#Jordi Ran Ran Ran

[scriptedencryptid]

I’ll wait

[wileys-russo]

before the void (alexia’s version) II a.putellas

before the void one II filling the void one two three four five before the void 2.0 (alexia’s version) II a.putellas

if there was one thing that never changed over the years it was that you were an early bird and a morning person. long before alexia's intense training routine which often had her up at 5am, she and alba despised this little habit of yours.

the worst was always on holidays. christmas, easter, sant jordi, mothers day, first day back of school, and of course your personal favourite fresa day.

the night before would be just as painful, with your body full of beans and eager for the upcoming celebrations you'd refuse to follow your normal routine.

you'd often be curled up with your sisters on the couch with the two of them suffering through one of the brightly coloured incredibly annoying childrens shows you adored.

with your eyes starting to struggle to stay open they'd notice and silently high five above your head, exchanging victorious grins always naive about the sudden energy boosts of four year olds.

eli would finish packing away the leftovers from dinner and note your near limp form curled up on alexia's lap like a cat with an amused smile. "vale fresita, time for bed mi hija." she would make her way over and advise with a chuckle as you shook your head.

"no, m'not tired." you'd grumble, definitely tiredly, the rhythmic scratching of alba's nails against your back where her hand was tucked up your top not helping you fight the way your eyelids suddenly felt weighted and alexia's stomach rose and fall where your head was resting.

"oh no? you look tired nena, and you cannot sleep in alexia's lap all night." eli would playfully roll her eyes, nodding to her eldest daughters who let you go as eli would hoist you up onto her hip.

then like clockwork the moment you were pulled from that little bubble of warmth and comfort, it was as if an electric shock ran through and you were jolted awake.

with eyes wide and battery rapidly recharging you'd wiggle and wiggle until eli had no choice but to put you down and suddenly you were off, sprinting away as your sisters groaned and your mami sighed, tired herself.

"we'll get her mami, go take your shower." alexia ordered somewhat firmly, the two already taking off in search of you as eli held her hands up in surrender and headed for her own room knowing better than to argue.

"vamos fresa, bed time." alexia ordered eventually finding you in her room, stood on her bed and shaking your head firmly. "no, fresa day." you stated bluntly, making alba snicker where she stood blocking the door as alexia shot her a glare over her shoulder.

"no, thats tomorrow. which means you need to sleep so you're not grumpy tomorrow pequeña." your sister warned as you shook your head. "no." you repeated, the word always one of your favourites.

"yes. alba and i will read you a story?" alexia offered as you once again shook your head, not even pausing to consider the offer as you started to jump up and down on her bed.

"fresa!" alexia groaned as her neatly made bed was suddenly a crumpled pile of sheets as you giggled and tried to jump higher. "fine, no story then. bed time!" alexia made a move toward you as you jumped, avoiding her arms which reached for you.

"no!" you shook your head, launching yourself off her bed and hitting the floor with a thump, alexia wincing but letting out a small sigh as you seemed unharmed despite the distance of the jump.

"too slow!" you chirped, zooming through alba's legs as she tried to snatch you up. "you were supposed to block the door idiota!" alexia shoved the younger girl who scoffed, the two bickering back and for a moment as you took the opportunity to race away.

gathering themselves your sisters put aside their argument and focused on the task at hand, this game of cat and mouse lasting far too long now as every time they almost caught you you somehow escaped.

but eventually the time of night caught up to you and you started to run a little slower, your laughter was interrupted by yawns and before you realized you'd run into alexia's legs and you were scooped up and tossed over her shoulder.

"no!" you groaned though again interrupted by a yawn making her chuckled. "yes!" she mocked, alba tossing her your shirt you'd stripped off in your determination to stay awake which was pulled over your head.

"come on diablillo, or we will cancel fresa day." alexia chuckled as you went rigid. "no!" you hit her back as she grinned and lowered you down into your own bed, alba helping you get under the covers.

"story?" you asked hopefully, an innocent but tired smile painting your face as your sisters exchanged a look. "move over." alba ordered with a sigh and you lit up, wiggling away so she could slide on one side as alexia grabbed a book and wedged herself onto the other.

and an hour later when the house was suspiciously quiet thats how eli found all three of you, a chuckle leaving the corner of her mouth at the sight.

you were dead asleep, sprawled out with your bottom half on the bed and your top half on top of alba. alba was leaning into alexia whose arm was draped across her shoulder as her legs hung off the end of your bed.

both your sisters were also asleep with the book they'd started to read abandoned on the floor where it fell from alexia's hand, not a single one of you looking comfortable but still all entangled together on the bed.

of a morning you didn't even need an alarm, your body served its natural purpose and with it taking a small army to tire you out the night before your sisters eventually woke up around 3am with stiff necks and headed to their own beds.

but it wasn't even two and a half hours later when alexia was woken up yet again.

"ale ale ale ale ale!" you chanted as you burst through her door, climbing up onto her bed and bouncing around on the mattress as the footballers eyes cracked open.

"no fresa." she groaned tiredly, grabbing a pillow and thumping you with it sending you tumbling down onto her mattress as she exhaled deeply. "its fresa day. get up!" you huffed, kicking at her form under the covers.

fresa day of course, was your birthday. and something that the entire family took very seriously with all of your tia's and tio's and cousins coming over tonight for dinner to celebrate. but the five am wake up was not on the schedule.

"go back to sleep! fresa day will still be here in a few hours pequeña." alexia moaned, grabbing the spare pillow and covering her face it, grunting as you flopped down on top of her.

"no, starts now. ale, ale, ale, ale, ale, ale, ale, ale-" you chanted over and over and no matter how tightly alexia pressed the pillow against her face she couldn't block it out. "vale! cállate." alexia's hand covered your face as you nodded.

"happy fresa day!" you cheered as she let go, tackling her back into bed as alexia couldn't help but let out a laugh. "you can't wish yourself a happy birthday hermanita."

~

aside from your sisters if there was one other person growing up who gave you whatever you wanted and more, it was jenni.

at first you'd been a little intimdated by the incredibly tall and tattooed girl the day alexia brought her home to meet everyone, uncharacteristically hiding behind alba's leg when she introduced herself.

though recognizing you were very small and she was not jenni squatted down and offered you a handshake, alba gently nudging you forward as jenni gave you a grin when you shyly shook her hand and immediately hid back behind your sister.

alexia watched on in surprise, never having seen you this shy around any of her teammates and friends before. but as time passed, she wished you were still afraid of jenni.

instead, it was quite the opposite.

the girl rapidly became seemingly your new favourite person, and though it took a few visits for you to warm up to her, once you did you were glued to jenni's side and an absolute thorn in alexia's who never seemed to get a moment alone with her girlfriend.

but near begging her mami to give her some peace and quiet after you'd been relentlessly getting under her skin all afternoon eli took pity and took you with her to the shops.

but of course, that peace and quiet didn't last either.

alexia was in bed and in the middle of finally being able to kiss her girlfriend without interruption, straddling her hips as alba was firmly locked away in her own room knowing better than to surface while it was just the three of them at home.

so caught up in the feeling of jenni's strong hands toying with the waistband of her shorts she hadn't heard the front door open or the footsteps go racing toward her door, eli's yells for you to leave your sisters falling on deaf ears.

but alexia did hear her door open, pulling away and letting out a groan as you raced inside uninvited, climbing up onto her bed and all but shouldering your sister out of the way.

"fresa! what did we say about knocking?" your sister sighed dragging her hands down her face as you ignored her, hugging jenni tightly who only grinned and ruffled your hair.

"i'm back!" you chirped with a grin of your own, making yourself comfortable in alexia's bed in between them as your sister mumbled something under her breath, jenni shooting her a look and hitting her softly.

"i can see that pequeña. did you have fun shopping with your mami?" jenni asked, grabbing you and swinging you around to stand on her knees making you giggle and grab her hands so you could balance, nodding enthusiastically.

"sí! mami's makin paella for dinner. are you staying?" you asked hopefully, ignoring your sisters displeased huffs where she sat in bed beside the pair of you. "only if your mami says its okay, can you go ask her for me chiqui?" jenni asked as you nodded, leaping down off alexia's bed.

"fres por favor be careful!" alexia sat bolt upright at the thump of you hitting the floor where you stumbled over and fell, getting up and brushing yourself off, sending the two of them a thumbs up and sprinting off making jenni laugh and alexia sigh in relief.

"vamos grumpy, smile." jenni teased poking at her girlfriends cheeks whose scowl only deepened. "you are not jealous of your hermanita are you princesa?" the girl continued with a wolfish grin as alexia rolled her eyes.

"no!" she huffed, crossing her arms with a glare as jenni shook her head knowingly, leaning in to kiss her though before their lips touched you were back and climbing right back into bed as alexia groaned again.

"you can stay, mami said you have to anyway." you promised patting jenni's shoulder who smiled and pinched your cheek. "hey show your hermana what leila taught you yesterday chiqui." jenni remembered, alexia having had to take you to training after you finished at school when eli was stuck with a work emergency.

alexia looked on curiously as you turned to her, but her eyebrows shot up as you gave her the middle finger with a grin. "oye! you don't do that, its rude. vale?" you whined as your sister grabbed your finger and warned seriously.

"vale." you mumbled with a frown, though with a poke and an encouraging nod and smile from jenni within seconds of alexia letting go of you, you were doing it again and this time diving into jenni's hold for protection, peeking out with a grin that scarily matched the strikers.

"come on, its cute when she does it amor, no?" jenni laughed as you peeked out and gave alexia the finger but the girl was unable to stop a smile curling onto her lips at the sight. "diablillo." alexia chuckled, reaching out to push your head backwards with a smile.

"but don't do that in front of mami, ever." your sister warned sternly as you nodded, tucking your finger back away as you busied yourself getting comfortable in between them and rambling on and on to the pair about every single tiny little detail of your shopping trip.

you were cut off by a knock, alba stood half asleep in the doorframe. "nice bed hair hermana." alexia snickered as alba rolled her eyes and tried to pat it down with a huff.

"she is tired because she got home so late." you chirped, having woken up at the sound of your sister sneaking back in given her room was right next to yours, alba ushering you right back to bed as you wandered in to check on her.

"oh really?" alexia grinned as alba shot you a glare. "mami was already in bed, you were in bed, i was in-" you started to recall as alba grabbed a slide off alexia's floor and threw it at you, missing entirely as it smacked against the wall.

"and mami expected me to take you to football with me? there is not an athletic bone in your body." alexia teased as alba's glare was fixed on her. "you tell mami i got in late and i tell her you broke her vase fresa, vale?" your sister warned quietly as you frowned and alexia paled.

"i didn't break it! alexia was kick-" you started before a hand covered your mouth and alba's face lit up. "oh really?" she mocked alexia's words from before as jenni watched on in amusement and you struggled to pull your sisters hand away.

"ow! mierda." she hissed as you bit her, teeth sinking into the flesh of her palm as she shook her hand with a wince and you climbed onto jenni who wrapped her arms protectively around you.

"thats a bad word." you chirped as alexia paused to take a breath, knowing that snapping wouldn't help anything. "what do you want alba?" she redirected with a raised eyebrow.

"can i borrow your charger? i lost mine." she asked hopefully. "alexia has it she-" you perked up, only stopping when your sister sharply pinched your side causing you to whine.

but it was enough to invite alba to stride over to the desk, scoffing as indeed her charger was plugged in, snatching it back and shooting alexia a glare before marching back off, door closing with a slight slam.

"you are such a snitch!" alexia groaned as you huffed. "don't pinch me." you warned, moving to stand up and do your best to glare at her making jenni cover her laughter with her hand at the sight which was more adorable than intimidating.

"oh yeah? or what? tiny." alexia sat up with a smirk and was easily taller but it didn't deter you, only puffing your chest out more and narrowing your eyes. "i'll get jenni to beat you up." you pointed to the other girl who this time made no attempt to cover her laugh.

"oh si? what about you fresita? you can't do it?" you were sent tumbling backward as your sister pushed you with a single finger, getting right back up.

letting out a war cry you launched at her, alexia only snickering as you tried your very best to take her down, arms wrapping around her neck trying to pull her into a headlock much like she often did to you or alba.

"oh noo, you're too strong pequeña!" alexia cooed, easily grabbing your arms and pinning them to your sides with a grin. "jenni vamos, get her!" you ordered, your sisters girlfriend very happily taking your side, alexia squealing as long bony fingers dug into her side.

"finish her off chiqui." jenni grinned, alexia letting out a grunt as you jumped and rammed into her stomach. "dios mio you have bony elbows like alba!" alexia groaned, all three of you collapsing onto the bed.

"fresa! i need a taste tester hija." and with that you were off, merely a blur as you climbed down and srinted out of the room. "thats all it takes to get rid of her? food?" alexia sighed in defeat, jenni laughing and leaning down to finally kiss her.

"mami what does gay mean?" the chatter around the table stopped at your question, your sisters hiding their smiles behind their hands as you looked on with a genuine interest and eli paused for a moment.

"why nena?" the woman asked with a raised eyebrow. "well at lunch the other day mariona and me were playing hopscotch and javi joined in. then some other boys told him that was gay so he stopped and now he doesn't play with us anymore." you frowned, eli nodding in understanding.

"i see. well, gay just means happy fresita and-" eli started, stopping to glare at the three older girls who snickered, all filling their mouths with food before she continued.

"-and on monday you ask if there is a game javi wants to play, and you and mariona can play what he wants too." eli advised as you nodded, satisfied with that answer.

"your paella makes me gay mami." you smiled appreciatively, all three older girls choking on their food at your sentence before sharing a look and bursting into laughter as you looked on confused.

"what else makes you gay fres?" alba grinned, ignoring eli's warning stares to stop as you hesitated. "um painting, cake, matchbox cars, watching ale play football, collecing shells, music class-" you listed off thing after thing as the girls laughter grew and eli sighed in dissapointment.

"so you are very gay pequeña, sí?" alexia teased though you were yet to realise what the joke was as you nodded. "super gay." you confirmed with a nod, shovelling another mouthful of food in as alba slapped the table and clutched her stomach.

