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loststarphounix · 2 years ago

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Unexpected Company

Rating: Teen

Pairing: Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham

Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Despair, No Game Spoilers, Long Distance Relationship AU, Kazuichi's A Solid Planning Skills, Or Lack Of lol, Fluff, Online Friendship, Friends to Idiots to Lovers, Vet!Gundham, Mechanic!Kazuichi, they've been talking via blog comments lol

Summary: Long Distance AU where Gundham is (pleasantly) surprised on his birthday

Read on Ao3

Authors Note: This long distance AU was made by SoudamDaily on Twitter. I don’t have a twitter, I just stalk the site for soudam and tarot sequence stuff lol, so anyone who does have a twitter, please tell the mod on SoudamDaily that I loved the au idea and that I love reading their other AU's when the post them. I tried to make a fic for it. I hope I did it some justice <3

The twitter post responsible for this lol

Gundham awoke that morning feeling more spirited than usual. He did not know why, but it felt as though a warm aura had settled itself on his spirit like a thick blanket, giving him more energy and a sense of giddiness. It was different from the usual presence he felt - so much so that he did a long, intense reading to try to pinpoint its purpose.

After a moment of contemplation, he decided to take it as a sign of upcoming prosperity and turned to use this zeal to his full advantage. He went about his day as usual: feeding and medicating both his personal pets and fosters that needed an extra touch outside his clinical hours; cleaning and going over notes for upcoming appointments. But as morning turned to noon, something still felt off to the man, though he didn’t know what. It wasn’t until he was mindlessly folding laundry and he held up an absurdly bright pink shirt that his business associate had gifted him not too long ago in the summer.

I have not heard from Kazuichi all day.

Eye ridges furrowing, Gundham glanced down at the table where his phone sat silently on the polished surface. It had started as an unusual situation - Gundham’s blog for his mighty beasts was known and shared the world over. He had been used to the comments and speculations that fools seem to always have in abundance for things they know nothing about, but one day a strange comment appeared in his inbox and he had been strangely drawn to it.

Gundham can still remember it as clearly as if it happened yesterday.

Pan-ic Mechanic (xx/xx/2xxx) -

full disclosure, I have this little dudes purrs on a loop cause they’re so loud and rumble like an engine that I can actually relax. rock on little guy

It was under a post for an elderly cat Gundham had cared for until she was finally adopted. She had been huge and fluffy and did indeed purr at an obscenely loud volume. But it had been nice to see someone else appreciate her powerful voice - even when misgendered - and had replied his gratitude, thinking nothing would come from it.

Soon one comment, between several threads and before he knew it, almost a full year had passed and the vet had made the acquaintance of an unusual but kind mechanic who would readily give him tips and virtual assistance for any technical problem he had. Gundham had followed the other’s blog back almost immediately - since it was the least he could do - and found the other had rows and rows of pictures of machines in various stages of repair and one or two random photos of his personal shop.

They talked about their mutual love for Gundam models and certain shojo anime, as well as things outside their mutual tastes and everything in between. Soon, he found himself talking to the man daily over text and the occasional phone call, venting frustrations and sharing jubilations with an ease he hadn’t had since before Sonia had left to return to her home country.

The two talked for hours every day, Gundham giving updates on the latest series of fosters and Kazuichi telling him everything from a new project to some minute tiff he had with a friend. And after his Angel’s passing, he had limited contact with mortals so finding a business associate who wasn’t adverse to his eccentricities was refreshing.

It was nice, even though Gundham thought it odd that a business associate would ask about his personal life and day to day. But he figured it was to keep the friendly rapport alive so he continued to enjoy their lengthy debates and occasional night sessions.

Glancing at the time, he was surprised to see it was a quarter to two. The last time they had conversed, Kazuichi had mentioned finishing a contraption that Gundham had talked about wanting for his beast who had been cursed with incomplete palate’s and the mechanical warrior had requested for his address.

Pan-is Mechanic -

great! thanks for the address man, just wish i didn’t have to ship it. I’m super afraid that it’ll damage, ya can’t trust some delivery drivers nowadays

Tanaka Bestiary -

My confidence in mortals in the courier business is also abysmal. Unfortunately, it cannot be helped in this instance.

Pan-ic Mechanic -

Maybe not. I can always just come over and deliver it myself lol

Tanaka Bestiary -

And would your affliction accommodate you on such an expedition?

Pan-ic Mechanic -

Eh, I’ll think of something.

That confusing interaction had been their last correspondence. And now, three days with no contact. This is the longest they had ever not been in contact with the other. Gundham wondered if there was something wrong. Glancing at the phone again, he wondered if he should be the first to reach out, when the faint, tinny sound of the doorbell rang in the air.

Gundham turned towards the direction of his front door, surprised. He wasn’t expecting company this week. Slowly, he approached the door and the person on the other end rang the doorbell again.

“Who would dare darken my doorstep?” He demanded, deep voice sounding loud in the quiet entrance.

It was quiet for a moment, before a voice he somewhat recognized blurted out. “Holy shit your voice is way different in real life!”

Eyes widening, Gundham jerked the door to find a man he had never seen before standing before him with a big box and a ratty backpack in his arms. All he saw was a shock of bright pink hair, before the other rushed past him inside. It distantly reminded Gundham of a stray cat bounding into an open door.

“Its fucking freezing out there!” The man - Kazuichi - said as he placed his heavy load down by the shoe rack. “But at least it hasn’t snowed yet. Can’t imagine having to carry this bad boy up three stories and with snow. My clumsy ass would've planted in your parking lot.”

Gundham just watched him, his face slackened with confused surprise as the other puttered and began to take his jacket off. “Kazuichi?”

The other nodded, giving him a lopsided grin as he pushed the beanie off his head. More of that bright pink tumbled out and fanned the back of his tan neck and it made Gundham look closer at the others features. Kazuichi was only a few inches shorter than him, with bright, light pink eyes that were hidden behind a pair of thick glasses.

His face was sharp and angular in a classical sense, with what looked like rows of sharp teeth that peaked behind his lips - as though he was a predator. Nose and earrings glinted off the artificial light, as well as the lip ring that looked suspiciously like the head of a screw right in the middle of his bottom lip.

Gundham was shocked by the others' appearance. They had never once done a video call despite a full year of correspondence - each too busy and a touch cautious to do so. So instead, Gundham only caught slight glimpses of the other from some of his posts; a tan hand riddled with multi neon bandages, a flash of a toned body in the reflection of a mirror.

He wouldn’t lie and say that he had a certain picture of the other in his mind - had thought based on some of their conversations and his own past instances with mechanics, that Kazuichi would be more…in lieu of a better word, normal.

But he actually looked…nice standing in the entrance of his apartment, dressed in a neon tee and tight acid wash jeans with chains and a custom embroidery of his logo on the pocket. Almost cute.

And from the way the other’s eyes flicked over his over form, the feeling was decidedly mutual. Gundham blushed as Kazuichi continued to openly stare at him in amazement.

“You’re…,” Kazuichi fumbled, cheeks red as he fumbled with a tiny braid that somehow stood out to the veterinarian in the tangled mass of pink. “You are both what I did and didn’t expect at the same time.”

“And is that…a bad thing?” He asked, heart sinking as he started to school his features into a mask of indifference.

The other looked at him as though he had two heads before panic set into his eyes. “Who the hell said that?! I meant that I should’ve known you would wear something goth cause I’ve seen you outfit videos, but the Black Parade tee and the Hello Kitty pants are giving me aesthetic whiplash.” A small, unsure smile ticked up pink lips as he continued. “Personally, I think it's kinda cute that you have Hello Kitty and Choco making cookies on your legs.”

Gundham blushed as he looked down and sure enough, his fading Black Parade shirt and vibrant Sanrio licensed sweatpants did look a little silly together. But he refused to be distracted, so he instead returned to the matter at hand. “I apologize, but I was not prepared to receive guests…-”

“Ah, that's my bad! I wanted it to be a surprise.” Kazuichi began to take his jacket off as Gundham slowly closed the door. “Remember when I told ya I was worried about the feeder being broken in shipment? Well, it wouldn’t stop running through my head the several ways it’ll get messed up, so I decided that I’d just bring it myself.”

Gundham knew about Kazuichi’s affliction with motion sickness and how despite loving cars and motorcycles, could not stomach any mode of transportation, less he was immobile for hours after. So it was indeed surprising that the other made the near 8 hour drive between their homes just to deliver his feeder in safety. His dedication to his craft and customer satisfaction was admirable.

“I am touched by your generosity. However, you did not have to go beyond your limits to deliver this to me.” He said, watching as the other placed his jacket on an empty hook. “At least let me compensate you for both this and the contraption you commissioned me.”

Kazuichi’s face scrunched up, as though he was trying to decipher Gundham’s words. “Compensate? Ya mean pay?” When the taller man nodded, Kazuichi looked offended which made the vet pause. “Of course not, dude! You can pay me for the feeder but not for bringing it here. This is what friends are for!”

Friends

The word reverberated through Gundham’s skull like a bird fluttering in its cage. It brought a warm tide to fill his chest. He felt the heat spread up his neck and face and he knew it would be obvious with his pale white skin, but Kazuichi only gave him a bright grin before moving further into the hall. The aura from before brightened and settled even more on his shoulders and the man watched as the stranger placed his shoes in the rack before bending down to scoop up the large box.

But then he saw how the other seemed to be struggling now that he had put both the box and backpack down and Gundham rushed to take them from him. He watched as the other gave a strained smile, noticing the tinge of green to his skin as the mechanic slowly straightened up, leaning on his slightly for support and making where they had touched burn.

“And since I’m really starting to feel the effects of my actions, mind if I crash here for the night? I promise not to be a pest.”

“Of course. Here.” Ushering a now flustering Kazuichi to the living room, Gundham made him sit in the couch Sonia gifted him years ago that now had scars and tears from his precious beasts. “Please do not overtax yourself further. I shall place this in its designated station and return with something for you to drink. Would water suffice?”

Kazuichi gave a frazzled smile as he lowered himself on the couch. “If it's not too much trouble.” He had only sat for a moment before he was swarmed by two big dogs who eagerly began to sniff at him. He stiffened, eyes wide as one placed its paws on his shoulder and began to smother him with licks. Gundham turned to shoo them away, when the other let out a laugh as he pushed the dog's big head away.

“I was wondering where your pets were. Your house was way too quiet!” The mechanic beamed as he gave both dogs ear scratches and they pushed even closer into his personal space.

Gundham gave a silent sigh of relief as he quickly set off to deposit the box in the now miraculously empty kitten foster room before heading into the kitchen. “Most of my beasts reside in their domains. Titus and Brutus must have sensed your presence and ambushed you as soon as you lowered your guard.”

It was true, his townhouse had rooms that were specifically for his fosters and his permanent beasts so cross contamination would be minimal. The cats must be hiding and distrustful of the sudden appearance of another human, but the dogs were enjoying the attention the mechanic gave them.

By the time he returned, Titus and Brutus still had Kazuichi pinned in place, with the man smiling happily as the dogs sniffed him with avid interest. It was when Titus seemed too interested in the other’s backpack, that the mechanic moved to push it out of reach.

Titus went to follow, but a small gesture from his master made the dog back away with little more than a huff. Gundham’s chest puffed up in pride at the impressed look that flashed across Kazuichi’s face.

“Oh! I forgot I made you something else.” Digging into the backpack, he produced a large ziplock bag with small, yellow cookies that seemed to have jam placed in their centers. He traded it off to Gundham for the glass of water the vet handed him. “You said your birthday was the 14th, right? I made those myself, but I’m not used to making vegan stuff so you gotta tell me if it's good or not. I made them with papaya and I’m used to using that as a filling but my roommate said it was ok -”

And as Kazuichi continued to ramble, face bright pink as he cycled between fumbling with his braid, petting his dogs and looking ridiculously pleased as Gundham made a show of eating a cookie, the vet took in the scene and began to wonder about it becoming a more common occurrence.

He was surprised to find both the thought and the cookie were pleasantly delightful.

From the warm look he received for his complement to the other’s culinary skills, he knew for certain that the feeling was mutual.

#soudam #soudham #kazunaka #Kazuichi being a dumbass for people he cares about #strikes again #kazuichi souda #tanaka gundham #soudam fic

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littlemisspascal · 4 years ago

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Death and an Angel part 10

Death!Din x Cupid F!Reader

Summary: Neither you nor Din are handling your capture well.

Rating: T

Word Count: 3,978

Warnings: captured reader, surprises, plot plot plot, violence, Din goes a bit dark side

Author Note: So sorry this is coming out late 😳 Between making YouTube videos and New Years everything got hectic, but here it is. I attempted writing from Din’s perspective this time so bear with me cuz he’s having a rough time😬

Links to Part 1 and Part 9 and Part 11

Cross-posted on AO3.

Photo Inspiration:

When you wake up, you’re lying facedown on a pallet in a dark and cold room. You groan, head pounding, and try to sit up, but your weak muscles protest, resulting in you rolling awkwardly onto your backside. Squinting up at the ceiling, you notice it is made of rock, as is the wall to the right of you.

Your head lolls to the left, granting you a lovely view of a red laser gate trapping you inside this strange cell. The faint glow it gives off produces barely enough light to reveal more rocky walls curving off to the side. You’re in a cave, you realize, processing everything at the rate of a snail’s pace, or some kind of underground tunnel.

At first you can’t remember how you ended up here, or what happened to you, but then everything hits you all at once.

“Finally,” a voice declares from beyond your cell. The purple twi’lek from earlier steps out of the shadows and leers at you from the other side of the laser gate. “I was beginning to think I misjudged the dosage.”

With monumental effort, you push yourself onto your knees, dizziness slamming into your skull with the brutal intensity of a hammer, and reach a hand out to summon your bow.

Nothing happens.

“What—why isn’t it—” The words are thick and clumsy, slurring together as if your tongue has forgotten how to form them individually. Closing your eyes to stop the room from spinning, you feel nothing but unbalanced and vulnerable. You try to speak again, taking a steadying breath. “What is wrong with me?”

“You’ve been collared. All the pets in the Moff’s collection wear one,” she answers, as casually as if she’s discussing the weather outside. “Keeps you from using your abilities and causing trouble.”

She has no reason to lie, but you still gasp when your trembling hand brushes against the metal band encircling your neck. Panicking, you pull on it without thinking, only for a responding jolt of electricity to shock your fingertips and fry every nerve ending in your body. You cry out at the pain, but the sound is drowned out by the twi’lek’s screech-like laughter.

“That never gets old,” she says, wiping an imaginary tear from her eye.

“Death,” you mutter hoarsely, closing your eyes again and breathing shallowly through your mouth. “Death is going to slaughter all of you.”

“Oh, pet, you just don’t get it, do you?“ Her voice is practically dripping with condescension as she coos at you, “The Moff wants you here because you’re precious to Death.”

Against your better judgement, you open your eyes to look at her, confused by the wide smile you see stretching across her face. At headquarters, Gideon and your superiors had seemed far more concerned about the fact you had a second soulmate rather than who it was you matched with. If Gideon is punishing you for being Din’s soulmate (a fate which you had no control over whatsoever), you can’t help thinking he must be insane or have a legitimate desire to have his body dismembered piece by bloody piece. There is no denying that Din will do anything he can to get you back. Even break the rules of the universe.

You freeze.

Kriff. The puzzle pieces begin fitting together and you loathe the hideous picture they form.

“You are Death’s weakness. And anyone with a weakness can be taken advantage of if the right strings are pulled,” the twi’lek says, confirming your fears. She then winks at you coyly. “Congratulations, pet, you’ve just become Moff Gideon’s favorite puppet.”

You barely refrain from shouting curses at her as she walks away, leaving you alone with your chaotic thoughts.

Lying back down on the pallet, you press your hands over your eyes, tuning out the coldness of your surroundings and seeking out the warmth of your soulmate bond. You call out Din’s name within your mind, a repetitive chant increasing in urgency as you pray against all odds he hears you. But as the silence continues and you start to feel a phantom sensation of pain emanating from your throat, as if you have actually scraped it raw by how loudly you call, your heart breaks as it accepts the bitter truth: he can’t hear you.

You touch the collar again, every internal instinct you have screaming it is to blame for the invisible wall blocking you from reaching out to Din. How long have you been collared? How much time has passed since you were drugged at headquarters? Regardless, you don’t have any doubt Din is losing his mind right now. And his temper.

A few tears leak from the corners of your eyes, but you do not sob or sniffle. Gideon and his minions will not have the satisfaction of hearing you crying. Din wouldn’t like it either, you think, remembering his reaction on the Razor Crest when he’d found you panicking. He had held your hand, offering you any support he could to end your sorrows. Even offering to kill for you.

