#Keira Maloney | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ljsstories · 2 years ago

Text

Chapter Twelve: Five Million Views

Receiving an answer to his message had Jensen all giddy, he felt foolish but on cloud nine all in one go. She'd even ended the message with "Love Jane" and a kiss! He was happy to hear that Mrs Thomson's surgery went well, he already knew that through Eliza but it meant more coming from Jane. As soon as he got Jane's message, he answered her back straight away...well almost straight away, he'd typed and deleted so many times, just trying to get it right. Eventually he went with something simple but heartfelt.

*That's great news Jane, always know that I'm thinking of you every day and I'm here if you need me no matter what time! I'm always here! All my love, J xoxo*

After he'd sent it, he instantly regretted putting all my love, but then he thought about how he really felt...he really did wish her all his love so what was wrong with that? Nothing, there was absolutely nothing wrong with it, even if there was then he could always ask Eliza about it. He hated to admit it but being in touch with little sis had worked out quite well for him, they both got something out of it; he got to hear about Jane without scaring her away and Eliza got to chat with her heartthrob and be the envy of every River Monster fan on the planet. It was a win win situation for everyone involved, including Jane who didn't have to speak to him at all if she didn't want to...but he secretly hoped that she would.

It was the first night of his American tour and he was already wishing it was over. He had this urge to be with Jane, but that wasn't practical nor was it appropriate, he just yearned to see her again. Juliet had talked Jensen into allowing Jonah to come along with them as he was at a loose end, she felt sorry for him but Jensen wasn't there yet. Juliet had assured him that if Jonah stepped a toe out of line he was getting an Uber back home immediately. As he prepared for a big show at L.A.'s Hollywood Bowl, Jonah was showing off to Ian, Jensen's driver, who as a Scotsman was not the least bit impressed. He called him a tool behind his back and it made Jensen laugh, he knew he shouldn't, but Jonah was trying so hard to be cool that it kind of served him right. From the corner of his eye, he saw Charlie the Sweater Boy approach him nervously, there was still an atmosphere every time they sat down together and talked, besides Jensen knew that he must have been the one that instigated the intervention at the restaurant trying to find out about those mysterious ten days. Why was Sweater Boy so interested anyway? Whatever it was that piqued his curiosity, it gave Jensen an uneasy feeling. "Ah, J-Jensen I...we really should..." Before Charlie boy could get the rest of his sentence out a tiny voice echoed around the backstage area, calling out what sounded like his name.

"Hensaaaaaaan!!!" Jensen would know that adorable little voice anywhere, as he turned in the direction it was coming from, he could see Dexter Maloney and his sweet family coming towards him. Running in front was Keira, she was giggling hysterically with her tiny arms outstretched heading straight for him.

"Hey cutie!" He bent down and threw out his own arms to catch her as her little blonde pigtails wiggled on either side of her perfect face and those aqua blue eyes she got from her father sparkled with sheer joy. Sweater Boy slinked back into the shadows, pushing those glasses of his up his nose. Good riddance, he wasn't in the mood for him right now.

"Hensan, we came to see you pwaaaaaaay!" Hugging Keira softly as her parents and younger brother caught up to them, he couldn't help but smile.

"You did? Aww that's awesome! I feel so much better now! I was so nervous but now I'm not, I'm great now you're here!" As Keira wriggled from his embrace, she turned to her mother who was holding baby Luke.

"Hensan, dis is my baby brother Lukey!" She exclaimed proudly with her hands on her hips. Jensen stood up and gazed at the gorgeous little boy in Lainie Maloney's arms, the last time he'd seen Dexter Luke had just been born, now he was nine months old and had a head of fluffy brown hair just like his daddy.

"He's beautiful Keira!" Looking from Dexter to Lainie, he added "He really is, guys congrats!" Dexter patted him on the back and grinned, he was such a lucky guy.

"It'll be you soon dude, no doubt about it!" Jensen wished! He'd be lying if he said he never thought about being a father, it preyed on his mind a lot. He even wondered what his kids would look like, especially now Jane was in his heart. What would their kids look like?

"Hey and congrats on the wedding! You kept that one quiet huh?" Dexter blushed and fiddled with his wedding ring, obviously getting used to it being there.

