#LOOk idk this is word vomit i need to start writing again :(( i have loads of ideas but they're more like prompts that never have an ending

[sdr2lovemail]

I just noticed that you are alive again! So um.. I've been thinking for QUITE a while of a relationship Ultimate Impostor x Ultimate Leader (in the killing game ig?), idk why. If the requests are closed feel free to ignore this. Thank you!

You could say that I am a fan of Imposter's work. Even tho there is not a lot of content about them out there I still love them dearly.

And yes I died for a minute but have risen from the grave to continue my writing career. I hope you enjoy what I have written my friend because I absolutely love it.

⚔Mod Peko⚔

Spoilers for chapter 1

The Ultimate Imposter disguised as Byakuya Togami and the Ultimate Leader butt heads but also kinda wanna kiss each other

Teenagers and a killing game are bound to fall into chaos. Teenagers, a killing game, and no supervision will cause more chaos. That’s why they need a leader. Someone strong and brave to guide them. However two ultimates wanting to be that leader, teenagers, a killing game, and no supervision will cause even more chaos.

Breakfast was a usually calm time. Everyone just wanted to eat and get on with finding a way off this forced school trip. However there were some mornings where everyone seemed to be full of energy. Akane and Nekomaru were engaged in a fierce 1v1 training session. Chairs, tables, and food flying throughout the air from the power of their moves. The restaurant was in total disarray and with your talent of being a leader you must do something to calm the crowd. Standing up you set your arms behind your back and call out to your classmates.

“Everyone! This is-”

“Sit down, common folk. You will all cease this foolish behavior and stop wasting food.”

“Huh?”

At the mention of wasting food Akane quickly stops her fighting. She then pulls up a table and chair from the mess of the restaurant and begins to chow down. You look at where the voice came from and see Twogami sitting at a table with a plate. Just because this guy is loaded he thinks he can be a better leader than you? Oh you will just have a quick word with him to set the record straight. With quick strides you tap him on the shoulder giving him your best stern look. This look helped you strike the feeling of order into people. But Twogami doesn’t look impressed at all?! No you can’t let him see you falter. Standing up straighter than ever you begin to speak.

‘Hey what’s the big idea? I’m the Ultimate leader. I don’t need your help guiding our class.” You told him with a grim expression. Twogami gave you a look over before setting down his fork. He wipes his mouth off with a napkin before standing to face you. His intimidation factor was off the charts. Can money buy such a scary aura?! After adjusting his glasses he begins to speak with a sigh.

“Listen I, Byakuya Twogami, am much better suited to be in charge. You may have your impeccable wits and title but that is nothing compared to being next in the Togami line. Now are we done here? I would like to finish my food”

Not even giving you a chance to respond he goes right back to eating. Even with your ultimate status this guy intimidates you a lot. But you will not be backing down. He thinks he’s so high and mighty you’ll show him high and mighty.

The days feel like they’re getting heavier. Monokuma’s annoying voice rings in your ears. There’s no way you’d believe that memory loss garbage….And even if you did, you had to stay strong for everyone. Twogami’s party did nothing to calm the tense feeling in the air. You decided you were going to check this abandoned building from top to bottom before anyone steps foot inside.

You do not see Nagito when you first step in. Maybe he’s cleaning somewhere else. Teruteru was said to be in the kitchen. Entering the main room of the building you see Twogami rifling through what looks to be a metal case. Hearing the floors creak under your weight he looks over. Upon seeing you he sends a glare.

“And what are you doing here? I don’t remember you having to prepare anything.” There was a doubtful tone to his voice. Twogami was trying to let this party go off without a hitch. And he wasn’t going to let some commoner ruin his plans. Though behind the rich boy costume Imposter did feel kinda bad. They felt like they were trampling all over your pride with their Byakuya act. However this was their ultimate. And as Twogami….No. Just as themself, if that even existed, they will keep their classmates safe. Even if they have to hurt some feelings.

“As a leader it is my duty to keep everyone in order and assure maximum safety. I plan to do a total sweep of the place before the party.” And like he did to you, you did not give him a chance to answer. You quickly turn around and exit out into the hallway missing the look of awe on Twogami’s face. Walking past the fire door you come up to the kitchen. Before you can reach for the door it swings open revealing Nagito. Strange….If Teruteru was already in the kitchen there was no need for Nagito to be in there. The lucky student passed by with a smile yet spoke no words towards you. Also strange. Nagito usually said something when passing. He deemed it rude not to say hello to an ultimate.

