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rosereadsthings · 3 days ago

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I’m so mad it took me this long to read this because I was craving these last two chapters 😭 Lori, you did it again! I always want to give these chapters standing ovations lol. I’m addicted to finding works that are written exactly how I want them to be and yours never fall short of that 🫶

Rat Bastard - Part 9

Pairing: You x Kyungsoo

Rating: M (Mature Smut)

Word Count: 9300

Warnings: There were too many beds, Enemies to Lovers, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Idiots to Lovers, Angst, Potentially Triggering Sexual Content, The Reckoning, why do even have these condoms

Tag: @ilovemyapopbaby

Links: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

You wanted to run away.

You wanted to hide away.

You tried your best to do it and you got as far as the first step off of the front concrete patio of this old storm shelter. The ground below that step was filled with water and the first rash step you’d taken down filled your shoe with filthy muddy water that you sunk down into. Its suction pulled you down deep enough to feel the mud squishing in between your toes. With the next step, the thick mud kept your shoe. You abandoned the other one for the sake of your balance and retreated back up onto the very last step, keeping your presence of mind enough to rinse the mud off your feet. Your shoes would be lost.

You only needed a moment. A few moments maybe and you’d get it under control. You didn't have to be crying right now. But it was hard. Your pride was so hurt. Your heart ached and your stomach burned. You felt like you’d given too much away with the question you'd asked him and you felt humiliated by his response -- his non-response.

It was another rejection. Was that four now? Were you really so pathetic that you kept doing the same thing again and again with the exact same result? There was something wrong with you. You swiped quickly at your cheeks and cleared your throat, hiccuping halfway through the breath you tried to take. You didn’t need to be crying right now.

He hadn’t seen you crying yet. He didn't have to know you felt like this. You could get it back under control, pull your chin up and walk back in there with a cool smile, and act like nothing could hurt you.

You didn't have to ruin the night.

You’d moved from the front step now, away from the door. You just needed a few more moments, before you could stop. You found a corner away from the door, not even that visible from the door. It was already dark outside and there were no lights out here. You leaned against the wall here and lifted your hands to wipe roughly at the wetness that still stubbornly fell from your eyes and you heard it. The squeak of the door knob, the heavy metal door scraping as it was pushed open, and the silence that followed that sound. He would not see you and he would leave, satisfied that he had searched the space thoroughly enough.

You did your best to breathe quietly but your nose sniffles and hiccups betrayed you.

He didn’t have to come and see you this way. He could just turn back around and you could promise to be back when it had passed. You could show him only the good side.

The sound of his footsteps came anyway and you closed your eyes and held your breath and when those footsteps rounded the corner he was here.

You inhaled a breath through your mouth and it fought through the stutter in your throat and your eyes felt compelled by his arrival.

Kyungsoo stood just at the corner, his searching eyes zeroed in on you here and his feet stopped moving when he realized he had found you. His face was blank for the first half-second after finding you. Before he looked at you and his eyes adjusted to the darkness out here. The shift in him felt dangerous. After that first second of watching you, it happened so quickly, that you saw the recognition in his eyes, the shift to knowing; you had been discovered; your upset was known. You were horrified. He could see too much. You had run. You had been crying. His rejection had wounded you.

His balance shifted with the realization that rolled through his entire body and he pulled his head back, exhaled roughly into the air above his head with a growl, and his hand roughly ran over the length of his face from forehead to chin.

He moved then in one fluid motion with three steps and his hands lifting up to reach for you when he moved through the dark to the spot where you hid away from him.

The moment he was close enough to touch you, his hands landed on either side of your wet face.

The look in his wide eyes was manic, something was wrong with him, and you flinched the moment his hot fingertips first touched your flesh. He was gripping your face and you felt the surprise crest up hot when he pulled you roughly into him, into his parted lips.

He kissed you. His mouth collided with yours with a roughness; a demanding force. He was kissing you but this kiss felt so different. You felt the wrong kind of desperation in this kiss. There was too much emotion in it; the wrong kind of emotion. He was upset. Maybe as upset as you had been while you hid away and cried. You could feel so much of his pain in this kiss.

His mouth was hot and he pushed his sweetened tongue between your lips, pushing against your own tongue, pulling back only to suck and bite down on your lip. He moved again, stepping hard into you so you could feel the hot flush of his body temperature and your hands, your hands lifted, gripping at the air around you, unable to grab ahold of anything and too scared to grab ahold of him, scared that you might not even be allowed to touch him with as upset as he felt.

He pulled away for half a second and you gasped for air.

“Is this what you want from me?” His voice was rough. You squeezed your eyes closed, feeling fresh tears rolling down your cheeks, wetting his hands that still held your face, “Do you want to feel how desperately I want you? Is this fun for you? If you want me to fuck you, I will fuck you -- that’s all you were after, right?”

