#LIKE THEY WERE PROMINENT EVER SINCE THEIR DEBUT AND ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY WERE JUST

[puella-1n-somn10]

Rewatching the SM anime, specifically Alola Open House, and I'm once again sad over how Soph's parents were dragged into the sidelines so muchhhhhhhhhhhh-

[yulin-pop]

⤷ ✧ The Trapped Princess of Twisted Wonderland

Fem reader

- order 69 | ramble??

Note: I did not check for mistakes and this is a bit of a mess. I’m not sure if I should continue building onto this AU just let me know if I should

➯ Trapped Princess of TWST Chapter 2

It looked rather grand. Despite your size, the bed you laid in was gigantic. The other pieces of furniture were just as expensive and well crafted as your bed.

You rolled out of bed, even if you’re tired that rush of adrenaline gives you some energy. You start tearing up the whole room like a maniac.

This is definitely not your world. You want to go back to all your friends and your old life! No magic, no overblot, no life threatening situations!

While frantically searching for some sign of anything that gave you a hint of where you are, there’s a book with big lettering.

The Diary of [Name] Empritha, it read.

It’s not your last name but the first name is yours. You open it up hastily and analyze with the upmost attention.

[Name] Emprithea, is most definitely you. Your hand writing is exactly alike. But the style of writing is much more defined.

It goes on about stuff like parties, suitors, dresses, and debuting in Royal society. A bead of sweat rolls down the side of your face.

The mirror… did it lead you into a dimension to where you are a princess?

Maybe you shouldn’t trusted Crowley. He probably half assed his research and just assumed this would be your world. It’s not!

But it makes no sense, it’s your name. Is it a coincidence?

You didn’t have time to think about it when there was a knock on the door.

“Lady [Name], is everything okay in there?” You drop the diary and look around at the mess you created out of panic.

“Ummm… Why, yes of course!”

After shooing away the person at the door. You picked up the diary and read through every last word.

[Name] Emprithea is the first princess of the Empadious Kingdom. Your father and mother ruled over the kingdom. You have one older brother, the first prince, that came from another mother. Judging by what was written, he did not like [Name] Emprithea. She wrote about times where he would shame her in public or make cruel suggestions of marrying her off to some random noble:

Written not too long ago, he left the kingdom for diplomatic matters. Well you won’t be dealing with him for a while.

You read the few most recent pages and it said the girl was going to enroll in school soon. But the school wasn’t for just anyone, it was a school called Night Raven Academy. A school only for people gifted with magic. Most people with royal lineage have the gift of magic. Or people of the higher rank. There are commoners that have magic, it is no rare occurrence actually.

Well, that sounds familiar! You were convinced Crowley sent you to the wrong place and put you into a world where you’re royalty.

And it seems that you’ll have to relive the Night Raven experience all over again but as a rich kid.

You did your research and asked around to learn more about this world. The servants were thrown off by your sudden interest in geography and other kingdoms but answered your questions as best as they can.

There are seven kingdoms that have all been in arms at peace with each other.

* The Queendom of Roses is ruled with an iron fist by Queen Rosehearts. From its very beginnings, the land has been controlled by primarily women, with few times a king has taken control. Gender roles do not exist in the Queendom of Roses. The next in line for the throne is the genius boy, Riddle Rosehearts. The Queen flaunts his advanced magical power and his high intellect. Though some believe it is not necessary, the prince attends the most prominent school for magicians, Night Raven Academy, to further enhance his knowledge and ability.

* The Sunset Savana, or better known as the Everglowing Pride Lands, is the land of where most animals and beastmen live. The land being ruled by its newest king Farena Kingscholar. Ever since he had taken control, the land has been very peaceful. Cheka Kingscholar is the next king in line for the thrown. Though before he was born, it would’ve been Leona Kingscholar, the younger brother. He is beautiful like his mother, leaving the girls fawning over him. Though he has never shown interest in getting married even for political purposes. He doesn’t make many appearances in important events anymore. The prince attends Night Raven Academy, rumors are going around he plans to be apart of the army of the Sunset Savana after coming back. Only speculation.

* Living in the ocean, merfolk of all kinds live in Kingdom of Atlantica. The Atlantica territory is vast and has many wonders. The Royal Family has many children, the fifth prince is the most popular simply for his looks. Prince Rielle has a beauty like none other. Not only that, he is infamously kind and generous. He makes friends with everyone he meets! He’s made friends with Eels, Seahorses, anemones, crabs, and octopi. Prince Rielle attends Night Raven Academy. Though not a top student, he is learning the ways of humans.

* The Scalding Sands is a place very different from the rest. The climate is different as its well a desert. The Asims rule the land and are highly looked up to. The next in line to be the ruler would be Kalim Al-Asim. Still very young and unable to take the responsibility, he’s going through his education in Night Raven Academy. He possesses magic, after all! He has a heart of gold, his love for his people knows no limits. He will surely make a good ruler.

* The Shaftlands territory is vast and home to many people of many cultures and backgrounds. There is a Royal family that has strong magical abilities running through it. The magical powers is how the Schoenheits arose to power. The Schoenheits used their magic to assert dominance and assist other people. Most above all, they look up to the Evil Queen for her hard work which intially inspired the Schoenheits. People all across the land look up to them. Vil Schoenheit is known for his beauty and earnestness. He attends Night Raven Academy and when graduating he will continue his duties as the next Queen.

* The Island of Woe is not connected to any empire or kingdom at all, but is supported by all for its technical advances. It is an underground business that works towards advancing the world as a whole. S.T.Y.X. is highly valued for its studied of blot, very similar to what it is in the canon universe. It has connections to the prominent Royal Families that specialize in magic. The one that will eventually run this organization would be Idia Shroud. His parents already make him run the entire thing since he was thirteen because they always believed he would be great for S.T.Y.C. He is currently attending Night Raven Academy, despite not needing the education.

* Briar Valley is ruled by fae and fae exclusively. The current ruler is Malefecia Draconia. The Draconia Family takes after the infamous Maleficent in appearance and magical power. Briar Valley is still very much like the canon Briar Valley. It doesn’t have many technical advances and relies solely on everyone’s magic. The Draconia name is known to every person in Twisted Wonderland. Malleus Draconia the youngest in the family and is the crown prince of Briar Valley. He attends Night Raven Academy simply by obligation.

* Empadious Kingdom, or perhaps better known as Ramshackle Kingdom, have a history of its buildings that date back millions of years. Despite its age, the buildings still stand tall and give off a unique aesthetic. It is one of the smallest nations on the map however has a reputation. It is where [Name] Emprithea was born and is the first princess of the kingdom. [Name] Emprithea will soon attend Night Raven Academy. It was not always co-ed but changed due to pressure from many of the other nations.

* Night Raven Academy, a mixture of Royal Sword and Night Raven. (I just combined them for the sake of making things easier) It is a top class school you have to pass a test of magic, endurance, and intellect in order to get in. Each student is carefully picked by the faculty. In total, the school has about 1,000 students and 200 more every year. The school has a history dating back to millions of years ago. It was once two separate schools then combined.

[airadam]

Episode 168 : No Sudden Moves

"I was a seventies baby, raised in the eighties..."

- Scarface

An appropriate quote for this month's episode, in which we keep a constant speed all the way through - an unbroken chain in the low-80s BPM range! A little rugged, a little smooth, some old and some new, and hopefully something for each of you 🙂

Remember, you can always see a list of my next few upcoming streams and gigs @ events.airadam.com!

Twitter : @airadam13

Twitch : @airadam13

Playlist/Notes

Lupe Fiasco ft. Jay-Z : Pressure

The show starts back in 2006, with a selection from Lupe Fiasco's debut "Lupe Fiasco's Food & Liquor", produced by Prolyfic. He came out strong on this album, representing Chicago in fine style, a city that historically hadn't been as regarded as some when it came to Hip-Hop. Being able to get Jay-Z in for a feature on your debut, even back then, was a sign that you were to be taken seriously, and Lupe has definitely justified that in retrospect.

Marco Polo : Pirate Hookers

The modern move towards independent digital releases on platforms like Bandcamp means it's easier than ever to get hold of gems like "MP On The MP ; The Beat Tape Vol. 2" - at one time they just wouldn't have come out at all, or maybe got a limited run of hard copies. It's hard to describe this track, but the quieter sections make me think of the back streets in a French detective movie, while the louder parts are much more bombastic. If you like hearing instrumentals breathe without vocalists, support releases like this and let the artists know!

Dan Greenpeace & Diamond D : Nowhere To Run To

This release was an incredibly pleasant surprise - I had no idea it was coming out until just before release, when Greenpeace posted about it on Instagram. I've had the pleasure of knowing Greenpeace since the mid 90s - he was working at a company where I had a summer job, and we bonded over a love of Hip-Hop. He was DJing on the side and was a big influence on my listening, putting me up on artists I might not have heard at the time, and he was the absolute first person I remember talking about independent Hip-Hop in the sense of the early Rawkus releases and things like that. I even remember him having the idea of a column in Hip-Hop Connection called "Independents' Day", which came to fruition some time before another well-known magazine "borrowed" that title for their column and ran with it! Anyway, around the time we met, Diamond D's first LP would not long since have been out, so it's amazing to see him producing a track for an artist that we would both have been looking up to from afar all those years ago. Chunky, dark, menacing, the beat is a suitably threatening setting for Diamond's bars, and when one of the most storied producers in Hip-Hop history allows you to produce him, you know you're doing something. Salute!

The Away Team : Steppin On Toes

A nice bit of rugged aggro with Khrysis on the boards and Sean Boog on the mic as The Away Team, a North Carolina crew that came out as part of the Justus League collective. This is on their second LP, 2007's "Training Day", which has some really solid tracks and is definitely worth a listen. While 9th Wonder was the most prominent producer from Justus League, Khrysis was putting out heat round the same period and has continued to work to the present day, with beats for everyone from Busta Rhymes to Rapsody.

Slim Thug : No No No

One of two straight tracks from Southern legends, we go to the nawf of Houston for a killer from last year's "BIGslim" (which it seems, is the name he plans to go by in the future) album. It of course features Slim's distinctive relaxed yet straightahead flow, as well as a Mr. Lee beat with some nice contrast - rapid, dead-on hi-hats alongside a main drum pattern that gets there when it gets there!

Scarface : Safe

The first full track on "The Fix" and a personal favourite from Scarface's long and storied catalogue, this is a raw record that explicitly talks about the contents of your safe while implicitly talking about the lack of safety in the street life. China Black is on production, and the pitch-bending bassline is a perfect menacing undertone.

Damu The Fudgemunk : Last Ole - 2005

It's been a while since we visited the 2008 "Spare Time" album from Washington DC's Damu, full of gritty, unapologetically sample-based beats, so why not do so as this particular beat turns eighteen? My goodness, it doesn't seem like quite that long ago...

Your Old Droog : The Groundhog

He pops up, says what he has to say eloquently, and then disappears again. On this new-ish single, Brooklyn's Your Old Droog clearly remembers the borough of a different era, before all the gentrification that make the area look as it does now - and as he points out, makes some new arrivals look at those who already lived there as the outsiders. The wisftul instrumental by Znakomi is a perfect musical accompaniment to the sentiment.

Hit-Boy & The Alchemist : Slipping Into Darkness

I can't think of another track quite like this brand new release. Not only does it change beat partway through, but each beat has a different producer. Not only that, but each producer also rhymes on the track. Finally, each producer is spitting over the other's beat. Hit-Boy, on Alchemist's beat, definitely had a lot to get off his chest - I don't know how the other producers he mentions in his verse will react to it!

Groove Armada ft. Jeru The Damaja : Suntoucher

This track is over twenty years old, but it's new to me! The opening cut from the "Goodbye Country (Hello Nightclub)" album, it's got a super-long instrumental intro before the vocals properly come in, courtesy of the East New York representative Jeru The Damaja. The main beat is based around a classic soul sample, which I believe is cleared, so I can tell you about it - the excellent "Something For Nothing" by MFSB.

Neneh Cherry : Manchild

A childhood favourite! I've loved this track since it was a radio hit as a single drawn from Neneh's debut "Raw Like Sushi" album back in 1989. She came out raw indeed, with the B-Girl vibes from day one, which you can hear popping up on this track on the short rap verses. This was apparently the first song Neneh sat down and wrote, and she smashes it out of the park - all kinds of chord changes running through it, and a melancholy feel to the lyrics, talking to a man who needs to grow up and fix up a little to get where he needs to be.

Marco Polo : Straight Spittin 4.5

I didn't originally intend to play two Marco Polo beats this episode, but it just flowed that way while browsing through tracks when I was standing at the turntables; don't be mad when you hear quality like this! Those drums are booming and banging over this MPC workout from his edition of the Fat Beats "Baker's Dozen" series, each an instrumental album from one producer.

Heavy D & The Boyz : Yes Y'all

Some boom-bap head-nod flavour from the late Heavy D's 1993 "Blue Funk" album. If you're steeped in the music of that era, you'll recognise the piano sample and usage as identical to that on Gang Starr's "92 Interlude" from the "Daily Operation" LP - DJ Premier tells the story much better than I ever could on an episode of his "So Wassup?" YouTube series, so I'll direct you over there!

Statik Selektah, Nas, Joey Bada$$, and Gary Clark Jr. : Keep It Moving

Statik has been one of the producers continuing to carry the flag for modern, soulful Hip-Hop, respecting the traditions and refining the approach. This was a personal favourite from the 2020 album "The Balancing Act", and while everyone on the mic does their thing...this is a Nas cut as far as I'm concerned :)

Tall Black Guy Productions : Black II Soul

You pretty much can't lose if you're sampling the legendary track this one is based on - or maybe more accurately, you shouldn't touch it if you don't know what you're doing! Fortunately, the man TBG can flip pretty much anything and then enhance it with his warm, soulful musical vibes. One of the many excellent flips/remixes/homages in his catalogue, it's one you should definitely add to your collection, especially for the sunnier days.

Children of Zeus ft. Akemi Fox : Balance

One of the best groups to come out in I don't know how long, Manchester's own Children of Zeus continue to stack up wins! This was the title track from their second full LP (but don't forget "The Story So Far..." and "The Winter Tape", and was highlighted by having the only guest appearance on the whole album, fellow Manchester vocalist Akemi Fox. If you've not yet heard the album, line it up for a listen today - you won't be disappointed!

Deckwrecka : Rough Winds

Another beneficiary of my big vinyl digitisation project, this is a track - well, a whole record, to be honest - that disappeared into the depths of my collection through no fault of its own. Taken from the 1998 "Deckwrecka 4" EP, this is a piece that sounds more gentle and refined than its title, or even the name of the artist, would suggest.

Lindsey Webster ft. Norman Brown : Free To Be Me

While Lindsey Webster is an artist I stumbled on some time ago, this particular track from 2018's "Love Inside" LP is one I think I heard on Twitch - H3 or Big Stove might have played it. A breezy bit of modern jazz featuring the skills of guitar boss Norman Brown, it might not be something that would ordinarily pass your ears but I thought it was a nice uplifting track to end the episode with!

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it's a great way to explore, but otherwise there's always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

[recklessmark]

I heard ur requests are open 😊 can i get some idol!mark angst wherein he accidentally met with his photographer!ex through a shoot 😊😊😊 pls make me cry 😅😂 thank you for all the wonderful mark ficsss

words count: 1.3k

a/n: i wrote this at 1 in the morning lol i couldn’t sleep and this wasn’t really giving off misery but i hope you like it!

you shove the last piece of your hamburger into your mouth, chewing it aggressively while fasten your steps. you were on your way to have your lunch when the studio suddenly called you for an urgent photoshoot which you have to make an appearance in 20 minutes. your schedule is clear today and thanks to your coworker and his illness, you had mc donald for lunch and couldn’t even enjoy your food thoroughly.

you stop in front of the restroom to throw the piece of trash on your hand into the bin when some voice catches your attention.

no actually it’s a laugh, a very contagious laugh that you’re familiar with.

your eyes widen when you realize who it is, no one other than your most handsome ex ever, mark lee.

if you have a chance to make an index of the most regrettable things you’ve ever done before you die, breaking up with mark will come first.

you wipe your sweating palms on the sides of your jeans when footsteps approach you, along with the sound of him talking echoing into the wall. instantly, you rush into the restroom and close the door, still, remain a tiny gap that you can peek through. people always say that vision is more trustworthy than hearing, you can lie both way, though, it’s a different story. the biggest question you’re currently having on your mind is mark’s presence at the studio. you want to poke your eyes right away when you see his figure passes by through the gap on the door. not every information we adopt from our hearing should be verified by our eyes.

why is he here?!

however you have no time to speculate about the reasons and his purposes as your ringtone blares out of the blue. you hold your breath in and slowly shut the door since mark’s eyes just fly on your direction. hearing footsteps fading away, you sigh and answer your phone.

“what?”

you don’t know who you’re trying to hide from but you’re practically whispering.

“where are you?”

“in the restroom.”

“the shoot starts in five minutes, hurry up.”

“alright.”

you hang up the call and shove your phone back into your pocket. you groan and brush your hair backward. the fact that you’re going to be late doesn’t irritate to as much as how you’re gonna walk around this place without bumping into mark.

being an dramatic overthinker you are, you’re two minutes late on set that you don’t have time to take a look at who you’re working with. you hang the strap of the camera around your neck and idly tap your fingers on the wide desk which is furnished by three computer screens, waiting for the artist.

just as you let out a breath in relief since you didn’t meet mark on your way, the door flings opened, revealing the least person you want to see.

mark lee.

cliché as it sounds but it’s your fate and you can’t pretend to have a seizure and cancel the shoot now, perhaps you can choke yourself.

you notice the astonishment on mark’s face when he sees you either, however he’s quick to cover it. certainly he’s a celebrity, professionalism is prioritized in any scenarios. and that’s what you found yourself struggle with when you were in a relationship with him. he’s too good at hiding his feelings that you couldn’t distinguish whether he’s honest or it’s untruthful. although you knew mark never lied and he was serious with your relationship, you still couldn’t ease the doubt deep inside your mind. it’s your fault that you ruined everything, you broke him completely so whenever you see mark, there’s a pool of guilt bubbling inside your chest.

you glance away and mark scratches the back of his head when the silence is broken by the noises of the staffs as they prepare for the photoshoot.

this is not the first time you worked with mark. nevertheless, his efficiency when it comes to work never fails to impress you. and he never fails to distract you with his dazzling charm either. suave, divine, glorious there’s no such a word that could precisely describe him.

neither of you start a conversation during the shoot, you don’t even know what you’re supposed to discuss about. therefore keeping your mouth shut to avoid any possible stupid utterance is probably the best option.

everything went well, no such incidents happened and you’re extremely satisfied with the results. you take out the memory stick from your camera and connect it with your laptop. while reviewing the images, his face reminds you of the embarrassing memories you wish never happed.

mark had a condensed schedule, he debuted with superm last year and it worsened the situation. with the nature of either your and his career, you didn’t have much time for each other. basically keeping in touch only by messages and calls, occasionally got to see your partner when you had a chance to work with him. no dates, no private time. both of you had to work with a variety of different people, it’s like a competition that who’s more insecure will lose. and your petty insecurities outweighed your faith and trust in mark.

mark was doing everything to keep you, sending you encouraging and reassuring messages, calling you every night and spending time with you even for a second if that’s all he got. but it didn’t stop you and your most-ever stupid decision, breaking up with mark.

you remembered how depressed mark was. he lost weight, his cheekbones became more prominent and he couldn’t focus on anything. you was dazed when you saw mark on a music show with his dark eye bags and tedious face. there was a night he called you, apparently intoxicated. he was just crying, sobbing, telling you how much he loved you and then cried himself to sleep. you were laying on your bed, balling your eyes out and listening to his emotional speech through the speaker of your phone. and when he’s finally asleep, you still didn’t hang up the call, hugging the watermelon squishy he gave you for your birthday and crying your eyes out.

all of a sudden, your phone rings out loud, cutting your memorial flashback. you frown at the strange number, debating whether you should pick up or not. this better not be some creeps messing with you at 10 in the evening. your thumb swipes on the screen and you bring your phone up to your ear.

“hello?”

“y/n...”

“mark?” you ask in confusion, more like confirmation. you don’t reckon it’s someone mimicking his voice.