Entering the kitchen you see Teruteru at the counter. He doesn’t seem to notice you coming in. The usual smile on his face is replaced with a look of fear and he’s shaking like a leaf. Stepping closer seems to have caught his attention as he jumps. The look of fear is swiftly changed into a smile yet he’s still shaking. Teruteru then grabs a knife and begins chopping at some vegetables. Seems as if he’s trying to make it seem like he was simply taking a break.

“W-Why hello there. Heh, what could I do for you?” He’s shaken up quite a bit. Not a single flirty remark in that sentence and Teruteru sure did like to tease about your strong authority. You stand tall and look down at the chef. He visibly shrinks back. Looking him dead in the eye you start to command him.

“You will tell me what you have discussed with Nagito Komaeda.”

This caused Teruteru to tense up. Setting down the knife he grabs a comb from his pocket and begins to bring it through his hair. Though there isn’t a hair out of place on his pompadour. Appears to be a nervous habit.

“I uh….I have no idea what you mean mon ami~. We were simply discussing plans for the upcoming party.” Teruteru had tried to come off as collected but you knew better. He wasn’t making eye contact and he was constantly fidgeting. Nagito told him something and you were going to find out what.

“Teruteru Hanamura! I command you to tell me what Nagito had told you. Simple party plans would not have such an impact on your demeanor.”

This seemed to have caused a reaction in him. He began to blubber as words poured out of his mouth like a dam cracking under pressure.

“He came in here and told me that he had plans to murder someone at the party with the knife he had hidden under one of the tables in the dining room. He planned to overload the breaker in here with irons in the storage room to cause a blackout so he could grab the knife and kill someone during the party. I-I begun to form my own plan of stopping him….by….killing him?” The last part of his word vomit stuck with Teruteru. He would’ve had someone’s blood on his hands and would send the rest of his class to their own demise. “Oh my god I was going to kill him!” Teruteru then sinks to his knees before you.

Your face softens as you see the mess of a chef on the ground. Nagito was planning a murder? Why would he share this information with Teruteru? Dropping down to his level you set a careful hand on Teruteru’s back. “Listen. I’m going to go grab Twogami and you’re going to tell him what happened. And we’ll come up with a solution.” You normally wouldn’t call for backup, but as this was his party you felt he had the right to know.

You cautiously leave the kitchen and begin to look for the blond. Not able to find him in the building you exit to the hotel grounds. Noticing the while suit and blonde hair you call out to him and ask for him to come back. Leading him to the kitchen where Teruteru still sits slumped on the ground he listens to what you already know.

A look of disgust crosses Twogami’s face before he sets off to the main room. After announcing your departure to Teruteru, you follow him. Nagito is there setting up tables and dusting the furniture. He was about to offer the two of you a cheerful greeting but is cut off by your demand for him to exit the grounds. Not wanting to upset an ultimate that is clearly in higher ranks than he is, Nagito does not question it. He leaves the abandoned building to rest in his cottage to wait for permission to be allowed back in.

Looking under the tables you find the knife that Teruteru had mentioned. Grabbing it proceeds to coat your hand in wet paint. So Nagito had just planted this. But what’s the paint for?

“Set the knife in the duralumin case I brought on the left. I am currently using it to store anything I deem unsafe.”

You let out a scoff before setting the knife in the case. He sure does love bossing people around even in dire situations. Well….I guess that’s your talent so you can’t really speak. After doing a check of the rest of the tables, Twogami walks up to you with something in his hand. It’s a handkerchief with the Togami family crest. Imposter spent many hours perfecting the stitching of the symbol. You give him a confused look about the offering. Seeing the expression he rolls his eyes.

“Close your mouth before flies start to swarm. This is to wipe your hand off. I don’t need paint smears ruining the image of my party.”

“What? I can’t wipe paint on something as expensive as that. That handkerchief probably cost more than my house. I’ll just go wash it in the bathroom.”

Upset by your stubborn nature, Twogami grabs your wrist and begins to wipe the paint off himself. After your hand is clean he drops the cloth into your hand. “I expect that to be washed before it’s returned to me. Now I have some important matters to discuss.”

Stuffing the handkerchief into your pocket you give Twogami your full attention.

“I have decided that after this little incident we need to up the security. I would ask Nekomaru but I wish to keep this between us. Letting the public know that two people were planning a murder would cause chaos. When it’s time for the party you will help me conduct body searches. I’d like for you to keep an eye on the party with me to make sure no suspicious activity is at play.”

