#Kyle Adams the man ever and R the character ever

[stars278]

Cause of death: seeing these gifs of Kyle Adams as Grantaire 🥹😭❤️

jonathan young E debut + kyle adams R pining

🎥 @medium-observation

[lightandwinged]

Alright, it’s review time, and it’s going to be spoilery and rambly because I’m still parsing my thoughts on everything SO. 

Sans spoilers: a solid and fitting conclusion, if a bit faster paced than I would’ve liked, but it adhered to the overarching themes of the Skywalker saga probably better than anything in the new trilogy has before, and I don’t know how, considering everything (namely that Space Mom is gone), they could have or would have done things differently. Not my absolute favorite (that will forever be RotJ), but still very good.

Spoilers below, be ye warned.

I found it utterly hilarious that the plot started with Kyle Ron finding the Macguffin and chillin out with Papa Palpatine while the Good Guys had to go on this entire huge quest to FIND the Macguffin to begin with, and the only reason he didn’t just fuck off and finish some dastardly plan while they were scurrying about and trying to find the Pyramid Of Doom was because he’s got a lot to work out in his feelings about Rey. Like shit, no wonder Papa Palpatine decided to just stick with his own bloodline for galactic domination, Skywalkers are useless.

(except Leia, who is awesome)

The inclusion of Carrie Fisher in this film was VERY well done, but it also hurt a lot because you could tell that her scenes were cobbled together from old material and not made of anything new. It was good and necessary, but it also just hurt, like a constant reminder that she’s gone and nobody could replace her ever. And I’ll get more to that in a minute.

The Macguffin questing honestly felt a lot like the first half of RotJ, where we have to go rescue Han right quick because Harrison Ford was pretty sure he didn’t want to Star Wars anymore, so here’s a sidequest for half the movie, with the only difference here being that the questline had to do with the actual Plot. I’ve been following the Star Wars leaks subreddit for a while (don’t read the comments, it’s a wretched hive of scum and villainy and bitterness), and I know that at one point, it was supposed to be this race between Team Dark Side and Team Light Side to get the Pyramid of Destiny and then they’d find out that oh shit, Sheev’s here, but that was scrapped... and I kind of wish it hadn’t been? It would’ve made the first half of frolicking through this planet... no this planet... no, no, it’s on this planet... feel a lot less distracting. 

The dynamic between Finn, Poe, and Rey was fantastic, because those three actors just have amazing chemistry on so many levels. They immediately fell into the dynamic of “we’re a polyamorous triad who’ve been living together for a while, and we really love each other, but we’re also a LITTLE BIT STRESSED RIGHT NOW OK” and that’s fair. I was glad to see all of it, and I just wish that we’d had more of it in both TFA and TLJ. It reminded me a LOT of how the best parts of the OT were always when Luke, Han, and Leia were together. 

And now I’m going to take a sulk break to think about what we could’ve had with that amazing dynamic.

I’m back. 

The new characters were some of the weaker parts of the film, I felt, save for Lando (because Billy Deeeeeeee). Dominic Monaghan, whom I love, could’ve had his role taken entirely by Rose, or Billie Lourde, and nobody would’ve noticed. And I don’t mind the addition of extra women to the cast, but Zorii and Jannah felt like they were just there to be like “Poe fucks women! Finn might too!” And... yanno, cool? But the OT3 stands. 

And then General Pryde, aptly named, should’ve been a bigger part in all three films because it was like... here’s this yahoo out of nowhere who’s apparently a really big Sheev fan and just... like... what? I mean, I’m a huge Sheev fan, too, but I wish he’d been more of a Piett, where we could’ve seen him worming his way up the ranks, which would’ve made his downfall more satisfying. Instead, it was just kind of like... eh? Cool, I guess? With Piett, you felt like “yeah, we’ve seen this guy fucking things up for our heroes for two entire movies now, and here he is, getting destroyed because of his pride, hahaha!” but with Pryde, it was like “wait, who are you? Oh you’re dead now? Okay, cool, I guess?”

And in conjunction with THAT, Hux was just wasted in this film. I fully accept the idea that he rose through the ranks because of nepotism or something, and I also fully accept that he’s an absolutely useless twink who can’t do anything without having Phasma top him weekly (she used to top both him and Ren, which is why they’re such disasters in this movie), but man, couldn’t we have like... taken him with us? Imagine the comedy potential as he’s brought back as a prisoner and Domhnall Gleeson gets even more screen time with Oscar Isaac. I don’t mind that he died a worthless death because he was basically a useless wretch, but I do feel like if the movie had given itself more breathing room, he could’ve been a lot of fun.

RELATED, the pacing. So in the beginning of the movie, the idea of a light skip (basically, just sort of using the hyperdrive without planning or anything) is brought up, and everyone involved in this action bounces from world to world to world in rapid fire fashion to get rid of a bunch of TIE fighters following them, and that’s roughly the pace of this film. There are a few moments of quiet and contemplation, but they’re so rare that they seem to last a lot longer than they actually do, and I think it’s mostly because this movie really feels like a Lord of the Rings style epic packed into a MCU time frame. And I’m not complaining about the time, because by the time the credits rolled, I had to pee so fucking badly, but I feel like also if we’d trimmed out a couple of things (like maybe we can get rid of Kijimi, I think it is? The snow planet? or just merge Kijimi and Pasaana?), we’d have had more time to breathe and that would’ve helped the pacing a lot. 

The slow moments in the film belonged almost exclusively to Rey and Kyle Ron, and honestly, Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver both deserve some sort of award recognition for their acting, the latter particularly. Without going into wild details about the plot, Kyle Ron does change his mind and go back to being Ben Solo, and god bless you so much Adam Driver because the change is instantaneous and delightful. If we’d seen significantly more Ben Solo than Kyle Ron, I’d totally be on board with the r.3y.10.z because this child omg. As it stands, the kiiiiissssss made me do like

in real life. It felt... mm, unearned, we’ll say. Maybe as a moment of “oh fuck that was intense and now we’re both alive” I could’ve bought it, but it wasn’t that, it was supposed to be this “my looooove” moment and just... sorry, but no. 

BUT that said, while I think his death was the only way this series could’ve ended for him because a redemption arc would’ve required a LOT more time and energy, and that just... wasn’t going to happen. The time to have him make the turn if we were going to see a redemption arc was during TLJ, and since he didn’t make that change, we don’t get a Zuko arc. And that’s FINE because that’s a lot of work for a three movie series. And I don’t want a TV series devoted to Ben Solo learning to not be a dick to people. That’s exhausting. 

But I do wish we’d gotten more time with him. The brief time we had, the bit of Han Solo snark that came out (”ow”), that was all delightful and made me understand what people see in the character (who I hate because he’s a great character to hate). 

(omg while I was writing this, someone was saying that they were in a theater with someone talking about how the movie should’ve ended with Kyle Ron giving Rey a Force baby, and Y’ALL THERE IS NOT ENOUGH NOPE IN THE WORLD)

Anyway, bullets now, for the times I cried:

Literally everything with Leia, but especially that her last word was “Ben” and her using every last bit of her energy to save her son because I GET THAT FEEL, and honestly, the only reason she wasn’t there raining death and destruction on Sheev by herself for grooming her baby was because Carrie Fisher died. But anyway, from the moment she dropped her headset on, I was a blubbering mess.

And then Han, just a memory, but looking more at peace than he ever has. He convinces his son to come home, and Ben now says, “Dad?” and Han just says, “I know,” and FUFUUFUFALSKJDLAKSJDF: SOBBING

And then CHEWIE reacting to Leia’s death just... UGH. I am destroyed utterly, still. 

Luke finally managing to Force lift the X-Wing out of the water made me cry as well, weirdly enough. 

And then whatever emotion I felt when Rey heard all the Jedi, and it was LITERALLY EVERYONE WHO HAS PLAYED A JEDI EVER COMING IN AND SAYING A LINE like not just the familiar ones but the ones you wouldn’t know unless you’d watched all the TV series and extra material... it was so much more than tears. I couldn’t cry because it wouldn’t have been enough to encompass everything that made me feel. Very sincerely well done. 

All-in-all, yeah, it was really good. I don’t get what everyone is so fussed over with it... it ties up the themes of the entire nine-movie arc pretty neatly and does basically the best it can with what it has. 

But a bigger point in its favor, for me, was seeing Sam’s reaction to it: jumping up and down in his seat, gasping, grabbing my hand, whispering, “Mommy, they’re going to be okay, right?” and then cheering at the end. Star Wars, as a thing, isn’t for just one person or one group of people, but I consider how people who were kids when the PT came out say without a hint of irony that it’s not that bad, because to them, that’s what Star Wars is and always has been. The joy of it isn’t just the OT but those three movies that were “meh” to those of us who cut our teeth on the OT only. And in a similar vein, the ST is full of that joy for kids now. Like holy moley, Sam and his best friend geeking out over seeing each other in Star Wars costumes at Halloween was just worth everything.

So in the end, like I concluded at the end of TLJ, the message here is that it’s for them. And also that there’s always hope, that ultimately, even when it seems the odds are against light, there’s more of us than there are of them. 

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 15 April 2019

Quick Bits:

Amazing Spider-Man #19.HU is worth it for the amazing artwork from Chris Bachalo, Wayne Faucher, Livesay, Jaime Mendoza, Victor Olazaba, Tim Townsend, Al Vey, and Erick Arciniega alone. Bachalo’s Lizard is one of my favourite takes on the character and the art in this issue is fantastic.

| Published by Marvel

Aquaman #47 concludes “Unspoken Water” from Kelly Sue DeConnick, Robson Rocha, Daniel Henriques, Sunny Gho, and Clayton Cowles. There are some interesting beats regarding sacrifice as “Andy” and the old gods confront Namma. There are still questions remaining, but it looks like we’re going to get answers next issue.

| Published by DC Comics

Assassin Nation #2 is as exciting and action packed as the first issue, with more balls out action and violence from Kyle Starks, Erica Henderson, and Deron Bennett, even as it takes a bit of a breather as the assassins share tales of their first kills. Henderson’s art here is spectacular.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Avengers: No Road Home #10 gets very meta for the conclusion from Mark Waid, Jim Zub, Al Ewing, Sean Izaakse, Marcio Menyz, Erick Arciniega, and Joe Sabino as the Vision confronts Nyx in “The House of Ideas”. Seems like this was a stealth 80th anniversary of Marvel celebration after all, even with a nod to Vision’s roots as being constructed out of the original Human Torch. Phenomenal artwork from Izaakse, Menyz, and Arciniega. This issue is packed with characters, unique designs, and layouts, and it’s just gorgeous. Also, some interesting set ups for things to come and possibly a last drink with Rocket Raccoon. This comic is just pure joy.

| Published by Marvel

Batman #69 brings “Knightmares” to an end as Bats figures out what’s been going on in this tale from Tom King, Yanick Paquette, Nathan Fairbairn, and Clayton Cowles. It’s interesting, but you’ve kind of got to wonder about a Batman that potentially can’t love. Also, Thomas Wayne has a fight with a naked Bane. So, that’s a thing that happened.

| Published by DC Comics

Black Badge #9 starts out with a daring rescue attempt out of East Germany from an old Black Badge team, then picks up in the present with the current scouts being held at some kind of day camp by way of The Prisoner. Matt Kindt, Tyler Jenkins, Hilary Jenkins, and Jim Campbell are doing some very interesting things here.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Bloodborne #11 is an almost completely silent issue, as Eileen the Crow experiences...something. It’s trippy with astounding artwork from Piotr Kowalski and Brad Simpson.

| Published by Titan

Buffy the Vampire Slayer #4 continues to develop Xander’s fears and issues as the Scooby gang takes a night off from patrolling. Jordie Bellaire, Dan Mora, Raúl Angulo, and Ed Dukeshire are continuing to produce one hell of a compelling story.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Calamity Kate #2 brings the rivalry between Kate and Javelin to the fore, as the latter monster hunter looks to be stealing Kate’s limelight and monster kills. Interesting character development from Magdalene Visaggio and the art from Corin Howell and Valentina Pinto is wonderful, great action and monster designs.

| Published by Dark Horse

Daredevil #4 pits Matt against Frank in a war of philosophy as the Punisher debates the mathematics of murder. Chip Zdarsky, Marco Checchetto, Sunny Gho, and Clayton Cowles continue to deliver on what is shaping up to be one of the best Daredevil stories ever.

| Published by Marvel

Electric Warriors #6 is the end to what has been an excellent series bridging the time between the current age of heroes with the Legion of Super-Heroes from Steve Orlando, Travel Foreman, Hi-Fi, and Travis Lanham. Interesting bits regarding camaraderie and sacrifice.

| Published by DC Comics

Gideon Falls #12 begins a new arc in “The Laughing Man” as we find out that the alternate realities are much broader than we thought. There isn’t just two and “Norton” appears to be cutting a swath across them. Gorgeous artwork from Andrea Sorrentino and Dave Stewart, especially as it goes across the old American West and a steampunk Gideon Falls.