"congratulations eli, you are three for three!" jenni grinned as eli only shook her head with another sigh. "your sisters not gay, she's six!" the woman huffed as you looked on confused. "i am! i promise." you argued with an eager nod.

"sí mami don't be homophobic! if fresa is gay let her be gay." alba clicked her tongue, attempting to stop her giggles at the glare her mami fixed her with but unable to as you shrugged and kept eating, still not sure what was even so funny.

the next day alexia had a game so safely riding on alba's shoulders you followed after eli and a few of your family members into the stands, alba stopping off to get you a snack at your insistent begging.

"there, now stop whining and eat." the barcelona cap on your head was pulled down over your eyes as you pushed it back with a huff and made yourself comfortable. "i paid for it." alba warned as she stole a large bite and you gave her a mean glare.

alexia wasn't starting and you grew restless waiting for her to come on, standing in your seat and bouncing anxiously as finally her number was called and you and your family cheered happily as she raced on to replace patri.

it was a scrappy game but barcelona with an injury time goal came back from being down at the half to win 3-2, and you waited impatiently for the crowds to clear so you could go down and see your sister.

finally with alba taking your hand all of you made a break for the barrier, alexia lifting you right over as you hugged her tightly. "good goal!" you grinned patting her flushed cheek as she chuckled.

"assist." she corrected, tugging the cap again down over your eyes as you huffed and pushed it back, spotting a few of her teammates lingering around and tapping her shoulder to put you down.

"hola pequeña!" leila grinned as you sprinted toward her, scooping you up and kissing your cheek as you pulled a face and wiped it off making her laugh.

busying yourself rushing from player to player to say hi you eventually arrived to jenni who lifted you up and onto her own shoulders, eli nodding her approval from across the pitch as jenni pointed to the tunnel with a raised eyebrow, the team starting to make their way inside.

you were delighted as jenni carried you off after them, not often allowed into the change rooms at away games, alexia catching up not long after and again pulling your hat down as you grunted and took it off and threw it at her.

"grumpy." your sister teased, tucking the hat away into her bag as jenni sat you down on the bench and you chattered away to anyone who would listen.

"hey chiqui, what did we learn at dinner last night?" jenni asked as you were sat on her knee speaking to patri, mariona and leila. "oh. i'm gay!" you remembered as jenni whispered in your ear, all three girls exchanging a look before bursting into laughter.

with jenni's encouragement you went around to most of the girls you knew well and spread the news until alexia returned from showering, grabbing you with a roll of her eyes.

"my mami's gonna kill you." the girl warned her girlfriend though jenni didn't miss the slight smile of amusement on her face as she steered you out of the change rooms once you'd waved your goodbyes.

"don't be homophobic mi amor!"

[notelcol]

The Getaway🐦‍⬛

That Kaz x reader hurt/comfort that was voted in by some lovely people❤️

Mildly edited, apologies for mistakes🫶

The wind blew harshly against your body as you ran through Ketterdam with a stolen scroll in your hand. You felt like you were flying. Grinning, you turned towards the man who ran a step behind you. His face matched yours. A wicked joy had you both feeling more alive than ever. You had just pulled a small heist, now it was your favourite part. The getaway.

A few more turnings through the winding streets and you would be at the switch point. There, you would meet Inej and she would disappear with the loot, while Jesper appears and shoots the men chasing you. That was the plan at least…When you and Kaz finally skidded to a halt at your location, you both looked up at the rooftops for Inej.

“Where is she?” Kaz hissed. You looked back down the road you had come from.

“Where’s the men?” You realised they should have caught up by now. Slow footsteps began to echo, coming from a nearby turning. You whipped your head around to see the man you just stole from. He grinned menacingly before pulling out a gun. Kaz clocked it before you did but before he could even take a step towards you, the shot rang out. The scroll fell from your hand and rolled down the street, towards the shooter.

“I’ll have that back now, thank you.” He said, all too politely. Then, he simply walked away while whistling a jaunty tune.

The shock wore off, as the whistling became quieter. Then came the pain. You held your hand against your stomach, only to be met with a wet warmth. Reality truly hit you when you looked down at your hand and saw the blood. All of a sudden you could feel it trickling down from your stomach until it fell in a pool on the floor. You looked to Kaz for reassurance, only to see him white as a sheet inching towards you terror.

“You need to apply pressure.” He instructed. You complied, but each second you felt as though you were fading. Until, you dropped.

“HEY!” Kaz shouted desperately poking you with his cane. “Stay awake and keep applying pressure. Inej and Jesper will be here…they’re just held up.” He hoped they would make it. A situation like this is the only time Kaz feels useless.

Your eyes started to roll as your vision became blurry. You tried to keep pressing on your wound, but your hands wouldn’t listen to you anymore. As your fingers fell beside you once again, you felt a hard pressure against your stomach. You knew you were delirious when you saw Kaz kneeling at your side, keeping your blood inside your body, allowing you to close your eyes at last. Kaz himself was beginning to feel like he was dreaming too. But his dream was a memory. The last time he had pushed his hair out of his face, your blood on his gloves ran up his arm beneath his sleeve. The wet sensation combined with the coldness of your body under his hands was all too familiar. He could almost feel the water choking him once more.

Kaz wanted nothing more than to sink his memories forever. But they kept surfacing to matter how hard he tried to focus on you. A scream ripped from his throat as he punched himself in the head, as if trying to evict the distraction of his childhood trauma. His eyes fell upon your face as he told himself this isn’t Jordie. You were still alive, at least you would be as long as he could keep himself together. He pressed more confidently against the wound at he thought of losing you, his partner in crime. He never expected to trust someone enough to call them that. He had his Crows, but never a partner. Not until you. Not since Jordie. A tear fell from his cheek onto yours as he stared down at your paling features.

He barely even noticed Inej’s arrival. It was shortly followed by Jesper’s much louder one.

“Sorry! We got held up by-“ Jesper froze when he saw the scene before him, then released a breath when he saw your chest rising.

“Shit. We need to get them back home.” Jesper jumped straight into action, less cautious to approach Kaz than Inej was. He took over Kaz’ position at your side and picked you up.

You woke up to a deep ache, causing you to groan and roll over. The movement changed the pain to a searing stab.

“FUCKING HELL!!!” You screamed.

“Good morning to you too.” Kaz’ made his presence in the room known to you. He was sat at the side of your bed smirking at you.

“I take it the men who were supposed to be chasing us are why Inej and Jesper were late?” You asked. Kaz answered you with only a nod, leaving you still concerned for your friends. Your rolled your eyes as sat up, this time sure to move slower. It did not help much, still feeling like you were being ripped open. You felt Kaz’ cane press against your chest gently.

“Lay down.” He sternly told you. You looked up at him in defiance but stopped when you saw his eyes. “Please.” His tone was more vulnerable this time, small like a whisper. You allowed his cane to push you back down, not missing the sadness in his eyes as a groan escaped you.

“I’m okay.” You sent him a comforting smile, which he returned.

“So are Inej and Jesper.”

Kaz had been in and out of your room all day in between handling business.

“I just came to say goodnight.” He said, though he seemed as though he was holding back. You decided not to pry, since you did not have the energy to get blood from a stone tonight.

“Goodnight Kaz.” You smiled. He turned to leave, looking almost disappointed. Then out of nowhere, he rushed back in and stopped when he reached your bedside. He looked deep into your eyes. The intensity woke your drowsy mind as your heart skipped a beat. “You are very special to me. Today was…” He trailed off and looked away. You thought he was about to turn around and leave again, but instead he sucked in a deep breath and quickly pressed a kiss to your forehead. As his lips met your skin, he lingered for a second. This was the closest you had ever felt to him. Not because of the physical contact though. It was rare for Kaz let someone see him feel. It felt intimate. But it was over as fast as it began.

“Goodnight.” He said once more, but this time he was breathless and shaking in a mix of fear and something else that he was finally ready to name.

“I love you.” He spoke. Before you could process the interaction, he was gone.

——-

Thank you for reading 🌹

[lvnleah]

Pumpkin carving chaos.

a cute one about the chaos that comes with pumpkin carving and three kids!

As always thank you to @scribblesofagoonerr for the help on this one! Also features everyone’s two favourites Buddy and monkey!

“I wan’ this pumpkin please!” You told Beth, pointing at the pumpkin that she had just placed on the table. 

“That one?” Beth asked, getting a nod from you as you sat on the dining table chair. “You sure? You want me to put it in front of you?”

You nodded, “Yeah! My pumpkin, when is Buddy gon’ be here?”

“Soon munchkin,” Beth laughed, “Are you excited to do pumpkin carving?”

“Yeah! Mines gon’ be a silly face, not scary!” You declared proudly as Beth set up the table with newspaper and pumpkins at every seat. 

Ever since doing pumpkin carving with Beth and Viv a couple of days ago, you had been begging them to let you do it with your little bestie Buddy. You’d been talking about it non-stop and eventually Beth gave in and arranged something with Leah. 

Halloween wasn’t for a few days yet and Viv was currently in the hospital having another operation on her knee so Beth was using it as something to distract you with. You watched as Beth set up the table with newspaper, carving tools and pumpkins, you sat with Twix happily on your lap as you waited for your best friend to arrive. 

Moments later, the familiar sound of the doorbell rang. You jumped down from the chair and ran towards the door with Myle and Beth following close behind, “Buddy’s here!” 

“Wait a second Roo,” Beth called out as she walked behind you, “Wait for me to open the door please.”

“Hurry up, Mummy!” you urged, bouncing on your toes as you waited by the door with Twix tucked tightly under your arm. 

Beth laughed, taking her time as she reached the door. “What happened to patience, little miss?”

You let out a huff. “I wanna see Buddy though!”

Beth chuckled at your impatience, “What about Auntie Le and Monkey?”

You scrunched up your nose, shrugging a bit. “Well, them as well,” you admitted with a grin, “but me and Buddy gon’ carve pumpkins like you promised! Hurry up, Mummy!”

“Alright, alright, I’m opening the door now!” Beth said, unable to hide her grin as she finally pulled it open.

“Roo!” Buddy’s voice rang out in delight as she launched herself forward, the two of you colliding in an enthusiastic hug.

“Buddy!” you squealed, wrapping your arms around her tightly.

“I’m here as well, remember?” Monkey murmured as she stepped inside. “Honestly, guess I've just been forgotten about now. That’s the harsh reality…”

Leah rolled her eyes, chuckling. “Oh, how will you cope?”

“She seems excited,” Beth said sarcastically, “What’s got you in a grump eh?”

“Malfoy here won’t let me hang out with Kyra alone,” Monkey huffed as Leah shut the door behind her. “Apparently we can’t be trusted alone!”

Leah sighed, shaking her head, “It’s for your own safety! Them two seem happy,” Leah said, nodding towards you and Buddy as you talked amongst yourselves about the pumpkins.

Beth nodded, chuckling. “She hasn’t stopped talking about Buddy coming round to carve pumpkins with her all morning,” she replied, her smile warm as she watched the two of you.

Leah shook her head, grinning. “Buddy has been the same, she’s been more of a chatterbox than usual.”

Beth raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Is that even possible?”

“Oh, okay, I see how it is!” Leah laughed, pretending to be offended. “That’s where Buddy’s got it from, huh? And here I thought it was just Keira telling her that.”

“Like mother, like daughter,” Beth teased as they made their way into the kitchen. “She definitely doesn’t get it from Jordy, that’s for sure.”

“Ha, good one, Beef!” Monkey piped up, appearing behind Leah and holding out her hand for a high-five with Beth, which Beth eagerly slapped. “Guess I should go and help the little rugrats with the drawing side of it?”

Beth smirked, crossing her arms. “Sure you don’t mind the gunk?”

“If they try to get me with the gunk like Buddy did last year, then I’m running…” Monkey said, “Well, okay, maybe not running, but you know—quick walk and all that.”

“Sure, we get you. I’m sure you’ll be fine, Menace,” Leah teased, giving Monkey an amused smile.

You and Buddy were already in your seats, pumpkins in front of you, eager to start. 

“Mummy! Hurry up,” you huffed, swinging your legs back and forth. “We wan’ carve them!”

“Yeah! Hurry up,” Buddy echoed like a little parrot, “We need to carve scary faces to scare people!”

Beth chuckled, “Alright, since when did you two become such little monsters huh?”

Monkey took her spot next to you, grabbing a marker and handing one to Buddy. “Alright, rugrats, before you can carve, you gotta draw the face you want. What’s it gonna be?”

You gave Monkey a determined nod. “I’m making a silly face. Not scary. But maybe a little spooky, like… spooky-funny!”

Buddy scrunched up her nose, clearly deep in thought. “Mine’s gon’ be super scary! Have big smile cos’ then it’ll be friendly too. Like a monster that makes people laugh!”

Beth shook her head, trying to hold back her laughter as she pulled up a chair to help. “So, we’ve got spooky-funny and scary-friendly. I think these pumpkins are in good hands.”

Leah sat down next to Beth, grabbing a carving tool and showing Buddy how to use it safely. “Alright, little monster, remember, we’re just drawing faces right now, no cutting yet. Once you’re happy, then we’ll help with the carving.”

Buddy nodded, her eyes wide as she carefully started drawing. You, meanwhile, had already sketched out two big eyes and a wobbly, goofy smile on your pumpkin, giggling at your own masterpiece.

Monkey leaned over to check it out, chuckling. “Looks like a little pumpkin with attitude! Alright, Miss Spooky-Funny, I’ll help with the mouth. You want teeth?”

You nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! Pointy ones, but not too pointy. I don’t want it to be scary-scary.”

As the drawing finished, Leah helped Buddy with her pumpkin design while Beth handed you and Buddy some tools for carving.

Beth took a deep breath as she held a small knife over the top of your pumpkin. “Alright, here we go,” she said, carefully cutting a circle around the stem. Once the lid was free, she lifted it with a triumphant smile. “Pumpkin top off—ta-da!”

