#Just because I've had a bad streak of dealing with people who see me as less than were abusive or otherwise

[savage-rhi]

💙

[locke-esque-monster]

There are many things I love about SPN's 4x18 "The Monster at the end of this Book".

But the Chuck of it all is fascinating in retrospect. Now to be fair, I haven't finished the show yet, but I know about the God reveal. And I know that there's some debate over if Chuck was ever Chuck, or if he was always God.

I would love for Chuck to be goofy, anxious human Chuck. But I've doubted it before, and re-watching it today just reinforced that.

Here's what this episode looks like if you consider Chuck might already be god:

Because if Chuck's himself, how does he not recognize Sam & Dean from his visions? From the choppy bits we see, I know his publisher is there, so he can see people.

The case at the start of the episode with the comic book store is dropped with no explanation or reference to again. That says to me someone with questionable writing skills used that as a lazy plot device to get our characters here to meet Chuck. Who would do that but Chuck?

He has no recollection of the story he was writing until the characters ask what he's working on. Weird when he was just writing it before they arrived. Maybe understandable with the drinking/headaches. But the way he remembers only when asked, seems more like he's only giving out information when the story calls for it (think a questionable mentor type, like Dumbledore).

He says to Dean when he shows up at the end to kidnap him that he didn't write this. But if that's the case, how was the tryst with Lilith and Sam supposed to end? Bad writing for the show? Or is Chuck surprised Dean broke out of his plot and isn't expanding on details because he thinks he can steer Dean back on course? (Sidebar - I think Lilith's deal was legit, at least from her end. It'd end the apocalypse if Sam & Dean were dead, especially with no confirmed descendants. I just don't think God would allow that to play out.)

If Chuck is god, he takes a chance to throw it out to them that he is powerful so they dismiss it (hoping they won't call his bluff). And then when they do, he's confident enough they bought it to take the chance apologize to them for what he put them through. Sam's trying to make it something he's seen, like psychic abilities, and Dean's playing down the trauma/injuries are probably exactly how Chuck knew they'd react.

The wording of Sam's "wish to god I could stop" conversation with god, and Chuck saying he's still doing it is too uncanny. He's literally wishing in front of god for help, and god is putting it back on him that he's not really stopping, nor does he want to.

Then Chuck in that whole conversation with Sam. He's different in this scene than any other this episode. He doesn't play up his fears or anxiety like he does with Dean, he acts like a writer who not only knows the story, he KNOWS where it's going and is trying to steer Sam a certain way without looking like it or saying too much. His responses are very deliberately worded. It reminds me of Ben Linus manipulating people in Lost.

He says to Sam "I know it's a terrible burden - feeling that it all rests upon your shoulders." How would Chuck know that without the responsibility of God?

He has an answer for Dean and a loophole to get out of going with him - the archangel. But Dean calls his bluff. Basically, if Dean shoots him, either Dean will get killed by an archangel as a threat, ruining his story. Or he gets the shot off and Chuck survives, revealing he's not just Chuck. Chuck had to let his story be ruined tonight to allow the rest to play out (lose the battle to win the war).

To jump off that last point, this episode also acts as a thesis statement for how each character looks at destiny and how Chuck reacts to them.

Sam's the "smart one" - but he's liable to think he knows better and fall into exactly the trap Chuck sets for him. Sam is out to break the system in a big way - Chuck can see it, and stop it.

Cas's rebellious streak always wins out. If his friendship with Dean is on the line, he'll find a way to fall out of line with Chuck's plan in ways Chuck could have never imagined.

Dean's stubbornness with authority, including destiny, knows no bounds. He'll fight and get creative. Dean knows better than anyone how to find a loophole with a strict father. These little rebellions are harder for Chuck to see and correct. And with Dean's persistence and creativity, those little rebellions add up to messing up the plan. This is both how this episode goes, and the apocalypse arch as a whole. Chuck thinks he can outsmart Dean, but in a way, Dean's less predictable than Sam even if it doesn't outright seem like it. So Chuck fails to do stop every time. And a couple of times is all Dean needs.

I want to be wrong. I want Chuck to be like Anna maybe, unaware of of his abilities and knowledge and it's leaking through as maybe a vessel of god. Or even that god is writing Chuck this way for the purposes of the story, as his stand-in.

Unfortunately, I'm not so sure. And let's consider a comment I've heard made on the episode before. The episode title arguably isn't just a funny reference, it's a guide to the show - much like Chuck's writing. The "book", or episode, ends with Chuck, much like the last big villain in season 15 is Chuck. So he's the "monster at the end of this book" all along. It's a better fit if Chuck is god.

[fantasyloverisabel]

Dragons Rising spoilers below

I've seen mixed opinions on Arin, specifically the selfishness. And some people are saying stuff like "He wants his parents back that isn't selfish!" And thats true, wanting your parents is never something thats selfish. What IS selfish is that you'll make everything about yourself, and completely disregard the fact that other people are missing their families too. It's not just Arin that lost his family/loved ones it's multiple people.

Even Nya can be used in this example (and Zane) they've both lost a loved one. And even when Nya "finds" Jay, she prioritizes the mission because she knows it's important to the world. Now you could argue saying "Nya is a grown adult and Arin is a kid" Arin is about 16-17 and when the Ninja first started about they were about that age and all I can really say is to just look at Kai's development from the beginning.

For Sora lying to Arin, I think in the moment she shouldn't have told him, but once they reached the monastery she should've. But her character doesn't like to disappoint others so she was fearful of that, but even when he confronted her she told the truth and didn't lie. But linking that with what Ras has been telling Arin, it's one of the reasons why it's annoying (no offense) when the "Arin isn't selfish" people are ignoring this. Arin is only with Ras because he can lead him to his parents, and despite the fact that Ras has endangered their lives on multiple occasions(even trying to split them up) and was sided with someone who was using dragons for fuel.

Then you move onto the training bit, where Ras inadvertently trained Arin on how to properly do Spinjitzu,(theory) and I've seen people talking about how when Arin does it fully it has red streaks because he's forcing it and it'll likely hurt him somehow in the future. But back onto the training, Lloyd had said multiple times he doesn't think he'll be a good master and Arin kept pushing that onto him(and excluding the fact he doesn't even see the Ninja as people more so idols and still saw them as such till this season).

Then moving on when Master Wu said he caused the merge (which he could've said that he did because he couldn't prevent it, me and a friend actually talked about that) Cole was in shock and Arin's immediate thought was "wow they can't even believe Master Wu would do something like that" No Arin, Cole was in shock because he didn't expect that. And you told Lloyd this information when he's fighting the enemy, and when he said he'll deal with it later that didn't mean "I won't believe this information you've given me" it's a "I'll digest this information AFTER we defeat the enemy" and even Zane says it's a lot of information to process. This entire time Arin was just being selfish and unempathic.

The only thing I can praise him on was the whole detective thing he has going on, which was good, but overall was selfish the rest of the time. What makes it a bit frustrating is that Arin being a character thats written selfishly isn't a bad thing, he can have major character development and seeing a main character like this is really cool to see. But trying to erase that crucial part of his character is silly.

Anyways I hope I didn't make anyone angry with this post, and if I did that wasn't my intention to. There's also probably A LOT of spelling errors I didn't see so I apologize for that. And Im open to discussion! If you haven't already make sure you drink some water to stay hydrated and have a lovely day!

[translucent-at-best]

Scatter-brained...

I've been up with my mind racing for hours at this point. Might as well get some of the thoughts out before I have to start getting ready for work.

"The more I work on me, the less I want anyone to touch what I worked so hard on." This is painstakingly accurate and I... hate it a little bit?

Do I want dick? Yes. Can I get dick? Absolutely. But, do I want only dick and nothing else? No. As much as I try to buck against it in the name of having an adult hoe phase, I want to be liked. Specifically, by someone who shows it with their words and actions. And until that's the case, unfortunately for me and my pussy*... we're chilling.

I added up (and triple checked) the amount of PTO I'll have by the time Christmas comes around, and as long as I don't use anymore than 3 hours between now and then, I'll have enough to take a full 2 weeks off.

So, with that information, I bought my ticket home. And now that I really can't take more time, that's all I wanna do. I've been working this job and trying to convince myself that it's not that bad, but it is. And admitting that doesn't mean I'm not grateful for this means to make money and pay my bills. I really am. AND at the same time, this organization is insanely unorganized and some of the people working here hold unfair biases against populations we directly work with and for.

And, on top of that, an old student is making threats that, because of all the disorganization and dysfunction, aren't being taken seriously enough (at least as far as keeping staff safe is concerned).

I want to quit. I want the option to quit, but that's just not where we are right now. I'm trying to stay on the bright side of things, but this shit is rough.

My roommate moved out. As stressful as dealing with this job is, the peace of returning to a clean home is unmatched. I cleaned, replaced the couch that her dog tore up, and am in the process of redecorating. And I'm loving what this place is turning into. Lord willing, the new roommate moving in this weekend is as chill as she claims she is.

But while she's not here, I'm really enjoying the quiet.

I'm meeting my sister and cousins in Chicago to see Stevie Wonder this weekend. It's a quick, overnight trip (did y'all hear me say I have no PTO lmao) and, although it won't be for long, I'm so excited for it.

I went to my first concert solo two weekends ago to see Kenyon Dixon and PJ Morton. And I had a great time. I don't know when, but I'll definitely be doing that again.

Last weekend, I went to see Jazmine Sullivan and Maxwell with a friend. It was an amazing show.

The fact that I'm closing out this concert-going streak with Stevie Wonder? Fucking Stevland??? I'm beside myself. If you've been following me for a while, you know how I feel about my Stevie. I'm going to be no more good and I can't wait.

Alright, let me go jump in the shower... y'all have a good day.

[bellysoupset]

Hi Soup!

Just so you know, "🐆 anon" will be retiring now, as I am starting to use my blog to post. So yeah, that was me, and if for some reason I'm commenting on anon again, that would be me. ☺️

Well then.

Nooo, your stories haven't been boring! I'm loving the new Max and Vince relationship, seeing Wen and Vin succeed at long distance is so fulfilling, and I love seeing Jon's interactions with his family. Luke being jealous over Max is so funny to me, and I can't wait to see them deal with this. (Honestly, I'm shipping the throuple, but I'll love them all no matter what they do) I love being able to understand characters better, and I feel like all of these interactions are very character building, and will benefit any future developments.

It would be great for Jon to come back though... I miss him. I was thinking earlier today how I miss Jon/Wen interactions, and then remembered he's in Europe. But maybe we could get a phone call or something?

It's weird having Jon in Europe, and it takes away of lot of interaction possibilities, but I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, and I love seeing this other side of him. A lot of your characters have crappy parents, and I love that Jon has Jackie and Matteo that are turning out to be pretty good, and Angie rocks.

(I'd read a Bella fic with pregnancy-related talk... I'm loving Andy's Mila and Drew storylines, I'd love to see more authors talking about these topics)

Okay, question. (I found this prompt list a while ago that I've been going through with some of my characters: https://www.tumblr.com/judasrpc/687874557884907520/weirdly-specific-but-helpful-character-building)

So, my questions are (for any or all characters):

What's the lie your character tells the most?

What's a hobby they used to love that they don't do anymore?

As always, loving your writing!

Bro, I'm sorry I could swear I had answered this??

I'm so sorry!!

NOW! I kneeeew it was you! When you sent the first ask off anon I was like 🧐🧐🧐 I wonder if Jey is the leo anon!! I'm so happy to be proven right lol.

I'm following your characters bios and I'm very excited for your first story!

Look, my dramatic streak aside, I know my stories aren't boring per se, but sometimes I get the sensation I could be doing more with it, which was what I was being annoying about in the first place and now my inbox is filled with you lovely people reassuring me, but I swear it was never my intention! I just wanted like criticism, I guess? 🙈🙈 I'll shut up now

I'm so happy you're on board for so many of my creative choices. I miss Jon dearly, but he's coming back SOON, especially with the new Leo fic, cannot be away a minute longer. Also, you mentioned Vin/Wen winning at the long distance is fulfilling and I second this, because even as the author I was doubtful at first. My characters often do not obey me, so it was much to my delight as well.

I really like writing Jon with Jackie/Matteo, as you correctly clocked me I have a thing for damaged parent/kid's relationships (projecting yay!) and I feel like Jon and his fam all working to make it work this time around brings me a lot of comfort when I'm typing. Of course things aren't always perfect and not everyone can rekindle their broken relationships (many of my ocs!), but it's so nice to write someone who can!

