#La Toya left I guess

[kply-industries]

Oh. La Toya was advertising Nikon's gas station that dispenses developing fluid.

[sodomyordeath]

Queen of Drags

Finally the post many of you asked for since the show went into heavy promotion.

This is going to be long. To keep this from being too boring I decided to publish it in form of an ongoing conversation between myself and the one and only Chiara.

Me: So let’s start with the cast and the jury.

Chi: On the jury side we have Conchita Wurst.

Me: Guess we have to disclaimer this?

Chi: She’s our friend, She knows and loves Drag and is a talented and amazing performer. So disclaimer done.

Me: Next we have Bill Kaulitz.

Chi:  Wasn’t he in some kinda child band?

Me: Yep Tokio Hotel, they are still around. he was also a judge on an music casting show back in the early 2010s. 

Chi: Garbage music[1]?

Me:  “Deutschland sucht den Superstar”. So nothing you or I would call music.

Chi: Right. Garbage music.

Me: And we have guest judges.

Chi: One per show right?

Me: Yea even in the final episode. They use a point system. Each of the for judges awards points. The highest number per episode is the number of contestants left.

Chi: The lowest is one or 0?

Me: Normal people start with one.

Chi: So decimal system than?

Me: Smartass.

Chi: I am smart and I have an amazing ass.

Me: No arguing with that.

Chi: So who are the guest judges?

Me: In order of appearance:  Olivia Jones, Amanda Lepore, Leona Lewis,  Pabllo Vittar, La Toya Jacksona and for the final Laganja Estranja

Chi: So 4 judges that know there shit and 2 professional singers. That’s a lot better than a typical Drag Race season.

Me: Yes and they actually do matter due to the point system they used.

Chi: So what do you expect from our 3 permanent judges?

Me: Obviously the best insights will come from Conchita and some of the guests. Bill will focus on overall performance aspects, stage placement, lip-sync etc. and Heidi... well looks and she brings the “girl at the drag bar” perspective.

Chi: Well we cheated here didn’t we?

Me: Yes because that was how it played out and Conchita felt like kind of the head judge the entire season but what we expected because of the pre show PR was Heidi dominating the show and giving us her model casting show 2.0.

Chi: Did Pro 7 fuck it up with the trailer where they framed Heidi as the head judge?

Me: Well at this point in time I don’t think they tried to provoke the backlash they got. They just tried to frame the show in a way so there usual audience sees someone they are familiar with.

Chi: So you don’t think the baited the queer community and press into a push back just to get the buzz going?

Me: You mean a PR campaign that would exploit a marginalized community to sell a commodity? That would by cynical!

Chi: ...

Me: Moving on. Let’s talk about the artists.

Chi: I honestly didn’t know much about any of ‘em.

Me: Not even your ��home girl”?

Chi: Do I have to remind you that I’m from Zurich and  Hayden Kryze is from Bern? Plus I wasn’t in Switzerland for an awful lot of time in the last 2 years.

Me: Right and she's rather young isn’t she?

Chi: 20

Chi: Speaking of age Catherrine Leclery is the oldest cast member with 48 and seems to be the one who’s in the business the longest, Hayden is the youngest.

Me: Hmm, what I noticed is that anyone but Catherrine is under 35.

Chi: I feel old now.

Me: I knew about the 3 Berlin girls but never worked with any of ‘em. 

Chi: That’s Bambi Mercury a bearded queen not related to our friend Bambie the high priestess of gore. Candy Crash a funny bitch who paints her face on youtube and the “infamous” Katy Bähm.

Me: You know Candy had me when she renamed Katy into “Käthe Baum”

Chi: *lough crying* me to bitch!

Me: But really Candy is a miracle she managed to age 5 years since she was in a documentary in 2018 

Chi: *sings* Forever Young, I want to be... forever.. 

Me: Still I like her and people I know, who worked with her, like her.

Chi: Too bad she doesn’t make wigs...

Me: *spills drink* *side eyes Chiara*

Me: Looks like we both are not turning into Käthe Baum fans any time soon.

Chi: I learned a saying from the southern United States “Bless her heart”

Me: Moving on. Janisha Jones.

Chi: We didn’t know her before the show

Me: But our good friend Ephe Drine knows her and as a Munich queen with spanish roots (like Ephe) she’s somewhat of my “home girl”.

Chi: We did run into her however and she’s a lovely person,an true artist by heart and a way better drag performer than it came across on the show.

Me: She sadly was the first one that went home but if you get a chance to see her. Do it. She doesn’t disappoint.

Chi: Next up is Samantha Gold.

Me: Oh yea our full figured Bar Queen from Hamburg with Austrian roots.

Chi: Old school drag. She was the second one out. 

Me: She did sing live on episode one and her performance was...

Chi: ...not as strong as we would have expected from someone who does that for a living.

Me: Moving on.

Chi: Now my “home girl” Hayden Kryze.

Me: She’s young.

Chi: She sure has talent but it felt...

Me: Aimless and her performances where sloppy

Chi: Unpolished. She sure can move and the whole “I can be a manly man but also a hot drag queen” segment was...

Me: She’s young

Chi: Speaking of young Aria Addams.

Me: Not related to my drag daughter Wendy Addams

Chi: That we know of. I mean age wise she could be hers.

Me: And they sure have the same fire and undeniable talent.

Chi: She was the big one for me. She grew episode to episode was never afraid to try something new and wasn’t annoying. I’d love to work with her at some point.

Me: Speaking of people one wants to work with, Vava Vide.

Chi: I had no idea that there even was a drag scene in Stuttgart.

Me: There were 3 standouts in the cast when it comes to drag as visual performative art form, Vava Vide, Bambi Mercury and, to a lesser degree, Aria Addams.

Chi: I do agree but I would also include Janisha. Alas her time on the show was too short for her to really show it.

Me: We are missing one.

Chi: You clearly had a nap under the shade tree my love. You forgot Yoncé Banks, the first Queen of Drags.

Me: Oh you are right but I really forgot about her because, and that’s just me, her kind of pretty girl drag packaged with rather limited dance performances and the most questionable tuck since Jade Sotomayor on Drag Race season one is very very boring to me.

Chi: You never tuck.

Me: I don't do pretty girl drag so I don't have to.

Chi: ...

Me: Come on it’s not only the tuck it’s the fact that her tucker underwear was clearly visible ever single episode. Make sure that your stage outfits do fit kids.

