#LOL anyone who read this whole thing gets a cookie

[withleeknow]

wishful thinking. (7.5)

chapter 7.5: limbo

summary: the instruction was plain and simple: no strings attached. but you should’ve known from the beginning that it could never apply to you and him.

pairing: minho x f!reader rating: 18+ (minors dni) genres/warnings: friends to lovers, friends with benefits au, college au; fluff, angst, smut; minho's pov; non-explicit smut, kissing, grinding, implied unprotected sex; alcohol consumption, non-linear storytelling (jumps around a few random scenes before we get back to the present that picks up from the end of chapter 7), cursing, the final line :-?; not that unedited i am so so sorry lol word count: 5.6k

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

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Wishing fountains, we pray for change in the dark Moving mountains, we end up right where we start The world’s not falling apart But you and I, baby we are

Wishing Fountains - Bad Suns

“What does it say?” Minho asks.

You sigh, your eyes trailing the words on the small piece of paper in your hands before you shove one half of the fortune cookie in your mouth. It seems dry; you look like you can barely swallow it.

“Bullshit,” you say simply, a little bitter before you hide behind a mask of indifference, turning to him as you ask, “Yours?” 

He breaks his own fortune cookie in half, pulling out a similar piece of paper that reads, “‘Jeg elsker deg’ means ‘I love you’ in Norwegian.”

You're both lying on a fluffy rug on the floor of your bedroom, with an empty bottle of rosé sitting somewhere near your head. “That’s... random,” you say, casting your eyes to the ceiling. “But I mean, at least it’s kind of educational. Now you know a phrase in Norwegian.”

“Sure,” Minho laughs, testing out the syllables in his mouth and butchering them in the process. “Who would I even say it to?”

“Impress your future girlfriend with your worldly knowledge. Or say it to Hyunjin, I’m sure he’ll swoon and blush like a schoolgirl.”

“That’s the last thing I want. He’s already clingy enough as it is.”

“Alright. Well, your loss then.”

He only hums in response. “You’re really not gonna tell me what yours is?”

“I told you. It’s bullshit.”

“Wanna tell me why the fortune cookie is evil at least? I’ll fight it for you.”

You roll your eyes, shoving at his shoulder with a playful scoff. “It just got me thinking, that’s all.”

“About what?”

It takes a minute for you to gather your thoughts into one semi-cohesive pile. 

“Just… reminds me how I don’t really fit into anyone’s life,” you start, your voice coming out a little small and timid before you seem to let the alcohol give you enough confidence to say what you want. “I don’t feel like I’m worth anyone’s time. Everyone’s going to outgrow me eventually, if they haven’t already. Their lives will only get bigger and bigger, and they’ll have to leave me behind at some point. All that space but none for me.

“I think I’ll be stuck like this forever, in this fucking… limbo. And I know it’s dramatic because we’re still young and we’ve got our whole lives in front of us and whatever else that people say. But it feels like wherever I go and whatever I do, my life will always be this small while you all move on. Chan and Jess, Seungmin, Changbin, Felix, even Hyunjin and Jisung when they’re not too busy being idiots. Everyone’s got everything all planned out, and they have other things to fall back on if those plans don’t work out. If I fall, I think I’ll just keep falling until I hit rock bottom.

“And you… you’re gonna do great things too. You’re gonna live your life and it’s going to be a good one, and you’ll forget about me too. A few years from now, when everyone’s already moved on, I’ll just be a girl that you used to know. I’m just a stop along the way.”

Then you pause, and the laugh you let out afterward is choked up and not at all sincere. You rub your hands down your face, groaning a little when you say, “Ugh, that was depressing. Sorry, it’s the wine. Forget I said anything.”

You have beautiful eyes, that’s what Minho has always thought, the kind that holds all the universe’s sparkles and all its sadness too, a bittersweet balance. The kind that makes one want to stop and admire for a while. He loves when they light up before the joy gradually spreads across your face, like watching the sun peak over the horizon before it colors the sky with ethereal pinks and purples and blues. You’re a wonderful sunrise, his favorite part of every day.

He even loves your faraway gaze when you’re here but you’re elsewhere simultaneously, hiding in your eyes musings that are privy to nobody else. You’d stare into the distance and he’d watch you the whole time, wondering if any of the thoughts that occupy your mind are about him.

Minho has an urge to take you into his arms and hold you tight and tell you that everything’s going to be okay. That no one’s going to forget about you because you’re not someone who can be forgotten so easily, let alone be forgotten by him. That he isn’t going anywhere if it’s not by your side, that he wants to be in your life until you decide you’re sick of him, not the other way around.

He wants to tell you he loves you because that’s the truth. He was gone the minute he saw you at that stupid party years ago when you had walked in shyly with Chan and Jess. You had tried to make yourself smaller in a roomful of strangers, but you’ve always been the only one Minho could find in a crowd.

Years and years from now, when he thinks back to his youth, the highlight reel that will pop up in his mind will be of his idiot friends and the good memories they’ve shared with one another. How they laughed and cried, how they fell and got back up together time and time again.

And at the center of it all will be you. Green grass, blue skies, his golden days and you, the focal point of his youth.

He loves you. Would it help, or would it scare you?

He doesn’t let himself debate that question for long. Regardless of what the answer is, now isn’t the right time. So instead, he says, “For what it’s worth, everyone’s just taking it one day at a time, even if they seem like they have it all planned out. You’re not falling behind. You’re going at your own pace, who cares about other people?”

You turn your head to stare at him, your cheeks flushed with a rosy tint from the wine you had shared and a pensive look on your face. He can’t tell what you’re thinking, but he holds your gaze anyway.

“And I can’t speak for anyone else, but you’ll always have me. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

A quiet moment passes. If Minho focuses hard enough, he thinks he might be able to hear the faint beats of your heart.

His gaze flickers to your lips for barely a second before it returns to your eyes, quick enough for it to escape your notice.

Then, you’re holding yourself up on one elbow and shuffling into his orbit until you’re right by his side. He doesn’t move a single inch; he only watches as you get closer, and closer, and closer until there’s no more space between the two of you. He blinks, and in that split second he misses the way you let your eyes shut as you lean down to press your lips to his.

He’s surprised, but pleasantly so.

You taste like rosé, like something he’s always known that he wants to chase.

It stuns him enough that he forgets to respond, his mind focused solely on the feeling of your soft lips on him, the scent of your jasmine perfume and how you’re so warm pressed against him like this.

Maybe it’s the stillness of his body that shocks you out of it, because you pull away after a few seconds with an instant look of mortification in your eyes, trying to scramble back to your original spot on the rug like you’ve just committed an unspeakable sin. Running away, he thinks, is your first instinct.

But Minho is just a tad quicker than you are. He doesn’t let you stray very far when he props himself up to cup your face with one hand and bring you back to him.

He’s kissing you again and for a brief moment, he feels like he could die.

You don’t break from him this time. Instead, you’re kissing him back just as deeply. You let him lower you back to the floor as he holds himself up above you, his tongue slipping past the seal of your lips while his thumb strokes your cheek softly, keeping you there in his loose hold so you could still run if that’s what you want to do.

But you stay with him, your hands trailing up the expanse of his chest to find purchase on his shoulders, your legs parting so he could perfectly slot himself into the space that you’ve allowed him.

When he rocks his hips into you experimentally, you bite on his bottom lip, a whining sound from your throat comes out muffled against his mouth.

He strays just long enough and far enough so he could look into your eyes, with your pupils blown much darker than they had been at the start of the evening.

He says your name, the gentlest sound in the world, then a question. “What do you want?”

Minho half expects you to overthink your answer and come back to your senses, to choose flight because it would be the easier option.

But you don’t. There’s a dazed look in your eyes as you lock onto him, and there’s something underneath the pool of lust in your gaze that leaves him breathless and wondering.

“You,” you say quietly, “I want you.”

And it’s with this simple answer that you pull him back to you again, not the other way around. You kiss him more fervently than before if that’s even possible. When he slides his arm around your waist, you let him pick you up to cross the few steps it takes to get to your bed, his lips never leaving you even after he has laid you onto the mattress. They follow the path where your jawline leads down to your neck, then where your neck meets your collarbone, and he savors every little whimper that you make for him even though he’s barely touched you yet. There’s hardly any patch of skin that he leaves unkissed, and when he reaches where your shirt begins to hide the rest of you from him, he only looks up at you, quietly asking for more permission.

You don’t give him a verbal answer. You take matters into your own hands, lifting your top over your head and flinging it somewhere on the floor.

Then your bra follows to join your shirt, wherever it may be. Minho assumes they’ve landed on the bottle of rosé, only guessing by the sound of the glass being knocked over and rolling around. He’s not sure but he doesn’t care about it enough to look, not when he’s got you right here under him, so beautiful and so willing that it makes his head spin.

He’s imagined this before, just a few times whenever he's drunk enough to let his mind wander without the guilt that comes with it when he’s sober. He has wondered before what it would feel like to kiss you breathless and have you kiss him back, to touch you in ways that no one else ever has, to taste how sweet you are and feel your warmth. None of it is appropriate, not at all platonic. He’s well aware of it.

It's been years, ever since Minho met you at that party when he was 19 and you had been too awkward to start a conversation. Years of walking with you in the rain after class, sharing umbrellas that are too small to shield the both of you but it’s okay, because he doesn’t mind leaving half of his body exposed to the harsh weather as long as the rain doesn’t get on you. Years of making sure you get home safely after nights out with your friends, years of insisting that he sees you walk inside your building and up to your floor whether it's 11PM or 4:30AM. Years of lingering glances, of pretending he isn’t bothered whenever Felix offers to introduce you to someone, of smiles sent your way that are far too endeared to mean nothing at all.

Years of loving you in silence because he’s your friend first and foremost, and his friendship with you means more to him than the feelings he has for you.

And yet...

He’s here in your bed, watching you with mesmerized eyes as you take off the rest of your clothes before helping him discard his, as you kiss him just as deeply as he’s wanted to kiss you for the longest time, as you keep pulling him into you even when he’s already as close to you as humanly possible. His lips on yours, his heart pressed against the other side of yours. His fingers intertwined with yours when he slips inside of you, and how your hands stay interlocked the entire time you’re wrapped together. You cling to him so tightly, as though it would hurt you if he were to ever let go.

It’s the way you look at him, like he’s the only person that exists in your universe. It’s the broken moans that you give him, the nonsense babbles that make his chest swell with pride at the knowledge that he’s making you feel so good that the only thing you know how to say coherently is his name. It’s the heaven between your thighs, absolutely divine and infinitely better than any fantasy that he could ever let himself indulge in.

Just for tonight, Minho can pretend that you're his, even though he knows that he’s already been yours since the first time you met. He’s been yours for as long as he can remember, even if you don’t know it yet.

Later on, when he’s collapsed next to you on the bed, there’s a safe distance between your tired bodies and a certain tension in the air that’s heavy with the consequences of your actions. When he takes your hand, the one that’s shaking as you grip the sheets between your fingers, it alleviates some of that anxiety.

“The fortune cookie, what did it say?” he asks, like you’re simply continuing the conversation from before.

You let out a nervous chuckle. “Seriously?”

He gives you a lopsided smile, rubbing his thumb over your skin. “Seriously.”

You purse your lips as you look at him for another second before you cast your eyes to the ceiling again, like you’d done just an hour ago. “It said ‘You’ll be loved.’”

You are, he thinks to himself. You’re loved.

“Open wide.”

You give him a look, to which he only responds with a shrug and a sly grin. 

“You’re enjoying this too much,” you say, but you take the spoonful of chicken soup that he offers you anyway. You can’t focus on the taste but it’s warm and the relief you feel is instant when it soothes your throat.

You’ve practically been on bedrest for the past three days, slowly rotting away in your apartment with a bad strain of the seasonal flu until Minho came over and unleashed his inner mama bear on you. Now here you are, wrapped up like a burrito on the couch (Minho insisted; he wouldn’t have it any other way) while he spoon feeds you homemade chicken soup.

You were stubborn about it at first, as one could probably imagine. When you told the group chat that you wouldn’t make it to movie night at Chan’s place last weekend, you were adamant that you would be able to sleep it off and bounce back in no time, despite Minho offering to make you some food and bring over some meds and cough drops.

The symptoms worsened overnight though, and you developed a fever along with a cough that’s worse than any you’ve ever experienced. When Minho called you to make sure you were still alive, you could barely even speak.

He hates your cavalier attitude when it comes to taking care of yourself. He hates himself even more for believing in your nonchalance and not bulldozing his way over sooner.

“I’m enjoying this because I was right,” he says, feeding you more of the soup. “I told you instant ramyeon wouldn’t cure you.”

He lets his I told you so triumph go easily, even though he suspects that you have much more to bite back at him if you could get through half a sentence without wanting to hack your lungs out. You make a noise, and he isn’t really sure if it’s one of agreement or protest but it’s most likely the latter. He thinks it’s cute that you close your eyes after every spoonful, lazily eating like one of his cats back home whenever they’ve run out of energy. You’re probably tired and can’t wait to get into bed.

When the soup is finished, Minho fetches you your meds and a glass of warm water. He doesn’t know if the scrunched up face you make after every pill is because you hate the bitter taste or if the tablets keep dragging against your already sensitive throat on their way down, but he strokes your hair all the while you wash it down with water, a gentle hand on your head as if to say You’re doing well.

He tucks you in bed not long after, despite your weak protests as he carries you to your bedroom.

“Oh my god,” you had managed to croak out. “I’m not that helpless.”