| Published by Image

Guardians of the Galaxy #4 hints at something pretty big going on with Rocket Raccoon, but the major part of this issue is getting Gamora back into the fold as they’re confronted by the Dark Guardians. Geoff Shaw and David Curiel deliver some incredible action sequences.

| Published by Marvel

Incursion #3 gives us the origin of Scyntilla and Imperatrix Virago as things are looking particularly bleak for Gilad and the Geomancer. Great character work from Alex Paknadel here, especially as the set up for the finale is looking pretty grim.

| Published by Valiant

Justice League #22 rewrites the history of the multiverse, as James Tynion IV, Francis Manapul, and Tom Napolitano reveal the origins of Perpetua and her children, the creation of the multiverse, and the conflict that created the Source Wall. Very interesting stuff with gorgeous artwork from Manapul.

| Published by DC Comics

Little Bird #2 delivers on the promise of the first issue, as Darcy Van Poelgeest, Ian Bertram, Matt Hollingsworth, and Aditya Bidikar tell one hell of a captivating story of loss, rebirth, and resistance against crushing oppression. The artwork from Bertram and Hollingsworth is incredible.

| Published by Image

Magnificent Ms. Marvel #2 investigates Kamala’s parents melting into the ground. Saladin Ahmed, Minkyu Jung, Juan Vlasco, Ian Herring, and Joe Caramagna are continuing to do a wonderful job here, making their own take different from what came before, but not drastically so, capturing the heart and interpersonal relationships that were a hallmark of the previous series.

| Published by Marvel

Mary Shelley: Monster Hunter #1 begins with an interesting twist on the known tale of the genesis of Frankenstein as a secret memoir is discovered in Mary Shelley’s home detailing what “actually” happened. It’s a good start from Adam Glass, Olivia Cuartero-Briggs, Hayden Sherman, and Sal Cipriano. The art from Sherman also transcends his own usual great work with some very interesting approaches, particularly the grey washes of the opening scene.

| Published by AfterShock

Middlewest #6 gives us a look inside Abel’s memories, seeing a bit of his parents and the brief period of time that he was able to calm his father’s rages. Gorgeous artwork from Jorge Corona and Jean-Francois Beaulieu continue to make this unmissable.

| Published by Image

Naomi #4 is another amazing issue from Brian Michael Bendis, David F. Walker, Jamal Campbell, and Wes Abbott. The artwork from Campbell is incredible, densely packed with information and beauty on every page. 

| Published by DC Comics / Wonder Comics

Outpost Zero #9 sees Sam and Alea uncover a secret during their exploration of an anomaly under the dome. The story from Sean McKeever, Alexandre Tefenkgi, Jean-Francois Beaulieu, and Ariana Maher is still being carefully and deliberately parcelled out in a very compelling manner.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Peter Cannon: Thunderbolt #4 takes off in a different direction as “our” Peter Cannon is knocked into a reality that looks like Eddie Campbell’s Alec. Kieron Gillen, Caspar Wijngaard, Mary Safro, and Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou are doing something very interesting with this series as they continue to play with form and structure.

| Published by Dynamite

Rumble #11 returns from the trade break with “First Knight” that looks like a single issue story that will be seeding what’s coming through this next arc. Phenomenal artwork as always from David Rubín and Dave Stewart.

| Published by Image

Spider-Man: Life Story #2 moves on to the 70s and it becomes apparent that this series isn’t just looking at Peter’s history through the lens of natural progression from the 60s, but crafting a tale that reinterprets events and how they played out in new and interesting ways. It’s really quite good. Chip Zdarsky, Mark Bagley, Andrew Hennessy, Frank D��Armata, and Travis Lanham are all at the top of their game. Especially delivering a Clone Saga that cuts a lot deeper than original.

| Published by Marvel

Stronghold #3 again turns everything on its ear as we’re left wondering further whether or not there actually is any “good guy” in this series. Phil Hester, Ryan Kelly, Dee Cunniffe, and Simon Bowland are telling one hell of a great story here, with some interesting twists and a few “holy crap” moments, with some incredible artwork. Damn good stuff.

| Published by AfterShock

Transformers #3 has this series growing on me. I’m still not seeing anything radically different from previous incarnations to warrant “Bold New Era”, but this is entertaining as the mystery deepens and we get a hint of how Cybertron has been operating. Also, a nice bit of humour. Great art from Angel Hernandez, Cachét Whitman, and Joana Lafuente.

| Published by IDW

West Coast Avengers #10 concludes what has been one of the most fun series from Marvel in years with a story from Kelly Thompson, Moy R., Tríona Farrell, and Joe Caramagna. Upbeat and full of action and humour, this series has been a breath of fresh air in a world populated by so much darkness. It’s a shame to see it end, but it has been wonderful to have it while it’s been here.

| Published by Marvel

Witchblade #13 begins a new arc as Alex, Majil, and Johnny are tossed into a rather nasty future where demons have burst through and everything has pretty much gone to hell. Caitlin Kittredge, Roberta Ingranata, Bryan Valenza, Beyond Colorlab, and Troy Peteri continue to tell a compelling, entertaining story here with this excellent jumping on point.

| Published by Image / Top Cow

Xena: Warrior Princess #1 kicks off this new volume from Vita Ayala, Olympia Sweetman, Rebecca Nalty, and Ariana Maher nicely with the set-up of a village forced to give up their kids to their patron Discord. Gabrielle telling other myths to the kids is a great bit of storytelling.

| Published by Dynamite

X-O Manowar #26 concludes the series, with a bit of housekeeping for a couple of hanging threads, but otherwise a great bit of character reflection from Matt Kindt, Tomás Giorello, Isaac Goodheart, Diego Rodriguez, Andrew Dalhouse, and Dave Sharpe. This has been a great series, building greatly on Aric’s character and delivering some amazing stories.

| Published by Valiant

Other Highlights: American Carnage #6, Animosity #20, Auntie Agatha’s Home for Wayward Rabbits #6, Blossoms 666 #3, BPRD: The Devil You Know #15, East of West #42, Evolution #16, Farmhand #7, Ghostbusters 35th Anniversary Special: Answer the Call #1, GI Joe: A Real American Hero #261, High Level #3, Infinity 8 #11, James Bond 007 #6, Kick-Ass #13, Lucifer #7, Lumberjanes #61, Meet the Skrulls #3, Miles Morales: Spider-Man #5, Morning in America #2, Old Man Quill #4, Oliver #3, Pearl #8, Port of Earth #9, Relay #5, Shuri #7, Star Trek: The Q Conflict #3, Star Wars: Age of Rebellion Special #1, Star Wars: Tie Fighter #1, Star Wars Adventures #20, Teen Titans #29, Thor #12, Tony Stark: Iron Man #10, War of the Realms #2, War of the Realms: Punisher #1, War of the Realms: War Scrolls #1

Recommended Collections: Gideon Falls - Volume 2: Original Sins, Go Go Power Rangers - Volume 3, Invader Zim - Volume 7, Mage - Volume 6: The Hero Denied Book Three - Part Two, The Magic Order - Volume 1, Moth & Whisper - Volume 1, SHIELD: Human Machine, Spawn: Dark Horror, Star Wars Adventures: Tales from Vader’s Castle

d. emerson eddy does not have hoppy little legs or a twitchy little nose.

[gaymafia]

I’m legitimately curious why people didn’t like the last Jedi? I saw it and thought it was okay? Is there something I missed or? Like it wasn’t great but it was passable?

ok so i wasnt gonna do this here bc nobody fucking asked but u asked so thank u but also strap in ur ready for a while ride

TLJ spoilers, obviously. also my issues are going to be numbered in no particular order bc my thoughts on this movie are so fucking scrambled but here we go

1. Kyle Ron. First of all fuck Ryeanne for making me see so many goddamn closeups of Adam Driver’s ugly ass face. I did not need to see all that he is so goddamn ugly especially that fucking shirtless scene where he looks like a block of pasty ass pale wood.

But for real, Kylo Ren. I don’t actually take issue with his existence, because Kyle really does excellently represent rich ass white boys who have everything handed to them but throw a hissy fit when they face the slightest adversity an throw tantrums all the time. It’s nice to see a villain that represents most people real-life nightmares instead of like, a Sexy Temptress or Old Evil Man or whatever. That being said, kyle is not given the villain’s treatment in this movie. if you cut out all the scenes where ryan is not actively sucking adam driver’s dick and jizzing all over himself over kyle’s angsty white boy angst, the movie has virtually no real plot (”oh no we are in space with no fuel, nobody is going to do anything except get mad at each other, miscommunicate, and deliberately make all the characters of color worthless while separating Finn and Poe bc fuck the gays”). So much of the movie is spent not just establishing how kyle became kyle (which is good! backstory for villains is good!), but trying to get us to like, sympathize with him? which is the shitty part. I dont care that Luke “”””tried to kill”’’’ (he didn’t) kyle. kyle had turned to the dark side before luke’s mistake. kyle had a million and one chances to change his mind from the start of TFA to the end of TLJ, and he never did. Kyle is an evil guy. We need one of those. He’s a great evil guy bc he’s got so many shitty qualities. But ryin doesnt want us to hate kyle, even tho hes the villain. why the fuck doesnt reean want us to hate kyle? bc rayan is also a shitty little man who thinks giving ur white boy a sob story makes him a sympathetic villain and sidelining ur characters of color will help.

also again the fucking shirtless scene what the shit man that was so gross

2. Will be broken down into A, B, C, etc. bc TLJ treats its characters of color like SHIT. 

2A. Finn. Finn gets put in a coma bc why would anyone want to write anything interesting for john boyega its not like hes the MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN and the MOST TALENTED ACTOR who is being sidelined bc ryun hates black people. Yeah Finn is totally into Rey and he wants to save her and is willing to desert the rebellion for her. that happened in the first movie but why give your characters real arcs when you can recycle old ones to jerk off to kyle ron. the rose thing happens, shes like “we can disable the tracking” and like TWO SECONDS after he was dead set on desertion he’s totally down to risk his life for the rebellion at rey’s expense? that sure is a quick 180 with no real reason why and no writing to explain it! then there was the whole “separate finn and poe” thing ryain pulled for the shits and giggles.

2B. Rose. I was pretty chill with Rose, she had a dope backstory, her sister was badass, and I liked that they made that connection off the bat. I’m not mad about anything rayn did with her character but i genuinely believe thats only because i havent thought about it enough yet. give me a week and i’ll figure out how rain fucked it up. open to suggestions.

2C. Poe. Full offense but was I supposed to be mad at Poe for coming up with a plan when that bitch Holdo was like “I’m not gonna tell you my plan sit tight and be convinced we are all going to die :)” i legitimately did not understand how I was supposed to be mad at poe for doing what he thought was best for the rebellion after he asked holdo what the plan was and she was deliberately obstinate and refused to even be like “dont worry i have a plan” she was just like. so dumb. Also poe got thrown around a lot and i am A Little Suspicious of how much physical violence he experienced compared to many other characters.

2D. You guessed what was next! The slaps! Super awesome how the two men of color were slapped by white people!!!! So deep!!!!!!! For real tho uh the second time i saw this movie someone in the audience laughed when poe got slapped by space hitler hux and uh??? not funny. not funny or cute or clever to use the guy you built your entire nazi imagery on to slap the one black man on your cast. i dont care if it was supposed to make us “hate hux” or whatever more. i already hated hux reyn. you could have used that screentime in your 3 fucking hour long movie for something valuable, like giving finn a character arc, or literally anything else besides that goddamn slap. i was livid watching that.

and then with leia and poe? i get that part of the conflict was internal in the resistance and one of the major themes was how failure is the best teacher and all that but like? maybe stop physically assaulting all your characters of color? maybe uhhhh at least think about that first??

2E. like i mentioned before one of the obvious themes was how failure is the best teacher so naturally all the major characters had to fail at something, and then learn from their mistake to be better next time. with luke it was fucking up with kyle, with rey it was being naive enough to think kyle could turn, with poe it was the dreadnaught thing, finn was left out of this because raan dooesn give a shit abt finn bc hes a racist bastard, etc. but it was incredibly transparent how all of the white characters’ mistakes meant either personal losses or something small scale with one person, while the mistakes of the characters of color (poe/finn/rose) were all ones that cost the rebellion the vast majority of their forces. rey got out of her fight with kyle and snoke unscathed. luke got a lot of guilt and character development. What did finn poe and rose get? the deaths of like 99% of the resistance on their shoulders. A little too coincidental that even though rey LITERALLY GAVE HERSELF OVER TO SNOKE she was totally fine a-ok no real scars, finn and poe and rose doing their best to save the rebellion while admiral holdo refuses to tell them anything costs the resistance so fucking much. rey does the DUMBEST FUCKING THING with no real consequences and finn and poe and rose try their best and are punished severely for it.

2F. Really convenient how everything finn, poe, and rose did ended up being useless and just cost the rebellion lives, whereas at least rey’s mishap got snoke killed and taught her a lesson. reeeeaaaalllllyyyyyy convenient how finn, poe, and rose’s plan was a huge waste of time. it would have been much better for us to see an actual plot line with them that contributed to the story and their characterizations instead of “send them on a goose chase, make it pointless in the end, physically brutalize them along the way.