It’s funny, though, because few people seem to realize the feeling is mutual. You would do anything in the galaxy to spare Din a second’s worth of pain. If Gideon is under the impression you’ll just silently let him use you in order to exploit Din to do his bidding, then he’s going to be thoroughly pissed to learn just how stubborn you can be. Taking away your Cupid abilities might have weakened you, but you’re not going to be a helpless kriffing damsel.

Although, you correct yourself ruefully as you lower your hands and look around your confines, you might currently be a little helpless. You take in the high ceiling above you, thinking you’ll be able to stand at full height once the effects of the drug wear off and still not be able to touch the top. It scares you to think how far your cell has been dug beneath the surface of whichever planet Gideon has imprisoned you on. The twi’lek had referenced he had a collection of others hidden away in these tunnels. How many have died here with no one up above being any the wiser?

Pushing the morbid thoughts aside, your gaze drifts along the walls, noting the varying shapes and sizes of the rocks. They are all different shades of brown except for one odd green one in the corner. You look at the laser gate, knowing it can’t be shut off unless you have access to the generator which severely limits your plans of escaping since—

Your thoughts screech to a halt as your eyes snap back to the corner.

A rock does not have a little green body clothed in brown wool or long pointed ears. Nor does it peer back at you with large, innocent eyes as it clutches a piece of dirty black fabric with tiny three-fingered hands. And it certainly doesn’t waddle up to you and coo curiously in your stunned face.

You rub at your eyes, half-convinced you have now begun hallucinating things.

Nope. That little green face is still there when you open them again. It’s official, your brain isn’t screwing with you.

Your cellmate is a kriffing baby.

Decades ago Din was approached by a man who begged to be killed. He had been separated from his soulmate against his will and compared the pain he felt to the sensation of a thousand needles injecting acid straight into his bloodstream. However, Din had sensed the man’s lifetime was far from over and ignored his pleas.

Thinking about that incident now, Din has determined the man’s comparison to be a gross understatement. Being forcefully separated from his angel is as if an invisible force is holding him underwater, wishing him to drown. His brain is on the verge of exploding, torn between thoughts of bloodthirsty savagery and the overwhelming agony of not being able to breathe without her in his sight. Every hour they remain apart threatens to rob him of his sanity and transform his outward appearance from man to monster.

Already he has experienced a lapse in control of his powers the moment he’d first felt their bond had been blocked. He’d been forced to teleport away from Kuiil’s farm, lest he risk reaping the Ugnaught’s soul before its destined time, and unleashed his wrath upon an uninhabitable Outer Rim planet. His powers had pierced its core in the same effortless manner a vibroblade cuts through flesh, killing its essence instantaneously. In a matter of minutes, the planet would be nothing more than scattered dust particles floating through the vastness of space, though he did not linger to witness the destruction.

Instead, he returned to his ship and sent a holographic message to his most trusted reapers, assigning them the critical task of searching the galaxy for one specific target: Valin Hess. While they hunted down the bastard, he dedicated his time to searching for his better half. He extended his powers to each individual planet and moon in every region, tendrils of darkness looking through homes and alleyways for even the faintest trace of her vibrant aura amongst trillions of souls.

Now, ten hours later, he is interrupted by the chime of an incoming call.

“Come to Trask,” Bo-Katan says bluntly, not one to waste crucial time with excess words. “I've got him ready for you.”

“Good,” Din says. His own voice sounds strange even to himself. As he reaches for his helmet, his reflection in its visor reveals his eyes have changed from brown to solid black, his true form beginning to break through the human facade he cloaks himself in.

He had been warned in the past of the grievous consequences that will ripple across the galaxy should he ever lose control of his internal darkness. But if unleashing that force brings him even one step closer to reuniting with his angel?

He won’t even hesitate a heartbeat.

You are quick to learn three important facts about your cellmate.

First and foremost, the baby adores attention. Within minutes of discovering him, he climbs into your lap and snuggles against your stomach, making a strange purring sound of happiness. Your heart squeezes painfully in your chest when you notice the tiny collar around his neck, identical to yours. Why would Gideon be keeping a child in his collection? Any potential answer that comes to mind makes you feel sick.

“You’re safe with me,” you tell him gently, stroking your fingertips over his wrinkly brow and the sparse amount of fuzzy hair on top of his head. He coos as if he understands you, ears perking up. “We’ll get through this together.”

Secondly, he is extremely possessive of his belongings. You learn this the hard way when you reach for the torn piece of black fabric he has gripped in his hands, intending to get a closer look at it because it doesn’t resemble a usual child’s blanket, but instead more so a torn bit of clothing—only for surprisingly sharp teeth to nip at your fingers.

You pull your hand away and hold it up, showing you mean no harm. “I’m sorry, bud. I should have asked permission first.”

Brown eyes stare back at you for a silent beat, painfully reminding you so much of Din you almost can’t bear to look at them, before the baby bobs his head with a low grunt. You chuckle at his cuteness. Although you hate the unfairness of the situation, you’re grateful for his presence as it stops you from worrying incessantly about your disconnected bond. As long as you wear the collar, you remind yourself, there isn’t anything you can do to reach Din. So you’ll just have to continue being patient and live with the uncomfortable hollow sensation until you can determine the best opportunity of freeing yourself.

And the baby now, too, you can’t help but silently add, looking down at him.

It is impossible for you within your cell to tell how much time passes as there are not any nearby clocks or windows providing a glimpse of the sky. As a Cupid, nourishment isn’t a necessity like it is for mortals, so you’re unsurprised no one has come by to offer you food or water. However, the same apparently can’t be said for the baby whose stomach growls unexpectedly, startling you both with its loudness.

He looks down at himself then at the laser gate. His ears twitch, as if he hears something, before he lets out a quiet whine. You open your mouth, wanting to console him, only for him to push himself out of your lap and waddle quicker than you anticipate towards the corner you initially spotted him in.

Thirdly, he is a master escape artist.

“What—” you start to ask, only for your jaw to drop when he squeezes himself through a small hole you failed to notice earlier, no bigger in diameter than a womp rat’s body, and disappears from view.

You stare at the corner, a million questions swirling inside your brain, each one focused on the baby. Where the kriff did he go? What is on the other side of the wall? Will he be okay?

The laser gate abruptly vanishes, plunging your cell into total darkness. You immediately press your back against the wall, blinking rapidly to try to adjust your vision, but you can’t even see your own hands in front of you. There is a distinct clicking sound of a button being pressed and then a glowing black blade lights up mere inches away from the side of your face, nearly singing your hair. You’re unable to stop yourself from crying out in terror, flinching backwards and hitting your head hard enough you see stars.

Over the pounding of your heartbeat and the eerie humming of the weapon next to your ear, you hear a familiar chuckle.

You freeze. Dank farrik.

“Believe it or not,” Gideon begins, looming ominously in the darkness. “I remember our first meeting when you awoke after your transformation. You weren’t special by any means, not one detail even remotely suggesting you would become such an invaluable asset to my plans. I’ve come to realize your unmemorable appearance was the universe’s attempt of concealing you from me. It might have worked, too, except the universe is a hopeless romantic, unable to help itself from matching soulmates. How else can it be explained why you were chosen out of all potential Cupids to monitor Death each month, thus increasing your affections for each other, if not for fate’s divine intervention?”

Gideon lifts the blade away from your personal space and holds it in front of him, outlining his features enough you’re able to see him peering down at you, expression blank and giving you no hints as to what is going on inside his head right now. “Your capture has driven Death into quite a frenzy. His influence can be felt in each region of space. Even his reapers have become involved.”

He pauses, as if he’s expecting a response from you, but you’re unable to look away from the laser sword in his grip. You wonder if all seraphs possess them, such as all Cupids wield bows, or if he had it specially crafted for his own pleasure. Regardless, the negative energy it radiates is strong enough that you feel as if dozens of spiders are crawling over every inch of your entire body.

“Your soulmate has no notion of my involvement, but even if it were revealed to him you are being kept here I thoroughly warded this location to hide myself from those intending me harm. Your presence will continue to remain invisible to his powers as long as he desires bloodshed. So I suggest you better make yourself comfortable because this cell shall be your home for the foreseeable future.”

Swallowing against your suddenly dry throat, you ask, “Do you honestly think keeping me hostage will grant you control over him?”

Gideon inclines his head. “I think you underestimate his willingness to guarantee your safety. He’ll commit any sin imaginable if it means not one hair harmed on your head.”

“Death won’t listen to a single word unless he has proof I’m okay,” you say, the beginnings of a risky plan forming in your head. “Which means you have to let me talk to him.”

“I’m not the fool you think I am,” he replies, shaking his head in a reproachful manner, as if you are no older than a child. But your hopes rise when you notice there is the smallest glimmer of intrigue in his eyes.

You position yourself on your knees, eyes wide and brimming with tears, clasping your hands together as you start to beg. “Please, sir, the separation is tearing me apart. I can’t handle the pain anymore. I must see him. I’ll convince Death to kill whoever in the galaxy you want. He’ll do it without question if I’m the one who asks.”

Gideon considers you wordlessly for a long moment. The hum of the weapon and your heavy, anxious breathing are the only audible sounds. And in that moment you pray harder than you’ve ever prayed in your entire lifetime.

Let this work. Please, please let this work.

You know the exact second he gives in to your begging because a smile pulls at the corners of his mouth, teeth bared almost predatorily.

“Very well then. Tomorrow I will make preparations for you to contact Death. Think carefully until then about what you will say in order to convince him to be agreeable with me. It would be a shame to use this ,” his sword hovers in front of your face once more, the tip nearly touching your chin, “to cut off your tongue should you fail or if you attempt to be clever and alert him of your whereabouts.”

Step one complete, you think to yourself after he has departed and the laser gate returns. Wiping away the lingering tears, you begin to plan step two.

Getting this kriffing collar off your neck.

Valin Hess is every bit the smug bastard Din predicted him to be. Despite the binders securing his wrists to a pipe high above his head and his bleeding split lip, the high-ranking Cupid still has enough arrogance to smirk at Din when he arrives at the abandoned warehouse Bo-Katan chose as the setting for the interrogation.

“Tell me where she is,” Din demands through clenched teeth as he marches up to the pompous prick without sparing a glance towards the red-haired reaper silently leaning against the nearby wall. He knows Bo-Katan is smart enough not to intervene.

“Just who would you be referring to?” Hess blinks innocently back at him.

His nose crumples beneath the knuckles of Din’s fist, blood bursting from his nostrils and staining Din’s gloves crimson.

“I am not known for my patience,” Din says. “Your suffering will only worsen the longer you keep me from my soulmate. I know you are aware of where she’s being kept. So tell. Me. Now.”

Untamed fury burns hotly beneath his skin, threatening to incinerate his mortal guise and his armor as if both were made of paper. It takes all of Din’s self-control not to give into the wicked desire to break each one of the Cupid’s bones, to peel off his skin layer by layer, to twist and carve and scar his body until there is not a single identifiable feature left.

“I haven’t the faintest notion nor care where she wound up.” Hess’ naturally gruff voice has changed to a nasally sounding one due to his broken nose. If the response hadn’t further stirred Din’s annoyance, he might have smirked beneath his helmet instead of snarled. “As soon as that twi’lek dragged her unconscious body out of headquarters, she became a nonentity to me.”

Din places his gloved hands over the other immortal’s shoulders, resting them there long enough Hess starts to twitch, unable to hide his increasing panic, and then Din squeezes until both clavicles shatter at the same time with a resounding crack . Hess tosses his head back, howling like a wounded animal, but Din is not yet finished.

He slams his fists against Hess’ torso, growling loud enough to be heard over the merciless snapping of each individual rib, “Give me a name.”

When the only answer he receives is agonized screaming, Din decides another approach is necessary to produce the desired results. He rips his gloves off, this time unable to resist smirking when Hess immediately starts to choke on his tongue and blood as he shakes his head emphatically, eyes blown wide with fear.

Din’s fingers reach out towards the Cupid’s temples, the veins in his hands ominously black in color.

“Xi’an!” Hess shouts, blood spraying from his mouth and painting Din’s visor. He doesn’t even notice, already planning the hunt for his next target. “The twi’lek that took your whore is named Xi’an!”

Din stills. “My... whore?”

Every lightbulb within the warehouse shatters, glass and sparks raining down upon them and the concrete floor. Hess starts babbling, a litany of apologetic words, but Din is beyond reasoning. Something sinister and feral has awakened within him, intertwining itself with his powers and enhancing their strength beyond what he ever imagined possible.

Din has reaped countless souls over the span of his existence. He has mastered the precise method of coaxing a soul out of a corpse, persuading them gently with his powers. Once the essence is held within his grip, the universe judges it, deciding either eternal damnation or a glorious afterlife. Most people tend to think Din is who chooses their fates, one of the many reasons why they fear him, but he has never been powerful enough to personally influence anyone’s destiny.

Until now.

He lowers one hand to hover over the center of Hess’ sternum, sensing the soul living deep within. It is a little battered from Din’s assault, but otherwise it resembles every other soul he’s ever reaped: a glowing, fidgety, amorphous bundle of energy.

Usually, he’d patiently guide the soul towards the corpse’s esophagus. But Hess is undeserving of such kindness. Din’s powers sink into the essence like sharpened claws, yanking it into Hess’ throat. The soul puts up a valiant fight, recognizing its host is still alive and thus should not be prematurely abandoned. But Din will not yield to its struggles, his powers manifesting dark tendrils to wrap around it in an unbreakable hold.

“You’re killing him!” Din hears someone call out over the harsh choking sounds Hess is making. Their voice is familiar and feminine sounding. “It’s not his time, you have to stop!”

Stop? No. He can’t. Not now when he’s on the verge of fulfilling the oath he’d sworn to his angel.

With one forceful twist of his wrist, the soul is helplessly torn from Hess’ bloodstained mouth and ensnared by Din’s awaiting hand. Without the essence of life, the light fades from the Cupid’s eyes and his broken body hangs limply from the binders.

The afterlife was never going to be an option as the soul’s final destination. However, Din has decided damnation is also too kind a place for vermin like Hess. There must be a third fate, he thinks.

Din squeezes his fist tighter and tighter, generating a cacophony of anguished shrieks from the soul. Ignoring the near-deafening cries, he gradually increases the pressure until at last it lets out one final high-pitched wail before disintegrating into dust that forms an unsuspecting pile on the floor when he uncurls his fingers.

A sharp gasp has Din turning, forgetting he has a witness present, and he finds Bo-Katan staring back at him with blatant horror. “What have you done?”

“What was necessary.”

Tag List: @leilei-draws, @theocatkov, @vintagesaph, @stardust-and-starlight, @adrieunor, @remmyswritings, @gallowsjoker, @rhiannon-russo, @randomness501, @sylphene, @softly-sad, @maytheglitter, @melobee, @rogertaylorsfalsettogivesmehives, @eleinemk, @captain-jebi, @aerynwrites, @promiscuoussatan, @stilllivindue2spite, @coaaster, @lin-djarin, @oh-no-a-whovian, @becauseican2, @kay2304, @odelia-d32, @nicotinebirds

#din djarin x reader #din djarin #din djarin x you #Pedro pascal #pedro pascal character fanfiction #the mandalorian x reader #death and an angel #my fic #my writing #soulmate au

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bangtanshomura · 4 years ago

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PINK | 1/? | pjm

summary: A neighbor as pink and hopelessly romantic as you and an equally pink neighbor like Jimin (but without a thing or two in common), sounds almost perfect together, right?. The only problem? That you are madly in love with him but his tonalities are very different from yours.

pairing: park jimin x female reader.

genre: fluff, angst, (maybe in the future a little of smut? not so sure).

word count: 1139.

warning: unrequited love, pinning, so much embarrassment, a looooot of pink hehe, hurt, some mxm with ot7, you know...it happens sometimes.

Pink, it was love at first sight.

“Running late, neighbor?”

“It’s kind of my thing, you know?” You are in the middle of a battle with your keys, asking to all the god’s above, why the fuck you must make a clown of yourself in front of the most beautiful, smart, hot and cocky human being in planet earth? Aka the love of your life, aka the future father of your two children, aka Park Jimin.

“Oh, I do know” The little giggle that comes out of his mouth is enough to have you all flustrated. ”Any plans tonight? Are your friends coming over?” Jimin takes your purse from your hands and hangs it naturally on his shoulder following you in the hallway that leads to the elevator of your building.

“I like to think that they’re not, but that’s really ambitious from my part, right?” While you press the button that will take you to the lobby, Jimin shakes his head with an amused smile in his face.

“I think so, they’ll come no matter what you do. Talking about friends” He makes a pause looking at you and then to himself in the mirror that covers the wall of the up and down thing, styling his hair. “I was kind of wondering if you would like to come with me to The Taehyung Biggest Lifetime Event?”

