#KabataanEssay

[rgrp01]

My Lived Momentus: Fors And Againsts (A Kabataan Essay)

On the 14th of March in the year 2020, I remember enjoying the last hours of my school. I was in grade 9 at that time. Hugs and tears were exchanged between my fellow peers as some will probably not see each other again and even in a long time. At that time, COVID came around all over the world. It was seen all over the news and social media about this virus that spread throughout China and how it arrived in our country.

It was shocking news for me. A virus? How come it appeared so suddenly and affected so many people at once? It was my first few thoughts as I was newly introduced to the news. The government issued a statement that a lockdown will be implemented and as far as I remember, it was by the end of March. At that time, I didn’t pay much attention to it. I only wanted to enjoy the last days of my school and enjoy my time with my friends. So I did enjoy my time, we went on for a swim as well as laughed and talked with food being delivered from McDonald's, it felt so euphoric to be with the ones you feel close with- with the ones you trust.

Although it was the last day, I didn’t cry. I felt satisfied to spend one last time with my dear friends even though I was not certain when we would see each other again. I hugged each one of them tightly and I remember thinking how thankful I was to meet these people who were accepting, understanding, and supportive. I was with them ever since the start of my junior year, they are the ones who truly knew who I was. I was also friends with everyone in my class and it was the greatest year ever for me that I have experienced in my entire life. 

As I was going home together with a friend, we hugged and whispered to each other how we would miss one another. I felt sad and at the same time happy that I got the opportunity to spend time with them without even knowing the future. I have learned a lot in that year although it wasn’t easy, it was very enjoyable for me. It was very memorable for me as everyday was filled with laughter and telling each other stories. The best batch that I have been included in and it’s one of the greatest blessings in my life.

I spent the months of my summer vacation doing nothing. Honestly, I didn't even remember what I did. I vaguely remember always taking pictures of myself under the setting sun with glittering makeup on my face. I wanted to look pretty and take a decent picture to post on my social media. I tried exercising but I was not consistent enough.

All those months felt like a daydream, no one was allowed outside. We were basically stuck at home and being minors and not having a quarantine pass, the only thing we are allowed to do is stay at home. Everyday I scroll through my phone, checking for the latest news around the world especially with the virus. The spread of the virus began to worsen and soon many were infected. I could not believe how dangerous this virus is as we can be infected without even knowing about it.

Face masks were required and a full body disinfection was a must when coming home. I didn't really do anything that would make my life exciting. The only thing that kept me happy was online shopping. Everything that I saw on my screen I immediately added to my cart. It’s funny how the pandemic made me a shopaholic. 

Besides being on my phone all day, I also cleaned our house. I swept the floor, mopped the tiles clean, wiped vases and ornaments, and many more. It is my weekly routine to clean every saturday. Cleaning the house during the pandemic gave me the feeling of peace as it took my mind away from things that I didn’t want to think of. Even though it was a boring summer, I was happy with the free time that I could get. After the months of vacation, it took a long while to be back in school but instead of being in a classroom, I was behind a screen.

Online classes were implemented at that time as a new learning module for the students due to the pandemic. Many were familiar faces and some were newly transferred to my school.  It felt new and weird, to be learning behind a screen. I find it very difficult to focus on my classes, a lot of things kept me distracted which affected my overall performance in my classes. It was hard for me to learn and adjust as well as keeping up with the class and trying to pass my activities on time.

Eventually I fell into depression, having trouble taking care of myself as well as trying to focus in school. I was also going through something with a problem at that time, it added to the stress and extreme sadness I felt. I cried and cried everyday, it didn’t get easy immediately for me. The only person who was there for me was an online friend that I trust so much even until to this day. She became the comfort and support when I needed it the most, a very important person in my life. 

After a few months, a family problem arose. My own father was cheating again and he was caught by my step mother. My family is broken and I never really grew up all happy, exactly how a child should be like. My childhood was not great as my half-brothers and step mother didn’t like me at that time but as I grew older, I understood why and how they felt. It wasn’t their fault that I suddenly came into their life as my dad took me away from my biological mother as she was neglecting me and my sister.

It was a rough experience along the way and although my father brought tears and hurt to our family, I still love him. He became what a father should be and he supported me and my sister to have a better education and a good life. My father does not ask for much as long as we know how to take care of ourselves and not be reckless. I am still thankful for everything in life and I consider myself as lucky. Life is difficult and there are always challenges along the way but as long as I believe in myself, I know that I can surpass it.

