#Kaidan is there for like half a minute

[sterling-starlight]

Spiced Wine

Taliesin’s comments about Rulindil before and after the Thalmor Embassy infiltration scratched at my brain and forced me to write this at *squints at clock* 2 in the morning. This is also my fist time writing Tally, so I hope I got him right >n< 

The urge to title this ‘Teacup’ was tempting, but ultimately unfitting.

Getting out of the Thalmor Embassy alive was like stepping into a perfectly hot bath after hiking through Winterhold; every inch of Furiae’s body tingled (although that could have also been the residual magicka of her glamour fading away), and muscles she didn’t even know could be knotted at all were slowly loosening.  If she decided that she wanted to spend the next few days in Solitude, she doubted her companions would deny her.

To be perfectly candid Furiae wasn’t exactly gnawing at the bit to see Delphine  any sooner than she needed to. There were other ways to get the information Furiae had found into the surly Breton’s hands- and if it came down to it, she could blame the time away from Riverwood on the rapidly approaching winter.  The roads of Hjaalmarch were freezing over, and extra care had to be taken for carriage drivers especially; no one could be blamed for that.

Alas, despite being wrapped in the comforting embrace of Kaidan’s arms and buried under a blissfully warm quilt, Furiae’s mind wouldn’t still. And the perpetrator was a certain Altmeri sorcerer whom she knew for a fact was still downstairs, needling the hours away with a bottle of wine. (During their time in Solitude, he had developed a taste for the spiced wine. Admitting, with great reluctance, that a common Nord family had concocted a brew that knocked alto wine off its lofty pedestal.) With a sigh that was equal parts reluctance and frustration, Furiae extracted herself from Kaidan’s arms, a difficult task since A) he was a light sleeper and B) he had wrapped his arms and legs around her like an ivy plant. “Whu’ssa’matta?” Kaidan slurred once Furiae had freed herself, pawing for her hand. She smoothed back his hair and kissed the corner of his mouth.

“Nothing. I’ll be back soon.” With a non-verbal response rumbling deep from within his chest, Kaidan settled back to slumber. She smiled fondly before padding out of their room, tip toeing past Teldryn’s (he snorted loudly, but didn’t stir beyond that) and scurrying downstairs.  A chill ran all the way up from her toes to the roots of her hair as soon as her feet touched the uncovered stone of the bottom main floor of The Winking Skeever.  The wind howled outside the tightly secured windows, thick globs of sleet slamming angrily against the panes as if to remind everyone still awake that winter was coming and would spare no one its fury.  It was almost enough to make her abandon her quest and dive back under the covers with Kaidan, but Furiae Revayn was nothing if not stubborn. Leaping from the foot of the stairs to the nearest edge of carpet to seek some reprieve, she wandered into the main tavern area. The fire in the hearth was still burning brightly despite the late hour, sending comforting waves of warmth throughout the space. Furiae’s target was huddled at a table by the fire, curled around a goblet as she had predicted.

“Ah. A fellow insomniac,” Taliesin said by way of greeting. “You may as well join me, rather than stand there like mannequin.” He waved a hand to the empty chair across from him.

“Is there any wine left for me?” She questioned.

“You ask that as though I am a drunkard with no self-control,” Taliesin sniffed belligerently. “I’ll have you know; I opened this bottle of wine not even an hour ago.”

“So, is that a yes?”

“That is a maybe.” As if they didn’t both already know the answer. Furiae rolled her eyes playfully and retrieved a goblet from behind the bar. Taliesin snatched it from her hand as soon as she was in range and looked over it with a scrutinizing eye, nose scrunching in distaste. “For Godssake, at least wipe it clean first.” With a flick of his wrist, he produced a handkerchief from absolutely nowhere (made more confounding by the fact that he had since changed into his sleeping clothes, which had no hidden pouches or pockets sewed into the lining like his Thalmor uniform did. At least not to her knowledge) and wiped down the goblet until it all but shined. Satisfied, he poured Furiae her wine and slid it over to her.  “So do what do I owe the pleasure?” “I have a lot on my mind,” Furiae said. She noted that her goblet was somewhat warm to the touch- Taliesin must have heated up his bottle of spiced wine to help with the chill.

“Understandable. One minute you’re dragging Kaidan, Teldryn and I over hill and over dale -taking us into every single cave, ruin, and fortress you can see- and drinking with Daedric Princes, the next the only survivor of a dead order is expecting you to save an entire country.”  Taliesin swirled the wine in his goblet contemplatively.  “Simple as a springtime stroll through Alinor’s botanical gardens.”

Furiae hiked her shoulders up and said, “that is part of the reason…” she paused, both to collect her thoughts and take a sip of wine. The variety of spices both familiar and unfamiliar swirled around warmly on her tongue and burned pleasantly as it slid down her throat.  “…I’ve also been thinking about you.”

Taliesin had the courtesy to look shocked -scandalized even- and placed a hand over his heart. “Oh, oh my!  I had no idea I occupied your nightly thoughts so!” He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, “Whatever will you say to Kaidan if he finds out?”

“Nothing, because it isn’t like that at all.” Furiae bit back, cheeks burning. She glared at him over the lip of her goblet as she took another pull. “It’s about you and Rulindil.”

Taliesin crossed his legs elegantly and took a sip from his goblet. “You are doing nothing to help your case but consider me intrigued. Was there anything in particular you were curious about, hmm?”

If Furiae didn’t know Taliesin half as well as she wanted to think she did, she would have given up on the conversation right there and then. Most likely said something very unladylike and then gone into his room to steal his face moisturizers. But they had been traveling together for months by this point, and she had since grown accustomed to his…Taliesin-ness.

“You are incorrigible. You seemed upset when I told you he was dead, and I was worried. That’s it.”

The entire atmosphere seemed to shift. Taliesin’s cat-who-got-the-cream smugness dropped briefly, an expression Furiae had never seen before furrowing his brow for the briefest of moments, before it was swiftly replaced with an almost clinical veneer of indifference.  Despite the howling wind outside, she swore she could have heard a pin drop.

After a pregnant silence, Taliesin spoke up. “Rulindil was in the way, so you killed him.” He waved a hand flippantly. “No different than the multitude you tore through during your quote-en-quote stealth mission.” “You didn’t know those other Thalmor by name or mention any past relationship.”

Taliesin scoffed a laugh. “Relationship?” He un-crossed his legs and set his goblet down. “Oh, no, no, no. My sweet, innocent, hopelessly romantic, ignorant Furiae,” -he poured himself more wine- “The Thalmor don’t have ‘relationships.’ We have… arrangements.  Serving under the doctrine of a genocidal tyrant all your life tends to make things rather -dare I say it- strenuous. Believe it or not, hunting down and slaughtering heretics isn’t all sunshine and jaunts through pine forests. Every now and again, even we crave…” he swirled his wine, “carnal pleasures.”

“That’s it?” She asked. Taliesin quirked a perfectly sculpted brow at the Dunmer. She pressed on. “It was just a sexual thing?” “That’s it. Rulindil scratched an itch I had; I scratched an itch he had. Was it enjoyable? By the gods, yes.”  He looked down into his goblet, that picture-perfect mask of Altmeri indifference fraying at the edges. His lips quirked too far down. His eyes looked too distant.   “But that is all it was. Sorry to disappoint you, but there was no hidden passionate love affair.”

“That’s…” Furiae’s fingers flexed around her goblet. “Really sad.” She held up a hand to stop any further comment from the Altmer. “Not in a pitying way.  Just… I couldn’t imagine only forming relationships through just sex.”

“I could say that I loved him,” Taliesin said with a shrug. “But I respect you too much to lie to your face like that.”  He shook his head and reclined his chair, slipping back into his usual countenance of self-assured relaxation as easily as he donned his robes every day.  “Well, this conversation has been a delight, but I believe it’s over.” His tone was akin to the thunderous strike of a judge’s gavel.

Furiae ran her thumbs along the lip of her goblet, contemplating, before reaching for the half-empty bottle and pouring herself another drink.  A part of her wanted to press more, but the other part knew it wouldn’t lead anywhere. But maybe that was all there was to it.  Her father hadn’t been with the Thalmor, but from what little he had told her about his life in The Summerset Isles, it seemed to match Taliesin’s worldview. Love didn’t matter as much as lineage did, and sometimes the only way to feel anything at all was through sex.

Maybe that was all Taliesin was comfortable with. Maybe that was all he cared to know.

[swaps55]

Please I have to know! Do you have any other ‘what we choose’ multiverse first kiss scenes in-progress/in your mind/etc? I just reread the moment between them when Kaidan’s putting on Sam’s N chain and sjsksjsjsk

Apologies for making you wait, but since I didn't have the heart to tell you that I didn't have one cooking, I just wrote one. <3

This may start out looking familiar to you. Until it doesn't. :D

~

In Your Universe

02 December, 2182, Arcturus Stream, Arcturus, Arcturus Station

A steady crowd of people mill through the observation deck on the Callisto section of Arcturus’ torus ring. This time Kaidan knows where he’s going, but even though he’s a few minutes early, the buzz of Shepard’s biotic field slips under his skin before he spies the small opening in the wall just below the ceiling. The only difference between now and that morning almost four years ago is the souvenir shop where the empty storefront used to be.

Shepard pokes his head out of the alcove and holds out his hand for Kaidan to grab. No biotic energy to pull him up this time – Kaidan brings his own momentum. But Shepard’s pull is still stronger, and for half a heartbeat Kaidan winds up in his arms. He clears his throat as they disentangle, and settles beside him in this strange little architectural oddity that’s a perfect fit for two people to sit and watch the stars.

“Still beautiful,” Kaidan murmurs, looking out the window. He mostly means the view.

“Never lets me down, I’ll give it that,” Shepard admits. He pushes a datapad out of the way and stuffs a stylus in his pocket.

“Been here long?” Kaidan asks. “Didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

“Nah. Needed some time to do a little thinking. Been a hell of a day, and it’s not over yet.”

Kaidan sticks one foot out in front of him, so it hangs just off the ledge. “Yeah. New rank, new ship, new crew. What did you think?”

Shepard ducks his head, hiding a smile behind a fist. When had Kaidan first seen him smile like that? It should stand out in his memory, but it doesn’t. Sometimes it feels like there have never been any firsts with Shepard. They’ve just always been.

“The ship’s pretty incredible. You’d have a field day. She’s got stealth tech.”

“Stealth? Really?”

He nods. “Get this. It’s a cross-species effort with the turians.”

“Huh.”

“The chief engineer threw a lot of jargon at me, but the long and short of it is, she’s got an internal emissions sink system that stores waste heat. She can run silent for close to three hours before the crew is in danger of cooking.”

“Damn. I’m guessing wherever they plan on sending you won’t be lacking for action.”

“Not from what I gather. Crew is hand-picked. She’s small, fast, top of the line, and you would hate the pilot.”

Kaidan snorts and leans back on his elbows. “Why would I hate the pilot?”

“Just trust me.”

“Okay,” Kaidan says with a wry smile. “Guess I’ll have to take your word for it.”

There must be a little more misery in his tone than he intends, because Shepard’s expression sobers, and the gravity well flips.  

“Anderson’s the CO,” Shepard says, right before the quiet that settles between them starts to get heavy.

Kaidan’s eyes widen. “Oh, that’s great, Shepard. Really great.”

“Should make things interesting, that’s for sure. I sure can drive him batshit. Wonder how long before he wants to put me out the airlock.”   

“He thinks the world of you, Shepard. You know that right?”

Shepard shrugs a shoulder and pulls the stylus out of his pocket, twirling it in his fingers. “Lot to live up to, still.”

“Hey. You’ve worked so hard for this. And you’re going to get to do it with the person who means the most to you. Enjoy it, okay? At least for a minute. This is everything you wanted.”

Shepard looks at him, right at him, eyes so clear and sharp there can’t possibly be anything Kaidan can hide.

“Yeah. Guess it is.”

Maybe the hint of regret in his voice isn’t real, just Kaidan hearing what he wants to hear. Just like the hand on his shoulder at the café didn’t mean anything, the damn crooked pin at the ceremony had just been harmless banter, and the way Shepard’s looking at him right now is just Shepard.

That’s what he always tells himself.

What if it is something? His stomach churns with a rush of exhilaration and anxiety. What would you do if I told you the truth? If I kissed you, would you push me away, or put your arms around me and tell me not to stop?

But then Shepard drops his eyes and the moment’s gone. He shoves the stylus back in his pocket, scowls, and digs something else out and holds it up to examine. It’s a chain, for a dress uniform, but black instead of the regulation gold. Just like the one Shepard already has on, linking the top button of his jacket with the gold trim of the shoulder pad. The chain worn by anyone who’s achieved N status – the only adornment allowed by anyone who isn’t N7.

Kaidan raises a curious eyebrow as Shepard rolls it between his fingers, the gaze that moments ago had only been for Kaidan now bent elsewhere.

“Did you bring an extra this time?” Kaidan asks, trying not to smile. The last time Shepard had taken that dress coat off, after the N7 ceremony, he’d forgotten to undo the chain first and snapped it in half.

He shakes his head. “My mom gave it to me today. It…was my dad’s.”

Oh.

“Why today?” Kaidan asks. “Why not when you made N1?”