His hand moved and he reached for one of your hands, pulling it down to touch the rigid heat you felt between his legs as his rough mouth moved from your lips down to your neck.

He felt so different. He felt wrong. Yet you felt shame for how your body was responding to him and the first open-mouth gasp you let out when a hand wrapped roughly around your waist and pulled you harder into him further fueled his actions. You felt more of his arousal when he pressed himself into you. He still felt so different from the Kyungsoo you loved. This one was acting out of his mind. This one was so upset. As upset as you had been.

This wasn’t something he wanted to be doing. Did he believe this is what you wanted? It had been, but not this way.

“Do you think I don't want to?” He didn’t. This felt off. There was no love in this. This felt nearly performative and so full of frustration. Why was he doing this? Just to prove a point?

“I can do it. It can just be sex like you want. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Do you think I won't?”

His hands were moving. This man slipped his fingers under the strap of your dress and his palm pushed it off of your shoulders, his head dipping down quickly, his lips pressed over the mound of your breast, at the same time, pushing your dress and your bra down and taking your nipple into his wet mouth. You let out another sound. It came from the back of your throat and the arousal surged through your body with the sensation of him nipping on your sensitive nipple. His hands moved down to your thighs and you heard ripping as the too-tight skirt was pulled up over your hips. He pushed your thighs apart and you felt the pressure of his erection against your center. The grinding was rough and scratchy with his jeans still on but it fell just over your clit, making your arousal grow stronger.

But the touches felt so forbidden. The low sounds he made as he did it sounded straight into your ears and sent another wave of arousal through your body. You couldn’t help it. Your heart begged you to stop him. This wasn’t what he wanted. He was doing this because of you. Some twisted misunderstanding. A stark lack of faith in you had led to this. His feeble attempt to fix what was wrong with you. To fix the reason for your fit and to stop your crying. You felt awful for it. He had misunderstood you so completely.

“This is what you want from me, right? This is why you asked for a relationship? You didn’t mean it, you just wanted me to fuck you, right?” He spoke roughly in between his maddening actions, asking you questions, making you feel like you wanted this, and putting up the act like he was willing, but his questions had your head shaking. You hadn’t been trying to trick him. This wasn’t a game you played with him. He was wrong about you.

You knew he wouldn’t have been doing this if you hadn’t run away from the date. You knew he was doing this for some twisted reason. He genuinely believed you had been using him. You could feel the sadness filling your chest to realize this terrible thing. You understood in an instant why he couldn't give you a response. He’d never trusted your intentions with his heart.

No. You didn’t only want this from him. Part of you craved this. Part of you felt desperate for it. But the longer it persisted this way, the less you wanted it. It wasn’t something he wanted to be doing. He was feeling hurt and used by you. What kind of a monster must you be in his eyes.

This was his heart breaking at your hands.

No. You were shaking your head with denial and his face pulled up to look into your eyes. Madness. You were gasping for air and you whispered, “No. I don't only want this, Kyungsoo.” You struggled to say it and it came out strained and broken, “This isn’t the only thing I want from you, I promise.”

His eyes hardened and he looked into your face as your chest heaved up and down with the labored breathing. You looked into his face, still very much aware of his hands on your breast, the bulge in his jeans rubbing against the covered center between your legs. His roughness had stopped advancing while he looked into your eyes. There was a narrowing in them. He did not move or retreat but the narrowing of his eyes had enough of a pause for you to catch your breath.

“Do you even like me?” He asked this with a terrible cracking in his voice and the heartbreaking question had your eyes rolling closed, your brows furrowed and your chin puckered as your bottom lip trembled. You felt the absolute devastation deep inside of you and your eyes were burning again. You could feel the shaking deep inside of your chest and hot tears crested, slipping down your face, dripping over his shoulder, darkening his shirt. Your head sank down and you lifted your hands up to cover your face.

“Yesterday you said you hated me. Three days ago you told me to go fuck myself. Four days ago you called me a pathetic asshole. Five days ago you told me — you told me —” You remembered all of it. All of the awful things you said to him. He couldn't get the worst of it out.

“Do you even like me, at all? Even a little bit?” he whispered through his broken heart in his broken voice and you gasped through the tears, nodding your head but unable to speak to him.

He had fallen backward and you no longer felt his hands on you, you no longer felt any of his warmth over your skin. You reached up over your shoulder, covering yourself with your dress and you could feel your hands shaking as you pulled your skirt back down to cover your thighs.

“I do. I do — like you,” you managed the meager words and he was desperately looking into your eyes for signs of any truth to your words. Your next words came out with more conviction. You were reaching deep inside of your chest and you closed your eyes to get them out of you. It felt like the hardest thing you’ve ever had to tell him but you needed to say it. Even if nothing came of it, even if the gaping wound you both had caused each other was simply too great to ever heal, you had to tell him. You had to be sure that he knew it.