While normally you would make a fuss about him bossing you around with people’s lives at stake it was simply not the time for that. Nodding once he finishes speaking, you and Twogami complete one last look of the place before the party starts.

It’s time for the party and the two of you are set up outside of the abandoned building. After checking everyone and confiscating anything deemed dangerous, the party is in full swing. Everything is going smoothly. 11:30 was nearing and at the corner of your eye you see Nagito inch closer to the table. Knowing you shut the irons off you pay this no mind. There’s no way he’d try to pull anything when everyone can see him. A quick look of confusion crosses his face as the lights are still on. The confused expression is swapped for one of despair. There’s a creepy smile on his face and his eyes are clouded. Even if the blackout did not occur Nagito can still pull through with his plan.

He suddenly flips the table cloth over and goes to reach for his knife. Everyone at the party has eyes on him. Before he can fully register that his knife is in fact missing Nagito is pushed to the ground. His arms are pressed against his back and his face is squished into the floor. Multiple confused cries echo throughout the dining hall. Nagito recognized this tactic. After hours upon hours of researching the ultimates he’s sharing a class with he could easily tell that this was your work.

Twogami with Nekomaru in tow walks over to you and the detained lucky student. An agitated expression is on the heir’s face. He looks down at Nagito.

“You dare to think that I would let your plan continue? [Name] and I knew about your scheme and were quick to put a stop to it. And the fact that you would try to pull through with it in broad light is despicable.”

Anger, disgust, and confusion are present in the crowd of your classmates. Trying to make sense of it all Akane speaks up.

“I’m so friggin’ confused. What plan did Nagito have? Need me to beat him up for ya?”

You were quick to diminish the violent thought. “No, that will not be necessary as he has already been disarmed.”

“Nagito had planned out a murder.”

Twogami’s words caused a commotion in the dining hall. After hearing the noise from the kitchen, Teruteru cautiously enters the room fearing the worst. Though a feeling of relief washed over him after seeing Nagito on the ground.

Nekomaru lets out a strangled noise. His teeth are clenched and his fists tightened.

“You were going to murder one of your classmates? THAT’S INEXCUSABLE! Please [Name] allow me to detain him somewhere away from everyone. SOMEONE LIKE HIM CANNOT WALK FREEEEE!”

Looking over to Twogami as if silently discussing what to do he sends you a nod. Removing Nagito from your grasp he is quickly put into Nekomaru’s. The coach is quick to remove him from the premises. With a sigh Twogami faces your classmates. Pushing his glasses up he begins to apologise.

“I am sorry you all had to see that. And I am sorry that my exquisite party must draw to a close here. Exit the building and head to your cottage for the night.”

Though shaken, everyone proceeds to leave in groups. No one wants to walk back alone fearing that someone will try something. With just you and Twogami left he turns to face you.

“That was quite impressive. What you did back there was helpful in getting Nagito detained. I believe that we should come to an agreement. Yes we are fine separately but together I feel that we could do an outstanding job at keeping everyone safe.”

Twogami extended a chubby hand out for you to shake. This handshake would seal the two of you into a partnership. One of which would keep your class safe. Looking from his hand to his face then back to his hand you sit there in thought. This could be a wonderful idea. With two people working together that’s like double the safety. With a smile you shake his hand giving it a tight squeeze.

“I think I’d like that Twogami! From here on out the two of us are now Jabberwock Island’s health and safety committee.”

[moonlights-shadow-warrior]

Hi, I’ve been following you for a hot minute and wanted to ask about how you define your asexuality and gray-romanticness. I am a poly/pan trans-guy trying to wrap my head around it and from your posts you always seem super nice and down to earth. Sorry if this is a weird question ^~^’

Ngl your ask did catch me off guard, although that was mostly due to the fact that a) I never get asks, and b) I rarely post my own stuff or comment on others’ posts so the fact that you said I seem nice and down to earth ‘cause of my posts threw me for a bit of a loop. Sweet though, and I’m glad I come off that way even though my blog is really just a mishmash of things I like and that catch me eye

Now as for your question

TL:DR Defining my asexuality means I don’t feel sexual attraction towards others (never have in my almost 23 years of life) and it honestly kinda confuses me simply because it’s something I’ve never experienced before and when others talk about it I just don’t get it

