, since he was hurt similarly when he was kidnapped. While Chan was aware of this, he is surprised Tankhun is taking the initiative to talk about it with Big.

- They take several days to go sightseeing. Chan spent his childhood and teenage years split between Bangkok and London. While he ultimately moved to Bangkok and stayed there since it let him feel close to his mother, he still has good memories of London, despite his strained relationship with his father. So Chan shows them around and the group feels like it is on even footing despite the strange dynamics.

- Korn isn't thrilled about two of his sons taking off for some extended trip to the UK. At all. It's only at this point that he starts calling Chan again. But Chan is still not returning his calls, which Korn isn't happy about either.

- The group catches onto something developing between Chan and Big. When Tankhun approaches him about the fact they cuddle together and share a bed, Chan is reluctant to talk about it but says he isn't going to push Big into anything.

- When they do end up slowly progressing in their intimacy, Chan is hyper aware of what Big needs from him and is very set on making sure they communicate with each other.

- Whether they go back to Bangkok or not is still up in the air. The same goes for their employment. Part of me thinks they might try lower risk jobs after they take the time they desperately need to relax and heal.

Anyway, that's all I have on the idea so far and it is still way more than I can do in a one-shot 😂 @chanbig @randomia-in-wonderland @fawndlyvenus I know you guys like this pairing, so you will have to let me know what you think of it!

[meat-wentz]

here’s a list of things i think have improved my life over the past year:

a good button up- honestly the most versatile item of clothing that provides year-round comfort, lets my body breathe, and looks stylish no matter what- it doesn’t matter the fabric as long as it’s soft on the skin and the fit is loose enough to provide some good old darcy flounce, can be dressed up or down and has not only helped in my every day comfort but also in easing the irritation of my skin (works well with sweat in the summer and dryness in the winter)

good underwear- insane how most underwear wants me to kill myself, so finding good affordable underwear is a necessity, personally i like parade

good pajamas- again it’s like important that my skin feels nice in something, i live in a high desert climate which is extremely drying and literally makes me the itchiest little thing on the planet, so good loose fitting silky pajamas make me feel like a little prince tucked into bed all nice and sweet

a robe- dawg i love a robe, not only as protection for my outside clothes when im in my house covered in cat fur, but also as an extra layer of warmth in colder months, and a nice thing to ahem, i’ll say it again, let my skin breathe while i dry off from a shower before i get dressed or while just lounging around the house with nowhere to be but still feeling like i want to be “dressed”

chia pudding- dude i eat chia pudding every day and honestly as someone w a lot of digestive issues and genetic digestive shit, chia pudding legit is my girlfriend and i love my slimy little girlfriend

BEETS- had a big beet year after realizing i can eat beets whenever i want. love a beet salad w arugula and spinach and some goat cheese and pistachios and dressing of your choice (i prefer a dill or balsamic)- you can literally have beets whenever you want idk why i only thought i could have beets on special occasions, idk i think i have a weird covetous thing with food i really like, but yeah idk who needs to hear this you can have beets whenever you want dawg its true

new glasses- go see your optometrist. i am bad about seeing any doctor for anything bc i hate it but being able to see is important go get your eyes checked and don’t be like me wearing the same prescription for 8 years and putting it off while seeing stars while i drive and squinting at subtitles

good luck charms- idk man i just like them it’s kind of just nice to have a little thing you put a small amount of faith in every day like a little token from a friend or a necklace you wear or a funny little keychain i like to have a little thing i can hold or fidget with that’s like yes aha it’s my little charm for everyday life that says to me im all good i think having a healthy dose of positive superstition is a nice thing to have

a good perfume- idk it’s just nice to get whiffs of yourself and be like omg that’s me, one of my coworkers has the same perfume and every time i smell her im like omg you smell so good and start blushing bc i realize that’s how i smell and it feels nice

just a good sunscreen dawg and not for all the anti-aging bs but bc it’s just a good thing to wear like if there’s anything ive learned after a lifetime in the desert it’s that dude just wear some sunscreen it doesn’t have to be fancy it’s just good practice and genuinely helps prevent the misery of sun damage from a day in the summer or a long drive or anything you have to do outside

a solid refillable pen- tbh probably my best friend in this whole world is a good fountain pen

anyways i have a long track record of like denying my own needs especially when im depressed or upset which for the length of pandemic and my most recent relationship was something i really fell into and after feeling a bit more like myself and reclaiming a lot of the joy i’d lost, these are some things that helped me ground myself in the world and feel a bit more comfortable being joyous and re-finding what’s important to me (feeling like the food i eat doesn’t want me to kill myself, writing, feeling confident in being a person in the world, seeing clearly, etc etc etc)

[zhaohuis-lost-walnut]

Lanzhou vs Lanzhou: What’s in a Name?

[vague spoilers up to chapter 181 I think? idk, it's not even a big deal probably]

One aspect of the story that has always intrigued me is how Shen Zechuan seems to compartmentalize "Shen Zechuan" and "Shen Lanzhou". I honestly wanted to make a post about that specifically, but I had a hard time finding the words to describe what I wanted to say ToT

But in my attempt to make that post, I realized something that I only really thought about while rereading my notes and various chapters: The way Shen Zechuan and Xiao Chiye use "Lanzhou" is very different. And it has been driving me insane!

So I guess I'm making the post I wanted to from the very beginning after all, and then some!

First, I shall establish how I believe Shen Zechuan sees "Zechuan" vs "Lanzhou". The short of it is "Lanzhou" is Shen Zechuan's carefully curated persona. But it isn't simply a mask; there are many scenes, especially in the later parts of the book, where Shen Zechuan goes into heavy detail about "Shen Lanzhou". Shen Zechuan describes "Lanzhou" as the only part of himself untouched by Shen Wei, fully belonging to himself. "Lanzhou" is like a symbol that keeps Shen Zechuan grounded. While Lanzhou can still be ruthless, it's a very calculated ruthlessness. Shen Lanzhou isn't striving to be a good person, but he's a least a lot more palatable than "Shen Zechuan".

"Shen Zechuan" has been "killed off", leaving an empty shell where only vindictiveness remains. In chapter 68, it's mentioned that "Shen Zechuan" has "a pure heart with few desires". But it is later established that that "purity" did not mean "sanctity", but rather, the idea that "a kindness given is a kindness given, and a wrong done is a wrong done" as said in chapter 72. "Shen Zechuan" is driven by revenge. In later chapters the story introduces the motif of "Shen Zechuan" needing to be sheathed and it's so beautifully well done. But it's not solely about controlling his anger and murderous impulses.