Buddy peered into her pumpkin that Leah had just cut, practically bouncing in her seat. “Look at da’ guts!” she squealed, reaching in without hesitation to grab a handful of the sticky, stringy mess.

You, on the other hand, wrinkled your nose in disgust, leaning away from your pumpkin. “Eww! Mummy, it’s slimy and gross! It’s stinky!”

Monkey pulled a face of her own. “I’m with you, Roo. That stuff is just… rank.” She shivered dramatically. “Keep yer’ pumpkin guts away from me, Buddy!”

But Buddy was unfazed, squishing the pumpkin innards between her fingers. “It feel funny! Look, it all gooey!” She held up her handful of pumpkin guts, grinning from ear to ear.

Leah chuckled as she helped Buddy scoop out more of the insides. “Quite the little pumpkin enthusiast you are, aren’t ya bubba?”

Beth smiled, shaking her head. “She’s fearless, that’s for sure. Unlike these two wimps,” she teased, nodding toward you and Monkey, who were huddled away from the pumpkin mess with matching looks of horror.

You watched Buddy giggle as she played with the guts, looking both fascinated and appalled. “It stinks!”

Buddy just laughed, tossing some of the pumpkin seeds onto the newspaper in front of her. “It not bad! You try, Roo?”

You shook your head firmly. “No thank you!”

Beth grinned, handing you a spoon. “Here, use this instead, alright? No slimy fingers then.”

Monkey watched her with a raised eyebrow. “You’re really going all in there, aren’t you, Buddy?”

Buddy beamed, holding up a little clump of guts. “Look! Pumpkin monster!”

She wiggled the gooey mess in front of you, pretending it was alive, and you squealed, laughing, “Ewww, Buddy, no! 

Leah rolled her eyes playfully and set down Buddy’s pumpkin scooper. “Alright, alright, I think Roo’s had enough of the pumpkin monster. Let’s get back to making those silly and spooky faces, huh?”

You nodded with a big grin, now brandishing your spoon proudly as your tool of choice. Carefully, you started scraping out the inside of your pumpkin, occasionally glancing at Buddy, who was still digging in with her hands like a pro.

“Monks, look! Pumpkin guts,” Buddy smiled, holding up her messy hand that was covered in the pumpkin guts. “For ‘ou!”

Monkey shrieked, pulling away from Buddy, “No way, get that stuff away from me!”

You and Buddy giggled at Monkey’s reaction, both of you clearly entertained by her dramatics. Beth chuckled, shaking her head, “Alright, let’s keep the pumpkin guts to ourselves, yeah?”

Buddy pouted a little, wiping her hands on the newspaper, but quickly turned her attention back to her pumpkin. “Fine. ‘Ou missing out monks!”

Leah handed Buddy a napkin with a grin. “Okay, pumpkin monster, let’s make this masterpiece even scarier, yeah?”

Buddy nodded eagerly, going back to her drawing. “He’s gon’ have big teeth” she announced, adding exaggerated fangs to her pumpkin’s smile.

Meanwhile, you had finally scooped out enough to start carving. Beth sat beside you, guiding your hand carefully. “Alright, here’s the tool, but remember, just take it slow, yeah?”

You nodded, biting your lip in concentration as you began to carve the first eye. “It’s gonna look soooo funny,” you whispered. 

Monkey leaned over, watching your progress. “I don’t know, Roo. He looks pretty scary to me!”

You giggled, adding a wobbly eyebrow above one eye, “He no scary! He’s friendly!”

Beth stifled a laugh beside you. “Definitely unique looking!” she said proudly.

As you carved your pumpkin’s second eye, you glanced over at Buddy’s pumpkin, which now had exaggerated fangs and wild eyebrows that looked both terrifying and a little goofy.

Buddy looked over at your pumpkin and gasped dramatically. “Roo! ‘Our pumpkin is silly!”

You grinned, “Silly but friendly, like me!”

Leah smirked, watching you both. “These pumpkins are a sight to behold. I think they’re the best girls I've ever seen, girls!”

Monkey leaned over and snickered, “Oh yeah, they’re definitely original that’s for sure,” she, being on the recieving end of a glare from Leah while she held her hands up, “Geesh, alright, I was jokin’. I’m sorry!”

Leah contninued to eye Monkey before she turned to lean towards Buddy, “So, what’re we callin’ this pumpkin then, bubba?”

Buddy looked deep in thought for a few seconds before cracking a smile, “I know! His’ name gon’ be Freddie! Cos’ he’s scary!”

You looked at your pumpkin thoughtfully. “Mine’s Steve. He’s funny, like me!”

Beth slowly nodded her head, “Unique names…but they suit them!”

“Oh yeah, like from the movie… Shit,” Monkey’s eyes widened in realisation before quickly clamping her mouth shut within seconds, her eyes darted towards Leah in her realisation of her slip up, “Uhm, yeah, forget I said out about whatever I just said then!”

“That’s a cute name… Wait, what?” Leah crossed her arms, giving Monkey a disapproving look. “Are you kidding me?”

“I swear, Le, it’s not as bad as it sounds, honestly,” Monkey murmured, scracthing the back of her neck awkwardly, wondering to herself how she planned to get out of this one.

“Explain. Now,” Leah continued to look a mixture of intrigued and annoyed at the current situation, “You hadn’t better be about to say what I think you’re about to say, Menace.”

“Well, uh… So, well me and Kyra wanted to watch a film and uh… Buddy may or may not have happened to walk in at the wrong time,” Monkey mumbled, hoping Leah hadn’t caught onto it right at that moment, “See? It’s really not that bad!”

Beth grinned, “Oh really? And what movie might that be, Menace?”

“It was just a Halloween one, you know, only a smidge bit scary but there was well, there was a lot of toys in it, and uh she loved it!” Monkey continued to fidget nervously, “Didn’t you, Buddy?”

“Uh huh, it was fun!” Buddy nodded in agreement, “Five nights at Freddies!”

Leah’s eyes widened at the title of the movie, “Are you kidding me, Monkey?! What the hell is wrong with you– You let a 3 year old watch a horror film with you. I honestly can’t even fathom the words right now… How could you let this happen!?” she ranted right there and then on the spot, and Monkey knew she was done for.

“I know, I messed up and I’m sorry, but she honestly did love it though!” Monkey tried to clarify and make it better than it seemed.

“That doesn’t make it okay!” Leah was seething with the younger girl, shaking her head, “We will be talking about this later, lets’ just finish these pumpkins for now.” She declared.

After a bit more carving and laughter, the pumpkins were finally finished. You and Buddy proudly held them up for everyone to see.

“Alright, who’s ready to take these outside and light them up?” Beth asked, clapping her hands.

You and Buddy’s faces lit up in excitement. “Me! Me!”

As Beth and Leah carefully lifted the pumpkins to carry them outside, “Mummy, I wanna carry Steve!” you said, reaching out with both arms.

“Me too! I wan’ carry Freddie!” Buddy added, crossing her arms and looking up at Leah with a pout.

Leah chuckled, bending down to meet Buddy’s eyes. “Fred’s a bit heavy, but you can help me, okay?”

Buddy’s shoulders slumped slightly, clearly wishing she could manage it on her own. “I big enough to carry him myself,”she muttered, looking a little disappointed.

Beth glanced at you, amused. “Same with you, little miss. Steve might not be as heavy as Freddie, but he’s still a bit much for you, yeah?”

You crossed your arms stubbornly. “I’m strong! I can carry him,” you protested, looking at Beth with your best “I’m serious” face.

Beth softened, giving you a warm smile. “I know you’re strong, Roo, but pumpkins like these need two strong people to carry them.” 

You let out a tiny huff but nodded. “Why don’t you girls carry the lights, yeah? That’s the most important thing!” Leah suggested. 

“Yeah!” You nodded, taking a packet of LED candles from Beth. 

Outside, Beth and Leah set the pumpkins down, and you and Buddy immediately crouched in front of them, faces glowing with excitement as Beth switched on the LED candles inside.

“Look at him!” you said proudly, reaching out to pat Steve’s carved face.

Leah nodded, watching you both bask in pride. “I’d say Steve and Freddie are the best pumpkins ever!”

[swanimagines]

BY YOUR SIDE | KAZ BREKKER

Summary: Your dad has just died and you have gone to Kaz for comfort.

Kaz hated seeing you cry. Empathy was something Dirtyhands was supposed to lack, but when you sobbed there, it made him feel so helpless to see how you looked like a hollowed-out husk of who you usually were. The light in your eyes had dimmed as you wept into your knees.

Kaz remembered his own father dying, but he had been so young and had Jordie for support that the memories felt distant in comparison. He didn't know what to say or what to do, to be honest he hadn't expected you to come to him for comfort in the first place. Inej would be better at comforting, or Nina. But he would just sit there staring at you crying, you knew you wouldn't get hugs or kisses from Kaz Brekker no matter how much you cried. It wasn't something he was proud of.

After a while your sobs slowly died down and you wiped away your tears with one sleeve of your cardigan, sniffing back some snot. You ran your hand over your hair and tried to smile, though it looked more like someone else's imitation than anything real. "I'm sorry," you said softly. "You shouldn't have had to see me this way."

"No apology necessary," he replied, glancing at your hands folded in your lap.

Your voice sounded weak and strained when you spoke again. "I... I  just don't know what to do."

He frowned, he knew you were good friends with other Crows. He was the worst possible person you could come to with a matter like this. He didn't even know you'd be willing to show yourself being so vulnerable in front of him, especially after he had been extremely vocal about affection and love being a weakness, completely opposite of what most of the other Crows stood for. And he kind of considered telling you that and sending you off, but... he couldn't. You weren't weak, just lost.

Kaz glanced around the room as if looking for an answer, but then shook his head and sighed, standing up from his desk. He had a meeting to attend downstairs, but he didn't want to send you off in that state. He walked up to his clothing rack, taking one of his coats and went back to you. You flinched upon feeling the soft fabric landing on your shoulders and looked up.

"Take it. It's cold here," he told you, still not sure where to take you or how else to help you. But this would be the best he could do as for now. "We have a meeting with the Crows in a few minutes. But I'll be back in an hour or so."

You blinked at him, but then slowly wrapped the coat tighter around you. A flicker of your light passed in your eyes, which made the corner of Kaz's mouth twitch upwards.

"Thank you," you whispered, and he nodded before heading out from the office.

---

The heist had been planned ready and Kaz could almost see the kruge glinting in the vault already as he made his way back upstairs. He smirked at the thought of yet another foolish merchant thinking they were clever enough to beat his gang, and having to eat their words when their vault would be empty.

He opened his office door and paused. He had forgotten about you completely, or maybe he thought you'd go to your room while he's at the meeting. But instead, you had dozed off on his sofa, clutching his coat in your hands and wearing it like a blanket. Your hair had fallen down around your face, and you looked like one of Inej's Saints. It made his heart skip a beat.

Kaz set his blueprints down on his desk and glanced at you sleeping there, wondering if he should wake you up and send you off into your own room, but then decided against it. You needed comfort, and if you could get it from sleeping on his couch with his coat as your blanket, so be it.

Maybe he wouldn't confess it, or even acknowledge it himself, but Kaz Brekker was completely and utterly in love with you and would do anything for you.

---

Requests are always open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[misscongeniality18]

Hi! I LOVE YOUR WRITINGS SO MUCH SO I'M HERE AGAIN! This time I would like to ask you to write something about Kaz Brekker and reader where she is like a longtime friend and a member of the Crows. The two have always had feelings for each other but never spoke about it so, when they argue because something dangerous happens, the truth comes out and a smut at the end?! I love this prompt so much. I don't know why but I'm so obsessed with best friends to lovers!

OMG girl yes, I love this trope too! This is my first fic with any smut, but I'll try my best! I also didn't mean to make this so long, but it just sort of happened?

Movement - Kaz Brekker (18+, Minors DNI)

Synopsis ! You and Kaz have been friends forever, but lately, you couldn't help but want something more. When the two of you are put in danger's path, both of your truths are out in the open. Pairing ! Kaz Brekker x fem!reader Genres ! Friends-to-lovers, angst, fluff, smut Warnings ! Violence, blood, danger, language, reader is the only one who can touch Kaz, maybe slightly ooc Kaz?, kissing, nudity, sexual content (fingering, p in v sex, unprotected sex [wrap it up people]) Word Count - 3047

" When you move

I'm put to mind of all that I wanna be

When you move

I could never define all that you are to me "

- Movement, Hozier

Masterlist Request Guide

You and Inej ran across the rooftops, jumping from gable to gable. Tonight's heist had a plentiful bounty that sat nestled in Inej's pockets. The two of you had been charged with stealing some pieces of the Ravkan crown jewels that had been taken from the palace and illegally sold.

What did Kaz want with stolen jewels? He may be your best friend, but not even you could read his mind. He had tells, of course, as did almost everybody, but Kaz’s past made him especially skillful at hiding them. You knew this all too well.

After all, you had been the one to pull him out of the harbor.

You had been infected with firepox like Kaz and his brother, but Jordie was the only one who perished out of the three of you. You didn’t know them personally at the time, only in passing. When you and Kaz were both dumped into the harbor with the others who had died, thought to be dead yourselves, you had woken up to same horrors of rotting corpses around you and the feeling of cold, mushy flesh.

While you had been around death and illness before—witnessing your parents die of the disease—Kaz hadn’t seen anything like this until then. He’d had to use his brother’s body as a life raft to swim to shore. You’d grown up swimming in a nearby fishing village, so you swam to shore easily. When you saw Kaz struggling, you’d reached out to him, and he’d hung onto you for dear life.

That night had been traumatizing for him, and for years afterwards, he was unable to touch anyone. It took several more years to get him to touch you, and you’d been patient and worked with Kaz to get used to the feeling of skin on skin again. But it could only be you. Anyone else, and he’d be right back in the water.

You were always there to pull Kaz out of the murky depths, witnessing him at his lowest. You were also there to see him in his triumph of leading his Crows and defeating Pekka Rollins. Finally, he could rest, and Kaz wanted to do it with you.