Oh, boy. What a simple way to put your heart into a nearly colapse.

You’ll see “The Taehyung Biggest Lifetime Event” it's the name that your incredible mutual friend -Tae- put to his first art exhibition. And in fact, it is a big thing, an important memory if you think about all the photos that will be taken in the near future and obviously posted in social media, where everybody can see them and never erase them. And of course, because of the beautiful art that your dear friend creates.

But...the posibilities.

Jimin with a hand wrapped around your waist smiling to the camara with love in his eyes.

No, no, better.

Jimin with a hand wrapped around your waist smiling while looking at your face with adoration.

Oh, that one sounds so much better. It would be the kind of photo that would make girls run away from his Instagram. And with a bit of good luck, from his life too.

“Y/n? Are you there?”

“Uh? Yeah, yeah. I am” The devilish smirk Jimin gives you is proof enough for you that he knows or at least imagines what kind of thoughts crossed your mind.

You blush in a very embarrasing way and his smirks transforms into something more.

Sometimes luck it’s a good samaritan, because the moment he opens his mouth to say something, the sound of the elevator arriving to the lobby makes it’s appearance.

"Saved by the bell, pink angel" Jimin throws a wink to your way leaving you with a tomato red face and a beating heart threatening to burst out of your chest.

"Park Jimin, are you flirting with me?"

"You wish, baby!"

I do.

The beautiful sound of his bubbly laugh invades the lobby and you run to reach his side but he is faster than you, so your paceful morning routine with your eternal crush turns into a chase through the streets.

______

|Jiminie: How's work, pink?

|Y/n: As good as ever, you boring?

|Jiminie: You know I am, Yoongi doesn't get any funnier.

|Y/n: Hey!, I like Yoongi's dry sense of humor.

|Jiminie: You love to make me jealous, don't you?

You can't help the enamoured giggle that comes out of you.

Re-reading the last message, you inhale a preoccupying amount of air and text him back.

|Y/n: Sorry, sometimes I forget your prise kink.

|Jimin: Im worried about how this conversation turned around my kinks, but yeah, don't let yourself forget that I love to be loved ;)

Even if the message is suggestive, you let your shoulders drop in a defeating manner.

I wish it said by you.

I love to ve loved by you.

All these messages, the pet names, the flirting and the big amount of time that you spend together doesn't mean the same to Jimin as it does to you.

Ever since you two cross paths in the hallway of your building, you knew you were so fucked up.

You met Jimin two year ago.

Your best friend Namjoon was helping you taking your big and heavy boxes to your new departament in the third floor, between jokes about his boyfriend fighting with him for his tendency to break everything that comes across his way, when you saw the most beautiful thing that your twenty two years old eyes had ever seen.

It was like an angel with what it had to be the tightest pair of black jeans in the whole world and the fluffiest pink sweater ever.

"Oh" He stoped in his tracks and intercalate his curious gaze between Namjoon and you, apparently taking a chance for your tall friend. "New neighbor?"

Namjoon saw you out of the corner of his eye watching how your eyes went all big and sparkling by the sight of the boy.

So he smiled amusedly at the blonde haired angel in front of you.

"It's because of the pink mixer, right?" The little -most definitely taller than you- blonde boy, blushed so much that for a moment you thought smoke would come out of his ears. "Don't get me wrong, I do love that color as any sane person. But, unfortunately, im not the new addition to your building. It's this pretty little pink thing here".

"Pink, uh?" You were indeed a very, very pink and pretty thing. He scaned you from head to toe -from your pastel green crop top, to your baby pink cargo's and your also baby pink military boots- and conclude that, that innocence could be the death of him if he ever let you in.

"Y/n" You blurted out your name so fast that Namjoon almost choked trying to hold back his laughter. You give him a warning glare and returned your embarrased gaze to Jimin. "My name is y/n"

At that precise moment you experienced one of the most radical changes ever seen. The turn upwards his lips took, had sufficient evidence to be considered illegal. "Im Jimin, Park Jimin".

The sound of another incoming message took you out of your thoughts, forcing you to look around the flower shop to verify that there were no clients waiting patiently for your attention while you remembered the first meeting with which you are sure is the love of your life.

|Jiminie: Pink? Maybe you are a little busy, but guess who got another coffe for free today?

|Jiminie: That's right, baby, meee!. Should I invite a drink once and for all to the barista across the street?.

Or maybe not.

________

a/n:

Hey! My name is Alex and this is the first fic I have published on Tumblr or anywhere, ever. So, uhm , please be patient with me. English is not my mother language, so Im trying to do my best to write it correctly.Any questions, complaints or suggestions will be accepted (as long as it is in a respectful way. Im a crybaby please don’t be too harsh with me).

I hope you enjoy it and please tell me your opinion. I am planning to do it in two or three parts, I don't want this first fic to be so long so you don’t get bored.

Enjoy!^^

#jimin fanfic #jimin fluff #jimin angst #park jimin fanfic #bangtan fic #bts fanfic #jimin x reader #kim namjoon #jung hoseok #park jimin #jeon jungkook #kim seokjin #min yoongi #kim taehyung #bangtan sonyeondan #park jimin x reader #pjm x reader #bts pjm #pjm

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silverflintdaily · 5 years ago

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Silverflint Summer Challenge - All the prompts so far!

Challenge details:

Prompts Any kind of prompt is fair game as long as they include Silverflint. OT3 and OT4 ships like Silverflinthamilton are fine too. You can submit as many prompts as you like. All prompts will be anonymous and can be submitted through the form linked below.

Fills You can create any kind of fanwork for this, fic, art, edits, videos etc. Prompts won’t be assigned or claimed so you can make things for multiple prompts and each prompt can have multiple fills.

Schedule Submit prompts and work on fills May 1 through June 22. Posting week is June 23rd to 30th, more details will be posted later.

Submit prompts here:

HTTPS://FORMS.GLE/LMGMVAYUHRAFZCVW6

art above is a commission from @laskapsy

Full list of prompts as of 5/25/20 below.

Ships/characters in bold

Max, Anne, Silver, and Flint They all go to burning man

Silverflint Instagram drama: Silver has crush on Flint, following with each other, Silver shove his love on Flint and Flint's uncomfortable. Flint unfollowed him one day and Silver was devastated and disappeared from Instagram. Flint found out through friends and he must seek him before Silver did something stupid.

Silverflint Truth or dare

Silverflint Canon era, one (or both) accidently calling the other one pet names

Silverflint (+sort of Flinthamilton) Silver asking Flint, while having sex, to tell him about his sex with Thomas (in detail). I think canon era, placed after 310, would be better but it's up to writer.

Silverflinthamilton + ? summer vacation modern au - maybe they go somewhere warm (or not, as Flint burns so easily), maybe they meet some beautiful men there

Silverflint post canon era reunion fic - fighting to kissing. they start out almost trying to kill one another

Silverflint modern au - after a meet rude during the coronavirus lockdown they both can't stop thinking about that handsome idiot they met. One of them tracks the other down online to apologize. how do they spend the endless weeks of shelter in place?

Silverflint canon era - A small happy celebration with just the two of them.

Silverflintmiranda canon era - Miranda survives the shot, convalesces with Silver

Silverflint modern au where either Silver or Flint has an ASMR channel (or they both have) and they secretly love listening to the other. Could be distant pining or enemies to lovers etc.

Silverflint (+Hamilton[s]) tarzan au (you can choose who is on the island and who arrives there). Lord Thomas Hamilton and/or Miranda can also be included.

Silverflintmadi "My name is (Long) John Silver. And I've got a long fucking memory [loss]."

Silverflintmadi canon era. They go on a picnic and it starts to rain. Fluff or otherwise good times would be nice!

Silverflint Flint is a cockslut and hasn't had cock in ages. Silver is happy (and really fucking astonished) to present his for the taking. happens before Silver loses his leg, canon era.

Silverflint Modern au with 'there is only one bed' trope and mutual pining. Silver is Flint's long suffering sassy PA who's been hiding a crush on his boss and friend forever.He has been successful so far. One day he has to accompany Flint on a business trip to let's say Bahamas?! and there was a booking mistake - there were booked into a honeymoon suite. And since there is a summer festival there is no chance to get another room. Things happen!

Silverflint, Silverflinthamilton 7 years after their escape from Savannah plantation, James and Thomas are living a quiet, happily ever after life - money and jewels they grabbed on their way out were enough for decades of comfortable life which they now had. And almost everything was perfect-they had each other, got to know each other again,accepted each others' demons and learned to handle each others' nightmares and guilt. Flint long ago told Thomas about Silver and with time forgave, but didn't forget him. After all Flint's heart was broken on Skeleton Island and both him and Thomas knew deep inside he still loved John Silver. They talked about Silver-about the feelings Flint used to hide, about the pain and forgiveness and about love that didn't had a happy ending. It was fine, discussing it all together, sharing these stories-past is in the past and that chapter of Flint's life will remain there. Until one day the past refused to remain in the past and John Silver showed up on their doorstep, injured, delirious and looking for his own forgiveness.

Silverflint/Silverflinthamilton Post canon S4: John Silver is no longer Long John Silver. Exiled from Madi and Maroon Island, he brought himself to somewhere nearby Savannah and disappeared. James Flint and Thomas Hamilton escaped from plantation, bought house and live happily together. 3 years later, Flint saw John Silver at tavern. But John Silver doesn't remember him. Turns out he lost memories due sickness and always forget who he was everyday. Will Flint able bring John Silver's memory back and reconcile?

Silverflint, Silverflinthamilton Modern AU silverflint - Flint and Thomas are a happily married couple and Silver and Flint are bffs with a long history. But the thing is-Silver has been crushing on Flint forever and his pining is epic. He is also sure he is clever and no one figured it out. Only both Thomas and Flint did a while ago and Flint is determined to make Silver confess his feelings. He has turned Silver's life into a living hell with his seduction techniques and jeans so tight they should be illegal in public. Meanwhile Thomas is having too much fun watching them two and making his own plans for their shared future together.

Silverflint John Silver is 30 year old virgin and has never had a relationship and sex. Max and Jack decided to set him up with date at local bar. John Silver's first date was James Flint, a loner and his last partner left him for indifference opinion. James Flint is working as cattle farmer (?) and their date went well. Except.. they are not rushing to have sex and taking time to know each other. There were lot confusion and miscommunication between them on next date. Will John Silver able to lose his virgin and will James Flint make first step to ask John Silver as his boyfriend? First kiss, first touch, sexting, first sex and hot smut.

Silverflint smut ficlet to go with finnguala's fabulous art

Silverflint post canon - old pirates having a day at the beach

Silverflint Flint is distracted by Silver's big hands.

Silverflint Modern au: Flint found Silver's missing childhood's photo at Silver's grandparent's house. He told Silver about it and gave compliment on him ("you were cute as kid and I noticed how baby earsie you were and your smile was beautiful") and Silver keep blush for non stop teasing. And then sweet, hot summer sex on bed ;)

Silverflinthamilton pornstars au

Silverflinthamilton After reunion. Thomas is trying to seduce Silver with a new, especially tight, pair of trousers.

Silverflint Canon era. S1-S2 After an accident on the Walrus Silver and Flint end up being able to read each others thoughts. How does that end up going for them?

Silverflint + Miranda just some porn where miranda is pegging one of them while the other watches them fall apart. canon or modern era, it doesn't really matter.

Silverflint Two idiots with mutual pining and obliviousness. Others try to help but it may not go so well at first.

Silverflint canon era. After a really great haul the Walrus has a rum soaked celebration. The next morning Silver and Flint wake up together in the captain's bed with no clothes.

Silverflinthamilton After reunion. Silver finally appears on their doorstep, later they are talking over their dinner but something goes wrong and Silver and Flint start to fight. Thomas is trying to calm and separate them but Flint accidentally punches him instead of Silver.

Silverflint Persuasion AU. An unmarried Silver encounters his former love Captain James Flint after he returns from battle.

Silverflint competing reality cooking show contestants

Silverflint Silver and Flint have met before many years ago and even spent the night together. Now for reasons (there was a lot of rum that night, they're both different people, memory loss etc.) neither of them remember. One of them has a nagging feeling when Silver joins the Walrus crew but one of them remembers nothing yet.

Silverflint One of them needs to be restrained and dominated to truly let go. Writer's choice who and what era.

Silverflint Silver threatens to shave his head

Silverflint/Silverflinthamilton (probably?)Post canon S4 and Treasure Island: Captain Flint's ghost decided to haunt John Silver for revenge. However, Long John Silver was disappeared to nowhere. Fast forward for this year, Long John Silver's great great grandson, John Silver bought property in Bristol. One day, he was haunted by ghost Captain Flint. Ghost Captain Flint wants revenge but ended up falling in love sweet, poor John Silver's due social anxiety. Will they make up for loss done by his late ancestor? Happy ending for everyone. All depend on writer's idea!

Silverflint AU Canon divergence during season 4. Madi really dies in episode 7; Thomas Hamilton is not found in Savannah. The war goes on, bolstered by an enraged Silver, fueled by the Urca gold. During this time of violence and grief, Flint and Silver become all each other has left in the world.

Silverflint Sometimes one of them will keep the other on the edge for as long as he can stand. There is lots and lots of begging and pleading. There could be fingering and rimming and toys...

Silverflinthamilton Reunion fic where John finds James and Thomas in their home x nbr of years after s4, then realises he knows Thomas because they spent a month living together in Paris some years before Thomas met James and having a blast. John recognises Thomas who doesn't recognise him until John shows a tattoo/mark placed somewhere there is no misunderstanding of why he recognises that part of him (because he's seen john naked). Develops into threesome or twosome where the last person joins in later.

Silverflint tentacles

SilverFlint / MadiSilverFlintHamilton Post s4 Thomas and Flint are living together after escaping the plantation. Madi and Silver who are still together come to visit them. SilverFlint have palpable sexual/romantic tension and Madi and Thomas conspire to push them together. Afterwards when the tension is resolved Silver and Flint realize it was planned by their significant others all along and invite them into bed and the four of them have some fun

Silverflint When drunk, Flint behaves like Toby Stephens’ Prince John in BBC Robin Hood.

Silverflint (hamilton) Annihilation Au

Silverflint Canon-compliant up til 4.06. When the Spanish attacks Nassau, Silver is the one who is thought to be dead and later revealed to have been captured (instead of Madi). Rogers tries to use to Silver to cause a rift between Madi and Flint, thinking that Madi will trade the treasure for Silver's life while Flint will not. To everyone's surprise, the opposite happens. Madi refuses to trade the treasure while Flint will stop at nothing to get Silver back.

Silverflint firefighter au: silver keeps accidentally triggering the fire alarm while trying to improve his cooking (an actual fire may or may not be involved) and flint is the ridiculously attractive firefighter who has to deal with it

Silverflint vigilante au: they're both vigilantes watching over the same area and have a bit of a rivalry going on until they have to team up to take down a new threat.

Silverflint modern au (amnesia): silver wakes up with amnesia and forgets that he was dating flint before the accident. as far as he remembers, they can't stand each other, and he doesn't understand why flint shows up at the hospital and seems genuinely worried about him. (roles could be reversed--author's choice).

#Silverflint Summer Challenge #Silverflint #prompts #Black Sails #fanworks challenge

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1175

What’s the last vegetable you ate, and when did you eat it? My dinner had broccoli and bell peppers in it.

What was your last Facebook notification for? It was Aliyah replying to our comment thread on one of my posts. There wasn’t anything in her comment that was worth replying to anymore, so I just reverted with a Haha react.

What bands have you seen live? Paramore, Coldplay (not super legally), and One Direction.

Tell me an interesting fact about your mother: She almost became a flight attendant, but she failed the final screening because of her height. I think the idea of her nearly having a completely different career is very interesting.

What do you think is the most important thing to happen to you before the age of 13? In my case, probably getting my period. I got my first one when I was barely 10.

What were you super against as a young child but aren’t anymore? Chicken curry. I also hateeeeeeeed Dora the Explorer with a passion, but now I find the show hilarious haha.

What are your plans later today? My work sched this week had been so fucking PACKED, that I want to do nothing but catch up on sleep all weekend. But seeing as I’m a proponent of revenge bedtime procrastination, I also highly doubt I’d let myself fall into a nap (Exhibit A: Me currently taking this survey at 2 AM...) If anything, I’ll probably just continue watching BTS In The Soop and finally start on Season 2 of Bon Voyage.

Are you doing anything exciting this weekend? Well, it’s the weekend already, so...that ^ I will also have to take Cooper to the vet this Sunday.

Who do you talk to the most? Other than my team at work, Angela. I’ve been extra talkative these days because of our now-mutual excessive love for BTS, that I sometimes feel bad that I keep bombarding her with messages.