“I know,” came his response and a teasing smile. “Just let me take care of you for once.”

You’re pliant once you’re laid gently on the mattress though, idly watching Minho as he wraps the duvet around your shoulders and fluffs your pillows just the way you like. This is awfully domestic, he notes, and he can’t help but lean down and press a kiss to your forehead, not when he’s absolutely endeared by the way your tired eyes try to keep themselves open just so you could look at him.

When his lips leave your warm skin, he thinks he might’ve imagined the blush that colors your cheeks.

But he blinks, and you’re still flushed, your lips slightly parted as you stare at him, mild surprise evident in your drowsy gaze.

Something passes over the two of you, a kind of silence that he isn’t accustomed to when he’s with you. It isn’t bad, it’s just… strange.

One beat, then another. “Want me to stay with you?” he asks.

He knows you’d say no, and yet he can’t help the disappointment when you tell him, “You don’t have to. Go home, Min. Thanks for taking care of me today.”

“You sure? I can take the couch. It’s fine.”

“I’m sure. Chan and Jess said they’re coming to check on me in the morning.”

Minho lets out a hum, and purses his lips.

“What?” you ask.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“But you look like you want to.”

“Just… y’know,” he starts, gauging your reaction all the while, for any signs of physical discomfort or otherwise, “I like you like this. You’re not hiding when you’re like this.”

“You like me frail and on the verge of death?”

He rolls his eyes, pretends to flick at your forehead. “You know what I mean.”

When you giggle, it’s immediately followed by a wince, like the movement is hurting your sensitive throat. “Do I hide when I’m with you?”

“Sometimes.” He moves his hand to caress your face, gentle fingertips tracing the apple of your cheek. Surprisingly, you let him, if only for a little while. “It feels like you’re always ready to leave.”

“Are you worried I’m gonna run away?” you ask, covering your hand over his to move it away, but you still let his touch linger when you only lower his hand to your neck, where he starts twiddling your hair between his fingers. It feels like you want him close, close enough that it matters, close in a way that still lets you have control over how it matters. “I physically can’t. I’m sick.”

“Does that mean you’ll run away when you get better?”

You seem to ponder the question for a moment. You’re holding onto his wrist and Minho is almost certain that you can feel his pulse. He would do so many things for you if only you’d let him.

When you answer him, you keep things light but your tone is soft, gentle in a way that tells him your sentiment means more than the words you cherry pick on the surface.

 “No, I have finals in two weeks.”

The first time that Minho gets to wake up next to you, nothing feels real. Not the pleasant scent of your shampoo greeting him the minute he opens his eyes, not your soft breath fanning his bare collarbone where you lay with your head tucked into the crook of his neck, not even the feeling of you in his arms, safe and warm, as though this is where you’re meant to be. None of it seems like anything other than a dream.

When memories of the previous night come rushing to the surface, it also brings back the annoyance he felt watching Yeonjun openly flirt with you at the party, and the bitter feeling that accompanied the reminder that Minho couldn’t even really do anything about it but stand idly by. 

But you stir in his arms, and all of the annoyance and bitterness goes away. Because you’re here with him and not anybody else. There’s a certain ego boost knowing that he’s the one you kiss, the only one you allow in your most personal space. To know you is a privilege, and it’s one that you grant no one else but him.

Last night, something happened. Something changed, he felt it when you were the one who asked him to stay. You let him put his shirt on you, let him hold you as you slept, even welcomed his embrace and snuggled further into his body in a way that you’ve never done before.

How you kissed him just hours prior, how you looked at him… God, he thinks he could just spill all of his secrets if you did it again.

But when you open your eyes, Minho is already pretending to be asleep again. How would you react? He’s curious to know. Would you scramble away the second the realization kicks in that you let him break your rule? Would you leave his side and act all nonchalant about it when you inevitably have to face each other later? He’s willing to bet that you would.

But you surprise him again. He feels you watching him for a moment, then your touch ghosts upon his features. It almost makes him falter in his act, your gentle fingers tracing his temple, his cheekbones, the slope of his nose down to his lips. There’s a sigh that you exhale, and he misses your touch the very second it leaves his skin. He itches to bring you closer to him again.

So that’s what he does. Minho keeps the facade going, pretending like he’s now just waking up with his limbs stretching out. You stiffen when he hugs you tighter, but you soon relax after he starts stroking your hair. 

Nothing has changed for him, but can you say the same?

“Dude!”

Minho flinches into action when a voice calls his name right by the car window, loud enough to startle him even through the thick layer of glass. When he turns his head, he finds Changbin’s face all pressed up against the window, struggling to hold three bags full of supplies that are threatening to spill out. “Help me with these!” his friend says.

It’s the week of Jisung, Felix and Seungmin’s birthdays; you lot tends to go all out for the quadruple birthday bash every year (Chan’s birthday is only 11 days later after all). Seungmin’s family has a lakeside cabin a couple hours from the city, that’s where everyone goes to unwind for a long weekend with plenty of food and even more drinks. This year, it’s no different.

Minho and Changbin are on drinks duty, tasked with picking up all of the alcohol and refreshments for the weekend ahead. He doesn’t really know what the rest are doing, just that you and Jeongin are babysitting Hyunjin to make sure the latter doesn’t deviate from the proposed budget and go way overboard when getting snacks and decorations. You sent Minho a text a while ago, a video of you facepalming and rolling your eyes before you flip the camera over to show Hyunjin and Jeongin bickering like children over a mega pack of chips.

Once everything is in the car – cases of beer safely loaded into the trunk, bottles of water and soft drinks set in their designated plastic bags in the backseat, Changbin comments from the driver’s seat, “You looked weird. You were smiling.”

Minho only stares at him for a moment, a neutral expression on his face as he blinks those typical Minho blinks, before he turns his head to the other side to lean against the window.

He was thinking about the first time your tradition started, the first year Jess had to drag you on the trip. She used to do it often; you were shy in the beginning.

He’s got a favorite memory of you, and it wasn’t you and him sitting together on the bank of the river during the sunset, while the others were in the water, splashing around and having the time of your lives (you two were the only ones who couldn’t swim, but it was okay, you didn’t feel like you missed out on anything because at least you had each other).

His favorite memory of you wasn’t running into you in the middle of the night when he went into the kitchen for some water and you were out by yourself on the adjacent balcony, sitting with your chin resting on your folded knees and the crescent moon for company. He stayed there for a moment, dazed, wondering if he was still dreaming or if it was just you. When Minho finally made his presence known, you told him you couldn’t sleep and he suggested that you break into Hyunjin’s secret ramyeon stash, because going to bed with a full stomach always made him feel better whenever he was restless. 1:58AM, you ended up almost burning your hand on the stove, too busy trying to keep your giggles down when he made a stupid joke.

Minho’s favorite memory wasn’t of you falling asleep on his shoulder on the drive back either, with you squished in the backseat between him and Felix, and your light snores reminded him of Soonie whenever the cat would doze off on his chest. It wasn’t any of these moments, even though he thinks he might’ve loved you in every instance.

His favorite memory of you was the evening before that trip had to come to an end, the last night you all spent together before you had to leave your safe little bubble. It was after dinner and some drinks, everyone was buzzed and the air was crisp, chilly every now and then. When you were gathered on the dock overlooking the lake, each holding a sparkler that Jisung had prepared, you were laughing. Everyone else was laughing too, but yours was the only sound Minho could focus on.

“Be quiet. I’m gonna take a nap,” he tells Changbin, ignoring the comment entirely as he closes his eyes. “Wake me when we get to Chan’s.”

The lights, and your friends, and the moon hanging high up in the sky like a guardian angel back then.

You were watching how it all reflected so beautifully in the rippling waters below. He was watching you.

“You really don’t see it, do you?”

His question hangs in the awful silence as you stare at him. Minho can see your nails digging into your palms where your fists are clenched, your glassy eyes and the frown between your brows, like you’re trying your hardest to hold back tears. Why else would you be so upset?

He’s known about it for a while, or at the very least, he’s had an inkling of how you feel about him. He knows he isn’t in over his head when he says there’s a certain glow that radiates from within you when you’re together, a side of you that’s tender and at peace, one that he’s never seen you show anyone else. The way you look at him, it’s the same way that he looks at you even if you don’t realize it yet, or maybe you just don’t want to admit it out loud.

It hasn’t been one sided for at least some time now, he knows it.

But it’s frustrating to watch you try so hard to fight it. He’s the only one holding on, and you’ve been willing to let go at every turn.

“See what?” you challenge.

This isn’t how he planned to ever say these words, but the moment is here whether he likes it or not. It’s staring at you both in the face even if you are doing your best to hide from it.

Minho holds your gaze for a few seconds before he steps toward you again. This time, you stand your ground.

“You asked me if things changed for me and I said no. That was the truth, I never lied to you. We’re friends but that doesn’t mean I haven’t seen you as something more from the beginning.”

He pauses there, watches your eyes and how you take it in. They soften a little, filling up some more as you process his words. There’s surprise in the look that you wear, sure. A little confusion, yes. But most of all, you just look sad. When you call out his name, he can tell by your tone that it’s a warning, that you’re about to run away for real this time if he presses on, and yet he can’t stop until he says his piece.

“If you want me to spell it out for you, I’ve had feelings for you since we first met. I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for so long that I can’t remember what it feels like not to love you, and it drives me crazy that you don’t see any of it. The thing that makes me even crazier, do you know what it is? I think you feel something for me too, but you won’t admit it to yourself and you always resort to shutting down instead of facing your feelings. How much longer are you going to run away from me?”

When the first tear unintentionally spills over from the corner of your eye, Minho knows he’s struck a nerve. He wants to reach out and wipe away the tiny stream that rolls down your face but you beat him to it, wiping at your cheek in angry motions.

“You’re wrong.” Your voice is tight when you tell him, “I don’t have feelings for you.” It’s the only thing that you address.

Sometimes, he searches for your answer at the bottom of a glass, or on the other end of looks that seem to linger just a beat too long. But as he’s standing here, right now, he finds it in your hesitation to speak, in the lie you give him when you finally do.

It’s the answer he’s always wanted and yet, the knowledge brings him no satisfaction at all. It only lodges a lump in his throat, an overwhelming sense of dejection when he sees how hard you’re trying to fight this.

“I know you,” he sighs after a moment, a little defeated. “I know when you’re lying.”

“Maybe you don’t know me that well after all.”

You’re stubborn. You’ve always been stubborn.

Minho takes another step forward. It feels like it’s a step closer to the end as you both know it, because how else is your relationship going to come back from this? He sees the slight shake in your shoulders that you try to suppress, but he’ll always be the one to notice. 

“Tell me you don’t love me,” he says quietly, his final resort. A challenge but it sounds an awful lot like a plea. He doesn’t understand how it’s possible that things can take a turn for the worse in just two weeks’ time. The last time you both were here, you’d kissed his endeared smile and held him so impossibly close to you. Now, everything is falling apart, the seams coming undone one by one. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me.”

Minho meant what he said, about how loving you drives him crazy sometimes. Even when you’re breaking his heart, he still thinks you’re the most beautiful girl in the world. A noticeable sting settles in between the cracks of his ribcage at the sight of your quivering bottom lip, your balled up fists and his own reflection in your glassy eyes.

“Do you want me to say it so badly?” you ask, and he can only stare at you when your voice comes out harsher than it was before, though it cracks toward the end as you try to keep up with the facade. “Fine, I’ll say it.”

It’s not what he asked, but it’s confirmation nonetheless. It’s acceptance but not how he wants it to be. Acceptance that you do love him, and yet, you say it in a way that he’s never expected to hear from you.

“I don’t want to love you.”

all rights reserved © withleeknow. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 28.08.2024]

[hvlplvss]

| have yourself a merry little christmas

| colby brock x reader

summary: in which colby brock has never liked the idea of christmas. he’s never enjoyed it or wanted to celebrate by decorating. but his girlfriend loves the holiday. decorating the house in anyway she could. but a few words may cause colby’s hate for christmas to melt.

warnings: angst, reader cries, colby says a few means things lol, happy ending though !!

authors note: this is inspired by a steve harrington fic i saw last xmas, but the author has deactivated their account!!! but credits to them for this idea :)

colby brock has never really liked christmas. he always thought of it as a burden. having to decorate the house and be all cheery for an entire month, just to celebrate one day.

he didn’t understand why he hated it so much; but he just did. he couldn’t get behind the idea of christmas, or decorating, or christmas trees. you name it, colby brock probably didn’t like it.

however his girlfriend y/n, adored christmas. it was her favourite time of the year and it had been ever since she was young. she loved decorating and making the holiday special for the younger ones in her family. she loved the presents, she loved the food and the whole idea.

so when christmas was quickly approaching, y/n couldn’t help but speak about the holiday. she would sometimes speak to colby about it, despite knowing he didn’t love the day. but her and sam would talk about it as sam would listen to the girl yap about christmas.

seen as it was their first christmas together and y/n had come to realise that colby did in fact not like christmas, she made it her goal to make him enjoy it this year.

y/n had already begun preparing little things for christmas. it was only the middle of november and she had already planned the christmas tree, the lights which she’d put up outside, the gifts she was getting everyone. and by everyone, it meant everyone.

anyone who she would call a friend, or even a civil friendship, would receive a gift from the girl. wether it be bought or handmade, she’d make sure everyone got something this christmas.

but as the days slowly crept round to the first of december, y/n was ecstatic.

colby’s eyes slowly opened, squinting due to the lack of sleep the boy received last night after coming home from a meeting at silly o’clock in the morning.

he noticed the empty space in the bed beside him. y/n wasn’t there. which was strange and unusual as usually the girl was the last one to wake up between the two off them.

he reached for his phone checking the time, which read 6:37am.

what was y/n doing? there was no way she chose to be up at this time in the morning. it’s not like she had anything special going on today.

colby gave himself a minute to fully wake up, stretching his legs and arms and closing his eyes one last time before sliding out the side of the bed.

colby walked downstairs, rubbing his eyes tiredly. this is why she was awake so early. he thought.

the whole downstairs of the house was now silver with christmas decorations. tinsel, little trinkets of decoration, a christmas countdown which had rotating blocks so you could change it every morning.

