#LIKE GODFUCKING DAMNIT

[calowlmitygoddess]

i've had a small freak out on twitter after deciding to read ahead on Stormcaster and finding out Han eventually started to use the sul'Alger tittle/last name

[dwalendinhetniets]

.

[gochujangst]

Watching the Knuckles show (pirated of course) and they bring up i*real booooo! Booo get off the stage! Read the room!!

[man-made-object]

sucks i have to work on a specific day in april 😔

[i-appear-misssing]

I blocked her, like i should have done months ago.

I can't believe i still feel like this after a year and a half, almost a year since I last saw her.

I need to watch the saddest fucking movie ever

[talaok]

Like a Virgin

Pairing: Joel Miller x reader

summary: It's been a really long time since Joel has felt the feel of anything else besides his own fist, and once you remind him how good the real thing is... let's just say it's hard for him to live up to his full potential.

warnings: smut| unprotected p in v sex, premature ejaculation, very touch-starved Joel, and allusion to oral sex (f receiving)

a/n: I don't know what to say lmao this is a thing for me ok, don't judge (and also you can't tell me this isn't accurate, like this man hasn't gotten laid since the moon landing probably, and you expect him to last? no way babe). Also I'm sorry about the title it's funny to me lol

Now this wasn't like him.

He hadn't done this in a long time.

The last time he had sex with a woman he'd just met (or any woman to be completely honest) he was 25 years younger and the world hadn't gone to shit yet... so yeah, a long time indeed.

But you were so fucking beautiful, such a pretty face with such pretty eyes, and god but that mouth of yours-

And plus you were new to Jackson, you didn't know yet about all the scary stories folks liked to tell about him, and you were kind and funny, and... did he mention hot already?

Just one night of letting loose, that's what he'd told himself, and then he was gonna go back to his old closed-off self, but for now... for now, he was too busy throwing you on his bed to think about anything else.

You were getting rid of your clothes and he followed your lead more than willingly, almost ripping the buttons off his flannel in the rush.

He bent down to kiss your neck as his hands hurried to your tits.

God, he'd forgotten how good it felt to touch a woman.

And when you let out a little whimper, he swore he had ascended to another universe.

"Joel please"

Fuck him, but he wasn't inside of you yet, and he was already feeling far too close to coming.

Guess fucking his own fist for two decades really does something to a man.

"need something?"

He was acting wayy too smug for someone who was feeling like a virgin all over again.

"Please- I need you inside me, Joel"

fucking damnit- he shouldn't have asked that, his dick was now really suffering the consequences.

He didn't risk saying anything else as he got rid of his boxers, but of course, you just had to come out and say:

"oh wow, you're big" with the sexiest fucking voice he'd ever heard.

"want me to stop?"

For some reason, those words elicited a criminally hot smirk on your lips  

"Definitely not"

You were looking at him like a starving woman and he had to look down to where he was moving his tip to your entrance to get away from you and your dangerous, dangerous gaze

He pushed into you slowly and god fucking damnit but the sounds that you made... those sweet little moans and whines you let out as your warm pussy stretched around him and hugged him better than anything he'd felt in years... he had no words for it- no coherent sounds could make it out of his mouth except for a few groans coming deep from his chest.

"Good christ"

that's the only thing he managed to murmur as he bottomed out and had to take a break to try not to bust his load right there.

"fuck you feel so good" you moaned, as your hands gripped his sheets "please move" you begged, your voice breathy and pleading, and godfuck he should have really thought about it before doing this.

"Joel please-"

"I just need a moment darlin'" he explained, closing his eyes to try and remember how he used to manage to last and coming up completely empty.

He could feel your expectant eyes on him so even if he sure as hell didn't feel ready, he did as you asked and started to move.

The regret reached him extraordinarily fast as he felt your walls tightening around him and as you cried out for him like an angel sent straight from heaven.

"fuck-" you moaned, looking up at him with doe eyes that made him wonder if you really just knew what you were doing, if you actually enjoyed torturing him like this

"god you're so deep"

Yeah, you definitely knew

"and so big-" you cried

He gripped your waist to try and ground himself as he thrusted into your fucking perfect cunt.

"oh my god-yes!" you moaned, your back arching from the bed as his thrust got harsher in the hopes that that would make you talk less.

"just like that Joel- oh-" 

And Joel was tough in a lot of ways and he wasn't one to give up easily, but shit you were making it hard for him.

"Please don't stop- fuckfuckfuck" you begged, shutting your eyes close at the feeling.

And that was it, he couldn't do it anymore

"please stop talking" he breathed, his eyes resuming their tour of your eyes, mouth, and bouncing tits.

"why?" 

