#Kintsugi of the Heart

[mjulmjul]

Heart of gold

[skylerskyhigh]

Chapter 4: Equals

The twins stand as a united front. They stand as if they were meant to be together instead of separate entities.

They kneel to no one.

They follow nobody's order.

Their word holds the same weight.

They are equals.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61608100/chapters/158353030

[axiseart]

Cherished scars

[itwillbeourswansong]

Adar, Lord Father of the Uruk

Rings of Power, S2

🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️🔸️

I can't say I'd run when things get hard

It's just that I don't trust myself with my heart

But I've had to let it break a little more

'Cause they say that's what it's for

That's how the light shines in

That's how the light shines in

That's how the light gets in...

Kintsugi by Lana Del Rey

[phoenix-downer]

Kintsugi

Chapter 1 - A World Without Color

Summary: Sora searches for a way home while Kairi looks for clues to Quadratum. They are both broken by his disappearance, but the journey to reach each other creates something beautiful from the pieces. KH4 SoKai pining, angst, romance, and fluff.

Written for Valentine's Day 2025 as a celebration for posting my hundredth SoKai story on AO3! 🥳 Thank you all for voting in the poll and for all the support over the years ❤️ This story turned into a five chapter one, so I'm posting the first chapter today, the second chapter on Valentine's Day, and will post the remaining chapters once a week on Fridays.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Life was just different shades of gray and brown now.

Quadratum was the biggest, most bustling place Sora had been to yet. People were everywhere—milling around on sidewalks, filling stores, spilling out of cafés, swarming in and out of stations, crossing streets—and yet never had he felt more dead inside. Alone in a sea of people because he didn't belong. The people around him were living their lives, but for him, this was an afterworld. A life of death. The place he'd been sent as a punishment for abusing the Power of Waking.

No wonder he never felt like smiling. Or when he did, Strelitzia always said it was sad and never reached his eyes. A hollow, broken smile, because that was what he was. Hollow, broken.

She understood though. When you'd had everything ripped away from you, all the people you loved torn from your life just as you were torn from theirs, it was hard not to be hollow and broken.

As he exited Shibuya Station and let himself be carried along by the throng, the fingers of his left hand twitched. He'd heard about people having phantom sensations from limbs that were long gone, and maybe this was something like that. Only his phantom sensations were from someone else. Her absence hurt most of all.

He made his way to the largest crosswalk in Quadratum and wondered, for the millionth time, if things might have turned out differently somehow. If he could've made some choice to save all of them, to save her, and not doom himself. But no, this had been his fate all along. He just had to trust that each step forward was a step closer to home.

What he wouldn't give to see her again in the flesh. She constantly haunted his thoughts and dreams. Every time he closed his eyes, he pictured she was there, a smile on her radiant face, the sunshine in her hair. Even in his dreams she couldn't hear his voice, and he inevitably had tears in his eyes when he woke up. He missed his friends, too.

But it was like Strelitzia had said: if their loved ones could live out the rest of their lives happily, she and Sora could be at peace. Not happy, not smiling, but content.

He stepped onto the crossing. A light rain had fallen earlier, and the street was still wet. Puddles reflected the flashing neon lights above. He really missed Destiny Islands. He missed the feeling of sand between his toes and ocean spray on his face and sunsets with no buildings blocking the sky or stars. He missed home.

A loud scream tore through his thoughts. His Keyblade instantly appeared in his hand. His senses honed in on the source of the scream. Sure enough, a giant Darkside had appeared about 20 feet away from him. Everyone stampeded away from it when he needed to go toward it. They carried him along like a riptide back towards the station. He wasted precious time fighting the current until enough people recognized him to shout to the others to let him through, it was the boy with the Keyblade.

The boy with the Keyblade. They didn't know much about him or his past, but they knew what he could do.

He had no idea where Strelitzia was, so he'd have to fight this thing alone. Oh well. He'd done it before. He could do it again. He raced toward it, determined not to let it hurt anyone else. Even when he didn't know what else to do, he could always help.

He hooked Kairi’s lucky charm onto the chain of his Keyblade. Right as he was about to launch himself into the air, a flash of silver caught his eye.

No, it couldn't be. His eyes had to be playing tricks on him. He was just imagining his best friend was here, racing toward the Darkside with his Keyblade in his hand.

“Riku?” he called out, not believing his own voice.

Riku skidded to a halt. He had on a new outfit, and Sora could've sworn he’d gotten even taller somehow (no fair!), but it was really him.

Riku smiled. He actually smiled. “I figured I'd find you here,” was all he said, skipping any greetings. “People needed help, so I knew you'd come running.”

“But how? How did you make it to Quadratum—”

“I'll explain later.” He nodded towards their enemy.

"Right.” Sora couldn't let himself get distracted, no matter how badly he wanted answers.

