#Kinda like 3812?

[eruisapenguin]

i wonder what scarlet child mc's relationship with some of the senior staff would be? Especially Clef

You first met Kondraki when he's there to renew your picture for your document, you guessed.

"How is Draven?" Asked you to make a small talk; he tensed.

"Fine." "How about James?" The man looked up from his camera, "who?"

A soft smile on your face contrasts with his frown. "Not yet then." It's better to leave some things in the dark.

—

It's been many years since you were born. You're a teen now, you think, contrary to what the people believe; you are not omniscient. It's weird, you're supposed to be an adult yet your body said otherwise. They had given you the privilege to roam without a guard breathing down your neck every second, cooperation and good behaviour does wonders. It's easy now for you to do stuff beyond your so called privilege. While usually the anxiety is ever so present, there's barely any crawling.

You wanted to meet Meri, your sister; physically, not through dream. You wanted to meet 999, your brother. You do not want to meet 682, nor Clef, ever. But does the universe ever gives you what you want?

He knows immediately. Type Green meets Type Green. Clef is technically your dad too, right? It's weird. You hoped he cared enough about a child he never hold for him to not snitch on their ass.

"You—" "Hi there, I believe you're my dad?" He let out an ugly snort immediately; almost dropping his ukulele.

You didn't even let him reply your first question. "Do you think they'll let me meet Meri one day?" "Do you think they're that generous, kid?"

"is that a no, then?" You tilted your head.

Clef grinned, ah, there's the third eye. "Did I ever said no?"

—

(Not a senior researcher but bear with me okay I love talloran)

Being an adult that's supposed to be older than your supposed current age is truly an odd experience. It's the Foundation after all, you guessed. Well, it's certainly weirder than facing the famous Talloran though scarless and with shorter hair; 3999 must had not yet happen then. You wonder if Kondraki had yet killed himself or not.

"I think it's better for you to quit." He looked quite jumpscared by you suddenly talking. "W-wh—are you talking to me?" Does he know you're an SCP under the tactical gear you are wearing by the way?

"I just think you shouldn't girlboss too hard or close to the sun, you know."

"What does that even mean??"

"Your boyfriend's here; think about it, okay?" And you left without uttering a single goodbye.

[buckyshoneybunny]

Fall Days & Long Games

College!Quarterback!Bucky Barnes + Curvy!College!Reader 

Summery- You get tired of Bucky avoiding you, so you corner him before his game. After more revealed secrets, will things finally be okay? Or will your relationship just get worse? And of course, when John Walker is thrown into the mix, something always happens. 

W.C.- 3812 

Warnings- Mentions of smut and oral (both f and m rec.) Cursing, fluff, angst  

A/N- Wow okay totally meant to have this done sooner lol. There definitely will be more of these two so don’t worry. I was going to do smut but I didn’t have time. The next one probably will have smut. Anyway, I was so tired writing this lol so any mistakes are mine, it’s definitely not proof read. I really do hope you like. The picture of the living room is mine, I designed it for this series the football field pic is not mine, found it on google. Now I’m off to start Friendsgiving! Bye my loves! (P.S. it’s kinda all over the place, I tried to put like lines to separate it, there is some of Bucky’s POV though) 

Taglist- @calwitch @winterslove1917 @hi172826

Masterlist      Series Masterlist  

Bucky groaned as the sunlight streaming through the blinds shined right into his eyes. He hadn’t drunk enough to be hungover, but he could tell he drank last night. He rolled over and buried his face in the fluffy pillow.  

He took a deep breath, the scent of plum and peaches relaxing him. Wait a second, plum and peaches? His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, he slowly opened his eyes, taking in the sight of the room.  

A desk neatly organized, sat in front of a window overlooking the side yard. Pens and pencils color coordinated; computer sat in the middle. It was one of those all-white desks that you get from one of those furniture stores. It matched the bookcase that was littered with books and personal items.  

He figured the dresser must be in the closet since one wasn’t visible. A school bag sat by the door. Not just any school bag, your school bag. Last night’s events came flooding back. Your costume, the argument and the things you both said, the amazing sex.  

He carefully rolled over again; he sighed in relief when he saw you were still asleep. You laid on your side, cuddling a brown, stuffed dog that looked like it was as old as you. Your Y/C/H hair sat tangled on the pillow, shining in the sunlight and creating a halo around your head.  

He found himself smiling as he watched you sleep; the way you hugged the stuffed dog, holding onto it for dear life and how peaceful you looked. The way you frowned, something not going the way you want in your dream.  

How your normally soft, pink lips were chapped from the cooler weather. The way they were slightly parted, allowing a little bit of drool to come out the corner of your mouth. 

His smile widened and his heart fluttered the longer he watched you. He paused, why the hell was his heart fluttering? He shot up, sitting up fast enough he winced, hoping he hadn’t made too much movement.  

He let out a breath when you didn’t stir in the slightest. What would you have said if you had woken up? Would you be angry? Would you regret it? His stomach twisted at the thought of you regretting sleeping with him. But why, it’s not like he cared? Right?  