His laugh is bitter. “She didn’t know she had it. She never went through his things.”

“Oh,” Kaidan says softly. “I’m sorry, Shepard.”

“It’s just a chain,” he says with a shake of his head, and starts to shove it back in his pocket. “Never been the sentimental type, anyway.”

Kaidan stops him, leaning in close enough the sharp hum of their mingled fields leaves him a little lightheaded. Shepard’s lips hover close, too close while Kaidan detaches the chain on his uniform. When he drops it in Shepard’s open palm and takes the one that belonged to his father, an electric shock passes through their fingers. Kaidan swallows, makes the mistake of glancing up at those eyes that may as well hold the depth of the stars inside, then fastens the chain carefully in place. Throughout, Shepard watches him in silence that feels like it means something.

“Thanks,” Shepard says softly.

Kaidan traces the chain with a finger, lump growing in his throat, all the times Shepard had nearly killed himself chasing N7, carving the path that’s now leading him away from the ‘Yang to Anderson and the Normandy flashing in front of his eyes.

They’re sending you somewhere I can’t protect you.

Like a reflex, he splays his hand against Shepard’s chest. There’s still an undershirt, dress jacket and dress uniform between them. Sometimes it seems like there’s so much standing between them, even when they’re side by side, and that space is about to become so vast.

But he can still feel Shepard’s heartbeat. Not a number in his HUD. Just a steady rhythm under his palm. He draws in a ragged breath.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

The words are out before he can stop them.

He curls his fingers against the fabric of Shepard’s uniform, trying to break the spell, trying to pull away while he still can, but instead Shepard cups his knuckles, trapping them in place.

He’s always been trapped in Shepard’s gravitational pull. There’s never been any other star he’s wanted to orbit.

“Hey,” Shepard says. “Kaidan, I…”

Without giving himself time to think about what it could cost them, he hooks Shepard’s neck with his other hand and erases the space between them.

Kaidan does little more than brush their lips together, so quick and reckless he almost misses. It’s nothing like what he's imagined in the rare moments where he let himself imagine anything at all. But when they part it’s only by inches. He can’t bring himself to move farther away.

But Shepard doesn’t move either.

They hover nose to nose. Shepard sits still as a stone, breath warm against Kaidan’s cheek, gaze unfocused, like the galaxy has just reordered itself around him. When he finally manages to speak, it's with a voice Kaidan's never heard before.

"Oh."

Kaidan inhales, the reality of what he’s just done setting in hard. “I’m sorry,” he says hastily, trying to scramble away, trying to think of a way to fix it, but Shepard tightens his grip on Kaidan’s hand, keeping it pressed against his chest. His eyes glitter like the stars in front of them, though reading his expression is like being on the wrong side of a two-way mirror. For agonizing seconds, he doesn’t say a word.

“Oh,” he repeats, softer this time, eyes dropping to Kaidan’s mouth. The gap between them narrows until it doesn’t exist.

The kiss starts awkward, hesitant, like they’re a flickering candle that can’t get enough oxygen to catch. But then Shepard’s head tilts to the left ever so slightly, and suddenly…it does.

Shepard’s lips part wider, drawing Kaidan in, before returning to something chaste, like he’s testing what it means, how it feels. Kaidan goes with it, he’ll go anywhere Shepard leads, so long as they go there together.

The gravity well swirls with a gentle hiss of static. Shepard’s fingers curl around the hand Kaidan still splays against his chest, like an anchor locking them together. Kaidan traces the back of Shepard’s neck with a thumb, catching the stubble of freshly shaved hairs at the base of his hairline.

In the space of heartbeat, kissing Shepard is as effortless as breathing. Soft, slow, with only the stars as a witness. They take their time, letting it grow around them, taking its own shape, until it feels familiar. Theirs. Callisto buzzes with the sounds of conversations, life, and laughter taking place below them. But here, in this little pocket of time and space Shepard has carved out for them, there is only the warmth of his mouth, the hum of his biotic field, the beat of his racing heart.

It’s racing for me.  

Kaidan grips the front of Shepard’s uniform, black chain tangling in his fingers, still trapped under Shepard’s hand.   

I was made for you, Kaidan thinks as Shepard slips an arm around him.

But that isn’t true, is it? There is nothing predestined about it. Nothing written in the stars.

Only what they’d spent four years writing themselves.

When they finally part they rest their foreheads together, breathless. Shepard’s eyes flick to Kaidan’s. He reaches a hand up, hesitates, then gently runs his fingers through Kaidan’s hair. Kaidan closes his eyes and breathes deep.

“That felt…like something we should have done a long time ago.”

A laugh slips out of Kaidan. Not quite the reaction he’d planned, not that he’d had anything planned. But at the sound of it, Shepard’s face lights up like the sunrise.

“When, um. When the hell were you gonna tell me you could kiss like that?”

A flush builds at the back of Kaidan’s neck. “Didn’t, uh. Didn’t think it was relevant to your, uh, interests.”

“My fucking interests.” Shepard’s turn to laugh. “You dick.” He wraps Kaidan up in a tight embrace. Kaidan hooks an arm around his neck, the way they’ve done so many times for helmet checks, always with armor in the way.

No armor now.

“I’m sorry,” Kaidan says, head buzzing with a mix of euphoria, elation, and dread. In a matter of hours, Shepard is supposed to report to a new ship. “My timing for this is really terrible.”

“Epically terrible, are you kidding me?”

Kaidan huffs. “Well, I planned to take it to my grave, but it turns out going back to the ‘Yang without you wasn’t…something I could do.”

Shepard pulls away from him, expression turning solemn. Kaidan tries to look away, but Shepard catches his chin in his fingers and holds his gaze.

“You weren’t going to tell me. You were just gonna let me walk onto another ship and not say anything. Why? You’re—” His face scrunches up as several different emotions pass across it at once. “Why.”

“And risk losing you, because I wanted something you didn’t?” Kaidan scoffs. “No. You’re the best thing I’ve ever had in my life. I just wanted to…be in your universe, I guess. Whatever that looked like. Whatever that meant…to you. If it didn’t mean, well—”

“Making out with me.”

Kaidan rolls his eyes. “Fine, if it didn’t mean making out with you…so be it. We part ways here, and I hope like hell you call me every now and then so I can still hear your voice.”

Shepard waggles an eyebrow. “So you’re into my voice, too, huh?”

“You know what, never mind,” Kaidan says, stifling a grin. “Forget it. I’m finding another hiding spot where I can spill my guts to someone who isn’t the actual worst.”

Shepard seizes hold of him with a laugh that’s light as a bell and pulls him in close until his back is pressed against Shepard’s chest, and presses his nose to Kaidan’s ear.

“You idiot. You are my universe.”

A shiver runs down his spine. Shepard might have a point about the voice thing. The low resonance of it in his ear is…well, it’s fucking exhilarating. He grips Shepard’s arm, closes his eyes, and exhales. “Kinda feels like we’ve been saying that to each other for four years now.”

“Maybe it’s time we finally listened to ourselves.”

Kaidan turns his head and kisses him again, deep and slow.

“Fuck, I’m a great listener,” Shepard murmurs when they part. Kaidan laughs, and Shepard’s grin gets even wider.

There is no star that shines like you do.  

Shepard’s omnitool flashes. He dismisses the notification with a grunt, using the opportunity to rearrange his limbs into a more comfortable shape. A shape that includes Kaidan. His head spins.  

“Something you need to deal with?” Kaidan asks, nodding to his omnitool.

“Later. Don’t worry about it.”

“Come on, I worry about everything.”

“Yeah, I love that about you.”

Shepard’s eyes widen the moment the words are out of his mouth. Kaidan’s heart does a somersault.

“Um,” Shepard stammers. “What I meant was…” He stops. Shakes his head. “No. That’s, uh. That’s what I meant. I think I love a lot of things about you. Everything, probably. You’re—”

Kaidan cuts him off. Continuing to exist in a galaxy where the words haven’t been said out loud is something he can’t stand anymore. 

“I love you.”

It’s the truest, boldest, most honest thing he’s ever said in his life.

Shepard gazes at him, poleaxed, then chuckles weakly. “Well. We’re just having revelations all over the place today, aren’t we?”

“Figured a few more couldn’t hurt.”

“No. I…think kind of the opposite. It’s, ah.” His face relaxes a little. “It sounds kind of amazing. Something I didn’t know I wanted to hear.”

“I love you,” Kaidan repeats, softer this time.

Shepard holds him tighter, resting his head on Kaidan’s shoulder. For a few minutes, they just sit in each other’s arms and watch the stars.  

So many stars, home to so many worlds. Humanity had ventured out into the night sky and found new life, new constellations, new technology that had taken them to more stars, where they built new homes in alien frontiers. And somehow, through it all, I still managed to find you.

Some days the galaxy feels so big. Other times…it doesn’t.

“You know,” Shepard says quietly. “The day I first brought you here…I almost didn’t.”

“Oh?”

A wistful smile tugs at his lips. “I thought if I didn’t say anything, maybe you’d give up and go away and I could be left the hell alone. It was a miserable day for me. Last thing I wanted was someone else to see it.”

“What…changed your mind?”

“I knew you. You’re stubborn as hell and never give up when you’re set on something. I was doomed to never know peace.”

Kaidan chuckles.

“And you were—” He hesitates. Kaidan gives him space to put his thoughts together. “I grew up coming to this spot. Never told anyone about it. It was mine. No one could find me when I came here. But then…you did. And I realized…I wanted you to. Felt your field and was actually relieved that maybe I wasn’t going to be miserable…alone.” He laughs weakly. “Yeah, looking back, this is pretty obvious and I’m kind of an idiot.”

“I love that about you,” Kaidan says softly.

Shepard presses a kiss to his temple, but that’s not enough. Kaidan turns his head and kisses him like he means it. Shepard makes a sound that goes straight to Kaidan’s groin.

Which is when reality sets in. Kaidan pulls back and drops his gaze, fingering the black chain on Shepard’s uniform. “So…I just, ah. Made things a lot more complicated.”

“We. Team effort, here.”

“We,” Kaidan repeats. “Guess it could be worse. Could have done it while you were still my superior officer.”

Unease flicks past Shepard’s face. He shifts restlessly. “Yeah, that would, uh, make things a little more complicated.”  

Kaidan gives him a wan smile and traces the line of his jaw with his fingers, something he’s never done before, and hopes to do a thousand more time. “What do we do now?”

“How about we worry about now later? You’re the one who said I should just enjoy things for a minute.”

This is everything you wanted.

Kaidan settles back against him and exhales. Shepard wraps his arms around him. A few hours ago, the future had felt so bleak. As empty as the space between all those stars.

Leave it to Shepard to shine bright enough to fill up the gaps.

“Thanks,” Kaidan murmurs.

“For what?”

“For not turning me away that day.”

The gravity well hums as Shepard leans in and kisses him again, the way it only does when their fields collide.

“Thank you…for staying.”

[average-mako-enjoyer]

Quickly wrote this little thing in response to the Wednesday event on the Big Place discord server. This is my first posted mshenko fic, I guess lol "How does your character deal with an itch found in a place they can’t quite reach?"

Just a back scratch

The recon they're doing is so impossibly uneventful that Kaidan notices Shepard making a face. 

They both abandoned protocol and took off their helmets about half an hour ago, and now Kaidan can see in all detail how he first squints, then scrunches his nose a little, and makes a quick, quiet exhale. 

From Kaidan's personal experience, this could be caused by a variety of things, from the Cerberus implants giving him a hard time to him realizing he didn't feed the fish. Kaidan doesn't like either of those possibilities.

"Shepard?" he asks. "You okay?"

"Yes." Shepard answers without pause, as he always does. And immediately makes the face again. This time with an added bonus: He squares his jaw. 

"Then why are you making that face?"

This question earns him a quick look. 

"I'm not," Shepard says, a true man of brevity. Sometimes Kaidan wants to smack him. 

"You're not what?"

"Making a face. Focus on the mission, Major."

"Aye Aye," Kaidan replies, annoyed. 

The next few minutes are spent in silence, and still nothing happens, so Kaidan's eyes inevitably wander back to Shepard, and yes, he's making the face again.

"Okay," Kaidan sighs. "Spill it."

This time Shepard slowly turns his head to face him, eyebrows raised, eyes all blue and innocent. 

Fucker. 

Luckily, Kaidan has his own tricks up his sleeve. 

"John..." he says. "Spill. It."

As usual, the use of his first name makes him twitch. He looks away and tenses up. 

"John, come on," Kaidan pushes. "I know something's wrong. Tell me."

Then he watches Shepard squint, move his jaw, clench his fist. 

'Local man struggles to admit he's not made of titanium,' Kaidan thinks, not too impressed by this display of masculinity. 

"I have a..." Shepard finally begins, after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. "I have an itch."

"What?" Kaidan blinks away a string of curse words running through his field of vision.

"An itch." Shepard gives him a quick look. "Under my armor. I try not to think about it. So it will go away."

"Does it work?" 

Shepard marinates an answer for a few more very uncomfortable moments. 

"No," he finally admits, and just like that, his dam is finally broken. "It's been itching for the last hour and I can't take it anymore, I think I'm losing my mind Kaidan." 

