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hollowed-theory-hall · 8 months ago

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Harry was never really Dumbledore's man

So, in HBP Harry says himself:

“Well, it is clear to me that he has done a very good job on you,” said Scrimgeour, his eyes cold and hard behind his wire-rimmed glasses. “Dumbledore’s man through and through, aren’t you, Potter?” “Yeah, I am,” said Harry.

(HBP, 348)

But, I'm here to argue Harry actually has many many doubts and reservations about Dumbledore throughout all books (even HBP), and I find it interesting how Harry convinced the Wizarding world (and the readers) that he's Dumbledore's man when he isn't. Not really.

(Just makes me all the more annoyed at him calling his son Albus...)

I'm going to go through some examples of Harry showing his doubts about Dumbledore way before book 7. Because Harry is an abused, distrusting boy, and Dumbledore isn't actually an exception to that until very late into the books. And even when Harry chooses to trust Dumbledore's intentions, he never fully trusts his judgment.

“D’you think he meant you to do it?” said Ron. “Sending you your father’s cloak and everything?” “Well, ” Hermione exploded, “if he did — I mean to say that’s terrible — you could have been killed.” “No, it isn’t,” said Harry thoughtfully. “He’s a funny man, Dumbledore. I think he sort of wanted to give me a chance. I think he knows more or less everything that goes on here, you know. I reckon he had a pretty good idea we were going to try, and instead of stopping us, he just taught us enough to help. I don’t think it was an accident he let me find out how the mirror worked. It’s almost like he thought I had the right to face Voldemort if I could….”

(PS, 217)

This quote above is from the ending of Philosopher's Stone and the outlook Harry, Ron, and Hermione have on Dumbledore and his behavior is the same as seen in the later books. So I wanted to talk about each of them and how they see Dumbledore because this quote really sets the tone for the rest of the series.

Ron is doubtful and distrustful. The situation is odd, and he's clever, he analyzed the situation and came to a frightening conclusion — the whole ordeal seemed planned by Dumbledore. And Ron isn't scared of voicing this question.

Hermione, while not always a rule-follower, respects Dumbledore and his authority. A lot. So, she doesn't believe Dumbledore could've planned it as it would reflect badly on his character and authority. Hermione is a very loyal person, and once she decides she respects someone she is willfully blind to their flaws (we see it with her later in the series).

Harry, while he's clever enough to notice the same things Ron did and come to the same conclusion — that Dumbledore planned for an 11-year-old to face Voldemort — he attributes good intentions to Dumbledore. Harry sees the situation and draws his conclusions, but chooses to hope/believe Dumbledore's intentions were good ones.

Harry’s brain seemed to have jammed. He stared numbly at Riddle, at the orphaned boy who had grown up to murder Harry’s own parents, and so many others. . . . At last he forced himself to speak. “You’re not,” he said, his quiet voice full of hatred. “Not what?” snapped Riddle. “Not the greatest sorcerer in the world,” said Harry, breathing fast. “Sorry to disappoint you and all that, but the greatest wizard in the world is Albus Dumbledore. Everyone says so. Even when you were strong, you didn’t dare try and take over at Hogwarts. Dumbledore saw through you when you were at school and he still frightens you now, wherever you’re hiding these days —” The smile had gone from Riddle’s face, to be replaced by a very ugly look. “Dumbledore’s been driven out of this castle by the mere memory of me!” he hissed. “He’s not as gone as you might think!” Harry retorted. He was speaking at random, wanting to scare Riddle, wishing rather than believing it to be true —

(CoS, 282)

This is one of the scenes people call to to show how much faith Harry has in Dumbledore (even Dumbledore himself), the thing is, Harry says (in his mind) he's just saying things to try and scare Tom. To try and buy time, or unbalance Tom so he may have a chance at escape.

The important note is that Harry doesn't actually believe what he's saying to Tom. He's just saying what he thinks would bother Tom the most.

Harry had never shared this piece of information with anybody. He was very fond of his wand, and as far as he was concerned its relation to Voldemort’s wand was something it couldn’t help — rather as he couldn’t help being related to Aunt Petunia. However, he really hoped that Mr. Ollivander wasn’t about to tell the room about it. He had a funny feeling Rita Skeeter’s Quick-Quotes Quill might just explode with excitement if he did.

(GoF, 310)

This part about telling no one about his wand's connection to Voldemort is true. He never told anyone by that point in GoF. Not Ron, not Hermione, not Dumbledore, not even Sirius.

As I mentioned above, Harry is abused and distrustful. He's not at all Dumbledore's perfect soldier who trusts him with everything. In GoF, Harry decides against telling Dumbledore about his dreams and the pain in his scar:

“Your scar hurt? Harry, that’s really serious. . . . Write to Professor Dumbledore! And I’ll go and check Common Magical Ailments and Afflictions. . . . Maybe there’s something in there about curse scars. . . .” Yes, that would be Hermione’s advice: Go straight to the headmaster of Hogwarts, and in the meantime, consult a book. [...] As for informing the headmaster, Harry had no idea where Dumbledore went during the summer holidays. He amused himself for a moment, picturing Dumbledore, with his long silver beard, fulllength wizard’s robes, and pointed hat, stretched out on a beach somewhere, rubbing suntan lotion onto his long crooked nose. Wherever Dumbledore was, though, Harry was sure that Hedwig would be able to find him; Harry’s owl had never yet failed to deliver a letter to anyone, even without an address. But what would he write? Dear Professor Dumbledore, Sorry to bother you, but my scar hurt this morning. Yours sincerely, Harry Potter. Even inside his head the words sounded stupid.

(GoF, 21)

Harry doesn't wish to share secrets with Dumbledore, nor does he feel comfortable to go to him with his troubles (his go-to adult while Sirius was around was always Sirius). Again, Hermione is mentioned as the one who trusts Dumbledore's authority, in Harry's head, but he's right, he knows her well.

Harry actually spends a good portion of the series purposefully trying to hide information from Dumbledore. (I'm saying 'trying ' because Dumbledore always found out, but not because Harry told him).

“He seemed to think it was best,” said Hermione rather breathlessly. “Dumbledore, I mean.” “Right,” said Harry. He noticed that her hands too bore the marks of Hedwig’s beak and found that he was not at all sorry. “I think he thought you were safest with the Muggles —” Ron began. “Yeah?” said Harry, raising his eyebrows. “Have either of you been attacked by dementors this summer?” “Well, no — but that’s why he’s had people from the Order of the Phoenix tailing you all the time -” Harry felt a great jolt in his guts as though he had just missed a step going downstairs. So everyone had known he was being followed except him. “Didn’t work that well, though, did it?” said Harry, doing his utmost to keep his voice even. “Had to look after myself after all, didn’t I?” “He was so angry,” said Hermione in an almost awestruck voice. “Dumbledore. We saw him. When he found out Mundungus had left before his shift had ended. He was scary.” “Well, I’m glad he left,” Harry said coldly. “If he hadn’t, I wouldn’t have done magic and Dumbledore would probably have left me at Privet Drive all summer.”

(OotP, 63)

Harry is angry here, true, but he doubts Dumbledore's idea of what's "safe" for him. He's actually glad for the dementors because he doubts Dumbledore would've brought him over if it wasn't an emergency.

And Harry is right to be doubtful and suspicious. He's right that he's less safe at the Dursleys than at Grimmauld Place. He's right to feel angry and betrayed at literally everyone knowing he's being followed except for him. He's right Dumbledore probably wouldn't have brought him if it wasn't for the dementor attack. Harry is correct in each and every one of his assessments of Dumbledore's character and decisions here.

“No,” said Harry, shaking his head. “It’s more like . . . his mood, I suppose. I’m just getting flashes of what mood he’s in. . . . Dumbledore said something like this was happening last year. . . . He said that when Voldemort was near me, or when he was feeling hatred, I could tell. Well, now I’m feeling it when he’s pleased too. . . .” There was a pause. The wind and rain lashed at the building. “You’ve got to tell someone,” said Ron. “I told Sirius last time.” “Well, tell him about this time!” “Can’t, can I?” said Harry grimly. “Umbridge is watching the owls and the fires, remember?” “Well then, Dumbledore —” “I’ve just told you, he already knows,” said Harry shortly, getting to his feet, taking his cloak off his peg, and swinging it around himself. “There’s no point telling him again.” Ron did up the fastening of his own cloak, watching Harry thoughtfully. “Dumbledore’d want to know,” he said. Harry shrugged. “C’mon . . . we’ve still got Silencing Charms to practice . . .”

(OotP, 382)

Remember I mentioned Harry hiding things from Dumbledore? This is one of such occasions. There are more in GoF that I didn't copy, but this is an example of Voldemort-related, dangerous information Harry is hiding from Dumbledore because he doesn't trust him and doesn't feel comfortable telling him things.

“It’s lessons with Snape that are making it worse,” said Harry flatly. “I’m getting sick of my scar hurting, and I’m getting bored walking down that corridor every night.” He rubbed his forehead angrily. “I just wish the door would open, I’m sick of standing staring at it —” “That’s not funny,” said Hermione sharply. “Dumbledore doesn’t want you to have dreams about that corridor at all, or he wouldn’t have asked Snape to teach you Occlumency. You’re just going to have to work a bit harder in your lessons.” “I am working!” said Harry, nettled. “You try it sometime, Snape trying to get inside your head, it’s not a bundle of laughs, you know!” “Maybe . . .” said Ron slowly. “Maybe what?” said Hermione rather snappishly. “Maybe it’s not Harry’s fault he can’t close his mind,” said Ron darkly. “What do you mean?” said Hermione. “Well, maybe Snape isn’t really trying to help Harry. . . .” Harry and Hermione stared at him. Ron looked darkly and meaningfully from one to the other. “Maybe,” he said again in a lower voice, “he’s actually trying to open Harry’s mind a bit wider . . . make it easier for You-Know —” “Shut up, Ron,” said Hermione angrily. “How many times have you suspected Snape, and when have you ever been right? Dumbledore trusts him, he works for the Order, that ought to be enough.” “He used to be a Death Eater,” said Ron stubbornly. “And we’ve never seen proof that he really swapped sides. . . .” “Dumbledore trusts him,” Hermione repeated. “And if we can’t trust Dumbledore, we can’t trust anyone.”

(OotP, 554)

Again we see the same exact dynamic from first year. Hermione is loyal to Dumbledore, not even considering he might be wrong about something, or not have their best interests at heart. Ron and Harry on the other hand, are both open to the possibility that things aren't so simple. They don't think Dumbledore is intentionally harming Harry, but they think he's wrong about Snape. Something Hermione, Arthur and Molly would never consider.

(This is actually the most annoying thing in Hermione's character for me, her unshakable faith in Dumbledore, who doesn't deserve her trust)

“. . . so you see what this means?” Harry finished at a gallop. “Dumbledore won’t be here tonight, so Malfoy’s going to have another clear shot at whatever he’s up to. No, listen to me!” he hissed angrily, as both Ron and Hermione showed every sign of interrupting. “I know it was Malfoy celebrating in the Room of Requirement. Here —” He shoved the Marauder’s Map into Hermione’s hands. “You’ve got to watch him and you’ve got to watch Snape too. Use anyone else who you can rustle up from the D.A., Hermione, those contact Galleons will still work, right? Dumbledore says he’s put extra protection in the school, but if Snape’s involved, he’ll know what Dumbledore’s protection is, and how to avoid it — but he won’t be expecting you lot to be on the watch, will he?” “Harry —” began Hermione, her eyes huge with fear.

(HBP, 552)

Even in book 6, the book Harry grows the most comfortable and trusting towards Dumbledore, even then, he doesn't trust Dumbledore. He thinks (and somewhat rightly so because he doesn't know of Snape and Dumbledore's plan) that Dumbledore is wrong about Snape. that Dumbledore is wrong about Malfoy. Harry doesn't trust that whatever protections Dumbledore would leave would be enough (and they weren't).

Even at the end of HBP, the point in the series where Harry has the most faith in Dumbledore, Harry still doesn't trust Dumbledore's judgment or his ability to protect the school. Even after Dumbledore calls Harry out on it, telling him the safety of the students is important to him, Harry still tells Ron and Hermione to get the DA to protect the school without notifying Dumbledore.

And Dumbledore raised Harry to feel responsible for the school's safety, Harry is doing what he was "bred" to do. But he does it behind Dumbledore's back, because like every adult, Harry deep down expects to be let down. After all, he's used to saving the school himself.

So, no, Harry never really trusted Dumbledore fully. At least, not Dumbledore's judgment. Harry does believe Dumbledore's intentions are good for the most part, even if ineffective.

“He never told me his sister was a Squib,” said Harry, without thinking, still cold inside. “And why on earth would he tell you?” screeched Muriel, swaying a little in her seat as she attempted to focus upon Harry [...] Where was saintly Albus while Ariana was locked in the cellar? Off being brilliant at Hogwarts, and never mind what was going on in his own house!” “What d’you mean, locked in the cellar?” asked Harry. “What is this?” Doge looked wretched. Auntie Muriel cackled again and answered Harry. [...] Numbly Harry thought of how the Dursleys had once shut him up, locked him away, kept him out of sight, all for the crime of being a wizard. Had Dumbledore’s sister suffered the same fate in reverse: imprisoned for her lack of magic? Had Dumbledore truly left her to her fate while he went off to Hogwarts to prove himself brilliant and talented?

(DH, 135-137)

And in Deathley Hollows, Harry is very quick to start questioning and doubting Dumbledore. Especially when compared to Hermione:

“Harry—” But he shook his head. Some inner certainty had crashed down inside him; it was exactly as he had felt after Ron left. He had trusted Dumbledore, believed him the embodiment of goodness and wisdom. All was ashes: How much more could he lose? Ron, Dumbledore, the phoenix wand . . . “Harry.” She seemed to have heard his thoughts. “Listen to me. It—it doesn’t make very nice reading—” “Yeah, you could say that—” “—but don’t forget, Harry this is Rita Skeeter writing.” “You did read that letter to Grindelwald, didn’t you?” “Yes, I—I did.” She hesitated, looking upset, cradling her tea in her cold hands.

(DH, 311)

Harry is hurt, he feels betrayed, because while he never 100% trusted Dumbledore's judgment, he trusted his intentions. He trusted Dumbledore was good and cared for him. He feels cold and betrayed, showing trust in his intentions. But his readiness to accept Skeeter's and Muriel's accusations so quickly shows he always had his doubts about Dumbledore and they never really left, even if he wanted to trust him, he never did, not fully.

Hermione, on the other hand, who was always loyal and trusted Dumbledore (both his intentions and judgment) 100%, tries to rationalize Dumbledore's actions and convince herself everyone who says bad things about him is lying.