Even though it had been more than a year, he and Riku still fought together like it was second nature. They used a lot of old tricks as well as a few new ones. Working together, the Darkside didn't stand a chance. They beat it in record time, and it dissipated into smokey oblivion.

Before Riku had even had a chance to banish his Keyblade, Sora threw his arms around him. Riku just chuckled and awkwardly hugged him back.

“I promise I'm really here. It's really me.”

“You're not dead, right? You didn't have to die?”

“Nope. Kairi and I figured out a way to safely get me here.”

Sora pulled away, hoping against hope. “Kairi? Is she here with you?”

Riku’s face fell. “I'm sorry, but no. She wanted to train more. She didn't feel like she was ready.”

Sora felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. “That's crazy. You should've seen her fight Xehanort with me. She was incredible.”

“I'm sure she was, but you know how she is. After what happened, she was worried about being a burden. So she wanted to train again. Get even stronger.”

The blood drained from Sora’s face. “She doesn't still blame herself for my death, does she?” He'd tried to reassure her before he disappeared that it wasn't her fault, and in his dreams he tried to communicate the same thing with heartfelt gestures, but it sounded like she still blamed herself, even after an entire year—

“You'll have to ask her that,” Riku said. “I know she's dying to see you.”

Sora pulled the lucky charm out of his pocket and stared at it. “I'm dying to see her, too.”

Riku's expression softened. “I know.”

Bitter disappointment mingled with the happiness and relief he felt at being reunited with Riku. He was grateful to see his best friend again, but it would've been even better if Kairi had been here too.

Still, he'd make the most of it. Riku was here and that was something worth celebrating. He put the lucky charm back in his pocket. “That's okay. I know I'll see her again soon. Come on, let me introduce you to a new friend of mine.”

Riku just chuckled and shook his head. “Of course you've already made more friends.”

“Hey, it's me.” He put his hands behind his neck and grinned. “Would you expect anything else?”

“No,” was his best friend's wry response. “You'll only hear me say this once, and I'll deny it to anyone who asks, but I did actually miss you, you know.”

“I missed you too.” He'd missed them all, so much. But this was the start of something good, he was sure of it. More reunions would follow. And he would never take a single moment spent with any of his friends for granted ever again.

And when he saw Kairi again? He had been shy and hesitant before, but he wouldn't hold back anymore.

————————————————————————

A/N: I'm going to briefly quote Wikipedia to explain the title:

"Kintsugi (Japanese: 金継ぎ, lit. 'golden joinery'), also known as kintsukuroi (金繕い, "golden repair"), is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with urushi lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum…As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.”

The phrase, “Nothing is whole, and nothing is broken," from the song Sanctuary by Utada Hikaru (the theme song for KH2) reminded me of this concept, so I decided to use Kintsugi as the title of this story.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed!

[lickthecowhappy]

Kintsugi

The art of repairing broken pottery with powdered gold, treating breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise.

my heart is a teacup overflowing with warmth  honeyed brew spilling out profuse ebullient heat  a vessel for passion so grossly undersized thin fragile porcelain chipped and cracked and leaking held together only by the gold of your eyes

Read more of my work here. This poem also available on AO3.

[deadly-glamourtail]

Imperfect, Impermanent, Incomplete

what's with Korsica fanartists and getting really philosophical about hot faux-scottish lady

[jokijuzu]

Kintsugi

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

Fall Out Boy, Hum Hallelujah // Jet Pack Blues // Rat A Tat // Love From the Other Side

[faggotstump]

They should make more girls tbh

[skylerskyhigh]

"Let the gold flow between the cracks..."

"It is time for him to take his life, and his future, back."

[phoenix-downer]

Kintsugi

Chapter 3 - Falling

Summary: Sora, Riku, and Strelitzia go shopping together in Quadratum to help Sora buy clothes for Kairi. The boys aren't sure what her size is, but Strelitzia helps them estimate it, and Sora finds something very special to give to Kairi. KH4 SoKai pining, angst, romance, and fluff.

Written as a celebration for posting my hundredth SoKai story on AO3! 🥳 Thank you all for voting in the poll and for all the support over the years ❤️

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

Sora’s eyes fluttered open. The cold light of Quadratum filtered through his window. It was never like the warmth of light back home. Never warm like—

His hand went to his cheek, his lips. They were warm. He closed his eyes and sighed. The dreams were getting more and more vivid. Tears slipped down his cheeks, and he traced a path down to his heart. It ached and throbbed because a part of it wasn't here. It was with her, safely hidden deep inside her heart.

"Kairi…” he murmured, a plea, a prayer. She knew now, knew the truth, the key to finding him. How could he be terrified for her safety but long for her to come all the same?

He felt as though he were falling, falling, falling, with no end in sight. What would it take to be caught? For her to finally reach him or he to reach her?

