#LOVE THIS GUY SO MUCH... i wanna give him a worlds greatest dad mug

[rogdona]

@thatotherman001 important question does ryker purr????

[dobbyjen]

The Journal

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morales x F!Reader

Rating: M

Word Count: 1400

Warnings: drinking. cute dad and uncles. kissing. allusion to sex

Summary: It’s Frankie’s birthday and you all come together for an unforgettable present. 

A/N: This cute idea popped into my head and I just needed to write it. Sorry if any grammar or stuff is wrong, I’m not a writer lol. This is in the same universe as Tiny Dancer.

Today was Frankie’s birthday. You and your 3 year old daughter Francesca had just finished hanging up the happy birthday banner she painted on the back fence when they boys came through the back gate.

“Woow Franny did you make that beautiful sign?” Her brown eyes light up as she looks towards the gate to see her 3 favourtie people, besides you and Frankie. 

“UNCLES!!” she squeals and goes barreling towards them. They all manage to bend down at the same time and give her the biggest group hug. In the end she somehow ends up on Will’s shoulders. “I paint for daddy! Daddy lub purple!”

“Yes your daddy has mentioned how much he loves purple.” Pope snorts as he puts the beers and food they brought onto the patio table. “Hello pretty mama. When’s the birthday boy getting home” he smiles as he grabs you into a hug.

“He should be here in like 20 mins but who actually knows knowing him. Would you guys mind watching her so I can go change? Franny decided to paint me more then the poster.” you chuckle looking down at your shirt, now stained with finger paints. You had manged to get her dressed in a cute purple dress and her crazy curls somehow managed. You on the other hand probably still had red paint in your ears. Pope and Will laugh with a nod as Francesca already has Benny holding 4 baby dolls and a tiara on his head, blabbing his ear off about her day.

You run upstairs to your bedroom and strip off the stained clothes. You go into the walk in closet and grab your new yellow sundress. Frankie loves when you wear flowy dresses so you’ve decided to indulge him tonight. You grab a scrunchie off the top of your dresser and through your hair up half up half down. You run to the bathroom quick and look to see that there is still paint on your face. You quickly scrub that off and go back into the bedroom. When you’re finished you look out the window and see Frankie’s truck pulling into the driveway. Perfect timing.

You run down the stairs and hit the final step as Frankie opens the door. You gasp when you see he has two bouquets of flowers in his hands. “Hey babe!” he smiles and his eyes rake over your body.

“Hi hun. Wha-what are the flowers for? It’s your birthday!” You giggle as he hands you the bigger bouquet. He wraps his arm around your waste and gives you a small kiss on the lips.

“Eh. I wanna spoil my girls. Speaking of.....where’s my little one?” Frankie smiles into you hair. You grab his hand and drag him to the back patio door. You slide it open and Frankie freezes a little as he takes in the backyard.

“BOO DADDY!!” Francesca yells and you all burst into laughter.

“Fran we even practiced this! You were suppose to say surprise.” Will laughs as the little girl runs over to you and Frankie. Frankie grabs your daughter and spins her around as she squeals. 

“Whats all this princess?”

“Daddy birfday! I make paint for you! Seeeee!!” She squeals bouncing in his arms. She makes Frankie take her over to the fence. He crouches and admires the creation as you stand back with the boys with a watery smile.

“He’s a really good dad. Makes me really happy that he’s finally found his happy place.” Pope smiles beside you and you have to bite the inside of your cheek to hold your tears back.

“Yeah....me too.” You sniffle and wipe at the stray tears away as the two of them come walking back.

“You okay babe?” Frankie asks concerned as he sees your eyes are still a little watery. You nod smiling and give his hand a squeeze.

“I’m perfect. Now who wants some cake?”

“THERE’S CAKE?!” Franny squeals and runs around everyone screaming.

_________________________________________________________

The evening was dying down as you all sat around the fire drinking and just having a chill time. You and Frankie were sitting on the swing with Francesca curled in between you, cuddled into Frankie’s side. She was surprisingly still awake after 2 pieces of cake and lots of active playing with her uncles and dad. You had no idea where she got all the energy from as you and Frankie were both pretty mellow people. 

“Mommy did daddy get present yet?” Franny looks up at you with a confused look. You smile at her and shake your head no.

“Why don’t go get it princess.” She squeals and climbs off the couch and runs into the house. She comes back a couple seconds later with the sparkly purple bag with a unicorn on it. She had picked it out because ‘daddy lubs purple and unicrows mommy’ as she said in the middle of the dollar store.

“HAPPY BIRFDAY DADDY!” she screams as she throws the bag at Frankie’s head. Everyone chuckles as Frankie quickly catches it before it whacked him in the face and everything flew out of the bag.

“You guys need to but her in baseball next year.” Benny laughs as the little girl toddles his way and snuggles into his laps. One of her favourite places.

Frankie opens up the bag and takes out the pile of cards and pictures Francesca drew for him. She tells him what each squiggle is and he places them in a neat pile. He goes back into the bag a pulls out the couple of shirts you both picked out, a new travel coffee mug covered in pictures of Francesca that he can take to work and a stuffed elephant.

“I pick that out daddy! Do you lub him?”

