#CNFOutputs

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The Changing Norms of Fashion:

Traditional and Modern Pieces in Asia

[elyyssi]

THE CHANGING NORMS OF FASHION:

Traditional and Modern Pieces in Asia

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Continuous Revival

“That I suffer from no ailments is the greatest fortune.”

I'm curious as to how that feels right now. Possessing the freedom to maneuver cautiously but without restriction. Being able to open one's arms and take in the sun-kissed breeze. Having the ability to rush to your loved ones with carelessness. I have often pondered what it might be like to suddenly find myself endowed with the power to run.

Hi. I am Princess Allyssa R. Mago and I am diagnosed with patellar subluxation.

You might be wondering, what even is a patellar subluxation? To give you a brief knowledge of this, here is a description provided by the NationwideChildrens.Org. A patellar subluxation occurs when the kneecap slips momentarily out of the groove where it usually rests. When the kneecap slides out of place, it often moves towards the exterior of the body. It's possible for something to occur only once or repeatedly.

I first experienced this occurrence when I was in the ninth grade. I used to participate in Saturday training with our school's Scouting Organization. The training requires considerable physical performance. At 6 a.m., we would begin our day with military drills. Due to their difficulty, most of us wouldn't even be able to complete half of the exercises. Looking back on all of our training sessions, I can honestly say that I never once struggled with the activities. I knew I wouldn't have any trouble breathing-wise, but other than that, I felt alright. Not until that one particular Saturday had passed. We were performing our morning workout as usual. My right leg gave out as we were doing jumping jacks. At least, that's what I believed at the time.

Here's a clear illustration of how it typically works:

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZS82kRBsm/

After that, I could never go back to normalcy. I would say that before my ailment, I was a highly athletic and active person. Since I was a kid, I've participated in every intramural futsal game. Even more than futsal, I enjoy taking part in a wide variety of sports. I'll never forget the times I got to run around with my buddies, participating in school sports and leaping around in all the action. The difficulty in returning to those activities was marked.

“Out of all the people here in the world, why chose me, God?”

There were multiple incidents of "bending of my leg," most notably during the lockdown. It escalated and went out of hand. The bending of my right leg occurred each and every time I descended a flight of stairs. It would cause me to tumble down the stairwell, from which I could not recover without assistance. I'm telling you, this didn't occur just once, but  a multitude of times.

As time went on, I worried that I was becoming a burden on those around me. They often came racing to me with worried expressions whenever something like that occurred. Well, at least that catered to the worried. The insensitivity and rudeness of some of my relatives can only be explained by their lack of empathy. Words like "lampa," "lumba-lumba," "baboy na kasi," and others of a similar nature were frequently hurled at me. It sickened me that people made such statements without understanding my illness or my daily struggles with it.

My parents finally made the decision to take me to an orthopedist at our institution. Due to the lockdown, it took a bit for them to take me to a doctor. We all remember how difficult it was to get into a hospital back when swab testing and other pre-admission procedures were required. After the doctor had finished questioning my parents and I, he began to inspect my knee. What was amiss with my knee was quickly identified by him. My doctor diagnosed a patellar subluxation, he said. As a result, the knowledge he will provide has sent my feelings on a wild ride.

He continued by saying this is a common problem among teenagers, especially young women my age. I found solace in the realization that I am not alone in dealing with this issue. However, the doctor then added the tragic information that this was a permanent ailment. I felt my shoulders heave and was startled to which I couldn't continue talking after that. The doctor also indicated it's manageable, so long as I keep up with my fitness routine. Controlled but not treated. He taught me some stretches and exercises to do to prevent my kneecap from sliding.

“Falling down is part of life, Getting back up is living.”

Ever since then, I've been dead set on getting my condition under control. Regularly upon waking, I would carry out the stretches my doctor had instructed me to do. Also, I ought to learn to move with greater caution. That's why I couldn't participate in activities like jogging and jumping. I may be physically incapable of many activities, but I've found plenty of enjoyable alternatives. Reading helped me relax and escape reality. I didn't even have to leave my spot! Since I was no longer able to perform at a high level in athletics, I put more effort into my academics.