The look he gives Kaidan this time is long and panicked. 

'God give me strength,' Kaidan thinks, and asks,

"Where?"

"What?" Somehow Shepard's eyes get even wider.

"Where does it itch?"

"My lower back. On the left side." 

"Okay. Turn around and I'll scratch it."

"Kaidan, we're on recon," Shepard says, all surprised by Kaidan's audacity, and Kaidan is so done with his shit. 

"We've been sitting here for the last hour and a half waiting for Cerberus to make a move in this area, and nothing's happened. I highly doubt that me scratching your back will have any effect on that. Now turn around, soldier, and show me where it itches."

Shepard gives him another long look, but then slowly turns and thumps the area just above his ass with his fist. 

"Here."

"Okay." Kaidan frowns and touches it. It slowly dawns on him that scratching Shepard's back won't be as easy as he thought. The armor covering his spine is thick, and the soft suit underneath is even thicker. Kaidan presses into it with his gloved knuckles and Shepard sighs. 

"Can you feel it?" Kaidan asks. 

"Barely." Shepard looks over his shoulder. "Kaidan, I really don't think we should..."

"Zip it, Commander," Kaidan orders and takes off his glove. 

Shepard's back is cold, the undersuit is impossibly stiff and it scratches Kaidan's fingers just as much as he tries to scratch Shepard's back. Fortunately, he has enough calluses on his hands that it doesn't hurt. So Kaidan presses his fingers even harder, moving them up and down, and after a few moments Shepard makes a sound. 

It's so soft that Kaidan barely hears it, but then Shepard leans his head down and hisses the next breath. 

"Feel it now?" Kaidan grins. 

"Yeah, but..." Shepard's back moves with the next breath. "It's not enough. Fuck, I think it's worse now. Fuck."

"Okay." Kaidan stops and takes his hand away. "Let's think of something else." 

"Like what?" Shepard turns to him again. "You know... Thanks for trying, but it doesn't work. Let's just not think about it. I'm sure it would go away." 

He has such a pained look in his eyes that Kaidan says, "I can scratch you with my biotics."

Shepard raises an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, you're right. That's a bad idea. But how about–."

"I'm not taking off my armor," Shepard interjects. 

"I wasn't going to ask you that!"

"You weren't? Oh, okay." 

"If only I had something harder than my fingers..." Kaidan ponders, scratching his chin, and to his horror sees Shepard's face light up. 

"Your gun barrel," he says, eyes shining. 

"What?"

"Your gun barrel. It's hard and pointy. Just what we need." 

"Shepard, that's a firearm! It's dangerous!"

"Oh," he sighs and rolls his eyes, "come on. I trust you not to shoot me. And may I remind you that scratching me was your idea?" 

He has the nerve to look quite smug while saying this, and Kaidan has to admit his defeat. 

"Fine," he spats and unholsters his gun. 

He checks the safety three times before sticking the barrel into Shepard's back. When he moves it up and down, it feels completely surreal. But then Shepard hisses again. 

"A bit higher," he says, voice all strained. Kaidan complies, and Shepard makes a soft, happy sound. "Fu-uck."

"Better?" Kaidan asks, staring at the safety catch. 

"Oh yeah." Shepard takes a few uneven breaths. "Now a bit higher and to the left." 

Kaidan moves the barrel, but suddenly Shepard reaches back, grabs it, and moves it himself. 

"There," he says. "Press a little harder." 

"Fuck! Okay! Just take your hand away!" Kaidan checks the safety again, pushes the gun harder into Shepard's back, and begins to move in earnest. 

"Ohhh. That's the spot." Shepard makes that soft sound again, sounding exactly like he does in bed. "Alenko, you're the best."

Kaidan swallows. Suddenly his ears feel warm and Shepard's idea to take off the armor doesn't seem so stupid anymore. 

But they're not doing anything wrong. This is just a back scratch. In the middle of a recon. With Kaidan's gun as the main tool. With Shepard sounding like he's getting head. It's all perfectly normal. 

"Fuck yeah," Shepard says.

And that's the state the Cerberus trooper finds them in. 

"Oh," he says, standing in the doorway. 

They all just stare at each other for a moment. The trooper is unarmed, and Kaidan can imagine how what he and Shepard are doing must look. 

The last thing the trooper says before Kaidan grabs him with his biotics is, 

"I don't get paid enough for this shit."

And Kaidan absolutely agrees. No matter how much he was paid, it certainly wasn't enough.

[tenojan-in-tevinter]

25, 26, 27 and 28 from the fifty shep questions if you’re taking em!

Tysm for the ask!!!! My Shepard's name is Raien, he's colonist/sole survivor for added context. Here's a pic of him with his two besties doing the Noveria Smirk(tm):

25. How emotionally articulate is your Shepard? Do they emote well?

This varies. In the first game, he starts out trying to be aloof, keep distance between him and the crew, but quickly gets very attached to the Normandy crew. Especially after Anderson hands command over to him. He's very comfortable with them and generally is just himself when not in the field. In the second game, he never fully warms up to the SR-2 and the new crew, mainly because of Cerberus. He gets pretty sleep deprived and pissed off and spends most of the mission guarded and recedes into himself. In the third game, he spends a lot of his time stressed out and still sleep deprived, but overall much more comfortable once back with the alliance. So in short, when he's not too freaked out or stressed, he tends to be fairly easy to read emotionally, though after dying and coming back he becomes a lot harder to read unless you know him very well.

26. Does your Shepard have a romance? Who are they, and what drew Shepard to them?

Kaidan!! He loves Kaidan. They've always had a pretty good rapport, and worked well together in the field. Kaidan's the one he started this whole mess with, and he becomes determined to come out of it with him, too. He feels safe with Kaidan, which is a rare feeling for a soldier like Shepard. It takes him... a long time to understand his feelings though. Or at least longer than it does for Kaidan. He really only realizes right before the suicide mission in me2 (like minutes before going through the alpha relay from which he doesn't expect to return), days after an enlightening conversation with Liara. Then, after returning to the alliance, he resigns himself to believing they'll probably never work together again. And then the reapers and mars happens. They are bffs to it's really complicated to lovers.

27. Do they have any pet peeves?

He doesn't like people touching his Mako. Unless it's Garrus. It takes a little while before he trusts Garrus with it though. Also doesn't like other people messing with his gear. He is very particular about the specs on his sniper rifle and omnitool, and is convinced other people would fuck them up just by touching them. Ashley learns this the hard way. Raien also generally dislikes people reading over his shoulder, for many reasons- it stresses him out.

28. What about hyperfixations? What's the topic that will get Shepard rolling no matter the person or place?

He loves ships. Growing up on Mindoir, he spent a lot of time at the small space port there, helping the engineers with repairs and such. It's where he learned most of what he knows about engineering. He always wants to talk about the latest models (the kind that fly and the mini kind he can build, both) and what he likes or hates about them. But he really prefers going hands-on and working on them, tuning them and making small adjustments. He also just generally enjoys vehicles, too. Hence his protective nature when it comes to the Mako. He also really likes asking other engineers about ships, too, sometimes pretending he has no idea what they're talking about just to fuck with them. (That's how I explain the in-game dialogue choices you get at least lol.) He talks with Tali and Adams for hours upon hours. In me2, he spends a lot of time in the uncharted depths of the SR-2; in maintenance shafts, in-between floor and wall paneling, etc. Which isn't very safe while they're flying in space and he knows it, but it's the only place he can be fairly certain Cerberus isn't watching and listening. In fact, he spends so much time there, that half the Cerberus crew are convinced he knows how to teleport, since he often cannot be found anywhere on the ship, and will appear/disappear seemingly out of thin air.

Thanks again for the ask! I love Raien so much :') Have another pic of him smiling, he doesn't smile often enough:

[theoriginalladya]

WIP Wednesday

I'm only...two and a half hours late for this one. No harm no foul, right?

Still plotting away at my Rydenko fic with the occasional scribble or two of ideas as they come to me. Here's one such scribble.

