#Josie's whole everything was... a mess

[whytheylosttheirminds]

and i thought i was so smart

baby jojo gets the hang of 'gentle' easily, but mama!reader and dada!rafe need a little more practice...

cw: mostly fluff with a little kissin' and suggestive ending <3

{follow up to this blurb} {part of this au}

After that first night in the hospital, Rafe read every book, followed every expert on social media, learned everything he could about parenting to ensure he never felt so helpless around his daughter as he had when you first placed her in his arms.

Eventually, he started holding her like a natural and less like she was a bomb that could detonate at any moment. He was so good with her that you couldn’t even tell he was in a constant state of worry that he’d somehow mess it all up. 

The only thing he couldn't do was tell his baby girl 'no.'

Normally, Rafe was up early with you and Jo, but today was his only day off work all week, and you knew he needed the extra few hours of sleep. You smiled down at him as you willed Josie to stay quiet, tiptoeing from the bedroom and hoping she’d allow you both a peaceful morning so Rafe could rest.

But she had different plans.

“Ouchie, Jojo! That hurts mama!”

You pulled her little fist gently from the side of your head. She was perched on your lap as you tried to rest on the couch. She’d barely slept last night and was in a grabbing phase, latching her little hands onto anything she could find - your hair, your clothes, dishes off the table, books off the shelf - nothing and no one was safe.

Except for her dad, his hair was buzzed. Though recently, Josie had taken to patting him on the head like one would a puppy, laughing at the way his shaved hair would tickle her palm. Her little slaps stung a little, but Rafe just watched her with adoring eyes while she smacked his scalp like a bongo.

He was so patient with her, and you were more in love with him than ever. You tried to remind him that he needed to tell her no sometimes, but you had a feeling when you weren't around he let her get away with murder.

Life was good - as close to perfect as it could get - but this morning, you were so exhausted you felt like crying. As usual, Josie had been clinging to you since the second she woke up, starting to cry if you even thought about putting her down. But when her dada slid sleepily into the room, she lit up, and so did you.

“Hi Jojo,” he leaned over the back of the couch to place a kiss on her squishy cheeks, smooching her with a silly sound that made her giggle. Proudly, he dropped the same smooch to your cheek, earning another squeaky laugh from Jo. “Hi to you too, mama. My girls having fun?”

“Uh-huh, big fun.” You nodded sarcastically. “Fun pulling mama’s hair, fun scratching mama’s face.” You pinched Josie’s cheeks playfully and added, “fun biting mama’s nipples.”

Rafe’s laugh was identical to his daughter’s, forcing a smile from you, though you were almost too tired to enjoy their delight.

“It’s not funny!” You protested with a chuckle. “It hurts!”

“That’s not what you say when I do it,” Rafe teased.

“Rafe!” You reached up to pinch his arm, making him wince. Josie once again found the whole thing entirely entertaining, never happier than when she has both her parents close.

In her excitement, she reached out and grabbed your necklace, the one with the “R” and “J” pendants Rafe had gotten you for your last birthday. The gold chain burned where it dug into your skin from the force of her yank.

You winced and bit your bottom lip, trying to keep from snapping at your daughter. She was too little to understand she was hurting you, and it wasn’t her fault you were feeling so run down. But Rafe saw the bags under your eyes, and the way Josie’s pull on your necklace was hurting you.

“Gentle, Jojo,” he said calmly, leaning down to carefully pull her hand off the chain. “Remember gentle?”

She blinked her big blue eyes at him, as if she was trying to translate his words into her own little baby language.

“Gentle, like this…” Rafe demonstrated the word, softly brushing his hand on your arm to show her. “See? Be gentle to mama.”

Josie watched him, her little brow furrowed in focus as her eyes followed his movement. Tentatively, she reached out and copied him, ghosting her palm over your arm.

“Good job baby!” You beamed at her at the same time as Rafe cheered, “That’s right Jojo!”

Josie smiled ear to ear, so happy even though she barely understood what you were celebrating. She was so happy, she kept practicing her new little trick, sitting between you and Rafe on the couch, softly rubbing your arms until you clapped and cheered for her like she loved.

---❤︎---

After breakfast and her morning nap, Rafe offered to distract Jojo for a bit so you could shower and rest. You reentered the living room forty five minutes later feeling refreshed and so grateful for your boyfriend. He was such a good dad and partner, you knew he’d do anything for you, and for Jojo.

Including what he was doing now - sitting on the floor watching Bluey while Jojo sat on the couch behind him, happily slapping away at his shaved head. Rafe flinched with every smack of her little hands against his scalp, but he didn’t stop her. You smiled at the sight, knowing he’d rather have bruises all over his head than have to tell his baby girl “no.” 

“Rafeee?” you called from the other side of the room.

“Yeah baby?” He replied without pulling his eyes from the TV, fully invested in the show.

“If you let her hit you, she’s gonna wanna hit everyone,” you reminded him.

At that, he turned his head enough to meet your eyes, but not enough to stop Jojo’s drum solo. 

“But it barely hurts,” he reasoned with a guilty little grin. “And it makes her so happy!”

You crossed your arms, lips screwing up as you tried not to smile, the sight in front of you so cute you almost let it slide. But you were serious about not being the only parent in this house to follow through on discipline.

“If she gets to hit you, then she won’t understand why she’s not allowed to hit me."

“You’re right,” Rafe sighed, turning around and kneeling in front of the couch until he was eye to eye with Josie.

“No hitting dada, Jojo,” he told her, his serious tone cracking as she started giggling, reaching up to try and hit the top of his head again, clearly thinking it was all part of the game.

Rafe wrapped his fingers around her hand gently, unable to hide his smile, though he was trying. She wriggled her hand free and slapped him again, this time grazing his cheek with more force, leaving behind a small red mark.

Rafe pretended to gasp so she'd see she hurt him, getting her attention this time.

“Gentle, Jo! Remember gentle?” 

Jojo’s bottom lip quivered, surprised and upset at the unusual tinge of scolding in her dad’s voice.

You stood behind Rafe, demonstrating ‘gentle’ on him the way he had on you earlier.

“Gentle,” you reminded her as you smoothed your palm over Rafe’s prickly hair. “Be gentle to dada.”

Jojo reached out again and copied you, softly rubbing Rafe’s head like you were.

“Good!” You clapped.

“That’s my smart girl!” Rafe praised her, dropping a smoochy kiss on her cheek until she giggled again.

Josie looked at you with expectant eyes, excited to be playing her favorite game again. You repeated “gentle” as you rubbed your hand over Rafe’s cheek, then his neck, and across his shoulders. You were both focused on teaching your daughter, but you didn’t miss the way his skin warmed and goosebumps rose under your touch, tucking the twinge of excitement in your stomach away for later.

---❤︎---

Once Jojo was soundly asleep, you finally slipped into you and Rafe’s shared bedroom, closing the door carefully so the sound wouldn’t carry down the hall.

“I did it!” You whisper cheered. Rafe looked up from where he was leaning against the headboard, tossing his phone to the side at your arrival. “I had to read ‘Llama Llama’ seven times, but I did it.”

“That’s two less times than I had to read it last night,” he laughed, standing from the bed and tiptoeing across the wood floor to get to you. “Proud of you baby.”

“Thank you,” you smiled at him, wrapping your arms around his neck as he neared you.

Rafe’s hands found your waist, leaning down to meet your lips with his. 

“Mmmm,” you sighed happily into the kiss, swaying in his arms.

His hands smoothed over your lower back, thumbs tucking under the hem of your shirt to rub loving circles against your skin. Your mouth parted to allow him to kiss you deeper as he spinned you both around, walking you back toward the bed.

“Guess we should go to sleep now, too?” You played through a mischievous grin.

“Not tired,” Rafe shrugged before lifting you up swiftly and tossing you back onto the mattress.

You yelped as you landed hard, the mattress springs squeaking under you. Rafe smiled down at you, grabbing you by the ankles and yanking you toward the edge of the bed.

You faked a sharp gasp, tilting your head with mocking stern face, “Gentle, Rafe! Remember gentle?”

Rafe chuckled at the call back from earlier, nodding as he laid his body over yours.

“Yeah? Is that really what you want?” He whispered against your lips.

“No,” you smiled, pulling him closer. “Not at all.”

[bellaxgiornata]

If We're Being Honest [2/2]

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader Word Count: 6k [Part1]

Summary: It's been a couple of months since you drunkenly kissed Matt and you've been avoiding him ever since, but Matt realizes that your absence from his life afterwards pained him more than he ever could've imagined.

Warnings/Tags: Angst with a happy ending, confession of feelings (with a twist), delayed comfort, anxious/depressed inebriated Reader, fluff at the end

a/n: The second and final part of this little fic is finally here! Hopefully the comfort is satisfying enough after the angsty first part. You also get Matt's POV in the first half of this one. Feedback is always appreciated!

Matt Murdock One Shot Tag List: @pazii @shouldbestudying41 @kmc1989 @ebathory997 @mattkinsella @yeonalie @shiorimakibawrites @xxdrixx @wkndwlff @leikelle @pinkratts @lazyxsquirrel @1988-fiend @marvelcinematiquniverse @carstairswife @stilldreaming666 @kiwwia-wiwwia @willwork4dilfs @will-delete-this-later-probably @mattmurdocks6thscaleapartment @theetherealbloom @yarrystyleeza @dramaholic18 @ladywholikesreading @sleepysleepymom @tartbeanpuzzles @harleycao @sunflower-tia @lotrefcp @gamingfeline @juskonutoh @kezibear @ninacotte

Matt slid his desk chair back with a sigh, relieved the frustrating work day had finally come to an end. Standing up, his hands felt around his desk for the mess of papers he’d had scattered along it. He gathered them up, neatly stacking them together before he stuffed them back into the folder they'd initially been inside. Bending over, his back muscles protesting the movement from his previous night out as Daredevil, he picked up his briefcase that was leaning against his desk on the floor. Placing the briefcase on top of his desk, he packed the folder inside before closing it up and tossing the strap of the bag over his head, taking a moment to position it comfortably along his shoulder. 

Making his way around his desk afterwards, one of his hands absently grabbed his folded up cane from off of it as he headed towards the door of his office. He could already hear Karen and Foggy in the firm's main room, the pair of them clearly talking about wedding related things. As he stepped out of his office and into the room, he could feel the air shift minutely as both of them looked over in his direction.

“More wedding details, Fog?” Matt asked, walking over to where the pair were leaning against the front office desk.

“Did you know that absolutely everything is a detail?” Foggy complained. “Like napkins. Did you know napkins mattered? Because I didn't. They're literally meant to wipe your dirty face and hands on, why does it matter what they look like? Or what material it’s made out of? It's a napkin!”

“Don't let Marci hear you say that,” Karen teased.

Matt could hear the way her fingers were tapping away at the screen of her phone. Probably sending a text message from the sounds of it. 

“I just want a break from all the wedding planning,” Foggy grumbled. “I feel like half our place is currently storage for some binder or seating chart or wedding magazine or stack of business cards and pamphlets.”

“Well you'll get a bit of a break from it this weekend,” Karen assured him, setting her phone onto the desk beside her. “When we go wedding dress shopping with Marci on Saturday. She'll be talking all our ears off about the details for the whole day instead of yours.”

Foggy let out a dreamy sigh at the thought. “And I'll be relaxing at home by myself thinking about literally anything else while all you lovely bridesmaids, who I'm sure are vastly more interested in color schemes and table decor, discuss all of that,” he replied. 

At the mention of bridesmaids, Matt's mind immediately jumped to you. He hadn't seen you since the night he'd offered to walk you back to his place and let you sleep over after you'd had a little too much to drink at Josie’s. The same night you'd randomly kissed him and told him you'd had feelings for him–something that had come as a complete shock to Matt. 

You had actively avoided him ever since then. Ignoring his phone calls and texts. Never returning a single voice-mail he'd left asking to talk to you about what had happened that night. You'd stopped meeting up with everyone at Josie’s, only spending time with Karen and Marci over the past couple of months. Foggy even only ever saw you whenever you'd stopped by to see Marci at their apartment when helping with the wedding planning. 

Matt expected you to be embarrassed after the incident, especially because he could feel the way your body had reacted before you'd sprinted out of his apartment and back into the rain outside. He'd felt bad, wondering if he'd really done something wrong that night to accidentally lead you on. He hadn’t meant to, he’d just wanted to make sure you were alright. You’d seemed off all night to him, but you had no idea about his heightened senses, so it wasn’t as if he could ask you why your body was all over the place that night. It had been confusing, and the amount of beers you’d drank certainly hadn’t helped him get a read on you, either.

He thought he’d been doing the right thing that night. The fling with that woman wasn’t worth risking you walking home in the rain drunk–which he’d overheard you talking to yourself about doing. He hadn’t wanted to risk something happening to you, because Matt damn well knew what could happen to drunk women walking home alone at night in Hell’s Kitchen. He’d certainly rescued a few himself. But somehow you must’ve misread the entire situation and thought he’d been after more than that. Which was absurd because you’d always just been a great friend to him since he’d met you. A really close friend who he’d been sorely missing lately.

Snapping out of his thoughts, Matt said your name aloud, catching the attention of both Karen and Foggy. “Is she…going to be there this weekend, too?” he asked, trying to sound casual.

“Yeah, she’s one of the bridesmaids,” Karen answered. “So of course she’ll be there on Saturday.”

“I’m guessing she’s still not talking to you then, huh buddy?” Foggy asked him.

Matt sighed, shaking his head. He’d hated the silence from you and he had no idea how to fix things.

“No,” he replied. “She’s still very much ignoring me.”

“I don’t exactly blame her,” Karen cut in. “The whole situation sounded incredibly embarrassing and awkward when you told us why she was avoiding you. Especially considering how quiet she naturally is. For her to just kiss you and then to be rejected by you right after?” 

“Ouch,” Foggy muttered. “Yeah, she’s probably never speaking to you again, man. Sorry.”

Matt ran a hand across his mouth, his shoulders sagging in defeat. The thought of never spending time with you ever again physically hurt. He’d never again hear another one of your ridiculous jokes or have another surprise drop-in lunch visit at the office from you. You always somehow remembered his favorite sandwich from his favorite sandwich shop, too. He’d always thought it was sweet that you’d made a mental note of his particular order, considering you had no idea how delicate his palate was with his heightened senses. Though he supposed now knowing that you’d had feelings for him all along had that attention to detail making more sense.

Standing in the office, an uncomfortable feeling twisted his stomach into knots, his heart squirming in his chest as the realization that you might really be gone from his life fully hit him. He didn’t like it one bit.

“You okay, Matt?” Foggy asked him. “You sort of look like you’re going to be sick.”

Slowly, Matt shook his head. “I just wish I could fix things,” he confessed. “I wish she’d just talk to me again. I don't like this weirdness between us.”

He heard the way the air shifted in the room again. As if both Karen and Foggy had looked at each other. Matt’s eyes narrowed curiously behind his glasses, his head tilting to the side. Both of their heart rates had slightly elevated at almost the exact same moment when they’d done that. 

Why?

“So uh, you really miss her, huh?” Foggy asked.

“Of course,” Matt answered easily. “She’s one of my best friends.”