Chi: So you don't agree with her winning?

Me: Well, and that once again is just me, she’s a one trick pony that never stepped out of her comfort zone in any meaningful way and she should have gone home for her Horror/Halloween performance.

Chi: You sound like Michelle Visage.

Me: Oh my dark lord you are right.

Chi: lol

Me: Anyway I would have loved to see Aria Addams win because from the top 3 she has the most potential and showed the most growth.

Chi: I have to admit for all the lip service production was paying to Drag as an art form during the season and even when the sent the other “pretty girl”  Katy Bähm home over Bambi Mercury I had hope. Handing the win to  the rather conventional Yoncé Banks felt like a let down.

Me: That’s what I’m saying. It felt like “We want a mainstream compatible winner for our sponsors.” and the medical problems Aria had sure helped create the perfect pretext to do just that.

Chi: My background is in marketing and the cynical voice in my head does agree with you but do we really want to know?

Me: Does it actually matter in the end? I think not. This show sure had it shortcomings but it managed to do 2 things. First it felt a lot more relaxed and “real” than Drag Race ever did. I loved it when they all went out partying. Second to give the German public an idea of how wide contemporary drag as an art form is.

Chi: On the competition side I liked the point system they used. I loved Conchita who was an amazing head judge and all the guests did really really well. Amanda Lepore is in deed one of the sweetest humans alive and Laganja Estranja is a grown up now.

Me: And she single-handedly gave a masterclass in how a dance focused Drag performance looks in 2019.

Me: There was a little too much crying for me and we never got into any depth about the problems we as a queer people face. Only this snippets with the “same old same, old” mainstream media always pulls when they talk about us.

Chi: That’s a narrative problem in wider media and the editing sure felt exploitative in some parts. Especially you as a long time activist pick up on such things almost intuitively.

Me: Yes it felt a little odd that Katy’s sob story had more screen time than real activists like Vava got and I absolutely loved it that Bambi refused to part take in the trauma navel gazing.

Chi: Oh yes Bambi had a couple of power moves in this season and I love the fact that she had the trans flag on stage with her in her opening performance.

Chi: Any last words?

Me: Aria Addams should have won the title. Candy Crush should have stayed longer and the top 3 should have been Aria Addams, Vava Vide &  Bambi Mercury because I greatly enjoyed what they brought to the table.

Chi: I’m not mad that Yoncé Banks won but I’m underwhelmed by it. I want to put the focus a little on  Catherrine Leclery[2]. She was never afraid to try something new and turning her Fairytale performance into a political statement about the rights of Indigenous people to a fucking Disney musical song was very very smart.

Me: Over all where do we stand?

Chi: Better than expected. The artistry was there the talent was there the presentation was fine for the most part. Going clubbing and having that spa night made this show more real and honest than all seasons of Drag Race combined.

Me: They did have a budget for the show and they used it well. For the future I hope they can get rid of some of this tired reality TV tropes like this fake and over exaggerated conflicts and keeping around contestants because they are a source of drama. I want to see the performances in full not this snippets that look like they’ve been edited by an hyperactive 10 year old who got his hands on 6 cans of red bull. Season 2 will show if it will evolve or turn into the usual shit show that passes as tv entertainment these days.

Chi: I fully agree.

Me: Congratulations to Yoncé Banks for being the first “Queen of Drags”

Chi: Congrats!

Picture: Martin Ehleben / ProSieben

Instructions: To get our voices right read her lines with a Swiss accent and mine with a Bavarian one.

Note: The content of the post is edited together from conversations Chiara and I had over the last couple of weeks since the Show started airing. I translated and rephrased when needed so she ends up sounding a bit like me at some points. I’m sorry about that. 

[1] For those of you reading this and are not in the know we both are multi instrumentalists and vocalists with a spectrum from delta blues & early jazz all the way to technical death metal and post industrial 

[2] She hails from Brazil with black and Indigenous roots

[anime-dub-transcripts]

Hetalia: Axis Powers Episode #13 Transcript

This episode has Britain summoning Russia with black magic.

Germany: Count off!

Italy: Just me!

Germany: It’s time to start our training. We’ll begin with the proper way to treat your subordinates.

Italy: Sieg heil!

(Sieg heil!: Hail victory! → German)

Italy: I mean, yes, sir!

Germany: Sehr gut.

(Sehr gut: Very good → German)

Germany: First, remember that other people are humans. You have to treat them with both kindness and respect.

Italy: With kindness. Right, Pookie?

Germany: But sometimes with discipline!

Italy: Discipline, got it. Naughty Pookie, naughty, naughty, naughty Pookie, Pookie, sweetie, naughty, naughty! Aah, that really hurts! Help me, Germany! He’s attacking me! Make it stop! Oh, it hurts so bad!

Germany: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, ITALY?!

(Italy: Why are you doing this to me? What did I do to you?)

{Caption: A cat’s tongue feels rough!}

Italy: Remember the catnip I gave you? Why are you hurting me with your little tonguey?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Italy: Hahahahahaha! That was great, Germany! Hahahahaha!

Britain: Damn them both! If I wasn’t bested by that (beep) German blitzkrieg again! Hehe. I let them beat me without much of a fight this time, but next time won’t be so easy. They don’t know it, but…I still have a top-secret weapon left. More powerful than conventional bombs, even. Gentlemen, it is time to attack with black magic!

Men: Ooooooooooooohhhhhhh!

Britain: Hehehehehe! Germany will learn the power of the dark side which fears no man---AUGH!

America: Britain! What’re you doin’?

Britain: I say, haven’t you ever heard of knocking?

British man: Where did you put the eye of newt?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Britain: Hetalia!

{Caption: Hetalia}

Britain: Dammit! Since I was interrupted before, I’ll do it at my place this time. Our family’s magic is number one in the world. You’re no match for me, stupid America! Euhm…santa, rita, mita, meada. Ringo, Jonah, Tito, Marlon. Jack, La Toya, Janet, Michael, Dumbledora the Explorer. Santa, rita, mita, meada. Ringo, Jonah, Tito, Marlon. Jack, La Toya, Janet, Michael, Dumbledora the Explorer. I’ve summoned you from the depths of hell. SHOW YOURSELF!

Russia: You called?

Britain: Nnh…nnnh…I wasn’t calling you!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Russia: Hetalia!