What are some things you do regularly that make you feel old? Talk to my friends who are still in college, especially when they update me about the current happenings in UP that I have absolutely no clue about anymore.

Who is your best guy friend(s)? I don’t have any best guy friends.

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? Neither; I’m fine with my tannish skin tone.

If you had a tiny scar on your face, would you get it removed or just keep it? Keep it; I already do.

Have you had an x-ray in the past year? Nah. My last one had been nearly 5 years ago, when I needed to get my back checked for scoliosis.

Do you think your first love still loves you? No. And that’s okay. :)

What is something that is “going right” in your life? EVERYTHINGGGGGGGGGGG I am so so happy with my life right now weeeee. I have the job of my dreams – I’m even working with THE ACTUAL K-POP GROUP SLASH PHENOMENON SLASH ICONS BTS for one of the clients I handle FHKDHGKHGFDKGHDKGH, I have the best and most supportive friends in the world, and I am now starting to grow my collection of BTS merch with my hard-earned money. Everything is going abso-fucking-lutely perfectly, and to think I didn’t think I would make it past 2020.

When did you feel ready to start dating? Middle of high school.

When was the last time your pet bit you? If you don’t have a pet, have you ever been bitten by someone else’s? I was play fighting with Cooper earlier tonight, and he got a little bit excited and ended up biting my upper lip quite harder than usual. It stung for a while, but it’s okay now.

Where were you the last time you made out? I think it was my bedroom.

When was the last time you cried tears of joy? Yesterday.

How do you type your sad smileys? Just this :(

Do you have “decorative hand-towels” that cannot be used in your house? Nope.

What was the last soda you drank? Probably the Coke I drank at an org event last year, pre-pandemic, out of sheer thirst. There wasn’t any water being served so I just gulped down the soda and tried to ignore the annoying fizziness. I don’t drink soda.

What was the last thing someone made fun of you for? I was having a video call session with my workmates this afternoon as a way to end the week on a good note, and I recounted my experience of being locked out of the office while I was in the middle of a presentation for a client, and how I managed to get myself back in.

Have you ever had any type of surgery? Nope.

Should kids be allowed to get tattoos/piercings without parental consent? No.

Who was the last person to hit on you? No one has in a while.

What was the last thing you decided not to do, that you were supposed to? A deliverable a client asked me to do. It can wait til Monday.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell someone? Maybe straight up admitting to my mom that she can be hurtful sometimes. It’s hard because she never actually processes things like that and they do nothing but vanish into thin air, even though it takes everything in me to be that honest.

What do you put on hot dogs? Mayonnaise.

Ever fallen in the shower? Like once, when I was 10 or 11.

What’s the worst thing you’ve ever called someone you care about? Continued from last night. It was probably ‘bitch.’ Based on what I’ve learned from my mom, I put extra effort in particuarly watching what comes out of my mouth, because I know how words stick.

Do you think that things will get better? I did, and now it has.

Have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? I think I may have. The story is a little triggering though, so I wouldn’t share it.

What’s your favourite book genre? Doesn’t really count as a genre but I like auto/biographies.

Have you ever walked out of a movie at the theatre? I’ve felt like it, but I’ve never done it.

Do dogs like you? Yes, at least for 99.5% of my experiences.

Would you say that you project an air of authority? In certain circles. But there are some groups where I trust others to lead rather than me.

Have you ever jumped off a high dive into a pool? Nah, because I’ve never seen one. But even if I did, I think I would be too scared to do it hahaha.

Do you use one towel when you shower or two? (one for hair, one for body) One. I use it to wash my entire body already.

Have you ever been to one of the great lakes? No.

Who do you know that had a baby recently? The son of one of my old college instructors. I believe she had been born in March because that prof recently posted family photos on Facebook that celebrated the baby’s first monthsary.

Do you like Usher’s songs? Not in particular.

When was the last time you went to a waterpark? Not a big fan of these as I find them unhygienic haha. The last time must have been...like anywhere between 12-15 years ago.

Have you ever ridden a train? Just once, and I had to go with Jum because I didn’t want to go alone.

What do you eat your French fries with? Mayonnaise. If there isn’t any available, I’d want the fries to at least be generously sprinkled with salt; otherwise I’d find it too bland.

Do you have family problems? Nothing blatant, but I know we are more dysfunctional than how we make it out to be.

What’s the last food you ate that was stale? Pizza. I got two extra large boxes for my birthday last Wednesday and until now we still have some of it around :((( I ate some slices at around 3 AM earlier and they were tough as fuck to chew, hahaha. Still good, though.

How do you like your grilled cheese? I don’t have grilled cheese sandwiches often. Surprise me.

What is the most challenging meal you have ever cooked? I don’t cook.

What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid? I liked watching my cousin play video games; playing outside; and answering my friends’ autograph books (aka my pre-survey days, lol).

Have you ever been close to drowning? Yup but just once. I was swimming and was just about to come up for air when one of my cousins, coming from the bottom of the pool, suddenly started to playfully pull me down. I was nearly out of breath by then and he had a much stronger grip on me, so I struggled for a while and ended up panicking and thrashing around a bit before I was able to wriggle myself free.

Have you ever had a panic attack? It’s rare that it happens, but when it does it’s really bad and there’s no telling when it would subside.

Do you like doing housework? Some, and only if I’m in the mood to. If I feel like I have to do it, then I get lazy.

Would you ever get implants? I considered it before as a teen, back when small-chested girls were still bullied or made fun of on an everyday basis. How fucked up is that? I’m so relieved at how much social media has progressed.

Do you own a robe? No.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? I have a younger sister but she’s barely a baby; she’s literally turning 21 this year. Nina.

Do you like crust on pizza or do you cut it off? I like crust as long as it’s normal crust or stuffed crust. I can’t stand thin crust.

What was the last song you listened to? Euphoria - credited to BTS, but it’s a Jungkook solo.

Have any of your family members been to jail? Not blood relatives, but I know of super extended unrelated family members who’ve been to prison. Is there anyone that you feel you still need some closure with? I don’t think so. Sometimes no closure is closure.

Can you remember when you first learned how to read? I can’t, actually. All I remember is that I suddenly wanted to read everything by the time I was 5 and asked for nothing but storybooks every Christmas.

What event in your life has transformed your personality the most? College. Gabie also had a very big influence on me during our relationship.

Have you ever had any teeth pulled? Yes, but it was because it was already decayed.

Do you still want to be what you wanted to be in elementary school? No, but I do elements of it in my work so that works out well for me. I wanted to be an author when I was in grade school, and today I regularly write various materials in my job.

What’re some TV shows that you would like to get into? I just wanna get reconnected with The Crown again. I was already into it but I had to stop watching for a LONG time, because the show had some personal connections to my ex and so it seemed hard to get into the new season without breaking down lol. Now that I’m doing fine, I feel like it’s a good time to revisit the show.

How would you feel if you were drafted for the military? Won’t happen here, but it’s the kind of situation where I wouldn’t really have a choice and would have to follow.

What is your favorite Queen song? I don’t have any.

Do you know how to use any foreign currency? What do you mean, use...? Don’t you just use money to pay?? Hahaha or if you mean convert, then yeah I know how to do that with several currencies – US dollar, Korean won, Euro, Japanese yen, and whatever official name the pound has.

Been kissed by someone who you knew was “bad” for you? Nope.

Ever taken an at-home pregnancy test? I have not.

When was the last time you were at a loss of what to do? I usually don’t have plans laid out on weekends these days anymore, so lately it’s all been a matter of winging it and just wanting to make sure that by the end of the day I get to say I made the most out of my free time.

What did you do on your favorite date with a guy/girl? The time we did museum hopping + Italian dinner, or the one where we had French dinner + jazz bar.

What’s a movie you have seen in the theater more than once? I never do rewatches for movies still in cinemas.

What is the reason you’re still alive? I was stubborn and wanted to see if life would get better; I didn’t want to leave my dogs behind; I didn’t want to miss out on how potentially great and exciting my life could end up being; I didn’t want to cause and leave an even bigger emotional rift on my family.

I’m so happy I stayed.

Have you ever had sex in someone else’s bed/bedroom? Yeah. Not the best decision, and I wouldn’t do it again lol.

Do you ever brush your hair before you go to bed? Sometimes, so that it doesn’t look like a bird’s nest when I wake up the next day.

Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) I don’t think so. I have definitely imagined it in...other ways, though.

Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Both in the superficial and loaded senses, yeah.

How did you feel when you woke up today? What was the first thing you thought about? I felt kind of like shit, just because I slept for only 1.5 hours – my body automatically wakes me up by a certain time, no matter what time I fell asleep. And also because my back and shoulder muscles were killing me with how sore they felt.

Do you still tell your parents that you love them? I show it, but I don’t say it. I’m pretty stingy when it comes to that phrase.

Have you ever said “I love you” to someone you weren’t going out with? Yes? It shouldn’t be limited to people you’re dating? I express it to Anj and Andi all the time.

Have you ever been threatened before? Sure.

Would you date someone with a physical disability? Yes.

Think of the last person you had sex with. Do you think they’ve slept with anyone else since they last slept with you? Purely guessing, it’s likely. I’m not updated about her life anymore, though; life has been going on as if she never existed.

The last time you dyed your hair, what color did you dye it? I’ve never had it dyed.

Think of the last time you went out to eat. Who paid? I went out by myself, so I paid.

Do you save at least 15 percent of your income? Yeah. I had a very good saving streak in which I was able to save anywhere around 50-60% every month...and thennnn I became a fan of BTS early this month LOOOOOL so now I’m back to like square three when it comes to my savings haha. Like I still know my limits and when to fucking stop taking out money from my bank account, but I’ve been spending dramatically more than I have been in the last few months.

Do you ever go on Reddit? If so, what are some of your favorite subreddits? I used to go much more regularly, to the point where it was a part of my daily routine. Now I go at least once a month. I usually check out the Ask Reddit (for anecdotes), Today I Learned (for trivia), and GMM subreddits. Sometimes I’ll get on the Squared Circle subreddit as well to be updated on wrestling.

Were you ever a flower girl or ring bearer in anyone’s wedding when you were little? Many times as a flower girl, yeah.

Are your parents in good health? Fortunately, yes.

Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? Nope.

Is there any type of medicine you can’t take? For what reason? Not that I know of.

Do you have a favorite pair of pajamas? What do they look like? I don’t have pajama sets since I find them too warm.

Do you have any interesting pillow cases? Eh, I don’t think so.

If something on your body hurts, which part is it most likely to be? Shoulder muscles or my lower back.

Are you more afraid of spiders or bees? Bees.

Have you ever worn fake nails? If so, what did the last pair you wore look like? No.

Is Russian or Native American history more interesting to you? Native American.

#survey #surveys

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wolfpawn · 5 years ago

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I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 115

Chapter Summary - Tom is at the Thor Ragnarok Premiere and Danielle is working, but they still get in a few minutes of talking.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

‘Come on.’ Danielle walked into the trailer she was using for the shoot, Mac joining her. When he looked around the kitchenette, she gave a knowing look. ‘We will be back home soon, don’t worry.’ Mac groaned. ‘And soon, we will be getting your little buddy.’ His ears perked up. ‘You two are going to have our heads wrecked, I can tell already. You will have to be nice, you need to teach him how to behave, like a big brother.’ Mac snorted. ‘Good boy.’

‘Hey, how was the premiere?’ Danielle smiled as she answered the phone.

‘Good, we are having a good time.’

‘Is James liking it?’ She asked with a smile, since Tom had brought his father to LA with him for the Ragnarok premiere.

‘.....Yes.’

‘Oh dear, what was the hesitation about?’ Danielle asked curiously.

‘Well, I cannot say too much, after all, the movie is not on general release yet.’

‘The blanket silence is officially over through, you cannot give plot, but minor details should be okay.’ Danielle reminded him.

‘That is true, actually.’ Tom conceded. ‘Well, Dad is less than please with one of my lines in the movie.’

‘Oh really? It can’t be that bad, it’s not 18 rated.’

‘I may, in the movie, say the word anus.’

There was a moment of silence. ‘I’m sorry, what?’

‘I say the word anus.’ There was more silence. ‘Elle, are you trying not to laugh?’ A moment later, there was the sound of someone blowing raspberries before fits of laughter. ‘Yeah.’

‘Sorry,’ It was clear from her voice she was not particularly so. ‘I bet he loved that. Why does Loki talk about an anus?’

‘He was not too happy with me asking someone for safe passage through the anus.’

‘Well, I mean, that is all anyone would surely want...when going through the anus.’ She forced out as she tried to prevent herself from giggling. ‘He is from a working-class family in Scotland, they curse as part of a sentence.’

‘I know but somehow talking about anuses, anus...what is the plural of anus?’

‘I don’t know “Double First” you’d have to tell me.’ Danielle laughed.

Tom laughed with her. ‘How are you two doing?’

‘We are good. Mac and I had a walk there not too long ago, we are on set now, organising a few things.’

‘How is it having him with you?’

‘Fine, great actually, I am hoping to have him trained so our other little guy will be able to follow his Big Brother’s lead.’

‘Any idea on what to call the “little guy”?’

‘Not really, I am so bad at naming animals, honestly, this is something I worry about if I ever have kids, what will I call them.’

‘Well, we will not concern ourselves with such things right now.’ Tom stated. ‘As for our new arrival, we can talk more when I get back.’

‘What are the plans for getting back, how many are you doing?’

‘Only a few things over here.’

‘No London premiere?’

‘Nope.’

‘Why not?’

‘I am busy.’

‘Are you?’

‘Yes, we are getting the puppy this week and you and Mac will be coming back soon after. We are busy.’

‘Tom?’

‘I want my life back, my private life, but I need to warn you, Chris is adamant he is going to meet you when they stop over in London.’

‘I knew that would happen sooner or later, I am sort of nervous to meet him.’

‘Why?’ Tom frowned, hearing her genuine concern.

‘Because, like Ben, he is one of your closest friends, I want your close friends to like me.’

‘He will adore you.’ Tom swore. ‘They all know what you mean to me.’

‘I promise to be good.’ She joked.

‘Be you, I told everyone what you were like, even Dad was singing your praises.’

‘Oh, Jesus.’

‘Nothing too much, just that you were a better fit and it was about time.’

‘Sweet God, does he ever stop?’

‘I was told to tell you, and that that is what you get for not ceasing the whole “Dr Hiddleston” thing.’

‘Well now, that is is fighting talk.’ Danielle scoffed.

‘Oh dear.’ Tom laughed. ‘I am keeping out of this.’

‘Probably best.’ Danielle recommended.

‘I would have thought you would be getting indignant that I was not taking your side?’

‘What are you supposed to say against that, exactly. “Dad, how dare you say lovely things about my incredible girlfriend”?’

Tom laughed. ‘You are incredible.’

‘Damn right.’

‘I miss you.’

‘We miss you too.’

‘Why not come back a few days earlier, you are finished before then?’

‘Because you need to get the puppy his second set of vaccinations before he and Mac interact, otherwise Mac, who is vaccinated, can carry the diseases and pass them to puppy who is not immune and we end up forking out a fortune to a vet and could lose our little boy or at best, have him suffer horribly because of being irresponsible. Imagine him, weak and sick, hooked up to a drip, no, it is not worth it. When we said yes to this, we said yes to forced separation for a few days.’

‘That is fair enough, and it would not be right to put Mac in kennels for it.’

‘Well, that is a no on two fronts, one, it is just not fair and two, kennel cough vaccines, which you are getting for him, I left that note there for you, take longer to work, so again, if Mac came back with that, he again would suffer. Kennels mean added risks for a young puppy.’

‘If I stay in mum’s the night after getting him, can he come in contact with Poppy?’

‘Who is Poppy?’

‘Mum decided to name his sister Poppy.’

‘Yes, because they have been exposed to the same things together, they are fine.’

‘How do you remember all this?’

‘I worked reception for my dad a lot, I told you that already. Plus, you don’t really forget when he lost the rag with idiots causing their pups to suffer because they blatantly ignored his advice.’

‘I can well imagine.’

‘Yeah, so...I just want what’s best for our little boy.’

‘It’s weird.’

‘What is?’

‘Us talking like this, doing something so domestic and official, a living creature.’

‘Are you…. Do you not...?’ There was sadness and uncertainty in her tone.

‘No, Jesus, I want this, so much, I just…..I did not see this happening, not after last year, in fact, not in a few years leading up to this. I did not plan on finding you, us planning a life, us getting a pet and moving in and changing everything so drastically and I sometimes feel as though I got a huge whack to the head and I am going to wake up alone and I don’t want that. I love this, so much.’

‘You big romantic,’ Danielle smiled at the other end of the phone. ‘I love you, and I am incredibly glad that whatever happened to cause us to go into this occurred. I honestly did not see me with someone, I always felt too…..odd to be in a relationship, too focused on other things to do so and I am so glad you proved me wrong.’