I hear you about Bella! 👀

So for the questions, I'm so sorry my answer is already huge:

What's the lie your character tells the most?

I don't think my characters lie a lot, actually! Most of them are annoyingly honest, Jon-Wen-Bella, or naively honest, Vince-Luke. Leo and Max I guess are the ones who lie more often, Leo lies about being "busy" a LOT, the most creative lies, but truly all he wants is to stay home with his cat, his musical movies, his guy. He's probably killed his grandma whom he never met like 3 times already and he's really good at keeping track of his lies.

Max lies about minor stuff, just for a chuckle. It's more deadpan sarcasm than lying, I guess? But he also lies pretty much daily about his stomach, because he does not have the patience to explain time and time again that no, he's not chronically ill, he's just the God's most hated idiot. He'll go "no, I'm allergic to that" about literally any food that's offered and that he knows it's gonna upset his stomach. Some older teachers call him the "bubble boy" because of that older movie about a man who couldn't get out of his bubble.

What's a hobby they used to love that they don't do anymore?

Bella used to practice skating and she doesn't anymore, she cannot be bothered since their town is almost always raining.

Wendy has had every hobby under the sun, she's done pottery and jazz dance, but grew out of both.

Luke was obsessed with wordle for a hot minute, but nowadays he's let it go.

Vince isn't as big a reader as he once was, he used to be a total bookworm.

Max has hit a rough patch, he used to go hiking a lot, but for no bigger design, he kinda hit a slump and has been at home much more.

[pararennial-archived]

COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS

Hm... I mean... there are so many misconceptions that border on the intersectionality of Roxy being a woman of colour, asexual, and other aspects of her personality and character. To start, women often get typecasted as the caretaker, the love interest, the sexual conquest, or get assigned gross and shitty complexes because people don't like to think that there are more dimensions to women other than being good/bad, pure/corrupted, messy/pristine, etc.

Again, these complexes are what makes me resent writing a female character, not gonna lie! People see that Roxy, fundamentally, is a good person. She has upstanding morals, integrity, and she fights the good fight. And people have it in their heads that she is an "uwu sunshine pure vanilla bean baby" ( and I will say her being ace doesn't help because people tend to assign that pure, virginal presumption to asexuality, which is incredibly ignorant! ) but really, she is kind and sweet but it doesn't mean she doesn't have a spine. The girl can have a bit of a mean streak at times!

On the other hand, when Roxy exhibits her more competent and ruthless side, people are all like "OH YES STEP ON ME KILLER QUEEN, YES YOU COLD AND BLOODBATHED GODDESS." That also bothers me because it also doesn't capture the full dimension of Roxy being a fully realized character who is multifaceted and cannot be pigeonholed. She won't always be strong, decisive, or cold, and she won't always be soft, warm, or affable. To presume how she would act or behave is simply... a grave mistake.

AN IMPORTANT HEADCANON

In terms of the meta, Roxy is not your typical hero. Yes she fights the good fight but does so in very complicated ways that allow her to surf within that grey area. Nothing is ever black and white in her world. And thus, she is more of a culture hero ⏤ somebody who can change / recreate the world. As a categorized Good character, she often wildly swings between Lawful, Neutral, and Chaotic depending on whatever methods or approaches suit the situation. She abides by and breaks rules, she creates and destroys, she cleans and makes messes, etc. All in all, it's to ensure that balance is maintained and restored, and she doesn't even know how vital her role is.

A USELESS HEADCANON

One of the things that will bear no meaning or significance in plots, threads, etc. is that she likes putting gummy bears with her ice cream. I dunno why, it just makes him harder to chew but Roxy likes that??? Weirdo...

POTENTIAL TRIGGERS

I mean in terms of triggers, there might be written literal or metaphorical gore as I am noticing that viscera tends to make its way into my writing. Struggles with mental health is also present in a way in which trauma is dealt personally and how intergenerational trauma is a huge proponent in Roxy's story. Of course in spite of all the supernatural BS she has to deal with, she is still very much a person dealing with things the best she can. Some of these fantastical aspects sometimes could bleed very well into relatability in which some take comfort in or it can be too much. I don't go too heavy with triggers in my writing, but that being said, I could still very well write some trigger-heavy things without knowing because everybody has their own lived experiences and everybody's traumas manifest in different ways.

SOMETHING YOU ENJOY ABOUT (WRITING) THEM

I think it's the growth of Roxy's character, I've rped her since 2013 seeing her actually grow from a teenager to an adult. It's a journey along with that, so was writing and finding my own voice and style as an author.

Furthermore, I actually like writing a character who has multifaceted and very flexible because it keeps her dynamic. At this rate, she's become more than what I had her set out to be and it's a blast to see where she goes!

SOMETHING YOU WANT OTHERS TO KNOW BEFORE WRITING WITH THEM

fuck around and find out

tagged: @velvetineblue tagging: whoever wants to go off on what they love about writing their muse

[chuya-chuya-blog]

I read Empyreal Cabinet today. I like to try the new shonen series so that if it becomes a big deal, I can say I was there first🤣🤣🤣 The first time I tried a newly debuted manga with this clear intent was with Rugby Rumble, and I'm really really enjoying it.

And if I'm curious about a series I don't wanna have to spend a thousand chapters playing catch up. This was a big hurdle for me with MHA, but I overcame and really enjoyed it. It was also fun to experience the ending at the same time as the rest of the fanbase. Gushing about the big moments together in an online discourse is so fun!😊

I'm currently struggling with this hurdle with Dandadan and Black Butler, and I LOVE those manga. But it can be a lot to digest at once, even if I'm in a binging mood. I was a bit late to the party for Dandadan, even though I WAS reading it long before the anime was announced, so yay, I was one of the first!😌

I've been reading Kuroshitsuji on and off for over a decade and finally decided to buckle down and catch up on it this year, so I don't know what to make of that.😅

But Empyreal Cabinet was not for me. Before anything, I will say that the artwork was beautiful and a pleasure to look at. I'm an art lover, a visual person who needs clear art in a comic I'm reading, and when it's also beautiful and practical like it was in Empyreal Cabinet, that's usually enough to get me at least somewhat excited. But while the story was focused, it was incredibly boring. Too many technical terms and formation jargon for me to slog through for a story I'm still trying to see if I even care about. I was able to manage and get a clear understanding of the story, mainly because I wanted to give it a fair chance. (And I also kept saying to myself, come on, you can't get through ONE chapter of a new story? Is your attention span that low?)

I have made it through the first chapter, but was more than halfway finished before I felt even a speck of intrigue. That was on page 46 when they were talking about the high school boys playing a prank. I'm convinced an enemy in disguise dared those boys to commit a prank to let a monster loose. Based on the discussion at the end, I can already see that these monster attacks are probably intentional, and being covered up by the superiors in the organization (yeah, I don't remember the names of anything, I'm already bad with names, but in this manga, I just didn't care😮‍💨). I'm interested to know if I'm right but not interested enough to remember to keep coming back for it every week (like I do with Rugby Rumble, which I why I was even on the app today).

None of the characters interest me. I don't care about anyone's ambitions or motivations, I have no desire to learn anything about them or to see them in action. The main character had this (what I can assume was supposed to be) somewhat badass moment towards the end, but I felt no excitement about it, and didn't find myself rooting for him or any of the others. We learn that he doesn't just roll over and take things, and has a righteous streak and is willing to take accountability, but I just do not CARE. It's not like I DISLIKE any of the characters, they were all just too flat, monotone, and one dimensional for me to care. I'm not saying I need to know anything about their back stories or motivations, I can see they care about their job and want to protect the people, and that's honestly a fine and valid drive for me. I just don't care about them enough to see them do it.

The world building was good, no problems there. It really just felt like Jujutsu Kaisen and Kaiju no. 8 had a baby and the protagonist of Kagurabachi is walking around. But it's like all the necessary story elements are solid individually, but weren't able to create an engaging story together.

Shonen Jump seems to be doing this thing where they're going for more stoic and stone cold protagonists, probably since those characters tend to be popular as side characters. But when they do that, the whole series tends to drag. They're coming out with a lot of manga like this lately, and I can't get into any of them. I think Shueisha should put out a Shonen Jump Dark magazine for all their series like this, since they insist on putting them out.🤣 Anime as a whole used to be more serious and adult like in nature back in the 80s and 90s, anyway, what with things like Golgo 13 and City Hunter. Ninja Scroll is a certified hood classic and Akira is legendary. I feel like Shueisha may be trying to usher back in an era of cool mature works like this in Japan, especially since their birth rate crisis is leaving them with a much smaller fanbase of youth. Less kids mean fewer kids to buy Shonen Jump. At the end of the day, they have a magazine to sell.

It's not just the fantasy series either, Shiba Inu Rooms has a reserved protagonist, and I like her enough. Her dynamic with the dog is cute and sweet. Unfortunately, the story is a bit boring, and I find myself behind a few chapters currently. Sure enough, though, the artwork keeps me coming back for more. The story and characters do their part pleasantly, and the artwork pulled it over the hump enough for me to add it to my favorites.

The dude with the cat was honestly just stupid, and the cat seems out of place with the art style. It actually got on my nerves with how desperately it tried to make its flimsy premise interesting. A house cat also can't actually ease tense muscles with their kneading. They don't do it hard enough for that to even make sense. Just go to a massage therapist, and no, I don't care if he actually has a reason as to why he doesn't, because the whole series was just stupid. Him getting the girl to pet the cat was stupid, too, no self preserving woman would have gone into a guys house to pet a cat. That one was just utter nonsense. I usually don't critique so harshly, but for an author that thinks so little of women, I find no problem.

It's not like I only go for lighthearted series, Drunk Bullet has some fun characters and great art, but I still don't know if I wanna bother keeping up with that. I feel like it might be a banger later on, so I may try to catch up with the chapters while there are still so few of them. I watched Ron Kamonohashi before I started the manga, and while I enjoyed the show, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to catch up on 100+ chapters of detective work, although it may be because I've only read the chapters that were animated so far, so I already knew what was going to happen. The artwork is really nice, and I find myself using it for reference when I need help with natural backgrounds.

I know Shonen Jump wants to fill the hole left by MHA (and soon to be JJK, I've heard), so hopefully more people like Empyreal Cabinet than I did. It may have the potential to start a new big three. It certainly has a similar vibe to Kagurabachi, and that seems to be doing well.

As for me, I'm probably going to drop it. As a fellow mangaka, I like to give series their fair chance, so I'll probably try a few more chapters, but I can tell this one is really not for me. I do look forward to what comes along soon in the future, though. And I hope to be one of the first on the bandwagon if it takes off, too!

[stereogeekspodcast]

[Transcript] Season 3, Episode 6. 2023 Holiday Special, Part 2

When you see so many holiday movies, you've got to make a second podcast episode. That's what the Stereo Geeks had to do when we got a little too into the holiday spirit in 2023.

Listen to the episode on Spotify.

Hello, and welcome back to Stereo Geeks.

We've got a new episode, and this is the second part of our Holiday Special.

I'm Mon.

And I'm Ron.

We watch so many holiday films this year, we have a lot of thoughts.

We've broken it down per platform, which hopefully makes it easier for you to find.

Anyway, let's start with the first movie that we watched this year, holiday movie that is, Dashing Through the Snow.

You and I had very different reactions to this movie.

I thought it was kind of sweet.

And I have to admit, it's nice to see a movie where an adult finds the magic of Christmas.

This was a truly terrible film.

Okay, wow.

There was no redeeming it.

It was so unfunny.

The graphics were terrible.

The performances, honestly, I don't know what happened.

The actors deserve better, but also they could have put in better.

Yeah, I just, I think the issue was that the first scene that we have set in the present, it set up this very real emotional problem that so many people are facing, especially during the holiday season.

It's such a core story.

And I just thought, oh wow, this, you know, it really got me.

And then we went into Christmas magic in Santa Claus.

So one of the things that we've realized this year while we've been watching holiday films is that you don't like Santa Claus being in the movies.

I do not.

This whole Christmas magic solving all our problems situation is ridiculous.

Who are they making these movies for?

There is no Christmas magic solving all our problems.

Such a cynic.

I am undoubtedly the wrong person to be watching Christmas movies, that's for sure.

But let's move on to another platform, Amazon.

I know that you started off with Genie.

So my streak of watching Christmas movies that I disliked intensely continued with Genie.

This was terrible.

I couldn't get into it.

It stars Melissa McCarthy as the titular Genie.