I mean, he hated you, every little thing you did pissed him off. The way your notes had to be perfectly organized, or how you bite your perfect pink lips when you’re thinking. The way your eyes sparkle when you talk about something you love and how you get emotional when-oh god.  

He jumped out of the bed, his legs getting tangled in the sheets and nearly falling on his ass. His heart pounded, there was no way. He couldn’t be, could he? He couldn’t possibly be all of a sudden catching feelings for you. Except, it isn’t sudden, he’s felt like this for a while. Shoving down the feelings he had for you and convincing himself it was hate that he felt instead. 

Only now those feelings are crawling back up now that you both had come to some sort of understanding and he had a taste of what it was like to be with you. The feeling of your soft skin under his hands, how perfectly your sexy curves felt against his toned body. How much he loved the contrast of your soft, plump stomach against his hard, lean abdomen. 

His heart beats faster every second he allows himself to acknowledge his feelings for you. He couldn’t do this. He needed to leave before you wake up and laugh at him, telling him this was all a big mistake and you could never be with someone like him.  

He quickly dressed and snuck out; thankful no one was awake yet. He couldn’t face anyone right now, he needed-he didn’t know what he needed. All he knew was he had to get the hell out of here before anyone could wake up and ask what happened.  

You were livid. Two weeks, two fucking weeks that fucker had been avoiding you. You held out hope that morning that maybe he had been downstairs or in the bathroom. But he wasn’t. You wanted to cry when Nat told you she had seen him walking down the driveway nearly two hours before.  

_____

You had hoped that maybe this could’ve been the start of a new relationship, even if it was just as friends, you would’ve taken whatever you could get. But the next time you had seen him, he acted like you weren’t even there, liked nothing happened.  

You were pissed, hurt, and most of all, disappointed. You hated accepted a long time that some part of you liked him. But his constant attitude towards you made it easier to hate him rather than focusing on your feelings for him. 

You may not know why he was acting like this, but you knew one thing. You were going to find out why. 

“You okay?” Natasha asked, snapping you out of your thoughts. “You’ve hardly touched your food, and I know how much you love those sausage and cheese biscuits.”  

You sigh and pick at the crumbs. You, Yelena, and Natasha were at a fast-food joint for a quick breakfast before heading out to buy fall decorations, since none of you had classes today. What a miracle that was. 

“Yeah, just...thinking.”  

“About Bucky?” Yelena mumbles, her mouth full of food. 

“No.” That was an obvious lie.  

Nat rolls her eyes. “Oh come on, what’s been going on between you and Barnes?” 

“I don’t know what you mean,” you mumble and take a bite of food.  

“Cut the bullshit, you two have been avoiding each other more than usual.” 

You couldn’t hide things from Natasha, she’d find out one way or another. “Halloween night we got into this big argument, said some things and had sex.”  

Both her and Yelena choke on their food. “You had sex?!” Yelena nearly yells.  

“Say that a little louder, I don’t think the guy across the street heard you,” you grumble. Yelena stammers, trying to come up with a response. 

“Um, wow, okay. But that still doesn’t explain why you are avoiding each other?” Nat says. 

“He’s avoiding me. When I woke up the next morning he was gone and ever since then won’t even acknowledge I exist.” Natasha could hear the pain in your voice.  

“Tell you what, I always go see Steve before their game. Why don’t you come with me and talk to Bucky. If you corner him, he can’t run.”  

You thought for a moment. That actually sounded pretty good. You agreed and you guys finished breakfast and headed out to start the shopping. 

By the time you got home it was just after three in the afternoon, the game didn’t start till seven so there was plenty of time to decorate and get ready.  

You all three worked in harmony to decorate the living room, soft music playing through the speakers. Yelena had lit a few candles; they were already giving you a headache. You didn’t say anything though, you knew how much they loved the cinnamon and pumpkin scented candles. Yelena said it didn’t feel like fall without them. So, you’d put up with a little headache if it meant Yelena was happy.  

By the time you guys finished and got ready, it was forty minutes until the game started. You mentally gave yourself a peptalk the whole way there. You could do this, you were ready. 

_____

Realistically, Bucky knew he was making things worse. That avoiding you completely wasn’t helping, but he just wasn’t ready. The last two weeks his mind has been consumed with you.  

Every time you thought he wasn’t paying attention, he was. He started noticing the little things, the way your hair framed your face, how your eyes shined in the sunlight. He couldn’t deny his feelings anymore, the only thing he couldn’t figure out was if this was a regular crush, or something more. 

This whole situation was getting to him, he was having trouble sleeping, couldn’t focus. Hell, Couch Fury got on his ass this week more times than he can count. Needless to say, it was affecting his focus on tonight's game and that wasn’t good. 

Tonight, they were playing their ultimate rivals, Hydra. And the ‘star’ quarterback of their team was John Walker. God, just the thought of that man made Bucky’s blood boil. He was an egoistic jerk who lived off his daddy’s money. The man didn’t even have any real talent. 

Bucky couldn’t count how many times he had to refrain from punching the smug bastard, especially when he wouldn’t take no for an answer and keep his grimy hands off the women.  