Shen Zechuan carries a lot of shame. And as much as he wants to act like none of his humanly desires remain, they do. He has people he cares about: at the beginning of the story, its only Qi Huilian and Ji Gang. But as the story progresses, his circle of those he's fond of grows. Even before he leaves Qudu he finds himself genuinely moved by Cen Yu's praise in chapter 75.

"Shen Zechuan" isn't just the angry remnants of a person wronged. "Shen Zechuan" is everything he represses. The bad and the good. In the first half of the story, Shen Zechuan is very detached from his actions. But in the latter half, especially as he gets closer with Xiao Chiye, he starts to not only criticize himself more, increasing his shame, but also confronts his feelings.

After meeting with Xiao Fangxu in chapter 163, Shen Zechuan worries that he won't be accepted because "Shen Zechuan" makes him untrustworthy. Thinking to himself: “Many of what he did in the past had their roots in impure motives. As long as he got his hands on it, he would fully exploit it. He called all of those “hypocrisies”, and they were even more atrocious before Xiao Chiye had come into the picture. That was why he could not—dared not tell anyone.”

Man, I hate it when my political strategies mess up my chances with the in-laws.

On a serious note, Shen Zechuan has had moments previous to this where he self deprecates, but I feel that after he had to confront himself in this way, (aka, his moves affecting his personal relationships) it got worse :D He continues to unpack this throughout the story with ups and downs and I simply love the way it's handled in the narrative.

Now, Xiao Chiye.

While I haven't made several notes and google docs marking down Xiao Chiye's use of "Lanzhou" like I did for Shen Zechuan, I will simply trust my brain to not lie to me for this post <3

I'm mostly focusing on them as a couple because that's what's been rotting my brain, but I find it interesting that Shen Zechuan refers to Xiao Chiye with many names interchangeably, while Xiao Chiye's sole term of endearment for Shen Zechuan is simply his courtesy name: Lanzhou.

Shen Zechuan goes by many names in his head, and he has different feelings about all of them. He's Shen Wei's Son. He's Bai Cha's son. He's Shen Zechuan. He's Shen Lanzhou. He's a pupil of the Ji Clan. Grand Mentor Qi's student. And so much more.

Shen Zechuan doesn't like every part of himself. He "accepts" that he can't get rid of them, and while he doesn't let them define him, he still wishes he could scrub such connections from himself. On the other hand, he loves everything about Xiao Chiye, and I feel like that affection is mirrored in his use of all his names: Xiao Chiye, Ce'an, A-ye, Er-gongzhi, Er-lang~

But Xiao Chiye doesn't box himself into different personas. He put on an a general act in Qudu, yes, but I don't think he necessarily labeled them the way Shen Zechuan did his own.

Xiao Chiye doesn't love "Lanzhou" while fearing or chaining down "Shen Zechuan". He doesn't resent the son of Shen Wei, nor revere the son on Bai Cha. The Lanzhou in Xiao Chiye's head is different from the "Lanzhou" in Shen Zechuan's head.

To Xiao Chiye, Shen Zechuan is Lanzhou.

There's no difference. Xiao Chiye loves him. All of him. Lanzhou encapsulates all that Shen Zechuan is in a singular word. He doesn't separate the "good" from the "bad"; they're all a part of you. Xiao Chiye is all of his many titles, but at the end of the day, those fancy words don't change how he sees himself and who he is at his core. And I think this reflects in Lanzhou simply being Lanzhou to him.

Of course, Xiao Chiye can tell when Shen Zechuan is putting on a front, and he specifically wants Shen Zechuan to feel safe enough to not have to keep up his mask with him. But he also finds Shen Zechuan's "Lanzhou" hot. We know this.

There are so many scenes where the love Xiao Chiye feels towards Lanzhou truly radiates off the page. And part of me regrets not marking down every single quote that made my heart swoon (though I did save some hehe).

I really hope this made sense ToT This has been brewing in my head for a minute and I'm happy was able to articulate it at least a little bit! Thanks for reading. Until me next bout of unwellness 🫡

[tiredistic]

"Her Voice Had never sounded so cold" p.2

P.1 | Part one

Pairing: Regina George x Janis imi'ike, Gretchen Wieners x Karen Shetty

Words: 1,195!

Content warning: Slight 18+ Adult themes, Angst, Depictions of mental illness ( depression, anxiety), Alcoholism, Suicidal thoughts and almost attempt? Mention of abusive parents, Crash, suggestive language.

Summary: The Events after the fight.

A/n: Hey guys! I hope you enjoy this chapter, I kinda made like plot twists that were surprises for me as well so.. Actually might just make this a series. Would you like to see Regina and Janis get back together..? idk their relationship seems kinda in the rocks rn >:o

Not proof read <3

It was cold. So fucking cold. Regina drove home in a fuelled rage. Gosh what a bad day it was to rain. The windows of her car started to fog as her breaths got erratic, her grip of the steering wheel doubling as her mind spiralled. Curses spilled out her mouth as she drove, her eyes getting cloudy. 

“SHIT!” She slapped the steering wheel. “Cady Fucking Heron I’m Going to kill you” she seethed. Regina was utterly taken by hatred and sadness. She screamed and yelled her lungs out. Her voice was raw, the rain covered her sobs, the thunder screaming for her. 

She didn't want to go home. She didn't want her mother to see her so weak. Why is she so weak? Why did jeopardize her relationship? Was Janis even anything to her? 

Was she anything to Janis?

She tried to scream. Her throat roared in pain. Her eyes squeezed, her hands shook. Her mind was so fucked up, that she didnt notice how she was going a 95, in a 60mph zone. Regina knew she shouldn't even be driving right now, but she didn't care. What else was there to lose? She loved Janis. And just like that she was taken from her, why should she worry about her own life? 

As the lightning struck, so did another car. It happened so fast, Regina didn’t even get a chance to react.

Her car was hit. The slippery roads made it hard, but Her emotions made it harder. The car slipped across the highway, down by the trees. She tried to make it stop swerving, but it only made it worse, throwing her body around; making the blond gain all sorts of bruises and cuts from her car. She would have screamed. She wanted to, but she couldn't. She couldn't even ask for help. 