“y/n?” colby called out. there were a few moments of rustling and a box being put down.

y/n came into view from the kitchen door, adorned in fluffy socks and a big christmas jumper that was many sizes too big for her.

“what’s going on?” colby asked, “why does the house look so ‘christmassy’” colby shuddered at the word as though it was bad for him to say it.

“it’s the first of december, colbs!” y/n beamed, “it’s finally christmas time!”

colby strolled into the kitchen, looking at what y/n was doing.

she was baking. baking christmas cookies. and she might as well be feeding the entire state with the amount she had made.

“what are all these for?” he asked.

“christmas cookies! i’m gonna take them to the nursing home,” she explained, “i’ve done it every year!” she pulled a rack out the oven and placed even more cookies on the side. “you don’t think i’ve gone overboard right?”

“what? no? i think it’s sweet, y/n,”

“okay, good. i mean if i’ve made to many they can always have two each, or maybe even three!”

colby placed a hand on his girlfriends cheek, “hey, calm down. it’ll be fine, i promise you,” he spoke softly, “but maybe just also calm down on all the decorations, yeah?”

y/n faltered at his words, “you don’t like them?” she asked disheartened.

“no, i-i do. just… just not use to it, yeah?” colby answered quickly, not wanting to upset her.

she nodded in response, looking back over her cookies once more. “right, i’m going to let these cool down, then get ready and go out to give them to the nursing home and then come home and decorate the tree!” she planned.

colby sighed, trying to hide his slight annoyance that he was coming to terms with. he loved the girl, but he hated this christmas spirit she had.

y/n had arrived home after successfully handing out her christmas cookies, 174 cookies to be exact, (she now realised she may have gone overboard).

y/n walked through the front door, taking her shoes off, leaving them next to colby’s.

as she strolled through the house, she arrived into the living room where colby was sat with his laptop.

she stood behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek.

“hey colbs,” she smiled.

colby looked up to look at his girlfriend, he smiled back at her and kissed her lips. “how was it?” he asked.

“good! they were happy to see me again! said i should go see them more often,” she told colby.

“bless them. they probably don’t get many visitors so they’re probably pleased to see you!” he answered, to which y/n nodded.

colby turned back to his laptop as y/n had walked away into the corner of the living room.

she opened a box which held various christmas tree decorations. she’d used the box for as many christmases as she could remember, it even had some of the baubles that her parents had bought when she was a toddler.

y/n slowly began decorating the tree, adding the lights, the baubles, the tinsel and so on.

but it took her quite some time due to her being an extreme perfectionist and if things weren’t equal on the tree, she’d restart or take the last few things off and then redo them.

so to say it took y/n a long time to decorate the tree was an understatement. she was an hour and 45 minutes in and she still hadn’t finished.

colby was still sat in the same spot on the couch, growing slightly agitated with his girlfriend.

she was talking to herself, muttering and whispering ideas. and as harsh as it sounds, she was really getting on his nerves. he was just trying to edit a video for the channel, but y/n couldn’t be quiet.

her voice broke him out of his thoughts, “colbs? which do you think looks better? the silver bauble or the gold bauble?” he looked up, glaring, but y/n was too carried away to even notice the change in his demeanour.

“i don’t know,” he shrugged, “silver?” colby answered, looking back down at his laptop.

y/n turned back to the christmas tree, deciding wether to go with her boyfriends advice or not.

y/n had officially finished decorating the christmas tree, after nearly two and a half hours, she only had one job left to do which was the star on top.

but the tree seemed to have quite a big height advantage on the girl, so she turned back around to colby.

“colbs, can you help me put the star on?” he tried to pretend that he hadn’t heard y/n, hoping that she would leave it and work the problem out herself; but she didn’t. “colbs?”

colby’s head snapped up, “what?!”

“can you help me put the star on, please?” she asked sheepishly.

“look!” colby began, placing his laptop off of his lap, “i’m trying to work, okay? but you are just constantly talking or asking me something about christmas or the decorations! when i don’t even care! i’m sick of all this christmas shit, y/n!”

y/n’s eyes glossed over at his harsh voice and choice of words and her bottom lip quivered.

“oh,” she spoke quietly.

colby could see what he had done. why did he get angry? why did he yell at her? he made her upset and he could tell.

y/n turned around and placed the star down back in the box, then turning to walk out of the living room, “y/n! wait- i didn’t-” but y/n shook her head and walked out of the room, heading upstairs.

colby shook his head and sighed, “fuck,” well done colby, well done.

y/n had been significantly quieter that day. when colby came upstairs for bed, y/n didn’t speak unless colby spoke to her first. she hadn’t even left the room due to how embarrassed she felt.

but the following day, y/n was still asleep when colby woke up. so, he quietly got dressed, trying not to wake y/n up, knowing it’d be an awkward encounter for the couple. plus colby also wanted to go food shopping as they began running out of food in their fridge and should stock up before everything runs out in the stores.

so while colby was out, y/n had gone about the house and took down each decoration. she didn’t want colby to feel annoyed by all the christmas things.

she just wanted to warm him up to the idea of christmas, but from what he said last night, it clearly wasn’t working.

taking down the christmas tree was way quicker than putting it up, y/n came to realise.

once everything had been tucked back into their boxes, y/n had gone back upstairs to just lay down in bed. ever since colby said that, y/n had felt a lack of energy. she was hurting. she was so excited for her first christmas with colby, but it wasn’t going the way she hoped.

sam had stopped by the couples house, dropping off the other laptop they shared for editing videos. the boy let himself in as he’d been allowed a key to the house, due to his frequent visits.

“colby? y/n?” he called out.

y/n walked out of her room grudgingly, walking down the stairs. “hi,” she said.

“hey,” he answered, “are you okay?”

he could tell something was up. she wasn’t being cheery like she had been on the lead up to december, or when she spoke about how excited she was for it to be december soon enough. she nodded.

“where’s all the decorations?” sam asked, looking around the house, “i thought you said you were gonna decorate on the first, and it’s now the second?”

y/n looked down, trying to come up with an excuse, “oh, i just had a really busy day yesterday, i didn’t find the time to,” she lied.

sam nodded, not believing her in the slightest. “i was coming to give colby this, but i’ll just tell him to drop by before he comes home,” y/n nodded, “call me if you need anything, yeah?”

“yeah,” she muttered, “bye sam,”

“bye y/n,” he turned back around, closing the door behind him.

sam hopped into his car, pulling his phone out of his pocket and going to message sam.

stop by mine later, need to give you the other laptop and also need to speak to you

colby had just arrived outside of sam’s appartment. he stepped out the car and walked to the house, opening the door.

“sam!” colby yelled. the said boy walked out from the kitchen and to colby, “you alright?” colby asked.

“yeah, just need to ask a few things and also give you the laptop,” sam answered, walking back into the kitchen, colby following his trail.

“yeah, what’s up?”

sam sighed, “why is your house not decorated?” sam asked. colby furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “i mean, y/n wouldn’t stop talking about how excited she was to decorate and how she was gonna do it on the first, but when i stopped by earlier there was nothing,”

“wait- what do you mean, there was nothing?” colby asked, slightly puzzled.

“i stopped by, and there were no decorations. like at all. it looked like your everyday house. no signs of christmas, at all,” sam explained.

colby thought about it for a moment, taking a seat at the kitchen island. “shit,” he muttered, placing his head in his hands.

“what?”

colby sighed, “i got angry yesterday, when y/n was decorating. she kept asking me questions and i was really rude and i yelled at her. i saw her face, sam. she was nearly crying, i mean she probably did cry, but she kept it hidden from me,” colby explained, “fuck! i feel so awful, sam,”

sam shook his head, “you should have heard her before. she rarely spoke to you about it cause she knew you hated it, so she’d talk to me about christmas things. but she was so excited for it, colby. you’ve messed this up, bro,”

“i know…” he sighed, “i just- i’m not use to it, and i know that doesn’t excuse it, because it doesn’t, i shouldn’t have gotten angry,”

“glad you realised that!” sam answered.

tomorrow was christmas. the day y/n was once looking forward to, but now didn’t even want to hear anything about it. she’d gone to bed quite early on christmas eve due to working all day.

colby had said he’d be up to bed in a few hours as he had a few things left to catch up on, like meetings and editing things and so on.

but colby didn’t come to bed until 3:27 in the morning.

colby spent six hours decorating downstairs. decorating the house how y/n had once made it. making it christmassy. how a house should be.

he even went shopping to buy all the food he would need for the dinner the next day. especially as the boy had invited everyone and everybody round for christmas dinner.

he had been so busy that time went quicker than he thought it had. he didn’t even notice when the clock struck 3am how long he’d actually been busy for.

and as he reached to put the star on the tree, he remembered what he said that day where he ruined y/n’s christmas cheer. but he hoped this would bring it back.

sure, colby still didn’t understand the whole christmas idea, but if it made his girlfriend happy, then he would learn about the christmas spirit.

when y/n woke up that dreaded morning, she noticed that colby was missing. she assumed he’d left as maybe he felt awkward, or that he’d gone to visit sam early.

but when y/n actually came round and fully woke up, she noticed the smell coming from downstairs. y/n furrowed her brows in confusion, so she stood up out from her bed and walked out of her room.

as she looked down the stairs she realised what colby had done.

the entire house had become ‘christmassy’. colby had redone all of y/n’s decorations and exactly how she had done them. everything was the same.

“colbs?” y/n called out.

colby rounded the corner of the kitchen, a smile playing on his lips, “d’you like it?” he asked.

y/n rolled her eyes playfully, running to him and wrapping her arms around his neck.

“i love it, colbs. thank you,” she whispered.

“no, thank you,” he said, placing his hands on her face, making her look at him, “i was horrible to you that day. you were so excited about christmas and i ruined that, i’m so sorry,” he apologised.

y/n leaned in to kiss colby’s lips gently, planting a soft kiss to them. “i forgive you,” she replied, “but pleaseeeee can i give you your gifts now? i’ve been waiting for months to give you them!”

[erithel]

Hello erithel!! I'm very embarrassed to ask this... but I really want to read your fics on AO3 and for some reason I don't understand, it won't let me...

Basically, when I click where theoretically the fic should open, for some reason only the summary appears and not the chapters or the text, and other times reading on AO3 it hasn't happened to me... What I mean is, do you know the reason and if there would be any other way to read your fics elsewhere if it doesn't work for me on AO3 since I really want to read them especially after reading your comics 😅😅😄😄

I don't know if it would be too much to ask if you could put a link or something...

(I feel super embarrassed to ask you this really...)

By the way, your art is seriously awesome, probably many people tell you but I wasn't into klance and thanks to your art I got into it jsjs"

I send you a image of my problem:

Huh. First of all don't feel embarrassed. Technical issues happen and you should always feel welcome to ask question if there's confusion.

Secondly I really appreciate your kind words about my work, and the fact that you are interested in reading my fics!

The unfortunate part is that I have never had anyone experience this issue before (or at least none who have let me know), so I am afraid to say I don't have a for sure solution for you. :(

What I can say is that -

#1, I have not restricted my fics, so they should be available for anyone to read.

#2, unfortunately the only other place where the chapters show up are on my patreon and that doesn't include all of the fics just the more recent ones.

#3, as far as I know ao3 doesn't have any kind of control over who can view what. I only recently was made aware that instagram was restricting some of my comic posts from minors, but again I don't think ao3 has anything like that (and I have no idea how old you are lol). That being said, the fic "Broken Things" you used as the example does have one of the major content warnings on it, and I know you can filter out certain ratings/subjects/content, so that might be something to check.

#4, the only kind of solution I can think of is having you try just clearing your cache/cookies. I know I've had to do that to get ao3 to load a few times, and maybe that might help? It is weird that you are able to see some of it but not the whole thing.

I am very, very not tech savvy so there might be a simple solution to this issue. If anyone else knows about this and especially knows how to fix it, please leave a comment!

I am so sorry you're having an issue with this, and I am even more sorry I can't give you a good answer on how to solve it. If nothing works, you might just need to reach out to ao3 support, although I'm not sure how quickly they respond.

[icrawledoutfromtheabyss]

Girls who help Moon :)

(plus our orphan son we found along the way) I did this in a solo jolly co-op with the purpose of reading Hunter's pearl (I didn't read it my first Hunter run because it was hard to carry multiple items and I was inexperienced. Maybe this is cheating but idc and it was fun) I played as Riv and carried Hunter on my back most of the time, but on the first cycle Riv actually died and I had to play as Hunter (and use arrow keys instead of WASD!). My headcanon for this little story is that the timeline is closer together and Hunter's rot was faster, so Rivulet offered to help the ailing scug. Hunter reluctantly agreed.

When I got to Five Pebbles', I found this lil gal! Named her Pearl...

Unfortunately, I went the wrong pipe, so I went back to get the neuron, leaving Hunter behind with pearl while Riv got neurons, but Hunter teleported into Pebbles' room. I didn't want to leave without enlightenment. Long story short, they both died, and poor Pearl was lost on her 0 cycle, so we couldn't get her back. I hope she's okay somewhere in the great cycle... However, my girls then found Odysseus! He's a cutie.