“I love you, Kyungsoo. I am in love with you. I’m sorry. I love you.” As scary as the words were, you meant them with every single cell inside of your body. Even if you were rejected by him every single day for the rest of your life, you would not regret telling him this now. You were sorry it had taken you so long to say it. You were sorry you had mistreated him so badly and you felt so desperate for him to know this truth about you that you no longer cared of the consequences of him knowing this.

You told him this and you looked into his face as you told him this. His breathing had stopped for a moment and when he inhaled a breath he broke the eye contact and his eyes rolled, and over his entire face, you saw an eternity of regret there.

He was moving. He was lifting his hand and pulling at the hair on top of his head and then he was bending at the waist with a hand on his hip. His face contorted in pain and you reached your hands out toward him, still too scared to actually touch him.

“Why?” he whispered with closed eyes and wetness on his cheeks. This single word sounded to you like all of the pain in the world and you inhaled another deep breath, willing your tears to slow down some so you could see him clearly.

He inhaled and gritted his teeth and opened his red-rimmed eyes on you, swallowing roughly before he opened his mouth, “Tonight,” he said, lifting a finger and pointing to the ground just in front where you stood barefoot on this patio, “I had such a nice time with you. It was such a nice time but you know what I was thinking the entire time? This should have happened months ago. Why wasn’t it like this six months ago? We could have been so fucking good together six months ago. But it didn’t happen like that, did it? And I can’t let it go. I feel like it broke me when it comes to you. It broke us. It broke what we could have been. And it kills me because I’m so fucking in love with you, but I can’t trust you. I love you and I am so mad at you.”

You were listening to him speaking and you felt something different now. A sense of confusion was building inside of you. It felt like being falsely accused. What was he talking about? How was this something you had caused? Because you didn’t just accept that he stood you up that night? Why couldn’t he trust you? He was the one who never showed up that night. You were shaking your head and you opened your mouth to protest.

“Kyungsoo, no. That’s not right.” He was wrong. He was mistaken. He was the one. You were sure of it.

Your protests weren’t heard. “Why didn’t you show up? And why did you attack me after standing me up? You know, I lost friends over that? They all believed you. Why didn’t you come that night? Can you just -- just admit it?”

“Please? Just be honest with me, please? M-Maybe we could work. Maybe if you could just come clean with me, then I can forgive you and we can move past it?” He was begging. You were reeling with how wrong he was. He sounded so certain.

“Kyungsoo, I came that night.” You couldn’t tell him the lie he wanted. But there was something so odd about his pleas. You’d never heard him actually talk about it, but you’d been together with him in person now for two days and what you picked up on was his conviction. He was telling you the truth. This was something he genuinely believed you had done to him. “I was there. I waited for two hours for you.”

With as heavy as his resolve was, you half expected him to slink away, to firmly believe you were going to perpetuate a lie against him forever and that nothing about the relationship between the two of you stood a chance at being saved. But there sat something heavy inside of his eyes. A furrow of his brow and searching within yours for answers. He was listening to you. For the first time, he could hear the words you were saying with your own mouth and you could see his mind working.

“Where were you? For two hours, where did you wait for me?” It felt like salvation to hear this question. It felt like gulping fresh oxygen after drowning. It felt like maybe he had looked into your face too and saw some desperate truth in your eyes.

“Upstairs. I don't have any proof. I was too embarrassed to post anything about it and I paid cash. I was upstairs. We were meeting upstairs.”

“I was upstairs. I was there. I was looking for you. A bouquet of flowers on the table. I left them there. You never came.”

Something wasn’t right. It felt impossible. You knew what he looked like and he knew what you looked like and there was absolutely no way you missed each other, it was impossible.

“Next to the terrace,” he said with his eyes reaching into yours and you shook your head at this detail, denying it. There was no way that could be true.

This detail was impossible.

“Kyungsoo no, there was no terrace. I sat next to the window facing the library. What terrace?”

His eyes watched you without any response and after a while his eyes were roaming up over your head, moving around in a big circle and coming back around to sit inside of yours. How could this be?

“The library,” he said to himself and he was watching your face so closely as he did it. “The library?” His inflection lifted and there was a change now. He was narrowing his eyes at you and there was a flare to his nostrils as he breathed in through his nose. His mouth scowled and frowned and he reached into his pocket to pull out his cell phone.

“What are you doing?”

He was tapping his phone screen. His thumbs were moving something along the surface and his eyes were focusing down.

You heard a breath. A rough exhale, like a scoff.

“Which location did we meet at?” He said with a flat tone.

“East,” you said softly as he turned the phone around to show you a map of the city you both lived in. You could see on one side, the restaurant named ‘La Lei,’ and on the other side of town, the one you had gone to, the East location of the same name. ‘La Lei.’

“The East is on the right side. Exterior.” He added, his voice devoid of strength. You looked at the map, shaking your head and frowning your lips down with the furrow of your brow.

“But I drove for an hour to get there to meet you, there was so much traffic and so much sun.”