What happened to me showed me that darkness is just a small part of the whole picture. We must not allow this to become all that we are. There are numerous routes we might take to zero in on what best suits us. Allowing one setback to negate a million successes is not the way to go. This is merely a temporary state that we may find ourselves in again and again, but such is life. Challenges arise and pass. The key is to keep pushing forward in spite of this and to never settle for less than we deserve. As my favorite quote goes, “You’ve got at least a thousand capacities in you. Even if you don’t think so.”.

This is Princess Mago, a person with patellar subluxation, officially signing out.

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Stars Around My Scars

“Time is everything we have and don’t.”

My life amid this unprecedented pandemic is more like a roller coaster ride than anything else imaginable. Everything from elation to terror to shock to a host of other life-altering experiences. I would not alter any of these occurrences if given the opportunity to do so. If any of those things hadn't happened, I wouldn't be who I am now.

In all candor, I was rather pleased when the lockdown finally began. My academic year had ended early, classes were canceled, and the sun was beaming. I felt good and confident that I would be happy. Really, remaining at home can't be that challenging, can it? Imagine being able to skip chores and lie in bed all day. Given that we own a sari-sari store, I would probably spend most of my vacation there if the lockdown hadn’t happened. Obviously, then, I benefited from the advent of the pandemic. Nothing was done but lie in bed for the entirety of those days. I was thumbing through my phone, checking out various social media apps, and taking in an entire season of shows on Netflix. Just generally wasting time. After some time had passed, the reality of the situation started to sink in.

In those moments, I could only think of how wonderful life was without the burdens of home and classroom obligations. Looking back now, I see how self-absorbed and egocentric I was.  It's like the world is ending, people are dying, many are losing their loved ones, and yet there I was, rejoicing in the fact that a pandemic has occurred. I didn't understand how mundane being at home would be until we started having issues as a family. The expected family drama has finally begun. In most cases, I think families have grown closer together during lockdowns. Since everyone is stuck at home, it's a great chance to spend quality time together as a family. But that is not the case with my family. 

“The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.”

My lowest point in life. All the trauma, all the anxiety—I didn't even realize I was feeling them at the time. The connection that I had with my family began to show signs of strain. To this day, I have no idea what the root of the problem was that led to my alienation from them. But I suppose that one of the reasons was that we were not accustomed to being at home with the whole family at the same time for an extended period of time. Before the epidemic, my family and I didn't get to spend much time together because we were all so preoccupied with our individual lives. Therefore, it is really awkward for us to spend time together at home. At least, that's how I felt about it.

I found myself in several disagreements with both my parents and my siblings. It wasn't until then that I realized how little I actually know about my family, and the same goes for them for me. There are a great number of things that set us apart, and you should know that I am not the sort to just give in and back down. I have a theory that one of the reasons we get into disputes a lot is because neither one of us wants to acknowledge our own shortcomings. This was the mere similarity that we all have. 

It even came to the point where one of my family members almost ran away from home. After that it was very hard to interact with that person. He was always in such a bad mood and what’s worse was it came to the point where he physically hurt me. I can still vividly recall the searing sensation that spread across my face where his hands had landed, as well as the buzzing sound that emanated from both of my ears. It seemed as if time had stopped moving, and all of a sudden he was so far apart from me. I believe that it was a depiction of how that one act had resulted in the severing of all of my ties with him.

Since that happened, I’ve been plagued by anxiety. My entire body would start trembling so badly whenever there would be loud noises or voices of people shouting with one another. Suddenly, it would be difficult to breathe, and going outside wouldn't be much of an option because of the lockdown. Being that my family isn't exactly the most open bunch, I had no choice but to keep everything to myself. Not until I figured out how to cope with my anxieties, anyway.

“Healing is not linear.”