As for my greyromanticism, it’s more a transitional term as over the years I went from having loads and loads of crushes (I think) as a kid to now where I haven’t had a crush for multiple years as I move closer and closer to being aro ‘cause of some trauma that happened in my life. Same trauma is part of why gender does make a difference in my attraction now

Gonna start this off with some backstory saying I used to identify as bisexual, then pansexual, ‘cause I’d never heard of asexuality before and gender didn’t really play a part in my like for someone. And from the terms I knew, those seemed like the obvious choice at the time. But I also didn’t really,,, get it when some of my friends talked about how hot a person was or their list of actors they wanted to bone (and just celebrity crushes in general now that I think about it, although that could’ve very easily been due to the fact I can’t for the life of me remember who’s who in the realm of Hollywood). I’d just sorta nod along and listen ‘cause hey, people are different and just ‘cause we’re both pan doesn’t mean our experiences are exactly the same

Now at this time I was reading a lot—and I mean a lot—of fanfics ‘cause of escapism and all that jazz. And in one fic I came across there was a character—my favorite character—that was ace. When it got mentioned I didn’t think much of it ‘cause it was just ‘oh cool new term I haven’t heard before’. But then it was explained not only what asexuality was, but also what sexual and romantic attraction were—with examples for each of them—and how they didn’t always line up for some people. And it just

Clicked

I did a bit more research on it, reading things that other aces had posted talking about being ace, and it felt like it just fit me

It’s probably been close to 7 years since I last read that fic, but it was explained something like this

Have you ever looked at someone and wanted to fool around with them, maybe take a tumble in the sheets, but would never want to date them? That’s sexual attraction

And have you ever looked at someone and had your heart flutter and just wanted to go on dates and maybe kiss them but you wouldn’t describe them as sexy and the thought of having sex with them either didn’t cross your mind or made your stomach turn? Romantic attraction

And feeling the latter without the former? Well you might just be ace

Of course this isn’t a universal thing for those under the ace umbrella, but it worked for me and helped me realize something about myself

I don’t feel sexual attraction, which was why all those times my friends talked about how sexy someone was or who was on their f list, it felt like a foreign concept to me and the most I could say to relate was “well they are cute”

As for my greyromanticism, that one’s not as clear cut. Also cw for bad parenting and divorce/bad breakups basically idk

Like I said above, I used to get a lot of crushes as a kid. Looking back, were they all actually crushes or just me thinking a person looked cute? Who knows, but I’m pretty sure there were some

Walking in late only to see the new kid sitting there and immediately my heart rate picked up and I had trouble looking directly at them without blushing? Then picking up an instrument that they played just to try and be seated next to them in band class even though I had no idea what I was doing and had barely talked to them before?

Crush

Get partnered with someone for one assignment and then always trying to sneak glances at them out of the corner of my eye and it just so happens that they ended up in a lot of my photos of my middle school DC field trip?

Crush

Playing spin the faygo just for the chance to make out with one person ‘cause they’re hella cute and within an hour of knowing each other we immediately linked hands and threaded our fingers together while walking around?

Crush

Just as a few examples. Also I was shy and didn’t know how to socialize, which didn’t help at all in the creepiness factor

Now could some of my crushes have actually been just me becoming attached to someone who was nice to me one (1) time? Maybe, who knows, not me

Like I said above, me identifying as greyro is more transitional as I move closer and closer to identifying as aromantic ‘cause of trauma. Was I actually always arospec but just hadn’t heard of the terms like with asexuality? I don’t know because only after everything did I come across the term and my memory is so poor that I can’t properly recall the feelings I experienced. Even the above may not be accurate because my memory’s so spotty and my mind likes to insert things that never actually happened or are wildly different from what everyone else remembers

Which sucks but I digress

So that trauma I keep mentioning. As a child that had to deal with a rough divorce, it can bring on a whole slew of issues, some of which relate to relationships. I called my parents’ divorce almost a decade before it actually happened, and watching it go downhill to the point they could barely stand to be in the same room was rough. Not only that, but I had to give relationship advice to my father, from saying that he should go through with the divorce to giving my opinion on who he should date and if he should break it off or power through a rough spot or not come home for the night. Needless to say, all that warped my perception just a bit

And while that was happening, I had to deal with my own rocky high school relationships

While I haven’t dated a lot of people, a lot of the breakups were bad. Maybe not bad right away and we’d continue on being friends afterwards, but down the line something would happen where they’d either drop all contact or blow up at me without me knowing why or realizing something was off in the first place. And paired with the after effects of the divorce, it was a bad combination

