#Like I'm all for living and let live so long as it doesn't harm irl people

[mako-island-moon-pool]

Thinking about the time r/ao3 got recommended to me on my homepage and it was a post asking 'what do you do when you're surprised by incest in a fic because it wasn't tagged' (paraphrased) and I commented basically 'I leave, since I was SA'ed by my sister incest really upsets me which makes finding platonic fics for [list of fandoms] a bit difficult' and a mod deleted it then DM'ed me that my comment was 'too heavy' for the subreddit (on a post ABOUT INCEST) meanwhile the rest of the comments were full of people gushing over how hot incest is...

[babiebom]

When You Fall (i)

A/N: My first full fic on this blog! Thank you to everyone who voted! I will try my hardest to write and upload quickly, though I am not going to promise anything seeing as I have a job interview this Friday that I'm writing this(already passed by the time this is uploaded) and if I get it I'll be working more often. Though again thank you for voting and I hope you enjoy! Also a bit of a warning, some things from the game are obviously changed to make sense irl, like instead of there just being seasons there are actual months!(pictures not mine.)

Next Masterlist

TW: death, self harm in the form of overworking, cursing, depression, negative thoughts, funerals. Etc just sad

Genres: angst, potential happy ending, romance, some fluff. Multichapter Fic

WC: 4k

You hear your name being called, the voice is quiet under the ringing of your ears.

"Y/N!"

You attempt to force your eyes to adjust on the person, head and neck snapping quickly to face towards them. "Huh"?

"I asked if you were going to be alright getting to the graveyard alone…?"

You nod, swallowing even though your mouth and throat were dry. The funeral home was almost empty now; only you, your aunt and uncle, and a few friends that knew both of your parents and/or grandfather. Standing up straighter, you try to fix your face subtly, trying to act as if you weren't out of it for the entire funeral. "Yeah…yeah, I'll be fine. I promise." You clear your throat and offer her a smile.

She hesitates, lips trembling before she slowly gives you a hug. "Your uncle and I are here for you".

"I know".

As the two leave, as well as the rest of the stragglers, it's only you left with the bodies of your parents and grandfather. A sour laugh leaves your lips, tears kissing the corners of your eyes as you drag your feet closer to their caskets. To keep from crying you clench your jaw and curl your lips inward, slowly becoming overwhelmed with the idea of never seeing any of these three people again. If you would've known this was going to happen, you would've visited more, called more. If you would've known…well it doesn't matter anymore because you didn't know, and now you can't do any of those things. 

Slowly and one by one you press a kiss to each of their foreheads, letting your own head rest on top of theirs for just a moment before moving on, hoping the warmth from you would cure the cold coming from them. You stayed there for so long the funeral director had to escort you out, reminding you that they needed to be buried. 

Slowly you got into your car, remembering that everyone was probably on their way or already waiting for you and the bodies to show up. They were all going to be buried in Pelican Town, the same place your father had grown up, the same place you spent your summers during your childhood. 

Entering Pelican Town, nothing had changed since your childhood, and that made everything worse. Things hadn't changed for the town, and yet it wasn't the same for you. Everything has changed for you. The only difference was a couple new headstones, the graveyard now housing your mother, father, and grandfather; though you had noticed the additions of some that weren't there when you had last been here. The mayor was standing next to the open graves, making your heart clench at the finality of it all; the second they were filled with dirt would mark the last time you ever got to see their faces. 

Instead of standing with the rest of the crowd, you stand off to the side, crying silently as you watch the mayor pray over their bodies before they get lowered into the ground. You have to fight yourself to keep from yelling out, knowing that making a scene, making this whole process longer would affect everyone around you. It’s the middle of winter after all, everyone probably wanted to hurry and get back to their regular lives. Swallowing harshley, you only step forward when it's time for all of the guests to throw some dirt on top of the caskets. 

“I love you,” you whisper into the air, clenching your eyes closed and tossing the dirt in. A soft thump is all you get in response, the dirt scattering over the caskets. Your mother and father are sharing a grave, and your grandfather was being buried with your grandmother, the two finally being reunited after a decade and some change of being apart. 

You move backwards again, allowing the others who had arrived to say their final goodbyes. Avoiding looking at what was happening, you focused on the scenery instead. Pelican Town had always been nice, and being covered by snow it was no different. Everything had sort of a Christmas-y vibe to it, but that only made you feel worse. Letting your eyes continue to roam, you spot some of the towns-people walking around, obviously trying to get a glimpse of what was happening. They were walking far too slow to actually be trying to get somewhere, or maybe the calmness of a small town allowed them to take it easy even when they had errands to run. Your eyes connect with a woman with orange hair, her eyes growing wide the second yours stopped on her. She hurried away as soon as she realized she had been caught watching, moving from the large tree that she was under to presumably hide somewhere else. You scoff and turn your head to watch someone else, not really offended but somewhat annoyed that the public can watch as your normal life is ripped away from you. Bitterly, you wondered when the last time this town had held a funeral, or had even had someone die. 

Everything looked peaceful, your presence disrupting the environment and if that woman with the orange hair was anything to go by, this funeral was something that shook the small town that probably knew your grandfather better than you did. You wonder why none of them showed up to the funeral or to this burial. Your thoughts are disrupted by everyone bustling around you, hands on your shoulders words spoken to you, you figure out that the burial is finished by the people moving around you back towards the way you came.

The second you fully realize that the burial had ended, you race out towards your car, not wanting to stop and talk to anyone, not wanting to cry on someone’s shoulders. You decide then that the best course of action would be to throw yourself into your work. So, without another glance back, you drive away from Pelican Town, hoping you would never have to return to the place again.

Scrunching up your nose and frowning, you slam the drawer to your desk harder than you need to, ignoring the sound of the contents inside spilling and moving around. The sound of typing overwhelms your senses, and unlike the persona you’ve put on for the past couple of months, you get up and stalk towards the bathrooms. As you pass the other cubicles, the oncoming anxiety attack immediately takes over your being. 

You push open the bathroom door, wheezing and trying to suck in as much breath as you can. Yet it still feels like you’re drowning, as if every breath you suck in is instead water, and it’s impossible for you to come up to the surface. You fall onto the sink, leaning over it and heaving. Your legs threatened to give out, not wanting to hold you up any longer. Giving in, you allow yourself to sink to the dirty bathroom floor, dragging yourself in between the sinks and the wall, the gross overhead light giving you a headache. 

Your body shakes, still struggling to breathe. As you close your eyes, flashes of the funeral and the last time you saw each of them alive consume you. The second your ears start to ring, you realize that you’re already too far gone, and any of your attempts to self soothe were now made in vain because you couldn’t calm down. You needed help, but at the same time that was the last thing that you wanted. You can feel yourself shake, violently, and your head falls back and forth as you shake, and in the madness you realize that someone was shaking you, it wasn’t you yourself. “Please!” you heard someone plead, yet they sounded too far away from you. 

You open your mouth to reply, but nothing comes out of it, you want them to go away, and to leave you spiraling here on the ground, and in the back of your cloudy mind you hope that you still get paid for having this breakdown during work hours. Joja Co. wouldn’t take away your wages for this, right? You’re shaken again, this time rougher and your eyes begin to focus on someone kneeling in front of you. The ugliness that was Joja blue assaulting your eyes. You groan, and as you feel yourself begin to surface, realize that you had been screaming. Your throat now raw and hoarse as you begin to calm. 

The woman in front of you is someone you recognize, though you couldn’t recall her name. You only knew her as your supervisor that you rarely actually saw in the office, and behind her were two coworkers looking absolutely frightened and worried for you. Swallowing, you shake your head and haul yourself off of the ground, muttering a ‘sorry’ and pushing your way out of the bathroom. It was painful, the walk back to your cubicle, everyone was simultaneously watching you, but still not really looking at you. As if they wanted to pretend that your breakdown didn’t happen, and you are all too aware of how insane you probably looked, coming out of the bathroom with puffy red eyes, and messed up hair. 

It wasn’t uncommon for someone to have a breakdown at work, the expectations of your superiors and the company itself were always too much for some people to handle, yet you realized that you probably looked different than them, having run all the way to the bathroom, and not out the doors to the elevators. After a breakdown, the person always quits, yet here you are, sitting silently in your cubicle, brushing your hair out of your face as if everything was normal. 

Again you open the drawer and look at the letter that had arrived on your desk weeks ago.

Dear, Y/N

If you’re reading this, you must be in dire need of a change.

The same thing happened to me, long ago.

I’d lost sight of what mattered most in life…real connections with other people and nature. So I dropped everything and moved to the place I truly belong.

I’ve enclosed the deed to that place…my pride and joy: New Hope Farm. It’s located in Stardew Valley, on the southern coast. It’s the perfect place to start your new life.

This was my most precious gift of all, and now it’s yours. I know you’ll honor the family name, my grandchild.

Good luck.

Love, Grandpa.

P.S. If Lewis is still alive, say hi to the old guy for me, will ya?

Taking in a breath, you laugh quietly to yourself. Your face still wet from your tears. It was ridiculous, hilarious even, that the very place you wanted to return to ends up the very place you flee in order to get back to yourself. 

You can hear clacks of shoes nearing you, coming from the direction of the same bathroom you just fled from. The woman stops in front of the opening to your cubicle. Staring down at you in your seat with aggravated eyes. The lack of concern annoys you to your very core, and with the least amount of emotion you can muster, you stare back up at her, the letter wrinkled in your hand.

"Yes?"

"That little breakdown you had there was very disruptive," she shifts her weight, "now you're one of your best workers, so we'll give you another chance, but next time something this unprofessional happens we'll have to let you go."

"Right," you swallow harshly, "about that, I need to take time off."

"Time off? Why do you need to take time off?" She asks loudly. You can see the people across from you look over with wide eyes. Vacations were never accepted, and were more likely to be taken as an insult. 

"Well, half of my family has just died...and I don't think I have a good enough mental state to-"

"We gave you time off already, we let you go to the funeral and have an extended weekend. How much more time do you need?" 