“yeah.”

your brows furrow tighter, ‘yeah’?, he calls you and says nothing except of your name and yeah...

“what is it mark?”

“nothing. i just miss your voice.”

sir literally saw me two hours ago and chose to keep silent.

“what are you doing?” he asks. you can’t hear anything but nonchalance in his voice.

“uhm...editing your photos.”

your eyes flit on your laptop again, which already go black and you hit your keyboard to activate it again.

“mark...”

“yes?”

“i’m sorry...” you whisper, trying to cover your shaky voice as your eyes watering. you don’t remember when was the last time you got to hear him calling your name.

“for what?” he asks quietly.

“everything.”

there’s a moment of silence before he speaks again, tears run down your cheek. “don’t be, i just hope you’re doing well, can you do it for me?”

you nod furiously and then realize that mark can’t see so you say into the phone instead, “yes i will, you should stay healthy too, don’t stay up late.”

“i know, i’ll see you again alright? goodnight.”

“goodnight.”

you ring off the call and put your phone aside. your hands wipe the tears on your cheeks and your lashes away, staring at the photo displaying in the screen, your vision becomes blurry again.

he’s probably moved on.

you’ve lost him, you’ve lost mark.

[athys-obelia]

of swords and rubies

synopsis: on athanasia de alger obelia's eighteenth birthday, she sits in the ruby palace awaiting her father's present - a sweet little mandate sentencing her to death. the news his personal guard arrives with, though, is quite the different from what she expects.

character/s: athanasia de alger obelia, claude de alger obelia, felix robane

part: one / ?

warning/s: mentions of death / execution, poisoning, tlp!claude is a shit dad, tlp!felix supremacy

|•| ruby palace |•| 10:45 am |•|

"a visitor from the emperor's place, your highness."

lilian york's voice has always carried the same gentleness. for as long as she can remember, athanasia has heard softness, music, safety, in lily - the voice of a mother. the realisation, long overdue, hits her as she inquires after her mysterious guest. i've never addressed lily as such, have i?

the brunette tries for a smile. "it is his majesty's personal guard, princess, sir felix from the robane duchy. i have hannah showing him to the visitors' lounge - perhaps the knight comes bearing good news?"

the blonde princess smiles, nodding hopefully. it's all she can do for lily, she guesses, the woman who cared for her like one of her own. just as lily's smile never dimmed once during the past eighteen years, athanasia supposes she must now return the favour.

but lily never saw her father's eyes that night.

lily hadn't seen his stance harden at the mere sight of her.

the malice, the poison in claude de alger obelia's voice wasn't directed at lily.

so lily couldn't possibly know. for all athanasia knows claude could be in his study, spinning a roulette wheel to decide how to have her executed. he'd want her gone by the earliest, she assumes, probably before jennette can wake and intercede for her - or evidence is found towards the actual culprit.

either way, if the least she could do was comfort lily somewhat with a little, hopeful smile, then the smile would be priority.

|•| ruby palace |•| 11:00 am |•|

  "sir," athanasia greets, recoiling as the knight grins at her. she'd heard stories of the atmosphere in the imperial palace, the deceptive, snake-like nature of noble court - surely, with a father so prominent in both politics and obelia's military, felix robane was one to be vary of.

and - being her father's personal guard would require being similarly ruthless and cunning, would it not? this smiley knight could always be the one poisoning her father against her behind their backs.

  "to what do i owe this pleasure?"

the redhead attempts lightening the mood with another bright grin. "greetings to the star of the obelian empire. may the gods' blessings be with you, princess. today, i have come as a messenger regarding his majesty's wish that you join him for breakfast-"

  "-wh, what? no, i... i'm not going anywhere with you."

felix robane's natural smile falls. "what is it, princess?"

athanasia steps backwards in defense as the knight tries comforting her, a trembling hand raised to cover her mouth. "y-you can tell his majesty i won't...won't be joining him."

  "but, princess-"

not daring to move her eyes from the redhead, athanasia reaches for an hourglass resting on the mantle beside her, holding it up in defense. "go back. go and tell the emperor to send me the death warrant himself. there's no need to build such a roundabout way of-"

felix grimaces. "you may be misunderstanding the situation, prin-"

  "-don't 'princess' me. if he has the guts, have my father tell me his decision himself. you can't force me to leave. i won't, i won't be led out of my home with you pretending as if everything is fine."

the knight holds up his hands in surrender. "you have the higher status of the two of us, your highness, i wouldn't dare pushing you into anything you do not like. i'm afraid you cannot refute the emperor's word, however. but...but if your highness has questions, i can promise to answer with complete honesty."

  "how can i trust you?"

felix taps his chin in thought. "as a knight, my value is measured not by my skill, but the trust put in me by those i am pledged to. my oath is to the obelian emperor. you, princess, are his majesty's heir, so as along as your commands do not undermine the emperor's, you are included in the oath."

athanasia blinks, studying the knight. he seems to be curling into himself so as to not be percieved as a threat. she watches his careful movements, irate. "i read a book once..." she starts, feeling self conscious all of sudden. do i sound like a madwoman?

felix robane nods eagerly. "i was told the princess was an avid reader."

she flushes, glaring at her lap. "...anyway, in the book, the king's sister married a traitor, and because they were technically royalty, he couldn't just kill them under charges of treason. so instead, the king had their food poisoned."

athanasia watches the subtext register on the knight's face. "your highness...no, i- his majesty has no such thing planned. i can assure you - the matter is actually quite the opposite."

  "...is it?"

he stares at his lap before looking up at her determinedly. "i can't say i know how your highness feels about your father, but...he needs you right now." felix sighs softly, "as you know, her highness the princess jennette hasn't yet regained consciousness. this makes you his majesty's most favourable heir."

athanasia stares at the hourglass in her hand before setting it down. interest piqued, she eyes the fidgeting knight. "why would you bring this up, sir robane, and to me of all people? is the emperor perhaps...ill?"

the look in the redhead's eyes is more than enough confirmation. athanasia grips the arm of her seat. "he has been having the strangest migraines ever since...well, a little after your debut, actually. except lately, these headaches seem to be weakening him. quite a lot."

a cold sweat creeping up her neck, athanasia downs a glass of water before turning to the distressed knight. "i assume you want my assistance in hiding this from the nobles. since jennette isn't here."

  "essentially, yes." he nods once more. "with all the commotion surrounding princess jennette, both the nobles and commoners are watching the palace diligently. the factions are too divided - of course, a large portion of the nobles support princess jennette as your father's heir, most of them being blood purists, while an equally large believe you are more competent, having been raised in the palace. regrettably, it isn't just the nobles - we have a delegation arriving at the palace soon enough to settle matters regarding the southern territory. we cannot afford weakening his majesty's image, not right now."

her eyes flicker to the obelian coat of arms on felix's shoulder, and the sigil of house robane embroidered on his cloak. "i don't suppose i have much of choice in the matter - but since urgency of the situation affects my country, i doubt i would've refused anyway. but, sir felix..." she pauses, studying his expression, "my father's palace doesn't garuntee my safety. so i must call on your oath as a knight now."

  "of course, your highness." hesitantly, as if he held a china doll in his hands, felix murmurs, "it can be a chance to get closer to his majesty, too. er - that is, if only your highness wishes it to be."

nodding, athanasia stares at her hands. "...perhaps."

|•| emperor's palace |•| 3:00 pm |•|

with her father's stare scrutinising her every move, she bows deeply in greeting.

his gaze is different, athanasia notices. the malice is gone. the hatred has dissipated.

now, as if she were a complicated math problem, claude de alger obelia stares her down, a spark of challenge alight in his eyes. "don't worry your head too much about it," he starts, "i haven't called you here for any special reason."

"...i see."

he tilts his head curiously, studying her reactions still. "oh? what's this? no declarations of love today? no pleading for attention? you're strangely quiet for someone so full of demands."

she fidgets with her dress, a deep red blooming on her cheeks in embarrassment. "i apologise if my words troubled your majesty."

claude nods slowly, eyes tracing her unkempt hair. "you overestimate yourself, princess."

athanasia inhales sharply. what does he want?

"felix's method of conveying information is a bit... exaggerated, at times," the blonde emperor says, watching her grimace under his stare, "i'm here to clear up any misunderstandings he may have unknowingly planted."

"ye, yes?"

claude's hand lands on his sheathed sword. athanasia blood freezes as he pulls it out, slowly, eyes not moving from hers. "i'm assuming you've been told of the council being held tomorrow. it will be your unofficial entrance into politics, so i hope there won't be any...mistakes. you'll need the nobility's support."

she nearly snorts. you wouldn't hesitate in burying anyone who dared look jennette in the eyes, i'm sure. still, athanasia tries smiling - lily always smiled whenever she was unsure of what to say, after all - and lets go of her skirt, nodding. "there won't be any."

the last time she spoke to her father, she'd known that whether or not he decided on mercy, she wouldn't be talking to him again. thus the courage to empty her heart, lighten her shoulders. now... now, athanasia didn't know what to think. how to act.

she flinches when he speaks, hands tracing the edge of the blade lightly. "do think this sword is important to me, athanasia?"

an odd warmth courses through her at the sound of her name. or was it because of the voice, the owner of the voice? she honestly couldn't tell. "your majesty..." athanasia swallows - what's the right answer? - "i would assume so. i'm no knight, of course...but, a sword is effective for both defense and offense in battle. and i hear your majesty's swordsmanship is unrivaled in obelia, so...yes, i think."

she watches claude draw in a long breath, staring at the weapon. "it's interesting that you think so. but at the end of the day, the sword is just another weapon, isn't it? i can always have better ones at the flick of my wrist."

"your...majesty?"

a drop of blood runs down the emperor's finger as he runs it along the edge of the blade. "it is useful, isn't it? at least...as long as i decide it is. a simple tool's value will always be decided by me, after all."

cold dread settles into athanasia's bones. "i...i see, sire."

nodding approvingly, claude de alger obelia places the beautiful sword in her hands. "happy birthday, princess."

[moostaronce]

Make You Mine

Sei

Pairing: Sei x Fem reader 

Request: hi can u pls do a scenario for weki meki’s sei where the reader is the 9th member of weki meki and sei has always been too shy to talk to her alone so she always gets nervous and like runs away but one day the rest of the members know about her crush so they leave the house with just sei and the reader being left alone and sei is rly shy but she confesses to the reader and they kiss uwu ahhh i hope this makes sense!!! thank u for ur hard work i love ur blog 💙

A/N: This made perfect sense! Thanks so much for a WEME request, I hope I did it justice.

“Has anyone seen Sei?” Ji Leader calls out into the full practice room.

You all look around at one another and shrug a little until Lucy chimes in.

“She was here a second ago. Maybe she went to use the bathroom.”

She had gone to the bathroom. She needed to collect herself a little and now Sei was peeking through the window on the door to make sure everyone else was also in the room. 

“I’m here! Sorry unnie it was an emergency.”

Suyeon gives her a nod and officially begins practice. You were great as usual. You hadn’t debuted with the other members for “I Don’t Like Your Girlfriend”. You came in during “Crush” but the girls always treated you like you were always around. The members you are the closest with were Rina and Lua so being in 00 line was pretty fun for you. You always wanted to be close with Sei since you were also same year friends with her and Lua but she seemed to dislike you, maybe even hate you. When you really think about it, you can’t recall ever having a one on one conversation with her, ever.

As your practicing you feel like someone is watching you like a hawk. You think about checking to see who it is in the mirror, but you brush it off and assume that it’s Yoojung or Doyeon making sure you’re doing alright. This assumption was partially right because those two always watched all of you during practice, however neither of your members were watching you. Instead, they watched Seojeong watch you. In fact, all of the members had begun to notice over time how she looked at you. She was much more obvious than she wanted to admit, but she also couldn’t look you in the eye and get through a full coherent sentence.

Once it was time for your first break of the practice, you found yourself going to get a snack with Rina. Little did you know that behind you Sei was slowly being cornered by the remaining members and there would be no escape until you and Soeun returned from across the street.

“Why are you avoiding Y/N unnie so much?“ Hyojung practically shouted as soon as she thought the coast was clear.

“What? I don’t avoid her.” The tone is as unconvincing as her stance when she says it. Her arms fold over each other at her chest and perhaps her most prominent pout ever etched on her face.

“Really? What about yesterday when she and I were walking towards you and you threw yourself into the first room you saw. You’re lucky she didn’t see you otherwise it would have made her sad.“ Doyeon chimed in.

“I... needed to go in that room.” Sei tries to stand her ground but from the look on Doyeon’s face she knew she didn’t stand a chance. 

“It was a cleaning supply closet. What could you possibly be doing in there right before practice?“

"...Taking inventory?" Even she knows that that's the dumbest excuse she could have given.

"Okay look you clearly aren't ready today but tomorrow you need to at least apologize for avoiding her. It's your business whether you confess or not but you can't treat a member this way." The way Suyeon speaks leaves no room for more discussion, least of all arguments.

-----------------------

The next day you wake up early as always but find that Lua and Lucy aren't in your shared room. You're a little confused because they are almost always still asleep when you get up. Then you leave your room and can't help but notice the lack of coats in the closet and shoes in the cabinet. You scratch your head and walk into the kitchen to make breakfast.

You hear a door open elsewhere in the dorm and quickly come face to face with a clearly flustered Sei.

"Ah Sei ssi~ did you want some eggs"

"Sei winces at the formality in your words and the tension riddling your body language."

"Y/N just call me Seojeong. We're the same age you know."

You're startled by her actually speaking to you so all you can do at that moment is nod.

"Hey, so I'm sorry for not being welcoming. It’s not that I don’t like you.” She clearly hesitates to to speak. Her mouth opens and closes before she looks down.

“Sei, it’s alright take your time. I promise you I’m listening.”

“It isn’t that I don’t like you Y/N. More like I may like you too much.”

Her last sentence came out so quiet you almost missed it. Even once it registered you were frozen in shock.

“Ar- Are you confessing to me right now?”

She flinches at your question, fearing the worst. Once you come to your senses again you step forward. You hold her hands in your own with a tender smile on your face.

“Let’s go out today. Have lunch, just us two.” 

Sei’s eyes widen in surprise at your words. 

“You want to have lunch with me today? For real?”

“Yes. Let’s get to know each other better. I think that what you’re trying to tell me is that you’re interested in me. Well, I’m interested in you too. Like a lot, Seojeong.”

Sei’s smile starts to surface and she shifts on her feet, looking down at her hands being held in your own. 

“If it isn’t too sudden can I um... can I kiss you?“

Instead of a verbal response from you she receives a soft warm sensation against her lips. It was a quick closed mouth kiss but not short enough to qualify as a peck. Both of you stand close together avoiding eye contact with rosy cheeks. 

“We’ll take it slow. Just one step at a time, okay?” You speak without meeting her eyes in a pure display of shyness.

“Yeah, one step at a time.” She smiles at you brighter than you knew possible.”

When the members return in the afternoon, they find a note stating your whereabouts and are pleased to see you two had gone out together for the day.

“Told you it would work if we just left them alone.” Doyeon smirked at her members.

“Well I mean we did threaten Sei unnie so it’s not like that was much of a choice.“ Lucy speaks up with a laugh

“Alls fair in war Hyojung. Alls fair in war.” Yoojung pipes up.

“Don’t you mean lo-” 

“I said what I said.” Yoojung cuts Lua off abruptly with a sassy but playful flip of her hair.”

 The members all giggle amongst themselves before slowly roaming off to lounge about.

When you return to the dorm with Sei you are both met with the creepily excited faces of your other members and take your teasing session like the embarrassed babies you both are.

[kadeu]

Accepted — Al-Farsi Leila

♥   Leili Al-Farsi aka. Leila Mori looks like Ivana Alawi (actor) ♥   She was born December 25, 1814; making her 206 but she appears to be 25 ♥   This Succubi is Heterosexual and a Jack of Hearts ♥   She is the owner of The Secret Room

Biography

The Al-Farsi Family is a family greatly known for their secrecy. A reclusive family whose only presence is felt through the various charities that the family was connected to. It was rumored that the Al-Farsis were wealthy enough to become Kings, if only they would stop their habit of excessive spending for the poor. However, this was the only way the family stayed relevant over the past century. As what the rumors circulated, the Al-Farsis remained a neutral family in the years of peace within Kadeu. Their founding matriarch was a woman whose roots were traced from the City of Umibe. She had come to Kadeu for a better life and found work in The Red Dragon. Gradually, she rosed up the ranks and became the brothel’s owner in less than a decade. Her name was Lamia Mori. She was the great-grandmother of Leila Al-Farsi, or so what the family introduced her to be.

The truth was that the matriarch Lamia Mori and the great-granddaughter, Leila Al-Farsi, was one and the same woman. She was a succubus who have crossed over from the Demon Realm more than a century ago and has skillfully hidden herself undetected in the public eye, all the while feigning to be a human. However, something had changed when the succubus decided to clothe herself in the finest of tulles and satins and adorn her body with glistening jewels. That same day, her own father appeared before her. It was then that she knew of her mother’s death. Her father spared no expense on sharing his bare intentions. First, he found her current abode quite atrocious and second, he abhors the fact that her own daughter had decided to cowardly hide in the facade of a human instead of being proud of her demonic origins.

But Leila still remembers the day she was forcefully thrown out of the Demon Realm by her very own clan. It was the very reason why she could not bear to go back. It was her forty second birthday, way past her puberty and still no signs of her ‘awakening.’ It well-known in the Demon Realm that the younger a concubi would stop aging, the earlier would be its awakening and the stronger that concubi would be. Records had reported that these were the cases for those born with concubi parents. But Lamia was a daughter of a succubus and an arch demon and little had been known of the children of this kind of union. It was a pride for her father that Lamia stopped aging by the age of 24. To her clan, this was a promising sign that she would become one of the strongest concubi due to her lineage. They have made plans specially catered to her education, with the goal of making her the perfect hidden weapon of the family.

Great joy and merriment occurred on her thirty fifth birthday. Her clan had invited others to witness her awakening. However, none of that happened. No stubby spiked tail, no primal feeding ensued. Lamia caused her clan to lose face that night, but they still had patiently waited for her awakening. A year turned to two, then three yet there was still no sign of that stubborn tail. This frustrated Lamia to the core. If only she was born as a demon instead of a concubi, her mother would have been the grand consort of the clan but alas she was anything but. Without even much of an opportunity to say her farewells, Lamia was thrown off to a realm far too different than what she was familiar of. That was when she found herself at the depths of the sea of Umibe. A sudden change happened with her as she crossed over the portal, Lamia found herself growing a stubby spiked tail. How she hated her tail for years after, if only it had grown sooner. Little did she know, this was the least of her problems.

A rude awakening soon followed, enraging Lamia down to her very core. She learned of the poor treatment of the townsfolk towards concubi the hard way, through her own fault. Lamia once let her guard down and her origins as a succubus spread throughout the city like wildfire overnight. By morning, she lost the reputation she painstakingly established over a couple of years. She hated the smell of potent distrust, hated it even more that she had to feed off on those disgusting emotion. In a fit of rage, she openly hunted at The Docks until she was fully satiated. During this primal hunt, Lamia learned that aside from lust, fear became her most favorite meal. The next morning, reports on spoilt goods and missing sailors grazed the covers of the newspapers and rumors blamed such incident on the succubus whom no citizen has seen ever again.

Her overfeeding was proven to be useful nonetheless as the succubus was able to traverse the 10-mile distance from the City of Umibe to Kadeu in just a little over two hours. She must admit that the air in Kadeu was much fresher compared to the City of Umibe. Here, Lamia could easily feed without many complications as she could freely feed off in the streets. She noticed that on her inner left wrist, the once prominent 1 symbol that mystically appeared after she crossed over from the Demon Realm now became a 3. Lamia learned upon further coaxing from her clientele that the more she gathers her wealth and store it in the Zuihuo Bank, the more she would rise in the rank and this was the window of opportunity for her to have a new life. A life where she could live in peace, where the scent of distrust is absent and only pure lust and greed filled the air. The scent of greed was something Lamia had not thought of to be served in this place. The more she consumed it, the more she was influenced by it. Soon, the news of a lucky sex-worker on the streets reached the ears of the warden of The Red Dragon. There were not many blatant sex-workers brave enough to flaunt themselves on the streets, especially near his establishment, he wanted to have that worker for himself.