Grade 11 soon came and yet again another year of online learning. I already have gotten used to how online learning works and I managed to adjust just fine at the beginning. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be as I was anxious over the fact that I would not be with the people that I was with in my junior high school years. It felt so different for me and I wasn’t used to it. I eventually became familiar with my classmates and we also have shared moments together even though it is behind a screen.

After that, I have seen some of my classmates in real life and even had a sleepover with the ones I was close with by the end of our 11th year. It was a nice bonding experience to be able to get close to unfamiliar people. I am a sociable person but I do have anxiety most of the time when interacting with people. I think the pandemic made me this way, someone who did not want to interact with people anymore and communicate with them. I was enclosed in our home for 9 months and did not see new people and that’s how my social anxiety developed and even maybe became touch deprived hehe. 

Over the months that COVID had gotten worse, I saw a lot of people on the news declared as dead as well as a whole lot of families being infected. It broke my heart and I became scared for my family. My father was often outside the house working and he became mildly infected one time which thankfully was not that serious. Every time someone gets sick inside the house, we would be confined in one room to ensure our own safety in health. COVID-19 is serious and I am thankful to the Lord for protecting my family.

At the start of my 12th grade, I was not able to attend the first few weeks of school due to mild covid and being enrolled late as well. This time and this year, it was a hybrid learning. I felt afraid of what it would be like in real life to learn and interact with people as I got used to online learning. I soon became friends with a few seatmates and I also saw familiar faces, it made me feel relieved. Overall, face-to face classes were not a hassle except for waking up early in the morning to get ready.

I titled my Kabataan Essay as My Lived Momentus: Fors And Againsts as it relates to my experiences in life. Fors means the pros in my life that occurred to me while in a pandemic. I learned a lot even though I was confined in home, I also learned how to accept and love myself. For the Againsts, it is the cons that I have gone through which includes trauma and depression. I would not say that my pandemic time was a happy one but certainly it was also not a sad one, it is part of the process while growing up to learn and forgive yourself. 

[elyyssi]

Tranquility Behind the Storm

The pandemic's outbreak utterly caught me off guard. I never imagined that things would end up like this and go through all of that back then. Perhaps I was naive at the time, thinking that nothing could possibly affect the fact that everything around me would last. I experienced a lot during the recent outbreak, whether it was happy or sad, but I can't deny that it taught me a lot. I became aware of several things that I had previously ignored.

I was in ninth grade when the pandemic began, and the year ended early. When the school informed us that we would have a week off, I recall that we had no idea that that day would be the final chance for us to go out and see each other. I initially believed that since there would be no more school, I would be pleased. For the first few weeks, everything was enjoyable, but as time went on, the days grew depressing. During the pandemic, I am unable to do many of the things I am used to, including seeing my friends, dining out, traveling, and many more.

I learned a lot about myself and my family during the past two years that I spent at home. I observed that during the lockdown, as it was prohibited to go outside, my family and I grew closer. Because even though there were just three of us at home prior to the pandemic, we were unable to reach an understanding. I came to the realization that it might be because our family doesn't bond enough. We got used to each having our own things at school and at work, so we don't have time for each other. We did nothing at home during the pandemic because nearly everything halted, including work and school. We now spend a lot of time conversing with one another because it has been our past time since that time, which is good for the entire of our relationship.

I also learned certain things about myself, including how I had lost my enthusiasm since the pandemic. I become reserved and timid. I got anxious every time I left the house because I was used to being home all the time. At first, I was unaware of that. I used to think that my shyness was normal, but until now, I still have trouble getting over it. My last name used to be loud in class and with my teachers, and I used to participate in class activities and join everyone. But I made an adjustment once the online class began. I hardly ever take part in events and recitations.

 Even I feel disappointed in myself since I believe I have changed from that. As a result, I have struggled with my academics ever since. Not because of other people, but because of myself, I was under pressure. I worry that I'm not the same person I used to be and that my marks will suffer as a result of my infrequent participation and recitation. I'm still trying my hardest to achieve decent grades, though. Even if I still don't recognize myself as I once did, I know that I'm improving in some way, which is one of the things that motivates me to keep going.