“Yeah?” Karen questioned.

Matt’s head canted curiously to the side at the odd tone in her voice. What were they getting at?

“Yeah,” Matt reiterated. “She’s been an important person in my life ever since the pair of you introduced us a while back. We always got along so well, and she always had such witty things to say. I miss talking to her. Josie’s just doesn’t feel the same without her anymore.” He ran a hand through his hair in growing aggravation. “I hate that I can’t just call her and hear her voice whenever I want anymore. And that she never randomly stops into the office just to say ‘hi.’. It–it hurts that she’s just gone now.”

The air shifted again as Karen and Foggy clearly exchanged a look with each other. Frustration began to fill Matt at whatever it was they weren’t saying.

“What?” Matt snapped. “You both keep looking at each other, I can feel it. What’s that about?”

Foggy cleared his throat, his attention returning to Matt. “It’s just…are you sure you just miss your friend?” he asked carefully. 

Matt pulled a face at the ridiculous question. “What? Of course I do,” he shot back.

“No,” Karen said, shaking her head. “He means, are you sure you miss her because she’s just a friend to you?”

“Yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to–”

Matt abruptly stopped short, his mouth hanging open for a second as Karen’s words suddenly registered in his mind. Lips pressing together seconds later, Matt’s hands landed on his hips as he shifted his weight on his feet.

“What’re you trying to say?” Matt asked the pair. “That you think I like her? As more than a friend?”

“Well, buddy,” Foggy began carefully, “you’ve been acting pretty moody lately. Ever since she stopped talking to you. And you haven’t been as interested in the ladies, either. We’ve both noticed you turning them down. I don’t think you’ve brought a single person back to your place since that night.”

Matt scoffed, shaking his head. “So? I just haven’t been interested in that exactly,” he replied stiffly. “That doesn’t have anything to do with her.”

“You perk up at her name every time she’s mentioned,” Karen added. “And for the past couple of months you always find some way to randomly ask how she’s doing or what she’s been up to.”

“And when we told you she’d gotten onto that dating app,” Foggy chimed in, “you were in a horrible mood the whole day afterwards. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so grumpy for no reason to quite that extent before. I mean,” he continued with a chuckle, “that was like a Matt Murdock record level of moody. And there was no reason for it that day except for, well, that .”

Matt licked his lips, his fingers digging into his hips through his dress clothes. He’d just been worried about the jerks you might meet on that site, that was all. And he’d been jealous that you were still talking to Foggy, Karen, and Marci but not him. That had been all it was.

Right?

Karen leaned up against the side of the desk, her arms crossing over her chest as she focused on Matt. He bristled under the attention, feeling like he was suddenly on the stand and she was about to interrogate him.

“Let me ask you something,” she began, “and I want you to be honest and really think. How’d you feel when she kissed you that night?”

Matt frowned in her direction. “I told you, it’d been a shock,” he answered. “I hadn’t anticipated her to do that. Then I was worried I’d given her the wrong impression and I felt horrible that I’d upset her.”

Karen was roughly shaking her head at him. “No, how did it make you feel Matt?” she asked again.

“I mean I–” he stopped short again, his mouth closing almost immediately.

In all honesty, with everything that had happened that night, he hadn’t really thought about that. He’d been afraid of you thinking he was trying to take advantage of you when you were drunk, something he’d never do. And then he’d been upset and worried about you running out of his place crying and trying to make it home that night. He couldn’t even follow after you because it wouldn’t make sense that a blind man could navigate his way down the stairwell after you like he knew he’d be able to. And he was certain if he’d called your name down in the lobby–because he shouldn't have been able to know you by the sound of your heartbeat and scent of your perfume–you’d only run out of the building and ignore him. Chasing after you hadn't been an option.

But he had wanted to. Something he hadn’t even thought about after the fact because he’d been so upset at you ignoring his calls and messages. All he'd been focused on was how much it hurt that he'd lost such a great friend. He hadn't really stopped to think about how he had wanted to follow you or how that surprise kiss had made him feel. 

Had he enjoyed it? It had been timid and hesitant, only a brief kiss, but it hadn't been horrible. He'd just…never thought about you like that before. Because you weren't the kind of woman who blatantly threw yourself at him, the type he'd bring back to his apartment for a fuck and then be content to never see again. 

You definitely deserved more than that. 

You were the type someone brought home to meet their parents, the type a guy planned dates for, wanted to spend holidays with. You were the long term, committed relationship type of woman. The type Matt avoided because the thought of something serious scared him, especially with how he spent most of his evenings. 

But he missed you. He missed the scent of your perfume you always wore, the smell sometimes even lingering on his clothes when he'd return home from Josie’s. He missed the way you'd try to fill awkward silences whenever you were with him, always saying whatever random thing was on your mind. He missed the way your heart usually jumped whenever you first spotted him–because he'd always known you were attracted to him but he'd never thought more of it than that. He missed the sound of your voice after a difficult day at work, on days like today. 

“Well?” Karen prompted, breaking through his thoughts. 

“I uh,” he began, pausing to clear his throat, “I guess I never really thought about her like that before. I've always avoided anything possibly serious, and I've always tried to keep her at a distance because she didn't know about Daredevil. So I never really gave it much thought. Especially since she'd always just been there before. But now that she's not…” Matt trailed off, aware of the strange and unfamiliar feeling growing in his chest. “I guess I miss her more than I think I even realized,” he finished softly. 

“So wait, let me get this straight,” Foggy began, excitedly waving his hands in front of himself. “You're just now realizing that maybe you really do like her? Like for real? As more than just a good friend?”

A small smile slid across Matt's lips as he thought of the sound of your laughter and how he wished he could hear it tonight after the shit day he’d had. His hands dropped from his hips, that stupid smile growing a little at the thought of you. “I suppose I am,” he admitted. 

Foggy pushed off the desk and crossed the few steps over towards Matt. Both of his hands flew forward, grabbing Matt's shoulders in a tight grip and lightly shaking him. Back by the desk, Karen tried to hide her laugh behind a hand.

“Then dammit, Murdock,” Foggy ordered, “Go tell her that!”

The smile grew wider on Matt's face, an idea forming in his mind already. If you weren't going to answer your phone, he'd find a way to make sure you couldn’t ignore him. 

Straightening up your kitchen now that you'd finished with dinner, you paused what you were doing when you heard your phone alert you to a notification. Turning around, you picked it up from where it had been sitting on the counter, curious to what the notification was about. 

Unlocking your phone, you noticed you'd received another message on the dating app you'd downloaded weeks ago. Leaning your back against the nearby counter, a smile drew itself across your lips. It was the first message you'd gotten this week and the sight immediately lifted your mood. The prospect of someone possibly being interested in you had your stomach excitedly jumping up into your chest.

You opened the message, beginning to excitedly read it over. Though the more you read, the faster your smile shifted into a frown. It was yet another sleazy sounding guy clearly trying to talk himself up in a way that sounded both fabricated and disrespectful. You cringed at the things he’d said about your photos–things he clearly thought were meant to be compliments but were vastly inappropriate and made you feel uncomfortable instead of flattered. Reaching the end of the brief message, you were shaking your head and closing out of the app before setting your phone back onto the counter with a roll of your eyes. It wasn't even worth your time responding back to the guy after a few of the things you'd read because he absolutely wasn't a match and you had no interest in ever meeting him.

With a sigh you made your way towards your fridge, your mind now focused on that unopened bottle of wine in there. It looked like you'd be having another night in with yourself tonight. But just as you'd opened the door to your fridge, your hand about to reach in and grab the bottle of red wine, there was a knock at your apartment door. 

You paused, half-bent in front of your fridge as your eyebrows drew together in confusion at the interruption. Assuming it might’ve been Karen or Marci stopping by to go over something for wedding dress shopping which was planned for Saturday, you gradually stood back up and closed the fridge door. You figured that bottle of wine could wait a few more minutes.

Making your way out of your kitchen, you cut through your living room and over towards your door. Unlocking it, you pulled the door wide open without even glancing through the peephole first. Expecting to see either blonde woman standing there, you were stunned to instead find Matt standing in your hallway with a small smile on his lips. 

Your heart lurched its way into your throat at the sight of him, your lips parting in surprise. Hand tightening around the handle of your door in a death grip, you fought your initial urge to just slam it in his face. What the hell was he doing here? Matt was the absolute last person you wanted to see standing at your door after your last interaction with him. It had been a few weeks since that nightmare of a night where you'd drunkenly kissed him and you still became insanely embarrassed at the memory of it. You certainly had no interest in talking to him about it further. You'd already apologized for just kissing him like you'd done, now all you wanted to do was never speak to him again. You figured he had to have gotten the hint already with how you’d been ignoring him.

So why was he suddenly at your apartment?

He said your name, that smile still on his mouth as he held up his right hand. Your face twisted into a look of confusion at the sight of a bouquet of beautiful flowers you hadn’t initially noticed he’d been holding. 

“Can I take you to dinner this Sunday night?” he asked.

Teeth gritting down hard together, your eyes narrowed back at him as anger quickly ignited within your gut. You immediately remembered drunkenly confessing to him that you couldn’t remember the last time a guy had brought you flowers or asked you on a date. Now here he was doing both after he’d just very obviously and clearly rejected you. Did he think this was some way to break the ice between you both after what had happened? Some sort of way to turn everything into a joke?

“Do you think that's funny?” you asked sharply. “Making fun of me like this? As if I don’t feel like an absolute dumbass already, now you come here rubbing it in my face? You don’t like me like that, I got the message loud and clear already, Matthew. I don’t remotely find this funny.”

Matt's expression quickly morphed into one of shock and surprise at your reaction. He shook his head quickly, a crease forming between his dark brows.

“No, that’s–that’s not what I’m doing at all!” he exclaimed earnestly. “I guess I shouldn’t have led with that. Can I just come in and talk to you? Explain everything? Please?”

You were about to tell him no, wanting to hide your hurt, disappointment, and embarrassment behind a wall of anger instead of crying over Matt yet again, especially in front of him once more, but the solemn and desperate look on his face gave you pause. Matt and you had your jokes, but even this would’ve been a bit ridiculous for him to have planned out as a way to smooth things over between the pair of you after what had happened. He’d never seemed callous like that in the past. But the only other thing that would make sense was him actually coming here to ask you on a real date. Which also seemed equally absurd since almost seven weeks ago he’d already told you that you were just a friend.

“I swear if you let me explain, this will seem far less confusing,” he assured you. “Just–just give me five minutes?”

With an irritated sigh, you stepped away from the door. “Fine,” you relented. “Five minutes, Matt.”

An almost nervous smile spread across his lips as he made his way through the doorway and into your apartment. You closed the door behind him, your body a confusing mix of emotions that you were struggling to make sense of right now. You were upset about seeing him again after that embarrassing moment, your anger quickly giving way to discomfort. It didn't help that the tiniest spark of hope had reappeared in your chest at the prospect of him truly being here to ask you out on a date, but you immediately reminded yourself of what happened the last time you’d stupidly thought there was a chance Matt had feelings for you. You didn’t want to wind up misreading things with him a second time.

Turning back towards him, you were met with the bouquet of flowers in his extended hand. It was a stunning mixture of dahlias and greenery that couldn't have been cheap now that you were really looking at it. 

“Dahlias are your favorite, if I’m not mistaken,” he said softly. “I remembered you mentioning that before at Josie’s when Marci had been talking about flowers for the wedding.”

Eyes darting up from the bouquet in his hands, they landed on his face. He still looked nervous and you weren’t entirely sure what to make of that. Matthew Murdock never outwardly got nervous. You also weren’t sure what to make of him remembering your favorite flower months after you’d brought it up around him just once. 

Not knowing how to really respond, the confusing mix of emotions in your body only growing, you hesitantly reached a hand out and accepted the flowers. “Thank you,” you murmured. 

In an attempt to keep your hands busy, and because you weren’t remotely interested in being the one to lead the conversation, you made your way back into your kitchen. You were aware of Matt following after you as you searched for the lone vase in one of your kitchen cabinets. Eventually you found it and began to fill it with water, impatient for Matt to say something as you kept your back to him. 

“About that night,” Matt began cautiously, “when I’d invited you to stay over and you kissed me?”

Turning off the kitchen faucet, your eyelids slowly lowered. Your body tensed, bracing yourself for whatever was coming next. Keeping your back to him, you knew you couldn’t bear to look at him right now with whatever he was about to say. The jumbled, drunken memory of that evening came flooding back to you and you were immediately hit with a wave of embarrassment, tears stinging at your eyes behind closed lids. You remained silent though, waiting for him to continue.

“I hadn’t anticipated that, if I’m being honest,” he finally continued, still speaking in a measured tone. “My intention had been to make sure you made it somewhere safe that evening because I knew you’d drank a bit more than usual. I couldn’t stand the thought of you walking home alone drunk at night in the rain. So I’m sorry if I was giving off signals to you that were other than that at the time because they weren’t intentional.” He paused, clearing his throat lightly. “And it–it wasn’t exactly until this afternoon that I realized maybe some of them were subconscious because I hadn’t quite realized what I actually felt until today.”

Your hands tightened around both the vase and the bouquet of flowers as you held your breath. That flicker of hope had grown just marginally in your chest without your permission, and now it was teetering on the edge of growing larger or diminishing itself entirely. You felt like you couldn’t take another breath as you waited for him to clarify what he meant.

“It’s been weeks since we’ve talked,” Matt said, pain in his voice. “Weeks since you’ve come to Josie’s or stopped by the office. Or answered one of my phone calls. And everyday has just felt off because of it. Because I miss you. And I thought for the longest time it was just because I was missing one of my best friends, but then Karen and Foggy apparently caught onto something that I hadn’t even noticed in myself.”

With shaking hands, you opened your eyes and slipped the bouquet of flowers into the filled vase. Nervously you turned around, reaching your hand out to set them onto the counter next to you before your gaze finally landed back on Matt. He was standing at the other end of your small kitchen now, and it was almost as if he knew your eyes were on him as a gentle smile began pulling up the corners of his lips.

“If we’re being honest,” Matt confessed, “I’ve always tried to avoid relationships. I haven’t had the best of luck with them, and well, there are things someone actually dating me would need to be made aware of–something I generally don’t open up about. But I think I’d be ready to discuss that with you after dinner Sunday night if you’d let me take you out.” 

He paused, shifting his weight back and forth on his feet as he gripped his cane tighter between both of his hands. Briefly you wondered what things he meant, but he was speaking again before you’d had long to contemplate that comment.

“The truth is, I didn’t truly realize what you meant to me until you were no longer a constant in my life,” Matt admitted. “And I can’t stand not having you around. Not just because you’re my friend, but because I have feelings for you, too. Feelings that are more than friendly that I’d like to explore further if you’d still be willing to as well.” 

Heart skipping a beat entirely in your chest, you exhaled a quivering breath at the admission. Matt liked you. You . He’d really come here to bring you flowers and to ask you on a date, not to mock you or make light of your currently sad and lacking situation of a love life. You heard him let out a nervous laugh as your mind continued to race at everything he was saying.

“I uh, really wish you’d say absolutely anything right now,” he continued, “because your silence is scaring the hell out of me. I can’t tell if you’re still mad or just trying to process everything.”