Harry doesn't. Because out of the Golden Trio, Hermione was always Dumbledore's woman, Ron and Harry... not really. Not as much.

“That old berk,” muttered Aberforth, taking another swig of mead. “Thought the sun shone out of my brother’s every office, he did. Well, so did plenty of people, you three included, by the looks of it.” Harry kept quiet. He did not want to express the doubts and uncertainties about Dumbledore that had riddled him for months now. He had made his choice while he dug Dobby’s grave, he had decided to continue along the winding, dangerous path indicated for him by Albus Dumbledore, to accept that he had not been told everything that he wanted to know, but simply to trust. He had no desire to doubt again; he did not want to hear anything that would deflect him from his purpose. He met Aberforth’s gaze, which was so strikingly like his brothers’: The bright blue eyes gave the same impression that they were X-raying the object of their scrutiny, and Harry thought that Aberforth knew what he was thinking and despised him for it. “Professor Dumbledore cared about Harry, very much,” said Hermione in a low voice. “Did he now?” said Aberforth. “Funny thing how many of the people my brother cared about very much ended up in a worse state than if he’d left ’em well alone.”

(DH, 478)

More of how Harry thinks about Dumbledore, showing, again, how he always had his doubts and reservations but he chooses to trust Dumbledore's intentions because otherwise, he doesn't think he has any hope to defeat Voldemort. He chooses to keep following Dumbledore's path because he has no real choice but to trust what he sees as the only path that'll lead to Voldemort's destruction. But Harry has plenty of doubts about Dumbledore.

Hermione, on the other hand, has little to no doubts. She doesn't allow herself to doubt.

And this pattern, of Harry doubting Dumbledore again and again, never truly trusting him, just trusting his plan will kill Voldemort... like, how does that lead Harry to want to name his kid 'Albus'? I just don't get it...

TL;DR

Harry likes to say he's Dumbledore's man, but he always had his reservations, even when he choose to ignore them since trusting Dumbledore's plan felt like his only chance at survival. Hermione is much more trusting of Dumbledore than Harry is.

#harry potter #hp #harry potter thoughts #hp thoughts #harry potter meta #hp meta #hollowedtheory #hp theory #harry james potter #harry potter analysis #albus dumbledore

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simonisferal · 8 months ago

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view me as a god — self aware (yandere) wanderer x gn reader

warnings: self aware au, reader is viewed as the player, reader is obsessed with genshin in the beginning, codependency (aether and wanderer), wanderer develops a victim mentality, traveler is a goat, aether is he/they (you'll know what I'm talking about)

notes: wanderer lore spoilers to those who haven't read, that one event in 1.6 spoilers to those who haven't played; if my account were self aware, i'd actually kms — the characters don't need to see my bio 😭 / i didnt know what team to put him with so i used my own / congrats king on your second rerun 🙏

it was never intended to be taken this far. this little game you've played for years without end had begun to take your social life away and left you in the dark, the only light you saw was the one on your screen.

the sweet voices of the characters , the beautiful scenery and designs, and the story of the fictional world was so alluring you barely slept. thank god your career had the option of working at home so no other potential coworker could've said something about your disheveled hair or your unpleasant smell.

your life was as perfect as can be as long as you see a picture or anything related to your video game! codependency? what is that? shh, you can survive an hour without it!

fuck. once in his many lives, he had never felt so cold. what was wrong with him?

with every name he gained, another tie to his joints tightened its grip on the wanderer, trapping him from the pleasant feel on calmness but the name the traveler gave it felt so pure and warm like a toasty fireplace during the snow. the puppet hadn't felt any warmth in his body since niwa's irreversible death as his still-beating and bleeding heart has been put inside the chest of wanderer. but now it was gone, just like the other feelings of happiness and sweet childish dreams.

"traveler? why'd we stop?" xiangling asks as she helped bennett sit down beside the anemo statue of seven in windrise to heal his injuries as quickly as possible. layla helps the poor boy eat something she packed into her inventory.

the traveler could only stay silent before letting out a small whisper as the wind slows down, the statue of seven only shining so dimly, not like it does when it feels something — someone greater. "i don't feel it anymore." they sit down on the broken stone steps leading to the statue.

"feel? feel what?" layla mutters, laying her head on the globe she keeps near as she rests her eyes. the traveler doesn't respond as they look through their bag for something. they obviously panic, their chest falling down and rising up quicker than a rabbit's. their golden chest plaque dims ever so slightly, just as the windrise statue's light. "the, uhh... uhm, the wind."

of course the idiots fell for it, wanderer thinks as he hears the collective agreement from his party. he doesn't bother setting down his hat as he sits beside a totem near the staircase, not bothering to show his respect to the anemo god or his peers. they're just there to help him please them, to eliminate any obstacle in the traveler's way as their form of appreciation for what they've done for their accounted nations. but they, not the traveler but they weren't pleased.

is that the reason wanderer couldn't feel their warmth? he didn't attack fast enough, hit hard enough, dodge quick enough? was he not enough for the person behind the stars? the dweller who called "earth" their home?

"why are we in windrise, if i can ask?" layla sits beside the traveler. her curls curl around her while her golden accents let out small hymns. "to... to uhh...heal bennett. i do feel very bad for him with his bad luck and all..."

wanderer knew it was a white lie. sure, bennett had been hurt badly even with layla's shielding and guoba's defensive demeanor towards the poor child and his bad luck was only getting worse with the amount of constant traveling the party did but really, all the traveler wanted to do was rest and wait for that feeling.

the feeling of being monitored, not as a prisoner but as a fragile thing, to be cared for and used as a hollow doll—no need to lift a finger unless told to and loved for their hard work—the work they didn't even do. to be drowned in affection, suffocated with praises, and shot with care and pity. something that the wanderer despised so much but craved so badly.

not by anyone, no. no one, no mortal or god could make him feel this way, but something hidden, someone hidden behind a mask, the stars, and celestia itself was waiting for him, wanting him, caring for him like he was.

when he couldn't dodge an attack, he was healed instantly. when he had no energy, it was replenished right before his eyes. when he wanted to be stronger, he became just that. it was a complicated choice between his morals and integrity or his selfish desires and temptations.

bennett didn't heal as fast as he does when the greater person behind the screen is there. he blames it on his bad luck but both the traveler and wanderer know what's really wrong. his pale face slowly turns back to his tanner complexion as time moves forward and everyone decides to rest up a bit before the night ends.

it's been too long since the feeling went away.

"[wanderer]! is it okay if you're on watch duty?" that name. it felt like a childhood lullaby, something the elderly women of tatarasuna would sing him to sleep when he was awoken by nightmares. that name was his, something he held to with genuine pride, not like his other disdainful names that were given by cruel people or joking jesters.

"alright." there's no sigh, groan, or remark afterwards to everyone's surprise. it only happens once in a blue moon and you know damn well that they took it to heart.

layla and xiangling slept beside bennett while aether sat where he was with his eyes closed. there was a moment of silence where it was just beautiful.

the crystalflies didn’t hide from the characters, an anemo one landing on layla’s nose and on the top of the wanderer’s hat. the wind blew ever so softly and for a moment, the wanderer could feel that warmth again.

“what’s up with you?” the traveler asked. his eyes stayed close but they were attentive like always.

“nothing.”

“liar.”

wanderer frowns and slightly turns his head to see them. a smile grew on their face and they sat up, opening their eyes and looking directly at him. “you felt it, didn’t you?” the wanderer looks away.

“do you always ask dumb questions?”

the traveler beside him stifles a laugh. “they’re not dumb,” they pause. they have a visible frown painted on their face now. “you know, don’t you?”

“what? that there’s some being out there controlling us, that the world shifts to their liking, or that you can practically see their face written in those damned stars?”

they stay silent. how’d he even know? was it that meteorite from long ago? “yeah, i guess.”

the wanderer scoffs at his companion's vagueness. “i’m tired of being a vessel.” that was obviously a lie. he can’t remember the last time he actually enjoyed serving someone, let alone helping if it wasn’t for his own personal gain. it felt nice being used (which is something he never thought he’d ever think).

aether sighs, leaning on the totem. they closed their eyes, "wake me up later then."

the wanderer scoffed. "i'm not your alarm," he says but he doesn't complain any further, simply watching over his teammates, the ones you assigned him, with a faint frown on his face. just where were you?

you quickly sweep your phone off of your desk once you come back from an errand. it was only a few minutes but still! you need your game to thrive at work, remember?

it had been days to them. they were at windrise, where you left them, your whole team. thank the gods. everyone was awake and ready to be used as characters.

you continued what you were doing prior to your errand, collecting crystalflies and flowers for your characters' ascensions.

wanderer didn't tell anyone he felt your warmth.

he shouldn't, he couldn't—wouldn't. no one else had suffered like him, it was unfair for those who didn't deserve it to bask in the sweet feeling of your muse. everything bad happened to him; nothing ever bad happened to anyone else.

nahida was right; he needs help!

your help. you were the only one who could help him, help the poor wanderer who had cried and groveled at your feet centuries ago, begging for a god greater than the gods to take care of him and help him—you!

you put him through all this pain to help him in the end, right? to free him, make him truly himself and not part human or puppet but himself again.

his salvation wasn't leaving him; he wouldn't let it happen.

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revenge-of-the-shit · 1 month ago

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No hi I'm back again because after sitting on it for a while it was like Arcane suddenly saw all those issues it presented and abruptly decided that it was time to turn a blind eye to it instead in favour of a greek-tragedy-cosmic-horror-doomed-soulmates storyline. Whether this is due to studio interference or due to the actual politics of the writers, I don't know, but at the end of the day Arcane disappointingly fails to break free of the neoliberal messaging that deeply pervades any media that even tries to be progressive. It presents all these very real systemic issues, then either forgets about it or slaps on a last-minute band-aid solution that only serves to brush it under the rug.

I will grant that a part of it is just the fact that they simply didn't have enough time. A lot of this could've been expanded on had we just had one more arc, or even just three four-episode acts instead. The quick pacing honestly did Arcane a disservice this time. They had huge ideas, many of which were great, but they simply did not have enough time.

Some things that I wish we saw more of:

Ekko's community building and the fruits of his effort (and to add on to this: let him see his tree again!!! wtf!!)

Jinx and Sevika (and Ekko!!!) really, truly leading a united Zaunite revolution for longer than like half an episode that forces literally anyone in Piltover to consider the consequences of their actions

On that same point: meaningful change that takes down systemic barriers - better public infrastructure for Zaun, better funding for health issues, examining injustices committed by enforcers - this was only barely addressed by Ekko ("you're destroying our vents and polluting our waters") and then like never talked about again

Putting Sevika on the council as the singular token Zaunite is so painful like I can tell you as someone who's been the only queer non-white voice in the room that it's not as progressive and cool as it might seem to be. It's painful and torturous and just reeks of tokenism. A good first step would be to have a council with an equal amount of members between Piltover and Zaun but that's not enough to just have that!!

Jayce and Caitlyn actually having like, even a moment, just to think about what they've done to hurt, to oppress others, in their pursuit of "justice". Making weapons you never said you would and gassing a city of civilians should be thought about more, actually

Like there could've been so much more to Jayce and Caitlyn to make their characters even more well written. At their core they truly want to do good, they care, they earnestly want to help, but they are also raised in privilege and I want to see them wrestle with the biases they've been soaked in more.

I already talked about Maddie and the enforcers in a different post but just... more nuance about enforcers and how even the nicest enforcer you know will happily gas civilians and stand by and watch unnecessary violence. Like. Loris was one of the "good enforcers" but he helped to gas civilians too. Did we forget that

Vi!!! Just. More of Vi. She got the short end of the stick this season. The writer's punching bag. I wish we got more time to actually explore her trauma and to just... give her a break. But also more time on her thinking on her own decision to go bluebelly.

#non sw #arcane #arcane spoilers #arcane critical #arcane criticism #ekko #ekko arcane #jinx #jinx arcane #sevika #sevika arcane #caitlyn kiramman #jayce talis #no notes on Viktor I liked how his story went #i'm not a league player so i'm not THAT bummed that the Machine part of Machine Herald just kind of. disappeared #a little bit bummed but i fuck with Cosmic Horror Herald #I like it i'll take it

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darth-jess · 17 days ago

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GalaxyCon 2024: Meeting Hayden Christensen

I have never been someone who cares about famous people. To clarify: I care about them as human beings, like in a very general sense, the way I'd care about any other person I've never met before. I also don't really care to know much about the personal lives of my favorite famous people. For me, at least, knowing things about them can change the way I look at the characters they play, the music they write, or the art they make. And personally, I like to view these things in my own context, not within someone else's.

Because of this, I have never really become obsessed with any particular famous person. I've become obsessed with their art– their portrayal of a character, their music, their writing, etc… but never with the actual person. Why would I? I've never met them before, I don't know them, I don't know what they're like as real people.

So I never really understood those fangirls who scream or faint or start sobbing when they get to meet the Jonas Brothers or Taylor Swift. I totally did not get it.

Then, I got to meet Hayden Christensen this past weekend at GalaxyCon.

And let me tell you, emotional fangirls, I get it now.

I have never been to a con before, this was my first one ever and honestly I don't think any future con I go to will top this one.

I knew going into it I was going to be a little nervous. After all, even though (as I stated before) I don't really care about the actors who play my favorite characters, I can absolutely appreciate how much their acting affected me, how much the role they played on screen changed my own life, as well as their skill as an artist.

And because Anakin Skywalker has been my favorite character in all fiction since I was 6 years old– and has not changed since then– I was very excited. The only favorite characters I had before Anakin were Darth Vader (when I found out they were the same my 4-year-old brain nearly exploded) and Ariel from The Little Mermaid. I was 3 when The Phantom Menace came out, give me a break.

Anyway.

Waiting in line for the photo op on Saturday gave me so much excited anxiety, I felt light headed and a little sick to my stomach– and the entire time my husband was kind of making fun of me (not in a mean way, mind you, he was making me laugh). I kept telling him, "I'm too nervous, I want to go home!" – which wasn't true, but for some reason I kept saying it.

The photo op was super quick, I remember Hayden saying something nice, like "Nice to meet you" or something like that (or maybe I said that?). I only had time to hand Hayden the Anakin Skywalker replica lightsaber I'd gotten the day before and ask him to hold it! I think he said something else, but I literally don't remember because I sort of blacked out.

I barely remember taking the picture.

Then, later in the day, we waited in line for two hours (it was worth it) to get his autograph and the entire time I was trying to stay calm because I was worried that when we got to him I would just stare at him blankly, unable to say anything.

The line was soooo long, and he was sort of blocked off behind these curtains– I think the curtains are there as much for him as they are for the fans. I imagine if he could've seen how long the line was, he would've wished for Anakin's robotic arm to do all those autographs. I would have, for sure.