3. R*yl* bullSHIT: ryyn had a really fun time with a lot of very rape-y scenes in this movie. the whole force-connection thing with kyle and rey was soooooo uncalled for, it reeked of non-con fantasies, catered to the r*yl*s like nothing ever before, and was so goddamn gross. the obvious invasion of privacy and lack of consent was nasty, using it as a shitty device to make rey “come around” on kyle was NASTY and that whole thing was nasty. i know im not articulating this well but there was so much about that whole thing that bothered me. i just know reyhan was so fucking into it, inserting kyle into rey’s life, forcing her to completely drop all of her characterization in the first movie to suddenly thing kyle can be good, acting as if rey hasnt seen all the shit and known what hes done. the whole thing was gross and a really obvious example of why men shouldn’t be allowed to direct movies.

4. killing snoke was a dumbass fucking mistake. kyle is a tantrum-throwing temper-losing toddler. snoke was evil and mysterious and shit idk. we knew he was powerful as fuck, he looked like a testicle which is a great villain imo, he was the darth sidious and they killed him off while kyle is still in like. ep2!Anakin levels of angst. i get that kyle is already powerful or whatever but like. hes not cold and calculated the way snoke was. kyle is a good villain, but a weak main baddie bc hes dumb as fuck. he let the rebellion get away bc he was pissed at luke. that was dumb as fuck. kyle is ruined by his emotions, and snoke was a scarier main baddie bc he wasnt so fucking dumb lol

5. it was so fucking long. there were so many scenes that could have been cut or shortened. why did we need to see luke milking the tiddy of that weird alien cow thing. why did we need to see kyle ron shirtless. why did we need so many goddamn shots of the fucking porgs.

6. ya the porgs are cute or whatever but like. that whole “look at how sad the cute big-eyes porg is when chewie is eating his friend” thing was so dumb. i dunno why but i hated that the most. that was the worst thing the porgs did. they were cute but like chill disney u know they like ran algorithm after algorithm to make that porg the cutest it could be with science or some bullshit and like? thats dumb.

7. i get that the humor in star wars movies is shifting but i felt like there was too much of it and it was dumb. a lot of the riffs werent funny and there were too many of them for a star wars film. star wars usually doesnt take itself too seriously, but this one was a little too much for me.

8. there were too many plot twists for shock value. the story went on too long. it should have ended earlier but it didnt. i dont know why ryenn decided to have like 6 different climaxes but it was too much. should have let there be one climax buddy. thats it.

9. holdo. besides holdo being the white feminist icon why didnt she just fucking tell poe the plan. why. why was so deliberately obstinate when it was doing no good. like yeah of course poe sent out a crew to try to save the rebellion all u told him to shut up and let you handle it! obvously what she did in the end was badass or whatever but like uh hun next time dont be a piece of shit and then get mad when people react to you being a piece of shit. i would have been okay with all that happening if holdo wasnt treated like some hero who never made any mistakes. she did make a mistake, and that was refusing to tell poe what her plan was when she knew he was absolutely the type to do whatever he could to save the rebellion whether he had her permission or not. also apparently holdo is a lesbian or bi or not straight or something in like the comics or whatever and like 1. classic bury ur gays but also 2. no more word of god gay characters if a character is not gay in the movies i will not give you the gay cred for it sorry homophobes

10. i didnt buy the story w luke and kyle at lukes jedi training facility or whatever. surprisingly, i was ok with lukes story line and character development, and actually agreed with it for the most part, but i just like. i dunno i didnt feel like that was something luke would do. not because luke is infallible (even tho he is my gay dad who has never done anything wrong ever) but because the entire original trilogy is luke believing darth vader could be saved. and while im not opposed to luke changing his mind about whether or not everyone could be turned away from the dark side (luke was young and optimistic in the original trilogy, and as he grew older he would learn more about the jedi and their history like the whole speech he gave rey about how the jedi have to end bc theyre lowkey shitty). i actually kind of liked luke’s hot take on the jedi, because it was lowkey my hot take on the jedi (esp the prequels jedi who were shitty as Fuuuuuck but we are ignoring the prequels for now lbr) but also because i could believe it was a view luke would come to as he aged. but impulsively drawing his lightsaber to kill kyle before he had actually done anything bad, after suspecting that kyle had darkness in him for a while, even though he felt like he had failed? it just didnt feel like luke to me. i felt more like raeyn had chosen that particular backstory to try to make kyle a more sympathetic villain rather than give a believable and in-character back story for the characters. i understand that luke’s failure ultimately has to lead to the creation of kyle ron in this story line, but that didnt feel like the right failure to me. maybe this is just me being nitpicky but that felt off to me too and i dont know if i can quite pinpoint why.

11. rey was a dumbass fucking bitch in this movie. rey could not be a dumbass fucking bitch to survive as a scavenger who was orphaned at birth on jakku. rey would have had to be smart and not as fucking DUMB as she was in this movie. now im getting heated so i cant articulate this well but she just did so many dumb things that anybody who had to raise themselves would have never done. she would never have delivered herself over to kyle ron like what a dumb fucking idea. who wrote this goddamn movie. fuck u ryeen.

12. why did yoda come back as a force ghost. where is anakins force ghost. he would be so fucking pissed at kyle right now. he would be mad as hell. he would have ended this thing. he would have called kyle out like the shitdickbitch he is and put him in his place. i get that yoda is more like ancient and orginal star wars jedi knowledge shit or whatever and like more of an authority on the jedi but like anakin is off in like force ghost hawaii drinking force ghost martinis while his shitty fucking grandson is being a piece of shit?? nah man anakin would have shut that shit down they better bring him back for ep IX and i expect hayden christensen himself to show up to bitch at kyle about what a fucking dumbass he is.

tbh theres probably more like i know there’s a ton of little things i hated but as scathing as this review is there were things i liked. visually speaking it was a very beautiful movie when we werent getting atrocious close ups of adam drivers ugly ass face. i originally hated but have come to appreciate the darker tone, since it mirrors the mood of TESB in that the rebellion seems dead but obviously isnt bc this is star wars. i liked luke. i dunno. i had a lot of issues with the movie obviously. to be quite honest i cant actually think of anything else i liked atm which is telling.

anyway if anybody actually reads this long ass fucking post feel free to respond with what you hated abt TLJ

[suechoiart]

Movietastic Summer Week 1

Husband and I are having a movietastic summer this summer. Here are the seven movies from week one. 

#1 Citizen Kane (1941) dir. Orson Welles, screen play Orson Welles et al., cinematography Gregg Toland, feat. Orson Welles, Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay

Citizen Kane understands the medium of a black and white movie and exploits to its extremes to paint a portrait of a man whose life was always public. We learn more about Kane through Mr. Thompson, a reporter, who interviews and reads accounts about Mr. Kane. Visually excellent and the storytelling is marvelous. The twenty-something year old Orson Welles’ project is successful and it’s an apt precedent to movie making. 

This easily digestible blog post goes over some of the most celebrated aspects of Citizen Kane. [link] 

rating: would watch over-and-over again as a film student 

#2 The Big Short (2015)  dir. Adam McKay (Anchorman, Antman), screenplay Adam McKay, Charles Randolph, based on story by Michael Lewis, feat. Ryan Gosling, Steve Carell, Christian Bale, and Brad Pitt; and cameos (?) Margot Robbie taking a bath, Anthony Bourdain cooking, and Selena Gomez in Vegas.  Academy Award for Best Writing Adapted Screenplay

What’s so impressive is that EVERYONE brought their A-game to this rather pseudo-mockumentary (?). It’s based on a true tale (the 2008 crash) featuring depictions of real people, along with educational or narrative asides that ‘break the fourth wall.’ Adam McKay is a great director that understands and applies good composition. His cast become convincing portraits of these real people with their own motivations and fears. Despite telling the story of four main parties (and only two of them colliding) - the overarching narrative is very easy to follow. 

rating: would recommend everyone to watch it 

#3 Dune (1984)  dir. David Lynch, based on story by Frank Herbert, feat. Young Kyle MacLachlan, Patrick Stewart, and Lynch Fam: Jack Nance, Evertett McGill  budget $45 mil, domestic box office $30 mil (RIP)  Saturn Award for Best Costume Design

I still can’t really say what I watched. It’s very Lynchian in that everything - the plot, the themes, the symbols - just floats ambiguously into one big moving picture - but also the strangest Lynch product because it was... actually a linear story? It was an ambitious project. The set pieces and physical environment is quite stunning, but Lynch’s trademark CGI is honestly hilarious and detracts from the main course, if there is one. I’m glad to have watched it, but it does feel like a very, very loose adaptation of a Sci-fi epic. And Young Kyle MacLachlan is a treasure to this world. 

A really disappointed critic’s review that lays out all of the characteristics of Dune [link] 

rating: it was all a ruse for Blue Velvet

#4 Deadpool (2015)  dir. Tim Miller, featuring the dreams of Ryan Reynolds budget: 58 mil -> box office 783 mil !! 

We unintentionally watched the back-to-back double feature for Deadpool 2. This was my third time watching the movie and frankly it’s teethpulling. DP1 took risks in many different ways (i.e. making the movie) that it stuck to true-and-proven methods everywhere else (i.e. the entire movie without Deadpool as a character). The predictable 3-act structure coupled with “edgy” one liners gets old the third time. Regardless, I think this movie is extremely important to this nerd/Marvel era, and DP1′s incredible success is something to admire and celebrate. 

rating: does not deserve a fourth rewatch 

#5 Deadpool 2 (2018)  dir. David Leitch (John Wick 1), screenplay: DP1 writers, RR himself, and Rob Liefield, feat. Deadpool, X-Force, and that guy that played the other big Marvel villain  budget: 110 mil 

Christopher Orr of The Atlantic said, “At least as funny as the original Deadpool, and better in virtually every other respect: better plot, better villains, a few unexpected narrative swerves.” [link] and that reflects my impression of the movie as well. It’s a great entertainment - it couples the low-budget novelty of the first movie with better production and a more extensive narrative. It’s visually entertaining, the jokes are fresh again, and it continues to play into itself - meta jokes about the success of Logan, DP’s current oneliners about the “dark” DC Universe, ... It’s similar to the first movie, but a lot more exciting and better executed.  Regarding repeat watches -- we’ll have to see. 

rating: go watch it! 

p.s. The best part about the DP franchise is really the “fourth wall breaking” marketing aspect - an example: “Deadpool Answers Trending Questions” [link] 

#6 Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)  dir. Francis Ford Coppola, screenplay: James V. Hart (Hook, Muppet Treasure Island) feat. Winona Ryder, Anthony Hopkins, Gary Oldman as Johnny Depp, and Keanu Reeves as Keanu Reeves Academy Award for Best Costume Design

This 1992 Dracula is a wonderful period piece. It deserves the Best Costume Design - everyone wears not only ‘period’ costumes but they all serve as additional symbols of identity, of their role, to each character. The only shame is that I think the movie lasted one act(?) too long. The visual plays that made it so, VERY, interesting (like the scene pictured here) are diminished in favor of the underlying love story behind Dracula. Coppola does not shy away from what makes DRACULA so incredible. Curious lust of cardinal pleasures, of the fear of unknown, of forbidden desires - these explode onto the movie screen. The movie leaps between themes of romance, horror, mystery, and period piece fluidly. 

The visual techniques actually reminded me a lot of manga - overlaying of different and related elements in one composition to set the pieces served really well to reflect the structure of the book (loose collections of clippings). There was a lot of visual storytelling, and again, I think that effort diminished towards the end. 

rating: 3/4 of the movie is great to study, the last 1/4 is forgettable 

#7 Blade (1998)  dir. Stephen Norrington (who?), screenplay: David S. Goyer (later writes Nolan’s Batman trilogy and Snyder’s abominations), feat. WESLEY SNIPES  budget: 45 mil -> box office 131 mil 

I have to admit that I have a soft spot for big cheesy films so Blade currently rests on the throne of my list of awesome cheesy films. Blade precedes Matrix, does a couple of things before The Matrix was ever put on screen (not necessarily well, but it does do it first). The action scenes and choreography are well executed. Wesley Snipes’ every physical move - from standing to fist pumping (see above) are so tight and memorable. The movie may not be the greatest thing put on screen, but it is so lovable! 

Curiously enough, my husband compared Blade to Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice (which we rank as the most tragic production of our time) saying that Blade anticipated all of the problems for BvS and did not make those mistakes... Turns out the movies share the same writer! Blade makes a better movie by not taking itself too seriously, and it’s all the more fun because of everyone having fun, committing to extremely over-the-top cheesy performances. 

rating: well-executed cautionary tale of ice skating uphill 

p.s. in the words of a friend, “I’m so happy that Deadpool paved the way for R-rated superhero films and Black Panther for black superheroes...” 

This has been so fun so far! Stay tuned for next week’s movietastic summer extravaganza. 

[cooperenjoys]

Top Ten Movies of 2016

This is my thirteen (going on 30) year of doing a list of my top ten (Eleven) movies of the year.  You should make a comment of some kind! And if you don’t see your favorite film, tell me. Enjoy Movies.