Listen, she's great, but she's doing what she usually does.

You're watching Melissa McCarthy be the best Melissa McCarthy.

It's nothing new.

And the story was, I don't know if I missed something.

I feel like there were some rules that may have been explained that either I missed, fell asleep, I don't know.

But yeah, this was just very underwhelming.

It also felt like it was trying to be Aladdin, the Disney movie.

I just don't know what happened here.

All I can say is, yeah, no.

Well, we then moved to Merry Little Batman, which is an animated film for younger audiences.

And unfortunately, it was cringy and annoying.

I really, really struggled with this one.

Who was this film for?

If you look at the artistic style, which is very specific in particular, it's not appealing to younger audiences.

It's not appealing to any audiences.

It's true.

And the story itself, who is it talking to?

I've always struggled with Damian Wayne.

I don't like him.

I don't like him in the comics.

I don't like him when I met him in other TV shows.

I just don't like him.

And in this movie, he is extremely unlikable, very frustrating to watch, and he destroys everything.

And the film tries to address the fact that he's basically being a bad guy at Christmas, but then it just kind of brushes it off.

This movie was very obviously made so that they could sucker in Batman fans.

And in the end, we realized that we were the suckers.

Because there are a lot of references to Batman properties that have come before, but some of those references just seem like plain old plagiarism.

It's true.

So shall we move on to some more interesting films?

Let's talk about Candy Cane Lane.

I'm in two minds about this film.

The first act is very real.

They deal with these real problems that the essential family is facing.

Kids are growing up.

They have their own minds.

They're making their own decisions, which don't really align with what their parents want for them or think they want for them.

The parents themselves are dealing with workplace pressures, workplace problems.

Honestly, I was just quite thrilled by what I was seeing.

And then they have this very beautiful parade of lights.

There's a scene where they're basically going down Candy Cane Lane to view all the lights in the houses.

Oh, I love that scene.

It's magical.

And then it gets weird, because this movie is about Christmas magic.

And yeah, it was weird.

It was really weird.

It lost me after that.

Maybe other people will enjoy it, but it was not for me.

Maybe I'll take a look, and we can discuss it later.

But here's a film we really did enjoy, and that was called Xmas.

I didn't think we'd like it, but oh my God, it was really funny.

This was surprisingly funny, but I have to say, a lot of the laughs came from Robbie Amell's character.

I don't know if it was because he was given the better dialogues or if it was his dialogue delivery.

We were hooting with laughter.

It was really, really funny.

I mean, the film is a rom-com.

It's set around Christmas.

Of course, it has some tropes and silliness and in general, contrivances that are completely unbelievable.

But yeah, I just enjoyed laughing so hard with this film.

It does take a surprisingly dark turn near the end.

And one of the things that we kind of keep bumping into with some of these films is that they're so white.

And this movie was very much like that.

They have one token black character, but it's really weirdly funny.

We were literally laughing out loud.

Yeah, they kind of seem to be setting up a sequel, which is weird.

I don't know how I feel about it, but maybe I'm into it.

Who knows?

Let's move on to Netflix.

So you watched The Bad Guys, A Very Bad Holiday.

I was never going to watch this.

Please tell me.

Yeah, so this is an animated spin-off of The Bad Guys film.

It's a bunch of animals who are villains, criminals.

It's a short film, and another one that seems to suggest that it'll be an annual affair.

You know what?

It wasn't bad.

It was fun.

It's a really quick 25 minutes.

I was initially worried that the sensual gimmick wouldn't work.

We are talking about villains in an animated film for kids.

How are they going to either commit crimes and make it look good, or not commit crimes and not be preachy?

But they make it work.

Kind of fun.

I'm surprised to hear that because I forgot this movie even existed.

But we did watch one of the most stressful films of the holiday season, Christmas as Usual.

Now, the funny thing about this movie is it's based on real people.

It's a real story, which actually makes me worry about them a little bit.

This was overly fraught and chaotic and hectic.

I actually didn't like this film at all.

I did like the locale.

We go to this place in Norway, you know, these beautiful landscapes, et cetera.

But I didn't like this movie.

I thought the characters were very annoying, especially with regards to food.

I actually really liked this movie.

I think maybe because it was just so different from all the other Christmas movies that you've seen.

It's about an Indian gentleman who goes to his fiance's home in Norway, except she's very resistant to telling her family that she is marrying him.

And it's very much about culture clashes.

So he makes this Indian food and they're choking and dying on it.

And he despises their pork belly.

He thinks it's bland.

So yeah, very weird stuff about food.

But I really like the specificity of the experiences in that film.

And it makes sense once you realize that it's actually based on a real couple.

But that family was hella racist.

Even that dog was racist.

As much as you want to couch it in the fact that it's based on real life, which is, you know, complicated, to say the least, I just couldn't get into this.

They were so annoying, all these people.

And when I realized that they were real, yes, you have to heighten things for story purposes.

I get it.

I'm sure people want that dramatic in real life, but I don't know.

I just didn't like these characters.

Let's move on then.

So you watched a movie called Best Christmas Ever, to segue into another film where I didn't like some of the characters.

It's not intentional.

Listen, this film, Best Christmas Ever, it's kind of sweet.

And it does deal with very human emotions and dynamics, like success, the feeling of success, lack of success, judging people, wishing to be like other people, you know?

All very real emotions.

It really fell away in the third act because Christmas magic.

It was so real before that, you know?

It just feels like they ran out of ideas and they wanted to tie it up with a nice little neat bow.

I was really disappointed in how it ended.

That being said, the movie stars Heather Graham, who I haven't seen in a long time, so that was nice.

And it also stars Brandy, who has a few songs in there.

So it's really nice because I've forgotten how beautiful her voice is.

Honestly, the magical part is listening to her voice.

I don't know why they didn't just stick to that.

Oh, fascinating.

I might actually check it out.

So I got a movie called Holiday in the Vineyards.

It was kind of amusing at first.

The main actor, his name is Josh Swickard.

I've never seen him before, but he was really funny initially.

It's basically about this rich guy who's trying to buy up this vineyard for his mother.

He goes undercover and ends up falling in love with the widow he's staying with.

And she's played by Sol Rodriguez, who was Teresa on Picard season 2.

It's very weird how similar her character is to Teresa.

Did they just make the story about Teresa?

For the most part, it was okay, but I hate to say this, but once the romance started, it just became kind of dull.

In all honesty, the romance is based on a lie.

I don't see how that's going to pan out well in the future.

Well, that's how every Disney movie turns out, so it's okay.

I'm being sarcastic in case anybody's wondering.

The one and only holiday film that we caught on own was The Christmas Detective.

I thought this film was delightful.

I agree with you, it was delightful.

I think that it has a lot to do with the fact that the detective story was the central focus and not the romance.

I also think it helps that Javicia Leslie is the protagonist of this film.

She is so charming, so normal and real.

She has this easygoing persona that really worked with this film.

Because the film is not really very high stakes, a little bit, but not too much.

Most of the pressure that the characters are feeling is really like internal, personal pressure that they're putting on themselves.

I really like that.

She works so well, has this sort of quirky, interesting, nosy sort of character.

It was really good fun.

Yeah, you've got these Christmas aesthetics, but it's basically a mystery.

So what's not to love?

But the majority of our holiday watching was, of course, on Hallmark.

Now, I started off with a film called Christmas in Notting Hill.

Very, very low stakes.

It's about this footballer and this teacher who meet in England, and he's apparently an English footballer, but she's a teacher from America.

She doesn't know anything about football, so she doesn't know that he's this, you know, famous guy.

And it's funny because it kind of reminded me of the story of how Glenn McGrath met his wife, and they were in some other country, and people just kept coming up and saying hi to him, and she was like, oh, he's like a really popular guy here. And later on, she found out that he's actually an Australian cricketer.

So I like that.

But the meet-cute in this film is that he bumps into her and breaks a sentimental ornament.

I'm sorry, but I don't care what the person looks like.

That's a complete no-no.

But because he looks like William Moseley, the lady completely loses her mind and decides that she's in love with him.

Anyway, it was okay to have on in the background a good starting point for the Christmas season of 2023.

But there was one bit in the film that was a little bit different.

There was this part where the two main characters are trying to do a Secret Santa, and it's like it was completely from a different film.

It was directed so well, and it was so exciting.

I wish the rest of the film had been like that.

The rest of it was just a Hallmark movie.

I've never seen a Secret Santa in a film.

I'd love to watch that.

So another film that we kind of just ended up watching was Christmas with a Kiss.

This is a very traditional love triangle story.

I find those very difficult to watch.

Yeah, this was a bit cringey.

I like that this is a very hallmark film with all the hallmarks of a Hallmark film.

But the central characters are mostly a Black family and their community.

But I don't know, it was just so tropey and so quintessentially Hallmark.

I was like, please, at least we are away from something.

So the protagonist is this influencer based in the big city.

And of course, her story needs to be that she's not happy there and she's lonely.

So she needs to come back to her hometown and take over the family business because that's the only way that she'll find love and happiness.

I don't know why Hallmark movies insist on doing this because it's so unrealistic.

Not all big cities are bad and they're not all bad for all the people.

It's just so trying to keep watching it.

I guess it was a novelty when it first started, but now we've only watched these hallmark movies for like three years running, and I'm already tired of this trope.

I think one of the reasons why we ended up watching Christmas with a Kiss was because of Ronnie Rowe, who we used to watch in Star Trek Discovery.

He was very good in it, but his character is kind of weird.

It was hot and cold with that guy.

One minute he's like the sweetest person ever, and then he makes some judgmental comment, and you're like, go away.

I don't think that helped, because you have to have consistency of characterization, not saying people aren't complicated, etc.

Are they doing something which is completely irredeemable?

Is that a character trait, or is that something that just was, you know, something out of character?

You have to think about that.

Maybe we're thinking too much.

It is a Hallmark film.

We're thinking too much into it.

It's not that deep.

The next film did have Santa Claus in it.

Catch Me If You Claus.

What did you think?

That was a no from me.

I'm sorry.

Santa is hot and he's part of the romance.

This movie was somehow overly convoluted and boring.

That was my problem with this movie.

Why was it so dull?

It had a good premise.

Santa Claus' son is now taking over and he's doing a very bad job.

He's also played by Luke McFarlane, who is basically a staple of Christmas movies.

We know that now.

And they have this big mystery of how they're supposed to stop these bad guys and deliver all these Christmas presents.

And somehow it is so slow, so dull, so badly paced.

I couldn't wait for this movie to finish.

Which is a shame because I felt like it was better acted than the usual Hallmark film.

But unfortunately, I just could not, with the second act dragging as long as it did, with all these random things thrown in.

And also, we kind of figured out the reveal a long time before the characters did.

So when it happens in film, you're like, okay.

And Italia Ritchie and Luke McFarlane have so much chemistry, but it seems like they had a very small budget because there were like three sets perhaps, seven for the most part, and they didn't have anything to play with.

I don't know why they made this film like that.

Fun fact, Italia Ritchie, who is the star of Catch Me If You Claus, is the wife of Robbie Amell, who was the star of Ex-Mas.

And their movies premiered on the same day.

Oh, that's funny.

So here's a movie that was slightly different.

It's called Round and Round.

Not a Christmas film, but a Hanukkah film.

I thought that was a really good idea because I have not been able to catch a Hanukkah film before.

So this movie uses the time loop as a central gimmick.

I love time travel.

Obviously, I was going to watch this movie.

The bits that I liked in this film were all the traditions that are observed during Hanukkah.

Those are very interesting.

I really liked being able to see those.

I feel like I would have liked a bit more.

But there's this weird throughline about women not being into geeky stuff, which felt so 90s.

In 2023, it does not make sense.

I'm pretty sure half the audience for Marvel movies and video games are women and queer people.

And let's not forget, women are the reason why Star Trek still exists.

If you look through our entire episode list, you'll see that Ron and Mon definitely like their geeky stuff.

So I just couldn't get past that bit.

It just bothered me a lot.

And also, this is something that I just struggle with = time loop stories which have romances in them.

There's something so unbalanced.

One person knows everything about their love interest.

The love interest doesn't even know this person exists.

How can that be a love story?

It's what bothered me about Groundhog Day.

It's what bothered me when I was watching About Time.

And Round and Round does the same thing.

It does try and question that, but it's literally the last scene and it's just brushed off.

Oh, that's disappointing.

Now, this year, I tried something different.

I watched two horror movies set during Christmas time.

The first one I watched, It's a Wonderful Knife.