"nothing it's just-"

And before he could answer you had grabbed his shoulder and forced him to bend down to meet your mouth with his.

Goddamnit.

"you just feel too good Joel" 

"fuck." he groaned, not able to stop his hips from moving no matter how much he wanted to "shit"

"what is it?"

"Jesus Christ I-"

"is there something wrong?"

"n-no just- fuck I'm sorry sweetheart"

And that's all he could say as he abruptly pulled out of you, his spend covering your stomach not even a second after as he growled so loud his neighbors probably thought he was getting killed.

"shit" again, he sighed, his forehead falling to your shoulder.

"oh" you couldn't help but smile as everything came together

"I'm sorry darlin'" he breathed, leaning away and standing up as shame filled every inch of him.

"It's just- It's been a long time since I've done... this"

You sat up, your legs still dangling off the bed, as you admired his handy work on your belly.

"And you... you're just real fucking pretty" he huffed a half-laugh "I'm sorry"

You looked up at him then, meeting his mortified expression.

"No hey" you smiled, placing a hand on his torso "It's fine, I understand"

"god this is embarrassing, I feel like a sixteen-year-old all over again" he shook his head

"stop" you cooed, gently caressing his skin, as a mischievous spark lighted in your irides "It's fine, really" you promised, "and besides..." you bit your bottom lip as you slowly spread your legs "you could still make it up to me, y'know?"

He groaned again, falling to his knees between your thighs

"that I can do"

[erial-c]

caller (john. . .) audio ramble

babe wake up creepy guy is in the walls again

he has a logo... babes he has a logo now  this shit is SERIOUS

sweetie is at a hotel, presumably to get away from the caller , but godfucking damnit they answered the phone again  😭😭😭

"that wasn't really a question. and even if it was, that was the wrong answer. and you know it." the sharpness at the end   ... i am afraid in the best way possible

i love the caller character so much he is so creepy  . but also whenever he calls the character sweetie i remember he is a MAN

him trying to convince himself to be patient  ... he's barely keeping himself together too 

every "wrong answer" is stressing me out SWEETIE PLEAASEE 

"you're still scared of me. i don't like that" yeah man maybe don't phase into my walls and breathe onto my face next time 

how the hell does he always know where sweetie is  . i hate this actually (i LOVE this audio)

"im always there. right there." i swear to god he's a stealth. he's got to be . what if he is actually just in another room .

"the door is locked, the window is locked" that really didn't stop you last time did it.. . . . 

i wonder why he has episodes of like. freaking out all of a sudden  .  he keeps saying that we're safe , that he wants to "keep this safe" and "not wanting it to hurt"   ... is he powerful enough to harm sweetie if he gets reckless or something 

the end???? girl what are you going to do   . please maintain a 5 foot radius away from sweetie thank you  ..

[emgeneticist]

First night at the Count’s

my photoshop literally CRASHED while i was trying to draw this, but it was ok i guess. its kinda messy at the edges i am just so tired. Teruko does NOT know what she signed up for!!!!

anyway um. yeah. You know. The Voices.

Is the grammar right?? is it Count’s?? like i would say Count’s House right so the apostraphe DOES go there. Right?? google won’t answer me godfucking damnit. um also Sorry if my handwriting is difficult to read :(

[kvotheunkvothe]

godfucking damnit it happened again

I got LOADS of Halloween candy, and even backup candy. last year I remember being inundated and running out. not this year, I think. smooth sailing. I'm on kind of the outskirts of town, so I'm seeing trick-or-treaters around 6pm onward, after dark. seems to cool down. I only have a little candy left in the bowl around 8pm after I've mostly seen teens (no more little kids) for a while, so I turn the porchlight off. change out of my costume into pajamas (a pink nightdress with cats because I'm fucking insane cat lady, screw you). I figure I'll bring in the leftover candy to work tomorrow. I got candy I'm not as fond of (sours, suckers, etc.) so I'm not tempted. go me.

around 8:20, doorbell rings. a straggler, I thought! so I dumped 2 handfuls of candy in.

then.

they start coming.

like 5 cars of people, one after another. I empty out the bowl AND the extra stash that wouldn't initially fit in the bowl, realizing too late--

the last kid, a teen in a devil costume. I just handed the last candy to a teen witch with an adorable dog :( this kid stood by while all his friends came up, and his politeness is rewarded with an empty bowl

I am completely divested of candy. I consider finding him a can of beans or something, but decide that is a step too far

porch light goes off again, this time in utter failure. I'm so sorry my dark lord satan.