"Yeah, it was a spur of the moment thing, just immediate family, but hey we're planning on having a party for all our friends and you're most definitely invited. I mean, your little girlfriend here would kill me if you weren't!" Dexter chuckled and gazed down at his daughter, it was true that she was smitten with Jensen and had told him on numerous occasions that she was going to marry him when she grew up. Jensen knew for a fact that as soon as Keira grew up, Dexter was going to lock her away and never allow her to date, he'd said as much the moment she was born it was hilarious. Ashton, Dexter's older brother, had once told him that Dex was a womaniser in college, he went through his fair share of girls while studying his Fine Arts degree so no wonder he didn't want his daughter to ever date. He knew what boys could be like and Jensen didn't blame him, he felt that way about his big sister. He still wasn't stuck on the idea of Juliet dating Sweater Boy, not knowing his agenda made Jensen wary of him. "Anyway, good luck tonight! Big venue my friend, looking forward to seeing all of your performance as a fan and not at the side of the stage for once. I'm proud of you man, I admire you too, there's no way I could ever go solo! You're killin' it though; you always were prepared to take risks that paid off! You're fearless, it's something I always envied in you!" That meant a lot to Jensen, especially from someone like Dexter Maloney, his so-called rival. Lainie suddenly patted him on the arm and smiled broadly at him.

"Jensen good luck for tonight, although you don't need it. I'm afraid I have to sit this one out, I'm going back to our hotel to feed this little one but Kee is armed and ready for your show!" She nodded down to her daughter who was now proudly holding a huge pair of candy pink headphones for protecting her little ears during the concert.

"Oh that's...thanks for coming Lainie, I really appreciate it!" Lainie gave him a small peck on the cheek then turning to her new husband she gave him a much more lingering kiss on the lips. Jensen was so envious of them; they were so in love and seemed extremely happy. As she headed for the exit carrying young Luke who flapped a chubby baby hand at him in a goodbye gesture, Keira tugged on the leg of his jeans and looked up at him with another gorgeous giggle.

"Hensan, my favewit song is Jane!" Jensen felt a smile form on his lips as this beautiful little girl uttered Jane's name.

"It is? Well maybe I'll sing it just for you, how does that sound?" Keira wrapped her arms around his leg and shouted yay repeatedly as Dexter scooped her up and held her in his arms.

"Right Kee Bee, let's go and find our seats, yeah?" Keira shoved a tiny fist in the air and nodded in agreement with her dad, "I'll see you out there my friend! As my lovely wife said, good luck but you really do not need it!" Dexter shook Jensen's hand and made his way to the front of the stage with Keira in his arms, still holding those chunky headphones with pride.

The butterflies in his stomach turned into a bag of rocks rolling around in there making him feel nauseous, trying not to take in the magnitude of people in that large venue he stood in front of that one, solitary microphone in the middle of the stage as the heat from some of the lights made him sweat a little but the cool outdoor breeze calmed him slightly. He said a few things to the audience that seemed to go down well while scanning the faces at the front of the crowd, who were all standing despite having perfectly good seats to sit on, for Dex and Keira. There she was, sitting on top of her daddy's shoulders wearing her headphones looking as adorable as ever and waving her little arms in the air. Those rocks disappeared and he strummed his guitar as the first line of Lost Cause flowed from his mouth with ease, all thanks to an almost three year old child who thought he hung the moon and the stars. "Found myself in a wasteland, of destruction and despair, thought I would never make it, then suddenly you were there, a tiny little light in the darkness, an angel without wings, could you be the one to save me, can you fix my broken strings..."

About half an hour into his set, the crowd loving his performance so far, Jensen's eyes were never far away from that small figure sitting above everyone else. Between songs he ran to the side of the stage and called for Ian, who was always around, and asked him a huge favour. "Dude I need you to get Keira up here for me, will you go and find her? You know, the sweet little girl I was with earlier?" Ian nodded and gave him the usual answer of yes boss and disappeared. Jensen managed to get one more song in, before Ian brought Keira onto the stage holding her hand that was completely lost in his enormous paw. She was tugging on one of her pigtails under those headphones with the most adorable, bashful expression across her face. Ian handed her over to Jensen who hunkered down to face her as he took her hands in his. "Hey beautiful! Did you like me singing Jane?" Keira nodded shyly with her chin pressed down against her chest, her head pointed towards the stage floor, "Well, how would you like to sing with me up here? Huh? Would you like that?" She nodded again but this time a small smile crept onto her tiny lips as she uttered something the crowd couldn't hear. Jensen pointed his microphone towards her and said, "What do you wanna sing sweetie?"