Now, from the title, you can tell that it's somewhat related to It's a Wonderful Life.

In this film, a young woman manages to stop a serial killer, but she's not particularly happy after the whole thing goes down.

She's lost her best friend.

She's the only one who seems to be pining for everything that went down.

Everybody else has moved on, and she's like, there was a serial killer.

How is everybody okay with just living life?

Also, she's kind of obviously not the favorite child in her household.

So she wishes to the stars about not being born, and that's exactly what happens.

So she ends up in this alternate universe, where, because she wasn't there, the slasher continued slashing.

So many people are dead, including her beloved brother.

It's up to her to save the town and stop the killer, which is not very easy because she doesn't exist.

I love this movie.

I am so surprised because I don't really like horror movies and slasher films especially, but this was an amazing concept.

It was really sweet at times because there was this slow burn queer romance.

It was just thoroughly enjoyable.

I'm highly recommending it.

Well, that's different.

I would love to watch it, but slashers and horrors, they keep me up at night, but I'm so tempted now.

I will say that there isn't as much gore in this film.

There are a few moments, obviously, where there's some blood, but it's not as bad as you would expect.

Maybe give it a watch?

Close your eyes.

But another horror movie that I just couldn't get through was called The Sacrifice Game.

I watched this because Mena Massoud was in it.

He was excellent.

He was really, really terrifying.

But it was just too gory for me.

There are certain kinds of gore that after a while I just can't, and then it kind of goes into this satanic ritual thing, which, I'm sorry, I just found it so cringe.

They were trying so hard.

The actors are doing such an amazing job, and I was just like, I can't, it's so cringe.

So, I'm sorry, actors involved in this movie.

Y'all did a good job, but I just couldn't.

Okay, well, now we can come back to something normal.

We watched two other Hallmark movies, and these are two queer movies, which, as we said, Hallmark only started doing these recently.

So, the first one that we watched was Christmas on Cherry Lane.

It's three different stories centering different families, and we find out along the way how these three families are connected.

I think this was my favorite Christmas film of this year.

I loved the concept, I loved the families in it.

I felt like the stakes weren't very high, but they were so personal, and I really liked how they kept dropping these little Easter eggs, and then you'd see the connection later on.

It was really surprisingly complex for a Hallmark movie, and I think that's how it worked, because we went in there with pretty low expectations, and it turned out to be extremely good.

Yeah, it was really sweet and charming, I will say.

I think it's time for Jonathan Bennett's Christmas characters to move away from the whole adoption storyline.

He's had three in a row now.

We can do something different.

But in general, it was really charming, quite emotional from time to time.

But what I liked most about this film was that it had a lot of singing interludes, and they were singing these Christmas songs that we know and love.

It really brought that Christmas feeling.

A lot of these films, they just…

I don't know if they don't have the rights or what.

They don't actually use Christmas songs, Christmas carols, etc. even in the background.

So this one, which really hopped on about this is Christmas, the importance of Christmas, this is the feeling of Christmas.

I just really, really loved that.

Honestly, this was a surprise, but I just enjoyed it so much.

Highly recommend this film.

And one of the reasons why I think we enjoyed it was because this film had relationships that were already established.

One of the things that we struggled with Hallmark films is that there's a lot of messiness involved in the whole falling in love for the first time with somebody aspect.

And this movie just does away with that because these are all relationships that have existed for a while.

And we're coming into the middle of the story.

I think Hallmark needs to do more of that.

Yeah, and the last film that we watched was Friends and Family Christmas.

This is a little bit more regular Hallmark.

Two people brought together, find a connection, something gets in the way of that connection, and then how does it all end?

Very sweet, very charming.

I kind of believe these two people coming together and kind of rooting for their romance, because even though they didn't have the greatest chemistry, I think it really worked as a story.

Yeah, this was a lot of fun, actually.

I thought this was a really, really cute queer film.

It's not super white, thank goodness.

There was some amount of chemistry between the actors, and in all honesty, the whole fake dating trope, people love it.

It's a huge thing in fan fiction, and in a queer romance, oh my God, I'm surprised more people aren't talking about this film.

And you know what, I think the other reason why this film kind of worked was because you got to see a little bit about their lives beyond the romance, and their families, and their work.

There's a lot of that in it.

It's kind of like a sticking point for the queer couple, but it just ended up being really cute and very warm and fuzzy.

And that's a nice way for us to end this episode.

Thank you for joining us for our two-part Christmas special.

See you next time.

You can find us on Twitter at Stereo-geeks, or send us an email at stereogeekspodcast.gmail.com.

We hope you enjoyed this episode, and see you next week.

The Stereo Geeks logo was created using Canva.

The music for our podcast comes courtesy of Pixabay.

[deesmenagerie]

Everything is wonderful if you look at it with curiosity

Until this injury, I've never had surgery before. I'm not exactly happy that I had to have surgery-- I was proud of my streak, and I'm disappointed that it's over now.

But it happened. And I have to just fuckin' deal with it.

One of the first (and arguably most important) lessons I've learned over the past month is that perspective is EVERYTHING. The way you view your experience really does dictate how you experience it. And at the beginning, I decided I would approach every experience in this process with curiosity.

Instead of: Fuck, I have to get an MRI. I've heard they're scary. I'm dreading this.

I'm doing this: I've always wondered what it's really like getting an MRI. I've seen every episode of House, and I've always wanted to know if they portray it accurately.

Not even close! (At least in the MGH system.)

It was a surreal experience. First of all, I was VERY late, and the front desk lady was VERY angry with me, and warned that I might have to wait a while.

When I'm called, I'm whisked away to the back room, which consists of a waiting room connected to a hallway with lines of stalls on one side and lockers on the other. I have to get undressed (underwear can stay) and don a pair of linen hospital pants, robe, and of course, grippy socks. All my belongings are put in a locker, and I grasp to my key-- now the single most important belonging of mine.

I sit in the waiting room for a while, scrunched down in the chair slightly because it felt better for my leg. People pass me by-- maintenance contractors (CBRE, the same people that manage my work building), bustling nurses, mysterious businessmen.

Finally, I'm escorted into yet another back room. Another hallway, with patient loading bays on one side, and the MRI machines on the other. What made this experience so bizarre was the lights-- the hallway was on a constant, hypnotizing rainbow loop. Red flowing into orange, to yellow, to green, and so on. Over and over. Not only that, but there wasn't a single bit of harsh white light in the entire place. If the light wasn't rainbow, it was a dim white.

I'm fitted into a table for the next MRI slot. They position my leg in a frame, stuff padding anywhere that my knee isn't, and then lock in the top portion of the frame.

They ask me to start thinking about what artist I want to listen to during the MRI. I'm surprised by this question, but almost immediately know who I'm picking.

While we're waiting for an MRI to open up, the nurses around me are joking around with each other-- it's clear that the vibes are immaculate in this workplace.

Finally, it's my turn, and I'm wheeled into the MRI room. They load me up, and I tell them sheepishly that I want to listen to Qveen Herby, yes that's Qveen spelled Q-V-E-E-N. They don't bat an eye, and a tinny version of 'F Myself' plays in my headphones.

My lower half is brought into the machine. I lay there, eyes closed, intently focused on not moving my knee. I'm then pulled out, before anything actually happens. I have to switch tables. They reload me, and this time things progress as normal. The machine warms up, and then the rhythmic clanging begins. With the headphones, it's not that bad, but I totally understand why it would freak people out, especially if your head was in there. My focus flits between listening to the different rhythms of each scan, and listening to the music in my headphones. Why is the music so tinny? Couldn't they afford nice headphones?

And then it's over. I'm wheeled out and released from the table. I catch a glimpse of the headphones as they remove them from my ears, and I see that where a cord should be, there's just a clear tube. I realize then that normal headphones probably aren't MRI friendly.

I retrieve my belongings and change back into my clothes. The person at the front desk is much kinder to me, and wishes me a good day. Outside, the valet gives me a pitying smile and tells me to have a good day, in an earnest and fully well-wishing way. He says this knowing full well that I parked in the garage instead of using the valet, and that the walk was long and horrifically exhausting.

***

Because I approached this experience with curiosity, I had a really good time. I had a brand new experience, and learned a lot of new things! Of course, I'll acknowledge that it's easier to stay curious when my indication is strictly mechanical-- torn MCLs are much easier to identify and fix than say a tumor.

I've found that when you approach everything with curiosity, with a desire to learn something new, the chance to experience a new sensory experience-- the experience becomes instantly more soft. How can you be judgmental with something you're curious about?

[redspex]

⌛️TAPS FAQ⏳

What does TAPS mean? -> TAPS stands for Temporal Alignment Permeation Syndrome. It started popping up ~2019 when Fourcast began messing around with the SPORE device. Though I'm not the only one to have TAPS, I imagine it's pretty rare - I've yet to meet anyone else with it in-person. What does TAPS do? -> As the name suggests, my connection to the current time and reality my physical body exists in can be kind of tenuous, leading me to experience other realities and futures. Episodes are random and unpredictable, but thankfully mostly happen when I'm asleep (waking episodes can be pretty disruptive to my day, especially when the glimpses I get aren't the most cheerful :( ). How do you know you're not just dreaming? -> For one, I sometimes experience episodes while completely awake (I have no prior medical history of anything that would cause similar experiences to TAPS), and I can very clearly differentiate between the feeling of being in a dream and being in a TAPS episode. On top of that, Fourcast Lab has been researching TAPS since it started to affect people around 2019 and has confirmed its existence as a legitimate phenomena. How does TAPS affect you? -> It's very much a coin toss. Because it's random and I have no control over what I see, I can go a few weeks without experiencing any episodes, to having some pleasant/neutral experiences during an episode while asleep every couple of days, to dealing with some really harrowing visions during the day. There's good and bad in it, and I hope understanding more about TAPS will help me deal with day-to-day life with it.

How do you deal with TAPS? -> Therapy has been very helpful for me. TAPS can bring on some pretty heavy, existential questions, so having someone to talk to about it has been really important. In a way, interning at Fourcast Lab brings about its own sense of assurance; I know TAPS is taken seriously there and my experiences as someone who is both living with TAPS and trying to research it is unique and helpful when it comes to understanding it better. 4CL people get weird time stuff, so I've found a lot of support and understanding amongst my coworkers. My feelings about 4CL are kind of complicated as a whole, since, as far as theories go, their handling of SPORE is what led to people developing TAPS. I feel conflicted, in a way - as far as we know, developing TAPS is a freak accident, so I can't really be mad at 4CL because it's not like they were malicious, but at the same time...TAPS can be rough. Why do you want to research TAPS? -> Culmination of a few points from above: it's a relatively new and rare condition with little known about it, and I hope understanding TAPS better will help me, and other people living with TAPS, deal with it. Research into TAPS hasn't been that extensive, so I really want to help figure out the why/how/when of TAPS. What is one of your favorite experiences with TAPS? -> I've seen a lot of beautiful worlds through TAPS - in a lot of ways, I feel extremely, uniquely privileged to have these experiences. One that really sticks with me is having an episode while sleeping; I was at the highest point of a mountain range, a lavender sky stretched out overhead. The sun(s?) was just coming up, making pale, yellow streaks in the clouds above me. The sun reached down to the mountain faces around me, pitch black but shimmering in the light, like rippling waves of abalone. At my feet, the mountain I was on dropped off into a valley, overgrown with tree-like flora, leaves deep green and rustling. Curling through this alien forest, like a massive serpent on its belly, was a river of silver, ferocious in its perpetual voyage. The whole episode was so beautiful and serene, it's really stuck with me as an example of the beauty of possible futures and alternate realities, and made me feel really lucky to have TAPS. What is one of your worst experiences with TAPS? -> I was on the CTA during rush hour when I had an episode. Thankfully I was sitting down, but I was totally overcome with the vision of standing at the foot of a volcano as it erupted, a lightning storm battering the blazing peak and striking my surroundings. I heard a lot of commotion, but couldn't identify where it was coming from, and I couldn't move as the volcanic ash rained down upon me, dark and scorching, lava racing ever closer. It was viscerally terrifying, being at the complete mercy of extreme forces of nature. It took me a while to come out of the episode, and when I did I was a) very disorientated, tired, and still pretty scared, and b) had missed my stop by a pretty good margin. Needless to say that day's commute felt very, very long.

What if I have questions about TAPS -> Ask box is open! Feel free to drop me a message :).