Swallowing hard, you tried to find the words to express how you were feeling. You could barely understand your own mind right now after he’d dropped all that on you. You'd gone so long never believing he'd be interested in you like that, and then after what had happened weeks ago when he'd blatantly rejected you, you really figured you'd never be anything more to him. But now here he was telling you the opposite and you could hardly believe it.

“I’m still sort of processing,” you replied, voice just above a whisper. “I wasn’t exactly expecting to hear you ever say any of that. Certainly hadn’t been expecting to hear any of this tonight.”

A sheepish smile tugged at his lips just before he hung his head, nodding lightly. “Yeah, it sort of surprised me earlier, too,” he told you. “I’m shocked I wasn’t quite as aware of my own feelings as Karen and Foggy seemed to be, but uh…that probably has a little something to do with some other things going on in my life.”

Chewing your lip nervously, you continued to take in the sight of him standing across from you in your kitchen. He was still dressed in his dress clothes from work, clearly having finished late and having come straight here to see you afterwards. The nerves in your stomach gradually intensified as you took in the smile on his handsome face that you could somewhat make out despite the way he’d ducked his head. Seconds later his covered gaze rose up, falling back on you. You only gnawed on your bottom lip faster, something electric feeling like it was sparking between you both in the small space all the sudden. A feeling that hadn’t been there seconds ago.

“So I suppose now I’m curious to know if you’d let me take you to dinner Sunday night, since I know you’ve got plans for Saturday?” Matt asked hopefully. “Would that…be something you’d like?”

“Yes,” you whispered, nodding immediately.

Matt took a few steps forward, the smile that had been lighting up his face growing warmer. His hands reached up, removing the glasses from his face before he slipped them into the inside pocket of his suit coat as he continued to make his way towards you. You leaned further back into the counter behind you, your hands landing on either side of the countertop as you tried to steady yourself. You weren’t entirely sure what he was doing, but there was a glint in his eye that had your breath coming in sharper than usual.

“And in that case,” Matt continued, his voice dropping a few octaves to something sultry and soft, the sound increasing your pulse as he continued to close the gap between you both, “would it be alright if we had a redo of our first kiss? This time with both of us sober and actually anticipating it?”

Breath still coming in shallow, it was difficult for your brain to send the signal to your mouth to actually formulate a sentence. You’d managed a quiet noise in response as he came to a stop just in front of you, his body mere inches from yours as he set his cane to the side. You could practically feel something sparking between the pair of you as he just stood there, his eyes focused along your chin. His head tilted to the side as if in silent question when you hadn’t given him a verbal confirmation.

“I–yes,” you finally answered.

He leaned in, moving so painfully slow as he came to rest his forehead against yours. His hand was suddenly on your neck, delicately gliding his fingertips upwards until the palm of his hand cupped your cheek, cradling it in his warm hand. His thumb rested just beneath your jaw, somehow knowingly tilting your mouth up further towards his at just the right angle. You felt lightheaded beneath his touch and the close proximity, your body involuntarily sinking forward into his when the tip of his nose just barely brushed against yours.

Matt shifted just the slightest bit before you felt his lips finally land on yours. Your eyelids immediately fluttered shut, a faint sigh sneaking out of your throat at how soft his lips were–softer than you recalled them. With the way he carefully began to move them against yours, you felt your knees going weak. Hands releasing the grip you had on the countertop, they darted forward and grabbed fistfuls of his dress shirt, just beneath his suit coat. 

As you held onto him like a lifeline, his mouth pressed more firmly against yours. Fingers curling into his dress shirt, you pulled him roughly into your body. He stumbled forward into you, a rumbling growl coming from his chest in response. The delicious weight of him against the front of you only pressed you farther into the counter behind you as his other hand landed on your hip, gripping it tight.

It wasn't until a few minutes later that Matt gently broke away, his own breath heavy as he rested his forehead back to yours. Your tongue darted out, licking your damp lips as you tried to catch your breath. You could still taste him on you, the realization causing you to actively have to stop yourself from leaning forward and kissing him again. 

“Well there's–there's certainly something there,” Matt said with a breathy laugh. “But uh, maybe we should leave things there until after Sunday night?”

You nodded, though it was hard to fully agree when his hips were still pressing you back into your kitchen counter and his mouth was mere inches from yours. Especially knowing how damn good of a kisser he was now, you wondered what else he did well.

“Right,” you breathed out.

He shifted against you, burying his face against the crook of your neck as he wrapped his arms around you. You couldn't fight the smile on your face at how he clearly didn't want to pull away from you, instead getting closer to you. You'd never seen him this affectionate with anyone else before.

“I missed you,” he murmured against your neck. 

Tentatively your hands released their grip on his shirt, your own arms snaking their way around his waist and drawing him closer. You came to rest your forehead against his shoulder, eyes closing as you relaxed into him. 

“I missed you, too,” you admitted. “And I'm sorry for getting drunk and kissing you like an idiot and then ignoring you for weeks.”

“Well, I admit it wasn't great being ignored by you,” he said, his lips tickling you as he spoke. “But at the same time, if you hadn't done either of those, I might never have realized how I felt about the woman who'd always been right in front of me the whole time.”

Your smile grew, your arms holding him a bit tighter. “I suppose that makes me feel a little less embarrassed, then.”

Matt nuzzled his face further into your neck, the bit of stubble on his cheeks pleasantly tickling you. You couldn't fight the giggle that slipped out of you in response. Seconds later you swore you felt his mouth pulling into a smile against your skin. 

“So Sunday night,” Matt began slowly, “if I show up with flowers for you again, you're not going to yell at me, are you?”

You couldn’t resist the laugh that fell out of you. Burying your face further against his shoulder in slight embarrassment, you replied, “No, I'm definitely not going to yell at you for bringing me flowers again.”

“Good,” he said, amusement in his tone. “Because that was admittedly a terrifying experience.”

The pair of you fell into a fit of laughter in your kitchen, arms still wrapped around each other as you did. As the pleasant sound filled your apartment, the pair of you holding onto each other tightly like neither wanted to be the first to let the other go, you couldn't help but think about what a turn everything had taken all because you'd drunkenly misread a situation and kissed your friend.

[callahanisms]

hallows eve kiss

being on a bottoms kick means i rediscovered ruby cruz and hazel callahan. my true lesbian awakening and it's halloween! who doesn't like a good halloween kiss?

borders by @cafekitsune

hazel callahan x popular! reader

♡ popularity was a very strange phenomenon. it was weird to be one of the popular kids after the way they defeated huntington. and this explained why hazel was invited to so many halloween parties.

♡ she ultimately settled on going to isabel's gathering. in part because they were friends. but also because you were going to be there.

♡ you. her longtime crush. her crush of two years now. every opportunity she messed up by getting stuck in her head. and you, who was isabel's friend.

♡ hazel can't help but try looking for you first when she arrives with josie and pj. unceremoniously, she went as david mills, dressed in a button down and the coat. everything. she went thrifting and found the perfect pants and coat last week. besides, what was more halloween-y than a neo-noir david fincher protagonist?

♡ what she wasn't expecting was for you to approach her while she's getting herself a cherry coke from the fridge. "hey hazel."

♡ "ah! hi! (y/n)!" her whole body is tense and she flinches when the soda pops out of the can after she opened it. you're giggling because it's really adorable how tense she is.

♡ hazel takes in your costume. and she bites her lip. "let me guess...lestat de lioncourt?"

♡ "nice. no one hasn't gotten it yet." you tug at the intricate coat. "and...you are...a noir protagonist?" you were so close, based on the shaking of hazel's head. "crap. umm...isabel told me you like david fincher. so seven?"

♡ "yeah. and technically it's neo-noir." she says. it was only a small exchange, but it felt like hazel was being smooth. she got this.

♡ there were lots of people at the party, which strangely made it more intimate. it meant you and hazel got to have private conversations in the corner of a room, alone in your own little illuminated bubble.

♡ you guys end up migrating to a separate room that's shrouded in orange light, with little pumpkin fairy lights decorating the walls. it's really cute. and you both were high off of the intimacy between you two.

♡ "you know...i think it's really nice you guys made that self defense club." you say, leaning towards her. "really...really helped a lot of people stand up for themselves. isabel and brittany included."

♡ "it...it was nothing." hazel brushes it off. her eyes glance down at your lips. she wants to lean in. you smell so good. "really."

♡ "i read your notes. the club probably wouldn't have survived without them, you know. they're really thorough. and i like that you included diagrams." even if it started as stick figures at first. "you should dabble in art. think you'd make some great drawings. and maybe...you can start with me?"

♡ "oh..." hazel raises her eyebrows. her lips part slightly in shock. she was surprised. but...were you making a move on her?

♡ she's wanted to make a move on you for so long. maybe this was perfect, as the clock slowly shifts to 1:12am.

♡ when hazel's lips press against yours, your eyes widen. but you enjoy the kiss. you love the way her lips feel against yours. it feels like a missing puzzle piece finally finding its place among the picture. and you kiss back, pushing against her. hazel cups your face with a tenderness and her other hand rests on the side of your neck.

♡ you pull away after what feels like forever, your cheeks all warm from the blood in your face. and you chuckle. "you got some..." you use your thumb to wipe away some of your lipstick, which had transferred onto hazel's soft lips. "it's supposed to be transfer-proof."

♡ "so?" hazel lets out a small laugh. she pulls you back, kissing you again. she didn't care if the lipstick transferred. in fact, that's what she wanted. it'd just prove that she was yours.

[wholoveseggs]

I need to rant because the TVDU creators and writers annoy me (for so many reasons but this one specifically today): Rebekah and Hope's last names should not be Mikaelson and they aren't as far as I'm concerned. Based on the spelling of their names, they're from Scandinavian, right? So their surnames would be based on how surnames work in that area of the world: the first name of their father + son (for the sons) or dottir (for the daughters). Therefore, Rebekah's would be Mikaeldottir, since she is Mikael's daughter, and Hope's would be Klausdottir, since she is Klaus' daughter. Pretty sure it was even said in the show that they were Vikings from Europe (of course Europe bc heaven forbid Americans know countries. Like at the end of TVD when Bonnie was going to go travelling and they gave her a pamphlet that said Africa on it...) and they wrote their names in runes! They even go as far as Mikaelson but then couldn't be bothered to give Rebekah and Hope last names that would make sense. Not everything revolves around America and how Americans do things...and they had to move to the 'new world' (aka America) where everyone was healthy 🙄. I liked the idea of the Mystic Falls gang finding the carvings that The Originals did but I kinda hate how they made it so when The Originals moved, they just happened to move to the very place that would become very relevant to them in the future and not just because it was once their home. Seems a bit too convenient tbh. And I love The Originals and was so excited for the spin off to have more of them but damn it was kinda bad. Like too many and too long time skips and I hated that Klaus barely had any time with Hope and The Hollow storyline was just stupid. I want them to be together, not have to be far away from each other otherwise biblical-like plagues start happening. Let Rebekah have a nice relaxing bath in peace without it turning into blood! And at some point they got possessed into killing each other because of some blade or something. The hell was all that shit about? And then Legacies was kinda bad too. I loved Hope and Lizzy and Josie but everyone else annoyed me (Hope did as well whenever anything involved Landon but she was a badass and powerful tribrid who's a 16-year-old orphan so I'll give her a pass). And Hope still had Rebekah and Freya and Kol but only the first 2 showed up like once even though she was now an orphan and could've used having the last few remaining family members around. Basically, the pregnancy shit should never have happened and TVD should've ended with season 4 (or even season 3 with Elena just dying tbh bc I hated the cure storyline) because everything after that is a mess. Like throwing a dart at random words kinda mess...

Also, it would not be The Mikaelson Mansion. It should be The Compound. Or The Abattoir. Or The Original Mansion/House/Home.

Anyway, I'm sorry about all of that but it's 3am and I can't sleep and I'm annoyed 👍

Don’t apologize !!! this is the exact kind of 3am rage I live for!! Now I'm here to rant back...

You’re absolutely right: Rebekah should be Mikaeldottir and Hope should be Klausdottir. The whole Scandinavian origin story was so half-baked. I get that when they introduced Elijah in TVD season 2, the writers probably hadn’t mapped out an entire thousand-year-old vampire family with Norse roots, but once they did, they just… kept rewriting their own canon like we wouldn’t notice?

And don’t even get me started on Bonnie. I will never forgive the writers for the way they treated her. She was such a wonderful, complex character... and they flattened her into the token witch trope. Every time someone needed saving? Bonnie. Every time magic was needed? Bonnie. Every time the plot was falling apart? Bonnie. The Bennet bloodline has so much potential, but they refused to give her a storyline that didn’t involve self-sacrifice. And we all know why. Racism in media shows up in exactly this way. Amazing Black characters getting sidelined, overused, and underdeveloped while the white leads cry about their love triangles.

I’m also not a fan of anything beyond TVD season three. Yes, there are some great characters who pop up later, but the central canon starts getting stretched thin and twisted into shapes it was never meant to hold. It’s like they set up all these rich, fascinating storylines… and then just left them to rot while chasing increasingly chaotic plots. The cure storyline broke the momentum completely, and after that, it really did start to feel like they were throwing darts at a wall of random concepts. (& They could never come up with vilians that topped the Mikaelsons)

Now, the time skips in TO. I loathe seasons 4 and 5 for this so deeply. The skips were so obviously a device to age Hope up, but the execution was cheap and jarring. The wild part is ... they could have been doing that the whole time??? Like, season 1 covers around 9 months (Hayley’s entire pregnancy), and that pacing worked great. I loved the season one finale! But once Hope is born, they had the perfect opportunity to start gradually jumping time between seasons. Vampires don’t age .. they could’ve easily skipped a couple years between major events and let the world breathe a bit. Instead, we got two full seasons of intense, nonstop conflict (that seemingly happens over less than a two year period??) and then bam! time jump. Suddenly Hope is 5 years older, the family is scattered, and we’re meant to fill in the emotional gaps ourselves. It undercuts so much character development, especially between Klaus and Hope. All that potential for actual bonding, for him to try and raise her in his deeply messed-up but loving way? Gone. The skips robbed us of seeing their relationship grow, and instead we’re left with a rushed, fragmented version of a father-daughter connection that should’ve been central to the second half of show.

I wish Inadu was an actual compelling villain. Like, they made her the most boring, personality-less plot device possible. She wasn’t scary, she wasn’t layered, she just existed to keep Hope and Klaus apart with increasingly ridiculous magical rules. Like, sure, I enjoyed the creepy effects when they got close to each other... but at the end of the day, what was the point? None of it felt earned. It felt very manufactured.

A minor gripe I have !!! And I know this sounds silly, but it bothers me ... is that the Mikaelsons just aren’t weird enough. And I say that with love. They’re fantastic characters… but they’re also ancient immortals trapped in a CW show, forced to be cool and quippy instead of deeply unsettling and bizarre like they should be.