He groaned and sat up, every muscle aching from the fights yesterday on this world called Endor. Man, he missed his bed back home sometimes. His futon here was nice, but maybe he could save up enough for a bed. His back would definitely thank him.

He went through the motions of his morning routine. Something about that was oddly comforting. A little familiarity in a sea of unknowns. After that, he padded to the kitchen and started making breakfast. There was a knock at his door before too long.

“Good morning,” he said, greeting Riku and Strelitzia. They smiled and said the usual phrase when entering someone else's home as they removed their shoes: “Sorry for the intrusion,” except Sora wasn't sorry at all. Having them both here eased his loneliness a little.

They set their things down and helped him finish making the meal. Before too long, the three of them were seated at his kotatsu with a feast in front of them: green tea, miso soup, steamed rice, salted salmon, roasted seaweed, tamagoyaki (a rolled egg omelette cooked with sugar, just like Kairi always used to make it), and pickled daikon and cucumbers.

Being so far away from Kairi made him really miss her cooking, so he had used his training with Little Chef to recreate recipes from back home. Riku was very appreciative. Strelitzia was intrigued but had grown to like his cooking. It was just very different from what she had grown up with.

“So,” Riku said between bites of rice eaten via chopsticks, “how are we all doing today?”

Sora and Strelitzia just groaned. That got Riku to crack a half-grin.

“The past several days really were an adventure," Strelitzia said, “but I'm glad to be back. I know this isn't home, but it's where we all belong for now.” She frowned and poked at her salmon with her chopsticks. “I just wish we'd found another clue to get us all home.”

Strelitzia really, really missed her brother. She had been stuck here for hundreds of years and still wasn't any closer to seeing him again. Whatever path they found home, Sora knew it had to include her.

“How about you, Sora? Anything new to report since last night?" Riku asked.

“Actually, I had another dream,” he told them both. They instantly perked up.

“About Kairi?” Riku asked.

Sora nodded, his hand going to his chest. “She knows a part of my heart is in her heart now. And she said Aqua had explained the theory behind the Power of Waking to her.”

Riku's eyebrows shot up. “But she doesn't know how to use it. I didn't tell her how before I left.” He set his bowl of rice down. “I don't know, this sounds dangerous.”

Sora sighed. “That's what I tried to tell her. But you know how she is.” He and Riku shared a knowing look. She was stubbornly loyal, determined to get her way, strong-willed, strong-hearted, brave almost to the point of stupidity, and she never gave up hope and had even defied death itself to keep the people she loved alive.

Yeah, there was no way she wasn't coming for them the moment she figured out how.

“She's really someone special, isn't she?” Strelitzia said, a melancholy smile on her face. “She would have to be, to keep you two on your toes.” She fiddled with one of her pigtails, her expression wistful. “I really want to meet her.”

“You will.” And Sora meant it. A thrill ran through him at the thought of seeing her again. Was it a question of when now instead of if? It had to be. He would believe in that with all his heart.

————————————————————————

After finishing breakfast, Sora, Riku, and Strelitzia walked to the Omote-Sando Subway Station and hopped on the Ginza Line for Shibuya Station. Shibuya was their go-to area for shopping, and Strelitzia had suggested they buy some clothes for Kairi, just in case.

Their intended destination, the Shibuya PARCO, was a multilevel shopping complex with just about every kind of store and restaurant you could want and then some. The three of them headed to the fourth floor where there were a lot of good clothing stores.

As the elevator dinged and the doors opened, a little shiver went down Sora’s spine. It was superstitious of him, but he still couldn't get over how much the word for “four” sounded like death, and now they were on the fourth floor. He supposed he was dead already, and yet the thought of dying dying still freaked him out.

He pushed those thoughts down and followed Strelitzia and Riku into one of the stores. They were here to buy nice things for Kairi. Yes, this place was expensive, but he had made good munny on their missions, and he wanted to treat her.

There was just one problem.

“You don't know her size?” Strelitzia asked, frowning. Sora and Riku both winced. They supposed they should know after knowing her most of their lives, but they did not. And Sora hadn't really gotten the chance to buy her anything before disappearing.

Strelitzia tapped her cheek and thought. “Hmmmm, how do you think she compares to me? Maybe we could use that to figure out her size. Is she taller, shorter, skinnier, wider…”

Sora thought for a moment. He didn't want to say something to accidentally offend Strelitzia. He knew enough about girls to know that comparing her directly to Kairi was a bad idea.

Hold on a second. His heart had merged with Kairi’s heart several times now in his dreams. Maybe he could use that to give Strelitzia an estimate.

“She's short and petite but…curvy,” he said. He knew a blush was creeping up his face and could sense Riku smirking right next to him, but this was important. “Um, she's got dark red hair that's about this long,” he continued, gesturing to indicate roughly what length her hair was, “and great legs,” he added, indicating their length. “They’re long for her height.”