Not Rivulet backflipping into an echo (and taking her whole squad with her)

Then we got to Moon! There were scavs blocking the path, but I had to go and I hibernated in the shelter three rooms before her and they were gone, so I guess it worked out. Took a few tries.

Us bowing to the queen before we leave her ✨

One of their last cycles together- Hunter fell asleep standing up <3 Plus, a pretty purple scav! She killed us all lol

Finally, farewell. Recently did a Spearmaster ascension where I ditched my pups and I felt so bad, so I had Rivulet stay behind with Odysseus. Then I found out only Player 1 could ascend, so I had to redo it and switch Rivulet to Player 2. They said their goodbyes, group hugged, and Hunter went off to ascend, while Rivulet stayed behind to raise Ody.

The ending... void sea spoilers! Things actually dissolve in there! So cool. Checking in on my gang one last time before I go to the light.

Hunter ending spoilers + run stats! Idk why it said Helped Five Pebbles instead of Helped Looks To The Moon lol

Jolly co-op indeed except I did it by myself but storywise yknow. Thanks Rivulet!

I doubt anyone read this far but if you did I appreciate it lol. Here's a virtual batfly. 🦇 What?? You don't like batflies? Fine, a cookie. 🍪 Take it or leave it (or take both a batfly and a cookie...)

[dispatchwithlove]

I absolutely adore your ideas for turian culture. The shawls, the interesting word choices correlating with Roman/Latin words (like zuccha, amar, saccha). My absolute favorite thing though is the ties they have with the sky and stars. Garrus' curses (empty night, blackest night) especially are some of my favorite little elements in the universe you write for them. Where did you come up with these awesome ideas? I'm just so invested in the culture you created for my favorite space cats!

Hello Anon! Sorry this took so long to answer, I got absolutely giddy when I read it!

Well the whole Latin thing is taken both from canon (they're based on the Roman empire) and fanon. I know others have used Latin words and Roman culture to develop turian culture, and I liked it so I ran with it. A lot of the words I made up are bastardized latin words, lol. Saccha, mela, and zuccarum (zucca for short) are taken from the Latin words for sugar, honey, and ... sugar again, I think, lol. Crulum is taken from cookie. I kind of just look up the latin words for things and throw some letters around until I'm happy with the mouth feel of it. Other words I just plain make up, like lambas, which is a dish Val makes for the family. I want all turian words to sound like a rich, rolling, rumbly language as much as possible. For Avinelin, a Garrus/Nihlus one shot, I wanted the turian language Nihlus teaches Garrus to sound more like Spanish, because I think it's an incredibly sexy language. Basically, I want turians to sound hot I guess! I think a lot of people like to write turians as cold and ultra-militaristic, and go as far as to say they don't show physical affection easily (which is a valid take that I fully support!). But, I like to show the opposite of that -- that yes their culture is regimented and bureaucratic, but there's still warmth within them. Maybe expressing that warmth within them is even more important, considering their strict social guidelines.

I think that's also why I like to explore the importance of celestial themes with them as well. It shows that they once were religious, just like many species, and that shaped their language and how they cope with life. I know others play with curses being star based as well, so I didn't invent that, I just have fun playing with it. I will say that so far my favorite bit of star theme that I've come up with though, is Garrus seeing Jane's freckles as stars in a night sky, and that when he was a boy he'd look up at the night sky for comfort and solace. I don't get gushy over things I write often, but that moment in The Quarian where he makes that connection gets me! And I will absolutely be playing with that as Garrus and Jane reveal their feelings and explore their relationship in The Boy. One day he'll tell Jane that her freckles are like stars and she'll just melt 🥺 (I've already written the scene 😁)

OH, and the shawls...in the sequel to The Boy (working title is The Missing -- I hate my titles btw, but I feel stuck to the theme now, lol) There's going to be a murder based on the Jeffrey McDonald murders (a military doctor accused "hippies" of killing his family) and I wanted turians to have some sort of cultural appearance that xenophobic humans judged, but was based on something loving, so I thought maybe turians wear shawls while they marry, then i daydreamed about Jane wearing a shawl when her and Garrus get married, then when I was writing about a winter turian holiday (Anivia Vocan) I thought it would be cool if turians wear shawls for all important occasions. Boom, turians have special shawls. Okay, I feel like I've blabbered on enough. Bless anyone who read through this all. TLDR is that I have no plan and don't even keep track of the stuff I write. It all just bubbles up while I'm daydreaming about Jane and Garrus and I include what I remember.

Thanks for asking! Hope this was fun to read. If it was, I'm always down to answer any questions about my stories or world building! ❤️

[northsealight]

Hey, when you said RHATO Jason is the worst version on your last ask, were you referring to the first comic, second comic, or the Webtoon? (Honestly annoyed the Webtoon took that name, makes things even more confusing)

I have problems with all 3 (Webtoon most of all for sure, with the second and first switching places behind it based on what characters or plots I’m thinking about tbh), but I was just curious haha

oh. oh. oh you're not ready for this. I've been trying this entire week to find a good time to air out my thoughts:

so! in my opinion (again, this is not shaming anyone for liking what they like! if you happen to like RHATO!jason all the more power to you! dont read this!) all three reiterations of RHATO!Jason .. are not great. the one I think might have potential to be salvaged is the second one with Artemis and bizarro! (although roy harper is in my heart of hearts)

the way Jason is written in rhato... the rhato written by Scott Lobdell anyway, (who is actually a sexual predator and when you start to think even a LITTLE about how the women are written in RHATO makes so much sense) portrays Jason as yet another cookie cutter anti-hero-deadpool-esque personality who's mainly confined by the narrative restraints of his character.

I say this because hes so.... the way he goes about his vigilantism is so .. shallow. It's like the narrative is finding excuses to make him violent so the reader can be stimulated with Michale Bay explosions lol. You hardly see any stories in there where Jason is an actual champion for the people, and you hardly see his background as a street kid come into play... its like... he became... a vigilante because....he knows how the system can fail those... alienated and forgotten by those sworn to protect them... and thus channels his energy into said people through acts of radical protection... (also because the whole bruce thing yeah I know)

I keep thinking about injustice!Jason's monologue where he literally says something along the lines of "while bruce and clark were fighting I fought for the people who were being caught up in the whole thing" like if that doesn't just tell you who he is idk what will! and sure, injustice isn't Jason source material, so look at under the red hood! he literally becomes a drug kingpin TO CONTROL crime ... and then instead of getting these immense shows of care he has for the community in RHATO, we get panels like this:

like ok get it I guess 😭😭😭😭

this is the new and improved Jason!! he's suave.. hes American... he's... just like every other antihero now!!

I don't know how to explain it without sounding like an idiot- best bet is to read the comics yourself to kinda get what im saying! but even rebirth Jason is (kind of) getting what RHATO Jason doesn't-- he's a product of his huge heart. rebirth Jason has countless stories where we see how Jason ACTUALLY operates as red hood, and what his symbol means to the citizens of Gotham!

if you pour too much grit and "edginess" into Jason, then you kind of miss what he's all about- he can still be silly and sarcastic! in fact, one of my favorite Jason moments is from red hood: lost days, a series where he's portrayed as an edgy, "misfit" ruffian:

like. hello this is hilarious. and we can still have moments like these while balancing his emotional range as a vigilante that's motivated by his big fat heart! (ignoring the fact that he slept with Talia in the next issue 😭 Jason fans can't have shit 😭)

but anyway! ill likely add more when I'm not feeling so tired, but god!! is it so hard to show Jason's propensity for kindness!! is it so hard to realize that his character to the core is revolved around a deep understanding for others based on personal experience!!

there's a reason why DC (in the rare moments when they know what to do with his character) always writes stories with Jason consoling children, or Jason being good with kids in dangerous situations!

it's because he's been there before. he's felt the grief and confusion of being helpless in a situation of his control. he's felt the consequences of adults who were supposed to protect and raise him! he's been killed for daring to cling on to the notion of trust even after all he's been through!

and I don't know, I think his dedication to the people, children especially, is his way of forgiving himself- his way of telling little Jason that it wasn't his fault.

[louisaguy]

my thoughts on the river/louisa thing

this is not a post saying that anyone should agree with these thoughts, or that any other take is wrong. just getting my feelings out because everyone keeps talking about it lol.

some spoilers for later books (i'm not sure which one bc i haven't read them lol i'm just going off things i've heard)

oh BOY, am i conflicted about the idea of river/louisa going romantic. the thing is, i love their relationship so so so much as it is now. i don't think turning a platonic relationship romantic always HAS to ruin it, but... it's also true that there's no quicker way to get me to hate two characters i previously loved than with an unnecessary romantic subplot. i think their relationship-- especially the way louisa treats river-- is really unique and interesting right now, and i worry that that uniqueness would be dampened or overwritten if they went romantic. i love how louisa really, deeply cares about him, but also doesn't hesitate to be honest to the point of bluntness with him; see "i think he used you. a lot. and i think if it were the other way around, he wouldn't really care." (that scene still obsesses me. she's so caring with him, so defensive of him, and yet at the same time she doesn't sugarcoat anything to make him feel better. she's blunt in saying what he doesn't want to hear but she's doing it in order to defend him, because she cares so deeply about him).

i worry that if they were paired together, that dynamic would change, and they would fall into a more stock relationship, one that would damage louisa's character in particular, either taking the teeth out of her and making her overly sweet, or pushing her into the typical "nagging wife" stereotype... y'know, always fussing at him, criticizing him for doing dumb shit. that's my fear about what might happen. but, to be perfectly honest, i don't think it will. the show writers have been really good about treating their characters with a lot of respect (more so than the books sometimes do [i read the first book and have seen snippets of the others].... lol), so i honestly am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. if they wanna go in a river/louisa direction, i'm not gonna be NOOOO about it, i'm gonna see where they're going with this. i trust them to be able to make it work in a way that doesn't step on louisa's character. i mean, my best case scenario for romantic river/louisa is that their relationship is like identical to how it is now but they just kiss sometimes LMAO. i'd be cool with that! that sounds good to me!

i will say that i am almost rooting for river/louisa a little bit? solely because i don't want river/sid LMAO. i haven't read the later books, but i heard through the grapevine that in the books she comes back and her and river get together. i really hope that's something the show diverges from, bc i really DON'T WANT that. i know it's not really fair to judge sid against all the other characters who we've had whole seasons to get to know, since she was really only in the first 3 eps, but i found sid to be very boring. idk, maybe she'd be better if she came back and they had more time to flesh her out, but what we've seen of her so far? she feels very cookie cutter to me. like she's just there to be river's manic pixie dream girl. which like... boring. seen it before. i'd MUCH rather stick with what river and louisa have going on.

the only way i could see myself enjoying sid is if she gets to have a character and an arc and an internal world completely divorced from being river's gf... like if she came back and had several seasons on her OWN telling her own stories before she was paired with river. that's the only way i could see myself being ok with it.

but hey, y'know who's already had several seasons on her own not paired with river when she's allowed to develop her own arcs and internal world? louisa. which is why i think the idea of them getting together is something i'm willing to try out, at the very least-- i'm willing to trust that the writers are good enough to their characters that she will be allowed to KEEP having an internal world outside of river even if they got together. the writers have been very good to their characters so far. i'm willing to keep trusting them, for now.

i mean, look. the long and short of it is, if i was in total and complete control, i would want no romantic relationships for river. no romantic relationships for anyone in the cast, really. because i find them quite often to be overly reliant on stock relationship types that make the stories being told feel often a bit cookie cutter or repetitive... that's just my opinion. there are so so SO many good and interesting and fascinating stories being told here between the platonic relationships-- any combo of the slow horses makes me literally insane to think about. river and louisa, shirley and marcus, catherine and lamb, lamb and RIVER, even coe and shirley now... i think there's so many varied and unique types of relationships at play in this one little fucked up family unit, i'd love to explore those more rather than wasting time on a romantic subplot that, more likely than not, is going to feel identical to 10 other couples on TV right now (TO ME).

so, if i get total dictator control, i say no romance. but if we MUST have a romantic subplot for river-- which, ok, he's the conventionally attractive lead, i suppose it was inevitable even if i don't have to like it sigh-- i would much rather have him paired with the person he's had two and a half seasons to build his relationship with (though they didn't interact this season nearly as much as i wanted them to rip) and who he thus has an already established deep bond and really interesting dynamic with.... rather than his MPDG from season 1. sorry i'm not looking forward to sid coming back lmao. part of me hopes they change it and just don't bring her back at all. (i mean the actress is on house of the dragon now and that's blowing up, so who knows if they even have a contract with her to GET her back...)

(i'd be equally worried about them slotting louisa into a role that used to be occupied by sid in the books-- louisa and sid are NOT the same character and i'd worry about louisa feeling un-louisa-like when making decisions that originally belonged to sid... but again, i have a lot of faith in the writers to make it work. i think i can trust them to justify why louisa would make these decisions too and make it still feel true to her character.)

anyway. tldr; top choice river isn't paired with anyone and i keep getting to enjoy my little gen sandbox of slough house. but if he must be paired with someone, i'd like it to be louisa (just make it their current relationship but they kiss sometimes! that's allowed!).

(to be honest, putting the romance of it all aside, i do think river and louisa could make very good life partners... i could see them moving in together, helping each other keep their lives together lol. and i think it would be very sweet to see them continue to build those lives into the future with each other-- planning around each other, y'know, putting each other first. but i digress. to me, all of that is a completely separate thing from their relationship being romantic or not. it could happen either way.)