While planning heists, of course.

Kaz didn’t want you going along, and he’d always try to persuade you to stay behind or at least stay by his side. He always had a soft side for you, so he’d usually meet you halfway. You were in the same boat; your connection to Kaz originated from your soul, and you’d do anything to appease him. But tonight, Kaz wasn’t there, so you took the opportunity to join Inej on the rooftops.

You just didn’t expect anyone to shoot you.

Kaz stormed into your room at the Slat, the door slamming into the wall behind him as he took in your white undershirt lifted just enough to reveal the bloodied gash on the side of your ribs. “What the hell happened?”

You rolled your eyes as Jesper held you down while Nina worked to heal the wound in your side. “It’s a scratch, Kaz. I’m totally fine. The bullet didn’t hit anything serious.”

“Bullet?!” Kaz exclaimed in shock. “I was told you fell off the roof.”

Wylan, from his spot in the corner of the room, hummed in opposition. “That was after she was shot.”

You suddenly let out a groan, squirming in Jesper’s arms. Kaz rushed over as fast as he could, ignoring the searing pain in his leg. “Move, Jes.”

Kaz took Jesper’s spot in keeping you still while Nina finished healing you. “It’s going to leave a scar, but you should be fine by the morning. Good thing the bullet never actually went through you.”

“That will be enough, Nina,” Kaz said lowly, and everyone knew to clear the room as fast as they could.

As soon as the others were gone, you sighed, pulling your undershirt down to cover your bandage. “Say what you’re going to say and get it over with.”

“How the fuck could you be so stupid? Joining Inej on the roof, of all places? Why not be with Nina or Jesper on the ground? We all know how clumsy you are, so it was just a matter of time before you fell off, and oh, look. You did!”

You snorted. “Like Wylan said, that was after I was shot.”

Kaz glared at you as he paced the room, leaning heavily on his cane. “That doesn’t make it any better.”

“Nothing ever does. You never let me do anything.” A child-like pout formed on your lips, and Kaz wanted to tuck your bottom lip back in place.

He refrained, however. “I have my reasons.”

“Saints, Kaz,” you huffed, sitting up and carefully standing, trying to keep your bandages in place. “If you’re not going to let me go on jobs, why am I even here?”

Kaz met your eyes, the most intense and unique shade of blue you’d ever seen. “When we were young, we promised to stick together. Don’t you remember?”

You swallowed, memories flashing behind your eyes; pinkies interlocking, teary eyes, and yes, the promise that the two of you had made.

“Of course I remember, you idiot,” you replied, holding out your pinkie finger.

Kaz glanced down at it out of the corner of his eye, dead set on refusing, but he could never say no to you. He sighed, linking your bare finger with his gloved one. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you,” he whispered, deep and low in his throat.

You shook your head, lips turning upwards. “You will never lose me, Kaz. I’m yours forever.”

Something crossed his eyes for a brief moment, something you’d never seen before.

“What is it?” You asked.

“Do you mean that? That you’re mine?”

You furrowed your brow, searching his face, but he turned away. “Kaz? What is it? Why are you asking me this?”

He sighed your name, closing his eyes. “I—I think I…The way that I feel about you…I think it’s…I think…”

Kaz trailed off, his chest rising with every breath, unable to finish his sentence, and he turned away. But his shield dropped, and you were able to see every emotion he was feeling.

Now you recognized what you were seeing. You’d just never seen it in Kaz before. It all made sense. The way he never wanted you in harm’s way, how he would always turn to you for advice, secrets that only you knew, the smiles that appeared only when you were around. Kaz cared for you. He…

He loved you.

Your heart soared because you loved him too. You have for a while now, but you’d never been able to act on it. Yes, Kaz was able to touch you, but in this capacity, you weren’t sure.

Taking the small step to close the distance between you was terrifying, but you were meant for terrifying things.

“Yes, Kaz,” you whispered. “I’m yours.”

You looked down at his lips, the palest of pinks. Your breaths intermingled, you were so close. “Are you… Can I…?”

You hated that you couldn’t get the questions out. It was Kaz, but you still felt like you should know him well enough not to ask. But since it was Kaz, you had to. You didn’t want to do anything he wasn’t ready for.

“I’ve never… I don’t know how,” he admitted, turning away from you, cheeks turning the color of his lips.

“It’s okay,” you said, slowly lifting a hand. At your inquiring gaze, Kaz nodded. Your hand was warm against his cool skin. “I’ll follow your move.”

Kaz inched closer, noses brushing. “Is this okay?”

You nodded, eyelids fluttering. “Yes. Are you okay?”

He let out a breath, sending gooseflesh over your skin. “Yes,” he answered, and then his lips touched yours.

It was like no kiss you’ve ever had before. The others you’d kissed had been rushed, a frenzy of lips and tongues and teeth. But Kaz’s kiss, it was slow and deliberate, like he wanted to stop time itself and stay in this moment with you.

All in all, you were seeing a different side of Kaz. He usually had a hard exterior, the ruthless Bastard of the Barrel persona he had created. When he was alone with you, he was more relaxed and open, but still haunted by the ghosts of his past. You’d never gotten to know the boy he was before, only the one you had helped out of the harbor.

Was this who you were seeing? Not Kaz Brekker, but Kaz Rietveld? A boy who was curious and sweet-natured, tender and benevolent?

Then his tongue stroked your bottom lip, and you jumped in surprise.

“Was that wrong?” Kaz asked, panic lighting up his eyes.

“No,” you said, shocked. “It was right.”

Kaz grinned at you, a true smile this time, not the little thing he did as the notorious gang leader, and his gloved hands gingerly touching your waist, careful of your injury. “Can we do it again?”

You returned the smile. “Yes.”

He kissed you again, much more confident and sure than before. When his hands moved across your waist, brushing your bandaged side, you gasped.

“Sorry,” he mumbled against your lips between kisses.

You hummed, chills running down your spine when his hands gripped your hips. “It’s okay.”

“I’d like to try something else, if that’s okay?”

You pulled back a hair’s breadth to look into his eyes, his pupils blown wide, and you knew how much your kisses were affecting him. “Are you sure? This isn’t moving too fast for you?”

“I’ve wasted enough time, and I don’t want to wait any longer. I just…” He lowered his head, stray bits of his hair brushing against your bare shoulder. “I’ve never done this before.”

You brushed away the hair that had fallen forward, lifting his head to you. Your fingers tangled themselves in his dark locks, silky and fine to the touch. “We’ll take it one step at a time.”

Kaz leaned forward and kissed your forehead, a simple, gratuitous kiss, and then he brushed his lips across your temple, your cheekbones, your jaw, and then the crook of your neck. He was experimenting, finding each touch a new and thrilling way to explore you. “Is this okay?” He mumbled against your shoulder.

You had your head tilted back, eyes closed. Every single one of Kaz’s kisses tingled against your skin, and your breath came out in pants. “Yes,” you gasped. “Don’t stop.”

Kaz continued to press kisses to your shoulders, across your collarbone, against your throat. “Tell me what to do,” he whispered.

“Do whatever you want,” you breathed.

“And if I want to take your shirt off?”

You opened your eyes, lids heavy with want. Kaz’s eyes were blazing with a fire you’d only ever seen when he’d defeated Pekka Rollins, but that had been a sinister and triumphant flame, and this was burning only for you out of desire.

“Then take it off.”

Kaz fingered the hem of your shirt, lifting it ever so slowly. He avoided the bandage on your side, and when the garment was over your head, he tossed it to the floor.

“Saints,” Kaz cursed, gazing at your bare skin and breasts. “You’re so beautiful,”

You pulled him towards you, kissing him feverishly. “Touch me, please.”

Kaz ran a hand over belly, up your ribcage, and lightly trailed his fingers over the swell of your breast, causing you to gasp in his mouth. “Is that good?” He asked, his voice low and coarse.

“Yes.”

“What about this?” He inquired as his thumb brushed against your nipple.

“Yes,” you whined, enjoying his experimentation. He wasn’t trying to be seductive, you knew, but Saints, he was doing a very good job. Your lower belly fluttered, and desire pooled between your legs.

“And if I were to…”

A gasp left your lips as his mouth closed around a nipple, tongue swirling around the sensitive bud. One of his hands squeezed the breast not occupied by his mouth, and the other settled low on your hip, fingers digging into the soft flesh of your ass.

Your own hands gripped the collar of Kaz’s shirt, and you pulled him towards your bed. He moved to support you as the two of you lowered to the mattress.

Kaz gazed down at you, bare and flushed for him, glowing in the candlelight. You really were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. If it was between you or mountains of gold, he’d choose you in a heartbeat. Hell, he’d even give the gold to Pekka if it meant keeping you forever.

You trailed your fingers over the expanse of his clothed chest, feeling the hard muscles underneath. Then you undid one button, and then another, and another. You blinked up at him, searching him for hesitation. “Is this okay?”

Kaz nodded, starting to undo some buttons himself, and your fingers met in the middle to slide the fabric over his shoulders together. You wrapped your arms around him, holding him close to you, feeling his bare chest against yours as your lips met again. Legs opening to accommodate his body, you held him to you, and you never wanted to let go.

Hands were everywhere, to your surprise. Never before has Kaz touched you like this, so unreserved and wanting. Before, he would give you a hand to help you up, or a simple pat on the shoulder for a job well done. But this, you didn’t want him to stop.

His hands brushed against the fastenings of your pants, and the hesitation set it. Kaz’s throat bobbed, and before he could say anything, you reached down and undid the buttons yourself, shimmying the material over your hips and kicking it to the floor.

Kaz raked his gaze over you, a faint blush creeping over his skin. He licked his lips, his fingers sliding down your hip, over your thigh. His eyes met yours, and you felt yourself melting under the intensity of his desire. “Can I?” He asked, and you opened your legs in answer.

One finger ran over your seam, and your breath hitched. Then Kaz spread you, the pad of his finger brushing against the tiny bundle of nerves that made you moan. Kaz looked up at you, mischief gleaming in his eyes, and he touched you there again.

Your head thrown back, you gripped your sheets tightly, the anticipation making you squirm. Kaz followed the trail of your wetness to your entrance, and he drew tiny circles around you, and your hips bucked in search for more. This made Kaz curious, so he slowly pushed his finger into you, and you sighed.

You were so warm and wet, Kaz found. And the more he moved his finger, withdrawing it from you before sliding back in, the wetter you became. The sounds you made stirred something within him, setting his heart to pounding.

Then you moaned his name when he hit a certain spot inside of you.

“Kaz.”

He lifted his head to you, and you were watching him, your pupils so dilated, they covered the beautiful color of your irises. Your chest was rising and falling as you stared at him, and then you sat up, causing his finger to leave your warmth.

You reached for him, pulling his face to yours in a kiss. “I need you,” you whispered against his lips, and your hands were creating a trail down his chest and to his belt. “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” Kaz said, and his hands joined yours in unbuckling his belt. Together, you removed his pants, and Kaz kicked off his shoes.

You slid a hand between you, touching the hard length of him with your fingertips. A groan left him, and his head dropped to rest against your shoulder. You pressed a kiss to his hair as you wrapped your hand around him, slowly moving up and down. He grew harder with every stroke, and he began to press kisses to your neck and shoulder.

An idea sparked in your mind, and you hooked one leg around his hips, flipping so you were on top. Kaz’s eyes went wide, and he met yours as excitement and expectation set in. You continued to stroke him, and as you moved to hover over him, you asked, “Is this okay?”

“Yes,” he replied, and he crashed his mouth to yours as you slowly lowered onto him.

Saints, this was better than your hand. You were extraordinary. Mouths moving against one another, bodies joined in a way that was so intimate, nothing would ever take its place. This was heaven, and Kaz would never be the same after this.

You moved, sliding your hips away from his before returning back to him. Every stroke of you around him made Kaz’s insides tighten until it felt like he was going to burst. He ran his hands over every inch of you he could reach, over your arms and shoulders, your waist, and following the movement of your hips.

The moans continued to leave your mouth even as you kissed him, and when you muttered that you were close, he felt you tighten around him, and that was his undoing.

Everything within Kaz shattered, as if something snapped within him. He held you against him, not wanting to let you go. When your breath returned, you slid off of him, the evidence of his release sticking to the insides of your thighs.

“Will you hand me my shirt?” You asked, collapsing beside him.

Kaz leaned over the side of the bed, grabbing the thin undershirt you had been wearing. You cleaned him off first, then yourself before throwing the shirt back to the floor. Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, Kaz held you close, and you tucked your head underneath his chin. Your legs were intertwined, and so were your fingers, the sweat making your bodies stick together.

This moment was perfection, Kaz thought, and he nuzzled your hair.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Your lips turned upwards in a smile as you pressed them lightly to his chest, eyes growing heavy with exhaustion.

“I love you, too.

[mcntsee]

Her smile

Summary: I taught you everything you know. Her words resonated through his mind. I saved you. And she had. He couldn’t deny it any longer. It’s not like he ever had; he was just too much of an asshole to admit it to her.

Warnings: A little bit of angst, but mostly fluff. Good ending (maybe…). Violence, blood, etc… There’s a little of Kaz’s backstory mentioned, but it has slight changes. I think a curse word here and there, I can’t remember. This was a little bit rushed, so expect grammatical mistakes. One or two uses of “Y/n”.

Quick clarifications: Y/n is a year or two older than Kaz, not more. This is kind of written from Kaz’s point of view. You get a glimpse of his thoughts, which are in italics. You might also see the constant use of the word “ja”, that was just me trying to add a little Kerch touch to the story. ( Ja = Yes. )

Author’s note: I am still trying to figure out this new writing style, but actually really liked how this turned out. I tried not to make Kaz that ooc, but I’m unsure of whether I succeeded or not. Comments are extremely appreciated!

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

Keep running. That was the only thing Kaz could think of. Run or be caught and end up like Jordie. So he ran. He ran, and kept running until his legs gave out. Get up. Keep running. But he couldn’t.