“How did you know I love elephants Franny? Thank you so much.” the little girl giggles and buries her head into Benny’s chest.

“One more.” you whisper and hand him a hard cover journal. Frankie looks at it confused. You just smile and nod your head towards it. “Open it.” Frankie wraps off the elastic and opens up the journal to be met with a picture of the three of you from a bbq at Pope’s last month. He smiles at the memory of how hard it was to convince Franny to smile for the picture. It ended up with her having the cheesiest smile and you and Frankie looking at her laughing . He turns to the next two pages to be covered in crayon drawings and scribbles. Near the bottom was your writing of what Francesca wanted to say:

I love my daddy and mommy and uncle benny and uncle will and uncle pope and daddy’s pancakes.

my daddy the best daddy in the whole space and moon.

i love you daddy. You my bestie friend.

xoxoxo Franny

Frankie choked back a watery laugh and looked up to see Francesca passed out in Benny’s arms sucking her thumb. You rubbed you hand up and down Frankie’s arm and wiped away the tears you were trying to hold back. Francesca was very enthusiastic about what she wanted you to write for her daddy in his ‘special book’.

The next couple of pages had letters from his friends. He could only skim over them as he knew he’d really break down from their kind words. The boys were more then his friends. They were his brothers....family. The six of you together made for the greatest family Frankie could ever wish for. He turned to the next pages to see your handwriting on them and he had to close the journal before he turned into a real blubbering fool in front of everyone. He’d save that for later.

“Thank you.” he whispered looking down at the journal. You sniffed and grabbed him into a hug,

“You deserve the world Frankie. And it’s all right here.” you smile at your sleeping daughter and his three best friends. “And the rest of the journal is empty for whatever you want.”

“Happy birthday man.” Pope says as he gets up and drags Frankie into a giant hug. Will and Benny join too as Benny hands you Francesca. You sneak through the backdoor into the house to let them have some alone time.

You mange to get Francesca into her pajamas and tucked into her bed without really waking her up. You turn on her princess night light and sneak out, shutting the door quietly. You go to turn to go back downstairs when you run into Frankie.

“Hi. What are you doing here?”

“The boys left. They say bye.” you frown at that.

“But i never go to say goodbye.” you whine as Frankie chuckles and wraps his arms around you.

“Trust me they’re not offended.” you roll your eyes as he starts to trail kisses down your neck to your bare shoulders. “Thank you for tonight babe. It really meant a lot.”

“You-you’re welcome.” You stutter as he starts to suck on your pulse point. Somehow Frankie has manged to walk you down the hallway to your bedroom and pushes you backwards onto the bed. “F-Frankie it’s your birthday. I’m suppose to be spoiling you.”

Frankie smirks as he holds himself over top of you. “You can spoil me by letting me take this beautiful dress of of you.” You roll your eyes and grab his face between your hands.

“Whatever you want. Happy Birthday Frankie.” His eyes twinkle as you finally connect lips.

[milkchu]

❝anyway the wind blows❞ ♔ fifteen. [final]

Summary: (Y/N) Mercury’s journey of love, fame, and pain, alongside what would become one of the most legendary bands ever, Queen.

Pairing: Borhap!Queen x Reader, Brian May x Reader

Warnings: none really, just a really tiny mamma mia reference (i couldn’t help it) and a little surprise.

⇦ previous chapter // series masterlist // end.

July 13, 1985

It’s 12 noon in London, 7AM in Philadelphia,

And around the world, It’s time for LIve Aid.

“Ready, (Y/N)?” Brian sent you a soft smile, resting his hand on your knee. You slowly breathed in and out, looked to Brian at your side and said, “Ready.”

After getting out of the car, you both walked towards the house you haven’t been in for a long time, Brian following behind you while his hand rested itself on your shoulder, trying to make you relax.

In front of the door, you turn your back to look at Brian, who sends you a soft, reassuring smile and a nod, before taking a deep breath and ringing the doorbell.

After a few moments, you heard shuffling steps behind the door before it was opened, revealing your aunt.

“(Y/N)?”

“Hi, auntie.”

Then finally bringing you into a deep, warm hug.

In the living room, both your aunt and your cousin, Poppy, who probably know of you and Brian’s… thing, have been laughing and chatting with Brian, whilst you stood in front of the piano, looking at a framed picture of your mother. 

It was a picture of your mother in one of her extremely flamboyant stage outfits, behind her you could see two other figures, wearing similar outfits, probably her friends, Roxy and Tessa? You couldn’t remember their names anymore.

Meanwhile, your uncle simply sat on his usual chair in the living room, carefully sipping on his mug of tea.

Your eyes then landed on the wall clock, revealing that it was almost time for you to go to Wembley. “Bri and I have to go.”

Your auntie replied, “But you just got here, sweetheart!”

“What do you mean, ‘go?’” Your uncle suddenly stood up.

“We’ve gotta get to Wembley,” You grabbed Brian’s hand, gesturing for him to stand up, “We’re all doing our bit for the starving children in Africa, and nobody’s taking any money.”

Your uncle then slowly walked towards you, a million things running through his mind but he couldn’t seem to say it out loud.

You sent him a soft smile, “Good thoughts, good words, good deeds. Just like you taught me, Uncle.”