"Baby Shark!" The crowd all went aww in unison as Jensen sat down on the stage, crossed his legs and played the first few chords of Baby Shark, handing the mic to Keira he let her sing, completely out of tune, to her heart's content this annoying song kids were going crazy over lately as his fans clapped in time to his guitar. Keira received more cheers than Jensen ever had that night as she jumped up and down with glee, poor Keira, she was tone deaf bless her! That must have gone down so well with daddy Dex, maybe her singing voice would blossom as she got older, she was just a toddler after all and she was thoroughly enjoying herself up there with him. Jensen remained at her level on the stage floor and began to strum again.

"Okay, this song is for you because you're my favourite person in the whole world...no...the whole universe!" Keira giggled and covered her mouth with her stubby little hands as she bounced on her heels with excitement. Jensen sang You Are My Sunshine, never taking his eyes off of this beautiful child who adored him, she and the fans sang along and out of the corner of his eye he spotted Dexter Maloney at the side of the stage giving him the thumbs up. When the song was finished he stood up, abandoning his precious guitar and scooped Keira up in his arms, she squeezed hers around his neck and nuzzled into his shoulder, it made his heart swell. Looking into her eyes he said into the microphone, "Don't you break my heart now! Cuz you are my sunshine Keira Maloney!" Her sweet face with that grin, those baby teeth peeking out from behind her teeny lips, she was so perfect. Jensen yearned for his own, it overwhelmed him, looking at this child brought tears to his eyes...good tears...but he was shocked at how much emotion Keira brought out of him. He wanted one, it wasn't until that very moment that he realised he so desperately wanted to be a father! As he put Keira back down, her dad briefly took to the stage to collect her as Jensen's fans chanted his name, they shook hands and Dexter winked, pulling him into earshot.

"Dude, you totally nailed it tonight! I'm so fucking proud of you my friend!" Patting his back, as the crowd went wild over the two rock stars bonding onstage, Dex took hold of Keira's hand and they left Jensen there alone to finish what had been a very successful evening. Still in the back of his mind was Jane, at that very moment in time all he wanted was to hold her and be with her even though that was impossible, he yearned for her just as much as he yearned for a child of his own...only he knew that he wouldn't be satisfied with just any woman being the mother...he wanted it to be Jane! All he wanted was Jane...and their baby...he just knew that only then he would feel complete!

***

The day after Monica's surgery, the family all headed to Crosshouse Hospital to see her. When they arrived she had been moved to another ward and it took a couple of tries to find her. Eventually they did and she was in a private room again, fast asleep. Eliza tried to wake her but she was deeply under, having only ever received a general anaesthetic once before when she was a small child to remove her tonsils, it was understandable that she would be out of sorts. After a few minutes they were asked outside into the hall to have a small chat with one of the nurses in the ward, ending up explaining that their mother wasn't a bad person. "She was quite sarcastic when she arrived, we have to ask patients questions like what is their date of birth, do they know what year it is, to which she said yes but wouldn't tell us and do they know where they are and she said Bedlam!"

"I know I may sound biased, but my mum is a very nice person! She was a nurse so she has the utmost respect for anyone in the medical profession." The nurse nodded and smiled, accepting Jane's biased opinion. It must have been the morphine that was making Monica act so out of character. While they were there, sitting for two hours waiting for her to wake up and acknowledge them, a doctor came around to go over the procedure and what had happened with them. Monica opened her eyes and stared at the doctor talking, nodded in agreement to whatever she was saying and promptly fell unconscious again. Eliza let out a little giggle as Jane shot a look in her direction, but she ended up laughing along with her younger sister, it was quite funny despite the seriousness of the whole situation. The doctor told them to go home and come back the next day as their mother wasn't going to be very talkative today and would probably sleep the whole time.

When they visited the next day, they were asked to wait outside of Monica's room as the nurses attended to her. Jane heard one of them saying "Now Monica, your family is here to see you. Any more of that and we'll have to get you a swear jar!" Jane and Eliza chuckled at one another, that was so out of character for their mother, she didn't really swear as a rule...well at least at strangers, her family were fair game. When they were finally permitted entry to her room, Jane and Eliza told the nurses as much as they left but luckily they were taking everything in good humour. As soon as she saw her family, Monica shouted out to them.