The temperatures were dropping, he had cast off his wet pants, but his shirt still clung to him, reminding him of the dew-laden grass back in Lij that would stubbornly stick to his bare feet. I need a different shirt.

As he gasped for breath, contemplation filled the moment, presenting an opportunity to plan his next move. Though he knew some clothing stores were open, the absence of funds and a nagging doubt lingered – in Ketterdam, who would spare a glance for a kid in drenched clothes?

I could bite another kid. He thought, but he knew the chances of acquiring more clothing items out of acting like a rabid dog were slim. Moreover, he pondered the peculiarity of another child rummaging through the barrel at this hour. Think, Rietveld, think.

A moving shadow caught his attention from the corner of his eye, triggering the instinct to flee from potential danger. Yet, just as he prepared to sprint, he discerned the diminutive size of the shadow, halting him before he could take off. They can’t be much older than me.

To his credit, it had seemed like a brilliant plan. Biting the other kid had secured him a new pair of pants, albeit snug in certain areas craving more breathing room. Regardless, they were dry.

Why, then, should he have anticipated the petite shadow to swiftly twist his arm at an angle before the opportunity to enact his rabid dog performance even arose?

“I haven’t seen you around before.”

Kaz had expected the shadow to be many things, a girl, however, had not been one of them. Jordie would have died laughing if he saw this.

“Cat ate your tongue?”

“It did not. No.”

“There you go. What business?”

He had heard that question before – in the alleys, the pleasure houses, along Geldstraat, Jakob Hertzoon.

“No business.”

With a huff, the mysterious girl relinquished her grip on his arm and nudged him with a push. Run, Kaz. Run. But something else in him had told him to stay.

“What is it that you want then, …-“

“Kaz.”

“What do you want, Kaz?”

Multiple answers ran through his head, all of them something that he desperately needed- Jordie, my da, money, food, Hertzoon. “I want a dry shirt.”

“Is that why you’ve been scaring kids off?”

“You’ve been following me.”

“Can you blame me? You caught the attention of a lot of people after biting the kid.”

Admittedly, he was aware of the fact that it had not been his brightest idea, but he was desperate.

“I suppose I could help. Wait here.”

And just like that, she was gone. Not even leavening the sound of her footsteps behind. She won’t come back. Ignoring his mind, he decided to wait. Wait and hope that she would return. Hope is dangerous. Still, he waited.

Not long after, a whispered “Kaz!” was heard from the shadows. “Come here!”

And went he did. His gaze jumping from corner to corner, trying to figure out why the mysterious girl suddenly had the urge to whisper.

“Here you go.”

“Wha- Where did you get this from?”

“That store over there.”

“I don’t have money to pay you back.”

“Pay me back? It was free.”

Free? He doubted that. Ketterdam did not seem like the place where free clothes were handed out to kids in need. So, how did she get a free shirt? Oh.

“You stole it?”

“Ja.”

“How?”

“You really are new here, huh?”

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

“Jakob Hertzoon?”

“That’s what I said, ja.”

“No clue. Never heard that name before.”

How could she possibly not know Hertzoon when she knows everyone in this forsaken city?

“He is a scammer. A thief.”

“You are going to have to be a little more specific than that, Kaz.”

“Old, average height, beard.”

“Sounds to me like everyone else in Ketterdam.”

Great. He had truly believed that she would be able to help him find Hertzoon, but it seemed like luck hadn’t been on his side for a while now.

“Anyone you can think of?”

“No, not really.”

“He has a daughter. Saskia.”

And he assumed that was the key detail she sought because the moment the name escaped his lips, she froze. Maybe luck is on my side.

“Red ribbon girl?”

“Yes!”

“Oh, Kaz…”

Maybe luck is not on my side.

“What?”

“There is no Jakob Hertzoon.”

He hated her. So much. No one believed him, and just when he thought he could trust someone again, she went and crushed it like it was nothing.

“There is.”

“No, Kaz-“

“Why won’t you believe me?”

He felt like crying. He felt betrayed. The same way he did the day Jordie had him climb up to the window to peek inside, only to find that Hertzoon was gone. That they had been betrayed.

“I do believe you.”

“Then-“

“That’s not his name.”

“He said it was-“

Oh. You idiot. Of course that was a lie too.

“The person you are looking for is Pekka Rollins.”

Pekka Rollins.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

Since that day, Kaz had remained by her side, recognizing that an ally in an unfamiliar city was preferable to navigating it alone.

“And you are doing this because…?”

“None of your business.”

“All of my business, Kaz.”

In moments like this, Kaz found himself longing for the chance to rewind time, back to the day they met, and enact his plan of biting and escaping.

“I want to do something nice for someone.”

“Mmh. What you’re trying to say is that you fancy someone, ja?”

“Ja.”

Once again, that stupid smile adorned her face. However, he comprehended the reason behind her teasing. After all, he had been seeking her assistance to conquer his phobia throughout the entire past week.

“Of course I’ll help you, Kaz. You just need to wait a week.”

“Why?”

“The old man wants my help in some stupid job.”

“What job?”

“I’m just meeting with some contractors, nothing fun.”

Initially intending to wait, he seized the chance when an opportunity unexpectedly presented itself.

It started off small, with him merely removing his gloves for brief intervals, but soon he opted to take it a step further.

Had he waited a mere couple of hours, perhaps he wouldn't find himself holding an ice pack to his left cheek right now. Unfortunately, impatience got the better of him.

Believing that taking on a job without his gloves was a clever shortcut, he hadn't anticipated Borj assigning him the task of restraining someone.

It had been too much, too fast, forcing him to release the individual. He had inadvertently granted someone an escape opportunity, all because of a girl.

“Kaz.”

Run. Hide. Yet, after the brutal beating he endured, he lacked the strength for either option.

“Kaz.”

“What?”

“What happened?”

Despite the strong urge to snap at her, to demand solitude, he found himself disheartened and in pain. So he told her everything.

“Where’s Borj?”

“Don’t know. Don’t care.”

But apparently, she had cared because as soon as those words escaped his lips, she was on her feet and walking away from him. You are weak, Brekker.

Not long after she left, a commotion outside caught his attention. Initially inclined to ignore it, given the commonality of fights in the barrel, he changed his mind upon recognizing her voice. Rising to his feet, he went in search of her.

"Does it make you feel powerful, Borj? Stronger, or better than everyone else?”

There she stood, an accusatory finger pointed and rhythmically striking Borj in the chest.

“Does beating a kid make you feel like you matter?"

"Get out of here before I beat your ass too, kid."

But defiance laced her words as she challenged, "Try me."

And try he did.

That marked the final encounter Kaz had with Borj.

Of course, that's excluding the occasion when she assisted him in tracking down Borj, enabling him to exact his own revenge.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

“Breathe, Kaz.”

“I am.”

“You are not.”

He truly wasn’t. Despite an hour of attempting to crack the lock, he couldn’t find the pressure point she kept talking about.

“Stop.”

“No, I almost got it.”

“Stop.”

With a sigh, the lock picks he had previously been using clattered on the table, his gloved hand reaching up to rub at his temples in frustration.

“If you keep jabbing the lock picks in, you won’t be able to find where to push down on.”

This was a stupid idea. He had witnessed her effortlessly open various locks within seconds and believed that asking her to teach him was a brilliant plan.

It wasn't her fault, really. He simply had a tendency to get frustrated when things didn't unfold as he intended.

The fact that he was embarrassing himself in front of her wasn't helping in the slightest either. How was he supposed to steal her heart if he couldn’t even learn to pick a lock?

But then she flashed that smile, and everything seemed to get better.

“Here, let me show you again.”

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

“Aim higher.”

“I can’t aim any higher unless you want the bullet to- hopefully, hit a bird.”

With a sigh, she stepped closer to him, her hand extending.

“May I?”

A nod of his head was all she needed before she carefully grabbed his arm, pushing it slightly upward.

“There. Try again.”

A single shot echoed through the air and this time, unlike the many others, the bullet hit the mark.

“Attaboy.”

And, saints, if he hadn’t been smiling already because of his success, he knew he would've struggled to suppress the grin that would've undoubtedly appeared on his face at the sight of her twinkling eyes and smile.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

“Please just go.”

“I won’t until you tell me what’s wrong, Kaz.”

What isn’t wrong?

“I won't be able to fix all of your problems, but you'll never have to face them alone.” With those words, she stepped closer. His breath caught, his body responding as it always did. His stomach churned, hands trembling, and sweat starting to form on his forehead. “I may not have all the answers or solutions, but I do have all the time in the world for you.”

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Who exactly was he thinking about, he wasn’t sure. For all that mattered, it could’ve been her, Jordie, or even Pekka- again. But most of all, he detested what he’d become.

I hate you, Rietveld.

“It's alright if things are going differently to what you had planned, Kaz.”

But it isn’t.

“It's alright if your life is taking turns you never could've predicted.”

It has for a while now.

“It's alright if you're feeling overwhelmed.”

I am. Constantly overwhelmed with dreams and hopes that I just can’t pursue. I am not strong enough.

“Kaz, there is no rulebook for existing.”

I wish there were.

“Watching you move through life with your head held high and your strength radiating, even on the tough days, has been such an eye-opening and inspiring experience.”

But it was fake. He was not strong. He was scared.

She could sense the turmoil inside his mind. She didn't need to hear it to understand the dark narrative he was weaving for himself. The destructive lies his brain was pleading with him to believe.

“I can't protect you from everything,” another step closer, “but I'll do my best to make sure you're safe.”

Soon, she had reached his bed, and with a subtle nod, he silently granted her permission to sit beside him, his gaze still fixed downward.

“I trust you, with the entirety of my heart.” Carefully, she lifted her arm, waiting for his response. Anticipating him to tell her to stop, expecting him to push her away as he always did.

But this time, he didn't. He inhaled deeply and, with deliberate effort, raised his body off the bed using his arms, moving closer to her.

He could feel the heat radiating from her, even at a distance. He could feel her warmth, and he longed for it. He yearned to draw nearer.

He longed to break down and cry, wishing for her embrace to envelop him. Imagining her tender hand soothingly moving up and down his back while he heard the gentle thumping of her heart.

“I hope you never forget that I believe in you. Wholeheartedly. With every fibre of my being.”

In that moment, he let his eyes brim with unshed tears, and for once, he allowed someone to see it. His gazed slowly moved up from the ground, halting at the sight of her face, and then delicately tracing down her features, pausing at the captivating allure of her smile.

And for the first time ever, he allowed himself to fall into her welcoming arms.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

“How did you do that?”

“What?”

“The pen thing.”

“Magic.”

“Teach me.”

For the first time ever, she was asking him to teach her something. He never thought this moment would come. He had believed that there was nothing she didn’t know how to do.

Yet, here she was, seeking his guidance to unravel the secrets of a magic trick. A small shift, perhaps, but an unexpected and welcomed turn nonetheless.

“A magician never reveals his secre-”

“Oh for Saint’s sake, Kaz.”

“All right, all right.”

Saints. That smile.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

“You are not thinking clearly, Brekker.”

“I’m thinking clear enough to know that you are not helping.”

She is right. Deep down he knew that. She is always right. But today, he wouldn’t accept it.

He had a solid plan. The only issue was that the blueprints he had acquired were not up to date, and the building he was meant to be in was old.

“You are going to get yourself killed, Kaz.”

“So what?”

Numerous opportunities for death had come his way, but it hadn’t claimed him yet. So, what was another risk going to do? If he was meant to die, he would.

“If you don’t care, I do.”

“Ja?”

“Ja.”

Of course, she cares. Yet, he wasn’t about to abandon his plan that easily. Unless she had a better one, he wasn’t going to heed her advice any longer.

“Let me go in.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Listen to me-“

“No.”

He was reckless, yes. But not reckless enough to send her into the building. He knew the risks, and he wouldn’t take the one that could potentially lead to losing her.

His chair was suddenly yanked back from his desk. In an instant, he found himself pinned to the wall, her foot next to his shoulder, blocking him from moving the chair back to its original place.

“If you won’t listen, I’m going to make you listen.”

Kaz's face suddenly reddened, the close proximity and her position evoking an unexpected sensation within him.

Saints.

"If you go in there and something happens, we both know you won’t be able to make it out." she stated firmly. “This is not the way to take down Rollins.”

He was in no position to deny it. He wouldn’t make it out, that was for sure. His leg had been bothering him for the last month, which had also made him slower. Made me weak.

“I can. You know I can.”

With a swift move of his leg, he hit hers, causing her to fall to the ground sideways. This gave him the perfect opportunity to stand up.

Just like she had, he positioned his foot right next to her shoulder and leaned down, close enough so that their faces were almost touching.

“Not so fast now, are you?”

“Asshole.”

Help her up. But he resisted the urge to. Instead, with their faces so close, he said, “If risking your life to prove that you’re better is what makes you leave me alone, then do so.” And with that, he moved.

Her face displayed fury, brows furrowed, mouth in a thin line. But, he didn’t care enough to spare her a second glance. Instead, he sat back down on his chair and moved it back to his desk.

“You would be nothing without me, Brekker.”

“I disagree.”

“I taught you everything you know.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, darling.”

“I saved you. Don’t forget that.”

And just like that, she was gone, leaving nothing but the echo of a slammed door behind.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

I taught you everything you know. Her words resonated through his mind. I saved you. And she had. He couldn’t deny it any longer. It’s not like he ever had; he was just too much of an asshole to admit it to her.

No. No, no, no! He refused to accept that it was over. That she was gone, vanished in the blink of an eye. That she had died believing that he was ungrateful. Believing that he hated her.

He could never hate her; he loved- loves her. I love her.

Run. That was the only thing Kaz could think of. Run or risk her dying. So he ran. He ran, and kept running until his legs screamed at him to stop. Don’t stop. Keep running. And he did.

He ran until he reached the remnants of the building she had been in. The building I let her go into.

"Help!" he yelled at the rest of the crows, hoping they would start running and come to help him find her.

Dig. Dig. Dig, and keep digging. he urged himself, desperation mounting. Every rock he picked and discarded elsewhere only revealed more rocks underneath. No sign of her. Dig until your hands bleed.