Her Jeep almost hit a displaced branch that would have jacked up her car, taking her life. But it didn’t. Her car stopped just in time for it to only slightly puncture her windshield. A part of her wished it would have. She wished it would have gone all the way through.

She stayed staring at it briefly before reality came down like the rain. How could she drive home like this? Even face her mother? Fuck, she was so scared. She didn't want to go to her father. That.. man. She knew her mother would send her. She couldn't go home.

She grabbed her phone, her bag, and tried to open her door. After a while, she got it open. Falling on to the forest ground, the sound from the heavy storm and the highway consuming her. Mud all over her sweats, blood from the crash, and rain. 

“Why did this have to happen to me..” she sobbed, her blonde hair sticking to her face, she stood up, her socks drenched in water. She walked along the highway before meeting an exit and a gas station. She stopped and called a cab. She noticed a car watching her from a distance, some lady with confusion on her face. Regina had no choice but to wait, in the rain, as the wind hit her body.

Gosh it was cold. 

—

Janis sat on her couch watching the local news. A bottle of Regina’s favorite wine, slipping from her hand. Her mind dazed. Why does everything keep getting ruined? It sucked. Couldn't she have something nice for once? It was just starting to work between them, gosh why was she in the wrong. Wasn’t this all Regina's fault anyway? Or was it hers.. Everything is so confusing.

The door was banged a couple of times before it was opened. Damian rushed in to see what Janis meant over text, “gays n gals stick together.” which was their code phrase for “some extreme shit just happened, come over.” Uppon seeing the girl, he knew.

“Oh my gosh.” Damian muttered before giving aid to the obviously not okay queer on the couch. He took the bottle out of her hand, placing it down before taking the short girl to her bedroom. He picked her up with ease, her body limp from the wine.

“She's gone.” Janis murmured quietly, hugging him.

“I know.” He added softly.

Damian gave Janis a soft knowing look. He covered her with the covers and turned off the lights, going back into the main room. The TV was still on the local news. As he went to turn it off, he froze because of the irony.

“A Hot Pink Jeep Wrangler was just caught swerving off the I-88 highway, at 9:46 today. Severity of the crash was notable, and the driver is currently not at the scene.”

“Witness, Kaitie Gordon saw it all, she says, ‘It's so sad to see these things happen especially to such a pretty car, and such a pretty girl.’”

“So you saw the owner of the car?” The news reporter asked, “Yeah, I saw her walking down the highway down to the gas station maybe? Then got into some car. Blonde, distraught, she was young too. I would have said something, I didn't connect the dots in time, sorry.”

Damian shut off the TV, “Oh my gosh, Janis what the fuck happened..” he wondered to himself. He decided to finish tidying up the apartment before taking his leave, his mind spiraling over what could have happened between the two “girlfriends.”

 –

Gretchen pulled Karen in, they were making out on Gretchen’s bed. Their mouths barely disconnecting, Karen pulling at Gretchen’s clothing, the room was hot, and the attitude was intense. They briefly pulled away for air, but was quickly drained back into kisses, Karen's breath catching in her throat. They moaned into eachothers mouths, their bodies grinding and rubbing each other, their night garments threatening to lift ever so slightly.

The door-bell rang frantically, the banging on the door was aggressive. They slowly pulled away from each other, annoyed slightly, but also confused.

The knocking had to be Regina, it's how Regina always did it. But at 11:34 PM? 

“Stay here, I’ll get it,” Karen giggled, tapping Gretchen's nose. Karen went to open the door and behold it was Regina. But definitely not the Regina they knew.

Regina’s bag was soaked, so was her whole outfit, her white shirt wasn't a good idea. Her blond hair stuck to her head, an aggressive frown plastered on her face, her breathing was shallow, her eyes were dead, and most of all.. She smelt like the forest, terrain and plants. Gosh this wasn't Regina George.

“Holy fuck you look like shit.” Karen added without a thought, as usual.

Regina just scoffed and pushed her way in, Not paying any attention to Karen's concern. 

Gretchen came out, her face distorting as she looked at Regina. “Oh my lord! What happened!?”

Regina just walked past Gretchen going into the bathroom to fix herself.

After about two hours, she came out, her hair looked better, she smelt like lavender rose, and a pink robe covering her.

She joined Karen and Gretchen in the bedroom, their ears ready for the gossip.

“Cady Heron is going to regret ever living.”

[raz-writes-the-thing]

Not Part of the Plan (Walking Dead Drabble)

Negan Smith x GN!Reader / requests are open

Summary: Negan discovers that you've been sent to spy on the Sanctuary

Fic type: non-romantic espionage, dark fic (idk man)

TWD: @nervoussystemss (send an ask to be added to a tag list!)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Did you really think I wouldn’t figure your shit out?” 

You winced, knowing this was probably the end for you. You’d hoped he wouldn’t find out why you were here at the Sanctuary, but your luck had to run out at some point, you supposed. Being sent to spy on an entire community was easier said than done. 

“Answer me!” He roared, leaning over in front of you, Lucille poking over his shoulder. Your eyes zeroed in on the bat. That one weapon having done so much fucking visceral damage to you and your family. Even the sight of it made you want to spit on him and run them both over with a semi about seventeen times each. Maybe you’d run Lucille over first and make him watch.  

“Well, obviously I hoped you fucking wouldn’t, didn’t I?” You snarked back, shifting your weight to your other knee, the pebbles in the hard ground digging into your skin.

“Is that- fuck me, Simon. Are you hearing this shit? That’s fucking attitude.” 

Simon clicked his tongue from Negan’s right, looking down on you with an expression that was very much akin to a disappointed father towards their child who’d just broken mummy’s favourite vase. You didn’t care for it.

 

“Sounds very much like attitude to me, boss,” he replied back smoothly, shaking his head. “Shall we teach ‘em a lesson?” 

Negan stood back up, looming over you like an immovable boulder. You’d be lying if you said the sight didn’t fill you with fear, or that you were fighting not to fucking piss yourself right now. But you’d never let him see that. Never. 

He looked down at you thoughtfully for a few moments, chewing on his bottom lip. Something that you’d only ever seen him do when he was truly enraged. 