(also this doesn't really have to do with the thing in the trailer bc i've been thinking these thoughts for A While and louisa didn't even look into the kiss in the trailer anyway lmao, i just. i've seen everyone talking about this lately and it's made me want to get my thoughts out)

(if you've made it to the end of this long ass ramble, thank you for reading, ily, have a cookie 🍪)

[theflatpancakes]

THE OUTSIDERS HEADCANONS CAUSE WHY NOT! 😀

(Includes sexualities and pronouns because why not)

Ponyboy:

Reads fanfic, like a concerning amount.

Gets really into a book or movie and goes to read the second one (if there is one) then loses all his interest in it half way through

Is surprisingly good at driving, but nobody trusts him to do so (even when they get older and he HAS a driver's license)

Can't cook for the life of him. Like He once tried to make instant noodles on the stove and they caught fire... 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘸𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳...

The only thing he 𝘤𝘢𝘯 make successfully is eggs. And he can only make those because Soda taught him when they were younger

Bisexual but doesn't know that it's a thing (Johnny was his bi awakening, lmao)

He/they

Sodapop:

The best at cooking out of the whole gang

Only knows stuff about cars due to Steve going on rants about them sometimes

He enjoys cooking for everyone, but Darry usually takes over for dinner due to Soda preferring to make sweet stuff and it can just get to be too much for everyone

^ As you can assume due to the last one, he's a sweets person. He LOVES sugar. His favorite combo is sweet and salty (based af)

The kind of person to dip his fries in his frosty at Wendy's (also based af)

Also Bi (Steve was 𝘩𝘪𝘴 bi awakening, lol)

He/him

Darry:

The second best at cooking.

^Taught soda when they were little and soon got surpassed in his cooking skills

Prefers savory, but sweet can be good every once in a while (By that I mean every morning with the chocolate cake)

Not a movie or book person, but if he had to choose one, it'd be books

Secretly, really close with Dally, they don't interact much compared to the rest of the gang, but when they do, they're basically inseparable.

Gets flustered/embarrassed surprisingly easily

Token cishet of the group (Heteroflexible, the only reason is he thinks that he may have had some slight feelings for Paul when they used to play football together. He/him)

Steve:

Even though he doesn't seem to care about Pony, he actually does.

Despite Soda being his best friend, Two-Bit is a close second

Him, Soda, and Two-Bit often go out together, and they both need Soda to be the mom friend if Darry isn't there

Gayass (homosexual af, mostly because of Soda)

He/him

Two-Bit:

Despite being one of the oldest of the gang, he's one of if not the most immature

He loves cooking but absolutely sucks at it

Perfectionist but is too lazy to clean and 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭 that perfectionism

Played with dolls when he was younger but always hid it from people.

^ The only person who knows is Dally, and he completely uses that as blackmail against Two

Cares way too much about everyone (especially Pony)

Had feelings for Dally when he [Dal] first came to Tulsa, but they slowly faded away over a few years

He says his sexuality is, "If there's a hole, there's a goal." (Exact words)

He/him

Dally:

Somehow becomes a successful author when he gets older??

Secretly enjoys books, reading, and writing, but nobody but him knows

^ Pony made a joke that was a reference to a book at one point, and Dally was the only one that got it. He cracked up a little at it, but nobody understood why (Pony kind of figured it out at some point lol)

Most mature aside from Darry

Admires Darry and wants to be like him. He beats himself up if he messes up in a way that Darry never would

He is Johnny and Pony's father figure, Pony doesn't realize it as he seems Darry as more of his father figure

^ By that, I mean he takes care of them like a father, mostly Johnny but often Pony as well

Can just sit down and eat a whole tub of raw cookie dough by himself with no problem, but regrets it an hour later when his stomach hurts. He still does it, though, every single time

Aggressively bisexual but would fuck anyone

He/him

Johnny:

Stays introverted and close to Dally his whole life

Has no self-control when it comes to sugary things/junk food

Never really hungry, but when he 𝘪𝘴 hungry he either eats everything in sight or a single cracker

Likes reading with Pony

Darry takes him in at some point when his parents became too much

Wears his jean jacket all the time, only takes it off to shower, change, or sleep

^ Barely ever washes that thing, somehow never gets it too dirty, though?? Like only dirt/grass stains

Likes planes, a lot

Often joins Dally in eating raw cookie dough

^ Once invited Pony to a cookie dough eating session, but he declined, as he didn't want to get sick

𝓜𝓮𝓷.

^ Enjoys being with Pony... if ya catch my drift 😏 (ITS A CRUSH NOT WHAT THE EMOJI IMLPYS AHAHGDJWJSJ)

He/him (but sometimes enjoys dressing/looking fem in private)

[morning-sun-brah]

Okay so I've just GOTTA know... how the hell do you write the way you do?? I haven't been able to get sucked into any written work since high school, trauma brain and all. I used to live in books so it's been hell, but your writing got me back into reading, and makes it so I can get lost into that little world again, which I've craved but been able to have for like... so long. Writing is something I've always been into, but I let my fear of failure and need for perfection stop me. Just... do you have any advice for beginners?? It would mean the world to me, but I understand if it's an annoying ask! Thanks for reading no matter what!

Well I am just a mess reading this (in the best way possible).

First of all, thank you so much omfg. And of COURSE it isn't annoying! This is so flattering I'm about to cry my dude.

As far as tips on writing, I feel like I am not the person to ask because I'm just this little weirdo on the internet who likes turtles lol. But!! In an attempt to try and give real advice here is my response... and it got a little wordy so it's all under the break lmaoooo.

~Gin's rambling attempt to give writing advice~

Practice! Literally the only reason I can string coherent words together is because I've been doing this as a hobby for like two whole decades.

Also!! Read! Consuming other fics and books really helps. Sometimes you find a way of saying something that sticks with you. Sometimes you sit and think "I would have done it this way/said it this way." Sometimes you come out on the other end and go "Wow I am a hack that was amazing." Sometimes you finish something and go "Wow that was fucking terrible I'm amazing." Sometimes you read something and it fires off your brain, and you are left itching to write your own story. But however you feel, it's all GOOD FOR WRITING. It helps you grow! It literally helps you find your voice!

Other little things; When I write, I truly immerse myself. I am playing out in cinema format what is happening in the "scene." How is this person reacting? How do they look- down to facial expressions. How are they feeling? Is this something they would say? (would they fucking say that??? is something I think to myself every time I open a doc) And when I write it all down, I try my very best to convey that "scene" that played out in my head. I try to capture that character's voice, their mannerisms, their habits.

Does this even make sense? I sure hope so.

Also, flow. Make sure we're moving right along. Keep track of where hands, legs, and torsos are. If they were sitting when the scene started, and you need them standing to kiss or fight or do a thumb war, at some point you need to make sure you say they stood up. If a hand was on a cheek, it can't suddenly be on an ankle without telling the reader what happened.

I also just think adding little details helps with immersion. When we talk to people, we don't just stand around. We fidget. We pick our nails or scratch our arms or shuffle our feet. All those little details can add to that immersion (or I think so, I'm no expert). "He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck before saying..." - Wow, what an awkward little shit. "They scrunched their nose and gave a near-violent eye-roll" - Oh ok they are annoyed! "She shifted her feet and replied"- cool she's being a person, I shift my feet too, neato.

Anyway, nothing I wrote 20 years ago is as good as it is now. I'm highly convinced that I'll think the same thing in another 10 years, about anything I've published recently. But it is getting better, and it's because I keep at it. Having friends in the fandom and beta readers really helps. Make sure you find someone who you know will be positive but honest. And remember, YOU are always going to be your own worst critic.

God why did anyone ever let me have access to a computer. Why the FUCK is this so long? Does it even make sense? Jfc, I'm going to post it and eat a fucking cookie.

I believe in you anon. Also, I love you and thank you so much for making my whole week. I'm going to be so obnoxious about this shit, everyone expect to hear from my ass an annoying amount (kidding, but seriously I'm so fucking flattered thank you so much. This kind of shit makes me wonder what the fuck you're all reading because I swear I am just a silly gal with seasonal depression who needs a haircut).

((Also, anon, I wish you nothing but the best. Take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, and know that I am sending you like a million hugs))

[astridthevalkyrie]

soph, have you seen the diskhorse? 👀

if you mean the x reader stuff, i've seen the og post and anything my mutuals have reblogged, although i saw it pretty late (relatively) because i only found it last night before i went to bed.

(if you didn't mean that i'm so sorry lol because this post is really long)

idk i have thoughts here and i'm sure people have already articulated things better than i could, but there's two separate points the post is talking about—how a reader character is described looks wise (+ gender), and then everything else that makes up them up, ie personality, backstory, skills. there was also something about a mary sue, i think, about how most readers have not been trained as super soldiers or aren't celebrities and so they become hard to relate to.

so! here is things i think factor in for people when deciding whether a chracter is a reader or an oc. feel free to disagree, these are my thoughts and how i classify them. i'm gonna try to avoid saying "imo" this whole thing is my opinion lol.

1. giving the reader a name

i've seen both sides of this now. some people are completely taken out of a story seeing y/n or f/n or just ____ while reading, and others (like me) are taken out when they see a name that the author has assigned. authors can also do a range of things when it comes to name, and there's a difference between, say, the story starts with the reader meeting the character while eating a cookie and so he calls them cookie the whole time (any pet name, sweetheart or darling or whatever is in this catgeory as well) versus the character just being named avery.

the former is much easier to read for me because, y'know, that could still be me, someone could call me cookie if they saw me eating a cookie (sidenote if anyone called me cookie i would jump off a cliff) but my name's just not avery in any way shape or form so it suddenly becomes really hard to self insert (and reminder that the entire appeal of x reader fanfics for most people is to imagine they're the one in the story).

both things are valid! now that enough people have expressed their fondness and disdain for both, they clearly have their merits to different readers and it is completely up to someone which they prefer. anyone making complaints about either (usually the name crowd talking about how much they hate y/n from what i've seen) or anyone who says "y/n isn't me" or "katie isn't me" is just not reading fics that make them happy. in a subgenre all about making yourself happy and being self indulgent, you're letting yourself be taken out of a story by something that will keep other people very invested in it.

have your preferences. indulge in them. surround yourself by them!

SO. a reader being named does not make them an oc (and while i don't think people need to tag it, it would be nice if they did) until we get to the second point.

2. first person vs second person vs third person—and POV!

first person gets a lot of bad rep in fanfic, even when it's NOT an x reader fic. why is that? aside from how it's associated with wattpad one direction stories ("i woke up and threw my hair into a messy bun"), reading first person to many many people feels like reading out of someone's diary. even if it's from the reader's point of view, there's a disconnect that's there that simply does not let people self insert because it reads too much like the self insertion is meant for the author only. and because of the aforementioned connotation people have with it, it comes off as childish or cringy.

STILL. first person does not an oc make (didn't expect the wiseness here didya). i feel bad because first person takes me out of a story too and there are definitely more than several first person stories that aren't childish or cringy at all, BUT here's where i think the first and second point start to meet.

first person pov with f/n—still an x reader fanfic. first person pov with a named character—oc.

the same goes for third person. i've written third person reader and though i tried to avoid saying the reader's name at all (it becomes exceptionally awkward in third person), i did still use f/n everytime it came up.

second person pov is the only one that works with a named character and is still an x reader fanfic.

excuse me! someone calls out. what if i write from the character's point of view and not the reader's?

i'm so glad you asked! pretty much the same rules apply. this is when we get into how second person can be used without us seeing the reader's thoughts, and fanfic authors do it all the time. "he wanted to kiss you so bad, he thought of nothing but your lips the whole week" and "'i want to kiss gilda so bad,' he groaned, thinking of you" work, while in the same vein "i wanted to kiss ashley so bad" or "he wanted to kiss martha so bad" doesn't work.

the character's pov is easier to write in some ways because:

3. reader's personality

there is much much MUCH less to worry about when writing from the character's POV now that you don't have to write the reader's thoughts. (third person omniscient writers, y'all are so brave.) of course that's why smaller headcanon or sexy posts are easier to write (which doesn't make them any less enjoyable or valid), it's because they center on the character and how they would act while having very little to do with the reader. they do well on tumblr because tumblr favors shorter posts that are easy to consume, not because they're particularly better. if you ask people what their favorite reader fic is, most will give you a fic in which the reader most certainly has a personality.

it is highkey impossible to write a fullfledged story without giving the reader a personality, even if you write from the character's POV, which no one should feel obligated to anyways. everyone has already said this, but yeah, it is also impossible to create a character that will relate to anyone.

but do they have to be super competent or kickass or the biggest flirt or a ninja warrior gymnast superhero?

uh, yeah, they kinda do. here's where the hard truth comes in—these fics are meant for readers to self insert, but they're primarily meant for the authors of those fics to self insert into. you might not want to read a story in which everyone and their mothers think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread, but escapism is different for everyone. if someone following the pov and name rules i mentioned above, their reader could have all the personality in the world, coupled with a tragic backstory and a career that would put barbie to shame, and it would still be a reader fanfic, and "personality" does not need to be tagged. it would be extremely goofy if it was.

(although, a lot of fandoms DO tag features their reader has in case you want to block them out on ao3—think mha with their "reader has a quirk" tag.)

and finally, the most hot topic issue.