It felt like an eternity before Jesper yelled at them, “She’s here!” Before Jesper even had the chance to finish what he was saying, Kaz had already gotten up and started running towards him. “Where?”

“Where, Jesper, where?”

Kaz’s gaze trailed along the path indicated by Jesper’s finger, only to find a bloodied hand underneath the rubble. No, no, no.

He swiftly dropped to his knees, fervently tossing rocks in all directions. Keep digging, were the only words in his mind.

Kaz could hear the sound of his gloves ripping, but in this moment, he paid it no mind. He persisted in his efforts until her top half emerged from beneath the rubble. “Darling?”

He could feel the ghosts of his past clutching at his back, attempting to drag him under the water. But he couldn’t let them. He wouldn’t.

Come on, Rietveld. His hands were shaking, and he could hear his friend calling his name, asking him to move aside, to allow them to pull her from beneath the rubble, but he ignored it.

He couldn't bear the thought of living without her by his side, without her guiding him through everything he longed to learn.

He couldn’t fathom the thought of never seeing her eyes sparkle or living without ever hearing the sound of her voice, the resonance of her laughter.

He couldn’t imagine a world where her stupidly beautiful smile never graced his sight again.

With shaky hands, he seized her from underneath the shoulders and pulled.

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

Three fractured bones, two dislocated joints, a canvas of cuts and bruises, and head trauma.

That’s what the medik had told them. Those were her injuries. Injuries caused by my stupidity.

She must’ve been anticipating the collapse and realized that escaping in time was impossible. The medik also conveyed the belief that the position she deemed safer to take had ultimately saved her life. Smart girl.

To him, witnessing her so unnaturally still was a disconcerting sight, one he never wished to experience again.

In the time they had known each other, Kaz had only seen her injured three times, including this incident. Ironically, each of those three instances where she got hurt was somehow connected to him.

“Brekker!”

“Ja?”

“I’m going to murder you.”

He could see the fury in her eyes, and for a second, he entertained the thought that she might actually kill him.

He was well aware that he was breaking every rule she had set up for him. These rules were not akin to the ones parents give their children – no candy after seven, brush your teeth before bed, and so on. No, these rules, according to her, had been crafted to keep him safe, to keep him alive.

But he just couldn’t stop thinking about Rollins. He understood that venturing into the Dime Lions' turf was risky, downright foolish. However, he felt compelled to get a closer look at him, to learn everything about him in order to destroy him, to make him pay.

“One rule, Kaz. One rule.”

He was slightly surprised at how quickly she had found him. It hadn’t been that long, perhaps just an hour, including the time he spent walking from the Slat to the Emerald Palace.

“I’m fine!”

“You won’t be once I lay my hands on you.”

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s a promise.”

He knew she was furious; he could see it in her eyes. He had observed that whenever a surge of anger swept over her, an intense glare would manifest, with a sharp focus on whatever had incited her wrath- in this case, him.

Her pupils would also dilate, at times with rapid changes in size, set against narrowed eyelids.

But still, he could sense her smile attempting to break through the anger. He watched as she fought against it, resisting the grin that sought to make its way to her face.

“Come here, you tall idiot.”

He had finally reached that age when it felt as if one night he went to bed shorter than her, only to wake up the next morning towering over. He liked it.

“Coming.”

What neither of them had been expecting was the shot that rang out as soon as he stood by her side.

Quickly and without thinking, he took her arm and pulled her behind the wall, providing them with a safe place to hide.

“That was close.”

“Kaz-“

“Come on, we have to go.”

“Kaz.”

Before he even had the chance to fully turn around, he heard the distinct sound of a body hitting the ground. When he saw her, he felt like he was trapped in a dream. Or rather, a nightmare.

He could hear her choking, struggling to breathe, gasping for air as her lungs filled with her own blood. He could see her desperately holding her neck, applying pressure in a futile attempt to staunch the flow.

He could see the pool of blood forming underneath her. Not just any blood, but her blood. “No.”

It had been nothing short of a miracle that he had the strength to drag her all the way back to the Slat without passing out himself.

By the time they made it back, she had lost all the color in her face. Her once pink lips were now tinted with her own blood. Her body had begun to grow colder, and his clothes were completely ruined.

The doctor had advised him not to hope for anything. He told him to adhere to the harsh reality that there was nothing more the doctor or anyone else could have done for her. That she might not make it through the night, or wake up.

“Kaz.”

“She will.”

“Hope is dangerous in the barrel, kid.”

“She will wake up.”

“Kaz?”

“She has to.”

And she had. So why won’t she wake up now?

“Kaz!”

“What?”

And just like that, he was snapped back from his memories, and reimbursed in reality.

“You need to eat something.”

“I’m fine.”

“You haven’t eaten a thing since…”

“Since the day she almost died because of me. Go on, Inej, you can say it.”

Inej’s gentle exhale echoed as she delicately set down what he assumed was a plate with food, before leaving. Her steps quiet enough for the subtle sound to blend seamlessly with the room’s stillness.

He permitted his thoughts to return to their previous dwelling as soon as the door clicked shut behind Inej.

Growing up with Y/n at his side was a privilege he didn’t often acknowledge. “I’m sorry I have taken you for granted.”

He meant it from the bottom of his cold heart when he said, “I genuinely know I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for you.”

The fondest memories etched in his heart were those shared with her, doing whatever they had been doing. He cherished every moment they spent together, even if he didn’t show it at the time.

I want to keep creating memories with you.

“Seeing you happy make my heart smile.”

It did, truly.

“There is nothing more that I want than to see you live the beautiful life you deserve.”

He couldn’t even remember the amount of times she had helped him. With anything and everything.

“Please wake up.”

* ੈ✩‧₊˚

He succumbed to nourishment under the watchful eyes of Inej and Nina, relenting only after their threats to stabilize his racing heart and administer sustenance while he was unconscious.

Immobile, he had lingered by her bedside without the slightest shift since the day he carried her back from that ill-fated job.

It felt like it had been ages before his breath caught as he saw her stir, a subtle movement that held the weight of an entire universe of emotions. Her eyes fluttered open, meeting his.

“Y/n.”

In that instant, her radiant smile graced his world once more. He had yearned for this moment, the warmth of her smile rekindling a flame in his heart.

He didn't resist this time. All pretense crumbled, revealing a genuine smile on his face, a rare sight that echoed the warmth he felt in his heart.

“I am sorry.”

“Kaz-“

“No. You deserve this. You deserve an apology.”

Slowly, he moved closer, his bare hand extending toward hers. Unexpectedly, there was no tremor, no unsettling unease in his stomach, and the haunting echoes of the past seemed momentarily muted. It was a rare instance where Kaz felt a measure of control over his thoughts, his body, and the outreached hand.

“You saved me countless times, in ways beyond measure. Over and over again. You’ve saved me in more ways than anyone could ever fathom.”

She saved the shivering kid that had crawled out of the harbor. She provided refuge and became an ally.

“You gave me a chance. You gave Jordie a chance.”

She gave him control—over his body, over his fear. She provided him with armor when he needed it the most. A second skin—the gloves that would later weave a legend around him, making people fear him.

“You gave me peace.”

Throughout it all, she never gave up. Standing by his side for hours on end, teaching him the essentials of survival and imparting the knowledge crucial for his survival. And, not just that, she taught him everything he longed to learn. Things that had ignited the curiosity of a kid.

Over and over again, she defended him when he was too weak to defend himself. She shielded him from everything and everyone, regardless of the consequences.

“You stood by my side and never left. Even when I begged you to.”

She imparted the skills of combat, manipulation, and information extraction. She taught him the art of thievery and pickpocketing.

She nurtured him with care, ensuring his well-being in a world that often demanded too much. She prepared his favorite meals and gently reminding him to take breaks, to rest.

“You keep me young, healthy. Powerful.”

She offered him her shoulder to lean on when the burden became too heavy, not just once but repeatedly. Through it all, never once did she judge.

She was there for him, patiently listening to everything he had to share—plans, troubles, the past, the present, and the future. Through it all, she sat beside him and listened.

“You have grounded me on so many occasions and guided me towards a better life and a happier heart.”

She made his heart feel like it was beating again, as if it had come back to life. As if Kaz Rietveld had not quite died, but instead merged with Brekker and came out only with her.

“You are the most amazing person I have ever met. I am always in awe of your kindness and compassion for those around you.”

Growing up next to her had been nothing short of magical.

She's the anchor in his chaos, the silent strength in his storm, the guiding light through the murky waters. And despite the irritation she causes every now and then, he wouldn't have it any other way.

She was the one he wanted to love. Freely and without fear of what might happen. He wanted to love and be loved by her. He wanted to be by her side every second of the day.

He wanted to make her smile all the time. He needed to see her smile.

“I-“

Come on, Kaz. He wanted to tell her. He needed to let her know. He wanted to unravel the feelings he had kept hidden for far too long. “I-“ It was time to break free from the armor he wore, allowing himself to embrace both the love and the pain that might come with it.

“You…?”

“I love you.”

And in that moment, her smile was the only affirmation he needed, telling him that he had chosen the right words.

“I love you too, Kaz.”

Ghezen, that fucking smile.

[lady-ashfade]

Red ribbon

Kaz brekker x Child!Reader. (Platonic!) 

I wanted more sibling like pairings, my inner child needs this. (Made me really happy to make this.)

This is like a blurb/Drabble because idk the difference.

Readers appearance: Looking like Jordie, so looking like kazs sister if he had one. Skin tone, hair and skin but it’s never mentioned really . Just the hair type being used and mentioned of looking like Jordie.

Warnings: Fluffy, undertone of a little angst, this is really short, but this is just a cute little thing I want to do.

He had no idea what he was doing. This was never a problem, and never should have been a problem. But you were so happy when you saw the red ribbon and begged him to put it in your hair. He had offered for Jesper and Inej to do it, Inej knew girl hair and Jesper has his wits..But kaz brekker knew nothing about this.

“Come on, you’re so slow.” You wiggled and whined in the chair. Kaz sighed and held the ribbon in his hand and looked at you through the mirror with a glare, “I can still walk away.” He stated. And it was true, if you were going to be annoying he wouldn’t continue. Huffing you stood up straight and waited for him to get to it.

He remembers what Inej taught him to do, taking two strands of hair by your ear and clipping them together. So he started to find the hair and pulled them back and did the same to the other side, this wasn’t hard but he was still worried about doing it wrong.

This was a small thing to worry over and dirtyhands shouldn’t stress over it but here he was, stressing. Kaz wanted nothing more then to see you smile and happy, after taking you under his wing you grew close too him. You looked so much like him…It was sometimes hard to even look at you. But you were a hope of light that was sent into his life and he was going to do everything to keep you safe.

Smiling in your seat as you see him finally getting to the ridden, you almost couldn’t keep still. Watching him tie it and make a bow you giggled and waited for him to be done. He rolled his eyes and pulled his hands away from your head and looked up at you with a annoyed look. “Happy?” He asked.

Jumping up and put your face against the mirror to look at yourself, “Very!” Shouting as you swing your head from side to side. His stomach filled with warmth at the sight of you…The joy of a child was healing some part of him inside. “I need to show the others.” You shoot up and ran passed him and to the door, “Thank you!” He watches you slide to the left and run down the hallway.

He groaned and took a big breath. “That kid.” He shook his head as he remembered telling you never to run down the stairs and you always ignored his commands. His lips curled up and he smiled lightly at the thought of your smile, how you made him feel. You were his family, you were the crow’s family.

Jordie would have loved you…

[malk1ns]

november 7 2024 @ hurricanes, 5-1 loss

not a lot to say about this game, sheesh. i WAS told that geno spent a lot of time during breaks in play yapping with kris, there was at least once instance where he was skating around ignoring the world and sid wouldn't stop staring at him, AND during warmups they were basically skating on top of each other in the corners by the net. but. not a lot to work with here, score some goals guys!!!!

so with the absolute bones they gave us to work with....we're taking a soulbond universe break and incorporating one of the asks i got when i requested quick-hit smut prompts last week. almost ALL of them were mustache-related, and there were two specific ones i want to revisit later, but for today....

Zhenya absolutely loathes playing in Carolina.

He hates playing the Hurricanes sort of as a general rule; every win against them for the last few seasons feels like more blind luck than an actual earned victory, and Jordy ran through his 2009 Stanley Cup goodwill years ago. But playing in Carolina, with their stupid slushy ice and the ice-cold visitor’s locker room and whatever the fuck a storm surge is, has to be near the top of Zhenya’s least favorite away-game experiences.

And add in the talent discrepancy in their two teams this year? Zhenya isn’t having a good time.

When the horn blares for another goal against, Zhenya winces and squeezes his stick. He knew what he was getting himself into; he and Sid had talked about it extensively over the summer, whenever Zhenya called to check in on how the slow grind of Sid’s extension was going. 

They weren’t going to be a good team this year. If they got into the playoffs, it would be by an unexpected run of luck and health, and there is not a single matchup in the league they’d be favored in even if they get that far. Sid and Zhenya’s job now, essentially, is to work with their young guys, help them develop and insulate them from the worst of the attentions of the opposing teams, and keep pushing for personal milestones.

Zhenya knows that. He’s accepted it, in theory. That doesn’t make blown leads and blowout losses any easier to bear in the moment.

“Hey,” Sid says, leaning toward him. Zhenya instinctively bends down, putting his ear close to Sid’s mouth as Sid holds his glove up just in case the cameras are on them.

Just in case. The cameras are always on them, especially since they’re playing on a line for now. At least that’s working out well, and Zhenya has someone next to him on the bench to nudge when someone fucks up spectacularly.

“Don’t look so crabby,” Sid continues, garbled through his mouthguard. “Keep a happy face for the rest of the game and I’ll make it worth your while tomorrow before the game.”

Zhenya stills, turning his head. Sid’s face is very close, and when he catches Zhenya’s eye he deliberately licks his lips. His mustache makes his jaw look sharp, and his eyes are intent on Zhenya’s face.