He didn’t say anything but just simply pulled you in for a tight hug, “Your mother would be so proud of you,” He whispered, his voice almost breaking.

You let out a soft chuckle before pulling away, firmly patting your uncle’s shoulder.

“Love you, darling,” Your aunt said, tears coming through her eyes.

“Bye Pops. Love you too, auntie.”

Before finally walking out the door with Brian.

“Poppy… put on the telly.”

Sitting in the little trailer, you sat beside Brian, who was currently playing some tunes on his guitar until he put it down, replacing it with your hand instead.

Deacy squinted, before pointing between Brian and yourself, “You two?”

You looked towards Brian, who softly stroked your hand with his thumb, before simply sending Deacy a knowing look.

“Knew it,” Roger added, each and every one of you letting out some laughs, until a knock came from the door.

It opened, revealing Matthew and his wife, Daisy. “Hello, Matthew,” Brian smiled.

“Hi, Brian, we just came to wish you good luck.”

“Hello, darling,” You smiled at them, before leaning down to kiss his cheek, giving Daisy a soft hug afterwards.

As soon as Matthew saw your hand place itself inside Brian’s, he immediately sent you a knowing smile.

“I’ll see you after,” You said to them, before Matthew nodded and left with Daisy.

Closing the door, you sat back down, sighing, “What do we think of Daisy?”

“She seems nice.”

“I think she’s into me,” You joked, before looking over to Brian, who was jokingly shaking his head.

“I know everyone is probably in love with me already but I think you’re the only one I have fallen for, darling,” You squeezed Brian’s hand.

Cue fake gagging sounds from Roger and Deacy.

When you’ve all been finally called in, your heart thumped faster with every step you took towards that stage. 

Standing in front of the entrance, you turned back to your three best friends.

“Her Majesty… Queen!”

Walking towards the middle of the stage, you let your ears go deaf from all the cheers and whistles from the seemingly endless crowd, waving your arm around for them, before finally walking to the piano and sat down.

Letting your fingers do a few tunes before you start, you looked at everyone around you.

John. Roger. Brian.

Miami. Matthew.

And finally, upwards. Mum.

“Mama… just killed a man…”

Hertfordshire, 2017

Brian watched as the (H/C) haired girl on stage moved and danced around, following the movement director in front of her. Moving so much like you.

It took a lot of work and convincing to finally be able to do this project, but he knew he had to. He had to tell the entire world the story of one of the greatest and influential women in history.

When the practice run had ended, everyone clapped their hands together at the cast, as Joe, Ben, and Gwilym bowed down together with the panting, but grinning actress.

Brian clapped along, almost wanting to shed a tear because it was like he relived that moment back in 1985 again. Feeling a pat on his back, he already knew who it was.

“She would be so proud of you, dad.”

Brian let out a soft sniffle, “I know, Freddie. I know,” receiving another pat from his son.

As soon as Brian looked up to the sky to try and rid of his incoming tears, a car came driving through the airfield. A car he knew all too well.

Once the car had stopped, a man in a black suit stepped out of the driver’s seat and opened the door to the backseat before a heel clad foot stepped down.

“Sorry, I’m late, darlings.”

a/n: and that ends atwb. or is it? (tbh i would love to do some more stuff from this series like some blurbs so i might post some in the future. pls do send in some ideas if you’d like!) THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR SUPPORTING THIS SERIES. I WOULDN’T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU GUYS. I FUCKING LOVE YOU ALL.

tags: @b-hardys // @hunterswearingplaid // @livingforrt // @bensrhapsody // @jennyggggrrr // @little-weirdo-13 // @kemeryyyy // @yoonlatte // @geek-and-proud // @everything-you-dont-wanna-be // @itsametaphorbriansblog // @marequeenii // @killer-queen-xo // @jedi-dreea // @achernarsaa // @nevaeh-potter15 // @banana-tree-freddiemercury // @rogertaylorssunglasses // @pyrotechnic789 // @mirkwoodshewolf // @stuff-exists // @toger-raylor // @langdonzvoid // @imamazzellhoe // @tbird20165 // @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen // @theswedishblonde // @oliviaharddyy // @sunflower-borhap-boys // @rocknrollsavedmysoul13 // @sincereleygmg // @mylifeissucky123 // @teenwolflover28 // @perrythefrickinplatypus // @deakysmisfire // @simonedk // @rockyroadthepastryarchy // @warren-lauren // @sarai-ibn-la-ahad // @danny-fucking-mercury // @destiel-stucky4ever-loki-queen // @gracelynn318 // @sargent-barnes // @anonymouse-not-so-anonymous // @leah-halliwell92 // @captainlarsonn

*i couldn’t tag some of you for some reason :/

[dearest-alexander]

You Are The Reason Chapter V (Tom Holland x Reader fanfiction)

Summary: “I could be anything in the world, yet I wanted to be yours. But you don’t love me yet…or do you?“ The whole world thought you’re together but something’s stopping you, something’s stopping him.

Summary Chapter: “Dreams are excursions into the limbo of things, a semi-deliverance from the human prison.I’   - Henri Amiel

Chapter 5

YOUR POV

Much to our chagrin, traffic jam had caught up right after leaving the hospital premises. Harrison and a sleeping Gabby dropped us off first before heading back to our place. We called out the old guy at the reception who raised a mug of something at us in acknowledgement. My watch read 10:46pm by the time we reached their doorstep. Our dogs’ excited barks could be heard from the other side of the door as Tom wrestled with his keys for a bit.  