Like, hear me out: they are over a thousand years old. Think about any old person you know — are they trendy? Do they keep up with the latest slang? Can they convert a document to a PDF?? No! They’re stubborn, set in their ways, confused by technology, and grumpy about everything. I need the Mikaelsons to reflect that energy. I need Elijah to refuse to use a smartphone because he thinks it’s "beneath him."(Handwritten letters only!!) I need Kol to be unreasonably fascinated by microwaves (he doesn't trust them). I need Rebekah to email boomer memes. I want Klaus to have I need them to have the most dated, incomprehensible sense of fashion, because he doesn't care what anyone thinks... and its kinda a power move...

let them be ancient and unhinged!!! they’ve earned it!!!

&& yeah ..... the Mikaelson mansion?? be serious. it’s the compound. (the abattoir if ya nasty.) only the true Mikaelson girlies know the truth 💅

[lihhelsing]

This year was the first Valentine's Day Buck was going to spend with Eddie. 

Well, not exactly. They had spent a few Valentines together in the past, but not like this. 

Never like this. 

It was a change Buck was still trying to wrap his head around at the same time that made perfect sense. 

The day Buck realized that what he felt for Eddie was a little bit more than platonic had been an interesting day. 

That was followed by a few months of pining where Buck definitely didn't make a fool of himself countless times. 

Eddie would go on a date and Buck would flip out. He didn't mean to, but it was becoming increasingly hard to watch Eddie date around. Woman after woman after woman. 

Things came to a breaking point when Buck, upset about Eddie's date, went out to try and hook up with someone. He inadvertently ended up at the same fucking bar Eddie was with this woman who was definitely not his type. 

He had tried to hide, proceeding to then bump into a poor waiter and knocking a tray filled with empty beer bottles right on the ground. 

Eddie had found him in the crowd as if by instinct. Buck then proceeded to pretend he had been stood up on a date and Eddie, always the fucking hero, had invited him to tag along.

Buck could never. 

Except that he absolutely did, pushing Eddie's date - Katie? Or was it Josie? - to the sidelines with no remorse whatsoever. 

One drink turned into two turned into a pool game where they had become a little too competitive, scaring Josie/Katie away for good. 

That felt like a win, even if the whole thing had been a little messed up. But Eddie didn't seem to mind losing his date except for the fact that he was expecting to invite her over for some after-hours activities and one thing led to another and before he knew it Buck was making the whole thing a bet. 

A dumb one, at that. 

"I mostly Apple Pay everything nowadays, Buck. I have nothing on me," Eddie had said, raising his hands in defeat. 

Buck had pouted, hating to have his very fun idea go to waste and then.

"How about... we bet something else?"

"I will not bet my car, Buck."

"No, no, I mean," Buck had looked around, taking a step closer to Eddie so he could whisper. "The loser will suck the other out. You know, so you don't have to go to bed all... hot and bothered."

Eddie had chuckled then, not moving an inch despite Buck completely invading his personal space. Then his eyes had darkened in a way Buck had only dreamed of, before he nodded, mischievously. 

"Let's see if you can put your money where your mouth is, Buckley," Eddie had said, chuckling to himself at his very unserious joke.

Buck had never been the greatest at pool, but that night? He was humiliated by Eddie. They had laughed, and played best of three and Uber’d home because they were responsible adults.

And when Buck said he was crashing on Eddie’s couch because he was too tired to get to his place? Oh, Eddie had smiled knowingly and said, “You still owe me something, if I recall correctly."

Buck had felt awkward for a second. Was he... pressuring him? No. Eddie had been the one to remind him of it. Were they playing a game of chicken or something? Because Buck wouldn't back out. 

It was only when he was on his knees, hands on Eddie's belt, that his mind took him to a dark place. What if that right there was the reason their friendship ended? 

How would he ever face Eddie again if he knew what he tasted like and knew he couldn't have it? 

He then felt Eddie's soft tug at his curls, and he looked up to find his best friend's eyes watching him carefully. 

"Hey, no need to overthink this," Eddie had said, not unkindly. "If you want to back out, that's totally okay. I won't hold it against you." 

"But..." Buck said, stuttering a little. "We bet on it. And I'm a man of my word." 

"I know you are. But I... won't lie to you. I don't think I had thought about it before, but after you said it... it was the only thing I could think of. You in your knees. You taking me so fucking well. But I only want this if that's what you want. If you have a single inch of doubt, I'd rather we walk away. I cannot have you just to lose you, Evan." 

Buck had shivered, then. Eddie's fingers buried in his head holding him so lovingly. It had been overwhelming in the best ways and Buck had discovered one of his favorite things in the entire world. Sucking Eddie off. 

God, he fucking loved it. The way he squirmed and moaned and called his name and tugged at his hair. 

All that to say, it had been a pretty interesting six months. Eddie and Buck had discovered a lot of things about each other. He was happy and in love with his best friend and Chris was coming back next week and this was their first Valentine's Day together and maybe Buck was spiraling just a little because...

They hadn't said the L word yet. 

Well, they had, when they were friends. Eddie would call Buck to talk about the game and end it saying "have to go, love you, bye" once Chris was home. 

Buck would pick up Chris from school and Eddie would say "you're a lifesaver! I love you!"

Eddie would know when Buck had a bad day and offer him a cold beer, no questions asked.

"God, I love you," Buck would say in response.

But after that bet? Neither had dared to say it. 

Buck had felt it lingering in his tongue, the words rioting inside of him, trying to claw out of his mouth. 

Buck had seen it, in the way Eddie looked at him when they were cuddling together after fucking each other relentlessly. 

He just hadn't said it, yet.

And it was Valentine's Day and he couldn't possibly imagine a better day to finally get it done. 

So tonight was the day Evan Buckley was going to tell Edmundo Diaz he fucking loved him.

[andreal831]

something you'd never know if you just watched TO is how young Hayley is. she's like three years older than Davina. She's around Josh's age. Cami is older than her. it's so wild. she was 19/20 when she had Hope. it's like how you forget that Rebekah & Kol were turned as teenagers because the actors are clearly older. when i watched TVD after having seen most of TO (i watched out of order, thank you netflix recommended), i was shocked when s4 introduced her as Tyler's friend and in the age cohort of Matt, Caroline, etc. because TO frames her as an adult (maybe because she's pregnant) in contrast to Josh and Davina who are framed as teens. it's just jarring. sorry for all the asks in a row, i've been rewatching and listening to TVDU podcasts (if you have recommendations, i'd love to hear them) and it's got my brain buzzing.

unrelated but in an earlier meta you mentioned Hope in Legacies killing a wolf alpha and said he was a crescent and i wanted to clarify that he wasn't. he was the wolf alpha that worked for Triad. we see him die in a montage along with the witch who works for Triad. it's a whole thing

Lastly, (i swear i'm nearly done), i support all the Mikaelsons being allies when Hope inevitably came out. Based on some Legacies backstory lore, i like to imagine Hope came to Auntie Freya and Hayley to ask them about her crush on Josie.

Hope and her baby cousin should've interacted, i can't believe we never got to see them on screen together.

anyway i'm done, love your metas so much especially the ones on Esther & Lily (justice for these women in the face of the fandom's misogyny)

Hayley is a baby and I remind people of this as much as possible.

We see the image on the left as Hayley but really it's the image on the right who died in child birth and was dragged into the Mikaelson's world.

I even think TO attempts to make us forget how young she is. In Season 2, Mary guesses at her age, saying she's around 25, when in reality she would have only been like 21 or 22. They worked so hard to make us view her in the age range of Klaus, Elijah, and Cami. When, as you said, she was basically the same age as Josh. They do so much work to age her. Even Cami is only 24 but they act like she is older. Her brain isn't technically fully developed at the start of TO. She is only eight years older than Davina. But like I said not long ago, they go out of their way to make Davina seem like a child but Hayley and Cami like full grown adults when in reality they aren't that different in age.

People get mad at Hayley for making dumb decisions and I'm like, yeah, she's young and naïve. People judge 20 year old Hayley who is fighting for her life harsher than the 1000+ year old vamps who are making a mess of her life.

I do not have any podcast recs but if anyone else does, please let us know!

Thank you for explaining the Legacies thing. I've seen enough spoilers to generally know what happens but clearly I don't see everything.

I wish Hope would have had that support system. Or even have had a moment like that with Freya and Hayley. She was old enough and even admitted to having a crush on Josie so I like to imagine she did have that conversation. It was such a waste to talk about baby "Nik" but never introduce him or have Hope interact with him. Did they even meet??

Thank you so much for reading so many of my metas! I'm glad they resonate with people!

[rhaenizziettie]

Legacies 1x01 Rewatch

NO THE OPENING HAS TAKEN ME OUT. IT'S TOO SOON. HER LITTLE HERO AND VILLAIN SPEECH AND KNOWING ALL THAT COMES WITH THAT MOTIF LATER IS TOO MUCH.

She should've sprinkled a little "love and hate" in that speech honestly. The Hizzie edits would've slapped.

Everyday I wish we got more of Landon and Rafael's foster life. Like there was so much there to unpack and they never did.

Playing Halsey in the first five minutes. I was doomed to obsess over this show from the start.

The way we never got answers on whether that priest knew about werewolves and that's why he wanted to see him at the rise of the full moon or if it was coincidence or if that priest actually was a witch. Imagine if he came back.

HE USED TO SERVE ME MILKSHAKES I WAS NOT PREPARED I KNEW IT

"More like despair" 😭😭😭 Sorry but all her poking gets funnier on the rewatch knowing she had a crush on Hope the whole time

Truly wish we got to see more of the classes at this SCHOOL. Like we saw three??? And none of them had any substance???

"Before your hairier breatheren corrupted you" Sorry but I wanted the witches' distaste for the wolves to be addressed and honestly Tribrid Hope could've been the uniter of the kingdoms

"Talking about her gives her power." You say all that but then you bitch about people NOT talking about her later

Aww. I always forget when Josie used to just be a softy stoner witch. They should've kept that characterization.

Bisexually, we should've gotten to see Rafael throw that lawn mower through the patio doors

BABY HOPEG MY HEART IT THUMPS

"Take it from a guy named Alaric, I get it" 😭😭😭 Guarantee that Lizzie's "just be MG" speech from his tour was Alaric's "just be Ric" speech

You're telling me Landon worked at the Grill in MYSTIC FALLS and never encountered a vampire who tried to compel him before MG? I call bullshit.

"I'm not so good with small spaces" and all I'm thinking about is how he crawled through the air vents to save everyone in 1x11

Alyssa Chang made a broom fly in Physics. YEAH SHE DID.

"It's not a competition" I mean yeah that's fair because Josie was the only one competing in the competition in her mind but still ... she very much viewed it as a competition ...

"We don't mention her name anymore." Josie a week later:

"That was my inside voice" 😭😭😭 Now I'm dying imagining Caroline and Alaric telling Lizzie that sometimes, your thoughts are not meant to be spoken out loud because that is your inside voice after she insults someone on accident

"Hot, angry, damaged ..." So Hope Mikaelson? God the signs were there from the start and I MISSED them like a FOOL

"You're getting a little old for me to breaking your human bones." Don't worry, Hope. You do eventually.

"I don't have things" and meanwhile Jed is the only one in that school who didn't have a crush on Hope at some point. YOU may not have things, ma'am, but people definitely have things for you.

"I don't tell you to go out and fraternize with the human locals." ... isn't that LITERALLY what you tell them to do in the NEXT episode???

"Attempt to make an actual friend here and we can reevaluate" "I tried to be her friend and she never makes any effort" Oh yeah, "I want you to do anything for each other" is making so much sense now. The signs were all there.

ClEaN uP oN aIsLe L. Was it so hard to be like "Hey, my sister - your DAUGHTER - is having a mental health episode. Help?" Also, it's not like Hope doesn't know about her episodes. Josie already told the whole school five years ago.

Also I love that they put Josie immediately running to Alaric to help Lizzie in the very first episode and then have Josie claim she did everything to help and have Lizzie claim that Alaric wasn't around. LIKE YES MISS MIKAELSON, IT DOES DEPEND ON WHO IS TELLING THE STORY.

THE MOMENT I FELL IN LOVE WITH LIZZIE. I have long since gotten better with it, but I too used to want to destroy kitchens or [redacted] myself every time I messed up a social interaction and seeing that on screen absolutely blew my mind.

Throwback to the first time I watched Legacies and had NOT finished TVD or TO yet. Had no clue what Handon was talking about but I was still melting.

Why did we never see summoning spells come back up? Like?? That could've been so useful???

Josie out at a party while Lizzie sits inside recovering from her episode. Hmm. Tell me again which one Lizzie's disorder affects more.

Yeah, everyone's endings in 4x20 suck but RAFAEL'S EARLY ENDING IS CUTTING EXTRA DEEP WHEN ALL HE'S EVER TALKED ABOUT IS HOW MUCH HE BELONGS WITH LANDON AND AT THAT SCHOOL AND HOW BOTH GOT YANKED AWAY IN HIS "HEAVEN"

"I could just whip up a remedy with herbs from the bio lab" Wonder where she got the idea that there's a magic fix for her disorder from

"Do you think I'm broken?" 🥺🥺🥺 My baby girl

"Josie doesn't have freakouts." Don't worry, she does. She's just hiding them for now. She'll kill you one day though. Just for funsies. You're doing just fine, all things considered.

"She spends a lot of time worrying about other people's happiness." You mean how she can take it away or ...?

WHY DIDN'T WE EVER GET TO HEAR ABOUT THE ORIGINAL SALTZMAN CODEPENDENCY. LIKE NOT EVEN IN TVD?? WHAT DOES THAT LINE MEAN???

"I don't ever want to hurt anybody." "Maybe you'll finally understand if you have blood on your hands too." OHHHHHHH

HOPE AND LIZZIE MADE FRIENDS AND WE STILL NEVER SAW A GROUP TRAINING. I WAS ROBBED. ROBBED I SAY.

I TRIED TO BE HER FRIEND. God, they should just make a "Young Salvatore School" spin off. I'd watch all that play out between TO and Legacies.

"Everyone in here has lost something." WAIT BECAUSE I JUST REALIZED SHE'S NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT HERSELF AND JOSIE. SHE'S TALKING ABOUT ALL THE OTHER STUDENTS NOT GETTING THE SAME SPECIAL TREATMENT DESPITE ALL OF THEM GOING THROUGH TRAUMA TO END UP THERE.

"Speak of the actual devil." Lizzie, haven't you met the ACTUAL actual devil??

"I'm missing a party??" THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING LIZZIE.

POSIE CRUMBS POSIE CRUMBS POSIE CRUMBS

The fact that MG stopped talking about vampire stories is so sad. He should've kept that with his comic obsession.

"I'm not saying that y'all should kill your moms because that's messed up." I'll say it: MG should've gotten to kill his mom. Actually, did none of that come up again??? She works for Triad and he just moves on????

The way Rafael was an athlete yet he never played in the football episodes ...

ACTUALLY THE WAY WE NEVER GOT A S3 OR S4 FOOTBALL EPISODE AFTER J*LIE SAID THERE'D BE ONE EVERY SEASON

"I care too much. It's kind of a problem." I mean technically she did not lie but she also did not mention that the caring in question was about herself and about what she thought everyone else owed her.

ROSIE SHOULD'VE HAPPENED AND I STAND BY THAT. THEY WERE NOT ENDGAME MATERIAL AND RAFAEL DESERVED BETTER BUT MY GOD I STILL WANTED TO SEE IT HAPPEN.