It was then that Lamia Mori was known as the Lady Mori of The Red Dragon. The mystical tattoo on her inner left wrist became a 5 and later a 7 as she became a high-end sex-worker for the brothel. By then, she had skillfully hidden her identity as a succubus. But this was not enough, not when the brothel was rumored to be auctioned off as its previous owner had plummeted down to bankruptcy and a deadly combo of gambling and drugs. This was the window of opportunity that Lamia was waiting for. In the depths of the night, a woman was found standing at the gates of the abode of the previous owner. Nobody knew what had transpired that night, but the fact remains that the Al-Farsi family had purchased the brothel.

With the change of ownership comes the influx of patrons. The title “Lady Mori” was bestowed for a decade to a favored sex-worker of the brothel, paying homage to the first Lady Mori who was said to have been favored by a patron and was gifted of the brothel itself, earning her favor. The first Lady Mori was the same consort of the Al-Farsi family that had graced society of her presence just a few months after the family purchased the brothel. Little did the society knew that the head of the Al-Farsi family was Lamia Mori. The man whom she claims to be her ‘husband,’ the man rumored to be the patron who was enamored by her beauty was no other than the previous warden of The Red Dragon himself.

It had been several decades since Lady Mori, now known as Madam Al-Farsi, had graced society herself. However, the tales of her glory days was still known in Kadeu. She once loved to throw charity balls for various causes she could think of, to a point that she had almost endangered her family’s status as a facecard. The last time she was seen was the day she announced her pregnancy. It was said that she had died during childbirth. And news of the family could only be seen in the papers, not a shadow of their beings was in sight. One recurring fact that always appeared in the paper though, the women married to the Al-Farsis had always died of childbirth. This was rumored to be a curse plaguing the entire family.

But the rumors of the curse did not stop the family finding a new bride. The 3rd generation head of the Al-Farsi, known by many as Khalil Al-Farsi, was one whose beauty once rivaled the family’s founding monarch, Lamia Mori herself. He was the great source of pride of the family as he had single-handedly beaten their once rival strip club, The Golden Faerie. Although not a brothel itself, the strip club also caters to all ranks like The Red Dragon. Thus, the news of its upgrade followed by the new that it would now only be catering to ranks 7 and above had delighted the family.

Following the good fortune that The Red Dragon had received in the past few months was the tragic death of Khalil Al-Farsi. The scene of finding the child she once raised to be the family heir was now dead pushed Leila to seek vengeance for him. To distract the ton from his death, Leila spread the news of her debut in society. Gossip columns in the newspapers were filled with testimonies of the once loyal patrons who were too old to frequent the brothel and those who have seen Madam Al-Farsi in her glory days both of whom confirmed that the next of kin of the Al-Farsi looks just like the madam. And with this, the curiosity of the ton followed wondering of the beauty that daughter of Khalil Al-Farsi holds. A satirical laugh could be heard across the mansion. Indeed, she picked the ripe time to reintroduce herself to society as Leila Al-Farsi.

Personality

Leila is a socialite which led to her being hyperaware of the rankings. She made it a self-priority to maintain a facecard rank for survival as she had witnessed the dark side of the lowranks and abhors to be in that same situation twice. Thus, she maintains strong relations amongst the highranks, at the same time, she is kind to lowranks, even to a point of offering them jobs in her brothel to keep them off the streets. She made it her mission to get sex workers off the streets and into her brothel, in return, she asks for their utmost loyalty, which had become her unknown weakness in the long run. Using the excuse of finding a husband, Leila is at a stage seeking revenge for her father, Khalil Al-Farsi. The culprit behind his death is still at large.

Congratulations Tamara your app has been accepted and your first plot drop will be sent to you soon.

Please follow and welcome @leilamori to Kadeu!

[interesting-blog-name]

Björk DISCOG REVIEW Part 1

One of the most recognized avant-garde singers in the world, Björk Guðmundsdóttir is an Icelandic artist who has been releasing critically acclaimed albums since the early 90s, and an icon in the experimental music scene. I thought it’d be an exciting experience to dive into her discography to find out if her music resonates with me, and to understand what this revered singer is all about. I decided to start with her major studio albums first, then moving on to her early work with Icelandic band The Sugarcubes and whatever else she has out there.

 Debut

Björk’s properly titled debut is a wild amalgamation of sweet love songs, upbeat house music inspired by the UK’s early 90s scene, a hint of jazz, and of course, Björk’s enchanting voice. I won’t pretend to be a music university graduate or whatever, as I know close to nothing about what 90s music sounded like, what could have potentially influenced Björk on this album, nor will I try to give some sort of lecture about what is going on here; I’ll just cite what I enjoy and what I don’t, and why.

Debut feels authentic, it’s a finely crafted album, from its musical styles to its production to its songwriting. What spiked my interest immediately in it were the drums, and how fresh and varied they were; this is a very percussion-heavy album, the UK beats Björk implements are all about the infectious rhythms that enter your body and seem to control it, but even on tracks not so influenced by the nightclub life, the percussion is very good, in songs such as the opening Human Behaviour, with its fat bass drums, or the iconic, soothing Venus As a Boy, featuring tambourines, strong kicks, some rattle instrument, a prominent sampled echoing sound and a hint of bongos; these are all alongside various other rich instruments, violin passages that flow with the track perfectly, what sounds like xylophones peppering the track, all of this making this the best song in the album, in my opinion.

And when these instruments are not there, of course Björk herself makes up for it. Like Someone In Love is a beautiful ode to, well, love, comprised only of a harp, the singer’s eye-watering performance, and some ambient noise; it reminds me a bit too much of her cover of I Remember You, mostly because they’re both based on harps, but it is still very beautiful on its own. The Anchor Song is the emptiest on the record, closing the album up with some tension and overall introspection. It features only one verse from Björk sung two times, and like three saxophones? Definitely two at least, I’m not sure how they work, but it makes for a great, simplistic finisher (even if latter editions include Play Dead, a beautiful song, but not exactly fitting after the song before it).

Throughout the first handful of tracks, the pattern of “inward emotionally potent song sequenced by urban-life dance anthem, and back again” became apparent to me, but then broke after One Day did not transition into a dance track. Basically, my instant perception was that the record was this rollercoaster showcase of the hopeless romantic experience in a metropolitan, nocturnal city, and it may be, but if it is, it’s not as in-your-face as I initially thought. What catapulted these thoughts was the live version of There’s More To Life Than This, probably the most commercially-adept instrumental tune in the record, performed by Björk in a version purposefully awkward and weirdly personal, where she sings her second verse directly into a mic while the beat faintly plays in the background, fading further and further until the song flawlessly transitions to Like Someone In Love. It really makes you feel like your are at the Milk Bar, the night is packed, and Björk just pulls you into the bathroom and starts singing the rest of the song (for some reason); it reminded me of all those YouTube videos where the uploader takes a popular song, adds some background chatter, and soaks it all in reverb to give you the experience of listening to the song from the bathroom of a party. It is a distinct, creative way of spinning the original dance track around into something more, something that conveys this feeling of slight loneliness, even when surrounded by people, the central topic of the second song, Crying. The lyrics describe the big city, the huge crowds, but conversely the feeling of solitude and missing your loved one, or maybe even a place, it’s not explicitly told who or what Björk misses.

Romance is ever-present in Debut, through many incarnations. Big Time Sensuality, one of the most upbeat tracks here, is about a fresh romantic relationship, and the growing sensation of “something important (...) about to happen”, assumingly between Björk and whoever else. The house beat paints the scenario for this relationship as a club, by default. It brings you into this exciting nightlife, only for you to be pulled away immediately after by One Day, a track so cheerful it’s irresistible, and holding tight to the theme of romanticizing a loved one, then reaching Aeroplane in yet another beautiful transition. I have to admit this is the first song I don’t love in the album, I think it is good, and in the context of the album, definitely brings something new. What sets it apart is, this time around, the bongos are being used to their full extent, paired with birds chirping and a comfortable bass, incremented by occasional saxophone passages, this track ends up very tropical. After this, Come To Me is another passionate song, this time, Björk sings of comforting her partner and nurturing them, which naturally creates a super chill aura to the song. Accompanied by the violins and the lowkey guitars, it makes for a solid track, which in the context of the album I think eases the mood a bit too much, but is appreciated as a solid production, and closes out by bringing out the bongos once again, in a very nice outro (I should also note this is the first appearance of a real drum set on the album [I think]) (I should also also note the bassline sounds a little like early studio versions of True Love Waits by Radiohead, just some trivia).

Violently Happy right afterwards is the least interesting of the house tracks, with a mostly simple instrumental, and vocals Björk seeming to be compressed, or dowsed in some other effect. It’s not a standout in the tracklist to me, but the beauty of Debut is that the worst song is still solid as fuck. I think it’s a very consistent album, that delivers a unique and one-of-a-kind experience.

I didn’t expect this type of sound from Debut, but I was pleasantly surprised. It took me a while to like, but it definitely grew on me on with this 4 a.m. listening session I just had. I look forward to everything else I will listen to by Björk.

 FAVORITE TRACKS: Venus As A Boy, Like Someone In Love, One Day, Big Time Sensuality, Human Behaviour

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: Violently Happy

 8.7/10

“Lately I find myself gazing at stars, hearing guitars like someone in love.”

 Post

Going into Post, I was aware this would be quite different from Debut. I had listened to Army of Me and It’s Oh So Quiet before, seeing as they’re two of Björk’s biggest songs, and they obviously sound nothing like the acid house beats and soft, calming ballads in her debut, and that’s what is good about it, the sudden shift from a relatively safe musical environment to aggressive, chunky electronic production in Army of Me and Enjoy, and the absolute turnaround that is It’s Oh So Quiet.

The bold production decisions are what make this album exciting and surprising, in tracks such as I Miss You, mixing a synth-line with super loud bongos and some addictive synthesized drums, and trumpets at the end of the song, or the famous use of the Locrian mode in Army of Me, creating this menacing, dissonant melody, which perfectly fits the song and serves as an appropriate intro to the album that succeeds it. But they don’t always have to be out there to be notable and great: what I can tell from around the internet is that you can ask every single Björk fan ever what their favorite track by her is and it feels like at least a quarter will answer Hyper-ballad, and (even though I’m not nearly done with her discography) I can I say it’s with very good reason, as it is an amazingly composed song; same with Possibly Maybe, an enheartened slow jam which progresses from a cute love song about desiring to be with the one she’s flirting with, to disappointment in how they treat her, to the breakup, where she states she started wearing lipstick again, sucking her own tongue in remembrance of her once lover.

The album is very love-centered, specifically focused on the desire to be physically with someone, with how Björk mentions her love interest’s touch in plenty of tracks, such as I Miss You, a song about missing someone she apparently has never been with, where she literally asks her significant other “when will I get my cuddle?”. uwu.

(also what is this cover art lmao)

Also including this thirst for deeper contact are the songs Enjoy (“I wish I’d only look, and didn’t have to touch”, “How can I ignore? This is sex without touching?”) and Headphones (”They start off as cells that haven’t been touched before, these cells are virgins”), but the subject matter isn’t always literal and spelled out, as the tracks Isobel and Hyper-ballad seem to play with the idea of a hermit lifestyle, whether it’s at the top of a mountain or in the heart of a forest, with different meanings between the two, however. In Hyper-ballad, she’s isolated from the world alongside her lover, while in Isobel, she’s completely alone, married to herself, as she says. I enjoy the theme, but I think the vocals and instrumentation, while interesting, aren’t as good as many other examples from the album, same with the track previous to it, You’ve Been Flirting Again, which employs very faint and uniform violins under some soothing yet stagnant lyrics by Björk; it serves mostly as an interlude, I suppose, but it could go a little further, in my opinion.

To end the album, Cover Me and Headphones subdue the atmosphere by a lot. They’re very toned down, the first features some really nice windy background noise, and what I think is an oud. It’s an amazing section of the album, and from what I can gather, seems to be about her own experimentation with her music, describing a journey into what I think is this very album, a big departure from Debut for sure. It then transitions seamlessly into Headphones, which, on par with its title, is a much better experience if you are wearing headphones. The buzzing bass, Björk’s nearly ASMR vocals turning into gibberish at the end, and bubbly percussion are all super pleasing to the ears, and it continues the theme of her own musical creating process, singing how her headphones saved her life, and how nothing will ever be the same; it’s almost prophetical, and definitely one of my favorite songs here.

Post is much more colorful, daring and wild than Debut, but I don’t know if I like it better than its predecessor. I feel like Debut is obviously much more comfortable and pleasing than Post, and that even though Post has amazing tracks like Hyper-ballad, Enjoy and Possibly Maybe, as an album, I’m not really feeling it as much as the last one. The sense of cohesion in the last one, and how it used the UK beats to the best of their potentials, mixing them with much more soothing tracks and beautiful vocal performances is what attracts me to it so much. I really appreciate the direction Post took, as I don’t suppose many people were doing anything close to this in the 90s or before, and it certainly has its highlights, but I think Debut just got a tighter hold of me, and I just enjoyed it more, if looking at it from a purely superficial standpoint. The experimentation here is great, but I enjoy how fresh Debut sounds slightly more.

 FAVORITE TRACKS: Hyper-ballad, I Miss You, Army of Me, Headphones, Possibly Maybe, Enjoy

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: You’ve Been Flirting Again

 8.5/10

“This is really dangerous, cover me. But worth all the effort, cover me.”

 Homogenic

Alright shit got real.

This is way better than the last two albums, and they were amazing to begin with. But this album is insane. It’s focused, but also so loose and free. It’s an amazing experience, and I think Björk in her most comfortable style yet. She doesn’t miss the mark in one track of this album, they’re all at the very least good.

It starts off with the delirious drum patterns and violins in Hunter, and I tell you, I haven’t seen a better streak of amazing songs in an album yet: from the intro to 5 Years, all the songs between it are fucking fantastic, and that is only broken by Immature, a track which I don’t think is supposed to be much more than an interlude anyway; then it’s right back with Alarm Call.

I really don’t think I have anything to complain about in this review apart from 5 Years and Immature. On the first listen, I thought Howie B’s version of All Is Full Of Love was inferior to the original, which I had heard and loved a while ago, but I can’t even say that, because this one is perfect as an outro. With the drums gone, the track feels like a goodbye from Björk as you slowly descent from heaven after listening to this album; plus, it comes right after Pluto, by far the most aggressive song in Homogenic, with the singer yelling over her glitchiest production yet. Then it suddenly gives way to that incredible outro. Other amazing transitions include Unravel to Bachelorette, decorated by the overlapping violins, and from 5 Years to Immature. The serene, gorgeous sound of Unravel against the energetic, cinematic Bachelorette orchestra is easily one of the best moments in the album as well.

I find that whenever I find an album really good, I have problems describing why, but I promise this time I’ll try harder than when I listened to MAGDALENE. To start, Björk’s singing and the instruments backing her have never been more in harmony with each other, mainly due to Björk’s and her producers’ focus on maintaining a homogenous sound throughout the record, as its title implies, and this style is the mix of strings and other orchestral instruments (including an accordion at some points) with the odd, sometimes glitchy (All Neon Like, 5 Years, Pluto) other times fleshed out and bulky (Hunter, Immature, Alarm Call) production of Mark Bell, Guy Sigsworth, Howie B, Markus Dravs and, of course, Björk herself. Jóga and Unravel are my favorite Björk songs so far, and the fact that they come back to back, right before Bachelorette, is still crazy to me.

Alarm Call is a beautiful song about how your music impacts the world, and just an anthem of euphoria basically, which might be a little out of place surrounded by the very specific sound the album goes for, with its bop qualities and dance rhythm, but I appreciate it a lot just for how easily Björk can pour her feelings onto a track and make it work out of seemingly nowhere. This song demands happiness from the listener, and it’s extremely difficult not to give in to its groove (“I’m no fucking Buddhist, but this is enlightenment”).

In my opinion, All Neon Like is the perfect embodiment of Homogenic’s atmosphere: it’s not as brilliantly and enormously produced as the songs before it, but it is frigid and ethereal, the lyrics are sung fairy tales, continuing the genius metaphors in Bachelorette.

It’s slightly futile for me to try and dissect Björk’s lyrics one by one, but they do stand out more than in her previous records as well, even though the focus on Homogenic is mainly in its aesthetic. 5 Years is the first song that features lyrics that point themselves against someone, a former love interest of Björk, accusing them of not being able to handle her, and while Immature’s lyrics don’t go anywhere due to them consisting of a verse repeated twice, they follow the theme of abandoning a lover, and this time, the questioning is to herself, wondering how she thought her significant other was a cure to all her personal issues. Hunter, an amazing intro to an amazing album, centers its lyrics around some of the same topics as the outro in Post (Cover Me and Headphones) which describes a voyage into the unknown that was Björk’s musical endeavors at the time, her will to go the distance to create something brand new and exciting. In this intro, she compares it to hunting and bringing the food to the table. It starts: “If travel is searching and home what’s been found, I’m not stopping”. It’s fucking brilliant man holy shit.

Now that I write this, I realize, from 5 Years onward, the songs cease to be about idolizing another person, with tracks such as Immature and Alarm Bell being introspective looks at Björk and her current feelings, and Pluto being about batshit self-change. Even All Is Full Of Love, with its first lyrics being “You’ll be given love, you’ll be taken care of”, seems to be addressing more of the ambient surrounding the person than the person themselves, as if they’re a placeholder for all the angelic ambience around the listener. Maybe the song is literally about placing the listener in this scenario, who knows.

Definitely best album I’ve heard yet, and what excites me is that people praise the next album so much, I’ve never seen someone talk much about Homogenic. I literally don’t know how Björk can top this, but I’ll see.

 WORST TO BEST: 5 Years, Immature – Mark Bell’s Version, Hunter, Pluto, Alarm Call, All Neon Like, Bachelorette, All Is Full Of Love – Howie’s Version, Jóga, Unravel

 Fuck it, 10/10

“I’m a path of cinders burning under your feet. You’re the one who walks me, I’m your one-way street.”

 Vespertine

I am pleased.

This is insane, man. I think I’ll be a huge Björk fan after I’m finished with this discography. Vespertine is meticulous, it’s enchanting, it’s all-around wonderful. You can tell Björk and her team put incredible effort into this album, for it to sound as effortlessly beautiful as possible; not one idea or song here sounds forced, out of its element, or simply put bad. They unite to create one of the most astounding listening experiences I think I’ll ever get in my life.

Vespertine is proud, but introverted. As a sequel to Homogenic, it serves as its lighter half: where Björk described Homogenic as “confrontational”, “active” and ��warrior”, Vespertine flips that upside down, and brings microbeats, music boxes and harps to the table. This is a very effective alternative to songs such as Jóga and Bachelorette, where the instrumentals and the singer seemed to try and outdo each other, creating these grand, empowering songs; in this album, they merge together into living, breathing and deeply personal lullabies. One of the most impressive talents of Björk is that she seems to take the identity of her album to heart, and mixes her unique songwriting and singing talents and her otherworldly personality into the project’s own personality, becoming an artform much greater than the sum of its parts.

Songs like Hidden Place, It’s Not Up To You and Pagan Poetry are Björk to the bone, with their more elaborate and ear-catching production, their humongous vocals, and would be comfortable if they were to be pulled from this album into another; however, deeper cuts such as Aurora, Cocoon, Undo and An Echo A Stain are the embodiment of this album’s aesthetic, its frigid atmosphere and tiny, fragile surroundings. They are like symmetrical, unique snowflakes when softer, or huge, arctic blue glistering caves when grander. They’re precise; stable, but at the same time would not work if they weren’t organized exactly how they are.