When we were ushered through the curtains I could literally feel every single beat of my heart, I could hear it in my brain. I felt lightheaded again, and I turned to my husband and said, "I think my heart is going to explode."

Something I noticed as we got closer was that even though he looked kind of tired, he was still nice to every single person in line and made every interaction special. I have no idea how many autographs he'd already done that day– hundreds at least– and he was still trying to talk to everyone who'd come to see him.

Finally, we got to Hayden and he looked me right in the eyes (and like holy aslkdfj that gaze is intense– NICE, but intense) and he said something like, "How are you today?"

And I said, "I'm good, how are you? It's so nice to meet you!"

I have no idea what he said after that because my heart was beating SO LOUD, but he said something nice in response.

And then I finally remembered what I wanted to tell him, so I said, "Anakin was always my favorite character."

He smiled real big while he was signing our poster, and he said, "Thank you, that means a lot to me!"

I wanted to say more, like:

"How much of yourself do you feel like you put into Anakin's character?" – This is something I'm always curious about, because as a writer I feel like I put so much of myself into my writing.

Or:

"I hope we get to see you in more Star Wars projects!"

Or even just:

"I'm so happy you're getting the recognition you deserve."

But I was honestly lucky I'd been able to speak at all, and at this point, nothing else was coming out. And I was slightly worried that if I spoke again I'd say something weird or not make any sense at all.

So my husband took over, and he held up the photo we'd taken earlier from the photo op and said, "Thanks for making me look like the third wheel!"

And Hayden laughed– he actually laughed– and made some kind of joking reply but I sort of blacked out there too because I was so embarrassed!

Finally, my husband said what I'd really wanted to say, "We're just really happy to see you finally getting the recognition you deserve."

And Hayden smiled and nodded, and said, "Really, thank you guys so much, that means a lot."

And then he shook our hands and said it was nice to meet us, and it was time to go. We walked out, and I had tears in my eyes, my heart was still racing, and my whole body was shaking. I turned to my husband as I held onto his arm and I said, "I literally can't feel my legs."

Moral of the story: Hayden Christensen is literally so nice to his fans, so if you ever get the opportunity to meet him, I highly recommend it. He's not going to remember the interaction, but I guarantee you will for the rest of your life.

Also, don't judge fangirls for getting emotional.

#Hayden christensen #anakin skywalker #star wars #galaxy con #galaxy con 2024 #meeting Hayden christensen #HE'S SO NICE OKAY

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adripakoffee · 2 months ago

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Hold on and let me yap about my goat Swansea rq (not rq, this is almost 2k words lol)

CW: SUBSTANCE ABUSE, MOUTHWASHING SPOILERS

I'm gonna use "probably" and "most likely" a lot in this because so much of this game is from Jimmy's perspective and he dgaf about Swansea until close to the end.

Okay, so Swansea is first and foremost, a very tired, very ragged mechanic who's probably pushing 60. He doesn't want to be on that ship. He doesn't want anything. He wants, at least at first, to just be done with this job and get paid. He respects Curly but he's annoyed by and dismissive of everyone else on the ship, especially Daisuke.

So much of Swansea's character is reliant on and paralleled to his relationship with Daisuke. When he meets Daisuke, Daisuke is happy and optimistic. He looks forward to things and tries to impress Swansea when Swansea doesn't want help.

The main reason Swansea doesn't like Daisuke ties into his alcohol abuse. Daisuke is always, at almost every point we see him pre Anya locking herself in medical, happy and energetic. Swansea hates this about him because that's a state of being he hasn't achieved, in his own words, in 15 years. He can't imagine being that happy while sober and it pisses him off. He's half jealous because of that and half jealous because Daisuke is young and has a long life ahead of him. Swansea does not like the life he built for himself while sober, but that's for later. Especially after they get laid off, the only one who has anything ahead of them was Daisuke. Swansea would have trouble getting another job both because of his age and because a lot of things on Earth were being automated.

Of course, after the crash, that jealousy becomes something else. Because Daisuke is the only one who has anything ahead of them, he's the only one whose life matters. Swansea loves his family, but he doesn't really like them. He's most likely worked with Pony Express the longest, so he knows they most likely won't be saved. They have one chance left, one cryopod for one person. He's saving it for Daisuke because Daisuke is only one with a chance.

Now bringing up Anya. I think it was 2 months in when Anya told him about Jimmy. Here I'd like to correct some things I said in other posts. In my Anya rant I said "He has the one last working cryo pod set aside for her specifically and refuses to let anyone into the room where it is." He felt bad for her, no doubt, but he probably doesn't actually do that. He, more likely, tells her "Hey, there's actually a crypod left. I'm saving it for Daisuke. It's not like either of us have things waiting on the other side of this." Swansea isn't responsible for Anya in the way Curly was. He respects her well enough as coworkers but they're not at all close. He doesn't feel any real need to put her in priority, especially with the dire situation at hand. I don't think he doesn't care, it's just not something he sees in his jurisdiction. And I'm not saying there's nothing he could've done. Had literally anyone at any point in the game killed Jimmy, a lot of problems would be fixed. But, unlike Curly, Swansea doesn't have as many options.

When they open the cargo hold and he starts drinking again, he rediscovers happiness. I'd actually like to apologize for something quickly. I made a short comic in which Swansea comforts Anya after she tells him about Jimmy (which he doesn't actually do, smh bro) and in the caption I had said "I love you sm Swansea I wish you weren't an alcoholic 😔" (It's also my most popular fanart on here and I'm very thankful for that ^^)

I don't blame Swansea for his alcoholism. It's an addiction just as much as anything else and no one should have to go through that. I personally though have had bad experiences with alcoholics and I'm generally uncomfortable around them. I definitely worded that caption poorly and I apologize for that, but I had meant it in an "I wish you were sober" way. I know that the caption had rubbed people the wrong way, so I wanted to apologize.

So Swansea is drunk and happy for the first time in fifteen years. Despite his intoxicated state, he still has his one goal and that's to save the last cryopod for Daisuke. He knows that's what he wants and he sticks to it. It's just him and the ax against the world. Eventually, Jimmy takes the ax to get the extra painkillers and the ax kinda just disappears for a while. Like I have no idea where it went but Swansea has it again by the time he offs Daisuke.

Speaking of which, Swansea kills Daisuke. Framing-wise it's probably my favorite scene in the game, like the breathing and Swansea's speech. Chat, I love this scene. Anyways, Jimmy offers Swansea a drink as a "peace offering." Swansea is never sober at this point in the game but even he can appreciate a good cocktail, especially when he's been slogging mouthwash for months. Honestly, he doesn't trust Jimmy like AT ALL at this point, but Daisuke helped him with the cocktail.

Swansea is kinda putting his hopes in Daisuke. Like obviously, he's placing hope in Daisuke's survival, but I think he's also seeing this optimistic, bright-eyed kid who's struggling as himself at the start of his sobrity. Daisuke said that the reason he got this job was because he was directionless in life. He had nothing to look forward to and no goals. The difference between him and Swansea is Daisuke's parents got the job for him and Swansea had to do it himself. So in that way he started to appreciate how happy Daisuke was, which is more reason to hate that he's there.

Swansea passes out from the cocktail and when he wakes up Anya is dead and Daisuke is in critical condition. Anya's gone which means they're out of a medic so that makes Daisuke's situation a lot worse. But because Jimmy used the Isopropyl to knock out Swansea, they're out of disinfectant. They have to use mouthwash which is established early on to have too much sugar to be disinfectant. So they kinda made it worse because Swansea and Jimmy are idiots who didn't listen to Anya. After a few hours of Daisuke slowly bleeding out, Swansea mercy kills him. it. looks. so. cool. During this speech, Swansea says something along the lines of "Stick a kid with a bunch of sad-sack adults and see what he learns. Bootstraps and all that." He really hates that Daisuke is here, it's just that the reason has changed. Before the crash, Curly and Daisuke were the only two who weren't like clinically depressed. After the crash, only Daisuke can find it in himself to stay optimistic, but even his faith is dwindling (Jimmy is optimistic too, but that's because he's crazy).

Right after that, he chases Jimmy around with the ax until Jimmy ties him up and shoots him. This is when Swansea lore drops about himself. He explains that he literally has not been happy or enjoyed his life in 15 years. He's done everything he's supposed to when it comes to leading a good, healthy life, but it's not at all fulfilling. He hates his job, he doesn't look forward to seeing his family, he just killed the last speck of joy on this metal space coffin, and he has nothing to live for. He's already fallen back into addiction so even if he got back to Earth, he'd ruin his life all over again. He'd be happy, but his life would be ruined. And then Jimmy shoots him.

Now here's a little health fact! Swansea was dying the whole game. People suffering from alcohol abuse often end up drinking Listerine when other alcoholic drinks aren't available. Now I'm just speculating and projecting, but Swansea is definitely a beer guy, that's his go-to. His tolerance suggests he was a craft kinda guy (which has an ABV between 5 and 10% (idk this is from memory)) or someone who drank a lot really quickly, but the mouthwash was 14% ethanol. That, in and of itself isn't the main problem, though it is noteworthy that he was already drinking more than usual. The main problem is that drinking mouthwash will absolutely destroy your stomach and intestinal linings. Mouthwash isn't just alcohol and flavoring, there's other chemicals in it too. On a good day, you'll get a nasty stomach ache, but you'll live. One to many though, and you are dead or in a coma. Like no joke that will kill you, especially if you drink a lot of it in such a short amount of time. That's why they keep saying "that stuff will kill you before anything else will," because it's actively killing them. Swansea probably knew this but he's prone to self-destruction so he probably didn't care. Anyway, hope you enjoyed that little health fact, I love reading medical journals ask me anything.

While writing this, I paused and started scrolling on tiktok and I saw a video where someone was complaining about the sudden villainization of Swansea in the fandom. I've literally seen nothing like this, but in the video they said one of the critiques people had of Swansea was that he was just as bad as Curly for not doing anything about Jimmy. That's insane, that is a batshit crazy take and I rebuke it. For one, Swansea was never Jim's friend. He never set people up to be victimized by Jimmy, he never enabled Jimmy's behavior or tried to comfort him when he was the problem. This was just a crazy thing to say, please learn to comprehend thing beyond the main text.

Um.. uh... conclusion paragraph, I love Swansea and I love to pretend he was more proactive against Jimmy for Anya's sake, but he wasn't so it's whatever he's not real anyway. I feel like this ended up being really long, like longer than the other two but idk.

Here's the link to the Anya rant and the Curly rants I also did, that I should probably edit upon further reflection

#mouthwashing #mouthwashing swansea #mouthwashing curly #mouthwashing anya #mouthwashing spoilers #mouthwashing daisuke #i miss you king #rant post #content warning #alcohlism #swansea mouthwashing #my goat #game rants #indie games #horror #this is so long #does this count as #fanfic #long ramble

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alittlebitofloveliness · 8 months ago

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In defence of Steve Randle

Listen guys, Steve Randle gets a lot of hate in this fandom and as much as it pains me, it's valid. Everyone has their own interpretation of the source material, and fandom is supposed to be fun, so it is absolutely valid and ok to hate or love any character you want. You can hate Steve for many reasons or for no reason at all! This is fandom! That's ok! The story is for you interpret and love and play with and hate on to your hearts content. HOWEVER, to say that Steve Randle isn't an important character to the novel is simply not true, and to say that he hates Ponyboy requires ignoring or downplaying some pretty key moments of the book. This is especially true for those of you who love Dally but hate Steve, because Steve gets a lot of hate for being kind of a dickhead (which lbr, a lot of seventeen years old are, especially to their friend's little siblings) while Dally gets less for doing a lot worse (harassing Cherry, jumping kids, etc). This isn't to say that either character is better- they're both great, nuanced characters who have done bad things, but the fandoms attitudes towards them when they share a lot of characteristics is really telling. Even Ponyboy's narration about them is pretty similar- Pony doesn't particularly like Steve, and he was canonically scared of Dally, but they're both members of his gang and he doesn't hate either of them. You don't have to like Steve as a character, just like you don't have to like Dally or Darry or Tim Shepard or even Ponyboy, but he is important- and he doesn't hate Ponyboy, nor does Ponyboy hate him.

A really important moment in the book is when Ponyboy and Johnny defend Dally after he harasses Cherry and Marcia.

"Dally's okay," Johnny said defensively, and I nodded. You take up for your buddies, no matter what they do. When you're a gang, you stick up for the members. If you don't stickup for them, stick together, make like brothers, it isn't a gang any more. It's a pack. A snarling, distrustful, bickering pack like the Socs in their social clubs or the street gangs in New York or the wolves in the timber."

This line here is super important. Pony and Johnny were willing to defend Dally after he sexually harrassed Cherry and Marcia- soc girls who they clearly liked and were intimidated by- in the name of being a good friend, because that is what's important to them and their gang. If they're willing to do it in this context for Dally, you'd best believe they'd do the same for Steve, and him for them. Steve can and will rag on Ponyboy within the gang, but he'd never dream of bad mouthing him to anyone else. Dependability is important to the gang, and Steve would never publicly shit talk Pony, and vice verca. Regardless of their squabbles within the gang, at the end of the day they've got each others backs. They're buddies. We see evidence of this at the end of the book, when Pony grabs the bottle and threatens the socs with it.

"You really would have used that bottle, wouldn't you?" Two-Bit had been watching from the storedoorway. "Steve and me were backing you, but I guess we didn't need to. You'd have really cut them up, huh?"

The important thing here is that along with Two-bit, Steve was backing Ponyboy, no questions asked. Sure most of it boils down to Pony being a member of the gang and that deep rooted loyalty to one another, but the context for this scene is that Ponyboy was sitting on Steve's car waiting for Steve and Two to stop flirting with some girls. The three of them were hanging out- without Darry, without Sodapop. It's their school lunch break. We know Ponyboy has middle class friend's at school, or that he could've spent time in the school library. It was a deliberate choice to hang out with Two and Steve. He wasn't forced into it. Canonically, Steve and Ponyboy hang out. Never alone, but they're decent enough friends to hang out together in a group. Doesn't everyone have friends like that? I do. This isn't the only textual instance either where they hang out without the entire gang being present. Early on, Pony offhandedly mentions that sometimes Steve and Soda will buy him pop and teach him about cars if he hangs around the DX.

"I had walked down to the DX station to get a bottle of pop and to see Steve and Soda, because they'll always buy me a couple of bottles and let me help work on the cars."

He could've just said Soda's name here but he didn't. Steve buys Pony pepsi and teaches him about cars, even though he gets annoyed with him when Soda invites him to hang around with them too often. And honestly, who wouldn't? I'd be annoyed if my best friend always invited her little brother along with us, even if I liked the kid. Wouldn't you?