Bucky barged through the locker room door, his pregame playlist blasting through his earbuds. He shoved his bag into his locker and started to get ready for the game.  

_____

Your heart was pounding as you walked with Nat to the men’s locker rooms, Yelena grabbing y'all's spot in the front row, curtesy of one Steve Rogers. You had caught sight of John Walker earlier. The thought of him made your skin crawl. You'd heard stories of how he would get aggressive when he didn’t get what he wanted.  

“You ready?” Nat asked once you reached the locker room. You took a deep breath and nodded.  

Nat pushed the door open, immediately heading for Steve, you spotted Bucky in the back messing with his helmet. His back was to you. Perfect. 

You walked up behind him, tapping his shoulder. 

“What?” He said gruffly, not even bothering to turn around. 

“We need to talk.” He spun around, eyes wide with shock before he masked it with his signature cold look. 

“Can’t.” He says coldly. “Game’s about to start.” 

You snap. “No!” You shout. “You are not leaving until you talk to me!” He goes to walk past you and you put your hands on his chest, shoving him back with enough force that it surprised him. And you for that matter, you didn’t know you had that in you. 

The locker room goes quiet and everyone looks at you. 

“You wanna talk so fucking bad? Fine then, talk.” He slammed his helmet down on the bench.  

“You say you aren’t a fuckboy, so why the hell are you acting like one?!” 

His brows furrow. “What?”  

“Why were you gone the next morning? Why are you avoiding me like the plague?” He stammered, trying to come up with a response. You both were so focused on each other that you didn’t notice the other teammates tip-toeing out to give you both privacy. 

“I want answers, James.” You try to sound demanding but your words come out shaky. “If it was a mistake just say so, but don’t avoid me like a fucking coward!” 

His jaw clenches in annoyance. “I’m not a coward,” he says lowly. Almost a growl.  

“Well, you’re sure as hell acting like one.” 

He moves past you to sit on the bench, rubbing his face in frustration. “I freaked out, okay? I panicked and ran.” 

“See? Coward.” 

“Would you-” He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself before he does something stupid. It wasn’t working, he was about two seconds from punching the locker in front of him.  

You could see the internal war going on inside him by the look on his face. Your expression softened just a tiny bit. No, you tell yourself. He did this to himself; this is the consequence of his actions, don’t feel bad for him.  

“That morning, I just....” He sighed. He didn’t know how to phrase what he wanted to say. If he just ripped the band aid off, it would come out all jumbled.  

“It was all kind of like a smack in the face, ya know? One moment I’m watching you sleep and the next my heart is fluttering. The longer I watched you, the worse it got. And then I started thinking, and I realized the reason my heart was fluttering was because I was catching feelings.”  

He can’t be serious? “Are you serious? That's the excuse you’re using? You can’t just play with my feelings like that and lie, that’s isn’t funny.” Your voice breaks, tears cloud your vision. You blink them away, not wanting to cry in front of him.  

His expression softens. “I’m not, Y/N,” he sighs. “I’m not.” You can hear the small crack in his voice, the desperation written all over his face. 

Before you could say anything, Steve pops his head in. “Sorry to interrupt but the game is about to start.” Bucky nods and Steve closes the door.  

Bucky grabs his helmet. He turns to you like he wants to say something, but doesn’t. He just sighs and walks out the locker room. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes and leaning against one of the lockers. Your knees felt weak, your heart practically screaming in your ears with how loud it was beating.  

You felt like you were further then where you started with him. Like this conversation took you three steps back rather than forward. You get a handle on your emotions before heading out to join Nat and Yelena. You get there just in time to see Bucky and the team come out. 

“How did it go?” Yelena asks. 

You shake your head and swallow past the lump in your throat. “I don’t want to take about it.” Nat could hear the quiver in your voice. She rubbed your arm and gave you a reassuring smile that said everything was going to be okay. And while that may be true, right now it felt everything but okay.  

Once the game got going and you three were cheering, you started to feel better. You could do this, you just had to take it one step at a time.  

______

It was like routine at this point, his team would take the lead and John Walker would start to talk shit. Bucky always brushed him off, never paying attention or letting it get to him. Except for tonight.  

Bucky was already on edge, everything going on with you messing with his head. Walker had already been talking shit, everything he could to piss Bucky off. It didn’t work though, but then he had an idea. He'd seen the way Bucky had kept looking at you every chance he got.  

Walker turned to Lemar. “See that chick over there? Uh Y/N, I think her name is? She'd look like a pretty good lay don’t you think?” He had a shit eating grin on his face. 

Bucky froze as soon as he heard your name come out of John’s mouth. If looks could kill, Walker would have disintegrated. Lemar chuckles when he sees what his buddy is trying to do. 

“I mean, she’s a bit too...what’s the word? Fat for my taste, but I’m-” Now any other night Bucky would have told Walker to go fuck himself. Tonight was not that night. Bucky threw off his helmet and shoved Walker to the ground. 

You, Nat, and Yelena all stand up. You ask Nat what the hell he’s doing. She can’t come up with an answer, you watch, hoping he gets his shit together. 

Walker stood up, taking his helmet off. “Dude, what the fu-” Bucky’s fist collided with Walker’s face before he could finish.  