It’s easy to get too comfortable listening to Vespertine. The tracks are almost spiritual in a way, they convey an unparalleled bliss to the listener, and getting lost in the album is almost part of the experience. Especially in the second half of Vespertine, where things get real lowkey. Songs merge into each other, starting with the wonderful music box interlude Frosti into Aurora, which features one of Björk’s strongest vocal performances, proceeding to An Echo A Stain, a standout for its weird, suspenseful and eerie instrumental, evoking a dark vibe, it sounds like a deep underwater exploration into the darkest abysses of the ocean or some shit. The lyrics are also uniquely confrontational, they don’t portray the undying passion of songs before it, instead proclaiming “Don’t say no to me. You can’t say no to me. I won’t see you, denied.”. With all the vague and spacey lyrics, and the uneventful instrumental, it’s impressive this song progresses so well, mainly due to its weird, unsettling tone that sets itself apart from the rest of the songs. In a way, these odd and abstract lyrics mixed with the ethereal and bittersweet instrumentation remind me of some Radiohead songs, such as The National Anthem, How To Disappear Completely and Ful Stop, and I’m realizing this is a style of music I’m prone to liking.

Sun In My Mouth is not much of a standout topically or sonically to me, as it doesn’t do much to expand upon the sexuality of the album, with lyrics once again referring to inserting fingers into wherever, and closing with “Will I complete the mystery of my flesh?”, the themes seem to have nowhere to go. Heirloom depicts a reoccurring dream about Björk losing her voice, and having her mother and son pour a glowing oil into her mouth, which is a cute and artsy way of saying they’re her fuel for continuing with her craft, I guess. The lyrics don’t go anywhere with themselves after this though, but the instrumental is very creative and memorable, it creates a neat little bubble of involving, resonating synths.

Employing some heavy strings for Harm Of Will, Björk doubles down on the romance of the album, in a rather stripped-down song, with a few vocal highlights from her. It finds its place in the tracklist, I guess, although the oral sex line comes off a bit too strong for the smooth sentiment of the song.

To close Vespertine off, Unison, the longest song in the album, lays back on an ambient sample by Oval, and features one of Björk’s most unique vocal harmonies on its chorus; overall a nice, upbeat outro for a wonderful album.

I will say I felt more excited listening to Homogenic, as I think Vespertine’s romantic, sexual aura doesn’t expand into much after some of the many heavily sensual verses, while Homogenic wasn’t as tight and claustrophobic for me. Vespertine, however, was freer and left a bigger impact on me, It’s Not Up To You succeeded in making me cry. At the same time, none of the songs here felt like they didn’t belong, like they took away from the experience; every sound and line collaborates to make something bigger, something I don’t think I’ll get from many other albums in my lifetime.

 BEST TO WORST: It’s Not Up To You, Pagan Poetry, Undo, Hidden Place, An Echo A Stain, Unison, Aurora, Heirloom, Cocoon, Harm Of Will, Frosti, Sun In My Mouth

 It is a 10

“I can decide what I give, but it’s not up to me what I get given. Unthinkable surprises about to happen, but what they are, it’s not up to you.”

 Medúlla

Björk’s 2004 Medúlla is, surprise surprise, an acapella album. And to further surprise, I liked it.

After Homogenic and Vespertine, I guess there was nowhere to go but towards the more experimental. You can’t really outdo those two albums in their own game, so you gotta branch out, try different things; and trying different things is exactly what Björk excels at, apparently. With Medúlla, all that wild, bombastic or serene instrumentation her previous albums were peppered with is gone, giving way to backing vocals ranging from super deep male bass to angelic choirs, beatboxing, and occasionally an isolated instrument. The album is rooted on the most primary form of music: barely any instruments, almost no effects or audio manipulations, just many voices uniting to become one; lyrics about childbirth, the human body, oceans and, of course, love.

Listening to Medúlla is interesting because it is very familiar, while also being a completely different experience from Björk’s previous albums. Songs like Who Is It and Mouth’s Cradle are unmistakably her, while at the same time being coated with an extra layer of experimentation, and with this new direction, Björk and her team are able to channel an energy that stands shoulder-to-shoulder with some of her best production. Where Is The Line? and Oceania are intricate and complex, showing just how much can be done with only the human voice. The low male vocals and beatboxing structure the songs, the choirs in the background give them depth, all the sounds link with themselves to amount to some incredible songs.

On the flipside, however, few songs fail to achieve that, in my opinion. Desired Constellation is notably bare and empty, with few aspects to its composition. The mystical lyrics that characterize Medúlla are still here, describing Björk playing routinely with stars to form whatever she desires, but apart from that, there isn’t much to experience. Mouth’s Cradle and its successor Miðvikudags are also not of much significance to the rest of the album, as they drift from its acapella compositions by employing some pleasant, but unnecessary synths as the basis of the songs. The simpler, shorter interludes that are peppered through the album are pretty much the standard sound for this record, fleshing it out with small little vocal passages and, of course, gibberish. Show Me Forgiveness, from my interpretation, is Björk apologizing to either herself or her daughter (as implied by the last line, “The girl might live”), for letting her interior voice be drowned out by the exterior; Öll Birtan is a simple buildup to the aforementioned Who Is It, but the best of the bunch are Sonnets/Unrealities XI, the poem it may not always be so; and i say by e. e. cummings over some of the best backing vocals in the album, Vökuró, where Björk sings a traditional Icelandic song in a very intimate and gorgeous moment in the album, and Ancestors, which features some passionate, odd and intriguing growls all throughout it.

It’s remarkable what Björk came up with in this album, the mystical aura surrounding it and forming its lyrics, in particular the verses in Oceania where she takes the role of the Ocean, exploring its perspective of Earth, time and the continents, Pleasure Is All Mine, which describes motherhood and childbirth for a sublime intro, and Submarine, featuring Robert Wyatt, evoking a sense of rebelliousness and urgency. Great album.

 FAVORITE TRACKS: Oceania, Sonnets/Unrealities XI, Where Is The Line? Pleasure Is All Mine, Vökuró

LEAST FAVORITE TRACK: Mouth’s Cradle

 8.8/10

“When in doubt: give”

Outro

I postponed ths review for like 2 months or something, I don’t even know. Basically, from Debut to Vespertine was probably a one-month span of time, while it took me about double that time to actually write about Medúlla, because of what I think was a depressive episode. In the meantime, I started just reviewing shit on RateYourMusic (my username is fantaguarana, if anyone cares). I thought of stopping, I had this feeling that the whole “writing about everything I listen” thing was really forced and starting to become a chore, but now that I actually got to it, I think I notice how much it helps me organize my thoughts on music, compared to just listening to an album and never really reflecting on what it really means.

I’ll probably stop writing about everything I listen to, and leave this blog for the albums that really change me as a person. Have a good day yall.

[anotherkpopvictim]

When Insecurities Get the Best of You (We’ll Be There) - Namjoon X BTS Littlespace Drabble

(Gif Source: jinseas)

“anonymous asked: Hiii my favorite trope is joonie being insecure but ot6 comforting him and loving him hbnskskh i feel like i haven't read one of these in a while it'd be great if u wrote smth like that 👉🏼👈🏼”

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting this! I really liked the idea, and my last little!joon X caregiver!bts fic I wrote for Namjoon’s birthday was really well-liked so obviously others want to see this relationship again :)

So here it is! Enjoy!

Relationship: Little!Namjoon X Caregiver!BTS

Rating: G

Words: 4146

Hurt/comfort, fluff

PLEASE NOTE:  This fic is a collection of short moments over the years when Namjoon felt insecure about himself and the others were there for him. Some moments were based on actual events that happened in real life, while others were completely made up. If it really happened, I will link the moment I based it on.

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As the leader of Bangtan, Namjoon was no stranger to being the unfortunate target of the brunt of embarrassment. He had taken a “class” of sorts back in the day, where he was taught exactly what it meant to be a leader. One of the main points that Namjoon spent a lot of time working on, was that a leader needed to be able to take charge when any public conflicts or awkwardness overwhelms the atmosphere of any concert, interview, or award speech. BTS had gone through their fair share of public humiliation, and it was Namjoon’s job to keep things stable and calm during those times.

Fortunately, Namjoon was really, really good at this. He’d been the one to keep Yoongi from punching that asshole B-Free in the face during that one interview near the beginning of their career that none of them would ever forget. He was the one that could seamlessly take over when any of the members got choked up at a particularly invasive question.

Namjoon was also extremely good at hiding the complicated slow burn that was the members’ romantic relationship.

It started out way back in the day with himself and Yoongi, who were both wound up from the frustrations of trainee life and frankly just horny teenagers. What began as helping each other get off every now and then developed into something more romantic as Hoseok, Jungkook and Seokjin were added to the group line up.

Then Namjoon and Yoongi became Namjoon and Yoongi and Seokjin and then as debut finally rolled around, Hoseok joined in as well. Hyung line’s relationship was confusing for a few years as they figured out the dynamics within it.

BTS’ debut also brought about the start of maknae line’s romantic relationship. The three youngest had been close since the day they’d met, but it remained platonic until the night of their debut stage, where the high of emotions made them braver and they shared tender kisses and cuddles between themselves.

Then the two separate relationships (hyung line and maknae line) began to blend together until it was one unit.

Throughout all of the developments of their relationship and even after, Namjoon constantly had to keep an eye on everyone when cameras were rolling. It was Taehyung and Jungkook that had the most difficult time holding back the lingering touches and stares and it hurt the leader that he needed to separate them so much, but it was necessary.

So, yes, Namjoon was an amazing leader, and though it wasn’t easy, he was able to put his own emotions on the back burner for his group - at least, most of the time.

Because he was human and he was far from perfect, he too had those moments where things were too overwhelming for him as well. The company could forget that sometimes, but never his members. His members were always there for him.

-------------------------------------

2013 (based on this moment at 1:05)

The first time Namjoon really felt incapable of handling a situation was shortly after their debut. Coincidentally, this was also the first time Namjoon ever fell into littlespace.

BTS was lucky enough to be able to perform not only the title track of their second album but also the special concept trailer performance that fans loved so much.

It started out great, the hype of the screaming crowd giving them all the confidence in their performing. It got to the point in the choreography where the back-up dancers helped pull off their outer shirts, leaving them all in white sleeveless shirts. They’d all rehearsed it a million times, but that, unfortunately, didn’t mean that it was seamless every time.

It took a moment for Namjoon to realize that both of his shirts had accidentally been ripped completely from his body, leaving his torso on display for all the people in the audience and millions through the television to see.

A numbing panic like no other went over Namjoon like a wave, his face draining of all blood beneath the bit of BB cream he had on. Then, like flicking a switch, his professional side that had been ingrained into his brain took over.

He finished off the performance while holding his shirt feebly against his exposed chest. Namjoon didn’t dare to look into the audiences’ eyes as he bowed and hurried from the stage.

The next few moments were a blur, but suddenly Namjoon found himself in their dressing room bathroom, leaning back against the closed and locked door. His breathing was coming harshly and his heartbeat was pounding in his ears so much that he could barely hear the knocking on the door behind him.

“Joonie,” came Seokjin’s comforting voice from the other side, soft and soothing. “Joonie, open the door for me, love.”

But Namjoon couldn’t. How could he open the door and reveal his weak state to the rest of his band members when he was supposed to be their fearless leader?

“Yoongi’s taken the maknaes and left for home early, so it’s just us now,” Hoseok said, making the leader aware of his presence outside the door as well. “Please, Namjoon-ah, let us in.”

With sudden desperation for comfort that he couldn’t explain, Namjoon got up and unlocked the door shakily. Jin and Hoseok came in and immediately pulled him into a tight embrace.

Namjoon felt overwhelmed with emotions - embarrassment and panic and shame being the most prominent. “H-Hyungs-” he choked out.

“Let it go, baby,” Jin encouraged, kissing the side of his head, “I know you want to cry and it’s not good to keep that all bottled up inside.”

“We’re right here, okay?” Hoseok added.

The confirmation of their support was enough for Namjoon to listen. He let the tears that he had been keeping at bay slip from his eyes and make trails down his cheeks. He heaved out a sob that was followed by another and another.

His two hyungs were there for him through his whole breakdown, holding him in their arms and whispering words of comfort into his ears.

“T-They all saw me,” Namjoon choked out, “They all saw my body. I didn’t want anyone to see me like that.”

“We know, love,” Hoseok replied, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down the leader’s arm. “It was an accident and we know it hurt you, baby.”

“J-Joonie embarrassed! Joonie don’t want fans to see his ugly tummy.”

The sudden change in the leader’s tone and his switch to speaking in third person gave his two hyungs pause for a moment and they shared a look of confusion between the two of them. Namjoon had never acted so...childish before.

Both of their minds were running a mile a minute, trying to register and adapt to this new situation.

“Namjoon-ah,” the eldest began slowly, pulling away from the other enough that he could look him in the eye, “You don’t have an ugly tummy, love. Your tummy is super cute.”

The younger glanced up timidly and looked at them with glossy eyes. “R-Really?”

Jin and Hoseok shared another look before the older returned his attention to Namjoon. Seokjin smiled gently, “Of course, Joon-ah.”

The leader slowly sat up a bit, “E-Even if Joonie doesn’t have abs?”

“Even if you don’t have abs,” Hoseok confirmed, his expression soft and fond. “Even if your skin was purple, even if you had an extra nose.”

That elicited a soft giggle out of the leader, quiet but there.

Hoseok and Seokjin felt unimaginable relief. It was hard to see their leader, their friend, their boyfriend, hurting so much.

Namjoon tossed his arms around both of their shoulders, “T-Thank you, hyungies.”

“Of course, baby.” Jin and Hoseok replied simultaneously before smiling at each other.

“Jinnie-hyungie?” Namjoon began rubbing at his drooping eyes with a fist, his lower lip pouting out cutely. “Tired.”

“Go ahead and sleep, love,” Seokjin said, adjusting Namjoon so the younger could rest his head on his shoulder. “We’ll carry you home, okay?”

“M’kay.”

Just as Hoseok finished closing all of their bags and slinging them over his shoulder, Jin appeared back in the dressing room from the bathroom with Namjoon curled around him like a koala. He looked much better than an hour ago as the oldest had gently cleaned the tears from his cheeks.

The two shared another smile and began making their way to the car waiting for them outside.

The car ride itself was uneventful other than the fond glances their manager gave them in the rearview mirror. Namjoon had shifted into Hoseok’s lap in the backseat and was attempting to curl up in a ball.

Once they’d returned to the dorm and Namjoon was tucked comfortably under the covers of his bunk bed, Hoseok and Jin snuck out from their shared bedroom and sat down together in the living room.

“So...” Hoseok began quietly, “Namjoon’s a little.”

“Namjoon’s a little,” Jin confirmed, “Can’t say I saw that one coming.”

Hoseok hummed in agreement, “This must have been the first time it happened because we both know Namjoon wouldn’t be able to keep something like this from us.”

I think so too,” Jin said, biting his lip in thought. “Should we tell the others?”

“We need to talk to Namjoon once he’s out of his headspace, I think it should be his choice.”

“Alright, but Hoseok?” the lead dancer locked eyes with his hyung’s fierce ones, “No matter what happens, we need to show Namjoon how much we love him, whether he’s in littlespace or not.”

Hoseok nodded firmly, “Always.”

----------------------------

2015

The leader of Bangtan had broken countless things over the years, whether it be objects or bones, having inherited his clumsiness from his mother. Meaningless things somehow breaking into pieces once his hands touched it, they were easier to get over, but sometimes Namjoon would cause damage to something important and he would have the overwhelming feeling of embarrassment take over him.

One such time was when Namjoon was with Yoongi in his studio, working hard on some songs that they hoped would be approved by their boss for the next album. Yoongi excused himself to go to the bathroom after having been staring at the computer screen for a good five hours.

Namjoon himself was fighting sleep, his eyes closing of their own accord and his head falling forward. He had a cup of hot coffee clutched in his hands (his fourth or fifth that night) that wasn’t really doing all that much to keep him awake anymore.

As he nodded off once more, his grip on the coffee unintentionally loosened. He felt the paper cup slip from his hands and his eyes shot open just in time to see it hit the top of the desk. The lid popped off and steaming coffee went flying everywhere, most notably all over a bunch of cords just to the side of Yoongi’s computer.

He heard a couple sizzling and popping sounds and then Namjoon watched in horror as Yoongi’s computer screen went black.

“No,” he whispered, suddenly much more awake than he was just a minute before. “No, no, no!” his voice got louder as his panic grew.

“Joon-ah?”

Namjoon’s head snapped towards the studio door, where Yoongi was standing, looking on with shock at the scene before him.

“I-I...I didn’t mean...”

Yoongi saw his friend’s slip into littlespace moments before it happened. He was at Namjoon’s side and pulling him into a comforting hug in a flash.

“It’s okay, Joonie,” he insisted, his voice soft. “It was an accident, baby. It’s okay.”

“B-But it’s gone! All hyungie’s hard work. Joonie so sorry.”

“I know you are, sweetheart,” Yoongi pulled back so he could look the younger in the eyes. “Accidents happen sometimes. Luckily, I backed up all my work last night, so I probably only lost what we worked on today.”

That didn’t really make Namjoon feel any better. In fact, it only made the guilt in his heart even heavier. The little’s eyes widened, “B-But hyungie has been working for long time! L-Like eight hours! Joonie made hyungie lose so much!” Namjoon’s shoulders sagged and he pouted down at the ground. “Joonie stupid. Joonie clumsy.”

“Hey now,” Yoongi tapped under Namjoon’s chin to get him to look at him again, “Don’t be calling yourself mean things. You’re not stupid, baby. A little clumsy maybe, but your clumsiness is cute.”

The younger perked up a bit, “Joonie cute?”

The cold-faced rapper let out a fond laugh, his eyes squinting shut for a moment as a gummy smile appeared on his face. “Yes, baby,” he replied through chuckles, “You’re the absolute cutest little one I’ve ever seen, yeah?” he leaned in a bit, “But don’t tell Jiminie that, okay? He’ll get jealous.”

The little still had tears in his eyes, but they had stopped falling. Namjoon let out a giggle, his adorable dimples that Yoongi loved so much showing themselves.

So, of course, no one could blame Yoongi when he poked at one of those dimples, which somehow led to a tickle fight on the couch, followed by a much-needed nap.

----------------------------------

2016

Namjoon was overall pretty confident in himself - not in a cocky way, but a self-assured way. He knew he had a true talent for rapping and producing, not to mention his natural capability to mediate any bad situation. Even his dancing, though nowhere near Hoseok, Jimin or Jungkook’s ability, never seemed too bad.

The one thing about being an idol that really made Namjoon insecure was his singing voice. Hoseok and Yoongi also didn’t have the greatest singing voices in the group, but they had accepted that fact long ago, while Namjoon just couldn’t seem to bring himself to.

So to say that he was anxious about singing a verse on an actual album song would be an understatement. Bang PD had asked him to, and perhaps it should have been assuring for Namjoon to know that the big boss felt he was good enough to sing, he couldn’t get past his apprehensiveness.

Jimin and Taehyung accompanied him to the recording studio to meet their boss and a few other producers to begin recording. Both of them could easily tell that their hyung was nervous, though he tried his best to hide it from them.

Bang PD greeted the three of them brightly when they knocked on the recording studio’s door. “Right on time, boys. That’s what I like to see.”

“Of course, hyung-nim,” Namjoon replied, hoping that the smile on his face made up for the slight shakiness of his voice. “We’ll always do our best to be on time.”

The boss gave him a pat on the shoulder and then got right to business.

Taehyung and Jimin went in to record first, each able get their parts right without too much trouble. Namjoon tried not to be envious of the ease with which they sang, tried not to let the harsh insecurities swirling around in his head drown him.

“Namjoon-ah,” Bang PD said, gaining the leader’s attention immediately. “It’s your turn. You only have half a verse so it shouldn’t take too long. I know you’ll do well.”

The leader had to gulp against the lump growing in his throat. “Yes, sir.”

Namjoon entered the recording room and moved to stand in front of the microphone. It was funny, he had stood before this microphone countless times in the past, and yet, Namjoon had never been so terrified to approach it.

“Alright,” Bang PD’s voice came through the speaker, “Let’s start with just the first line.”

Namjoon nodded, feeling the familiar dampness of sweat beginning to form on his trembling hands. When the music started in his ears, he leaned forward and sang into the microphone.

He sounded terrible.

Even to his own ears, he was flat and sounded like an amateur.

He winced and bit his lip, eyes shutting in shame. “Sorry,” he blurted out before one of the producers could say anything. “Let me try that again.”

The second time was better, but not by much.

The producers were endlessly patient with him as they gave him direction and tips in an attempt to get the right sound out of him. It wasn’t working, that much was obviously clear after an hour with little progress.