Tom was about to say more when he realised that there was someone standing next to him, seeing it was his father and Luke, he smiled and nodded. ‘Thank you. Elle, I do not mean to cut off this very important conversation…’

‘Say hi to Luke and your dad for me.’

‘Do you have some sort of magic vision?’

‘I have Luke Radar.’ She laughed.

‘What?’ Tom looked at the phone before looking to Luke, who had heard what Danielle had said and looked somewhat perturbed.

‘Relax, your tone alters in his presence, so I can tell when he is nearby.’ She laughed.

‘I was getting worried for a second.’ Tom admitted.

‘I have people watching you, Hiddles.’ Danielle jested. ‘Though, I would imagine it is not hard to get a thousand pictures of you from eighty different angles right now because of the premiere.’

‘Only eighty?’

‘Well I mean, I am sure that there are people behind you on the carpet taking photos that are not supposed to be there too. Enjoy your evening and I will talk to you soon.’

‘Bye.’ Tom hung up the phone. ‘What is next?’

‘Post-premiere party.’ Luke informed him. ‘I see Danielle is up early?’

‘She has work today, so Mac is walked and they are on set. She sends her regards.’

‘Very good.’ Luke gave a small yet genuine smile. ‘She has you well figured out.’

‘She’s observant, you have to give her that.’ James acknowledged.

‘Yes.’ Tom smiled. ‘She says she’ll get you back for the “Dr Hiddleston” thing too, just a warning.’ His father chuckled. ‘You are incorrigible.’

‘I would have thought both of your parents having a bit of sport with her would be a good thing.’ James challenged.

‘It is, but I get worried.’

‘She is a nice girl, too nice for some fella like you.’

‘Goodness, thank you, Dad.’ Tom growled, he noted Luke looking down as he attempted to not be found to be laughing. ‘You are some friend.’

‘I am not going to apologise.’ Luke grinned. ‘Though it is true, you are very lucky both your parents adore Danielle so much, so many are not so lucky. Need I remind you of my family.’

Tom had to agree, Luke’s brother’s partner was met with open hostility by his parents until it became too much and the pair went their separate ways, much to their mutual heartache. ‘Yes.’

‘So, other than “Luke Radar” what is new with Danielle?’

‘Working hard and giving me my orders.’

‘For what?’

‘The puppy.’

Luke paused, ‘What puppy is this then?’

‘Danielle and I are getting a puppy.’

‘What about the other dog, the one you brought to my office?’

‘What about him, we will have two now.’

‘How are you going to juggle two dogs?’

‘Well, we juggle one as it is, adding a second is not overly hard, is it?’

‘An older one, no, but this is a puppy.’

‘They are not puppies for long, and with how Danielle trained Mac, we will have this little guy trained in no time too.’ Tom grinned.

‘You are getting very domestic.’ Luke noted.

‘Well, I am in my mid-thirties, surely that is a good thing.’

‘Because of course, you were so wild before.’ Luke rolled his eyes. ‘I really am unsure why I am even saying anything. Danielle is perfect as a partner for a client; not interested in publicity, works hard, intelligent and independent.’

‘Then why are you being like this?’ Tom asked.

‘Because as a friend, I am worried you love her and with time you could have a broken heart, and I don’t think you can brush this away like you did before, because I truly think you do love her wholeheartedly.’

‘Look, we had a rocky period, but we are doing really well and we are really happy. It won’t always be perfect, but we can work through it.’

‘This is the most mature I have ever seen you.’ Luke noted.

‘About time, right?’

‘You said it, not me.’ Luke laughed back. ‘Come on, we better get to this party.

#I Hate You I Love You #chapter 115 #tom hiddleston #Tom hiddleston fic #wolfpawn

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manjuhitorie · 5 years ago

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Hitori-Escape Tour 2019, they're at the halfway point, so time to post reports!

消せます！

Disclaimer: These were all pilfered, ransacked, polished and ravished from my JP Twitter mutuals,,,, Who are all such kind souls,, Not only have they used their memory skills to seed Rie's words, but they even bothered to share the concert's happenings with the world wide web, AND they have urged me forward to keep on translating them... So I'll take the liberty to post them organized here... When you pass by any JP Rie fans on twitter, click hearts...💘 Shinoda’s name is shortened to SND, ygarshy’s to yg(a), and Yumao to Yu(ma) throughout...!

1 Hitorie's Hitori-Escape Tour, 9/3/2019 at Takutaku in Kyoto! Report!

Yumao's tweet "Our tour starts today! I have cut my hair too short."

The first show, the first step….

SND looked back at both of the members to say “Let’s do our best guys.” Yg nodded back. Yuma started it up…

●SND played FAST guitar while singing, yg howled out harmonies on [a] chorus. Yu snickered at one of SND's slips.

SND used Leader’s jaguar on a [very very special song].

They did their best…

●SND “Its hoooot... We always came to Takutaku in the winter so now I’m experiencing Takutaku in it's true form.... Can I take a drink break, fwaaaaah, it's hot y'know? I'm even properly hydrated y'know? This water is gonna churn in my stomach, gehh I feel sick....”

SND: "RAISE THE AIR CONDITIONING!!!!!!!!!! I DON’T GIVE A DAMN IF ALL OF THE POWER IN KYOTO GOES OUT!!!!!! GIVE TAKUTAKU ALL THE ELECTRICITY!!!!!!!!!! LIKE IT'S OPERATION YASHIMA!!!! (*In reference to the wonderful Evangelion episode: https://evangelion.fandom.com/wiki/Episode:06).

●Shinoda’s band introduction was “On bass ygarshy, on drums Yumao, and on guitar and vocals is I Shinoda. Music and lyrics brought to you by wowaka.”

●SND “Umm…We have merch…But the towels? T-shirts? They all sold out… No seriously I’m just…. We really did bring a hefty load of stock…Thank you all… Also what else sold out?” Crowd “The cap! Pens! DVD! Pouch!!” Shinoda “‘OK, whatever..... Thank you…’” ←That is exact verbatim, SND spoke in English. All that Netflix watching is showing.

●SND “By the way ygarshy, did you know they’ve stopped selling HimoQ?" yg: ....... >>>*BWOON*<<< *responds with only the sound of his bass* *HimoQ is an old school gummy candy by the brand Meiji, and-

--yg turned away with a smile that couldn’t be concealed. While behind them Yumao was playing his drums while just repeating “HimoQ.... HimoQ..... Why HimoQ...”

●Lastly there were also many reports on people being showered on by SND’s sweat. Stay hydrated please sensei

●Nishimaki Taichi their cameraman’s comment: I was drenched in the sweat of Takutaku’s splintering heat until just a minute ago, yet now that I’m almost back home, this whole day feels like it could’ve been a dream. Lol

This is the start of a fabulous new year.

●Shinoda’s comment My ears are still pulsing,,, Takutaku of Kyoto, thank you so much. I’m glad I was able to come and be a part of your 45th anniversary, I’m happy I was able to see everybody’s faces. The journey begins. We’ll be in Okayama tomorrow, hope to see you there.

●The setlists I won’t repeat, just to avoid spoilers for any possible goers!

2 Hitorie's Hitori-Escape Tour, 9/4/2019 at CRAZYMAMA 2nd Room in Okayama! Report!

All members have interactions, I'm relieved..

●SND “Yesterday was so hot I thought I was going to puke, I’d only ever been to Takutaku in the winter not the summer… I came to Crazymama today shaking in fear but… Air conditioning is the BEST! The number one necessity for any venue is!!!! heavy-duty!!!! Air-conditioning!!!!!”

●As soon as SND started talking about yesterday, Yumao dashed up front in a rush to talk. He asked to borrow SND’s mic so he could join in on the MC,

The way they were standing next to each other got them called out for looking like a stand-up comedy duo.

●Yu “Yesterday I mouthed the words ‘Were concerts always this painful?’ to ygarsh 5 whole times and he didn’t understand me,” SND “Well of course not (laughing).” Afterwards when Yu did ask him, ygarsh responded with "They aren’t." Yu thought he was the only one dying, ah sweet relief~, he says.

●Yesterday did Yuma really get exhausted enough to collapse against the wall? Did SND slide atop speakers to then stick the landing, singing with his knees against the floor? It's out there...

●Yu and SND bickered with each other over who watches more Netflix. (They both praised the Netflix show The Naked Director etc. on Twitter recently also).

●SND “By the way ygarshy did you know that cicadas actually live longer than 1 week?”

ygarsh “BWOON♪”

(Cicada’s having only a life span of one week is a common myth in Japan. Also this interaction mimics yesterday, is SND subtly taunting yg in new ways the new staple for the Mannequin intro? Amen.)

●SND tweet: "Thank you Okayama, after doing 2 concerts in row, I see that I really am capable of singing. We'll be back,, until then,,"

●Katou Haruhisa, the founder of LUCK'A Inc. who’s produced Rie’s merch for so many tours, QRTed today's official backstage photo and strutted with pride: "They're all wearing great shirts lol #I made this"

3 Hitorie's Hitori-Escape Tour, 9/12/2019 at the five morika in Iwate prefecture! Report!

Yumao's tweet "Tomorrow is Morioka. The next day is Sendai. I hope to see you there!"

●In a small box with but a platform as the stage and a metal bar between the rockstars and the crowd, what happens if a SND sizzles up and sits down on the bar, gets up and gets down on the floor? FAN SERVICE. LOTS OF FAN SERVICE, THAT'S WHAT. SND was poked by fans, clapped by fan, had his head pet by a fan…. Amazing..

●SND praised the drama "Methanol” he watched on Amazon Prime. ●SND blessed the cool air of Morioka and rebuked the weather up in Tokyo. "I've still been walking around in shorts and sandals." *Looks down and checks himself out* "I ate such a ridiculous amount of grilled meat yesterday, I'm worried about my figure" "We all ate a ridiculous amount"

●SND "By the way ygarshy did you know that honeybees' body temperature can go up to 50 degrees celsius?"

　yg "....*BWOOON*" (goes into bass intro)

(The series...It's certain.. last time it was SND's provocative tidbits about a snack discontinuing.. then long-living cicadas, now..this.)

4 Hitorie's Hitori-Escape Tour, 9/13/2019 at Sendai darwin in Miyagi prefecture! Report!

●All the effects smoke made Yumao, in the back of the stage, look like a mirage... Yumao got up and called himself a mirage... Yumirage bamboozle... From there the crowd was riled up into cheering: “Yumao~ Yumao~ You’re so cute Yumao~”

Yuma kept posing and hugging his hands against his chest* “Thank you...” SND “You pretty boy...” Yuma “I'm snatched everybody... My wig is like snatched...” SND “Snatched, snatched... What are you a Twitter fangirl.” (*Yumao was using the fujoshi term "尊い".) ●During encore intermission the electric fan next to the stage picked up yga’s shirt and blew it up, exposing yga. Laughter was induced among the crowd, and SND, who missed the whole thing, was left all confused as to why everyone was laughing—. ●SND “By the way ygarshy, it’s Friday the 13th but, did you know that Jason doesn’t actually use a chainsaw?”

　yg “*BWOOOON*” ●Someone dived during the last song... As in, a fan started climbing up on other fans and rolling around up there. Staff handled it, and their love for Rie is blazing but... Etiquette and respect for the show space is the best way to enjoy the best show!! Please... SND’s tweet: “Sendai performance complete. Thank you, thank you, thank you”

5 Hitorie’s Hitori-Escape Tour, 9/25/2019 at Koube VARIT in Hyougo prefecture! Report!

Yumao's tweet "Today is Koube, tomorrow shall be Hiroshima. I hope to see you there!"

●SND MC speech "Did you guys have fun today? I think there's a lot of mixed emotions right now. If you didn't have fun, know that we're coming back here again. And then if you still don't have fun again, we're still coming back here again." ●Encore intermission! Crowd as they were walking back out "ygarshy! Yumao! Shinoda!" Yumao, pretending to be a person in the crowd in a scheme for instigation: “Yumao~~!” The crowd “Yumao….?” Yumao “Yumao…? Yumao!!!” Crowd “Yumaooo~~~!” SND “You sound like a Pokemon, crying your own name as if you’re a Pikachu.” Yumao “Yumao!" SND "Can neither of you (or yg) talk normal on mic."

Yumao *Goes and sits down at his drums* Crowd "Yumao~" *Plays a drum trick* “Yumao~~~” *Plays an even more flavorful trick* “Yumaoooo~~~” *EVEN MORE* “YUMAOOO~~~~”

SND “He’ll keep doing that if you keep it up, so keep pampering him.”

●SND “Backstage, they have redbull right, so before the show I couldn’t get over how delicious it was and I kept glugging, and so I was ready to burp throughout the whole first song. SND tweet after: I was in danger of deranging into the wet pants monster. ●Also Shinoda was hopping around playing guitar and he bumped into ygarsh at some point, of who seemed super annoyed—. ●SND “Remember last show, I mentioned Jason, I said there's actually no chainsaw? Well I watched the second movie and, he gets attacked by a chainsaw in that one!” yg *Makes a face as if questioning if that gag was his queue* SND *Nods* yg *>BWWOOON<* (Into the Mannequin intro)

●In the post concert photo Yumao seems to be drinking a Chocola BB, a vitamin B2 supplement to help with acne, mouth sores, and overall exhaustion....

●SND tweet: Koube concert: complete, thank you all. Playing at VARIT is, truly, fantastic,,, I’ll meet y’all in Hiroshima tomorrow. Until then,,,

6 Hitorie’s Hitori-Escape Tour, 9/26/2019 at Second Crutch in Hiroshima prefecture! Reports!

●SND “By the way ygarshy-kun, did you know that Mocomichi Hayami started a youtube channel!”

yga *>BWWOOON<*

(*Mocomichi, dubbed “The olive oil fairy“, is an actor who gained internet fame after his displays on the TV show ‘MOMO’S Kitchen’ where he would dump HUGE AMOUNTS of olive oil over his food, ignore the recipe requested of him, and then praise his cooking like crazy in the end. He was a riot! And he’s truly skilled at cooking! He's won Gourmand cookbook awards, he loves olive oil, he has his own kitchen brand, he was in the Kamen Rider 555 movie where he got killed by monsters halfway through, he loves olive oil- Anyway his channel is here.)

+ SND used wowaka’s red jaguar guitar in today and yesterday's concerts. Introduced (W)HERE with "As Hitorie we only make good songs, we only make God songs. And this is a good one even out of the good ones".

●Crowd “What did you guys eat for lunch!” SND “For lunch I ate soba.” Crowd “Booo! Eat okonomiyaki!” (*Hiroshima is famous for it) “Screw that assholes!!!” “Whyyyy just try it!!!”

THEN YG TALKED

SND “And ygarshy gave Yumao an egg sandwich.” yg “… ...Uhm..” Crowd “!?!?!? Woooahh!!!” yg “Shut up for a second.” Crowd *Still bustling, not listening* yg “Over something so silly…. why are you all excited….” yg “… So uhm I just wanted to say that…. Yumao likes eggs.”

Post show Yumao tweeted “I like eggs.”

●SND tweet “The Hiroshima show: done. A rare event occurred today huh. Y’all were lucky… in a way? That aside I had fun. Thank y’all. I’m off to have a drink.”

7 Hitorie’s Hitori-Escape Tour, 9/26/2019 at Sapporo SPiCE in Hokkaido prefecture! Reports!

Yumao's tweet "Today is Sapporo. I hope to see you there! Ahh the first magnitude stars".

●SND ”Hokkaido, you’re so full of spirit! It’s ‘cause RSR had to cancel the first day, isn’t it!? How many of y’all missed out on seeing Number Girl?” *Hands rising all over* SND “Muahaha!!!! Well I already got to see them!!! Poor you!!!” (*Rocking Sun Festival last month was canceled due to Typhoon 10 hitting Hokkaido).

●Shinoda rued and revered the heat. Said that Sapporo’s been the second sweatiest show after Kyoto. Crowd “Let’s make it the hottest!” SND “No! You can’t beat it. That was a traumatic experience, I thought I was gonna die. But we can still make the excitement levels the hottest!”

●Encore intermission and the usual outfit change: SND “Aren’t you hot in that?” Yumao “Yeah, this sweatshirt is way too big for me. Oh, because it’s Shinoda’s” It was too hot for SND so he made Yumao wear and promo the official merch. SND opened his mouth to make a comment when the crowd slipped in with “Yumao you’re cute wearing that~~ so cute~~!” cheers. SND “Shut up I’m talking!!” SND “….I’m sorry for yelling!” ‘Apologizes before things go downhill’ Crowd kept the spirit high by asking ygarsh if he wanted to eat pizza, yg nodded his head, then scooted towards the mic as if to say something- but turned back... He tricked everybody! Rie weren’t going to let him get away with that, they had to pick on him for revenge!