All hell broke loose. Both teams arguing, some getting physical too. Bucky ended up on top of Walker, throwing punch for punch. Steve and Sam manage to get Bucky off him, but can barely hold him back. Steve gives you a ‘help’ look. 

“You need to go out there and stop him,” Nat says. 

“What makes you think he’ll listen to me?”  

“I have a feeling he will, now go.” Nat says frantically.  

With the help of the people on the side lines, you make it over the fence, running to get to Bucky. Once you get close enough you can hear Bucky calling John every foul name he can think of, all the while Steve and Sam struggle to keep their hold on him.  

“Bucky! Enough!” You yell, out of breath. He stops the moment he hears your voice. He looks at you.  

“Y/N?” He asks.  

“Oh, I see,” Walker chuckles. “Someone has feel-” Bucky manages to get free and punches Walker again, this time effectively shutting him up. Bucky doesn’t spare you another glance, shoving past you to head to the locker rooms. 

You tried to stop him, the look on his face stopped you. You cried yourself to sleep that night. 

____

Saturday mornings were usually pretty chill. The three of you laid out on the couch in your pjs, watching TV. Steve and Sam decided to come over, bringing breakfast.  

“How did it go last night?” Nat asks as she gets everyone drinks. 

“Well, Fury cussed him out for a solid 30 minutes, said if he wasn’t as good of a player as he was that he’d cut him from the team. Thankfully Walker isn’t pressing charges.” Steve sighs.  

“What happens now?” Yelena asks.  

“Nothing really, keep practicing. We'll have a do over next month, play against other teams and give everyone time to cool off.” Sam says, taking a bite of food. Once everyone finishes, Steve tells you to go talk to Bucky.  

You get dressed and brush your teeth. “How is he?” You ask, putting your shoes on.  

“Pissed.” Sam says. 

“Look, I know you’re mad at him and I know he caused this but, please just..take it easy on him. He's been dealing with the repercussions of his actions the past two weeks. It's been messing with his head. So, please just take it easy, okay?” You could see how concerned Steve was, his voice pleading.  

You nod. “Okay,” you say softly. “I will.” Steve nods and gives you the keys to their dorm.  

It takes you little over half an hour to get to their dorm, it being on the other side of the campus. You open the door as quietly as you can. It's quiet inside, you almost think Bucky isn’t home. 

You close the door and tip toe to where Steve said Bucky’s room was. His door was ajar, you could see him lying on his back on the bed starring up at the celling. In gray sweatpants, his bare chest on display. His metal and flesh hand laced together on his abdomen; you could see his bruised knuckles. You also made a mental note to ask him what happened, but first you had to repair this dysfunctional relationship between the two of you. 

“Bucky?” You ask softly, pushing his door open. 

His eyes snap to you, he lets out a breath, mumbling out a curse. You bite your lip to hold back the smile that wanted to spill, knowing you scared him. 

“What do you want?” His tone is neutral but the look in his eyes gives him away. He's hurting.  

He sits up and you sit on the edge of the bed. “I want to talk.” You say softly. “And before you say anything, I’m not here to argue or play the blame game. I just want to talk.”  

He can see the desperate look in your eyes, he nods. After a moment you speak up again. “What happened? What's going through your mind?” You whisper. 

He sighs. “That morning, I finally realized that I had feelings for you. It was sudden, but at the same time it wasn’t.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“It hit me that I had been burying those feelings for you for a while, convincing myself to hate you. Why? I have no idea, maybe it was easier to have you hate me, maybe I thought since you did hate me that you’d never give me a chance.” 

“And these feelings...mean you like me? Like, like like me?” 

“No-yes,” he sighs frustratingly. “I like you, yes, but...” 

You can feel your pulse in your throat. “But?” Your voice is hardly loud enough to be a whisper. 

“It doesn’t feel like some regular crush, it feels like something more,” he admits quietly.  

Your breath catches in your throat. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why avoid me?” 

“Because I was scared, I’ve never felt like this before.” You both go quiet for a moment. 

You take a deep breath, gathering the courage to say what you need to say. “I’ve always known that some part of me liked you. I made peace with that a long time ago. It was just easier to hate you, especially with how much of a jerk you were.” He looks down, his face filled with guilt.  

“But I also didn’t want to admit I was wrong.” 

He looks up, his blue eyes locking in on yours. “Wrong about what?” He asks, confused. 

“About you. You aren’t some egoistic fuckboy, even with how we acted towards each other, I could see you were a good guy. I’m sorry, Bucky.” 

“I’m sorry too,” he whispers. You lace your fingers his. 

“So, what now?” You ask quietly, almost afraid of his answer.  

He lets out a breath and squeezes your hand. “I want...I want to give this a shot. I know we’ve never seen eye to eye. But we both have these feelings and....I want to explore them with you, if you can ever forgive me.”  

You smile softly. “Really? You want that?” 

He nods. “Yeah, if you’ll have me.” 

You nod, smile growing. “Yes.” 

You both just look at each other, smiling like a couple of goofballs. Bucky leans forward, his hands gently cupping your face. 