But the golden lining was a breakup so terrible that it caused my datemate to hallucinate and go into such a depressive state that I’m pretty sure the after effects still influence how they act today when it comes to relationships. The four of us talked about moving in together, having a double wedding and all that. But then one left out of the blue and the other became harder and harder to contact until there was no response. And that all happened less than a month after I finally ran away from all the bs of the divorce and my father asking for relationship advice and being dropped so suddenly after what I thought was a good breakup

And after that I can only pinpoint 2 maybe crushes around the same time less than a year later

So yeah, traumatic

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, because I hadn’t heard of the term

But even then I told my datemate that if we broke up I will never be in another romantic relationship after them because of everything. Because I didn’t really believe in love anymore

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, even when I had heard of the term

I thought, nah, that’s not me, because I still thought I had crushes, as few and far between as they were. Because I didn’t know there were other kinds of attraction

And then my datemate asked if I had a crush on this one person, and I said no, and I realized that was the truth. I hadn’t had a crush on them. I wanted to hold their hand and cuddle and maybe give light pecks, protect them as best I could, but it wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t the same feelings as what I remember feeling in my childhood, what I feel towards my datemate

I had a squish, and once I realized that things started making a bit of sense. There were people I wanted to hold their hand, laze around in a cuddle pile to be close to them, maybe give them quick innocent pecks because I’m touch starved and want affection. But never were the feelings romantic

If that trauma had never happened, would I still say I’m panromantic instead of bi greyromantic? Who knows, not me

But what I do know is that if something were to happen and my datemate and I were to split, that the single romantic attraction I have felt in years was severed, I’d full on say I’m aro because they are my exception

My greyromanticism is transitional. It’s not “I feel romantic attraction sparingly” or “have a hard time distinguishing platonic from romantic” or the other common definitions I’ve seen around, but rather “I used to feel romantic attraction all the time, but now only feel it towards one person and if that were to go away, I wouldn’t feel it at all”

Sometimes I doubt myself, thinking maybe I’m experiencing crushes and just don’t realize it or am in denial. But then I think about it again and tell my doubt to shut up because that’s wrong and I know it

And wow that was a lot and I’m pretty sure I spent ~4 hours writing this without realizing it. I hope this answered your question though!! Word vomiting like this helped me realize a few things myself

Also wow I need therapy more than I thought

[syubits]

velleity

— (n.) a wish or inclination not strong enough to lead to action.

≡ pairing: jungkook x reader

≡ genre: fluff :- ) bestfriends turned lovers au. 

≡ wordcount: 

≡ summary: jungkook strives for perfection in everything and casually asks you to help him with... something. 

Jungkook is quite the perfectionist.

Perhaps not when it came to studying, because the boy would rather kick some ass in video games over reading paragraphs in the textbook until he goes cross-eyed, but other than that, he was perfect in everything— looks (not that you’d admit), skills— from singing to dancing and playing guitar or any instrument he so randomly happens to pick up — anything he learned, he mastered. He wasn’t called Golden Boy on campus for nothing. It was fact that he was the well-known, popular star kid in school for bringing back awards and trophies for the five clubs out of five that he was scouted for, although he doesn't even attend practice sixty percent of the time. 

Which makes him even more impressive but. 

“They’ll kick you out,”  you remind Jungkook with a nudge to his foot dangling off the couch he was dozing on.

“They can’t, they need me,” he counters flatly, voice muffled and getting lost between the cushions, and you press your lips together in a flat line. As cocky as it sounded, it was true and you both knew it, but you didn’t pass the chance to roll your eyes at him. You also knew for a fact that Jungkook doesn't have the heart to turn down any of the clubs that wanted him, although he’d probably deny it and brush the fact away. 

Someone’s phone dings, and Jungkook makes a bolt for it, clambering over the headrest of the couch and falling in a heavy thud to reach for his phone on the kitchen counter, making you pause in the process of folding the laundry to clutch a hand to your heart.

“What the fuck,” you remember to breathe, throwing the boy an incredulous look. He hushes you when you point out that he currently has the creepiest smile plastered to his face, making you scowl at his rude attitude as if he doesn’t behave like an ass on a daily basis, but then again, Jungkook never was enthusiastic about answering his phone, so it must be none other than—

“A girl?” 

The falter in his movements said it all.

“Joy?” 

Jungkook’s eyes snap to you, brows hiked up and disappearing behind his fringe. “How’d you know?”