Namjoon was fighting the panic rising up within him, his damp hands now clenched tightly into fists. He knew that it was his nerves getting to him, that he could sing the line just fine. He’d practiced enough to be sure of that, but of course, the one time it really mattered, he just couldn’t get it done.

“Are you okay, Namjoon?” Bang PD asked, genuine concern coloring his tone.

Namjoon found himself unable to answer, his tongue feeling like lead in his mouth.

He heard the door to the room opening and footsteps heading towards him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look up.

First, he felt the touch of a hand on his arm and moved his gaze down to see Jimin’s small hand holding onto him. Then he looked up to meet Jimin’s gentle eyes and felt like he could get lost in them.

“Bang PD-nim said to take a fifteen-minute break,” Taehyung’s voice came from Namjoon’s other side, “They left to go get some lunch.”

The leader, even through his panicked haze, could understand the underlying meaning in the second youngest’s words. They were alone. Namjoon could break down if he wanted to.

“W-Why can’t I do it?!” he began, the words starting to pour out of him before he could stop them. “I was okay during practice. Why can’t I do it now?!”

“Hyung,” Jimin replied softly, “I think you’re just too nervous. It’s making your throat too tight and affecting your vocal cords.”

“I know,” Namjoon moaned, “I can’t help it.”

“Why are you so anxious, hyung?” Taehyung asked.

“Joonie isn’t a good singer! Joonie sounds bad!” Namjoon exclaimed, his tone getting higher in pitch as he fell into his headspace. The other two couldn’t say they hadn’t expected it. “ARMY will hate Joonie!”

“Agioo, that’s not true,” Jimin furrowed his eyebrows as his arms naturally wrapped themselves around his hyung’s shoulders. “I think your voice is very nice, love.”

“Me too,” Taehyung added, bopping the little’s nose, “Just because you might not be able to hit high notes or do a bunch of runs doesn’t mean that you’re a bad singer. And you’re really good at being on key, unlike some of the people that like to go to karaoke.”

Both Jimin and Namjoon huffed out a little laugh at that. It had become clear to everyone in the group that the easiest way to calm Namjoon down from his panic attacks was to tell the truth and add a bit of humor to keep the atmosphere light. They also made sure to never just sugar-coat their words.

Taehyung didn’t tell him that he was the best singer ever because that wasn’t the truth, but Namjoon certainly wasn’t a bad singer by any means either.

“You have to remember, Joonie,” Jimin said, “Bang PD-nim and the other producers think that you’re good enough to sing on an album song. Trust them on that, okay?”

Namjoon could feel himself calming down slowly but surely. He was still pretty far in littlespace, but his head felt clearer now. “Okay,” he nodded, taking their words to heart. “Joonie’s sorry he got scared.”

Taehyung waved it off, “Eh, we all get scared every now and then.”

Jimin and Taehyung spent the next ten minutes bringing Namjoon out of his headspace so he could record his lines when the producers returned. This meant they had to fight the urge to cuddle their hyung, which was difficult considering they were probably the two most cuddly members of their group.

When Namjoon went to try his lines once more, he kept his eyes on his two dongsaengs through the little window and sang to them. He was encouraged by the proud smiles on their faces and it helped him to relax enough to sing.

Bang PD was happy with the results and praised Namjoon once they finished an hour later, leaving the two ninety-five liner’s to finally take their hyung back to the dorm to cuddle.

--------------------------------

2018 (based on this moment at 2:19)

When it happened, Namjoon couldn’t help but be brought back to that moment just after debut where something so similar had happened to him.

It was during a live performance of Fake Love that Namjoon’s innate knack for breaking everything he touches showed itself once more.

Yoongi started his verse and the six behind him began their chain dance. When Namjoon reached over to Jungkook and put his hand on his chest as the choreography went, he gripped the material too hard and was unable to release his hold before he jerked away in the next dance move.

Just like it had when it happened to Namjoon five years earlier, the leader watched in almost slow motion as the top three buttons of Jungkook’s shirt ripped off completely. The maknae’s chest was left exposed.

Namjoon saw Jungkook’s eyes widen in panic momentarily as he registered what had happened before the maknae regained his professional composure.

The rest of the performance was a blur to the leader, who couldn’t stop the insistent replaying of the panic he’d seen in Jungkook’s eyes. It had been the exact look that he’d had in his own eyes all those years ago.

Before he knew it, they were back at their dorm and someone was calling out his name.

Namjoon blinked and forced himself back into reality. He was in his bedroom now, sitting on the edge of his bed. Jungkook was sat beside him, eyeing him with a worried furrow in his brow.

“Hyung, are you okay?” he asked.

Namjoon took in a deep breath, trying (and failing) to will his anxiety away. “I’m so sorry, Jungkook.” he blurted before he could stop himself. “I’m so sorry about ripping your shirt earlier, it was an accident.”

“Oh, that’s alright, hyung,” Jungkook replied, his eyes softening. “I know you didn’t mean to do that.”

“B-But...” Namjoon stuttered, his voice quivering along with his lower lip. “But...”

Jungkook saw his leader’s slip into littlespace before it happened, so he pulled the older into his lap and wrapped his arms around him comfortingly. “I won’t lie, it made me nervous for a moment -” Namjoon whined and hugged Jungkook close to him, burying his face in the maknae’s neck, “- but it’s okay. Accidents happen, yeah love? Don’t worry about it anymore, I’m okay.”

“P-Promise?”

Jungkook guided the little’s head away from his neck and then held up his hand, his pinkie finger pointed out. “Pinkie promise.”

Namjoon linked their pinkies together and felt a wave of relief go over him. “Sorry Joonie so clumsy.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Jungkook shook his head, “We all love clumsy Joonie, okay?And we’ll tell you that as many times as it takes for you to believe it.”

“Okay.”

“Now,” the maknae said, “How about the two of us go gather everyone up and we can have a sleepover tonight?”

Namjoon’s eyes lit up in excitement and he hurried to scramble off Jungkook’s lap, nearly falling into the corner of the bedside table in his haste.

The maknae caught him before it could happen, thankfully, and shook his head fondly. “Careful, love.”

Namjoon probably didn’t hear it, however, as he was already halfway out the door and screaming to the rest of the house their new plans for the night.

...

“Why do we always do this? It’s such a bad idea.”

“Stop being a party pooper, Yoongi-hyung. You know you love the cuddle pile.”

“But we don’t even all fit properly on here.”

“Shh!”

The bickering between Yoongi and Hoseok was brought to an abrupt halt when four of the other members squished together in bed with them quieted them harshly.

“Enough you two,” Jin said, his voice low, “Namjoonie’s sleeping and we don’t want to wake him up.”

“Yeah, I’m trying to take pictures,” Jimin added, body positioned awkwardly so he could get his phone to properly face the little curled up in the middle of them.

Namjoon was dressed in his blue dinosaur onesie and had a rainbow tie-dye pacifier between his lips. He looked so content pressed between his members, the hand not under his head clutching at Jungkook’s t-shirt as he mumbled a little in his sleep.

“Send those to me,” Taehyung croaked, half-asleep on the other side of Jungkook as he glanced over at Jimin snapping a few too many pictures.

“Me too!”

“Me three!”

“Me four!”

“...”

Jimin rolled his eyes and turned to the one member who hadn’t said anything yet. “Yoongi-hyung, you don’t want the pictures?”

The eldest rapper grumbled under his breath.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I said they’d better be of the highest quality!”

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

A/N: So this one was focused more on when littlespace comes into play for Namjoon when he’s insecure, of course, so there weren’t many littlespace activities like I usually have. I hope that this was okay still, let me know!

[just-another-thundermans-blog]

All Alone - Chapter 2 Part I

Beginning - Previous

[A/N: This chapter deals with the aftermath of Chapter 1 and so, it will be more heavy than its predecessor! I hope you like it!]

---

TRIGGER WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH AND SUBSEQUENT FUNERAL, SHOCK, ANXIETY ATTACK, AND MENTAL BREAKDOWNS! IF ALL OF THIS TRIGGERS YOU THEN DON'T READ!

---

The Hero League didn't take long to arrive. 15 minutes had barely passed since he had called them but, soon enough, the door was being broken down and heroes were swarming into the house like ants on a piece of candy.

Max didn't react to any of that, far too lost in grief and shock to respond to anything. He was sure that President Kickbutt was trying to talk to him, but he couldn't discern anything she was saying from the buzz of static in his ears. 

He wasn't sure what was actually happening outside of his consciousness. His hands felt clammy but that's about all he can currently, consciously, feel. His mind was suddenly having trouble processing everything and anything, and he felt like he was floating on some unknown planet. 

Images of his family kept replaying in his mind like a twisted version of one of those stupid PowerPoint Presentations that the teachers in Hiddenville (Metroburg uses holograms) use. The images kept flashing between past and present. Phoebe laughing with Cherry, Phoebe dead on the floor of her room, Mom and Dad joking and teasing each other, Mom and Dad dead in the living room, Billy and Nora running around the house playing, Billy and Nora broken and bleeding behind Phoebe.

He wasn't sure what he was even feeling anymore. Sometimes the fog clears up and he feels vestiges of something- something that hurts and burns and leaves him breathless with its intensity, but most of the time it's simply nothing but a blurred perception of everything and flashing images of his loved ones. 

He wasn't sure where he even was anymore. At times, he gets moments of clarity where he's in a bare room with nothing but white everywhere (why is it all white though? It was dark in his house and the walls weren't that white so where was he-), but soon enough they all blend back into the blur of static and confusion that he unwittingly found himself in. 

He just felt so heavy and so weightless at the same time, and his head felt like it was full of cotton wool. Then as suddenly as that sensation developed, he abruptly felt his surroundings sharpen and his sense of perception clear up. It was as though a switch had been flipped, and it was so disorienting, he felt like his very soul was being jarred from its place. 

Feeling his heart rate increasing as his breathing got faster and faster, Max took quick stock of his surroundings. Heart monitor, I.V. drip, soft white sheets, and an overbearing smell of antiseptic- oh shoot he was in a hospital room (which explained all the whiteness). 

Suddenly, doctors and nurses swarmed into the room, increasing his anxiety and making him panic even more. He was in a hospital- he couldn't be in a hospital- what about their secret, it'll all be revealed and his parents would be so mad and disappointed-

His chest burned with the lack of oxygen and he felt his heart hammering in his chest. He tried to take deep, even, breaths (just like Dr. Colosso always said-) and calm down enough to think the situation through. It didn't work. Panic had already consumed him in its powerful dark grip, and his throat was beginning to feel clogged and he couldn't breathe properly-

A sensation of cool calmness invaded his frenzied senses and calmed his frazzled nerves as he felt his eyes droop in sudden exhaustion. Soon after, his vision went black and all thoughts of the material world fled his head.

-0-

President Kickbutt was not having a good week. Between the endless mountains of paperwork and Max's call, the Hero League was at an all-time worst. There wasn't a hero in Metroburg that hasn't heard of the Thunderman tragedy and most were shocked, frightened even, that such a prominent superhero family was so easily killed. 

Hank Thunderman was known for his abnormal strength and his ability to conquer even the toughest of opponents (as his fight with the Green Ghoul 20 years prior proved-) and his death had brought about a sudden instability that hadn't been in the hero community since before his debut as a hero. 

His son, Max, was another can of worms entirely. Ever since he was in Middle School, the boy wanted nothing more than to be a supervillain. He kept telling everyone and anyone that would listen to him that he's going to be the 'greatest supervillain' and surpass even Dark Mayhem. He always punctuated his statements with outrageous pranks and remarks and (according to his teachers) he was an absolute terror with abysmal marks. From what she had seen though, Max Thunderman was nothing if not confident and witty, and when she found him at what remained of the Thunderman home in Hiddenville, she was shaken to her core.

He looked so lost, and he wouldn't respond to anyone or anything. He just kept staring into thin air with glazed over eyes and ragged breathing, looking for all the world like someone who had died on the inside. Remembering the look in his eyes, as he was carted away by the Metroburg ambulance team, made her cringe and shudder every time. Poor boy didn't deserve what was happening to him.

A week had passed since the incident and yet Max wasn't showing any sign of recovery. Blobbin had already requested that the boy be transferred into his care immediately but she wanted to give Max a chance to choose his new guardian. She wouldn't take his right to choose, he had lost too much already and (by the look of things) Blobbin agreed. 

It was all a big mess and Kickbutt was in the process of drinking some afternoon coffee (trying to unwind a bit-) when the Metroburg City Hospital called. Apparently, Max had responded to something but-

"We had to sedate him," Said the Doctor over the phone.

"What?" Kickbutt gritted out as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. Gosh, the kid just woke up why-

"He was showing signs of an Anxiety Attack," The doctor, whose name she can't remember for the life of her, responded, "It could've set back his recovery, and we had to act quickly."

Kickbutt exhaled through her nostrils and set down the phone for a moment. This was all such a royal mess, wasn't it?

"President Kickbutt?" A hesitant voice sounded from the speaker of her phone.

Kickbutt felt her eye twitch as she bit her lip in frustration. Yup, it was a huge mess.

-0-

When Max came to, almost 12 hours later, the first thing he noticed was the stark white ceiling. Strange, that wasn't how his ceiling looked. He blinked again as his memories started to trickle in slowly. He was in… a hospital. He closed his eyes a bit in frustration. Why was he in a hospital- where was his family? Just- what happened???

A soft knock sounded on the door. Max just had the time to incline his head towards it when a nurse invited herself in. She looked… plain, to say the least. Her brown hair, dark eyes, and peachy complexion did not make her stand out much.

The lady was holding something in her hand, something sharp and pointy- oh God that was a syringe-. He took a sharp intake of breath and fought the urge to scream. He felt his body tense involuntarily and, apparently, he inhaled too loudly because the nurse suddenly noticed him. 

"Oh! You're awake!" She crowed and immediately started buzzing a strange button by his bed. 

Max didn't reply though, too focused on the object in her hand to really consider talking. She turned to him, brandishing the syringe in her hand (the urge to scream strengthened), and smiled sweetly, "The doctor will be here shortly." She said and then raised the syringe. 

Max eyed the thing with slight fear, but as the nurse stabbed the I.V. drip next to his bed with it, he felt the tension bleed from his shoulders and relief settle in his bones. Thank Goodness that thing wasn't being stabbed into his arm instead!

His thought process was interrupted when three polite knocks sounded on the door. This time, a man with salt and pepper hair and a rather friendly face invited himself into the room. He smiled serenely at Max as the boy pushed himself upright. The 15-year-old staunchly ignored the slight (almost unnoticeable) weakness in his arms, and began to wonder just how long was he asleep for? 

"Good evening, Max. I'm Doctor Kevin," The doctor said as he adjusted the file in his hands, "How are you feeling today?" He asked with a friendly smile.

Max blinked at the harmless question (that the doctor was probably hoping would put him at ease) and licked his chapped lips. He tried to talk but his throat protested the action vehemently. Wincing, he pointed at his throat and hoped that the doctor would get the memo.

The doctor (now known as Dr. Kevin) nodded sheepishly and turned to the plain nurse, "Please, pour him a cup of water."

The nurse nodded (looking more dignified than she had when she barged into the room) and proceeded to fiddle with a closed bottle of water that had been sitting on the table next to him. Max blinked and turned back to the doctor.

Doctor Kevin smiled evenly, "I'm sure you have a lot of questions right now," He said kindly as the nurse handed Max the cup of water. The 15-year-old nodded a bit absently as he stared at the paper cup in his hand.p

The doctor nodded patiently and pointed at him with a pen that he got from… somewhere, "We'll answer them all in due time, but for now, you should probably drink some water."

Max nodded, still not entirely there, and took a slow sip before he gulped the whole thing down. Gosh, he didn't know he was so thirsty until now. He nodded at the nurse gratefully and handed her the paper cup.

Looking at the doctor, Max tilted his head, "What-" He paused, cleared his throat (his voice sounded so scratchy-), and then tried again, "What happened? Why am I here?" He, despite his best efforts, rasped out.

The doctor looked at him critically for a few moments, "You truly don't remember, do you?"

Max wrinkled his nose in frustration, "Remember what? The last thing I remember was being stuck in detention," -and feeling an acute sense of danger.

"...I see," Murmured the doctor looking suddenly uncomfortable.

"You didn't answer me though," Max deadpanned, fisting his sheets, "What happened- why am I here- I- Where's my family?" 

The doctor ceased all action before he gently closed the file. He peered at Max through sad eyes full of pity, and Max found himself growing angry. He hated pity.

"Don't just stand there!" Max snarled, "Tell me what's wrong- what happened?! Where is everyone?!" He could feel his breathing elevate as his anxiety skyrocketed all of a sudden. He had a feeling he won't like the answer.

The doctor looked at him with a strange look, "Max," The man said slowly, "I need you to calm down."

"Calm down?!" Max laughed a bit hysterically, hating the way his voice cracked, "How do you want me to calm down when you won't tell me what the hell is going on?!?" He wasn't shouting- not quite at least.

The doctor looked the epitome of calmness as he cautiously approached his bedside, "I understand," He replied evenly, "I just need you to calm down before you launch yourself into an anxiety attack."

"But-"

"Calm down, breathe evenly," The doctor paused, looking like he was considering his options, "And I'll tell you everything. Does that sound good?"

Max glared at the man but jerkily nodded as he averted his gaze to his fisted hands. He tried his best to even out his breathing through the breathing exercises that Colosso had taught him. It was a lot of work, but he managed a semi-calm state.

The doctor, who at some point pulled up a chair to his bedside, studied him critically, "Are you feeling better?"

Max bit his lip at the surge of irrational anger that flooded his veins and sighed in frustration, "Less angry, I guess," He mumbled out, his brows furrowed slightly.

"Good," The doctor nodded, "Now, I need you to focus with me because what I'm about to say isn't going to be easy to hear."

Max looked at him as slight anxiety prickled at his chest, "Something bad happened." He stated anxiously.

The doctor pursed his lips, "Unfortunately, yes."

"And I can't remember...?"

"Not at the moment, no."

Max clenched his eyes briefly and fought the urge to yell again, "Why?" He gritted out instead, fisting the sheets of his hospital bed.

The doctor barely reacted to his tone, "I can only assume it's a defense mechanism that your brain activated," The man said, his tone even, "It is not unheard of for victims of trauma to block out unpleasant memories, especially if said memories cause them grief."

Max licked his lips as slow, venomous, panic clawed at his very heart, "What-" He swallowed and cleared his throat as his voice broke slightly, "What… what happened?" He asked hesitantly.

Doctor Kevin looked at him with a pained expression, "Brace yourself," He said quietly. 

Just then, with that one little statement, all of Max's alarm bells blared to life. 

"Are you ready?" The man inquired gently, and Max could literally feel his heart plummet.

The truth is, he really didn't want to hear this because- what could have possibly been so traumatic and horrifying that his brain had to block it out as a defense mechanism? 

(he already had a few ideas but none that he particularly wanted to entertain.)

Max closed his eyes and worried his lip. He really needed to know, but he didn't want to. 

Coming to a decision, Max nodded jerkily and braced himself mentally (preparing for the worst.)

"Today is Thursday, June 16th, 2015" The doctor started heavily; carefully avoiding Max's confused gaze, "About a week ago, the Thunderman house in Hiddenville received an attack by a villain not yet identified,"

Max felt his eyes widen as memories began to trickle in. Mom, Dad, Phoebe, Billy, and Nora- all- all-

"The unknown villain has succeeded in…" The doctor paused to collect his words, noticing the slowly growing look of horrified realization on Max's face, "assassinating," The man tactfully ignored the choked noise that escaped Max's lips, "almost the entire family. Only one person remains now, and.." Here, the doctor hesitated.

Max, who had gone so pale his complexion almost matched the hospital sheets, carefully looked at the doctor, "And what?" He murmured hoarsely, barely keeping it together.

"You're the only person that survived the attack, Max. I'm so sorry."

Max didn't respond after that. He felt a familiar sting behind his eyes and the stupid lump in his throat that could only be the result of incoming tears. He tried to rub his eyes to ward off the stupid burning sensation behind his retinas though judging by slight wetness he felt on his cheeks, he wasn't quite successful.