Crowd “Hello! [At yg]” SND “What?! You’re resorting to teaching him the basics of conversation?” (SND and Yu laughing out loud) SND “He’s not an AI y’know??” (Yuma has his hands on his stomach at this point). yg *Still not talking* SND “Ahh what are we gonna do with him” SND “yga~rshy~kun~, have some fun with me~~!”

　yg “*>>>BWOOOOON<<<*

●SND tweet: Sapporo concert: complete!! That was way too fucking hot!! Damn ridiculous! That’s what makes it so good. Thank you.

8 Hitorie’s Hitori-Escape Tour, 10/10/2019 at UMBER in Shizuoka prefecture! Reports!

Yumao's tweet "Today's Shizuoka!"

●A wild cockroach appeared before Yumao and SND backstage during the intermission.

It was a huge one, scurrying across the stage walls throughout the end of the show regardless of its own size.

●yg offered Yuma the rights to his front stage mic for Yuga and SND to be able to talk about it together, so he pulled at his mic in front of him…. Only for the cable to come spiraling out, yanked from the jack, off went the XLR connector, and all. yg's power move left him laughing hysterically. yga laughed!!!!! He laughed as he gave Yumao a powerless mic!!

●With the power move to piston off of, “Professor Yumao” was on the case to give a “lecture” with his cockroach wisdom! He told us about how the ones with the perfect figures come from the outside and live under trees, german cockroaches like to stay inside and come from the inside...

SND “Back when I used to live in a rundown apartment in Nagoya, there was 2 perfect cockroaches always waiting for me in front of my apartment”. Yu “Outside, right!!”

yga *Frozen up and now hiding against the wall*

●Prof. Yumao also gave another lecture about Shampoo from the anime Ranma 1/2, complete with “Ne!” imitations, SND piped in also until he realized something- and then got angry at Yuma because only few will know who he’s talking about....

SND “So tell me, what time is it?” Yu “Time to talk about things everybody will understand!” SND “No it’s encore time!” Yu " :O "

yg *Still hiding against the wall away from the nerds*

●SND “ygarshy! Ygarshy! Get a good look at this!” yg *Nods at him* SND *Proceeds to pose like the Dragon Ball Z Kamehameha* “Hah!” yga “>>>>*BWOOOOOOOOON*<<<”

●SND tweet: “Shizuoka show: complete, thank you so much. I had a lot of fun. We’ll be back. Nagoya will be tomorrow. Until next time,,,”

9 Hitorie’s Hitori-Escape Tour, 10/11/2019 at SPADE BOX in Aichi prefecture! Reports!

●Hasegawa-san, the drummer of SND’s past past band “Dr. Right” from around 2007 (See video of youngin SND and crew performing: https://nico.ms/sm11604475?ref=share_others_spweb…), he also payed a visit to the show!!!! And took pictures with SND! >See https://twitter.com/toshiya230/status/1182631585230704640

●First song SND immediately messed up the first note and the music halted, Yu and the crowd had to urge him onward-!

●SND “Hitorie is great. Hitorie’s songs are great. Only badass songs. Before I joined, Leader sent me demo versions and said “I want to do songs like this”… Electricity rushed through my veins, this is gonna be a revolution, am I really going to be a part of this?! I thought.”

●The stage at the venue is one that shook like crazy from everyone’s vigor, Rie seemed to enjoy the ride.

●SND “I left Nagoya, went up to Tokyo, and now I’m back in Nagoya, singing nonetheless... I’m not embarrassed carrying the mic to sing non-guitar songs anymore."

●SND "After 9 shows doin’ this, it's really hit me. Hitorie really make great songs! But even among all of them this one is peachy… Wait no one says that? This one’s at the tippy-top. ….Wait no one says these words in Tokyo, nor Nagoya?? Ah whatever let’s go” (The original words were ドンズバ and ダントツ, both old niche words).

●Encore intermission, Yumao came out in front of the mic then… Clenched his fist up into the air and stood stout! SND “You’re not gonna talk, now, what are you doing?” Yu “Freddie Mercury, is in the house!!”

“This move isn’t in Bohemian Rhapsody, b/c once the scene starts he’s already on the piano but, before the show Freddie does the *poses again*!!! SND “So that’s what you were doing? Even though you play drums? Drums aren’t a piano?” Yu *👌* SND “They are a little bit similar huh hahaha”

●Rie wished everyone safe travels home through Typhoon 19! They even cut the MC short to ensure swift departure- SND “I bet y’all would go off tweeting “Their chitchat was so long I couldn’t get home! Fuck them!” Well we’re fortunate, one day later and it would've been cancelled.."

●Then, the usual Thing.... SND “ygarshy, ygarshy! A fly seems to have sorta, landed on your bass over there!” yg *>BWWON*< (Interrupting SND’s sentence with a rushed note).

●SND tweet "Nagoya concert: complete. SPADEBOX shakes like crazy, it's such fun. Thank you so much. Make it home safe y'all. And let's meet again. Until next time."

🍕~~END~~🍕

((((((Shinoda, constantly: "I have a phobia of bugs" Also Shinoda, constantly: *His ways to provoke ygarsh involved cicadas, bees, cockroaches and flies.* + *Advises people dealing with heartbreak to go watch videos of giant hornets VS Japanese honeybees.* + *Draws super detailed cicadas in his manga Chikyuu Monogatari.*

Shinoda you maso.)))))

Ahhhh also! If you're a member Hitori-Atelier!-- (Which you should be!!! Because not only are Hitorie snazzy and there's the upcoming message campaign, but ALSO because Rie is always seeking more vigor which I KNOW YOU GUYS HAVE, I've seen your liberal usage of the almighty exclamation marks and emojis. You can't hide it, so show 'em some more of your energy!!!!!🙌🙌🙌)

--Shinoda has been periodically blogging about backstage tidbits and I've been translating those for fun so, plop: https://privatter.net/u/boat_manju

#ヒトリエ #long post

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isenstar777 · 3 years ago

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Tag game!

Rules: 15 questions, 15 mutuals

Tagged by @thorxmarvel thank you! Sorry it's taken me a while

1. Are you named after anyone? Not to my knowledge

2. When is the last time you cried? One week ago. Sudden onset of claustrophobia will do that

3. Do you have kids? Nope! Dealing with my niece and nephew a couple times a year is plenty for me

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? So. Much.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people? I have no idea... I do not remember what people look like unless I have seen a photo of them so I don't remember what I notice

6. What’s your eye colour? Hazel, but mostly green I guess. Yeah I'm that weirdo

7. Scary movies or Happy Endings? Happy endings. I'm a scaredy cat and I like having a good feeling at the end of things

8. Any special talents? I don't know about special talents, really. I've always been told I have a gift for writing. But I'm that annoying person who can do pretty much everything I put my mind to. I just can't be bothered most of the time. I'm not necessarily fantastic at the things though. I can just do them with some small degree of expertise.

The one time I actually tried in rounders, I got nearly the whole other team out in their first run. I was on first base and either caught the ball straight out the air or touched it to the post before they got there. Before they had run 10 metres. I have so much pride in that game, but I still decided not to try in rounders again.

That was more than you asked. But I am proud of that game. So many athletic people who were incredibly competitive and me who didn't want to be there.

9. Where were you born? The UK

10. What are your hobbies? Writing, drawing, reading, baking and cooking. DnD sometimes. Video games. Listening to music constantly.

11. Have you any pets? No :( I'm allergic to most furry things, as is my dad

12. What sports do you play / have played? None anymore because I'm very lazy. But gymnastics for 10 years, tennis for 3 years, golf for 2 years, swimming for a year, shooting on and off for about 5 years. I am competent at all of them, but good at none. Admittedly I did get Badge 1 (of British Gymnastics Org. You get a medal), which does mean that I was good at some of it. But it took a long time to get it.

Ok I just looked up the badges and they have actually made badge 1 easier since I did mine. That's rude.

13. How tall are you? 5ft 6

14. Favourite subject in school? English Language. I love linguistics so much. And I had some really good english teachers early on. Later on I had some awful ones, but by then I could teach myself. Also history. Definitely history.

15. Dream job? I used to think author. But that means other people would read my work and I really enjoy being entirely self-indulgent and private. But maybe in ancient history academia. Or publishing.

Although... a daydream that a friend and I came up with: we both get jobs in the British museum. We work our way up to the top spots. One of us moves to send all the stuff back to its home. The other seconds the motion. The BM becomes full of replicas and exhibitions about its history of colonialism/imperialism and theft.

I'm not tagging anyone directly! Whoever wants can do this! Go wild!

#personal #BM full of replicas is so much better #compare the real rosetta stone in a glass case that you can't even see because there's crowds #to the replica rosetta stone in the room directly opposite which you can touch #and literally lie on top of if you're an over-enthusiastic hieroglyphs student #tag games

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drferox · 7 years ago

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20 Questions with Dr Ferox #21

Looks like it’s time for another round of 20 questions and comments. I’ve tried to tag you all again, but if you asked on Anonymous I have no way of tagging you.

Anonymous said: Do you prefer treating certain animals over others? I'm friends with a few vets and I know one who's pretty much specialized in cats and another who can treat most companion animals but has a strong preference for dogs (good thing dog vet was out hiking with cat vet when cat vet's dog got a face full of porcupine quills lol) .

I do have a preference for cats, we just seem to come to a better mutual understanding, and I'm very softly spoken in person so the cats are less inclined to panic. I used to get along well treating cattle for some reason too, but I'm pretty exclusively in small animal practice these days.

Anonymous said: Does your clinic have a Facebook page? If so - how would you feel if clients posted pictures of their pets to it? My vet recently got my rat through a tough injury and I'd like to post a picture of her now that she's all healed up, but I don't know if that'd be weird or if any of them would even see it.

We love it when it happens. Happy pets with a nice comment on our Facebook page is always welcome. Sometimes we let people email us photos and we post them for us too.

Anonymous said: I know is Aus we're usually told to take injured wildlife to our local vet. Do you mind it, or should they be taken somewhere else instead?

It's perfectly fine for triage, but if somebody brings in an endangered species with a reasonably good prognosis, we'll often recommend it goes to a better equipped clinic for that species. Note very clinic has UV lights for turtles, for example.

Anonymous said: Hello, many years ago I lost my chihuahua to a broken back which I believe stemmed from him jumping onto our couches and beds so often. The experience was very traumatizing for me but now I have another chihuahua who jumps often and I don't often take him to the vet so I was wondering if it is common for smaller dogs to hurt themselves from jumping so often?

To actually break the back would be unusual, but slipping an intervertebral disc so that it prolapses up into the spine is relatively common after jumping off things in tiny dogs.

@justaphage said: I've been wondering about probiotics (this is not a question about the health of my dog, she's getting treatment). Multiple times (and with two different vets) when my dog had diarrhea they gave us a probiotic along with the dewormer or antibiotic and I've been thinking: my doctors never prescribed or suggested that when I'm sick in a similar way. Is there some difference in what we know about dog/human probiotics or is it just a difference of the culture of medicine.

It's probably more a culture of medicine than anything else, but also probiotics are kind of wishy-washy in terms of clinical evidence. There's some evidence to say they're sometimes very useful, but other times not so much. Keep in mind though that dogs are also much more likely to eat poop from other animals and so will be picking up all sorts of intestinal microflora.

Anonymous said: I came across your weed toxicity post for pets and had a question: a friend of mine recently told me he got weed extract for his anxious rescue pet (can't remember if it was a dog or cat) but prescribed by a veterinarian I didn't ask him more about it because I was too confused at the moment, knowing that weed does not have the same effects on dogs and cats as it has on people. do you think this is legit or was he bullshitting me?

It's hard to know, especially given that I have no way of knowing which country you're in, or what your laws in relation to marijuana are. Certainly there are some veterinarians working on cannabinoid extracts with known concentrations and milligram dosages, but if I was told this locally I would be extremely skeptical.

@fallowsthorn said: On the "cats don't usually get round tumors" thing - weirdly enough, our cat has a bunch of them. Our joke is that he gets a new one every time he goes to the vet, because every single time, the tech says something to the effect of "well this isn't normal for cats but...." They're just little bumps of fat, they don't grow, and he doesn't poke at them or seem in pain, but he's got like twenty of them by now and it's super weird.

It is super weird. Cats usually get inflamed fat rather than fatty tumors, but there's always somebody that does things differently.

Anonymous said: Hey Dr Ferox! I'm just asking purely out of curiosity, have you ever had a kitty patient come in with an aural hematoma?

I have once, but I can't remember whether it had been in a fight or had an ear infection, or both. We treated it surgically, the same way as a dog.

@daedricprincessxoxo said: I've decided to start as a technician before becoming a veterinarian, after a CVPM at a big-deal hospital told me how much she recommends it. After ages of financial constraints, I finally began the course to become licensed!! I'm to excited not to share!!!

That is very exciting and great to hear. Best of luck with all of it.

@insatiable-obsession said: Hi I love your blog! It's so informative and real, and I'm trying very hard to get into the vet world (unsuccessfully applied to several vet clinics and hopefully going to vet tech school next year!) I was wondering if you have any advice or opinions on zoo work/zookeeping? Also to give you a fun break from all the vet questions, do you prefer: sunset or sunrise? Camping or going to the beach? Christmas or Halloween? Pen or pencil? Sweet or savory?

I really don't do much with zoos and prefer not to analyse them too much through a veterinary lens, because I want to keep them as something fun. Like everything else in life zookeeping is possible to do very well, and possible to do very badly. You could pop across to @why-animals-do-the-thing for more zookeeping connections.

Anonymous said: I'm so annoyed right now. So ever since my friend got a dog we were trying to get them to get him fixed (her dad who's totally hyper masculine is against neutering) then they got a girl dog and refused to get her fixed (we convinced the mom but not the dad). They tried to rehome the girl earlier in the year and until tonight they've refused to get one of them fixed. Tonight the girl had 9 pups and it's the only thing that convinced them to get her fixed (after she's done nursing) They also are keeping one of the male puppies. The dogs go out on a cable because they don't have a yard. The dogs are big too they're an staff bully breed mixes.

I don't know what to tell you Anon. It's a poor situation for those animals to be in, but I can't tell you anything to make it any better, and as long as their minimum welfare standards are met, the animals can't be seized.

Anonymous said: I am considering harness training a new cat. I have only indoor cats. If I allow my new cat out in a harness will I need to do anything different for care of my indoor cats, because all the cats will be in contact together at home. My indoor cats are up to date on their rabies and distemper vaccines, do they need anything else?

You should call your own vet about what concerns are relevant locally. You are very clearly not local to me and I cannot give you specific veterinary advice, but I suspect parasite control is going to be important for your cats.

Anonymous said:What do you do if your pet dies at home? Like with the body?

Depending on where you are, you can have the option to bury your pet at home, or you can arrange burial or cremation either through a vet clinic or a pet crematorium directly.

Anonymous said: I have a 3.5 month old kitten and he occasionally like tries to eat litter? i use a clay bases non clumping litter and i move him away whenever he starts but like? Could there be a medical reason? Is he just weird? Were taking him to the vet soon to be neutered and im going to ask them then. Thank you!!

There is no way for me to tell whether your kitten it eating litter because it has a nutrient deficiency, an abnormal behavior or is just chewing on things with a novel texture. Hope your vet visit goes well.

Anonymous said: Hi, not sure if you can help, but figure it's worth a shot! I'm in my parasitology class and I'm having the hardest time keeping the Spinose ear tick and the ear mite straight in my head due to their extremely similar scientific names(otobius megnini and otodectes cynotis respectively) and both residing in/around an animals ears, can you offer any advice?

Sorry I don't have any advice for you, other than O. megnini being an overseas parasite and not one I have to deal with.

Anonymous said: I came across your blog while having a nasty bout of heartburn and I got to wondering: can animals suffer from acid reflux or have symptoms similar to GERD in humans? If so, do you know of any cases or treatments?

Small animals can also suffer acid reflux and subsequent oesophageal ulcers. It's particularly common in brachycephalic dogs. There are a variety of potential predisposing causes, some of which are managed medically, but some require surgery. Hiatal hernias are a good example.

@softlyfiercely said: Am curious re: your thoughts on a childhood memory. We had snails in our yard growing up (southwestern USA) and we loved them. My brother & I fed them lettuce & built them little stick-and-leaf villages. Once we brought one inside to show a family friend. He dropped it. Its shell cracked & it looked in bad shape. We were distraught and begged mom to bring it to a vet. She did not. But would a vet have been able to help? How do zoos care for endangered snails? Can snail shells be repaired?

