#LOOOOOONG-suffering

[fuckitwhenifeelit]

For the sake of giving Marvel options:

I would fucking love it if Namor and Shuri got a romantic thing going eventually.

But I would also fucking love if, for the next ten years, these two go on adventures together.

I would love if they discover each other deeper.

If they fight for what's right by seeing the truth that lies in the other person.

At the end of it, if they stand together, I would be too fucking happy.

Ship is the relationship. They had a pretty eventful start that has a lot of potential to be explored through different paths.

Tbh it would be weird if this isn't a canon slowburn anws so. 🤪

Let's keep the dream alive! It's pretty to hard to kill it really... Just eating up my brain space, paying no mortgage...

[secret-spirit]

REDEMPTION

So i had an idea-

What if the way to defeat Shadow Milk is to seal them away again but instead inside Pure Vanilla's souljam, PV is the only one who can see, hear and talk to Shadow Milk and vice versa with PV, so i thought this could be a chance to learn more about Shadow Milk and their reason to descend into Darkness. (Plus cue SM messing with PV so much until they get bored and slowly beginning to get mad at PV for thinking he even cares about them)

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

Watching Dark Shadows again means I'm going to wind up writing a long post about Willie Loomis, another one of those characters I've latched onto obsessively, and I'm making it everyone's problem. John Karlen's Willie Loomis from original Dark Shadows is my favorite character in any incarnation of the series, but I have the same problem with him that I have with Toad from the X-Men.

Under cut, because long

So, just like Toad, Willie is the much-abused lackey of a charismatic villain who gradually becomes more of a complex anti-hero, and eventually a genuine hero. Which leaves writers with the problem of - now that the villain is a "good guy" (or at least no longer actively evil), what do we do about the lackey?

Toad is a mutant whose genetics made him ugly and weird-looking, and also gave him powerful legs that let him leap super-humanly high (it also later gave him a long tongue, green skin, the ability to secrete toxins from his skin and a dozen other powers added by later writers). Toad spend his childhood being treated like shit, until he was rescued by Magneto, who continued the trend of treating Toad like shit as part of Magneto's Brotherhood of Evil Mutants. In the 60's Magneto was a classic villain, and Toad was his Igor, a sniveling lackey who follows him around begging for his favor, and tattling on any other Brotherhood members who step out of line. Toad is pathetic, and the reader is meant to feel disgust towards him, but at the same time, he clearly doesn't deserve the way Magneto hits him, yells at him, and abandons him whenever convenient.

Then Claremont got ahold of Magneto and made him a MUCH more complex, and arguably noble character, no longer a megalomaniacal villain, but a Well-Intentioned Extremist who wants to protect his fellow mutants. Toad is conveniently no longer at Magneto's side by this point. Writers made some vague attempts to rehabilitate him (including having him try to be Spiderman's sidekick), but it never works. Toad is rarely treated seriously - he remains a villain but is rarely effective at it, he's pathetic, disgusting, a complete joke. Even his semi-sympathetic storyline in Wolverine and the X-Men had him treated as a joke for most of that series, acting as the X-Men's janitor and sleeping on the floor. Magneto goes back and forth between hero and villain, but maintains his complexity and dignity, and is arguably much more of a good guy than bad guy. So Toad, who bore the brunt of Magneto's abuse back in the day, has to be swept under the rug and forgotten, or written as such a gross, pathetic creature who is so unlikable that no one cares that Magneto used to smack him around.

Similarly, Willie Loomis from Dark Shadows. Willie was a petty criminal, with a wild streak that seemed to indicate he could potentially be violent and dangerous, who unearthed vampire Barnabas Collins by opening the Collins' family tomb in search of hidden treasure. Barnabas attacked and fed on him, and from that moment he became Barnabas' hapless servant. Willie is both horrified and deeply humbled by an encounter with someone so much worse than himself. Barnabas starts the show as a villain, who feeds on people (and kills them if they become inconvenient), who terrorizes and beats Willie, and who kidnaps a waitress and tries to brainwash her into becoming his long-lost fiance, whom she resembles. Willie is Barnabas's unwilling accomplice to all of this, knowing that it is horribly wrong, but afraid that Barnabas will kill him, and kept under Barnabas's vampiric control. In a sense, suffering brings out the "better side" of Willie, he stops causing trouble in town, he show compassion for others, he tries his best to protect Maggie to his limited ability. Eventually, Maggie escapes, but seems to have lost her memory from the trauma. When rumors spread that she has regained her memories, Barnabas plans to kill her, and Willie rushes out to save her. But it's actually a trap, Willie gets shot multiple times by police, put into a coma, and framed for Maggie's kidnapping, and it is the saddest thing ever.

But that's not all for Willie! When he wakes up, Willie is deeply confused, and is declared insane and shipped off to Windcliff, the local mental hospital. Much later, Barnabas arranges to get him out because he needs a lackey again, although he claims to feel bad about how he treated Willie (Julia sees right through this bullshit). Willie seems to not fully remember what happened, and thinks that he and Barnabas are friends. After that, both Willie's presence on the show and his characterization fluctuate a lot. He disappears for long periods of time, and will reappear just hanging out at the Old House when the plot needs him (or even if it doesn't). John Karlen, the actor, apparently left the show sometimes for other work, so writers would just write Willie out....or not bother with him at all. Sometimes Willie is a jerk, sometimes he seems excitable and childish and makes impulsive decisions, sometimes he's just a normal guy reacting in very understandable ways to the supernatural bullshit he's been plunged into. He continues to work for Barnabas, even when all common sense should have him running for the hills.

Meanwhile, Barnabas has become the dark horse star of the show. Anyone who remembers Dark Shadows will remember it as "the show about the vampire," but it wasn't meant to be. It was meant to be a gothic soap opera about a young governess in a creepy mansion, working for a family full of secrets. Barnabas was meant to be a villain who would eventually die, but he became insanely popular. He was gradually redeemed, in part with the help of the other best character Dr. Julia Hoffman attempting to cure him of vampirism (it sort of worked, but it never stuck). He got a tragic backstory about how a witch cursed him and by extension the entire Collins family. (Although the witch was a servant that Barnabas had an affair with and then dumped for his more respectable fiance, so part of me thinks, "Good for her.") He became a reluctant vampire, chained in a coffin for 200 years and emerging into an unfamiliar new world, with all the family he once knew dead (although the Collins descendants remained). While he continued to be ruthless, manipulative, and sometimes violent (and straight-up murderous), he also pursues more noble goals, protects the Collins' family, and goes up against threats worse than himself.