4. giving reader a set look/reader's gender identity and pronouns

yes. "your pale skin" takes me out. "your slim waist" takes me out. "your blue eyes" takes me out. pronouns that aren't mine take me out. any descriptor that wouldn't apply to me takes me completely out of a reader fic. unlike personality, it's not impossible to write a story without putting physical traits on a reader.

....that's not to say it's not hard, though. i hope people recognize that. if you're writing other characters interacting, flirting, kissing, or having sex with your reader, there's going to be at least some instances where "she looks up at you" just has a different effect than "she looks at you" and you don't wanna not include people who are shorter than the character and sometimes you have to sacrifice the picture you're trying to paint for inclusivity or vice versa. many authors are picturing either themselves or an oc in their heads as they write, and it's extremely difficult to check yourself after every sentence to ensure that absolutely no physical description is present.

(in a much smaller picture before i go on, i'd like to specifically mention the word "blush" because people bring it up a lot. unpopular opinion, but i really don't see a problem with the word, mostly because i think despite its dictionary definition, blushing is not limited to cheeks being red, it's synonymous with blood rushing to your cheeks, which can happen to anyone. my skin tone is dark enough that people can't tell if i blush, but i do blush regardless, just, y'know, discreetly. it becomes something else if the narration or a character points out a reader's cheeks are red, but otherwise i really think anyone can blush. if people want to avoid it as i mostly do to just not ruffle feathers, i usually stick with "you feel your cheeks heating up" and that has about the same effect.)

so, yeah, it's difficult. it's also not wrong—and i don't think it creates an oc. people can write a reader that looks like them and have it still be self insertable to other people or even have their works read by people who don't mind physical descriptions when reading x reader fics.

obviously there is an issue with how poc are treated in fandom and representation in general with the lack of dark-skinned readers and male readers, which is, as pointed out by others, because there are simply more white female authors. so what's the solution, so as to not alienate poc or ppl with pronouns that aren't she/her who are reading fics that contain afab she/her readers or descriptors?

(ik that's wordy, shh, i'm tired.)

tagging! everyone cries simultaneously. tag your stuff!

yeah, pretty much, exceeeeept. it's one thing for people to tag their fics with black!reader or afab!reader or variations of those, and it's an entirely different thing to say white!reader. you know why you don't see that? because it would leave the same bad taste in people's mouths if, say, netflix had a category about white empowerment. with basic historical and social context, it's not a great idea.

the better idea is probably to tag something like "Reader Has A Physical Description" or something along the lines that someone else could word better than me. then either in the tags or in the author's note (in the beginning) mention the types of descriptors, i.e. "reader will be described as having pale skin." that's it! go ahead and make the reader pale to your heart's content. pale readers and people who don't care will be able to read and others who hopefully make the effort to read the tags (always read the tags!) will just scroll and find a fic they like more. on the opposite side, "Reader Has No Physical Description" could also work as a tag to assure people that your reader will not have their physical traits described. that covers skin color, eye color, hair length and texture, height, etc.

and if something does not exist for you, if you want more amab readers with they/them pronouns or if you're like me and you're south asian and want a reader that jams out to bollywood music then you're always, always free to write one of your own or request from authors who allow it. as most poc readers know, having someone who is of the same race or ethnicity as you write something with their experience clearly woven into the story can be very personal, as it is for them to write.

so! tldr: pov matters a lot when determining oc or reader, and names, personality and looks less so, but everything is about what shapes your experience and preference. tags are important, as is keeping in mind that x reader fics are meant for self insertion both for the author and the reader. write what you want, but let's be conscious of alienating people who are already lacking representation in fandom. happy reading, happy writing, hope those characters love you like you deserve!

[angelgendered]

She also told me that im 'using my wheelchair too much' and am 'getting lazy'

Like.

She does know there's a big reason i get the highest rates of PIP, right? And that I have a chair on Motability ffs because they also think I need one? I was assessed by an OT who said I CANNOT self propel but that they couldn't give me a motorised chair through them bc I can stand and walk a bit 🙄 but they gave me an attendant propelled chair which I HATE cos it makes me reliant on my mother to push me and she bitches about my weight the whole time and it just upsets me.

So yeah, I use my motorised chair a lot. Can you blame me? I can walk, yes. Under like 10m without stopping. I have to use crutches if I'm doing that outside the house cos of uneven flooring. I get immense pain and fatigue in my back and my body from walking and mobilising generally. Standing and sitting repeatedly, as well as bending, are all triggers for my pain. All things I'd have to do without my chair.

And yes it's a lifeline I've become reliant on. But that's the POINT of a good mobility aid, is it not? That's the whole idea of them! They enable you to do things you couldn't otherwise do! Seeing as my granddad was paraplegic and near enough quadriplegic at the time he died, it rally shocks me how bad her attitude towards wheelchair users is. She's disabled herself ffs. But I forgot, no one is allowed to feel bad or struggle unless it's her. Any time anyone in the family has a health condition, my mother suddenly acquires something similar or the same. It's so tiring because she makes it a contest and it makes me so so so tired.

Anyway, as I was saying. My chair is my lifeline. Since i got it, no exaggeration, I've been out more than I have since I was like 16. I shut myself away for years and withdrew from everyone, even people who expressed desire for friendship, believing I wasn't worthy of the attention. Well last years crisis and me coming out as trajs finally have changed things drastically. I am worthy of attention and love and I don't have to apologise to anyone for anything. Least of all my mother who sees me as a glorified dog sitter and nothing else.

Sorry, this got long. If you read this then idk. Have a cookie or something. I'm just really deep in my fed up trough today lol

[enniewritesathing]

discussion post #2 (i think?)

This may have been a small update but More Things happened and we gotta talk about it. (Or, I'm gonna talk about it.) More like a ramble, really.

Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Speculation? Let's talk about it. 🤔

Behind the Scenes stuff:

first off, I wouldn't have the ability to even remotely do ANY of this part without @anothersimsstory's CC conversions and I'm glad I had the foresight of downloading it when I did. (they didn't delete their shit or anything but you know how it is sometimes) and the monitor by Theraven (I don't think they have a tumblr? they have a forum tho), and the EKG leads by @jellypawss. It really pays to make niche CC!!

I had to make swatches for the monitor since it is an important visual thing... but it was wholly contingent on me finding something that's close to actual vital signs and I looked everywhere but they were all stock images and obviously didn't work for what I needed. I then had to search high and low for for it, but I found it. For real!! I had to use TWO laptops (one for settings and the other for the actual monitor) and I screenshotted it, slapped it into paint to save it, make it a swatch, rinse/repeat for I think 15? idk how many

you may think, Ennie, that's a bit much, and I say, my attention to detail game is insane when it doesn't need to be but dammit, the visuals have to make sense from a glance. That and the offchance of someone who knows read the monitor would point something out about it. That said! I tried parcing out what EtCo2 is but all I got from it is was "high number bad".

seriously, I spent... a Stupid amount of time setting that up. 🅱️lease clap for me -- I can safely say that I don't think anyone else would go that far.

I told myself after finishing The Incident I was not gonna be doing 5/6 rigs all in one shot again. (🤡)

The lighting situation drove me up the damn wall and after a point, I just said fuck it. What I didn't anticipate was the stark contrast of John and The Werewolf talking and the memory in terms of setting. It's really cool, I think.

I fretted over this part the whole time because I didn't know what order I wanted and what I was going for, but I think I escalated it properly.

For The Werewolf's veins, I had to do the ol' S4S shuffle, but they are a combination of 3, maybe 4 and ofc had to make outfits for the progression, which is why he's still rocking the half-sleeve look (and from an age/timeline stand point makes him 21/22ish). You know what, let's look at them again!

it's a good look

Speaking of... I had to make a lot of The Werewolf solo poses and I found out that uh, it's all in the brows; they can completely change the meaning. It's bad enough with the angles and the general body language. (Or maybe not? Eh.)

Another visual thing -- The Big Scene... that one, I had going back and forth with it until I decided going all white for The Werewolf's eyes (or lack of pupils). It was far more striking and way scarier than the 'blank' eyes I tend to go with.

seriously, I contemplated on tagging it as a jump scare.

Oh! and the shaking of 3 pics, that was spur of the moment because I really kept going back into the post and something was just missing. I have a (cracked) PhotoMosh and I played with the setting a bit and bingo.

It is probably my favorite post so far. I had to settle with the fact that it's not gonna be the one to be spread around. Or any of it really.

Story Stuff:

There's so many crumbs in this! So. Many. There's even a loaf of bread or two. If you tell me what you're picking up on and you're on some kind of track, you get a cookie (🍪). (I'm serious, btw)

John's clearly shook. This may be the first time we've really seen him like this. And The Werewolf is nonchalant... (I will admit John looks very pretty when he's like this lol)

...or is he? I think there are more cracks in the dam than you'd think. A while back in a post that's somewhere on this blog, but John has a tendency to play with his hands when he's anxious.

Another thing that I just noticed is that they didn't really look at each other; I wonder what that's all about?

I've said it once and I'll say it again; even though they share the same body, John and The Werewolf look very different from one another, and I think that's neat.

Jordan being real about taking advantage of the fact that they're getting paid $$$ and they'd be dumb to not take up the offer.

I had to remember that Brian did not know John was a werewolf at this point in time, or even begin to really put 2+2 together. I call it a bit of genre blindness, helped by the fact that this didn't happen all the time. He just rolled with it. Also, wow he looks very young without his tats; ofc this was the college years and he was beginning to fill out/eating good.

Mark is the smartest dude in the whole story. He said, nope, nuh uh, I'm OUT. IYKYK.

There were so many pics I wanted to take of Daniel punching The Werewolf right in the solar plexus (or thereabouts it might've been slightly lower than that). As they say in the FGC, he failed to block that overhead.

I'm glad I decided to leave in the fact that The Werewolf couldn't see too well.

The Werewolf blew his vocal cords out screaming. He said that shit with his soul. Rarely do I go with the funky text with him since that's his "big scary werewolf" voice (that and he rarely speaks like that). My man said "I'll make you suffer my pain." Beautiful. Can't wait to see how that plays out.

That said, The Werewolf did work himself up to the point of nearly killing himself on accident. But as Charles predicted, his body hit the emergency button and shut that shit down.

I spent the most time worried about this part because it needed to get the point across without it being so... cheesy?

also, I have to say? The Werewolf is a Swearwolf. *rimshot*

The Fucking Around part has ended... The Finding Out part is really going to be fun to watch. (I mean, you can already do this if you haven't but now you have way more context.)

There's something about The Werewolf that's becoming apparent (to us). He's still holding back on his actual feelings. Not only that... he hasn't gotten to John himself and I think that's where it's really gonna go down. John knows this; he's not naive to think that he didn't have a role in all of this too. Something to think about.

Charles is a flat out Nasty Man (very derogatory) and yet, I kinda enjoy writing it.

I do love how he is formal with names, "dear ____" and referring to John's formal name Johnathan.

which I always forget this mfer is named Johnathan. Nobody calls him that.

[badger-bear]

Even though I’m not reading fan fiction anymore, I thought it would be fun to keep track of what I read each month. I bought a reading journal in November and it has changed me for the better lol it’s so much easier keeping track. I still haven’t decided if I’m going to track the books I DNF but I’ll figure it out eventually. Anyway here are the books I read this month! The title in bold is my favorite book of the month.

Wait For It by Mariana Zapata (4 ⭐️)

If anyone ever said being an adult was easy, they hadn't been one long enough.

Diana Casillas can admit it: she doesn't know what the hell she's doing half the time. How she's made it through the last two years of her life without killing anyone is nothing short of a miracle. Being a grown-up wasn’t supposed to be so hard.

With a new house, two little boys she inherited the most painful possible way, a giant dog, a job she usually loves, more than enough family, and friends, she has almost everything she could ever ask for.

Except for a boyfriend.

Or a husband.

But who needs either one of those?

Hans by S. J Tilly (5 ⭐️)

CASSIE

How to make the handsome, brooding man across the street notice me.

Step one: Deliver baked goods to his front porch, even though he never answers his door and always returns the containers when I'm not home.

Step two: Slowly lose my mind as a whole year passes without ever running into him, no matter how hard I try.

Step three: Have my boudoir photos accidentally delivered to his mailbox instead of mine. Have him open the package. Then have him storm into my home for the most panty-melting scolding of my life.

Step four: Still figuring out step four.

HANS

I'm a dangerous man.

A man who has spent the last two decades removing so many souls from this earth that it's a miracle my hands aren't permanently stained red.

I'm a man who belongs in the shadows.

I certainly don't belong in my pretty little neighbor's bedroom when she's not home, touching her things and inhaling her scent.

I shouldn't follow her. Shouldn't watch her. Because no number of cookies on my doorstep will change the fact that love isn't an option for me.

The only option left for me is violence.

The Perfect Fit by Sadie Kincaid (4 ⭐️)

One wannabe writer from Brooklyn.

Three insanely hot billionaires.

One very indecent proposal.

West Archer, Ezekiel Cavanagh, and Xander King. AKA The Unholy Trinity. Ruthless. Ambitious. Intimidating.

With dark tastes and even darker desires, they’ve been searching for the perfect woman to fit into their unique lifestyle for over a decade. But despite their best efforts, none have made it past three months. Believing they’re destined to never find the one, they swear to stop looking.

Until they meet Lily.

There’s something about Lily Sloane, something that captivates all three of them. For the first time ever, it seems like they may have truly found the perfect fit. But as we all know, there is such a thing as too good to be true.

Lily Sloane isn’t the penniless girl from Brooklyn they think she is. And with a past full of secrets and lies that she’s trying to escape, the unholy trinity might have bitten off more than they can chew. When trust is broken, is there any way back?