Setting: 2818, Andromeda System, Ark Hyperion just after Kaidan has come out of cryostasis

~~~~~

Cora headed out the minute she was ready, eager as ever to follow Alec’s direction to the letter.  But Kaidan stayed back.  It wasn’t second thoughts – far too late for that now – or disillusionment or anything like that, but the soft amber flash in the lower left corner of his omni-tool.  A color and pattern set to specific protocols.  Protocols he’d thought left behind in the Milky Way over six hundred years ago. Once alone, he took a seat on a bench and retrieved the first one.  He recognized it as Liara simply by her intake of breath. “Hello, Kaidan.  By now you are well on your way to Andromeda.  At least, I hope you are.  If the information I have is right about the Andromeda Initiative’s timeline, you should have just made it out of the Milky Way just before the Reapers’ arrived.”  There was a pause.  When she spoke again, there was a slight quaver in her voice.  He could remember clearly the last time he’d heard that – right after she’d watched her mother die on Noveria.  “They are here, Kaidan, and they are every bit as bad as we thought they would be."

[keriweird]

Rules: List the First Line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

Wasn't tagged, just happened to come across this. Feel free to participate, I'm not gonna tag specific people.

Spaces Between

It had taken about four and a half years and a wedding for it to occur to Johnny that maybe he had been wrong about Captain Boris Mikailovich.

Little Toy Soldier

Shepard floated aimlessly from thought to thought through the endless miasma that was his mind.

Mimicry

Shepard had already broken his heart before Kaidan even knew he loved the man.

Skylines

Once again, overthinking was going to get Major Kaidan Alenko in trouble.

Woo Me, Major

“What are you doing here so late?” Coats asked as he set a cup of tea down beside the Cerberus defector’s elbow.

Exceptionally Lonely

Miranda had been her own boss since surviving a suicide mission, and she wasn’t about let anyone take that from her.

What Ifs and If Onlys

If only Joker had abandoned ship when he was ordered to, maybe Commander Jane Shepard would still be alive.

Rivalling You

It was hard to meet the eyes of people he knew he would be watching die mere minutes from now, but Major Vincent Coats did so all the same.

Terms of Engagement

It was hard to believe it had already been almost two years.

It’s a Date

“Ouch!”

The pattern? I think establishing a character and trying to provide a hook for the reader. I try (to varying degrees of success) to make the first sentence prompt the reader to ask a question in their heads after having read it. Like "what's happening to this character for them to think that?" Or whatever. I can also tell which fics were vague ideas and which were more fully formed prior to writing, because it definitely affects the impact.

[wellthebardsdead]

Evalien: *suddenly drops back down from sheogoraths realm dressed like Alice from wonderland and holding a basket of cheese and the wabbajack*

Kaidan: *catches her as she floats down and sets her back on her feet* Whot, in the mind boggling fockery just happened?!

Taliesin: *holding her armour* one minute you were here the next we were worried you’d run off naked somewhere!

Evalien: oh- don’t worry about it, just visiting an old friend. *picks up a piece of cheese and eats it… only to shrink down to half taliesins height* Oh!

Kaidan: Ha! Now you really are a dwarf.

Taliesin: HOW DO WE REVERSE THAT?!

Evalien: hm?… *licks another piece of cheese and fills the corridor as she grows to 10 times their size* UGH!

Taliesin: STOPLICKINGTHEDAMNEDTHING!!!!

*meanwhile outside*

Lucien: do you think they’re okay in there?

Inigo: I’m sure it’s fine our friends can handle anything-

Caryalind: *taps his shoulder and points to a window where a giant shoe is poking through* …

Lucien: oh dear.

Gore: *walks over with khash* whatd we miss- *looks at the shoe* …Wow.

[cr-noble-writes]

7 snippets, 7 mutuals

Thanks for the tag @stormikins!!

I am currently working on a bunch of stuff that I cannot actually share because its for exchanges and bangs, but I've got plenty of backup material for this lmaooo no pressure tags: @nickelkeep @bleuzombie @imbiowaresbitch @rotschopf-thedrow @rowanisawriter @mallaidhsomo and @otemporanerys

Viaticum- Akuze

Report: Project Apophis Dr. Josiah Wayne 01-04-2177 I think we’re getting somewhere. The second test group fared slightly better than the first. Dampening autonomic pain responses gave us an extra three minutes before the non-biotic subject began deteriorating. More interesting, however, is the effect on the biotic subject. Subject experienced powerful, uncontrolled flares resulting in broken monitoring equipment, and lived nearly twice as long as their non-biotic counterpart. I never thought I’d see eezo nodules explode like that. Johnson will be cleaning up the mess for weeks. There is very little material left that is viable for further testing, but we are gathering as much as we are able to make further adjustments to the compound. Ouroboros is transferring the subjects they were able to stabilize back to us. It’ll give us one extra test group before we need to acquire more subjects.

2. The Ties That Bind- mShenko Vampire AU

Blood rushes in Alex’s ears. His vision blurs, and he looks down at the table. He tries to breathe, but his lungs refuse to cooperate. He trusted Kaidan. It’s like his legs have been swept out from under him. The scream building in his mind escapes as a whisper. “It’s your fault. All of it. Everything I’ve been through is because of you.” Betrayal settles like a lead weight in the pit of his stomach. His mouth tastes bitter. The world spins to a halt and closes in around him, and he needs to get out. He turns, stumbling over the leg of his overturned chair and all but runs for the door. Alex doesn’t look back, just keeps moving until he’s out of the house and into the open air of the orchard. It’s a clear night, the breeze cool against his suddenly overheated skin. Above him, the moon is nearly full, and the thick darkness of the heavens is blanketed in stars. They twist and blur in his vision as he struggles to catch his breath. He can’t think straight. Memories flit through his mind at breakneck speed. The searing pain of a brand he received at eight years old. Blood on his own hands. Years of training, fighting, killing. His mother’s voice telling him it wasn’t his fault. He chokes on them, failing to his knees. Instinctively, he spreads his fingers in the grass, digs into the soil beneath. He draws strength from nature, squeezing his eyes shut and fighting for calm.

3. I Shouldn't Hope to Know- mShenko Regency Horror AU

The front parlor of Shepard’s townhouse is eclectic. A collection of model ships, piled books, and tapestries depicting events that occurred in ancient mythologies that Garrus is unfamiliar with. It is far too early in the season for the fire that roars in the hearth; it leaves him with a sheen of sweat that trickles down the back of his neck and soaks the starched collar of his shirt. Shepard, of course, seems perfectly comfortable. It had taken some time for Garrus to acclimate to Shepard’s habit of being half-dressed when he visits, but after all the years of their friendship, he’s no longer uncomfortable with Shepard sitting across from him without shoes or cravat, his shirt untucked and unbuttoned, and his long hair hanging loose over his shoulder. He’s quite certain, however, that he will never be used to the birds. One of them—Garrus has never been able to tell them apart—ruffles its wings and coos softly, settling onto Shepard’s shoulder as he leans back with a tumbler of whiskey in his hand. The other is nowhere in his line of sight, but his eyes dart around the room in search of it.  Shepard watches Garrus silently, his free hand flexing through a tremor before he tucks it between his thigh and the arm of his chair. The intensity of his stare is increased by the way the firelight plays against his blue eyes, and Garrus sighs as he reaches for his own drink. “I take it this is not a social call.”

4. Argonauts, chapter 1- mShenko, ME1

The sharp look in Anderson’s eyes bores into Alex; he’s not going to let it go. He nods sharply and presses a button on his end of the table. The center of it illuminates, projecting an image of the clearing they’d dropped in on Eden Prime. A smattering of tall trees surrounds a pond. Between them, metallic spikes stretch toward the sky, breaking the gentle flow of nature. “You said you found these spikes all over the colony. What are they?” Alex stands and leans over the table, staring down at the image for a long moment. The creatures that had overwhelmed Jenkins—gray-skinned monstrosities covered in mechanical tubes and wiring that somehow managed to keep coming for them despite limbs twisted at unnatural angles and crushed by stone from a fall no human would have been able to survive—come from those metallic spears. He can still hear the unearthly screeching, still feel the crackling electricity emanating from their bodies. Suppressing a shudder, he says under his breath, “Sow the teeth of this dragon and defeat the army that springs forth.” A heavy silence hangs in the air as Alex looks up. Three pairs of brown eyes, all focused on him. Expectant. Even Anderson looks to him for answers he doesn’t have. Shit has only just gone sideways, and already he feels the pressure. The heavy weight of an invisible mantle of responsibility settles squarely on his shoulders. “The Geth are using them to turn our own people against us by turning them into biomechanical husks.” He pauses, taking a deep breath before he continues, “I’ve been referring to them as Dragon’s Teeth.” The four of them continue to stare down at the image, the implications thickening the tension palpably. Williams breaks the silence first. “Guess that makes us the Argonauts.” Alex meets her gaze and nods sharply. “And Saren is our Golden Fleece.”

5. Argonauts, chapter 2- mShenko, ME1

“Any chance you two could stop looking like off-duty Marines for five minutes?” Kaidan raises an eyebrow. He’s about as casual as he can get in jeans, a t-shirt, and a pair of sneakers that have definitely seen better days. Williams is similarly dressed, though her clothes are brand new. “But we are off-duty Marines.” Williams snorts and crosses her arms over her chest. “What exactly is wrong with the way I look?” “You look like authority,” Shepard says. “Authority will scare off the best source of information we’ve got.” Kaidan glances over at Williams, and she shrugs. A criminal informant maybe? “Okay, how do you suggest we look less ‘like authority’?” “Loosen up, maybe slouch a little. Stop scanning the room like you’re looking for threats.” Shepard pauses, fingers tapping lightly against his thigh. “Maybe try untucking your t-shirt, Alenko. Resist the urge to stop them from picking pockets. Do not, under any circumstances, call me sir.”

6. Argonauts, chapter 3- mShenko, ME1

“How would you assure the Alliance public that your loyalties lie with them, given both your familial background and your connection to notable crime lord and so-called ‘Queen of Omega’, Aria T’Loak?” Shepard grips his hand so hard his knuckles go white, and Kaidan moves closer. “I would say that my ten years of service to the Alliance speak for themselves.” Miss al-Jilani nods. “The service that includes an incident on Akuze in which, according to the official story, you were able to escape after the rest of your unit was killed by thresher maws?” “Sorry to interrupt, sir,” Kaidan says, turning Shepard’s attention to him. His ability to appear composed would be uncanny, except the fire in his eyes is a dead giveaway for anyone who is paying attention. “Captain Anderson is asking for you.” Shepard examines Kaidan for a moment before turning back to the reporter. “My apologies, ma’am, but I need to return to my duties.” He turns and starts walking, and Kaidan follows at his heels. “One last question, Commander Shepard!” the reporter shouts. “Do you think humanity will finally get the respect we deserve?” Shepard stops so abruptly that Kaidan has to sidestep to avoid a collision. His hands fist at his sides, and he takes a deep breath. He turns to face her, takes two steps toward her, and says, “What respect is that, Miss al-Jilani?” She takes a step back and opens her mouth, but Shepard continues without giving her time to speak. “The kind of respect humanity is looking for has to be earned. I, for one, am glad to be actually working toward earning that respect.” He turns on his heel and walks away.

7. As yet untitled Durgetash fic- BG3 act 3 and dark urge spoilers

“What a suitably gaudy home you’ve made for yourself, Archduke.” Gortash’s fingers tighten over the top of the chair, but he otherwise has the sense not to show how much the familiar voice startles him. “Nearly as meretricious as the title itself.” Gortash ignores the fear that curls in his stomach, instead allowing the slow spread of a smile across his mouth as he turns to face his uninvited guest. The tiefling lounges like a lion, lazy from the hunt, in a plush chair near the window. A sliver of moonlight glints off the purplish-black scales that mark the draconic blood that runs in his veins, and glowing yellow eyes stare with an intensity so familiar as to be nearly unbearable. Perhaps he has not changed so much as Gortash initially believed. “However did you manage to find yourself here, my dear assassin?” “For all your apparent paranoia,” Calamity begins with a graceful shrug of his broad shoulders. He flicks his wrist, and the candles on a nearby candelabra burst into flame, casting a dim orange glow across his blue skin. “You’ve forgotten to defend against the simplest of illusions. Your tin army cannot see invisible things.”

[timptoe]

WIP for N7 Day: "The Dead Parents Club"

Still trying to wrap my head around how awful things are and how much worse they can get. But Mass Effect broke my brain in the best possible way when I needed it most, and I couldn't let this N7 Day go past. So here's a portion of the next chapter of my Joker fic that's been sitting in my Notes for the better part of two years; there's a different part of the chapter that I just can't get to work, but this part just kind of fell out of me.

When everything good is falling apart, it's community that keeps us together.

----

Kepler Verge, Newton System, SSV Normandy SR-2 One month, one week, four days before the end of the Reaper War

Joker knows that she’s right. It’s the right thing to do, but he can’t help pausing outside the door anyway. This is Tali’s idea. She’d probably say it was his, but he doesn’t really do personal interactions like this.

(You know what I think? I think we're called into relationships, étoile. Because other people help us get there.)

He takes another deep breath, then crutches forward.

Alenko looks up sharply at the hiss of the opening door, twisting around to peer over the back of the couch. The lights in the starboard observation lounge are dimmed, the viewport backlighting him in a halo of stars. If his eyes are a little red, Joker does his best not to notice.

“Joker,” Alenko says, tone laced with mild surprise. “Everything alright?”

Joker keeps his expression steady. “I could ask you the same thing.”

Alenko gives him a small smile. It’s brittle, and forced, though nevertheless—as always with him—genuine. “You’ve heard.”

“Shepard told me before he left with EDI and Javik.” He moves further into the room, letting the doors close softly behind him. 

Alenko nods, turning back to gaze out the window. “They good?”

“Cortez dropped them at the Cerberus outpost about twenty minutes ago. They’re gonna lay low for a little while, get a read on the place before they move in.”

“Comms silent.” Not surprising Alenko knows the protocol.

“Comms silent,” Joker confirms anyway. He blows a small breath out. “It’s Shepard. They’ll be fine.”

“Yeah.” Alenko nods, then looks over at him. “He tell you to check up on me, too?”

“Surprised?”

“I—“ Alenko starts to say something, but stops, ducking his head slightly. The barest hint of a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. “Actually, no.”