The first time I started a relationship, where I just learnt a lot, was one of the pandemic's remarkable events that changed me the most. I've known him for almost three years. Before we started dating, we spent a lot of time together before we got into a relationship. Naturally, we struggled because we were both unfamiliar with the circumstance in which we could not see one another, unlike our previous close friendship. We were very adventurous at the time because the online class had only recently begun. Because that's not how we're used to living, we struggle every day. Until the pressure we felt caused us to lose time with one other and decide to stop. I spent most of the pandemic in oblivion,  at the same time constantly struggling with the process to survive despite the threat of the pandemic. One lesson I took away from that experience is not to rush.I admit that during those times I became impulsive in making decisions.  I didn't think about what could happen if I went right into it. I did not consider the possible results of my actions, especially since the situation was different then. As a result, I began to think differently. It kept growing as I learned to admit my mistakes and humble myself. I developed personally, and I can still remember his parting words to me. He stated he didn't regret how our relationship turned out, which I couldn't believe at the time but eventually came to understand. He won't make me regret it either if it's me, because that experience helped shape who I am today. I was better prepared back then for my future challenges, and I now have a better understanding of what to do. Even throughout my healing journey from that experience I also learned something. For two years the healing was neither straight nor continuous. There are days when I’m okay, but there will come a day when it will reconnect with me again and I'll be hurt again. "Relapse" they say. I don't mind that at all. Even if the healing does not continue, it is still important that there has been improvement. That's also one of my takeaways from what I've experienced, not to rush anything. Everyone has the right time, in my perspective. Even though you are not satisfied or happy right now, in the right time, you will eventually be. 

Despite the fact that a lot occurred over those two years of conflict, one advantage was that I learnt a lot. I developed as a person as a result of the experiences I had with my family, friends, or a special someone. I can claim that I have made significant progress, primarily in terms of my personality and way of thinking. 

[blogsbyaauie]

Realizations in the Midst of the Pandemic

It has been a year since the pandemic started, lockdowns, facemasks, face shields, and alcohol were the highlights during those days. Due to the lack of customers, some stores close permanently while others do so temporarily. Every person has a unique pandemic story to tell, whether it is one that is filled with tragedy, joy, or other horrific and memorable occurrences. I also have some tales to share.

When the lockdown began, I was in grade 9, but fortunately, the class was already out. When it comes to the return to school season, I am relieved at first because it basically means there won't be any face-to-face classes, however, I later realize how insensitive this is. I regret terribly that the lockdown made me happy for a short while.

While on vacation and in lockdown, I have some simple repetitive routines. I rise from bed every morning, check my phone, use the bathroom to get ready, and then go have breakfast. I would then complete all of my tasks, including sweeping, mopping, washing the dishes, and doing laundry. After that, I spend the remaining time watching TV, playing online games, and reading books that I enjoy. It resembled a typical life in the midst of the pandemic.

But I had no idea that it wasn't just an ordinary life. There are times when I am in a vulnerable state. For these past few weeks during the lockdown, I have had a terrible day and am always feeling down. I lost interest in what I am enjoying the most which is the really hard event that has ever happened. Never knew that the lockdown would be so cruel.

How should I spend my day? The question that I continually ask myself because, during the lockdown's first half-month, every day was becoming monotonous. I was stuck performing my daily tasks since I had no other ideas. I asked several questions to my friends during the lockdown so we could catch up before online school started, and many other individuals my age had similar experiences.

I recently read an article that I can really connect to. Brook (2020) stated that the lockdown made her ecstatic because it meant that her final year of school had ended early and that exams were being cancelled. She was simply happy and happy that everything would be alright. But as the lockdown situation began to sink in, she began to struggle and a number of unfortunate incidents began to occur.

I was in a position like that, just like Brook. At first, I'm glad that there is a lockdown, but later, I struggle and realize how insensitive I am. In addition to this struggle is the beginning of online classes. I'm glad I handled it properly because I had no idea it would be that difficult.

However, I know that I need to improve myself since I can’t go on like that forever. That is why I start to be a better version of myself.

I was able to learn and have fun during the lockdown. It makes me appreciate myself and my hobbies even more. I start to become more connected to myself since I know that I have to take action during my downtime while on lockdown. Though it was never easy, I tried to build myself many times and failed but luckily I still managed to handle it.