"Oh thank God!" she exclaimed and closed her eyes with a relieved expression.

"What's the matter mum?" Jane took her hand, terrified that there was bad news, but her mother just looked from her father to Eliza and then to her.

"I thought you'd abandoned me!"

"Mum we came by yesterday but you were so out of it, the doctor told us just to go home and come back today!"

"Well nobody told me!" She replied hysterically, as if there was some sort of conspiracy going on. She leaned over towards Jane and whispered, "Someone is drugging me!" Looking terrified as her big eyes bulged out of her skinny little head.

"No mum, they're not! You've got a button there that you can press if you feel sore, it's got morphine in it. Are you sore mum?"

"No, someone keeps pressing it and knocking me out!" Jane tried not to laugh, her mum was definitely behaving out of character and it was amusing rather than alarming due to the strength of medication involved. "I haven't touched it Janey, I haven't!"

"Okay mum, it's okay!" She stroked her mum's hand as Eliza and Ricky stood awkwardly on the side lines, again leaving everything for Jane to deal with.

"Thank God you're here! They've taken my glasses! Where are my things? My glasses, they're gone!" Ricky piped up that he would go and ask about Monica's belongings as both their daughters stood on either side of her bed, trying to soothe her. "I kept asking about you and nobody said anything, I really thought you'd left me here! I didn't think I'd ever see you again!" She squeezed both Eliza and Jane's hands, looking completely shell shocked.

"You know we'd never do that mum! We're here every day and yesterday was no different. The nurse told us she'd tell you we were here!" Jane spoke softly to her mother as Eliza found the whole situation rather entertaining.

"They told me nothing! Nothing!" Monica shook her head erratically as Jane looked over at Eliza, giving her a disapproving glower as she snickered quietly. Ricky came back in carrying her bags and a brown envelope containing her glasses, Jane unfolded them and placed them gently on her mother. "Oh that's better I can see you all! So it actually is you!"

"Of course it is, we're all here Monica love!" Ricky tutted and plopped himself down on a nearby chair as if the journey from the nurses' station to the room was a marathon that had tired him out. They spent a couple of hours with Monica and promised they would be back later that night, as they passed the nurses they discussed her uncharacteristic behaviour and the fact that she was convinced she was being drugged. The nurses told them that Monica was medicating herself, mistaking the morphine button for the call button, just as Jane thought, she was not being drugged. They thanked them and headed home to rest before the evening visit.

Back home, Eliza was doing her usual internet scrolling when suddenly she let out a high pitched squeal that sounded like eek! Jane was trying to relax on the couch in the front room but with her sister next to her it was not possible. "What is it now?" Jane sighed and rubbed her eyes irritably.

"Have you seen this?" Eliza shoved her phone down into Jane's face almost blinding her as she attempted to sit up.

"I can't see chuff all with you burning my eyeballs!" Jane took the phone from her and focused on the screen; it was a five minute amateur video of a concert. She could make out a male figure sitting on the ground with a small child standing next to him swaying her little body from side to side while holding a huge microphone to her mouth. On closer inspection and turning the volume up, Jane realised that the male was Jensen sitting with this little girl who was singing that irritating Baby Shark song completely out of tune. As Jensen played his guitar with the goofiest smile on his face, gazing lovingly at this child, Jane eventually recognised her as Dexter Maloney's daughter Keira. She looked like she was on cloud nine as the crowd cheered for her and Jensen told her that he was going to sing a song just for her making her look and feel like the most important person at the show. Eliza was bobbing up and down beside her making the couch feel like a bouncy castle.

"Isn't it just the most adorable thing you've ever seen? Isn't he great with her? It's gone totally viral overnight! It's hit five million fucking views on YouTube, can you believe it?" Eliza seemed just as excited as Dexter's little girl; Jane watched Jensen sing You Are My Sunshine with his eyes fixed on Keira the whole time. She had to agree with Eliza, it was the most adorable thing she'd ever seen and he was great with her. No wonder this video had gone viral, it was shot by a fan who was at the Hollywood Bowl, when Jensen had finished and the crowd were screaming, he picked up Keira and told her in that beautiful voice of his, "Don't you break my heart now! Cuz you are my sunshine Keira Maloney!" as her dad appeared on the stage and shook his hand. Jane's heart felt warm inside her body and her cheeks flushed, once again Jensen Reed had proved he wasn't the man she loathed two years ago, he was a decent human being. She handed Eliza her phone back and smiled awkwardly.