Strelitzia nodded. “What about her hip and waist size? That'll be really important for finding skirts and pants.”

Oh, Sora was going to kill Riku for that snicker just now. His face was burning and he couldn't look either of them in the eye. “Small waist, wide hips,” he mumbled. Something else he loved about her figure popped into his head, and he thought he was going to die all over again, this time from embarrassment.

Strelitzia made a few notes in her phone about possible sizes. “Oh, and could you also estimate her bust size? I know it's awkward, but that'll impact the shirts and dresses we look for.”

He couldn't even answer out loud, just very awkwardly made a gesture while avoiding both their eyes.

“So she has a pear-shaped figure?” Strelitzia asked, as if this was a scientific investigation.

"I guess?” He looked to Riku helplessly. “Is that what it's called?”

Riku just shrugged. Some help he was.

“I think that's enough to at least give me an idea,” Strelitzia said. “I'll hold up a couple of different sizes of the same clothes and ask you guys to eyeball it from there.”

Surprisingly, that method actually kind of worked. And Sora did know what color of clothes and style of clothes Kairi liked. Lots of pinks, purples, and blues in cute, feminine, and sporty styles. That was one of the things he loved about her. She could dress up and draw everyone's eyes, but she could also be a complete tomboy roughing it in a tank top and shorts.

When it came time to find shoes, they were in a bind again. But surprisingly, Riku randomly remembered her shoe size from some offhand remark she’d made one day to Selphie. With that knowledge, they found a pair of sneakers, black boots, and house slippers. Then it was time for jewelry. Thankfully, earrings and necklaces were one size fits all, but rings were a different story.

“How big are her hands?” Strelitzia asked, once again back in scientist mode as Riku scoped out ring designs glittering at them behind glass cases. “How do they compare to mine?”

Sora thought for a moment. “You know, come to think of it, they're probably about the same size as yours. Do you mind if I feel your fingers just to be sure?”

Strelitzia nodded and offered her hand. How Kairi's hand felt in his was stored deep inside his heart. His left hand twitched again, aching to hold her hand again. He gently felt Strelitzia's fingers and wondered if she had ever been in love. Had she ever had anyone special before her life had been cut short so quickly?

He hoped she had. But she hadn't volunteered the information, and he hadn't asked.

“Yeah, I think you probably have about the same ring size as she does,” he said, letting go of her hand.

Strelitzia smiled. “Great! I'm a size 5. I think you should pick something really special for her.”

"I will. But while I'm doing that, go pick out some cute scrunchies for your pigtails and a cute bag. It's the least I can do to thank you for all your help. And Riku, get yourself a nice jacket or something.”

Riku raised an eyebrow. “You sure about that? The prices here are pretty steep.”

“You left home and came to an entirely different reality to find me, which is priceless. A jacket doesn't even begin to repay that debt.”

Riku gave him a half smile. “That's two you owe me, but it's not a debt I ever expect you to repay.”

With that he and Strelitzia went off to look for potential purchases together, and Sora carefully searched the rings for the perfect one. It had to be something delicate but sturdy that would match her bracelets and the beloved necklace Aqua had enchanted so long ago.

There. A simple silver band with a pink jewel cut in the shape of a lotus flower caught his eye. The flower was remarkably similar to what her heart had looked like when he’d rescued her. It was perfect.

He grabbed a few more things for Kairi and then went back to the jewelry section. Strelitzia and Riku had returned, Strelitzia with two adorable colorful scrunchies for her hair plus a new purse, and Riku with a black leather jacket. With that the three of them entered the checkout line, and Sora placed his hard–earned munny onto the little blue tray for the cashier. The smiles on Strelitzia and Riku’s faces made it worth it though, and so did the thought of giving Kairi her gifts. Especially the ring. He slipped its little box into his pocket. She might come any day now, and he had to be ready.

She'd promised, after all, and she'd never let him down before.

————————————————————————

After grabbing dinner at the food court in the basement of Shibuya PARCO, Sora, Riku, and Strelitzia headed back toward the Scramble Crossing. Each of them carried several bags filled with Kairi gifts, the evidence of a successful haul.

Sora quietly listened as his two friends chatted away. Today has been a good day. Riku had really come out of his shell around Strelitzia, and Strelitzia finally had another friend. Everything looked a little less drab and dull. Like he was seeing not quite in full color yet, but tints and shades instead of just grays and browns.

The only thing that would've made today better was having all his friends here. All his friends and Kairi most of all. He couldn't wait to see her again, to show her all the things he had discovered in Quadratum, to give her these gifts, to introduce her to—

He spotted something out of the corner of his eye in a nearby alley. Something strange, something that didn't belong in this realm. He tensed, his hackles raised. Was that—

It raced through the shadows cast by all the streetlights and brightly colored advertisements, confirming his suspicions. A Heartless, for sure, but unlike any he had ever seen before. The hate it harbored toward him felt personal. A thing of darkness, hellbent on destruction and decay and death.