“May I?” He whispers. 

You snicker. “Yes.” He presses his lips to yours gently. The kiss is much softer than any other kiss you’ve had.  

You and Bucky spent most of the rest of the day wrapped around each other. Exploring each other’s bodies, seeing what made the other tic and what made them crumble. Your hips met his thrust for thrust, starting off soft and going harder each time either of you got close. 

Bucky took his time exploring your pussy, savoring each lick, all the while torturing you. He reveled in the taste of you on his tongue. You took pride in watching him shudder as you made him fall apart, only to put him back together like he did to you. He had stamina and practically no refractory period and you took advantage of that. That and the empty dorm room. 

And as you laid snuggled on his chest, him holding you close and rubbing your side. You were excited to see where this would lead. You were grateful everything turned out okay. 

But as they always say, nothing ever goes as planned. 

[anarchist-with-a-crown]

well i kinda have 2

tumblr name- anarchist with a crown, just because i'm a huge technoblade fan

basically every IGN- DotboT(3812 optional), this comes from 2 places. DotboT is just a name i came up with when trying to make up a name for the slopcrew mod for bomb rush cyberfunk. there's a really cool crew called dotEXE who are all living pool balls, and i specifically like the cue ball one, giving the Dot half two meanings

2nd, 3812 is because of a really good SCP story that warped my view of stories and also has my name in it :)

that's a lot more than i realized it was lol

USERNAME LORE GIVE IT TO ME NOW YOU ALL

[lovemesomesurveys]

5000 questions survey series--part forty

LOTR The Two Towers

3801. Who is your favorite Lord of the Rings charater and why?

I’ve never seen LOTR or had the desire to see it. This isn’t a whole survey about it is it...

3802. In the Lord of the Rings...how do the characters go on when the forces against them are so powerful?

How can they go on when so many awful things have happened?

3803. What is it that makes middle earth worth saving?

3804. Is Frodo making a personal sacrifice by taking the ring to be destroyed?

3805. What would you do in Frodo's place?

3806. When you saw the two towers did you really want the Ents (Treebeard etc.)to get involved in the war?

3807. Why didn't Merry and Pippin just allow the Ents to take them home to the shire? 

What could two tiny hobbits do in a great war?

3808. Why did the elves go to Helm's Deep?

They had a dusty old alliance but they could have escaped and made a new and better life, without risking their lives.

3809. Who is the most heroic LOTR character and what makes them a hero?

3810. What characters in LOTR put their own interests before the interests of all?

What characters put the interests of all above their own interests?

3811. Aragorn left the elvish girl he loved. How could he leave someone he loved? Isn't love the highest thing that there is? What could he possibly have valued higher than love that he left her for? Do you agree with him?

3812. What LOTR character displays the most humanity?

3813. What did you notice that was different between the Two Towers book and movie?

3814. Why is Frodo so kind to Gollum?

3815. You are in Helm's Deep on the eve of battle. Do you put on a suit of armor and fight, or crawl into the caves and hope to be protected?

3816. What have you risked your life for?

What would you?

3817. With the constant threat of violence, war, nukes, terror, chemicle weapons, etc. aren't we all in a similar position to those in the Lord of the Rings?

3818. How can we go on when the evil in this world is so powerful? No one and nothing is more powerful than God and He will always prevail.

How can we go on when so many awful things have happened? A lot of bad has happened, but a lot of good has, too. 

3819. What is it that makes our Earth worth saving? Because there is good that exists. We’re only here but a short time. We need to do what we can while we’re here.

3820. Who's responsibility is it to save our world? Ours.

3821. Who was more technilogically advance in LOTR, the 'good guys' or the 'bad guys'?

3821. What was Tolkien saying by causeing the Ents (trees) to come together with the river (by breaking the dam) and over throw Sauromon?

3822. Should Wormtoung have been killed? Should Gollum? Why or why not?

3823. In the battlee for Middle Earth, which LOTR character would you most like to be like and why?

3824. Which character do you think you actually WOULD be the most like?

3825. What is the over all ___ that you took away with you from this movie?

**End LOTR**

3826. Why do most people associate being spiritual or connected to the world as being a hippy? *shrug*

3827. Why is passion and honest emotion equated with hallmark cards/ I didn’t know it was.

3828. What words set off alarms in your brain (for me it's anarchy, pagan, etc)? Uh, a lot do.

3829. Are you dancin in the dark? I’m not dancing at all.

3830. Name 2 things you have never done in public:

1. Went out naked.

2. Used the restroom.

3831. If you had to choose out of what you just named, which one WOULD you do in public? Neither!

3832. Challenge yourself. Do whatever it is in public. Absolutely not.

Why not?

What are you so terrified of?

3832. Is hell REALLY other people? Hell is a place.

3833. Or would it be more hellish to live totally without other people? I wouldn’t want to be alone and without my family. I don’t do well in crowds, and I’m not very social or outgoing, but I wouldn’t want to be completely alone. 

3834. Leggos or linkin logs? I’ve played with both cause my younger brother was a Lincoln Logs kid, but I was definitely a Legos kid.