There's a common belief that if someone in your family has wronged you in any manner, you must forgive them no matter what. “Pamilya mo pa ‘rin naman sila,” as the old Filipino proverb goes. It drives me crazy when people say things like this to me because it just doesn't make any sense. I stand my ground, and I have some good reasons why that adage is bunk. One thing to remember is that just because they are related to you does not absolve them of responsibility if they cause you emotional distress. Second, your mental and emotional health will suffer if you continue to be with toxic people. Finally, getting out of an abusive relationship is the only way to recover from it. These are the primary reasons why our family members do not have an excuse to dump their traumatic experiences on us. There are still a lot of other reasons why this is the case, but these are the most important ones.

I am not, however, advocating that people harbor resentment or refuse to forgive members of their own families. Despite having made peace with the past, one lesson I took away from this is that you may forgive someone without forgetting what they did. I'm to the point where I can have a regular conversation with that person, but there are still moments when it all comes crashing back in. That's fine, by the way. Healing is not linear. 

Everyone has the option of forgiving, but forgetting might be challenging. To heal, it's fine to take things slowly and focus on one thing at a time. It's ultimately up to you to decide if you want to forgive, and if you don't, it doesn't make you a horrible person. Forgiving someone who has wronged you against your will isn't always the best way to heal from the hurt you've suffered.

After the horrible experience that I went through, I was never the same person again. Despite the fact that it had a positive and negative impact on me, I believe that such things are an inevitable part of life. Everything we've been through up to this point has contributed to making us who we are. Therefore, we shouldn't just stop there but should instead continue to shape ourselves in various ways. Let us not let our suffering be the defining factor of our entire lives, but rather let us use it as the impetus to get better. Sometimes we slip backwards in our recovery, and that's okay; relapses are a natural part of the process, and in no way undermines the progress that we have already made.

“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.”

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The Depths of Rain

“Late na tayo,”

Upon hearing a voice, I turned around to see who it was. My classmate, Rain, was the one standing behind me. Both of us were rushing to get to our first class on time. When I found that I wasn't the only one who had arrived at class late, I felt a sense of relief. We are both running our arse off the stairs ‘cause we sure don’t want Miss Dons to get mad. 

Actually, Rain and I have been acquainted for quite some time now. We both attended the same university. If memory serves, I've known her since we were in grade school together. However, we never were more than casual friends and certainly never classmates. It wasn't until the start of this school year that I found out we'd be in the same class.

I would say that Rain is incredibly generous and nice if I had to characterize her. And I do mean GENEROUS when I say that. I've observed that anytime somebody requests a favor of her, she does it without delay. Being classmates makes it more likely that I'll notice, as I'm always paying attention to the little details of my environment. Never once did I witness her being unkind to a fellow student. She has a constant, pleasant demeanor and a broad grin plastered on her face.

Eventually we became partners in a particular performance task. In this task, we needed to get to know each other. And this was not just the shallow parts of ourselves but instead, we needed to get in depth with each other. At first, I wasn’t really sure if we’d make a good team. I wanted someone who I am already familiar with. But then I realized, It's actually refreshing to have an in-depth conversation with someone I don't already know very well.

“Just accepting myself and trying to be better.” These were the words she said that struck me. When I inquired as to what areas of her life she was working to better, she responded as follows. We sat in the far corner of the room and swapped anecdotes about each other. In talking with her, I had the impression that she let down her guard a bit, allowing me to learn more about who she really is. 

One of her difficulties, she admitted to me, was keeping her temper in check. The possibility that Rain inherited this trait from her dad was mentioned. "It's terrible," she says, to share a home with someone who can't control their fury. In which the smallest annoyance would cause her father to lose his cool and lash out at those closest to him. This is something I also struggle with, so it really hit home. 

She said this was a major cause of her anxiety. In an effort to avoid her father's wrath, she began to resort to hiding from him. She is finally of age to realize that this is not the kind of upbringing she desires. Although she did admit that there was a period where she was almost like her father. In an effort to make amends for her past mistakes, she is currently working to improve her character.

In light of knowing that Rain had been through such terrible things, I began to wonder how many other people in the world are just like her. Putting up a false front of happiness in the face of overwhelming suffering. But how well do we know those closest to us? Maybe we're only getting a glimpse of their outside appearance and not who they truly are. Rain’s story taught me to become more empathetic because we are not aware of what a person is going through, so the least thing we can do is to be kind.

