#Lena.

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

There is this little girl that I teach, and every day, she runs up to me and gives me the biggest hug. She clings to me during recess and wants to sit on my lap all the time. Sometimes, she talks, and sometimes, she just quietly snuggles against my leg. The other day, I jokingly asked her if I should get a built-in zipper so she could climb inside my skin instead of sticking to me like glue. She looked at me, dead serious and said: "Yes, please. And then I zip you open, and I get inside, and I close the zipper and never open it, and then I'm safe." 

Now, this child is well-integrated in the classroom. She has many friends. She has parents who are interested in her and show up whenever there is a need. Yet, for some reason, there is this safety that she needs and she finds in me. And I don't know, but with everything that happened or didn't happen, with all the loneliness in my own life, knowing that for this one kid giving me a hug means safety makes me think that my existence is maybe not all meaningless. And well, that's beautiful, isn't it? 

Love always, 

Lena. 

4/07/24

[kneesbruised]

◝ ' open to mascs : please read my info underneath the ' read more ' in my pinned post before replying .

                   ❝    i    know    that    i'm    not    supposed    to    feel    this    way    about    you   ,    so    i've    been    keeping    my    distance   ,    okay    ?    ❞

[lgbtcorp]

[geniuscorp-a]

@lgbtcorp

[sillyfroggremlin]

watching/rewatching a show when you already have an established favorite character is great because every time they come on screen it's like

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thecollectibles]

Art by Lena Rivo

[faith-thee-slayer]

she’s a poor little meow meow. she was born in a wet cardboard box all alone. she’s suffered more than jesus. she’s misunderstood. she’s a silly guy. she experienced the horrors. she did all those crimes. she has done nothing wrong. she deserves to kill. she’s the most interesting girl in the world. i didn’t say a name, but she popped into your head, didn’t she?

[catboy-beckett]

Kim Kitsuragi is a fascinating character because there's not that much fun or interesting or compelling about him. And yet somehow over the course of playing Disco Elysium the game rewires your fucking brain around him. He's the middest man you've ever seen in both appearance and personality but at some point he says something kind to you or something critical of you and you feel like you just got hit by a truck and you need his approval like you need oxygen and like how tf did this happen. what are you

[spiderverseconceptart]

Hobie Brown early concept art for Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse by Lena Sayaphoum

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

hi it's me, again. It's been a while, I know. I'm done with my masters and I work as a teacher now. I teach 1/2 grade and 5/6 grade in mixed age classes. It's so much work that that's all I do, but since all my friends live away, I'm pretty much alone all the time. It's not as if I had anything better to do, but I'm slipping down again. I guess I'll pick myself back up again when I got the time. Anyway, that's not why I am writing. 

My 6th grades were supposed to do a chore. Instead, they used the comment section of the word document and insulted each other. And I mean, they're teenagers. I could deal with them calling each other jerks, but that's not what they did. They called each other gay. "gay" as in "that's so gay" as in "that's so fucked up". And well, I couldn't let that sit on me. I went home and did a worksheet. Screenshots of their conversation on the cover. On the next 4 pages an instagram post Hoshi shared, where she received insults and death threats for being a lesbian, as well as her statement about it. Then I made them watch videos: what is LGBT, why is there so much suicide in queer youth, why are gay footballers scared of coming out, what do kids mean when they "gay" and what's the real possible consequence. They were shocked. 2 boys cried. I brought my point across but there is so much more talking to do. They know nothing about the matter and I dived in head first. Now we will decompose, and I will make sure that they do not use gay as a slur even in their dreams. 

Anyway. I shared this with J., the woman I work with in 2nd grade. She is really nice and knows the kids and the school and I just needed to share what had just happened because I was really emotional. And well, we talked and talked and it was nice and she made me feel safe but I didn't manage to come out to her because something in me was still scared. But then I was home and felt like shit. Not only had I not told her the truth but I had gotten back in the closet when for the past 2 years I had been out and proud abroad. Well now back at home I'm a little closeted bat. And I hate it. I feel like I am betraying myself and my values and losing part of myself because I am hiding it away again. 

So, I texted J. And I told her that I didn't really know how to tackle this but that there was something I wanted to tell her and I was scared to do so because I was scared out work relationship would change and I really appreciate that relationship. But then I told her about A. And she didn't answer for hours. Then this morning, I receive this text: Hi Lena, thank you for your message, I could see that this topic is really important to you and that you are passionate about it. I can imagine that it was not always easy and I am terribly sorry for that. Unfortunately, our society is still quite primitive and conservative in this sense. I wish you and your girlfriend only the best. I am very open-minded and think that everyone should go their own way without having obstacles put in it. And besides, there is no such thing as THE right way. You are authentic and have dared to come out. Many people do not have this courage because a large part of our society does not tolerate it. This changes absolutely nothing in our teamwork - on the contrary! As I said before, I think it's good that you wrote this to me. It was very emotionally touching. You're a really kind, sympathetic and emotional person/ teacher. Stay true to yourself because you'll see it's worth it in the end. Feel hugged.

And well, I cried my eyes out and then I just thanked her. Now I'm better but I still think about it a lot and well Idk, I don't like that wherever I go there has to be a coming out again. It's annoying. 

Plus, a kid asked me why gay people decide to be gay if it means they are threatened. And well... that's a whole other story. 

Anyway. 

Love always, 

Lena. 

30.09.23

Post

[kneesbruised]

◝ ' closed for @1ikethat :

                   ❝    i'm    just    picking    up    my    things    ―    i'll    be    out    of    here    in    like , ten    minutes   .    ❞

[lgbtcorp]

Face it. You never would've helped if you knew the truth — you're just as myopic as they are sometimes. That's okay. But you need to understand it. They're like ants, Lee. You take away the queen, and the colony dies. Is that a world you want to live in? One so... existentially dependent on a man in a cape that it forgets how to tie its own shoelaces? The problem with reliance on such a basal level is that it has to fulfil a strict set of conditions. They sit, fat, lazy, because it simply doesn't matter anymore — Superman will save them! It is anti-evolution! They need encouragement, they need resilience! Can you hear them? They're only just starting to wake up! It's Darwinism on the most profound scale! So now, sis — sit back, have a drink, and watch the world evolve! @geniuscorp.

[thermodynamic-comedian]

you understand this is essentially lena walking away from an explosion like an action movie protagonist. this is her moment. she IS the moment. she said "you want me out? i'm gone baby. don't come crying to me when the weight of responsibility that i've carried with me for years threatens to crush you <3"

she's iconic. she's everything. the entire rest of this show is going to be one huge "i told you so" from her.

and an even bigger "i told you so" from yours truly.

[rafidesousa]

Primary colors.

[sango-blep]

Didn't have as much energy left for coloring as I would've liked to but oh well dropped your keys miss luthor???

[skittlebits]