{Caption: Hetalia}

Britain: Why must you insist upon interrupting me all the time? Do you have some kind of grudge against me?

Russia: No. Ahhhhhhhhhh, wait a second. Yes, I do.

Britain: Well, my grudge is more important than your grudge! I won’t let you revengus interruptus. Now, the British curse of food! And bad tea!

Russia: Ha! Ahhhhhh!

Britain: No! Stop! I’m cursing!

Russia: Ahhhhhhh!

Japan: Nom!

Russia: Ahhhhhhhh!

Japan: Nnhn…my belly…

Russia: Ha! All right, ready to begin!

Britain: Hahaha! That’s some really spooky stuff there, chap!

{Caption: Russia’s Curse}

{Caption: During the Russo-Japanese War, Russia, together with the Orthodox Churches throughout the country, continuously cursed Japan. However, Russia was easily defeated. 18 years later, the Great Kanto earthquake struck Japan. Each time Russia cursed, Japan got put under that curse 18 years later. So in Russia, it was said that God was 18 light years away. By the way, they say that ads saying “I will execute your curse” even now openly appear in Russian newspapers...}

Britain: That’s freaky.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Britain: Hetalia!

{Caption: Hetalia}

France: Hey, Russia.

Russia: Hm?

France: I thought you might be mad with the way the meeting turned out.

Russia: No, not at all. I’m just happy to watch all of you talk stuff over. It’s very nice that everyone let me feel like one of the gang. Besides, I hide dark secret no one will guess because of my sweet face!

France: Ahah. You were such a cute country when you were born and now you are all grown up.

Russia: An evil secret.

France: Ahuh?

Russia: When I look into all of your stupid faces, I think of how much fun it will be to pound them into dust.

France: I knew it! Mmhf!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption: When I started cleaning my storage room on a whim, it brought back that memory}

Man [narrating]: Hetalia. America’s Storage Room Cleaning.

{Caption #1: Hetalia}

{Caption #2: America’s Storage Room Cleaning}

Teenage America: You were so great.

{Caption: You were so great…}

{Caption: Production is going smoothly!!}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Italy: 🎵Germany, Germany, Germany is a really, really nice place. Even though I’m your prisoner, you give me food, and it doesn’t suck like English food! Sausages with cheeses always taste so good! It’d be heaven for a dog; yeah, that’s Germany! Tell me, how is it you Germans are so robust? You’re crushing me with your intimidation. My fragility causes me to openly weep out of fear. Your women terrify me. Is it the norm to drink a barrel of beer and then bust it on somebody’s heaaad? Please don’t come to my place in large mobs; German tourists are scary! Even the girls that are from Germany are more rugged than I am! Yahoo!🎵

Chibitalia: By any chance do you serve pasta he---

Austria: No, we don’t.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{Caption: When I started cleaning my storage room on a whim, it brought back that memory}

Man [narrating]: Hetalia. America’s Storage Room Cleaning.

{Caption #1: Hetalia}

{Caption #2: America’s Storage Room Cleaning}

{Caption: All the good things and bad things…}

{Caption: All the good things and bad things…are in this place (storage room)}

Teenage America: Hey, Britain.

{Caption: Hey, England}

Teenage America: All I want is my freedom!

{Caption: After all, I want freedom!}

{Caption: On that day, surely, we took each other’s hands}

Man [narrating]: Hetalia. America’s Storage Room Cleaning.

{Caption #1: Hetalia}

{Caption #2: America’s Storage Room Cleaning}

Britain: I won’t allow it!

{Caption: I won’t allow it!}

{Caption: The decision has been made. It will be shown on this show!!}

{Caption: We sincerely hope you all will join us for the show --- Hetalia Staff}

[your-grand-adventure]

Buster World Chapter 1: Welcome to your new life

Floor 1

One-two-three. One-two-three. Martial Arts class was great. One-two-three. One-two-three. Especially when you get to stay a bit late and learn how boxing works. One-two-three. One-two-three!

“Sorry kid, I can’t stay out here for much longer. Do you want to go to my house?” Captain said.

“Sorry Mister, Mom and Dad say I can’t enter the apartments unless one of them has taken me there”.

“Sad, I would have taken care of you”.

“Bye, Captain!”

“Bye Maxie!”

I walked away from the gym, and into the darker than normal mall. Dad was always late. Mom couldn’t pick me up because she was sick. Sick with something I wasn’t allowed to know about. I don’t like that. I need to know. I could help. So why doesn’t anyone tell me about anything big or important? I made it to the exit my dad always grabs me from.

I sat on the cushioned bench, waiting for my father. Sunshine Mall was built over an old market place. There were a few legends about said marketplace. It’s said that during the solstices and equinoxes, the marketplace would be closed. Monsters would then use the marketplace as a playground. It’s probably just a legend. But I would like to meet some monsters. Preferably nice monsters.

Ding-

The pit had an elevator now? Nice. Was wondering when people would finally clean it out. They never said anything about this.

Maybe I could go on a real quick adventure.

The inside of the elevator was tinted a slimy green. Not sure if it was the light or from there being actual mold inside. I was much too bored to care about that, however. The seats are really cushiony. There were buttons up to 3 and down to… Holy Toledo. Last I remember, there was only 1 basement floor. Does… Does that mean that… Oh! Maybe the monsters are real!

I press B10.

That was a mistake.

The elevator creaked. I sat down on the middle seat. *Crick, Creak*. The elevator dropped like the Tower of Terror. I passed out.

Floor B11

I woke up in agony. I’m so sorry. I sobbed. Someone please make the pain stop. I pick myself up, piece-by-piece. I want to vomit. I stagger out of the elevator and into a cave, wheezing and choking. Snot is dripping out of my nose. I closed my eyes.

“Hey, Kid!”

My eyes popped open. Someone was here! Please help! I collapsed onto my knees.

“Can you heal yourself?”

“No! *cough* I can’t!” I sputtered, “Please helb me!”

I saw a pair of red glowing lights. I whimpered.

“Shush… Get up”.

I forced myself up.

“Why?”

And then the thing grabbed me.

“Please be quiet. I didn’t think I would have to take care of you”.

He picked me up, bridal style.

“You are awfully weak. That’s suspicious. I’m not taking you to the doc… We’re going home”.

He got a blanket out of nowhere and slowly wrapped it around me. He then walked away, carrying me off as if I were a child.