You scoff in disbelief, the woman staring at you with all seriousness of a person who has just been told the worst joke in the world. Did she not just witness the breakdown you just had? You sit back roughly in your chair, running a hand through your hair. Your patience started to run thin with the woman, and so in a huff you slam down the letter rather roughly before looking back up at her.

"Can I take a vacation or not?"

She gasps before angling her body back, now glaring daggers at you. "I am the boss, you do what I say. You've already taken time off, so you don't need any more. I'm really very disappointed in you-"

"But-"

"-and I don't think you realize just how lucky you are to be working for Joja Corporation. There's no other job as liberating and rewarding than working for and growing the Joja family."

You make a noise of indignation, completely taken aback with how she had decided to handle this situation, especially after seeing you in the worst state you've ever been in. "You know what?" You slam your hand on your desk, letting out a huff of air through your nose, now staring at the place your hand had settled. "I quit!"

You turn to watch her face as your words sink in. She splutters and takes in breaths as she struggles to come up with something to say as a retort. Laughing loudly in her face, you stand and push past her, going straight towards the supply closet, where you know there are extra boxes. Picking up the smallest that could fit all of your things, you completely ignore your now ex-supervisors desperate pleas. "You have to put in a 2 week notice!"

"Nah, no I don't." You shake your head, now filling the box with all of your things. You'd rather die than leave any of your cute cubicle things behind for them to throw away. Smirking, you carefully place the last plant you had on top of the other knick knacks you had, looking over to the angry woman with the best shit eating grin you could muster.

"I would say it was a pleasure to work with you, but that would be a lie."

The time taken to get back to Pelican Town was doubled due to you selling your car and opting to take the bus instead, and in that time you started to rethink your plan of starting anew without any backup plan. Everyone else that was riding with you had gotten off long ago, and you were left with those who were just along for the ride, having nothing else to do but stay until they were kicked off. 

You were grateful for the emptiness though, no one spoke a word on the way there; they simply allowed you to exist among them, thinking your thoughts without interruption. 

You grunt in pain as you're launched out of your seat, suitcases toppling over loudly. Embarrassed, you scramble to get up, hoping no one was secretly laughing at you because it would honestly cause another breakdown. The bus driver shouted out your arrival, staring at you specifically through the rear view mirror. Sniffing, you grab your suitcases and hurry off of the bus, squinting from the change of lighting.

"Hello! You must be Y/N" an orange haired woman standing waiting at the bus stop, friendly looking and sweaty. "I'm Robin, the local carpenter. Mayor Lewis sent me here to fetch you and show you the way to your new home. He's there now, tidying things up for your arrival."

You stare at her before taking her hand in a firm shake. She's pretty, and young looking but from the look at her hands she had to be older than you think. Her grip takes you off guard only slightly, rough calluses coming in contact with your own soft skin. You nod and grab your things again, wanting to get out from under the sun. There was a cool breeze cooling your skin, but just having been on a musty bus for the past couple of hours made you feel grosser than you normally would've. 

 "The farm's right over here, if you'll follow me" 

You want to tell her that you already know the way, that you've been here multiple times in your childhood, but you stay quiet not wanting to bring up memories that will just hurt you. You think staying silent is an even better idea when she takes two of your suitcases and heads down the road. 

Walking in silence is awkward for the first minute, and so you begin a conversation that you already regret happening the moment the first syllable leaves your mouth. "So," you swallow thickly, "how long have you been waiting out here?" 

She shakes her head and scrunches her nose. "Not long, maybe 15 minutes? First day of Spring is always brutal with the weather change."

You nod and keep walking, wanting to ask her more questions, yet you know that it would only serve to make everything more awkward. "Do you want something to drink? I have like a spare Gatorade if you're thirsty."

She makes a noise of acceptance and takes the drink from you, gulping it down quickly. The walk takes about 5 more minutes before you make it to a broken down fence.

"This is New Hope Farm."

You gasp loudly, a choked noise forcing its way out of your throat at the look of it. Grass overgrown, trees everywhere, boulders. It looked as if the place had been abandoned for years, and maybe it has been. Your grandfather must've been too old to continue the last couple of years, having been bedridden the months before his passing.  The air smells fresh, though, fresher than you've ever smelled it before, at least since you've grown up. A sense of calm settles over your being, just over the hurt and anxiety. At least you're okay for now. 

"What's the matter? Sure it's a bit overgrown, but there's some good soil underneath that mess! With a little dedication you'll have it cleaned up in no time." 

You smile at her as you open the gate for you both, entering the messy fields. It's another minute and a half before you actually make it to the farmhouse, "and here we are, your new home". 

You raise your eyebrows at the look of your grandfather's old cottage, it being slightly run down since you had seen it last. Your heart clenched at the sight, realizing that everything did in fact get old without you, or maybe alongside you. Taking in a deep breath, you jump as the door to the house opens loudly. A man, shortish and white haired leaves out of it. He looks slightly familiar, but obviously older. 

"Ah, the new farmer! Welcome I'm Lewis, Mayor of Pelican Town." You wait for him to descend the steps, stopping in front of you. You faintly remember him, with less whites in his head and a smaller mustache. His old hat on top of his head is the same from when you were little. You shake his hand, reminding him that you had met him before. 

"Ah, my apologies!"

You shake your head with a small smile, slowly getting tired of pleasantries. "It's fine I was like…maybe 9 the last time I saw you."

The conversation staggers a bit before Lewis sucks in a breath.

"You know, everyone's been asking about you. It's not every day that someone new moves in. It's quite a big deal!" He looks around, a flicker of sadness in his eyes causing you to wonder how close he and your grandfather were. 

"So...you're moving into your grandfather's old cottage. It's a good house…very 'rustic'." You raise an eyebrow at his words, it was obvious that the house had seen better days.

"Rustic? That's one way to put it. 'Crusty' might be a little more apt though." Robin remarks, looking around.

"Rude!" Lewis gasps, whirling around to stare at Robin in shock. You guess it's the fastest he's moved in a while because his hands grasp at his knees for a split second.

The woman lets out a laugh, slapping a hand over her lips in amusement. You let out a snort, silently agreeing with her.

"Don't listen to her, Y/N. She's just trying to make you dissatisfied so that you buy one of her house upgrades." Lewis says, sending the woman a glare. Robin, in turn, gasps in shock, her eyes darting between you two before frowning and huffing. Maybe she was trying to get you to buy an upgrade. 

"Anyway…you must be tired from the long journey. You should get some rest. Tomorrow you ought to explore the town a bit and introduce yourself. The townspeople would appreciate that." You nodded to him, but refused in your mind, not wanting to go parading around town introducing yourself to the villagers like some happy-go-lucky extroverted tv character. Lewis begins to leave, but stops a couple feet, maybe even a yard away. He has to yell in order to speak to you, and you sort of understand when you would rather not have to walk all the way back just to leave again. 

"Oh I almost forgot. If you have anything to sell just place it in this box here. I'll come by during the night to collect it. Well…good luck!" His voice is strained, when he shouts. You smile and wave, saying a goodbye to Robin as she walks after him. Turning to the cottage, you feel a sense of overwhelming sadness, your chest growing tight. You know that grieving is a process, and that healing isn’t a linear path, but a thought pops into your mind that this was a bad idea. How are you meant to process, heal, and move on when you’re surrounded by things that make you want to tear your hair out? Sighing, you head inside, setting your things down and snatching an axe off of the wall. 

You think to yourself that the healing can come later, preferably after you demolish the trees taking over the land, at least you’ll be able to see far enough to farm. Stepping back out into the sun, you get to work swinging the axe over your head as well as you can. The thump of the axe embedding itself into the tree sends vibrations up into your bones, yet the pain and unfamiliarity of the feeling makes you feel lighter than you had in weeks. Maybe you just had anger issues. But, chasing that feeling you swing again, and again, and again until both the tree and it’s stump has been reduced to logs that you could pick up. 

You leave the logs on the ground and move on to the next tree, and then the next, and you keep going until you can feel the sweat drip down your back, pooling around the edge of your jeans and your hips. Your breaths come in short, you huffing as you try to bring the axe overhead once more. Your chest is tight, and your head feels as if it’s not screwed all the way on. ‘One more time.’ You think to yourself, bringing the axe upwards. You can tell that the tree was close to being fully chopped down, and so with the last of your energy, you force yourself to at least complete it. Telling yourself that it was more about clearing everything quickly, you knew deep down that you just wanted to feel something other than sorrow. Your arms shake as the tool almost slips out of your grasp above your head. Arms burning, you force them forwards as you swing down, you hear the thump of the axe in the wood, and you fall over ears ringing, your vision fading to black.

[drop-dead-dropout]

Fuck's a pro shipper?

We've got a new one boys try not to scare em off /j

Okay but seriously, I'm more than happy to explain. I assume that if you're asking this question you're not aware of the proshipper vs antishipper, uh, "conflict", I guess. So, here is what both of those terms mean, to the best of my descriptive abilities:

Antishipper (often just "anti"): someone who vaguely believes that consuming problematic fiction (usually specifically problematic sexual fiction like lolicon or incest) is either a true reflection of them as a person or a corrupting force that will cause them to play out these desires in real life, onto real people. Basically, if you read age gap, you touch real kids in real life or secretly want to.

Proshipper (sometimes "profic"): someone who does not believe the above, and believes that fiction is not the same as reality because it doesn't harm anyone and therefore people should be left alone as long as you have no reason to believe that they would ever do something like that irl. Often hand in hand with things like anti censorship, kink positive, etc, though being a proshipper does not necessarily mean you have a problematic ship or kink yourself (example: me).

You're probably asking this question because you saw me day in my bio that I am a proshipper. I've tried to stay neutral in this initial description, but obviously I probably didn't manage to be completely unbiased considering that I believe myself to be right (most people do) so if you want to ask further questions after this that's perfectly fine. That being said:

Why am I a proshipper?