[ryuseibutgayer]

𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓘𝓼 𝓨𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓢𝓲𝓰𝓷,, 𝓣𝓸 𝓖𝓸 𝓣𝓸 𝓑𝓮𝓭 - 𝓟𝓽. 2

𝓞𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓪𝓵𝓵: 𝓙𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓜𝓲𝓽𝓼𝓾𝔂𝓪, 𝓟𝓮𝓱 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓟𝓪𝓱 𝓼𝓵𝓮𝓮𝓹. 𝓐𝓷𝓭 𝓸𝓯 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼𝓮, 𝓘 𝓶𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓼𝓮 - 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓾𝓻𝓼𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓸𝓲𝓵𝓮𝓽 𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓭 𝓹𝓸𝓽𝓽𝔂 𝓶𝓸𝓾𝓽𝓱

𝓜𝓲𝓽𝓼𝓾𝔂𝓪 𝓣𝓪𝓴𝓪𝓼𝓱𝓲

● You simp (*σ´ｪ｀)σ❤️

● Buddy with those two kids running around, you'd think he goes to bed early to rest up, but ohohohohohohoe.

● He needs to stay up all fuckin night to make sure they don't wet their beds 😭

● Of course he obviously does not have bags under his eyes in the manga nor anime, he still gets adequate sleep- it's just all over the place, and he may be just about 15 minutes late for his first period class every now and then

● So he *tried* to use horror movies to keep himself up, but he ended up scaring Mana, who wandered into the living room at one in the morning, with that technique. So now, he's sitting in the pitch dark living room of his apartment while his mom runs an early morning/late night shift, brainlessly eating popcorn as he does his homework (to catch up on his first hour, which he may miss some things in due to possibly falling asleep from now and then in that class) with fucking Sanrio shows playing on the TV in front of him. Bright ass pastels on a retro awful looking ass TV screen filter with the volume at like 12

● Yall think he's the sane one of TR, h a h

● When he actually manages to get some sleep, he gives zero fucks less about how he is, how gar off the bed he is, how much he needs to pee, the temperature, 3am munchies, that assignment sitting on the corner of his desk, NAH. All of it goes straight to hell when he hits the lights, slips off his shirt, and dives straight under the covers.

● On most days he'll just flop onto the bed and roll over to the other side like once, only once in the middle of the night

● Please he's so tired, stop the bullshit and raise awareness of Mommitsuya Appreciation Week (ToT)

● Dead tired, you can see the pure effort and exhaustion in his tired silver lashes as he just snoozes away

● Snores, but honestly it's tolerable

● Just let the boy sleep (TvT)

● MANA QUIT THROWING THE TEDDY BEAR MITSUYA MADE FOR YOU AT YOUR DAMN SISTER

● ..Luna put the toilet plunger away- GODFUCKING DAMNIT THIS IS A HATE CRIME-

● Just avoid remembering Mitsuya's existence at 3am for yours and his best

𝓗𝓪𝓻𝓾𝓴𝓲 (𝓟𝓪𝓱-𝓒𝓱𝓲𝓷) 𝓗𝓪𝔂𝓪𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓭𝓪

● Bear-Man

● He just lifts himself up to sit in the corner of his bed, collapses under the giant heavy ass comforters, and snores like a meme

● He feels like he's on fire while he's asleep, so he'll stick out a foot from under the blankets

● 𝓟𝓪𝓱-𝓒𝓱𝓲𝓷 𝓪𝓼 𝓣𝓸𝓴𝔂𝓸 𝓡𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓻'𝓼 𝓶𝓸𝓼𝓽 𝓾𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓹𝓼𝔂𝓬𝓱𝓸𝓹𝓪𝓽𝓱?

● (I said that forgetting about the beginning of the anime lmao)

● Sleep talks but no one can hear it and it wouldn't make sense anyways

● He's really not afraid of anything grabbing him cause he's like "Well then let's see the bastard drag me away"

● I feel liiiike he's got a weighted blanket, 3 pillows, and a sleeping mask lmao

● He really seems like the guy to have an intense facial care routine before bed and bitch about not getting beauty sleep.

● Who's gonna break it to him-

● From 9 to 11. He sleeps. 14 hours.

● AND IF HIS WHITE NOISE MACHINE AINT PLAYIN RAIN HE AINT GOIN TO BED HES GONNA CREATE ANARCHY (oh please)

● He's always burning up in his sleep, but refuses to do anything about it.

● He sweats gallons, but is so dry- it doesn't make any sense- 😟

● He's pretty hard to wake up, but if the lights change at all in the room he's sleeping? Immediately up and Karen pterodactyl screaming

● Window is always cracked about 2 centimeters. It's broken.