Now, we do need to address the elephant in the room. I'm talking of course, about this quote;

"I'd never tell Soda, because he really likes Steve a lot, but sometimes I can't stand Steve Randle. I mean it. Sometimes I hate him."

I feel like very often people forget the context this quote comes from, and so it's magnitude is blown way out of proportion. Ponyboy has just been jumped and then immediately scolded by his brother who constantly makes him feel foolish and unwanted. He's already scared, embarassed, and defensive and then Steve goes and makes him feel even more unwanted. Of course he wants to lash out. Of COURSE he feels like he hates Steve in that moment. I did even reading it. But Ponyboy doesn't truly hate Steve. This moment is PEAK fourteen year old having a rough night energy, it's not truly representative of Steve as a character or of Ponyboy's feelings towards him. In truth, Steve actually kind of likes Ponyboy and is at very least protective over him. This is evidence by the previous quotes, but also when Ponyboy comes back from Windrixville, and is worried about the state placing him in foster care;

"'No, [Ponyboy said] 'they ain't goin' to put us in a boys' home.' 'Don't worry about it,' Steve said, cocksure that he and Sodapop could handle anything that came up. 'They don't do things like that to heroes.'"

It's subtle, and not immediately obvious to the traumatized fourteen year old who is used to Steve's cocky nature, but this is both a reassurance and a very bold claim. Not only is Steve trying to look out for Ponyboy the way the rest of the gang models- by treating him like a kid, letting the 'adults' worry about grown up issues in a misguided attempt to protect Pony- he is also throwing in his lot to make sure nothing does happen. Based on this quote and the rest of Steve's characterization throughout the book its not hard to infer that Steve would fight tooth and nail to make sure Ponyboy stays safe with his family. Sure, part of it is gang loyalty, part of it is his devotion to soda, but part of it is because he and Ponyboy are buddies in their own right, no matter how much they fight. They are friends- and Steve is an incredibly important character for many reasons, but particularly to add depth to Pony's character, to the bond between the Curtis gang, and to highlight how the Curtis gang differs from the other gangs in Tulsa. Steve is just as much an outsider as the rest of the gang, and it's disingenuous to say otherwise no matter how much you may hate him as a character.

#the outsiders #steve randle #ponyboy curtis #darry curtis #two bit mathews #sodapop curtis #lovelythoughts

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bloodlinesceo · 22 days ago

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Gif is mine.

Credit to @tsunami-of-tears for the divider!

A/N: This is the ending & final chapter to Stress. Thank you to those who have supported & read the series! Appreciate it 🩵 It is very long & it's a pretty sad chapter so be aware & have tissues if you need it 😭 For the Tama girlies, there's a poll link for you at the end.

Honestly have no damn clue why Tumblr hid Part 3 from the search 😩 So I'm sure a lot of people haven't read it. So if you haven't Here it is. Tumblr made it flop *sigh*

Pairings: Roman Reigns (bf) x Fem! Reader

Tama Tonga (ex) x Fem! Reader

Summary: Relationship tensions rise between Y/N & Roman. Tama is paid a little visit & reconnects with Y/N. However, something catches his eye.

Warnings ⚠️: 18+ Swearing, angst, fluff, implied smut, mentions of sex, emotional wreckage, emotional breakdown, mentions of mental illness, rehabilitation, violence, prison, Yandere Tama, force being used, jealousy, mentions of eating disorder, couple arguments. Sad. NOT PROOFREAD!

‼️ If situations like this make you uncomfortable, keep scrolling this isn't for you. Unnecessary comments or reblogs will be blocked. ‼️

Tags: @isabella-2025 @wishyouloveme @yana3sworld @reignsboy19 @jstarr86 @rose-bliss

(Depending on the poll results if y'all like Tama, I know someone does lol & still want to be tagged or if anyone else wants to be added lmk).

WC: 5k (Yeah grab popcorn 🍿😭)

Of course this is written for fictional purposes only & is based on their characters, it does not depict who they are in real life. Respect to them & their families.

Keep forgetting to say this but Toko means bro/sibling in Tongan

Enjoy ☝🏽

Roman was out on the balcony looking into the city lights ahead of him. His mind wandered, processing the day him & you just went through. He wished he would've known about your absence earlier, he wished he didn't get so occupied with the fans & that he'd politely cut it short with them letting them know he had to leave with you, he wished he would've kicked Tama's ass out of Waffle House right away so you didn't get hurt, same with Jimmy.

He had so many regrets, he almost lost you to Tama. He couldn't imagine what Tama would've done if he didn't get there quickly, but at the same time if he followed the options he thought about earlier this situation could've been prevented. Roman's eyes watered up thinking about it all, he buried his face in his hands, taking deep breaths. After he calmed down, he went inside to your shared bedroom to check on you. He felt his stomach twist looking at what he saw in front of him, he saw you folding up your clothes & packing them in your luggage.

"Are we going somewhere?" he asked. "We're not, I am" you said. He let out a little chuckle, "without me babygirl? Well damn, have fun & come back soon. I'm going to miss you being away," he admitted. You took a deep breath, knowing what you were going to say, you just didn't know how you were going to say it, but you needed to, and it was going to hurt the both of you, you had butterflies in your stomach, but here it goes. "Roman, I'm leaving. I can't do this anymore, I'm so sorry" you revealed.

Roman felt his heart shatter into a million pieces, his world fell apart. His eyes widened in shock, he couldn't believe what you just said. A 2 year friendship full of supporting each other's careers, traveling together, making inside jokes, being each other's shoulder to cry on. 3 years of dating, going out, giving each other the world, picking each other up when one of you are feeling down, moving in, meeting each other's families, and the times you both spent loving each other. A total of 5 years of being together all gone down the drain & ending right there.

Roman felt cotton grow in his throat, he was numb to what you just said, he couldn't believe it. You felt your eyes water up, but still continuing to pack. You knew he was going to be speechless after you said those heartbreaking words. You loved him a lot, but you didn't have a choice but to do this. There was nothing, but silence between you two as you packed. You finished packing up your belongings, you put your cosmetics bag on top of your luggage, and wheeled your luggage towards the door.

As you made your way past Roman, his hand reached out, gripping the top of the luggage handle stopping you in your tracks. "You're not going anywhere" he said firmly. You looked up at him & he looked you in the eyes, his eyes watering up. "Roman please" you pleaded. "Why? Why do you want to end this Y/N? What did I do wrong? Please, tell me. We can fix this. I'll change my ways for you" he pleaded.

You started tearing up, lip quivering "Roman, it's for the best. Please let me go" your voice started to crack. "I'm not letting you go, I need an honest reason Y/N" his voice shaking. He gripped your shoulders "please tell me, what can I do to be a better man, a better boyfriend?" he asked. "Stop!" you said putting your hand up. "It's not you, you're the best boyfriend I ever had. Please don't make my actions think that you're not enough for me, ever!" you cried.

"Then what is it! Why are you leaving me?" he questioned loudly. "IT'S ME OKAY?!" you shouted. He looked at you in shock, you continued. "It's me & my past catching up" you confessed. You didn't want Roman to beat himself up for letting you go, the honest truth needed to be revealed. "It's because of me. Tama put us through so much shit today, he came after me & harmed you & your family along the way. You all got into this mess because of me. He hurt you Ro, he hurt Jimmy, he threatened to hurt Jey, Solo & Jacob. Hell, he turned against his own brother because of me. I'm the problem, I need to leave your life so he doesn't trouble you & your family anymore, it's best we both part ways Roman" you cried.

Roman shook his head "you don't mean that" he says tearing up. "Babe, it's for the best, please. If I leave he won't hurt any of you anymore." you reasoned. "I don't care about him hurting us! We're in this battle together, babygirl. You're the best thing that has ever walked into my life. My life has changed ever since I met you. You radiate so much light & beauty. I can't see a future with anyone else, but you. I will do anything to protect you even if it's from Tama. I want to spend every second with you. Even if it means fending off Tama, I'll still stand by your side, because I love you, he doesn't intimidate me at all, I'll kick his ass" he said spilling his heart out.

You covered your mouth, tearing up. "I'll always fight for you" said Roman "even if it's against an ex of yours. I want to be on this journey with you" said Roman. "I don't know what to say" you cried. "I don't want to lose you, Roman." "Then stay sweetheart, we'll fight these battles together. You are never alone. You don't have to fight these battles alone. I'm here to love & support you through your ups & downs" he said, "if you want, we'll move from this place. Move far away where Tama won't find us" he said.

Everything that Roman said made your attachment to him grow. You didn't want to leave him, but you didn't want him to get hurt either. But, he was willing to do anything for you. Your life got better, because of him. He didn't want to let go of you & neither did you. What was Tama going to do anyway? He's with the authorities now & under their supervision. One thing's for sure, breaking up you & Roman was what Tama wanted so he can have you. You couldn't let him win. You couldn't prove yourself weak & prove him right. Tama broke your heart, he broke you & he sure had some nerve to come back into your life, especially to seek an opportunity to even get back with you for his own greed.

The thing was you weren't alone in this fight, you had your amazing boyfriend & his family by your side. He was willing to do anything for you & you were willing to do anything for him. The love between you & Roman was strong & it still managed to keep Tama out no matter how much he tried to get back in. You didn't want that bond to end, you wanted to continue loving Roman & he wanted to continue loving you. You saw a future with him too.

You nodded "okay" you smiled. He smiled big, playfully tackling you onto the bed with a hug. He pressed his lips onto yours as you wrapped your arms around his neck. You both shared an emotional & heart full kiss. All is well again. You couldn't believe you almost ended your 5 year bond with Roman, what were you thinking? He pulled away from you & looked deep into your eyes, his pupils turning a darker shade. "You're in so much trouble for scaring me like that earlier" he said nipping at your neck, making you giggle. "I'm gonna punish you" he winked. "Please do" you teased.

"But wait" you said as he took off his shirt, you nearly drooled looking at his body. "What is it?" he asked, you pulled him back down to you, kissing him with full on passion, he immediately returned it. You pulled away pressing your forehead against his "thank you, thank you for everything. You're the true definition of a Real-life Superhero" you said. He smiled showing his pearly whites. "I'm always going to protect you, you mean the world to me babygirl" he said kissing your forehead. "You & your family definitely came in like the Avengers that day" you giggled, making him laugh.

"The Avengers are great, but The Bloodline is the real-deal" he smirked. He placed kisses all over your neck as you ran your nails over his back. He stopped his kisses examining the hickey on your neck Tama gave you, he traced his finger over it. You figured that's what he was looking at when he stopped. "I'm so sorry Roman" you said softly growing emotional, you knew he was going to lash out any minute, and he has every right to. "I swear, when that man's out, I will smack the lips off his face if he ever comes near you or us again. I don't even want to see his shadow or else he's gonna have to sleep with one eye open every night" He gritted through his teeth.

"RoRo" you said getting his attention, "let's forget about him & focus on us. He's in the past now." you said. " He nodded, he removed your shirt & you wrapped your legs around his waist. That night you both loved each other to the fullest, with kisses & touches. You both never let each other go. You were his & he was yours, always.

One Month Later

"Uce, are you sure you want to do this?" asked Jimmy. "It's just for the sake of sanity & a peace of mind" said Roman. "Did Y/N agree to it though?" asked Jey. "She did, she wants to do it" nodded Roman. "I know there's so much going on, but she's willing to make changes, she's going to switch to remote learning until her transfer progress is complete with the new school" said Roman. They both nodded in understanding.

"How's your ankle Jim?" asked Roman. "It's healing up, I'm just glad the cut wasn't too deep" he said pulling up the cuff of his pant leg to check his ankle. Jey shook his head "Grateful that nothing worse happened to you, Uce" he said giving him a side hug. "The worst that would've happened is him biting my ankle" said Jimmy shaking his head. "Jim!" exclaimed Roman, "what? It's true!" said Jimmy. "He's going through shit, stop man" said Jey playfully shoving his shoulder. "Well sorry, but it still doesn't give an excuse for him to cut me like a pork chop, damn!" said Jimmy.

You & Roman both got out of the SUV, you looked around the parking lot, barbed wires everywhere over the fences, you had your arm wrapped around his as you both went inside. Security at the front desk spoke & escorted the both of you into the elevator, it took the 3 of you to the top floor. Once you both got out, the both of you got screened by security, the officer punched in on the pin pad & swiped his card leading you both into the wing. You both went down the hall entering another door. You & Roman came face to face with Tonga Loa, he nodded at you both.

"Hey Loa" you said going over to hug him, he returned the hug. You pulled away & cupped his cheeks looking into his eyes "are you okay?" you asked softly. He nodded "trying to take it one day at a time" he breathed. You nodded "I'm so sorry" you apologized. "It's not your fault, I wish I would've seen the signs earlier & act upon it" he said. "It's going to be okay" you whispered letting him go, he nodded.

Roman came over & gave him a hug. "All good?" he asked "yeah, I'm just glad this whole thing is being solved & addressed, better late than never I guess" said Loa. Roman nodded "I appreciate you for stepping in to help weeks ago, I know it must've been tough to step up to your older brother. So thank you & I apologize for yelling at you in front of everyone at Waffle House the other day" said Roman. "It's all good & of course, I didn't want him to hurt anyone & himself" said Loa. Roman patted his shoulder.

A guard called the 3 of you over to a window. Loa sat down in front of it. "How's he doing?" asked Loa looking up at the guard. "He's progressing, and getting better. However, he hasn't been talking & making direct eye contact, also skipping meals. But, we'll continue to work with him." said the guard. Loa nodded "I'm just glad he's getting the help he needs & is progressing. Maybe he'll talk to me" he said.

The guard made the radio call to his coworker. You & Roman stayed leaned against the wall behind Loa watching everything. Another guard from the other side of the window opened the door coming in, & held it open. There he was, he took slow steps into the room. You took in his appearance, it's been a month since you've last seen him & it seems like rehabilitation has done a lot to him. Although, the guard mentioned that he's getting better, it seemed like it has mentally took a toll on him to fight for the betterment of himself. His curly hair was disleveled & messy, his jumpsuit had wrinkles all over, beard was overgrown, his face was pale & there were dark circles under his eyes.

He sat down on the chair, looking down & not at the bullet proof glass barrier separating him & his brother. "Feel free to speak into that mic, he'll be listening from the speaker in front of him" instructed the guard, Loa nodded. "Hey Toko, it's been a while. I hope you're doing okay. I miss you so much, not just me, but everyone at home misses you" said Loa. No reaction from Tama he just kept looking down at the speaker in front of him listening, but refusing to look at his brother.