“Say, would a lullaby soothe you? I can feel you shaking”.

I nodded, hacking quickly.

“Hannata no zouko, atashi no zou”

“Amera no yakou, Zakashi no rio”

“Ameragi toya, toya, toya”

“Atashi mayagi”

I slowly closed my eyes. I wanted to go home. I regret trying to go on a ‘little adventure’. I wish I could have just stayed on the first floor.

“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry. They don’t like to hear you cry”.

“Who’re ‘they’?”

“‘They’ are the ones who got powerful and lucky enough to be able to hide away from the other floors. They’ve long stopped considering humans to be worthy prey, instead terrorizing below average Demiurges”.

“What does that make you?” I was just curious.

“I am the servant of the Lesser Demigod Flicker, Being of Communication and Electromagnetism”.

“Why did you save me?”

“If you got down here, then you must be very powerful. Be it strength, intelligence, constitution, wisdom, or charisma, you must be powerful”.

He could force having any form of constitution off of that list.

“When pushed down to nothing, even the most enduring would cry”.

“Did… did you just…?”

“Yes, I did just read your mind. Don’t worry. Everyone who has lived on a mortal plane for their younger years has had trouble hiding thoughts and defending their mind. I’ll teach you. I have to teach you”.

We kinda stopped talking after that. And I kinda fell asleep.

Grimward’s Home

“Hmmmm, hmmmm hmmm. Hmm Hmmm Hmmmm Hmmmmmmm”.

The Grim Reaper was right there, humming to himself, knitting a black scarf.

“Hmmm? Oh hello Emmy. Why are you so surprised?”

“Who’s Emmy?”

“Oh, you don’t remember? Do you know who Gunshot is?”

“No”.

“How about Cat?”

“No”.

“Starstorm?”

“No? Why are you asking me about these people?”

“Just checking if you are who you think of yourself. Do you know about someone who calls themself Underworld?”

“No, but he sounds like a prick”.

“AH-HA! You are but an innocent victim of a man who exploited the reincarnation system. His name is Emmy and he left you early. Underworld is/was his lover an-”

“Underworld is-slash-was his WHAT?”

“Have you not thought that men could commune with each other? Or even that women could commune with each other”.

“I… I didn’t know people could do that. I mean how would they do that?”

“You will learn that when you grow up. Can I continue?”

“Yeah. Just kinda weirded out. I was a guy and I liked men”.

“Gunshot was his second-in-command. Cat was his second lover. Starstorm is a random chick that he liked for a reason I have a pet theory on that I’m not telling you”.

“O.K…. Sooo what does that mean to me?”

“It means this is a safe place. Nothing to worry about here. Talk to me about anything you have a problem with”.

“I want to go home”.

“Yeah… About that. Someone stole all 13 of the buttons from the elevator’s panel. Yes, some asshole wants you to stay down here. Hmmmm”.

“Why would someone want me to stay down here?”

“Because they want you to go mad. Yes. I think Emmy isn’t too happy that you haven’t died”.

“How the hell does that even work?! Did he possess my body?”

“No. When he lacks a body, Emmy watches and follows his incarnations. Sometimes he takes physical form to gaslight, lock things up, and make damn well sure they either die or succumb”.

“Well that’s terrifying”.

“Don’t worry. He prefers to watch. I don’t know what sets him off anymore. It appears we must part. Farewell Miss, see you tomorrow night”.

“Wait! Wait!”

???’s Farm

“Good Morning to you, Good Morning to you, Good Morning La-dy~ Good Morning to you”.

Fudgesicles. This was real. That guy was real.

“Welcome to the land of the wake. Can I know your name?”

“Y-yeah? I guess? My name is Maxie Theseus. I’m just a kid. I don’t have the power you want me to have”.

“Cute~. Say, would you like to take over my farm after you heal up? I’m moving on to something better in existence”.

“I-yeah. I’ll take it as long as you can help me find a way home”.

“Sure Maxie, why not. I’ll also have to find someone else to take over the farm after you leave, so that will take a while. Why don’t we go and explore the farm?”

He helped me up. I’m different. It… it hurts. He forced me to walk. 1-step, 2-step, 3-step, 4-step, 5-step, 6-step, 7-step, 8-step, 9-step, 10-step. 10 steps to get from the bed to the door. He picks me up.

“Stop crying. You’ll have to walk more later”.

Suddenly, those words were more intimidating. I could tolerate the guy. But now, he was terrifying.

“Good to know you’re not crying anymore. Now, all you have to do is stop being so scared, and you’ll be fine. Everyone in town will like you”.

“There’s a town down here?”

“Yes, we’re going there tomorrow. I’ll have to dress you up a bit, but you’ll be fine”.

He opened the door, revealing a normal grassy pasture, a normal bright blue sky, and the sun. The sun looked like a child had drawn it. Orange triangles floating only a few inches away from a yellow circle. A yellow circle with a sideways diamond shaped eye. A sideways diamond shaped eye with three simple pupils. The middle one long, the two side ones short.

“You’re scared of the sun? Maxie, the sun is one of the few things keeping this farm going”.

“Yeah, I just… I don’t want to be impolite but the sun kinda freaks me out”.

“Don’t worry, It’s fine. You seem to be new here. [Farmer], did you bring her in during the night?”

“Yes, yes, I did. Are you angry at me for being a good person? I saved her from bleeding out, unknown and unremembered. Is that not good enough?”

“I know you better than to believe that. I’ll keep a sky high eye out for you doing bad things towards her”.

“Fine, we’re here. Welcome to the barn… Goddamnit”.

The barn was a bizarre sight. As it was on fire. A group of tiny sheep were trying to put out the blaze, with buckets on their backs and intensely panicked expressions. A small red, furless, woolless ram sat inside the barn, with a face best described as blank. Not literally, but it’s face betrayed no emotion.

A gust of wind forcefully blew the fire out.

“I’m sorry about this. My Putto are less than competent, and my Imp is a troublemaker. NOW FIX THIS!”

The small sheep bounced over to another building, one lost it’s bucket.

“Can you grab that?” the [Farmer] asked me, “I’ll put you down, you walk over and pick it up. I’ll pick you up if you can’t walk anymore”.

He put me on my feet. They still felt raw, but I could do this.

1-step, 2-step, 3-step, 4-step, 5-step, 6-step.