The doctor gently patted his shoulder and stood up, "I'm so sorry for your loss," The man stated quite sadly, "I'll give you a moment alone." And with that, the man left the room.

It was only when he was truly, finally, alone that Max allowed his sobs to escape him in the form of heartwrenching wails of anguish and sorrow.

-0-

It feels surreal, Max thought idly not really paying attention to his surroundings. He was dressed in all black and while that normally wouldn't have made a difference, it seemed especially prominent on the day of his family's funeral.

A lot of.. people actually came. He had known that his family was prominent (his father was one of the most celebrated superheroes in the country for God's sake-) but it still felt… unnatural.

Many people had come to him before the beginning of the service to wish him condolences. Some were sympathetic, others looked like they didn't particularly care as long as they made themselves look good.

Personally, he just wanted to be done with it and just go… somewhere (Blobbin was hovering nearby maybe he'd actually take him up on his offer-). The whole thing felt out of place.

The ceremony itself passed in a blur and he didn't pay attention (too lost in his own dark thoughts and grief) until it was time for his eulogy. He hadn't come with a pre-prepared speech like most of the others did, so he had to come up with something on the fly. 

He wasn't known for his quick wit for nothing, though. Quickly and in less than 5 minutes, Max successfully composed a 25-minute eulogy celebrating the lives of Hank, Barb, Phoebe, Billy, and Nora Thunderman. He told stories of the family chilling under the sun and basking in the summer heat on the many picnics they used to hold. He told the mourners of the achievements of each and every one of them, he celebrated his kin for the little things that made them, well, them, and he made sure that every member of his late family would be remembered for who they were and not what they were thought to be. 

By the end of his speech, he was left feeling exhausted and raw. He hated crying in public and, considering who had just died and his state of affairs, he shed quite a few tears, but (he kept reminding himself over and over) this was for Mom and Dad and Phoebe and Billy and Nora. They deserved this and he would give nothing less. 

Even if he felt disconnected from himself. Even if it hurt him and his heart felt like it was being ripped to little pieces. It didn't matter. It was for them.

Everything was for them.

-0-

Next

[sanemreid]

                            task 001; - ten year challenge

2010.

At nineteen Sanem was truly at the beginnings of building her career, working as an instructor for the local studio, teaching at all levels, as well as performing in various competitions across the country. Most notably appearing on World of Dance, debuting at the event in Seattle before being brought on as a guest performer again in San Diego and New York that same year. Has appeared in a few music videos for various artists, as well as in the movie Step Up 3D, and started up her YouTube channel showcasing different classes and tutorials for some of the routines she’s come up with. 

This was also the year she got her first place on her own, an apartment in Downtown, despite still choosing to remain in Crescent Harbor, and having since been able to move forward after her mother’s passing four years earlier, she spent the majority of her time popping in and out of town on a frequent basis. Whether that was for work related things, or simply her leisure. With the epitome of a wanderer’s soul, adding more destinations to the ever growing desire to see the whole world, including but not limited to; Greece, Aruba, and South Korea. Certainly at the peak of throwing caution to the wind as well, undoubtedly giving her brother insurmountable stress as a result. 

2020.

Now at twenty - nine, she’s at the forefront of her career, becoming quite a household name among the entertainment industry, more so in the realm of dance, and music via the artists that’ve become clientele over the years. Going from simply appearing in videos to choreographing them and routines for musicians on tour. Has taught various workshops all around the globe and though she doesn’t perform in as many competitions these days, she will appear as a guest more typically as a judge or coach. Has since become the owner of her studio Momentum and in the process of creating an online dance academy. With a heavier presence on YouTube and of course, TikTok.

Even with the ability to have picked anywhere in the world to settle herself over the years, Crescent Harbor has always been home, especially these days, where her family and friends, who are much like family, are. Not quite as inherently reckless as she once was, but has the tendency still to give into sudden impulses on a whim. Been in touch with and started building a relationship with her biological family. In therapy too for a few unresolved issues. Though the most PROMINENT difference in her life that ten years ago she would’ve never imagined happening, and still may not believe if she were to go back in time, is getting engaged to the cute girl with soft green eyes and darker hair she met during her first summer in town, who turned out to be the love of her life. What hasn’t changed; she still finds a way to cause her brother increasing amounts of stress obviously. 

[hmel78]

In conversation with Doogie White ...

Circa 1994, when it was announced that guitarist Ritchie Blackmore was reforming Rainbow, rumours flooded the music community regarding who might feature in the line-up, but ultimately it was a collective of relative unknowns who made it onto the new record, and the tour bus ...

The album, “Stranger In Us All”, was issued under the name “Ritchie Blackmore’s Rainbow” in August 1995, and features Paul Morris on keyboards, Greg Smith on bass, John O’Reilly on drums, Blackmore’s Night’s Candice Night on background vocals, and fronted by Doogie White, the singer was an inspired choice; a huge fan of Ritchie’s career in both Purple and Rainbow, the singer formed a strong writing partnership with the guitarist. The album includes a reworking of The Yardbirds’ ‘Still I’m Sad’, which had been recorded for Rainbow’s debut, 20 years earlier ; Ritchie’s classical flights of fancy are truly achieved on his arrangement of Edvard Grieg’s ‘Hall Of The Mountain King’, and tracks such as ‘Wolf To the Moon’, ‘Hunting Humans (Insatiable)’ and ‘Ariel’ proved themselves to be worthy additions to the Rainbow catalogue. When it came to playing live, songs from both Rainbow and Purple were revisited, and fans are lucky enough - on the re-issue of “Stranger In Us All” -  to be presented with a unique live recording from a 1995 Swedish concert, of ‘The Temple Of The King’ - it also features a radio edit of the single ‘Ariel’, plus the song ‘Emotional Crime’ that has previously only been released in Japan.

Accompanying the extensive liner notes is a personal account from singer Doogie White, plus plenty of artwork and memorabilia from Doogie’s own Rainbow collection.

Doogie White has had a pretty extensive career as a singer / songwriter since his days with Rainbow - We caught up with him whilst on a train to Mannheim to find out more ...

HR : Having been a fan of Rainbow prior to joining them in 1994, how did it feel to suddenly have such a prominent role in the band?

Doogie White : It was a huge moment for me in every way.   There I was, a cheeky upstart who had long admired all that Ritchie did, being personally asked by him to come to America and join his band. He knew nothing about me and I thought I knew all about him. We hit it off straight away from the first notes we played together. We played old Purple and Rainbow songs and some bar band standards and jammed a few ideas just for him to see what I could do on the improvisation front.

I was only supposed to be there 4 days but he asked me to stay for a week. We discussed what kind of album we wanted to make. We played football. He did some magic tricks and we jammed for hours.

We had a good and healthy working relationship and a fine friendship. I knew my place and was happy to be part of his new adventure. He shared his hopes and fears. He trusted me.

I think we made a fine album with some good songs and a couple of real Rainbow classics. There were a couple we compromised on and we did have better ideas but we never finished them so that they could not be released as “bonus” tracks at a later date. I know how much he hated the re released Purple stuff with alternate takes.

I have hours of material but it’s in the Loft ...

HR : Despite the sudden nature of the break-up in 1997, was the overall experience of those 3 years a positive one?

DW : Yes!  Even at the very end when I decided it was here and no further,  it was all good and positive. It was sad of course as I felt there was more work to do and I had given him a tape with 6 song ideas for the next album. Some ended up on Cornerstone’s HUMAN STAIN and another on a TANK album. I treated my time in Rainbow like Ali treated the Heavyweight Crown.   It was the wrong time for the kind of music we were doing but we did it anyway.

Despite what Ritchie says, or in most cases does not say, we got on well until we did not.  His choice not mine. HR : To me it has always seemed strange that it literally ended over night - like a political coup d’etat! - Especially as You seemed to fit Ritchies criteria perfectly ; with what you contributed as both performer and writer. There are many citations which suggest that through Your input, there was a wider range of material that could be performed live, and also Ritchie stated [at the time] that Stranger In Us All was the best thing he had recorded to date - does  that reflect how You felt whilst working with him and Rainbow?  

DW : I don’t think Stranger In Us All is the best thing he did. I don’t even think it’s the best thing I have done. That’s just him promoting the album. It has its place and that is for others to judge. It was a good album though!

I just followed his lead. If he wanted to go off and jam some blues of folk or silly songs I was there as were the rest of the band (Greg Smith, John O’Reilly or Chuck Burgi, Paul Morris, and others) to back him up. He knew that we knew what was required, and also knew what I could bring to the party - he exploited that to the max some nights! He has said he does not like fun and that music is a serious business, but for anyone who saw that ‘95 tour you know that there was some serious music and some serious fun on stage! We were enjoying each other and pushing each other. He’s quite talented like that.

Then others got his ear and were feeding him negative stuff, whispering’s, designed to disrupt him, for his ears only and that was unhelpful - but it suited their agenda and just made him more suspicious, which he had never been with me before.

No one in the band was doing anything other than enjoying being in the band and RAWKin on stage every night. There were no egos just a happy band doing the best they could every night,  and those who saw it knew it was good. I did say if he had a problem with me, for him to come to me and we could sort it out - But that is not his nature and he never did. So when it came down to it he was prepared to believe what he wanted and what he was being told and have things done in his name that were quite frankly beneath the man. When his management were being obstructive I wrote directly to him and he honoured all his commitments to me and made sure that his management paid what was due at the time. That’s how it should be.

HR : And that’s where it stopped  - until now ... “Stranger In Us All” has just been re-released and given a new lease of life?

DW : Yes they have pumped out the frequencies and it really sounds lot better than the flat linear sound of the original.

We should have added some of the extra tracks I have of the demos. But there are far too many hoops to jump through and it would mean new agreements between him and I. That’s not a path he wants to walk. HR : No, understood - but going back to when the original album was released - Obviously you were unaware of the fact that it would be the only recording that Rainbow would make at the time (possibly the last ever one?)  - does it change the way that you feel about it? Do you ever listen to it?

DW : I don’t listen to it at all. I don’t listen to anything I have done other than a couple of times when I get it. Occasionally something will pop up randomly on my iTunes and and a wee nostalgic smile passes my lips. But actually with SIUA - I remember every ounce of effort ; every change of lyric, key, tempo - So it has a different flavour for me than for others. I am proud of it, yet I know that we could have done better. But I was new to the big spotlight and while I stood my ground for a bit every now and again, it was Ritchie’s band and he got to do what he wanted.  Pat [Regan] was producing it and had his instructions on how to guide me.   I was just happy to be waking up every day knowing that today was going to be a new adventure.

I had so much fun all the time. Even when the dark clouds were hovering as they kinda did for the last while. His management did go out of their way to make band, and on the road, life a little less inclusive or welcoming ... But It was that 90 mins on stage that made anything worthwhile.

From what people have told me it’s a shame he now has such a distorted view of our time together. But it’s not my business and I don’t care what he thinks about it or how he feels about me.  I have seen some of the comments attributed to him that people send me. He really does re write his own history and I always have a good giggle at some of the nonsense he comes out with.   He loved it at the time, but to be fair it was a long long time ago and perhaps NOT the most important endeavour he has done musically. I look back at it slightly differently because it was VERY important to me. It was the best of times and will never be repeated for him, or for me.

HR : Well thankfully it didn’t deter you from carrying on! You have been involved with many great artists and projects during your career - have you any particular favourite memories?

DW : My memory palace is overflowing with errr memories from my times with LA PAZ  and CORNERSTONE, YNGWIE and SCHENKER, through TANK and beyond. I have a wonderful life and I am having a wonderful career - And if I am honest, really honest, my career would have been very different had it not been for that one tape I passed to Colin Hart who passed it to Ritchie Blackmore,  who made that fateful call one Saturday night in April 1994. I am forever in his debt and do you know what? He will get no joy at all from me saying that, and that is kind of pleasing!

HR : [laughs] Now I don’t mean to offend you by comparing you to a musical nomad, but you do seem to have moved around quite a bit -  If you could have settled for any greater length of time, or even permanently with one of those bands, who would it have been?

DW : I always have plenty to do recording and writing and performing. There is no dirt on the back of my shoes.

I was with Ritchie for 3 years, Yngwie for 6, Schenker now for 5. I would have been happy to do another album with Ritchie but he had a time machine and went away to his beloved middle ages with all the comforts of the 21Century.

With Yngwie we had run our course but remain friends, if not in touch much.

With Michael I hope to continue our successful partnership. We needed time away to do other things after the 4 years of intense touring/recording - Just to get some fresh experiences and know what side the bread is buttered.

HR : That’s always a bonus! What about future plans? Any more solo work or new collaborations in the pipeline?

DW : I am doing an album with a Bulgarian metal band called John Steel. (Blaze did their first) I will be finishing it when I am back from my short run of solos shows with my band WHITE NOISE (Italian Chapter).

I am always working. Sometimes under the radar sometime soaring like an eagle. Its all good and its all fun.

HR : You always look content to be on stage, and just take it all in your rock stride! Ha! What’s the strangest gig you’ve ever played?

DW : With La Paz in the 80’s at a place called ‘Roots of Cleghorn’ run by a lad called “Chicken George”. It was farming country and George was the only black guy for 100 miles. We played to a farmer in a bunnet and his sheep dog,  and George was the door man collecting the money! HR : Haha! No way!? Well from ‘Roots Of Cleghorn’ to Stockholm Circus -  If you could take a ‘dream’ band on the road, who would be your line-up, and what songs would make it to the setlist?

DW : I would just want to be backing singer for David Bowie, and cover  anything from “Love you til Tuesday” to “Blackstar”.

[bangtan-sonyeonddaeng]

BTS Reaction: Their crush tells them they want to be an idol pt. 2 (alternate ending where they are ruined by the industry).

I’m just going to put a trigger warning here as there are mentions of Depression, Anxiety, eating disorders, & descriptions of abuse.

Namjoon

After your fight, Namjoon was miserable. He knew that he made a horrible mistake when he yelled at you but he just couldn’t help it. He was trying to protect you. He knew that this industry was going to absolutely destroy you and he couldn’t bare to see it happen to someone he cared about so deeply. He tried to reach out to you and ask how you were doing but he couldn’t get in contact with you. Your number had been changed and every one of your social media accounts had been deactivated. Namjoon knew it was whatever company you signed with making you do this and that just made him even more worried. He wasn’t going to give up on trying to find you though. He was searching your name on the internet, trying to find out which company you had signed with so he could talk to you.

By chance one day he noticed your name trending on twitter. He clicked on it and saw that you had debuted. Countless fans were praising you but Namjoon could see past the mask you put on. He saw the sparkle gone from your eyes, saw the dark circles hidden underneath the makeup, and could see how skinny you had gotten underneath the loose clothing you were wearing on stage. Now that he knew which company you worked for, he knew how to find you. He waited outside for you to finish practice. He was wearing a mask, hat, and sunglasses to hide his identity but the second you heard him say your name you knew it was him. “Y/n?” Your moves were sluggish as you turned around and your eyes looked glazed over. “Joon?” You began to sway back and forth but Namjoon quickly ran over and caught you in his arms. “Y/n what did they do to you sweetheart?” You instantly broke down crying. “You were right Namjoon. I should have listened to you, but I was so dumb why didn’t I just quit being stubborn!” He soothingly ran his hand up and down your back. “Hey, shh it’s okay.” “No it’s not okay. I haven’t seen my family in a year or barely spoke with them. I can’t remember the last time I ate a full meal. I’m so fucking tired and hungry I can’t do this anymore.” “I’m so sorry sweetheart. I wish I could take away all this pain you’re feeling. Can I take you out to get something to eat? You can call your family from my phone since I am assuming your company either took or heavily monitors yours?” You nodded your head. “What if people see me Namjoon?” He pulls an extra hat and face mask out of his pocket and places them on you and lightly kisses your forehead. He reaches out his hand and you take it without hesitation. “I’m not leaving again y/n. I can’t let you go through this alone so just know whenever you need me I’ll be there. Okay?”

Jin

After you left his apartment Jin felt terrible for yelling at you. But he refused to reach out to you. He meant what he said. He couldn’t take seeing you be absolutely destroyed by the industry. Your sweet and caring personality was what made him fall for you, and to gradually see you lose your light was something he just couldn’t take. He often wondered how you were doing. Years had passed and he knew by now you should be getting ready to make your debut. However that day never came. He was watching for you, but he never heard any news. That alarmed him more than anything and he suddenly became so overwhelmed with his concern for you that he tried to reach out to you. He was met with an automated voice stating that the line had been disconnected. He tried to visit you at your apartment only to discover that you had moved out months ago. By now he was in a full-blown panic having convinced himself that you overworked yourself to the point of exhaustion and you were hospitalized or worse.

He spent so long trying to find what happened to you only to come up with nothing. Jin had all but given up hope of finding you. He was grabbing a coffee with Jimin when he noticed a familiar face behind the counter. “Jimin. Have I finally lost my mind or is that y/n in the back?” Jimin turned around and by the shock on his face Jin had all the answers he needed. He didn’t even care that people were staring at him at this point as he ran through the “Employees only” door and threw himself onto you. He tightly wrapped his arms around your shoulders and hugged you tightly to his chest. At first you had no idea who this man approaching you was and you were ready to square up until you felt the familiar arms wrapping around your shoulders. “Jin?!” “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for yelling at you! For throwing you out of my apartment, for doubting you, for everything. God I thought you were dead or something I am so happy you’re okay! At least I think, you are okay right? Wait why are you working in a café and not up on stage singing and dancing your heart out what happened?!” “Jin, slow down one question at a time okay? I’ll take my break now and then we can talk.” You sat down with Jin and Jimin and told them everything. How you should have listened to Jin, how he was right about everything. The company you had signed with had basically manipulated you into a slave contract and you couldn’t deal with it anymore. So you acted out, broke all of their rules until they finally agreed to break your contract. However part of the contract stated that you had to pay back all of the debt you owed them, so they took your apartment, your car, your phone, everything. Jin was fuming. He was absolutely livid that you had been treated so horribly. “So what? No ‘I told you so’ no ‘You’re such an idiot why didn’t you listen to me?’” Jin’s expression turned into one of being offended. “Is that seriously what you think of me? Of course I am not going to say I told you so. I take no satisfaction in the fact that you were suffering.” He scooted out of the booth and sat next to you as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder. “I am just so happy you are safe. That you are okay. I really thought the worst had happened to you. What are you going to do now?” “Well I think it’s safe to say I don’t want to be an idol anymore. You’re insane by the way to have put up with all of that shit Jin.” He let out a chuckle at your words. “Well whatever you decide to do just know I’m here for you okay? I want to do better, and support you now no matter what you decide to do with your life.” You looked up and smiled shyly at him. “I would like that very much Jin. Thank you..”

Yoongi

After you left Yoongi was beside himself. He spent weeks locked in his studio only coming out to eat and even that was only when one of the members came and practically dragged him out of there or forced him to eat while in the studio. He immersed himself in his work trying to forget about you. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t. He missed your laughed, your bright smile, holding your hand while you comforted him. He deeply regretted the words he said to you but he wasn’t going to apologize. He firmly believed that you didn’t fully understand what you were getting yourself into and he couldn’t stand the thought of you becoming an idol and losing yourself the way he did.