[wisteria-lodge]

burnt lion primary (bird model) + bird secondary

Hi! I love your Tumblr and your posts about shc but for some reason, I still can't figure out what my sorting is (probably because of how much I'm overthinking it...) so hearing what you have to say would mean a lot and really help me out.

First, I'll start with primaries. For Badger Primary I do somewhat care for others but I feel like it always has something to do with the rules I made for myself from my experiences. For example, I had some kind of rule in my head which was like "You have to befriend new kids at school because you always used to think that people should come up to others who are alone because you didn't have any friends before."

"Make rules in my head, and then act accordingly" usually means Bird...

I also used to think I was a Snake Primary because of how much I think I'd be loyal to my people but now I think I might be one of the Idealist houses because I've found it pretty easy for me to let go of the friends I had in school because of how I was treated by them but also because of not agreeing with them on particular things that are part of my morality and ideals.

Yeah, I'm thinking Idealist too.

I think I could be a Lion Primary because of how stubborn I can be

Stubbornness can honestly come from a lot of places, both primary and secondary. More data is needed.

with the ideals I have especially with the rules I made for myself when I was younger. However, I'm also leaning towards Bird Primary because of the rules I made for myself to go on with life and also because of how much I research things then doubt it then check again then feel bad about going on with life without making sure if it was right or not. I do become guilty when I'm not 100% sure if something I'm doing is wrong or right morally if I read it was not okay somewhere.

Okay, your system building is sounding a little frantic here. Research → Double Check → (feel bad if you don't) Triple Check → try to get unanimous consensus. We're either looking at a slightly exploded Chidi-style Bird primary, or something else. Possibly a Bird primary model.

But actually, I feel like in the end if I don't go with how I feel about something I'd be pretty upset

Like, you think you hypothetically would be pretty upset, or you ARE pretty upset if you don't go with gut feeling?

(except for now cause I keep doubting how I feel about things but I also don't know if how I feel is reliable enough if that makes sense.)

It's actually very possibly you're a kinda Burnt Lion primary. Burnt Lions often look like really stressed out Birds.

As a kid, doing things I didn't feel I wanted to do enraged me so much more than bothering somebody. For instance, once someone got me to wake my mom up for something which wasn't a big deal. But I felt like I shouldn't so I didn't want to do it and when I did I felt worse that I was right and I still let them make me do it - rather than being upset about getting my mom mad from waking her up from her sleep.

I think you're e a Lion primary. This example - of being pissed at listening to other people instead of yourself when you knew you were right, and then being angry at yourself afterwards, instead of at the people who gave you the bad data, or sad about hurting someone you loved... that feels VERY relatable, and VERY Lion.

Ok, I think that's all I have for Primaries so now I'll start with the secondaries. I honestly think I might be a burnt secondary because I just can't figure out for the life of me which one of these I value and comes naturally.

Like I think I might not be a Badger secondary because I think I care about the end result more than the work. If I worked hard on something and didn't achieve the result I'd feel pretty bummed out but I also do see why it's necessary to work hard so you can achieve your goals I'd just rather not work too hard because I'm worried if I do then I fail that'll mean I wasted my life for nothing.

You have a perfectionist streak. It's showing up in the way you write about your primaries too, and I don't have to tell you that perfection is not an attainable goal. You've got a "If I do not try then I cannot fail" thing going on, and *yeah* that's evidence of a Burnt secondary. The Badger secondary wisdom is that it's not a binary - some work is better than no work at all, and it all adds up.

(I do agree that you're probably not a Badger secondary though.)

Now for Bird secondary, I think I might have it as a secondary because I tend to plan every scenario in my head that could happen when I'm anxious/scared of doing something or when I know I have to think it through etc.

This could be Bird secondary. It could also be a Bird secondary model used as a coping mechanism (very common) or just like... catastrophizing.

I'm also not sure if this is a Bird secondary thing or something else but I remember a time when I did tell myself to make sure of one thing I should do when I was about to confront someone about not sending her part in the group project which was that I just had to make sure I don't sound rude just in case I'd have to complain to my teacher about it and show her the messages that were sent

That slightly calculated move... probably isn't Lion, but could be any of the others

but I improvised the rest when I realized she'd lied to me about working on it and I got mad (so I don't know if that's improvisation or prep work secondary).

You could be an improvisational, in-the-moment secondary. Getting mad that someone lied to you is just a human thing though.

For Snake secondary, I hate being vulnerable in front of others including my loved ones. I tend to get scared of letting people know every side of me, especially a side of me that would make me feel less safe.

Huh. There's a part of you that feels unsafe? That's not Snake specifically. I'm not sure what that is. I'll put a pin in that, hopefully it makes more sense later.

I also do like the idea of finding creative solutions to things for example when I was a kid I used to find it dumb when like someone tells someone the truth about something when it's obviously going to get them or others hurt. I also did create a mask when I was younger that I still kind of use when I go to school which is the nice and shy student because it has helped me out a lot and I honestly haven't been able to get out of it because of how long I've been in the school I'm in

Hmm. This sounds like either a Snake secondary, or a fluid Actor Bird. And I'm... sort of leaning more Actor Bird. Nice!Shy!You is your constructed mask, your tool for specific situations (not something you tend to fall into around a specific person.)

but I'm also thinking about moving out because my school has lowered my confidence in using my social skills because of how I present myself there so I think it'd be better to go someplace else as a more confident person or something like that, I don't really know.

That kind of conscious social calibration is very much a Bird secondary thing. The idea that you think 'go someplace else, construct a more confident persona' would even work says Bird to me.

Also when I was younger some teacher did end up telling people that I was a "bad kid" at home because my mom probably told her how much louder I am at home which made me terrified so that might also be a snake thing I'm not really sure. I just have a problem with letting people know more about me cause I feel they could use it to their advantage at any moment.

It sure seems like you've got a lot of anxiety. Not to armchair diagnose. Just... I hope you have someone you can talk too. No one's out to get you. The scary (but also wonderful) truth is that no one cares what you're doing that much. It's hard being vulnerable, but it's worth it.

Enough about that, now for Lion secondary I think I might be one because I have sometimes wished that I'd do what I felt was right rather than what was best for the external situation

I think you're a Lion *primary.*

but I also do tend to get upset at others when they do that because then it creates disagreements and arguments that I don't want to be involved in. I don't know if I'm okay with being "misrepresented" or not because I still don't really know who I am but I definitely wouldn't like people to say that I'm something that's against my principles. However, I do have trouble with deciding if I should sacrifice my outward integrity or not (which I read was a Lion primary thing) because I do value sticking to your outward integrity and not caring what other people will think about it. Thank you so much for reading this and sorry if nothing I wrote helped because I feel like I rambled about everything that's been stuck in my head here.

There's a lot of fear in this ask. A lot of it is directed inward - you must do all the research (you can never do all the research.) You must be perfect (you can never be perfect.) You can't be vulnerable (if you are you'll frighten people.) It seems like a stressful way to live, and no wonder you don't trust your Lion primary. You don't trust yourself.

If there's any burning in this ask, it's coming from your primary, not your secondary. You've got a pretty robust Actor Bird secondary - which is a little constricting maybe, but you've got it under control. Get better at trusting yourself, little baby steps, and I think that will make it much easier to trust other people. All this is so heartbreakingly relatable, and there is nothing I see in you that is frightening or broken.

[mbti-enemies]

I saw the "most INFP being too nice" thing and I want to share an opinion that will probably make me look like an ass but I wanna say it whatsoever

(gonna give you some context/an example first to justify my argument)

I - an ENTP - went over to an INFP friend's house and we made a bet on this show we were watching, on the 3rd day I won the bet and she was sleeping when it happened, I got excited about it and went to wake her up, she said I could "take the money from her wallet and let her go back to sleep because she was tired", I kept insisting her to wake up, hitting her with a pillow, turning the lights on and off, messing up her hair, jumping on the bed, but it was all playful, at some point she raised her voice just slightly and asked me to "leave her alone for 10 minutes because she was tired" and I said "okay, do what you want then" and left a little annoyed, but nothing beyond

about 5 minutes later she came up to me with watering eyes to "aPoLogizE" for making me upset and not giving me the attention I wanted or some shit, said she couldn't go back to sleep after our ""argument""

I was so mad because that's what people mean when they say INFPs are manipulative, there's no way she was feeling that guilty about what happened, she probably just wanted to make a scene and make ME feel bad about it, they're not that sensitive, they just want to manipulate other people's feelings because that's how they act, they're not as good as you make them seem.

this whole drama is annoying as f, be honest it's not that big deal

(warning note i end up rambling and it goes off on a personal streak. sometimes when things go such the information i give might not be relevant so discard whatever is necessary. could i also request no one ask any personal questions related to whatever i write thank youuu)

hi infj here. nope nope you don't look like an ass dw ha i mean... idk i have so many things to say to this i mean.... where do i start....

to be honest? your description of infp reminds me of.... well, regretfully, myself... one of my worst traits. **laughs a lil dryly** and i can speak freely about it now intj knows this terrible part of me. your description of the situation reminds of... one fun time me and intj had. honestly i don't even remember what it was about except that i was being prick *gets lost in thought* oh actually never mind i remembered...

anyways.

mbti-wise i always chalked my manipulative sadness down to ni-fe.... it's the ni which plans and manipulates and the Fe which is attuned to others feelings... i can't really see how it would work in an infp (fi ne should be more direct) so maybe give them a check that they're not an infj.

i've also only really just started noticing and acknowledging that i do it... it's so hard sometimes to figure out why you're doing things (e.g being sad over something small) when you don't want to know the truth. and then the truth disappears from your head, the self-generated emotions become reality.... the mental-emotional world is so slippery. manipulation can happen subconsciously, at least for me (even in a positive way when you want to make someone happy or make yourself likeable when meeting someone new....)

from the situation, it seems to me infp must've felt a little bad for asking you to leave her alone... but then it got a little complicated in their head. with the complications the emotions just grew and got blown out of proportion....

small place where i must pick up on your words- you said "because that's how they act". i mean of course it's someone's own responsibility if they're being manipulative, but im not sure it's a 'just because' sort of thing. i like to think their are few people who would be manipulative and make someone feel bad just for the hell of it....

for me? for me it's generally due to a want for comfort. it's.... that's it. perhaps it's not even Ni-Fe driven but more childish, infantile, like when baby's cry in order to be held. it's..... not good. and so much worse than a baby obviously because i can use my words and push and pull someone else and manipulate them into giving me comfort. this manipulation is definitely Ni-Fe for me though. but anyways, and it's terrible. (sorry again about that time intj). it's worse when you're older because the emotions get more complicated and tiwsted and other things get pulled in to the mess (leading one to want the other person to feel bad and say twisted things like sorry for "not giving [you] the attention [you] wanted")

i wonder how things progressed in your little situ if you got visibly mad. dude getting mad is like the worst emotion to feel here not gonna lie i mean infp will just feel justified for their tears. intj got mad and i owned up and it was fine, but it's hard to see youself, hard to own up. if i hadn't owned up and kept feeling sorry for myself i don't know if it would've been fine.

small note to anyone else reading this far before continuing: i don't think sadness is always manipulative, i don't want anyone to feel like they can't feel their emotions. please, please, be kind to yourselves no matter what, be understanding.

anyways back to mbti to wrap up from my long personal ramble of thoughts. not totally sure that this thing ur describing is an infp thing. mine is connected to my infj functions pretty sure but perhaps not for your infp. still do think that out of types most likely to "be too nice" infp is quite high on the list, but being too nice ≠ never being hurtful and definitely does not equal not having flaws. niceness a blob in a system of personality traits, and it is by no means everything. perhaps, arguably, it's not even the same as kindness, which on the other hand, is something that goes much much further than just niceness does.

[smeraldos]

Love by Daylight (1/2)

➸ characters: Seokjin x Reader

➸ genres: Sailor Moon!AU, fluff, sort of e2l

➸ tags: sly friends, petty enemies/secret crushes, running away from the mortifying ordeal of being known

➸ words: 2K+

➸ summary: The day you find out who your suave partner in saving the world is, you're absolutely, positively, without a doubt sure you'll be over the moon. You'll be so happy you'll think you're dreaming. Turns out you're right. You do think you're dreaming. Because this? This can't be real. You're being pranked. Someone, somewhere, is going to jump out and say you're on Candid Camera. (Please.)

>> PART 2

When the lights fade and the facades fall, this is what you’re left with: Tuxedo Mask without a mask, you without your moonlit glamor. Tux the civilian is handsome, you can tell, and this is it—the moment you’ve been waiting for.