“Maybe you’re just really easy to read or slash and you couldn’t stop talking about her the past few days?” 

“Oh.” 

“Hurry and send the text, loser.”

He glares at you, and glares even harder when he realises you had your back turned to him, all nice and oblivious. The ballooning sound of a text message being sent fills the momentary but comfortable quiet within the room, a ding! following shortly after.

“Hooo shit, I just scored a date.”

 //

 Jungkook comes home the next night looking incredibly like he hadn’t come back from a date with the girl he has lowkey been crushing on for the past few weeks.

“So?” You prompt him after he had plopped onto the couch, hearing plastic unwrap and seeing the boy stick a lollipop in his mouth. Jungkook twists in his seat to regard you at the countertop with dead eyes. They shift between the cup of hot tea and to your laptop you were probably typing an essay on, the memory of your question and its context getting lost in the short span of time his gaze followed.

“Huh.”

Your shoulders slump in an entirely exasperated and dramatic manner. “The date, how was it?”

“It was okay.” His tone was flat. Jungkook felt flat. The evening with Joy wasn’t particularly bad, she was nice, yes, like the movie, food, it was nice, everything was nice and what would entail as a good date according to the relationship section out of a youth magazine but that was it. He felt his chest flutter whenever she had smiled up from under her lashes, when their hands brushed on the way home from the movies, but other than that, he felt nothing more besides the fact that he wanted to go home already.

He isn’t sure what to make of it when he found himself unlocking the front door to your apartment though. 

You frown in disappointment. “That’s it? No kisses or anything?”

That seemed to elicit a reaction from him.

“I chickened out,” he groans and bodily flops over like a seal on a beach so his face was planted onto the couch where he wished to bury himself in, and the memory, for eternity. He temporary quells the idea though, in favour of sitting upright to scowl at you upon hearing the sound of your snickers that burn at his ears.

“At least I got a date?” He quips defensively, and man, his pride was so stung it was hilarious.

“Okay,” you hide your grin behind the cover of the laptop, sarcasm not gone unnoticed by the boy.

“You suck,” he says, words holding more of a petulant than biting tone.

“Not for free,” you reply offhandedly, and Jungkook chokes on the lollipop in his mouth, pulling it out and coke flavour has never left such a bitter taste in his throat before and—ugh. Word choice, Jeon Jungkook. 

The boy groans. “I was just—like-– what if I was bad at it?” Jungkook gripes hopelessly, letting his head fall back onto the headrest. The cushion dips under your weight when you fall onto it, and Jungkook turns to you looking the most pitiful you had ever seen him in the 19 years you have known him.  

“Hey. What if…” He starts but trails off ambiguously, a faraway look in his eyes as he leaves the end of his sentence out in the open.

“What if…?” came an empty echo of his words as you begin flipping through the channels on the television boredly.

“What if you help me….practice with…kissing?”

You barely manage to grab on to the remote before it slips from your hands as you twist to him. “No?” 

He makes a ruckus while shifting to fold his arms. “Chicken.” Cue clucking noises. 

“I’m not the one who backed out of kissing their crush at the last minute.”

“I wanted to make sure the first kiss was perfect!”

“Not everything is about being perfect! Awkward kisses are cute too.

He pops the lollipop from his mouth loudly. “How would you know? You haven’t even had your first kiss,” he points out, making you huff. 

“I’m just saying,” you reply haughtily. 

“And I’m just saying we could practice on it together,” he persists as you dismiss the nonsensical suggestion with a shake of your head. “It’s just kissing.”

Jungkook blatantly ignores your eyeroll. “Yes, and so. It doesn't have to be so perfect. Especially for a first one.” 

He groans, stretching the noise in a very Taehyung-ish fashion when the other boy needs Jin to cook up some kind of meal he was craving, and you tsk at the boy sprawled on the couch. Pitch perfect, his whine impressively was, but that fact alone wouldn’t stop your neighbours from lodging a complain if he didn’t shut up soon.

The squawk that jumps from Jungkook’s mouth is muffled when you clap a hand over his mouth, face worn out as you say, “If I agree to it will you shut it?” 

Eyes blown wide, the boy nods zealously as you remove the hand clamped over the bottom half of his face, letting it drop limply to your side. He didn’t expect that you actually would agree to this.

“Technically, I won’t be able to speak since we’d be in liplock—“

He takes the sudden gush of air that whistles through your nostrils as a sign to shut up, but Jungkook was not in the least prepared for when you pull at his collar, the movement so sudden he barely recovers in the nick of time before he can topple into you as you lean up to press your lips to his.  