"That was nice."

"Nice? NICE? Oh come on Janey it was amazeballs! Aren't you even a little impressed? Now you know he's good with kids too!" Jane shrugged and focused on the floor, avoiding any eye contact with her sister. "Is that really all you have to say?" Jane didn't answer, "Och you're insane, you know that?" Eliza huffed and hoisted herself out of the comfortable cocoon she had created in the large cushions of their couch and stomped off in disgust. Of course it was amazing, of course he was amazing, but what did it matter what she thought? Five million other people thought it too! As she proceeded to her bedroom she could hear Eliza babbling away on her phone to someone but she chose not to take any notice of the topic of conversation or who the person was on the other end, she was just tired. Having to venture out again tonight, even though the hospital was only five minutes away by car, was just not something Jane was looking forward too. She was sick of that hospital; she was there for four to six hours a day and it was driving her crazy. She had a couple of hours before they had to go back so she planned on lying down for an hour then shoving a pizza in the oven for dinner. Cooking for her dad and sister was tiring her out too, plus she had taken over washing duties and the shopping, it seemed as if she did everything. Was this what her mother's life was like?

"Do you want a fish supper from the chippy Janey?" Her father's voice suddenly erupted from behind her as Daisy the Labrador bounded through the hall towards her water bowl in the kitchen. Ricky had been out walking the dog to clear the cobwebs and Jane was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she never heard either of them come in.

"Yes that would be good, means I don't have to cook." Ricky nodded and threw the dog's lead over a hook on the coat rack next to the door.

"Right, I'll go up in about an hour then. Where's your sister?"

"She's in her room on the phone." Ricky shook his head and half smiled.

"She'll be updating the boy!"

"Who dad?" Jane squinted her eyes as if that would help her think more clearly or understand who he was talking about.

"You know, your man...eh...what's his name?" He scratched his fingers in amongst his greying, curly raven hair and looked down at the carpet like he was searching for the answer in the fibres. "He was here not long ago..."

"Jensen?" Ricky looked up and thrust a pointed index finger at her.

"That's it, Jensen! She phones him quite a bit, he's been asking about your mum, nice lad!" The conversation ended abruptly there as he made his way to Eliza's door and wrapped his knuckles twice on it calling out her name and not waiting for an invitation, disappearing into the room as Jane heard his muffled voice addressing her sister who was none too pleased at having her phone conversation interrupted. Jane left them to it and called to Daisy to come upstairs with her, Daisy was 12 years old and struggling a little with the stairs but Jane would lift her back end and let her use her front legs to climb up. Daisy was Monica's Christmas present but she had chosen Jane as her person when she was a tiny puppy, it had put her mum's nose out of joint but when a pet chose their person there really wasn't much you could do about it. Jane lifted Daisy onto the bed and lay down beside her, stroking her soft hairy back and telling her what a pretty girl she was. Daisy rewarded her with a lick on the nose. Thinking about Eliza talking to Jensen at that very moment gave her a flutter in her chest, it would be roughly nine in the morning over in Los Angeles, surely he'd be sleeping in after his successful show the night before? Or was he such a workaholic that he didn't sleep? He slept plenty when he was with her at the cottage, but he was going through withdrawals at the time, maybe he was so overworked back then that he needed all the sleep he could get. Thinking about this completely random detail helped her to drift off to sleep for a while, only waking up when her dad knocked on her door telling her that her fish supper was here.

Jensen was all over social media and the spotlight was shining positively down upon him after his collaboration with little Keira Maloney. It was everywhere, every platform online and even on the evening news. Eliza was lapping it up and singing Baby Shark under her breath while shoving chips in her mouth and doing a seated wiggly dance in her chair. Jane wasn't sure if Eliza actually knew she was singing, but she seemed happy enough and considering what they were going through at that moment, she allowed her sister to just let go and relax. Jane envied her, she wanted to feel a bit of happiness, but not even Jensen serenading an adorable toddler on stage could lift her spirits. She wondered if she would ever be happy again, she felt like she was being punished for the bad thing she did. Was this her karma? If it was, then why make her mother suffer? Why not torture Jane directly? Because this was far more karmic, watching her mother die was fitting punishment for her actions. She wasn't sure if she believed that or not, somehow though a small part of her still felt like she should pay for what she did to Jensen Reed and since confessing to the police was a disaster, how exactly was she supposed to do that? After their dinner, the family cleaned up and put on their coats, heading out for the evening visit and to see if Monica was feeling more like herself.