So, to understand this, let's first look over the issues within both communities— every group has issues, after all.

What problems do proshippers have?:

- sometimes 4chan assholes co-opt the label "proshipper" just because they're lolicons, even though there's good evidence to suggest that they would do or even have done criminal sexual acts in real life, or that they possess actual csam (child sexual abuse material, a term being used in favor of "cp" these days as porn implies consent). Proshipping has nothing to do with the harmful idea that you should be allowed to exploit and abuse real children.

- there are still many gray areas which proshippers themselves don't agree on. For example: I've seen a bunch of arguments about if writing fanfiction of live action shows or movies changes the equation. The general consensus of proshippers is that writing fanfiction of a character played by a child actor is definitely a more delicate situation and should not be sexual as it's inextricably tied to the image of a real child, but there are others who believe differently.

- I'm genuinely struggling to come up with more of these. Um, sometimes lolicons are really shitty people, like in point 1. This isn't SUPER relevant though cause in reality the overlap between predominantly queer or female proshippers and Reddit incels who just wanna jerk off to a petite anime girl is pretty small, though I'm sure it exists somewhere .

Now, what problems do antis have? (Fair warning, this is gonna sound even more "biased" but I hope my logic is still sound from the outside :p):

- I don't have any statistics on this (haven't exactly been many research papers on fandom drama), so you're going to have to trust me when I say that antis are absolutely NOTORIOUS for extreme harassment campaigns. The first time I was exposed to the word "antishipper", it was attached to a story of a former animator committing suicide because antis had gotten them fired by "exposing" their porn alt on Twitter and they could no longer afford medication for their disability. So, hell of an intro!

- their opinions are, in pretty basic ways, not backed by science or even practical common sense. The human brain can distinguish between fiction and reality after around age four or five

and people certainly aren't trying to hand nsfw content to children that age so I think it's safe to say that the people who are reading these things won't be "confused" by them or whatever. Also, even just using your brain and talking to these people, you find out most of them project onto the YOUNGER character.

- they claim to support victims but often simply don't. I won't keep dragging threats into the spotlight because I know there are probably antis who aren't as violent, but it's honestly astonishing to me how often they jump straight to wishing death and terrible things on people, and this has included more than once telling a rape victim they hope they get assaulted again just because they're a proshipper. See, a lot of these "taboo" sexual fantasies like age gap and incest actually themselves stem from a traumatic experience, and any therapist will tell you that fiction is a much healthier way to explore intrusive thoughts and urges than more dangerous coping mechanisms like self harm or substance abuse. And when confronted with this, in my experience and many others', antis will simply ignore that fact or say that the therapist is some sort of evil enabler.

-the general cognitive dissonance of believing an incest fanfiction will make you "forget" that incest is bad vs being fine with horror movies and slashers speaks to a deeper and honestly kind of worrying anti-sex mindset. I'm not sure I'm qualified to tackle this particular topic, but I definitely agree that it's a thing; after all, I have no idea how else those two things could coexist.

Anyways, I'd like to close this off by saying not everyone is as crazy opinionated as I am, I'm just autistic and like talking lol. A lot of people who id as proshippers just have a sort of minding their own business, ship-and-let-ship mentality, and a lot of antis are unfortunately just teenagers who were told proshipper = evil pedophile groomer and thus they put "proship dni" in their bios just cause they don't know and don't really care what it means. It is undeniable that many antis are kids themselves, and that does worry me, because fandom drama (especially Twitter fandom drama) is dangerous and vitriolic and also they're putting extremely serious threats on their digital footprints at the tender age of 14! But whatever, I'm not their parents, that's just my worry. Sorry for rambling this long lol, I wouldn't blame you if you dropped out halfway through but this is basically my summary of this whole thing. Do with this knowledge what you will! Or, you know, don't! I'm not a cop!

[slugtranslation-hypmic]

Hi Slug!! I'm curious about some of the religious imagery in hypmic! Kuko is obvious and I think Doppo has talked about not believing in gods before but what's up with Jakurai? Is he meant to actually be Christian or is it just an aesthetic thing?

This ended up being so long Tumblr wouldn't let me put it all in one post. Hoo boy. Under a cut for length.

Usual disclaimer that I don't live in Japan, so I'm not talking about IRL Japan so much as Japanese media. Media isn't perfectly synonymous with real life and, of course, it's foolish to draw conclusions from the general (media and culture) and apply them to the specific (individual persons). With that being said, media is indicative of real life values and cultural concerns--for example, the American high school experience is a lot less interesting than in movies, but these movies reflect a romanticization of teenagehood so widespread in the US and areas with heavy US cultural influence that filmmakers take it for granted in their audiences--so I can talk about what assumptions inform the portrayal of religion in Hypmic.

As in a lot of Japanese media, religion is present but not explicitly mentioned outside of Kuukou. It's what I would call culturally religious as opposed to actively religious. Similar to how many works in the Anglosphere are steeped with Christian ideas and phrases even if the authors/works themselves aren't Christian (the Christian concept of sin, using "God" or variations as an interjection, etc.), many works written in Japanese are influenced by Shinto and Buddhist ideas. Some people in Japan are active worshipers of Shinto, Buddhism, or both, but many more have a somewhat relaxed approach. It's not uncommon for people to have a belief in a higher power, but the nature of this higher power isn't terribly well-defined. Many people will attend religious ceremonies for holidays or funerals but rarely pray to a higher power outside of moments of great stress. That is, being culturally religious. Traditions are fun and comforting, especially if they involve dressing up in fancy clothes, eating yummy food, and seeing friends and family. Even if you're not especially devout, it doesn't hurt to pray for a bit of luck before a big test, that your child will grow up healthy and strong, or that your recently departed ancestor will be at peace. For those in predominately Christian areas, you probably see plenty of this in your community--people who maybe go to church occasionally for companionship or holiday celebrations but aren't active worshipers. Or, perhaps, people who pray like, "Hey, if anyone's listening, can you lend me a hand?" Maybe you're even one of these people yourself. We can generally assume that most of the cast falls into this camp. Doppo and Hifumi go to a festival with a religious element--charms and rituals to bring good luck by appealing to Shinto deities--but I doubt either of them have a firm belief that these particular deities exist. They may think that there's some higher power...or not. But what's the harm in a good luck charm, right? And more importantly, it's fun to play games, eat, drink, and horse around with friends! But wait, does that mean these two are only Shinto or...Shinto-ish? Probably not. There's an expression that most Japanese people are "born Shinto, but die Buddhist." Shinto rituals tend to focus on matters of the living (although Shintoism has its own distinct funerary rites, sometimes combined with Buddhist rites), while non-devout Buddhists usually participate in Buddhist ceremonies only when loved ones die. We see Juushi and Hitoya with loved ones buried in Buddhist cemeteries, but it's safe to assume both observe Shinto holidays and customs in some fashion. We also see in the very beginning of TDD that Nemu and Samatoki have what appears to be a butsudan--a Buddhist altar--in their home dedicated to their deceased parents. "But wait," some might say, "I thought spirit worship isn't a part of Buddhism." That's true for some forms of Buddhism, but not all! Buddhism is enormously varied, and some of the (many, many!) forms of Buddhism practiced in Japan accept aspects of Shintoism. There's plenty of mixing, just as we see within individuals themselves. Again, the Hypmic characters may not fully believe that spirits exist. (Well, outside of Ramuda...) But it's a comforting thought that one's deceased family members are around in some form and can be a positive influence on one's life.

[siblingskissing]

No shade but genuinely what leads a person to do the things you do how do you justify it in your mind

Okay so I think I'm gonna make an FAQ page on here so that people who are curious can find answers to these questions. I have answered this before but I wanna update that response a bit. Now this explanation will have some mentions of my own personal real life trauma so if you can not stomach that please don't harm your own mentality by reading it. I will put a short expo in the replies.

Trigger Warnings for: real life trauma/abuse of a minor

Okay, so first off I wanna address the "what leads a person to do what you do" part. Namely, the "do what you do".

Now, I write fictional content about fictional characters. Yes that content revolves mostly around taboo subjects such as extreme age gaps, incest, and other such topics, and yes, it typically is for my own entertainment. However, I think we need to address exactly what I'm doing.

I'm playing pretend.

As every proshippers has said in response to these questions: I'm simply playing make believe in my head about fake people. That's all characters, books, movie and any and all fictional stories are. Pretend. Luke Skywalker is not real, Bluey is not real, not even the kids on Stranger Things are real. It's all pretend.

My pretend just happens to be different

Now, the why

My reason is not much different from other people's reasonings- a lot of my interest comes from trauma I experienced growing up. I'm not gonna go into full detail- I don't care to share but really unless asked I'm not gonna devulge all my woes to strangers online.

Due to my trauma I've always had a hard time accepting it- I was young when it was occuring and because of this I struggled with accepting it. I put myself into a pit of a lot of bad emotions and became a very upsetting individual.

I threw myself into reading and writing and when I discovered fandoms I read there too, and when I discovered Dead Dove? I was shocked.

I was an anti for so long, I hated that people were using something I went through to tell a story and for so long I was actively against those types of stories.

Then, I talked to a therapist.

When I described that feeling, she asked why I was offended, and when I told her, she asked why I assumed these people were writing about my trauma.

"Well, I went through that, and they're just using it for their own entertainment!"

"Okay, but you're not the only person who has ever experienced this event. It's not about you, it's about them"

And suddenly that was the day I realized that- just because I went though something bad, didn't mean I was the only person who ever had. I can't judge those who use their own coping techniques that- let's be honest, don't hurt anybody. Sure, I may not like certain content, but that's my responsibility to ignore, not someone else's responsibility to cater.

I always try to put tags so people can avoid my content if they don't like it. I use ship tags, I put on every post that I'm a proshippers and I try to make it so that Antis and people who don't like my content never have to interact with it. That doesn't prevent people from searching for it and coming after me, which you know, actually does harm people.