“The sun sets in the West. You went to the West location. There’s a library next door.”

You felt the ground shift. It felt like a powerful force.

You had to lean against the wall to stay up.

The whole time.

The entire time.

It was you.

It was your fault.

This was your mistake.

You had ruined this. You did this to him. You stood him up with your own stupid mistake. You accused him publicly, embarrassed him, attacked him, blamed him for your own stupid mistake. Mocked and ridiculed and hated him for months.

It was you. You were the asshole. You were the bastard.

His phone timed out and turned black and turned off the only bit of light besides the light from the moon that remained. It took your eyes a few seconds to adjust but when you could see him again he was leaning with his back against the wall with his head hung down. He wasn’t speaking and he wasn’t moving.

“I’m s-sorry. It was my mistake.” You dropped your face when he finally lifted his head to look at you.

And after a few silent moments, he inhaled and ran his hand over his face, turning away from you once more without speaking.

He whispered while he faced away, “I was so mad at you.” You heard a shaking inhale, “I was so mean to you.”

You felt destroyed by this. No wonder so many awful things happened to you. You did awful things, made stupid mistakes, and ruined anything good that came your way.

He was still whispering and outside of this place, outside of this pain, the hard rain began to fall. It was almost too loud for you to hear him. “I was awful to you. I was so horrible. I acted like that.”

You couldn’t stand it. You felt the forces from the ground to be too powerful and the weight on your shoulders too heavy.

You sunk under it, ignoring the sting of pain when the concrete hit your knees.

“It was my fault.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I ruined everything. I’m sorry, Kyungsoo.”

You existed within this long enough to begin to feel the rain. The wind whipped it against you and your skin felt so cold.

You heard him moving on you, impossibly over the sound of the rain, his hands landed over your shoulders and you opened your eyes to see him kneeling on the ground in front of you. He would mess up his clothes. His jeans would be muddy if he did this. He didn’t deserve any of that. He hasn't deserved any of what you said to him or did to him.

“Let’s go inside.” You heard the words but their message felt too kind for what you had done to him. You shook your head back and forth and you held your breath to try and stop feeling much of this. “It’s raining. Let’s get inside. You’re getting wet.”

“Kyungsoo, I’m sorry,” was all you could manage.

“It was a mistake.” His voice slipped up beside you, “You made a mistake. You didn’t do that on purpose.”

“Yeah, but all things after,” you couldn’t accept it. That you might be such a terrible person. But all signs pointed this way.

Kyungsoo was shaking his head. “Me too,” he said, “I did things too. Come on,” you felt him reaching for you again, placing his hands below your armpits, wrapping around you and standing you up. He was helping you. This was a new kind of humiliation you could not take.

“I can,” you whispered, placing a hand on his arm and pushing against his hands. “I can do it. Don't help me.” The last thing you deserved was his kindness.

You were moving before he had the chance to have any opinions about it. You moved through the front porch toward the front door and you gripped the handle and pulled it with all of your might. It was heavy but it moved and with each of your next steps you ignored the pain you felt in your knees. When the front door slammed shut the silence of this place was back. The rain outside sounded so far away inside here and behind you, you could hear his steady breathing. He haunted you but did not offer you any more assistance.

You found the space with the bunks and you moved to your luggage, knowing that you must change out of this destroyed dress, knowing that you should shower off the mess that would be your hair and your face and you should also wash off the filthy flood water that your feet had been submerged up to the ankles in.

You grabbed blindly within your bag, one item for each body part. Underwear, top, bottom. It did not matter what you grabbed. You were moving to the bathrooms, not looking at the man who sat on the edge of his own bed with his head in his hands.

The dress was ripped. You no longer needed to be careful to grab only the zipper to remove it, you reached down and roughly pulled at the already ripped seams, getting through enough of it for it to slip off of your body and pool down to the floor. From where you stood you looked up to see him still sitting in the same spot and position on his bed. Head in his hands and no doubt, a million tragedies flying through his mind.

You pushed off the bra and underwear and stepped into the flowing water; moving as if in a trance. Lathering soap as you had done thousands of times before. Washing off dirt and filth, scrubbing your skin with your fingernails until it was striped with red; watching the mud swirl down the drain below your feet. Washing your hair and digging your fingertips roughly over your scalp. Treating yourself with just a little less care than you normally did.

The water timed out and you had to step forward to start it again and your eyes caught movement from where he had been sitting. Kyungsoo was standing. He was looking down into his black bag and pulling things out and his eyes were down on the floor as he moved to enter the bathroom. You pulled your eyes away from him and focused them on the wall in front of you when he began to undress and your blinking flighty eyes did their best not to look at him as he stepped up to the shower faucet next to you and stood with his eyes closed under the running stream of water that ran over his naked body.

“I’m sorry,” you heard him whisper with his eyes closed and the water passing over his face. “For all of it.” for a few seconds after he said it, you felt the pull to look at him and when you finally gave in you found his eyes on you, his head turned and he watched your face for your understanding or for your refusal.