Yoongi knew you had made it big. But he also knew the price you had to pay for it. He saw after every performance you seemed to get skinnier, your collar bones becoming more prominent. He saw the dark circles under your eyes steadily getting worse. Tonight you were both at the same award show and when he looked at you and you looked back your eyes were dead. There was no happiness, the light you usually looked at him with was gone as you walked past him to your seat not saying a word. Yoongi became more worried about you as the night went on, you looked more and more exhausted and when you came up to collect your award for ROTY he could tell you were barely holding it together. He watched you anxiously as you were walking past him on the way back to your seat. All of a sudden he noticed you stop and you started to lean to one side. Yoongi immediately jumped up to run to you. Jungkook tried to hold him back warning him not to make a scene but he shoved him off and knelt down next to where you were passed out on the floor and immediately cradled you against him. You were unconscious and he couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down his face. You weighed next to nothing and up close he could see just how fragile you had become. He never left your side, not caring about whatever repercussions came from Big Hit. He sat by your side in the hospital until you woke up a few days later. He had fallen asleep with his head face down onto your bed, hand still tightly gripping your own. “Yoongi?” When he heard your voice he immediately shot up and looked at you. “Glad to finally see you’re awake.” The second you heard his voice you started crying. “Yoongi I’m sorry.” He knew he shouldn’t be angry with you, but he was so worried about you and not knowing if you were ever going to wake up had caused him so much stress. “Why didn’t you listen to me? Goddammit I was trying to help you and prevent this very thing from happening but you didn’t listen to me and now look what happened. For fuck sake you were so overworked and malnourished you could have died! And for what? Some stupid dream that you just couldn’t give up for your own good.” When you started crying harder Yoongi felt even more awful for yelling at you. “Hey, angel I’m sorry I didn’t mean that. I shouldn’t be yelling at you when you just woke up what’s wrong with me.” “No Yoongi. You are absolutely right and I needed to hear it. I should have listened to you. You experienced everything first hand and I saw what you went through but I was too stubborn and proud to just listen to you and now look where it landed me.” “You’re not going back to that company.” “Yoongi I have a contract I don’t have a choice.” “No. This is bullshit. I’m talking to Big Hit to look over your contract and find anyway we can to get you out of it. I’m not going to just sit by and watch you suffer again. I’m sticking by your side from now on. I’m going to make sure no one ever hurts you again.”

Hoseok

Hoseok had meant what he said when he told you he was walking away and wouldn’t know if you had succeeded or failed. His heart hurt too much at just the mention of your name so he completely cut you out of his life. It had been years since he saw you last and he had gotten over you and moved on with his life. It just so happened that today you both had interviews with the same agency and when he saw you all of the feelings he had for you that he thought were gone had came rushing back to him. His emotional wall he had built up had crumbled just at the sight of you. You were just finishing up your interview and he could tell the industry had changed you. You sat in your seat, constantly fidgeting with your hands. Whenever you laughed or smiled it didn’t reach your eyes. He could tell you were so unhappy and uncomfortable and it absolutely broke his heart to see you having to wear the mask of someone that wasn’t you. When your interview was over he knew he had some time before his began with the other members. He walked around until he found you, and what a state you were in.

You were sat in one of the backrooms on the couch with your legs tucked up to your chest with your head in your hands just crying. Hoseok immediately came over to you and sat next to you and wrapped an arm around your shoulders to try and comfort you. You looked up and were surprised to see him sitting next to you. “Hoseok? What are you doing here?” “You might be able to fool the cameras y/n but you can’t fool me. I saw how miserable you looked during that interview and I just couldn’t leave you alone. What happened?” You eyes immediately widened and he thought he could see something akin to fear behind your eyes. “Hoseok you can’t be here. If my managers see me talking to you they’ll..” “They’ll what? What are they doing to you?” You sighed, and Hoseok could tell the mask was back on as you tried to smile convincingly at him. “Nothing Hobi. They just won’t be very happy with me okay? That’s all. It was good seeing you again but I really should get going.” When you tried to stand up he grabbed your wrist and gently pulled you back down to the couch. “You’re not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong. Remember? I’m your Hope. Whenever you’re feeling down I’ll be here to comfort you okay?” His intention was to make you smile, not burst into tears. It broke him to see how your bubbly personality was gone. “Y/n  please tell me what’s wrong?” “I can’t Hobi. I can’t tell you anything and I’m sorry. But I’m so depressed and anxious all the time now and I don’t know what to do. I have completely lost myself since becoming an idol and I hate it. I hate myself so much.” “Honey have you told someone about this?” “I told my manager but he doesn’t take me seriously and doesn’t care. He just brushed it off and told me to suck it up and get over it.” In all the time you’d known Hoseok you had never seen him angry but right now he was about to explode. When he saw the look in your eyes he instantly calmed down, remembering that making sure you were happy was his #1 priority. “I’m going to talk to some people at our company and see if I can find you someone to talk to. I don’t want you bottling up your feelings and thinking that they aren’t important when they are. It’s not healthy. Your depression is just going to get worse if you don’t get help. Give me your number so I can text you once I figure out a way to help you. You took his phone and entered in your contact. “Now give me your phone so I can do the same. If you don’t feel like you can talk to a stranger then I want you to at least feel like you can talk to me.” When he handed you back his phone you couldn’t help but genuinely smile at that fact that he put his contact name in as “Your Hope 🌞” “Thank you Hobi. I don’t deserve your kindness at all but it means so much to me to know that despite everything I still have you.”

Jimin

Jimin walked out the door and took your heart with him. You almost didn’t make it to your audition because you were so sad after he left and could barely get yourself out of bed. While you were getting ready in the morning you realized you wanted nothing more than to prove him wrong. That you could be an idol, that you would make it in the industry and you couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when he realized his mistake. You nailed the audition. Quickly being signed and moving through your training period in just under 2 years. Jimin knew you both were set to play at the same award show and he was actually looking forward to watching you. He hadn’t listened to your music or watched any of your videos because it just made him sad. He really did love you and even though it had been years his feelings for you didn’t change.

When you walked out on stage he was immediately concerned for you. Have they always been that thin? No you hadn’t. But now Jimin could see your collar bones sticking out, your normally chubby cheeks that he loved to squeeze so much were sunken in. And when you were dancing and your shirt lifted up he could practically see your rib cage and hip bones. Jimin looked over at Jungkook and saw him wearing the same worried expression. “Hyung..” “I know Jungkook. I’m not leaving this place until I find y/n and make sure they are okay.” Jimin was distracted the whole night, messing up dance moves and barely speaking when they collected their awards because all he could think about was you. When he went back stage after the award show he saw a familiar face staring back at him and he immediately went over to you. You could see the worry in his features, the way his eyes brows scrunched together and he seemed to have a permanent frown on his face when he looked at you told you that he was going to be lecturing you and you weren’t having it. You tried to walk away but he quickly caught up to you and grabbed your hand to lead you to a quiet hallway where you two could talk. Jungkook stood end of the hallway to make sure you two wouldn’t be disturbed.

“Jimin what is this? We haven’t spoken to each other in 2 years why are you suddenly so concerned for me.” “Sweetheart you know why I am here right now don’t try to pretend like I don’t know what’s going on with you. When was the last time you ate?” “I don’t think that’s of any concern to you Jimin now let go of me I need to leave.” His gentle voice stopped you from putting up much of a fight. “Please. Just answer me.” You were quickly moved to tears as sobs wracked through you when you realized you didn’t know when the last time you ate was. “I-I don’t know Jimin I don’t remember.” Your legs gave out and you sat on the ground as Jimin held you in his lap, lightly placing kisses onto your forehead and cheeks. “What happened? Please talk to me. Or if you can’t talk to me at least let me find a therapist that can help you. I can’t watch you go through the same things I did please let me help you.” “I don’t know what happened Jimin. I used to be so confident in my looks but this industry destroyed me. Seeing all the comments about how my cheeks were fat, how I didn’t have a thigh gap, how you couldn’t see my collar bones because there was too much fat on my body. It did something to me having those thoughts drilled into my head on a daily basis and then having my management strictly controlling what I ate until the comments stopped pretty much made me believe that there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t risk gaining any weight back so I stopped eating. I may eat a proper meal once a week?” “Oh baby I’m so sorry. Don’t you know how dangerous that is? You’re going to end up in the hospital or worse.” “You know what the worst part is Jimin? I know all of that, but I don’t care. I look in the mirror and I still just see myself as being overweight.” Jimin tightens his grip on you as he hugs you even tighter to his chest.” “Y/n. Please don’t be upset with me for saying this but you need help. I can see almost every bone in your body and I feel like if I hug you too tightly I’m going to break you. Please talk to somebody. Promise me.” You were tired of fighting. You knew you couldn’t keep this up much longer. You had passed out more times in the past week then you could count. “Okay Jimin. I’ll talk to my manager and ask for help..” He smiles at you as he breathes out a sigh of relief. “Thank you. And just know that I am going to be here for you every step of the way okay? You’re not alone in this.”  

Taehyung

When Taehyung tried to walk away from you, you didn’t let him. You immediately wrapped your arms back around his waist, promising that you would figure out a way to live your dream and continue seeing him. You two hadn’t went public with your relationship yet anyway, trying to find the right time to tell his fans but the opportunity never came up yet. Things went great for a while, until it was time for you to debut and your company told you not be seen out in public with Taehyung, concerned that the fact that you had a boyfriend would ruin the ‘bad girl/boy’ image your company was trying to create for you. When you told Taehyung this he was sad, but he agreed to continue seeing you in secret because he loved you and didn’t want to let you go.

It soon became harder and harder for him to deal with keeping your relationship a secret. He wanted to take you out on dates, take cute photos with you and show you off to the world. However every time he suggested it you immediately shut him down. When you came home one day and told him that you had to film your new video that you were going to be dancing on other guys, he drew the line. “Absolutely not. I am sick and tired of this whole ‘bad don’t give a shit’ image your company is trying to portray you as. It’s not you.” “I don’t have a choice Tae! They pretty much control my life and I have 0 say in this. I have to do what they tell me to do or they’ll drop me what part of that don’t you understand?” You were now yelling at him and he shrunk back away from you. “I think this whole image is starting to get to your head. You never yell at me and now you’re not only doing that but you’re also just being mean.” “Well you aren’t listening to me Taehyung! You need to quit living in some fantasy world where we can just be like a normal couple we were never going to have that and you knew it from the start.” “We can fix this easily if you just stop listening to your company and go public with our relationship. If people see how soft you really are then they won’t have a choice but to go a different direction with you.” “Yeah or they’ll drop me. Taehyung you’re really asking me to give up on my dream for you.. and I don’t think I can do that.” He just stared at you, his expression unreadable. “You know what I was right. Becoming an idol did ruin you. A few years ago you would have given up anything to make this relationship work between us but now you don’t even care. You’re not the same person I fell in love with.” You started to panic when you saw Taehyung collecting his things and opening the front door to leave. “Wait Tae please I didn’t mean that.” “Yes you did. And that’s what hurts me the most. I’m sorry but I can’t be with you right now when you’re like this. When you finally realize what’s most important to you call me. Goodbye y/n.”

Jungkook

You and Jungkook had left each other on okay terms. You both understood why the other had to leave and there weren’t any hard feelings between you two. He would still occasionally send you words of encouragement about how well you were doing and how proud he was of you. He had quickly apologized for doubting you when he saw how amazing you were doing on your own. You had forgiven him and always responded back with words of appreciation whenever he praised you but you both kept a comfortable distance from one another, not wanting to bring back any old feelings that may arise between you two. After your comeback showcase he had sent you a message telling you how amazing you did and asking if he could see you because he missed you. But this time you didn’t respond. He was a little worried and asked you if you were okay but he received no response again. He went days without hearing from you and he became more and more anxious as time went on. He checked your social media and saw that you were still active on there. Your most recent post stating that you would be cancelling your upcoming activities due to being sick. He felt relieved that you seemed to be okay, and were just feeling under the weather. It was a week later when he heard knocking on his door so soft he would have missed it if he wasn’t sat down quietly reading. He checked the security feed and saw a small figure standing outside of his door with a beanie, glasses, and mask covering the bottom half of their face. He immediately became suspicious that some sasaeng had somehow found out his address and he was getting ready to call the police until he saw you hold a piece of paper up to the camera that said “it’s me Kookie, y/n.” He dropped his book on the ground and immediately opened the door and pulled you inside.

He watched you take your beanie and glasses off but you refused to take the face mask off. “Y/n what are you hiding from me? Let me see your face.” He reached towards you to take it off and tried to ignore the way you flinched when you saw his arm reached out towards you. He slipped the mask off of your ears and immediately felt so much anger coursing through his body that he almost punched the wall. You had a bruise blossoming on your cheek. “Who hit you?” You said nothing and just dipped your head, causing your hair to hide your face. He gently places his finger under your chin and made you look into his eyes. “Baby. I need you to tell me who did this to you so I can go to their house and beat the shit out of them. Now, which fucker did this to you?” You instantly started crying and wrapped your arms around his waist as you cried into him. He tangled his fingers in your hair and held you tightly to his chest. He could hear your muffled voice but he couldn’t tell what you were saying. “What was that baby?” You lifted your head away from him. “It was my manager Jungkook.” “Excuse me? What the fuck? I’m going to kill that asshole.” Your grip on him tightened. “No Kookie please if you show up there it’s just going to make things worse.” “What happened?” “He saw your messages and thought I was secretly seeing you. He demanded I stop talking to you and I told him no, that he didn’t control my life. He got mad and called me ungrateful and told me to quit being selfish. I lost my temper and yelled back and then he just hit me. He took my phone to make sure I couldn’t contact you anymore.” Jungkook’s jaw clenched so tight you that he was going to break his teeth. “You’re not going back there.” “I don’t have a choice Jungkook.” “Yes you do. You’re being abused and that’s not okay. You’re not going back there. I’m going to contact Big Hit’s legal team and we are getting you out of your contract.” “I have nowhere to go Jungkook.” “Yes you do. You’re going to stay here with me.” “I have no clothes, I don’t have my phone. I don’t have anything here you can’t just declare I’m moving in with you when I have nothing. I’m not going to be a freeloader.” Jungkook looks at you, almost pleading. He looks at you with his big eyes begging for you to listen to him. “Y/n please. Let me help you. Let me take care of you. I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I let you walk out of here and have something else happen to you.” You sighed heavily. You couldn’t say no to him when he looked at you like that. “Okay Kookie. I trust you more than anything so I’ll stay here with you.” He smiles and kisses your cheek. “I promise no one is going to touch you again.”

[apogrcpha-blog]

bruises and soulmates [ m. yoongi ]

Words // 2.5K

pairings // min yoongi x male!reader

warnings // abuse, blood

summary // Min yoongi always had a soulmate, one that always had a body riddled with bruises that he experienced too, purples that tainted his own skin, gashes that ran across his back. 

Soulmates were something very strange no science phenomenon had been able to explain yet. Soulmates existed, everyone, or most people, had proof of that. They weren’t necessarily perfect for everyone though, most of the time they were simplified to a perfect person to be with but some people changed, their soulmate didn’t and as a result not all matches were created quite equally.

Yoongi had a very clear memory of the first time he realised he had a soulmate, it was strange though for a six year old boy to discover. Soulmates shared pain, that was the very easy explanation but it wasn’t quite true, they didn’t necessarily share a pain stimuli, rather the results of inflicted harm on one of them. It wasn’t really as pretty as the world had made soulmates out to be, they were rare so when people found them it was a triumph story that was celebrated. Most didn’t discover they had a soulmate like Yoongi.

It was like any other day when he had just gotten up, heading into the kitchen for breakfast with his parents when they had noticed a faint purple bruise on his neck. Yoongi hadn’t even seen it himself back then, of course the immediate question was if he had fallen out of bed at night but Yoongi said no because for all he could remember he slept straight through the night without waking up once. The second time was when he returned home, another bruise had formed on his ribs without him even noticing it except for when he got in the shower and called for his mother. She asked him if something had happened, if he had gotten bullied before realising Yoongi had only gone out once that day with his father to the store and he wouldn’t let anything happen to their son. That was when they concluded he must have a soulmate because Yoongi had never bruised like this before in his six years, if he was very sensitive to bruising it would’ve showed when he was learning to walk and kept falling face first into the carpet.

His parents were happy for him but just as concerned because something didn’t feel right, soulmates generally only differed a max of five years in age so either he was soulmates with someone very clumsy or things were happening that they didn’t want to say out loud to Yoongi who had started running around ecstatically after finding out about his soulmate.

That enthusiasm had remained through his life and was still there to date even if it had been almost two decades since he had found out about his soulmate and still hadn’t met them. Yoongi had thought about ways to communicate with them but it meant hurting himself and he didn’t want to do that so he was left helpless.

Even though he was still excited at the thought of meeting his soulmate, that soulmate had gotten him into quite some trouble. During elementary school it was still pretty easy to hide everything nor had things gotten very severe, some minor bruises, he could tell everyone he tripped whilst the teachers knew the truth, some of them believed it, others didn’t but the principal did so it didn’t matter what the teachers thought, he had the final say in everything.

Things changed in middle and high school, his principal then didn’t take too kindly to soulmates. The elder man was a heavy sceptic of them and had sent investigators multiple times to Yoongi’s house, which left his family in a frenzy because they could just make up evidence, no one would bat an eyelash if it happened. It didn’t help his case much that the wounds started to get worse, bruises started to be scattered all across his body and the day he had noticed a deep gash on his back was when his mother had cried all night. Yoongi still wasn’t sure if it was for him, his soulmate or both of them. Yoongi considered him lucky, he had to bear the marks but he imagined the pain was a lot worse compared to some skin that turned purple.

It kept going and going, it was something Yoongi had just gotten used to and he did try his best to cover it, not necessarily because he was ashamed, not nearly as much as he was just scared of sceptics who would blame his parents because even though they didn’t always agree, it had slowly turned into never agreeing, he still loved them and cared about them and they didn’t deserve the blame for something as horrendous as this.

After highschool everything went really quickly, and somehow he had managed to find a wide range of people who all understood him and didn’t think he was genuinely being abused, there would be no logical explanation beside soulmates especially not after he had just debuted, there was no one who would do something like that and if there was Yoongi would’ve said something about it. He did consider himself blessed that everyone in BTS had just accepted it, that the company had just accepted it as he told and generally attempted to make sure it wouldn’t be visible if possible, never had he had such a universally accepting response to his story that some would call bullshit.

Though in terms of physical appearance nothing much had changed, the wounds generally remained the same kind and Yoongi was still too scared to hurt himself in a way that would make contact possible, ever since moving to Seoul it had been harsher, he started to feel it too. It wasn’t nearly as bad as he imagined the actual beating was but sometimes he’d just have sharp pains, aches and small things like that, sometimes in the middle of a performance and sometimes when he was just lying in bed. Yoongi decided he must be closer to his soulmate now, he hadn’t experienced anything like it before he had moved to Seoul and there was nothing else that made sense in his mind, even if the idea was still a little ridiculous.

But his theory was confirmed as their popularity started booming and they had gone to Japan, all of his bruises were more faint, deep lashes from a belt weren’t as deep and weren’t as prominently red as they used to be, some bruises even disappeared over the course of their flight. He didn’t mention it to anybody, he trusted all of his band members with his life but something about his soulmate always made him want to keep it more private, to keep it more to himself instead of share it out in the open, whomever they were they were his soulmate.

The tour passed in almost an eyeblink but there was a small window of freetime that he spend on his own. That was when things changed. Yoongi was just sitting on the couch, playing with his phone when he felt a sharp pain. Over the years he had noticed most of the damage was inflicted at night, it was in the middle of the day now. The pain didn’t feel as sharp as it usually did because it was usually around his torso or back, getting close to his vital organs, now it was in his arm. In response to the pain he let his phone drop and stared up at Seokjin who had turned to look at him after the sudden spasm.

“Are you okay?” Yoongi shrugged, unsure as he rolled up the sleeve of his left arm and noticed the carvings. They weren’t too deep, not for him, but he could imagine that they were probably a bit deeper, bleeding. After a while the pain had stopped and so had the writing, it only took Yoongi a single second to realise what it was, an address.

Yoongi mumbled it out and somehow like Seokjin knew telepathically raced for key cards, gave Yoongi his coat and within seconds they were out the door, for once he forgot about the entire world around him as they cared as fast as they could. The address was at the other side of the city, a less prosperous side just out of the city but near enough not to be far away. There was adrenaline pumping through his veins and he had forgotten about the whole distance thing as he felt the pain in his arm return, it slowly got worse, he started to feel it in his back too, bruised legs that hurt when he moved them. Yoongi just shook his head though, didn’t mention it as Seokjin gave him a suspicious look because this was about his soulmate and it didn’t matter if he had to suffer a little for it.

The house was small and the door was left open, Yoongi leapt out of the car and felt his feet burn as he ran inside and that was when his heart stopped for a moment. The thing with soulmates was that most of the time your personalities fit, something about the two of you made it perfect and some people claimed to feel it, you could just feel how it was different, being with your soulmate compared to being with just someone you decided to date, it worked just as well but often their soulmate just felt different.