“Im telling you, he’ll find a way to do it.” Tom argued, pushing the apartment door open.

“Uhm, no. Cause I know Gabby, once she’s tired, she’s tired. You can’t make her do anything not until you’re bleeding to death that is.” I debated back cheekily.

The traffic seemed to go on for the rest of the night ergo, to past boredom, Tom and I exchanged text messages whether Harrison would be able to pull his plan or won’t, among many other silly things. We still have to keep it under wraps since Gabby still has no idea. “What are you two scowling bout back there?” she asked before falling asleep minutes later.

“Fine! Alright! Let’s just ask Harrison tomorrow!” he exhaled with resignation in his voice.

. I brought a clenched fist and elbow to my knees in a sign of victory.  

“Bloody hell, you don’t give up do you.” He said after a moment, putting everything on the countertop separating the living room and their kitchen.

I wriggled my eyebrows at him. His face contorted for a second to fight the smile from slipping through. He failed.  

“Only for you love.” I said with a laugh, hugging my dog who won’t stop bouncing up at me from the moment we enter the apartment.  

“Whatever… How are you lovely?” he knelt down to give Tessa a smooch on her gray head.  

I filled the pet bowl with water before dragging my body onto the couch, face down with a heavy groan. I hate traffic.

“You wanna hit the shower first or should I?” Tom asked after minutes of shuffling in and out of the room. I propped my chin but kept my eyes closed as I replied.

“Go ahead, I need a second so these cushion could suck me in.” I wiggled my body as if it would dissipate the stiffness of my legs from sitting too long.  

“You know where my room is.” He answered with a small laugh. I heard a creaking noise of the cabinet door then a wisp of wind when he threw something soft and large at my opiate position. I lifted my head when I heard him dematerialized behind the bathroom door.

I scanned the two-bedroom flat from my lying state. It was too tidy for two grown men to live in. Not a crumb or bottles of energy drinks in sight. Perhaps Gabby’s controlling nature had finally rubbed off on Harrison. He and Tom had decided to rent this place from Gabby’s cousin whenever they want to stay a while longer after wrapping up press junkets. Possibly, it was Harrison who wanted to stay longer and Tom being wherever his mate was, would stay until he pleased.

Willing myself to get up, I grabbed my overnight bag and the towel he threw at me to his room, the wall behind the mounted television. Two dogs sniffing happily behind me.  

His room reeked with ocean breeze laundry detergent and embodied late adolescence-ness. I noted the lack of articles of clothing and trainers scattered on the floor, unmade bed and wide open luggage last time I was here. His double bed stood at the center of the room, two end tables on either side and dark clothes hung and were neatly stacked on the exposed clothing rack. 10 pairs of shoes in an orderly pile on the floor.  

Despite the fact that he had let me sleepover a thousand times, I never heeded nor have I ever had the slight urge to interest myself on what he is like in his solidarity. I pride myself to never the one to snoop around. The prevalent awareness of being in his room haven’t bother me. Up until now. Which was the case I found myself in, prancing around his room as if for the first time in an unnamable light.  

His room can’t be categorized as neither pristine nor disorganized. Stuff  that usually don’t go well with each other –not that I know anything about interior styling- somehow complemented and blended with his impulsive personality. His obsession on shameless hoarding of any Spider-man merchandise he could get his hands on endured after all these years. “What a total nerd.” I chuckled to myself, setting down his action figure on the same spot. The red and blue collection disparate from the gray overall theme of the room. Letters and artworks from his fans were all compiled inside three black dossiers.  

I was lazily lugging my index finger on his dust-free shelf, along the lines of books and photographs of his family, co-star photo calls, sceneries when a solid wooden framed picture halted me in my tracks.  

Memories gushed in an unstoppable wave. The picture was cropped from the chest and up. I snapped this shot right after the first successful jumping obstacles I finished with my mare. We’re smiling. His cheek pressed onto mine, his other eye was squinting in order to avoid the harsh glare of the sun and my face reddened with sweat and excitement in his riding helmet. My arm was draped around his shoulders while the other extended the camera to fit us in the frame. I remembered  hurriedly leapt down to Tom, who was already reaching out for me before my booted feet even touched the damp ground. I remembered stalling in his embrace, his body radiated as if he had somehow swallowed the whole sun, his thumbs that were drawing circles on my hips, pushing down the hitch emanating from my throat. I remembered how I  together with his family went to their lake house later in the evening, his dad, stood by my side, with one comforting and familiar arm on my blanket-ed shoulders, staring ahead the setting day had said, out of the blue:

“Sometimes it’s practical to test waters first cause no one wants to dive in murky water, knowing whether we’ll hit the rocks or sand. But this day..” he trailed off, smiling and shaking his head. “He may be daft sometimes but thank you for sticking by him. Thank you for everything you’ve done. Thank you for making him happy.”  