So of course Willie, the much-abused servant, gets a similar treatment to Toad. He is often ignored or pushed aside. After his return from the mental hospital, he doesn't get much in the way of character arcs, but mostly falls into the role of the sidekick of the new vampire hero. Barnabas no longer beats him, but still sometimes treats him coldly and with derision, and pushes him to do things that he absolutely does not want to do. Barnabas and Julie even threaten to send him back to the hospital and declare him "untreatable" if he doesn't play ball. The audience might have been on Willie's side when he stood against Barnabas for Maggie's sake, but now that Barnabas is the main protagonist, Willie is expected to stay by his side, clean the house, light the candles, and either dig up or bury bodies, depending on what Barnabas needs. Of course, in fairness to the show, Willie's lack of development isn't just to make Barnabas look good, it's also because John Karlen had other acting jobs, and was allowed to leave the show and return frequently.

Other portrayals of Willie get even less sympathetic. There are tie-in novels that generally treat Willie as unsophisticated and barely competent next to the charming Barnabas (if he even appears at all). The 2012 Dark Shadows movie made Willie a surly drunk who barely seems to care about (or even register) what's happening around him, and sidesteps the whole abuse issue. Barnabas hypnotizes Willie into serving him, but doesn't feed off him, and I don't think he ever gets violent with him. Willie is just there, along for the ride. Then again, the less said about the movie, the better.

Then there's the 1991 revival Willie, who is very different from Karlen, and generally not in a good way. This version of Willie is dumbed down to the point that he almost seemed intellectually-disabled, or maybe like an offensive caricature of someone who is intellectually-disabled, although I don't think that was the actor's intention. 91 Willie starts off as a belligerent drunk, but never really has the violent edge of Karlen's Willie, and generally acts like an overgrown child. The worst he does is cause a scene at the Blue Whale and it's suggested that he's done worse in the past ("Willie can get a little crazy sometimes,"), but Carolyn isn't afraid of him at all, and describes him as "weird, but harmless." He is also now the nephew of housekeeper Mrs. Johnson, combing Willie and OG DS character Harry Johnson, and giving Willie a reason to be at Collinwood besides Jason McGuire.

Despite not being Karlen, I have a soft spot for this Willie, mostly because, after being bitten, he spends most of his scenes trying keep people from getting hurt or killed. Post-bite Willie is suddenly kind and friendly and trying to "clean up his act," (that part is presumably due to pressure from Barnabas). He is also threatened, screamed at, and violently beaten by Barnabas, yet seems entirely devoted to him from the beginning. Karlen's Willie at least pushed back against Barnabas, and openly hated him, until his trip to and from the mental hospital. 91 Willie is like someone in an abusive relationship. He has to walk on eggshells around his moody and violent boss, but seems to blame himself when Barnabas lashes out, and never gets angry, even when thrown down the stairs and beaten. (Actually, Willie gets thrown down the stairs twice on this show). Willie's general attitude seems to be that Barnabas is a swell guy, and he's only mean because he's a vampire, and once he is cured, he and Willie will be best friends, and if Barnabas is cold, or condescending, or cruel, it must be Willie's own fault for saying or doing the "wrong" thing.

Which is a pretty disturbing way to portray a relationship between a guy and his abusive boss. I think part of the problem is that the show is trying to speed-run the greatest hits of original Dark Shadows, so they want Barnabas as a "villain," but also Barnabas as a romantic hero at the same time. Barnabas hurts and kills people, manipulates everyone around him, and rarely takes any accountability for his own actions, but is still meant to be a sympathetic reluctant vampire, who doesn't kidnap his "one true love" (now Victoria Winters instead of Maggie Evans), but does seem pretty dead set on marrying her before Vickie has even agreed to go steady.

So the show also speedruns Barnabas and Willie up to the point where Willie has fallen into the role of devoted sidekick, no matter what Barnabas does. It also seems, at times, like we are supposed to sympathize with Barnabas when he lashes out and then apologizes and shows a gentler side. Like there's a scene where Barnabas shoves Willie against wall for saying the wrong thing (Willie is totally right in what he says, btw), then Barnabas gets ahold of himself and apologizes, and even gives Willie a gentle pat on a cheek - which Willie flinches away from, a great acting detail. Then Barnbas calls Willie "a loyal friend," and Willie is all, "Ah geez, Barnabas, it's okay, I'd do anything for you." And I guess we're supposed to see the poor vampire struggling with his violent urges? But that little moment of kindness can be very much part of an abusive relationship. The abuser lashes out, apologizes and shows kindness, and the victim goes, "Ah, he's not a bad guy, this must be my fault for upsetting him!"

This isn't me trying to argue the morality of watching Dark Shadows, btw, or saying that you can't enjoy Barnabas or his relationship with Willie in any version of the show. Hell, some people ship them, and that's cool, too! But sometimes the "relationship" between them is hard to watch, both in 66 and in 91. It doesn't help that I don't particularly like Barnabas, the way I do like Magneto (bringing the Toad comparison back in). He's a fascinating character, and all due credit to both Johnathan Frid and Ben Cross for making him compelling to watch, but he's frequently a horrible person. The 91 version in particular, who is meant to be our romantic lead, is incredibly manipulative, and cruel. Maybe if the series had continued we would have seen more of his better side. Or maybe poor 91 Willie would have also gotten shot in the back, committed, and blamed for Barnabas's crimes.

I think what I would really like for Willie, if there is ever another Dark Shadows reboot, is some equality and even mutual respect between him and Barnabas, the same way there is with Barnabas and Julia. The relationship can start out abusive, if it must, but eventually Willie needs to gain his independence and self-respect, and choose to stay with Barnabas ONLY after they reckon with the past and Barnabas stops hitting him (or threatening him, or shoving him, or grabbing him by the shirt front and snarling at him). I actually like the idea of Willie as part of the Supernatural Shenanigans trio with Julia and Barnabas, but not if it means Willie just conveniently forgetting everything and getting manipulated into thinking that Barnabas and Julia are his best buddies. Or Willie getting pushed down to make Barnabas look better. Basically, I want Hawkes Harbor, the Dark Shadows fanfic with the serial numbers filed off, where 66 Willie is treated like an actual main character and not a lackey or punching bag.