You felt your heart sink, seeing Tama in this condition really hurt you. Yes, he hurt you in the past, and he clearly needed help because he wouldn't leave you alone & he hurt your boyfriend & his cousin, but you really wished you could've done something, maybe be a bit more kinder & compassionate to him rather than hesitant & rude when he wanted to talk to you. You felt somewhat guilty on the inside blaming yourself for this.

You looked over at Roman while Tonga was talking to his brother, he smiled at you. "This is all my fault" you said. Roman raised his brow "what do you mean?" he asked. "If I was more kinder & compassionate towards him when he wanted to talk to me at Waffle House, this wouldn't have happened. He wouldn't be in there, today" you frowned. "Will you stop blaming yourself, babygirl?" whispered Roman. "If Tama wanted to talk to you & you were in a rush to leave, he could've been more understanding & waited another time to talk to you rather than dragging you to the smoking patio."

"Maybe it was killing him inside & he just really wanted to say it" you said. "Yeah but still, grabbing your wrist & taking you by force was aggressive of him, he's lucky I wasn't there to catch that & he could've been understanding knowing you moved on. Just my 2 cents. Do what you want with that information, but quit blaming yourself. I know you're an empath but you got to be empathetic towards you, he could've hurt you, babygirl" said Roman. You nodded "you're right, I just hope he gets better soon" you sympathized looking over at the two brothers.

"Anyway, I will be back & we're praying everyday for you. Can't wait to see you come home & for us to go to work together & Tongan twist all those tag teams. Ain't nobody realer than us, those belts are waiting for us & everyone is waiting for you at home & work, Fale says he can't wait to have a game of Call of Duty with you. Get better soon brother. I love you" said Loa as his voice cracked, the guard patted his back. Still Tama remained in the same position & pose listening to his brother's words, he didn't move nor react, he didn't make eye contact. Loa got up & came over to you & Roman.

"Are you sure you want to do this Y/N?" he asked confirming, you nodded. "You're okay with this?" he asked Roman, he nodded. "I know we've had our differences, and went back & forth. I'm very upset with his past actions & especially with what he did to Y/N & my family. Clearly he's not okay, but he's human & deserves to get better. Y/N & I will be moving, but hearing about Tama, I hope her visit gives him some light before we head up North" said Roman. Loa half smiled "appreciate you Uce." Roman motioned for you to go & talk to Tama, you nodded, he kissed your head for comfort & to wish you luck.

You walked towards the seat in front of the window & sat down. "Whenever you're ready" said the guard. You nodded & took a deep breath looking up at the man sitting there motionless. "Hey Tama" you cooed, he scratched his beard, you froze at the movement, but he was still looking down. You took a deep breath & you spoke again. "I know it's been a while since we've last seen each other. I hope you're doing okay" you spoke softly. You stopped after your sentence & observed him.

He slowly started to lift his head up, his brown & tired eyes making eye contact with you. You felt a knot in your stomach & gulped as he looked at you. "That's the most I've seen him react Bob ever since he got here! He's making eye contact!" exclaimed the guard behind you to the other guard behind Tama on the radio. "Oh my God, he's looking up" said a stunned Roman. Loa started to get emotional seeing his brother moving around. Tama started looking around taking in the environment he's in. The guard rubbed his shoulder, "you're safe & in good hands buddy, don't worry" he assured, calming him down.

Tama looked back at you. You smiled at him, eyes starting to water up. "I heard a lot has happened, I've heard you've been doing good & making progress which is great, but you haven't been feeling yourself lately, you haven't been eating nor sleeping" he continued to look at you. "I understand it's tough to take all of this in & you've never been in this situation before. But please, take care of yourself. You have so much to live for Tama, so many memories to create, so much to achieve & you've achieved so much, you're creating a legacy, people are waiting to see you, people look up to you including your own brother, you are one of a kind Tama, you make people laugh on, you make people believe in themselves, you are a star" you said.

You didn't know what else to say, Tama did hurt you, but he was a part of your life, someone you loved, worked & grew up with. It really broke your heart to see him like this, but you wanted to give him some hope so he can get better, live his life in a healthy & better way & move forward from you, hopefully. "Tama, I just want you to get better & I'm sending you all the support. Please don't hurt yourself. There's so many people who care about you, I still care about you. The more you take care of yourself, the quick you can get out of here" you encouraged.

"Sending you all the light & healing. Everything is going to be okay, you'll find the girl of your dreams, you'll get those titles with your brother & rule the tag team division, you'll live a happy life. I wish you nothing but the best" you said tearing up as you placed your hand on the glass window. Tama leaned forward looking at you, his head slowly turned to the side & looked at your hand planted on the barrier in between you two. He lifted his hand up which was shaking, and placed it over yours. You smiled through the tears.

Tama's lips started to quiver looking at both of your hands on top of each other, separated by the plain window. He looked at you, moving his head closer towards the window eyes getting watery. Tears ran down both of your faces as you looked at each other, even the guards on both sides were touched. Roman was touched, even though he gets protective over you sometimes, and he can't stand Tama, he let this one slide for the better. Loa smiled through his tears looking at his brother's emotions.

Roman pulled him into a hug as he cried onto his shoulder "there, there you big baby" he joked. "Fucking rude, your cousins were right" scoffed Loa, "I'm kidding, cry your heart out, I'm glad he's responding & I need a word with those cousins" said Roman. Tama pressed his forehead against the window crying, you got closer to his face, looking at him. "It's okay, I'm here now. You're going to be okay. Deep breaths, love" you assured. He stuttered out your name, you nodded at him smiling in tears.

You pressed your forehead against his on the window as you both had a moment to yourselves, tears flowing down from both of your faces. His tear stained face turned & looked at your hand, something caught his attention. He wiped his tears away & moved his head over to your hand, inspecting it. You looked up only to see that Tama wasn't in front of you. You looked at your hand & saw him looking at it. Tama saw the sparkle of the sapphire diamond mounted with a silver platinum ring sitting on your finger.

Yup, Roman proposed.

You two were engaged to be married. He did it 2 weeks after the incident. He proposed to you at a restaurant in downtown on your date night. He has never been so sure of anything else than to spend the rest of his life with you. You both loved each other, brought the best out of each other, and would fight the world for each other, your love was invincible. The ring solidified that & Tama was staring at it knowing he lost you.

"Shit!" cursed Roman. "What happened?" asked Loa. "I told her to take the ring off before she got here!" said Roman facepalming himself. Loa turned & saw his brother eyeing your hand. Your heart stopped, you didn't know what to do. Tama looked at you, you felt chills all over you. His expression slowly changed from sentimental to envious, his eyes darkened. You shook your head, trying to show him that he shouldn't let his anger & emotions get the best of him, clearly that didn't stop him. His nostrils flared, and his face twitched. He started to scream, bawling & banging his fists against the window startling you & the guards. Roman immediately ran over, pulling you up from your seat, directing you away from the window, and taking you towards the wall where you both were leaned against earlier. All you can hear are his faint screams muffled by the window.

"Backup! Visitor window #4, back of house immediately!" yelled the guard on the radio. The guard behind Tama tried to calm him down, but Tama kept on resisting. "Take it easy buddy!" the guard next to you said through the mic. More guards arrived holding onto Tama & carefully escorting him out of the visiting room.

Loa shook his head tearing up, you teared up thinking everything was okay, but it seems like he needed more time to get better & you showing up wasn't probably the best idea since he was after you in the first place. Roman hugged the both of you. You buried your face into his chest crying as he caressed your hair. You both were lead out by the guard.

The 3 of you walked into the parking lot. "Listen, I love y'all & don't take this the wrong way but I don't think y'all should ever come back here" admitted Loa. "No, you're right" said Roman. "Tama was still progressing being rehabilitated & getting better. We showed up during the process when he should've fully recovered. It won't happen again. Y/N & I will be going away." said Roman. Loa nodded "I wish you both the best together & congratulations on the engagement" he said.

"Thank you Loa" you said giving him a hug, he hugged you back. He gave Roman a hug, "take care, praying for Tama, he'll get better" said Roman, he nodded.

Loa, you & Roman parted ways. You & Roman got into the vehicle & drove off.

On the highway

"I told you to take that ring off before we went to the facility. What were you trying to prove?" asked Roman agitated. "I wasn't trying to prove anything I forgot, I'm sorry. I didn't know where to put it" you apologized. Roman shook his head. "You could've put it in your jewelry box, locked it up then give it to Naomi, she would've kept it somewhere safe. She doesn't know what you have in there. Tama went ballistic seeing that. We're trying to heal him" said Roman. "I'm so sorry, I just thought things were progressing, it was dumb of me to stick my hand out like that. God, I feel so horrible now. Tama had to go through that because of me" you said tearing up.

Roman stopped at the red light & leaned over to kiss your head. "There's a lot we didn't know, everyone is different & works in their own way. All I know is that we shouldn't have went there when Tama was healing. But, Tonga called me & told me he wasn't doing well, he calmed down & is improving but like the officer mentioned, he wasn't making eye contact, sleeping nor eating" he said.

"And that's kinda why we went to visit him. I wanted to give him some hope, and shed a light so he can move around around. I know what he did in the past was wrong in so many ways. But, I don't want him to ever hurt himself. I won't bug him again. I just pray that he gets better & fully recovers. I hope he moves on. It seems like he still hasn't at the moment & is disturbed" you said.

"He'll get better, we need to let him be on his own it's only been a month, babygirl" said Roman "give him some time." you nodded & looked out the window. Roman kept driving, he got a phone call from Jimmy mentioning what him & Naomi will bring over to the house party. "No Jim I'm not going to stop by Waffle House for takeout...you already ordered online?" he paused over the phone listening to what his cousin had to say, he sighed "okay, I'll pick it up on the way back. You're welcome." Today marked the last day you & Roman would be staying at your home before moving. So the family decided to throw a going away party even though they'll be joining soon, cause family always stays together.

Roman hung up & glanced over at you then back at the road. "You still care about him don't you?" he said not taking his eyes off the road. You turned your head & looked over at him. "Kind of, but that doesn't mean I want to date him again. I just want him better for him. As long as he's still thinking about me it's going to hurt him more. I don't want him to go through that pain & suffering anymore. He was a part of my life. The first man I trusted, kissed, made love with & everything. Sadly, he did hurt me, and that lead to our break-up, but usually after break-ups people dwell on it for a bit, and then move forward with their lives. Sad truth is, he hasn't. He didn't take it too well." you said.

You looked at Roman he was silent hearing what you had to say. "I'll always love you, thank you for coming into my life, making it better & for everything you've done for me. You mean more than words to me. I'm glad I found you. I can't wait for us to start our married life together" you say holding his hand. He glanced at you briefly smiling before pulling into a parking lot.

"I know you've been feeling down ever since we've returned from there. Thought you could cheer up with some comfort food." said Roman. You looked out the front window & saw the big Dairy Queen sign, you smiled. "I love you Tribal Chief" you said hugging him. "I love you too, babygirl" he smiled.

Roman pulled into the drive thru & you both ordered & received your desserts. You both started finishing off your ice creams in the parking lot. "So good" you sighed in content, "I needed this, thank you RoRo" "of course, I know how much you love your dairy products" he said. You finished yours off, but Roman had something planned, he took some ice cream & put it on the tip of your nose.

You gasped "YOU DID NOT" narrowing your eyes at him. "I sure did" he chuckled. He leaned in & licked it off your nose. "Ugh! You know how I feel about that!" you said crossing your arms. "You know, ever since we got engaged. We didn't really have a proper celebration" he smirked. "Oh my gosh, in a Dairy Queen parking lot really Ro? What if they catch us?" you asked worried. We'll go to the very back" assured Roman. "But the twins, Naomi & the rest of your family are waiting at home!" you said.

"They're adults, they can keep themselves entertained & wait" said Roman. He got out of the driver's side & opened the door to the backseat. You started biting at your nails, "babygirl" he called out, you turned your head around to look at him. "I'm waiting" he said in a deep voice, licking his lips. You swore you could've combusted right there. How did you get so lucky? You smirked at him, got out of the shotgun side & made your way towards the backseat. You went over to his side & climbed into the back side before him. You felt a smack on your ass as you went in. You turned around & cocked a brow at him. "I couldn't help myself" he smirked. He got in after you & shut the door.

The End 💫

A/N: Thanks to those who stuck with the series, followed it & read it till the end. Especially those who provided feedback, reblogged & liked, I appreciate you angels so much! 🩵 Now Tama girlies, I did promise you something at the start of this series. There is a poll out based on if you want an alternate version to this fic where she ends up with Tama.

Here's the link

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cupcakeslushie · 1 year ago

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i love that you said each of the bois have unspoken themes to them, that makes characters so much more deeper and interesting.

if you wouldn’t mind can you say what unspoken themes Leo, Mikey, and Raph have?

some are more obvious than others, and while i have a decent idea of what they are, i want to hear them coming from you ✨

adore your work btw, your storytelling and style enraptures me

This might be a big post just so I have everyone all in one place im going to reiterate what I said for Donnie

@aduckmurder

Donnie: Identity/Depersonalization

When Donnie's first introduced Draxum doesn't even consider him a person, and hadn't even given him a name. And then, later Donnie's got too many names to choose from. That alone would cause someone to have an identity crisis. Personality wise, he enjoys making tech, but aside from that, Donnie is never sure of which emotions he should be feeling, or what his likes and dislikes are. A lot of the time he's mirroring how his brothers are emoting, or he's just smiling to cover up the fact that he doesn't know or trust his own feelings. Future Donnie will have a horrible time with depersonalization after merging with the Technodrome and the Kraang, which will cycle around to impact present timeline Donnie during the movie.

Mikey: Worth

While Donnie was treated like nothing, Mikey was treated like an object/accessory by Big Mama. When she threw him into the Nexus, Mikey imagined it was something he did or didn't do well enough to meet her high standards. After he's reunited with Splinter and Raph, Mikey finds the little roles that neither of them have filled very well, such as cooking, and cleaning, and makes sure he excels at them almost obsessively out of this fear that if he's not useful, then he will be discarded. Future Mikey works tirelessly as the only brother with his mystic powers still intact, to the point that his body is so overworked by the time of the movie, he looks like he's moments from shattering apart, only held together through his own force of will.

Leo: Doubt

Leo has lived his life being ordered around and having his memories and personality altered. Even once he is free, his emotions are almost as erratic without Kitsune's influence, than they were while he was under her control (at least until his own cleansing ritual). His instinctual gut reaction to use most violent tactic first, clearly makes his family uneasy. So when Raph tries to get Leo to act as co-leader, Leo is very hesitant. He doesn't think he should be trusted with such a responsibility, but learns he can trust if he goes too far, his brothers will stop him. Future Leo has a really hard time with raising Casey. After Raph's gone, Leo doesn't trust any of the decisions he's now having to make solo, and he certainly doesn't think he can be a guiding force for good for a young child. Casey needs a teacher who will shape him into a strong warrior. Leo learns as Casey grows, that being the boy's Sensei is not the same as being his Master.