That wasn’t bad. I turn around. The guy has disappeared.

1-step, 2-step, 3-step, 4-step, 5-step, 6-step.

I’m just going to explore the barn. A small stable and a chicken coop. With a burnt hole in it. I leave the barn. I’m going back to the house.

1-step, 2-step, 3-step, 4-step, 5-step, 6-step, 7-step, 8-step, 9-step, 10-step, 11-step.

Almost there.

1-step, 2-step, 3-step, 4-step, 5-step, 6-step, 7-st-

“Hey kid, do you know where Boss is?”

The Ram was right there. Right next to the door. And he was speaking to me. Was he what Boss/the [Farmer]/That guy meant by ‘Imp’?

“I don’t know. He just disappeared when I went to pick up this bucket”.

“Bastard. He left you to suffer and your wounds to fester. I will never allow him to return in the daytime without apologizing”.

The Sun sat low on the horizon.

My stomach growled.

“I’m going inside. I need to get some rest and eat some food”.

I pull the door open. I slowly walk in. I am safe. I’m O.K. Today was rough. I hope this all was just one long stupid dream. I go to the other side of the house. It had a kitchen. I open a cabinet. There’s a little packet that says it has noodles. I open another cabinet. A pot. There is a sink in front of the window at the back of the house. I fill the pot with warm water. I sat the pot on the oven, put on the boily thing, and walked over to the bed side of the house.

I sat on the bed. I finally decided to look myself over. Bandages covered my legs. I won’t be taking them off. Not yet. My arms are also covered in bandages. Bandages are rapping my ch-

There’s a hole in my abdomen, stretching from just below my belly button to just below my boobs. Not good. Not good at all. I can see the bones. I seal the hole with the bandages.

My head aches. I grab my head. It’s not the one I had yesterday. It’s-It’s not. My chin’s spiky(two spikes, to be exact), my teeth- my lips are gone. There are only cinderblock teeth. I reach for the bridge of my nose and almost poke myself in my eyes. My eyes are bigger. I tap the tip of my nose-tik. It’s a metal rectangle. I rub my temples. Eyelashes that feel like felt protrude from the sides of my eyes. My hair is really soft and really fluffy. Except in two little areas in the back. I had horns. Hair horns.

The water is now bubbling. I go over to the pot, break the noodles, I pop the noodles in. I check the packet. 3 minutes, stir once for slightly soft noodles, stir twice for medium softness, stir three times or more to make edible for mortals. I’m so tired. I need a wooden spoon, a bowl, a pot holder and a fork. I open the cabinet above the oven, there’s the bowls. I open one of those sliding cabinets. There’s a nice collection of silverware, a wooden spoon, and a bottle of some liquid. I grab a fork and the wooden spoon. I. do. NOT. touch. the. Bottle. I place the bowl and fork onto the counter that juts out towards the bedside. I stirred the pot. Just a bit longer. I poke the noodles with the wooden spoon. Definitely soft enough. I turned off the boily thing. I’m doing great. I poured the noodles and some water into the bowl. I got the flavor packet out. Dumped it in. frick, some of it is on me. I’m just going to eat and have the consequences follow me later. I’m so tired. The noodles are too hot but I’m eating them right now just to get them done.

The taste is good. It’s chicken, but not quite. The noodles are just the right size and softness to be slipped between my teeth. The taste is good. It’s chicken, but not quite. I eat more and more and mor and mor and mr and mr and-

The bowl is now empty. It was so nice to eat. I’m even more tired now. But it’s a happy tired. A kind of tiredness that says I’ve accomplished something. Even if this is real and I haven’t actually done anything, I feel good.

I place the bowl, the wooden spoon, and the fork into the sink. I’ll wash them tomorrow.

I walk over to the bed and get in. It creaks beneath me. Strange. It held me well in the morning. 1-sheep, 2-sheep, 3-sheep, 4-sheep, 5-sheep, 6-sheep, 7-sheep, 8-sheep, 9-sheep, 10-sheep. It takes a while for me to start dozing. I can normally force myself to go to sleep. Why isn’t it working? Why can’t I sleep? There is something watching me. Who is watching me? I’m scared. I want to go home. Let me try again: 1-sheep, 2-sheep, 3-sheep, 4-sheep, 5-sheep, 6-sheep, 7-sheep, 8-sheep… 9-sheep…… 10-sheep.

[discreteluxuryff]

TWENTY-ONE

Vanessa

“So you’re pregnant? That’s cool. Maybe having a baby is a good thing.” Jada sat next to me and turned the tv on. “You lowkey have a little pudge.”

“I hope and do I? I felt like I was gaining weight, but that’s only because my diet has been terrible.” I looked down at my stomach to only notice that you can clearly see a bump.“ Oh, by the way, I’m only staying here for one more week, then I’m going back home to New York.”

“You from New York? Yeah, you kinda remind me of the girls from Washington Heights.” Sydney said to me laughing.

“Is it because I’m Dominican?”

“Yeah, that’s where the all the Dominicans be, right?”

“You are absolutely right.” I chuckled. I don’t know what it is was, but I was finding myself becoming closer to these ladies. I just feel like if I leave, I won’t talk to them again.

I can’t lie, I hated Jada at first. Sydney never gave me a problem and they are the only two I really know in this house. Jada rubbed me the wrong way damn near a whole month and I don’t know why she was mean to me, to begin with. I never did anything to her, but I’m over it. She’s cool, but that attitude will make you think otherwise. I guess I’m close to them because Vashtie and I don’t talk anymore. I miss her, but I didn’t treat her like a friend. I chose Richard over our friendship and I feel bad about it. I want to reach out, but right now isn’t the time. I’ll wait and hopefully, we can be close again.

“Question, do you consider yourself black? Because Toya wanted to argue with me and said y'all weren’t because y'all are Spanish. I guess I can direct that question to you to Jada. You got a Puerto Rican daddy.” Sydney asked the question people always ask. It thought it was obvious, but I guess not.

“I do. I see most Dominican’s as black, especially the one’s I grew up around.” I said.

“Yeah, I do. We’re not Spanish, though. We may speak it, but we’re not from Spain”

“Oh okay. Well, I need to tell Toya that because she swears y'all not.” Sydney laughed. “ next topic, who are you going to live with when you move? You can’t be there by yourself and pregnant.”

“Well for the first month I’m going to live with my sister.”