But I'd like to add- just because my content began with trauma, doesn't mean you need trauma to enjoy this sort of content.

Proshippers have said it a million times: "Lots of shippers have trauma and use dark content to cope!" But we ignore that, just because you enjoy dark content doesn't mean you're morally aligned with it. I love horror films, love slasher movies and revenge tales. You don't see me killing people, and you don't see me performing these acts irl. Why? Because it's all a fantasy game

I write about topics that I've both lived through and only ever thought about without experience. And despite what people think- I don't get off to it. The incest and noncon aspects to content are not what intrigue me, it's the emotional pulls. The angst, the heartbreak and dynamic plays.

Sorry if this is rambly- I hope that answers your question of why I believe my content is alright. If you have any further questions please ask!

[ilikethecolorredsstuff]

My game is taking too long to start so I've been looking at this picture for a while now and I have to rant abt it now

So the statue is OBV abt the justice lady

Blind and holding a knife because justice doesn't let wealth and power affect her judgment

So she is blind towards them. She holds that justice thing to simbolise all being equal to the law, But things that we can find here and not the irl one Is that she looks like the FL so we can assume that the FL represents justice in the story and it would make sence with her character Aka the blindfold

And since the snake is the only living thing with her we can safely say it represents the environment she is in more specifically the law feild that is trying to unblind her towards power and wealth, But the cracks of the statue are not at all because of the snake so we can say that her environment is but a mild inconvenience to her that goes unnoticed infront of the actual thing that is causing harm to the unfazed justice.

What's causing harm is herself because it looks like the statue is fading from the inside and so what could this mean???

Her sence of justice is dazed by something that comes from the inside.... Her empathy.

Now the reason why I'm saying her empathy is gazing her idea of justice is because of the cracks placements.

There's one at the top of her arm that holds the sword, But she is clearly still holding onto it, So what it means is that she will grip the power and wealth when needed to serve justice or in this case the new sense of justice

However the balance thingy is held by only the hand but the arm is long gone, And it could mean that the idea of it is still there but not like it used to so we are letting go of what doesn't serve us in the law. (Because the balance thingy is the law)

There's also cracks in her blindfolds, But only at the ends of it, Meaning that it will be gone soon and that justice won't be an unchangeable thing.... AKA no binary type of morality and justice.

We can also see some faint cracks in the cloth she is wearing, And all I can think of abt that is that this new transformation will leave justice (or the FL) naked and vulnerable.

End of rant

Still waiting for the game to start

[anomymoussoapbar]

hey, I saw one of your posts and your account and said you wanted to learn more about proship, right? (Sorry I can be a lil overthinker at times) I can explain my own causes if that can help you learn another perspective. THIS IS GONNA BE LONG SO PLEASE BE PATIENT.

First off, I am mostly a darkshipper! darkshippers ship the illegal stuff, like incest and you know all that. I am myself a darkshipper mostly. I ship things like "stalker x victim", "yand3re", "obsessive dynamics" and all that stuff similar. I DONT ship the illegal incest/ age gaps but Instead I prefer to go with the illegal toxic dynamics!

Now as to WHY I am a darkshipper and why I use this KIND OF FICTION to 'cope' comes from a past experience of mine. Not gonna go into detail, but I used to be very obsessive and have unhealthy attachments! They weren't good at all! I even had harmful intrusive thoughts because I would get jealous and live In a constant fantasy of "yandere wannabe" (Lol- I was 11 at that time ok💀) Which almost led me to end up harming others irl! (Hopefully I never did) and Now, I am out of that phase, I went to therapy for a while but then my mom got me outta there for idk why, which is why after i finished therapy, I wanted to manage my same intruisve thoughts and urges as much as i could! which is what led me to discover proshipping! (Or darkshipping specifically)

I project myself onto my dynamics and characters, so i can relieve myself when im feeling stressed or have a strong urge to go back to that horrible phase of my life and not care about anything else (to be short, i am impulsive. Also, ive also tried things like writing and drawing but they dont help as much)

Shipping these kind of fucked up dynamics GENIUNELY GENIUNELY helped me figure out the severity of it and gave me more control and the common sense to not do those things irl. Since I am now taking out the intrusive and impulsiveness outta me in fiction and not real life, I am not harming anyone! Nor do I truly wish to. My preteen years were f'ed up but I am better now and darkshipping has helped me through that. I don't condone abuse nor toxicity irl, and I NEVER WILL, since I am now aware of how grave the situations are if you take it out of fiction and put it in a real life setting.

The main reason for darkshipping is to relieve myself in fiction without worry I am harming others (because it's fiction) whlist knowing the severity of the ships if they were in in real life. As a proshipper (someone who's anti-harassment and supports problematic media, pairings, or are laid-back about it), most of us go by this saying: "ship and let ship". Also, we KNOW fiction AFFECTS reality, it can and it will, but not on a 1:1 scale (meaning it only affects reality when the shipper doesn't have the common sense to differentiate the two or if it's a kid, who's brain hasn't developed yet)

I WILL always keep my ships in fiction, and I am no longer feeling as impulsive as I did all those years ago, because darkshipping for some reason helped me figure out a way, which was projecting onto characters as well as exploring dark dynamics for fun!

Each Proshippers/darkshippers/comshipper's stories are a reason for who they are now. We don't go around and go committing those things we ship irl because it's very wrong to do so. As someone who almost attempted horrible things irl at such young age like 11, I myself now have the common sense and the control within myself now that I'm a little more grown up. Now i am older, I know have the care and healthy attachment to keep friendships and hang out with others, be more self-controlling and of course, more understanding of myself and others.

PLEASE PLEASE take care of yourself, if anything bothers you distance yourself from it, drink plenty of water and go for a walk or do your fav hobby, anything when you're feeling a little down ❤️ I'm GLAD I could talk to someone about this! So sorry if it was very long but I hoped this helped with your perspective. You're loved and you're very amazing, I love your account, and I'm willing to share more some other time. Bye👋

Hello :*)

Thank you so much for sharing your reasoning. I love how you found yourself a healthy way to vent out feelings and express them in ways that you can realize how realistically would be harmful. Interesting how darkshipping is actually quite common now that you defined it.

Killers/stalkers/kidnappers x victims are a common trope people love and the complexity of it is something I see everywhere. Even self proclaimed antis use these tropes as well. I never really thought about it until now LOL.

Also, thank you so much for the ask, you are very kind. I am sorry I took so long to get to you 🌸💕 and for the other askers as well. I will get to you all soon. I love you all and the support I have received in this blog.

Explanation for inactivity under cut

I have begun my studies again, and have focused SO much on them I have been neglecting my tumblr. Specifically this one. Trust me when I say this is NOT bait. I promise.

-Soapy

[jokers-ghoul]

RT ⁘ Love for Love's Sake

POV you're unfortunate enough to watch this series with me.

Episode One Myungha is a thirty-year-old man going back into a high school era to make this track star happy - plot line similar to 17 again? Wait, death? What is the love supremacy zone? It is somewhat explained when Myungha looks it up on his phone, but how must Myungha grow Yeowoon's affection? Homie only was upgraded to a -7 from a -20.

Like Myungha, I'm curious about if the penalty of death means in the game or in real life? LOOKING AT YOU GAME SYSTEM THAT CAN KILL YOU IRL IF YOU DIE IN THE GAME 🤡

Episode Two Why is Myungha known as the Mad Dog of the area, but often mentions he doesn't hurt kids. I know he still believes himself to be a 30y/o man, but he's clearly in high school at the moment. Also, does the game adapt to each character? Myungha was so surprised to see his grandma and not surprised by the reputation he has. He also promises to protect his desk mate if anyone tries to bully him, so obviously his reputation isn't wrong.

Why is Yeowoon clinging to Myungha and worried about Myungha avoiding him if he views him as a nuisance? Oh, he really showed up for Kyunghoon too. How are the debuffs decided? One time it was the strange light, something small falling from the tree, and then the tteokbokki? Myungha finally got out of the negative affection level, lol.

Episode Three Yeowoon not letting Myungha go with Sangwon - then Sangwon asking if they're dating, lol. Then Yeowoon getting flustered when Myungha decides to stay the night. Myungha and Yeowoon have a lot of similarities in their lives. Sangwon really won't leave Myungha alone. Sangwon is even accepting Myungha beating him up as long as he notices him, lol. Oh no, is Yeowoon upset because Sangwon was sitting next to Myungha?

I'M SORRY WHAT?! Why did Yeowoon just sniff Myungha and accuse him of smelling like a girl? Sir! siR! That is not how friends act! Oh no, Yeowoon thinks Myungha is dating Si-a because of the call Myungha answered. But why is he even upset about that? Yeowoon keeps Myungha at arm's length 🤔Now Yeowoon is avoiding Myungha again. Oof back to -10. -60! That's so mean. He does a million things to try and get Yeowoon to like him and messes up a couple times and loses all the progress he had made.

Not Myungha taking Sangwon's side when Yeowoon goes to fight him. I'm sure it's because if he pulls Sangwon out first he's less likely to try and continue fighting Yeowoon. However, that's harming Yeowoon, especially when Myungha tells Yeowoon not to go near him.

Episode Four Turns out it was Myungha reacting to a debuff in Yeowoon's arm. Why did he fall down the stairs? Because of the ominous debuff he took from Yeowoon? Sangwon finally feels bad about calling Yeowoon a beggar because his hyung gave the shoes to Yeowoon. OMG the speed at which Yeowoon's affection for Myungha is going up - he really said you want to see some real speed? HE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO WEAR NEW SHOES AT A COMPETITION! Sir, bffr right now.

I love how Yeowoon isn't hesitating to eat now when he used to. And his affection for Myungha keeps growing rapidly. Myungha hasn't told Yeowoon he fell down the stairs yet. Pleaseeee Yeowoon only wants to go there to see how you interact with Si-a. 📢 YEOWOON WANTS TO KISS MYUNGHA TOO!! Not Sangwon settling scores of Myungha without him asking though. The way Yeowoon literally lights up when Myungha promises to go with him to the amusement park!