“Nah, Simon,” he finally said, and the man in question stepped back and away from you. “I think we might just go on a fucking trip. What do you say, darlin’?” He gripped you by the hair and forced your head back to look him in the eye. You glared daggers, and that signature grin slid right back into place. “Oh-hoh, look at that. If I weren’t the shit around here, that might just scare me.” 

He let go of your hair aggressively, and you ignored the tug on the muscle. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that he’d managed to hurt you. 

“Get up, darlin’,” he said, voice dripping with charm. “We’re gonna go on a little drive to see your buddies. Then, I’m going to line them all up and make you choose someone for Lucille.” 

Negan’s grin grew impossibly darker, and he leaned in to whisper into your ear-

“And after that, well, shit- I might fucking kill you, too.” 

You betrayed nothing of the fear that wound tightly up your spine, and Negan laughed, pulling away like he hadn’t just threatened to kill you and someone you love. 

“But we’ll see what happens, yeah? Good. Alright. Load ‘em up, Simon.” 

You fought the man as best you could but still found yourself in the back of the truck anyway. 

Well, shit. This was not going to plan.

[absgay]

“I’ve been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night, and now I see daylight.” (part one)

words count: 2.5k

warnings: 18+ ptsd, friends to lovers, angst, smut, death, owen, violence, fluff, grammar, idk tbh. (she/her pronouns) writing for fun!

summary: friends don’t look at each other this way, do they? You couldn’t stop thinking about her, things will never be the same.

part two,

• “Please— No.” you thought, as someone walked in. You couldn’t fight anymore, couldn’t even move from the ground. You didn’t know what to do or what to say as a stranger approached you, quietly and armed. He looked nothing like them. “Are you okay?” You breathed in and out, trying to remain calm as your hands were still shaking from the attack. You looked at their bodies, just laying there, bloody and almost unrecognisable. “I’m Owen.” he said. “What’s your name? What happened? Are you hurt?” You remained silent as the man kneeled next to you. “They killed them. They’re all dead, they’re gone, and it’s all my fault.” You trembled as the words left your mouth. Owen sighed and touched your shoulder. “Okay…” he hummed. “Hey— Look at me, you’re gonna need medical attention, you’re bleeding. We need to take care of these wounds.”

• “Wait— Who’s that?” Abby asked. “I’ve never seen her before. I thought Isaac didn’t allow any new members at the moment.” She looked at you from across the room as you stood next to others, visibly intimidated by the crowded hall. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Nora said. “Owen and Danny went on patrol last week and found her. Owen’s the one who heard the attack as they were driving near the marina. Apparently, she wasn’t alone, she was travelling with a few other trespassers but they got attacked by Scars.” Abby nodded. “From what I've heard, it was pretty violent. She’s the only one who made it.” The tall woman stared at you, intrigued. “She was in shock when he found her.”

• “Fuck me.” you murmured to yourself, the words directed to your insomnia as you turned around in bed, staring at the ceiling, once again. You walked towards the library, enjoying the calming atmosphere as the stadium didn’t feel as loud and overwhelming as it usually did. During your last conversation with Whitney, she had mentioned the library as you talked about your sleepless nights with her. “It could be nice, it could distract me.” you thought. And as you walked in, you weren’t expecting to see anyone there. You wandered throughout the alleys, looking at the different sections as you searched for the right book. “Who’s there?” someone asked, the unexpected question giving you chills as you turned around and gasped. “Shit, I’m sorry.” Abby chuckled. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” The blond woman was laying down on the bench, a book in hand. “I— It’s okay, I was not expecting to see anyone here at night.” you sighed. “I’m Abby.” she said. “I know.” you chuckled, nervously. “I mean— I heard about you, I’ve seen you around and,” Abby smirked as she sat down. “Everyone is always talking about you, somehow. It’s pretty admirable, even intimidating.” Abby scoffed and shook her head. “What are you reading?” you asked. “The Great Gatsby.” Abby answered, glancing at the book resting on her thighs. “Insomnia?” The woman asked. “Yeah…” You turned back to the bookshelves near the blond. Abby didn’t mean to stare at you so intrusively and deeply, but couldn’t help it as she noticed the bruises and wounds on your arms. You glanced at her, the blond looking away as she hummed, embarrassed. “Any recommendations?” you asked. “Well,” she cleared her throat, then closed the book, leaving it on the bench as she stood up. “I don’t know, it depends on your preferences.” You shrugged. “Anything sounds good, as long as it is entertaining and keeps me busy.” you laughed, sarcastically. “I see.” Abby nodded. “Are you—” she sighed. “Are you okay? I mean— Of course not, but— Shit.” For someone who appeared to be extremely tough, she sounded and seemed surprisingly sweet and gentle. “It’s okay, don’t worry.” you said. “I just— I’ve been struggling to fall asleep lately and I think it’s mainly because I’m afraid to.” you shrugged, looking at her. “God, this is ridiculous.” you chuckled as Abby frowned. “I— I don’t even know why I'm telling you this, we don’t know each other, we just met and I’m already complaining about my shit. I’m sorry.” you said. “You can talk to me, I mean— I understand and I don’t know if you have any friends here yet, or if you have anyone to talk to.” you sighed as you suddenly felt the pain in your chest getting too heavy to contain it. And Abby immediately noticed the distress on your face. “Or not, we— Listen, we don’t have to talk about it, unless you want to. We can talk about something else as well.” For the first time in weeks, a little smile appeared on your face as Abby waited patiently for you to say something. “Okay.” you said. “I don’t wanna talk.” Abby nodded, understandingly. “But, I don’t wanna be alone either.” You couldn’t bear the idea of going back to your cold, empty room. It meant nothing but to deal with your own thoughts. “I need to do something.” you thought, walking to the bench and sitting down as you grabbed the book Abby had left there. “Is this one interesting?” you asked, innocently. “It‘s decent.” Abby answered as she watched you open the book. “I’ve never read it. I’ve heard about it, though.” you said. “Sounds like shit to me.” The blond woman laughed and sat down next to you, a little confused and amused as you both seemed so comfortable around each other, two strangers. “I could read it,” your eyes met hers as she talked. “To you.” You nodded in agreement. “I haven’t told you my name.” you said. “It’s Y/N.” Abby didn’t say anything, she took the book and smirked as she opened it. “I know.” she confessed. “Ready?” she asked, glancing at you. You nodded and watched her attentively as she started to read.

