#LOTJ mud

[mars-of-all-trades]

Art of Jody Marshir. My Star Wars OC that I had RP'd as for..9 months.

She was..game mechanically useless but she made a difference in a big way, by being present. :p She ran a couple of caff shops, married the Grand Admiral, jailed, bailed out, married again..I don't regret a single moment. (nod) (nod)

I had a lot of fun with her and happy with the connections and friends I made along the way.

[bellassan]

obi-wan you’re being so biased against ferus this book honestly. like this isn’t as clear or even as present in the other books where obi-wan considers ferus, so I wonder if it’s because he’s actively started siding with anakin more or if he’s finally coming to some kind of ‘yeah .... no ferus is kind of a stick-in-the-mud huh’ realization. 

anyway, ferus is still an intuitive person. he picks up on this easily, and I think part of it is that he’s good at reading people, and part of it is that he’s likely heard this from a lot of other people, including fellow padawans. it makes it easy to guess that other people think similarly or feel similarly about him.

also that “not exactly”? that’s really just a way of saying ‘kind of yeah’. 

this has always been really interesting to me, what ferus says here. in part because I don’t think it’s entirely true. I think ferus believes it’s true, but I don’t think this is the whole truth. he’s a very emotional person at heart who desperately wants to do the right thing; I think being a jedi means a lot to him because it gives him a sense of direction and the satisfaction of helping people and doing what’s right. but it’s also literally the only thing he’s ever known. of course something is going to seem true to you when it’s all you’re surrounded by. 

it seems to me that ferus as a child - because he’s intuitive, because he’s good at understanding and reading people - very quickly learned what was expected of him, and so it was very easy to become that person in order to fit in and to feel rewarded for it. he doesn’t have a very strong sense of self outside of who he is as a jedi, so it’s easy to mold himself because his core isn’t all that strong (yet). add some confirmation bias on top of that and all his lessons reinforcing what he’s already doing, and he’s set on a path to be exactly this: something of a people-pleaser (at least with masters and people of higher authority) without much else to go on. 

there’s still a lot here to pick apart, but there’s just a wealth of information here in how ferus sees himself. we know from lotj that this isn’t actually the person he is at all, and knowing that, these lines read a little hollow, or almost like he’s fooling himself. like I said, they’re still sincere - ferus definitely believes what he’s saying to be true. he just doesn’t know that this isn’t actually who he is yet. 

of course it speaks to his heart when his heart doesn’t know anything else, you know? 

also that “can I help it” is a subtle way to ask people to lay off him if I ever saw one.