A few other random thoughts:

66 Willie actually gets to tell Barnabas off in one of the Big Finnish Audio dramas, where he sides with Maggie over his former boss, and tells Barnabas that they were never friends. Good for you, Willie.

91 Willie accepts mistreatment so readily from Barnabas, it makes me wonder if he is used to being abused. He's already the town scapegoat, and then everyone thinks Barnabas is this amazing person who "civilized" Willie, while he is actually beating the shit out of him, and it's so sad.

I actually liked some details of 91 Willie, even if I didn't love the portrayal. Him being Mrs. Johnson's nephew gave him closer ties to Collinwood than 66 Willie, and it's implied that he's been there awhile. Did he grow up there, in this opulent mansion as the servant's kid and not part of the "real" family? Or did he live with his father (said to be deceased) and only visit occasionally? Roger clearly has no patience with Willie, Elizabeth seems a little more forgiving. I notice in the pilot, when Willie fails to pick up Vickie like he was meant to, Roger gives Elizabeth this look, like, "See? I'm right!" while Elizabeth just looks disappointed.

I also liked the scene in the bar when, after Willie has caused a scene being an asshole, Joe offers to give Vickie a ride to Collinwood. Vickie gives Willie a long look, and says, "I think it'll be just fine," and asks Willie to drive her, "if it's all right." I think this moment is Vickie thinking, "This jerk works for the family, I'm gonna have to deal with him on a daily basis, I don't want to get on his bad side." And it works, even pre-bite Willie seems to be fine with Vickie. He's nasty, but not directly to her. I like Vickie being a bit proactive and showing some spine.

[fourfuckinghorsemen]

The things I would do if I got my hands on you. I want to break you in the most exquisite of ways, to hear your pretty voice begging me for death. How long do you think you could scream for me Number Five? Just how long could you sing until you simply couldn't anymore? I'd love to find out one day, wouldn't you? 🖤

Christ it's too late for this shit. What is with you people and overusing italics anyway? Is it supposed to look intimidating? Because I'm really not feeling intimidated. 🤨

[myfanfic-urfantrash]

Honkai Star Rail A/B/O: Bonding

Characters: Blade, Jing Yuan, Welt, and Luocha as Alphas.

CW: omegaverse

A/N: Did you say more a/b/o? No? Too late! >:P

-------

Blade

Least likely to bond and or it takes a loooooong period of time before he claims and bonds with his omega due to many factors.

His ultimate goal is to one day die and bonding with someone could get in the way with that even if he desperately wants to. There’s also the fact that with his death his partner could suffer from the loss through their broken bond and he doesn’t wish to cause them distress.

He’d have to have a ton of trust, love, and a desire to live for his partner to even consider bonding with them. Once he does bond with them, though his goal remains the same, he sticks by their side till the bitter end.

His bond mark is on their left shoulder as it’s his favorite spot to bite as it’s relatively easy to access from behind or from in front.

Renews his claim during his ruts or if his omega needs reassurance he plans to stay with them for as long as possible.

Will indulge his omega if they wish to try to claim him too though he prefers to be the one doing the biting.

Jing Yuan

Another one that takes sometime to solidify their bond with their omega.

This isn’t due to his fear of leaving them behind like Blade but rather some worry of his omega leaving before him. Long lived species like himself will of course outlive their shorter lived partners and while as an Alpha he might be able to bond with as many omegas as he wishes with little consequence that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t hurt.

He’s lost many precious to him, both long and short lived, so he wants to be sure that whoever he’s choosing to bond with will stay for as long as possible.

Once he’s sure in his decision he doesn’t hesitate to bond with his partner. His bond mark is on the middle back of their neck since it was his favorite spot to nip and tease.

He doesn’t renew his claim often but he does playfully nip it like he used to when he first became their partner.

Encourages his omega to claim him too and to renew the marks they leave behind regularly.

Welt

Takes a bit longer to decide to bond with his partner due to the fact he needs them to know his past and about his son. Once he trusts them with that information and they accept it he might still hesitate to form a bond.

It isn’t due to a lack of trust, obviously, but he’s still a bit insecure about his age. He’s not getting any younger and he does worry about leaving before his omega and leaving them with the fallout of that broken bond. But once he properly discusses it with his partner and knows that this is truly something they want he’ll go through with it with a warm smile.

Places his bond on the back of their neck as well as it can be hidden away by their clothes to be a bit discrete. Gets flustered when his omega claims him back but loves knowing they want him back.

Luocha

I’d say he’s either the fastest to bond with his omega because he knows what he wants or he chooses not to bond with them at all.

He of course discusses it with his omega during their courting letting them know early on he’d like to bond at some point though he does let them know that if they don’t wish to bond with him it wouldn’t change anything.

He knows he’s not the most stable of Alphas with his constant traveling but he knows what he wants and is willing to provide for them regardless of what they choose.

If they allow him to bond with them he’ll be over the moon. He chooses to bite the right side as that’s where he tends to tuck his head when he basks in their scent.

Open to letting his omega claim him though he’ll tease them a bit for wanting to do so.

[peripecias-i]

So, I'm not one to write long things on here, I'm normally commenting on posts and such. However, I've seen so much bitterness under tlovm tag (not even the criticism one) so, lets start with a DISCLAIMER: I DO have my criticims, not the post for those. So, without further ado, in this post we have - The bard didn't lament, Vax and the necrotic thingy, Cabal's Ruin is drowing just like to hope of some.

BARD'S LAMENT (BL), Tary. Yes, we had hints and the build up, however, Scanlan didn't made his promisse to Kailey, he didn't die and was not resurected in a humiliating way in front of said daugher which was the biggest part of BL for me. We can still hit the feels of it in season 4. After an year with Kailey, Scanlan is changed, he even sent a letter to Pike about it. Of course when he comes back to VM he feels the same to the group, he doesn't need to show this to them he knows his place and importance in the group, but deep down he knows and his daughter knows and that is what matters. He dies, when he comes back he is half naked, dirty in sexual innuendo food, in front of the one person he changed for, everything he's built, in his eyes, tainted and destroyed. BL with some ajusted lines, Terry is in and then gone because Vax is dead and Vecna is THE problem, not A problem anymore.