Knox by Kate Oliver (2 ⭐️)

Knox

When she came in to buy a gun, I knew she was in trouble. This isn't my first rodeo. What I didn't expect was to have my Daddy senses go into high gear.

Addie

My life was going well until I got the call that my past was coming to haunt me. Although I don't want it, I may have to accept help from a man who calls to my Little side. He's dark and dangerous and he would never understand my needs. But he says he will protect me and I can use all the help I can get.

Ash by Kate Oliver (2 ⭐️)

Kylie

In high school, he had saved her from a bully who had cornered her at a party that she shouldn’t have even been at. Then he called her Little Girl and threatened to spank her bottom if she wasn’t more careful with her safety. She was the dorky girl with glasses and braces, and he was her secret crush, the "bad boy" that all the girls swooned over. And even though they hadn't spoken since that night, she still fantasized about being put over his knee.

Ash

He was the “bad boy” then, and the label still fits. But now, he only did bad things to help those who needed his protection. He had been called Daddy many times over the years, but no one had affected him like the little girl from his past who was standing in front of him at the club, drunk and telling him that she had been fantasizing about him since high school.

Recipe for Love by Anne Malcom (4 ⭐️)

Nora Henderson is of the opinion that chocolate cures almost everything.

Which, among a few other reasons, is why she opened her bakery in the small town of Jupiter, Maine five years ago.

People come from miles for her chocolate peanut butter cupcakes. Customers almost come to blows over the last almond croissant. Some even say her chocolate chip cookies help ease the burn of heartbreak.

Nora’s life is good. On the surface, at least.

Underneath the frosting and the sweet décor of her bakery is a broken engagement, doubt and anxiety spirals.

In short, Nora Henderson is a mess.

Not someone Rowan Derrick would ever be interested in. He’s the gruff veteran who owns a construction company, who broods his way around town and can wear the crap out of a backward baseball cap.

He stars in almost every one of her fantasies. She expected him to stay there, to remain her imaginary boyfriend and customer … nothing else.

But Rowan Derrick has had his eye on Nora for a while. Little does she know, she stars in every one of his fantasies too. And now that the beautiful baker is no longer engaged, he’s going to make her his.

Nero by S.J Tilly (4⭐️)

Payton

Running away from home at 17 wasn’t easy. Let’s face it though, nothing before, or in the ten years since, has ever been easy for me.

And I’m doing okay. Sorta. I just need to keep scraping by, living under the radar. Staying out of people’s way, off people’s minds.

So when a man walks through my open patio door, stepping boldly into my home, and my life, I should be scared. Frightened. Terrified.

But I must be more broken than I realized, because I’m none of those things.

I’m intrigued.

And I’m wondering if the way to take control of my life is by giving in to him.

Nero

The first time I took a man’s life, I knew there’d be no going back. No normal existence in the cards for me.

So instead of walking away, I climbed a mountain of bodies, and created my own destiny. By forming The Alliance.

And I was fine with that. Content enough to carry on.

Until I stepped through those open doors, and into her life.

I should’ve walked away. Should’ve gone right back out the door I came through. But I didn’t.

And now her life is in danger.

But that’s the thing about being a bad man. I’ll happily paint the streets red to protect what’s mine.

And Payton is mine. Whether she knows it or not.

King by S.J Tilly (4⭐️) this was technically a reread but I couldn’t remember how it ended and since I read Hans and Nero, I figured I would read it again.

Okay, so, my bad for assuming the guy I was going on a date with wasn’t married. And my bad for taking him to a friend’s house for dinner, only to find out my friend is also friends with his wife. Because, in fact, he is married. And she happens to be at my friend’s house because her husband was busy working.

Confused? So am I.

Unsurprisingly, my date’s wife is super angry about finding out that her husband is a cheating asshole.

Girl, I get it.

Then, to make matters more convoluted, there is the man sitting next to my date’s wife. A man named King, who is apparently her brother, and who lives up to his name.

And since my date is a two-timing prick, I’m not going to feel bad about drooling over King, especially since I’ll never see him again.

Or at least I don’t plan to.

I plan to take an Uber to the cheater’s apartment to get my car keys.

I plan for it to be quick.

And if I had to list a thousand possible outcomes… witnessing my date’s murder, being kidnapped by his killer, and then being forced to marry the super attractive but clearly deranged crime lord, would not have been on my Bingo card.

But alas, here I am.

Gravity by Tal Bauer (5⭐️)

Bryce:

Hockey is my life. This game pulled me from my tiny Quebec hometown all the way to the NHL, and now? I’m the number one player in the league. Team capitaine for the Montréal Étoiles. I’m shattering records and packing arenas every night, and I’ve promised my team: we’re going to win the Stanley Cup this year.

But I’m keeping big secrets. I'm thinking dangerous thoughts, and dreaming about impossible things. Like how a man’s lips might taste, or how his body might feel in my arms.

I can’t go there. I’ve got to focus. Team. Hockey. Cup. What my heart wants doesn’t matter.

So why am I falling head over heels at the NHL's All-Star Weekend?

I can’t do this. I can’t fall for Hunter Lacey. He’s a hockey player. We’re both in the NHL. He’s on a different team. And, oh yeah, he’s straight.

Hunter:

I’m a middle-of-the-road, nothing-special hockey player. Good enough to be drafted into the NHL, and I’ve been on the roster for the past two years, but I’ll never make the Hall of Fame. I’m just trying to keep my head up and get through each day, until this wild ride comes to an end.

Deep thinking isn’t really my thing. Look inside myself? Lotta beer and burgers there.

I never thought I’d be invited to the All-Star Weekend, but here I am. And there’s my hero: Bryce Michel, league superstar.

Saying hello to Bryce turns into hours spent together on the ice, and then an invite to dinner, and then days at each other's side. I’m in heaven. He’s my hero, and this is the coolest—

Then Bryce’s lips land on mine, and the world turns upside down.

Ryder by Jacki James (1⭐️)

Having a meltdown in the local hardware store isn’t the best way to find the man of your dreams. Or is it?

Brennan Taylor is at the end of his rope, and the busted pipe under his kitchen sink was the last straw. He knows nothing about plumbing, or any of the other things his father says a grown man should know, but lucky for him he is about to lose it in front of the perfect man to help him.

Ryder Davis didn’t go to the hardware store intending to play hero. He went after a new faucet for his bathroom. But when he saw the angel in the plumbing aisle, it was obvious Brennan needed someone to step in and fix things for him. No problem, saving a beautiful man in distress was something Ryder was happy to do.

Fixing Brennan’s plumbing turns into fixing his employment situation, and then right on to fixing his single status. But will Brennan’s determination to be the kind of man he thinks he is supposed to be keep him from being the boy a Daddy like Ryder needs?

You Can Count On Me by Fae Quinn (3⭐️)

They say you should love thy neighbor, but I don’t think they meant it the way I want to love mine.

Miles “Rooster” Johnson: As a young single-dad with a teaching job, I haven’t had much opportunity to date. My son is my entire world, and though I would love to have a partner and someone to count on, the passing years have shown that it’s just not in the cards for me. So when the gorgeous lumberjack of a man—the same man that I’ve had a massive crush on since the moment we became neighbors—suddenly asks me out on a date, I’m completely blindsided. Trent could have anyone he wants. He’s charming, flirtatious, and outgoing—the exact opposite of my awkward, anxious self. I don’t know what he sees in me. All I know for sure is that I absolutely need to make this date go well.

Trent Montgomery: I know I have a playboy reputation in our small town, but there’s nothing wrong with playing the field. It’s worked for me so far, even if I have felt some discontent lately. My mama thinks I need to settle down and find someone nice. But she doesn’t understand that I’m just not ready. No matter how beautiful and tempting my neighbor Rooster is or how eager I am to get the silent mountain of a man to open up—no matter how adorable his little boy is, even when he’s threatening me at bat-point to take his daddy out on a date—I know I can’t be everything that they need. I agreed to ask Rooster out, but I think maybe I made a big mistake. All I know for sure is that I absolutely need to sabotage this date.

Bad Idea by Lily Harlem (1⭐️)

Roughneck Riders are not an MC club you mess with, least of all their rough and tough gang leader Heavy. But Heavy has a secret that has to be kept, no matter what—his heart belongs to a man. It shouldn’t. He’s supposed to be into women, like the other guys in the club. Junk is just too cute to resist, though. Add in his delectable body, his sweet submission and his willingness to accept Heavy’s sadism, and the couple are a perfect match.

Junk’s a probie, proving his worth to the club and demonstrating his mechanical know-how. He’s lived on the edge for a long time, flitting from one place to the next. But now that he’s settling in as a Roughneck, life is looking up. Not least because he’s in love—soul-eating, cock-thickening obsessive love. He can’t tell anyone about his desire for Heavy, but what he can do is push his lover’s buttons, all day, in full view of everyone, until he’s damned sure the night will bring a whole host of sinful delights and wicked punishments that will leave him marked, bruised and most of all, wholly satisfied.

Between Love and Loathing by Shain Rose (4⭐️)

Fake dating my enemy so I can design my dream bakery should be easy … as long as I don't fall in love with him.

Dominic Hardy might be an award-winning architectural engineer with fancy degrees and considerable accolades, but he doesn’t know a thing about baking.

He doesn’t even like sugar.

So when my late stepfather’s will states that Dominic Hardy is set to inherit the Pacific Coast Resort he’d painstakingly designed, as long as my bakery can be plopped in the middle of it, it’s no surprise he balks.

And my jaw drops when another stipulation requires us to mutually approve plans for my bakery’s design.

His stuffy taste will never mix with my whimsical vibe.

But then Dominic comes to me with a proposal I can’t refuse. He’ll give me everything I want in my bakery as long as I agree to one thing:

Fake date him for five months.

Keep his ex away by pretending we’re in love.

Smile and stare into his piercing green eyes at a gala or two.

Maybe share a kiss.

Nothing extreme.

Five months of acting in love when I really loathe him and his filthy mouth.

Even when he’s using it on me.

This should be a cakewalk.

Except there’s a fine line between love and loathing, and I think I’ve made the colossal mistake of blurring it.

Unloved by Marley Valentine (3⭐️)

We longed. We lost. We loved. Desperately.

I thought I had my life all figured out. But after a college football accident leaves me deaf, I was learning how to live all over again.

I expected the anger, the frustration, and the struggle to readjust, but what I didn’t expect to happen amongst the chaos, was to fall in love.

Especially not with two men.

Rough-edged puzzle pieces, Rhys, Samuel, and I were nothing but aching memories, painful realities, and hidden scars.

We were products of our pasts, abandoned and unloved, messy and complicated. Individually we had baggage; together we had mountains to climb.

But when the three of us were tangled up in one another, spilling secrets in the dark, hearts beating in sync, nothing else mattered but them.

We needed to break the cycle, because they deserved love… And who knows, maybe I finally did too.

On The Mountain by Riley Hart (3⭐️)

One feels he’s not worthy of love. The other fears he doesn't know how. But the sizzling chemistry between them has both tempted to explore the unknown.

Cyrus

I was intrigued by Crow at first glance. Who wouldn't be? He's a mountain of a man, who was raised in a cult, and now lives secluded in the wilderness. But the draw I feel to him goes beyond mild interest. When his intense gaze falls my way it feels like he can see into my soul, to my deepest yearnings and desires.

I took a bold chance venturing to his mountain uninvited. But I can't help myself. Despite Crow’s dangerous facade, I feel at home when I’m near him. I've never felt wanted or needed… until the mountain man took me in his arms.

Crow

The mountain is my home, the only place that truly suits me. I reveled in my solitude... until Cyrus showed up looking as lonely as I felt. The warmth in his gaze made me welcome someone into my home and my heart for the very first time.

The way he smells. The way he feels. I come apart with his every touch. The past haunts us both. Yet when we’re together the weight of them is more manageable. Cyrus is mine and I don’t ever want to let him go. Still, I fear eventually he’ll want to leave the mountain... and for the first time in my life, I don’t want to be alone.

Latte Darling by S.J Tilly (5⭐️)

I have a nice life - living in my hometown, owning the coffee shop I’ve worked at since I was 16.

It’s comfortable.

On paper.

But I’m tired of doing everything by myself. Tired of being in charge of every decision in my life.

I want someone to lean on. Someone to spend time with. Sit with. Hug.

And I really don’t want to go to my best friend’s wedding alone.

So, I signed up for a dating app, and agreed to meet with the first guy that messaged me.

And now here I am, at the bar.

Only it’s not my date that just sat down in the chair across from me. It’s his dad.

And holy hell, he’s the definition of Silver Fox. If a Silver Fox can be thick as a house, have piercing blue eyes and tattoos from his neck down to his fingertips.

He’s giving me Big Bad Wolf vibes. Only instead of running, I’m blushing. And he looks like he might just want to eat me whole.

Ruthless King by Sienna Cross (2⭐️)

Sold to the mob.

Four words I never thought I'd utter.

Worse, it was my father who did the unthinkable.

When the creditors come to collect, I'm handed over to the most ruthless man in New York City--Luca Valentino.

The head of the notorious Kings is as gorgeous as he is lethal. Dark, possessive, and violent. Nothing like the boy I grew up with, my dead brother's best friend.

And now I'm his…

The longer I spend in this gilded cage, the more certain I become he will ruin me for anyone else

One click now to devour this spicy, enemies-to-lovers mafia romance. I dare you not to fall for Luca Valentino!