Why is Myungha dreaming about Yeowoon wanting to kiss him after Yeowoon thought about kissing him? LOL Yeowoon is so babygirl coded, please.

P.S. The real question is: if this is how Yeowoon treats Myungha at 8pts affection, how will Myungha handle Yeowoon at 100pts?

Also, the "Love Supremacy Zone" makes me think of Love Alarm. Not sure why.

[maochira]

As mentioned in my last post, for Barou's birthday (even tough it's still the 26th where I live) here's just me talking about how much and why I love Barou

Warning: I get a little bit corny and a bit personal

I think the first thing to start is obviously my big brother complex. And funfact, Barou was the character that made me realize I have one in the first place. I knew I had a father complex, but it took Barou to make me realize I have a big brother complex as well. I don't remember if I realized that after or before finding out he has two younger sisters but yeah.

I see Barou as a big brother figure to myself, I absolutely love writing big brother!Barou stuff and I don't think I'll ever get tired of it.

I don't know what made me start liking him so much, but I quickly fell into having Barou as one of my favourite characters and while my taste in my favs has always changed, Barou is the only one who has stayed this high for this long (Ego would be right behind that, I think.)

I don't relate to much of Barou's personality. We're very very different as the type of person we are. But one thing that is just incredibly comforting to me are his urges to perfection and the compulsions that com along. I used to struggle with compulsions A LOT and one of them was having to open the window to let air in. I had a ritual in which I repeated 2 or 3 things (sometimes over and over) and one of those things was opening the window. That one scene where Baroutells Isagi and Nagi to let air into the room? Just a little scene, a little moment, but to me it holds a lot of comfort. I haven't struggled with any compulsions in a while, and I think Barou might have subconsciously helped me to deal with that because of the comfort this part of him gives me.

I know those things don't necessarily have to be interpreted as Barou having compulsions, but I interpret them that way.

Also, his perfectionism. I'm not a perfectionist anymore, but I use to be one to a point where I was upset with myself for "not perfect" grades. Probably a thing Barou helped/helps me with as well but not like as a conscious thing.

Barou is just my go-to comfort character for basically everything. I remember about 2 months ago, it was the day my ex and I would have had our 3 year anniversary if we hadn't broken up last summer. And I don't miss them anymore, but the thoughts and a bit of the pain just returned so,,, I wrote a oneshot of how Barou helps his sibling through a breakup. A few things in that oneshot resembled what happened to me irl but I changed a bunch so it's not accurate to my ex and me.

Whenever I write Barou as a big brother, I write him as the type of brother who's very soft for his younger sibling(s) and extremely protective, but he stays rational and thinks a lot about how his overprotectiveness could harm his sibling(s) so he won't accidentally hurt them. And if he does end up saying or doing something that hurts them, he ha a hard time apologizing but he always manages to do it in his own ways. But you've seen all of that in my big brother!Barou writings.

Barou resembles one of my old comfort characters who can no longer be my comfort character. It's mainly in looks, I genuinely can't think of a thing they have in common about their personality. That also doesn't make Barou a "replacement" for that comfort character I lost, but he certainly filled that hole that was left behind when I lost the other comfort character.

I love Barou's character development and he's one of the most interesting characters to me, even outside of headcanons and the stuff I write about him. In the manga and anime, he's super interesting to see and his dvelopment in second selection,,,, hnngg loves that so much. Alo his rivalry with Isagi is my favourite of all of Isagi rivals (yeah sure, Rin and Kaiser are cool. Bu tthe mutual respect Isagi and Barou have makes it more interesting imo)

All in all, I love Barou and I have a deep personal connection with him. Love him very very much and hhjsnnnnf the thing I'd do to have him be real or to have a friend who's like him. I think about Barou a lot every day and I do a lot of rps with him on c.ai (usually just "rewrites" of the same scenario over and over, things I've already written on here or just things that are way too specific or personal as self-inserts for me to write on this blog)

Anyways, that's it. I will give my Barou plushie a little kiss now.

[girlboss-enthusiast]

Hiiiii I saw you answer a couple of asks from who are worried because they're starting to agree with radfems, and well, it's my case too (long ask ahead).

I have a lot of trans friends, and my partner is trans (nb), but trans women specifically are starting to really rub me the wrong way. I want to preface all this by saying that I believe in bodily autonomy for transness too (I think trans people should be able to get hrt and all the care they need, people should be able to do whatever they want with their bodies), and using someone's preferred pronouns isn't a big deal and makes them more comfortable. Like it's not in my interest to dismiss that or their struggles because they do face barriers rooted in misogyny or transphobia.

However. Holy shit trans women act like men about feminism and everything related to women's rights. I genuinely hate the current trend of prioritizing their opinion over cis women's in every conversation when, in my opinion, they do not have the experience to even speak from a woman's perspective. Most trans women I see have been out online and sometimes irl for like 3 years tops, do not pass, and have the gull to talk about how bad feminism is and how it excludes them and it genuinely blows my mind. We're worlds apart but I cannot comment on it without being called transphobic.

By the way being called transphobic as a woman is genuinely horrifying today. Like, trans women online have this hatred towards TERFs which is quite frankly just awful misogyny. If I'm seen as one they'll want to kill me. I hate to say this because I get it sounds like white people complaining about "everything being racist today" but genuinely everybody is so happy to call others TERFs now.

And somehow, despite men controlling the laws that oppress them, despite men killing them the most, despite queer women being most likely to accepting them across demographics, they hate women more than anything and with such intense vitriol it's nauseating. Rape threats and misogynistic insults are normalized and saying basic feminist takes is vilified.

I want so so so bad to not think all of this but it's been a trend in all my friend groups. Trans women applauding vaush's misogynistic jokes, taking the side of men and in general being so far removed from the female experience they can't possible empathize with the vast vast majority of women. I think they don't question themselves because people are bulk rejecting the concepts of sex based oppression and gendered socialization and of course they do. Of course it's very easy to reject it when you've always been treated as the default. Of course you wouldn't see it when it hasn't harmed you systemically. Jesus christ.

And I can't tell them any of this. I can't argue that their perspective on life is male, and it's because of that that some misogynistic oppression doesn't apply to them, not because it's fake. I just have to accept whatever they think and whatever they want to define me as. I have to shut up in my own groups and let them do the talking because I'm just a stupid cis woman. They think they're the most oppressed group on earth when most of them did not even experience this most of their lives and it's so frustrating to deal with. They kept the confidence and mansplaining but now they're a protected identity so nobody can call this shit out. This is always used as like a way to make fun of radfems but yeah, fields like medicine not saying women anymore is a massive step back, women's health is already so fragile and understudied and now people have even more of a reason to not give a fuck because it doesn't include trans women.

I think this has been building up inside of me for a while now. It is starting to come out because I keep seeing this pattern and I got called transphobic despite my best effort of either concealing all of this or being nice to them. I'm extremely scared of getting radicalized but I genuinely don't know what to do, and radblr has been the only space I can agree with recently. Queer communities online and irl are so full of misogyny I don't want to really be involved in them even as a queer woman. I genuinely do know nice individual trans women and all but it's always those who actually pass or have been identifying as trans for a long time which is not the majority of them online at all. Sorry for being super long and kinda venty but yeah have a nice day!!

ANON I'M SORRY FOR NOT ANSWERING SOONER!! This has been in my ask box for ages but I forgot about it until now.

Your exact situation seems to be a major reason why many women (esp lesbians) find radical feminism in the first place—probably half the radfems I know ended up on radblr bc of this. It requires a lot of cognitive dissonance to have experiences like this with trans women but still believe TWAW.

As for your fear of getting radicalized—I know exactly where you're coming from. I worried about the same thing. But you don't automatically get radicalized because you agree with some posts, you know? Read/watch widely. Consider your feelings/opinions about various radfems stances and how they contrast with what you've believed in the past (or how they are similar!). Be thoughtful and trust your judgement.

Regardless of your eventual conclusions, you'll be more knowledgeable on feminist topics and better able to articulate your points, which is always a plus.

Good luck, anon! I hope you find some comfort and/or answers soon. Feel free to send another ask, I'll do my best to answer it on time :)

[bigbroadvice]

Just a warning there are a few sensitive topics in this

I really need to talk to someone about this but I'm too scared/embarrassed to talk to someone irl and I just suck at talking to people in general.

For years I've been having frequent suicidal thoughts and have been self harming but I didn't really do much about it. Now though, things have gotten a lot worse. I've attempted a couple of times just in the past month and my self harming has gotten really bad/frequent and I think it's becoming more noticeable (I always wear a jacket now to hide my scars).

I just don't feel like anything is worth it anymore and no one that I know irl would care if I was gone. Sometimes I make subtle mentions about my thoughts when I'm talking to online friends and they all tell me that they would miss me and that they care about me and when they do it makes me feel better but it still doesn't change my mind about wanting to die.

I feel like maybe if I really did talk to someone irl about it though, they would ask why I feel like this and tbh, I'm not quite sure. I guess it's just everything? But honestly my life isn't terrible, I have a few close friends and I have things that I enjoy, but inside I just can't convince myself that anything is worth it.

I feel like maybe its could be because of my mental state possibly. I have really bad anxiety/depression (undiagnosed but I'm positive there's something going on) and I have panic attacks every day and sometimes multiple times a day. That could be a contributing factor but I also don't know why any of that happens either. It's like I'm living a whole other life in my brain that makes everything just awful.

Anyway, I'm sorry this was so long but I really felt like I needed to explain this and maybe ask for some advice or help? I really just don't know what else to do anymore.

Hey friend, I’ve been where you’re at and I know it sucks. Sometimes brain chemistry just gets a bit wonky and makes you feel down no matter what’s going on in your life. The feelings are still very real and can hurt just as bad though.