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"bakit sa dami dami nang pwede kong pagtunguhan ay sa mga bisig mo pa; mga bisig mo na walang kasiguraduhan, mga bisig mo na walang tiyak na kasagutan, mga bisig mo na kailanma’y hindi ako mahahagkan."

Uncertainty. Doubt. Signs.

"Ako....at Ikaw?" A heart-wrenching spoken word performance.

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“Ako….at Ikaw?”

what are we even?

Nagmamadali na ako para pumasok ta’s matitigilan pa ako ng letseng stoplight na ‘to?! Ang dami na namin dito, Ang init na, Kailan ka ba mag-gogogo? Kaliwa’t kanang reklamo na ang naririnig ko, hindi ko na ‘to maproseso dahil pati ako na rin ay natutuliro. Ang laking kulay ng pula ang nasa paningin ko. Kasama pa nito ang mga numerong disi-nwebe, disi-otyo, disi-syete? Hindi ko na alam, dahil sa dami ng pulang ipinakita mo ay tila nabulag na ako.

‘Yung deadline ko ano na? Baka sungitan na naman ako ng gwardya namin sa school. Antagal naman nito mag go sign. Kailan ka ba magpapakita ng kaberdehan sa ‘kin? Tila ako kasi ay naguguluhan kung ang ikaw pa ba ay akin.

Patuloy ang busina ng mga sasakyan, samu’t saring boses mula sa kalsada. Ang mga ingay na ito ay ang mga boses sa isip ko na hindi ko matakbu-takbuhan. Akin pa bang ipagpipilitan o oras na para ika’y tuluyang sukuan? Mga daan na patungo sa dapat mong puntahan pero tila yata nakikipag lokohan sa akin si Bathala….dahil bakit…bakit sa dami dami ng pwede kong pagtunguhan ay sa mga bisig mo pa; mga bisig mo na walang kasiguraduhan, mga bisig mo na walang tiyak na kasagutan, mga bisig mo na kailanma’y hindi ako mahahagkan.

Tadhana, ginagago mo ba talaga ako? Sa dinami dami ng tao sa mundong ‘to ay bakit kami pa ang iyong ipinagtapo? Uy! Naalala mo pa pala ako. Akala ko kasi ay isa na lamang akong poste sa daan para sayo. Ang tagal na nung huli nating usap ah? Mahal ko, ako pa ba? o may nagbago na. Mahal, alam mo bang hindi ako maka-alis sa kalsada, na noon ay tinatahak nating magkasama. Ngayon, ako ay nananatili pa rin dito, habang ikaw ay umuusad na… ng may ibang kasama. Paulit-ulit na itinatanong sa sarili, saan ba ako nagkamali? O sadyang hindi lang ako ang gusto mo…..na makasama sa paglakbay sa daan na ito.

Alam mo bang ang sakit, sakit mong mahalin. Daig mo pa ‘yung aso sa kalye na bigla biglang susulpot at mawawala rin. Pwede bang linawin na natin ‘to? Andyan na sa harap mo ‘yung stoplight oh. Kulang pa ba 'yang sign na yan para bigyang linaw ang ikaw at ako. Pula para tumigil na at berde kung ipagpapatuloy pa ba at dilaw naman kung mananatili pa rin tayo sa gitna ng dalawa. Mahal ko, mahal kita pero tama na.

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One of the benefits of organizing an event is exactly what you're witnessing right now. 😌😎

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Undisclosed Narratives: An Explication de Texte into the Miscellany, “Lockdown Litanies: Countless Untold Stories” An Essay by Princess Allyssa R. Mago

First, I'd like to share a popular online saying: "Those who tell stories run the world." Since many years, storytelling has been an integral part of our society. The fact that it draws heavily from the author's own experiences is what sets it apart. This way our eyes are being opened to countless stories that share one’s personal struggles, delight, thoughts, and etc. Stories derived from an author's mind and experience reveal a great deal about their persona. Stories have the power to mold a person's experiences.