There was no time to summon his Keyblade. A warning scream ripped from his throat. He pushed Riku and Strelitzia out of the way, off of the sidewalk and onto the Scramble Crossing. His friends stumbled as he whirled around to face the Heartless. In the precious few seconds he had spent sparing his friends and warning the other bystanders, it had risen from the shadows and grown and grown and grown. He only had a split second to be terrified before he felt darkness tearing into him.

His friends' panicked yells sounded out, and a horrible pain pierced him to the depths of his heart. He was vaguely aware of shopping bags going everywhere and a stampede of panicked people. Everything was cold, freezing cold, and the world around him faded to black. He was falling, falling, falling into darkness with no end in sight.

Amidst the pain and horror and confusion, one simple, lonely thought remained.

I just wanted to see her, one last time.

————————————————————————

A/N: Thank you all for reading! This chapter was also a lot of fun to write. I really enjoyed the Sora Riku Strelitzia friendship and got a kick out of writing their scenes together. They were just so many fun moments and dynamics between the three of them that I wasn't expecting but really enjoyed discovering. It was also fun including the traditional Japanese style breakfast and shopping at the Shibuya PARCO. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Sorry not sorry for that cliffhanger lol. See you all next week! ❤️

[discordiansamba]

Top 5/10 fav scenes that you’ve written ?

Basically just the entire castle invasion arc in cosmic dust. Just all of it.

The bit in kintsugi where Zuko's birthday present for Toph is the fact that he's gotten his firebending back. It's just such a nice character moment for the both of them that builds up on everything in the series thus far.

also on that same note, Xia-Su and Zuko's conversation in kintsugi about her father, and how she got her limp.

the fight scene between Sendak and Keith in chatper six of under the pale moonlight.

the entire beginning of heart of a dragon. I really popped off with that introduction.

Keith and Macidus' second confrontation in flicker, culminating in that group hug.

the end of the naxzela chapter of abyss of memory, also culminating in that group hug.

speaking of abyss of memory. the build up to the twist at the end of roar of rebellion, like. in general. :)

Heath's death at the end of desert blessing.

still, somehow, both parts of this silly precure fic that revolves around magical offworlders vs cellphones.

[peonierose]

Kintsugi

Book: Open Heart

Characters involved: Maxine Moore (F!OC), Luna Auclair (F!OC) and Adam Sinclair (M!OC)

Summary: Maxine deals with a difficult time. Thankfully Luna and Adam are there to help her face her difficulties. In the end ”Family don’t end with blood.“

TW: Deals with anxiety and depression.

Words: 3,000+

A/N: This was difficult to write about. But hopefully you’ll give the story a chance. It’s not all dark and angsty it has light moments too. As always thank you to anyone reading and sharing my stories it really means a lot to me 🩷

10 a.m.

Maxine

What do you do when you have a bad day? When your world is falling apart? For when you feel directionless? And your mind is spinning? Making you dizzy, thinking you’re going insane when in reality you have a bad day and your body and your mind are telling you that you need a break.

Remedy? You surround yourself with the people you love. And sometimes that isn’t close or immediate family. As Bobby Singer said on Supernatural “Family don’t end with blood.“

I close my eyes and breathe through my anxiety as lie in my bed, my cat Milagros next to me. Her purrs make goosebumps etch on my skin but it’s a sound that’s more comforting to me than anything. I let my fingers curl in her soft fur, angering me further, bringing me into the here and now.

When anxiety and depression hit you? You want to be surrounded by love, but not overwhelmed by it.

Before I can stop myself I pick up my phone from my nightstand and I’m dialing Luna’s number. “Lu? It’s me.“ My voice must sound as horrible as I feel right now.

“Maxi? What’s wrong?“ Her voice is instantly on alert.

I wring out a sob and her voice waters immediately.

“Babe. Tell me what’s wrong!“ She says her voice wobbly.

“I know I shouldn’t ask you since you’re pregnant and you’re almost due and you have so many other things on your plate but I need you. Do you think you could come over?“ I was not able to hold my cries in, some tears leaked into Milagros’s black fur. And she rubs her head against my face, her whiskers tickling me slightly.

Her green eyes glow and she purrs again showing me some love.

God never in my entire life was I more grateful to have found this little stray kitten outside my tattoo studio. She was malnourished and didn’t have a collar. Slowly I nursed her back to health and gained her trust.

Once I did I took her to the vet to get a check up and ever since then, we’ve been inseparable.

Luna's voice brings me back from my trip down memory lane.