Legacies S1 aesthetics >>> any of the other seasons'

That wolf Hope and Landon in the woods scene is just 🤌🤌🤌

HANDON LIBRARY SCENE HANDON LIBRARY SCENE

"I'm a lot of things." "Care to elaborate?" "Bisexual."

I lowkey forgot about the Pizzie (Menelope? PenelopeG?) kiss

"I'm offering to rock your world right now." So like ... did Penelope actually like MG? Was she just looking to get laid? Was she doing it because she knows he likes Lizzie?

Sorry but PosieG might be rising as my second favorite throuple (sorry Fosie)

The S1 Penelope-kissing-MG and Josie-being-jealous-over-MG's-romances is just too good

"Last I checked you were more into girls." Yikes MG.

"I am an equal opportunity evil temptress." Bisexual Penelope for the win.

Wait - do you guys think Penelope was the one to help Josie figure out her sexuality? Do you think Josie was the one who helped Penelope?? Where's the fics, Posies???

"Your binary assumptions about sexuality are dated." And here's how MG's bi realization comes about because he knows he likes girls but he thinks because he likes girls, he can't like guys and then Ethan and -

Josie getting jealous seeing MG and Penelope kissing AND THE WAY IT COULD GO EITHER WAY.

"Klaus Mikaelson: The Great Evil." "He wasn't very popular around here." Look, Hope, I love you and I love your relationship with your dad BUT MY GOD IT WAS FOR A REASON. HE LITERALLY WAS EVIL.

"I try not to get close to people anymore." "We thought you hated us." "That's what we do when we're scared - we push people away." Mmm hmm. Just inject the good stuff straight into my veins.

A UNICORN. THE FACT THAT SHE GOT PANCAKES ON THEIR ANNIVERSARY AND NOT A STUFFED UNICORN IS ACTUALLY ILLEGAL.

"Forget about her. Focus on somebody new." Oh I need to use this in a Finsie edit real bad.

"I'm setting my sights on Rafael." LIZZIE YOU DON'T JUST PICK A GUY TO CRUSH ON BECAUSE HE'S THERE. THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE ATTRACTED TO MEN. BABY, IF YOU HAVE TO ARBITRARILY DECIDE TO CRUSH ON HIM, YOU'RE JUST NOT INTO HIM.

WE SHOULD'VE GOTTEN HANDON WATCHING THE STARS LATER TO PARALLEL THE CELLAR SCENE

"You are a really nice person, Hope Mikaelson." "Why were you so mean to me?" Oh the Handizzie ... I feel faint ...

"Is this the part where you run?" I just think Landon has a thing for girls who run away.

"I'm not going to remember any of this, am I?" "Probably not." AND IT'S NOT THE COMPULSION THAT MAKES HIM FORGET BUT HOPE JUMPING INTO MALIVORE THAT DOES. OH MY GOD.

"It's just not safe for you here." And then MG kills him and then he dies and then he dies and then he dies and then he dies and then he dies and then he dies and then he dies and then he dies AND THEN HE DIES FOR GOOD AND THEN HE'S THE GOD OF DEATH.

"All you gotta do is go home." MG ... sweetie ... he doesn't have a home ...

HOPE TOUCHING HER LIPS REMEMBERING THAT KISS OH I KNOW IT WAS SO GOOD FOR HER

"There's no way that the one time I get close to someone, they turned out to be a liar. It's not possible. I'm not that stupid." Let me give you a hug

I, for one, do not think they did enough plots about the threat of being exposed

"She puts those sex herbs in her weed, and I had a momentary lapse in judgement." No because I don't think we talk enough about MG straight up accusing Penelope of roofie-ing and assaulting him.

"Why does everyone find her so special?" Why do YOU find her so special Miss Saltzman? Hmm?

"She's not special. She's just ... available." OOF. I DID NOT REMEMBER MG SAYING THAT. THAT IS SO NASTY.

Maybe 1x01 MG and 4x20 MG ARE the same dude.

"Don't hate me, okay?" "What if I'm incapable of love?" Oh the good stuff could've been there.

Local Pyromaniac Lights Ex On Fire

"Are you blackmailing me?" Yes, she is.

Hope's little "sorry" to the mouse 🥺🥺🥺 You're telling me she's gonna become a killer someday? Hmm.

"Turns out, Landon isn't the hero of my story at all." Turns out, Hope's not the real villain in Lizzie's story.

"But when I hunt him down, I'm gonna be the villain of his." Hope, you were apologizing to a rat a few hours ago. I need you to be realistic in your goals.

[vespcrtines]

7 and 13 for Josie

Who would you trust to fight a bear for you? Who would you send in as bait?

“Why would I fight a bear?” Josie blinks, scratching at her cheek as she lets the question settle. Before either of them can answer, though, she's already gathering steam. “Was I in the bear’s territory? 'Cause if so, I shouldn’t be there in the first place. She’s just protectin’ her home, y’know? And besides, we only get black bears ‘round here. Sweet as can be! Long as you don’t mess with ‘em, they’ll just shuffle past and maybe snack on some berry bushes down by the edge of the woods. We got bear signs, too—big ol’ ones, laminated and everything, so folks don’t just go trompin’ through dens by accident—plus, bears hate noise. Hate it. That’s why if you ever run into one, you’re supposed to go real big and real loud to scare it off—though I guess I wouldn’t do that if she had cubs, ‘cause that’s a whole other–”

She keeps going. Nobody stops her.

Do you have a library card? Do you need help applying for one?

She opens her mouth to answer, but pauses… and gasps, scandalized. “Are you tryna say I don’t read?!”

[thevindicativevordan]

Comics this week? (Specially The Ultimates #4)

Anonymous asked: Comics this week ?

My Adventures With Superman #4 - I know the DCAU JLU Christmas episode is popular, but I've always been put off by it. I can't help seeing an air of condescension in how it treats Superman being a grown man who still believes in Santa, I get a "yes he's dumb and gullible, but isn't that wholesome?" takeaway from it all. Meanwhile I loved how Josie Campbell explored celebrating Christmas here as an expression of love and family. Ma and Pa adopted Clark as their son even though he wasn't blood, then the comic expands that to touch on how Lois and Jimmy have become "family" too. Even extends it right up to Amazo getting treated by Clark as a brother in a touching moment where Superman willingly shares his powers with Amazo so they both can kick Bloodsport and Deathstroke's asses, and Amazo tells Clark he thinks of Clark as family also. It's all very sweet right up until Deathstroke blows a hole in Amazo at the end. Bloodsport is the coolest he has ever been here, when he brings out the big guns I was hooting and hollering. I think this might be my favorite take on Amazo now too. I dug his DCAU incarnation but this is the first time I'm really invested in him as a character, and there's tension because he might not make it out alive.

Absolute Power #3 - Waid is trying to weave together the disparate threads of the past year into a cohesive whole, while simultaneously trying to shuffle the detritus of the past year off the board. End result is a mess of stitched together moments that don't work imo. Example of that is Nightwing "stepping up" as a leader, yet his push feeling hollow when his team failed to take the League's place. A number of other characters like Barda and Mid-Nite get written out of character so that Dick as the avatar of the Silver Age ethos can prove them wrong. Oh and if I have to read another issue of Waid going HEART is our REAL superpower, I think my eyes might be permanently stuck in a cycle of rolling.

Ultimates #4 - Ultimates #4 reminded me of reading Ruins. Exceptionally bleak from beginning to end, poor 6160 Reed. It avoids being nihilistic at least because there is a malicious bad actor in Maker who is making sure that everything turns out as bad as it possibly can, rather than it simply being the nature of the world. Sets up an Ultimate F4 book for sure, but given how Doom is outright skirting the edge of villainy with how he ominously says he’s adhering to Tony’s moral rules for now, I’m wondering if he won’t actually be a part of the team. Maybe he’s the one who gets captured and Tony creates an Ultimate F4 of entirely new people to go save him? Otherwise I see their failure to beat Hulk being the point at which Doom bails on the Ultimates team. I’d prefer Doom be part of the Ultimate F4 though, he’s simply too interesting as a Reed who is massively messed up but is trying to be a hero. If they do end up making him a villain that would be an utter waste of potential. Maker is already the broken Reed, Doom needs to be the Reed who is bent but not broken. Seeing him walk the tightrope is more interesting than seeing him fall off.

[jaceofbass]

JASON 'JACE' EVAN AARONS.

         #grumpyoldman.

NICKNAMES: jace. not even a nickname, just call him jace. AGE: 43. DOB: october 23. GENDER: male PRONOUNS: he/him JOB: jace is a formerly classified three star chef, but after a pretty gnarly mental breakdown, he lost his prized restaurant in the diamond district, and now runs one of the resident food trucks in the plant, the rock lobster. with only his sisters at his side in the tiny little truck, it might be driving him crazier than the restaurant did.

personality:

+TRAITS: loyal, careful, protective, pensive -TRAITS: closed off, defeated, willfully ignorant, negative emotional IQ FEARS: messing josie up with his own bullshit, never having his own restaurant again, never cleaning his reputation up, being alone, the feeling of having wasted his life, dying suddenly, nightmares of his parents, bad reviews. HOBBIES: cooking, gardening herbs on his porch, reading, rating coffee shops all over the boroughs, going to parties and standing at the edge of the crowd and acting like he isn't having fun, being """mindful,""" avoiding his friends, belting 90s girl rock in the comfort of his own home, hanging with his cat (scallop.) HABITS: smoking cigarettes, spending too much time at the truck, isolating, chewing on straws, journaling in secret, reorganizing other peoples' kitchens without noticing, giving advice where it might not be wanted, ignoring things he doesn't want to hear/see.

the history with josie and whatnot:

jace has always been an incredibly caring person. he was one of the popular kids from elementary school - college, but the pedestal his classmates put him on never went to his head. jace was kind, and he was humble. he was willing to help anyone that needed it. he was a star soccer player at New Zeppelin University, and a beloved member of his frat house - he was convinced, at the time, that he was with the love of his life, miss townes adler. everything was right on track for jace to go overseas to play with the greats: it was a life that anyone would've dreamed of. who knew his parents would throw a wrench in the plan by having a baby in their near-retirement, right?

some might say that jace's heart was too big - how could he throw away his whole life for a kid that wasn't even his? but when he learned that his parents planned to leave her with a nanny while they travelled the world themselves, jace felt like he had no other choice. josie was his little sister. if the rest of his family was going to choose to traipse across the globe, then he'd make sure that she'd have as normal of a childhood as he could emulate... not that being a literal baby tagging along to frat parties, and hanging with a bunch of idiots was exactly normal, but! ce le vie! frat baby was well taken care of, and is an honorary Kappa Tau for life!

of course, their parents were still their parents. it's not like they so much abandoned josie as left jace to be her long-term babysitter - like besides the other babysitter that gave Jace a break to go to class, and whatever - but it was always a pretty safe bet that the kid would be nearby. good thing he got so much practice, too, when their parents up and died while josie was in middle school.

it's not like jace couldn't afford the house they left him, but he figured they'd be better off renting the place out - the more money he could save up for josie the better, right? besides, he wanted to give both him and his little sister a fresh start, and townes had been talking up port manteau for years.

they've been living in port manteau since their parents died, and though jace has always been her main father figure, the pressure of being her sole care-giver has always made him a little anxious. he loves josie more than almost anything - he doesn't know how to process the fact that he might be hurting her with his own bullshit!!!

the chef thing & subsequent mental breakdown to food truck pipeline:

tw: mental breakdown, suicide attempt

after jace let soccer go as an long-term life option, he figured he had to pivot somewhere... and he had always liked cooking for his parents! and the ladies! sure, the degree he left school with had nothing to do with the culinary arts, but with the connections he had made in his frat - thank god for greek life - jace got the opportunity to hone his craft in one of the most famous restaurants in new zeppelin.

he worked his ass off, and graduated from dishwasher, to saucier, to commis chef, to sous - and eventually he was wanted in kitchens all over the city. jace leveraged his talent into acquiring loans from a team of investors who helped him open his extremely successful restuarant: 'josie's.'

jace's cooking catapulted the restaurant to renown - and right into three michelin stars. he rode on a high of his own success, and for years he ran the kitchen like a pirate captains' tightest ship.

of course, the kitchen was stressful - what kitchen wasn't! but after a series of bad reviews, as well as a messy break up with his longtime partner, townes, jace began to crumble.

on one packed night in the restaurant, jace blew up at his sous chef. it ended in a public, bloody fistfight - news enough that it circled vine, and lingered on yikyak for weeks - and in a desperate move to save their investment, the rest of the 'josie's' investors voted to have jace take a leave of absence from the kitchen.

the night they told jace, he disappeared. to this day, he isn't exactly sure what happened - it's all negative space to him - but josie says he showed up on her doorstep in the worst shape of his life nearly three days later. his loved ones all thought it was a fluke: this all wasn't like him! but when josie came home to jace near-death on the carpet, it became a little more clear that jace wasn't going to just snap out of it.

he spent months in the hospital, establishing routines, and trying to work through the issues... he's stable now! but with a belly full of regret from ruining his life, worried stares from everyone he loves, and the absolute guilt of scarring josie for what he assumes will be life, he's become a different man.

the aarons kids had enough money to keep jace going without work for a while - to focus on himself! but in an effort to get him back on his game, josie got the wheels turning (pun intended) on jace's brand new venture, 'the rock lobster!'

both of jace's sisters work with him at the truck, he thinks more to keep an eye on him than anything. more often than not, it just reminds him that he's not off running his own kitchen somewhere. that 'josie's', his life's work, is carrying on without him. ( and yeah, the parallel of his near-daughter doing that one day too wasn't lost on him. ) but it's not the worst thing in the world. sometimes, it's even kinda nice.

the ugly:

mr. aarons gets grumpy, so don't be surprised if he snaps at you a lil <<3

he's a pretty charming guy when he's not being a complete freak!!! and his love language is food...if u get to see this side, and he starts feeding you for free, ur usually in!!! but making new friends nowadays is pretty hard! and if ur an old friend, things might be kinda tense! too many people worry about him nowadays, and he's been doing his best to avoid them as much as possible, rip.

jace isn't like,,, usually violent, but he definitely will throw a punch if he needs to!!!

beyond violence, he's like v playful with the other boys,,,like he was a pretty stereotypical kinda frat bro??? so like he'll shove around and playfight and whatnot. he's a firm believer sometimes that bros need to just punch each other in the gut sometimes to get over something... obviously it's gotten him into trouble!!! but it does work most times. he swears.

baby boy has bad days, and panic attacks and whatnot :((( so sometimes he's quiet, or leaves parties early, or stays in his house for a while!!! honestly don't draw attention to it, he's like an outdoor cat, he'll come to you when he's ready

[queeniecook]

May 6

I was out early this beautiful morning. It’s just the right temperature for me, which is rare lately. The birds were singing and things were quiet and peaceful.

Best of all, I finally knitted a onsie!! Now hopefully the baby is able to wear it someday…

I arrived back home, excited to tell Caleb about my accomplishment but I wasn’t expecting to see Apollo. He and Caleb decided to surprise me! I got to spend the whole day with my little brother.