VAX, the necrotic diseased. Audiences need hints for things, CR does not have 100 hours to process and justify decisions and things that happens in the campains. IF in the animated series Revenant Vax came with that big of a consequence without a warning, can you imagine? Raven Queen warned Vax and he chose to break the rules of death itself. It's a consequece to show future consequences. I don't think is a disease that will spread, i think it's a mark, something to always remember (I might be wrong). It's something for Vax and us to understand what meddling with those forces do. It's a different medium guys, this need to be clearly and hiddenly forshadowed enough to work, if it's to clear or to hidden, the a-ha moment will never be satisfying. Vex will feel guilty about it? OF COURSE, she still dislikes the RQ to this day, she started the moment she realized his death meant their destinys were intertwined and she lost her brother to his choices. She can't blame Vax, she has to blame someone. And when Vax's destiny and choices on death will never be his blame it'll be HERS.

Cabal's Ruin is under the sea (and we have a druid). Percy was dead for the dragon's fight (Glintshore will come in a next post) no need for it for now. The twins know where it is, mythcarver can find it. We have a druid who needs to master water, and a vestige under water, what a fun combination! It was a mistake calling the episode Cloak and Dagger and not Glitshore, 'cause let's be true, there was no cloak, no dagger and no vengence. They will get the cloak. Percy will absorb the damn Meteor Sworm.

3.5 Maybe part Glitshore came earlier than I tought. But looking at our Percy, and how he forgave people but never himself, how this, leting go of vengence makes him suffer consequences but even so he chooses it because the more he does, maybe he will get to the point he can forgive himself? He screaming to be free and found, but at the same moment not feeling worthy of being saved? Urgh

So, we still have: Glintshore; Kash perma-death; The Bland Uninspired COWRDLY end of ep 12, Call me child one more time, and more that I can maybe came upon.

Hope you guys comment with all kinds of opinions 'cause I love this kind of interaction (please coment!) . Also, I have not seen the campain in a loooooong time and I might (probably will) bite my words when the MN adaptation arrives they are MY people, but, I don't like being bitter, so maybe not.

[spectrolitha]

Quartz Crumbs of Wyrm's Teeth and First Among the Chickadees

Quartz and Chickadee, an Abyssal and a Lunar, fight about whether or not the world is worth saving almost every time they meet. Almost every time.

(Some more lore under the cut):

Quartz Crumbs of Wyrm's Teeth (he/him) is my Dusk Abyssal in servitude to a Deathlord. You may have seen him on my blog before. He's pretty much with the bad guys and is one of those himself.

First Among the Chickadees (she/her) is my Changing Moon Lunar. She is traveling with some Dragon-Blooded (loooooong story) trying to prevent Deathlords from another attempt to take over Creation. She is also tied to Quartz via the Solar-Lunar bond.

Their bond, as usual, means they have difficulty ignoring eachother; however their view on life is completely opposite. Usually this means that every time they meet a shouting contest begins, which looks roughly like this:

Quartz: you don't get it, the world is rotten and nothing but suffering is left!

Chickadee: no, YOU don't get it! That's how YOU perceive the world, but there's more to it than suffering! What about simple life pleasures? What about lying in grass? What about talking to friends? You're the one who is taking your own joy away!

And so on and so fourth. These two can go on and on. It's kinda funny, actually. While their companions seriously fight eachother with, y'know, weapons (while also exchanging pleasantries and having small-talk about the weather, because that's their way of doing things), these two are just standing there and arguing.

But as you may see, this time it was not a case. Something really messed up should have happened for Chickadee to accept consolation from her enemy – at least, that's what Quartz is worried about.

[thelorddidnotsavetheirsouls]

The lord did not save their souls

The DSAF ??AU?? comic I, @therussiancourier, started doing out of boredom last winter. No serious lore, dialog, or characters: just a russian dude and his god awful ms paint skills. The translation might be wacky because it was never intended to be translated in the first place, as it was written in a mixture of Russian and English without any grammar. In the moment of writing this (10th of February, 2024) there are 513 frames, 4 finished chapters and one in progress. end my sufferings I suppose I will add a tag for the AU because why not?????? TLDNSTS??? too loooooong. LDSTS might be better??????? i'll think about it

The comic is frozen for an indefinite amount of time. I've lost my interest in DSAF just how it always happens. Oops!

[edelgarfield]

okay actually putting all the CR3 stuff aside to talk about Vax. for the record I haven't seen TLOVM and this is purely concerning Vax in CR1, and will completely spoil the end of the show.

I love Vax. He was always one of my favorites & I love Liam as a player.

He also fucking infuriates me & I think is the perfect example of a "Selfish Sacrificial Hero Archetype." I don't hold Vax fully accountable bc I think this can be partially attributed to Liam's playstyle & how Liam views the game. But I also know IRL Liam was going through a very hard period of his life and not to be parasocial I think some of Vax's behavior absolutely reflects that.

Vax's Achilles heel was his willingness to throw himself on any sword he can find to save the people he loves. Which seems noble on the surface, except he repeatedly puts himself on the chopping block when there is absolutely no need to. One of the most pivotal moments in his arc, the thing that set him up to become the Raven Queen's champion, was a deal that NO ONE ASKED HIM TO MAKE. He literally offers himself in Vex's place when there was no need to do that. When that is an incredibly selfish choice to make.

Imagine if the Raven Queen HAD taken Vax's life in exchange, which was his original intent in the first place. Do you think Vex would have been happy with that? Fuck no. It's this constant prioritization of his friends at the expense of his own life, in DIRECT OPPOSITION to his friends' wishes. Vax is not saving his friends for their benefit, he's saving ("saving”) his friends bc HE can't live without them & I think there's a huge difference between those two. IMO he ultimately Does Not Care that his friends love him & that they'll grieve him if he were to die in their place, he only cares about HIS grief and HIS guilt. It's selfishness masquerading as love.

We don't know what would have happened if Vax hadn't become the Raven Queen's champion bc he never once tried or considered getting out of the shitty deal he made for no reason. Don't get me wrong, I think it's fitting & tragic & it's a story about believing so wholly that you have no future that you make it come true. (again putting all the CR3 stuff aside) And I do think he found some happiness & peace in being her champion, but I also think a lot of the Raven Queen's beliefs confirmed & enabled the self-destructive behavior that Vax exhibited long before she was on his radar.