Some clinics equipped for exotics can and will treat snails, but not very often. It's possible to repair small areas of damage to the shell, so long as the body has not been damaged and does not come into contact with any glue or compounds used.

@malted-shark said: Just wanna' say. Sardine sounds like my Basil at the vet. He has aggressive on his chart and they legitimately have to launch a liquid sedative in his mouth. I wish I was kidding. I wish he wasn't such a nightmare at the vet. He's like that at home sometimes too. Particularly, he doesn't like it when things aren't done EXACTLY to his liking and don't dare try to restrain or hell is to be paid. I just let them handle it, I get scared of him.

With cats like this, sometimes all you can and should do is sedate them for an exam. It's stressful for the cat and dangerous for the handler otherwise.

@peaceofpuregold said: As a primary human to two feral (currently not so feral with a lot of patience, training, and good luck in the mix) can confirm at least 70% of the feral cat escape phrases. All I was missing were the washing machine related ones. I might use this to make a bingo card.

If you do make a feral cat bingo card, let us know!

@hesmyboi said: Came for Trashbag, stayed because I adore animals, I like your style, and I'm having fun learning about veterinarian stuff

And we're very pleased to have you here with us. Thank you.

#20 questions

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shaizstern · 6 years ago

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Article from WSJ: Burned Out at Work? Here’s How to Find Your Passion—Or Get It Back

Follow your passion? It’s not so easy. Experts say small steps, not dramatic leaps, create the best path.

ILLUSTRATION: GWENDA KACZOR

By Elizabeth Bernstein

From the time Freeman Wood was 5 years old, he wanted to be an explorer. He dreamed of climbing mountains, trekking through deserts, mapping some uncharted terrain.

But being an adventurer isn’t an easy way to pay the bills. So Mr. Wood studied economics and landed a job out of school at the Chicago Board Options Exchange. That set the path for a 30-year career in investment banking and corporate finance. Along the way, he earned an M.B.A. and did stints at the Federal Reserve, on Wall Street, at Ford Motor Co. and with an investment consulting firm.

Despite his success, he felt unhappy. He dreaded going to work in the morning and came home at the end of the day drained and grumpy. “Each step along the way seemed to be positive and move my career in the right direction, but I ended up in exactly the wrong place,” says Mr. Wood, who is 54 and lives in Los Angeles. “I wasn’t following what I was passionate about in a way that was contributing to the broader society.”

When Freeman Wood was offered a buyout, he took it as a sign. He decided to do something he’d wanted to do for years: Ride his bike cross-country, from California to Florida. PHOTO: JOHN ORNDORFF

We’re taught that we should follow our passion. Countless graduation speakers pump us up to pursue our dreams. Oprah encourages us to have a purpose. Nike says to Just Do It.

Unfortunately, it’s not easy.

There are lucky people who identify their passion early on and find work that allows them to pursue it. But for many, a passionate pursuit is elusive or problematic. Some never find it—they start down another path and keep trudging forward. Others set off passionate about their work but lose joy in it along the way. Many keep laboring so hard at work they initially love that they ultimately burn themselves out.

You can take steps to reignite, or find, your passion. If you’ve inadvertently moved away from doing work you love—maybe you once did it but got promoted and now manage others—try blocking time on your calendar each week to do creative work, suggests Brad Stulberg, an executive coach in Oakland, Calif., and author of the new book, “The Passion Paradox.”

And if you never followed your passion and now want to switch gears, make a gradual change. Research shows that people who quit their jobs cold turkey to follow their passion often fail, Mr. Stulberg says. The pressure to love the new endeavor or make money quickly is too high. “It is really hard to perform well and enjoy your work if you are doing it from a place of pressure,” he says.

About a decade ago, Carol Novello decided to take a break from her career as an executive at a Silicon Valley software firm. Her life felt unbalanced—she didn’t have time for a relationship or exercise or her family back East—and she wanted to make a more meaningful impact on the world.

She’d always loved animals and wanted to work with them. So she took small steps in that direction. First, she tried to raise a guide-dog puppy. Sally, her charge, turned out to be so stubborn and distracted that she eventually flunked out of the training program. Ms. Novello felt this was a message. “I decided the universe was telling me that I had gone too far from my expertise and core competency and that there had to be a better way for my skill set and my passion to intersect,” she says.

About a decade ago, Carol Novello decided to take a break from her career as an executive at a Silicon Valley software firm. She had always loved animals and wanted to work with them. PHOTO: GERRY SERRANO

Next, Ms. Novello did pro-bono work with a nonprofit that trains dogs to sniff out destructive bugs at vineyards. She also joined the board of the Humane Society Silicon Valley. And she drew up a list of 10 criteria for her next job: She wanted to work on a compelling product or service she feels passionate about, share the work with a talented team, have a commute under 30 minutes, be able to bring a pet to work.

When the board of the humane society asked her if she wanted to be president, Ms. Novello, who is 54 and lives in Los Altos, said yes. The job met all 10 of her criteria. “It felt like this click, in the context of finding that intersection of passion and expertise and skills,” she says. “The work feeds my soul.” Just last week, she published a book: “Mutual Rescue: How Adopting a Homeless Animal Can Save You, Too.”

Mr. Wood, the investment consultant, is a friend of mine and I’ve watched him struggle with burnout and dissatisfaction for several years. So I was proud of him when he told me that he was making an effort to do something he is passionate about.

He made a plan that included a series of short-term goals. “Small steps are achievable,” he says. “They are easier to attain. They help you build momentum, and they build your confidence.” His steps included paying off his mortgage and tuition for his three daughters, saving a certain amount of money, and leaving his job when he turned 55.

When his company offered him a buyout last year that would pay him a salary until his 55th birthday, Mr. Wood took it as a sign. And he decided to do something he’d wanted to do for years: Ride his bike cross-country, from California to Florida. He saw this as a first step in a new direction.

Mr. Wood spent two months training, then left Carlsbad, Calif., one sunny day this past February. He rode about 85 miles a day—for a total of 2,775 miles. And he posted a brief video on social media every night recapping his day. I watched, astounded and inspired. Some days were tough and he looked beat. On others he seemed happier than he’d seemed in years.

A week ago, when Mr. Wood rode over a bridge in St. Augustine, Fla., and saw the Atlantic, he said he started laughing, crying and shouting all at once. He’d thought a lot on the ride about what he wants to do next. Financial compensation and a senior position matter much less to him now, while working for an endowment or foundation with a mission that aligns with his values matters more.

But he already felt that he’s gotten back his passion.

“The ride showed me how good it feels to be more yourself,” he says. “And it made me think: If I can do this, what else can I do?”

How Can You Reignite—or Find—Your Passion?

DON’T LEAP IN. Pursue your interests gradually. Research shows that people who quit their job to follow their passion tend to fail at a higher rate than people who pursue the new endeavor gradually, says Brad Stulberg, author of “The Passion Paradox.” The pressure to love the new activity and make money at it can be too high if you jump all in.

BLOCK OUT TIME. Mr. Stulberg suggests adding three 60- to 90-minute sessions to your calendar each week where you will only do the type of work you love. It’s key to commit ahead of time. “You need to make it a priority so it will happen,” he says.

FIND YOUR PERSON. “Call someone who knows your passion and can help remind you of it,” says Aleja Parsons, a therapist in Manhattan and a research psychologist at the Family Translational Research Group at New York University. Let your friend guide you toward self-awareness.

MAKE A PLAN. It should include small, progressive steps, because this is how habits form, says Dr. Parsons. You don’t want to act sporadically but consistently. Remember the saying: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

DON’T GET LOST IN PREPARATION. Do the actual work. Do you want to sculpt? Buy some supplies, set them up in a corner somewhere and start sculpting. Too often, people get lost in preparing the perfect environment or purchasing all their supplies. This makes you think you are making progress but you are not. “Just get started,” says Mr. Stulberg.

PLAN REWARDS ALONG THE WAY. They can be small and intermittent, to celebrate that you are staying on your path, such a movie or bubble bath to reward yourself for doing an hour of work today. Or they can be larger to mark a bigger milestone. (I bought red cowboy boots recently when I hit a big writing goal.) The idea is people will continue to do things they get rewarded for, Dr. Parsons says.

FOCUS ON THE JOY. Don’t worry about the outcome. You keep passion alive by experiencing it as pleasure, by loving what you are doing. And when you love what you are doing, the rewards tend to come.

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reticexce · 8 years ago

Text

RETICEXCE’S RP PLOTTING CHEAT-SHEET

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mun name: birdie OOC Contact: instant messenger and asks ( bc im always on mobile ) or sky.pe and k.ik, if we’re close mutuals

Who the heck is are my muse muses anyway:

alison clair: a fashion designer who used to be a prostitute and has experienced various toxic relationships in her life and still feels the effects of them even now ( self-hate, think she’s inadequate, thinks the toxic relationships are her fault in a way ). has lots of love to give, very creative and artsy, wears a lot of pastel colors and can probably make you an entire outfit if you ask her nicely.

emile clair: ali’s twin brother ( he’s older! ) who is an overgrown boy scout but can’t go outside as much as he wants because he has an office job ( legal aid ). has a soft spot for plants, hates the other two male muses on this blog, awkward af around attractive people, hella gay but has been hiding this fact about himself for years and has only recently come to terms with it ( sort of ).

cedric privett: alison’s first boyfriend in high school; wealthy and sort of bratty but lives more humbly than people might think. is best friends with nate and teased emile for being gay in high school. verbally abusive to alison in high school. is currently a bartender who reads a lot and has to deal with drunken fights at his bar more often than he likes. will probably flirt with you muse a lot.

nate cain: a terrible person. ali’s second “boyfriend” in high school. took advantage of her in high school and her virginity. physically abused her and verbally abused emile for being gay. hates his parents because they treated him like shit and was in foster homes all of his childhood and early teen years. has bipolar II disorder. is currently djing for money and has a fucked up sleep cycle.

Points of interest:

alison: is super nice and bubbly, loves cats and flowers, wears mostly pink, will scrapbook and take a lot of photos, will probably love your muse or grow really attached , can be super self conscious about silly things, pls take care of her.

emile: will probably invite your muse to go hiking or bird watching, loves the rain and succulents, stutters a lot when talking to strangers and does embarrassing things, is tol and can help your muse reach stuff.

cedric: sarcastic, speaks in a proper manner, dresses like he’s all that because he can afford nice clothes, has read lots of books, will judge you on your drink choices, always looks like he’s making bedroom eyes at you probably, is fake af

nate: looks done 97% of the time with life, replies in short sentences and in a monotonous tone, looks tired, probably never awake when you are, makes great music though and will call you out if he thinks you listen to trash, curses a lot

What they’ve been up to recently:

alison: living day to day and trying to recover from her past. picking up a lot of hobbies and trying to keep herself busy and healthy ( though she could always use some extra help with the healthy part ). has just been assigned to work on a new fashion line with her aunt ( who owns the company ali works for ) so that’s been keeping her real busy.

emile: trying to not hate his job but it’s not working but at least his cat keeps him happy. trying to also come out of his shell more and get into the dating scene but that’s also not working as well. he’s learned a few new knots though so that’s pretty cool.

cedric: not on the best terms with his parents but he’s gotta deal with them anyway, is co-owner of a popular bar, is trying not to remember alison and had to deal with nate’s bullshit even more now since he’s back in town

nate: finally freed from high school and has taken a few college classes online but nothing to get a degree. really focused on making music with other collaborators and is hella enjoying the launchpad he got himself a few years ago. internally denies everything that’s happened with alison and is skipping out on therapy that he’s suppose to be going to for his condition

Where to find them:

alison: at her office, at cafes, at fashion shows or charity events, the bar, her apartment, the park

emile: in his office at his father’s law firm, outside in park, at the farmer’s market, in his apartment, at a cafe, rarely at the bar but you can try, at marathons bc this boy likes to run, at the train station bc this boy hates to drive and cares too much about the environment

cedric: at his bar ( the best place ), a bookstore, a restaurant or cafe, at his parents’ place, at a party his parents’ are throwing, at an office party he didn’t want to go to but got dragged into

nate: in bed, at a fast food place, at a night club or a strip club, at a bar probably getting into a fight, in an alley probably finishing that fight

Current plans:

alison: looking for more models for her clothes or for her photography hobby, sketching, trying to not skip meals, and trying to find her prince charming ( or someone to hook up with and make her feel useful and safe ). is thinking about going to school one day to become a nurse but that’ll have to wait when she has more money saved up.

emile: is also thinking about going back to school bc law is now the path for him but who knows what he’ll do ( he’s thinking history ). really determined to get back into the dating scene and meet cute people but social anxiety is an awful thing and he needs lots of patience to overcome it. really wants to get back into hiking

cedric: taking care of nate, trying to please his parents but also trying to piss them off at the same time by having more hookups, is pretty happy with where he is in life though taking care of nate can be real draining

nate: live through the self hatred and make music to keep himself sane, currently in a stable relationship with someone so that’s always exciting. he doesn’t really do much, but he’s living so that’s good for him

Desired interactions:

alison: more toxic relationships bc she always seems to attract people that aren’t so good for her, and i like to cause her pain, old clients or new ones since she does have a harlot verse, gal pals are the best, and ?? really difficult people?? i’ve always wanted to see how alison handles difficult people. oh and one night stands bc a girl has needs

emile: more dates, emile crushing really hard on a male muse and it’s possibly unrequited or emile just hasn’t had the guts to tell your muse yet and one day he just blurts it out, someone teaching emile how to kiss or hike up his flirting game

cedric: be his friend and bitch about things with him, try to be his sugar baby and see how far it takes you, call him out for being so fake

nate: former one night stand coming back and trying to get involved in nate’s life even though he has a gf, someone nate got in a fight with recognizing him and trying to get a rematch, roommates au tbh

Offered interactions:

alison: is super helpful and nice so she’s always willing to help your muse out or keep them company at like a bus stop or something. known to strike up random conversations. will offer to help fix a hole in your muse’s clothes if it ever happens ( like a wardrobe malfunction ). likes to try new foods and see new things so invite her out and have fun!!

emile: will tell you lots of stuff about his plants if you ask ( or just nature in general ), is really good at painting and wouldn’t mind helping you impress someone you like by painting you a picture and selling it to you, has really good taste in coffee and can help you find the right brew, will let you pet his cat if you’re sad.

cedric: he’s pretty good at telling when people have had too much so he’ll shut you down real quick if you ask and he’s certain you’re shitfaced, he has a lot of good recommendations when it comes to books, he probably won’t remember you if you told him you guys slept together but you can always remind him

nate: lmao nate never wants to come out but if you’re looking for a fight or wants someone to play video games with nate is your man

Current open post/s:

open tag is here!! mutuals only please.

Anything else?:

hi a shy bean in central time zone. i love multiple thread with the same person and i dont mind if you send me ten memes, love me

Tagged by: @tiivadvabadust ( indirectly! ) Tagging: idk man this was a long thing to fill out bc i had so many muses if you wanna do it then go for it and lemme see!! i would love to see!!

#long post #outofribbons

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secret-rendezvous1d · 8 years ago

Note

QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR BLOG - all 50, love! xx

1. How long have you had your current blog? - 2 and a bit years; 3 years on October 26.

2. How long have you had your current URL? - About a year and a half? I know I changed it a while back.

3. Do you have any blogs other than this one? - I have a personal blog, yeah. It’s @aspersonalasitgets if you want to give me a follow. :)

4. Would you ever consider running a blog with someone else? - Not really, no. I’m really independent so I prefer to work on my own with my own content.

5. What is the overall theme/concept of your blog? - Literally just Harry Styles, One Direction and writing. Hahaha.

6. Do you primarily use a computer or your mobile device to access tumblr? - I think I spend the same amount of time on both computer and my phone; I used my computer when I’m writing stories and I used my phone when I’m reblogging and out and about in public.

7. How do you feel about blogs that only use the mobile view (generic) themes? - I honestly don’t care? It’s what we all feel comfortable with. It’s not all about the theme or anything.

8. How many blogs do you follow atm? - A little over 3,000 but the majority are ones that barely post or use their accounts so I need to go through and re-sort that out.

9. How many followers do you have atm? - 13,070.

10. Do you have any accounts blocked? - I do, yes.

11. How do you feel about getting messages? - I absolutely love receiving messages from everyone. Feedback or just requests or even just general messages. I love it.

12. How many messages do you get daily on average? - A range between 1-15.

13. Have you ever gotten anon hate? - I have, yes.

14. Do you send others messages/anons? - Of course. It’s always lovely to make sure people know they’re loved and appreciated.

15. Do you reply to all of your messages? - Most definitely.

16. What is something we will never see on your blog? - On this blog, you’ll never see things that are unrelated to One Direction. It’s a purely One Direction blog so you’ll never see things based on other bands or people.