● You can just like feel his body vibrate each time he snores lmao

● Very great cuddly buddy tho :> (Just raise your feet up so they aren't scratched by them toe nails-)

𝓡𝔂𝓸𝓱𝓮𝓲 (𝓟𝓮𝓱-𝓨𝓪𝓷) 𝓗𝓪𝔂𝓪𝓼𝓱𝓲

● I truly don't know what it is with this stick bug lookin crooked neck motherfucker and attracting bugs in his sleep

● AND HE TWISTS HIMSELF LIKE A BRICK HEADED PRETZEL TOO

● OK so get this, he's barely on the corner of the pillow with a foot off the bed, another propped up onto the wall, a hand by his side and the other off the bed

● And there's fucking flies buzzing around his face as ants just raid the crumb filled sheets

● a c k

● Maybe it's the whistle breathing sounds from his nose???

● I don't know

● Everyone in his house wants to suplex twirl, slam, then smother a pillow into Peh-Yan's face while he's asleep, it's disgusting

● He's so freezing cold oml

● Always has his window open. It's snowing. It's raining. It's sleeting. It's a tornado. It's a wildfire summer. WINDOW. 👏 OPEN. 👏

● Very cuddly tho, so that's,,, idk

● 1/10 recommend but not 0 at least

● You know he goes to bed at 11 and wakes up at 6. He's just. Weird.

● He eats a box of taco bell before bed routinely

● Raids the kitchen for milk in his sleep

[beevean]

Lenector: the one vampireXhuman ship that has you thinking twice about wether or not it really is better than Twilight

Ohhhh boy.

Edward may have done shit like dismantling the engine of Bella's truck to not let her go to her friend, but. uh. he didn't enslave her? godfucking damnit how did i end up defending edward cullen of all characters

Nah, if you remove the vampire angle, Lenector's closest equivalent is Ana/Christian from 50SOG. There's even the horrible misuse of BDSM and the people who actually thought the series was the peak of sexiness :)

[rknase]

i want to be Done With Her but i feel like editing so many little things. where are her socks. godfucking damnit

[soup-fish]

Godfuckingdamnit

[i-appear-misssing]

So like

I'm slowly but steadily gaining back the slightly impressive (for me) weight i had managed to lose and keep off from summer 2017 to a little bit before my graduation in early 2022. It was a huge deal for me, cause it was ten kilos of university depression and anxiety and bad, bad bad habits and patterns (read: bingeing). I remember it started when i picked up a skateboard, and i just loved it so much i would spend all of my free time shoving the board around and sweating and sweating and sweating. Sometimes I'd get woken up at 6 am by shooting pain in my knees cause i wasn't a teenage boy and my joints hated me, and i didn't care. I remember realizing I'd been trying to "lose weight" my entire life and now it was happening just like that, and i was having fun doing it. It was a slow change, until people started noticing all at once.

Now, I've been noticing the steady climb since a little bit before my graduation, when i stopped training muay thai. I've gone above 80 again, the thing i promised myself I'd never do again. It wasn't so much about the number, more so about the way i felt back then, back at 85/86. I know I'm a completely different person now, i know. Some of those thoughts i will never, ever have again, even if I'm tempted to. No matter how shitty and fatphobic i feel towards myself these days, i know I've gained a basic, sturdy amount of self love that will shut that shit up.

But it is hard, and it is affecting my mood, day in and out. And yeah, okay, I'm also the buffest I've been in my arms since i was actually competing in fights.......and yet.

And with the added weight comes the dismorphia and with that........comes the disphoria. And summer is so, so close. And I really don't wanna feel all of......that.

But i also just can't bring myself to restrict my intake. I'm already working out plenty, I'm fit and I'm functional and I'm flexy and i just want to eat and sleep all of the time cause adult life fucking S U C K S and my job is so fucking draining and why the fuck would i make myself even more miserable by denying myself food. I'm not completely free from emotional eating, okay, but I'm not bingeing anymore either. I've come so far with my relationship with food and my body but this......still feels like the most dreadful progression of events in the whole wide world to my brain and i HATE IT. I hate that i can have such mean thoughts about this healthy, functional, loving body of mine. I hate that i can't appreciate it like it deserves.

Maybe it's just that my period's coming, idk. Maybe it's that I've been feeling a little disphoric first, and then all of the other things. I don't know. I wish I had all the time and energy i used to have when i was still a student to think about these things better. Articulate. But no bitch it's already half past midnight and i got a 24h shift tomorrow so fuck my drag right

I can't wait for my last shift godfucking damnit

[johnwickfucker]

.

[home-and-having-tea]

Klaus: oo oohhh do me next!!!

Pogo: ok just know that Miss Vanya’s powers are a bit-

Klaus: *immediately ends the world* 

Crack fic where the siblings find out their powers transfer by blood and just immediately torment pogo into helping them give eachother blood transfusions so everyone has everyone else’s powers and it immediately causes the apocalypse

I love this because this is the exact type of problem solving skills they have