Raph: Regret/Guilt

Raph blames himself for almost every horrible thing his brothers and father have gone through. He's recounted the night that Leo and Mikey were taken, and gone over it a thousand times in his head, trying to work out how it could've gone differently. All the amazing things he's done by bringing his family together--being the stable bedrock that they can grow into a true family under--none of that feels like it'll ever make up for the times in the past where he failed to protect them. Raph takes on the job of shield because he wants to make sure nothing else ever hurts his brothers again, and doesn't care if hurts him instead. Future Raph is constantly putting his brothers' lives before his own. Unfortunately, doing it one too many times results in a devastating loss for the Resistance, when their Leader sacrifices himself, and the chain of command practically falls apart for months before it can recover.

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lovemyromance · 2 months ago

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(Not a troll ask please don't shoot :D - genuine question)

But I feel like it's really downplayed how much Gwynriels gaslight the fandom. I joined ACOTAR bc I saw Gwynriel fanart and thought they were cute. I Got all the way to ACOSF still hoping for Gwynriel and got a whole lot of NOTHING. And honestly I think Elain is as interesting as cardboard (sorry), but you'd have to be downright blind to ignore she had something going on with Azriel.

Then I saw on titktok about the bonus chapter, everyone going in saying omg thats where gwyn & az are mates! So I cracked it open, read it - and bruh - HE'S OUT HERE TRYING TO GO DOWN ON ELAIN??

How can you put THAT interaction & the conversation he had with Gwyn side by side and people are walking away from it saying Gwyn & Azriel are mates?

I'm so genuinely confused why someone would start that nonsense. The way I ate up Gwynriel art/fan theories it was like she was a major character there from the start and they'd already had 8 kids and a HEA.

Then I open the books and they barely even have a conversation??

It was honestly really annoying. felt like a scam, like one of those authors peddling their book on social media and then you realize its a wattpadd fic written by a 12 yr old not an actual book

If it helps - we're all confused. Nothing has been proven yet about any remaining couple so idk why the Elucien and Gwynriels are out here straight up inventing fiction and trying to pass it off as fact to anyone willing (and even unwilling) to listen.

This ship war could've just been - "Hey I like Elucien more!" Or "I love elriel!"

But instead of just accepting these are all opinions and not actually what is in the books - people decided to straight up gaslight and claim that Elucien are a couple and Gwynriel are mates.

If you cannot point to it on the page where such a thing it explicitly happened - then it is not canon.

Lucien & Elain? They're mates. That's canon.

What's also canon - is that not all mates are a good pairing and end up happy together.

Whats also canon - is that the cauldron was wrong.

It shouldn't be hard to reach accurate conclusions if people stopped treating their wants and headcanons as fact.

Like for gods sake - let's just look at fanart. I'm not saying that every piece of fanart is canon or even should be canon - but elriel has much more canon fanart. Thats literally a fact. They have multiple major moments together - on the page.

What is canon Elucien fanart? When she falls out the cauldron - naked and humiliated and he gives her his cloak? When they sit together over a tea service acting uncomfortable? When she avoids him every other time she sees him?

What is canon Gwynriel fanart? When he gives her boss a secondhand necklace to give to her or anyone else? When he - and cassian and everyone else - watch her cut a ribbon she sees as an enemy?

I've seen so many people open up these books expecting some grand romance between Elain & Lucien and end up disappointed because... she doesn't even want to be in the same room as him.

So many Gwynriels with similar stories to yours expecting some entertaining Gwynriel love story only to also end up disappointed because Gwyn doesn't even exist till the last book and she and Azriel barely interact.

They chose to believe in a nonexistent ship and are trying to compete with canon Elriel evidence. Like ok - tough shit? But you can't just start making shit up.

Until Elain accepts that bond - or even gives Lucien the time of day - they're not a couple. They are nowhere close to endgame if everything she has done and said has shown us she doesn't want him.

Until Azriel himself declares Gwyn is his mate or vice versa - they're not mates.

And yeah I'm gonna get a lot of backlash from the "foreshadowing and crumbs" crowd.

But let me ask you this:

There are some Elriels who think the mating bond between Lucien & Elain is fake. There is plenty of evidence and similar language used about their bond that resembles the fake Rowan & Lyria bond. Plenty of signs showing their bond isn't quite right.

do you think Elriels can then claim it's canon that the Elucien bond is fake?

"We have crumbs and foreshadowing and similar language used" too. But do you see us going around claiming it's canon?

No.

We are very clear about the distinction between canon and headcanons. About what's in the books, and what is just pure guesswork and theory.

"Sparky spark" and "elucien is endgame" are both theories until proven. They are NOT canon.

Wish they'd just learn the difference. They'd be a lot less unhappy fans.

#elriel #acotar #elain x azriel #elain archeron #azriel #pro elain #elain #antielucien #pro elriel #antigwynriel

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galactic-rhea · 3 months ago

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how do you think anakin (or your anakin) would take clovis? i found those episodes to be really ooc😭

Oh boy, I knew this day would come,,,the day in which someone asked me about these awful episodes, thanks user @songspirits now this conversation won't have to wait any longer NKLJnjfdf

To quote a friend of mine that only watched the movies when I told her the summary of the Clovis arc: "I think Anakin would've asked padme to held her wig instead while she personally goes to fight that guy, the anakin i know at least"

Jokes aside, I'll have to break this down on a few points because there's just,,,a lot going on in these episodes (to be clear I don't intend to change anyone's mind in the matter, since i already know many ppl believe these episodes to be good for anakin's ehh,,,going-evil characterization). This will get long.

So first of all: The very first episode where Clovis shows up is just alright, could've been done much better but seriously I don't have many issues with it.

The problem arises with the new ones in season 6. The why I feel Anakin is out character in these episodes is because his very, very well known and yet somehow missinterpreted flaw is that he reacts with extreme violence, especially when scared, scared not for himself but for someone he cares about.

So him reacting badly and going directly for a bloody fistfight against Clovis wasn't the problem of the episodes. It was how he treated Padmé. Like, literally telling her he would leave her in jail if she kept mentioning Clovis, lmao. Also the "You have no say on this" yadayada. I think the writer for these episodes was probably taking their confrontation at Mustafar as a reference point, which...No, that shouldn't have been the case bc in Mustafar that guy literally turned evil (literally!) and he had lost touch with reality. And also the stakes were higher. And also his anger was completely different there.

But, at the same time, if I play the devil's advocate, I can see some...eh, explanations there. For example he had recently lost Ahsoka and one of his men, the War was on the third year, and Padmé was decidely working with someone that already almost got her killed once, and she wasn't listening to him. They didn't even actually discussed the situation very well. And when Anakin says that "as your husband, I ask-" he turns around and is completelly unable to look at her in the eyes, so it could very well be that not even himself believed that, he was mostly throwing onto the table every single card he had. And one could argue that there's no way he didn't hear/notice/sense/ whatever that Padmé wasn't okay with that kiss.

But even then, the writers were clearly going for your very average possesive-sexist-angry-jealous- boyfriend, which isn't Anakin's problem, like I said, his problem is how deeply scared he is of Padmé being hurt. So Anakin's main concern shouldn't be that he's being cheated on, but that Padmé could be hurt, and they kinda touched on that but they failed at portraying that well, and I think it's because:

a) This episode shows us an extremelly common trope in shows with many episodes and many one-time-plots: The classic add-another-person-so-main-character-gets-jealous-. And almost always this type of episode gets us very ooc characterizations, no matter the show, because this society usually can't see any other reaction that isn't angry-possesive-violent jealousy. He also treats Padmé quite badly even before she decides to keep working with him, which is a no-no for me.

b) The shows forgets that Anakin does, actually, has a lot of faith and trust in Padmé's abilities. Yes, he worries, a lot, but he still is very confident on her being a more than capable person. He doesn't want to keep her in a cage or something, part of the reason he's so in love with her is because of how capable and intelligent she is. In ROTS is different because he quite literally had a prophetic vision that proved to be true before, and there's very little to do in this case, it had nothing to do with abilities or someone else. Also, if AOTC tells me anything, is that they're fairly talktative aka they communicate fairly well. Even in previous episodes we see that Padmé is great at communicating and discussing (look at how she reassured Ahsoka when Ahsoka was worried about her. Or that little bit where she's concerned about a party.); in this episode there was none of that until after Anakin almost kills a guy.

c) I think they simply, and flatly, just wanted to show Anakin being dangerous and darker and have Padmé concerned and all of that. And what better way to show a man becoming evil than being a jealous boyfriend. Isn't like Anakin has already murdered a lot of people, amirite. This is a bit of a problem with the simplification of a character. If they're bad or becoming evil, they also surely must be hyper jealous and possesive, there's no other way.

TO SUMMARIZE: I don't think Anakin was handled well, at all. Because the episodes were rellying on a very basic trope, which needed them to break the characters to fit the cookie cutter. However I can see some attempt at deepness there. It's like if it was the characters pretending to be more cartoonized version of themselves, if you know what I mean.

HOWEVER,,,,that said, the biggest sin for me isn't Anakin being OOC...IS HOW PADMÉ WAS TREATED.

They seriously had to put her into a sexual harassament plot, only for it all to be about how Anakin is evil (tm), and not have her respond at all? They really had her to put up with a creepy rapey dude just because.....What is even the narrative trying to tell us at all, that Anakin was actually was actually right, but overreacted? The plot is so contrived, Lmao.

She was the one that got harassed and yet she had no say on it, she's extremelly passive in the whole arc (which we all already know isn't Padmé's personality, even Anakin tends to follow the narrative in more passive way than she does). Then they also had to have her on the trope of "If a woman is going to be a spy, then she must use all her goods and being a femme fatale", and then they didn't even made her fatale. They could AT LEAST give us a moment of her reflecting about having been lowkey assaulted? No? Huh,okay.

Also, Padmé is actually very good at, let's say, handling Anakin. Or more like, reassuring him/discussing stuff with him, and I say this because of bits of the novels I have seen. She's more self-assured and confident, and experienced with social stuff, she's definitely not naive, and can stand her ground fairly easily, and she knew what type of guy was Clovis, so yeah, it's just...she was badly written here, she lost almost all of her agency. I'm not saying it was her fault or anything, or that it was her responsability to calm down her clown of a husband, but it goes against what we know Padmé is like.

Also apparently throwing himself onto the void was Clovis' apology for...almost getting her killed several times, kissing her without consent, being a creep and also using her as hostage. You know, so he's more of a deep character, I guess.

The good points for this arc though, are:

° Ol' Sheev doing what Sheev does best, and actually having some interesting stuff going on, they should've focused on that.

° They (miraculously) remembered a bit of Anakin's and Padmé's actual personalities, and when she told him to back off and that she needed a time, he accepted her desires to leave her alone and looked like a sad wet cat, like Anakin tends to look like. Also thank god they had Padmé's behaviour being nothing like the one of what you would expect from a victim of abusive relationships (Anakin was making his ooc scene and she just looked like 'bitch,what the hell has gotten into you', she had the audience's response, which is 'anakin? what?', which at least tells us this isn't Anakin's normal behaviour at all, i guess?)

° Obi-Wan and Anakin talking a little bit. Also Anakin's room had a poster of the Boonta's Eve race, he also had a little ship-toy, showing us that Luke really takes after his father, lol.

°...Idk what else to highlight from these episodes 😭😂 Did I already say Sheev's scheming? Uhhhh,well, uhh, idk, Padmé taking Clovis to the opera in an attempt to get info from him is kinda ...Ironic.

#padmé amidala #anakin skywalker #tcw #clovis #anidala #thanks for the ask!#this arc just gives me a headache i'm so serious #rhea dissects the text

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mcyt-trios · 1 year ago

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SEMI-FINALS

PROPAGANDA:

Familoier:

I CANT SPEND THE NEXT HOUR TYPING

THE TRIO OF ALL TIME TRULY- ALL 3 OF THEM LOVE AND CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER SO MUCH- LIKE ROIER AND CELLBIT ARE MARREID YEAH BUT THEY STILL CONSIDER JAIDEN PART OF THEIR FAMILY SHE IS IMPORTANT TO THEM AND THEY ARE IMPORTANT TO HER- ROIER AND JAIDEN WILL ALWAYS BE PARTNERS NO MATTER WHAT

theee relationship of all time: roier is husbands with cellbit and jaiden is his qpp, they are all so caring for each other and they have had their tension and their bad moments but there's a genuine want to communicate and grow better all the time :( <3

Cellbit and Roier are romantic married, Roier and Jaiden were platonic partners raising a child together, and all 3 are chaos together! But get along so so well! They support each other so much and care about each other so deeply and they are all Sillies

this is jaiden, and this is jaiden's partner/ the father of her child roier, and this is roier's cannibal husband cellbit

Eclipse Federation:

i dont like them. they ruined my life. Subz and Vitalasy had already partnered in previous seasons but this one, Vitalasy ended up leaving for a few months, leaving Subz alone, and Zam ended up getting close to him after immense trauma at the hands of his former teammates. Zam has done SO many wrongs, including to Subz himself and Subz STILL took him in and made him join Eclipse Federation after Zam died 14 times in a row and got banned then revived by the same player who's been killing him all this time. And it could've been perfect but no, Zam had betrayed his previous team due to them using dupes via exploits, and now Eclipse Federation ALSO has exploits! And he decided that yeah his morals were more important than being loved! And so he murders Vitalasy when he's at his most vulnerable point, lets everyone gaslight him into thinking Vitalasy is an irredeemable evil monster who will never change, even as Vitalasy SAID he was ready to change before the betrayal even happened, Eclipse threw out their whole revenge plans because of Zam's positive influence and he just broke everything. Subz couldn't be with Zam but also couldn't see himself at Vitalasy's side, leaving him alone. Vitalasy hated Zam and yet never killed him or hunted him down, despite Zam acting like he did. And when Vitalasy left, banning himself off from the server, Zam had some time alone to think and realized he fucked up SOOOO bad. And Subz revived Vitalasy and told him to kill him. And ban him. His last wish. His Deliverance. And to make up with Zam. And Vitalasy tried, and they kind of did make up over Subz's death, but then Zam was like "actually im going to kill everyone and destroy the server now. because i want subz back and also because i always do extremely drastic things when i don't need to because i have unchecked mental illnesses i refuse to get help for". And surprisingly when Subz came back he didn't like that! And they ended in tragedy! Eclipse is fucked up. It's a trio that's always about the absence of one person, it's a team that could only happen in one timeline and it was doomed from the very start. But the love was there. It made everything worse, truthfully. But it was there. And that matters. Also as a fun fact Zam himself on twitter has referred to eclipse as a throuple, which is not canon but that's pretty funny. he also stated on stream he didn't want to get therapy because it'd ruin his lifesteal character. and there was a saga where they would "marry" (challenge lost kinda shenanigans) and zam was the only one happy about it. he's not normal. there's something wrong with him. love that for him though sorry for the block of text. I really dislike them. They're my beloveds :3

#mcyt-trios #mcytblr trio bracket #polls #round 5 #mcyt

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apolloscastellan · 5 months ago

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Never quite buried | loss of my life chapter 4

Pairing: Art Donaldson x Tashi Duncan x Patrick Zweig x FemaleTennisPlayer!reader

Summary: Your life had always been divided in two: before you met Tashi and after you met Tashi. The second you had laid eyes on her for the first time you knew you had been changed. You were soulmates, meant for each other Nothing could ever tear you two apart, or so you had thought. You could've pinpointed the junior U.S. Open as the night that changed everything. Now you have to juggle your hate-love relationship with tennis with your love-love relationship with Tashi and the two guys who you can't seem to stay away from. Tennis, after all, was only one of the most fucked up relationships of your life.