Seokjin had come inside and the scene was something like Yoongi didn’t have the power to imagine, nor the sick and twisted mind to imagine. His soulmate was on the ground, his body limp with a pool of blood underneath that had started to soak into his shirt, there was a note on the ground along with a knife. Yoongi felt bad that this was the only way, that his soulmate had to carve something into his skin because he felt like that was the best option to get anyone to come. The world had slowed as Seokjin pushed him aside towards the note whilst he himself went to pick up Yoongi’s soulmate.

I’m Y/N L/N

I guess this is either to whomever found me, maybe my soulmate, maybe my neighbour or some paramedics

I don’t want to die, I’m terrified of dying

This was the only way to at least try and get someone to come I suppose

If you’re the reason I’m alive, thank you x

Yoongi hastily folded the note as he shoved it into his pocket and followed Seokjin into the car, he had used some shirt that was in the car to tie up whatever wound he could whilst Yoongi wordlessly sat down on the backseat next to his soulmate, it was weird. He didn’t want to meet him like this, never had thought it would be in such a dire state like this. Yoongi didn’t want to meet his soulmate like this, with Y/N in a critical condition on the backseat of a car. He wanted to meet his soulmate a situation that was a little less severe.

“Five more minutes.” Yoongi nodded as he started to run his hand through Y/N’s beautiful hair, it felt soft, untouched by everything else that had happened to his body. It was strange really, how part of his body could be completely excluded from the rest, separate from everything that had happened to the rest of his body. From the top to bottom Yoongi started to inspect everything there was, well, all there was that he could see with the blood-drenched clothing sticking to his body. He had never expected his soulmate to look like this because he honestly had never thought about how his soulmate would look but Yoongi understood that feeling now, that feeling that was described by everyone, it was just something different, being this close to his soulmate.

Five more minutes.

-8-

Y/N woke up with a strange light on his eyes, it burnt, it felt bright and stale and was only worse when he opened up his eyes. Eventually the bright pain dulled, his vision adjusted and it became clear as he looked at the sterile white ceiling with the dimmed light and the beeps in his ears, hospital.

A wave of relief rushed over him because he was alive, something he didn’t think would happen. It seemed like there was a weight lifted from his heart, something that had been crushing him endlessly and he was very happy to have it removed, all of it made his mind go in overdrive to the point where he hadn’t even thought about how someone had found him. That was when the entire room appeared in his vision and also the cramped body in the small brown chair.

The boy had a mope of mint hair and his entire body was crumpled and folded into the chair, Y/N wasn’t able to see much as his hair covered most of his face but he seemed quite pale, there was a faint hint of blood on his shoulder. It made Y/N extremely self aware, there was an ache all across his body but he didn’t feel in quite as much pain as he had gotten accustomed to, sure there was a lot of discomfort but that was it. He stared at his left arm, it was wrapped in bandages that added a new weight to his arm but he was quite happy that he didn’t see how it was scarring, it wouldn’t end up being anything pretty and it was more visible than most of his wounds.

Y/N scratched his throat as he attempted to say something but no words were able to come out, though he did notice the mint stranger had shifted, he attempted to make some kind of sound that was loud enough to wake him up and sure enough, it had worked. His head shot up, now Y/N was actually able to see something of his face. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, his eyes wide and a stunning sight.

“Y/N.” His name sounded so strange when he said it, it sounded like he had never heard before but Y/N quite liked it, it felt right. “I’m Yoongi.”

“T-Thanks for saving me Yoongi.” Yoongi, Y/N liked the way it sounded.

“We’re soulmates.”

Y/N smiled. “You wouldn’t have found me otherwise.” Part of Y/N felt disappointed that someone had the same scars as he did, though far mor faded and far less permanent, he felt disappointed that Yoongi must’ve gone through some of his pain too, something that neither of them deserved but was bestowed on both of them.

“I’m sorry-” Y/N was cut off quite harshly.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault, it’s fine. I don’t want to hear another word about it honestly, I’ve spent almost two decades not knowing who my soulmate is and now I finally do know it I don’t want to dwell on all the stuff that happened, I want to think about the future. This all might not work out or whatever but we can try.”

Y/N smiled.

“We can certainly try.”

author’s note // aah I don’t have photoshop so I quickly installed gimp and threw that together in three minutes. I’m hoping to get back into writing one-shots more and this blog in general as I’ve been more focused on stories. Most stuff here will be yaoi / mlm or wlm

[panda-noosh]

My love Ji-oppa is enlisting tomorrow and i wanna cry im gonna miss him so much 😭😭😭❤❤❤❤ could you please do a scenario or HC's for jiyong x fem!reader where they're both dreading the separation and when he's talking to fans on stage at BB's last concert, he cries and talks to them about how much he's going to miss his sweetheart (she's backstage listening), then he makes the snap decision to propose to her (1)

And the other boys run and grab her to bring her on stage where GD just improvises and takes off one of his rings that he’s wearing and asks her properly to marry him in front of the while audience and the band so that whilst he’s away she has the distraction of planning the wedding? F L U F F and happiness and crying and supportive bigbang/fans cheering them on haha (2)

    You had been dreading this day.

    You knew it was coming; it happened to every male in Korea once they reached a certain age, and you knew Jiyong had been lucky with how long he had been able to hold it off for. But he couldn’t hold it off forever, and you knew you would have to accept that. 

    You hadn’t realised how difficult sitting backstage at his last concert would be. Your chest hurt, and you could barely stand to cheer him on, instead choosing to take perch on a large speaker that still gave you a good enough view of Big Bang performing to the thousands of people who had shown up tonight. Most of them held up signs cheering on Jiyong, telling him how much they were going to miss him, how much he meant to them. It was enough to make your tears start flowing, though you made a job of wiping them away.

    The songs played throughout the night, nostalgia coursing through you that you didn’t quite understand. You had been to almost every single one of his shows during this tour, hearing the same set list over and over again. There was no reason for the pull in your chest, no reason for the tears streaking down your face that didn’t seem to want to stop as you look at Jiyong bouncing around on stage; where he belonged.

    He was enlisting in a week. He was leaving for two years, leaving you behind to do his duty. You supposed it was better to get it over with, but it still didn’t dull the ache in your chest at the idea of getting home everyday to an empty house, knowing that he was no doubt running himself into the ground with exhaustion. You would have to cuddle into bed on your own, warm yourself up, make dinner for one. Maybe it was selfish. Maybe it was plain selfish to want him to stay just a little while longer, just to give you time.

    But no amount of time in the world could prepare you for him leaving. Not now. Not ever.

    You wiped your tears away as the show drew to a close. Bang Bang played over the speakers, and the boys performed it flawlessly. The crowd cheered and screamed as the music faded to a stop, but the lights in the arena stayed on.

    Jiyong wanted to say his farewell.

    You stood up for this. You couldn’t miss it. You walked to the edge of the stage, leaned against the curtain so you could get a better look at his face. His eyes were dim, barely illuminated by the spotlights swarming around him. He held the microphone tightly in his hand, sweat dripping down his neck and soaking the front of his grey shirt. You could see his hand trembling from the slight shake in the microphone, could hear the emotion racking his voice as he spoke.

    He said goodbye to the fans first of all, an emotional declaration of his love and appreciation for them, how grateful he was that they had not given up on him nor Big Bang in the years since their debut.

    And then it was the boys, and this was when the first few tears were shed by your boyfriend, and the other members as well. They all stood around him, listening intently to every word he spoke as if he was doing a reading from a holy book. He told his members how grateful he was, how much he loved them all, how much he missed them and how they had affected his life. 

    And then your name left his lips, and it was then that your knees nearly gave out.

     “My love, Y/N L/N,” choked out Jiyong. He turned to the audience as he spoke, though he knew you were watching him. “I don’t talk about her very often in front of fans because - because it’s hard to sometimes. I don’t want her getting hate or feeling like she has a reputation to live up to. But I can’t leave her today without saying something to you, Y/N.” He turned now, though his eyes didn’t meet yours. He ducked his head down to look at his shoes, awkwardly kicking at the polished floor of the stage as if he was in deep thought. “I love you so much. From the moment I met you, I knew I did. The way you’re so self less, the way you put others before yourself in almost every situation, the way you’ve stood by me all these years, through everything. Whenever I went through a bad stage of depression, you were there to tell me I was worth it and remind me that I have so many people rooting for me. Whenever we debuted, you were the first one to call me up to congratulate us, even though it was three am where you were - do you remember those days?”

    He let out a breathy laugh into the microphone. You smiled and looked to the floor as well, remembering the exact moments he was talking about.

    “When we were in a long distance relationship, remember? I used to call you up and you’d complain to me because it was five am where you were and it was the middle of the afternoon for us. But neither of us really cared, because we were talking to one another and that was all that mattered.

   “And then you moved to Korea again, and I realised then that I never want to see you leave me again.”

    His voice hitched suddenly. You looked up, not wanting to see him cry but not wanting to shy away from his emotions, either. He had yet to look up from the ground, though the tears glistening his tanned cheeks were so very prominent, the spot light showing no mercy. Daesung had his arm wrapped loosely around your boyfriends shoulders, laughing lightheartedly though tears of his own were staining his cheeks.

    And then Jiyong looked up, and you weren’t entirely sure if the stadium went quiet or if your hearing just become muffled as the world seemed to come to a halt around the two of you. He was looking at you now, eyes pouring into your own with an intensity he had never before given to you; perhaps it was the lights dazzling his dark irises, or perhaps he truly felt some form of intensity in this moment.

    You put your fist against your chest, a sign you two often made to one another as a way of reassuring them when words failed you.

    He did it back to you, before he pulled the microphone to his lips and said, in the softest voice you had ever heard him use, “Y/N L/N, I mean it. I never want to see you leave me again, which is why I’m about to do the craziest thing I’ve ever done.”

    The crowds cheers picked up. The members shared concerned glances amongst each other, Daesung’s arm going stiff against Jiyong’s shoulder.

    Jiyong stepped out of his members embrace. “Y/N, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?”

    No, the stadium most certainly had not gone quiet. The fans were screaming, cheering, throwing their arms in the air and waving their signs like there was no tomorrow to worry about. 

    But you could still barely hear them. Your hand clenched the collar of your shirt as you stared at Jiyong in shock, feeling an overwhelming swelling in your chest that had you stumbling to the side in seconds.

    Seunghyun and Taeyang were across the stage in seconds, skipping and laughing when they reached you. Their arms wound around your own, dragging you onto the stage, bringing you closer and closer to the man you so desperately wanted to wrap in your embrace, but was currently too shocked to do so.

    Jiyong never took his teary eyes off of you as you stumbled onto the stage, pushed forward by both Seunghyun and Taeyang, who let go of you only whenever it Jiyong’s arms replacing their own. You gripped the sleeves of Jiyong’s jacket, as if checking he was real, he was in front of you, he had just asked you to marry him.

   He smiled down at you wearily, an anxious glint to his eyes. 

    And then he slid to one knee in front of you, and the crowd was screaming and the members were jumping up and down, waving their arms around frantically, but it was just you and Jiyong in this moment. Nobody else. No sea of fans, no screaming boys around you. 

    You looked down at him, bit your lip as he seemed to look around for something to give you before finally deciding to simply pull one of his own rings off of his fingers. He looked up at you and gave you another weak smile which you returned, tears streaking down your face at one thousand miles per hour and you couldn’t stop them even if you tried.

    “I’m sorry this was so sudden,” said Jiyong, no mic to his lips. The moment was purely between you two now. “But I don’t want to leave without making my feelings for you very, very clear. And it’ll be hard - we both know that. We can plan the wedding through - through letters or phone calls, or something like that, and have it when we’re together again. But I just - I want to do this before I go. I want to be able to call you my fiance whenever I’m walking around with the other cadets, Y/N. I want to know that you’ll be there for me whenever I come back, and that I have something to look forward to. I want you to say yes.”

     You inhaled deeply, trying so  hard not to sob. Your chest was caving in, your hands seeming to almost spark at your side with the need to hold him, feel his skin against yours.

    So that’s exactly what you initiated.  You reached down and grabbed his jaw, pulling him up. He grunted as his lips collided with yours, stumbling into you. His chest hit yours and he held his arms out above your head for only a second, holding the ring out at arms length before he was wrapping his arms tightly around your waist and kissing you back just as fiercely, as if he needed you now, as if the world didn’t exist and it was just you two, floating around all by yourselves and you didn’t even care.

    He ran one of his hands through your hair, pushing back the locks before he pulled away and let his lips rest against your jaw. His warm breath tickled your skin as he spoke, a gruff whisper.

    “Is that a yes?”

    You closed your eyes and jumped up, wrapping your legs around his waist. The crowd screamed even louder as Jiyong laughed, twirled you around, holding you up with only one arm around your waist, the other still gripping his place-holder ring.

    “Of course it’s a yes, you idiot.”

[kpopthings]

Surprise!

Type: Fluff

Request:

“Could i request a fluff for jaehyun? Something about his birthday? thank you so much!!”

Note: GAHHH! I almost forgot his birthday omg, thank you for reminding me. Anyways, I hope you guys like this!!

Words: 1.5k

Pairing: Bong Jaehyun x Reader

You woke up to the sound of humming and the smell of bacon and eggs. You furrowed your eyes in confusion, you lived alone. So who the hell was making bacon and eggs? You heard your stomach churn at the scent, groaning, you quickly took the blanket off of you as you make way for the door.

You tiptoed across the hall to the stairs, the humming sounded closer and the scent was more prominent, making you frown at how hungry you were. You carefully went down the stare, cautious as to not make a sound for the intruder. You sneak your way up to the entrance of the kitchen, peeping your head on the door, you saw your friend Jaehyun by the door.

“I wonder what y/n has planned for my birthday, she always makes it big.” He wondered out loud, making you stop in your tracks.

Its his birthday?… HOLY SHHH

You thought as you try to quietly make your way back to your room. You began to pace around, a habit of yours whenever your problematic about something.

Moments later, a knock resonated from the door made you jump. A small squeak emitted from your mouth as you turn to see Jaehyun about to open your door. Without thinking, you quickly slammed it shut. You heard a small thud of utensils come from the other side, making you feel guilty all of a sudden.

“Y/n? Are you okay? Did I wake you?” He asked.

“Uhh… No! Y-you didn’t, I’ve been up for hours…” You trailed off, adding a fake yawn to make it more believable.

“Okay… Can you open the door?”

“No!” You said quickly, panicking imside for a few moments. You heard a chuckle from him. Oh my God, he probably thinks I’m hiding something for his birthday.

“Why not?” Jaehyun asked, making you feel more guilty and pressured.

“I-i’m only in my underwear!”

“It’s fine, I’ve seen you naked before.”

“Jeez Jae, we were like five. And how old are you now? Nineteen?”

“Actually I’m-”

“Nevermind, just please? I’m changing.” You begged, your back pushing on the door as Jaehyun went silent for a second.

“Okay!” He beamed, making your heart clench, “I’ll just leave your breakfast here.” He said, making you wonder how on earth did you become friends with this sweetheart. You sighed, sliding down the door, peeking on the small gap below it to see if Jaehyun was still there. When he wasn’t, you quietly opened the door, sneaking the tray in to eat.

Once you’ve finished, you sighed. Going through your phone for birthday ideas. After a few moments of scrolling, you finally gave up with presents.

Last year, you gave him a Harry Potter wand. Maybe a book? You shook your head at the thought. You groaned before deciding to stand up and shower. Showering does help with thinking. You thought to yourself.  So as you took off your clothes and let the water drizzle on your head, you tried to think of something. And you figured, maybe a day at an amusement park won’t be so bad.

So once you finished showering, you quickly pick out a casual attire, walking out the door and dashing down stairs. Where Jaehyun was too engrossed in his phone to even notice you.

“Jae!” You yelled causing him to jump up. “Good morning!”

“It’s actually two in the afternoon.” He corrected, making you narrow your eyes at him.

“Okay, Mister I Can Tell Time,” you said, making you internally look disgusted in yourself for the horrible comeback, “get your ass up, we’re going to the amusement park.”

Jaehyun got up, trailing behind you. The both of you walked side by side, joking around as you go to the bus stop. It felt nice to be with Jaehyun again, ever since they debuted you guys didn’t hung  out because of their busy schedules. And because of their growing fanbase, the company was slowly growing strict. Making it harder for you two to meet up.

When the bus finally arrived, you and Jaehyun continued goofing off. Causing a few people to look at the two of you weirdly.  You both shared stories on how your lives have been going. You talked about school and how stressful it was while he talked about what it was like being an idol and living with the boys. You laughed countless of times about the misadventures they’ve had.

“We’re here!” You cheered, seeing the peeking Ferris Wheel get bigger. Jaehyun leaned closer to the window, getting excited at how near you were. You felt a bit giddy inside at the thought of the countless rides and booths.

As soon as you walked off the bus, you immediately pulled Jaehyun to go inside, buying a ton of tickets for different rides and booths. The first thing you guys did was fall in line for the roller coaster. You couldn’t help but bounce in your seat as the guy let you and Jae sit on one of the carts(?). The both of you were screaming your lungs out as the ride went on. Teasing each other afterwards of how scared you were and laughing at how horrible you guys looked at the pictures that were taken during the ride.

After that, you decided to get on the teacup ride, which led to playing the sniper booth, and so on. Until the both of you decided to eat lunch. The both of you settled yourself on one of the rusty tables of the amusement park, just in front of a booth that was selling chicken.

“I’m gonna get some drinks while you buy some chicken, okay?” You asked, thinking of this as an opportunity to find something to buy for him.

Jaehyun nodded his head as he stood up to the booth, looking back to the table from time to time until you decided to walk off.

You passed by a mixture of food and merchandise stores, some catching your eyes from time to time but none of them made you think Jaehyun would like it. Until you passed by a small fandom shop. They were selling some Harry Potter merch, making your eyes sparkle at one design of the various bracelets. You took two of it before continuing your search for some drinks.

———–

After finishing your food, you decided on playing on the booths rather than going on rides. Once you noticed the sun setting, you quickly pulled Jaehyun to your side.

“What about one last ride?” He suggested, holding up two red ‘Admit One’ tickets.

“The most cliche ride of them all?” You ask.

“The most cliche ride of them all,” he said, nodding.

Just like that, the of you went in line for the Ferris Wheel. While waiting, Jaehyun couldn’t help but look at you. Your eyes wandering around the people wandering around and the booths surrounding you. Your e/c eyes looked amazing as it sparkled in wonder. Your h/l h/c slightly cover your face, he couldn’t help but tucking it back on your ear. You suddenly looked at him, making his heart skip a beat at how beautiful you looked.

“Next!”

A voice made his small reverie cut short. Next thing he knew, you were already inside the ride, telling him to join you. He secretly glared at the man while you weren’t looking before stepping in to sit beside you.

The cart slowly moved upwards, stopping from time to time to let other passengers in. And while the Ferris Wheel kept going, you turned to him with an excited smile.

“Jaehyun…” You said, “this may seem pretty late, but Happy Birthday.” You beamed, giving him the bracelet. “To be honest, I kind of forgot about it this morning. And I swear I felt really guilty.” You added hastily, making him laugh. “I didn’t know if you’d like it, but I hope it’s okay. You’ve been my longest friend and I cherish you so much. And if it means something, I really enjoyed spending time with you.”

He gave you a gentle smile, causing your heart to speed up. You watched as he put the bracelet on, “now we match!” He grinned, holding his arm up. You smiled as you held your arm up to meet his. The both of you laughed.

“I enjoyed spending time with you too,” he said, still laughing. “And I don’t know if you’d notice but, as long as you’re here, then this birthday is already a blast.”

His words made you blush, causing you to look down. And Jaehyun, being the sweatheart he is, lifted your head with his hand.

“Don’t hide please,” he whispered, almost begging, “you’re beautiful.”

You swore you could hear your heart pounding. Slowly, the two of you began to lean in to each other. Eyes closing as your lips came closer.

“The ride’s over, ma'am, sir.” A worker’s voice said, making you jump away from Jaehyun.

The both of you walked out, blushing madly. And as you walk away, you felt fingertips brushing against yours. You blushed deeper before you hesitantly held his hand. Your body visibly relaxing as he interlocked them with his fingers.

“Are we dating now?” You asked as he started to sway your hands together.

“Do you want to?”

You grinned cheekily, “I do.”

He sighed in relief, “then I guess we are.”

———-

GAHHH i hope this was okay T-T