I know it will be hard, but you need to let some people in real life know what’s going on, people you can depend on to look out for you. Trying to find the words when you’re talking face to face can be really difficult so it might be helpful to write it down to give to them instead (either a letter or a text works just fine).

The good thing about wonky brain chemistry is that it’s fixable. I’ve personally never been on any antidepressants, mostly because I never had access to them as a kid when I really needed them, but I’ve known people that they’ve been really helpful for. It’s just like any illness where your body isn’t producing enough of the chemicals you need so you take medicine to make up the difference.

Again, I am not a mental health professional, but I’d highly reccomend you see one. In general, they’re very lovely people and can be so tremendously helpful. Look up your local suicide helplines and they can help you get connected from there.

I spent most of my formative years where you’re at and I remember how bleak everything felt. It was like the whole world was painted in gray and I couldn’t imagine how anything could make all the hard things worth it. But then one day it was like a veil was lifted and I looked around me and saw the colors, and it was beautiful. I still don’t really understand what happened, weather it was something different happening in my life or the brain chemicals finally evening out, but I’m so glad I made it through to that day. I had no idea this whole other world of colors and feelings and dreams was out there waiting for me, but it was, and I’m so glad I made it through to see it. It’s waiting for you too. Don’t give up before you’ve had the chance to see what it really means to be alive.

[smolstarthief]

Persona 5/Persona 5 Strikers: Pro-Police or Anti-Police?

Hoo boy... So this honestly has been a LONG time coming on my end because I have seen so much of that debate on social media (Twitter namely) and I can see the points of BOTH sides but there have been moments where it just got out of hand... Especially whenever people tried to put in a more grey/nuanced take only to be slammed and taken out of context. Even repeatedly mentioning the interrogation at the beginning of P5 which, I will admit has gotten tiresome. At least for me, I do still feel for Joker and I wished the game acknowledged his trauma more but there's a thing called, "beating a dead horse" and this is one along with "Haru says ACAB" in Strikers (which was done THREE TIMES in the same arc and it got annoying fast, like shut up already! We get it!). So, let's dive in a little bit:

MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!!!

Persona 5/Persona 5 Royal

Now let me just say I know! Police in Japan are just as bad if not worse than the West and I STILL hate the idea of Makoto wanting to become a cop for such naive reasons (especially with what happened to Sae, her own sister!)... But there are at least some of form of nuances sometimes and by that I mean, I can see what they were trying to do? I do agree that P5/P5S backpedaled SEVERELY by deciding to sweep issues under the rug after addressing them and not continuing from such. In fact I feel like it could have been a hell of a lot better. But P5 did something different compared to previous games and addresses the issues DIRECTLY right at the beginning of said game! It was tense and horrifying, but needed. Of course... They then sweep it under the rug and act like nothing traumatic happened to our protag which is NOT a good look at all and I'm still pissed off about it. In the main game's case, it's portrayed as more black and white with only a SMALL amount of nuance like that cop that was trying to help Futaba when she went out by herself and got lost (which people ignore entirely by the way). So I CAN see where people got the "anti-police" message from... But that's only the tip of the iceberg as it's ACTUALLY more about Systematic Corruption, not exactly or JUST police corruption. Namely in politics with Shido and the Conspiracy (which is apparently still somewhat around in Strikers until Owada's downfall) controlling everything all the way to law enforcement. The force had been basically under his payroll (including the corrupt SIU Director before his death) whether by force or not (mostly not in this case though). Now honestly, the police depicted there are undoubtedly rotten to the core save for a VERY SMALL handful (the cop that was trying to help Futaba which, again, gets ignored by several). Look at the interrogators who ruthlessly beat and drug a minor without any second thought or remorse for example. But again, the black and white narrative the game kept unwittingly doing ended up being to its detriment in a way. I'm not defending those assholes AT ALL! They deserved every punishment given to them! But for a game that goes on about grey morality... It doesn't quite deliver on that. Still though, it does emphasize that it's more of the fault of the whole corrupt system, not just one part of it. There needs to be change and reform which is what our MCs were trying to do in a way (more like inspiring change but still). In the end, it's all about the following:

Corruption and abuse of power.

Again the police depicted in this game were incompetent at best, corrupt at worse with very few silver linings. But it's not just them but rather the one person responsible for the whole mess. Who had them under his payroll? Who controlled them and by extension all of Tokyo? Who was willing to dispose of anyone who "outlives their usefulness" or is perceived as a threat to what he wants (including his own family)?

SHIDO AND BY EXTENSION THE CONSPIRACY

Bottom line: They are definitely a problem but it's not just them.

"But, Joker and his trauma?"

I definitely understand that and still do. I fully believe he has and still has trauma with the police. Easy! But... I do feel like people go too far with it sometimes. It's hard to explain but there have been moments where people either use it as a justification/argument against someone trying to provide a more nuanced view of things or... Dare I say, depict him like a "uwu soft traumatized boi." Like I said, it's hard to explain on my end so feel free to ignore it. Everyone deals with trauma differently so there is STRONG chance that I'm overanalyzing it. I just remember moments where I just feel a little, I guess annoyed? I'm not sure exactly but final thing: I understand what he went through and I can't imagine how long it would take to recover but I hope he DOES overcome it.

"Sae? Akechi?"

Yep, even though their jobs are different, they are by and large members of law enforcement no matter how you spin it. Both were broken in a way. Akechi is pretty easy to explain with how Shido negatively impacted his life but not much about Sae, who dealt with sexism/misogyny at her workplace along with the trauma of her father's (also a cop) death. She no doubt had some idealism only to be hit with the fact that she's gonna have to use underhanded/downright illegal tactics to get by and even rise up the ranks. She, therefore ended up (well, nearly) corrupted herself before coming to her senses. That's honestly one of the BIGGEST REASONS why I felt like Makoto joining the force to become a police commissioner isn't a good, even a downright naïve, idea. I honestly would have been somewhat fine with it if it weren't for that fact among other things. Regardless of her willpower, it will go south fast.

Now... Onto Strikers!

Persona 5 Strikers

Since the game came out and I started playing it, I still feel like the system is still beyond saving, especially when attempting to do it from the inside. But I don't mind the added nuances that P5 didn't do much of. It's still continuing the critiques, just shows more of what does happen within said system and even has an ACTUAL officer (Zenkichi) say, "Yeah, my job sucks, everyone's corrupt, there are much better ways to do things and make a change but not this. I'm only staying because I have a daughter to take care of and it's all I know. I'm no different from them." Was it all handled well? I wouldn't say "yes" (Joker's trauma is BARELY addressed at all of course) but a little better than what P5's narrative did which only addressed the issues but not exactly follow up on them. Now to be fair... In the system, regardless of where you live, any one within it who remotely tries to do something or speak against it either lose their jobs or even go "missing" irl. Those have happened and it's more proof that yeah, it's rotten to the core. There's no denying it but regardless, that's NOT what the game is about at all. At least that's what I feel about it as it's only PART of the narrative. I think Zenkichi puts it best here:

Speaking of Zenkichi... Oh boy... Now I definitely understand some of the criticisms with him but honestly, he was the best written (PT) character I've ever encountered! He was honestly the perfect representation of those that genuinely want to help and do good, only to be held back by an extremely harsh reality. It was already hinted at with Sae but here? It 100 percent confirms just how harsh and even cutthroat it can be if it could break someone's idealism so badly. Even Kaburagi of all people thinks the same thing Zenkichi said:

Then there's his past and it's a tragic one! But let's look more at the decisions he ended up making:

While it was no doubt done to protect his daughter, he ended making a selfish decision along with a selfless one (which was brilliant!) with not only allowing the cover up of his wife's death and denying justice for her, but also ruining an innocent person and their family's lives.

It's horrible, but also... There's a grey area/nuance as with the rest of his character. It was both understandable, but also wrong as he, as Akane's Shadow puts it:

He sacrificed his values, his morals, all for the sake of having a peace of mind. Speaking of Akane, she's also an interesting case in a way that she more or less perfectly represents the more "black and white" views on justice in general. Namely the more toxic/biased kind. Her reasons are also understandable but she was also acting selfishly by only focusing on how SHE was effected by Aoi's death and not even considering those that were also grieving her death and/or that people grieve/handle grief differently than her. But back on topic.

Her own views and beliefs that law enforcement basically SHOULD be dismantled (mostly out of said childish bias and black & white views) and it's framed as WRONG and it's very much correct on that. Chaos and order are two sides of the same coin, one can't exist without the other. When I say ACAB, I'm calling for reform, defund, have the corrupt held accountable for EVERYTHING and even face jail time for their crimes! Defund the police, have the ones that arrest, harm, and even murder out of bias (race, gender, etc.), lose their badges/jobs and locked up, make improvements! It's saying that there IS still corruption out there and there's no denying it. But fully eliminating the law in general will just lead to more problems. Now granted, she's young and clearly doesn't fully understand why those views are ultimately wrong but still... It was a very interesting subject to tackle and I feel like they handled it well.

Now back to Zenkichi, he was at first in denial about his decisions ultimately being the wrong ones too and even tries to justify it. Of course, his Shadow said otherwise and that was when he finally admitted that he really did act no different from the criminals he despised. But it also doesn't mean he can't redeem himself and that's what ultimately leads to his new resolve:

That right there along with everything else! There's the nuance! And ultimately despite some hiccups, Strikers handled the grey morality and nuance beautifully! Especially regarding law enforcement! Dare I say, even better than the base game! It continues the critiques with no problem but also showing different sides and areas of it! There is good and evil, but what about in-between? What about the more greyer area? It still says that there IS corruption, sometimes even beyond saving but... Sometimes a small silver lining is hidden somewhere.

Now, the ultimate question:

Is P5 & P5S (namely the latter) Pro-Police or Anti-Police?

Personally, my answer is this: Neither.

Why? What theme do they both have in common?

JUSTICE

Someone puts it best on Twitter that the games are more pro-justice and I fully agree!