Before I could even ask Senior Holland to elaborate, an added weight made the docks screech in slight objection. Tom trudged to where we were, my bottled juice in hand. Frankly, I momentarily lost contact with my body, with my surroundings upon seeing his delightful face, how his curls bounced voluptuously like he’d just been prepped for some bloody movie minutes ago.  

All these years, I  try not to abide on what would  happen if Tom and I just.. that maybe we could… I shook my head to eliminate the thought that’s been trying to eat me ever since once upon a time. 

Tom’s POV 

We were left to ourselves. Again., I think Harrison and his girlfriend liked to do this on purpose. There's a part of me wanted to strangle them both for doing this, albeit, the half part wanted to get down on my knees and hug them both with praise and reverence, saying "I owe you, big time."  

I turned the shower knob off and quickly dressed in a shirt and sweats. I walked out into an empty and barely lit hall. The only evidence of her presence was her dog sitting outside my slightly open bedroom door. I patted his furry head before I knocked gently. She was not the one to get un-clothe with the door left ajar so I peeked inside when I didn't hear a response. She was leaning on my table, holding a picture frame in her hands, and the other clutching the desk. She didn't look up until I spoke.  

"Hey, everything ok?"  

She seemed startled for a swift second before smiling at me and waving the frame in her hands.

"I had no idea you printed and framed this."  

"It was a good day. I should dare you more often." I went to her side, brushing against her as I lean over to look at the picture. I crossed my arms over myself to hide the goosebumps running from the tip of my fingers up to the hairs on my neck.  

"Yeah. Really was." She sighed then locked her gaze with mine. I hugged myself even tighter, my fingers dug into my palms to keep from pulling her and crashing my lips to hers.. Heaven knows how badly I wanted no, needed to kiss her. But I’m waiting for her. Waiting for something to cross her eyes that will somehow tell me that she wants this just as bad as I do. I do not want to come across as one of those hot-blooded exes of hers who tried to force her to do something  she does not like. But it’s me, I try to tell her with my eyes. I will never hurt you. . I hugged myself tighter to keep my heart from sprinting out of my chest as the moment of pure electricity stretched between us.  

Until it wasn't anymore.

"I uhh.. Need to.... Take a bathe." She mumbled and broke her gaze. She handed me the frame and walked away. If she was nervous or felt at least something, she’s hiding it extraordinarily. I could feel my cheeks as they started to redden. She stopped at the door and crouched down in a playful defensive stance against her dog who wagged its tail gleefully. We let out short laughs before she disappeared.

I hung my head to the ceiling and I swear I could hear Harrison say  “Youre the world’s greatest idiot..” I groaned.

I couldn’t sleep. My mind has not accustomed with Harrison’s four walls of a bedroom for the past two hours.. Every time she and Gabby would come over, I’ll let her have my bed like the perfect gentleman that I was raised. I didn’t mind the couch nor Harrison’s bed because I knew my sheets would smell like her for the remainder of the week and I would wake up in the morning and bury my face in the pillow. A sweet torture.  

I fluffed Harrison's pillow to try to make myself more comfortable. Laying like a starfish on the bed and stared up the ceiling, my mind recalling one type of conversation that  had always seem to play out every morning whenever we were alone together..

The couple would show up, their elbows leaning on the countertop, hyperexcitable faces on the palm of their hands, kind of like children waiting for their slices of chocolate cake.

"So...... Did you do it?"  

I kept quiet while rummaging the kitchen for  her favorite breakfast. Eyes never leaving my task. But shook my head.. "Nah. Wasn't the right time."

"Oh c'mon man!" Harrison exclaimed, dropping his head  on the countertop in between in forearms.  

"Alright Osterfield ,  hand it over ." Gabby opened and closed the back of her hands. Harrison produced a 20 dollar bill from his wallet to give her.  

“You guys are the worst. I hope you know that.” I scowled under my breath.

"Thanks H olland " She patted me on my naked back..

"Man! How can you chicken out on me like that, you said you're gonna tell her last night....or the night of last week..... or the fortnight......or the months before that."  He whined,  Emphasizing each time frame then   his forearms inching  dangerously near the breakfast I'm making. I moved the plate out of the way and my eyes darted cautiously on my bedroom door. Checking for any signs or sounds of movement.

I shrugged, frowning.  

"As much as I like winning against Haz, dude, you have to make a move. That window's not gonna be open forever.  Take that hunky actor from GQ for example.”  

“What? Who?” I snapped my head at her. I tried to sound less nervous and irritated but even to my own ears, I knew I came up short.  

“I forgot his name . But we saw him at Jamba juice last week and the punk’s leaning a bit closer, in my opinion.”  she shrugged

"She doesn't like me that way." I countered, hoping to get the melancholy disappointment out of my voice. Eyes still casted down.

"She likes you. Everyone with eyes can see it. You're just both too stubborn to admit it." Gabby retorted, before gulping down a carton of orange juice.    

“Why? Did she tell you anything ?” I deadpanned but a little hopeful.  

"Actions, Holland. Actions. They speak louder than words, like the song, dumbass." She had an elbow leaning on the counter at my side as she regarded me with slight irk and concern.

"But no... She doesn't tell me anything. You know she's always been like that, bottling up her feelings til she knows she can hold it."  She placed  the cap back on her carton box.

"Well then, i  think i'll  just wait for that bottle to spill."