• At first, it wasn’t meant to turn into anything regular, it wasn’t meant to become something so important to you or to Abby, but it did. Now, the darkness didn’t seem as threatening as it used to. Now, you’d sit in your room and watch the sun go down with excitement as it meant you’d be reuniting with Abby soon. “Oh— Shut up.” Abby mumbled as you both laughed. It’s funny because you didn’t even know how important it was for her too. You guys never talked about it, for some reason. You didn’t know how much these moments had impacted Abby. “I’m not reading Harry Potter.” she said, as you both sat down on the ground, right against a bookshelf. “It’s all about fantasy, witches and monsters. It doesn't even make sense.” she continued. “Wizards, Abigail.” She frowned as you took the book. “And, there’s absolutely nothing that makes any sense in our own world. A little fantasy can’t hurt.” you said, pouting. “Fine…” Abby sighed, defeated. “You better stay awake this time, I’m doing this for you.” she said. “Come on— It happened once.” Abby scoffed. “Twice.” You didn’t know what to say, or more specifically how to admit it. “When we’re together, the pain doesn’t seem as heavy as it used to.” you thought, as she started to read, softly. “And I feel so guilty, for how good it makes me feel.” Two hours in, Abby looked down at you as you grew silent throughout the reading. “Y/N.” she chuckled, your head resting against her shoulder as you snored peacefully. “Dammit… I knew it.” She closed the book and put it down as she sighed, closing her own eyes.

• “Fuck…” Abby mumbled as she grew impatient. The tall woman walked around the empty library, examining the shelves without much interest as she tried to remain calm. “Come on, where is she…” she wondered as she waited for you. “Dammit— I’m ridiculous.” Abby said to herself as she realised how much this situation affected her: your casual little meetings at the library were always by far, the greatest moments of her week. “Fuck it.” she breathed as she left the library, walking straight towards the dorms. After spending the day out on patrol, Abby wanted nothing more than to see you, to hear you, to have fun with… her friend. The idea of hanging out with you at the library tonight had been the only thing that motivated her during the entire day. And even though she wouldn’t dare to admit it, she truly enjoyed reading the Harry Potter books with you. “What the fuck…” Abby mumbled as she approached your room. She couldn’t get any closer, genuinely shocked at the scene playing in front of her: You were standing by the door with Owen, kissing him passionately. Abby swallowed hard, confused by the sudden sickness overwhelming her. You smiled as the boy walked away, disappearing in the distance. The blond woman nodded as she exhaled, bitter. Abby turned around and left as you locked the door, heading towards the library with excitement. “Abby!” you called happily as you stepped in the quiet room, eyes searching for the blond’s silhouette. “Abs!” But, she wasn’t here. You didn’t find anything, besides the book you guys were supposed to be reading, left on the bench.

• “Something’s wrong.” you thought. Abby would never miss an occasion to see you, to see her friend, right? “Yes, we talked this morning, she’s at the gym.” Whitney said. “But, she seemed a little— Upset.” You sighed. “Okay… Thanks.” You felt anxiety pressed like a blade against your throat as you headed to the gym. “Hey, Abby!” you waved awkwardly at the blond. “What do you want?” she asked, all sweaty and panting as she stood by the machines. “Oh—” you paused, genuinely hurt. “Nothing— I was just wondering how you were doing.” Abby shrugged. “What happened yesterday? Weren’t we supposed to meet at the library?” you asked. “I didn’t know we were supposed to see each other everyday. I had things to do.” you blinked. “You’re right, we don’t have to.” Abby hummed. “Anything else?” You couldn’t save this conversation, it was over as soon as the pain in your chest suddenly came back. “I’ll see you later.” you walked away, humiliated. For the first time in weeks, you stayed away the entire night, the nightmares and voices coming back to get you.

• On Saturday, Owen decided to throw a massive party at the aquarium, which included Abby: the main reason you had agreed to come. God, it was awkward to stand there without talking or even acknowledging her as you both chatted with your friends, pretending not to see each other. “I miss you.” Abby thought as your laugh echoed through the room. “Fuck— Why does she have to looks insanely good tonight.” you thought as you danced with random guys and tried to forget about her. No matter how much you both wanted to talk to each other, you couldn’t find the courage to do it. “She’s really cute.” Jordan said to Owen as they watched you walking around in the tiniest skirt ever. “I need some air.” Abby said, taking a shot. You frowned as she disappeared through the crowd, eyes searching for hers. You waited until your friends seemed busy to leave. “So— You’re just gonna stand there and say nothing?” Abby asked a few seconds later as you both leaned against the wall and stared at the stars. “And, why should I be the one to start the conversation?” Abby sighed, inaudible music playing in the background. “You’re the one who followed me here, Y/N.” you chuckled. “You wanted me to.” Abby’s features softened, delicately illuminated by the moonlight as you both turn to face each other. “Nice skirt...” she complimented, glancing at your legs. “I found it during my last patrol.” you explained, proudly. “Right,” Abby shook her head. “I completely forgot that you started going on patrols with Manny and Owen.” It wasn’t true though. Abby had secretly been listening to Manny and Owen’s conversations for days, trying to get the smallest information about you. She was worried about your safety. Every morning she’d watch Manny leave the apartment, feeling sick at the idea of something happening to you. “You know— I’ve seen so many things out there and I’ve been dying to talk to you about it.” you admitted. “Actually, I have something for you.” Abby frowned as you inspected your small pockets. “One time, we were reading together and you told me about your coin collection.” Abby’s heart melted. “I thought you’d like it.” You dropped the coin in the blond’s hand with a smile. She couldn’t believe it as she stared at you, she had never met someone so sweet and caring before. “I don’t deserve it.” she said, ashamed by how poorly she had treated you lately. “It looks really cute…” she said, glancing at the skirt, again. “Shit— I wanted to look hot, not cute.” you groaned, touching the fabric. Abby’s mind went wild as she stared at your curves more attentively, something switching inside her. “Abby.” you murmured, the blond’s heart becoming too heavy for her own chest as you caught her staring. She couldn’t deny it: you were an attractive woman. And there was nothing wrong with admitting it, but feeling it… It meant something totally different, something inappropriate. “I don’t know what to say…” Abby murmured back, blushing from the alcohol in her veins or the sudden tension rising between you two. “Fashion isn’t really my thing.” you smirked. “What’s your thing, Abigail?” It could’ve been an innocent conversation with someone else, but not with you. Abby sighed as she watched you step closer, eyes filled with lust. “Boob— Books, Books…” she said flustered, you were staring at her lips without even trying to be discreet about it. “Right— You’re an intellectual and beautiful.” Abby chuckled nervously. “I’m not beautiful, not like that, not like you.” you shrugged. “To me, you’re so much more than that.” Abby’s whole body trembled as you leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Dammit— You’re drunk.” Abby said, trying to play it cool. And as she sensed the frustration and desperation in your sigh, she almost gave in. You weren’t thinking rationally, your thoughts wandering around the blond’s body as she held you by the waist and pulled you closer so effortlessly. “There’s so many guys staring at you tonight, Y/N.” she said. “I couldn’t care less about them.” you murmured as Abby smirked.