“Lunch with Tanger,” Zhenya says, watching Sid’s mouth as Sid draws away from him and drops his hand.

“Cancel,” Sid says casually, like it’s hardly even a consideration.

He’s right. Tanger bitches at Zhenya as they skate around during the next commercial break, but not seriously enough for Zhenya to actually feel bad. They both like the sushi place better for dinner anyway.

Sid and Zhenya go right to sleep when they get to the hotel in DC. As sanguine as they both are about the state of their team these days, a loss that bad is still deflating, and neither of them are even up for their usual debrief as they get ready for bed.

Sid does chivvy Zhenya into the shower, though. They both rinsed off after the game, but rink showers are always suspect, and the hot spray as Zhenya massages shampoo into Sid’s scalp is soothing.

Sid is thorough when he soaps Zhenya off, which makes him flush. Sid only winks at him, though, then busies himself with drying off and getting into his pajamas.

It takes a while for Zhenya to drift off, but eventually the visions of flubbed passes and blocked shots fade, and he falls into sleep to the sound of Sid’s gentle snores.

When he wakes up, it’s not to his alarm.

“C’mon,” Sid says, shoving at Zhenya’s side once Zhenya’s blinked himself to consciousness. “Get off me and get on your stomach.”

It takes Zhenya a second, but once the English penetrates and translates itself, he moves quickly, rolling off where he’d been practically plastering Sid into the mattress all night and spreading out, grabbing a pillow and turning his head to the side.

Sid’s stretched out next to him, eyes flickering over Zhenya’s body, and Zhenya preens, arching his back a little to draw Sid’s eyes down. He’d put in a lot of work over the summer to get his skating back to where he wanted it to be, and it shows in his back and ass, something Sid has been loudly appreciative of since they came back for camp.

“You want it bad,” Sid mutters, and Zhenya would roll his eyes at Sid’s lame dirty talk, but he does want it, so instead he just spreads his legs and shifts, rubbing his hardening dick against the soft sheets.

“Sid,” he says impatiently, and that gets Sid moving down the mattress, settling himself between Zhenya’s legs.

His grip on Zhenya’s ass is firm, and Zhenya clenches, feeling Sid’s fingers dig into his muscles in response. 

The first scrape of Sid’s facial hair against Zhenya’s hole gets him gasping into his pillow.

Zhenya can’t grow facial hair, not really. He dutifully went along with the stupid playoff beard tradition during the back-to-backs, but otherwise any stubble he ends up with is incidental, borne of laziness and skin too sensitive to shave clean on any given day. He doesn’t grow it well anyway, so there’s never been much of a point.

Sid used to not grow very good facial hair either. Zhenya’s life was perhaps more peaceful back then.

The thing with the mustache is it hurts. Sid’s facial hair is bristly and coarse, and it rubs Zhenya raw when they kiss. He’d had a rash all over his groin after they won the cup in 2009 and Sid blew him back behind Mario’s pool house during the party; Flower noticed the next day and brought it up to make fun of them for years. It’s uncomfortable to deal with in gear, even with the ointments and lotions they keep trying, and it stings under the hot water.

Zhenya loves it, though.

Sid’s tongue on his hole is warm and wet and good, but it’s the scratch of his mustache around Zhenya’s rim that makes him cry out and squirm. Sid’s good with his mouth, just as good as all the fans in Philly used to jeer at him and then some, and Zhenya loves when Sid eats him out any day of the year, but in November the added sensation makes him come so fast it would be embarrassing if it didn’t feel so good.

And because Sid is a possessive freak, he likes how Zhenya winces after, the way he shifts in discomfort on the bench and walks funny to avoid friction. He likes marking Zhenya up, likes knowing that Zhenya can still feel him days later.

With the way he’s gripping Zhenya’s ass to hold him open, Zhenya won’t be surprised if he has bruises to go along with the beard burn.

Sid leans back and spits on Zhenya’s hole, loud and wet and filthy in the morning quiet of the room, and Zhenya flinches, hides his face and groans as his dick twitches where it’s trapped between his body and the bed.

“Messy,” Sid says approvingly before he gets his face back into Zhenya’s ass. He pulls on Zhenya’s hips, and Zhenya obligingly cants them back, tensing his thighs to lift his lower back and give Sid the angle he’s looking for.

The burn in his muscles, the scrape of Sid’s mustache, Sid’s tongue in his ass, all of it is sensory overload, and Zhenya barely has to sneak a hand down under himself and squeeze the head of his dick before he’s coming, shoving his ass back into Sid’s face and riding his tongue through his orgasm.

He whines when Sid pulls away, tries to turn onto his back to get at Sid’s dick, but Sid smacks his ass once, so Zhenya stays put, keeps his back arched, and listens as Sid jerks himself off.

“I’m gonna…” Sid trails off, and Zhenya startles when Sid presses down on his back, pushing him flat to the mattress. “Squeeze, baby,” he says, one hand between Zhenya’s shoulder blades as he pushes his dick between Zhenya’s cheeks with the other. “I want it tight.”

Zhenya complies, clenching as Sid thrusts, breath hitching whenever the head of Sid’s dick catches against his rim. Even with all of Sid’s spit it’s a shade too dry, and the friction against his sensitive skin is bordering on unpleasant, but it makes something in Zhenya’s stomach squirm with desire.

When Sid comes, he presses the head of his dick just barely into Zhenya’s hole, grunting as he just-barely thrusts, enough to stretch but not actually penetrate. Zhenya wishes he would, wishes Sid would force his way into Zhenya’s body and come inside him, but it’s a game day, so he holds still instead of humping back onto Sid’s dick.

“Fuuuuck,” Sid groans finally, pulling back and spreading Zhenya’s cheeks wide. Zhenya turns his face into the pillow, sure that his entire back must be flushing red as Sid inspects his work. “Pretty,” he says approvingly, thumbing over where his come is dripping from Zhenya’s hole. “You’re gonna be hurtin’ later, bud.”

Zhenya sighs explosively into his pillow, reaching back and smacking at Sid’s thigh. “Get lotion,” he orders, and Sid laughs at him, clambering off the mattress.

He’s humming smugly to himself as he pokes through their toiletries. Zhenya would roll his eyes, but, well.

Sid’s touch is gentle now, rubbing the cooling ointment over Zhenya’s hole and everywhere his mustache rubbed Zhenya raw. Zhenya drifts a little under Sid’s ministrations, and he’s practically asleep again when Sid drops a kiss on the nape of his neck and curls up next to him.

“Alarm?” Zhenya mutters as Sid slings an arm and a leg over him.

“We’ve got forty-five minutes.” Sid says, voice already sliding to drowsiness. “Go back to sleep. We gotta play better tonight.”

Zhenya’s going to be sore later, but he’s never let that stop him from playing better when Sid asks him to. He’s got a good feeling about tonight’s game.

[jiarkives]

julia’s favorites ! (iii)

♡ - fluff ; ♤ - angst ; ☆ - series

marvel

☆ deception - mob!bucky barnes

↳ @avecra

☆ monet issues - natasha romanoff ft. tony stark, avengers

↳ @arlana-likes-to-write

☆ masterlist - bucky barnes, steve rogers

♤♡ flashing lights (i) - paramedic!bucky barnes

♡ convalescence (ii) - paramedic!bucky barnes

♤ when he’s away - bucky barnes

♤ voicemails to an unmanned inbox - bucky barnes

♤ divine retribution - bucky barnes

↳ @pellucid-constellations

☆ Cержант - bucky barnes

☆ alone - bucky barnes

☆ obey - bucky barnes

♡ the owl and the wolf - bucky barnes

↳ @waiting4inspiration

♡ kiddo - bucky barnes

♡ for good - steve rogers

↳ @justauthoring

♡ hand holding - biker!steve rogers

↳ @angrythingstarlight (18+)

♤♡ initials - steve rogers, bucky barnes (poly!)

↳ @americancowgirl19

♡ grouch - bucky barnes

↳ @buckysfaveplum

♡♤ purgatory - bucky barnes

↳ @wkemeup

~

jujutsu kaisen

♡ stolen tigers - sukuna ft. itadori yuuji

↳ @mysicklove (18+)

♡ talent show - gojo satoru ft. fushiguro tsumiki, fushiguro megumi

↳ @tunatoge (18+)

♡ morning kisses - gojo satoru

↳ @riediaries

♡♤ just to be enough (i) - geto suguru, gojo satoru

♡ shoko just can’t be right (ii) - geto suguru, gojo satoru

♡ remind you of why (iii) - geto suguru, gojo satoru

↳ @justauthoring

♡ photobooth - nanami kento

♡ she’s everything. he’s just ken. - nanami kento

↳ @lemonlover1110

♡ cinnamon girl - kamo choso

↳ @just-jordie-things

♡♤ i worry for you, for you not know the danger you see - toji fushiguro, pregnant!reader

♡ baby mine - toji fushiguro, pregnant!reader

↳ @tojigasm (18+)

~

call of duty

♤ i see red (i) - simon ‘ghost’ riley

♡ i see red (ii) - simon ‘ghost’ riley

♤♡ wrong words - simon ‘ghost’ riley

↳ @milf-murdock

♡ hangry - simon ‘ghost’ riley

↳ @rileyslibrary

♡♤ simon hates seeing you cry - simon ‘ghost’ riley

♤♡ faking his own death - simon ‘ghost’ riley

↳ @cmncisspnandmore (18+)

♡ brother’s coworker - simon ‘ghost’ riley ft. john ‘soap’ mactavish

↳ @halcyone-of-the-sea (18+)

♡ off limits - simon ‘ghost’ riley

↳ @multi-fandom-imagine

~

my hero academia

♤♡ that cherished feeling - bakugo katsuki

↳ @justauthoring

♡ back off and look away - bakugo katsuki

↳ @celesteleoves

♡ nicknames - bakugo katsuki

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~

tokyo revengers

♤ catalyst - manjiro ‘mikey’ sano

♡♤ serendipity - ken ‘draken’ ryuguji

↳ @justauthoring

♡ hidden relationship - manjiro ‘mikey’ sano

↳ @miniimight

♡ you’re too drunk to recognize your boyfriend - manjiro ‘mikey’ sano, ken ‘draken’ ryuguji, keisuke baji, takashi mitsuya, rindou haitani, ran haitani, shuji hanma

↳ @chalkscene

~

marauders / harry potter

☆ come back, be here - sirius black, marauders

↳ @ellecdc

♡ drabble - remus lupin

♡ james comes to your rescue when you call him (drunk) - james potter

♡ james puts his finger in your mouth - james potter

↳ @luveline

♕ divider — @bunnysrph

[auroravictorium]

high infidelity (pt. 2) (k.b.)

do i really have to chart the constellations in her eyes?

Summary: the crows arrive to help reader, and kaz finally gets his revenge. once reader is in safe hands, kaz is forced to make a decision on where to take her to heal.

Pairing(s): kaz x fem!reader (established relationship)

Word Count: 4.3k

Warnings: LOTS of blood and violence (stabbing, vague description of gutting someone), death of non-canon character(s), use of guns, shooting, lots of pain, shrapnel

Genre: angst and action

Author's Note: again, PLEASE read the warnings if you haven't! here is part two of high infidelity, told from kaz's pov :)) enjoy!

part one

Kaz marched down the final row of warehouses, his expression stormy and eyes dark with fury. His leg throbbed from all the walking, but he pressed on with a soldier's determination. He was treating this like any other job, trying as hard as he could to not let his growing panic show. But it swelled to his ankles like he was wading through the cold sea despite his attempts to ignore it. It threatened to slow his steps, and a rough wave tried to crush his chest every now and then when they found yet another empty warehouse.

Each abandoned building broke the dam holding back his emotions a little more. Kaz felt himself swimming away from the shore, plunging into the water's depths. He couldn't help but wonder if you were still in Kerch. Had the Crows come too late? Had Inej's fears of the mercenaries passing you to slavers come true?

Is she still alive? Will I find her as a corpse?

The questions, persistent and growing louder in his mind, sent a shudder down his spine that he tried to hide with his quick pace.

His sleep in the past near-week was restless. His recent nightmares hadn't contained bodies with Jordie's face. They'd all been you, beaten and bruised and twisted into odd angles. Each dream was a taunt, a condemnation of Kaz's failure thus far to find you, and a nauseating mix of every fear he'd ever had. 

Kaz had to stop walking as last night's dream came to mind. You, black and blue and broken, while Kaz was powerless to stop it. His shoulder slammed into the brick wall of a building, jolting him out of his thoughts before his dream self could scream, and Kaz lowered his head as he fought against his traitorous lungs. His fingers tightened around the crow's head of his cane, letting the detailed metal grooves dig into his palm through his glove. He fought to breathe past the lump growing in his throat, and he squeezed his eyes shut to block out the grimy, empty avenue of warehouses.

Shit, Brekker. What is wrong with you?

It was the first time he'd admitted that to himself since Kaz Brekker emerged from the harbor ten years ago. Since then, he'd never allowed himself any moment of weakness. He couldn't; weakness was for children, people who hoped, who dared to dream of good things. His weakness killed his brother. If Kaz couldn't pull himself together, it would kill you too.

"Boss-," Jesper began, stepping beside Kaz and peering at his face. Jes opened his mouth to tell Kaz they would find her, that they had to be getting close. A finite number of warehouses sat on the street, and the Crows would find Pekka and the mercenaries if they were there. And if they weren't, they would track them down.

A loud scream echoed down the street, cutting Jesper off and making him turn his head toward the sound.

It was a scream of pure agony, the kind that made the heart feel like it might split in two, made legs feel like they may collapse, made horror choke the air from your lungs and hold it captive. It was a sound and a feeling Kaz had experienced only once, as a blade pierced your chest nine months ago.

It was a sound Kaz wished he would never have to hear again.

Kaz unhitched himself from the wall and ran toward the sound. He forgot about the pain in his leg, his panic, his worry that they'd never find you. He didn't even register Inej, Jesper, and Nina sprinting behind him, their shoes pounding against the cobbled ground. All Kaz could think about was you, your wail of agony, his desperation to get to you.