"Tom." Harrison interrupted in a quiet tone that I finally   looked at him.

"You know she's not her right?. They're both, different. This is a new story. It's gonna be different this time around. You're not running blindly here, not this time." Harrison was never soft spoken  and sober , not unless he could help it.

"Maybe we'll just lock you guys up in here for a week and then maybe we'll see. Don't make me do it." Gabby remarked, staring at the something behind me  

"Don't make you do what?" Our heads frantically turned to the sound by my bedroom door. Dressed in a sleeveless loose top and pyjama  bottoms, her bedridden hair falling on her shoulders, the palm of her hand digging on his left eye.  Her healthy skin glowed along with the morning sun. Eyes still glossy from sleep and puffy lips pouted adoringly. It's almost impossible to be that alluring  during this early hour in the morning.  

"Hey!!!!! Good morning sunshine! Did you just wake up?" Gabby asked, a little too cheerfully, three of us following her every movement.

"Um yeah. I didn't even hear you guys come in. How was your night?" She sat on the bar stool in front of me and Gabby, Harrison seated on the stool by her side then faced his body towards her, chin leaning on his shoulder. I exhaled a great sigh of relief, our kitchen conversation safe from her ears.

"It was fantastic …” Gabby said in a haste, “ , by the way, I heard you got drunk last night?"  

"I did. And I'm never doing it again." She moaned, pressing her forehead on the cold counter, arms folded in front of her.

"Here you go." I pushed the garnished plate in her direction and the glass of juice.

She smiled, "You're brilliant. Did I ever tell you that?." pulling the plate near her.  

Gabby made a tsk sound then walked back round to the couch. Harrison grabbed the ripe banana off of her plate before jumping out of his seat.  

"Hey! That's mine!" She leapt up abruptly but regretted it in an instant. She grunted, dropping her head onto the surface again.

"You're a buffoon." I threw the dish towel resting on my shoulder at Harrison's figure who hustled out of the way. I hand her another.

"Don't you just love them?!" She mumbled under her breath, sarcastically

"Oh and would you mind putting some shirt on Holland, she and Haz may  be used to it, but I'm not besides it's completely unhygienic." She instructed, flinging the shirt I discarded upon waking up from the armrest.  

"You tell me." I chuckled, putting my shirt on.  

It didn’t take long before I became conscious of her little quirks: the way she would pinch her lips when she’s trying to decide about something, how she likes to pop her knuckles that always seem to creep out Harrison and how she always find something nice to say about mean people. Something about her just felt…right; like everything seems to fall into place whenever she’s near.  

My body almost jumped when I felt the incessant and loud ring of my phone on the bedside table.. I clicked answer right away .

"You still up?"  

"No." I kid.

"Idiot. I Can't sleep." She sighed.

"Me neither. What are you doing?"

"Reading one of your books"

"What book?" I got up and leaned against the headboard.

She laughed. "You know we can just talk to each other, You're literally just across the hall.

"Ok, let's meet."

I hurriedly put on my shirt and walked out the door. She's already on her way to the fridge when I appeared in the kitchen.

"I'm hungry. How come you don't have anything here?" She complained and closed the fridge door behind her.

"Well, we're always at your place anyway."  

"Urgh! Let's order pizza. You're paying." She picked up the phone line in  the living room and dialed.

I made my way to the couch and will my body  to heel before I do something I will regret. Like, I don't know, maybe kissing the day lights out of her until I die from deoxygenation..  

"Hey you wanna watch a movie?" I initiated, grabbing the remote from the floor.

12:47am

"You know what? Fine fine! Let's just watch The Breakfast Club and we'll see who's right." She retorted, getting up from the sofa and inserting the dvd on the player, a slice of pizza dangling from her mouth.

"You're gonna be so bummed out when I win the fourth time today." Putting my hands behind my head and stretching my feet under the blanket we shared on the couch. It's already 2 am and All attempts of falling asleep diminished after indulging on a box of pizza, 2 bags of chips and 4 cans of root beers. My previous jitters had died down to a embers as we fell back into an amiable and platonic routine.

"Ha-ha! Move." She sneered jabbing my foot with her finger.  

I scooched over backwards for her to settle comfortably on the opposite side her. She rested her head on the armrest. Her sock clad feet lying near my stomach, I boldly closed my hand around them.  

We watched in silence for the rest of the movie until we got to the part at the end where Claire gives John his diamond earring.

"See! I told you, I told you! It was an earring not a ring." I sat up and gestured towards the screen. "Oi yow Pizza!" When I didn't hear or feel a slightest of movement I extended my arm on the floor, half my body still sitting on the couch and look at her. I must have known she had dozed off. Her even breaths were calm and soothing halfway through the movie, her face appeared pallid against the television screen. I got up as gently as I could and sat on the floor, over her side. I watched her for a little while, memorizing the way her shutted eyes would twitch every few seconds, her long eyelashes fanned out attractively across her features, her pouted lips carnation in color. I saw a crease formed at the center of her eyebrows and felt a lump clogging my throat. "What are you dreaming about?" I whispered. I reached an index finger to carefully smoothen it out, and lingered.  

"I swear, you'll be the death of me. " Before I could help myself, i pressed a feathered kiss to her forehead in replace of my finger.