I begin by attempting to continue my hobbies while equally learning new things. I feel really active and happy now that I know I can accomplish more than what I usually do. I gradually learn to appreciate myself as well because when I am content not just with myself but also with those around me, I feel as though I am on the right path and growing as a person. Additionally, I started communicating with the people that matter to me the most. We learn through our shared experiences that we have similar situations. However, connecting with my family was the most important thing because they were the ones I spent the rest of my lockdown experience with and I never knew that we can be a lot closer. With that, I realized how important communication is. Basically, I adjust myself to the situation I am in during the lockdown. 

Moving to the present, the new normal, I am really glad that I managed to survive the lockdown. I still am the better version of myself and will be always like that. I didn't initially enjoy the idea of taking classes in person. As the face-to-face classes draw near, I experienced three different emotions: anxiety, overthinking, and fear. I didn’t know what or how will I do when school starts.

It makes me overthink and have so many questions for a lot of different reasons, including what if I can't make new friends because it has been a while since I've spoken to other people, what if my grades become low since I know to myself that I am really talkative and shy to answer in recitation even if I knew the answer since I think it will be wrong and that kind of action can damage my grades and performance so bad, and most especially what if I disappoint my parents. But there is a part of me that misses face-to-face classes, so I prepared myself for any possible events that might happen. 

All of my nervousness and overthinking fade away when school starts. Since I realized I can meet new people, learn a lot easier, and have fun at the same time, attending classes in person is still preferable to doing them online.

I adjust faster to this new normal situation since it is just like the past to which I can roam around, meet new people and friends, and bond with my family in different places but with a facemask and still be careful. While adjusting to this new normal, I continue to learn a lot. I also grow more independent and work harder anytime I want to accomplish something for myself.

Despite all the difficulties I had throughout the lockdown, I was able to live and get stronger. I came to understand how important it is to communicate and share when you've had enough since doing so will let you know that someone is paying attention to and caring about you.

Never imagined how much this pandemic lockdown and new normal would teach me. It makes me more resilient and independent than before, enables me to manage every situation expertly, and encourages me to make the best choices for myself. I can honestly say that I am appreciative and thankful for the journey I had because without it, I wouldn't have known if I was headed in the correct direction. I will carry the knowledge or lesson I learned from my experiences with me for the rest of my life. Can't wait to see what happens next.

[cess-is-here]

Stars Around My Scars

“Time is everything we have and don’t.”

My life amid this unprecedented pandemic is more like a roller coaster ride than anything else imaginable. Everything from elation to terror to shock to a host of other life-altering experiences. I would not alter any of these occurrences if given the opportunity to do so. If any of those things hadn't happened, I wouldn't be who I am now.

In all candor, I was rather pleased when the lockdown finally began. My academic year had ended early, classes were canceled, and the sun was beaming. I felt good and confident that I would be happy. Really, remaining at home can't be that challenging, can it? Imagine being able to skip chores and lie in bed all day. Given that we own a sari-sari store, I would probably spend most of my vacation there if the lockdown hadn’t happened. Obviously, then, I benefited from the advent of the pandemic. Nothing was done but lie in bed for the entirety of those days. I was thumbing through my phone, checking out various social media apps, and taking in an entire season of shows on Netflix. Just generally wasting time. After some time had passed, the reality of the situation started to sink in.

In those moments, I could only think of how wonderful life was without the burdens of home and classroom obligations. Looking back now, I see how self-absorbed and egocentric I was.  It's like the world is ending, people are dying, many are losing their loved ones, and yet there I was, rejoicing in the fact that a pandemic has occurred. I didn't understand how mundane being at home would be until we started having issues as a family. The expected family drama has finally begun. In most cases, I think families have grown closer together during lockdowns. Since everyone is stuck at home, it's a great chance to spend quality time together as a family. But that is not the case with my family. 

“The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.”

My lowest point in life. All the trauma, all the anxiety—I didn't even realize I was feeling them at the time. The connection that I had with my family began to show signs of strain. To this day, I have no idea what the root of the problem was that led to my alienation from them. But I suppose that one of the reasons was that we were not accustomed to being at home with the whole family at the same time for an extended period of time. Before the epidemic, my family and I didn't get to spend much time together because we were all so preoccupied with our individual lives. Therefore, it is really awkward for us to spend time together at home. At least, that's how I felt about it.

I found myself in several disagreements with both my parents and my siblings. It wasn't until then that I realized how little I actually know about my family, and the same goes for them for me. There are a great number of things that set us apart, and you should know that I am not the sort to just give in and back down. I have a theory that one of the reasons we get into disputes a lot is because neither one of us wants to acknowledge our own shortcomings. This was the mere similarity that we all have. 