“I know I shouldn’t ask you since you’re pregnant and you’re almost due and you have so many other things on your plate but I need you. Do you think you could come over?“

I was not able to hold my cries in, some tears leaked into Milagros’s black fur. And she rubs her head against my face, her whiskers tickling me slightly. Her green eyes glow and she purrs again showing me some love.

God never in my entire life was I more grateful to have found this little stray kitten outside my tattoo studio. She was malnourished and didn’t have a collar. Slowly I nursed her back to health and gained her trust. Once I did I took her to the vet to get a check up and ever since then, we’ve been inseparable.

Luna's voice brings me back from my trip down memory lane.

“Okay stay where you are, I'm coming over. I’ll bring your favorite snack.“ I can hear the smile in her voice, as she’s trying to lighten the mood.

I sigh and I can’t even laugh over her joke. As much as I want to.

“I just want my best friend sugarplum. No snacks needed.“ I say and immediately feel bad for saying that.

She must’ve picked up on my mood. While I try to relax a bit into my pillows.

“Before you apologize to me Maxi, remember it’s me you’re talking to. Your best friend. I’ve got you, babe. I’ll let Bryce drive me, he’s not working today.“ She assures me before I can feel that tight knot form in my stomach for relying on and asking for my friend's help.

I snuffle a little. Nodding, realizing with a start she can’t see my nod through the phone. And a small smile lifts the corners of my lips. Reminding me my lips could use some lip balm. I think there is a cherry-flavored one in the drawer of my nightstand.

“Thanks Lunes. I know it's asking a lot, but I appreciate it more than I can say.“ I am not able to talk more than the words that have left my mouth.

“Of course I love you and I want to be there for you when you’re going through a bad time. I’ll be right there.“

She says and we hang up.

It’s days like these that I appreciate all my friends and family for living so close by. They’re here within a quick phone call.

I must’ve fallen asleep because I heard knocking on my door. I get out of bed and take a second to just take a moment to breathe and collect myself. I know I don’t have to hide or put up a font with Luna. She’s seen me at my best and at my worst and vice versa. That’s why I love her like a sister.

We’ve got each other's back.

I walk through the hallway to unlock the door, not even checking who it is. But since I’m expecting Luna it can be only her on the other side. I open the door and see Adam standing outside my door. With a rueful smile on his gorgeous lips.

“Adam? What are you doing here? not that I’m not happy to see you.“ I ask still in my sleep haze, rubbing my eyes. Trying to make sure I’m not seeing a mirage. Scared my Brian conjured him because I wanted him to be here.

His smile falters a little when he sees me. I know what I must look like in his eyes. Messy hair, and purple shadows under my eyes. Lost a bit of my usual vibrancy in my eyes. I don’t think I even brushed my teeth this morning.

For a second I feel ashamed that this is the image I present to the guy I shared a kiss with, whom I went on two dates with. What must he think of me?

“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d check on you. Can I come in?“

He asks, clutching my favorite flowers. A beautiful flower arrangement, with pink hibiscuses and other smaller flowers woven into, with the small that says ”Orchids Paradise“. He must’ve stopped by my favorite flower shop. It’s owned by Luna‘s dad Brian. He makes some of the most beautiful flower arrangements.

He seems unsure if I’d let him in and I’m debating if I should.

How am I going to explain what the fuck is going on when I don’t know myself? I feel my control slipping. My heart beats faster and my breath is coming in short breaths.

My hands start to sweat and I rub them on my pjs. I realize with a jolt I’m still in my PJs. Oh god. But fuck it. It is what it is, I will not apologize for greeting him at the door wearing my PJs.

“Maxi? Are you okay? Look, you don’t have to explain anything. I can tell you have a really hard time right now.“

He says softly.

“Why because of the way I look?“ I say shaper than I intended and wish I could take the sharpness away.

I rub my clammy hands over my face and just want to slide down onto the floor and cry and scream at the same time. Suddenly I can feel Adam's warm and calloused hands on my own who are still clutching my face.

“I wouldn’t change a thing about you. Because I see a strong beautiful woman. I see a fighter. I see someone that I care so damn much about who is struggling and I don’t know how to help you.“

He put my hands onto his chest and I just fell into his arms without meaning to. But it’s safe, comfortable and it’s Adam. He smells like wood, a warm summer evening, and oranges. In short, he smells like home to me.

“If you need to vent or scream, don't hold back. I would never judge you.“ He says and I nod, not able to form words. To feel this level of comfort? It can’t be measured in gold.

This is one of the reasons why therapy hasn’t worked for me. I can’t open up the way I can with friends. And so that’s what I do, when I struggle I know I have a support system I can fall back onto.

So that’s what I do. I just let out all of my tears, all my anger and frustration and sadness, and let the tears wash me clean from the emotions that I’ve bottled up for so long.

After a couple of shuddering breaths, I wipe my eyes and am embarrassed because I’ve soaked his dark olive shirt with my tears and probably even snot.