3835. What books have you read more than once? I’ve actually never read a book more than once. I don’t know why.

3836. Do you get different things out of reading a book a second time a year or more after reading it the first time? Is it because you are a different person after time passes?

3837. The person who goes to ____ is not the same person who comes back. Fill in the blank with anything you think fits.

3838. Quick! Empty your brain here! I don’t really have anything in particular to say.

3839. What's the best movie soundtrack? There’s many, but I do really enjoy the Sweeney Todd soundtrack.

3840. Tissues with or without aloe? I’ve never used any with aloe, but that sounds nice.

3841. Are you on any medication? Yes.

3842. Does any part of your own body disgust you? All of it...

If yes, isn't that odd? What could have caused that feeling of disgust with your own body? I’m just a very self-conscious person with a lot of insecurities and imperfections.

3843. Want some popcorn? Nah.

3844. What if Atlas shrugged? What.

3845. Who has led the most interesting life?/ A lot of people have.

3846. What movies are comming out next year that you are looking forward to? I’m not sure about next year yet, but there’s a ton I want to see this year.

3847. If someone is half man and half dog is he his own best friend? Sure.

3848. Paper or plastic? Reusable bags.

3849. Why did things make sense in childhood, but they don't now? We didn’t really understand and we were naive. The good ol’ days.

3850. Is it crazy time? Yes.

3851. If there is a lotto with 50 numbers, and a player picks 6 numbers without repeating any, what are their chances of getting all 6 winning numbers? I don’t know, man.

3852. If there were no laws and no rules name 3 things you would do that you don't/wouldn't/can't do now? I don’t know. I feel like the things I want to do but don’t do aren’t because they’re illegal.

3853. It's a costume party. What will your costume be if the theme is:

the 70's? The typical hippie look.

80's? Side pony tail, neon colors. 

under the sea? Ariel.

3854. Have you ever wanted to release the lobsters from those tanks in restraunts and put them back in the sea? No.

3855. How funky is your chicken? Sigh.

How loose is your goose? ...

3856. What's your favorite animal out of these: emu, otter, duck billed platypus, moose, skunk? Otter.

3857. priest, rabbi, or other religios leader, a judge, or a sea captain to perform your wedding? Priest.

3858. Do you think that it's okay for people to write their own wedding vows? Yes?

3859. Rank these as places to be married. 1 = best.

Your House or Yard

The Beach: IF I ever got married, this is where I’d want it to be.

A Park

Disneyland

A Forest

A Catering Hall

Las Vegas

A church or temple

A Courthouse

On a Boat

On a Space Station

3860. The Earth is doomed. A giant asteroid is headed our way. It will decimate the planet in 3.2 days. You and your family own a space pod and you have room for 7 people from the list below. Everyone else dies. Who do you pick? Orlando Bloom, Justin Timberlake, Joan Jett, John Denver, Baby Eve (the first human clone), Jennifer Lopez, Johnny Depp, George W Bush, David Bowie, Charleton Heston, Ralph Nader, Moby, Jeff Bridges, Kelly Osbourne, Frank Zappa, Bill Clinton, Britney Spears, Osama Bin Laden, The Pope, Eminem, Madonna

3861. Rank the following dead people in order of who you would like to spend the day with. 1 = you'd like to hang out with them the most.

Joan of Arc

Groucho Marx

John Lennon

Joey Ramone

Anton Levay

Tupac

Jack Kerouac

Aaliyah

John F Kennedy

Lucielle Ball: I’d love to be able to hang out with her. I love Lucy!

Jim Morrison

3862. If you could grant immortality to one person you know (can't be yourself) who would you give it to? My brother.

3863. If you could grant immortality to one person who you do not know personally but know of (writer, politician, etc) who would you give it to? I don’t know.

3864. Name a person you love: My family.

Name a person you admire: My mom.

Name a friend: My mom.

Name a relative: My mom. haha. 

If you had to condemn one of them to death to save the lives of the others who would it be and why? No.

3865. Would you rather be one of Santa's elves or a dentist? One of Santa’s elves, definitely. How fun. I’d totally be like Buddy.

3866. When you first meet people what do you talk to them about? If I’m just meeting them then it’s awkward small talk.

3867. You have been invited to a party with any sports team in the world. Which one? I don’t care about sports.

3868. Finish the sentances.

In a world where:

He was:

She was:

Together, they were:

Why do so many movie trailers start off by saying 'In a world..'? Because it takes place in a world. Ha.

3869. Make up a superhero with really unhelpful powers: Destructo. He’s very destructive, which includes the destruction of good things.

3870. A couple of days ago this guy won 14 million dollars and tried to donate 1 million to the salvation army. The salvation army turned the money down saying they didn't want dirty gambling money. Did they do the right thing? I’ve heard a lot of bad things about the Salvation Army, so that’s kinda funny they’d act like they were all innocent.

3871. If you had a spare million for charity work who would you donate it to? Something for children.

3872. What's the craziest most shocking moment of rock and roll history that you can think of? Uhhh.

3873. Why is it that if a man kills another man in battle it's called heroic, but if he kills a man in the heat of passion, it's called murder?