P5/P5S gives the idea about following your OWN justice, your OWN moral code and rules, paving your OWN path and not let others dictate it! That's what the MCs ultimately start to learn in both games. Therefore it's pro-justice. Again, do I agree that the system is beyond saving? Yeah. Do I at least acknowledge and understand what the narratives are trying to say and nuances regardless even if I don't agree with some writing decisions (ex: Makoto wanting to become a commissioner despite everything)? Also yes. But at the same time, don't judge a book by its cover for other people (not just law enforcement and politics mind you). Especially some that genuinely DO want to help at best. That there is nuance and greyness, just have to look closely. Some of the MCs are still TERRIBLY written and executed (even annoying) but the message was still somewhat there.

Final Thoughts

Now I fully understand how you all feel of course! I still believe in ACAB and even I agree that maybe I'm one to talk and have a lot more to learn about the world... This is just my own attempt at putting my own two cents in. If you disagree, that's fine! This is just what I've felt should be at least talked about more often. And I tried to phrase it as best as I can without coming off as insensitive or ignorant and if I did, I sincerely apologize for that! I'm not trying to say, come off as a "bootlicker" or any of the sort. I'm just trying show discuss more of the grey areas and nuances that are, more often than not, constantly overlooked. How one interprets both games is ultimately up to them. You, the player. And this is my own interpretation. Simple as that. I hope you all have a good day/afternoon/evening!

[dannyphantom-rewrite]

Ghostly anatomy

Ghost Cores: are the sole organ that a ghost processes, although the core itself is made a few seperate components.

(please pardon my poor art skills) 

Outer Wall: Thick many layered endoskeleton surrounding the core, composed of hardened Ectoplasm. Microscopic pores allow for the steady intake and expulsion of ecto-energy.

Membrane: A thin porous sheet beneath the outer wall, keeps Plasma and organelles contained.

Plasma: A soup-like substance composed primarily of super charged Ectoplasm.

Vacuole: Organelles responsible for containing energy reserves, becomes active when a ghost uses their abilties or becomes injured. The sudden release of energy acts as both a catalyst to recovery and a form of adrenaline.

Scire: Latin word for "to know", a vaguely heart-shaped organelle responsible for storing information/memories. The "brain" of the core. 

Vibrato: Responsible for speech, and more animalistic vocal responses; growling, purring, rattling, hissing, ungodly shrieking and unnatural echoing. Greatly influenced by emotions.

Mitochondria: Energy Vacuums. Organelle responsible for drawing ecto-energy in from the Ghost Zone, through the Outer Wall and Membrane, filtering out harmful components, transferring excess for storage in the Vacuole and finally, releasing resulting waste products.

Nucleus: Synonymous with the Soul.

-Ghosts need ecto energy to function, and Danny and Vlad aren't an exception. However, while normal ghosts take it in from the Ghost Zone (The process is kinda similar to photosynthesis, and if you're thinking that the core looks a lot like Plant cell, you're right and that's why.) Danny and Vlad don't spend nearly enough time there to sustain themselves and have to actually consume Ectoplasm from time to time. Think of it like a dietary supplement. 

Ectoplasm and injury: 

-Aside from their core, a ghost's body is literally just Ectoplasm. When they get injured they can quickly pull energy from their Core's Vacuole to heal/repair the damage. Major injuries take more time to repair, for example; loss of a limb. Re-growing an arm takes significantly more time and energy than sealing a cut. 

-If a ghost expends ecto energy faster than they can replenish it, they run the risk of destabilizing into a pile of goop. 

-If a ghosts core is damaged it can heal, so long as the injury is on the outer wall or membrane, damage to any of the organelle is permanent and will greatly affect how it functions. For example, a puncture to the Scire will result in memory loss, and a snapped Vibrato chord could make vocalizations painful, or even render the ghost mute. Damage to any of the three mitochondria slows the rate of energy absorption and thus makes injuries heal much slower.

-if the nucleus is damaged in any way, that ghost WILL destabilize.

-Halfas definitely heal faster than normal humans, but Unlike normal ghosts, Vlad and Danny still have bones and organs and all that other junk, so they're not nearly as durable. 

-When either of them get injured Ectoplasm will flood to the site and act as a sort of internal support until the injury heals naturally. So for example, let's say Danny breaks an arm, Ectoplasm will fill in the break and keep the bone held together, and then slowly recede back into the blood stream as the break heals. 

-Another thing to note is that while Ectoplasm based limbs can grow back, living tissue doesn't. If Danny or Vlad lost a limb, they'd probably be able to make an equivalent Ectoplasmic prosthetic while in their ghost forms, but in terms of their human halves that arm or leg would just be gone for good. 

-Internal organs don't grow back either, but Ectoplasm is more than capable of patching up puncture wounds. So if there was every an incident where either of their insides ended up on the outside…well…that missing bit of small intestine is gonna get a glowing green replacement. 

-Danny and Vlad aren't capable of destabilizing into puddles either because of the whole bones and tissue thing, Rather, if they over exert themselves they simply revert back to their human halves and black out for awhile. 

Halfa's and blood type: 

-Vlad's blood type is O-, While Danny's is AB+. Both of them also have Ectoplasm running through their bloodstream and are unable to receive blood from a donor who doesn't also have ectoplasm in theirs. 

-Since Vlad's blood type is that of a universal donor, he'd be able to give blood to Danny, but Danny wouldn't be able to donate to him. If Vlad ever needed a transfusion, he'd have to pull from a supply of his own that was set aside for an emergency.

-Niether of them can donate blood because of its Ectoplasmic content. 

Classifications of ghosts:

deceased soul: most common type of ghost, created from the soul of a living being whose death was either too soon, leaving them with unfinished business, or particularly violent and/or gruesome.

Natural-Born: Sometimes insultingly called Never-Borns, these are Gosts that were born as ghosts and were never actually alive in the traditional sense of the word. Youngblood and the denizens of the Far Frozen are good examples of this type of ghost.

Wraiths / Feeders: Not all deceased souls are feeders, but all feeders are deceased souls. This is a sub class of ghosts that needs to consume some sort of emotional response, along with ecto energy to sustain themselves. Ember, Spectra, and shadow are good examples, As they feed off of admiration, misery, and misfortune respectively. 

Shape-shifters/ blobs: sub class of natural born ghost. These guys have low ecto-energy/ power levels and somewhat unstable physical forms. This allows them to change shape with ease but they also get a lot of shit from other ghosts for being weak. They're a lot smaller than the average ghost and their default shapes don't usually look very humanoid. Examples include: Bertrand, Skulker and Ectopi.

Spirits: Ectoplasmic based entities that represent an idea or concept. For example, Clockwork is the Spirit of time. 

Halfas: Living Humans with fully formed ghost Cores.

Artificial: There are three ghosts that fall under this category, Dani, Dan, and Nurse Good, As they are the only ghosts that were not made by any "natural" means. 

Core bonds and reproduction:

-Okay before anybody asks "dude wtf do you mean ghosts can be born?" 

-Im gonna just. Explain that real quick and get it out of the way, lmao. 

-So, simply put, a natural born ghost is formed when ecto energy from two (or more) ghosts is combined. This is a process that takes an insane amount of energy and really shouldn't even be attempted unless the parents have super high energy levels or a third party who can help out. It's done completely externally and all in one go, so if the energy flow gets cut off before the new ghost's Core is fully formed it WILL destabilize, and there goes all your effort right down the drain. 

-And yes, Halfas can do this too, But they're offspring wouldn't inherit any human features, they'd be full ghost. While I'm on the subject, it's actually the only way Danny or Vlad would be able to have a biological kid. The ectoplasmic radiation from their accidents rendered them both sterile/infertile in the human sense of the word. Danny doesn't menustate anymore, and for lack of better terminology, Vlad is just firing blanks.

-Core bond is just the term for ghost marriage. Bonded ghosts are more in tune with each other than those that aren't,  as they develop a sort of empathic connection with their partner(s). 

-This last thing has absolutely nothing to do with Ghostly biology but I don't know where else to put it so here: 

Esperanto = ghost speak. 

The language was originally created to be easy to learn so as to act as a universal language. Unfortunately the idea didn't catch on IRL, BUT!!!

When you consider the fact that not all ghosts would speak English, it's definitely a good idea for the Ghost Zone to have a universal tongue to get past that language barrier issue. 

The language DOESN'T ACTUALLY HAVE TO BE LEARNED, It's just there. The information is the first thing stored in the Scire. Esperanto can be spoken, written or signed, similar to ASL.

[spongebob-connoisseur]

ooooh an another concept idea i had that was reminded by the karen being immortal post is an idea that involves a futuristic bikini bottom with karen and spongebob since sponges have long lifespans after all haha

You know I completely forgot that Karen is technically immortal. It's such an unusual thought that she'll likely outlive everyone she ever knew and loved. Feels wrong.

Inanimate objects can die and have a soul in spongebob (ex. Patrick strangling a phone and releasing it's soul) so while Karen can die it's only under extreme harm to her physical body. Unlike the other bikini bottomites who's bodies will get older and older and wither away.

There should be an episode showing the distant future. I'd love to see if Karen is still around. How she'd live without Sheldon? Or would the flying dutchman be so annoyed by Plankton that he'd let him roam free as a ghost to keep him out of his hair? And so Karen having to deal with her ghost husband?

Tbh I feel like Plankton would build himself a mechanical body so when it comes time to die, he'd just transfer is brain into it and stay alive forever. If he really wants to. I don't see him really be willing to live on if Mr. Krabs isn't around.

Spongebob definitely has a long life span. I don't think in show Spongebob will live as long as irl sea sponges (about 500 years) but from his parents ages, its safe to say it'll still be waaaay longer than the average human.

I remember somewhere mentioning SB's parents were about 50 when Spongebob was born. I don't remember exactly where so I can't verify if its certainly canon (it was from the wiki)

Anyways judging by how Harold and Margaret look. They really look fairly young. Spongebob is 35 at the moment and his parents look like your average middle aged parents at most.