Monica was indeed a bit perkier, but still not making much sense. When Jane told her about her confusion over the buttons around her bed, she let out a little oops and laughed softly, looking down at the morphine button with amusement. They stayed for an hour before Monica fell asleep, giving the family another early night. Eliza did seem happy, maybe it had been the phone call with her heartthrob earlier, or maybe it was the change in their mother. Jane wanted Eliza to be happy, she was far too young to have to deal with this whole thing, it wasn't fair. They had grown closer during this time; Eliza was no longer nasty to her and was now treating her like a proper human being. Jane was enjoying this new relationship with her little sister; it was the kind of relationship she had always wanted. As she lay beside her upstairs in her bed once again, Eliza brought up the ever present Jensen Reed. "So I phoned Jensen and told him how mum was, he was tired but he thanked me for keeping him informed. You should give him a ring sometime, he'd like that." No way in hell, Jane thought to herself, that was not going to happen.

"So he'll be really pleased with the video thing!" Jane mumbled nonchalantly as she felt Eliza moving beside her, making the bed dip slightly.

"Yeah, all he could go on about was how cute Dexter Maloney's wee girl was. Then he told me to tell you that he's thinking of you and that he meant what he said in his last message. What did he say?"

"Oh I can't remember..." Jane lied, trailing off with a yawn. Always know that I'm thinking of you every day and I'm here if you need me no matter what time! I'm always here! There was a brief silence before Eliza spoke again.

"Janey?" Another silence, Jane wasn't sure whether she should speak, but then Eliza continued, her voice almost a whisper, "Did you mean what you said when you told me Jensen didn't like me?" Jane felt her cheeks burn with guilt; she'd forgotten all about that. Well she'd lied so many times before, why stop now, besides Jensen's feelings must have changed now they were all buddy-buddy over the phone.

"Liza I was just embarrassed about the whole him showing up at my door thing that I would say anything to get rid of you. Of course it's bollocks, he's talking to you, isn't he?" Eliza seemed satisfied by that answer and a silence once again engulfed the room as Jane prepared to drift off. Suddenly Eliza spoke again.

"Yeah but he'd much rather be talking to you, I'm not stupid." Jane didn't have anything to add to that, she felt sorry for her sister but at the same time Eliza was getting what she always wanted...attention from Jensen Reed. Maybe it would all work out in the end, maybe if Eliza did end up marrying Jensen then Jane would have managed to create a good thing out of a bad situation, maybe punishment wouldn't be necessary? Maybe if she left them to it, something beautiful could blossom...but could her heart take letting him go?

***

Tonight's show was at New York's Madison Square Garden and Jensen's stomach was in knots. Jonah was still hanging around driving everyone crazy, Charlie was trying to grab a quiet moment to talk to Jensen and Juliet was on his case about bottling up his feelings. Ian, usually a taciturn man of sorts, was chewing Jensen's ear off about his brother. "Honestly boss, If a huv tae deal wi that walloper a minute longer I'm gonnae stick the heid oan him!" Jensen had been around Ian long enough to understand him, what he was telling him was that Jonah was getting on his nerves and if he didn't leave him alone he was going to headbutt him and probably put him in hospital. Jonah was becoming a problem and tonight was no different as Jensen spotted him spouting crap to Ian once again.

"Yeah I can bench press, say...oh about the weight of a Harley Davidson!"

"Which one?" Ian replied dryly.

"Huh?" Jensen could see the panic set in his brother's face and couldn't help but chuckle.

"Which model of Harley Davidson are we talkin' aboot? Road King Special? Heritage Classic?" Jonah gulped and shrugged nervously.

"Th-the heaviest one dude, c'mon what d'you think I am, a pussy?" Ian's expression was completely blank as he nodded slowly and reached into his coat pocket for his cigarettes.

"Aye!" He retorted just as dryly as before; Jensen could see that Jonah's nervous demeanour had changed to frustrated.

"Whatever man, you're just the help!" Suddenly Ian stood up straight and stood toe to toe with Jonah, the veins in his neck poking out as his entire head turned an angry shade of scarlet.

"RIGHT!" Ian boomed in the thickest Scottish accent Jensen had heard him use in a long time, running over and sandwiching himself between them he patted Ian on his humungous chest with one hand and shoved Jonah back at the same time with the other.