17. Have you ever reached your daily post limit? - Surprisingly, no.

18. Do you ever post selfies? - If I ever feel confident enough with a specific selfie, yes. Although, the display photo on my personal blog is a selfie.

19. Do you go by your real name on your blog? - I do. I’m not creative enough to go by another name.

20. What does your URL mean? - It’s based on the “and if you like have secret little rendezvous’” line from Perfect - my favourite song ever, I think.

21. Have you ever changed your URL? - Yes. Which was very hectic because I had to change all of my links in my Masterlist which took forever, haha!

22. Did you have a different tumblr account before your current one? - I did have one ages ago - but, I can’t remember the URL or using it, haha.

23. What do you think is the best way to gain followers? - Just being yourself, being lovely to those who talk to you, and, posting the content that people enjoy reading/seeing/reblogging.

24. Have you ever had to unfollow someone? - Yes.

25. Have you ever completely changed your blog (the theme/concept/content)? - Not really, no. But, I’m thinking of changing my theme.

26. Have you made any friends through tumblr? - A whole load. And, I love them all very much.

27. Have you met anyone in person that you first met through tumblr? - Me and Caitlin - @horanandstylesaremyonlyreason - have spoken about meeting one day. But, I haven’t met anyone. I did get stopped in the street once, though.

28. Do you ever real personal information on your blog? - Not real-life personal information. I only ever give out my social media accounts and the occasional story.

29. Have you ever started a romantic relationship with anyone from tumblr? - Nope.

30. Does your blog contain any mature/sexual content? - I write smut, so, definitely some sexual and mature content.

31. Do you make gifs? - I have no idea how to make them.

32. Do you make graphics/art? - I’m by no means artistic. I can only write, haha.

33. Is your blog mostly reblogs or your own content? - A bit of both, really. Maybe more writing then reblogs but I do reblog a whole lot of stuff.

34. Do you use XKit? - No.

35. Do you tag your posts? - I do, yeah. To keep them in categories and whatnot on my blog for when I need gifs or photos in the future.

36. Have you ever had to block a tag? - Not at all.

37. Name a blogging pet peeve of yours. - I don’t really have a blogging pet peeve, to be honest.

38. Have you ever posted a video or audio of yourself? - Once. A long time ago, haha.

39. Do you follow any blogs that don’t follow you back? - I do, yeah. But, it doesn’t both me, at all.

40. Do you follow everyone back? - Sometimes, I do, yeah.

41. Pick one of your favorite mutuals and say something nice about them. - @horanandstylesaremyonlyreason; I love you. I love how you love Niall. I love how we can share story ideas and just ‘scream’ together when things happen. And, I really enjoy it when we can share sneak peeks to one another’s stories.

42. Is there a certain time of day you’re on tumblr the most? - I suck at schedules.

43. Do you use the queue? - No, but, I’ve been meaning to start.

44. Would you say you are different on tumblr than you are in person or on other social media? - Definitely. I’m so shy in person.

45. Have you ever gotten advice from another tumblr member? - I have, yes.

46. Have you ever given advice to another tumblr member? - I have.

47. Do you feel like you know your way around tumblr well? - I guess so, yeah.

48. Do you ever clear out your likes? - Nope.

49. What is your favorite thing about tumblr? - Meeting incredible people, sharing my talent and my writing style, and, talking to people that share the same interests as me.

50. What is your least favorite thing about tumblr? - The horrid people and the hate that comes with hiding behind the Anon identity. xxx

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ijusthavesomethingstosay · 7 years ago

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I never write any of this down.

I started being scared that anyone would see it.

But today I can’t stand it anymore, so I’m going to fucking write it down.

Thank the whiskey.

About five years ago, I met you for the first time. I was talking to your best friend. Although I never talk about this, I was very nearly in love with him. He stopped talking to me, and I actually thought to myself that no one would love me, and I should kill myself.

You Facebook messaged me. It was cute. You still maintain the habit of drunk texting when you shouldn’t. So do I.

We talked. Became involved. I helped you to decorate your family’s Christmas tree. You posted an Instagram photo; a vague reference, nothing serious. We chatted about cats and the universe. I was a dreamer then.

I do not think you know this, but I was at my ex boyfriend’s house when you texted me and misspelled “herpes” (you said “herpies”) and I cried. There, at his house. I was afraid to lose you, already. I had just slept with him for the last time, and he had recently told me he could never be with me due to my having it.

Your friend, the one I saw everyday for nearly a month and cared about a lot, had told you this when he found out we were talking. I was furious. Embarrassed. You told me you did not care. And I loved you then.

On New Years’ Eve, you asked me to be your girlfriend. We were at a certain friend’s house, one known for having parties. I had with me one of my longer standing friends, whom I still value more than she knows. We popped champagne, ended up back at our friends’ house. The guy I had originally been talking to brought some girl, and the girl’s friend was a nightmare. Dramatic, bitchy, etc. Apparently it was crazy.

But I only remember hearing about those antics, because we were cuddled together for the first time. Your chest was hairy; you said it made you self-conscious, I told you I loved it. I did.

On the way home either that day or the next, I can’t remember…your car hit some number in mileage. You took a picture. I remember that much.

Over the next few months, you learned about me and I learned about you. We drank, partied. I met your friends. Although it didn’t happen so drastically at first, they became my friends too. I still miss them.

One night, we were lying in my bed at my dad’s house, a twin. This was maybe March, or April? We’d been drinking (shocker) and you told me you loved me while crying your eyes out. And I loved you too.

I had a pet rat named Lola. You came over. I had a paper due for my final semester of community college, for history. It accidentally got deleted, and I knew I’d have to start all over. You’d brought orange vodka of some sort. I cried from stress, and you told me it’d be okay. I woke up at 7 a.m. and rewrote that paper, because it was indeed okay.

You are one of the only people in this world that can make me jealous. During this time period, while you were working for the “patient first”-type clinic, there was a girl you knew who was bitchy and just a little too close for comfort. I regret my pettiness towards her, just so that you know.

Around this time, we went over to a friend’s house to roll molly and drink a little. Our friend proposed an orgy…I didn’t hear, but saw him suggest it. Knowing what I had, and both of our comfort levels, you declined for us. Thank you for that. It was still a blast. We went to sleep together, and made love. And I loved you so much.

On April Fool’s Day, we were at your parents house, in the basement. Large flowers painted over heated floors. You played a joke on me: “It’s not working out.” I said okay and got ready to leave. You stopped me, “No no no, it’s a joke.” I didn’t get it, and I don’t now. You said, “You were just going to go!” or something to that effect. I told you I didn’t like to stay where I wasn’t wanted. It’s true.

Over that summer, I felt awkward about being friends with what would become our mutual friends. I felt judged. This wasn’t without warrant; the girls in this group had been harsh to me, and at one point even found out what I had and used it to slander you to your friends. And you loved me anyway.

Eventually, we did all get together. A girl in the group that you had previously talked to treated me like shit but then was friendly. I was uncomfortable, but tried to make it work. I so badly wanted to be liked, to be someone you could have around their friends. It took so long, but it ended up okay.

In the beginning of August that year, we went to Cedar Point in Ohio. It was a blast, if not a little bit dramatic when our friends that were a longtime couple argued a good deal. They’re not together now. Then again, neither are we. I still have that dinosaur hat at my dad’s. You took a video while on one of the roller coasters.

Shortly afterwards, we went to Mexico. You’d bought the trip earlier in the year. It was something to look forward to. And it was so much fun. We took very few pictures, and drank very much tequila and rum. Your drink was madras, mine was mojito. Five at a time, up to the room. Tipping the bartender in pesos like it was going out of style. We met a few older couples, vowed to come back at the same time of year to see them. We never did.

We came home, to the house we had just moved into together with a friend of mine and a few of her friends. She and I were working at the same restaurant, and for the most part it was alright. I started drinking way too much. Our house got broken into (but that’s its own story.) Tensions built over my extreme allergic reactions and my inability to cope with the idea that I could die.

My friend’s birthday was in the fall, and we went to the club. You were invited, but declined the offer. I came home to nearly 15 Bud-lights next to the bed. Several days later, I found in your computer a search for finding “women in your area” or some shit. I was so upset. I showed my friend, and she told me she didn’t trust you with me. She would tell me that again, too. I asked you about it and you lied.

That New Years’, we had a party at our house. I got so drunk that I threw up everywhere and had alcohol poisoning until 8 p.m. the next day. Since New Years’ day was our anniversary, that was really shitty of me. I’m sorry I ruined it like that.

But the thing is, you just turned on a movie and made me stuff to eat or drink. The movie was Elysium. You made me hot tea to drink even though we both knew I’d throw it up. I was a mess. I loved you.

Things got worse. “The confrontation” (and I know you know what I mean) occurred and I called out of work to move out. You did not follow suit. You stayed living with my friends for the final couple of months they were willing to have us. Three days after I moved out in February of ’14, I told you that I felt as though you didn’t care about me as much as I did about you. You said you thought I was right.

I told you you ought to come do this in person, because I refused to have a text exchange. We cried in your car for ages.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“I just loved you so much.”

I came inside, to my new basement room at my dad’s, and was unaware for a while afterwards that you had come in and told my dad that I was wonderful and it was you, not me. Of course this did not un-break my heart, and the rest of our relationship was predicated upon this incident.

I talked to a couple of guys while we were apart, one old one new. Slept with both of them, was very unfulfilled. Missed you.

During this time, I was the most sober I’ve been before or since for years. Sadness overcame me, I couldn’t eat or sleep. I was waiting tables full-time. My manager told me I looked like I’d lost weight, and asked if I was okay. I said yes. I lied.

I sat in that basement, listening to “Don’t think twice, it’s alright” on repeat. I didn’t care about anything at all, except for the fact that you didn’t care about me.

Sometimes, you would come over with beer and have what felt like pity sex with me. It was a glimpse of hope and a terrible wash of grief.

Just as I started to get over you (not truly, but I mean that I was eating again) there you were. Back again. I loved you so fully it was an obvious choice. This was in April or May.

At a party:

“It’s so good to have you back.”

“I was an idiot.”

We went to a party at our friends’ house, and took a small dose of mushrooms. It was a beautiful summer day and a great time. I started to really become close with our friends that summer, and as a consequence of that, I was drunk a lot. But I was so happy.

In July, your retina detached. It was scary. I met our friends at a local bar to talk with them about it and hang out. The friend I used to talk to got way too drunk and I drove him home. Actually, to our friends’ house. We sat in his basement, and this guy said to me “No one would know if we had sex right now.” I said, “I would know…”

I told you about this, and although you weren’t happy you weren’t displeased enough to say anything to him.

August that year, I went to a festival with our friends but not you. You never wanted to go do things with everyone. That was fine, but I just missed you when you weren’t there.

That fall, we went to the Renn Fest. It was fun, but we were very drunk; and that same friend of yours was extremely flirty with me. I don’t remember this part, but I heard from others he kissed me. He was dating my sister’s good friend. We walked back to your car, and you drove us home. You didn’t care to say anything to either of us.

Since I didn’t remember him kissing me, I didn’t think much of this. But later, I did hear. And besides being upset with myself and the situation, it occurred to me that you didn’t care that it had happened. I was deeply hurt.

That winter, we did a lot of drugs. That New Years’, we missed the ball drop because we were in the bathroom doing coke. My sister was there that night, I believe, and at another party at that friend’s house shortly thereafter. You all rolled together and took pictures. She called you her brother, and you called her your sister. It warmed my heart. I still look at those and want to cry.

Not long after this we laid in bed in the upper level of our friends’ house. I started a dialogue that would have been heartbreaking, if I wasn’t already so numb.

“Do you still not love me the same as I love you?”

Silence.

“I don’t think so, no.”

“I can’t even cry. I’m out of tears.”

“I’m sorry.”

Also that winter, there was a party at which I left with a few people to go to a different house. That same friend I used to talk to kissed me, but this time I didn’t stop him. I felt guilty but knew you didn’t care about me, so I drunkenly came back and told you. When I didn’t remember telling you in the morning, you wouldn’t come near me. I asked you why you cared so much when you’d made me want to kill myself before.

“You’re right.”

“I know.”

You left, and later we met back up. All returned to “normal.” Somehow.

At this point, it’s March 2015. Things were decent again for a while. My sister and I attended our grandmother’s memorial service, and her friend found out while we were out of state that her boyfriend had kissed me at the Renn Fest. It was a whole big thing. It made me seriously question why I was part of this friend group.

That summer, you came to a festival with us. The first day was great. We have so many great pictures from that day. I still really love them. See some of them on your Instagram, if I’m not mistaken.

The second day was a different story. We argued before we even left the hotel. You didn’t want to go. I didn’t know how to help. We weren’t good at working things out. Obviously.

That summer, I had had a talk with our friends late late at night about my potential and my plans for my life. I had decided to go back to school. Shortly after the festival, I did just that.

The stress of school really got to me. I was also doing too much Adderall. My classes were difficult for me considering the fact that I had been out of school for two years. You were living farther away, and never wanted to visit me at my house. I came to you a lot of the time.

I felt like our friends didn’t like me anymore. Really, I felt like you didn’t like me anymore.

I was hanging out with a guy that really liked me, that I had to turn down. I had had a few drinks, but I couldn’t be around him anymore. I got a DUI leaving his house. You picked me up. You held me all night on the floor when I said I wanted to die. And even though I knew we would never be all that we could be, and that I never would get through to you, deep inside where the true you lived, I loved you. And I needed you, and you were there.

A week later, I broke up with you. I brought a frozen pizza to your house. For the first time in so long, ironically, you came up behind me and hugged and kissed me and I actually felt you loved me. But it was too late. I knew what I was going to say, and couldn’t hold back.

“I’ve been sad for a really long time.”

And so it began. The first night of us crying and just sitting there not knowing how to fix our relationship or ourselves. It didn’t feel like missing you, because I had already been missing you for a year and a half.

I came over a few more times, and we’d cuddle or have sex. Once we rolled and I told you loving you was like loving a black hole. It was honest, but I still regret it. You should have seen your face.

Eventually, this stopped. You found a girl, and dated her for a while. I also found a guy. I didn’t think we wouldn’t be able to be friends, but I was wrong. She didn’t like us being friends, so we weren’t.

We had a long talk on Instagram about all of this and then you dropped off. I was furious. I listened to Adele on repeat for weeks. I couldn’t handle it. And I realized that I loved you still.

I was in Atlanta with my boyfriend when you texted me again.

“I broke up with her, I was wrong. You were one of my best friends” etc., etc.

I was overjoyed of course. I missed you a whole lot.

I saw you so much these past five months that I don’t remember the first time I saw you again, but it was relief embodied. You don’t know how much someone means to you until you’ve considered them dead and gone, and then there they are. It nearly stops your heart.

You helped us move. You met my boyfriend. We’ve talked so much. Some of it has been sad, and some happy. The main takeaway is that not a whole lot has changed here in terms of the fact that we’re pretty important to each other. I’ll spare you the details you already know, but tears have been cried. Three weeks ago after your birthday celebration I cried the hardest I have in years. Things were said. Neither of us has a solution.

Today, two years (in two days) after my DUI, and almost two years after our break up, you went out of your way to tell me you’ve been talking to someone. I stand by my assertion that I want you to be happy, but I think that I have found a new threshold for heartbreak.

We have missed each other again and again for five years. I cried today and felt pathetic. I don’t want this feeling, but I know how I feel. It’s not fair to you or to me or to anyone in my life.

When I said I wouldn’t say things that weren’t “fair,” I meant that it’s not fair of me to be sad that you have someone new. It’s not fair of me to love you so much I feel sick to my stomach, because I moved away and I have a new life. I tried to let you go, and damn it, I thought I had.

When I almost crashed my car, and you cried on my floor all night; I loved you.

When we went on vacation to a resort in the mountains, and all we needed was each other and the bitter cold; I loved you.

When I soaked your bed through with my wet bathing suit and you put up with me; I loved you.

When we had to pretend we didn’t cuddle all night because we weren’t “allowed” to sleep in the same bed; I loved you.

When we walked to the beach in the cold to smoke, and looked at the stars; or drove home from the airport listening to the Killers; or walked in on your mom crying on the floor; or you had to park your car at the bottom of my dad’s street and they left a snarky note on it; or you gave me your high school picture with your baby picture attached when we moved in; or you told me that if you weren’t “good at sex” I wouldn’t want to be with you…I loved you.

I could not begin to actually remember all the good and bad things that have happened between us. It’s just so much. I spent so much of my time drinking myself into oblivion because I thought you didn’t give a shit about me, and then today you went out of your way to tell me you were talking to someone new.

It’s fucking funny, because I still don’t know how you really feel. And I love you still.

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