You nodded your head and bit down on the inside of your lip and the water from your shower head timed out. He shifted and he reached forward and pressed the lever to start your water again and you flinched to feel the water hitting your skin again and try as you might you could not bring yourself to pull your eyes off of his face. You felt an urge to know something. The question terrified you the longer you rolled it around inside of your mouth but you had his attention, he was still looking into your face as water ran down his body, washing away everything that had coated his skin tonight. You worked up the nerve.

“Do you hate me?”

His eyes flitted over your face and he slowly rolled them closed as he licked his lips. He was shaking his head back and forth before he answered you with the words you felt so desperate for.

“No, I don’t,” he said, “I love you.”

Your lips were trembling again. You felt the shaking inside of your chest and you were succumbing to it, the tears built and you squeezed your eyes tight, moving your face under the running water to wash them away, nodding your head to receive the words from him that you did not deserve.

His next whispered question pulled your eyes to him again.

“Do you hate me?”

You shook your head, sniffing your nose and closing your mouth before you whispered a quiet answer for him.

“No, I love you, Kyungsoo.”

He moved then, you saw the steps his feet took closer to you and you felt his wet arms wrap around your shoulders, pulling you into him. His bare skin was everywhere and another step brought the length of his body flush up against yours. He lifted his hands, placing one over the back of your head and his face was so close to you, his wet hair dripped steadily on your cheek. You wrapped your arms tightly around his waist, squeezing tightly around him, pulling him into you and he squeezed himself around you just as tightly.

“Let’s put it behind us then.”

More than what the statement promised for the future between you both, his words seemed to have a deeper impact on you. It sounded too good to be true. The word he used when talking about you and him. ‘Us.’ It felt like so much more than you deserved. He was probably just using it in an insignificant way. Not in any meaningful way. You’d had your fill of asking him questions and being turned down so you just accepted the hug, ignored the increasing pressure you felt against your hips and when you let go of the tightness from around his waist he lessened his hold around you and took a step back, his eyes seeking out yours the second the contact was broken.

You did not hesitate this time. You leaned into him quickly and pressed your lips against his cheek, finding the softness of his face and the smell of his warm skin so delightful that you could not pull yourself away from him right away. You lingered for longer than you should have with this beautiful naked man standing within touching distance of you and when you pulled away his eyes watched you with lids half closed and he followed your movement as you backed away from him; those eyes slipping down as you left over the length of your naked body.

You felt that look all over. He was looking at you with a heady desire that was quite visible with the vulnerable view you had of him. You hadn’t moved far enough away from him for your promise to him to still be enforceable. When he took a step closer to you, you should have stepped away from him, but there was a drug coursing through your veins with the way he looked at you. You should have left when you had the chance but you hesitated and now he’d taken another step. You felt too weak for this kind of test. You wouldn’t pass. You couldn’t resist him. If he wanted this, you had no self-control to resist him.

He surged into you then, wrapping his arms around your waist and your arms flew around his shoulders as he pushed you backward. You felt the ground leave you when he tensed and lifted you up, taking several steps to leave the bathroom and you felt the telltale feeling of fabric coating over your back. You were laid down on a bed, his bed. He’d brought you to his bed and you felt the warmth of his bare chest covering over your breasts. When he pushed forward he climbed on top of you and your thighs parted for him and his hips moved easily between. The way your bodies fit together so easily and so perfectly felt ordained.

His breathing was labored and he was looking into your eyes with a terrible tremble inside of him. He breathed through parted lips and his eyes were on your lips but he wasn’t kissing you. Your head had been lifted but you let it lie down onto his pillow and his breath got caught in his throat as his eyes drifted closed. You weren’t going to kiss him. You weren’t going to reach for him and guide him inside of you. You weren’t going to wrap your thighs around his waist and pull his hardness inside of you.

“Kyungsoo,” you whispered and his eyes slipped open. “Only if you want to.”

He blinked slowly and his face dipped down just as slowly until his soft lips pressed over yours; until his mouth opened over yours and his wet tongue teased a path over your teeth; until you felt his hands and his soft fingertips traveling down between his hips and your hips and those fingers slipped along your inner thigh.

You were too aroused for this. The slip of his fingertips in between your wetness made his movement much too easy. Each pass over your center with his wandering fingers had you gasping, you were out of control. Every bit of you felt overwhelmed with only the touch of his hands. Your skin and your nipples both puckering and each of your responses to his touches felt like too much. You felt powerless to stop it though. It was something you’d wanted him to do, something you felt desperate for him to actually want to do, and now that it was actually happening you almost couldn’t deal with it, let alone believe that it was actually happening; that he was actually doing this to you.