8:17 am

I felt more than heard the sound of barely audible mumbles as it vibrated from my chest. I squinted my eyes open to see panting smiles from two dogs and instantly became aware of the soft weight nesting on my chest. I don't remember sleeping in this position earlier in the morning but damn it to bloody hell, I wasn't complaining.  

I or she must have moved positions during our sleep because now, on this glorious Sunday morning, our bodies lie snugly on the sofa, both my arms around her, one of her hands rested underneath my shirt, atop the unsteady thumps of my heart. Her head on my shoulder.  Blanket still draped over us.

"Want. Pancakes." She mumbled, eyes still closed.

A chuckle crept up onto my already- smiling face. I never knew she talked in her sleep as we've had never been in this position before. I stayed still for quite some time, careful to maintain our position in case she woke up and assess the situation with regret or something . It Could be minutes or hours;. I lapsed the ability to comprehend anything right now as I committed this moment to memory

The smell of her hair dominate the entire room, happily suffocating me to my death.  

Or How every inch of her molded perfectly into mine; her breathing patterns almost lulling me back to sleep

Or How her warmth masked and overpower my senses, making me forget to think, to breathe.  

A nagging thought entered my mind that I was, in a way, taking advantage of her slumberous state, and was about to separate my body from hers but was snapped out if it when I heard her next words. Making my world rattle to smithereens then build back up again.

"Mmmm.. I like you Tom.”  

I looked down on her to see if she’s woken. It probably meant anything that I hope to be but still, I couldn't fight the grin that jeopardizes to split my face in half or the euphoria openly transuding over my skin. I pressed my lips on her forehead and slowly pulled her even tighter. And i could die right after this, because she shifted closer- if that was still even possible-and lightly scratched her fingers on my bare and beating pectoral. 

I’ll just put the links of my A03 and Fanfiction pages. :)

[nicolasninenien]

Singaporean Paradigm

Statistically, Singapore’s education system has produced outputs of stellar academic results over the last few years, beating many illustrious international academic institutions. I must admit, the system is indeed an excellent one in providing a world-class education.

However, although it’s ranking in the international field is remarkably astounding, it comes with a heavy price upon those giving the end product. Not too long ago, I read an article about an 11 year old boy who committed suicide because he did not meet his parents’ academic expectation. This is indeed a tragic story; that young boy had a promising future ahead of him but it was taken away simply because of an ingrained culture that sweeps every Asian sub-conscience. Elitism 101.

The stress on excellent academic performance is crucial in Singapore. As such, this attitude spawned many ‘Tiger mums’ and ‘Lombardi dads’ to go crazy on their kids at a very young age, enrolling them to specialised tuition centres, music and art classes. In result, this emboldens the child’s capabilities and skill sets, enabling them to perform extremely well in schools. However, we must not neglect the silent few, the ones who can’t cope with such a system. Well, I was one of them.

I was a late bloomer. I was fascinated with cartoons and was rather mischievous in tuition classes (surprisingly, I was well-behaved in school though I do get punished in school at times). I was not interested in the Maths and sciences, I had no intention of even doing the assignments and homework given to me. I was a kid, I wanted to have fun playing with my friends. However, my parents reception to my behaviour was not well received. They placed me in many numerous classes, during the weekdays and the weekends. The tutors did their best but their efforts were futile, I still failed most of my subjects. As such, it really hit me and I thought that maybe I was dumb. I actually believed that I was stupid, incapable of thinking and logical rationalisation. In turn, my esteem was shattered pretty hard. When I was 12, I received my Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) results of 163. I still remembered the look on my mother’s face, a face I could not bear to see. A face that projected sheer disappointment and anguish.

The look on her face stirred my emotions quickly, without hesitation. I thought my life was over. “This was it, I’m such a loser”. Those kinds of sentiments rushed through my head, inside the wandering mind of a 12 year old kid. I felt lost and hopeless. However, that did not deter me. I gazed upon my mother’s face with a rousing determination: I made a bet with her. “I will enter the Express Stream”. She nodded without much enthusiasm.

As such, I entered secondary school with a drive to excel. I wasted no time with work. I wanted to be the best in all aspects, no matter what. Finally, at secondary 2, I was no longer in the Normal Academic Stream (NA). I was promoted to the Express Stream. It was glorious, a gamble I made that came true. I still remember the moment of elation when I received the news in the classroom. My efforts were not in vain.

Upper secondary came along, it was smooth sailing from the start. It seemed as though everything was in my favour, no obstacles, no barriers. As such, I was doomed from the start. My egoism mounted and my cynicism grew, I thought I could beat anyone in my class (or even the whole Express cohort). I wanted to prove what I was capable of, a former Normal Academic student. I wanted to beat them all. However, things came spiralling down. I was caught up with duties and responsibilities with my Co-Curricular Activities (CCA) in the Prefectorial Board and the National Cadet Corp (Land). I fought with my dear tuition teacher (Ms Yen) as I always made excuses for not accomplishing work given to me. I always feel guilty about that. Then one day, our amazing chemistry from lower secondary fell apart. I did not see her anymore. That’s where I made one of the greatest blunders in my whole academic life, I chose to join a class recommended by a friend of mine. That tutor, his name was Alvin Tan.