Warnings: challengers spoiler, challengers content warnings, super minor character death, terrible mother figure, use of y/n, polyamory.

Word count: 6.5K

A/N: Please let me know what you think bc my motivation is severely lacking rn, i feel like i'm writing into the void

series masterlist | prev | next

Tashi remembers perfectly the day your retirement from singles hit the news. It was all everyone could talk about. First, it was the statement on your social media. A well thought out paragraph about your struggles with continuing to enjoy tennis the way you used to and deciding to take a new route, it ended with a promise for more and better news soon. Then it was the teasing posts from Adidas, the “she is not done just yet” and the “love conquers all”. It all came to a peak with the release of the pictures of you and Patrick. Both of you wearing matching Adidas apparel, practicing in the private court you had in your backyard. The chemistry between the two of you was obvious to everyone who saw them. There was a glint in your eyes that no one had seen since you went pro. She knew the smile you were giving Patrick all too well, it used to be reserved for her.

Her and Art, who had just very recently reconnected, sat on his couch for hours watching the tennis channel, waiting for updates. The relief they felt when it was announced that you were not quitting because you were fatally injured, as everyone had originally thought, was short lived. Neither of them spoke as the commentators showed the images of you and Patrick. Practicing, giggling, getting closer, him giving you that teasing smirk they both knew, you throwing your head back laughing, him beaming at you when you weren’t even looking, both of you focused on the ball, kissing… They both thought about turning off the TV, hitting some balls to work out how they were feeling, but then you were introduced into the set, a vibrant smile as you walked in, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt too big to be yours. The Mark Rebellato Tennis Academy logo only confirmed the obvious. You shook hands with everyone, sitting on the sofa they had reserved for you.

“Y/n Y/l/n, thank you for being here” the older man said, over the clapping of the crowd.

“Thanks for having me!”

“What a day it’s been for all of us, tennis fans. You’ve had us on the edge of our seats! First we mourned, now we’re celebrating… Please tell us why did you do this to us?”

“I am so sorry! I am, I really am” you laughed as the man teased you, God how they missed that laugh. “I have a flair for the dramatic, I must admit, and I am, in a way, saying goodbye to my career as I know it. It’s the start of a new chapter, and it’s really exciting, but it is also a goodbye and it felt right to give it its proper moment. I didn’t realize so many people were going to be so upset about it.”

“Why the switch? Why decide to give up singles completely?”

“I wasn’t enjoying it anymore, it was painful and I had started dreading every second of it. Fortunately, I am in a position where I can decide I don’t want to keep doing something that is bringing me down, so I took advantage of it. I didn’t want my stubbornness to completely ruin my love for tennis. I thought I could step back, maybe take up teaching and try to find that passion again. I was going to quit regardless, so this playing doubles thing happened at just the right time.”

“Yeah, let’s talk about that! You’ve decided to become a full time mixed doubles player with Patrick Zweig, who is a challengers player, somewhere in the two-hundreds. You are currently ranked number one in the world, how does this happen?”

“I think rankings and numbers can be misleading sometimes. Sometimes a player is not playing their best because of external reasons, or simply because they are not meant to be where they are. I think me and Patrick are meant to play together, I really do. And if you can’t trust anything else, trust this: I am really competitive and I hate losing, I would not put myself in a situation like this if I really thought we couldn’t win.”

“From what I’ve heard Zweig and you are committed to each other both on and off the court. You’ve never been open about your private life in the media, and he is the first boyfriend you’ve ever made public, what’s different about him?”

They couldn’t take their eyes off you as you let a bashful smile spread on your face.

“I mean… Everything. I am pretty possessive of my privacy and we still don’t plan to share everything we do, but the truth is that I have never been open about any boyfriends because I have not had any serious relationships since I went pro. Patrick and I will be playing and training together so I thought it was bound to come out, so to me, I'd rather have that happen on my terms. And I do think Patrick is very different to all relationships I’ve had before, in the best way possible”

Art swallowed, refusing to look at Tashi when she turned to watch him. He didn’t deserve to be jealous. He knew that, if he had treated you right, you would still be together. That knowledge didn’t change how he felt.

“How does that happen? How does one manage to make the Y/n Y/l/n fall in love with them?”

“Well, me and Patrick met each other a while ago, at the U.S Junior Open, actually. He won it, I got second, we hit it off instantly. But it was one of those situations where it’s never the right time, you know? We kept missing each other, we were in relationships with other people, and we ended up drifting apart when I went pro. And then, funnily enough, we bumped into each other at an Adidas party about a year ago, and the rest is history.”

Art couldn’t bring himself to be angry when the TV shut off. He turned to look at Tashi who stood there with the remote in her hand, not looking at him.

“I’ll see you in ten in the court. We need to work on your serve.”

He didn’t need to be told twice, grateful for the excuse to take his feelings out on the ball. To think about anything that wasn’t your smile as you talked about Patrick. He didn’t say it out loud, but he knew Tashi felt the same way, the sudden urge to train had not come out of nowhere.

New Rochelle, New York. August 24, 2019:

You look down, shaking your head as Patrick crashes his racquet repeatedly against the floor. The umpire’s voice ominously announcing the score. You raise your face back up when Patrick gets given a penalty. Art walks nonchalantly back to the bench, you can feel Tashi’s smug grin beside you. You make eye contact with your husband and shake your head, he rubs his face with both hands, then nods. As much as you both don’t really care to win this tournament, he knows you’ll be angry if he just lets it go, gets angry and in his head and lets Art have it on conduct alone. So he sits back and waits, ready to be better, to prove himself to you once again, like every time he steps on the court.

Earlier that week. New Rochelle, New York. August 18, 2019:

Tashi is working, writing stats on her computer when she sees Patrick walking towards her from the corner of her eye. She rolls her eyes as he stops behind her, pointing at her screen before he speaks:

“He’s not bad, I played him at a few of these things when I did singles.”

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be practicing to not humiliate your wife before she carries you through the U.S. Open?”

“I just finished, thanks for caring.”

“Wonderful” she says, not a hint of amusement in her voice.

“Hey, come have a cigarette with me, I have to talk to you.”

“Yeah I don’t smoke, and I’m not talking to you.”

“Neither do I. It was just an excuse.”

She looks back at him, unimpressed, but he doesn’t let up. He stands there, staring at her until she gives in, closing her computer and standing up. Patrick is not sure what he is doing. He probably shouldn’t be doing anything at all, if he’s honest with himself. But he has dug a hole too deep to jump out of now, so he is going to follow through. He is doing this for you, he reminds himself, no matter how angry you’ll be with him at first, he is doing this for you. They find an empty alley and look back at each other, Tashi waits for him to speak, he takes his time collecting his thoughts before he does.

“I’m gonna propose something to you and it’s going to make you angry. It’s going to make you very angry,” he can’t help the smirk growing on his face, her expression doesn’t let up. “I want you to be our coach next season.”

“What?”

“Our coach is retiring, we need someone else. I want you to be our coach from next season on.”

“Does she know you’re offering me this position?”

“No, not yet. But she will, and she’ll agree with me.”

“You know that’s bullshit. Plus, why would I want to coach you guys? I already have a highly successful athlete under my wing.”

“Yeah, but even if he wins the Open and completes his career grand slam, Art’s still gonna retire as someone who was really, really good. That’s what you guys will have done together. But imagine if you could get your hands on us. Imagine if you could make us great. You’d go down in history. We have a couple more seasons. We still have a couple more good seasons and I need you to bring it out of us. What do you think?”

He doesn’t expect Tashi to slap him, turning his face completely, although he really should have. He mumbles a curse under his breath.

“How fucking dare you?” she sounds angry, too angry for his stupid proposition. “You want me to give you my best piece of advice? To coach you? Ok, quit.”

Patrick can’t even begin to think of a response, the murderous gaze Tashi gives him fixes him to the spot.

“Quit right now, right fucking now, quit.”

“What are you talking about?” he is too shocked to be offended.

“You’re dragging her down. She should’ve gone down in history as the best ever player. She would have broken records. She should have been good enough to beat the men, and she is what? Going around playing mixed doubles with you? It’s pathetic. Quit, and maybe she’ll have a chance at being an ounce of what she should’ve been.”

“You’re fucking joking”

And now Patrick is angry too. Because he is tired. He is so tired of the endless comments and judgment. He is tired of being blamed for ruining you and your career as if it hadn’t been your decision. As if it hadn’t been your idea. As if he was capable of ever doing that to you. As if he hadn’t begged for you to think it over a million times before you took a step that you wouldn’t be able to come back from. As if he hadn’t been the sole reason the world of tennis hadn’t lost you completely. As if he didn’t try harder than he had ever tried to be enough for you and make sure you never resented him or regretted being with him in any way. The thing that makes him the most angry, though, is that it’s Tashi. And how dare Tashi, the woman who had abandoned you and ruined your love for tennis in the first place, blame him for something she had pushed you to do. Something that was nobody’s fault but hers.

“You must be fucking delusional if you think for just one second that I would ever, ever, ask her to give up on her career for me. You know whose idea it was to play mixed doubles only? Y/n’s. She thought of it, she asked me to do it, she orchestrated every single little detail. And you wanna know why she did it? Because she hated tennis. She was going to quit. She couldn’t stand the thing she loved the most anymore. And you wanna know what made her start to hate tennis, even though her love for it never wavered before, not even with her borderline abusive mum who only loved her for her talent in it? You, Tashi. You did. You ruined tennis for her. So get the fuck off that high horse you continue to ride everywhere, because if there’s one person here to blame for ruining her career, it’s the one I’m looking at.”

He is out of breath when he finishes speaking, and he doesn't know what to do. He has so much shit he wants to throw at her, so much resentment for all that she had put you, and him, through. But he can’t say anything else, the second Tashi’s expression falls, even if it is only for a moment, he can feel his heart shatter inside his chest. No matter how much he hates Tashi, how much he resents her, he loves her. He loves her so much it hurts deep inside his chest, like an ache that is so present he had almost forgotten it existed. But looking at her right now, he feels it, pulsating all through him, and he knows, with a certainty he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge before, that he will never not feel this way about her.

“You don’t know what you’re saying” her voice is stern, but Patrick knows her too well to believe her tone.

“You hate me” it’s not a question. “And you hate her too. Me, for having her. Her for having the career you deserved. And it’s driving you crazy, because as much as you hate us both, you also love us. And as much as you love Art, you hate him too.”

“Excuse me?”

“You hate him because he is just Art, that’s all he can ever be. He will never be me, and he will never be her. And as much as you love him, just Art will never be enough for you.”

“I don’t know what gives you the right to speak about my marriage…”

“The same thing that gives you the right to speak about mine. Does Art know about Atlanta?” he cuts her off.

The pure, unfiltered shock on her face lets him know he has caught her off guard. She did not expect him to know about it. She collects herself quickly, but she doesn’t say anything.

“You keep saying you came here because Art needed matches, but I think you came for something else.”

“You think I came here for you?”

“And for her” he says nodding. “I’ve been signed up for this tournament for months, there’s no way you didn’t see my name in the participants list.”

“You think I came here, to throw it all away for you?”

“Maybe you just wanted to see us…”

“I don’t need to see you to know that you look like shit, and she should get as far away from you as soon as possible.”

She starts to walk away, decisively.

“I’m going to beat him,” he says, it stops her in her tracks, she turns her face to look at him. “If we both make it to the final I’m going to beat him.”

“Even if you did, it wouldn’t change anything.”

“It would break him, you know it would.”

She shakes her head and starts to walk away, too exasperated to come up with another hurtful retort about his failed career. She jogs after her, catching up with her pace almost effortlessly. He grabs her arm, makes her stop walking. He pulls up a piece of paper from the back pocket of his jeans.

“My number, in case you change your mind about the coaching… Or about seeing us again.”

“I won’t.”

He nods, shrugs his shoulders. Then, he watches her put the note in her pocket. He smiles.

New Rochelle, New York. August 24, 2019:

Patrick hasn’t looked away from you even once. You know even though you are looking into your lap. You are hyper aware of every single person around you. Most accurately, you are hyper aware of the woman next to you and the two men playing against each other. You play with your ring as you feel Tashi tell Art to focus. When you finally meet Patrick’s eyes he doesn’t smile. He raises his left hand and kisses the ring on his finger without breaking eye contact as the umpire announces the start of the next set. He crosses paths with Art as he makes his way to the other side of the net but he doesn’t move his eyes from you until he is getting ready to serve. You know then, with absolute certainty, that he is doing this for you.

Atlanta Open, Atlanta. July 18, 2011:

Even though Patrick and you both know why you are sitting in the stands during practice time instead of walking around the venue, or actually practicing, you are still shocked when you see Tashi and Art walk into the court. Your hand reaches for Patrick, holding on to his thigh as if on a rollercoaster that is suddenly going down. You both try to look composed and careless, but you don’t know if you are doing a good job. Art and Tashi do the same, pretending they can’t see you, even though you are the only other ones there and you stick out like a sore thumb. Patrick and you talk to each other, although neither of you would be able to recall anything said during your conversation, and share the fries you had bought before walking over. You pretend you just casually stumbled to sit there for a snack, that you hadn’t checked the schedule to figure out what time and what court Art Donaldson had for pre-match practice. Art hits the ball like he hasn’t been able to hit it in a while, grunting as his racket made contact with it. Tashi looks at you for a second, then back at Art. She nods, satisfied. You want to run away, want to erase that satisfied smirk from her face and your memory. But you stay glued to your seat, hand in your boyfriend’s thigh, heart pounding, and you take the way they ignore you like a punishment.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

The wind is relentless, the trees hitting against the window making repetitive thwack noises that remind Patrick of the sound of the ball hitting the racket. You have been answering emails and making calls to finish preparing things for tomorrow, the U.S. Open, and whatever lies in store for you both after that. Patrick knows that you’ve been messaging potential coaches and though the guilt pit on his stomach keeps growing, he can’t bring himself to say anything to you. He hopes you haven’t set in stone anything, because he is still delusionally confident that Tashi will accept his offer. He knows he should help, whatever you are doing affects him too, but he is too nervous to do anything productive so he just lays around, throwing a ball against the ceiling, or the wall, or whatever he can find. After the third time the ball slips from his hand too early or too late and hits you, you stand up and point to the door.