Omega for the Mafia Boss by Aria Grace and Jena Wade (1⭐️)

Forced marriages usually aren't fated. Except for those that are...As the eldest alpha in his family, Andro is expected to take over control of the family when his father retires as the patriarch. But before that can happen, tradition dictates that Andro must be mated. And not just mated, but married. Only problem is that Andro has zero interest in taking a mate...or husband.Joseph is the youngest son of the Santoro family...and the only omega. He's treated like dirt but he dutifully manages the books and does what his father asks of him--legal or otherwise.When Andro gets the bright idea to kidnap the mistreated Joey Santoro and force him to become his mate, he has no idea what that could possibly lead to. Both of their lives are changed forever...and their priorities quickly shift away from the families they were raised in to the family they are raising together.

Viciously Yours by Jamie Applegate Hunter (3⭐️)

When Rennick was thirteen, the gods bestowed upon him the name of his fated mate--a human (italics) girl. As the sole heir to the Mountain Kingdom, magic bound him to his kingdom until he ascended the throne on his twenty-fifth birthday, and as a human, she couldn't cross the magical barrier separating the humans from the fae. Heartsore and consumed with thoughts of her, he did the only thing he could and sent her anonymous letters and gifts…

Until he crossed the barrier into her kingdom to claim her as his own.

Six months after Amelia's thirteenth birthday, she received a strange letter from a fae boy claiming her as his mate. Humans weren't taught much about the fae, and one look at the horrifying doll meant to be her belated birthday gift solidified her suspicions that someone was playing a cruel joke. Except the letters and odd gifts kept coming. Against her better judgment, Amelia fell in love with her mysterious admirer throughout the years, certain they would never meet. But on her twenty-fifth birthday, her walk to work was interrupted by two familiar words she'd read a million times.

"Hello, love."

[cwarscars]

SPILL THE BEANS: Heid's honest opinion on Genesis o3o (yes, can be in reference to my stimki bard man)

random headcanon memes | always accepting

his honest thoughts?

i always feel like the SOLDIER bunch are a hard one to pin with heid because we simply don't see enough interaction / chat between them. we get like, a few slithers of info here and there. heid's comments on sephiroth in the powerwash dlc. i remember reading somewhere about seph saying he can't stand heid or something along those lines. and then obviously there's the heat put on lazard from heid, which again - is referenced - but never really shown.

i think that heidegger's opinions on the members of soldier are represented well through how he speaks about sephiroth. you know - a mixture of admiration and disdain?

if i were to sum up the big man's feelings on genesis, i'd say -

he's impressed by genesis' skills as a fighter / soldier - he can see the competence there and admires how outspoken / unapologetic genesis is as a person. although heid hates misbehaving people and can't stand being spoken back to, he secretly likes it when someone has a backbone and he appreciates this trope in genesis a lot. ( he would not tell him that though! ).

i think that, he's intrigued by the poetic / theatrical side of genesis and thinks, in some alternative universe, genesis would make for excellent propaganda. he sees genesis as someone who could manipulate the public with flair and acting and i think laments somewhat that genesis isn't down for doing this.

on the total other hand of things - he isn't impressed by genesis' ultimate betrayal and if asked, would probably tell him to 'grow up' or 'get over' the whole degenerative cells thing. ( lol, so sensitive ). he automatically can flip a switch and have pure disdain for anyone opposing shinra and certainly switches this on with gen.

finally, in regards to more of the side that we have written together - heid enjoys the flirtatious side of genesis and sees it as both a dare and somewhat of a trap. he sort of views him as a bit of a black widow or - in the words of that one movie - 'a cookie full of arsenic'.

[wordsonamission]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks so much for tagging me in this, @acetonitril! Sorry for the delay, but I wanted to really think out my answers.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12 currently! This is my first year actually posting fics and I'm happy with my progress.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

118,159! There's a chance I'll get another fic finished soon, too . . . And maybe I'll be able to sneak in something short and smutty before the end of the year.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

All I've published is Top Gun. I'm not going to be surprised if I end up writing soapghost for the COD games. Y'all have some superb writers and artists that keep drawing me in. Historically, I started some small 00Q and Destiel stuff back in ye olde golden days. There's a dramione fic from on my old computer from years back that was like 30k before I stopped.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Kissed By The Sun

Falling Into Place

A Safe Place to Land

Running on Empty

Spare

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! If someone was kind enough to make the effort to leave a comment, I want to make sure that they know I saw it and that I appreciate them for letting me know what they think. I don't generally reply the same day, but I try to reply within a couple of days. I love hearing what readers think and I hope that me engaging back only encourages more comments

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm I have a couple. Mission Report is a whole pile of angst just as a concept. It's short and sad all the way through imo. Spare ends on a really big cliffhanger which can be read as sad; a character is left in a really fragile medical state. Snow Day is so sweet but then the end is just a gut-punch. You could say that I like to temper fluff and steamy stuff with sadness and angst.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

If the ending isn't sad, it's usually pretty happy. Or at least hopeful. I think I'll give happiest ending award to A Cookie Conundrum. It's so silly and light, no angst.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

None that I've ever seen. But I'm still new and I write safe fics as far as subject and pairings.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah lol. I'm still getting used to writing it. What kind? Pretty standard MLM fic smut. I'd like to write harder edged stuff in the future, but right now it tends to be really loving stuff.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't. That's not something I'm super into as a reader or as a writer. Never say never - it'll only take the right combo to get me going I'm sure, but it hasn't happened yet.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I've seen. That is a worry of mine.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I'm still new and I don't see that Top Gun has a lot of fics that get translated (I could be very wrong and missing out)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No I haven't.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

All time ever favorite? Yeesh. Uhhhhh I'll cop out and say that I enjoy a similar dynamic to my favorites - they're highly competent in their field but often less confidant about romance, there's a degree of imbalance in the relationship (rank, age gap, experience, etc), and I'm an absolute sucker for a character that doesn't let anyone else emotionally close who lets That Guy in.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't think I'm going to finish any of the old fic I mentioned, like from years ago. If I pick up those fandoms and pairings again, I'll start over.

16. What are your writing strengths?

God I don't know. I consider myself someone with a good grasp on grammar and how things Should be written as far as that goes (please go ahead and point out all of my mistakes, I know they're everywhere) which helps with readability. Comments repeatedly point out that even my smut is very tender and emotional. I tend to write characters affirming each other and being very giving lovers. I'm sure that says nothing about me as a person. I really like to dig into missing scenes to expand the emotional complexity of the canon story.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Knowing when and how to end a story. One of those writing posts that go around here mentioned going back a couple of paragraphs when you get stuck, which has been so true for me. But endings are still so hard. Writing sex is still weird, too, and I can get stuck on a single scene for days. Coming up with titles is also so, so hard. Occasionally one will appear and I'll run with it, but usually it's one of the last things done before I post. I'm really not happy with the titles for my Ace Week fics.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Do you mean including characters speaking a different language and writing their dialogue in that language? A block of text in another language is rough on a reader and there's not really a good work around. Asterisks to the bottom of the page don't work on A03.

If I want a reader to know what a character is saying, I'd make note of the language change and use italics in dialogue but otherwise write normally. If the characters are in a situation where I DON'T want them or the reader to understand, then I'd type the language in italics.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I've written what I would now call fanfic off and on my whole life. When I was seven, I wrote a horribly indulgent self-insert fic of me joining the characters of one of my favorite book series (Pony Pals) for an adventure. In middle school, before the publication of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I wrote my own version. I think I filled like two notebooks. I wonder if it's still around somewhere - I had some good ideas, some that were better than canon ended up imo

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Running on Empty! I loved it as one chapter but I really enjoy the whole story as it turned out in three. The only big thing I might change is tweaking the emotions Maverick feels after he and Ice finally get together. But that story flowed so well while writing and I really loved the world that I created with their families and especially Lisa and Jason for Slider. Plus I feel like that fic really addresses some of the trauma that Maverick went through and how he wasn't getting the support he needed in the OG movie.

That went long! Thanks again to @acetonitril for tagging me in this. I'm sure everyone else has already chimed in, but feel free to jump in if not. These are some great questions!

[lennjamin-o7]

🌯🗡️ anon here! I just woke up to find Sweeter than Honey got posted!! Positively vibrating at this development, my excitement cannot be contained! I’ve already read it like twice and I’m probably just gonna read it again and again throughout the day before rereading TBTF for what must be the 1000th time by now before you bless us with a new chap for that!

I genuinely just love how things are starting off in Sweeter, Tech being genuinely just a kind little skrunkle and excusing how his siblings and parents are kinda dicks to him sometimes purely because he’s been told like all his life (intentionally or not) that he’s the “meh” one is peak writing.

Also Phil!!!! I LOVE how devious he’s been, bro went from “who’s fucking kid is this >:(“ to “who cares, mine now” over the course of like a single evening and I love it. Of course there’s the whole revenge factor and everything else but I just love the thought that Techs vibes were simply so good that he decided he needed to snatch this kid up!

Phil seeing the magic kid he made and has been screening to have for years has a single (yet to be revealed) flaw: Fuck this child, all is lost, I hate this deal and now I don’t get a nice surprise baby for my wife >:(

Phil after spending a single evening with Tech, the ‘meh’ son of the royal family: Sweet child, new baby boy, have my TOTALLY not magical cookies which will DEFINITELY not ultimately lead to you becoming my new little so boy. What did I do to your hair? Oh don’t worry about that nothing important I prommy

Skrunkleblade is so underrated and I wish I saw it in more fics also Carl!!! I would kill for Carl, that horse is spoiled as shit and he absolutely deserves it! Oh also! That part where Tech says mentally that he gave his actual bake to Nicki ans Steve?? Wonderful, I ate that shit UP. Techno feeling generally disconnected from his family so he finds family in the staff they assign to him? Delectable, a delicious meal indeed.

Oh and the drama that’s gonna be revealed when Philza finally like rolls up behind the royal family with a very attached and a probably slightly more magical than before Techno is gonna be perfect. Techs gonna be so attached by the end of this journey because Phil showed him like scraps of human kindness (fae kindness?) it’s gonna be absolutely wild.

Kristins gonna have a whole lot of a show when they finally end up there, I doubt Phil’s ever caused the sheer amount of drama he’s about to cause now before. She’ll end up with a new sonboy by the end of it so alls well that and well I guess lmao.

As always, I hope you have a nice day and have enjoyed my brainrot, oh also! Stop being so hard on yourself! Your writing? Delectable, your characterisation? Perfect, your plot lines? Absolutely delicious!!

Things come up and that is life. I know you’ve said you don’t like kinda promising a new chap on a certain day and then not giving it to us on that day but if anyone ever decides to have beef about that they can meet me in the parking lot and can fight me in hand to hand combat.

On that end note, I hope this ask (message? Idk) wasn’t too hard to read with me jumping around between points as you can probably tell I was very excited about this lmao, I’m sorry if I’ve been a bother or if I’ve overstepped and I hope you stop stressing about self made deadlines!

Lol, I'm so glad you liked Sweeter Than Honey. I felt bad about not finishing the new TBTF chapter in time, so I decided to post at least the first chapter. 💚💚💚🥹

Techno is a very normal Thirteen year old. He's a little bit skrunkly, as thirteen year old boys are. He just has the bonus benefit of growing up with two siblings that are very not skrunkly and that is not all that great for self esteem. Like, he's a good kid! A really good kid. Excellent sonboy material. He just gets a little overlooked. Or a lot overlooked.

Philza is a plotting. He saw the good sonboy material and wanted it. But yeah, first he was like "wtf? Where are this child's parents? I'm having a moment over here. Aww, he's sweet...and I have beef with his parents...and I mean, I DID want a child...😀" Philza just has the BEST LUCK.

But he is always plotting, the little chaos stirrer that he is. He has no children to play the straight and narrow for, so he is going to be a problem. He is not lying when he says that he does not do politics because he can't resist making things worse because it is funny.

Yeah, Phil is really upset with what has happened with the Princess. He put a ton of effort into that spell!

Techno is a very 13 year old boy. He sees the rules and sometimes his brain says that he doesn't have to follow them. And it's not like his parents paid attention enough to RIGHTFULLY FREAK OUT that he did that. They don't know he has made that very dumb decision in the past. He would be in SO MUCH TROUBLE if they knew.

Oh, when Phil eventually comes eye to eye with the royal family? :) :) :) That is going to be... so so fun.

Phil has ABSOLUTELY caused this amount of drama before. Not this KIND specifically. But there is a reason the Faerie Realm is surrounded by a fucking massive magic lake. And there is a reason there is now only one faerie court instead of two. And there is a reason that no faerie complains that Phil has zero interest in playing in politics. He is having FUN. And sometimes that fun gets a little out of hand.

"What do you MEAN Atlantis sank? What kind of idiot would cause Atlantis to sink?"

"Well, my Queen, the Faerie in question thought it would be very funny if he could try to sink, and then unsink it. Except he failed at the unsink part."

"What the fuck????Which bozo did that???"

"...your husband..."

"...oh! Awww. That's just like him! I'll have to go see how he did that! I'm sure he had a very good reason."

"My Queen, will you PLEASE not encourage your husband???"

"No! I've decided this is now funny! Atlantis stays sunk."

The King saying that he was going to get the Queen to break the deal is hilarious. Kristin has never told her trophy husband no.

But hey. There's a first time for everything, isn't there? :) :) :)

Oh, I loved reading this! I am glad people enjoyed it so far! And I love hearing the thoughts on it! It makes me feel great 💚💚💚💚 No matter the story, please feel free to send me brain rot. And I understood it perfectly! It wasn't hard at all 💚💚💚💚