Before I can say how sorry I am for ruining his shirt he tips my chin up and I see only understanding and comfort shining in his deep blue eyes. It makes me smile a little.

“If you’re wondering about the shirt. Fuck it, it’s only a shirt. Helping someone you care about is a lot more important than a stupid shirt.“ He says and wipes an errant tear from my face.

“Am I that transparent?“ I ask aloud wondering if I’m that easy to read. I always thought it was hard to figure out what I was feeling.

Then I backtrack and look at him. His blond hair is in a messy bun and his eyes shine with an emotion that I don’t feel comfortable naming yet. I know it's love, but right now? I can’t focus on that. It’s not that I don’t have feelings, I‘m scared to say I love him too because I haven’t figured out how much I love him.

“Wait. You’ve never cursed in front of me, since I’ve known you.“ I voice my opinion out loud.

“I’m a man of many surprises.“ He grins mischievously at me. And that smile? It just does me in.

Before I’m fully aware of what I’m doing I get on my tip toes and press my lips against his. I can tell he’s surprised as he didn’t see it coming that I’d kiss him, not after I had a cry session against his shirt and very defined muscles just a minute ago.

But soon he relaxes against me and puts his hand on my neck to tilt my head to deepen the kiss. A kiss can be erotic, sinful, or sexy. But it can also be nurturing, caring, soothing, and give comfort.

It’s a mix of sexy, sweet, and soothing. When we come up for air, we just smile and stare at each other.

The spell is broken when we hear a car door slam shut outside. And I remember that Luna was coming.

Looks as if it took her longer to get here. It’s almost as if it‘s Kismet that Adam showed up to help me through a really bad time. And I’m glad he showed up when he did.

“Are you expecting anyone else?“ Adam asks when he hears the front door open and a loud exhale of breath.

We look down and see Luna with some bags.

Adam smiles softly.

“Need any help carrying those bags?“

Adam offered.

Luna squeaked like a mouse and looked up from downstairs.

”Oh yeah thanks for almost making my heart stop.“ She exhales and leans on a banister.

And I instantly felt bad. She came because I asked her. And in her late pregnancy she shouldn’t overexert herself too much. But I shouldn’t have worried because Luna looked up again and her smile became as sly as a fox.

”Am I interrupting something?“ Luna asked looking between us. I feel my cheeks heat and drag my hand through my hair.

That’s when he realized he’s still carrying the flower bouquet. Amid the kiss we both forgot about it.

”Oh these are for you. I thought something pink would cheer you up and I know hibiscuses are your favorite.“ He says handing me the bouquet.

”Thank you, these are beautiful.“

He nods and helps with the bags Luna brought in.

”No. Let us help you with those bags.“ I offer but Adam squeezes my elbow and shakes his head at me.

Luna stands next to me, sees the pink flower bouquet I‘m holding, and just winks at me. I sigh, I know she’ll ask me later. But it’s also a comfort to know she’ll be asking me, which makes my lips turn up a little at the corners.

Adam carries the bags inside my apartment and looks back at me once he’s inside.

”Where do you want the bags?“ He gestures to the bags he’s carrying.

”The counter in the kitchen is fine.“ I replied.

Luna walked inside before me and as soon as we were inside she beelined for me and we embraced each other. Both of us feel the effects of Ohana.

For some people, it might sound strange. But we both struggle with the same things sometimes so we’re each other's support system.

Luna holds me at arm's length to give me a good once-over.

”Still pretty and strong. Remember we all love you. And we’re all here for you. Okay?“ She caresses my cheek. And I nodded, tears coming out of my eyes. And Luna wipes them away gently.

Adam clears his throat.

”I...uhh...feel like this is your bonding time. And I don’t want to interrupt it. I’ll call you later, Maxi.“ He says and I nod.

Luna grinned at us and went to the kitchen counter to get the items out of the bags. Giving me and Adam some privacy.

He grinned and kissed me one more time before he said he’d call me later and walked out the door, closing the door on his way out.

The door just shut and Luna walked over not trying to hide her grin and I just sighed knowing what came next.

”Spill. Please. I am dying over here. I was so tempted to look over my shoulder to see the kiss. It was sweet and hot right?“ She bites her bottom lip, not able to contain her excitement.

”How do you know what we did?“ I asked her.

Luna produces a compact mirror. I snort at her little trick but have to give her points for creativity.

”I should’ve known.“ I put my arm around her shoulder and we slowly walked towards the kitchen. Luna grinned at me.

”Looks like there was some sexual healing involved.“

”You’re spending way too much time with Lahela.“

”That‘s true. But you’re also not denying it. So that means that Adam came here and kissed you and now you’re feeling a bit better.“

I just smiled. The worry and anxiety aren’t completely gone out of my eyes but it lessened a bit. I open the fridge and let Luna assemble whatever it is she’s doing and get us some homemade hibiscus tea out of the fridge.