“Wait, you have a sister? I thought you said you were an only child.” Jada quizzed.

“I’m my mom’s only child. My father cheated on my mother three years before I was born. That resulted in a baby so, there’s that.” I really couldn’t believe how similar my adult life was to my mother’s. I swore I would never be her. “But my siter and I have developed a very close relationship in past couple of years. So I’ll stay with her until I have a place ready.”

“Okay, good. I almost thought you were going there with no type of help from anyone. Pregnancy by yourself is a lot to handle.”

Continuing our discussion, I was telling them how I think LA has basically ruined me. I moved out here to leave my abusive environment, just to move to another. Life was good at first, I was head over hills for Trey. We moved in together, I finished up school and started doing something I love. Everything turned sour after he cheated on me multiple times. That’s when my life was slowly turning into something I didn’t like. To just end up in this position, just makes me realize love will blind you. It can hurt you, even though it’s not supposed to. Do I believe Trey love’s me? Yes, but he doesn’t respect me. If he respected me, we would still be together and most likely be happy.

“Are you telling Trey about the baby?” Sydney asked.

“Nope. He has a child he has to get to know. I’ll tell his assistant, I’m sure she’ll say something.”

“He deserves to know, though.” I don’t know why Jada felt that way. I don’t think he deserves to know anything.  

“Make sure he know’s, Vanessa. Let him be in his child’s life. I know Trey would be a good father. I’ve seen how he was with his niece and goddaughter.” Jada and I both look in Sydney’s direction. I was confused because how does she know him personally?

“How do you know all of this?” I asked.

“I guess I’ve should’ve said something sooner, but around the time you two got together, me and Jermaine had broken up. We were together for five years and I thought it would’ve lasted forever, but I couldn’t deal with the cheating. A year later I got married, had a baby and realized that was a mistake because my estranged husband was abusive as hell.” I just knew she was going to say she was one of Trey’s side pieces. I remember Trey telling me how Jermaine lost the love of his life and how he could never be like him. He told me we would stay together forever and look at us now. Wow, he was full of shit.

“Oh wow, I would’ve never guessed you were the infamous Sydney. He still talks about you. I remember he said he know’s you two will never get back together, but he hopes you’re happy.”

“Well I’m not happy, I’m glad he’s kind of at peace with our situation. I just can’t go back to what we had. As much as I want to, I don’t think he can change.” Well, I guess she won’t get back with him. After she said that, she was ready to change the subject. Sydney seemed like a person of her word, wish that could’ve been me a long time ago.

**

Rubbing my stomach, everything just seemed so surreal. I never thought this day would come. I wished I was married or something, but everything happens for a reason. Who would’ve thought I would be pregnant with Trey’s baby and we’re not even together?  I sure as hell didn’t think that, but I’m assuming all of this was supposed to happen. I finally saw the person Trey really was and now I realize maybe he wasn’t the one. I don’t think people understand how much I loved him. I don’t know why I stayed after the constant cheating and I don’t know why I put up a front like we were so happy. The first two times he cheated, I did break it off with him and that’s when he would call me crying and begging me to come back home. After that, he was just careless and knew I wasn’t leaving. I wanted love so bad that I put up with all the bullshit. Now I’m still stuck with Trey for the next eighteen years and I honestly don’t want to be in this position. Maybe something good would happen and we can settle our differences.

Trey

A week later…

“Daddy, I wanna watch paw patrol!” Hearing a child call me daddy was the strangest thing. I couldn’t believe I was a father. I hate I didn’t know about Skylar all this time, but at least Charmaine is allowing me to spend time with her.

It had been two weeks of just me and Skylar bonding. I was loving every minute of it and it felt like I’ve been around her since she was born. I just hate the situation she came out of. I don’t hate that she’s here because it isn’t her fault, I just hate that I have a child with no family. I never thought I would have kids with someone other than Vanessa. I know I made mistakes by encouraging her to get an abortion and getting Ashley pregnant. I never meant for any of this to happen, it just did. Not only do I regret every decision I’ve made, but I regret letting other women feel comfortable with helping me disrespect the woman I love. If I didn’t hurt her, we would be happily married now.

“ What happened to us playin’? You rather watch that?” She nodded her head and smiled at me.“ Alright, I guess you can watch it.”

“Yay!” I watched her run over to the couch and that’s when I heard my doorbell. I wasn’t expecting anybody, so maybe it was Charmaine.

“I’ll be right back, munchkin.”

“Okay!” Heading to the door, I heard a bunch of laughing. I already knew who it was. It was Jermaine and Maya.

“Y'all love poppin’ up unannounced all the time.” I said opening the door.

“Oh please, we only came by to meet little mama. Is she here?” Maya asked me, walking in.

“Yeah, she’s watchin’ tv.”

“This nigga been in full daddy mode and forgot about us, Maya.”

“Stop cussin’ when my daughter around. She can hear you, man.” That sounded weird. “My daughter” never thought I would be saying that anytime soon.

This was something I would have to get used to. At first, I was hoping Skylar wasn’t mine, but now I’m glad she is. Ever since she came to stay with me, I keep telling myself I’m going to change for her. It’s no secret that I’ve treated women in a way no woman should be treated. I lied, cheated, and manipulated women. I don’t want my daughter to experience that at all, so I need to be an example for her. I know it’s fucked up that it took me having a daughter to realize that I’ve done women wrong, but I don’t want her to think it’s okay for guys to treat women like their nothing.

“Damn, this sh- I mean this is all new. It’s weird knowin’ you gotta little shorty now. Even weirder because it’s not with Nessa.”

“Yeah, I know. Maya, have you talked to her?”

“I talked to her yesterday. She’s doing fine and yes she still hates you.” I knew that was coming. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I just Vanessa can forgive me one day.

“I didn’t do all of this on purpose. She’s the one that left me, so why she mad?”

“That doesn’t matter. You still cheated and making a baby on your significant other is the worst. Imagine if it was the other way around. You would’ve been pissed and tried to leave her.” Maya was right, but the thing is I know Vanessa would have ever done anything like that.

Ever since Vanessa left me, I haven’t been happy. If we’re being honest, I only got with Riley because I just wanted to have somebody around. I did like her, but we all know who I wanted to be with. I still want Vanessa, but I know things can never go back to how they were. I fucked up and that’s something I have to live with. Now my life is changing in a way I never imagined. I have a daughter, I’m single now and I still have my career, but it’s even better. I guess I better start focusing on Skylar and myself. I can’t keep thinking about Vanessa and other things that aren’t a part of my life. As much as I don’t want to let Vanessa go, I have to. I can’t keep thinking about “what if’s” because I should’ve treated her right when I had her.