Personally, I don't know if Vax ever fully believed or committed to living a happy life with Keyleth. Or even if Vax did, I don't think LIAM ever did. I think Vax/Liam were always attached to the idea of dying a tragic heroic death and that's ultimately what led Vax to walking into his own demise at the expense of everyone that loves him. Vex & Keyleth were able to accept his death & live on, but I don't think Vax could have ever done the same & that KILLS me.

I know I'm being harsh. But I watched this happen in real time, over the course of years, hoping & hoping that somehow, some way Vax would get his happy ending, watching my favorite character, Keyleth, mourn their relationship LONG before it ended, seeing what it did to her & everyone else to love someone who was so, so, SO willing to die for them but never once tried living for them. IMO there were a thousand different off-ramps that Vax could have taken to avoid what happened to him & he ignored every single one. And LIVING through that grief & dread & anger completely changed how I view heroes & self-sacrifice & self-destruction.

I adore Vax, he will always be one of my favorites, but part of me will never forgive him for gracefully & peacefully accepting his death loooooong before he died instead of fighting tooth & nail for a life with the people who would suffer if he were gone thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[roosterbruiser]

giving a life update bc it makes me feel better about myself feat. another face reveal

I think I'm gonna treat this like a sort of journal entry and include some cute pictures so this doesn't feel like an absolute dump :-)

so to begin here's a picture of my nephew (yes it's a dog)

I am so excited for all my upcoming projects. right now, my focus is on finishing CS all the way. after I finish CS, I think I'm gonna go ahead and come out w HOT TO GO! (BRB x Reader) and then start regularly posting VV and SS again. I think I have my October schedule pinned down (like everything that's coming out) and that is so exciting! I can't wait to share w y'all!

I'm a working girl now!! I nanny 4 days a week!! it's lovely!! just one baby who's only 1!! and the parents work from home so I never have to stay late or anything!! it has been a bit of a challenge getting used to the schedule (but I thrive with schedules!) so that's why I've been a bit absent on here!!

still trying to get my house set up....living room has come a loooooong way, but my bedroom is suffering! hoping to work on it here and there! but my main priority is getting back into my regularly scheduled writing!! the living room def isn't completely done (have to finish my gallery walls!) and I wish the walls weren't white, but we're renting so! I do what I must!

plus being back in the area I'm in now means I'm by my friends again so I've been Going Out And Socializing which is crazy!!! here's some pictures of me at a local brewery wearing the bolo necklace I got with @ohgodnotagainn in Colorado!!!

in all complete and utter seriousness, whenever I was coming out with a new chapter for my three stories every single week (and updating Landslide like every two days!) I was at my lowest point. I was like one nasty thought away from having a grippy sock vacation and holding onto anything that eased my Darkness--which was absolutely writing and sharing on here with everyone!

here's a pic of me when I was at one of my lowest points. I was in Chicago in the dead of winter with people I didn't know very well (it was still fun!) and had never felt more lost in my life. it also exactly coincided with my stories getting popular on here after my 200 follower celebration. like, I remember being on the train and checking my Tumblr every hour and always having 100+ notifications. I'll never forget how mind-boggling it was!! I went from 200 followers in early January to 2.8k now in late September. and I love you all SO much!!!

I'd like to think I look much happier now :-)

I kind of have a bf now and I'm sooooo embarrassed ab it. like. who breaks up with the person they thought they were gonna marry, gets back with their ex, and just stays w them??? me, I guess! no but I am actually happy. we're going to see CHAPPELL MF ROAN'S ALBUM RELEASE tomorrow and he's gonna wear a silk scarf and trim his mustache. I'm in love. like, actually in love. Alice Hoffman says, "Fall in love whenever you can." so I did!

the closest I'll give to a face reveal.....

anyway. I'm happy. the only thing I wanna work on right now is my health (simply MUST get into the hot girl mindset) and my writing!! everything else is gravy, baby!!

gonna try to answer asks / mentions / dm's this weekend!

[hows-my-handwriting]

Into the Rift (spiderverse!pacific rim au)

so going into more detail because the actual drawings are coming along really slowly xD (i love drawing robots but coming up with original robot design hard)

The story would be essentially the same as the movies where a mysterious rift opens up in the bottom of the Pacific ocean releasing giant monsters. To combat them, the world governments join together for the good of humanity and create the Jaegers. Those are giant robots piloted by two people through a process called a 'drift'.

The only thing that changes is the characters and the story developed from that idea.

this post has been sitting in my drafts for like a month now oml

(loooooong wordvomit under the cut)

So the jaeger program is basically a stand in for the spider society and all the spiderfolk are pilots or staff. Everyone is also aged up 2 or 3 years to cover international military requirements and such.

and for the sake of the story having a 'pilot shortage' in which only the lucky few being able to actually pilot a jaeger, drifting is much harder and rarer. this leads to the program accepting younger applicants than they normally would. (eg. miles, pav, peni etc)

(character list in order of rank or.. something)

Miguel (34-35) is the stand in for the marshal. I'm not totally sure if he *is* the marshal or not? because he could absolutely just be the pilot manager or the mission overseer. but for now we shall stick with marshal. He primarily serves as the head of the department and representative for the pilot body. He also doubles as a pilot of a gen 1 jaeger (Blue Revenge*) with Peter B Parker, previously Jessica Drew.

Jessica (34-35) is Miguel's ex copilot. She served for two years and during a faux time of inactivity from the rift, she and her husband decided to try for a child. She was called back during the next attack but in the post-fight medical checks, she was ordered to go on maternity leave. She did, for a couple months, but very quickly felt frustrated that she wasn't helping. She moved back into the military base and instead took up a leadership position in combat training. I think her rank would be lieutenant but I don't know enough about the military to make that official.

Peter B Parker (42-43) is a retired pilot. He served as a pilot up until the gen 3 jaegers went into production and was sent home when he got a major back injury. During his time off he started a family in his old New York home and began to forget about the jaegers and the war. He chose to live in ignorant bliss until it all came back when he was summoned back. He brought his entire family, despite the many warnings, and has rather enjoyed his grand return. Currently copilots with Miguel in the Revenge*. Previously piloted the Crimson Core*.

Ben Reilly (24-25) is a jet pilot. Previously a jaeger pilot of the Scarlet Gutter that was decommissioned after it suffered extreme damage in a fight he took solo with a class 2 kaiju. His twin brother was his copilot and died early on in the fight. He currently pilots a fighter jet as backup. The impact of that fight still haunt him and everyone knows to leave him be.