”How did you convince Bryce to let you carry that on your own?“

I pour us two glasses and hand her one. She took a big gulp and answered me.

”With my cooking skills and telling him I’m my own woman and I can carry some stuff. Also that he’d spend the night on the couch.“

”Yeah that probably got him moving. So what have you planned there, sugarplum?“

I ask, pointing to dozens of bowls, some clay, and gold powder. As well an array of brushes.

”It’s called Kintsugi. Instead of throwing bowls or other pottery away after it breaks, Japanese practice or even tradition is that they mend the broken pieces with golden paint. Which highlights and enhances the breaks in the pottery and creates beautiful art pieces.“

She continues undeterred.

”Don’t worry, I made sure that the urushi lacquer is safe to use. Meaning that later you’ll be able to put food into your bowls.“ I lean against the counter.

”How did you come up with this idea?“ She smiled gently at me.

”Honestly? I felt like it spoke to me. Anxiety and depression do make you feel weak or like you can’t do anything right. Or as if you’re broken. I read somewhere how your imperfections make you more beautiful. But once you heal or have people who love you that are there for you? Something heals. And I felt as if Kintsugi is just like that.“

I raised my eyebrows.

”Okay. So we’re supposed to do what? Just smash the bowls onto the floor? Isn’t Kintsugi supposed to be if it accidentally falls and shatters and you’re then supposed to repair it?“ I asked and Luna shrugged.

”Well I do see your point, but I think we can make an exception in this case.“

I‘m still skeptical when I see her take a bowl and smash it onto the floor.

”Damn Lu, warn me next time.“

”Well I did say we have to smash them just like this...so technically you were warned.“ Luna grins at me.

She gives me some gloves and I pick up the parts of the smashed bowl from the floor since Lunes can’t exactly bend down herself.

My cat Milagros who’s been wandering around hissed and disappeared. Can’t blame her. I got a quick scare too when the bowl hit the floor.

”Looks like Milagors is not a fan.“ I say and put the parts onto the kitchen counter. Luna grins and hands me another bowl.

”Come on, it's cathartic. We‘re going to cathart so hard.“

I smile reluctantly and smash the bowl onto the floor. And I have to say it felt good.

”Okay this wasn’t half bad.“

Then she smashed another bowl down onto the floor.

”See? I was right.“ She wiggled her eyebrows.

”Okay smart ass don’t be smug.“ I said and she laughed out loud with tears coming out of her eyes.

After we smashed a good portion of the bowls we put them onto the kitchen counter. We have epoxy, small brushes, urushi lacquer the bowls, and a small plate to mix the powdered golden paint onto.

We apply the mixture to the bowls and put them on old magazines and newspapers I don’t need anymore. Now we need to let them dry.

I put my arm around Luna and we grin proudly at each other.

”Good job Auclair.“ I grin.

”Likewise Moore.“

We high-five each other just as one of the bowls slips and we burst out laughing.

”Well we have six more bowls. One of them will hold together.“

We both nod.

The next day...

I‘m sitting at Luna’s kitchen counter while we have some late lunch and she leans over as much as her belly allows.

”You’ll never guess what happened.“

She whispered. I set down my fork piled with lettuce and a strawberry.

”If it involves you and Bryce being naked, then no I don’t want to know what happened. I’m your best friend, but even I draw the line at naked stories.“

Luna rolls her blue-green eyes.

”It wasn’t anything like that I promise.“

”Okay go on.“ I pick up my fork again.

”I saw Bryce reading and making breakfast this morning.“

”And how’s that weird?“

”He was listening to Donna Summer‘s song Hot Stuff. He was singing and dancing to it. Surprisingly he’s got a very beautiful voice.“

”Shut up. Really? No way.“ I finished chewing before I replied.

Luna nods.

”Apparently it’s his favorite song. It must be a guilty pleasure song of his.“

I grin slowly.

”Oh the blackmail material keeps piling up. I love it.“

”Right? You know Christmas is coming up. Why don’t you give him a let’s say vinyl record of Donna Summer’s greatest hits.“ Luna‘s glow with mischief.

”You’re such an evil little person. I’m so in. Maybe we can even get it signed.“ I ponder over that for a second.

”It can even say ”To my biggest fan, love D.“

I say out loud while Luna laughs so hard the juice she drank almost comes sloshing out of her nose.

”Oh my god I’d pay money to see his reaction. Maybe we can swing this.“

Luna says after her laughter has quieted down.

We both grin and keep on talking and spending a few glorious hours in the sunshine together.

Always remember times can be tough. Sometimes they can be hopeless or unbearable. But as long as you have people you love who love you unconditionally? Who supports you? You’re never alone. Remember that.

[soledad-montoya]

Kintsugi heart

[heartcravings]

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