Judging by this, its no surprise spongebob is still considered a ""kid"" despite rounding close to his 40s at this point lol

Also adding more, grandma Squarepants wearing a 1920s style dress. Yeah safe to say spange will live long.

Another thing I could add is the fact that Spongebob's mom wearing a 1960s style dress (tho this wouldn't count since the bikini bottom was intentionally designed to be a sort of 1950s/60s bubble)

I'm getting off topic. I def see spongebob being very elderly in this distant future type episode. So really its Karen and Spongebob who are the lone survivors from the og bikini bottom friend group lol

I wonder how different they'll be with all that time? I see Karen unchanged. Spongebob tho? After dealing with the deaths of nearly everyone he knows? We know he doesn't take death very easily so it'll def be rough on him.

This'll definitely be interesting 👀 I actually do wish this idea is used for an episode. Unlikely but a girl can only dream 👀

[radicchia]

I just stumbled on your blog and reading through the posts it made me confront some uncomfortable truths. Im very gender dysphoric and was confused about my gender identity, but the real issue isnt that im trans/nb, its that I would WANT to be, bc deep down I want to be a PERSON and not a “just a female”. Its gonna take some time for me to knock the internalized misogyny outta me but its a start. I might not agree with some of the hatefulness toward trans women but still.. thank you. Today I learned “terfs” arent the hitlers theyre painted to be.

Hey, thank you for your message! And sorry for taking so long to reply.

I know you didn't ask for advice, so I hope this is ok. Please take the time to learn about awesome women, connect with other women online and offline, and go out into the physical world and do something with other women! Whether that's in a political group or in a gardening club doesn't matter (although women can't really afford to withdraw from the political, public sphere, but that's another issue). I know all that can be exhausting, but that's in the short term. I was never dysphoric, but I had/have my fair share of problems and getting organised with people helped me so much! It also automatically means finding women you can look up to (if you join the right groups at least, lol). That is an amazing feeling!

As for the hatefulness towards trans women/trans-identified males:

- I agree that sometimes it, let's say, focusses on the wrong aspects and can become quite unhelpful and unfair

- Generally, in radical feminism, you look at men without censoring your analysis for their benefit. That can result in pretty drastic positions (because generally speaking, men aren't great). Now with TiMs, we're already critical of them because they are men and have been socialised that way. But then add to that that their policy focusses a lot on taking away women-only spaces, for which women have fought long and hard. So they are a threat to women's rights in that way. Also, women's health care is worse than men's health care, so dissolving the meaning of the word woman into nothing also does additional harm in that area.

- Another problem with TIMs is that, to be honest, they are men with specific problems. It used to be that most transsexuals were gay men who had experienced a lot of homophobia and as a result took on that female identity - but without claiming they were actually women. Nowadays, you've got a completely different group of men who call themselves trans. A lot of them are heterosexual men with fetishes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this is true for all TiMs. I know several TiMs relatively well irl and I know that a lot of factors play into their identification as trans. But you can see a large online scene of TiMs who clearly get off on the objectification of what they perceive as womanhood. They get boners when they wear women's clothing, they want to be sexually molested and degraded. That is a) a problem and b) not an empowering view of what a woman is and what makes her a woman. Add to that other fetishes that you can often find in online TiM communities, such as furry and diaper fetishes, and you can probably tell that it isn't particularly healthy for anyone involved.

- Then there is also the problem of grooming that happens online a lot, where it's often older TiMs who talk girls (and also other men) into thinking they are trans, and ultimately into harming their psychological well-being as well as their social and familial lives and their bodies. I don't find it funny at all, I don't find it merely mean, I think it is dangerous and despicable. My friends and relatives are doing themselves extreme bodily harm because of online spaces like this.

[blubberingmess]

[Dead heart]

Pairing: zombie!Bucky x reader

Summary: "Help plea--" the moment he turned around, you knew you had made a big mistake.

Warnings: blood, stupid (Y/n), Please don't do this irl. Just ran away.

Note: look what I found in my draft. Also the title... it sounds familiar...

It all happened so fast you didn't even know if it's real, it's like from a show you once watched. Everything is falling apart. People are dying, eating each other's flesh and guts like monsters. As soon as you got bitten-- and not got eaten alive-- either way, you'd be as dead you'll ever get.

Within a few months after the massive virus outbreak, the world have now more zombies than humans. Every corner of the city stinks of dead rottening flesh and guts of the unfortunates. So you moved out to a more rural part of the country, away from the city where the zombies are just... everywhere.

You've never seen anyone for a month now, not even a single group of teenagers that claimed "prepared" for zombie apocalypse.

Pathetic.

And now you're being followed by a horde.

"Shit," you mutter to yourself as you shot the last bullet of your gun at the zombie, exploding it's head everywhere. You saw one of them tried to grab you by the shoulder but you quickly threw the empty gun at its face, giving it a huge dent but unfortunately, not enough for it to be killed. It only continues to limp towards you with others.

So you run, forgetting about your things back at your small camp not too far. You started shouting with all your might. "Help! Please! Somebody!"

The woods might not be the best way to go but you don't have a choice, you're panicking. Your heart is beating erratically against your chest as you run further into the woods, only getting a small sense of relief when you saw a person - a man - standing with his back turned to you.

"Mister! Mister!"

You saw his head perked up at the sound of your voice, head going left to right to find the source of the sound. His body looked stable and well built, like really well built. His arms are bulging through his shirt, maybe that's why he doesn't have a weapon with him - but that's still stupid though. He's wearing a black long sleeve top, cargo pants, and boots. His clothes looks clean, not like a zombie so you continued to shout.

"Help plea--" the moment he turned around, you knew you had made a big mistake. Some visible red veins are scattered around the left side of his face as well as his neck. His left eye is cloudy and grey and red rimmed, but the other is in a light shade of blue. He looks alive but at the same time, he looks just as dead as the zombies behind you.

You were about to stop in your tracks when you clumsily trip over a stone and came tumbling down right in front of him on all fours. Looking up, you saw him already staring down at you with that dead look on his face before looking up at the horde of zombies limping your way.

He doesn't look like he's rottening, maybe he just got bitten before you found him.

Sitting up quickly, you didn't know why but you turned your back on the beefy-- clearly strong-- looking zombie and whimpered as the zombies continues to limp their way towards you. But then they suddenly stopped to your surprise, standing there and just staring at - you don't know who - you or the zombie behind you, or both at the same time.

It's all quiet, only the soft breeze and the tweeting of birds from a distance. Confused, you watched the horde slowly turns around and started limping away, as if eating your brains out isn't their main goal anymore.

You heard a grunt and slowly look up with your eyes still wide open in horror, breathing unstable and ragged. Uncomfortable, you whimpered, closing your eyes tightly.

"Please, don't hurt me."

The weird zombie kept his eyes on you for a few moments, analyzing your features albeit being upside down before turning his heels and walking away, leaving you still leaning back with your eyes tightly closed. You heard the crunches of leaves and opened your eyes to see the zombie man is gone and is now a few feet away from you, lazily walking away from your fatal position.

The zombie is walking away from you, a living breathing not so fresh looking human.

You quickly stood up from the ground, watching as the zombie walks away. He didn't even tried to harm you, instead, he actually helped you. He somehow pushed the horde of zombies, but how?

You decided to stalk the mysterious zombie, noticing that he's walking with a direction, on his own trail like he knows where he is. Maybe he's going back to his zombie family, you mentally kicked yourself in the butt at the absurd idea. Or maybe he's taking a casual walk in the woods - okay, now you're going crazy.

You've made a noise a few times, randomly tripping over some stumps and rocks, broke a twig or two as you follow him through the woods. You heard him sigh a few times, stopping to turn his head to the side before walking again, shaking his head.

You didn't noticed it but whenever you got to far, the zombie would stop, only resuming his walk when he hears the loud crunching of you shoes against the dried up leaves.

After a few minutes of walking you saw him began heading towards a small cabin next to a small lake. The place is secluded and quite beautiful, you wonder who could be living here and then you remembered the zombie.

You sprinted out from your hiding place behind a random dead tree and pulls out your pocket knife - it's not much, but it's the only weapon you have - pointing it at him.

"Hey!" You shouted, stilling him on the porch of the cabin. Shaking your head, you bravely took a step forward. "I won't let you harm anyone who's living there. Not on my watch."

Oh look at you being a hero.

The zombie just stares at you dumbfounded before it turns into an amused look. He slowly tucked his hand in his pockets before pulling out a key, a smug smirk on his face when he saw the look of shock on yours. Opening the door, he kept his eyes on you as if silently challenging you 'oh yeah? What ya gon' do 'bout it?'.

He walks in leaving the door open. Is he... inviting you in?

You look down at the pocket knife in your hand, still shiny and sharp, the only weapon you have left - and probably useless.

Inhaling deeply, you stand up straight and started making your way closer towards the cabin. In all honesty, you expected the inside to be trashed and abandoned but no, it's so far from that.

Most of the furnitures are made out of wood, it looks expensive. The inside is clean and warm... like a home. It doesn't smell like the dead either, that means someone must've been living here for quite some time now.

You heard the grunt again and snapped your eyes towards the sound; from kitchen, frowning when you saw the zombie gently placed a steaming cup of coffee on the counter before stepping back, giving you space. Finally noticing his left hand; a prosthetic. You unconsciously tighten the grip on your knife.

Bucky noticed you staring at his metal arm and can't help but hide it behind his back, surprising you at his action, like he's uncomfortable at your staring.

"I'm... sorry." The zombie only nodded his head, the corner of his mouth twitching up.

"B-... Bucky," the zombie rasped out. You felt your eyes almost bulge out from your eye sockets at the sound, not expecting him to talk since, well, he's a zombie.

Bucky? What's that? Bucky noted your confusion and points at his chest, eyes still on you as he spoke once more, now much more slower for you to understand.

"Bucky." His name.

You nodded your head, pointing at yourself as well with your still slightly shaking hand. "(Y/n)."

He's a friendly zombie isn't he?