3874. What kind of punishment do you feel the following crimes deserve:

premeditated murder?

date rape?

drug sales?

drug use?

burglery?

3875. If you could kiss anyone in the world on midnight at new year's eve, who would be the lucky one? Alexander Skarsgard. Not so lucky for him, but. haha.

3876. You have just taken two sexy people prisoner because they found your hide out and you think they are spies. What do youd do: kill them, hump them or have crumpets and tea? Wtf.

3877. What is your new year's resolution? I don’t make those anymore.

3878. Should the U.S. focus more on the threat from N. Korea or Iraq?

3879. Would you ever have plastic surgery? If it was for reconstructive purposes.

3880. How can George Bush be considered a Christian when he a war-monger and the ten comandments say do not kill?

3881. What is the most inetesting premise for a reality tv show that you can think of? I don’t know. I watch a lot of reality TV, though.

3882. Who is the Hollywood Star next to die of a drug overdose? Yikes, I don’t know. :/

3883. Do you find yourself caring a lot about online people, even if you haven't met or spoken to them off of the computer? Yeah.

3884. When you hear the song puff the magic dragon what do you think? Marijuana. 

3885. Let's give you a tarot reading. Go on, ask any question: No thanks.

first card: the reversed high preistess.

you may be expecting things to come too easily. You should be careful not to give up if they dont go your way. You're feeling a desire to escape, to withdraw into yourself. Shrug off your current lack of focus and work diligently to acheive the goals you want.

second card: the reversed hanged man.

You shouldnt be close-minded with your situation. There are many alternatives and possible solutions to your problems. Try something new.

The last card: Justice.

what goes around comes around. Seek advice on the matters at hand from elders. Do healthy things, spiritually and physically.

3886. What does 'boo' mean dn how did it become a slang word of affection? It comes from the French word, “beau.” Huh, interesting. 

3887. How often do you stretch? I stretch out my arms and fingers a lot.

3888. Have you ever wished that you didn't have to be yourself? Oh yes.

3889. Would you rather wear shoes full of earthworms or a hat full of spiders? jlaskdjkljdklsjflks

3890. What are some things that for most people go unsaid? How we really feel about our loved ones. We don’t tell them enough, maybe not at all.

3891. I said, 'Play me the best song in the world.' You put on: 3892. What happened last year that you would like to forget? Blah I don’t know. These past few years have been really hard.

3893. What are you not able to do alone? I wouldn’t survive long on my own.

3894. Do you feel more connected to earth air fire or water and why? Water I suppose since I love the beach. I’m a big scardy cat to get in the water, it’s a terrifying thought, but I love being near it and watch/listen to the waves crash in, smell that ocean air, and feel that ocean breeze. 3895. Which two words belong together and why: life, seawater, chocolate, blood, hair piece Life and blood. You need blood to live.

3896. If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress? Uhh.

3897. Have you ever wanted to meet the inspectors with the numbers for names(i.e. inspected by 36)? Nah.

3898. Who is the most thought-provoking person you know, &why? Hmm. I don’t know.

3899. If you could change 1 thing you did in the last 24 hours, what would it be & why? I would have taken a longer nap.

3900. What is the most bizarre thing you've ever done? Who knows.

[mazmisc]

Matt Borkowski excerpt from SCORPION

The best part of the whole thing is when they put the last bag back.  The red cells shoot fast through the plastic tubing, back into your vein.  It feels real cold and the next thing you know you’re back on the street with nine bucks cash.  

The whole thing takes about two hours, three if it’s crowded, but it’s fast money, better than panhandling that’s for sure.  It’s wine and smokes for the day, and a fair meal too, if I’m really hungry, though usually I eat at the mission with the other bums.  I know a lot of people there.

Selling plasma keeps me alive, I don’t knock it anymore, though at first I thought is was real skid row, you know, well, I guess it is, but what the hell, it’s fast money.

The lady on the table next to me looks kinda sick.  I feel sorta bad for her. A woman that old shouldn’t have to sell plasma.  She looks about the same age as my mother, but a lot paler, probably has some bad habits, down on her luck I suppose.  She’s wearing these shitty looking canvas shoes, one toe sticking out through a tear in the side, there’s tar all over her toenail.  She probably found them in a garbage can. What a life!

Most of the people here that donate are transients, hitch-hikers, professional drifters, winos, etc.; they stay in town a couple days, a couple weeks, see what’s happening, see how rough it is, then they go.  Where? Who knows. A lot of them are on General Assistance like me, and just need cash for wine and cigarettes. Pin money, as it used to be called.

Only occasionally you see someone all dressed up like they’re going for a big job interview or something.  Strangely out of place. It cracks me up. They remind me of this one guy Frank, I used to know when I was with the Salvation Army Rehabilitation Center.

“Well I still have my apartment,” he used to say, “I still have my apartment.”

Horseshit, apartment.  He was a skid if I ever saw one.  Quite a character though. A real sharp dresser, too.  Always kept his hands clean, even when he was loading the rag trucks.  Some drunks are real dignified like that. It cracks me up.