Having taken the time to read the first poem, "Dear Diary," I have noticed that the persona is talking to themself about the adversities they have gone through, which caused them to change. The word "change" is subjective to many people because it is neither bad nor good, nor can it be both. Like with this line, "I know I won't be the same again, But here's for the countless untold stories, I'll ever write on." The persona had been through challenges, but they would still strive and continue. This prompted me to the song, “You're Somebody Else”, by Flora Cash, wherein the song is about feeling displaced internally. It is evident in the lyrics, "Well you look like yourself, But you're somebody else,"

Now, for the second poem, "The Tale of a Modern Sisyphus," Compared to the Sisyphus in Greek mythology, the modern Sisyphus referred to in this is about a woman who is going through the same struggle— pushing a boulder up a hill. As indicated in the lines, "Gracious to push the boulder up the mountain, And start once again like nothing happened.". The song that I can associate with this poem is Taylor Swift's "Change" In my understanding of this song, it represents the women in our society who have been fighting for their rights since day one and waiting for their time to come. Manifested in the lines "Because these things will change, Can you feel it now? These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down, It's a revolution, the time will come."

This time, the third part of this miscellany is "O' Yayi (A Prose Poem)." The idea I got from reading this is that it's about loving someone who is not yet over their one great love. It hurts reading it because you can also feel the longing and pain the persona is feeling. As manifested in the line, "If ever I run out of time here and reach the other side, whose arms would you run back again, mine or Dante's?" It is clearly evident that the author is uncertain if she would choose him or would still pick her past lover. Now, the song “All I Ask” by Adele is what I can relate to in this poem. This song is about a relationship that is on the brink of extinction. And with the lyrics, "If this is my last night with you, Hold me like I'm more than just a friend, Give me a memory I can use.", it shows the uncertainty and fear of the persona and just wanting to feel the love of Yayi, even just for pretend.

For the fourth poem, entitled “Two Red Laces on the Wonderwall” For this one, I’m not confident in my understanding of the message. I have come up with the concept that it is about giving your all to someone you love, even though it would not be reciprocated. The lines where we can see that meaning were “I did what you said and leaned forward, I opened my whole to bare my soul.” Taylor Swift’s “August” is the song that reminded me most of this poem since this song is written about longing for someone who was never really yours. Embodied in the lyrics, “Wanting was enough, For me, it was enough, To live for the hope of it all.”

Now onto the fifth poem, “Umbilical,” I cannot fathom the pain the characters in the poem are feeling. I have come to the conclusion that this piece is about a child’s perspective in the womb of her mother and how he or she comes across the pain and torment that the mother is suffering from. This excerpt, “You have made your purpose, I guarantee. Hush, sleep tight. Everything will be alright.” is both reassuring and devastating. They’re trying to give comfort, but realizing the reason behind makes my heart break into pieces. The child was trying to relieve the mother of her pain by assuring her that she did great in giving her child the chance to see the world but in the end, the mother had to succumb to the dark. So, a song that I would recall after reading this piece is John Legend’s “All of Me.” The lyrics “Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts, Risking it all, though it's hard” manifests how the process had been risky for them both and how one of them had to go. 

We now have the sixth poem, "RE: Paper (I'm Red, IMRaD)*" This piece is very educational as it talks about the education system here in our country. I believe most of us are aware of how poor our quality of education is compared to other emerging countries. Some of the reasons for this are stated in the lines, "If we keep on insisting quality education for students, Why not allow teachers access quality to their extent?" In addition, these lines also struck me, "Help teachers help students. After all, we cannot give what we don't have." This dilemma is still being faced by our society today, and I think that the leaders of our country should be responsible for this. This being said, there is a song that comes to mind that I think captures the feelings of most individuals going through this kind of hardship. That song is Taylor Swift's "The Man," and it is shown in the lyrics, "I'm so sick of running as fast as I can, Wondering if I'd get there quicker,"

Moving along to the seventh part, titled “3 A.M. Awakening,” This poem felt really familiar to me as it describes the feeling of hurt and shame. As we can see in the line, “Heaven spoke lies to me telling I’m sick, With people’s eyes daggering every inch.” I guess we can say that the persona is being judged by the people around them just because they portray them as someone different when the truth is they’re just themselves. The song that I can associate with this piece is “I Can’t Handle Change” by R.O.A.R. The tune of this music kind of represents the mood of the poem for me. In addition to that, this line, “I know it’s not your fault, Still lately, I begin to shake,” from the song, delineates what the persona is feeling.