"Okay guys, time out! Ian can I talk to you for just a sec?" Ian was still glaring at Jonah and growling under his breath as Jensen's voice was slightly high pitched with fear. "Come on big guy, let's take a walk..." Finding a quiet place outside to talk, Jensen noticed that Ian's head was still pretty red with rage as he shoved a cigarette in his mouth and took several attempts to light it with his Zippo lighter. "Ian I-I'm sorry about my brother, you told me he was bothering you and I..." Ian interjected with a growling tone.

"He's a fuckin' useless bawbag!" Looking at Jensen, he nodded with a sympathetic expression, "Sorry boss!"

"No-no you're...yeah he's hard work for sure!"

"Am sorry boss but ye need tae get shot of that lanky streak of piss before a really do put him in traction!"

"I will, I'll send him home. He was only supposed to come along for the California shows and then leave but...Jules feels sorry for him...I..." Jensen ran a hand through his brown hair and sighed, "What am I gonna do?" Ian took a long, calm drag from his cigarette and blew smoke rings up to the sky.

"Well boss, if a wiz you I'd send him tae Scotland! That wid sort him oot nae bother! In fact, a know a couple of guys that...what? What's that smile for?" Ian looked at Jensen staring off into the distance with an impish grin on his face.

"Dude you're a genius!"

"How?" Ian looked puzzled as he flicked ash from his cigarette onto the ground and tilted his head in confusion.

"You're absolutely right, Scotland's ideal! Honestly Ian I've said this so many times but it's true, you're worth your wait in fucking gold my friend!" Jensen slapped Ian's huge arm and skipped off back into the venue leaving him even more baffled. As he power walked down a very long corridor he grabbed his phone from his back pocket and brought up Eliza's number. Doing the maths in his head he worked out that it would be around eight at night over there, not too early and not too late, so began to dial. It didn't take long for her to pick up as he heard her cheery voice utter a hello, "Oh hey Eliza, listen, I have a major favour to ask you..."

***

A week after Monica's operation she was moved into a four bed ward with other women. She was in good spirits and starting to work with the physiotherapist again, small walks around the nurses' station to strengthen her muscles. Jane would visit by herself most days as Ricky had come down with some dreaded lurgy and Jane had insisted that Eliza start attending her classes again now that their mother was relatively out of danger. All Monica really wanted was company, so they would do crossword puzzles together and talk nonsense while the student nurses would congregate around her bed, fascinated by an old school nurse who told them stories of her adventures on the wards when she was just a student herself, during the days when the matrons were in charge. Monica was very popular among the staff at the hospital and that reassured Jane that she wouldn't be too lonely when her family wasn't around. One of the nurses asked Jane if she would be around at six o'clock as Miss White wanted to chat with her, she agreed to be there but was rather worried about what the consultant wanted to discuss with her. On the drive home, Jane flicked on the radio for some background noise when an angelic voice she knew all too well filled the car.

Where are you now

Do you still think of me

I am nothing without you

Why did you set me free

Give me a chance

I'll prove my worth

You are the only one

On this God forsaken earth

Please talk to me

Give me your time

Say you remember

Say you'll be mine

Always been a lost cause, good for nothing guy

Always chose the bad road, got no idea why

They thought that I would hang if they gave me enough rope

It wasn't 'til I met you that I felt there was hope

Say you'll never leave me, my light above the dark

Shining all around me, reviving my dead heart

It was the first time that Jane had actually listened to any of his solo stuff, she had to admit that it was good albeit very different to River Monster, then the radio host announced, "And that was Lost Cause by the wonderful Jensen Reed, still in the charts almost a year on since..." Jane clicked it off, her cheeks burned and her breathing quickened, was that about her? He had said that the album was all about her, was she his light above the dark? She couldn't think about that right now, and as she parked outside her house trying to compose herself, a part of her was honoured. Someone wrote not just one song about her, but several! How many people could say that? None of that mattered, all that mattered was what her mother's consultant wanted with her, something she couldn't tell her father or sister at the moment. No need to worry them unnecessarily, after all she was used to carrying everything on her shoulders and sparing everyone else the burden...it was exhausting!

As she sat waiting patiently for Miss White to come by, being over half an hour late, Jane tried to take her mum's mind off of it by telling her what was going on among the neighbours and how Eliza had done her make-up for the very first time and it was nice...anything to make Monica smile. Finally Miss White arrived with a nurse in tow. "How are you tonight Monica?"