• Unfortunately, or fortunately; you weren’t sure. Nothing had happened between you two that night. But emotionally, it completely wrecked you both. It’s true, Abby has been trying to convince herself that it meant nothing. “It was the alcohol.” she thought, leaving the aquarium. “What’s happening to me?” you had asked yourself. Abby didn’t know about the rest though, about what happened as soon as she left and how you ended up in Owen’s bed that night. Obviously, it was mainly to forget about what had happened between you two, to deny it. But as the man pounded into you recklessly, your thoughts went back to your friend. And when you clenched around him as you reached heaven the only thing you could think about was Abby Anderson.

[sobeksewerrat]

(Warning: barely coherent religious rambling ahead)

so. I'm not sure how accurate this but I found a translation of some bible verse while I was trying to research some Cain and Abel lore to exploit in my hazbin fanfics and to see how much it differs from the Islamic version and well. It got out of hand.(added a cut because thsi post got wayyyy too long)

Later she gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also brought an offering—fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” While they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.

 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?”

“I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?” The Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground. Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.” Cain said to the Lord, “My punishment is more than I can bear. Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.” But the Lord said to him, “Not so ; anyone who kills Cain will suffer vengeance seven times over.” Then the Lord put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him. So Cain went out from the Lord’s presence and lived in the land of Nod, east of Eden.

(I think this is from Genesis or something?? Idk how the Bible works. Also I lost the website where I got the translation from <\3 if its inaccurate in any way tell me also there was some other stuff but they're irrelevant to this.)

This is??? So different from the Islamic version?? Like damn man.

Cain's utter apathy when asked about Abel is so different from Qabil (Islamic cain) when he murdered Habil (Islamic abel).

And the implication that he just...lead Abel away and killed him without Abel knowing about his intentions is also very different from the Islamic version like how do people think Islam and Christianity are the same.

Like. Here are some verses that I've been using as reference for my AUs from the Qur'an (I can't find the old translation I used. And I would also like to clarify that the translation I'm gonna use is a bit weird at times like all other translations and that's generally because English is so different from Arabic and bunch of Arabic words simply do not exist in english).

(Translation from here , words in brackets aren't in the verse but taken for the sake of translation )

Relate to them in truth [O Prophet] the story of Adam’s two sons—how each offered a sacrifice: one’s offering was accepted while the other’s was not, so he threatened [his brother], “I will kill you!” His brother replied, “Allah only accepts [the offering] of the sincerely devout. If you raise your hand to kill me, I will not raise mine to kill you, because I fear Allah—the Lord of all worlds. I want to let you bear your sin against me along with your other sins, then you will be one of those destined to the Fire. And that is the reward of the wrongdoers.” Still, the other convinced himself to kill his own brother, so he killed him—becoming a loser. Then Allah sent a crow digging [a grave] in the ground [for a dead crow], in order to show him how to bury the corpse of his brother. He cried, “Alas! Have I [even] failed to be like this crow and bury the corpse of my brother?” So he became regretful.

And that's it. That's basically the first and last mention of them. I'd like to clarify some points though, being that I'm both a practising Muslim (despite my...*gestures vaguely at my blog* everything) and a native Arabic speaker (who perhaps isn't the greatest at formal/qur'anic Arabic but still okay)

Yes. Their names were never once mentioned in the Qur'an. Not sure where the names Qabil and Habil came from but my guess is that they were taken from the Tanakh or Torah or from a hadith like Hawa'a (islamic Eve, Adam was the only one whose name was outrightly mentioned). I still need to do more research about that part but I'll be using these names since they are widely accepted and to avoid confusion with their Christian counterparts. Same applied to God and Allah (I'll try to keep the part about them brief, however).

I have not memorised nor learned anything about Surat Al Ma'ida yet (I'm still at Surat Muhammad/Al Qital LMFAO I am very far behind) so there *might* be some context I'm missing somewhere else but this is all I could find. Also, Islam is less concerned with its stories than Christianity, they're important but not as detailed or vital. Just to be completely transparent.

[If you raise your hand to kill me] the exact word (بسطت) doesn't really mean "raise" it's more "spread" or "extend" but I guess it gets the point across. Again. I'm just doing this for the sake of transparency.

[the Lord of all worlds] thats...that's not what (عالمين) means as far as I'm aware but I'm not sure I can translate it either

[the Fire] The word used (النار) does technically mean the fire, but it's just an alternate name for Jahannam/Hell.

[wrongdoers] is too weak of a word of (الظالمين). Again, no direct English equivalent I'm aware of but the closest I can describe it as is someone who commits injustice against others and has no mercy but like. Very strongly horrible (it's a strong adjective that can't be used lightly okay? That's the point)

[Still, the other convinced himself to kill his own brother,] the...the actual meaning is a bit more complicated. It has to do with the Islamic idea of both people's inner self and Jinn compelling them to sin (to some degree, its complicated? the whole point is that we're responsible for our own sins not the shayateen or Iblis or our forefathers or whatever) so the proper/more accurate phrasing would be "his self [and conscience] permitted him his brother's murder and so he murdered him,"

also [loser] is, again, the closest English word but very very weak, especially in this context. I am not sure I can find a better equivalent though. And properly it should be "and he became one of the losers" since the meaning conveys that he joined the group of sinners who'll be punished in the afterlife.