Jungkook tastes like summer all over again, like the first spark of a handheld firework when you light it in the dark of a night, the light fizz of soda pop — although that might just be from the cola flavoured lollipop he was just sucking on previously, the sweet tangy effervescence still fizzling on curve of his lips.

His mouth parts, but only in surprise as doe eyes captured in some sort of  a  daze stare at your closed lids under brows that are tightly furrowed in concentration, determination?— Jungkook didn’t know. He can definitely spot the blush high on your cheeks – you had always blushed so easily, one of the small quirks about you he had always so incessantly teased but suddenly he feels your breath wash over his and a flutter of his name on his lips and he feels a flood of adrelanine spirit through his veins and it’s exicting and innocent all at once, like riding a bike down a steep hill and taking your feet off the pedals and feeling the wind in your hair and warmth seeping into the back of his shirt from the high noon sun as you both come crashing down, surroundings spinning and blurring until everything and nothing mattered except the two of you. 

Jungkook isn’t all too sure if you’re the only one who’s blushing now and, fuck—  he definitely didn't think this through and this might be the best worst decision he ever made. 

It had meant to be nothing more than a light, chaste kiss fitting for a first (or in Jungkook’s case, the second) date, and as much as you hate to admit you would do spend every waking minute doing this, you remind yourself of the prime reason of what, who was the reason you were in this situation in the first place. Head spinning and heart hammering in your chest, you pull back. “That should be enough for— ” 

“No, wait,” was all Jungkook said, lips slanting against yours, hands curling around your forearm to keep you from moving away. He feels a little dizzy, in the best of ways and this is — e v e r y t h i n g is fluttering just from holding you like this, in the warm comfort of home (your home, which is his because it’s where you are) and he’s pretty sure his heart is going to burst.

Somewhere to your right, but sounding so, so much more far away, Jungkook’s phone dings once, the single tinkle of the belll coasting over in your head, a calling to reality, a sound expelling you from some sort of a spell.

“Jungkook,” you breathe between any little space he allows; he is immediately chasing after your lips the moment you pull away, your hands come up to cup around his face and stall any further attempts. “Y-your phone.”

“Don’t care,” he murmurs, blindly peeling your fingers off his face so he can lean in for another kiss. It’s unfair how soft his lips are, and the whimper that leaves your mouth is lost somewhere in his when he hauls you over his lap, tongue darting out to dance across your cupid’s bow and you’re so so shy when you open up and let him in, gasps coalescing, desperate for air and—

“Jungkook, c—can’t breathe,” you plead, fallen whimpers that are immediately trapped between his lips for the last time before he pulls away, chest heaving slightly, eyes glazed over. 

“Sorry,” he pants, lips twitching into a smile he tries and fails to keep tucked under bunny teeth.  

The little shit’s not sorry— not in the least, but your lips are tingling, and you feel like electricity is spun on your lips, the ends of your fingertips and everywhere else because everything is currently buzzing and all you manage to blurt out in reply is an “it’s okay.”

“S’okay if we do it again then?” Hands finding your hips he valiantly ventures to question while cracking a slow smile, all cheek, pink and tone hued with slight hopefulness. 

You feel small flames ablaze and licking at your cheeks as you think up a neutral reply. “Nah— I think you’re good to go.” That was definitely way beyond a kiss for a first date – maybe more fit for a fourth at least in your books. Punctuating your statement with two, big brother-ish sort of pats on his chest, you make to slide off his thighs, praying for a smooth retreat, one that he hopefully doesn’t notice. But fast reflexes on Jungkook’s end locks you in place with the cage of his arms in no time at all and blocking any means of escape, his gaze hard and determined.

Jungkook’s phone chimes again, the sound hardly conjuring so much as a blink from the owner.

Extricating yourself from his hold didn’t seem like a plan that would work in your favour, and waiting it out for a space of heartbeats only made you hyperaware of Jungkook’s presence surrounding all of you as he tries to prove his point of him not moving any time soon, phone ringing or not. So you swallow thickly, going for the next option you can think of off the top of your head. “You should answer that. It’s probably Joy.”

He groans as if that was the last thing he wanted to discuss about, rolling his eyes before he makes himself comfortable by drooping backwards against the couch, still not relinquishing his hold on you.