You wanted him too much. He made this so easy for you and when you felt him move again as he dipped his head down between your shaking thighs and when gave a gentle push against your legs to urge you to open for him, you gave in. It felt too surreal. That he was really doing this. That he really wanted to do this. The first pass of his tongue between your legs had you closing your eyes, feeling him there. His mouth was hot and his tongue moved over you with just enough pressure to make you squirm. Looking down and seeing his damp hair and the roundness of the top of his head positioned between your parted legs; this had to be a dream. You were overwhelmed by him. His hot breath and the sinful sounds from his mouth, his purposeful tongue, the way he moaned into you as he did it you had been so close so quickly. You felt inundated all at once. He was pulling. He was sucking. You were trembling and grabbing his hair, squeezing and shaking and you came apart entirely on his bed.

It was too much. Your heart was racing too fast inside of your chest and Kyungsoo was sitting up on his ankles with his hands moving slowly up and down your parted thighs as he watched your face with heavy eyes and parted lips and chest heaving from the feelings surging through him. He was wet, from you. He seemed to be watching you for a long time and you wondered what had him so transfixed. Your eyes moved over him. The smooth skin, the muscles you knew you felt under his nerdy little polo, the beautiful shape of this man whose eyes seemed strangely content just to take in this view of you, ready and waiting for him on his bed with wet hair and now, a sweet smile on your face. You had what you were sure was a glow from the release he had just given you with his mouth.

There was something silent here. You felt your smile widen and you pulled your eyelids closed, blinking slowly with the smallest lift of your chin. When you opened your eyes back up you saw the return from him. His lips pulled into sweetness, moving wide for the smile that seemed to hit him in waves and his eyes blinked back at you just as slowly.

“Kyungsoo, do you want to make love to me?” You reached down, touching the tips of his fingers lightly with yours and you felt his hand move into your beckoning one. You pulled him down and he caved down over you. With his eyes still trapped inside of yours, he nodded his head. He did. He did want to be inside of you.

You leaned up to him as you wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, pulling him down on top of you, pulling his face down so you could kiss his lips. You could feel him between your legs, the smoothness and the shape of him that was so close to where you wanted him to be. You felt the tip of him bumping between your legs and you felt so wet that you knew it would hardly take anything at all to get him inside of you. In fact, the more you pulled against him the more you felt him slipping within your wetness, not inside yet but dangerously close with how good it felt to have him there. You knew from the sounds coming from his throat that each slip inside of your wetness only heightened the temptation to push inside. You felt the gentle push with his hips. It took everything inside of you not to lift your hips to catch the angle so he could push inside.

You pulled your mouth from his and whispered beside his ear, “Your condoms…where?” His brows furrowed and his face showed great concentration before you’d asked this, no doubt feeling the warm slippery wetness between your legs and doing his best not to just slip inside. When your words were out he opened his eyes and shook his head once. “I didn’t bring any. I lied.” he huffed out a breath when you moved your hips again, feeling the slip between your legs again, “to sound cool.” He said after a small grunt and a hiss and his mouth was open with his brows still furrowed. This took nearly every ounce of his control to hold back from.

One of you would have to make quite a naked and heavily aroused journey to get them. An idea you weren’t crazy about right now, not with him so close to you, the idea of leaving him sounded terrible.

They were just so far away. It wasn’t like this was someone insignificant. This was Doh Kyungsoo. You fully intended to keep this man for the rest of your life. You suddenly didn't even want them at all.

“We don't need it,” you said in a soft whisper and his eyes opened once more, looking into your face. “You could just,” you added and you bit down on your lip when you felt his hips move again and he bumped against your already sensitive center.

“Do you want me to?” He was watching you closely, holding his breath, and the instant you nodded your head you felt him shift. He left his place lying over your chest and saw him lifting himself up again. He was looking at you again. He was touching you again, his fingers slipping so easily and with his hand down between your legs you felt the pressure of him as he pushed inside of you. Hips guiding slowly at first and you gasped, struggling to keep your eyes open and on him while he filled you completely. Skin to skin. Pushing inside of you and reeling from the overwhelming pleasure that came from this. He was gone. He was lost. Inside of you, he was lost.

His face.

His face was beautiful. His eyes closed and his head leaned back and his lips fell open and those same eyes that captivated and controlled you, tortured and tempted you, they drifted. You caught occasional looks from him. He pulled out and pushed in again and with each new motion, he fought a battle between watching you and feeling you.

The sounds, the touches, the looks, and the moments when he would drop, catching your mouth with his, pulling you up to kiss him, moving lower to bite your shoulder or your neck or your ear all the while keeping as close to you as he possibly could. The friction felt good but you wanted to keep him inside and with each pull you wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him harder into you. Holding him so tight that he had to pull against your legs to pull out again. This felt different. He filled you as if he was made for you. This sex felt different than any you’d had with anyone else. There was something insatiable about how desperately you wanted him inside of you and when he was shaking and when he was making that delicious sound from deep inside of his chest, you clung to him, pulling him inside of you, wanting him there, desperate for him to stay inside of you.