["Alas! Have I [even] failed to be like this crow and bury the corpse of my brother?”] Okay this is...probably the worst translation here. (ياويلتي) doesn't mean "alas"...not at all. Its not even close. It, again, has no English equivalent but it's a cry when a person is in distress basically saying that they're in a horrible situation or they've failed horrendously. Still not a good descriptor but oh welp. And ( أعجزت) doesn't mean failed. Not fully. It kinda means that you're stuck at a standstill and are powerless to do anything, Qabil is basically saying that the crow humbled him by being more knowledgeable and capable than him (from my understanding). And he doesn't say corpse. This time i legit cannot find any close meaning to the word he uses other than the one from the old translation I used- "disgrace".

[So he became regretful.] *sigh* "and he became of the regretful" plural. The regretful are a group. Same meaning as "the losers" but specifically sinners who regret their decision.

So yeah I think I've cleared most of it up to the best of my ability. Now, my interpretation of the verses and the obvious differences (I won't be using any tafsir. Just my understanding. I trust scholars about as much as I trust flat earthers with information on most things, especially scholars on a random website and not a somewhat trusted source like Al Azhar (which I also have problems with(more specifically the transphobia and intersexism(and the homophobia))).

(And I don't think that will affect anything from the religious standpoint because in the end the moral is the same: murder is a sin. Obviously.)

Now, first off, Habil was very aware of Qabil's intentions, and Qabil didn't hide them from him- unlike the biblical version from what I understand.

That's...honestly fascinating to me. I feel, from my pov, Cain was very much intending to kill. This was intentional and plotted murder- he led Abel into the fields then just killed him.

Qabil didn't seem to have been plotting it beforehand. It's somewhat unclear how much time had passed, but to me it reads like it happened immediately after his offering was rejected.

It genuinely seems like an impulsive decision born from rage, rather than conscious, calculated one (this is supported by his blatant regret later).

And Habil was unnaturally calm. Of course, I can't discern tone from a religious text, but it does seem that way. It's a bit weird, honestly, he essentially tells Qabil point blank and clearly "I'm not going to fight back if you try to kill me. In the end, you'll be the one who'll suffer for this,"

Which is...I have complicated feelings about that honestly. Habil seemed confident that he'll be avenged in the afterlife (which. Of course he was he very much knew Allah existed). He doesn't dissuade Qabil at all, he just lays out the consequences that will befall him and lets him have the choice.

It's fascinating?? At first I interpreted this as him trying to do this for Qabil's sake because ehe cared about him, but now I'm not sure what he was going for. And the part about Qabil's other sins raises more questions. What else had he done?

I wonder if Habil's little speech only served to anger Qabil further. Like. I imagine his inner monologue going something like:

How dare he? How dare he act superior to me? How dare he act like he's better than me again?

And so his conscience left him and he killed Habil in cold blood.

In the biblical version, God is the one who warns him, if I'm understanding the text correctly. Which is a whole can of worms I will get to later.

Again, Cain's response to murdering his brother vs Qabil's response is fascinating. Qabil is definitely more sympathetic, in my opinion.

Cain lies to God directly, which is- insane?? He doesn't regret what happened to Abel. He says he isn't responsible for him. He doesn't care that he murdered him in cold blood. He doesn't seem in the slightest bit affected by what he'd done.

After which, God punishes him to wander the earth and curses him so that his crops will never yield anything. And Cain says it's more than he can bear, and that some one will kill him eventually. So then God marks him and says that anybody who tries to kill him will- idk suffer seven times more than whatever they wanted to do to Cain?? I don't fully get this part.

Then Cain just fucking leaves and fucks his wife I guess (which...I did not know he had one??). Which is...wow. the difference is insane to me.

Qabil is instantly regretful, how I see it. He doesn't know how to hide his brother's corpse, doesn't know what to do after.

Then a part that utterly fascinates me and deserves its own essay if I'm being honest.

Allah sends him a crow to show him how to hide Habil's body.

Now, of course, they will still punish Qabil in the afterlife but I'm just...fuck I can't formulate my thoughts properly into words. I need to ruminate about this for like an hour to properly get anything coherent written down.

For now, let's go back to Qabil.

Qabil essentially wallows in pity and regret. He is ashamed that a mere crow knew to handle a body while he, a human, could only stare helpless at what became of his brother at his hands.

And it is stated, outright, that he regrets it. He regrets killing Habil, he regrets thinking about it in the first place, he regrets everything. Which, again, adds to my point about Habil's murder being a spur of the moment thing, unlike Abel's.

Now, one could interpret him being regretful because he'll suffer consequences for this, but I personally see it as genuine guilt.

It seems more humanising to me. Qabil, in the end, still cared about his brother. He made an impulsive decision fuelled by his wounded pride, his jealousy and rage, then he paid the consequences by losing a family member he cared about. From a religious standpoint, I feel like that's better when teaching people why Qabil was wrong, why letting fury and envy blind us is wrong. But I digress.

I've already made a post about this, and I still stand by it, we should see religious figures as humans if we ever wish to learn anything from them.

The first murder was committed by a person in a moment of anger, not a calculating, vengeful person. Not that I don't think Cain is interesting, no, I feel like his resentment for Abel and utter apathy towards his death is fascinating as well, but I'm just mote familiar with Qabil and I typically prefer tragic siblings if we ignore the religious parts of this and treat them as stories.

Now the elephant in the room, God talking to Cain directly and making him immortal if I understand correctly??

Uh, okay, so- In Islam, nobody (on Earth, that is) has ever spoken to Allah directly except Prophet Mousa (our equivalent of Moses).

There is a bit of a grey area with Adam and Hawa'a when they were in Al Janna (Eden isn't a thing in Islam btw they just lived in Heaven lol) and Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) when he met Allah on Al Mi'raaj, but that is an entirely different discussion.

God just talks to Cain like it's nothing? Unless I'm missing some crucial context here. It just boggles my mind- I don't think I can properly explain anything.

Cain's punishment is what puzzles me the most.

Qabil's fate is left unclear, but we can all make an educated guess and say it probably wasn't good. Though one thing is for certain; he's definitely not immortal and certainly dead by now (if you believe he existed like I do).

The thing about Cain's implied immortality that truly tickles my brain is how it so blatantly contradicts a fundamental fact in Islam- one that I guess doesn't exist in Christianity judging by this.

No living organism will ever live forever. Not plants, not animals, not humans- hell, not even the Jinn.