He lifts his face.

The youma's words come rushing back: Let the truth be known, the city’s deepest secrets shown.

Tuxedo Mask is none other than Kim Seokjin.

Suddenly, you’re reminded of a crystalline city; people bowing before you; Seokjin taking your hand, your matching rings gleaming in the light. Was it a memory or a dream?

You stand there, dumbfounded, until Tux/Seokjin dons his mask and brushes past. “Come on, Sailor Moon,” he says, sensible enough to use your alias. “The coast is clear. We’ve got a fight to finish.”

☾

“Why does it have to be Seokjin?" You whine, collapsing into bed and disturbing your sleeping cat. (In your defense, he was on your pillow. Which you’ve told him numerous times not to lay down on because his fur would shed.) Luckily, Agust is acquainted with your dramatic side and simply gets up to move.

“Well, why do you have to be Sailor Moon?” He points out. “It could have been someone less bothersome.”

“Hey,” you retaliate. “You’re the one who came to me. You could have given anyone the Lunar Key.”

“I didn't have a choice.”

“What do you mean you didn’t? You could have walked away and picked someone better, just like that.”

He scoffs. “Not when it’s the Queen.”

“Queen-schmeen." You flop back onto your bed, the springs creaking in protest. "I bet Her Royal Highness is on her throne right now, all nice and comfy. She couldn't care less."

Agust doesn't reply.

At first, you think it's because you've won and nothing else can be said, but when the silence stretches on, you know something is off. You sit up to see Agust no longer curled into himself, but sitting. He stares out your window into the night, his normally keen eyes empty. "She's dead."

Judging by his somber tone, she'd meant a lot to him. "I'm sorry," you whisper.

Agust sighs. "No need to apologize, kid. She was your mother, after all."

"My mother?"

"Not now," he amends. "But she was a long time ago, when you were the princess of the moon and Seokjin the prince of the earth.”

☾

The next morning, you head to school on time.

Your mom—present day mom—was surprised to see you up early, and Jeongguk called you out like the bratty brother he was (wow, no morning run today?), but the truth was you couldn’t sleep.

Last night, Agust recounted your past, how the dark eclipsed the moon. Although the queen tried her best to protect the kingdom, it was to no avail. Seokjin died in the fray, and you fell shortly after, helpless to save your beloved. In the end, the queen sacrificed herself to give you and Seokjin another chance at love, her people another chance at happiness.

A chance to rebuild the Silver Millennium.

The thing was, you didn’t know if that was what you wanted. Not that you’d want the Dark Kingdom to reign, but you weren’t sure whether you wanted to rule in your mother’s stead. Or marry Seokjin. Past you might have wanted to, but the you now could barely stand him. And neither could he. Or so you thought. You’d gotten along just fine with Tuxedo Mask, even grown a crush, but that wasn’t enough to warrant a marriage.

“Hello? Veen to Selene*?” Someone nudges your shoulder, and with a start, you notice Mina looking at you in concern.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

“Nothing yet, but it looks like you’ve got something on your mind. What’s up?”

You’re about to tell her when you see Seokjin approaching, his uniform blazer neatly pressed.

“Morning, ______,” Seokjin says. “Mina.”

“Morning,” you reply, ready for whatever biting remark he’d say next. But once Namjoon comes up, he leaves. That's it.

Even Mina, who hardly sees the two of you interact, notices. "That's the first time I've seen you guys polite. It's weird. What happened?"

After a discreet look around, you grab her by the elbow. “He's Tux,” you hiss, but Mina doesn’t look the least bit shocked. Her face breaks out into a giddy grin, like a child who’s finally tall enough to get on the big kid ride.

“You knew?” You ask, a little hurt she didn’t tell you.

She pouts, squishing your cheeks together. “Don’t be mad. You don't know how hard it was to keep it a secret.”

◑

You don't blame Mina, for the most part. It would have been better if you hadn’t known who Tuxedo Mask was, and vice versa. You felt like Cinderella running away from the ball, her beautiful dress giving way to rags and ratty shoes. If the prince caught up to her then, she’d probably be humiliated.

Just like you are now.

Tuxedo Mask has seen you at your most embarrassing moments, fighting to have the last word (or milkshake) as Seokjin, and also at your best, saving civilians with grace. You've only wanted him to see the best of you, for him to think of you as the perfect wonder-girl heroine everyone else saw you as, but he's seen almost every side. You don't know what he sees in you now, if anything. And frankly, you don't want to know.

"Have you ever thought that maybe he's thinking what you're thinking?" Mina asks. "You've seen all the good and bad in him, too."

"But it's different when he doesn't have a crush on Sailor Moon!" You say, exasperated.

"Oh, I wouldn’t be sure about that if I were you."

Seokjin thinking of your alter ego that way is embarrassing, but considering he's also Tuxedo Mask...now your face is red, you can feel it. Red as roses in bloom. "You're joking, right?"

"Why don't you wait and see," Mina replies, as cryptically as when she was Sailor V and you hadn't known any better. Having sympathy for you, she gives you a warm smile. "Don't stress out too much, Moon. You're amazing either way. Just talk to him."

◑

You think there's some reconnaissance to sort out first. When you walked into Crown Arcade and saw Seokjin talking to Jimin pretty intently, you didn’t want to interrupt...okay, who were you kidding? You chickened out.

But Jimin is his best friend, so he'll know how Seokjin feels the most, right? It's the next best alternative to actually speaking to Seokjin, which, well, you aren't ready for. Case in point: you've done the impossible and made yourself scarce. You aren’t about to break your streak now.

So the instant Seokjin leaves, you walk up to the counter. Jimin looks up from sprinkling a milkshake. "Hey. The usual?"

"Yeah, just double on the chocolate."

"You got it," he says, passing the drinks he finished making to a server. You watch him blend milk into ice cream, then reach over for a new cup to pour the mixture into later. It's all done with practiced ease, and you marvel at how quick he is, not to mention how beautiful the finished milkshake looks after. The chocolate is perfect, the whipped cream a cloud of snow drizzled with dark syrup.

Jimin slides it over with a grin. "Mademoiselle."

"Why, thank you," you say, digging in with gusto. This is exactly what "stressed is desserts spelled backwards," meant: Jimin's milkshakes never fail to kick your worries down a notch.

"Good?" He asks.

"Mhm," you mumble, more to your milkshake than to him, when the thought that you haven't paid yet crosses your mind. Oh gosh. You pull your purse onto your lap, but Jimin chuckles, stopping you.

"I've got it covered. Besides, I heard you weren't yourself lately."

"Really?"

He shrugs. "From the way you're devouring that, it's kind of hard to believe…"

You take an extra large mouthful to prove his point.

"But you only lay on the chocolate when you're bummed," he finishes, and you’d protest if you hadn’t made it a habit to drown your sorrows in his milkshakes. They were just too good to resist. Not to mention Jimin is a great listener. Your girls, although you love them, aren't always the best. You'd catch the moment they crossed over from attentive to "Is she done yet?" but with Jimin, you've never had that issue. Turns out you have a different one.

"I hate how perceptive you are."

He laughs. "You're just predictable."

"You know what? You can take back your milkshake and go back to work," you say in a fit of grumpiness, pushing the glass back to him.

"Are you sure you want me to do that?"

You meet him eye to eye. After a minute—a long, impressive minute might you add—you take it back. "Fine. What do you want to hear?"

"Anything you want to tell me. And if it's something you can't share, please tell someone you can. It's not great to keep things bottled up, trust me."

You sigh.

"Here's the deal," you begin, feeling a little weird telling your old crush about your new one, but marching through nevertheless, "I met someone on...online. He's nice and funny and understands me even though he's different. I just click with him, and eventually, I want to tell him I like him. The thing is, I don't really know who he is. We've been chatting on Discord and his profile picture is Tuxedo Mask, but he can't be Tuxedo Mask. Or maybe he is, who knows?"

Jimin laughs. If only he knew.

"Anywho," you continue, "I meet him and find out he's someone I actually know...but he's a pest. He always gets on my nerves and it's like he's a completely different person! I don't even know how that's possible, but apparently it is and it's just so frustrating."

Jimin doesn't speak for a while, which is fine by you. You take the time to jam spoonfuls of chocolate and cream into your mouth.

"You know," he finally says, amused, "that sounds a little like the plot to You've Got Mail."

"That isn't funny.” You huff. “Joe Fox was a jerk and I don't know why they played him off as charming."

"Isn't that what you think of the guy?"

"I never said he was a jerk."

"But you said he was a pest."

"That isn't the s—" You pull at your hair. "Ugh. I don't know anymore."

"Did you talk to him?"

"And what? Spill my complicated feelings?"

"No, just talk to him. You don't have to confess right now. Just air out the laundry and see where you guys are at. Chances are, if you're confused, then he's confused, too, and there's no way either of you can get out of it without talking to each other."

"I can't talk to him, Jimin. I avoided him for three weeks! He's going to hate me."

"He isn't," Jimin says firmly, and you wish you could have the same conviction. "Sure, he'll be upset, but if he's really someone who cares, he'll listen. Look, during that time you avoided him, did he try to reach out?"

"Well, I told him I didn't want to talk and he stopped asking."

"So he'll listen. If it turns out he hates you, give him a piece of your mind and I'll give you triple chocolate milkshakes on the house."

When he puts it like that, talking to Seokjin doesn't seem as dreadful. "You're not just saying that?"

"Have I ever said something I didn't mean?"

You get your answer when someone comes trudging in, holding up a bag from your go-to fast food joint. "Jimin! You better be grateful I drove all the way downtown to get you these burgers. Since when did you like ______'s favorite, anyways?"

"Since now," your traitor of a friend says. You glare at him, which he conveniently ignores.

"You're the best," he tells a surprised Seokjin, leaving with a pat on his shoulder. "Enjoy your meal!"

>> NEXT

...

note:

*Venus to Selene, like "Earth to [insert name]?" but replace Earth with Venus and [name] with Selene, Greek goddess of the moon

[mosalahd]

Who are your favourite drivers and why?

oh. oh wow. ok,, this is gonna be LONG my absolute favourite favourite drivers, apples of my eye, loml, are valtteri and lewis, and i've written a 1000 word explanation as to why bc i'm mentally ill (: <3

with valtteri, it was love at first sight pretty much. when i watched my first race, he was the first driver to really stand out to me and i can't really explain why? maybe it's bc before i knew anything about f1 i knew who lewis hamilton was, and finding out that lewis had this almost "forgotten" teammate intrigued me and i became invested in finding out more about him? anyways since that one race i just fell down a rabbit hole and now i have so many reasons i love him like: - he is the most generic scandinavian man but also the most specialest little man and i can't really explain it but he just,, he has the standard scandinavian awkward but sweet underneath and idk he feels like home?? like he feels...familiar? - he is so considerate and always looking out for the people around him even at the expense of his own wants/needs, whether it be in obvious or more subtle ways. he's honestly the definiton of a perfect teammate both for lewis and for guanyu - how he's so open to talk about his mental health and his own bad times which is so important!! mental health is often ignored or stigmatised, esp when it comes to men's mental health, so seeing him be open about it and encouraging others to do the same and to take care of themselves makes me so <3333 - resilience!! now that he's in alfa romeo people love to act like he was always loved and appreciated, but i remember during his merc days how common it was for the entire fandom to just shit talk him for no reason at all? like people would call him lewis' dog, joke about him getting team ordered, never properly acknowledging any of the things he's accomplished (LIKE HELLO HE HAS A Q3 STREAK THAT'S ONLY BESTED BY PROST AND SENNA???). as if being the teammate of one of the greatest drivers of all time wasn't difficult enough, the fandom sure as hell did not make it easier for him and it made me so sad to see because he was always doing his best? like yeah, he's no lewis hamilton, but also, nobody but lewis is like lewis. valtteri was never really given a chance to be his own person w/o being compared to others (lewis/nico) but he still pushed through. it would have been so easy for him to let the negativity and hate get to him, succumb to resentment and turn against the lewis + merc, but he didn't, and that speaks volumes. obv he had his dark times and he had his doubts but in the end he always rose above it and i respect that so much - also he's an unbothered king who just wants to have his ass out in the breeze

now with lewis! i knew about him before i got into the sport bc i read an article about him, his success and his activism. but the thing that really got me was when i found out that he, like me, is mixed caribbean/european. he embodies the kind of representation i've been seeking and craving since i was a little kid, and i resonate so much with him. to be more specific about what i love ab him: - the fact that he doesn't shy away from where he's from, and continues being proud of his heritage means the world to me. a lot of mixed people feel the need to hide parts of themselves (usually the non-white parts) and seeing how sure he is of himself actually helps me deal with my own constant mixed kid identity crises - his passion and curiosity for all things creative. he wants to try everything and he will try everything and i love that bc i'm the saaame - how willing he is to learn from/listen to others and just, his general open mindedness and how considerate he is of others. that he always highlights the major issues going on in the world, whether it's in the country they're racing or somewhere else, just the fact that he actually takes the time to learn about others and their struggles and always makes sure that they feel seen and heard - (again) sheer resilience!! the fact that he's one of the most succesful drivers OF ALL TIME but has had his entire career continuously undermined bc of the color of his skin but he still has the power to brush it off and keep STUNTING ON THESE HOES. like just the fact that he went through the shitshow that was abu dhabi, went quiet for two months, and then came back all "i'm fine guys :)" is so fucking admirable. if it was me i'd be out for BLOOD. and that's just ONE incident amongst too many to count - his aforementioned activism work is so important and so impressive. i often think about that time he said that he's had all this success and accomplished all these things but that that won't matter unless he can manage to enforce actual change within the sport and make sure more people are given the opportunity to achieve their dreams. he is so much bigger than the sport and does his best make a positive impact and i WISH more people could see how important he and his work is. ALSO the way these two interact/treat each other is an additional reason i love them, they have so much unabashed adoration and appreciation for each other and i LOVE to see it. nothing, and i mean NOTHING, gets me going more than the beautiful marriage friendship these two have. k i'm done now. thanks for coming to my ted talk, etc. also sorry anon you probably didn't want a 1000 word essay but here we are