As I read the eighth poem, “My Frail Lady,” I couldn’t help but notice the subtext and background image in the poetry. Those two details allowed me to deduce the piece’s intended meaning. The subject matter of this poetry is suicide. But other than that, the justification for this particular action is clear. It seems possible that the woman is facing dilemmas that only she is aware of, as suggested by the lines “Such frail, frail lady, Bookkeeps her internal screams.” This reminded me of the song “This Is Home” by Cavetown. From what I can tell, this song is about a person who is dealing with some inner turmoil yet hopes to be healed eventually. The lines where we can see that message were, “Are you tired of me yet? I’m a little sick right now, but I swear, When I’m ready, I will fly us out of here.”

Here we are now at the ninth and last piece of this anthology, “Major Arcana.” Astoundingly, I have discovered a deeper significance in this poem than I had originally intended. The idea that I got upon reading this poem is that it is about tarot reading, and with every card lies messages specifically for the persona’s experiences and future. Some lines that have brought me to this conclusion are “Your fear of transition, keeps you paralyzed in non-action. Being unfazed can be a nail on the head in this period. Take a risk.” Evidently, the persona has a dreadful past which causes them to not look forward to their future. But the tarot cards push them to have hope and start once again. I can relate this piece to the song “Fix You” by Coldplay. This song is about giving hope to someone and letting them know that despite all the adversities, there is still hope. Manifested in the lines “Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones, And I will try to fix you.”

In conclusion, this collection of stories has made me more aware of the various challenges that members of our society, particularly women, face. I've discovered that these tales allow us to view the world from their point of view, which has led me to wonder how many more of these tales remain untold. If many stories like this are shared throughout the world, then I think it will also give them hope, just like it did to me. This anthology showed me that even through the worst times of our lives, there would still be a silver lining we can hold onto. 

[elyyssi]

"DIVING INTO CHANGES"

The year 2019 is when it all began; at the time, I was aware that there were instances in which this was actually taking place, but I didn't pay attention. I was aware at the time that some women had irregular menstrual cycles, going months without having any. During the first months, I didn't tell my parents because I was still a little complacent. However, I became concerned when it was over a year. I started by telling my mother about it, but even she was complacent because she said she was experiencing it herself, she said she had been experiencing it for a long time. A year passed, but still nothing. I have an application that during the pandemic, it became my hobby. I have this application called "tiktok" where I watch different types of dance, trends and all that. In this app I first heard about “PCOS” Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. According to Mayo Clinic (2022), a hormonal issue known as polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) affects women during their childbearing years. You might not have regular periods if you have PCOS or perhaps you experience longer menstrual cycles. A hormone called androgen may be present in your body in excess. 

I experienced changes in my body such as, deepening of the voice, becoming hairy, darkening of some parts of the body, a lot of pimples and I also gained weight. That’s where I gained a lot of insecurities, especially my body type. Many people I know are giving comments about the changes I had with my body, even the changes that happened with my voice, they are pointing it out. Of course I wasn't okay at that time, because before they found out I had already noticed it myself. It's just annoying that every time they see me, that's all they pay attention to. It's really hard for me at that time, the pandemic came along and we were all struggling with the situation. Everyone was adjusting so it really challenged my mental health. When I first heard about PCOS, I searched for its symptoms and it matched all the changes that were happening to me. At that time I suspected that I might have that case. I also told my parents about it, but because of the pandemic at that time, we couldn't get checked up because they were still strict and it was too dangerous to go out.

Two years passed without my menstruation, and then in 2022 we were able to go out a bit so we decided to have a check-up. January 7, 2022, my first check up. The doc just asked me about my menstruation, when did it start not visiting and then she also asked about the changes. After that she just prescribed me medicine to take for 10 days and she told me to wait for the results days after taking it.

