#LabelsDontExist

[the-impossiblemadepossible]

Who I Am

With fifty percent of marriages ending in divorce, it seems as though divorce has been accepted into our society. It’s like a disease that people no longer see the side effects to and just take it as a minute matter. But from the perspective of a “divorcee child,” let me tell you otherwise.

Although many claim labels are not important in society and that they do not play a pivotal role in one’s life, they’re wrong. Simple labels such as gender, race, religion and political views divide our society into different cliques one might say. Some of my labels would be female, Hispanic, Christian and Independent. They’re pretty normal right? Well what about, the “divorcee child,” has that label become so normal that we don’t realize the effects it has not only on the individuals who partake in the divorce, but also the children who suffer along with their parents?

Like many other children in this nation, my parents are divorced. They have been for the past twelve years, so it’s nothing new to me. I grew up with a privileged life, honestly an extremely privileged life, where money was never an issue and I took the most lavish vacations and received the most sought for gifts. Although many would say, I lived the happiest childhood years because of my monetary advantages. I would say otherwise. It’s not because my parents didn’t love on my 24/7, because they did. It’s more because the pain they felt transmitted to my sister and me.

The schedule of a “divorcee child” goes like this, the child (ren) live with their  sole parent for the majority of the time, but visit their other parent every Wednesday after school till around 9 PM, and travel to the other parent’s house for the weekend every other weekend. To say the least at the young age of eight or nine, it makes you feel like you do not have a home. I mean really. How can a home exist when it constantly changes every week? Where the rules are different in each household? Where the food is different in each household? Even where the A/C is different in each household? You know many might think, “No big deal. You only have to move around 1-4 days out of every week.” Think about it, seriously. That is not consistent at all. Besides the constant house changing, divorcee children have to now split their time in between two families for every holiday. Did you catch that? In between two families…my family used to be one. Now I needed to figure out a way to visit each side for every holiday. One of the things I remember clearly growing up is my parents fighting every holiday on how long we would be at each side. Did they do this out of anger? No. Did they do this to hurt us? No. Did they do this to make our lives more difficult? No. They did it because they wanted us to grow close to both sides of our family, which is understandable…now at the age of twenty, not at the age of nine.

You see, when two people get divorced who have children, it isn’t a clean cut. It’s like an automobile going eighty miles per hour on a rural road, where twist and turns are abundant. Out of nowhere, you hit an out of sight tree, and with a hurricane like wind, the tree crashes into the passenger seat impaling the individual. When the healing and treatment is attempted to be done, it isn’t a simple stitch.  It’s a jaw of life cranking to open the door. It’s sawing off the dirt and filth from your body. It’s the splitting of the tree attempting to not split you in half. It’s breaking bones in the attempt not to rupture vital organs. It’s going through the most extreme pain imaginable and hoping you come out alive. That’s the pain you feel as a child whose parents are divorced.

You see for the past twelve years, I have felt this ongoing pain, where my home isn’t consistent, where my holidays are split, and where your heart is trying to satisfy the two. To be quite honest, I’ve been struggling lately. The year of 2015 has without a doubt been the most difficult and painful year of my life. Outside of the divorce, the aftermath has finally occurred and it has with a million per mile winds. In the blink of an eye, my entire life changed without notice and I felt as though I was drowning in a sea of labels and pain. Honestly as of July 2015, I felt broken.

In an attempt to alleviate any pain possible, I attended a Church Camp out at Bogg Springs in Arkansas. To say the least, God met me there. For the first time since when I can remember, I felt the Holy Spirit overcome me. I typically feel God’s presence in music, and this time was no different. I was listening and trying to worship to a band by the name of Summerhill. They were doing a rendition of a song called “Good Good Father.” (I couldn’t find their performance on YouTube, so I found one similar.) The lyrics triggered the strings of my heart and brought me to my knees with tears gushing out of my eyes. For the first time ever, I finally understood the meaning of God as your refuge. You see even though, my home changed every week. God’s love for me didn’t. He was my home for the past twenty years, and will be for the following years to come. He is the reason behind the most beautiful holiday yet, so instead of worrying on how much time is spent with each side. He showed me to rather enjoy the time, instead of counting the minutes spent. You see when, I wasn’t searching. God found me at my needs. He showed me regardless of my “labels.” I am His, and He is mine.

So before you, or your family member, or your friend decides to get divorced remind them of this. Although it seems easier at first, it isn’t. It’s the hardest and most trying experience one might go through. Although you think the children won’t suffer, they do. They experience every ounce of pain that the parents do. Before you make a covenant before God saying you will be with your spouse forever, pray, and after you’re done praying, pray again. Make sure that God has chosen this individual for you, so that fifteen years later divorce doesn’t occur. You don’t want your children to be labeled “divorcee child,” but in the off chance that they do or they have been labeled. Tell them this. God took away that label before it was even placed on them, and you are labeled “Child of the One True King.” All He asks is to follow.

Sincerely,

A Humbled Follower