[iamkidfish]

Would you be at all interested in writing a prompt based off a quote? I've been reading On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous and got destroyed by the line "sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you’ve been ruined". I feel like it's a line that works for both Leah and Fatin, and I would love to read your interpretation of it!

have a little angst this morning

Read on ao3!

It shouldn’t be a big deal. 50 days on the island. 50 days of fighting for their lives against the elements, against each other, against themselves. 

It shouldn’t be a big deal, except it is. 

50 days pass for eight girls barely surviving on an island when there should be nine.

There’s a choked sob, like someone is trying to muffle the sound, and then another and Leah wakes to the sound of Fatin crying. It surprises her more than it should, Fatin crying. She hasn’t seen Fatin cry, not at school, not on the first day, not when Fatin held Leah in her arms on the beach, not even after Nora pulled Rachel’s unconscious body from the ocean, her bloodied arm looking like it got sent through a wood chipper.

She turns over, trying to look for Fatin’s body by the shine of the moonlight. As the weeks went by, they all started sleeping closer and closer together, kind of like a group of seals on a dock, so it’s impossible to discern Fatin from the others. Shelby’s blonde hair catches Leah’s eye and she focuses in, noticing how Shelby’s left hand is gently curled around the inside of Toni’s elbow. Leah smiles, in spite of herself.

Past Shelby, Martha and Dot are curled together, with Dot lying on her back, mouth open, and Martha tucked into her side. Near them, Nora and Rachel are wrapped up so tightly Leah can’t really determine who’s body is who’s. They’ve slept like that ever since the accident and every time Leah looks at Rachel her eyes can’t help but slide down her arm to what’s left of her wrist. It’s mostly a mangled stump, but considering the limited supplies, it looks at least stable. Rachel’s been highly medicated most everyday and every few hours Dot pours their quickly depleting supply of vodka on it. 

A noise behind her makes Leah turn around. She maneuvers around their campsite, the best she can in the dark, stepping over water bottles, pieces of driftwood, even Martha’s suitcase, before she reaches Fatin. 

She’s curled tightly, more like a ball than the fetal position, and away from Leah so she can’t see her face. It’s not particularly cold out, but Fatin’s shaking. 

Leah drops to her knees, hands hovering over Fatin’s side, unsure if she can touch, then switches direction to lie behind Fatin. She tries to ignore the butterflies in her stomach, the ones that have been there since around day 29, as they try to flutter awake. For a second, Leah pauses before wrapping her arms around Fatin. The other girl doesn’t protest at the contact, but she also doesn’t acknowledge or lean into it, just continues shivering.

It’s hard but she tries not to notice how well their bodies fit together. They’ve slept close together before (Fatin actually has been insistent about Leah sleeping near her ever since “Leah’s second Virginia Woolf moment” as Rachel dubbed it accordingly), but never this close, with her front pressed up against Fatin’s back. They’re basically spooning. 

As if she heard Leah’s thoughts, Fatin mumbles, “I’m the little spoon. God, how embarrassing.”

She lets out a pained laugh and Leah freezes. She wasn’t expecting for Fatin to react, let directly acknowledge what’s happening. 

“Don’t tell me you haven’t spooned someone before, Rilke,” Fatin’s voice cracks but still manages to have her signature teasing lilt. 

“Of course I have,” Leah says into Fatin’s shoulder, her face heating up against her will. Thank God, Fatin isn’t looking at her.

“Well then you know you have to commit,” Fatin says, moving Leah’s arm so it’s curled against Fatin’s stomach. Leah counts to 100 by 7’s twice to resist the urge of flexing her fingers against Fatin’s skin. Not the time.

Her brain blurts out the first thing she thinks of, “Ironic, how you’re talking to me about commitment.”

(Smooth Leah, real smooth)

Fatin doesn’t respond to her stupid ass comment, doesn’t talk for a long time. She is not crying as much, at least not that Leah can hear, the tears could still be falling down her face silently, she reminds herself.

“You know, my dad didn’t let me say goodbye to my brothers,” Fatin finally says. “At the airport. Didn’t even let them come, they had to stay home with my mom. He said they had ‘too much homework’ which was bullshit. School was almost over by the end of May. I knew he just didn’t want me to see them and now…”

Fatin takes a shuddering breath and dissolves into fresh sobs.

“It’s been fifty days and...and I don’t know if I’m ever going to see them again,” she hiccups. 

“Fatin you don’t…” but the reassurance dies in Leah’s throat. After fifty days, dying on the island seems like a very real possibility, as real of a possibility when Leah was losing her mind over the realization and tried to run into the ocean a month ago, maybe even more so now, with their collective fear growing each day about how purposeful everything feels, how a group of (seemingly) random strangers arbitrarily came to be stuck on an island, depending on each other. The day they saw the plane fly over doesn’t even register in Leah’s mind as significant anymore, just another circumstance on her list proving that something is fucking wrong. 

It hits her, Leah’s bad at this. Being there for someone, let alone comforting them. It feels alien to her, as much as her cell phone or Ian, a thousand miles away, desperately insignificant to her, to what’s on this island. Honestly, she can’t remember the last time she’s touched someone like this before the island, especially someone she cares about. Leah was never a particularly touchy kid but after him, when she started to flinch at her mother’s touch or shunned away from her father’s hugs, her tolerance for physical contact plummeted, pretty much becoming nonexistent. 

The feeling rises from her chest into her throat like bile and Leah becomes acutely aware of how her body is positioned, how she’s holding Fatin, just like how he held her: from behind, chin tucked into shoulder, arms snaking around her waist. She always found it comforting but now, in the haze of the memory, she wonders if he did that to keep her in place, to hold her down. Leah stiffens, she can’t help it, as the pressing, suffocating feeling settles again over her body.

But Fatin isn’t him, and neither is she. Leah knows that, knows it in the way Fatin’s hair smells like pears and sand and salt, knows it in the spaces that she's hesitant and timid, Fatin is unselfishly bold, knows it by the way Fatin’s fingers never rest, even now tapping out a slow melody on her arm, knows it because Fatin’s been there for her since the plane crash (well, close enough), holding her and crying with her, and a tiny, persistent voice in the back of Leah’s head whispers loving— 

Still, Leah gently extracts her hands from around Fatin’s waist and tugs on her shoulders until Fatin is turning over to face her.

“You will. We will get back home, we have to.”

Maybe it’s the darkness that makes her bold, but Leah leans forward, just enough, to brush her lips against Fatin’s forehead. She tries to ignore the hitch in her chest or the memory of Fatin doing the same to her after she ran into the ocean, thinking Leah was still knocked out from the pills instead of just dozing.

“You probably just got sand in your mouth, dummy,” the weight of the insult is weakened by the way Fatin’s voice breaks.

“I don’t care,” and Leah doesn’t. She has more important things to think/worry about than a few grains of sand, like keeping everyone she knows alive, keeping herself mostly sane, and not screwing up and saying something incredibly stupid in front of this girl she’s holding in her arms.

Fatin sucks in a breath and maybe, just maybe, thanks to the light from the full moon above them, Leah sees Fatin’s lips quiver. It takes her a second to look back up at Fatin and the other girl is already looking at her, the air thick with tension, thick with an unspoken something. 

Leah’s nose tickles as Fatin nudges it ever so slightly with her own. It feels like an invitation and maybe in another life without deserted islands and broken girls Leah would understand and kiss Fatin until they’re both breathless, but she looks at Fatin again, still with tears on her face, and wonders if Fatin expects it because that’s all she’s ever known: people using her body for their own motivations. And it’s not that Leah doesn’t want to kiss her, because God, she does, but she wants to do it right, and wants it to last this time. 

She leans in because she can’t completely resist the hedonistic (self-destructive) pull in her stomach, the curiosity of how Fatin’s skin feels against her lips, and presses her lips into the corner of Fatin’s cheek, just close enough to her mouth to say I want this too, but not now. Leah knows she’s lingering, but the mix of perfume and salt is almost addictive and it just feels so fucking good to touch someone, knowing Fatin won’t break. (Is it because they’re both broken already, who knows?)

Leah pulls back and Fatin’s looking at her with more tears streaking silently down her cheeks, but Leah’s pretty sure she understands. 

She wipes a tear from the side of Fatin’s eye and maybe, she thinks for a moment Fatin is going to make a comment about messing up her mascara, but then thinks better of it, because this moment, where they’re both staring into each others eyes under the moonlight on an empty beach feels too heavy for any words.

Instead, Fatin just tucks her face into the crook in Leah’s collarbone and shudders and shakes with silently sobs, but Leah holds her, all through the night, even when she’s too exhausted to open her eyes anymore, and falls asleep too. 

Thankfully, when Dot finds them in the morning still curled into each other, she waits until they walk back to camp with the others before nodding and passing a water bottle to Fatin. 

[rosemarypasta]

➤ pairing : oikawa tooru x female reader (karasuno manager)

➤ chapter warnings : slowburn (?)

➤ summary : You just recently joined the Karasuno boy’s volleyball team as their first year manager. As you grow closer to your teammates, you also unexpectedly grow closer to one of their biggest rivals, Oikawa Tooru

➤ chapter word count: 3183

-ˏˋ chapter one ˊˎ-

Friday

12:50 PM

"Pleaseeee." The red haired boy nagged.

It was your first year in Karasuno High. You had lots of expectations on what your high school experience was going to be like but you had absolutely no intentions on being involved in any sports whatsoever. Yet, there you sat in your seat, bombarded by two students from the neighboring class during your lunch break. You barely even know them.

"Hinata stop shouting! We're in someone else's class, idiot." The raven haired boy ironically yelled as he hit his shorter friend on the head with a roll of documents, which were being forcefully shoved into your hands just a second ago. "I don't even know the first thing about volleyball! Besides, I don't know anyone there, won't it be awkward?" You whined, trying your best to decline their ridiculous offer.

"That's not true! You know us!" Hinata smiled. That was in fact, false. The only reason why you even know their names was because they forced Hitoka, your classmate, to tutor them for the exams and unfortunately, she caught a cold a few days before the exams so she forced you to cover for her for a few days. It's not like you disliked them or anything, you just didn't know anything about them other than their names and the fact that they both have very short tempers.

"Come on Y/N-chan! It'll be fun." Hitoka followed, smiling in the same manner as Hinata. You shot her a look, expressing your disgust at her betrayal. "Well if it's so fun why don't you do it instead, Hitoka-chan?" You replied to which she reacted by furiously shaking her head and hands, "My mom would never let me." She playfully sighed, though you knew damn well she was relieved in the inside to have her mother's strict wishes as an excuse to pass on the burden to you.

After another minute of bickering, the bell finally rang, dismissing everyone from their lunch break. Kageyama swore silently under his breath as he heard the familiar melody. "Look, just come by the gym today after school. Just um... think of it as a free trial. Let's go Hinata." He swiftly said, putting the club application form on your desk as he dragged his friend by the collar before escaping to their respective classrooms. You turned towards your blonde classmate who was already giggling at your suffering.