10. Love & Friendship: Whit Stillman + Jane Austin = A funny and wonderful film that any Jane Austin fan should see right away.  Love & Friendship is pure breezy wit from beginning to end, and with so many verbal punch lines that you won’t be able to catch every joke in one viewing.  Kate Beckinsale proves again that she is way more than the Underworld movies.  And Tom Bennett is an actor to keep an eye on since he steals every scene he is in.  Film Fact: Kate Beckinsale's first theatrical release in almost four years.

9. Don’t Breathe: Fede Alvarez + home invasion = A grind house thriller ride that never lets up. Fede Alvarez has done it again after his well done remake of Evil Dead.  Alvarez exploits the sensory impairment of his villain for one suspenseful set piece after another, demonstrating a strong command of his craft while investing the mayhem with some sly subtext, both economic and moral. Mostly, though, Don’t Breathe is an exercise in pure, sustained intensity that never lets up until the final frames. A must see for any one that loves thrillers. Film Fact: Stephen Lang wore contact lenses that greatly restricted his vision, particularly in low light. The other actors, in the scene taking place in the dark, wore lenses that made them look like they had dilated pupils but also greatly restricted their vision.

8. Arrival:  Denis Villeneuve (Sicario) + Aliens = One of best films of the off the year that appeals to the intellect just as strongly as it appeals to the heart. In a film that explores language and characters, it allows the viewer to experience the depth and wonders of what language means, what it’s for, and what it can do. Also, how we communicate alters our perceptions. I have been enjoying this trend of recent years of smart science fiction and I am really excited to see what Denis Villeneuve does with the new Blade Runner. (I wrote almost the same line last year for Sicario.)  Film Fact: Director Denis Villeneuve and screenwriter Eric Heisserer created a fully functioning, visual, alien language. Heisserer, Vermette and their teams managed to create a "logogram bible," which included over a hundred different completely operative logo-grams, seventy-one of which are actually featured in the movie.

7. Deadpool/ Captain America: Civil War: Ryan Reynolds + Rated R Superhero film = Gold. And Superheroes fighting each other + Actually a good Spiderman = Nerd dreams.  I am happy that Ryan Reynolds finally got to be the correct version of Deadpool and got to do the film correctly.  Deadpool was a hilarious, crass, and ironic film that did something certain audiences have been waiting for, something different and that is why its highest grossing R-rated movie of all time. I am hoping Logan follows this trend of something different.  Film Fact: 20th Century Fox refused to pay the writers of the film, Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick, for onset input, Ryan Reynolds paid out of his own pocket for them to be onset to look over the film. While Captain America: Civil War had phenomenal action sequences and good character development, it also redeemed the not fantastic Avengers: Age of Ultron and cleansed the palette for the next Spider-Man movie. I can actually say that I am excited for the next Spider-Man movie thanks to this movie.  I can also say this was the essence of a classic Marvel comic come to life: the melodramatic angst, the team-ups and the in-fighting between characters. Everything my teenage self would have wanted.  Film Fact: The day before filming a fight scene with Robert Downey Jr., Sebastian Stan sent him a video of himself doing intense bicep curls in front of the decapitated head of an Iron Man suit. He attached the message, ‘Looking forward to our scene tomorrow Robert.’

6. Moonlight: Alex R. Hibbert + Ashton Sanders + Trevante Rhodes = Three amazing actors playing one character through many stages of his life. Moonlight is a stunning piece of filmmaking that is beautiful shot. Barry Jenkins used a shoestring budget to create a heart warming story of a boy growing, learning and finally accepting just who he is. There is so much I want to say about this film but I rather it is a surprise when you see it.  I can say that Mahershala Ali is amazing in it too and that he deserves an Oscar for this role.  Film Fact: When Juan teaches Little how to swim, Mahershala Ali is really teaching Alex R. Hibbert how to swim. When production started, Hibbert did not know how to swim.

5. Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping: The Lonely Island + Mockumentarie = Box office failer, but Soon to be Cult classic (I hope).  I have to say I enjoyed every second of this movie.  While this movie has its silly moments that I enjoyed, I do feel it digs deep into the absurdities of not just the music business, but the nature of the music documentary. Couple that with genuinely great songs like “Equal Rights”, “Finest Girl (Bin Laden Song)”, and “Incredible Thoughts” and I feel like it is absolutely worthy of standing alongside other faux music docs like A Mighty Wind or This Is Spinal Tap. This is a movie I will be watching over and over again and finding new things to laugh about every time.  And after writing this, all I want to do is stop writing and go watch it again.  Film Fact: A small clip from a Lonely Island video "Kablamo" is seen in the movie.

4. Midnight Special: Jeff Nichols + Michael Shannon = Another Fantastic movie on my top ten list.  Jeff Nichols is on a string of fantastic movies. He is the Director of the fantastic film Mud that was on my top ten list last year.  He also directed another film getting a lot of hype this year, Loving. In the middle of those two films he decided to make a somewhat-Spielbergian sci-fi/adventure that manages to be both grounded and awe-inspiring. And he did what he always has done and hired the wonderful Michael Shannon to be in the movie, this time giving him a bigger role. Jeff Nichols also surrounded Michael Shannon with other great actors: Kirsten Dunst, Joel Edgerton, Adam Driver, Sam Shepard and young Jaeden Lieberher. This all together makes Midnight Special a lively and riveting movie that trusting its audience in a way few movies of this scope dare to be anymore. Its gets my award for best sci-fi of the year and continues the trend of smart science fiction movies. Film Fact: Jeff Nichols wrote the film as a reflection on becoming a father.

3. Manchester by the Sea: Kenneth Lonergan + Casey Affleck + Michelle Williams = Cryfest.   I have to start out that you will cry in this movie...well, at least I did.  Don’t let that scare you away from the wonderful film because while this movie is a sad movie, it’s also hilarious and sweet and frustrating movie.  The movie is just about Life, how messy and strange and sometimes incomprehensible it can be.  Kenneth Lonergan vision of human experience and the unknowability of the human heart is shown through the fantastic actors in the film.  A cast that includes Casey Affleck, Michelle Williams, Kyle Chandler (This man can do know wrong), Gretchen Mol, Matthew Broderick and a brilliant discovery Lucas Hedges.  One scene with Michelle Williams and Casey Affleck has me crying just thinking about it.  Go See it. Film Fact: According to an interview with Kenneth Lonergan on DP/30, the idea for the film didn't originate with him - the main core of a character going back home to take care of a family member after a death was pitched to Lonergan by Matt Damon and John Krasinski as a script that Lonergan would write and for Damon to direct. But due to scheduling conflicts with The Martian, Damon couldn't direct the film or star in it (he suggested Casey Affleck to star in the film.) Lonergan was then given free rein as a writer-director for the project, with Damon and Krasinski as producer.

2. Hunt for the Wilderpeople: Taika Waititi + New Zealand = A fun and beautiful film.  In this year of hell and death, we are lucky that Taika Waititi was there to give us this cheerful film that would require a strong effort to actually dislike it. After directing the fantastic What We Do in the Shadows, Waititi turned his attention to a heart-warming pre-teen adventure that would have felt right at home in the 1980s alongside The Goonies and Stand By Me. Julian Dennison and Sam Neill play off each other so well, that every scene with them is a delight.  The film also has beautiful shots of New Zealand forests. If you haven’t seen it, you are in for a real treat.  Film Fact: The Toyota that main characters use is called Crumpy, in reference to Barry Crump, the author of the book the screenplay was based on. An identical vehicle was driven by Barry Crump in a long running series of Toyota commercials in New Zealand, where Barry played a bushman taking a city slicker named Scotty for a drive through the Bush. Scotty was played by Lloyd Scott, who appears in this film as "Tourist".

1. Hell or High Water: Taylor Sheridan + Western = Best film of the year.  First thing that drew me into this film was the dialog.  Taylor Sheridan has shown he is a brilliant screenwriter after doing this film and last year’s Sicario. (This movie keeps popping up on this list.)  Sheridan has written a witty screenplay here that captures a bank-robbing cowboy movie perfectly while having a scathing commentary on the financial health of the country.  The film is a perfect balance of entertaining and having something say about the state of things.  The second item that helped this film is the stunning performances from Jeff Bridges, Ben Foster, Chris Pine and Gil Birmingham.  I would say the best role Chris Pine has ever played.  Jeff Bridges does a perfect job of being likeable and racist. And Ben Foster can do no wrong.  Then there is David Mackenzie directing.  He does a perfect job of showing a small buddy film but also displaying the wide open space of Texas.  I loved every inch of this movie.  Film Fact: The phrase "come hell or high water" typically means "do whatever needs to be done, no matter the circumstances". It also refers to the "hell or high water clause" in a contract, usually a lease, which states that the payments must continue regardless of any difficulties the paying party may encounter. Both definitions apply to different parts of the plot in this movie.

Top Ten Honourably Mention (In Alphabetical order):

Doctor Strange

Don’t Think Twice

Green Room

La La Land

Maggie’s Plan

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Sing Street

Swiss Army Man

The Invitation

The Witch

Best Animated Movie:

Zootopia

Runner Up: Kubo and the Two Strings and Moana

Best Documentary:  

O.J.: Made in America

Other Good Films of the Year:

Hail, Caesar!

Jungle Book

Nice Guys

Finding Dory

Mr. Right

Bad Moms

Sully

Eddie The Eagle

Captain Fantastic

Keanu

Everybody Wants Some!!!

The Lobster

Worst:

5. X-Men: Apocalypse

4. Star Trek Beyond (You can’t win them all Chris Pine)

3. Zoolander 2

2. Sausage Party

1. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

[mastcomm]

‘S.N.L.’ Imagines the Impeachment Trial That Could Have Been

If you ended the week hoping that President Trump’s impeachment trial would go on longer, this weekend’s opening “Saturday Night Live” sketch imagined just such a scenario: a parade of self-serving witnesses that wasn’t necessarily an improvement.

This week’s episode, hosted by J.J. Watt of the Houston Texans and featuring the musical guest Luke Combs, began with a voice-over lamenting that the president’s trial “wound up consisting of two weeks of dry debate and posturing, and will conclude without any witness testimony or new evidence.” Instead, the sketch promised “the trial you wish had happened.”

The scene opened with Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. (Mikey Day) vowing that he would conduct the trial with “complete disinterest” — only to be replaced by the reality TV host Judge Mathis (Kenan Thompson), who brought his own gavel with him.

Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky (Beck Bennett) spoke on behalf of the president, remarking, “I just want to remind the American people that all men are innocent after proven guilty.”

Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina (Kate McKinnon) also advocated for the president. When Thompson asked her if she was worried about how history might judge her, McKinnon replied, “Where I come from, we have our own history books, and on the cover, a T. rex is handing a Confederate flag to Jesus.”

Thompson then called for the testimony of several witnesses, beginning with John R. Bolton (Cecily Strong), the former national security adviser. Strong said the president’s actions left her “deeply worried about the future of democracy,” but when Thompson asked her to elaborate on the contents of a forthcoming memoir, she said: “No, no, sorry, judge, no more free spoilers. But you can pre-order the book now. It’s called ‘Harry Potter and the Room Where It Happened.’”

Pete Davidson as appeared as Hunter Biden, entering the courtroom on a hoverboard scooter and explaining that he now sat on “the board of a Brazilian money-laundering company called Nepotismo.”

Alec Baldwin at last turned up in his recurring role as President Trump, entering the trial with the assistance of a walker.

“Your honor, I’m a very sick old man,” Baldwin said. “How could I withhold aid from the Ukraine? I can barely get around the house”

Thompson asked him, “Are you trying to Weinstein me right now?”

Baldwin replied: “In which sense? Because Harvey and I overlap in a few areas.”

There were further appearances from Alex Moffat as Representative Adam Schiff and Kyle Mooney as Joe Pesci’s title character from “My Cousin Vinny.” (“That is too dumb, even for this,” Thompson observed.)

Baldwin gave a closing statement in which he said, “Ladies and gentlemen of this government place, what I’ve learned from this trial is that clearly nothing I do or say has any consequence.”

Thompson nonetheless found him guilty, fined him $10,000 and ordered him to say one nice thing about Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

Football Sketch of the Week

As you might expect in an episode hosted by an N.F.L. player on the night before the Super Bowl, there were a few sketches in this episode that dealt with football, including a fake ad for Oil of Olay eye black (“Oil of BrOlay”) and a segment that found Watt in an unusual recording session for a football video game.

Still, we’ll give the edge to this filmed sketch called “Robbie,” which models itself on inspirational sports movies like “Rudy.” It features Chris Redd as the title character, a spunky member of his college team’s practice squad who has never gotten to suit up for an actual game, and Day, Moffat and Mooney as his well-intentioned teammates, all of whom are willing to give up their spots so that Robbie can finally play.

Then there’s Watt as another fellow player, who makes it painfully clear why Redd should not be permitted anywhere near the field.

Weekend Update Jokes of the Week

Over at the Weekend Update desk, the anchors, Colin Jost and Michael Che, continued to riff on the impeachment trial of President Trump.

