#LINKEDIN

[thegreenhalf]

They're going crazy on LinkedIn

[thewritehag]

"Toxic Positivity" is another phrase that gets bandied about so much that the whole of us forget what shapes our tongues need to make to form the right sounds.

Toxic positivity isn't smiling through tears or stiffing that upper lip, it's not hearing "the sun will come out tomorrow" on the old warped record player in your head or making jokes after a tragedy. At worst, those things are naivety and at best they're Hope.

If you want to see Toxic Positivity, capitalized and omnipresent, just to see what it looks like, go to any job recruiters' page on LinkedIn. It's a landscape made of rictus smiles and worn down manifestations; each profile is a shiny altar to a god that won't acknowledge it's been abandoned.

[mysharona1987]

This sounds like something from The Handmaid’s Tale, ffs.

[trans-ralsei]

senpai?!!!!!?!?!!!?

[dduane]

Okay, now I'm cranky

Not that I even do more than glance at LinkedIn every few weeks or so, as I have friends there. But THIS is beyond the pale. (Or even the Pale, which is another story. Is this actually a real person based in Limerick?? [I have my doubts.) But if so, they should be ashamed.)

(transcription:)

Hi [(theoretical) person whose name I've obscured],

I'm not at all sure why material from your employer is winding up on my feed.

I am a NY Times bestselling novelist and screenwriter with pushing fifty years' experience in traditional publishing and other media created by actual living, breathing beings out of genuine human experience. AI-based prompt "writing" is utterly antithetical to everything I do in my work... especially as it is founded on machine-based excreta derived from routines trained using material illicitly sourced, without our permission, from myself and thousands of my colleagues.

Assuming that you actually exist except as a prompt-based construct yourself (which is by no means certain), please do us both a kindness and remove me immediately from whatever list caused the system to recommend me to you—as if there is a worse possible fit for our two schools of thought anywhere in this solar system, I can't imagine where that might be. (Somewhere in the Oort Cloud, possibly. No other possibilities immediately suggest themselves.)

Meanwhile, I wish you well in your further endeavours (doing you the possibly unwarranted courtesy of assuming that you're real). ANY possible further endeavours that have nothing to do with this horrific and deeply unethical area of employment, which cannot conceivably do anything in even the short term but damage your (theoretically) immortal soul... not to mention the ecology of our (theoretically) shared planet. 

With the best possible regards under the circumstances, and hopes for your eventual (if not swift) rehabilitation,

Diane Duane

PS: Please try to find an avatar that looks less like it was created by AI.

And also: please say to your heartless and conscienceless employers, on my behalf, "FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON."

[thatbadadvice]

Help! I'm a Perfect Genius, but This Potential Employer Asked Me a Boring Interview Question!

Ask A Manager, 13 Feb 2024:

I was rejected from a role for not answering an interview question. I had all the skills they asked for, and the recruiter and hiring manager loved me. I had a final round of interviews — a peer on the hiring team, a peer from another team that I would work closely with, the director of both teams (so my would-be grandboss, which I thought was weird), and then finally a technical test with the hiring manager I had already spoken to. (I don’t know if it matters but I’m male and everyone I interviewed with was female.) The interviews went great, except the grandboss. I asked why she was interviewing me since it was a technical position and she was clearly some kind of middle manager. She told me she had a technical background (although she had been in management 10 years so it’s not like her experience was even relevant), but that she was interviewing for things like communication, ability to prioritize, and soft skills. I still thought it was weird to interview with my boss’s boss. She asked pretty standard (and boring) questions, which I aced. But then she asked me to tell her about the biggest mistake I’ve made in my career and how I handled it. I told her I’m a professional and I don’t make mistakes, and she argued with me! She said everyone makes mistakes, but what matters is how you handle them and prevent the same mistake from happening in the future. I told her maybe she made mistakes as a developer but since I actually went to school for it, I didn’t have that problem. She seemed fine with it and we moved on with the interview. A couple days later, the recruiter emailed me to say they had decided to go with someone else. I asked for feedback on why I wasn’t chosen and she said there were other candidates who were stronger. I wrote back and asked if the grandboss had been the reason I didn’t get the job, and she just told me again that the hiring panel made the decision to hire someone else. I looked the grandboss up on LinkedIn after the rejection and she was a developer at two industry leaders and then an executive at a third. She was also connected to a number of well-known C-level people in our city and industry. I’m thinking of mailing her on LinkedIn to explain why her question was wrong and asking if she’ll consider me for future positions at her company but my wife says it’s a bad idea. What do you think about me mailing her to try to explain?

Sir,

You have been wronged in the most grievous of ways by a coven of retaliatory, self-aggrandizing women who have failed in the extreme to recognize your brilliance, your talent, and above all, your general superiority.

Of course you should mail this mediocre "grandboss" on LinkedIn to inform her of the deep offense she caused you by interviewing you in the first place, let alone doing so using a boring question — indeed, you have a moral and professional obligation to do so in order to preserve your honor and the honor of scores of men like you who have never done a single solitary thing wrong in their lives, ever.

But I beg you to consider doing more. A single, private message to one incompetent bitch may not convey to the necessary parties the depth and breadth of the situation. Many, many people have important lessons to learn from your experience, and I encourage you to share it widely. Consider making a public LinkedIn post, and ensure that it is shareable across platforms. Depending on your financial resources, a billboard with your name, professional headshot, and contact information could go a long way toward ensuring that everyone in your industry who needs to know just how you handled the way these women treated you, does know about it. I hope that in your continuing job search, you are able to connect with potential employers who have a much better grasp of all you bring to the table.

[defira85]

I realise Tumblr is hardly the market for this, but for those of us who do use LinkedIn, they've just enabled Generative AI as an Opt-Out setting. It will automatically be set to On unless you go in and turn the setting off yourself

If you're lucky enough to be in the EU, Switzerland or the UK, it should be set to Off by default

Everyone else cosplaying as a grown-up business person like me, go change your settings. If you don't have the email warning you of the change, it's in Settings on your profile under Data Privacy

[strawlessandbraless]

The last LinkedIn post from UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson before he was targeted by The Claims Adjuster. The comment section is worth a look 👀

[annieversary3]

hi guys i made a linkedin account, can fellow Lesbianism University alumni follow me? ^-^

im very businesscore and super productivity oriented, i post very insightful business related content :3

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I kept getting stuck on “Medieval LinkedIn” instead of regular LinkedIn where everyone posted like 14th century serfs and people were vaguebooking about their landlords.

[catsofyore]

Business networking. 1946. Source.

[bitchesgetriches]

Darling Bitches, is LinkedIn worth the soul suck of having a corporate-friendly social media presence? I know networking is great but I don’t want to filter myself in my off hours, damn it!

We feel you honey!

Basically, you should treat LinkedIn like a detailed online resume. Don't worry about posting there a lot, just make sure your profile is up to date and when you're job searching, check your messages and opportunities on the regular. Otherwise, we don't think it's worth putting a ton of effort in.

Good luck, my darling!

Our Best Secrets for a Successful, Strategic, and SHORT Job Search

Ask the Bitches: What the Hell Else Can I Do To Get a Job? 

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[licenseddoctor]

Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

[joehills]

Need MCYTSexyman for my LinkedIn awards section

Just me asking my professional colleagues to vote for me.

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/joehills_round-7-activity-7031297065963933696-z0KW