“Oh, oh my god.” I heard Maya whisper as she looked at the phone.

“What’s wrong?”

“Um, so Vanessa is no longer in that program and because she just texted me. She wanted me to know that she’s four months pregnant and found this out last week when she was rushed to the hospital. Oh, and by the way, she said don’t contact her ever.” What the fuck? Vanessa is pregnant? Four months ago was the last time we had sex.

“Damn nigga, you about to two kids now?” Jermaine shook his head and started chuckling.

“That shit is not funny and what does she mean by not contactin’ her?! If she’s pregnant with our child I have every right to know where she’s at.”

“Listen, I’m just reading what she said. I’m sure she’ll let you know eventually. Don’t worry about it.”

“She’s stubborn as hell. Her ass won’t say anything to me.” I knew Vanessa would try her best to avoid me. Little did she know I would find out where she was. I don’t care about Maya trying to keep information from me. I can find out on my own. Vanessa will have to face the fact that I will be in her and the babies life. Just got to figure out my next move.

[liposuctionbeforeandafter]

Cosmetic surgery gone wrong

Cosmetic surgery gone wrong; While trying to keep up an energetic appearance, on-screen characters and on-screen characters have done a considerable amount of time in the plastic specialist’s office. A little infusion anywhere they can regularly escape with (however they may at present be criticized by their decision to do as such), yet over and over, they turn out from under the blade with a face brimming with missteps. From Jocelyn Wildenstein to Jennifer Gray, these superstars—the greater part of whom began flawlessly delightful—top our rundown of the most exceedingly terrible plastic medical procedure aftereffects ever.

Tara Reid

When best referred to for her job as secondary school sweetheart Vicky in American Pie, Reid is currently better known for her screwed up liposuction and bosom embed system, which she got in 2004. Her uneven bosom scars, in any case, weren’t as unsettling as her ruined stomach: “I had body forming, however everything turned out badly,” she said on The View. “My stomach turned into the most ripply, bulgy thing.” Reid experienced reconstructive medical procedure in 2006, and postured for Playboy in 2009 to flaunt her settled plastic medical procedure. Photographs by Paul Smith/Featureflash (left) and FilmMagic (right). Cosmetic surgery gone wrong.

Donatella Versace

VP of the high-design mark Versace, Donatella, 54, has experienced a progression of medical procedures since the 1990s. Among different modifications, her most recognizable changes have been to her nose and lips, and her trademark swollen smackers have scored her a spot on about each rundown of plastic medical procedure violation of social norms in the course of recent years—however there’s no genuine distributed proof that Versace herself is miserable with the progressions. Photograph by Retna Ltd.

Jocelyn Wildenstein

The still-dynamic New York socialite wedded into an affluent craftsmanship managing family and started trying different things with plastic medical procedure in 1997, right away before the destruction of her 20-year marriage. Having spent a detailed $4 million on different methods, which are guessed to incorporate cheek inserts and various facelifts, her emotional changes have earned her the epithet “Lady of the hour of Wildenstein,” alongside “feline lady,” because of her rigid, cat like appearance. Photographs by Getty Images (left) and WireImage (right).

Kelly Bensimon

The Real Housewives of New York City star was assaulted by the media in 2008 for audaciously parading her gravely distorted bosoms. The previous model and “envoy for fleece”— an accomplishment she specified in a meeting with Harper’s Bazaar, however people in general presently can’t seem to make sense of what that implies—has since had a run-in with both copyright encroachment and aggressive behavior at home, and doesn’t seem to have experienced reconstructive medical procedure. Photographs by WireImage (left) and Retna Ltd. (right).

Jennifer Gray

In the event that the sentiment flick– adoring world hadn’t fallen so fiercely infatuated with the face that used to have a place with Jennifer Gray, at that point maybe her change would have had less of an impact on her vocation. In spite of the fact that her tasteful appearance stays satisfying, lamentably, the rhinoplasty that she trusted would help her amid throwing calls consigned her fundamentally to made-for-TV films. Photographs by Retna Ltd.

La Toya Jackson

Michael and La Toya Jackson had a transparently wild relationship (she pulled back her family bolster amid Michael’s youngster attack case), yet it appears they made them thing in like manner: an affection for plastic medical procedure—and maybe one specific specialist. In like manner systems incorporate jaw and cheek inserts, alongside the now signature Jackson family pointy nose. Photographs by Getty Images (left) and Ritschel/interTOPICS/Retna Ltd. (right).

Tori Spelling

Amid the second period of Beverly Hills, 90210, Spelling, who played the adorable Donna Martin, was chastised for her twisted bosoms—finish with a serious chest wretchedness. She denied having gotten a bungled bosom enlargement (for which she supposedly sued the specialist capable), yet at long last admitted in 2008 to Entertainment Weekly: “I needed to confess all that I had my boobs done in my 20s since individuals erroneously compose that I’ve had every one of these things done,” she stated, and later included, “I’ve had the two techniques that most likely every other lady in Hollywood has had done.” Photos by Retna Ltd.

Lara Flynn Boyle

Asking minds aren’t sure what changes have been made to the TV star’s face, who’s best known for her long keep running on The Practice from 1997 to 2003. In any case, we do know, as is clear from photographs, that the delightful 39-year-old seems like she needs to work her cheek muscles additional time to let free a grin—or maybe the theorized embed in her upper lip is overloading her pucker? The progressions turned into very clear all through her 2008 spell on Law and Order. Photographs by Retna (left) and Retna Ltd. (right). Cosmetic surgery gone wrong.

Scott “Carrot Top” Thompson

The red-haired comic is no more bizarre to “Top 10” arrangements of shocking plastic medical procedures. Big name corrective medical procedure blogger Anthony Youn, MD, disclosed to MakeMeHeal.com that it seems like Thompson has experienced an eyebrow lift, alongside Botox infusions, lip plumping and laser peels, or, in other words to his sudden absence of spots. It’s additionally been conjectured that he utilizes steroids because of his all of a sudden solid, veiny build. Photographs by Retna Ltd. (left) and WireImage/Getty Images (right). Cosmetic surgery gone wrong.