It even came to the point where one of my family members almost ran away from home. After that it was very hard to interact with that person. He was always in such a bad mood and what’s worse was it came to the point where he physically hurt me. I can still vividly recall the searing sensation that spread across my face where his hands had landed, as well as the buzzing sound that emanated from both of my ears. It seemed as if time had stopped moving, and all of a sudden he was so far apart from me. I believe that it was a depiction of how that one act had resulted in the severing of all of my ties with him.

Since that happened, I’ve been plagued by anxiety. My entire body would start trembling so badly whenever there would be loud noises or voices of people shouting with one another. Suddenly, it would be difficult to breathe, and going outside wouldn't be much of an option because of the lockdown. Being that my family isn't exactly the most open bunch, I had no choice but to keep everything to myself. Not until I figured out how to cope with my anxieties, anyway.

“Healing is not linear.”

There's a common belief that if someone in your family has wronged you in any manner, you must forgive them no matter what. “Pamilya mo pa ‘rin naman sila,” as the old Filipino proverb goes. It drives me crazy when people say things like this to me because it just doesn't make any sense. I stand my ground, and I have some good reasons why that adage is bunk. One thing to remember is that just because they are related to you does not absolve them of responsibility if they cause you emotional distress. Second, your mental and emotional health will suffer if you continue to be with toxic people. Finally, getting out of an abusive relationship is the only way to recover from it. These are the primary reasons why our family members do not have an excuse to dump their traumatic experiences on us. There are still a lot of other reasons why this is the case, but these are the most important ones.

I am not, however, advocating that people harbor resentment or refuse to forgive members of their own families. Despite having made peace with the past, one lesson I took away from this is that you may forgive someone without forgetting what they did. I'm to the point where I can have a regular conversation with that person, but there are still moments when it all comes crashing back in. That's fine, by the way. Healing is not linear. 

Everyone has the option of forgiving, but forgetting might be challenging. To heal, it's fine to take things slowly and focus on one thing at a time. It's ultimately up to you to decide if you want to forgive, and if you don't, it doesn't make you a horrible person. Forgiving someone who has wronged you against your will isn't always the best way to heal from the hurt you've suffered.

After the horrible experience that I went through, I was never the same person again. Despite the fact that it had a positive and negative impact on me, I believe that such things are an inevitable part of life. Everything we've been through up to this point has contributed to making us who we are. Therefore, we shouldn't just stop there but should instead continue to shape ourselves in various ways. Let us not let our suffering be the defining factor of our entire lives, but rather let us use it as the impetus to get better. Sometimes we slip backwards in our recovery, and that's okay; relapses are a natural part of the process, and in no way undermines the progress that we have already made.

“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.”

[sncrlyian]

A Bolide’s Reminiscence

The scratching of paper is the only sound that could be heard in the silent dead of night, he writes;

To you My Dearest,

Bzz. Bzz. Bzzzz. A buzzing sound came under the pillows, waking her up and eyes bleary from sleep. She reads “Wake up!! It’s 5am already!!” as her iPhone continues to buzz of; quite effectively waking her up and her sisters. As time ticks, her eyes, well… She fell asleep again. “Ate! Gising na, ala-sais na!” Despite being late she surely took her time preparing for school and to get there. “Good morning, Kuya Yem!” She greeted the campus guard. “Late ka na. Mag-in ka na.” He replied and chuckled good naturedly, as in his words, “ikaw lagi huli ah.”

Well, that’s the morning of a 14 year old girl named Julianna. Quite uneventful, if you ask me, except for the part she would almost run to school for her to not be late. (She’s actually already 10mins late.)

Life would be so dull without her friends and I agree with her, every morning she would hear the sound of laughter soon becoming them calling her name, wanting to share the thing they have been talking about while she’s not there. Everyday feels so euphoric, she wouldn’t want the feeling to end and so does ending the day with a simple goodbye. An hour prior to her 5pm curfew, Julianna and her friends would always stay near the school campus; buying food such as the infamous siomai rice nila angel, tusok-tusok sa kanto, karinderya ni nanay, and many more. Weekdays might be tiring, waking up at 5– rather at 6am, brisk walking to school to be on the dot before she’s marked as tardy, and in engaging and doing her lessons but the fun of having friends that always got your back eases the tiredness from all of it. If I were to talk to her about her friends, she would immediately gush about them and their silly stories and I definitely understand, having that kind of adoration to your friends.