I collect my nine dollars and zip, I’m back on the street.  Hit the Indian grocery store, the clerk’s name is Louis (I’m still trying to figure that one out), buy a pack of Marlboro 100’s, and light my first real cigarette of the day.

Walking up towards Powell St., I’m in such a good mood I give my package of Top Tobacco to some bum I met in jail a couple of weeks ago.  Fuck Top Tobacco. I hate the lousy shit. But it’s better than nothing, and sometimes I’m lucky even for that.

I really shouldn’t drink, I tell myself, but before I know it I’m in another grocery store buying a 16 oz. can of Miller.  I haven’t been drinking too much lately which is good but can’t last. It never lasts. I ponder going to Gotham Lights, the hip book store, but change my mind.  Why degrade myself? The last time I was there I tried to steal a copy of Artaud’s Anthology and I almost got caught.  Artaud would have been proud of me.  The clerks come on real hip, but they’re really a bunch of assholes.  They wear Johnson’s Baby Powder under their leather jackets so they don’t chafe.  But this dude saw me stick it in my pocket so I put it back on the shelf. I should have taken it anyway.

On the way out I asked him to order Baudelaire’s Artificial Paradise for me, but he wanted a deposit first.  So I bummed a cigarette off him and told him I’d be back in a couple of hours.

Instead I walk to Union Square and watch the secretaries eat lunch.  They don’t even look at me anymore. I look so bad. I sit on a bench and drink my beer, light another cigarette.  I used to sit on this same bench a year ago. Then I was in better shape. I was trying to write. I used to carry around spiral notebooks, and fill them with my thoughts.  Boy, was I naive. Poetry. Sometimes it would take me an hour or more to write a single line.

“It’s raining somewhere in Alcatraz, etc.”

Real bullshit.  Poems about Egypt and pharaohs.  Unicorns. Flowers with rusty leaves.  Gargoyles that die of broken hearts. More bullshit.  Once I wrote an entire story about my ex-wife’s breasts where I personified her nipples and gave them surnames in Hebrew.  Terrible stuff. Soon I started drinking hard. Boy, was I naive.

��………………………………….

It’s been ten days since my last drink.  I’m feeling pretty good, although I’m still kinda shaky and I can’t stop drinking coffee.  The caffeine buzz is a nice sort of high, only it makes me piss a lot, almost as if I were drinking beer.  Pissing is a constant, drunk or sober, it means you’re alive.

Lately I’ve been hanging out at the Al-an Club in Chinatown just to keep myself amused.  It gets me out of my room. I feel a bad depression looming in the future but I try not to think about it.

The old professor is playing chess with some guy in a three piece suit.  The “professor” as they call him (I don’t know if he really is one, I’ve never really talked to him) practically lives here.  He seems alright, though. Last night after the A.A. meeting they had what they called a “Sobriety Talent Show.” Some chick read some Rod McKuen poems over the P.A. system and then the professor sang “Alexander’s Ragtime Band” to a piano accompaniment.  Everybody sang along. Everybody except me, that is. I just drank coffee and stared into space, wishing I was sitting in a bar somewhere.

A young woman named Barbara came and sat next to me.  She was all smiles and joy. I sort of liked her though.

“He’s wonderful, isn’t he?” she asked.

“Who?”

“The professor.”

“Oh…yes,” I said, “he’s very good.”

“How long have you been in the program?”

I knew she was going to ask that question.  I didn’t feel like lying. I was tired.

“Well,” I said, “I’m not really “in” the program, actually…I’m well, sort of just around it.”

“Are you still drinking?”

“Well, not today,…no.  I didn’t drink today.” “Then you ARE IN THE PROGRAM!  You should be proud. Pat yourself on the back, you deserve some credit!”

I couldn’t help but like her, despite her inane dialogue.  She reached over and put her hand on my shoulder.

“What do you do for a living?” she asked.  “Are you working?”

“Well, not right now, no.  Things are kind of rough. I’m a poet, actually.  I write stories and things, you know.”

“A poet,” she smiled.  “Oh my, that’s wonderful.  I love poetry. Do you like Keats?  I love Keats. “The Grecian Urn”, is that one of his?”

“Yeah, that’s his.  Yeah,….He was alright,….I suppose.”

“But how do you support yourself?  How do you eat?”

“I donate plasma.”

She was starting to get on my nerves.  I wanted to change the subject. I tried to think of an excuse to leave, but part of me wanted to stay.  I hadn’t really talked to anyone in four or five days, other than maybe a word or two, you know, things like “hi” or “Give me a pack of Marlboro 100’s.”  Real communication, right? But she made me uneasy. Most people do anyway. But her more so. It was like she was on some different sphere. Something in the way she kept smiling constantly.  She asked too many nosey questions.

“I haven’t had a drink in over a year,” she said.

“That’s really great,” I told her.

“It wasn’t easy.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t.”

“You can do it too, you know,….if  you really want it.”

I nodded my head in agreement.

“You really have to want it.” “I know,” I said.

“He’s wonderful, isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” I said, glancing at the professor, “he’s a very talented man.”

……………………………………

SCORPION by Matt Borkowski can be purchased on Amazon.

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