You recognized some half attempt to pull out. You’d felt the stutter in his pace and with the sounds he made, you knew he was about to. You felt too crazed and he felt too good and you pulled him into you again, pulling his face down to you, capturing his mouth with yours, you felt the spasms and the bursts of warmth inside of you while you sucked on his tongue and he was shaking around you and inside of you and on top of you as he came.

There was a moment of your joined breath. A moment of slow release of lips and the languid and satisfied smile that built on your face. He took it in, that look on your face and he reached a hand up to touch his fingertips on your bottom lip, moving his face down again to kiss you deeply. You could still feel him inside of you, that pressure that had built with the wetness you shared threatened a mess with every movement you made. You didn’t want to move. You didn’t want him to leave you. This desire to keep him felt stronger than any other. This man was yours and only yours. You wanted nothing else but him.

“You didn’t let me pull out,” he whispered with half-closed eyes as he laid his head down on your chest. “Trying to make it to the wall or what — what are you doing to me?”

You hummed in amusement, running your fingers through his hair. “I’ve been on the pill for years -- you felt too good for a condom,” you remarked and you felt his cheeks lift with the small smile that grew on his face.

The wind down was slow to take. Neither of you had a schedule to keep to and no real reason to go to sleep early. You’d left him behind, happy and spent on his bed to clean up, and when you left the bathroom stall you watched him doing the same. Every bit of that shyness you’d felt with the idea of being naked around him, of course, was gone and he didn't seem to be in that much of a hurry to shower and get dressed. Eventually, he was moving though and you watched with a little pout from the edge of his bed as he cleaned up and pulled on some clothes at last. You pulled one of his shirts out of his bag, a plain white t-shirt that sat on top of a stack of seemingly identical plain white t-shirts. Below it sat black shirts and you wondered about this man’s odd black and white lifestyle.

“Hey, that’s my favorite shirt,” he said when you came out of the bathroom with your panties on underneath it and nothing else and you held out the bottom like it was a dress and did a little spin that had him giggling. He was up out of the bed and he was pulling your hand toward the door out of this room.

“Where are we going? I’m not wearing any pants.”

He didn’t seem to care about your current state of undress. He was opening the door to the bunks and pulling you toward the kitchen, walking backward, only looking at you and not even watching where he was going as he just dragged you despite your stubborn resisting feet.

“I’m hungry,” he pouted his lips and whined, something you never ever thought you’d witness in your entire existence. It made you laugh and you rolled your eyes.

“That’s because you didn’t touch your dinner. It was so delicious and you ate maybe three bites of it. Doh Kyungsoo, think of the kids who don’t have any food to—”

“Make me something. Make me food.” He cut you off. The whining was disarming and adorable and you motioned with your lifted eyebrows toward the door to let him know that if he didn’t turn around now he was going to run into it.

Inside the kitchen were remnants of the dinner date. Three wine bottles sat forgotten on the counter and the empty wine glasses were left abandoned nearby. You slipped over to the fridge and opened it. You didn’t really know what on earth you could make this professional private chef that he would enjoy and when you turned back to look at him he just smiled uselessly. There were quite a few things in this fridge. The problem was actually you. What on earth could you make him that might actually taste good. You’d been here peering inside this fridge for a while before you felt just a little flustered with this task.

“I don’t know how to make that many things,” you mused toward where he sat on a stool and you looked behind at the man who was simply sitting there watching you bend over in front of the fridge with a completely dazed but quite a blissed out expression on his face. You stood up straight and cleared your throat, understanding that yes you wore only panties underneath his own t-shit and that the man had just fucked you so he was probably not quite in his right mind but staring at your ass as you bent down to look into the fridge so you could make his spoiled ass something to eat was a little bit rude. He offered no advice. No suggestions. It didn’t seem to matter what you made for him as long as you did it wearing his shirt and he got to watch you do it.

The throat clearing pulled his attention up to your face. And when you shook your head with a question written in your eyes, both to get him to acknowledge that you were talking to him and as some sort of call out to the fact that he’d just been caught him staring and all you got was the smallest shrug and a lazy smile and even lazier words promising that he would like anything you made. It literally did not matter, he said.

You pulled out butter, bread, and cheese. He was getting a toddler’s treat. You busied yourself taking out two bread slices, buttering both sides to lay down and sizzle in a heated pan, and placed two slices of cheese in between. Normally you’d only put one slice but he was cute so he got two cheese slices. He was getting the deluxe version of a grilled cheese sandwich with no bells nor whistles. Literally just bread and cheese. If he wanted something fancy he could cook it himself.

You busied yourself with his plate, opting to be as ridiculous as he was and you sliced his sandwich in four little triangles, and set each one point side up in the center of a plate that was at least two sizes too big and you grabbed some leftover bread crust. Crumbling the whole thing in your hands and sprinkling the stray bread crumbs up way up high in overly dramatic fashion as you had seen some egotistical chefs doing online with their salt and pepper techniques.