Mickey Rourke

Hello Mickey, you’re not all that fine… any longer. After his resurgence in the motion picture The Wrestler, fans were perplexed at the previous boxer and screenwriter’s plastic surgery– baffled appearance. Suspected medical procedures, as indicated by Dr. Youn, incorporate a facelift (implied by the scars before his ears), upper eye lift and a hair transplant (meant by his returning sideburns and wispy, consistently forward-moving hairline). Photographs by Retna Ltd. (left) and CAMERA PRESS/Retna Ltd. (right).

Cosmetic surgery gone wrong

Cosmetic surgery gone wrong

[liposuctionbeforeandafter]

Cosmetic surgery gone wrong

Cosmetic surgery gone wrong; While trying to keep up an energetic appearance, on-screen characters and on-screen characters have done a considerable amount of time in the plastic specialist’s office. A little infusion anywhere they can regularly escape with (however they may at present be criticized by their decision to do as such), yet over and over, they turn out from under the blade with a face brimming with missteps. From Jocelyn Wildenstein to Jennifer Gray, these superstars—the greater part of whom began flawlessly delightful—top our rundown of the most exceedingly terrible plastic medical procedure aftereffects ever.

Tara Reid

When best referred to for her job as secondary school sweetheart Vicky in American Pie, Reid is currently better known for her screwed up liposuction and bosom embed system, which she got in 2004. Her uneven bosom scars, in any case, weren’t as unsettling as her ruined stomach: “I had body forming, however everything turned out badly,” she said on The View. “My stomach turned into the most ripply, bulgy thing.” Reid experienced reconstructive medical procedure in 2006, and postured for Playboy in 2009 to flaunt her settled plastic medical procedure. Photographs by Paul Smith/Featureflash (left) and FilmMagic (right). Cosmetic surgery gone wrong.

Donatella Versace

VP of the high-design mark Versace, Donatella, 54, has experienced a progression of medical procedures since the 1990s. Among different modifications, her most recognizable changes have been to her nose and lips, and her trademark swollen smackers have scored her a spot on about each rundown of plastic medical procedure violation of social norms in the course of recent years—however there’s no genuine distributed proof that Versace herself is miserable with the progressions. Photograph by Retna Ltd.

Jocelyn Wildenstein

The still-dynamic New York socialite wedded into an affluent craftsmanship managing family and started trying different things with plastic medical procedure in 1997, right away before the destruction of her 20-year marriage. Having spent a detailed $4 million on different methods, which are guessed to incorporate cheek inserts and various facelifts, her emotional changes have earned her the epithet “Lady of the hour of Wildenstein,” alongside “feline lady,” because of her rigid, cat like appearance. Photographs by Getty Images (left) and WireImage (right).

Kelly Bensimon

The Real Housewives of New York City star was assaulted by the media in 2008 for audaciously parading her gravely distorted bosoms. The previous model and “envoy for fleece”— an accomplishment she specified in a meeting with Harper’s Bazaar, however people in general presently can’t seem to make sense of what that implies—has since had a run-in with both copyright encroachment and aggressive behavior at home, and doesn’t seem to have experienced reconstructive medical procedure. Photographs by WireImage (left) and Retna Ltd. (right).

Jennifer Gray

In the event that the sentiment flick– adoring world hadn’t fallen so fiercely infatuated with the face that used to have a place with Jennifer Gray, at that point maybe her change would have had less of an impact on her vocation. In spite of the fact that her tasteful appearance stays satisfying, lamentably, the rhinoplasty that she trusted would help her amid throwing calls consigned her fundamentally to made-for-TV films. Photographs by Retna Ltd.

La Toya Jackson

Michael and La Toya Jackson had a transparently wild relationship (she pulled back her family bolster amid Michael’s youngster attack case), yet it appears they made them thing in like manner: an affection for plastic medical procedure—and maybe one specific specialist. In like manner systems incorporate jaw and cheek inserts, alongside the now signature Jackson family pointy nose. Photographs by Getty Images (left) and Ritschel/interTOPICS/Retna Ltd. (right).

Tori Spelling

Amid the second period of Beverly Hills, 90210, Spelling, who played the adorable Donna Martin, was chastised for her twisted bosoms—finish with a serious chest wretchedness. She denied having gotten a bungled bosom enlargement (for which she supposedly sued the specialist capable), yet at long last admitted in 2008 to Entertainment Weekly: “I needed to confess all that I had my boobs done in my 20s since individuals erroneously compose that I’ve had every one of these things done,” she stated, and later included, “I’ve had the two techniques that most likely every other lady in Hollywood has had done.” Photos by Retna Ltd.

Lara Flynn Boyle

Asking minds aren’t sure what changes have been made to the TV star’s face, who’s best known for her long keep running on The Practice from 1997 to 2003. In any case, we do know, as is clear from photographs, that the delightful 39-year-old seems like she needs to work her cheek muscles additional time to let free a grin—or maybe the theorized embed in her upper lip is overloading her pucker? The progressions turned into very clear all through her 2008 spell on Law and Order. Photographs by Retna (left) and Retna Ltd. (right). Cosmetic surgery gone wrong.

Scott “Carrot Top” Thompson

The red-haired comic is no more bizarre to “Top 10” arrangements of shocking plastic medical procedures. Big name corrective medical procedure blogger Anthony Youn, MD, disclosed to MakeMeHeal.com that it seems like Thompson has experienced an eyebrow lift, alongside Botox infusions, lip plumping and laser peels, or, in other words to his sudden absence of spots. It’s additionally been conjectured that he utilizes steroids because of his all of a sudden solid, veiny build. Photographs by Retna Ltd. (left) and WireImage/Getty Images (right). Cosmetic surgery gone wrong.

Mickey Rourke

Hello Mickey, you’re not all that fine… any longer. After his resurgence in the motion picture The Wrestler, fans were perplexed at the previous boxer and screenwriter’s plastic surgery– baffled appearance. Suspected medical procedures, as indicated by Dr. Youn, incorporate a facelift (implied by the scars before his ears), upper eye lift and a hair transplant (meant by his returning sideburns and wispy, consistently forward-moving hairline). Photographs by Retna Ltd. (left) and CAMERA PRESS/Retna Ltd. (right).

Cosmetic surgery gone wrong

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Cosmetic surgery gone wrong