LEGO Spiderman (24-25) and Peter Parkedcar (25-26) are two unrelated pilots that are drift compatible. LEGO Spiderman (Lee Godwin aka LE-GO for short) has a chronic condition with locking joints and Peter Parkedcar is a selective mute. They pilot the Titanium Wall that is essentially just an immovable object to the kaiju's unstoppable force. Yes this is a meme lineup. Laugh.

Peter Porker (31-32) is the head of research. He's john mulaney in all aspects except for occupation. He is more of the morale backbone of the entire operation and spends more time out of the lab making sure to bring a smile to everyone's faces. He wears a cute pig beanie when out and about. He always has candy on him and is famous in the kitchen for hot dogs. No one knows where he gets the hot dogs from, since those are rarely stocked. There's a rumor going around that it's kaiju meat, not beef. Absolutely fascinated kaiju and a biology fanatic.

Margo Kess (20-21) is the head of technology. She's the surveillance guy who takes orders directly from Miguel and is in charge of relaying commands and judging actions on the battlefield. She's a young college graduate- more accurately a child prodigy- and took the first opportunity she had to put her skills to the test. She's very friendly and will always get to know the pilots personally. Drift compatible but has avoided training to not have people learn about her strained home life.

Peni Parker (17-19) is the daughter of the head of engineering. She is just under the required age to actually assume the position but has the most knowledge on jaeger design of anyone else in the program aside from her father. Her father was killed when one of the outposts was destroyed in a kaiju attack. Parentless, the organization arranged for her to stay at the main base, waiting for her 21st birthday so she can acquire an actual rank. Had a personalized jaeger her father had been slowly building, fit for one person, that she's slowly been working on to one day pilot in combat.

Peter Benjamin Parker (Benji or Ben for short) (22-23) was hired as the strategy lead after his impressive work as a police/military investigator. Had a lot of experience with international crime networks and hand picked by Peter B. He was enthusiastically handed over to the Jaeger program after he got just a bit too close to some apocalypse-profiting corruption. No one really knows why, but he's taken more of a liking to pilot training and has shied away from Miguel's leadership team and more towards Jessica and the recruits. He has a good eye for cadets with amazing potential and even applied to be a pilot himself, stepping away almost entirely from any kind of leadership role. Pilots Silver Noir with Hobie(**).

Hobie Brown (20-22) is a pilot. He was recruited early on as one of Britain's undesirables and turned out drift compatible. He was assigned a jaeger that was built and sponsored by the British Government named the Union Jack. Disgusted, he refused to respond to that name and instead calls his jaeger the Stark Screamer. The name has been adopted by command and no one has bothered to correct it. His pilot quit for unknown reasons after only a year on the field and the Screamer was retired until they can find another pilot to partner with him. Has been paired with Benji for the time being.

Gwen Stacy (18-19) is the youngest pilot to date but more than capable of jaeger combat. She was brought in by Jess, despite her father's refusal, and skipped all cadet training except for the essentials and given a jaeger assignment almost immediately. She was picked out when her father, a military rep instead of a cop, was visiting one of the bases that Jess happened to be in. She showed incredible potential in [insert event that im not 100% sure about yet] and was incredibly interested. Originally paired with Hobie because of their similarity in hobby and age. They were drift compatible but she didn't like the Screamer's kit or fighting style and requested a new assignment. She's still best bros with Hobie though. She marks the beginning of the youth recruitment.

Pavitr Prabhakar (17-18) is a cadet in training. He volunteered along with a large number of Indian civilians to chase the fame and glory that surrounded the now-martyred jaegers. Of the hundreds, he and a handful of his peers were selected and he was sent to his specific branch to complete training. He is drift compatible with almost anyone. Having no sense of fear or darkness in his past or his present, he's an incredible asset- if not a little naive. He and Hobie became best friends as soon as they met and has been promised to pilot the Screamer when he completes his training.

Miles Gonzalo Morales (17-18) is a new cadet starting training. He was supposed to be one in a pair but his twin was stuck in Spain with a travel complication. Miles could wait a couple months though and eagerly started training. He was selected because he had an identical twin- which are usually assumed to be drift compatible- but ended up being paired and drift compatible with Gwen. Despite him not having clearance, Gwen and many others think he shows enough potential to pilot a jaeger within the first month of his stay. He is currently assigned to a new jaeger in production: a gen 4 titan named the Clawed Viper***

Mateo Davis Morales (17-18) is a future cadet. He and his twin were split up before highschool for [insert reason i haven't figured out yet here] and he moved to Spain to finish his highschool education and eventually enlist in the jaeger program. However, due to transportation delays and possibly finances, when he and his twin were drafted, Mateo was stuck in Spain until nearly three months later. Just in time for . . . well, the drama (tm).

*Blue Revenge is not final. i don't know if i like it or not but the other option was the blue panther, for the shits and giggles. pretty sure i want to keep the blue but idk. Crimson Core is also a placeholder, but it does sound cooler

**Silver Noir is not final. I want to work in Noir somewhere and make a matte black jaeger but not a lot of words go with 'Noir'

***Clawed Viper is not final. Viper is final, but again, not a lot of words go with 'Viper'

[eliasorchard]

Exams are in a month

I'm going crazy

✨ skateboard cat✨

(also good luck on your finals! We're suffering together)

skateboard cat has undescribable amounts of swag

and ahah my finals are a loooooong way off. although i am having tests. i'll still be supporting you though :)

remember to take necessary breaks from the studying, focus on one subject at a time and no matter what happens i'll be proud of you either way 🙌 best of luck rose

[maleficore]

Saw someone else do it and I think I've done this before too, but the list has grown since then a bit so here's my current lineup of read dead wips that I'm working on!! :D Minus the stuff that's already posted on AO3 cuz I see no point in doing a synopsis for things that have left my google drive and you can go and read ahah.

Turned out loooooong so lookie under the cut if you're interested in knowing what I'm up to.