Joker sits on the couch too, a whole person-and-a-half away from Alenko. He holds his crutches in his lap. Waits an appropriate length of time. Swallows the brief rush of anxiety in his throat. “So. Tell me about him.”

“You want to…” Alenko shakes his head in disbelief. “Joker, you don’t have to do this. I appreciate the effort, but I know you’re still coming around to trusting me again, so—“

“My mom died when I was fifteen.” Joker twists the handle of one of his crutches, the brash edge unusually absent from his voice as he stares out the window into the starfield beyond. “For months after, all I wanted to do was tell someone, anyone, about her. About how awesome she was. About what I lost. About what the galaxy lost. I never did, because I’m, you know, me. But you, as we’ve established, aren’t me. So.” He looks over at Alenko. “Tell me something about him.”

Alenko holds his gaze for a moment, eyes shining. He has such an open, honest face, it’s too easy for Joker to read. The grief. The surprise. The gratitude. All the kinds of things a normal person keeps locked away in polite company, Alenko just…shows. 

For the very briefest of moments, Joker thinks he might finally see what it is Shepard sees in Kaidan.

The major looks away, out the window. “He’s…he was…generous,” he says softly. “It’s the first thing people would say about him to me, even when I was a kid. ‘Your dad helped me fix my stove, he’s so generous with his time.’ ‘You know, your dad helped me get out to Terra Nova to attend my sister’s wedding, it was so generous of him.’ Just the type of guy who always jumped in to help someone.” He looks down at his hands, folding them in his lap. “It’s not really surprising he stepped up to lead when the Reapers invaded. I just…”

He sighs, looking up at Joker. He absently wipes a tear tracking its way down his cheek. “I guess you never stop thinking of your parents as invincible, you know?”

“Yeah,” Joker says quietly.

“Yeah.”

Kaidan pauses, looking back down for a moment, then back up to Joker again, his features smoothing out a bit as he clamps down on his emotions. “It was…kind of you to ask, Joker. Thank you.”

“Well, to be honest, I came by for something else. An…invitation.” Joker puts his crutches back upright.

“Mm?” Kaidan’s wordless question hangs in the air as Joker pushes himself up off the couch. 

He starts crutching for the door before realizing he’s walking alone. He turns back, seeing Kaidan still sitting on the couch. “Walk with me?”

“Not really in the mood for poker tonight, Joker,” Kaidan says tentatively.

“Me neither,” Joker responds lightly. “Come on.”

He turns and starts for the door again. This time, he hears Alenko’s soft footfalls behind him.

“You know, I learned not to talk about Mom a lot because, just, most people don’t get it,” Joker says, keeping his tone casual. It comes…surprisingly easy after all this time. “There’s sympathy, or embarrassment, or like…staring. So much staring.”

“Mm,” Kaidan grunts noncommittally.

“And you know me, I like talking, but not, like, talking, so I went a long time with only sympathetic platitudes or embarrassed arm pats or stares to hold on to, and it sucked. And then, one day, I remembered something Mom said to me once.” He stops in front of the port observation lounge. 

Kaidan stops with him. “What did she say?”

Joker shifts his grip on his crutches. “We’re called into relationships.”

Kaidan’s open, honest face cracks into a wry amusement that Joker can instantly read: Joker, seeking out relationships with others? Surely not.

Yeah, he deserves that.

To his credit, the major’s eyes get a little wider at his own, visceral reaction, and he immediately smooths his features again, saying with not a little embarrassment, “Sorry. But, uh…you’re telling me you’ve talked to other people about your mom’s passing.”

“Yep.”

“And that…went well?”

“You’d be surprised,” Joker replies.

He turns, the door to the lounge hissing open. The group inside stops talking and looks over at the pair.

“Welcome to the Dead Parents Club, Kaidan,” Joker says.

Kaidan stands in the doorway, stunned. He looks around the room slowly. Tali and Garrus sit at the bar, some sort of bottle of dextro-liquor between them. Vega nods from his perch on the arm of the couch under the window, while Diana Allers sits next to Stefano, one of the gunnery specialists, on the couch opposite. Liara crosses the room from where she’d been looking out the observation port, wrapping Kaidan in a wordless, gentle hug.

“I…” Kaidan stops, starts again as Liara pulls back. “You all…?”

“Mom died when I was a kid. Cancer.” Vega takes a drink of whatever’s in his glass.

Allers raises hers and says, “My dad was in an industrial accident a couple of years back.”

“I’m from New Canton,” Stefano volunteers. “My folks were there when the Collectors came.”

Kaidan’s gaze wanders around the room, dumbfounded, before finally landing on Joker. “You put this together?”

Joker shifts uncomfortably and says nothing.

“He did,” Tali volunteers. “Back on the first Normandy. He and I sort of…bonded over losing our mothers when we were younger.”

“And then when Benezia died, I…” Liara pauses, collecting herself. “Well. There was a night right after we left Noveria. I was sitting alone in the mess, and these two walked in and just started…talking. About their moms. And asking me questions, and carrying the conversation when I couldn’t, and I…”

“I never knew,” Kaidan says, almost inaudible.

“No one else knows what it’s like,” Vega chimes in. “They say they do, and they can try their best, but they don’t.”

The others all nod.

Kaidan looks around the room again, not a soldier evaluating a tactical situation, but instead like a child searching a new, unfamiliar environment for comfort.

And finding it.

“The Dead Parents Club.” His voice is soft, like if he speaks too loudly, it won’t work.

“It helps to be a little maudlin,” Garrus responds. “Takes some of the sting out.”

Joker crosses to the vidscreen and starts fiddling with the setup. “It also helps to not stare at each other like some lame-ass support group,” he says, getting the thing to turn on. “So we watch movies.”

“Movies.”

Liara nods, pulling him down onto the couch with Vega. “And talk during them. Helps to fill the silences when we can’t talk.”

“Yo, whaddya got tonight, ¿comodín?” Vega says.

“Early twenty-first century Earth film, Stranger Than Fiction. One of my grand-père’s favorites.” He grins. “Mom hated it.”

“Gotta be better than that turian schlock last week,” Allers catcalls over to Garrus.

Garrus harrumphs. “Tellock is a master of storytelling. My mother had excellent taste.”

“Good to know I should blame your mother, then,” Tali says with a smirk in her voice, “for your terrible opinions on cinema.”

Garrus clicks his mandibles at her while the rest of the room laughs, descending into a bunch of side conversations as the movie starts up. Joker sits down next to Kaidan on the couch, who looks at him with wide, wet eyes, a flush of color along his throat.

“No obligation to stay, Kaidan,” Joker says quietly. “Just, you know. You’ll feel alone forever. But sometimes, it’s nice to be alone together.”

Kaidan grips Joker’s forearm tightly, almost painfully, clinging to it like it’s the last bit of flotsam near a sinking ship. “Thank you,” he whispers roughly. He tries to say more, stops himself before he breaks completely.

Joker just nods.

[kagedbird]

Continuation from this Courier: Excuse me? Are you... Ms. Allora? Allora: *blinks, half startled from the man running at her before nodding* Yes, that's me. Courier: Ah, perfect! You're a difficult woman to find. Here, these are for you. *He hands her a few pieces of mail before waving* You take care now! Allora: O-oh! Thank you! *shuffles through the mail, looking through them confused* Taliesin: *newly freed from bindings after the last heart to heart, peering at her* Ah... not quite used to the postage system here, I take it? Allora: *looks over at him and gives a small smile* You've got that right. I half forgot people just... walk around Tamriel to find you. Jeez, I feel really bad. Lu-Lu, looks like your mom responded. Lucien: Oh goody! I was hoping to hear back from her soon. Gimme, gimme! Allora: *chuckles and hands it over before shuffling through the others* Oh, looks like Bren sent me a letter. *opens it quickly, reading it over* ...Mm. Kaidan: Everything all right? Allora: Oh! Uh, yeah... seems there are some Thalmor asking questions in the area. The Companions are keeping tabs on them and reporting to Bren to keep him up to date... guess that's what these three are. *motions to three more letters* Bren says not to worry about it or him, and that he's more annoyed with the Companions starting to show up at his house more often. *chuckles softly, idly rubbing her thumb on the page* Lucien: *smiles softly* We'll be there shortly enough. Just a few hours trip away! Kaidan: Aye. I'll keep out of the walls with Taliesin while you catch up with him. Taliesin: What? Why? I was under the impression I'd get to meet this illusive 'not Uncle.' Allora: He's my Uncle, blood or not. *folds up the letter gently, putting it in her satchel* And you won't get to meet him until you're not in those robes. Sorry. He'll have a shit fit if he sees you with me, especially with Thalmor roaming around. Taliesin: I can wear peasant clothing until then! Besides, is it really smart to have an Akaviri, much less a Blades-esque member, out and about with Thalmor wandering around? They'll capture us both if we're seen. Inigo: As much as I know your Uncle may not like it Allora, he does raise a good point. We can see what Riverwood holds. Allora: Mm... okay. I'm sure Camilla and her brother have something you can wear. If not, I can pay Sigrid to adjust something of Alvor's to fit you, or see if she has any spare stuff. Taliesin: Splendid. I look forward to meeting those you consider kin. Kaidan: *to Inigo and Lucien* 10 gold says he'll be sent crying in three minutes from meetin' him. Lucien: I'll shoot for five minutes. Inigo: He will not make it past the first glare.

[ms-katonic-of-tamriel]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love!

SPOILERS BELOW: AoD, Wolf Queen, Prodigal Dragonborn, Unfated, And When The World Remembers

Age of the Dragon, even if it is a beast. Started out as a what if crossover, ended up being an epic adventure touching on colonialism, first contact, toxic organised religion, overcoming religious trauma, overcoming addiction, saving the world but at a cost, arriving in a new place and ending up overturning half their culture, how far are you willing to go to win, what salvation really looks like, redemption, freedom, and reuniting long-lost family. It gave me Cicero's Uncle and I love him very much. It gave Alistair his New Dog, and I love that very much too. XD

Wolf Queen Awakens - it just works. It just came together so easily, and I'm proud of it. The last scene still moves me to tears, it's like, yeah, Elisif, you did it. You saved the world. You won your throne. You avenged your husband. You got a new one. You're not a helpless figurehead any more and never will be again. And now you're Queen. You enjoy yourself, you earned this.

Prodigal Dragonborn - it is a fluffy romance between a lonely nerd who wasn't really expecting to find a partner, but was looking for an adventure and an amazing scientific discovery, and manages to come home with all three. I really liked writing Lucien. He's so sweet and lovable and definitely on the ace spectrum and probably autistic as well. Teasing out the backstory that Joseph Russell didn't put in and quite possibly didn't intend to be there was a lot of fun. "I'm the one using the library for its intended purpose and I'm the problem??" and "my amazing scientific discovery loves me back!" were the two most iconic lines, I think. Plus we also get Miraak with no memories looking for redemption and finding it in this scientist who will surely perish if not protected... and in the end, choosing love and forgiveness over wrath and retribution and realising his fate is not set in stone after all, and there doesn't have to be a divide between his real self and the part that loves Lucien. Also there's the cat. How can you not love Lucien's cat. That cat's practically a character in her own right. Lived in fear Joseph Russell would find out what I'd done with his boy and flip out when I started writing it, but by now I've largely realised I probably needn't have worried.

Unfated - crack turned serious. Silly Skyrim version of a silly DND webcomic, in which the Markarth Incident gets averted due to shenanigans but those shenanigans result in peace talks, an agreement, a wary truce between magic-phobic Stormcloaks fresh from a war that left them all traumatised and Reachfolk not sure how to treat the ones who were invading their country five minutes ago, and slowly the two cultures start merging as everyone involved starts to heal. And then the reaction comes, and consequences, and suddenly it all starts kicking off and then Teenage Cicero shows up. Soon followed by his now-Tranquil Uncle. It's got very intense, but I am enjoying picking this one up again. Also everyone's younger selves are proving a delight to write. Keirine newly First Matriarch and still unsure of herself. Madanach who never went to Cidhna Mine and has five young kids to look after. Farkas and Vilkas as teenagers. Uncle Cicero in his mid-forties. Custom follower Kaidan as a wee babby and his mum alive and I really love writing her too. Teeny tiny Leliana uprooted from Orlais and everything she's ever known. Delphine in her twenties and one Blade among many, serving alongside at least one who remembers what she was like before the war and will not put up with her crap. Elisif's parents! Tiny Vex of all people (people went nuts over Tiny Vex and she's only a bit character). MADANACH'S KIDS. Eola as a tiny baby who loves meat already and turned out to be the one to convince Ulfric to give in. And of course Ulfric Stormcloak, 29, war crimes averted, getting therapy, in a healthy relationship and healing. All the Stormcloaks, healing. Able to lay down their weapons, work with non-Nords and magic users at that, and live peacefully - mostly. It's an odd little universe but I love it.

And When the World Remembers - Dragon Age Inquisition, but the Herald of Andraste is stupidly OP and an ex-Dark Lord on the run, who falls face first out of Apocrypha and into his new cult and is absolutely delighted with his new Andrastian minions. And then he changes. Slowly he starts remembering how to be human again. Slowly he starts realising he actually likes these people. And then he meets this flamboyant necromancer from Tevinter who turns his life upside down before you can say 'future husband' and now there's two of them both trying to work through their issues and save the world and try to be good people while doing it. And then Miraak's past comes back to haunt him, and then Dragonborn Three arrives and he has not just a partner and an Inquisition... but siblings again. I fully intend to finish this one day, I swear it, but Unfated ran away with me.

Thank you so much for the ask! And now the tagging.

@rheilea @evil-is-relative @kookaburra1701 @expended-sleeper

And anyone else who has writing they want to tell their followers about. If you can't think of five, wax lyrical on what you do have.

[swaps55]

Trademark: Pining So Hard They Become Trees(tm)

Proud to be home to this particular trademark, my friend. Is it really pining if they aren't going so hard they can still long for each other while in each other's arms? I think no. XD

I could cite this entire chapter of Cantata for Pining So Hard They Become Trees, but I'll keep it to this bit, which is one of my favorites: ~

In the silence of space, the ‘Yang skips through firing lanes close enough to stick a knife in the enemy’s gut, the knife in this case being the GARDIAN lasers chewing away armor plating and shearing apart small enemy fighters that stray too close.

Ship-to-ship combat is an attrition of heat and numbers, and Kaidan has no control over any of it.

Not the moments of vertigo as the inertia dampeners temper the ‘Yang’s maneuvering burns, the intermittent shudder as the weapons systems find a target, not the slow, steady buildup of waste heat that will eventually force them to flee or cook within their own hull.