The response catches you off guard, and you can’t help but remind him, “She’s your crush!” with impatient fervor. His jaw drops, and he gives you the most absurd look. To your utmost surprise, the boy just laughs, clear and loud and mellifluous and and oh how stupid. How very you.

“Excuse me?” 

Jungkook blinks dumbly.

Oh.

He had said that aloud. How very stupid. How very him of him. The grin that smoothly spreads across his face makes your eyelid twitch. 

“Stupid." He repeats, sweet and simple and nothing short of fondness. “It’s always been you.”

“What?“ you frown, chest suddenly feeling too tight at his words that sounded too close too a confession, sounded too good to be true. “Jungkook. What are you talking about?” 

“What the fuck,” he leans forward to grab you by the shoulders, sounding almost exasperated. He slumps back into the couch and you see him avert his eyes and swallow, set his jaw, cheeks red and puffed up with words he’s deliberating whether to reveal before he groans and just spits it out.  “I fucking like you, you dumbass.”

In a series of blinks Jungkook witnesses your underlying emotions breaking on the surface like dawn and eclipsing around your features— the surprise, wishful happiness blooming in a soft scarlet on your cheeks and then… and then— the doubt sinks in.

“No you don’t,” you insist, pushing yourself off of him, but Jungkook is more stubborn and stronger than you are so you’re stuck on his lap whether you like it or not. “You like Joy. You also like Yeri—”

Yoojung. Hana. Dahyun.

Jungkook cuts you off quickly by pressing his forehead to you firmly, shakes his head, noses knocking against each another. “No. Listen— they’re nice, but,” he takes a sharp intake of breath, bracing himself. He traps your hands within one of his, squeezing lightly. “But they’re not you.”

His voice is soft when he speaks again.“_______? I’m not lying, if that’s what you’re about to say.” His gaze softens when it finds your eyes and you almost crumble. Gone was the light, playful atmosphere and something deeper, heavier sets in place and cloaking over the two of you.  

You liked Jungkook, sure, of fucking course, you had fell for him harder than you thought you would and that was fine, because he didn’t have to know or like you back because catching romantic feelings for your best friend were always a bad idea. Not that you would admit your feelings or the fact that you considered him your best friend. He didn’t have to know either of that— because sparks can fly and it would be a wonderful, colourful explosion of fireworks but you’ve seen and realised that the flame always burns out quick, leaving behind nothing but a blank, dark canvas of the sky punctuated by an eerily loud silence like a reminder of how temporary everything truly could be.

“You don’t have to say anything back,” he lowers your hands that are clasped in his and stares at how they fit in the spaces between his fingers just right. “I just wanted you to know.” 

He flushes a more intense shade of crimson, and in an odd moment of courage you reach up and poke his cheeks. “You’re so cute.”

Jungkook goes even more round-eyed at the sudden display of affection, before an offended expression takes over and he looks like you just kicked his Xbox. “I’m not cute.”

Your grin turns almost evil as the poking turns into pinching, much to Jungkook’s chagrin. 

“Stop,” Jungkook pries your hands, finger by finger, off of his face, a glare meant to be deadly painted on his features.“I confess and you bully me like this. You suck.”

“Not for free,” came your reply for the second time that day, shooting him a playful wink that has Jungkook screaming inside because it’s a joke and he shouldn’t let it affect him but here he is, blood rushing to his cheeks (again) and down south straight somewhere that makes him blush even more thinking about it. 

Although—  it was really hard not to think about it (haha, hard, Jungkook coughs out a dry laugh in his mind) especially since you were sitting right on top of... the whole problem. 

This time, it’s Jungkook that willingly shoves you off his lap, eliciting a string of chuckles that bubble right out of your chest because Jungkook looked both flustered and grumpy and downright adorable that you can't help but lean upwards to brush your lips against his cheek. Except he decides to turn at the last second, all red-cheeked with a retort of some sort on the tip of his tongue that dies off the moment your lips meet with his.

“T-that was absolutely accidental,” you splutter, both hands held up to cover your mouth in shock. Jungkook watches as you practically jump away from him, eyes widening, feeling all forms of fluster and awkwardness echoing out of his bones and a smile almost snide sliding to his lips at your increasingly ruffled state.

He leans forward, smirk stretching past bunny teeth and mischief glittering in his eyes as he dips down, giving you one last look before planting a small kiss on the back of your hands still clamped over your mouth, taking some sort of satisfaction in the way you blush up to the tip of your ears. 

“Perfectly accidental, you mean.”