Things were bound to happen as she experience difficulty relating to her friends, personal problems and her academics. Friends come and go, they say, and she would always tear up upon agreement to that statement. Her insecurities of having no one by her side because of her behavior and attitude, the constant nagging of the voices in her mind that she will never be enough, and the constant comments of peers on her body ate her up to nothingness. 

Due to COVID-19 in the country, all was made to be accustomed to the new normal. There was never a day that she would not cry herself to sleep, alone with her thoughts, trying to ease herself up she did not do anything wrong. Since then, it had been a constant to her to keep her peers at bay, never really having the opportunity to know her past the façade she had built up through tough times. 

I had gone through the last year of my Junior High School, building my self confidence once again, yet keeping my peers at bay and did everything that I can do to also keep the thoughts at bay. All of my hard work had paid off, finishing as one of the honors and the Top 40 out of 700 honor students in the school. News spread out pretty quickly and another unexpected news that one of my aunts are having their second baby, after years. I was delighted to the point I got ready 4 hours early of the said moving up date to visit my grandmother and my aunt in their home. They had always been the people that inspired me to be the better version of myself, imagining the proud smiles, hugs, and praises I would receive once they knew. 

My achievements feel like then it have its consequences. After a month or so of the moving up and recognition ceremony, our family hit rock bottom. My father had been in quarantine for weeks as he doesn’t feel well, his condition getting worse as days pass by. Due to my father’s situation he had to be rushed in the hospital after weeks of not feeling well. Then on top of this, my aunt’s husband had been calling nonstop and bombarding us as he informed us that my aunt was also not feeling well. Me and my sisters have to move out of our own home as we also have to quarantine ourselves. During the fiasco we were in our grandfather’s house, I was taking my online classes while my sisters have their modules to tend to, mentally and physically adjusting to the sudden change. A week had passed, my parents regularly call us for lunch and before dinner; my mom, always the worrywart that she is, always reminding us to never skip our meals and all. A fine Monday morning, as I was getting my breakfast, my Tita She asked me out of the blue if Tita Jack was my favorite aunt, she asked me a couple of times and I had to question this, “Why? Is there something wrong?”. I thought she would simply deny the question but what I did not expect was her saying the most dreading thing I could ever hear in my life, “Si Tita Jack mo, wala na siya.” We lost my aunt and cousin due to COVID. We lost another family. Amidst the chaos, my dad was tested negative for COVID-19 but still at the hospital, as there are also other complications but nothing that medication can not mend.

I was the first from the third generation of the family to know, they deemed me well enough to take the news as I was the eldest. It was certainly not easy. After what felt like an hour, I stood up from the table, quickly wiping my tears away and muttering that I am going to get ready for my classes. I feel numb. My dad is still in the hospital with my mom taking care of him. I did not talk to anyone, I shut myself down from everyone. Cried myself to sleep, tried opening up, and then eventually bursting with my emotions, sobbing as I recall everything. Tita Josephine had witnessed all that, trying to comfort in a way. It was not easy, never was it easy to let go of someone you loved so dearly. I buried myself deep into school works, different organization responsibilities, working out, and trying out new dishes just to get myself out of the zone wherein I am stuck, doing nothing, weeping over everything. 

Up to this day, I could not say I am now over the fact I lost my aunt and cousin, and just recently we lost another family. Moving on is certainly not easy, letting go of the pain, the memories, and all is never an easy path for me and I guess, for everyone else. 

What I had learned from this is moving on is not forgetting, not letting go of the memories. Moving on is moving forward with new battle scars that adorn our hearts that makes us the person that we are, existing in the present time. 

I will not be the same Julianna that my peers had known during my present Senior High School years if I have not experienced a single thing of this. I am not me if I do not have the scars of a person who fought battlefields after battlefields. Some wounds, over the time, have already healed up but most of it is still not. I am not complaining, I am me. I am not complaining as I have my heart that is adorned with scars of the past and my mind sharper than ever to rule, to be me, to be the very best that I can be. 

My story does not end here, it shall forever go on even as I perish in the mortal realm. Let us meet each other, ‘til the day you remember me. ‘Til the day you still shine bright as ever, my little bolide. 

Sincerely,

Ian.