And not Shepard. The entire covert operation will play out on helmet cams and comm channels, with Kaidan as a witness. Shepard is nothing more than a pinprick of warmth, lost in the rage of heat playing out on sensors. Kaidan glues his eyes to that pinprick, heart in his throat as he waits to see if the Cannae’s GARDIAN lasers detect the infiltration team hidden in the heat signatures of the battle playing out around them.

It’s not until Shepard’s grav boots connect with the Cannae’s hull that the white drains from Kaidan’s knuckles.

But now that they’ve reached the target, there’s a new fear. Pendergrass hovers over Kaidan’s shoulder, chewing a hangnail as the N team hunts for explosives along the hijacked ship’s hull, because its captors would rather slag the whole thing than see it taken back.

Shepard finds the first bomb.

Pendergrass stops chewing and reviews the scans, walking Shepard through diffusing it, and every other one they find, while Kaidan listens in helpless silence until he’s forced to take another breath.

The comms erupt with gunfire when they breach the hull. Kaidan fixes his gaze on Shepard’s helmet cam, the visual slightly out of sync with the audio feed. They had no way to know how many enemies would be waiting on board, but four N6s led by the galaxy’s first N7 don’t give a shit about the odds. Somewhere in the mix Anderson manages to shut off the gravity, taking the linear firefight into multiple planes.

It’s like freeing a predator from a cage. Shepard’s helmet cam spins with dizzying swiftness as he kicks off walls, floor and ceiling ceasing to have meaning in zero G. His shotgun barks over the comm, tendrils of blue flickering around the edges of the camera lens, but this far away Kaidan’s gravity well remains silent and still.

A ragged cheer raises the rafters on the ‘Yang as the lead ship of the ragtag flotilla goes up. Kaidan presses a finger against his ear to ward off the sound, concentrating instead on the helmet cam and looking for any change in Shepard’s biofeeds.

The N team reaches the CIC. A lieutenant named Angevin goes down when they trigger an explosive while breaching the door, but not Shepard, it’s not Shepard, because there he is on Anderson’s helmet cam, blowing in like a tempest and executing three people, including their leader, without uttering a word. Minutes later, the stolen ship’s transponder changes back to an Alliance signature and the cheering begins anew.

Half the crew waits at the ‘Yang’s airlock to greet the N team when they return, Kaidan among them, swallowing back his relief like it’s a living, breathing thing. He gets lost in the shuffle when the airlock opens and the yelling starts, but Shepard’s gaze cuts through the crowd, and he parts it like Moses and the Red Sea. With a grin on his face that could shake the stars, he throws an armored arm around Kaidan and hugs him tight, thunking an energetic palm against his shoulder. Kaidan returns it just as fierce, the plating stiff and sterile against him.

“Did you see that?” Shepard exclaims when they part, elation on his face, hand still on Kaidan’s shoulder, biotic field humming with kinetic energy. This is Shepard in his element, Shepard at his best. The impossible means nothing to him.

Kaidan grins back. “Yeah, I saw it.”

How can I look away when it’s you?

[satashiiwrites]

morning writing drafts

I should be working on sleepless in la. 

Big SHOULD there. 

Instead, I think i’ve come up with a name for a 911/mass effect mashup.  And been graphic editing because who wants to finish their rom com that should have been done already?  

*sigh*

Title: The First Spectre (aka previously known as untitled 911/Mass Effect space opera slowburn) chapter 1 vs prologue

Fandom: 911, Mass Effect Trilogy

Pairing: endgame Buddie (MShenko equivalent).  Assume anything else is fair game until we hit ME3 territory because i’m totally making Taylor into Miranda and Abby is going to be Liara. 

Tags/warnings: i’m still not committing to writing this monster length fic(and I do mean monster length if I go for it—like 600k of the slowest of slow burns).  In the meantime i’m evidently writing a beginning, a divorce-era horizon disaster, and can clearly picture the catalyst firing/’don’t leave me behind’ scene in all its angsty goodness. Author may be in deep trouble.  First draft.  Assume Eddie=Kaidan Alenko and Buck=MShep.  Chimney is totally Joker.  Use of military terms that may confuse some audiences and be completely inappropriate as author does not have a military background and just reads too many generation kill fics. 

Tagging because they asked @shortsighted-owl​.  If you would like to be tagged for any updates or snippets from this one please let me know. 

Lieutenant Edmundo Diaz—known to his family as Eddie or everyone else as Lt Diaz or just Diaz—sat in the copilot’s chair on the bridge listening to Flight Lieutenant Han, aka Chimney, grumble about their newest mission orders.  Eddie thought that the grumbling was mostly for show—being assigned to work under Captain Robert Nash was a coveted position and good for your career.  The Normandy (known also by it’s engineering designation as SR-118) was a new type of freighter that was a joint project between the Alliance and the alien council races. There was no ship faster or with better handling anywhere in the fleet. 

Chimney really should be happier he was getting the privilege of flying the equivalent of the most luxurious, high tech interplanetary transport ever made.  Instead, he was grumbling about scuttlebutt that he’d heard while getting his clearance physical from Dr. Wilson. 

“Did you hear who you’ll be working with?” Chimney asked Eddie, implying that Eddie should be unhappy about his new CO.  

“I heard I’d be working with Commander Buckley and there’s nothing to say.  He’s a good soldier.”

“A good soldier?!?  You heard what happened on Akuze right?  That he’s the only one who survived?”

“It means he’s capable and smart,” Eddie argued, trying to put an end to Chimney’s rant that had been going on for over a half hour.  “That’s good to have in a team CO.”

Chimney scoffed. “His entire team died except him. You going to be happy with him hanging you out to dry while he hightails it to safety?”

Eddie was beginning to think that the intel folder that had been sitting in his inbox wasn’t common knowledge as there’d just been a string of nonsensical numbers and letters as the sender’s contact information.  He’d been sent the extended—and highly classified—report on the Akuze Incident as well as the redacted official report that had been released to the press along with his official orders and a copy of Commander Buckley’s jacket. Eddie thought that Commander Buckley was lucky to have survived the first contact the Alliance had ever had with a thresher maw that had literally devoured an entire colony and then the rest of his naval special warfare unit that had been sent to investigate why the colony had gone dark.

Thresher maws were basically giant, hungry space worms with teeth the size of a small shuttle and spat acidic venom up to 3 clicks with eerie accuracy that would melt through shields and armor in less than two minutes.  If you didn’t die from the acid then you had to worry with either being eaten or crushed to death.  The damned things also hunted by noise and vibration so there was no escaping them other than getting off planet in a hurry. 

Eddie might have nightmares about incidents like Akuze.  Commander Buckley had his respect for surviving one. The fact that the commander wasn’t out of his brain and stashed in some head doctor’s padded room drooling from being drugged to the gills spoke to his mental strength and resiliency.  The rest of his military jacket was even more impressive with the noted list of assignments and commendations including that he’d graduated from the Interplanetary Combatives Training (ICT) program and was one of the rare N7s. 

Eddie’s only question was who had sent him the file—he was to be the XO for the ground team but it was highly unusual for him to have gotten this much intel up front…so who had given it to him?  It could be Captain Andersen since his name was also all over Commander Buckley’s file which suggested a mentor-mentee relationship but it could also have been the Commander himself or a third party who wanted to somehow prejudice Eddie in some way. 

He was inclined to give his new CO the benefit of the doubt and see how things went.  Paperwork often omitted some truths and as a biotic Eddie had experienced his fair share of off-the-books blowbacks and prejudices. 

Chimney, however, wasn’t.  The man was an inveterate gossip and had his ear tuned to get all the latest scuttlebutt.  Eddie had only known him for a few weeks but he knew if he needed to know anything about anybody on the ship then Chimney was the person to see. 

[lucius-the-sinful]

writing patterns

rules: list the first line(s) of your last 10 posted fics and see if there's a pattern!

tagged by @omgkalyppso ! thank you!! <3

1- "Fragile Thing" (D&D, OC's, fingering, penetrative sex, rated E)

He had the soft pad of his thumb pressed up against the warmth of her clit, making small circles and observing her reaction. Sylvanna bit her lip, then peered at him down the length of her body.

2- "The Sinking of Teeth" (WIP) (BG3, Astarion, Astarion and Tiefling OC, biting, blood, Rated M)

Astarion’s gaze flicked between each of his traveling companions thus far, until they landed on the tent of their darling tiefling bard, Galethor. He mulled over his options. The wizard was swollen, yet veered on the side of caution. The assumed warlock was the most likely to not think twice about killing him, followed swiftly by the githyanki warrior. And the cleric… Well, best not to bite the hand that heals you.

3- "Call in the Wind" (WIP) (TES, Dunmer OC's, death, rated M)

A lone dunmer entered the Ancestral Tomb just as midnight passed, carrying in his arms a decorated urn and with a neatly folded banner draped over his shoulder.

4- "Feather Fall" (Part 2 of the Witcher, Poet, King series) (The Witcher, Witcher OC's, Winter at Kaer Morhen, Rated T)

The snow fell from the dark gray clouds, adding to the deep drifts. It also clung to the hood and cloak of a witcher, riding a white stallion along the winding path through the dense mountains.

5- "I Was Just a Kid" (Part 2 of the Bend & Break series) (D&D, OC's, child neglect & abuse, Rated M)

Gale folded his arms over his desk, resting his chin as he gazed out the window, watching the other middle schoolers play whilst he was stuck in detention. He wasn't alone; his best friend, Domiel, sat on the opposite end of the room. Their teacher, a human man with a permanent scowl and sagging skin, was practically half asleep while grading papers. Seconds felt like minutes, the lunch hour would feel like an entire day. 

6- "Ashblind" (WIP) (TES, Dunmer Dragonborn, Teldryn and the Dragonborn, Solestheim, Rated M)

Helón was never good at hiding his emotions, whether it was the smallest tilt in the corners of his mouth or how he crossed his thick arms over his broad chest. Or those damn longing eyes of his as he got onto that damn longboat that'd sail across the damn sea. Away from Solestheim, away from Teldryn, who was left utterly speechless on the docks.

7- "Cold Cold Man" (WIP) (D&D, OC's, oral sex, dubious consent, rated E)

“Is that what you want to do? Beg for me?” The words passed through Rarzal’s lips nonchalantly, the same lips Gale had been watching this entire conversation.

8- "Evervale" (WIP) (Original Work, OC's, rated M)

He held his hand against the disturbed soil, a furrow bringing his eyebrows together. The print was unusual for this area, and not the monster he believed he was hunting. His golden eyes, with thin vertical ovals for pupils, followed the tracks deeper off the trail. He looked up, and saw a branch snapped from at least ten feet above the ground.

9- "Fragments" (Mass Effect Trilogy, Kaidan Alenko and M!Shepard, first person pov, alternate ending, rated M)

One moment, there was darkness. The only sound was a high pitched ringing. It faded within moments, and then the pain started.

10- "A Worthy Distraction" (TES, ESO, Fennorian and Vestige OC, Altmer OC, trans masc character, penetrative sex, fluff and smut, rated E)

Fennorian's habit of wasting a large portion of his day in the laboratory was about as surprising as a pony guar dozing in the afternoon sun.

Lord I struggled to find enough writing for these because I am a slow writer, so there's a bunch of wips sprinkled in. I also can never keep it to one line.

tagging anyone who wishes to participate :)

[tealenko]

Didn't Have the Heart (Chapter 8)

Chapter 8: Just Checking in

Yo! I'm on fire... I wasn't expecting to write this one so quickly (given the crazy ammount of work I have right now) and yet here we are. Hope you like it!!

Summary: Shepard and Kaidan finally meet for the first time since she abandoned his room the previous night, but first, they’ll both have to endure a few more conversations with Garrus and Javik about their relationship.

Words: 5483 Rating: Teens and up Warnings: language, of course

Read in AO3 -> [link]

Previous Chapter -> [link] Next Chapter -> [link] All Chapters -> [link] Through Hell and Back series -> [link]

------------------------------------

“We'll be entering Quarian space in less than an hour.” EDI says through the ship’s comms, alerting the crew to get ready.

Kaidan switches on his omni-tool and takes note of it, as he always does, making sure every bit of the day is planned in his schedule.

“Okay, I got fifteen minutes, give  or take…” He says half joking, trying to ease the mood of the room a little. “But if this is really important I can bargain a few more with our boss… I’m on good terms with her.”

Garrus laughs and relaxes a bit, joining Kaidan on the couch and sitting by his side.

“That’s kinda why I’m here…” His friend looks at him with confusion for a second, until he’s able to clarify his statement. “I think… You get Shepard in a way no one is remotely close to achieving…”

“God, I hope so.” He says in between giggles, winning him a push on the shoulder from his friend.

“You know that’s not what I was talking about…”

“Yeah, sorry… I couldn’t help it.” He replies leaning backwards a bit, getting comfortable on the sofa, before asking directly about his problem. “So what’s eating you up Garrus? Had any problems with Mio?”

“Ehrmm…” Garrus’ sentence gets stuck for a moment, still not used to link that name to his best friend. “Ah, no… Not per se. It’s just that…”

Kaidan looks at him for a second, observing how he struggles to find the words to name what’s really bothering him, wondering what may have happened to them, before his own mind offers him an answer faster than his friend.

“Did she shut you off?” He asks with the more casual tone in the galaxy, like it’s not a surprise at all for him, which it isn’t. 

“Yeah…How..?”

He doesn’t need to finish that sentence either.

“Well, I know how you’re wired… And, as you said before: I do know her quite well.” Kaidan replies right away. “But so do you… So, what’s new?”

“Ha…” Garrus finds at least some encouragement in Kaidan's powers of deduction. “Of course, you see that too.”

“You’ve been her friend for what, more than four years? You know how it works, as well as I do.” Kaidan explains slowly, taking his time to find the right words. “So I imagine you said something you shouldn’t.”

“Yeah… Guess I overstepped a line I should not have…”

“But…”

Garrus smiles again, still amazed at the accuracy of Kaidan’s words.

“But, for the first time, I have no idea where the error lies… And is freaking the hell out of me.”

“Mmm…” He just hums, taking a small pause before continuing. “And you want to run it by me. See if I’ll be able to notice something you didn’t.”

“Kinda, yeah… If you’re okay with it… Are you okay with it?”

Kaidan laughs a little and takes another look at his omnitool.

“Yeah sure…” He agrees. “But you have only ten minutes left.”

He doesn’t even need half of them. 

Garrus starts talking right away, happy to find someone to share this with, and replays out loud his last conversation with Shepard, chapter and verse, in less than five minutes.