First I had to take Josie to the vet clinic for a checkup. Everything is fine, given her age. She has a few teeth that need cleaned but it’s too dangerous to do dentals on her anymore. Trying to brush her teeth is the next best thing. She hates it though, most cats do.

Apollo and I decided to drive out of town to Copperdale. Neither one of have been to the town before so we decided to check it out.

Apollo bet me 20 dollars that I wouldn’t get up in front of everyone and sing. Pfft.

After that we strolled around. It is a pretty town, I’ll have to stop in again sometime.

“I think it’s twins!” Apollo stated, feeling my stomach.

I stood frozen at that idea. I wasn’t sure if I was prepared mentally or physically for twins. “Shut up.”

He chuckled “I was just messing with you. You’d be bigger if it was twins.”

“You’re a jerk.” I told him, swatting at him. Yes, I’d love another baby no matter what but I think one is a good start.

Our next stop was Windenburg. We always think of our Mom anytime either one of us passes through the town. I really wish Mom and Dad were here to meet my baby but life is never picture perfect.

Apollo talked me into going to a dance club. We awkwardly danced, scaring away fellow patrons, no doubt. Let me tell you, trying to bust a move while eight months pregnant is a workout.

Then things got plain weird and creepy. Asa showed up and I left with my brother once I spotted him. I know he saw me but thankfully didn’t try to approach me. I always get suspicious when I see James or one of his group out in public. Maybe he was just there, it’s not a place I go to often or ever really. I still don’t trust Asa though, he tried to kill me.

[runningandraisingmyheathens]

The past 48ish hours have been something else. Mariah’s birthday was yesterday. All she wanted was to see her sister and her nanny. So, I made it happen. We got there Saturday night. Stayed at an airbnb close to nanny’s. We didn’t get in until 7, didn’t get to nanny’s until 7:45. We ate dinner and hung out. I got everyone back and to bed by 9:30.

We were all startled awake at 1:30 to the terrifying pierce of the fire alarm. I panicked. Couldn’t find my glasses. I’m running around and screaming ‘get up, get out of the house!’ Of course, it stopped once I actually was at the door. Kai was the only one who also was there. Mariah and Josie never got of bed. We’d all have died if there had been a real fire. Anyway, I’m too jacked up and on alert to ever get fully back to sleep.

I drag myself out of bed at 6:30 to go run five miles before having Mariah open gifts. We walked the dogs and went straight back to nanny’s. We then drove to where Madison lives. Madison’s new family held Mariah’s birthday party there. They did everything, all we had to do was show up.

It was a very busy time with swimming and water slides. And Josie being a complete poot because they were jealous of Mariah. Josie was also upset because they felt like the other kids left them. So I spent a lot of time soothing that whole situation out. As it was time to leave, Mariah didn’t want to leave Madison. So, we decided she could stay the night there. Then it was a huge mess with Noah, Josie, and Renna crying because they couldn’t stay. Noah’s was the saddest thing. He just clung to her. So, it was decided Madison would stay with us instead.

Fast forward to bedtime. Mariah wants Madison to sleep with her. Josie doesn’t want to let her. Noah and renn also want to sleep with Madison. Josie starts having literal hysterics. Renna starts screaming that she hates me. Madison has an anxiety attack because Renn’s screaming. Noah is freaking out cause Madison’s having an anxiety attack. I get Madison calm. I finally get renn to sleep by saying she could sleep with me to pacify her. The Josie starts going again. I put them in my bed where they hyperventilate for the next hour. Renn leaves because she’s tired of listening. She goes to sleep in the living room where I wanted her to sleep anyway. Josie finally calms down and goes to sleep. Kai meanwhile has been quietly in her bed sleeping the whole time. She said this morning ‘God, I just sat there thinking ‘shut up, all of you!’

Got up early and we packed up. Madison got picked up. Noah and Mariah wouldn’t let her go. Madison’s lip was quivering the whole time. It was absolutely heart breaking. I hate knowing they all hurt that much. It’s not fair. I wish I had tried harder to keep them all together.

It was the same when we went and said goodbye to nanny. Noah has been very quiet since we came home. I know he’s sad. I asked if he wanted to talk. He just wants to be alone for awhile. Mariah is overly chipper. It’s so hard watching your children hurt and not being able to do anything to fix it.

After we got home around 5:30, I didn’t stop moving until 9, when I finally got to sit down and eat dinner. I’ve cried several times. I got a text saying Madison is back in the hospital after saying she wanted to die. I thought something was up when she kept giving Mariah all her stuff.

So. That was my weekend! It’s been a lot, and I could do with a good night’s sleep and about a week of therapy.

(Also someone should tell Keith that after knowing all this, he was stupid to bring up packing and moving to me today of all days)

[dreamwritesimagines]

It’s CMA-

Sorry for my relative absence, I was finishing finals last week lol. Anyway I’m back and ready to read the new chapter!

As a younger sibling, I love seeing Colin roast the shit out of benedict lmao

Ooh perceptive Josie! I was wondering when she’d catch on!

I love how Anthony so clearly thinks that family is #1 in his life and can’t comprehend anyone else thinking differently. I wonder if Ben will lean on him and if he’ll learn about clover’s family, and how he would react. I think it would explain a lot about her to him.

Also the only reason I think Anthony in particular would be involved is because I feel like clover’s parents will try to extort her and Ben in some way, probably financially, in which case they’d probably need to disclose it to Anthony and/or bring him in to consult on how to legally get rid of them.

Also going back to the Anthony and family thing: he so clearly has a set definition of what family means and what you would do for them, and how you would treat them even. It’s very black and white- either your family or you’re not, in which case he’s not going to really care about you. The one exception I can think of to that rule would be Charlie.

I mean, thinking back to the duel with Simon, he so clearly is willing to turn on him in a moments notice as soon as he thought that Simon was hurting his family.

It’s a fascinating dynamic- how far would he go for his family, and how much he would take for them. It’s like the very definition of he would burn down the whole world just to see them safe.

And seeing this with clover is especially interesting because she started very much as an outsider and he considered her basically a hostile threat to be controlled, and then almost immediately after she became family, he’s suddenly expecting everything to be good between them.

Idk idk just a lot of thoughts (I didn’t even read clover’s response, just the first line of Anthony saying “better terms? We’re family.” Lol so idk if what continues will completely invalidate everything I just wrote or not lolololol)

I love how clover kind of bulldozes over Anthony and doesn’t really ever let him speak. She does this a lot but so does he, so it’s interesting to see him be on the receiving end for once. They’re so similar it’s crazy.

(Their dynamic also a really interesting case study of how one instance of severe emotional trauma has significantly different effects than severe, prolonged physical, verbal, and emotional trauma, but also how trauma fucks you up in an overarching way that is similar/apparent to anyone paying attention)

Lmfao clover just asserting to Anthony that his most strongly kept secret is so obvious to her. Love to see it (also yes anthony get off your dumb ass)

THE DUEL IS THE DUEL IN THIS CHAPTER?!!???!!!???!!?? IS EVERYONE GOING TO GET SUPER INSPIRED TO GET OFF THEIR ASSES?!!??!!??!!??!!????

HES NOT EVEN FUCKING GOING TO TELL HER HES GOING TO BE AT A DUEL?!!??!!??!!?!!!

damn I know he’s protecting her because she’ll probably have a panic attack when she realizes, but she’s going to be so fucking pissed and probably still have a panic attack anyway when she finds out. Ben what happened to always being honest with her 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 they were finally having such a nice, emotionally vulnerable, sober moment together too!!!!!!!!

Also at least we know that Anthony is going to get off his ass for Charlie finally. Thanks to clover for inspiring him and everything. Damn, if clover isn’t the maid of honor/best woman at the wedding, then Anthony will have really fucked up. He owes her BIG time.

Damn clover is going to have a crisis about nearly getting what she wanted. Holy fuck, my god, Ben you’re such a dumbass

The duel ended and Ben didn’t even come home!!! Oh my god how could Ben let Lottie be the one to tell her!!!!!!! Oh my fucking god Ben you dumbass!!!

(I know it’s fair because he’s been doing everything perfectly so far and he was bound to mess up at some point, plus I know he’s doing it with the best intentions but still!!!!!!! Ben you can’t do this to her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Wait who was Simon’s second?

Damn for Lottie’s sake, I almost hope she leaves because clover is going to be a fucking Hurricane and I’m worried who she’ll hurt along the way.

Also anthony was so close to having a decent relationship with clover and he just totally wrecked it for the foreseeable future.

Mostly she’s going to be mad at Ben, obviously because they’re the closest, but she’s going to be really pissed at everyone involved. Including Colin because he knew and didn’t tell her; I could see at least some damage being done to their relationship, which is sad because they had such a cute friendship.

Will lady bridgerton know about the duel? Will Eloise? I’d like clover to have at least one person to talk to, though I suppose she could always talk to Josie and Bess and her aunt and everyone.

I wonder if clover will stay in her house with Ben, or if she’ll be angry enough to stay somewhere else for a while. This is already going to wreck Ben, if she stays somewhere else it might break him.

Going back to the Anthony/family thing, this is such an interesting view of how all of the bridgertons are that way for one another and can’t imagine seeing things any differently. It wasn’t just Anthony that took that risk, it was his brothers as well, and daphne by riding out there in the middle of it.

It’s also a really interesting look at how Anthony didn’t even question if Ben and Colin would support him; he assumed they would, he counted on it. It’s a really interesting look at when being dependable goes too far.

I’m not entirely sure if they would count as being an enmeshed family, but I kind of feel like they would be. They’ve got very few boundaries with one another and rely on each other for everything, not even considering personal cost when it comes to the well being of their family. It’s great and amazing until it goes too far; there’s a reason why personal boundaries exist and are important, even within a well meaning tightly knit community like theirs.

Are we going to get any peeks at Ben’s POV for the last portion of the chapter, and/or if he left a letter or anything for her?

I also wonder how much this will damage her relationship with not just the bridgerton boys, but also daphne and Simon as well. I definitely feel like she’s going to resent them for what happened, even though that in doing so she would be a total hypocrite considering what happened between her and Ben.

If Ben hadn’t been so noble, quick on his feet, and willing to save her, they might’ve ended up in a not dissimilar situation to daphne and Simon, though I doubt clover would be willing to think about that.

It’s also so interesting how even though I talked about Anthony’s relationship with his family as a contrast to clover, they’re actually really similar. Anthony just uses the biological definition of family while clover has her chosen family.

It’s really interesting to consider what happens when two people who are willing to burn the whole world down to protect their family end up clashing. (Enemies to lovers clover and Anthony when? Lmaooo)

Clover’s definition of family is so flexible; she can add people and cut them off in an instant, while Anthony’s definition is very fixed: if you’re family, you’re family for life, end of sentence.

In order to protect his world, Anthony was willing to burn down clover’s, and that’s never going to be okay with her.

I wonder if Anthony even really thought about the fact that he’d be sacrificing part of his own world (his brothers) to protect another (daphne), or if he just expected them to be okay with it.

I feel like Josie is finally going to hear the truth about everything because clover’s going to be too mad to keep it a secret. When it was just her life at stake (when their fake relationship began), she was willing to take her suffering to the grave, but now that someone she loves is in danger, everyone is going to know how much pain she’s in.

Wow I know I keep saying this, but Anthony and clover are so similar. Both willing to suffer silently (and needlessly) for themselves, but they’re immediately sounding every alarm the moment they perceive their family as being in trouble.

They are both trying to control everything around them to make sure that their families stay safe. Their control issues show up every time the two of them fight: both fighting for control to make their own family the priority, even if it’s just a conversation.

Weirdly, clover almost has better personal boundaries, even if it’s because she’s practicing self preservation and being overly defensive, because when Anthony tried to walk all over her, she immediately put him in his place, but Anthony pretty much considers himself a martyr for the betterment of his family and would let anything happen to himself in order to let them be happy.

This is kind of interesting because I feel like clover sees herself as a martyr too because she was one for so long. She sacrificed herself over and over again to protect teddy, to the point where she basically burned out. So now every time she gets anywhere near that ledge, she immediately tries to flee.

But she clearly doesn’t realize this because she for so long clearly planned to sacrifice her own life by marrying an old, abusive man and keep it quiet to protect teddy and her family from the truth, and to protect herself in what little ways she could. But again, the moment she thought that that could be a reality, she had a panic attack and ran. (I believe this is in the chapter at the opera house)

Okay going back to this chapter: I’m so mad because Ben and clover are clearly just in a super sucky situation all around, and both trying the best they can to protect each other, only it backfires miserably in this case.

Honestly I’m mad at Anthony on behalf of clover. Like daphne and Simon are annoying, but ultimately they didn’t do anything that clover and Ben didn’t already do, so it’s not as condemnable, but Anthony so clearly is trying to protect his family by sacrificing everyone else, which is admirable in theory but so not cool in practice.

Idk a lot of thoughts, as always. Ugh this cliffhanger is killing me and it hasn’t even been an hour lmao.

Damn this season is fucking wild for the bridgertons lmao I love it

Omg omg CMA honeeeey! ❤️ I have so many thoughts about this! 😱❤️

Aw I hope your finals went well! 🥰

Colin will never stop roasting both Benedict and Anthony 😂 He loves it😁

Josie had her thoughts ever since that dinner...😏

I totally agree with you on the Anthony thing! ❤️ Like, for him family is the most important thing, that's also why he never even implied his feelings for Charlie because he thought Benedict had feelings for her, and he is so used to sacrificing himself for his family that he didn't even consider doing anything else ❤️

He would do anything for Charlie as well🥰😍

And seeing this with clover is especially interesting because she started very much as an outsider and he considered her basically a hostile threat to be controlled, and then almost immediately after she became family, he’s suddenly expecting everything to be good between them. Absolutely! This is such a good point! ❤️

Like, Anthony made up his mind about Clover before even bothering to get to know her, and he was incredibly angry because he thought she somehow caused Lottie's heartbreak😁 But now he knows that's not the case😏

And also, the minute Clover married Benedict, she became family ❤️ So like at this point, Anthony would do anything for her as well because she's a part of his family, regardless of their earlier arguments or future ones😁

They really are so similar😏

Omg different types of trauma for them both, exactly! 😱

Yessss Benedict didn't even tell her he was going to a duel❤️ Like, he was ready to die for Anthony and the only thing he told her was that he loved her 😭

Oh yeah, Anthony definitely confessed his love for Lottie 😏❤️ After years! ❤️

I know it’s fair because he’s been doing everything perfectly so far and he was bound to mess up at some point, plus I know he’s doing it with the best intentions but still Funny you should mention that darling, because when the actual angst hits and Benedict messing up happens... 😈

You're absolutely right, she is a hurricaneeee😈

She will be incredibly angry at Anthony as well for putting Benedict in danger but mostly Benedict for putting himself in danger like that 😏

She will stay in the house but their dynamic...😏 It'll be different!