Morston Soulmate AU (title tba, multichapter, around 20-30k when finished) - An AU where you can feel all the injuries your soulmate gets, both minor and major ones. There's no soul marks, seeing your soulmate get hurt and connecting the dots is the only way to find out. Has a lot of time skips and focuses more on feelings than events, but starts out pre-canon when John almost gets lynched and works its way towards the end of the canon story. Chapters alternate between Arthur's and John's POV. Canon compliant :)

RDR2 "Modern AU" (title tba, multichapter, long as shit) - I only call it a modern AU for the sake of simplicity... I'm not sure if it counts as one. Set in 1999 and focuses on the case of Arthur Matthews -- a 36 year old adoptive son of the infamous criminal defence lawyer Hosea Matthews, who went missing without a trace for six months and then reappeared miles from his hometown, seemingly unharmed, but also... not quite right. Delusional, confused, suffering from some sort of memory impairment. The story is about Arthur struggling to adapt to being back home in a reality that is apparently foreign to him. Outsider's/John's POV, but not really shippy. It can be read as pre-slash, though.

My Self-Indulgent Jesse/Arthur fic (another title tba lol, it's too early to tell but I'm thinking multichapter? A collection of scenes from 1878 to 1899) - This one is for me and me only, though I will eventually post it 😂 Written in second person, like a reader-insert and can be read as one if someone wants to, but I am including Jesse's backstory and feelings that are way too specific to be immersive for anyone but myself... I'm working real hard to write it in a way that portrays growing up queer in that time somewhat realistically, so it's not always pretty, but I do try to keep it not that depressing. Features: Jesse's early-life backstory, the story of the scar, his first Gay Experience, how his brothers died, the ups and downs of his relationship with Arthur, why they eventually broke up for what felt like last time, how he got arrested (altered RDO storyline bit) and how he got back up with the gang. I'm planning to do a rough rewrite/fix-it of the canon story with him in it too, but that's... an "one day" thing ajsddjfk

Morston Omegaverse (title tba, one shot, around 10-15k probably? I can't keep things short, sorry) - Young-ish and freshly presented Alpha John, "Closeted" Omega Arthur. Ngl this one is smutty as hell... but! I think my take on omegaverse is rather fun (very transgendered) and it's porn WITH not without plot so something for everyone there lol. John's POV again + lotsa feelings, misunderstandings and some angst :) Just the way I like it.

Vandermatthews Daemon AU (had a title but ao3 yeeted my draft and I forgot what it was, oops)- I say Vandermatthews, but it's more of a "curious couple, unruly son" genfic than real slashfic 😅 This is supposed to be the beginning a series of oneshots from different characters' POV. This one is maybe a 1/3 done (needs a serious rewrite tho) and written from Hosea's POV. It's about him and Dutch finding and taking in young Arthur -- a very traumatised child who has undergone intercision and therefore lost his daemon. More of a collection of vignettes from that moment to when they take in John than a real coherent fic tho. The next one is going to be John's POV coming of age thing and we'll see where my brain will go from there. I want to do a separate big ass post about this one later because I have Opinions on the gang members' daemons that I need either challenged or validated...

1907!John/Isaac fic (title tba... a two parter, one set in the epilogue and the second is a RDR1 fix-it) - NOW HEAR ME OUT!!!!!! PUT DOWN THE GODDAMN PITCHFORKS FOR A SECOND PLS This is a plot bunny that Refused To Fucking Die. Isaac is obviously an adult in this (22), they have never met before, and the story begins in the months where Abigail and Jack were gone and John worked alone on Pronghorn ranch. It's not so much a romance (despite the slash) but more two people dealing with different types of grief in Very Unhealthy ways, okay. It's supposed to be a bit iffy because of that and the... 12 years of difference between them in this universe. I'm not trying to make this shit uwu or anything. It's also a bit of a daddy issues vent piece for me and I've been working it for MONTHS because I want to write this one right. This is the the fic I redacted in my last WIP showcase, but now decided that... fuck it. Here you go.

(Doubt anyone has made it this far, but if you did ily.. please lemme know what you think? My ask box is open for questions too... I love talking about the stuff I'm working on even if it's not posted yet ❤)

[harrowharkwife]

juno zeta

hi rowan!!!

favorite thing about them: i mean, the general aura of milf, to get the obvious out of the way, lmfao. but the real answer is her sense of humor, i think. she's fucking hysterical. her cruising for we suffer before the evac/rescue mission was even over? fucking iconic. love her.

least favorite thing about them: i mean, if i start getting into my thoughts on sixth house society and state policy, we'll be here all night. so to keep things brief, just the ways in which she upholds the sucky parts of house, and especially sixth house, society. the moments in dr. sex where she speaks for cam, brings cam along as her attaché, etc come to mind, just re: sixth house elitism in general. also i wanna clarify that this isn't me being like "juno zeta is a bad mom," it's me being like "juno zeta is the only textual depiction we get of typical sixth parenthood, and she seems to be a perfectly average/fine/good parent by sixth house cultural standards." which says more about sixth house history/society and the empire in general than it does about her in particular, IMO. but like i am always here to dunk on sixth house atrocities <3 and juno is Very much Sixth, the same way that cam and pal both are- and i mean this in both the (affectionate) sense and the (unfortunate) one. me when characters are affected by their upbringings and are products of the societies in which they were raised: 🥰

favorite line: this bit from dr. sex of her sassing her team always makes me laugh: "Archivist Zeta said, with an edged cheerfulness, “The King Undying resurrected us with eyeballs for a reason, children.”

brOTP: especially after the paul of it all, i think her and pyrrha could have a LOT to talk about. i think it could be cathartic and also terrible for both of them. i would also give my weight in gold to see a juno zeta & mercymorn interaction. i bet it'd be insane

OTP: i mean we suffer obviously, but i am also not immune to the abigail/juno agenda or the pyrrha/juno one

nOTP: men i think, she gives me lesbian vibes. i don't get the sense her and pal's father were involved at all, since the sixth only does vat womb and not gravid carry.

random headcanon: i picture her with LOOOOOONG like impractically long gray hair, which isn't canon, but it's just 'cause juno really reminds me of an old astrophysics prof i had one time who was a deeply funny woman with gray hair so long it reached the backs of her knees WHEN BRAIDED!!! when braided!!! insane.

unpopular opinion: idk if i really have one? i guess maybe just that some interpretations of her dynamic with her son don't really resonate for me, particularly interpretations that they're really close/have a great relationship. i think they're definitely civil, and i think they like each other as people, but idk. maybe it's just my mommy issues talking, but i don't think they're close like that gjctndxfndnt

song i associate with them: huh, idk if i really have one?

favorite picture of them: oh man... come to think of it idk if ive ever seen juno fanart? i gotta go look for some!!

thanks rowan this was fun!