“The thing is, she actually talked to me about stuff she’s never had the nerve to even mention before… Everything was fine, the conversation was over, and then… Puff. She disconnected. Found, in an instant, an excuse to run away and vanished from the room before I knew what was happening.”

“That is weird…” He admits, amazed that Shepard made it through the tough part of the conversation just to run away in the middle of a joke. “But if you sensed something off… There has to be. I trust you gut.”

“Yeah? Because I’m starting to question it…”

“You said you were joking about knowing her better than anyone else?”

“Yeah… Something on the line of: do you know the amount of buzz and effort it’s taken me to get to know you?”

“And nothing else?” Kaidan asks a bit lost, not understanding where there could be a problem.

“No… Said that and I finished the whole thing joking, saying that I deserved it, for having a human as my best friend.”

Kaidan’s expression changes in the blink of an eye, losing entirely the smile he was wearing just a second ago.

“Oh well… Shit.” He murmurs, quickly catching the attention of the turian, who stares at him as he stands up and takes a few steps while facing the window.

“You know what the problem is…” He affirms more than asks.

“Yeah.” Kaidan admits while staring at the void of the galaxy.

“But you cannot tell me.”

Now he is the one surprised by the accuracy of his friend’s deduction, dedicating it a soft smile before turning to look at him.

“Yeah.” He admits one more time. “Sorry…”

“Nah, it’s okay… I get it.” He replies, standing up, taking a few steps to stop at his side. “I’m just glad I’m not crazy.”

“No, you’re not.” He waits a second, while a rogue smirk appears on his face “At least about this.”

The smile turns into a laugh right away, winning him a sigh from his friend before this one joins in on the fun.

“Ha, serves me right.” Garrus says while laughing. 

“Sorry again… Couldn’t help it either”

“I think Shepard is really becoming a bad influence on you, Alenko.”

“You know, you’re not the first to tell me that today.” He admits, smiling from ear to ear. “Am I really that bad?”

Garrus laughs a little and shakes his head a couple times.

“Course not… It’s a pleasure to see you like this, Kaidan.” 

He gives a soft pat on his shoulder and smiles at him, knowing that both their conversation and time left are over, ready to say goodbye to his friend. 

“Thanks for the talk.”

He starts talking towards the door but stops after hearing Kaidan calling for him.

“Garrus…” He turns to face him. “About Shepard…”

“Yeah?”

“You did nothing wrong… But she had a great deal of a reason to freak out.”

“I see…”

“Just… Give her time. She’ll tell you herself. Trust me”

Kaidan smiles and Garrus replies with the same coin, giving his friend a subtle nod right after.

“Thanks, Kaidan. I… Thank you.” He says, summing up his feelings, aware that they have no time to say something else. “Means a lot.”

Kaidan nods back at him, completely understanding his feelings.

“Anytime.”

~

“We'll be entering Quarian space in less than an hour.” EDI says through the ship’s comms, alerting the crew to get ready.

Shepard hears the announcement almost as if it was an echo, that slowly disappears as the door on port cargo shuts close behind her.

“Looks familiar”

She says as she gets closer to the screen, staring at the displayed plans of her old ship, taking in the view as flashes of what happened in Alchera come back to her mind.

“I’ve been studying this ship, its crew. There was a Normandy before this one, you died in an attack.”

“Something like that.”

She smiles a little, eyes still glued to the pictures of her past, acknowledging how absurd the whole story seems when you hear it out loud.

“But then you were resurrected… To fight the reapers.”

“Maybe you and I have a thing or two in common.”

She closes her eyes for a second, focusing on her breathing, casting away her usual demons in order to keep present in their conversation.

“But you have something else: the reasons you fight are still alive. The friendships of the people around you.” Javik makes a small pause, building the anticipation for what he’s about to say. “And more.”

Shepard turns slowly to look at him, surprised to see where their conversation is heading.

“You and the human soldier are… Joined?” He affirms, more than he asks, more hesitant about the correct use of the terminology than about the facts he’s stating.

“You could say that.”

“I’m not. Your pheromones are.” 

This type of comments would've bothered her a few weeks ago but, after everything she’s endured in the past few days, plus the whole sexual itercorse thing that he said in front of Liara and Tali, she’s more than used to this type of statements coming from Javik.

Instead of replying, she just shrugs her shoulders, not knowing what else to add to that statement, and turns back once again to stare at the images shown on the screen.

“Is this why you wish to continue living? For their affection?”

Despite his usual way of phrasing his thoughts, this takes Shepard quite by surprise. Javik is often direct and ignores any of the harm that his words tend to inflict, but something in his tone of voice is different this time around. 

She finds something in that last sentence that she's not willing to let pass like it's nothing.

“Yes.” She admits right away, with a firmness in her speech that she hasn’t used with the prothean until now. “Is that a problem?”

“A surprise.” He replies without a second thought, still unaware of the effect of his words on the commander. “War is the only thing worth occupying your mind right now. That kind of feeling, that ‘affection’... Should be beneath you.”

“Without that ‘affection’, all I have in my life is death.” She says with the calmest tone of voice she’s able to summon. “And that’s not enough.”

Javik, who already had another comment prepared, stops himself from talking once he hears the beginning of what she has to say, suddenly shocked by the impactful reality of finding someone in this foreign universe who may be able to make him realize that he’s mistaken about something.

“Without feelings, without pain… I’d be just a machine.”

He looks at her, quite surprised by her statement, not expecting her to have such firm ideals and neither to be defending them with this level of conviction.

“And believe me, I’m not fighting and suffering just so that I end up turning into my enemy.”

The prothean stares at her for a couple seconds, still not knowing what to do with all that information.

“That’s a nice sentiment, I must admit.” He agrees but, after some hesitation, he goes back to his original line of thought. “Nevertheless, it is one that’s only allowed in fiction… And that, is the main difference between us.”

Shepard looks at him with a severe expression, but doesn’t interrupt him. Instead, she lets him talk, allowing him to expose what he truly thinks.

“I’ve done my research.” Javik adds, pointing at the screen. “You have fallen… You have risen. But you haven’t lost… Or at least, not yet.” 

She keeps listening in silence as he talks, knowing quite well where this is heading, but still not knowing how to react to it.

“Once you have seen every single person on this ship die, massacred in front of your eyes one by one… Once you have no other option than to sacrifice every single one of them… Along with what’s left of you. Sacrifice all that you are… Only then will you clearly understand that behaving like a human is not always an option.” 

Shepard stays submerged in her silence for a bit longer, investing her pause to breathe in, with a very long inhale, taking all the time in the world before formulating her reply.

“Ahhh…” She exhales. “You need to get better at researching…”

He is not only surprised by her answer, but also by the expression that follows it.

Shepard smiles a little at her own comment, but there’s a residual sadness in her demeanor that doesn’t pass by the prothean.

“Meaning?” He asks, not truly knowing how to interpret her reaction to his words.

“Everything you said, all you just described… That’s already happened.” 

She stops facing him, casting one last stoic glare into his eyes, and walks towards the door, stopping at the threshold after taking a few steps. 

“Akuse.” She states as an explanation, but not without fighting with herself just to be able to say it. “Start there next time.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“I do care, actually.” She turns, still at the door’s threshold, so that she can look directly at him once again. “As I told you before… We have more in common than you think.”

“I see…”

Things start to click for Javik, who right now, would start to feel sorry about his previous comment if he was able to recognize such feelings. 

Instead, starts to grow inside of him a new wave of respect for the woman that now stands on the entrance of his room.

“I’ll give it to you, though… You were somewhat right.” She admits, after thinking about it. “Didn’t feel human for the longest time, but… But…”

Her words choke on her throat before they’re able to come out. Nevertheless, they aren’t needed at the end, for Javik already knows and understands them, to the point that he’s able to step forward and put an end to her struggles.

“But..”

“But that wasn’t enough.” He finishes the sentence for her, mirroring the answer she gave him only a few seconds ago.

“Exactly.”

“You’re an interesting subject… Commander Shepard.”

Javik gifts her with the faintest smile she has ever witnessed but, given his record, is more than good enough for her to recognize the change of lane in the prothean’s opinion.

“Glad to know.” She smiles back as she replies.

“Very… Unique.” Despite his choice of words, there’s no hint of mockery in his tone of voice, to Shepard’s surprise, who is waiting patiently to see where this is heading. “No wonder your people choose you to lead them.”

“Thanks…” She replies, with hesitation, knowing there’s a second part to that statement that she isn’t gonna like as much.

“You would not have lasted more than a day in the Empire, though.”

Shepard starts laughing right away, with Javik’s comment caughting her completely by surprise, not expecting something of sorts to come out of the protheans’s mouth.

“Seems probable…” She admits in between giggles, given the whole hypothetical a second though. “Would’ve taken a lot with me in the process, though.”

“Seems probable too.” 

His smile expands just a millimeter, but that is enough to make her feel satisfied about the effect of her comeback. So, after a few seconds of smiling back at him, while mentally celebrating her victory, she nods her head as a goodbye gesture and states it out loud.

“See you around, Javik.”

“Commander.”

~

Shepard takes the elevator to the crew deck and, as she steps out of it, she sees Garrus, who is leaving Kaidan’s room.

She freezes for a second before her instincts kick in, which desperately tell her to turn around and run away, but that brief moment of hesitation is more than enough for his friend to acknowledge her presence.

“Shep!” He calls her as he hastens his step to reach her as fast as possible. “Have a second?”

“No… You see…”

He doesn’t let her finish.

Before she’s able to refuse his talking invitation, he grabs her by the arm and starts walking towards the poker room.

“It will only be a moment.”

The whole thing happens so fast that Shepard isn’t even able to complain before they get into the lounge and, by the time they’re already there, she is too shocked to know what to say, giving him the chance to break the ice, which he isn’t willing to waste.

“When are you gonna get tired of avoiding me?” He states right away, quoting the same words she said to him a few weeks ago.

There’s a moment of silence, but it’s quickly followed by a laugh.

“Nice one.” She replies, relaxing a little. 

Shepard looks around for a few seconds, taking the opportunity to calm herself, and lets out a big sigh before sitting on the coach completely defeated by the situation.

“Very clever, Vakarian… Using my own argument against me.”

Garrus smiles, or does whatever it is that turians do when they’re happy, and sits in front of her, taking a second before talking again.

“Just… Forget it, Shep. Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.”

“What about?”

“Wish I knew…” He starts laughing, still replaying their last conversation in his mind. “But I obviously said something that triggered you.”

Shepard starts to scour the room, unable to look directly at his friend.

“...”

“So we can just act like I never did.”

To say she is shocked by his words doesn’t come close to describing Shepard’s feelings but, after putting aside her initial hesitation, she finally musters the courage to start taking an active role in their current conversation. 

“Really?” 

“Yup.”

She laughs a little in disbelief, surprised by Garrus’ approach to this whole situation.

“You don’t wanna know?”

“I sure do… But not if you don't wanna tell me.” She’s about to correct his words, afraid she’s giving the wrong impression about the true reason behind her silence, but he steps ahead, once again, and does it for her. “Or if you aren’t ready.”

“I…”

“And… If you ever change your mind, well… You know where to find me.”

She stares at him for a few seconds, dedicating him a faint smile, before finally being able to reply to his answer.

“...Thanks.” She states, with said smile deepening even more on her face, grateful to see that her friend is willing to give her all the time she needs before she opens up to him. “Means a lot.”

“No problem.” Garrus leans forward and gives her a couple pats on the leg on his way to standing up, stretching a little before heading to the bar. “Want something to drink?”

“Unfortunately… No. We’ll be deployed in less than thirty minutes.”

“Oh.. Sorry for you, then.” He says this as he opens himself a bottle and starts drinking. “Gratefully, I know you won’t pick me to go on this one.”

She looks at him, completely silent, quite surprised by his statement.

“Am I wrong?” He asks, with a big grin on his face.

“No… No you’re not.” She laughs a little and smiles back at him, in awe by the accuracy of his deduction. “How you knew that?”

Garrus goes back to the sofa area, but this time around he sits next to her.

“Come on… You have to go with Tali, it’s her people.”

“There’s another spot on the crew.”

“Yeaaaaah… Right.”

Shepard sighs and slaps him on the arm before pushing him a little in a playful manner.

“Shut up.” She orders.

Unfortunately for her, it’s already too late to stop his words.

“Like you’re not gonna pick Kaidan to go along with you.”

They both start laughing at the same time, and keep doing it for a few seconds, before she stands up, casting an amused look at her friend as she starts talking.

“There’s been missions where I haven’t picked Kaidan to go along with me…” She tries to defend herself from his statement.

“Yeah, I know… But only when it’s back to back to another one and you have to give him time to rest.”

“Hmm…” She complains, mad at herself for not knowing what else to say.

“Am I wrong?” He asks again, with the same big grin back on his face.

“No, you’re not.” She smiles, amused by his comeback. “...Of course you know that too.”

“Well, I’ve been in his place… Back with Cerberus. I couldn’t catch a break unless we had no time to rest in between missions, ironically.” Garrus brings his talon to his head while faking to be affected by the change in her preferences when it comes to choosing a squad member. “I thought you loved, Shepard.”

She laughs, extremely amused by his words..

“God, you’re an idiot…”

“You’re probably right, but you have to stop saying things like that, Shep.” He reprimands her, with a hint of his joking tone still engraved in his words. “You’re becoming quite a bad influence on poor Kaidan.”

“Why? Is he no longer suffering in silence while you and Vega aim at him every stupid comment that you’re able to come up with?”

“Even better… He’s the one making them now.” He states, both proud of him and happy to see Kaidan in his element. “Fearsome thing to behold, to be honest.” He says, tuning back to his half joking tone of voice.

“Good for him…” She takes a moment to think before taking a few steps towards the door. “Speaking of whom, I should go give Kaidan the specs for the next mission… We’re almost there.”

“Yeah, right…”

