#LIKE SHUT UR DIRTY MOUTH MARIE

[trashcanarcana-archive]

( also i knowin’ yo bromance at this point. cuz wow i can definitely tell the gay tonight )

WOW WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT-----

[yougivemebutterfliessss]

We gonna ignore the fact that ghostie isn’t my main account but 150 :)

-saarah

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @ghostiewriter 🥳🥳🥳 ur old now congratulations. So you though could stump me with this vague prompt “make up your own” IM SORRY OKAY I thought giving something vague for Christmas prompts would make it EASIER. Anywho I have a secret weapon and her name Annie. Big shout out to @yellowlaboratory for turning my traumatic story of puking in a school bathroom during a track meet into a hilarious fic idea; please enjoy this unedited 🙈crack Drabble akdhsjdhsjdh

“You want me to call your priest?”

Track had always been a JJ and Kie thing. In sixth grade she’d decided they need to keep active during the winter and that indoor track would be the perfect way to do it. Not only was it during the months where there was no surfing, but it was a sport she could actually do with her boys. She just needed to convince them to do it. Pope was an immediate no, too much homework and John B was insistent on trying out for the basketball team, his dad used to play or something. Which left JJ, who for whatever reason picked joining track with her over joining basketball with John B. She always figured it was because he thought she needed him more, seeing as John B could make friends with just about anyone. Or maybe she was overthinking it and JJ just thought that track sounded more fun; either way, she’s glad he did.

They had long bus rides together, traveling to the mainland so they could meet up with other schools, spend the whole ride there laughing and joking and talking about nothing in particular. She snuck extra snacks into her lunch box so that she could share with JJ, forcing him to eat “healthy shit” like apples and granola bars. (she was quite pleased with herself for that one) They would normally fall asleep on the way back, wake up half on top of each other and not talk about it afterward. She would aggressively snap, “No” when people asked if they like each other and JJ would just grin widely like it was the funniest joke in the world.

He was annoyingly good too, at pretty much everything. If the coaches were down a person they could just throw JJ into that event with a little bit of practice and chances are he would at least place. He was mainly a sprinter and a jumper though, same as Kie. A lot of her favorite memories came from the three years they ran track together. In eighth grade however, things got more complicated because suddenly Kie also had to deal with her period.

She wasn’t one to let that hold her back, but long track meets after school definitely made things more difficult, but it was manageable. Until of course, it wasn’t, which long story short, led to Kie being doubled over on the gross floor of another school's bathroom feeling like someone was digging a knife through her lower abdomen and hoping she doesn’t start puking again. She wasn’t sure how long it took for JJ to find her, walking with his hands over his eyes, judging by the sound of him running into a stall door.

“Yo Kie, you in here?”

“Down here,” she groaned from her spot on the floor not wanting to shift from her position to face, any movement at all made her feel nauseous.

His eyes widened as he crouched down beside her, “Wow, shit. You okay?”

“Do I really have to answer that question?” She muttered with an eye roll, but even that felt weak.

“Right sorry. So did you like catch a bug or somethin?” He asked, backing away from her like she might be contagious.

The last thing Kiara felt like doing at the time was explaining the nuisances of period cramps to a thirteen year old boy so she just muttered, “girl stuff,” and the movement was enough to have her heaving into the toilet again.

“Holy shit,” JJ muttered softly, sounded shocked for reasons Kiara was in too much pain to care about.

“Are you pregnant?”

Kiara choked on her puke, managed to turn her head enough to face him.

“What?”

JJ ran a hand through his hair anxiously, not even seeming to have heard her, talking mostly to himself as he mumbled, “I’m not ready to be a dad.”

“We haven’t slept together you idiot.”

JJ’s went wide with realization. “You slept with someone else,” he exclaimed with what almost sounded like betrayal in his voice.

Kiara didn’t have time to respond before the aggravation at his absolute idiocy had her hanging over the toilet boil again. JJ shifted down so he was squatted beside her, held her hair back as he rambled on.

“So who's is it? No- no you don’t have to tell me that, I don’t even care who’s sperm it is I’m here for you Kie. He’ll be like my kid anyway. Or she. Duh.”

Kiara squeezed her eyes shut in disbelief, didn’t have the energy to turn her head to him as she hissed out, “JJ.”

He raised his hands in surrender, “Okay, okay, I get it, too much,” then added hopefully “I'll still be uncle JJ though right?”

“It’s no one's sperm you dipshit!” She cried, momentarily forgetting the pain in her abdomen as she turned to him.

JJ just blinked at her for a few seconds before responding with a dramatic gasp, a small spark in his eyes as he whispered, “Virgin Mary?”

Kiara groaned in disbelief, pulled her arms up to the toilet boil and rested her head on them, too exasusted to care about the unsanitariness of the situation.

“Does this mean I’m gonna be Jesus’ uncle?”

“JJ if you don’t shut the fuck up right now the next time I puke it’s gonna be on you.”

He backed up immediately, “okay okay point taken. I mean come on that one was kinda funny though.”

She didn’t look up, but she could easily picture the smirk on his face.

“Can you please do something helpful and go call my dad? I left my phone in my bag.”

JJ perked up at that, jumping to his feet. “Right, I’ll be right back, I’ll let the coaches know you’re puking too. Oh and do you want a water? Gatorade? Maybe Pepsi?”

“Water’s good.”

He was sprinting away before she could say thank you. Kie curled up on the floor, giving about zero shits about how dirty it was, anything to make her stomach hurt a little bit less.

JJ returned a few minutes later with water and her phone in hand. Announced, “Kie I can’t find your dad’s contact,” as he handed her the water.

She groaned inwardly for thinking she was funny when she made her dad’s name in her phone.

“Oh uh call Father Mike.”

JJ looked up at that. “You want me to call your priest?”

“No that’s my dad,” she responded with a sigh.

“Your dad’s a priest?”

She sat up and opened her mouth to respond but the movement sent another wave of nausea over her and she found herself back above the toilet boil.

“Should I start confessing my sins before or after you finish puking?”

Kiara fixes him with a glare as she pulls away. “It’s a joke. He put his dad in his phone as Father Joe so I put him in as Father Mike. It’s like imagine there was a comma, like ‘Father, Mike’.”

JJ furrowed his eyebrows as he considered that beforing saying. “You really should add the comma. It’s very misleading.”

“Can you just call him?” She asked, her voice almost pleading at this point.

JJ’s joking tone shifted at that, “right. Yeah of course.”

After that she felt well enough to let JJ help her back to their teams set up in the track building, where she could lie down on blankets instead of a cold floor. JJ still had races and events to do, but he ran back to check on her after every one and each time she would assure him that she was fine and that she didn't need a babysitter, but secretly appreciated how concerned he was. And in hindsight, the Jesus jokes were kinda funny, at least Pope and John B thought they were.