I came for his classes. He was so full of himself who talked about his academic achievements in the past, a braggart who manipulated feelings of his students to make them feel weak and useless, even to the extent of breaking friendships that altered and brewed tensions between former allies by creating unnecessary rivalry. I trusted him. He broke me to my very core. He told me I wasn’t suited for the A-level course. He was so wrong.

In the end, I got a raw score of 17 L1R5 for the GCE O-Levels and headed my way to Innova Junior College up north in Woodlands. I came with an idea of recreating myself, to forget the horrid past of Post O-Levels by establishing a wild and passionate persona. It did not go well. Well, things were easy at first. Then came along the real deal, the dreadful lectures and tutorials. Interestingly, as the months go by, my interests in the respective subjects that I was studying was reinforced while simultaneously dreading the work to be done. It was not a pleasant ride. I had a huge circle of friends at first which slowly deteriorated as the months go by. I fought with certain friends in the Student Council (not gonna state their names) and felt extremely vulnerable.

As such, the environment then felt very hostile as I felt alienated and isolated. I felt lonely, physically and emotionally. I was torn apart. Friends come and go, small talks here and there. Cliques everywhere. I felt as though I didn’t belong. What if Alvin Tan was right all along? Am I really not capable of conquering A-levels? Everything seemed so bleak, I did not have the answers. I mixed myself with a girl I thought I was in love with (dumped her in the end though, we were nothing much). It was all too much.

Until one special afternoon, a question that will forever change the course of my JC experience: “Nic, wanna go Wild Wild Wet with us?”. Everything blossomed, I got close with Asaad, Haziq and Ashleey (which at first seemed to unlikely) and they treated me like family. We laughed, we ate together, we played together, we studied together. Everything was doing just fine (well, not in the academic sense).

It was a long and winding road towards the A-levels, we (mostly Asaad and I) clocked in day in and day out in the library. Studying and mugging every concepts, notes, facts and abstract ideas for our essays. We were all sick and tired of failing (I received a rank point of 17 for Prelims) and we felt miserable. However, the company was great. Just the guys studying (sometimes productively) in the library towards one specific goal, conquering A-levels. That’s where we grew closer and stronger as we headed towards the final countdown.

This is where the story of my formal education ends. Well, you may ask how did I fair for the A-levels. I must say, not too good. I got a 60 Rank Point which was pretty average (though I couldn’t get into a local university). Believe me, A-levels was not easy. It was a suicidal course. However, I did took up the challenge where some may say I couldn’t do it (even Ms Yen doubted me). People may say that getting a 60 for 2 years of studying ain’t worthwhile. Well, I disagree. I’ve learnt so many things beyond the classroom. The notion of accountability and responsibility, the power of resilience and attitude, the will to smile through the times of hardships. I learnt that on my own. No teacher taught me that. Life was my teacher. It gave me a hard lesson these past few years in the Singaporean System.

I am eternally grateful to my teachers, those that were kind and patient, those that were brutally straight forward and honest, those that even question my very sanity. I thank them sincerely. Without them, I wouldn’t be typing this out. Throughout my academic life as a student in Singapore, I must say…

I was the victor and the victim. I had my moments of achievements and numerous failures. In these failures, I learnt the importance of humility because I know what it feels like being a complete loser. It sucks tremendously. It breaks your mind and soul, it leaves you in the dark begging for an answer to your perceived predicament. However, life itself is a dimension filled with endless possibilities. As long as you and I are still breathing, we can make the best out of our lives. As a kid, I thought failure was the end of the world. Everything felt like it was collapsing. Failure is an inevitable condition in the human experience. One must embrace it, one must remain calm and composed in the face of great adversities for life is a great big bubble of ambiguity. Our choices does not necessarily define you, it is what you do even when life seemed to be dead wrong. Respond difficulties with kindness and compassion for it shall be returned to the giver. What goes around what comes around.

Throughout this journey, I’ve met a lot of intelligent people. Oh, remembered the aforementioned 'Elitism 101’ nonsense? Well, there are those who were intelligent and there were those who mixed intelligence with blatant arrogance and disconcerting vanity. These people are those who belittle others, who mistreat them saying that they aren’t in the same level as them, in terms of intellectual capacity. Not the same level? That’s true. You know why? Intelligence is not solely got to do with numbers, concepts and statistics. There are different types of intelligence these elitist high horses need to comprehend. Schools test nothing about intelligence. They do not teach. They forgot to teach and thus we forgot to learn. We were instead forced to memorised in order to get an A for a damn certificate. People, don’t mix yourselves to these narrow-minded freaks. Don’t you dare say you’re stupid or whatsoever. You deserve everything in the world and what it has to offer, no one can tell you different. No one. Not even your parents, your siblings, your teachers and your friends. Intelligence and sheer memorisation, two different entities. Totally different things. You’re neither dumb nor stupid. You’re different and be yourself. Be original. Be you.

So, there you have it people, this is the Singaporean Paradigm, a perspective from a student and his great academic adventure from primary school to junior college, a great emotional rollercoaster that was worthwhile riding. It’s time to move along, to a next chapter of my life.

Thank you for everything, MOE

Sincerely, The Traumatised Teen