I don't think they will know about the duel actually! 😱 Because that would lead to them knowing the real reason behind that wedding 😏

That whole family is so ready to die for each other! 😂 No questions asked whatsoever 😁

Oh Benedict didn't leave her any letters or anything 😈

If Ben hadn’t been so noble, quick on his feet, and willing to save her, they might’ve ended up in a not dissimilar situation to daphne and Simon, though I doubt clover would be willing to think about that. Definitely! ❤️ Their situations are so so similar to each other! ❤️

Enemies to lovers clover and Anthony when? I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS FOR THAT AU HELP😁

In order to protect his world, Anthony was willing to burn down clover’s, and that’s never going to be okay with her. I LOVE THIS SENTENCE SO MUCH😍😭 It's so good! ❤️

Both Anthony and Clover get feral when it comes to their family being in any kind of danger and yessss they both have control issues! ❤️ That's also why they clashed that much from the first minute they started talking to each other 😁

She sacrificed herself over and over again to protect teddy, to the point where she basically burned out. So now every time she gets anywhere near that ledge, she immediately tries to flee. Absolutely! ❤️ She is terrified of it and that's also why she is so much in denial about her feelings for Benedict and their marriage ❤️

Both Anthony and Clover would totally die for their families, no hesitation ❤️ Totally martyrs! ❤️

I am very excited for the next chapter 😈❤️

Darling, thank you so much, this is so good! ❤️ You're amazing, ILYSM! ❤️

[jcbbby]

You mentioned Emmanuelle yesterday, and I remembered how Josie's sect went wild over Jamie being in that movie. It's a pretty messed up way to feel jealous when their dreams of him being theirs on screen with someone else are suddenly realized. And it was funny how, after the movie came out, they reduced all of Jamie's participation to just a few minutes of talking. Did any of the people who were so quick to accuse him apologize or admit they were wrong? Probably not

that whole area of the fandom is just.... I have had that woman blocked for so long lol. the hypocrisy, lack of self-awareness, and just general nastiness to literally everyone and everything all of the time is exhausting.

it's fine to have varying opinions within the space and to not like things sometimes, but like, my god lol

[chronically-sawyer-pilled]

TCSM Sissy x OC

"Sweet Sugar" Part 10 (Final part)

Part 1

18+, Minors BEGONE (DNI)

Warnings for whole story: NSFW, Murder, Cannibalism, Drugging, Coercion, Slight noncon, Unwanted touching, Abuse, Blood, Knifeplay, Bondage, Kidnapping, Sweat stuff, human faces being worn, pet names (sweetie, sugar, sunshine) general horror themes. This is a work of pure fiction, pure horror fiction - the actions in this story are not to be taken as positive depictions of affection.

After pulling away from her lips, she made her way down Josie's skin, shuffling her face between her thighs. She kissed, bit and licked down her legs, teasing Josie with every movement. "Sissy please…" "Beg for me." Sissy demanded "What?" "Beg. Beg me to touch you. Beg for me to make you mine. I won't touch you until you do." "Please Sissy… Please make me yours." "You aint beggin hard enough~" "Please! Please!!" Josie screamed, tears welling in her eyes "Cry for me sunshine, sweat for me, show me you want me!" "I don't know if I can beg any harder, please!" Josie whined, after flashing her a quick smile, Sissy made her move.

Gentle was the last thing you would describe her as, each thrust of her fingers was faster than the last, deeper than the last, her tongue lapped desperately, suckling at whatever she could find - she'd done this before. At first she used one finger, then two, then three, she enjoyed feeling her stretch out around her, enjoyed her desperate pleas, enjoyed the way her body shook like jolts of electricity had burned through her. Sissy went from massaging her deepest parts to licking and suckling at whichever hole she landed on first, she went from fingerfucking Josie relentlessly to teasing her clit, all suddenly without any seeming pattern - she was feral - fucking Josie like her life depended on it. She didn't know how many times she'd made her cum, Sissy didn't stop, she was relentless, laughing every time she felt her body shake, every time she felt her twitch.

Everything was a blur, she was overstimulated and so high she couldn't focus on anything but overstimulation - her mind was mush, it was nothing, every orgasm Sissy brought only dumbed her down more, leaving her nothing but a moaning, babbling mess lying in a puddle of her own juices. Maybe this was exactly what she wanted - to make her the perfect little girlfriend, to keep around to suit her needs, a brainless little princess just for her. A princess who never fought back, who never said no, who never stopped loving her. As her mind numbed, she began to think maybe that's what she wants too - after all, if Sissy wants it, she should want it. She'll be perfect for her.

She'll be hers.

[blackwidownat2814]

I lied.

I know yesterday that I said Chapter 11 was one of my favorites, but that's not true. As of now, Chapter 12 is my absolute FAVORITE chapter!!! It was all so sweet and just perfect and fluffy... I loved running to Javy when he came out of the locker room and jumping in his arms and the trip to the Space Needle. It was just amazing.

Having said that...I am just the teensy-est bit worried that there's something coming that might mess it all up. One of Javy's conquests from before or something happens to Roxy and Javy is so distraught that he blames Roadie. I don't know, but I can't shake the feeling that something is coming. If not, Yay!

Also (forgive me for mentioning it again), thank you for showing me that I'm not the only one who has felt unseen, not chosen, and/or overlooked all her life. This passage right here almost had me in tears:

“W-what’s me?” You ask, glancing back towards the ice where Javy’s getting set up for the next face-off. You look back in time to see Josie shake her head, a fond look in her eyes. “Everything,” she says before giving you a tight hug and you feel your stomach twist as you watch the jumbotrons replay the goal and you watch Javy point at the stands all over again. Oh. You. You’ve spent your whole adult life expecting not to be chosen, never expecting to be anything but the butt of a joke, that you weren’t worthy of being chosen. People look through you, people look past you, people don’t look at you, people don’t see you. And yet in the last month, you’ve felt more seen than you have in the last thirty years of your life. They look at you, they see you. He sees you. You don’t hear the whistle, you don’t hear the last of the game, you don’t hear the horn as the clock runs out. You’re overwhelmed, and you’ve been overwhelmed before, but it’s different this time. The usual fear, the pain, the panic, none of that is what you feel now. “Roadie?” You blink and realize belatedly that you’re crying and you turn to her and throw your arms around her neck. “Thank you, just thank you.” You don’t recognize the sound of your voice as you shake your head and just hold your best friend. She doesn’t question it and holds you back like she already knows, and maybe she does.

Thank you thank you thank you for coming back and blessing us all with this. I wish nothing but the best and most amazing things for you.

False Confidence: Chapter 12

Pairing: Javy “Coyote” Machado x Reader

Part of the San Diego Dogfighters universe

Summary: The Athletic named Javy Machado the fifth sluttiest player in the NHL last year. He’s a known playboy who leaves every game with a different girl. As far as he’s concerned he’s living the dream, playing his dream job with the dream lifestyle. Unfortunately his friends and bosses don’t agree. At 33, they think it’s time for him to settle down. You’re a kindergarten teacher at an esteemed private school. You don't expect much when you finally accept your colleague’s invitation to attend her husband’s hockey game but when you accidentally get separated in the post-game rush, you find yourself in a compromising situation with the last person you’d ever expected to meet. When his PR rep suggests a mutually beneficial agreement, your hands are tied. How long will you have to keep up the act? And how long will you be able to?

Series CW: 18+ ONLY, swearing, angst, fluff, fake relationship, suggestive language, anxiety, school system inaccuracies, hockey inaccuracies etc. There will be individual chapter warnings. No use of Y/N.

Word Count: 5.2k

A/N: Happy Friday, y’all!

Previous Chapter // Series Masterlist // Next Chapter

You examine your classroom, straightening the decorations that you’ve hung on the wall. Every square inch of the room is decked out in various shades of pink, red, and white. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and while your students are too young to really grasp the concept, the air has been buzzing all week. It has little to do with love and everything to do with the promise of candy and cookies at the class party on Tuesday.

You find your eyes searching for the calendar on the classroom wall and a frown creeps up onto your lips. The Dogfighters are on a road trip right now and you’ve found yourself irritated at the way it feels like life has seemingly returned to the way it was before you met your new friends. You’ve spent the last week going home straight after work, occasionally to the Fitch house where you help Josie with the kids while she attempts to get some work done. She’s stretched thinner than usual with Reuben out of town and you can’t help the way you wonder to yourself if this is your future. And while it makes you nervous, there’s a part of your stomach that flutters giddily.

You and Javy have been official for a little over a week, but the road trip has taken up most of that time. You’re anxious to see Javy again, and you’re seriously starting to doubt the old proverb that promises that absence makes the heart grow fonder. You’ve finally allowed yourself to be upfront about your feelings for him, given that he’s actually your real boyfriend now. He’s your real boyfriend now. You can’t help the way you bounce on the balls of your feet in excitement as a fresh wave of giddy butterflies flutters through your stomach. Another glance at the calendar reminds you that despite this being your first Valentine’s Day with Javy, he’s going to have to meet it, playing a game in Seattle tomorrow night. The two of you have plans for the weekend, however, a belated celebration once he’s back and rested. After the game in Seattle, they have one more game in Denver on Thursday before they get back to San Diego on Friday.

“You’re in a good mood this morning.” A voice from behind you teases and you pause your drawing on the board to look over your shoulder to where Josie’s leaning against the doorframe.

“Josie! Good morning!” You greet her as you cap the marker and wipe your hands off on your overalls as you go over to give her a hug that she returns before handing you a to-go cup that smells delicious.

“We stopped for a little treat this morning since the kids are missing Daddy extra.” She gives you a tired but rueful smile. You know if you miss Javy after barely dating him for a week, Josie must be missing Reuben something fierce after being married for a decade.

“They’ll be home on Friday,” you remind her, trying to sound cheerful but your melancholy must show through your facade because Josie gives you a gentle smile.

“Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?” She asks, and you see a scheming twinkle in her eyes.

“Tomorrow? Nothing really, I was going to watch the match while I grade papers, and then Javy said he’d call afterward and we could get takeout for Valentine’s Dinner.” You ignore the way your stomach flips at the words Valentine’s Dinner. “Why? Did you need help with the kids tomorrow night?”

“Yeah actually,” Josie says casually, sliding a hand into her pocket. “I thought maybe we could watch the game together?”

“Of course! That would be so much fun, what time should I come over?” You’re secretly excited not to have to spend the night alone with your TV and your thoughts when you’re sure the jitters will be too distracting to get any work done anyway.

“Well we’re going to have to leave right after school if we’re going to make the flight,” Josie says and you blink, confused until you look down and see the tickets that Josie’s holding out to you.

“W-what?” You stammer as your brain struggles to catch up with your eyes.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Roadie,” she says and you look from the tickets back up her and then back down to the tickets before you almost spill the coffee in your hand as you throw your arms around Josie. Josie laughs, fishing the coffee from your hand and depositing it safely on a nearby bookshelf.

“Josie, I can’t, it’s too much,” you blubber uselessly as you sob into her shoulder, all composure lost at your best friend’s kindness.

She just shakes her head as she pats your back comfortingly. “The kids miss their dad, I miss my husband, and you can’t miss your first Valentine’s Day with Javy. He’s still not my favorite person in the world but he makes you happy so I can’t hate him.” You choke out a chuckle at Josie’s words.

“Thank you, Josie.” You whisper and she just shakes her head again.

“Don’t thank me, just enjoy the day.” She pauses before she adds. “I’d originally wanted to surprise you with it tomorrow but I figured I should give you a chance to pack.” She laughs and you join in.

“I think my brain might have exploded,” you point out and she laughs harder.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning, so we have just one car and we can go straight from work to the airport.” You nod, still breathless over the fact that you’ll get to see Javy tomorrow.

“Wait, do the boys know?” You ask, your brain firing at a mile-a-minute.

Josie shakes her head, a conspiratory grin spreading across her face. “I thought we could surprise them. Zam knows she’s the one that arranged the game tickets.”

“We’re going to the game?!” You grasp the papers Josie’s still holding and you shuffle through them to see the game tickets under the plane tickets. “Josie!” You shriek and she laughs, head tipping back.

“Don’t yell at me, those are complimentary! WAG privileges,” she reminds you and you shake your head in disbelief. Not only do you get to see Javy tomorrow, but you get to go to the game and surprise him. “Alright, I need to get going before my kids start showing up but I’ll see you at lunch,” you wave to Josie before returning to your prep for the day.

Suddenly you feel ridiculous for all the stressing you’ve done over the past week, trying to decide what to get your boyfriend for Valentine’s Day. You know Javy has no qualms about spending ridiculous sums of money on you, but you’re not exactly in a position to do the same. All the same, you’re feeling pretty proud of your Valentine’s Day gift for Javy. You’re also extremely happy that you finished in time for Valentine’s Day despite thinking you wouldn’t be able to give it to him until Saturday. You’re nervous but excited to see his reaction to it. You’re even more excited to see his reaction to your and Josie’s surprise.

***

You’re secretly glad that all you have planned for today is a Valentine’s Day party. You’re not sure you have the focus required to teach your students today since you’ve been bouncing off the walls with nervous excitement since you got out of bed this morning, not that you’d slept much at all. You’re secretly thankful for the parents who volunteered to help with the party because your mind is on this evening, your eyes flitting to the clock constantly, counting down the seconds until you’re done with work.

You know you should calm down and conserve your energy. The next twenty-four hours are going to be a whirlwind. After school ends, you have to rush to the airport to make your direct flight to Seattle, and from there you need to rush to the arena to make it in time for the game. After that, you’ll spend the night in Seattle before catching a red-eye from Seattle back to San Diego with barely enough time to make it back in time to teach Wednesday morning. Josie’s planning to drop off the kids with Penny for the day, since they’ll likely be too exhausted to handle a full day of school after all that travel. You secretly wish you could afford to take tomorrow off, but with so little notice, you know better than to try.

Your eyes move from the clock to the comically large vase currently taking up most of your desk. The flowers had been delivered during first period and you can’t help the giddy smile that stretches your face as you look at the bright orange blossoms. Your students had descended into giggles when you told them it was from Javy and you couldn't help but join in.

***

Your students finally make their way to lunch and you slump across your desk, letting the scent of the tiger lilies above you permeate your nose, and as sweet as they smell, you find yourself missing a different scent, a smokier, spicier one. You let out an exhausted groan as Josie lets herself in, coming to sit across from you.

“He sent you flowers,” she remarks, and you think she sounds a little impressed. You turn your head to squish your cheek against the cool wooden surface as you look at her and nod.

“Aren’t they perfect?” You say, a shy smile tugging at your lips as you follow her gaze to the orange blossoms.

“Tiger lilies? Not roses?” She asks, reaching a hand out to finger the blossoms, curiously.

“They’re my favorite.” You explain. “I don’t know how he knew,” you muse as a thought occurs to you. “Did you tell him?” Josie holds up her hands in surrender.

“It wasn’t me. I didn’t even know you liked tiger lilies.” Your brow furrows in thought.

“Well, technically, I love all lilies,”

“But those are your favorites now since they’re the ones he bought you,” Josie interrupts your thought and you look at her, surprised as you nod, cheeks heating.

“I used to like mums, back in college, they were my favorite and I was super vocal about it. Then I met Reuben and on our first date he bought me dahlias because he’d bought them thinking they were just big mums, and in that moment I realized I never wanted anything but dahlias. They reminded me of him, and how eager he was to make me happy, and now they’re my favorites.” The two of you sit in content silence for a long moment before she speaks up again. “Are you excited for tonight?” Your face brightens instantly and you nod enthusiastically.