“The impeachment trial is basically over,” Jost began …

… is a sentence I could have said two weeks ago when the trial began. We didn’t even get to hear any witnesses in this trial. And by the way, look at the witnesses we could have had. [Shows pictures of Lev Parnas and John Bolton.] You don’t want to hear anything from these guys? They look like the two characters in a video game who give you the best information. My questions for them aren’t even about Trump. My questions are like: “What’s your deal? Walk us through a typical day. What kind of food do you eat? Is it human food?”

He continued:

It was reported that President Trump pushed for the vote to be on Tuesday so that he could boast about his acquittal during the State of the Union. But now experts are saying that Trump might strike a more humble tone. And we actually have an advance copy of his speech: [Plays an animation of President Trump dancing to MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This.”]

Che, shaking his head, picked up the thread:

What better way to start Black History Month than to be failed by the justice system. Why was this impeachment ever a good idea? We would have been better off just yelling, “Citizen’s arrest!” And why didn’t we get Alan Dershowitz? This dude was amazing. He somehow convinced the court that a president should be allowed to break the law as long as it’s good for the country. That’s like telling your girl you only cheated to practice being good at sex for her. You know what? That’s it, I’m a Republican now. I’m tired of losing. I can’t be a Democrat and a Knicks fan. It’s too much heartbreak, man.

Black History Month Salute of the Week

Ego Nwodim appeared at the Weekend Update desk as Dr. Angie Hynes, a professor of African-American Studies at Rutgers University, who said that she wanted to spotlight figures who were not as well-known as, say, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. or Rosa Parks. Instead, Nwodim began by singling out a woman named Cynthia Woods, who she said “showed up at my wedding wearing all white.” Nwodim added, “She is black and she is history to me.”

She similarly called out an ex-colleague who had sent her inappropriate photographs; her twin sister, Angel, who may or may not have cheated with her husband; and the drugstore chain Duane Reade, which Nwodim called “black Walgreens” but dismissed for “locking up the lotion.”

“Duane Reade, you black, and you history,” she said. “CVS, welcome to the cookout, baby.”

Gallows Humor of the Week

Bowen Yang returned to the Weekend Update desk in his recurring role as the fictional Chinese government official Chen Biao, now promoted to the position of a health minister contending with the coronavirus outbreak. As Yang said of his character’s new gig: “It pays more and it’s a lot sadder. I guess I’m China’s new crisis queen.”

Yang explained that he and his colleagues would eventually contain the virus with “patience, diligence” and the use of Burberry surgical masks. He did not seem particularly bothered to hear that American Airlines was halting its flights to China.

“Oh no, I can’t fly American Airlines anymore?” Yang said sarcastically. “The only airline where if you ask for a Sprite, they say, ‘Is Sierra Mist O.K.?’ Who will I pay to throw my luggage in the garbage?”

from WordPress https://mastcomm.com/s-n-l-imagines-the-impeachment-trial-that-could-have-been/

[biofunmy]

‘Saturday Night Live’ Spoofs Trump’s Impeachment Trial

It’s been almost 22 years since “Saturday Night Live” last found itself satirizing a presidential impeachment proceeding, but as the show turned its attention to President Trump’s trial in the Senate, it quickly reverted to its tried-and-true formula: a smidgen of factual detail, a dollop of celebrity cameos and a whole bunch of cultural references that may or may not be germane to the topic.

This weekend’s broadcast, hosted by Adam Driver and featuring the musical guest Halsey, began with a sketch set on Capitol Hill, where Susan Collins (played by Cecily Strong) and Mitch McConnell (Beck Bennett) reflected on the trial to date.

“We all know this impeachment proceeding is a sham and a hoax,” Bennett said. “Republicans are simply requesting a fair trial — no witnesses, no evidence. That way we can acquit President Trump and focus on the real criminals in this country: teenagers who try marijuana.”

Strong said, “The evidence against Trump is pretty damning so I’m still on the fence,” then made an exaggerated wink.

The Republican senators welcomed the lawyer they said would be their star defense attorney in the coming days: Alan Dershowitz, played here by Jon Lovitz, the “S.N.L.” alumnus.

“It’s wonderful to be here,” Lovitz said, “ ‘cause I’m not welcome anywhere else.” He was repeatedly admonished for mentioning past clients he has represented, including Jeffrey Epstein, O.J. Simpson and Claus von Bülow.

Then, abruptly, Lovitz acted out an apparent heart attack and the screen filled with smoke. When it cleared, he found himself in hell, where he was welcomed by Kate McKinnon, playing the devil.

“I used to let nobodies into hell but now it’s all influencers,” McKinnon said.

Among the notorious guests she introduced to Lovitz were Epstein, who was played by Driver.

“Great to see you,” Lovitz exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”

Driver seemed ever-so-slightly mortified as he replied, “Eh, just hangin’.”

Other visitors to Hades included Bowen Yang as the composer of “Baby Shark”; Heidi Gardner as Flo, the Progressive Insurance mascot; and someone playing Mr. Peanut, the recently deceased brand icon. (As Mr. Peanut explained, “I took out a lot of first graders with peanut allergies. Plus, I never wore pants.”)

Finally, Alex Moffat appeared in his recurring role as Mark Zuckerberg, identified here as hell’s I.T. guy. “I just want everyone to know that I don’t endorse evil,” Moffat said. “I just help millions of people share it.

‘Star Wars’ Sketch of the Week

If “Star Wars” has taught us anything, it’s that if something is successful once, keep doing it. Back when Driver hosted “S.N.L.” in 2016, he appeared in a parody of the CBS reality show “Undercover Boss,” playing Kylo Ren, his villainous character from the “Star Wars” series, attempting to go incognito among the bad guys he employs. That sketch was a hit, so why not give it a sequel? In this installment, Driver-as-Ren adopts the guise of an entry-level First Order intern named Randy, who uses the Force to obliterate a malfunctioning printer (as well as an admiral who berates him for botching his drink order).

‘Weekend Update’ Jokes of the Week

Over at the “Weekend Update” desk, the anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che continued to riff on the impeachment trial of President Trump.

Jost:

The impeachment trial started this week, and am I crazy or was Adam Schiff on my TV for 100 hours straight? Even when I turned the TV off, there was still an outline of him burned into the screen. What happened was, Democrats spent three days laying out in great detail how they believe President Trump has been the most egregious abuser of power in American history. And then Republicans laid out their defense, the shrug emoji. Mitch McConnell, seen here calmly watching an orphanage burn, defended his plan for the trial, saying, “The country is waiting to see if we can rise to the occasion.” I would maybe say you’re not rising to the occasion, considering one senator fell asleep, Rand Paul was doing a crossword puzzle and some Republican senators even brought fidget spinners to play with. I assume this symbolized how the Founding Fathers are spinning in their graves.

Che:

You’re better than me, Colin. I didn’t watch one minute of that trial. It was like a four-day long PowerPoint. This is supposed to be Trump’s punishment, not mine. This whole impeachment is like a bad episode of “Maury.” There’s all this evidence that Trump clearly cheated and Republicans are still like, “But Maury, he loves me.” Trump is so confident he’s going to win, he’s using Jeffrey Epstein’s lawyer to represent him. Talk about credibility — who’s his character witness, R. Kelly?

‘Weekend Update’ Deskside Bit of the Week

Melissa Villaseñor appeared as herself in a segment where she sang a series of songs about this year’s crop of Academy Award nominees. Each tune was set to the same bouncy bossa nova beat, like this catchy ditty about “The Irishman”:

This movie has a lot to offer

Al Pacino as Jimmy Hoffa

Gangster life gets kinda messy

Robert De Niro and lil’ Joe Pesci

It’s three hours long

They’re old and they’re young

And it’s white male rage

White male rage

White male rage

If you listen to Villaseñor’s other songs, which also address “Joker,” “Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood,” “1917” and Greta Gerwig’s snub for directing “Little Women,” we think you’ll see a pattern emerge! (Hint: It’s white male rage.)

Inexplicably Funny Sketch of the Week

The premise for this sketch is deceptively, inanely simple: Kyle Mooney and Chloe Fineman are actors in a commercial for the budget menu at Del Taco, directed by Beck Bennett and supervised by an oleaginous Del Taco executive played by Adam Driver.

That’s it. That’s the whole setup for this entire segment, in which you will hear the line “Aw, man, I’m all out of cash” uttered so many times that you eventually slip into a hypnotic state where you never want to hear that combination of words again — until they inexplicably become the funniest catchphrase ever conceived. Look, it’s late, cut us some slack.

Sahred From Source link Arts

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[nickarmstrongfilm]

10 Best Films of 2019 That Were Featured on Multiple “Worst of” Lists

I’m back again! I wrote one of these last year and I hesitated to do it again because as the year ramped up, I saw a lot of backlash against “Worst of the Year” lists that, frankly, I am not aligned with. There is nothing wrong with being critical of any and every movie that is produced on such a massive scale. I would even venture to say that there is something distinctly wrong with being so uncritical about the film industry that you eat up whatever they give you. Many worst of the year lists, though, tend to line up with the traditional line of thought that certain films are simply not good, which then means that other films are definitively good. This is where I begin to take issue. A lot of films that are near-unanimously panned have much more value than they’re being given credit for. Not every film on this list is one of those, but a lot of unique voices and projects are mocked, forgotten and/or ignored because of these lists.

Again, this is not a best of the year list, it is ranked by how frequently it appeared on the lists I perused as opposed to how good they are. These are some movies from 2019 that I enjoyed and wanted to stick up for, but I do not object to the concept of a “worst of the year list”, I simply object to these being them when many best of the year lists (see: yesterday’s Oscar nominations) encompass the opposite of what I love watching movies for.

That’s a lot of rambling to say that this list is not that important, but I recommend all of these movies to varying degrees, and I encourage you to follow your gut to see if you should ignore the consensus on some of them!

10. Murder Mystery (2018, Kyle Newacheck) [2 lists]

For me, this is the most energetic Sandler’s low-energy everyman has been in years, really playing up his throwaway jokes which makes them feel even funnier. A fun cast of characters, a fun mystery and makes the case for schlocky mystery novels! Fun!!

9. 47 Meters Down: Uncaged (2019, Johannes Roberts) [tie, 3 lists]

I am a sucker for one-location thrillers and when the location is underwater in a submerged lost city trapped with relentless blind sharks, I had a tough time resisting how much fun this one was. And relentless is the perfect word! Surpassed its predecessor, as far as I’m concerned, and I already thought that one was pretty good.

9. Brightburn (2019, David Yarovesky) [tie, 3 lists]

I heard the premise for this one and was just immediately on board, to be fair. Perhaps that is where a lot of people’s problems with this movie stem from. For me, it did what it promised and although it did not exceed those expectations or expand on its premise much at all, I am sold on something that recognizes that superheroes have power and that an impressionable child living in America is unlikely to wield that power for good.

9. The Intruder (2019, Deon Taylor) [tie, 3 lists]

Carried by three excellent performances, in particular Quaid’s, which instantly made me a fan. The way that director Deon Taylor introduces the character’s calculated “good intentions” allows his evil to reveal itself within the house that he sells to Michael Ealy and Meagan Good’s characters throughout the rest of the film, resulting in something genuinely stomach-turning. One of my favorite horror films this year!

6. Countdown (2019, Justin Dec) [4 lists]

As silly as the idea of a killer app movie may be, it hones in on a fear that is common in some of the best horror films out there: that our death is inevitable, and there’s nowhere we can run to escape it. In tandem with that idea, it introduces a fascinating exploration of faith that counteracts that nihilistic message. Not too different from a tech-centric It Follows, frankly.

5. Replicas (2019, Jeffrey Machmanoff) [7 lists]

Keanu had a huge year in 2019 — John Wick 3, Toy Story 4 and a couple scene-stealing cameos — but very little enthusiasm was directed as the January-released film in which he attempts to clone/revive his family who have died in a car accident. First of all, Keanu brings his all to everything he does and I have to appreciate the integrity that he brings to a low-rent Philip K. Dick knock-off that largely consists of him spending time in a science lab with Thomas Middleditch.

4. Glass (2019, M. Night Shyamalan) [8 lists]

In researching for this list — and upon scrolling through people’s various end-of-the-year takes — I was faced with an unprecedented amount of hate for what I’d consider not only the best film of the year but also what ended up being my favorite film ever. Perhaps it’s just my echo chamber but how this empathetic, minimally-structured take on the superhero genre was received poorly is beyond me.

3. Gemini Man (2019, Ang Lee) [9 lists]

Almost definitely the year’s best action movie, not only for having some of the best set pieces but for, on top of that, choosing to sit in the melancholy of the story it created for much longer than most other action films that come out are willing to do.

2. Hellboy (2019, Neil Marshall) [11 lists]

I can’t exactly explain this one. I see why people dislike it and I certainly see how it is unnecessary considering how Del Toro’s voice shined through and dominated the story of Hellboy in his films. It is also perhaps a blatant attempt to cash in on the success of Deadpool’s smarmy anti-hero, but there is something so much sincere about David Harbour’s turn as Hellboy that it ends up feeling goofy in a much more enjoyable way. I have likened it to the sincerity of Vin Diesel — as if he were trying his luck at an R-rated action franchise about a ragtag group of weirdos — and in that light, it’s difficult (perhaps even hypocritical) for me to dislike it all that much.