"I'm fine." Jane looked at her startled mother, she was obviously worried about what this was about.

"Well I just wanted to let you know that I've arranged to have you moved to a facility called Woodland View, for rehabilitation to prepare you for getting home."

"So I'm not finished yet?" Monica eyed the consultant as she smiled.

"No, it's rehabilitation not a hospice. We're not there yet. You'll receive physiotherapy, you'll have a dietician...this is good Monica. Afterwards you'll be able to go home to your family." Jane was relieved, but she was also unsure of where this place was.

"Where is Woodland View? Will we have to travel far to visit?"

"Oh no, it's on the grounds of Ayrshire Central in Irvine!" Jane was born in Ayrshire Central; it would be going back to her birthplace. It was a fifteen minute drive though, longer to get there. "The only problem is that beds are like hens' teeth, it might be a bit of a wait to find you a place." Well that wasn't so bad, no doom and gloom for once. "There is one other thing that we need to discuss Monica..." What was this? "...now in the event that you may go into cardiac arrest, as your consultant I would advise that a DNACPR be put in place. In your condition, attempting CPR would not be beneficial for you..." Miss White rambled on about this Do Not Resuscitate and how Monica would be too weak, then she shut off, she couldn't take in any more information. Basically what the consultant was saying was that if her mother's heart stopped then it was game over, it would be kinder to just let her go. Jane looked over at her, looking at Miss White talking but also not taking much in. Once she had gone, Monica spoke.

"Well, that's that then!"

"What's what mum?"

"I'm done! Do not resuscitate!" Jane knew that would be the one thing her mother would take away from the conversation, not the fact that she was being sent to a rehabilitation unit. No, just the fact that there was going to be a DNACPR on her medical records.

"Mum you heard Miss White, you're not ready for a hospice, so you're most definitely not done! You're coming home to us! Remember that poor woman in your ward when you were first admitted? She didn't get this option; she went straight to the hospice; do you remember how sad that was? I promise that will never happen to you!" Jane was determined that her mother would never end up there, it was a promise she had made to herself and to Monica a long time ago. When Jane's grandmother died, her mother missed saying goodbye by five minutes and when her grandfather died it was in the middle of the night so Monica missed him as well. It was something that she brought up on several occasions, how guilty she felt that she wasn't there for either of her parents. Jane told her that it would never happen to her, that she would be there with her! No hospice, even though they were lovely, dignified facilities, she wouldn't risk not being there when it was her mother's time! Monica always seemed sceptical about this, telling Jane that it was a huge burden for her, but Jane's mind was made up! This was how it was going to be! Once visiting times were over, Jane kissed her on the forehead as usual and told her she loved her. On the drive back home, she cried, why did she have to be alone for that? Now she had the daunting task of reliving it to her father and sister. It was bad enough the first time, uneasy is the head that wears the crown, Jane thought to herself. This was what she got for being the head of the family, taking over her mother's duties. Someone had to do it and it wasn't going to be her dad or Eliza, they were far too much alike, relying on other people to solve all of their problems while they looked the other way. Jane wanted to try and coach Eliza out of that way of living, she'd seen what it had done to her father and even though he would never admit it, being a man, it had rendered him incapable of making his own decisions with his wife. Stepping wearily out of her car, she prepared herself for updating the family as Eliza stood on the top step waiting patiently for her big sister to come home.

"You're late, what's going on? Why are you so late?" Eliza's voice was slightly raised, Jane sighed and approached her, the gravel crunching underneath her feet.

"Come on inside, I'm knackered and I need a cup of tea!" At the top step, she put her arm around Eliza and led her inside. She was tired, so very tired of the whole thing, she just wanted to hide but her hiding days were over, she was the one they looked to for guidance now, she was the one who paid the bills, fed the dog and the family, did the food shopping, the washing. She had filled her mother's enormous shoes and she didn't volunteer for the job; she had no other choice! This was going to be tough, after keeping Miss White's visit from them, she now had to tell them everything. It was overall good news; her mum was going to get home eventually! This was good...so why did she feel so bad?

⏮️Previous/Next⏭️

#YouAreTheReason #writeblr #writerblr #writing #writing community #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #wattpad #story #story telling #tw illness #tw cancer

0 notes