“Leave, right now” he makes no attempt to move. “Patrick, I mean it. I’m working and I know that you are nervous but you’re stressing me out so go down to the sauna, or get a drink or something that’s not going to make me ask you for a divorce or have to spend the rest of the night finding a place to hide your body.”

Patrick smiles as he stands up. He picks one of the keys from your bedside table and walks over to you, kissing your head before making his way to the door.

“I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, love you too. Leave now, please.”

He giggles all the way down the elevator. He doesn’t feel like drinking, which means he doesn’t feel like making a fool of himself tomorrow for getting drunk the night before a match, especially not in front of Art and Tashi. So he walks around until he finds the sauna, maybe that will help him calm down. But as he gets naked and opens the door he can’t believe his bad luck. Although there is a white towel covering his face, there is no denying the naked man sitting right in front of him is Art Donaldson. Patrick doesn’t think there’s a world where he wouldn’t recognize him, no matter how much he’s changed from that scrawny blonde boy he once knew like the back of his hand. He thinks about turning around, walking out, pretending he never saw him, and finding something else to do for the night. But there’s no way Art hasn’t heard the door opening, and Patrick has never been one to run from conflict, not really. So he steps forward, lets his mind get a little bit caught up in the past, sue him he hasn’t seen this guy in years, and opens his mouth:

“Can you do me a favor? Can you not like, demolish me tomorrow?” He says it with the inflection of a pick up line, and before he can even finish his sentence Art is pulling the towel away from his face and looking at him like he already knew that it was him standing at the door, even before he said anything.

They are both smiling as Patrick pulls the sauna door closed and walks toward Art. He is acting far more comfortably than he feels, but if he stops to think about what is actually happening he might start shaking and poop his pants, which would be a terrible thing seeing as he isn’t wearing any. He gets way too close to him, and raises one of his legs on the bench, dick fully on display. Art makes a valiant attempt pretending he doesn’t look down.

“Hey, congrats on being a Phil Tire’s Town Challenger finalist.”

“Yeah, you too” Art says, looking forward to not have to look at Patrick, who is smiling far too wide for the situation they are in and the past that they have.

“Hopefully the wind dies down by tomorrow and we can have a fair fight” Patrick lets himself pretend this is normal, like they are two competitors getting ready for the final, maybe even pals catching up after not having seen each other in a while.

Art doesn’t let him have a second of the little fantasy he’s made up in his head, though. He slides down the bench, getting as far away from him as he can without looking like he is actually running away.

“C’mon, can we talk?” Patrick says, and his voice sounds pitiful even to his own ears.

“Can you put your dick away” Art’s voice is stern, but he looks him in the eye for the first time since he walked in, so he counts it as a win.

“This is a sauna,” Patrick scoffs, putting up a fight so Art won’t notice he’d do anything he told him to. “Look, we've been here for a week and we haven’t said two words to each other. It's just… it’s silly, man. It’s dramatic. I mean, really, why are you so angry with me?”

He sits down, obeying Art and covering his dick. Art is finally looking at him, really looking at him. It has the same effect it did back when they were kids, Art looking at him makes him feel brave. He can’t stop himself from rambling on.

“Look, I don’t buy that it’s because of Tashi, I don’t think it’s because of what happened to her. And I hope it’s not about Y/n, because you have no right… So, I think, maybe, you’re just really disturbed by the fact that they could’ve been into someone like me. Both of them”

“Tashi liked you when we were teenagers.”

“Sure, but I just got married to the girl you said was the love of your life.”

“I ended things with her.”

“And you regret it every single day of your life,” Patrick knew, because it was the same way you and him felt about him and Tashi, “and you know that Tashi does too.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“We both know that if Tashi had been a little more brave back then, she would’ve never taken either of our numbers. If she had been a little bit more honest with herself, she would’ve swept Y/n away and neither of us would’ve had a chance with either of them.”

“That still happened when they were teenagers. When we were teenagers.”

“Huh” Patrick looks thoughtful. “When they were teenagers…”

Atlanta Open, Atlanta. July 18, 2011:

You slip out of your room in a t-shirt that is definitely not yours and the first shorts you stumble across on your way to the door. You can’t sleep and Patrick’s soft snores, which you often find endearing, are getting on your nerves. He doesn’t stir, even as you close the door softly behind you. You don’t know what you are doing, or where you’re going. You take the stairs down, needing to move your body for a little bit. You walk outside, feeling like no matter how hard you breathe in there’s not enough air in your lungs. You lay your weight against the brick wall of the hotel. You get your breathing under control after a couple minutes of staring at the sky trying to look for constellations you don’t know the name of anyways. When you turn around, to go back inside the hotel, you realize that right next to where you were standing there’s a window to the hotel’s bar. There, sitting down, nursing a glass that you can only assume contains something strong, already staring at you, is Tashi Duncan. You don’t know what you’re doing, but you let your feet guide you inside. Then, instead of going up the stairs like you should, you take a right turn and walk right into the bar. Tashi finds you immediately, having been looking at the door. You don’t understand what you’re doing, but before you can think about it you are sitting right in front of her. You haven’t looked at her this up close in years. You search, but you can’t find many differences. She looks exactly like the girl you knew with her hair a little shorter. You wonder if it’s the same on the inside, if the million secrets you knew about her still hold true. If you could still tell which of her smiles were fake, or when she was about to cry but was trying to hold it down.

“I heard you gave up,” she whispers after a minute of staring into each other’s eyes.

“I quit singles, I didn’t give up,” but you can tell she doesn’t really believe you, so you scan her, trying to find something else to talk about. Your eyes lock on the ring in her finger. “That’s a gorgeous ring.”

Your fingers find your own ring instinctively. You don’t know if you’re trying to make sure it’s still there, or if you are trying to ask your dad for strength. Her gaze lowers, first to your ring, then to her own.

“It’s his grandmother’s.”

You nod, you know what that means. Art had always talked about wanting to propose to his future wife with his grandmother’s ring. Back when he fantasized with you about it, it was your hand that ring ended up on. He always talked about taking you to the residency so you could meet his grandmother, completely sure she would love you and give you her blessing immediately. You think of your own sentimental family ring, unsure you would ever be able to trust anyone enough to carry it, no matter how much you loved them.

“How is she?” you ask, more out of politeness than anything else, you never got to meet her, after all.

“She died. Stroke”

You grimace, knowing the feeling of losing the one person who truly believes in you too well. You look around, trying desperately to find something to say, you will your brain to remember the million icebreakers and conversation starters you had been forced to memorize for the awfully boring networking parties your mum used to throw for you. You come up with nothing, so you look back at her and lean over the table and she imitates you. Your faces inches away from each other. You feel drunk even though you haven’t had a single sip of alcohol all day. You don’t question it, Tashi always made you feel like you were going crazy and a little bit drunk. It must be that what pushes you to say what comes out of your mouth next:

“I miss you.”

She doesn’t say anything, but she leans further over the table, getting impossible close to your face without touching it. Then, when you are completely sure she is going to tell you to go fuck yourself and leave her alone, her hand makes her way to the back of your neck pushing you towards her until your eyes meet. There might be a million things that have changed since the last time you did this, but kissing Tashi Duncan feels exactly the same as the first time you did it. It feels like coming home.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

“You’re right” Art says finally, leaning his back against the wall. “I do find it disturbing.”

“There’s no need, man. Lots of girls were into me, but only one of them wanted to marry me. I’ve always thought that was not what I was for, so I don’t know how I did it.”

“Yeah, neither do I.”

Patrick feels his entire skin burn with the way Art looks him up and down. He curses in his head the years they’ve spent apart and the secretive, mature person Art has become, he can’t read him like he could. He can’t tell if he is teasing, or trying to humiliate him. He can’t tell if he’s angry, or just as desperately sad as he is.

Atlanta Open, Atlanta. July 18, 2011:

You don’t know how but you and Tashi have stumbled onto a hotel room that you don’t recognize. It’s much bigger and fancier than yours so you assume it’s hers. You want to ask where Art is, if he is about to walk in on the two of you making out on his bed, but the way she is kissing you makes you forget about everything. You roll onto the bed, hands on either side of her face as hers roam your body freely. It’s too much and not enough simultaneously and you moan and pant on her lips. It’s everything you’ve always dreamt of and you can’t help wanting more. More of her and her body, of her lips, more of her heart. You try to not be greedy, take what she gives you, and soon you’re seeing stars and rolling over, breathing with difficulty.

“That was…”

“Yeah” she mumbles.

“So… What happens now?”

“What do you mean what happens now?” she seems confused as she stands from the bed, walking around until she finds your clothes.

“We just had sex,” you say, obviously.

“Look, we shouldn’t have done this. It was a mistake.” She throws your t-shirt at you, you put it on slowly.

“A mistake?” you’re getting angrier by the second, but you don’t want to yell and alert whoever is sleeping in the room next to this one.

“Yeah, we will act as if nothing happened.”

“What about Art?

“He doesn’t need to know,” you shake your head as you finish putting on your clothes.

“That’s fucked up.”

“Do not act as if I was the only one who cheated! Aren’t you and Patrick dating?”

“I never said that! You can’t just run away from everything you refuse to accept. You haven’t talked to me in years!”

“Yeah, and it should have stayed that way.”

“One day you’re going to wake up and realize that everything you’ve refused to accept all your life is catching up to you, and by then, it might be too late.”

“Get out” she says, instead of replying to what you said, you don’t need to be told twice.

You manage to hold back your tears until you are standing in front of the elevator. You’re fully sobbing when the doors open, revealing a very confused Art. You see him step towards you, but you refuse to let either of them continue breaking your heart. You step backwards, then turn around. You run until you find the stairs. By the time you make it back to your room you look like a mess. You knock on the door, you must have left your key in Tashi’s room but you are too upset to care about that or waking Patrick up. His entire face changes when he opens the door. Worry taking over his expression.

“Y/n, what happened? Where were you?

You fall onto his arms, sobbing. He leads you in, closing the door behind you. You don’t speak until you’re both seating in bed.

“I saw Tashi… And I… We…” you don’t say anything else, but you don’t need to, he understands.

He holds you through the night. The next morning, you forfeit the tournament and go home.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

“Honestly, I thought you’d be happy I was in the draw” Patrick is not ready to let it go, to shut up and walk away from Art, he doesn’t know when’s the next time he’ll be able to talk to him again, so he runs his mouth. “I mean, you’ve always wanted to beat me in a tournament, and two weeks before the open… It’s the perfect confidence booster.

He settles on cocky because he doesn’t know what else to do. He has never been very good at being vulnerable, not with Art, and no amount of therapy is going to make him start now, when he can see how done he is with him from a mile away.

“I know what you’re trying to do right now,” Art smiles.

“I’m not trying to do anything, Art,” but he doesn’t know if he’s telling the truth. “This is a challenger, I don’t need to play mind games with you.”

“Right, you don’t give a shit.”

“Hey, I didn’t say that…”

“We both know that you have a considerably higher stake here than I do.”

“Do I?”

Art laughs, but there’s no real humor to it. Patrick does too, trying to conceal the way he is sure his entire body is shaking.

“Oh, fuck… Where do you get your swagger from, man?” Patrick can tell, from the way Art is looking at him, that this is the part that’s going to hurt, he doesn’t try to stop it. “I mean you come in here swinging your dick around like I’m supposed to be afraid of it but do you realize how embarrassing it is that you are here right now?”

“Not quite as embarrassing as you being here,” Patrick has never known a way to back down, so he stirs the pot.

He’d rather have Art yelling at him or humiliating him than not talking to him at all. His therapist would not be very proud.

“I’m just stopping by, man. You would live here if it wasn’t for her” there’s a pause, suddenly Patrick wants to take everything back, run away with his tail between his legs, but it’s too late. “You know, I’ve always tried to figure out what happened to you, but the more I thought about it the more I realized… It’s what didn’t happen. You never grew up. You still think you can talk to me like you’re my peer because we came from the same place, because you’ve managed to stumble into some of the same competitions. But it’s not about where you came from in tennis, Patrick, it’s about winning. And I do, a lot. And you only do because you tricked Y/n into playing with you. But one day, she’s going to wake up and realize she wasted her entire fucking life in a pathetic man who thinks he’s the shit because he won the junior U.S Open a trillion years ago. And then, you’ll be left with what you deserve: nothing.”

“You’ve never beaten me,” he says, as if it’s what matters out of everything he said.

He says it because if he focuses on what Art said about you, he might cry. He doesn’t want to cry, not in front of Art, not right now. He doesn’t have enough willpower to fight him, like he knows he should, like he did with Tashi.

“So what? I haven’t beaten most of the guys who play in these things, or the ones who only make it into the big tournaments playing doubles. This is a game about winning the points that matter.”

“I don’t matter?” he doesn’t know why he says it, or what he is expecting to get in return.

“Not even to the most obsessive tennis fan in the entire world,” his voice is monotone, tired, Patrick wants to crawl out of his skin.

“We’re not talking about tennis.”

“What the fuck else do I have to talk to you about?”

“I wanted to come in here to wish you good luck, Art,” he says, and he means it.

“That makes no sense,” Art scoffs, looking away, he’s talking to himself more than Patrick.

“I wanted to say that I’m looking forward to it, I miss playing with you,” he is being vulnerable, but he knows Art won’t believe him, which is probably why he says it in the first place.

“Yeah,” he nods his head and he looks amused, but Patrick can see right through him, he’s about to finish him off. “Well, I don’t miss playing with you, man. I’m too old for it.”

As soon as the door is closed behind Art, Patrick lets himself drop onto the bench. He tells himself he is not going to cry. There’s tears running down his face by the time you open the door of your room to him. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t need to, you understand.

#challengers x reader #challengers #art donaldson #tashi duncan x reader #tashi duncan #art donaldson x reader #patrick zweig #patrick zweig x reader #annie writes challengers #patrick zweig x art donaldson x tashi duncan x reader #patrick zweig x art donaldson x Tashi Duncan #loss of my life series

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