#LJ / vitalssigns

[oraculate]

@vitalssigns WILD HEART

the wind whips against the makeshift comfort of the trunk of jeonghun's car, propped up like some kind of metal canopy. they've parked it back against the sands at the apex of the beach, the tides rising high over the usually expansive (if rocky and often muddy) sands. lijae's got a bottle in one hand, the familiar smoothness nestled against her palm, and a blue tooth speaker plays from somewhere on the ground beside them, cooler opened next to the beach towels laid out in front of them. she's got her shoes kicked off to the side, toes brushing the rough terrycloth fabric, scooting to the side to nudge jeonghun's leg lightly for no reason than to remind herself of the tenuous connection of his presence.

they hadn't been that close, as kids, just as she hadn't been that close with near anyone. story of her life, right? ostracization started young and she'd been an easy target in more ways than the obvious. wouldn't have made sense for a park to give her the time of day. frankly, it still didn't really, if she's honest. it's mostly jiyul that pulled things together, the way he always has for her, like a tenuous life line to a world that doesn't have room for her - barely has room for him, if she's honest. the pair of them like mismatched socks in the back of the drawer- present but not part of things. jeonghun might be the crazy twin, the surviving twin, but he still had more going for him than either of them did. she might have felt guilty for dragging him down by association if she was a better person. but she wasn't, so she didn't. instead, there was the ambiguous comfort of his presence which she feared to be all too fleeting, sure he'd take flight, uproot and pull jiyul along with him, maybe, and leave her there in the dust. it was a thought that turned her stomach if she let it linger, so she bit the side of her tongue bloody to chase it away, chased the taste of copperironacid with the soju - juice mix they'd concocted from the 1+1 sale options at the mart. "it's fucking cold out today," she notes helpfully, watching the waves roil in the distance, beaten to foaming white peaks against the rocks. "you got any blankets in here?" she twists her head, craning to look in the backseat before she turns back again. "any news from the grand park estate these days? can we move in yet?" an old joke, in poor taste perhaps, but she can't stand the silences the way the other two can. she isn't at peace enough in her own head for it, doesn't want to be left alone with the echoes of her own thoughts, takes another swig to ward off what might follow. the waves crash against the shore in a comforting rhythm, but the quiet itches under her skin anyway. she bites the edge of her thumb, already raw. "don't suppose you've let up on the pill thing huh?" she's antsy, today, the anxiety spiking up her spine, racing like adrenaline in her. molars dig into her cheek, toes curling-clenching-releasing in a rhythm, stimulus to try to offset the twitch in the center of her chest.