1. Serenity (2019, Steven Knight) [13 lists]

Hailed (condemned?) as the year’s most baffling film and it only came out in January! I was on hopelessly board with this thing from its opening frames, though: It’s so confident in its ludicrous mythology that I actually ended up appreciating its emotional wavelength. I give this one a lot of credit for how it steers itself after revealing what may seem like a pretty nonsensical twist.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Cats (2019, Tom Hooper) - 4 votes Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019, Michael Dougherty) - 2 votes Domino (2019, Brian De Palma) - 2 votes Escape Room (2019, Adam Robitel) - 1 vote In The Tall Grass (2019, Vincenzo Natali) - 1 vote What Men Want (2019, Adam Shankman) - 1 vote Little (2019, Tina Gordon Chism) - 1 vote Annabelle Comes Home (2019, Gary Dauberman) - 1 vote 6 Underground (2019, Michael Bay) - 1 vote Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil & Vile (2019, Joe Berlinger) - 1 vote

SOURCES:

Looper CBS News Zimbio
Variety Rolling Stone WatchMojo.com Entertainment Weekly Now Toronto Fox 5 Chicago Tribune Hollywood Reporter ABC IGN Yahoo Gamespot EW Jeremy Jahns Gizmodo

[gamerssphere]

2K Games is getting ready to release the latest entry in the WWE 2K series with WWE 2K20. This seems to be a rather ambitious project which will bring a lot of new features for gamers to enjoy.

MyPlayer & MyCareer

For the first time ever in the franchise, gamers will be able to create and play with a male and female MyPlayer in MyCareer mode.

Of course, if we’re bringing female characters for MyPlayer, it only means we should be able to have a Mixed Tag. This is coming, too. You’ll be able to play as both superstars, and you’ll team up together in different mixed tag team matches throughout your career.

Expect to go through 18 different chapters in your career, including aroun 100 different matches and interacting with over 40 WWE Superstars from every brand, as well as legends during this game mode.

At A Glance

[su_spoiler title=”MyCareer at a glance” style=”fancy”]

For the first time ever, create both a female and male MyPLAYER and take them through MyCAREER, playing storylines and matches as each character and occasionally teaming together with the all-new Mixed Tag match feature.

Unlock WWE Legends, Career specific Superstar attires, original characters and unique environments like “Hell’s Colosseum” and a special New Day themed arena.

At one point, Red and Tre cross through an interdimensional portal to try to find the Undertaker who hasn’t been seen in years, encountering various surprises along the way.

MyCAREER is fully voiced again, this year featuring performances from nearly over 40 WWE Superstars, NXT Superstars and legends in addition to over 15 original voiced roles. Interact with newly-voiced Superstars such as Ronda Rousey, The New Day, Becky Lynch, Adam Cole, Velveteen Dream, The IIconics, Samoa Joe and more.

Track Red and Tre’s career progress with “The List” – as teenagers Red and Tre write down all the goals they’d like to someday achieve, which later becomes their road map to success. Can you cross off their final list item and get inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame?

At certain points in MyCAREER, the decisions you make affect the matches Red and Tre compete in, who they team with, and possibly even lead to some alternate outcomes. Explore different choices to see what paths they might lead you down.

Podcasts are back this year, including “The Buzz and Cole Show” featuring the return of Buzz and Cole Quinn from WWE2K19’s MyCAREER.

[/su_spoiler]

[su_spoiler title=”By the numbers” style=”fancy”]

18 chapters

Approximately 100 total matches

Over 2,700 lines of dialogue

More than 900 lines of new commentary unique to MyCAREER matches and cutscenes

Over 270 cutscenes

Around 20 hours of total play-through time

34 career goals on Red and Tre’s List

1 bionic arm

[/su_spoiler]

Soundtrack

If there’s one piece of the game that becomes key for WWE 2K20 is its soundtrack. We are normally able to just leave the game running on the homepage and listen to all the cool music. This won’t be any different as we’ll have some nice music besides the obvious superstars’ entrance music.

WWE 2K20 will include the following 12 tracks:

Banks – “Gimme”

Barns Courtney – “99”

Bring Me The Horizon ft. Dani Filth – “Wonderful Life”

Grandson – “Stigmata”

Lil Uzi Vert – “XOTour Llif3”

Motley Crue ft. Machine Gun Kelly – “The Dirt”

Muse – “The Dark Side”

Poppy – “METAL”

Saweetie – “Icy Girl”

The Black Keys – “LO / HI”

The Misfits – “Hybrid Moments”

Watt ft. Post Malone – “Burning Man”

You can get this playlist on Apple Music.

What about My Universe?

  I don’t know about all of you, but when it comes to WWE 2K games, I focus quite strongly on the Universe mode right after I’m done with MyCareer. This all means that we need a well debugged version of this game mode. Here’s everything you’ll get in this mode.

[su_spoiler title=”Universe Features” style=”fancy”]

Major and minor show match limits have increased from 7 to 9.

Pay-Per-View match limits have doubled from 7 to 14.

The number of championship titles per major show has increased from 6 to 7.

Simultaneous rivalries on major shows have increased from 3 to 4.

Pay-Per-Views can be co-hosted by up to 3 major shows versus the previous 2.

Players have more freedom to delete and add promos and matches.

50 of the most-used cutscenes have been reshot with female mocap actors to look more authentic when female Superstars are used.

25 new cutscenes have been added.

3,040 new promo lines are in the game.

Custom Matches can now be included in Match Tables, along with new Mixed Tag Matches.

New Championship Match setting in Match Tables can be used to make certain matches a title match.

Main Event matches in Match Tables have been tweaked so that those match types are more likely to occur on the show (Example: Royal Rumble match at the Royal Rumble Pay-Per-View).

New rivalry content includes options such as low-intensity enemies making peace after a single Pay-Per-View or low to mid-intensity allies slowly falling out over several weeks instead of a sudden turn.

The overall menu flow has been streamlined to make it more accessible to those new to Universe Mode. All deeper options are still available for experienced players.

[/su_spoiler]

What about the full roster?

Where should I begin with this?

We have a huge roster this time around. Let’s check out some lists:

Legends

[su_spoiler title=”Legends” style=”fancy”]

Jerry The King Lawler

Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase

The Rock

Latino Heat Eddie Guererro

Bret The Hitman Hart

Razor Ramon

Molly Holly

Ronda Rousey

Trish Stratus

The Undertaker

Andre The Giant

Batista

Beth Phoenix

Big Boss Man

Big Show

Booker T

Brutus beefcake

Christian

Chyna

Diesel

Dusty Rhodes

Edge

Goldberg

Hulk Hogan

Jake Roberts

Jim Neidhart

Kevin Nash

Kurt Angle

Lita

Mankind

Mark Henry

Mr. McMahon

Papa Shango

Randy Savage

Ric Flair

Ricky Steamboat

Rowdy Roddy Piper

Scott Hall

Shawn Michaels

[/su_spoiler]

Monday Night RAW

[su_spoiler title=”Spoilers” style=”fancy”]

Viking Raiders

AJ Styles

Bray Wyatt (Wyatt Family Version)

Akam

Alexa Bliss

Alicia Fox

Becky Lynch

Bobby Lashley

Booker T

Braun Strowman

Brie Bella

Brock Lesnar

Cesaro

Curt Hawkins

Dana Brooke

Dash Wilder

Drew McIntyre

EC3

Eric Young

Heath Slater

Jason Jordan

Jey Uso

Jimmy Uso

Gran Metalik

Kalisto

Karl Anderson

Baron Corbin

Lacey Evans

Lince Dorado

Luke Gallows

Maria Kanellis

Mojo Rawley

Naomi

Natalya

Nia Jax

Nikki Bella

No Way Jose

Rey Mysterio

The Miz

Rezar

Ricochet

Robert Roode

Ruby Riott

Sami Zayn

Samoa Joe

Sarah Logan

Sasha Banks

Scott Dawson

Seth Rollins

Shane McMahon

Stephanie McMahon

Tamina

Titus O’Neil

Triple H

Zack Ryder

[/su_spoiler]

SmackDown

[su_spoiler title=”Spoilers” style=”fancy”]

Zelina Vega

Luke Harper

Rowan

Daniel Bryan

Matt Hardy

Randy Orton

John Cena

Aleister Black

Ali

Andrade

Apollo Crews

Asuka

Baron Corbin

Bayley

Big E

Billie Kay

Bo Dallas

Buddy Murphy

Carmella

Chad Gable

Charlotte Flair

Curtis Axel

Dolph Ziggler

Elias

Ember Moon

Jeff Hardy

Jinder Mahal

Kairi Sane

Kane

Kofi Kingston

Lana

Lars Sullivan

Liv Morgan

Mandy Rose

Otis

Paige

Peyton Royce

R-Truth

Roman Reigns

Rusev

Sheamus

Shelton Benjamin

Shinsuke Nakamura

Sin Cara

Sonya Deville

Tucker

Xavier Woods

[/su_spoiler]

205 Live

[su_spoiler title=”Spoilers” style=”fancy”]

Akira Tozawa

Ariya Daivari

The Brian Kendrick

Cedric Alexander

Gentleman Jack Gallagher

Mark Andrews

Mike Kanellis

Noam Dar

Oney Lorcan

Tony Nese

[/su_spoiler]

NXT

[su_spoiler title=”Spoilers” style=”fancy”]

Io Shirai

Tommaso Ciampa

Matt Riddle

Adam Cole

Angelo Dawkins

Bianca Belair

Bobby Fish

Candace LeRae

Dakota Kai

Fandango

Finn Balor

Humberto Carrillo

Jaxson Ryker

Johnny Gargano

Kassius Ohno

Keith Lee

Kyle O’Reilly

Mia Yim

Montez Ford

Pete Dunne

Rhea Ripley

Roderick Strong

Shane Thorne

Shayna Baszler

Toni Storm

Trent Seven

Tyler Bate

Tyler Breeze

Velveteen Dream

[/su_spoiler]

Unlockables

[su_spoiler title=”Spoilers” style=”fancy”]

The Fiend

Wicked Alistair Black

Frankenstrowman

Survivor Mandy Rose

Twisted Nikki Cross

$500 Shirt The Rock

Chyna

Mankind

[/su_spoiler]

WWE 2K20 launches worldwide on Tuesday, October 22 for PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and PC.

All We Know About #WWE2K20 #gaming #WWE #2KGames 2K Games is getting ready to release the latest entry in the WWE 2K series with…

[aion-rsa]

CBR’s Top 100 Comics of 2016: #75 – #51

Each year, CBR takes a thoughtful look at the comic book industry’s abundance of offerings and poll the passionate, thoughtful and always-opinionated CBR staff for their rankings of the top comics of the year. Every publisher putting out new comics material in English, regardless of genre or format, is fair game; each individual list is then factored in (all thanks to the power of mathematics and the magic of spreadsheets) to determine the overall Top 100 that will be unveiled on CBR over the course of this week.

2016 was another big year for the Top 100, once again with more than 40 contributors to the list and more than 200 comics nominated. That’s resulted in a typically diverse and sometimes unpredictable field: world-famous superheroes alongside creator-owned works; major publishers sharing space with indie favorites. Of course, even with 100 spots, no list can be an exhaustive collection of every noteworthy piece of work in a year, but the end result of the CBR Top 100 is a wide selection of eclectic comics and graphic novels worthy of attention.

On Monday, we started unveiling the list with entries No. 100 to 76, and the countdown continues today with No. 75 to 51, with more each day this week. Here’s the remaining schedule, mark your calendars accordingly (all times Eastern): Wednesday, 1/4, 3 p.m.: Top 50-26; Thursday, 1/5, 9 a.m.: Top 25-11; Thursday, 1/5, 3 p.m.: Top 10; Friday, 1/6, 9 a.m.: Master list.

Start perusing the list below, and if you feel so moved, take to Twitter and (politely) discuss your thoughts using the hashtag #CBRTop100. While you’re here, feel free revisit our Top 100 lists from previous years:

CBR’s Top 100 Comics of 2015

CBR’s Top 100 Comics of 2014

CBR’s Top 100 Comics of 2013

CBR’s Top 100 Comics of 2012

CBR’s Top 100 Comics of 2011

CBR’s Top 100 Comics of 2010

CBR’s Top 100 Comics of 2009

CBR’s Top 100 Comics of 2008

CBR’s Top 100 Comics of 2016: 100 -> 76 | 75 -> 51 | 50 -> 26 | 25 -> 11 | 10 -> 1

75. The Goddamned

Written by Jason Aaron

Art by R. M. Guéra

Publisher: Image Comics

Cain, the inventor of murder, may need redemption in this series, but creators Jason Aaron and R. M. Guéra do not. The series is violent, disgusting and sacrilegious: What the hell else could you want?