“What!?” She asks, almost like she doesn’t already know the answer.

“Come on Shep, it’s me… You don’t have to fake it. I know why you’re really going to see Kaidan.”

Shepard just stares at him with an annoyed look, unable to deny his friend’s statement.

“Or now you’re gonna tell me there’s no ulterior motives behind your visit?”

“Well, hell yeah. Of course I have ulterior motives!” She admits right away, almost laughing. “But that doesn’t mean I was lying, though. I intend to give him a report for the mission too.”

“I see.” He smiles back, amused by the honesty in her answer.

Shepard returns his smile and nods, considering this small gesture more than enough to signal her goodbye, and starts walking towards the door.

“Hey, Shep.” He says on her way there, making her stop after a few steps. “This whole Kaidan thing…”

“Yes?” She turns to face him, not knowing at all where this is heading.

“You sure about it?”

She casts him a confused look.

“I thought you weren’t gonna give me the Kaidan talk, Garrus.”

“No, of course I’m not… It was more in the line of a Shepard talk, if you know what I mean.”

Shepard’s jaw drops a little, surprised to see where his friend’s worries lie.

“You are worried about him.”

“Yes.” Garrus admits right away.

“You think I’ll hurt him.”

“I know you’ll hurt him… But I still don’t know how.” He states without hesitation before sighing and looking directly at her. “It’s plain math. When you love someone that much, there’s countless different possibilities to get hurt. I’m just trying to avoid one of them.”

Shepard considers his comment for a second, finally understanding what he’s really trying to imply.

“Soooo… You’re scared that I’m treating this like a port in the storm kind of thing.”

“Here we go again with the idioms…”

Shepard laughs a little, still amused after many years of friendship by any occasion where she needs to explain human argot to her best friend.

“Don’t tell me Vega hasn’t covered that one yet.” She says while smiling. “What a pity.”

“Well, I think I get it based on context.” He replies, after thinking about its meaning for a second. “Never too late to learn something new.”

“Good to know.”

She nods and proceeds to leave the room.

Walks out of it and stands in silence in the hallway, staring at the door of the room situated on the opposite side of the corridor.

“Ahhhh…” She sighs, before turning on her feet and heading once again inside of the lounge.

Garrus, surprised by her sudden reappearance, doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just stares at her while she states what she really needs to get out of her system.

“He’s not.”

She tells him, taking her a few seconds to realize she may need to say share more information for him to understand her.

“A safe port in the storm.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning…” She takes a second to breathe. “You don’t have to worry about Kaidan.”

“I see.” He replies, now with a sense of relief, happy for both of his friends.

“You can leave that to me.”

They both laugh at her comment and, once again, she nods at him and leaves, although this time around she doesn’t stay frozen outside of the port observation.

~

With hurried steps, she quickly reaches the opposite side of the hallway and enters, without hesitation, in the room she was staring at only a few minutes ago.

Shepard isn’t surprised to see what she finds once she gets into it.

She’s quite used by now to the vision of Kaidan, sitting in his favorite chair, reading and writing reports of their previous missions, completing with grace and calmness all those tasks that she detests so much to do.

"Hey there." He says as a greeting, taking his eyes from his datapad to cast a loving look at her.

"Hey, Kaidan--Just checking in..."

Reality hits Shepard, and she suddenly feels like it’s been a lifetime since she last saw him, even though it’s been only a few hours since she sneaked out of his room.

"I'm glad.” His smile deepens as she gets closer to him, leaving completely forgotten all the work he was doing just a second ago. “Say, you left without waking me."

She smiles back at him, taking a moment to think, trying to find the appropriate words to express why she did so.

After a few seconds of self reflection, she finally finds her answer.

"Didn't have the heart."

There’s a mixture of both endless worry and deep affection that melts together in between her words, giving her sentence a double meaning that not even she is aware of.

"Aw, thanks, but next time--wake me.” 

Shepard’s body acts on its own, as her hand instinctively reaches for Kaidan’s, searching for the contact that she’s been missing since she abandoned it the previous night in complete silence.

“Fine…” She complies with an almost ethereal tinge in her voice, feeling the pressure of her heart smothering her words as it keeps pounding with the strength of mass relay against her chest.

Kaidan uses his free hand to bring her closer and sits in a more useful position so that he can wrap her arms around her.

“Missed you..” He whispers, completely glued to her, tightening the embrace even more.

Shepard rests her head on top of his, bringing her right hand to his hair so that she can play with it. 

She messes it up a little, combing it different directions for a few seconds before forming a reply to his comment.

“Me too.” She shifts a little and kisses the top of his head before returning to her previous position. “Unfortunately…”

She doesn’t need to say anything else. The mention of that last word is enough to let him know what comes next. 

Kaidan sighs, coming back to their reality, leaning back a few inches so that he can move his head to be able to look at her.

“We need to get ready?”

“Yeah, we’ll be entering quarian space in no time.” 

“What a shame…”

One of his hands starts to move up her body, but she stops it before it’s able to travel too far, taking a step backwards to avoid starting something they do not have the time to finish.

“Kaidan…” She says, half breathless once again, both reprimanding his behavior and begging him to stop for their own sake.

“Sorry.” He stands up and takes a step to close the distance between them, adding to his apology a repentant look. “I couldn’t help it.”

Shepard’s body leans forward a little, pulled once again by the gravity that Kaidan always seems to hold against her.

“I…” She manages to stop herself just in time, placing her hand on top of his chest to ensure she won’t get even closer, despite how much all her soul is asking her to do so. “We…”

After taking a moment to breathe, followed by a sigh, Shepard finally manages to regain some control over the situation and, summoning all the strength she’s able to find, and clearing her throat to speak again, she is somehow able to look up at him and hold his glare.

“We…” She insists, now with a more decisive tone in her voice. “... should be getting ready.”

There’s a moment of silence filling the room after Shepard says this. She looks away, with a cheeky smile forming on her face that immediately catches his attention, making him enjoy the moment way more than he should.

“But I really don’t want to…” She finally adds in between laughs, smiling from ear to ear as she focuses her eyes back at him.

Kaidan starts laughing just a moment after, instinctively surrounding her with his arms and lifting her up from the ground, doing a couple spins while at it.

“Kaidan!” It’s all she’s able to say, or half scream, in complete surprise, before she starts laughing again, holding tight around his body and hiding her face against his neck.

This lasts for a few seconds, in which the tired couple are able to completely forget momentarily that there’s an actual war spreading through the galaxy, or better said: two, thanks to the narrow-mindedness of the top hierarchy of the quarian conclave.

Nevertheless, nothing can last forever and, after their idyllic scene is finally over, they both sight and smile at each other, aware that they need to go back to work no matter how much they don’t want to.

“So… Gear first.” Kaidan says, after coming back to reality, finally focusing on the task at hand. “My weapons are already prepped, so I think I should go change clothes now.”

“Need an extra hand for it?”

“Hmm…” 

Kaidan laughs and coughs at the same time, looking away for a moment while smiling uncontrollably, taking a few seconds to calm a little before rewarding Shepard’s comment with a soft kiss on her forehead.

“Maybe later.” He adds, winning him a deep laugh from Shepard.

“Definitely later.”

And just like that, they go back to their programmed schedule.

The couple walk together to the elevator and get to the shuttle bay in record time, heading directly to the lockers where they store their gear and doing their best to pretend they aren’t aware that Vega is staring at them from afar with a stupid smile on his face.

They help each other, without talking too much, way too used by now to both their respective bodies and armors to be in need of speaking out loud for the other to understand what they need to do.

The ride to the bridge of the ship is also a silent one, especially the few seconds they spend alone in the elevator, almost as if they feared that taking would lead them to tangle around each other once again.

The silence only ends once the door opens after they make it to the combat center, shattering the calm and beautiful atmosphere they shared through all the way before they got there.

Shepard is immediately stopped by one of the lower ranked officers as Kaidan excuses himself and keeps waking forward, dedicating Samantha a smile and a pat on the arm when he goes past her post.

He gets to the other side of the room in record time, allowing him to spend a few seconds to greet Joker and EDI from the threshold of the pilot’s cabin before heading to the door on his left, standing alone in the small room for almost a minute before Shepard joins him.

“Something important?”

“Nah… Bureaucratic stuff, I’ll do it later.” She replies while sitting on the ground, resting her back against the exit door of the Normandy. “Called Tali too, she’s on her way.”

Kaidan smiles, taking a few seconds while his eyes roam through the small empty room before he surrenders, sighs, and sits next to her, instinctively reaching to grab her hand.

“Penny for your thoughts.” He says, entangling his fingers between hers.

“Oh… Believe me.” She replies, raising her head to stare at the ceiling as she takes a deep breath. “You don’t wanna know.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

Shepard giggles and nudges his arm, shaking her head a couple of times before turning it and shifting her body a little to look better at him

“At least right now…” She smiles at him, unable to keep her feelings to herself. “We need to focus on the mission.”

Kaidan gifts her with a gentle laugh, completely defeated by the way she looks at him, needing a second or two before being able to react to her comment.

“Well then…” His free hand travels to cup her face and, with a slowed and unhurried pace, he leans forward and plants a soft kiss on her lips, keeping the nonexistent distance between them even after said kiss is over. “And later?”

“Hum… ”She agrees right away, not even having to give a second thought to her answer. “Definitely later.”

------------------------------------

Fiiiiinaaaally!!! Oh my, they finally meet again in chapter 8/10 lol. Took a while but we're finally here yaaaaaay~~~ Get ready people: next one is smut time!!!! And Shepard will sucher punch a quarian too!!! What more can you ask for in a fic??? XDDDDDDDD

[wellthebardsdead]

Flynt: *tongue repaired but still blind, enjoying an evening drink with the other bosmer in the drunken huntsman* Nah no more for me lads, I’ll head off after this.

Anoriath: well make sure you come back tomorrow night too, with the number of deer you took down I owe you another 10 rounds at least.

Elrindir: How you can shoot better than the both of us despite being blind I’ll never know.

Flynt: heh, it helps you two are so busy bickering all the time I can tell where you are and what way you’re facing so I try to shoot between you~

Anoriath: probably for the best then. Or my brother might take a second arrow to his rump.

Elrindir: and even then, he’s blind, you were drunk. You have no excu- *pauses as a number of other wood elves enter, all dressed in garb of the green pact, and all of them eyeing up flynt* …Come in, have a seat I’ll be with you in a moment. *smiles at them but never drops his gaze, watching as they walk to a table near the door and whisper to each other, all of them still eyeing up the blind wood elf*

Flynt: *finishes his drink and gets up with a stretch* Aight mates, I’ll be off. I’m sure taliesins worried about me again. *picks up his crossbow and sword before waving to them as he walks to the door, ears pricked to attention, very much aware of the wood elves eyeing him up*

Anoriath: Be seeing you flynt. *smiles before joining his brother in watching as the other bosmer suddenly get up and follow flynt out* …Grab your bow.

Elrindir: Go get his husband.

*a few minutes later*

Flynt: *smelling the pact of the green lingering behind him, bosmer draped in leather and hide, the smell of the woods and fermented milk alcohol… no where near as sweet or as clean as Auri… no, they smelled rancid… they smelled like the letter his mother had sent… she’d done something to anger them… they were here for him* hm… *looks in the direction of his home before purposefully walking towards the city gate and out toward the fields, the smell following him, closer and closer… then surrounding him when they think he’s alone* huh? Whose there? *smirks hearing one jump for him having fallen for his fake out* Got you- *reaches for his sword only to feel it missing, and a set of arms grabbing him from behind and clawing at his armour as two others pounce on him trying to rip off his clothes*

???: *holding his sword and trying to keep him steady* Hold still Nirren!!

???: Were bringing you home Nirren!!

???: hurry up and get his clothes on him!!

Flynt: *realising his mother must have killed this Nirren person and they’re trying to replace him by kidnapping him* Oh youre that kind of pact followers! FUS-

*meanwhile*

Taliesin: *running from the city gates following Auri as she follows the smell* IM NEVER LETTING HIM GO OUT ALONE AGAIN!

Kaidan: I KNEW THAT FOCKING LETTER WAS AN OMEN!

“RO DAH!!”

Inigo: HEADS UP!

Everyone: *stops and looks up in time to see one of the pact followers land on one of the cobblestone walls of the city, breaking their neck upon impact and dying swiftly*

Taliesin: *runs to the edge of the look out and looks down to see his now half naked husband desperately fighting off 3 more of them as they keep piling onto him… only for Auri to suddenly dive in and take two out hooking them with her bow string and holding them steady as Lucien takes their heads off with his sword* FLYNT!!! *drops down and rolls before charging the last one and taking them to the ground* GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY HUSBAND!!

???: HES OUR BROTHER NOW! SHE KILLED OUR BROTHER! HES TO BECOME OUR NIRREN! *draws their dagger and goes to stab him, only for Kaidan to slit his throat* Gghuh-gaarggh- *drops the knife and pushes Taliesin off of him before desperately staggering towards flynt with his other arm outstretched, only to drop a few feet from him, dead*

Auri: *helps flynt to his feet and dusts him off* There are parts of the pact even I do not agree with…

Flynt: … *nods sadly and walks past the bodies to taliesin* bee…

Taliesin: *swiftly embraces him and holds him tight* Shhh… I’m here…

*a few hours later*

Flynt: *seated by the fire, holding the letter his mother had sent him, telling him how she was leaving Valenwood and hoping to find him, and to write to her so they could ‘reunite’* …

Taliesin: *dressed in his night robe, quietly walks over and sits beside him* do you want me to write a letter back to her?…

Flynt: … *leans forward and tosses the letter into the fireplace before walking to Taliesin and climbing into his lap, hugging him tight as he starts to cry, finally showing his response to nearly getting kidnapped and taken advantage of again, all because of his mother* I don’t ever want to hear from or about her, ever, ever again…