The only exception to this is Iblis/Shaytan (our equivalent of Lucifer- but also not really. It deserves its own essay as well), but even then he'll die before Yawm Al Qiyamah.

There is a bit of discussion to be had regarding the Mala'ika and also whether or not they even count in this but again- that's an entirely different rabbithole.

God making Cain unkillable basically gives me brainworms. I do not understand why they did that. Can any Christian please explain?

The crop part is understandable since he was a farmer (put a pin in that) and clearly he took pride in it considering his reaction to his offering not being accepted, but like-?? I'm genuinely confused I'm not trying to be mean I swear.

...

Okay so I think I lost the plot in the middle and forgot why I was writing this to begin with and started babbling about religion for no reason.This was supposed to be about my hazbin hotel AUs. What the fuck.

Also before anybody says anything: Yes, I am Muslim. Yes, I'm a Hellaverse fan in case my blog theme and icon haven't made that clear. No, I don't like nor support Vivziepop. No, I'm not sure if this blasphemy or not.

Now uh imma be real I don't think any of that fits into his essay at this point and I'm tired so I'll save it for later sorry for subjecting yall to my religious babbling without any proper payoff when it comes to fandom stuff <\3

(tagging @themightymoose @an-theduckin cos yall wanted to see this)

[libraryspectre]

Copperhead Road is such a wild gem of a song and packs SO MUCH storytelling over three generations into four and a half minutes. Like it starts by establishing the perspective character's grandfather's moonshining business, and makes sure you know grandaddy killed a revenue man in the first section. Then in the second section it launches into how the main character's father died in the same line of work, while simultaneously fleshing out some details of this family operation. And in the third section, it takes a wild pivot to the main character's time in Vietnam and his marijuana-growing operation.

I think the real testament to the storytelling is how it pulls the strings together in the last verse. Without being told, you understand exactly what's going on in with this guy and how it relates to his family history. Just. Look at this.

The last and hardest-hitting lyrics, everything builds to this. The DEA chopper bringing up PTSD flashbacks is such a good detail that hammers home how the US government has ground this guy up in the war machine, and are now persecuting him for what he turned to when he had no other options. And then it invites you to think of this as a parallel to his grandaddy and the revenue man and it's like. Yeah that's where it started. This has been going on for generations. Grandaddy probably didn't have a lot of options either.

And then it implies he's rigged Copperhead Road with Vietcong-style booby traps ("Charlie" being a slang term for the Vietcong) which is an absolutely buckwild thing to include, and has the delicious twist that the government has made him a more dangerous enemy than his grandfather and father by sending him to war.

And that's not even getting into the music. This thing starts with a synth that sounds like bagpipes - which may sound like a weird choice, but there's a lot of Scottish ancestry where this takes place in Appalachia. And it's really attention grabbing. This song played at every dance I went to in high school and the sound of that synth was the signal for everyone to rush to the dancefloor. Then the synth stops and everything else kicks in - the beat is really driving and you get the sense that something is building and building as the story is told, until it takes off at the end of the second section. Everything stops for this DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN and then the energy kicks up, but the synth doesn't return until he starts singing the third section. It's just barely present until the last line up above, and then it kicks back in with the same repeating part it started the song with, now layered on top of all the other instruments and the collective effect is an adrenaline rush. Then the other instruments fade out and you're left with that repeating synth again, closing the song out.

Idk what to say, I'm not good at talking about music and I don't really have the vocabulary to do it justice. It's just a really good song.

[str4wb3rrys1mp]

HII! How are are :D I see your a new writer, and I wanted to send a request to you and it hopefully won’t be to hard to do, so since you write for creepypasta….

May I request Homicidal Liu, Jeff The Killer, Brain/Hoodie and Jane The Killer with a Male!S/O who has a Cutthroat Personality from Akudama Drive?

I hope that’s fine with you ^^ thank you so much! Have a wonderful day :D

Omg yes ofc I havnt seen this one but I'll have to watch it!! But I cant write hoodie for shii srry :(( Also I'm good hry?

JANE THE KILLER

Jane admired your childlike wonder, but was a bit jealous of it at the same time.

One night she had broken into your house, initially thinking she'd be in and out like usual.

So imagine her surprise when cute little you not only held your ground but managed to flip her onto her back, making a loud thud on the ground.

Tbh baffled for like five seconds.

After a bit more back and fourth you both hear a knock at your room door, making you and Jane freeze.

Your roommate called your name and asked what the hell you were doing at 2:37 in the morning.

Jane, luckily gave you some time to answer him, before shooting you a grin and dashing to and out of your second story window.

A bit concerned for her, you hurried to your window, but Jane was nowhere to be seen. JEFF THE KILLER

Somehow your friends had convinced you to go into the creepy haunted woods behind your backyard.

When Jeff first say you mf prolly went feral.

Like,, drooling, the whole nine yards feral. 💀

But when your group actually saw him, he was stoic, the most you'd get was him staring at you from the back of the room.

And than you managed to throw hands with THE PROXIES?? managing to break one of BEN's console cords and strangled Masky for nearly five seconds??

Now he's just plane impressed, you don't look the type, in your pastel outfit with a white and pink sailor hat atop your head, but Jeff knows that looks can deceive.

Somehow mans managed to pull you into another room away from the chaos, and proceeds to ask you to "Show him your strength"

so naturally you think,, oKAY maybe he wants me to punch the wall?? idk man

BUT THEN this GROWN ASS man holds out his hand, beckoning for you to grab it, so you do and mf sticks his thumb up and challenges you to a thumb war

so after you kick Jeff's shit in and beat him, he agrees to show you out of the mansion.

He helps you load your bloody and bruised friends into the car that you took to get here, assuring you they weren't dead, they just needed immediate medical attention.

right before you got into your car, Jeff turns you around and asks a question.

"Can I get ya number prettyboy?" HOMICIDAL LIU

Liu had known you since 4th grade, so you didn't necessarily scare him.

most of the time

You've always been like this, but you were really cool! He swears! Just give it some time.

However what does freak Liu out, is when someone makes a comment or a joke that you don't like, because you go deadly silent.

If looks could kill man, these mfs would be long gone.

AND THEN you can just go back to laughing and looking so happy like you didn't just try to murder someone with a glare???

Also freaky, in his humble opinion.