— CBR Contributing Writer Jason Strykowski

74. A.D.: After Death

Written by Scott Snyder

Art by Jeff Lemire

Publisher: Image Comics

Although there’s only been one volume so far [editor’s note: issue #2 was released on Dec. 28, after the cut-off for Top 100 voting], I think the first installment was absolutely brilliant. Innovative storytelling, distinctive visuals and huge themes make this one of the best and most original series of the year.

— CBR Contributing Writer Jason Wilkins

73. Nailbiter

Written by Joshua Williamson

Art by Mike Henderson

Publisher: Image Comics

The elevator pitch for “Nailbiter” is “Twin Peaks” meets “Seven.” Yes, it’s that good. It’s got amazing characters and a fantastic sense of horror and creeping dread, but where it really excels is pacing and reveals. With “Nailbiter,” Williamson and Henderson give a master class on long-form comic book mysteries. Each arc and issue offers up compelling reveals and makes you excited for the next big, exciting, and often creepy twist.

— CBR Staff Writer Dave Richards

72. Living Level 3: Iraq

Written by Joshua Dysart

Art by Alberto Ponticelli

Publisher: Published online by the World Food Programme

Joshua Dysart and his team dove into stories of refugees, migrants and hunger in the Middle East as part of a moving comic that blended fact, fiction and documentary. It was a heartbreaking journey, brought to life by the World Food Programme, telling the trials and tribulations that these people suffer day in, day out. From losing families to kids being sexually assaulted, kidnapped or killed, to children groomed as child soldiers, it’s not the easiest of reads, but one we need to dive into. Dysart spent time there interviewing, so this story’s as real as it gets. Bringing relief is an expensive and tedious task, and the awareness this comic spreads emphasizes that we need more of these stories.

— CBR Contributing Writer Renaldo Matadeen

71. Legend

Written by Samuel Sattin

Art by Chris Koehler

Publisher: Z2 Comics

Have you ever read the novel “Watership Down,” or at least seen the traumatizing animated adaptation? “Legend” kind of reads like that, only swap the rabbits with dogs and cats, and have it set after what appears to have been a zombie outbreak that wiped out humanity. Now throw in a mysterious creature of shadow and teeth called the “Endark.” Samuel Sattin and Chris Koehler show us what life is like for former household pets who have to live in this post-apocalyptic setting by blending spectacular artwork with the naive innocence of dog (and cat) logic.

— CBR List Editor Brian Patry

70. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

Written by Kyle Higgins, Steve Orlando

Art by Hendry Prasetya, Thony Silas, Corin Howell

Publisher: BOOM! Studios

BOOM! Studios is doing a great job with the :Mighty Morphin Power Rangers” titles. There are faithful to the show while set in a similar, yet different, continuity. The issues capture the spirit of the show while giving it a bit more of a action movie feel to it. If you are a fan of Power Rangers or the Japanese “Super Sentai” shows it is based on, you are probably already getting and enjoying this title. If you don’t watch Power Rangers, the comic stands on its own merits and is a fun read.

— CBR Staff Writer John Mayo

69. Moon Knight

Written by Jeff Lemire

Art by Greg Smallwood, Francesco Francavilla, James Stokoe, Wilfredo Torres

Publisher: Marvel Comics

If you want a book that makes you think, look no further than the Jeff Lemire-written “Moon Knight.” Tackling mental illness, Lemire paints a picture where we’re left trying to decipher whether Moon Knight is a legitimate superhero or if it’s all just a figment of Marc Spector’s imagination.

— CBR Contributing Writer Adam Barnhardt

68. Tomboy

Written & Illustrated by M. Goodwin

Publisher: Action Lab Comics

An incredible riff on the Magical Girl concept, twisted by crooked cops, murder and revenge, Action Lab’s “Tomboy” is marked by an incredible depth of character writing and a darkly stirring narrative. It is a credit not just to the talents of creator M. Goodwin and her collaborator Michelle Wong, but of the unique stories that Action Lab is unafraid to publish.

— CBR List Editor Steven E. Paugh

67. Rolling Blackouts: Dispatches from Turkey, Syria, and Iraq

Written & Illustrated by Sarah Glidden

Publisher: Drawn & Quarterly

Traveling through Turkey, Iraq, and Syria with a team of freelance journalists, Sarah Glidden chronicled not only the stories of individual refugees and the aftermath of the Iraq War but also the process of journalism itself. Both sides of the story are fascinating and skillfully told.

— CBR Staff Writer Brigid Alverson

66. Giant Days

Written by John Allison

Art by Max Sarin

Publisher: BOOM! Studios/BOOM! Box

Every aspect of “Giant Days” seems designed for maximum comedic effect, and yet the craft on display flows so naturally and easily from creator John Allison, artist Max Sarin, inker Liz Fleming and colorist Whitney Cogar. The continuing adventures of Esther, Susan and Daisy are consistently delightful, whether they’re searching for a new apartment, fuming about ex-boyfriends or scheming for educational shortcuts. Allison’s dialogue doesn’t waste a word, Sarin’s storytelling is spot-on and Fleming and Cogar put the finishing touches on a series which, month in and month out, is virtually immaculate.

— CBR Staff Writer Tom Bondurant

65. Chew

Written by John Layman

Art by Rob Guillory

Publisher: Image Comics

Chew gave us its last great chomp this year as it finished its run. It’s one of those rare breeds of comics that gave us consistently great storytelling and art on a regular basis, and completed the mission it set out to do. Congrats to all involved on this masterpiece!

— CBR Contributing Writer George A. Tramountanas

64. Red Team: Double Tap, Center Mass

Written by Garth Ennis

Art by Craig Cermak

Publisher: Dynamite Entertainment

This reads like a prime time television police procedural in all the right ways. Great story, excellent art. The first issue was one of the best comics I read all year and the subsequent issues have not disappointed. Highly recommended if you like the police procedural genre. Somehow both this series and the previous “Red Team” series a few years back flew completely under my radar. I love finding, to me at least, a hidden gem of a title.

— CBR Staff Writer John Mayo

63. Criminal: 10th Anniversary Special

Written by Ed Brubaker

Art by Sean Phillips

Publisher: Image Comics

After last year’s “Savage Sword of Criminal,” in which Tracy’s old man Teeg whittled away his time in the slammer through the comic adventures of a swashbuckling barbarian, Brubaker & Phillips made the metatextual pulp treasury an annual tradition with “Deadly Hands of Criminal,” in which Teeg and a 12-year-old Tracy are on the road getting into no good when Tracy discovers Fang the Kung-Fu Werewolf, a teenager with all manner of powers except any that might allow him any sense of control. The story might be Brubaker and Phillips’ masterpiece. Not only is the “Criminal” chapter a fantastic character exploration, but it’s a specifically tailored love letter to comics and the way comics get loved most, and best. It’s a proof of concept for the power and purpose of not only comics as a practical medium but also the surrounding collecting culture that forged it into what it is today. Not despite of but in fact because of its kung-fu werewolf star, “Deadly Hands” is a heartbreaking testament to the the loneliness and alienation that is so often discovered in adolescence, and achieves this while making the case that, in their way, if you love comics they can love you back.

— CBR Staff Writer Brendan McGuirk

62. Angel City

Written by Janet Harvey

Art by Megan Levens

Publisher: Oni Press

Everything about this miniseries has been incredible: strong women, complicated characters and a pitch-perfect yet updated take on noir. The writing and art works seamlessly together to provide texture and mood as former starlet Dolores Dare goes after a killer.

— CBR Contributing Writer Beth Bartlett

61. Daredevil

Written by Charles Soule

Art by Ron Garney, Goran Sudžuka, Matteo Buffagni

Publisher: Marvel Comics

Even though Matt Murdock is a fan-favorite character, the current run of “Daredevil” is a bit underrated currently. Donning a new black suit for his post-“Secret Wars run,” Daredevil battles the Hand before starting a rocky relationship with New Attilan and the Inhuman Royal Family. Alongside his new protege Blindspot, the Man without Fear is in the midst of another great era.

— CBR Contributing Writer Adam Barnhardt

60. Wonder Woman: The True Amazon

Written & Illustrated by Jill Thompson

Publisher: DC Comics

In this glorious masterpiece written and painted (yes, painted) by Jill Thompson, we get a Wonder Woman origin story (out of continuity) like no other. Rather than start off as strong, confident, wise and compassionate, she’s, uh, kind of a brat. The first girl born on the island of the Amazons in ages, Princess Diana is realistically spoiled rotten by such an environment and learns the hard way that there’s more to life than being worshipped and adored. Seeing her not-so-altruistic reasons for becoming a mighty warrior is surprisingly refreshing. The more you read, the more the story’s ending becomes predictable. Yet shockingly, seeing those predictions being met is incredibly fulfilling. This is a testament to Thompson’s simple, elegant storytelling method, which is beautifully enhanced by her equally elegant and stunning artwork.

— CBR List Editor Brian Patry

59. Equinoxes

Written & Illustrated by Cyril Pedrosa

Publisher: NBM Publishing

First published in English in North America this year, I was floored by the sheer amount of craft Cyril Pedrosa packs into this graphic novel. An engrossing, sophisticated exploration of human interaction that uses innovative visual storytelling to weave together multiple narratives into a beautiful, dynamic tapestry that resonates across time and space.

— CBR Contributing Writer Jason Wilkins

58. Nod Away

Written & Illustrated by Joshua Cotter

Publisher: Fantagraphics Books

Joshua W. Cotter’s first graphic novel in years is well worth the wait– and what’s fascinating is that, for a graphic novel that fans have been waiting for for so many years, “Nod Away” is very much about waiting, as the story is about that sense of dread in a horror film as things get worse and worse. Here, we are slowly given more and more information about a future society where the world is connected via the mind of a young girl, only that is just the first step in a darker conspiracy where the more we learn, the more disturbing things are. Cotter knows how to cut to the heart of characters, making his protagonists easily relatable, which makes the dread feel even worse, as we really like our scientist hero (who has to deal with sexism on top of all the horror stuff) and want things to go well for her. It’s a triumphant return by Cotter, and I selfishly hope we don’t have to wait this long for his next graphic novel.

— CBR Staff Writer Brian Cronin

57. Midnighter and Apollo

Written by Steve Orlando

Art by Fernando Blanco

Publisher: DC Comics

I was devastated when Steve Orlando’s “Midnighter” run ended, but this miniseries has more than made up for it. A refreshing new take on a relationship between two hyper-masculine men where stereotypes in and outside of the bedroom are constantly challenged. Their romantic journey together is rooted in honesty; things don’t just magically fix themselves when you get back together with an ex, you’ll still have problems. Also, Fernando Blanco’s ability to draw abs good enough to eat off of, along with stellar colors by Romulo Fajardo, Jr. I never knew I needed a comic about a guy going all the way to Hell to rescue his superhuman boyfriend until now; like a gay Western.

— CBR Contributing Writer Heather Knight

56. Animosity

Written by Marguerite Bennett

Art by Rafael de Latorre

Publisher: AfterShock Comics

A unique story in the dystopian genre where animals have “woken up” and, for the most part, no longer want to tolerate human existence. It’s as terrifying as it is beautiful, every issue nail-biting, painful and achingly good. It’s also about a young girl and her dog, but don’t mistake that for a nice story. Marguerite Bennett is at it again with another incredible book full of heart, complimented with art by Rafael de Latorre and colors by Rob Schwager. This comic is ruthless and unapologetic and worth every second of it.

— CBR Contributing Writer Heather Knight

55. A City Inside

Written & Illustrated by Tillie Walden

Publisher: Avery Hill Publishing

After a fantastic two-book debut in 2015, Tillie Walden released her third graphic novella in 2016. Like her earlier work, this one offers a narrative that is based more on the invocation of emotion than on action, and is all the more powerful for it. Her tumbling cityscapes and sense of architecture are delightfully beguiling and I am certain that 2017, which will see the release “Spinning,” her most extensive work to date, will be Walden’s breakout year.

— CBR Contributing Writer Rob Cave

54. Doom Patrol

Written by Gerard Way

Art by Nick Derington

Publisher: DC/Young Animal

Way and Derington’s “Doom Patrol” restores a frantic, surreal unpredictability to DC’s stable, requiring a whole new imprint to house it. The new series pays homage to Grant Morrison’s famous run without being beholden to it, creating new adventures for the strange heroes that feel just familiar enough before diving full-on into the carefully structured absurdities that fans crave. Oh, and it reads like a song.

— CBR Staff Writer Shaun Manning

53. Goldie Vance

Written by Hope Larson

Art by Brittney Williams

Publisher: BOOM! Studios/BOOM! Box

It may feel like damning something with faint praise to call it “smart,” but damned if that’s not what “Goldie Vance” is from top to bottom. Larson’s period piece about a plucky girl detective in a Florida resort cuts against the grain of by-the-numbers stories in comics and Middle Grade fiction with well-observed characters and a sharp, witty approach to historical fiction. And Williams’ art is nothing if not elegant, imbuing all the book’s ideas into the smoothest of lines. This isn’t the kind of book where you say, “How did no one think of this before?” It’s one where you go, “Thank God someone thought of this.”