This is my first prescription from my doctor, I can't really remember its name but it was effective. After 4 days, January 20, 2022 I got my period. Since the doctor said to return to her when I got my period, I followed it. I went back to my doctor and then I started taking different pills.

As months passed by that I was taking pills, they were effective since I was having my period monthly. And as I’ve said earlier, I was insecure when it comes to my body, and because of the medicine I was taking, my insecurities decreased a bit since its effect included my weight loss. I continued taking the pills until the day of my ultrasound came, where I'll know what the real problem is, and why I'm like that. And then through transvaginal ultrasound, it was found that both my ovaries are polycystic. That means I really have PCOS.

The result didn't surprise me as much because everything that I had read about PCOS and searched for matched, so I assumed that maybe that's what was actually happening to me. After that, the doctor urged me to reduce my intake of meals high in carbohydrates. She also warned that diabetes could develop if I didn't reduce my intake of all the prohibited foods. Until now I'm still taking pills, although sometimes I don't follow the doctor's advice, but most of the time I'm still careful.

[elyyssi]

really had fun with this activity <33 so happy with the results!!

[elyyssi]

[elyyssi]

Hugot? itabi niyo, ako na.

[elyyssi]

Concealed Series of Desolation: A Scrutiny Behind the Anthology “Lockdown Litanies: Countless Untold Stories”

an Essay by Elaiza Joy Barber

Stories have always been part of our life. Through storytelling, it helps us to express and interpret everything we encounter, including science, personal relationships, feelings, memories, thoughts, and challenges. Every story has a different arc, which keeps readers interested. Some stories feature innovative plots and profound concepts, which improve the overall quality of the work. Every author has a distinct story to tell as well as some experiences to give. Just like the poems that we’re about to scrutinize, the authors shared their experiences as they expressed the feeling of desolation. Boundless stories that demonstrate fortitude in the face of difficulties. 

As I read the first poem, “Dear Diary” I came to understand that we are aware of our own changes. And that changes happened because of the experiences the author had gone through. Because of all the author had encountered, he or she changed. Nearly lost everything and was abandoned, but in the end, the author still had the freedom to choose where he or she is happier.  It was noticeable in the lines “It felt different, I, too, became different”, “But all was left in me, I ended up alone”, “I own up my mistakes in finally choosing freedom.” It does remind me of the song Don’t be Afraid by Anji Salvacion, where, although coming from a place of darkness that prohibited her from seeing the wonder of life, she had the ability to choose freedom particularly in the lines, “And no, I'll overcome this feeling, this incomplete feeling, I wanna seize life outside, be free with you in my life”. Despite feeling incomplete because of the things that have happened in his or her  life, yet the author still believes that he or she has the freedom to choose happiness. Instead of being free with someone, let's do it for ourselves and, as the poem suggests, move away and discover a world on our own. 

The second poem, “The tale of a Modern Sisyphus”. As I analyze the poem, I have learned that the persona is going through the same phase over and over again. It’s like she’s fighting for the same purpose but then always ends up trying again. Rolling a large boulder up a hill repeatedly, only to have it roll back down when it approaches the peak. It was evident in the line, “Gracious to push the boulder up the mountain, and start once again like nothing happened”. This reminds me of the song The Climb by Miley Cyrus. Manifested in the lyrics, “The struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking, sometimes might knock me down, but no, I'm not breaking.”  This song encourages working for your goals while ignoring obstacles. The song teaches us that success in life isn't just about what you accomplish; it's also vital to reflect on the path you took to get there and to recognize and value the lessons you picked up along the way.   

Moving on to the third poem, “O’ Yayi (A Prose Poem)”. As I read the poem, it was clear that the persona is longing for his partner’s love and attention. It’s about someone who gave everything a loving husband could ever give, evident in the line “ I picked her up. Married her. Eased her pain. She received all the comfort and luxury a woman could ever get from a loving husband.” But then unfortunately, he’s not receiving the same love he’s willing to give. I remember the song All of me by John Legend. In this specific line, “'Cause all of me, loves all of you, love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections” This line represents the willingness to love your partner even though there are flaws or even they have had problems in the past. Just like in the poem, despite everything Yayi had to endure, and even though he is aware that she has not fully let go of her past, he still accepted and loved her. 