[thefinalboss387]

Kuja Appreciation Post!

I’ve loved the Final Fantasy series for most of my life. I got into them at a pretty young age - I remember being 13 years old and eagerly waiting for Final Fantasy IX to come out - and honestly this narcissistic pretty boy right here taught me a lot about myself and my own struggles, and still to this day remains one of my favorite characters of all time. Take a peek behind the curtain with me if you don’t mind FF9 spoilers and a really personal childhood story haha.

Kuja is a character that immediately stands out from a crowd. He has such a dramatic, theatrical way of carrying himself, he speaks very poetically, he steals the show and chews the scenery every time he shows up on-screen, he has an array of slammin’ theme music, he has a very distinct appearance - feathers in his hair, an exposed midriff, a thong....

As the game goes on, it becomes clear that Kuja was created as a pawn, a puppet, which very much parallels his own mass-produced Black Mages. Although Kuja is the main antagonist of Final Fantasy IX, Garland - Kuja’s creator - is very much the mastermind of the game, the man with the grandiose plan that was ultimately behind pretty much all of Final Fantasy IX’s events. Kuja was inciting war between all the nations of one planet to further Garland’s plot to revive another planet, all the while scheming to overthrow Garland and use his worst fears against him.

Although Kuja acts prideful and in control, he actually suffers from a deep-seated inferiority complex. He was created as one of many identical Genomes, a mere pawn to be used by Garland, and ultimately rejected his purpose. His rebellion against Garland - how he dresses, how he carries himself, how he speaks, everything I mentioned I liked about his character - was a desperate need to express his individuality and reject the purpose that was given to him.

When the game came out, I was a gay 13-year-old boy in a fairly homophobic community. I was bullied and ridiculed by my peers for being feminine, made to feel like I had to suppress who and what I was by parents who casually made homophobic remarks and threatened to disown me if I ever came out as gay, constantly uncomfortable in my own skin, constantly monitoring how much of myself I was safely able to express at any given moment... My fear of being gay caused me to pretty much suppress my entire personality. It felt wrong to express myself - any part of myself - because such a big part of me was “wrong”, so everything else about me must be wrong too. I became angry, bitter, depressed as all hell, but I felt too alone and too deserving of that loneliness to ever reach out for help.

...So, yes, I was naturally very drawn to an incredibly androgynous and theatrical male hyper-expressing his individuality as a form of rebellion against the purpose others forced upon him.

Although Kuja’s actual sexuality is never really overtly expressed, Kuja is the character that ultimately taught little teenage me that it was okay to be gay, that it was fine - and even something to be celebrated! - to stand out and be unique from everyone else around you, that I needed to embrace every facet of who I was and love myself for it. Now, I am also a pretty theatrical and extravagant person - whether that’s Kuja’s influence on my life talking, or my own personality shining through after the years of suppression and self-loathing, is probably up for debate.

It was a long, emotional, twisted road to self-love and self-expression for me, and I had a loooooong way to go after Final Fantasy IX entered my life... but Kuja really was where that all started for me. It is ultimately up to ourselves to give our lives meaning, to decide who we are and love that person, to create an environment and mindset where we can feel comfortable in our own skin. That’s not something that anybody else can give you.

But it can be amazing where inspiration to do those things can come from.

[princeescaluswords]

At this point, you should just compile everything you know about Teen Wolf (especially if my bby boy Scott is in the spotlight) into one BIG FILE OF GOOGLE DRIVE FOLDER and give them a link since they keep repeating the same thing over and over and over again.

And hey, I don't mind helping you compiling the stuff like same repeating/similar sounding asks, your old responses, transcripts and screenshot of proofs if you eventually do it. I feel bad for you and other Scott Defenders since I've followed you for a loooooong time and facepalming at the TW asks every now and then

Thank you for your compliments and your very kind offer, but I have actually been playing around with putting all the writing about Teen Wolf to a different use. I am in the "can I do this? should I do this?" phase, but I'm thinking of writing something off Tumblr for publication, using the work I've done here as a basis.

The book -- if it is a book and not an article or some other format and if it ever gets written -- will have three premises, which may or may not be sustained by the evidence I can gather.

Teen Wolf, its reception, and its fandom is an artifact of modern white culture (and not in a positive way). Foucauldian power dynamics and United-States-inspired consumerism have combined to empower and provide cover for a racist audience response that was hostile to a narrative focusing on a character of color over the course of the series and the movie.

The show's treatment is an example of how fandom culture has been enabled by Internet sites such as Tumblr, Twitter, AO3, and YouTube to somehow disguise their aggressive pursuit of decadent bourgeois values as revolutionary freedom from those same exact values. "Transformational fandom" has become all about making things palatable for a mainstream white culture that likes to flirt with the forbidden.

For the production, the fandom's hostility and its aggressive behavior turned out not to be a bug, but a feature. In other words, certain choices in casting and plot may have been not just simple fan service, but fan service designed to provoke fandom racism in a way that would maintain interest in the production. After all, any sort of attention is better than none.

Of course, this whole idea of mine is in its earliest stages of writing. The thing about non-fiction writing is sometimes a great hypothesis turns out to be wrong. It will require research and a publisher. But that's where I'm at right now.

As an aside, it was inspired by three things. First, was the incredible hostility to the movie by the fandom before the movie even premiered. The intensity of that hatred for a follow-up movie for a television show which hadn't been on for five years is unique and worth exploring. Second, there was a quote from Tyler Posey about how, when they first started filming Teen Wolf, Jeff Davis told him how his ethnicity would help the production. The quote didn't contain any further elaboration, but, obviously, from the result, Davis wasn't counting on what rightists would call "woke points." Finally, there was a direct quote from Jeff Davis about how the writer's room had determined Mason Hewitt was "too good" to suffer consequences of being host for the Beast. I've always hated that statement for its obvious intersection with racism and ableism.

It does occur to me that perhaps this wasn't just a confluence of random events that created this specific fandom phenomenon. Perhaps Jeff Davis and the production staff noted this aspect of fandom culture and had a strategy for integrating it into the show. I would never say that they meant for the hostile interpretation of characters of color to be taken as true -- it's obviously not -- but I might want to explore if they didn't promote the hostility in a way designed to enhanced the show's reception.

Again, I'm at the very beginning of the process. Your question pushed me farther down the road.