You sighed as you watched the teacher walk in your classroom. You slid the stack of papers under your desk and tried your best to forget your worries for the time being.

3:00 PM

The bell rang for the final time for the week and you quickly packed your bags. You had no intentions to stop by the gym whatsoever. You knew if you stopped by even for a second, You'd definitely get roped in and they'd guilt you into signing the form before the day was over. You were hurrying so much, planning to not bump into Hinata and Kageyama on the way home that you were practically shoving anything and everything into your bag. You said your farewells as quickly as possible to Yachi and your fellow classmates to avoid Yachi's comments about skipping the meeting and rushed out to the hallways but unfortunately, you underestimated how eager the students were when it comes to going home for the weekends. But despite the tightly packed hallways, you were determined to slip into and nook and cranny available to get home safe and sound. It took a whopping five minutes for you to just get to the staircase. And as you were getting ready to finally reach the first floor, you overheard something peculiar from behind.

"Oh! Shoyo mentioned that there'll be a new manager dropping by today."

"Really? Damn I hope she comes cause if not, I guess we'll just have to take her to the alley."

The stairwell was filled with chatter but your ears oddly picked up the conversation revolving around the short first year volleyball player and the manager he was invited.

They were talking about you.

Take her to the alley? The alley? A million intrusive ideas came up to mind. Were they planning to kill you if you didn't show up?

You laughed at yourself quietly. There was no way a high schooler could commit such violent crimes over something small like a sports club. Though curiosity got the cat and you slowly turned your head as naturally as you possibly could to see what they looked like. You caught a glimpse of the two boys conversing about you and felt like you could wet yourself. One was tall and had a buzz cut land the other though not as tall and was actually around the same height as you had spiky dark hair with a blonde streak which fell on his forehead. They looked like thugs.

Feeling terrified was an understatement. Were they members of the volleyball club too? The sight of the two unfamiliar menacing men changed your mind. No highschooler would commit such crimes but if one was to get murdered by two highschoolers, they'd probably look like them.

The conversation you overheard made you subconsciously turn on your survival instincts. As soon as you reached the first floor, your body turned towards the gym unwillingly. It was too late now, you could hear their footsteps trailing not far from you. You pushed open the gymnasium doors and was greeted by the sounds of squeaking volleyball shoes rubbing against the floor.

Everyone's eyes turned towards you and the squeaking stopped abruptly. You couldn't do anything but watch as their towering bodies slowly walked towards you. You have always avoided sports in general because you were short and naturally bad at it so you assumed that volleyball players were at least closer to normal people unlike the basketball players that looked like skyscrapers from a distance since Hinata was in the club but boy, you were wrong.

"Are you Y/N?" A deep voice right in front of you said. His shoulders were broad and big, though he wasn't the tallest person in the crowd, his presence was still overwhelming. "Oh the new manager?" Another deep voice joined in. You turned to the new source of voice and froze at the sight of the volleyball player.

He had a beard.

You have heard a rumour circulating the halls about a third year in Karasuno that has been held back for five years because he was dealing drugs and had a favorite past time that consisted of beating up the younger students. Could it be him?

In the midst of the sea of terror, a vibrant familiar voice yelled, "Oh, Y/N!". You looked up and felt tears of joy pooling around your eyes as you saw the red haired boy.

"Asahi, scoot over, you're making her cry." A grey haired senior laughed as he pushed the now concerned bearded man away from my sight. "So you're going to be our second manager right? Y/N-san?" He continued, "My name is Sugawara Koushi and i'm the vice-captain of this club." He had a soft and prince-like voice which helped calm you down. His smile was bright and charming, fit for royalty. He extended his arm gracefully and you carefully shook it.

It took a full ten minutes to get to know everyone in the club. Sawamura Daichi, the first person who spoke was the captain of the team. He definitely seemed intimidating at first but had a fatherly aura to him which made him a perfect fit for a captain. Azumane Asahi, the bearded man immediately cleared up all the rumours I've heard about and clarified that he was just an innocent 17-year old student. Then you were introduced to the second years and the rest of the first years who you weren't familiar with. Tsukishima shocked you the most since he was pretty much the tallest member of the club and he was only a first year. You didn't know how you went three months of school without knowing he was in the class right next to yours. With his height and blonde hair, you wondered how you could possibly miss him. Lastly, Hinata and Kageyama showed you the current manager, Shimizu Kiyoko.

She's breathtaking.

Her silky black hair flowed in the air as she turned to greet you. All you could do was stand in front of her and be stunned. You felt like you definitely stared at her a second too long before introducing yourself which made things awkward but fortunately, she didn't seem to notice. She was about to ask you about something but she didn't get to finish her sentence as two screams filled the echoing gym.

"Kiyoko-senpai!"

You turned around to the entrance and fear took over your body once again.

The buzzcut and the blonde streak duo.

They were preoccupied with Shimizu so you tried your best to avoid attention and inch closer to the two boys you actually knew but before you could even make it anywhere close to the red and black haired duo, the two upperclassmen shifted their gaze from their senpai to you.

"Ah, Shoyo! So it worked!" The shorter of the two exclaimed as he jumped up and down, pointing at the red hair opposite him who was jumping up and down in the same manner.

You stood in the middle of the court confused. Work? What worked?

"Don't tell me you actually went through with the plan." Daichi scolded, his hands already crossed in front of his chest, to which the other third years responded with a laugh while the buzzcut, blonde streak guy and Hinata froze in the presence of their upset captain. "Oh so that's why you're here Y/N! Don't tell me you actually believed the things Nishinoya and Tanaka were saying." Sugawara attempted to sigh before chuckling himself as he put his hand on the captain's shoulder in an attempt to calm him down.

"I told you it would backfire." The tall blonde sniggered alongside his olive green haired partner.

After a few minutes of scolding, Daichi made Nishinoya, Tanaka and Hinata apologize to you, which took you a few moments and an explanation from Sugawara as to why they had to apologize to why they had to do so. According to Suga's explanation, the volleyball club was desperate to find a new manager since the third years would be graduating soon. As an act of desperation from Hinata, and a drive to impress their senpai for Nishinoya and Tanaka, they came up with a plan that would intimidate and scare you into joining the team. Though Hinata claimed and insisted that the second years went overboard and tweaked their plans on a whim.

"Well, now that everyone is here, Y/N, I think you can finally properly introduce yourself since all the distractions are out of the way." Daichi sighed, shaking his head at his troublesome players.

You held your breath and faced your future, much taller teammates. Even though they are intimidating, they seemed much more fun than you thought. This moment may not be that pleasant in real time but you're sure you could laugh back at this moment in the future.

"My name is Y/N and I'm in class 1-5." You started, glancing from left to right. "I guess I'll be your manager from now on so... I look forward to working with you all." You bowed towards the unfamiliar faces. Your words were shortly followed by a series of cheers. "I guess this would be my life from now on for the next three years." You thought to yourself.

6:00 PM

Three hours later, the Friday sun began to set. Though you have done the bare minimum of only watching balls get thrown across the room for several hours, you felt exhausted. The boys had three-on-three games amongst each other and you felt like you've aged ten years after watching a handful of them. If matches against their own teammates are that intense, you wonder what would happen in a real match against actual rivals. You prayed that you won't get high blood pressure by the end of the year.

"All right, that's all for today. Don't forget that morning practices are still on for tomorrow and that the practice match against Aoba Johsai will start at two in the afternoon so make sure to pack a lunch." The coach, Ukai Keishin, who you didn't notice was the coach until thirty minutes into practice because of his youthful hairstyle, announced before the whole room scattered to clean the gym. You were in the middle of folding the chairs and storing them when it hit you.

Tomorrow is a Saturday.

You have also just realized that unlike the other clubs you've barely joined in the past, the vast majority of sports clubs train on the weekend as well. You mentally facepalmed yourself and cursed at Hinata under your breath for getting you involved in the club. A distant sneeze was heard from the red haired boy.

The clean up was easier than you thought, you were only halfway done picking the balls up from the ground when Nishinoya and Tanaka proudly announced that they were done mopping the floors in an attempt to impress their senpai manager. Shimizu quietly chuckled with you as the two of you continued to fill your arms up with more volleyballs.

"So, Y/N, I think you should get one of the boys to walk home with you. We don't usually stay back until late at night like today but it might be scary to walk home alone." Shimizu advised you as the two of you stored the balls away in the storage room. But before you could even ask for anyone's help, the bright red-head started bouncing off the storage room walls. "I'll walk home with you Y/N!" Hinata proposed eagerly as he dropped the folded net in the corner of the room. "But Hinata, don't you live in the mountains? That's the opposite way from my house." You said, turning him down but despite your rejection, he was still keen to walk you home and insisted on going.

"I'll walk you home instead, I don't think I burned as much energy as I wanted to today so I don't mind a longer walk home." The black haired first year suggested. You raised your eyebrow and found it baffling that he felt like he didn't burn as much energy as he wanted to despite just finishing a three hour long practice where he constantly had to run and jump.

You and Kageyama began to walk together. The sun was already out and the yellow tinted street lights were the only thing illuminating the streets besides the pale moonlight.

"Um, Y/N, we are headed towards your house right?" Kageyama abruptly spoke as the two of you began to enter your neighbourhood. "Yeah, why'd you ask?" You asked back. "That's a weird coincidence, I live on the same street." He stated, with a concerned and focused look, probably thinking of a reason why the two of you have never seen each other despite having the same route to and from school. It took you a few minutes to realize that you never go to school as early as him and go home as late as him because you're never had morning and afternoon practice before.

"Oh, yeah! I've been in sports clubs for so long that I forgot that normal people don't have the same schedules as we do." He lightly chuckled after you voiced your thoughts.

"Gah! Teddy, NO! Don't piss on my leg!" A voice yelled in the midst of the serene and empty night. Kageyama stopped abruptly as the voice filled the deserted street. The voice began to quiet down and started mumbling muffled words but It didn't die down. In fact, it started to grow clearer and you and Kageyama started walking again. Shortly, you and Kageyama stood in front of a sweaty brown haired boy walking a small brown poodle.

"O-Oikawa-san?" You turned to your teammate.

Kageyama knows this freak that has been yelling and talking to himself?

The boy shifted his gaze sharply from the dog to you and Kageyama. "Oh, it's Tobio-chan!" He sniggered as he ran his fingers through his hair.

His face was pretty and fair. Even under the yellow street lights illuminating him, you could see his sparkling brown eyes matched his equally as captivating brown hair perfectly. You rarely found deep interests in random strangers even if they were attractive but you can't seem to take your eyes off the one standing right in front of you.

"What are you doing here?" The stranger in the turquoise and white jacket asked. His voice was stern, as if he demanded an answer from Kageyama. "Er- I live in this neighbourhood." Kageyama mumbled but it was loud enough to be heard by you and the boy standing in front of him. "Really?! The one time my family decided to move to a new neighbourhood, you happen to be my neighbour?" He groaned, face palming dramatically while Kageyama continued to stand beside you awkwardly in silence. You began to question the identity of the stranger. He seemed like he hates Kageyama a lot but Kageyama isn't doing anything. In practice, it seemed like any little thing Tsukkishima and Hinata did and said made him scream in annoyance but this guy who was so blatantly rude to him isn't triggering him at all.

"Alright, alright! I get it, you need to pee!" The irritated brunette screamed at the odd acting dog that has been scratching his trouser for the past five minutes. "Tobio-kun, I look forward to destroying you in the match tomorrow." He declared with his chin up, pushing his concerns for the dog away momentarily before walking past you two Karasuno students towards a nearby park.

You questioned and interrogated the now, much more quiet teammate and squeezed as much information you could in the remaining two minutes you had with Kageyama before you reached your home.

His name is Oikawa Toru and he goes to Aoba Johsai, the school Karasuno is playing against the next day. You tried to squeeze more information about the memorable stranger from the raven haired setter but all he told you was that he was his senpai back in middle school

12:00 AM

You plopped on your bed after a long day and closed your eyes to process the things that have happened in the last twelve hours alone. Even reliving the events that occurred earlier that morning overwhelmed you. You couldn't believe you went through all that in a single day. Despite the variety of chaos you endured that day, you went to sleep that night with an image of a peculiar yet oddly endearing brunette stuck in your mind.

next:  -ˏˋ chapter two ˊˎ-