On to the next poem, “Two Red Laces on the Wonderwall” My understanding about this poem is that the persona is being used. He or she is being used but still, willing to give his or her all. It was shown in the lines, “I fell in your words. You, vindictive. I did what you said and leaned forward, I opened my whole to bare my soul.” Sam Smith’s How do you Sleep is the song that reminded me the most, specifically in the lyrics “Love to you is just a game, Look what I have done now” It portrays the idea of being used or being played. 

The fifth poem, “Umbilical”. As I understand the poem, I think it’s about a mother’s suffering as she was giving birth to a child. The poem’s about a child's perception while in the mother's womb and how he or she experiences the anguish and suffering the mother is going through. It was shown in the lines “The pain she suffered just for me to see. Drained herself to save me from misery”. And so this reminds me of the song Iris, a song by Goo Goo Dolls. The line “And I'd give up forever to touch you, 'cause I know that you feel me somehow.” Despite what the mother is going through, she’s still willing to risk everything for her to see and save her baby. 

The next poem, “RE: Paper (I’m Red, IMRaD)” discusses our nation's educational system. This piece shows what quality of education we have compared to the other countries. According to the character, imparting adequate education to others is never a simple endeavor. The line “Ironically, in areas we expect for leadership, Communication, media, and socio-emotional management, We are not that high.” demonstrated it. Individuals expect from them, but they are unattainable because of how poorly the educational system is managed. I would relate to this Taylor’s Eyes Open with the lyrics “But now we've stepped into a cruel world, where everybody stands and keeps score, keep your eyes open” by this lyrics, it will represent the persona’s appeal to let us know what the current situation is. 

The seventh poem, “3 A.M. Awakening”. In this poem, it is shown that the persona is preparing him or herself to go even though he or she is having a hard time since, I think, he’s being judged for who he or she truly is. It is expressed by the lines, “Breathe as if it’s easy to do today, but I think much in a different way. Heaven spoke lies to me telling I’m sick, with people’s eyes daggering every inch.” This also reminds me of Goo Goo Dolls’ Iris, particularly in the lyrics, “And I don't want the world to see me, ‘cause I don't think that they'd understand”. It represents the persona’s feelings since he or she feels like everyone who’s judging him or her has no idea of who he or she truly is.

Upon reading the poem, “My Frail Lady” I have confirmed that we all really have our own battles to face. I realized that it is really a must to be kind to others because we do not know what they’re going through especially when they're left alone. We might see them happy now, but we’re not sure of what they truly feel. Just like this poem that  talks about a person who struggled alone. It was obvious in the line, “Such frail, frail lady, Bookkeeps her internal screams.” Since it was inspired by the life magazine’s “most beautiful suicide” it reminds me of the song. If depression gets the best of me by Zevia. The lines, “'Cause the one thing on my mind, Is for me to disappear” and “And lover, when I leave, I know that we don't speak, I'm sorry that I failed you” It reminds me of the story behind Evelyn Mchale. The note she wrote including her message to her fiance. 

And the last poem, “Major Arcana”, As I read the first stanza there are signs showing that the persona comes in for fortune telling. Evident in the line, “...beamed a smile; harbored all nerves; placed your palm over—...defy the secrets of the heavens and asked, what do you see? Tell— Me.” As I continue to read the poem, I have learned that it is also about hope. It’s about the persona who’s hoping for a better future, shown in the line, “What you want most right now is success—to win and never give up this fight.” The cards push them to still believe and hope for their future. This prompted me to the song Flashlight by Jessie J, with the lyrics “I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight, you're getting me, getting me through the night” This represents that even though they will walk through the darkness because of the things that will happen to them, there is always a flashlight that will serve as hope to get out of that darkness. 

Reading all of these poems made me realize that there really are a lot of untold stories that reflect our society’s current situation. Through reading these, I feel like I’ve also gone through their difficulties. By this activity I had the chance to view current issues from different perspectives. I also discovered that, in spite of all the challenges, we will always have the option of choosing to be free and grateful. That there is hope despite everything we experience in life.