When you spun around with the plate in your hands he was already laughing. You slinked up beside him holding the plate over your shoulder and did a big round swing with it, plopping it down in front of him with a hand flourish as you came away from it.

“Here we have a pan sizzled butter-basted double fromage deluxe panini with an untoasted brioche texture sprinkle.”

Oh, his laughter was glorious. You heard the loud guffaws and his eyes closed, his cheeks popping up pink and his whole body shook with it. You couldn’t put a name to how good this felt. It was unparalleled and such a new feeling. He was blindingly beautiful when he was happy and you had been the one to make him happy. Why you’d been dead set on making him miserable for all those months had clearly been great evidence of your stupidity. This man was absolutely irresistible when he was happy.

You pulled your hands away from the plate with the sandwich and to your delight his mouth formed a surprised ‘o’ shape, he even lifted both of his hands to cover his mouth and you were giggling as he picked up one triangle and took a big bite of arguably the best part of the sandwich, the cheesy point. He was chewing and swallowing and taking another bite quickly while actually licking the crumbs and butter off his thumb between bites. You’d never seen anyone polish off a grilled cheese sandwich so fast.

It felt so flattering to see him eat that stupid thing with the little ‘mmm’ sounds he made occasionally and just to keep from staring at him so damn much you spun to face the cupboards for something to drink. Grabbing two glasses and filling them with ice water. You’d had a bit more alcohol than you were used to these last two days and with the way he was just sitting there looking like a snack you were unlikely to get enough of any time soon, you figured you both should hydrate right now for whatever physically demanding activities you might participate in later.

“Do you feel better now?” You asked after he’d eaten and had been sipping on the water for some time now and his eyes popped over to you as he nodded with the glass to his lips.

“Like a new person.” He spun on his stool, pushing away from the counter and he leaned toward where you stood just at the corner of it. You felt a tug on the shirt you wore and the fabric tightened around your back as he pulled against the shirt. You resisted and the only actual reason for your resistance was for the sake of the drama. You couldn’t fight your smile but you at least had a bit more control over your legs and the smallest whine that came from his chest, the little pout on his lips, and the adorable way he pulled again, shaking his hand so the tugs came quickly and shook you with their insistence was an instant reward for this little fight you put up.

“Ahh, come here,” he complained out loud. You were giggling and you shook your head back and forth.

“Look you’re stretching my favorite shirt all out,” he pointed down to the spot on the shirt where his own hand held on and pulled it very far away from your body. It had a surprising amount of stretch in it. You giggled at the playful accusation.

You just shook your head again and grabbed ahold of the countertop when you began to feel like he might pull hard enough to get you to move. The longer you held your ground the more petulant you felt about it. A ghost of the conversation from earlier in this very kitchen was dancing around through your head, making you feel like maybe all of your talking and airing of all of your past grievances with this man wasn’t quite finished; wasn’t quite resolved with the love. Some things when asked should be answered and you still felt that sting deep inside of you from being denied.

“Why?” His question came next and you simply couldn’t hold your next words inside.

“I thought you never had sex without a committed relationship, Doh Kyungsoo.” You said it with a laugh. You’d meant it in a light and funny way but once the words were actually out, it felt like a cloud had just moved in. You could still feel the warmth of that bright sunshine but there was a haze that coated and cooled your skin just enough for a chill of doubt to grow. You felt it inside of your stomach where you always felt all of the nervous things in your life.

“You never answered my question — from before -- about us.” This part, you said with much less confidence and no humor. You couldn’t even look into his eyes as you said it.

He did not loosen the grip of his hand on your shirt. He didn’t shrink away and avoid your eyes or try to evade or avoid answering your question.

Kyungsoo leaned forward, closer to where you stood just out of his reach enough to require just a little bit of effort for him to get to you and he nearly fell off his little stool to do it. He reached with his other hand. You were grabbed by his hands, finally gaining enough purchase around your waist for the strength of his arms to overpower your little stubborn fit and you stepped rapidly to keep from falling over; to keep up with the quickness with which he pulled you into his arms, between his knees, and into the now familiar smell of him that felt like comfort itself.

“Yes,” he said quickly, wasting absolutely no time with little jokes or word games. He was wrapping his arms around your shoulders and you slipped your arms tightly around his waist and tucked your face into his neck. His answer coated over your head, slipping right down into the middle of you, soothing whatever silly worries had slinked their way under your skin.

“Yes, I want to be with you. Yes, I want you to be mine and I want to be yours.” His hands rubbed firm passes up and down your spine.

“I am answering you now. Yes.”

Links: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10

#rosereads #exo smut #kyungsoo #kyungsoo smut #exo #exo kyungsoo #exo do kyungsoo #blame the chronic illness for me taking this long to read it 🥲#can’t wait to read part 10!

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