#Laura Baggins née Grubb

[tehri]

Mungo: I think this might be the best birthday in a long while.

Laura: Howcome?

Mungo: Why, because I don't have to do anything, of course! People are either ill or generally cooped up in their homes unable to travel, so no guests to entertain. And only Bungo and Belladonna are coming here for dinner later, so it'll be a quiet day. Absolutely perfect.

Laura: ... You're not going to like today at all.

Mungo: What?

Bungo: Mum? Da? Are you home?

Mungo: What in the world? It's barely time for elevenses, why-

Gerontius: Oi! Get out here and greet your guests, you old barrow-wight!

Mungo: why

Laura: Well, see, Gerontius and Adamanta are visiting Bag End, and we can't very well invite only Bungo and Belladonna for dinner and leave their guests behind, can we?

Mungo: can we just say I took ill this morning

Bungo: Da, I am so sorry, they would've gone back home right after Yule, but with the weather the way it is, it just wasn't safe.

Gerontius: There you are! Looking every bit the old desecrated ruin your age indicates, I see!

Mungo: and lo, the fates overturn a wagonload of manure over my head yet again

Gerontius: Aww, I missed you too, you sad sack of bones.

[tehri]

Gerontius: What's this?

Bungo: Oh, it's a gift from my mum and da. Da was on a baking spree the other day - preparations for Bingo's birthday, you know. But, well, he made too much, and mum suggested I bring some to you.

Gerontius: ... they're poisoned aren't they

Bungo: What

Gerontius: there's no way he would let me have anything he made if it wasn't poisoned

Bungo: It's not poisoned, it's-

Gerontius: it's definitely poisoned

Bungo: THEY'RE CHERRY SCONES

Gerontius: poison

[tehri]

Mungo: Bungo, you're my son and I love you, and I don't ever want you to doubt that.

Bungo: ... But?

Mungo: But I am beginning to question your sanity.

Bungo: What? Why?

Mungo: Belladonna Took.

Bungo: I-

Mungo: Of all hobbits, it had to be Belladonna Took. Why couldn't it be someone else? Why her? Why not... Why not ANYONE else?

Bungo: Why mother? Why did YOU not pick anyone else? If you recall, and I'm sure you do, I was almost born a bastard because YOU couldn't keep it in your trousers.

Mungo: .... Touché. I'll shut up.

Bungo: Thank you kindly.

[tehri]

Belladonna: ... I'm sorry, HOW old did you say your mother was when she gave birth to you?

Bungo: ... thirty-two

Belladonna: And your father?

Bungo: thirty-nine, I don't see why this is-

Belladonna: PARAGONS OF RESPECTABILITY INDEED

Bungo: must you shout

Belladonna: Your father doesn't get to speak ill of Hildigrim anymore.

Bungo: Look, he's not saying that his own situation was GOOD, just... better.

Belladonna: REALLY.

Bungo: I daresay a difference of seven years is better than a difference of sixteen! Not to mention that my mother did not have nine years to go until coming of age!

Belladonna: Your mother would STILL have been a tween when meeting your father, who would have been of age already!

Bungo: Do you think I'M happy about what happened to Rosa and Hildigrim?! Rosa is my cousin!

Belladonna: Your father is just as bad as Hildigrim, and no amount of arguing that a seven years difference is better than sixteen will convince me otherwise!

[tehri]

Laura: You two could get along quite well, you know.

Mungo: Hm?

Laura: You and the Thain.

Mungo: ... I hadn't expected to hear something so amusing that I'd forget to laugh today...

Laura: Very funny. Really, though, you two are perfectly capable of getting along sometimes. I've seen it.

Mungo: Are you aware of that at least one of us is usually drunk on those occasions?

Laura: Darling...

Mungo: My dear sunflower, I can't explain why I dislike him. I simply do. It's... it's a law of nature. It's unnatural for us to get along.

Laura: Now you're exaggerating.

Mungo: I wish. I'm quite certain that there have been quite extraordinary natural events around every time we've managed to get along.

Laura: Don't be silly.

Mungo: I'm being perfectly serious. Us getting along is about as natural as the sun not setting.

Laura: Oh, I don't know about that...

Mungo: What do you mean?

Laura: I've heard that there are certain parts of the world, very very far to the north, where the sun doesn't set for part of the summer.

Mungo: ...

Laura: So you two can get along just fine, if you'd just be willing to make an effort and forget past grudges.

Mungo: ... I don't think I've felt this horrified or angry in years. Congratulations.