“I still can’t believe it’s real, thank you so much again, Josie.” She shakes her head.

“Thank you for coming with me,” she chuckles, “but after you experience flying with two kids, I don’t think you’ll take me up on the offer again.” She teases and you roll your eyes.

“I love your kids,” you remind her and she chuckles.

“You do now, just wait.”

***

You can’t help the nerves that are pacing in your stomach as you worry the edge of the jersey you’re wearing. You try to channel the restless energy into helping Josie wrangle the kids. They are restless too, excited to see their dad, and cranky from their naps on the plane. You can’t find it in you to be irritated with them when you see your own raw emotions on display in them. You glance over your shoulder, anxious for warmups to begin so you can see Javy and the tension in your heart can finally snap.

Skylar bumps into you on accident as she tries to wrangle one of the homemade signs that are jammed into the bag on the floor. They’re incredibly cheesy, but Josie had insisted that they’re a necessary part of the surprise. You help her unfold them and hand her and Jamie the one they’ll hold together. It’s a simple mess of glitter and paint that reads, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Daddy!” Josie gives it a long look like she’s considering hoisting it herself and you roll your eyes as you slide out the sign that Josie made for the two of you. You haven’t seen it yet and you’re a little nervous. Josie is a lot braver than you are and she’s been married for a decade while you’re in your first real relationship that’s barely a week old. You carefully unroll the sign and feel your cheeks heat as you read the words on it. “It’s not just puppy love, Happy Valentine’s Day, Dogfighters!” It’s sweet and playful but your eyes are caught on one particular four-letter word.

Your heartbeat thunders in your ears so loud that you almost miss the rise of cheers that rise through the arena. You look up as Josie grabs your arm in one hand and her side of the sign in the other. You’re yanked back to the present as a familiar blur of green whips down the ice towards you. The team heads down to their end of the ice to start warming up and you remember to lift your edge of the sign as your eyes dart furiously from one player to the next, searching for number 68 and any sign of Javy. You hear the kids screaming for their dad in the corner of your consciousness, followed by the pound of their little hands against the glass as Reuben skates up.

Your eyes turn more frantic even though you know he’s here somewhere, he has to be. Your heart thunders in your chest as the unreasonable doubts start crawling in and making a home in your aching chest. You miss the moment a figure on the ice stops until a full body slams into the glass in front of you making the whole wall shake and then you’re looking at Javy’s full grin and wide eyes and he looks like an excited puppy as he gapes at you. You can’t help the excited grin that bubbles to the surface and matches his. You wave slightly as you place your hands on the glass over his on the other side.

“Hi,” you whisper even though you know he won’t be able to hear you.

“Hi,” he breathes back. His breath clouds the glass and your stomach flips when he draws a lopsided heart and writes “hi” inside it. You giggle as grins at you. Your moment is broken as Jake skates by and grabs Javy by the back of his jersey playfully. He blows you a kiss as he drags Javy back towards warmups. You try not to think too hard about the fact that Javy’s eyes stay on you the entire time before they disappear back down the tunnel.

***

You know you should be focussing on the score. It’s currently tied at 1-1 but instead, you’re still dizzy over the adrenaline of the day and the way Javy’s playing at the top of his game today. He’d assisted Jake’s goal in the second period, and you spent the whole break watching the replays online since it was on the other side of the rink. The score remains tied and the clock is running on the third period. Your lips are gnawed to hell as you watch the clock drop lower and lower. This period the Dogfighters are shooting on your side of the rink and you’ve been glued to the glass since it started. You wince as one of Seattle’s defensemen scuffles with Javy by the boards feet away from you, digging at the puck as it slides between their sticks and skates. Your brow furrows as a stray elbow catches Javy’s shoulder and you shout out in protest, as your hands find the glass where you bang alongside the Seattle fans. When you hear them cheering for the other player, you hear your voice rise, cheering for Javy amidst the louder screams. You’re caught up in the fever, the adrenaline of the game, the excitement of the day, and seeing your boyfriend. You catch his eye briefly as his eyes dart up unconsciously and you swear he winks at you, sending heat up your cheeks and knocking the breath from your lungs. Javy manages to dig the puck out of the corner and you watch as he knocks it backward to where Jake’s waiting to whisk it off towards the goal. Your heart is in your throat as you watch Jake’s approach, the opposing defense coming up to try and block his path to the goal. His linemates are trying to open themselves up for a pass but there are no open paths on the ice.

You watch his stick swing anyway, but you don’t see the puck fly into the fray. Your brow furrows in confusion until you watch Javy shoot out from behind him, the puck dancing along the edge of his stick, completely unmarked. Your stomach flips as you see the look on his face. For a moment it feels like you’re watching the sun come out from behind the clouds as you take in the boyish grin stretched across Javy’s face. His eyes are glinting with mischief you’ve seen plenty of times on your students’ tiny faces, and he’s glowing with confidence as he whips down the ice. Your heart is in your throat as you watch the other players slowly realize where the puck has gone and then you watch the black disk fly off the end of Javy’s stick. The goalie starts to move in his direction, but it’s clear he hasn’t realized Javy’s shot until it’s too late and his glove is still inches away as the puck sails over his shoulder.

You’re sure you’re screaming and then Josie’s screaming and she’s grabbing you and you’re grabbing her, and you can’t take your eyes off him as he roars in triumph and then he’s pointing with both hands and you’re trying to understand what at, it doesn’t make any sense and then he’s laughing and you read his lips as he tries to contain himself. “You.” Your brows furrow and you look down at yourself in confusion before turning around to look behind you as Josie laughs beside you as the other boys start crowding Javy.

Josie grasps your shoulders as your confusion grows. “It’s you, Roadie.”

“W-what’s me?” You ask, glancing back towards the ice where Javy’s getting set up for the next face-off.

You look back in time to see Josie shake her head, a fond look in her eyes. “Everything,” she says before giving you a tight hug and you feel your stomach twist as you watch the jumbotrons replay the goal and you watch Javy point at the stands all over again. Oh. You. You’ve spent your whole adult life expecting not to be chosen, never expecting to be anything but the butt of a joke, that you weren’t worthy of being chosen. People look through you, people look past you, people don’t look at you, people don’t see you. And yet in the last month, you’ve felt more seen than you have in the last thirty years of your life. They look at you, they see you. He sees you.

You don’t hear the whistle, you don’t hear the last of the game, you don’t hear the horn as the clock runs out. You’re overwhelmed, and you’ve been overwhelmed before, but it’s different this time. The usual fear, the pain, the panic, none of that is what you feel now. “Roadie?” You blink and realize belatedly that you’re crying and you turn to her and throw your arms around her neck.

“Thank you, just thank you.” You don’t recognize the sound of your voice as you shake your head and just hold your best friend. She doesn’t question it and holds you back like she already knows, and maybe she does.

***

You place a hand over your knee to try and stop the way it’s restlessly bouncing as you sit on the bench in some hallway, waiting for Javy. You’re not a spouse, so you weren’t allowed into the locker room area with Josie and the kids. A member of the Kraken’s staff had led the four of you to the private section of the stadium and you’ve been waiting for at least an hour. You turn your phone on, glancing at the clock and debating texting Javy but you know he’s probably just finishing up his post-game responsibilities. He knows you’re here. He’ll find you. You stifle a yawn as you stare at the screen, your stomach dropping as you realize how few hours you have until you’ll have to head back to the airport and back to your life.

You close your eyes, trying to ignore the math that your brain insists on doing because it’s not enough and you’re not ready to be back home, exhausted and alone, thrust back into your routine for another three days until Javy gets home. You barely suppress a groan as you lean your head against the wall behind you, trying to reconcile the consequences of your actions as the lull in the business of the day gives you a break from the adrenaline that’s been coursing through you all day. You’re slowly descending into a spiral of your own thoughts when you hear the squeak of hinges in your periphery and you turn your head, your body sitting up, the giddy excitement of seeing Javy beating out the exhaustion settling into your bones as you watch the corner, begging Javy to come around it.

You’ve barely caught enough of his silhouette to confirm it’s him before you’re bouncing off the bench and running for him. Running to him is a blur, but then you’re in his arms, and the scent of sweat mixed with his cologne engulfs your nose and you feel the tension melt out of your body as you settle against him. The two of you stay silent for a long beat, your bodies refamiliarizing themselves with the feeling of holding the other, committing it to memory, to carry the two of you through the rest of the week. When the two of you finally choose to speak, it happens at the same time.

“Thank you,” Javy whispers into your hair.

“Thank you,” You croak, your voice breaking over the words all over again. The silence that falls between you is comfortable and you can tell he’s waiting for you to go first so you tell him the words that have been on your lips for the last hour. “Thank you for seeing me.” Your chest heaves shakily as you fight the words out, but his arms just tighten around you as he holds you, like he’d physically hold you together if you shattered to pieces.

He pulls back and removes his hands from your waist to cup your cheeks as his dark eyes look into yours and straight through to your soul. “You’re impossible to miss.” He says as he strokes his thumbs over the apples of your cheeks, and when he says it, you find that it’s not so hard to believe it. “Thank you for coming,” he whispers before running his nose against yours, your lips just shy of ghosting over each other.

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be,” you whisper back, and when he kisses you it feels like you’ve let out a breath you’ve been holding for the last week.

“Alright, Meep,” Javy says when he finally pulls away, leaning his forehead against yours, arms returning to your waist to keep you close, “you gonna tell me what you’re doing here, beautiful?” You feel your cheeks heat even though you’re already in his arms, and he’s already kissed you.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Javy.” It sounds so silly as you say the words, but you wonder if that’s because it’s the first time you’ve said them romantically.

He chuckles softly before pressing a simple kiss to your lips “Happy Valentine’s Day, Meep, but I mean what’re you doing in Seattle on a school night.” You shrug slightly because you don’t really have an answer.

“Josie’s the right brand of crazy and she has the budget to back it up?” You both laugh at that.

“I hate to ruin the mood,” Javy says before closing his eyes for a moment, “but when do you leave?” Your stomach drops again. In the joy of being reunited with Javy, you’d forgotten that you’ll have to leave him again in just a few short hours.

“We have a red-eye back to San Diego so we can make it back to work tomorrow,” you explain and you know Javy’s doing his best not to mirror the disappointment you’re feeling. “But you’ll be back in San Diego on Friday, right? That’s not so bad.” One glance at him says that he believes your words about as much as you do. “But at least we have tonight,” you relent.

“At least we have tonight,” he agrees. “Well then, let’s not waste a second.” He leads you out of the stadium. Most fans have since dispersed, returning home since it’s a Tuesday. The area around the stadium is lit with lights as and there are a fair amount of people milling around. Javy takes your hand and leads you through the park surrounding the stadium as you crane your neck back to get a good look at the Space Needle as it closer and closer.

There are a few people milling around and entering the Space Needle as you and Javy approach the ticket desk. The lady at the desk’s eyes widen in recognition as Javy purchases tickets for the two of you. When you enter, you stay close to Javy, feeling nerves bubble like butterflies as the photographer takes your picture and you watch Javy give him him email address for the photos. “My privacy is already nonexistent, there’s no need to compromise yours,” he explains when you offer to give yours instead. You walk up the spiral walkway to the elevator with Javy’s hand in yours. The ride to the top is silent and you’re sure you notice the elevator attendance staring at the two of you. The fact that you’re wearing Javy’s last name on your back doesn’t really help with the subtlety.

When the elevator doors open your breath catches in your throat. There are glass walls separating you from the balcony that wraps around the room the elevator opens onto, but you can already see the lights of Seattle twinkling from here. You find yourself dragging Javy to the balcony. The city of Seattle is alight all around you. From here you can see Climate Pledge Area, the rest of the park, and various museums in the area around you. You can also see the darkness of Elliot Bay. As you make your way around the balcony, you come face to face with the dazzling skyscrapers of downtown as the city itself sprawls out into the distance. It’s gorgeous and your fingers itch to paint the stunning view. You pull out your phone, snapping some inspiration photos. You’re already planning how you’re going to approach the painting when Javy slides his arms around your waist from behind, leaning his chin on your shoulder.

“What’s going on in your pretty little head, Meep?” He asks and you feel embarrassment creep over you for just abandoning him when he brought you up here and came all the way here to see him.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about how much I want to paint this view,” You explain as you gaze out at the city below you.

“Well, I can’t wait to see it,” Javy whispers. “And I hope I have first dibs when it goes on sale,” he murmurs, nuzzling your cheek gently.

“Javy, I’m not making you pay for my art!” You exclaim indignantly, leaning into him as the wind off the bay whips around the two of you. Javy wraps his arms around you from behind, pulling you close.

“Pretty girl, where is your coat?” He asks as he snuggles you.

“We live in San Diego, I don’t have one!” You grumble indignantly. “It doesn’t get this cold there,” he nods against your shoulder.

“Okay, that is true, I’ll give you that.” He rubs your arms. “At least you’re wearing long sleeves,” he points out.

“Do you like it?” You’d been too shy to ask last time. Well, that and last time you hadn’t been wearing his name as his real girlfriend.

“I love it,” he says with a forcefulness that makes your heart flutter.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” You wiggle out of his grip to get the box out of your purse. “I know we’re going to celebrate on Saturday, but I figured since I was going to be here, I could give you your gift today!”

“Meep,” Javy groans. “You came all this way, you didn’t have to get me anything, plus I don’t have your gift here,” he bemoans and you wave him off.

“You didn’t know I was coming, and neither did I until yesterday, so I had already gotten you a gift. Plus, you bought the tickets to come up here,” you remind him. You hand him the narrow box and he arches a curious eyebrow as you draw the sleeves of your jersey over your hands and hug your arms around yourself. Javy notices and gently guides you so that your back is to the building behind you and he’s blocking the wind with his body before he opens the box. You hold your breath anxiously as he unwraps the paper inside before his breath catches.

“Roadie…” he murmurs and you swallow hard, trying to decipher if you’ve hit the nail on the head or missed it entirely. Javy lifts the tie out of the box, examining it in the light that’s filtering out from inside. You’ve covered the originally-white fabric with fabric paint, doing your best to recreate a slice of the cliff painting he bought at your show. And there at the very bottom are the embracing figures that represent him and you. “Roadie, this is beautiful. Did you paint this?” His voice is full of awe as he looks at you and you nod.

“I know it’s not the most faithful recreation but fabric paint is pretty fickle. I thought maybe you could wear it with one of your game day suits.” You admit. While exploring the team’s Instagram account you found the highlight of game day suit posts, and that had inspired you to make the tie.

“I’m getting rid of every other tie I own when I get home,” Javy declares and your eyes widen in horror.

“But this is blue, and it won’t match every suit!” You protest and he chuckles.

“Well then I’ll just get rid of all the blue ones, and every year I can get rid of a different color.” You see the nerves dancing in his eyes at the boldness of his statement, at the assumption that there will be more years. That you’ll be together long enough for a dozen Valentine’s Days and a dozen ties.

“Well I do take requests,” you say and you watch the anxiety leave his shoulders and you kiss your boyfriend at the top of the Space Needle on the night of your very first Valentine’s Day, and everything is perfect.

A/N: The Valentine’s Day festivities aren’t quite done yet, what do we think Javy has planned for Saturday?