— CBR Staff Writer Kiel Phegley

52. Archie

Written by Mark Waid, Lori Matsumoto

Art by Veronica Fish, Ryan Jampole, Thomas Pitilli, Joe Eisma

Publisher: Archie Comics

Each character lives with such honesty, such purity, such innocence — it makes me long for the simpler days of playing in a garage band or discovering a first love. Mark Waid has drawn me into the world of Riverdale and Pops’ so much that I wish I was friends with Archie, Betty and their gang of misfits. Veronica Fish’s artwork is bold and vibrant; perfectly complementing Waid’s storytelling, which makes every emotion each character feels even more palpable.

— CBR Staff Writer Lauren Gallaway

51. Star Wars

Written by Jason Aaron

Art by Leinil Yu, Jorge Molina, Mike Mayhew, Mike Deodato, Salvador Larroca

Publisher: Marvel Comics

Like the novels, the “Star Wars Rebels” cartoon and the “Star Wars: Battlefront” game, the Star Wars comics have largely done a great job of capturing the feeling of the films, while expanding upon the saga in interesting ways. This is especially true for these ongoing series, which have been smartly written, clever in their execution, and great at seamlessly adding new elements to the larger story.

— CBR Staff Writer Paul Semel

The post CBR’s Top 100 Comics of 2016: #75 – #51 appeared first on CBR.com.

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‘S.N.L.’ Imagines the Impeachment Trial That Could Have Been

If you ended the week hoping that President Trump’s impeachment trial would go on longer, this weekend’s opening “Saturday Night Live” sketch imagined just such a scenario: a parade of self-serving witnesses that wasn’t necessarily an improvement.

This week’s episode, hosted by J.J. Watt of the Houston Texans and featuring the musical guest Luke Combs, began with a voice-over lamenting that the president’s trial “wound up consisting of two weeks of dry debate and posturing, and will conclude without any witness testimony or new evidence.” Instead, the sketch promised “the trial you wish had happened.”

The scene opened with Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. (Mikey Day) vowing that he would conduct the trial with “complete disinterest” — only to be replaced by the reality TV host Judge Mathis (Kenan Thompson), who brought his own gavel with him.

Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky (Beck Bennett) spoke on behalf of the president, remarking, “I just want to remind the American people that all men are innocent after proven guilty.”

Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina (Kate McKinnon) also advocated for the president. When Thompson asked her if she was worried about how history might judge her, McKinnon replied, “Where I come from, we have our own history books, and on the cover, a T. rex is handing a Confederate flag to Jesus.”

Thompson then called for the testimony of several witnesses, beginning with John R. Bolton (Cecily Strong), the former national security adviser. Strong said the president’s actions left her “deeply worried about the future of democracy,” but when Thompson asked her to elaborate on the contents of a forthcoming memoir, she said: “No, no, sorry, judge, no more free spoilers. But you can pre-order the book now. It’s called ‘Harry Potter and the Room Where It Happened.’”

Pete Davidson as appeared as Hunter Biden, entering the courtroom on a hoverboard scooter and explaining that he now sat on “the board of a Brazilian money-laundering company called Nepotismo.”

Alec Baldwin at last turned up in his recurring role as President Trump, entering the trial with the assistance of a walker.

“Your honor, I’m a very sick old man,” Baldwin said. “How could I withhold aid from the Ukraine? I can barely get around the house”

Thompson asked him, “Are you trying to Weinstein me right now?”

Baldwin replied: “In which sense? Because Harvey and I overlap in a few areas.”

There were further appearances from Alex Moffat as Representative Adam Schiff and Kyle Mooney as Joe Pesci’s title character from “My Cousin Vinny.” (“That is too dumb, even for this,” Thompson observed.)

Baldwin gave a closing statement in which he said, “Ladies and gentlemen of this government place, what I’ve learned from this trial is that clearly nothing I do or say has any consequence.”

Thompson nonetheless found him guilty, fined him $10,000 and ordered him to say one nice thing about Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

Football Sketch of the Week

As you might expect in an episode hosted by an N.F.L. player on the night before the Super Bowl, there were a few sketches in this episode that dealt with football, including a fake ad for Oil of Olay eye black (“Oil of BrOlay”) and a segment that found Watt in an unusual recording session for a football video game.

Still, we’ll give the edge to this filmed sketch called “Robbie,” which models itself on inspirational sports movies like “Rudy.” It features Chris Redd as the title character, a spunky member of his college team’s practice squad who has never gotten to suit up for an actual game, and Day, Moffat and Mooney as his well-intentioned teammates, all of whom are willing to give up their spots so that Robbie can finally play.

Then there’s Watt as another fellow player, who makes it painfully clear why Redd should not be permitted anywhere near the field.

Weekend Update Jokes of the Week

Over at the Weekend Update desk, the anchors, Colin Jost and Michael Che, continued to riff on the impeachment trial of President Trump.

“The impeachment trial is basically over,” Jost began …

… is a sentence I could have said two weeks ago when the trial began. We didn’t even get to hear any witnesses in this trial. And by the way, look at the witnesses we could have had. [Shows pictures of Lev Parnas and John Bolton.] You don’t want to hear anything from these guys? They look like the two characters in a video game who give you the best information. My questions for them aren’t even about Trump. My questions are like: “What’s your deal? Walk us through a typical day. What kind of food do you eat? Is it human food?”

He continued:

It was reported that President Trump pushed for the vote to be on Tuesday so that he could boast about his acquittal during the State of the Union. But now experts are saying that Trump might strike a more humble tone. And we actually have an advance copy of his speech: [Plays an animation of President Trump dancing to MC Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This.”]

Che, shaking his head, picked up the thread:

What better way to start Black History Month than to be failed by the justice system. Why was this impeachment ever a good idea? We would have been better off just yelling, “Citizen’s arrest!” And why didn’t we get Alan Dershowitz? This dude was amazing. He somehow convinced the court that a president should be allowed to break the law as long as it’s good for the country. That’s like telling your girl you only cheated to practice being good at sex for her. You know what? That’s it, I’m a Republican now. I’m tired of losing. I can’t be a Democrat and a Knicks fan. It’s too much heartbreak, man.

Black History Month Salute of the Week

Ego Nwodim appeared at the Weekend Update desk as Dr. Angie Hynes, a professor of African-American Studies at Rutgers University, who said that she wanted to spotlight figures who were not as well-known as, say, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. or Rosa Parks. Instead, Nwodim began by singling out a woman named Cynthia Woods, who she said “showed up at my wedding wearing all white.” Nwodim added, “She is black and she is history to me.”

She similarly called out an ex-colleague who had sent her inappropriate photographs; her twin sister, Angel, who may or may not have cheated with her husband; and the drugstore chain Duane Reade, which Nwodim called “black Walgreens” but dismissed for “locking up the lotion.”

“Duane Reade, you black, and you history,” she said. “CVS, welcome to the cookout, baby.”

Gallows Humor of the Week

Bowen Yang returned to the Weekend Update desk in his recurring role as the fictional Chinese government official Chen Biao, now promoted to the position of a health minister contending with the coronavirus outbreak. As Yang said of his character’s new gig: “It pays more and it’s a lot sadder. I guess I’m China’s new crisis queen.”

Yang explained that he and his colleagues would eventually contain the virus with “patience, diligence” and the use of Burberry surgical masks. He did not seem particularly bothered to hear that American Airlines was halting its flights to China.

“Oh no, I can’t fly American Airlines anymore?” Yang said sarcastically. “The only airline where if you ask for a Sprite, they say, ‘Is Sierra Mist O.K.?’ Who will I pay to throw my luggage in the garbage?”

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‘Saturday Night Live’ Spoofs Trump’s Impeachment Trial

It’s been almost 22 years since “Saturday Night Live” last found itself satirizing a presidential impeachment proceeding, but as the show turned its attention to President Trump’s trial in the Senate, it quickly reverted to its tried-and-true formula: a smidgen of factual detail, a dollop of celebrity cameos and a whole bunch of cultural references that may or may not be germane to the topic.

This weekend’s broadcast, hosted by Adam Driver and featuring the musical guest Halsey, began with a sketch set on Capitol Hill, where Susan Collins (played by Cecily Strong) and Mitch McConnell (Beck Bennett) reflected on the trial to date.

“We all know this impeachment proceeding is a sham and a hoax,” Bennett said. “Republicans are simply requesting a fair trial — no witnesses, no evidence. That way we can acquit President Trump and focus on the real criminals in this country: teenagers who try marijuana.”

Strong said, “The evidence against Trump is pretty damning so I’m still on the fence,” then made an exaggerated wink.

The Republican senators welcomed the lawyer they said would be their star defense attorney in the coming days: Alan Dershowitz, played here by Jon Lovitz, the “S.N.L.” alumnus.

“It’s wonderful to be here,” Lovitz said, “ ‘cause I’m not welcome anywhere else.” He was repeatedly admonished for mentioning past clients he has represented, including Jeffrey Epstein, O.J. Simpson and Claus von Bülow.

Then, abruptly, Lovitz acted out an apparent heart attack and the screen filled with smoke. When it cleared, he found himself in hell, where he was welcomed by Kate McKinnon, playing the devil.

“I used to let nobodies into hell but now it’s all influencers,” McKinnon said.

Among the notorious guests she introduced to Lovitz were Epstein, who was played by Driver.

“Great to see you,” Lovitz exclaimed. “What are you doing here?”

Driver seemed ever-so-slightly mortified as he replied, “Eh, just hangin’.”

Other visitors to Hades included Bowen Yang as the composer of “Baby Shark”; Heidi Gardner as Flo, the Progressive Insurance mascot; and someone playing Mr. Peanut, the recently deceased brand icon. (As Mr. Peanut explained, “I took out a lot of first graders with peanut allergies. Plus, I never wore pants.”)

Finally, Alex Moffat appeared in his recurring role as Mark Zuckerberg, identified here as hell’s I.T. guy. “I just want everyone to know that I don’t endorse evil,” Moffat said. “I just help millions of people share it.

‘Star Wars’ Sketch of the Week

If “Star Wars” has taught us anything, it’s that if something is successful once, keep doing it. Back when Driver hosted “S.N.L.” in 2016, he appeared in a parody of the CBS reality show “Undercover Boss,” playing Kylo Ren, his villainous character from the “Star Wars” series, attempting to go incognito among the bad guys he employs. That sketch was a hit, so why not give it a sequel? In this installment, Driver-as-Ren adopts the guise of an entry-level First Order intern named Randy, who uses the Force to obliterate a malfunctioning printer (as well as an admiral who berates him for botching his drink order).

‘Weekend Update’ Jokes of the Week

Over at the “Weekend Update” desk, the anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che continued to riff on the impeachment trial of President Trump.

Jost:

The impeachment trial started this week, and am I crazy or was Adam Schiff on my TV for 100 hours straight? Even when I turned the TV off, there was still an outline of him burned into the screen. What happened was, Democrats spent three days laying out in great detail how they believe President Trump has been the most egregious abuser of power in American history. And then Republicans laid out their defense, the shrug emoji. Mitch McConnell, seen here calmly watching an orphanage burn, defended his plan for the trial, saying, “The country is waiting to see if we can rise to the occasion.” I would maybe say you’re not rising to the occasion, considering one senator fell asleep, Rand Paul was doing a crossword puzzle and some Republican senators even brought fidget spinners to play with. I assume this symbolized how the Founding Fathers are spinning in their graves.

Che:

You’re better than me, Colin. I didn’t watch one minute of that trial. It was like a four-day long PowerPoint. This is supposed to be Trump’s punishment, not mine. This whole impeachment is like a bad episode of “Maury.” There’s all this evidence that Trump clearly cheated and Republicans are still like, “But Maury, he loves me.” Trump is so confident he’s going to win, he’s using Jeffrey Epstein’s lawyer to represent him. Talk about credibility — who’s his character witness, R. Kelly?

‘Weekend Update’ Deskside Bit of the Week

Melissa Villaseñor appeared as herself in a segment where she sang a series of songs about this year’s crop of Academy Award nominees. Each tune was set to the same bouncy bossa nova beat, like this catchy ditty about “The Irishman”:

This movie has a lot to offer

Al Pacino as Jimmy Hoffa

Gangster life gets kinda messy

Robert De Niro and lil’ Joe Pesci

It’s three hours long

They’re old and they’re young

And it’s white male rage

White male rage

White male rage

If you listen to Villaseñor’s other songs, which also address “Joker,” “Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood,” “1917” and Greta Gerwig’s snub for directing “Little Women,” we think you’ll see a pattern emerge! (Hint: It’s white male rage.)

Inexplicably Funny Sketch of the Week

The premise for this sketch is deceptively, inanely simple: Kyle Mooney and Chloe Fineman are actors in a commercial for the budget menu at Del Taco, directed by Beck Bennett and supervised by an oleaginous Del Taco executive played by Adam Driver.

That’s it. That’s the whole setup for this entire segment, in which you will hear the line “Aw, man, I’m all out of cash” uttered so many times that you eventually slip into a hypnotic state where you never want to hear that combination of words again — until they inexplicably become the funniest catchphrase ever conceived. Look, it’s late, cut us some slack.

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