He skidded to a stop outside the warehouse, finding a set of double doors with a padlock and chains looped through the handles. "Sons of-" Kaz snarled, raising his cane as if he meant to swing it downward. It wouldn't do anything, but he didn't care. His worry had yielded to white-hot fury that muddled his mind and made him think only of the vengeance he was about to inflict. It burned beneath his skin, anger red as the blood rushing in his ears and muffling his hearing.

A hand interrupted the swing, catching the cane's head and gently pushing it down. "Move," Jesper said. He slipped between Kaz and the door as the former moved away, seething. Jes pressed his hands to the lock and warped it until it fell to the ground, deformed and useless. He ripped the chains from the handles and dropped them next to the hunk of metal before pulling his pistols from their holsters.

"What do you want us to do, Brekker?" Nina murmured, reaching out to feel for the heartbeats of those inside. One was irregular, accented by the fast, shallow breathing of panic and pain. "Four of them, and Y/N."

"I take Pekka. You three kill the mercenaries and get to Y/N." Kaz slipped a phosphorous bomb from his coat pocket and weighed it in his hand. His gaze was fixed on the door, filled with rage cold enough to freeze over the True Sea. "No mourners."

"No funerals," Jesper grunted. "Let's kill these bastards." He kicked the door open and moved inside, twirling his guns in his fingers. His eyes fought to adjust to the dim lighting, straining through the cloudy darkness, and Jesper blinked furiously to clear his vision. He spotted Y/N across the room, clearly injured and ill but alive, and he breathed a sigh of relief as he aimed his pistols at the four figures gathered around a table.

Kaz threw his smoke bomb down and made a beeline for Pekka Rollins as the air filled with smoke. Pistols fired and metal scraped against metal; the sound echoed off the warehouse walls, accented by the sound of the Crows and mercenaries launching at each other. Someone hit the ground with a loud groan that lapsed into silence; Kaz could only hope it wasn't one of his Crows or, Saints forbid, you. To make it this far, only to fail, would be his breaking point.

Kaz tackled Pekka out of his chair, barely registering the clatter of a filled gun against the stone ground as it fell from Pekka's hand. Their bodies collided against the floor, skin scraping and bones groaning from the impact; Pekka grunted and rolled, trying to shove Kaz off of him and retrieve his gun.

But Kaz was already swinging, bashing his fists down again and again against any part of Pekka he could hit. His face, his throat, his chest. His punches were sloppy, his vision blurred by bright red anger and the image of Y/N bound to a support beam on replay. Blood on her skin, bruises everywhere he could see and definitely where he couldn't. The memories she would have to live with and the nightmares that would plague her.

He could hardly see through his simmering rage, and he secured his gloved hands around Pekka's throat and squeezed. Nothing would drive his anger away like the sight of Pekka's life leaving his face, light draining from his eyes as death swept over him like a heavy cloak.

Pekka seethed and grabbed Kaz's wrists, struggling to shove them away. But his grip was iron, locked in place through the sheer force of his wrath as everything Pekka had taken from him flashed before his eyes. His money. His brother. His Crows. You.

You you you you you.

Your laugh, replaced by an agonizing scream. Your smile, replaced by a grimace of pain. Your soul, too kind for the Barrel and certainly more than Kaz deserved, cracked or even shattered by whatever the mercenaries and Pekka had done to you.

Kaz's breathing came fast and hard, his teeth gritted together as he pushed as much of his weight down onto Pekka's windpipe as he could. "You killed my brother," he snarled, watching Pekka's eyes bulge and his face redden from lack of oxygen. "You hurt my Crows. You took my love. You made me think that to care was a weakness, to let someone in was a death sentence." He dug his fingertips into Pekka's throat so violently that his arms shook with the wrath he wanted to inflict. "I've let you think you're king for too long. I've let you win. But no more."

Pekka lifted his fist and slammed it into Kaz's ribs. Kaz grunted but didn't break, even as pain sparked through his chest. He forced a smile as he leaned down to get nose-to-nose with Pekka. "You'll have to do much worse, Rollins," he breathed. "You've made me immune to your tricks, and I fear you've run out of them."

He removed a hand from Pekka's throat and brought it down on Pekka's wrist, bashing his hand back to the floor as Pekka pulled the trigger on the gun he'd barely managed to reach. The bullet shot wildly into the air, flying somewhere past Kaz and shattering a window. Cold air rushed into the warehouse, nipping at the back of Kaz's neck.

Kaz wrenched the pistol from Pekka's hand, unloaded it, and slammed the butt of it down against the older man's palm in one swift movement. Bone crunched beneath the impact with a sickening, nauseating snap, and Pekka groaned. The veins of his neck bulged against Kaz's hand, and Kaz wanted to laugh. That's the least of what I want to do, old man.

"You don't know what you're getting into, boy," Pekka wheezed, bringing his unbroken hand up to try and pull Kaz's hand from his throat. He dug his nails into the skin of Kaz's wrist in the struggle, dousing Kaz in ice-cold water that soaked his clothes and froze him to his bones.

Kaz released Pekka's throat before he could stop himself, thrown off kilter by the contact. Slimy fingers. Touching. Lifeless but trying to shove his head beneath the water. Harbor filling his lungs.

Weak. That's all Kaz felt as his vengeance stood suspended in time, replaced by the simultaneous urges to vomit or inflict so much violence that even his rising panic would cower. One touch, one unsuspecting brush of fingertips against skin, and every victory he'd reached over his past was wiped away. Your pride went undeserved, and your words of encouragement crumbled to dust.

Pekka shoved Kaz to the ground and struggled to his feet, cradling his broken hand to his chest. He lifted a hand to his throat to massage the bruising skin. His tongue swiped over his cracked lips as he looked down at Kaz, clutching his cane and breathing hard as he pushed himself back to his feet. 

"A damned shame you came all this way for her," Pekka rasped, dropping his hand from his throat. He unbuttoned his disheveled vest and shrugged out of it, tossing it to the side. "Now she has to watch you die, and she won't even be able to give you a rat's burial in the Harbor."

Kaz didn't give Pekka the dignity of a response, lifting his cane and lurching toward him again. He swung, and the metal crow cut through empty space as Pekka dodged and reached for Kaz to push him back toward the wall; the cane fell from Kaz's hands and rolled a few feet away. Kaz grunted as his back collided with the wall, and his head jerked to the side as Pekka punched him. Hard.

Blood filled Kaz's mouth, and his jaw seared with pain as he probed the swelling flesh of his cheek with his tongue. Despite the pain, the promise of death written in Pekka's eyes, Kaz laughed. A mirthless, mocking sound that he couldn't bring himself to cut short, even as Pekka pulled another gun from the back of his waistband and held it to Kaz's throat. But his arm was unsteady, his hand trembling with the gun there. As if he'd never held it before.

Kaz didn't so much as flinch, meeting Pekka's murderous gaze with one of his own. "Do it," he said quietly. "If you kill me now, you might have a fighting chance of getting out of here before my Crows are done with your precious mercenaries and turn their attention to you."

His gaze settled over Pekka's shoulder, landing on Jesper and Inej, fighting the tallest and most muscular of the mercenaries. His energy was waning, and Inej was gaining the upper hand as he attempted to deflect each of her swipes at him. Jesper approached from behind, pulling his rings from his fingers and molding them into sharp little spikes that flew out of his hands and straight into the mercenaries spine. 

Past Inej, Jesper, and a dead mercenary with a shot through the forehead, Nina had her hands outstretched, strangling the last mercenary as he grappled with you for control over a weapon. He seized above you, unable to move, and the interruption allowed you to secure your hold and drive the dagger up into his chest. It took all of Kaz's self-control to not let any of his relief show as you shoved the mercenary off of you and knelt beside him to pull the blade from his chest.

Pekka followed Kaz's gaze, turning to look over his shoulder.

Got you, you twisted son of a bitch.

Kaz slipped a blade from his coat and slashed it across Pekka's chest. It parted his shirt and skin easily, and a dark red stain bloomed across his front. The intent was not to kill; just to surprise, buy a chance for Kaz to throw him off long enough to pull the single bullet from the cylinder. He had the bullet in his pocket before the dagger had left Pekka's skin.

Child's play.

Pekka whirled to face Kaz, a hiss of pain whistling through his teeth, and he unclicked the safety of his gun. He pried the dagger from Kaz's hand and tossed it to the ground with a clatter; his chest heaved from anger, and he jabbed the end of the gun into Kaz's throat hard enough to force a choked cough. "You're a fool, Brekker," Pekka snarled. 

"Am I?" Kaz hissed back, jerking his chin toward Pekka's dwindling number of allies. Behind him, the fight was slowing; the clashing of weapons and grunting of pain had faded as the mercenaries fell at the hands of the Crows.

The final mercenary standing collapsed at Inej's feet, a slash across his throat spraying blood across the pristine stone floor. Jesper fired one of his pistols once, striking him just below the ear and silencing his cries instantly.

The mercenary at your knees twitched as death took hold, even as you cut him open from the navel to the sternum. From a few feet away, Nina was working to regulate your blood pressure, unwilling to let you die but unwilling to take your chance at revenge away from you. She would be there to catch you when you fell, as your blood pressure suddenly dropped and you teetered unsteadily, the knife slipping from your hands.

Pekka was alone, and he knew it. He would not be walking out of the warehouse. But would he die having killed Kaz Brekker, or would he die by Kaz Brekker's hand? Would Alby be proud, or would he be ashamed of his father's name?

"I once told you the trick to survival was not to love anyone," Kaz said quietly. He leaned closer, angling his head. The moonlight caught in his pale blue eyes, washing the color from them and letting Pekka see every speck of icy rage within. Kaz's bloodied lips curled into a smile before he could stop them. "I was wrong. The trick to survival is making enemies who are too foolish to check that their gun is loaded."

Pekka pulled the trigger as if he expected Kaz to be wrong. But no bullet loosed itself, no blood splattered the walls, and no sudden darkness enveloped Kaz. It was empty, the lone bullet sitting uselessly in Kaz's coat pocket. He'd been banned from every gambling hall in Ketterdam for a reason.

"You bastard," Pekka seethed. "How did you-?" 

His gun suddenly exploded in his hand, crumbling into a variety of metal chunks that thumped to the floor. Some rose upward and shot toward Pekka's face, burying themselves into his skin and eyes and anywhere they could hit. Blood streamed down his face, and Pekka stumbled back, covering his eyes as he roared in pain and anger. 

Kaz turned, finding Jesper with his hand outstretched. He was gasping, looking between his palm and Pekka as he hunched over and dug his fingers into his eyes as if he could pull the metal shards from them.

What the Saints did I do? Jesper thought, staring down at his fingers as power sang beneath his skin. One moment, he was thinking about Pekka's gun jamming, the next... Kaz's cane. He blinked and ducked down to grab Kaz's cane. "Finish it," Jesper said roughly, then tossed the cane to its owner. Before he could think too hard about the look of awe in Kaz's eyes, Jes turned and rushed toward Nina and Inej as they worked to start treating you.

Kaz secured his grip on his cane and jammed the end of it into Pekka's knees, toppling him to the ground. He crouched beside him, ignoring the searing pain in his leg, and tucked his cane under his arm. "I'll do you a favor," Kaz hissed, grabbing a fistful of Pekka's hair and jerking his head back. "I won't tell your precious prince how easily you fell."

He slammed Pekka's head into the ground. His nose crunched beneath the impact, and blood sprayed across the floor. Kaz pulled his head back up as Pekka panted, and silent, unheard pleas passed his lips. He tilted his head, meeting Pekka's terrified, unseeing gaze. "I won't give him the details. I'll even be merciful and make sure he doesn't end up on the streets." 

Kaz could leave Alby Rollins to starve, to risk wasting away on the streets as news spread of his father's death. The Dime Lions' fortune was finite, easily spent or misallocated without a leader. Not a drop would end up with Alby; if any did, by some act of the Saints, he would be manipulated out of it before he had the chance to escape the city.

But as Kaz stared at Pekka, at the unintelligible pleas and prayers leaving his lips, he only heard your voice. He saw your wages leaving your hands, given to the very woman who had passed your name to the Dime Lions. All so she could escape Ketterdam's unforgiving violence and return to some lover, someplace safer and more secure.

It would have cost less for you to kill Amalia.

It would cost Kaz less if he didn't make this promise to Pekka before he killed him.

A lump rose in Kaz's throat as his battle against himself raged on. He didn't owe Pekka or Alby Rollins anything, and yet... He had to be close to the age Kaz had been when Jordie died. Just nine, on the cusp of ten, still hopeful that there was good in the world. It was almost poetic how the cycle of tragedies repeated itself.

"He won't end up on the streets," Kaz repeated. But his voice sounded far away to his own ears, and he hardly registered the relief flickering across Pekka's face. He was nine years old again with the firepox ravaging his body. Between one blink and the next, he would be moved from the streets to the Reaper's Barge. Then he was fourteen, breaking his leg during a bank heist. Sixteen, trailing a girl causing chaos in the wealthy side of the city and convincing her to join the Dregs. Seventeen, he was ignoring his feelings for that girl. Eighteen, he kissed her. Nineteen, he was burning Kerch to the ground to find her and killing the man who set all this into motion, good and bad, his hate and his love.

Beneath it all was one simple truth. We both are beyond saving.

But one unfortunate boy had fallen into the mix. Nine years old, his life and his father's in Kaz's hands. The same position the father had once been in, and he had made the wrong choice. Ripped Kaz's future from him with the stroke of his pen and threatened his yet unborn son's own.

Alby Rollins has a chance.

Kaz clenched his jaw and brought Pekka's head down into the stone floor with a sharp, sickening crack. Death was simple and quick, claiming Pekka Rollins between one moment and the next. It was as if he'd never existed, but the damage within the warehouse and outside of it said otherwise.

Kaz Brekker stood up and felt nothing at all, despite what had just happened. He turned and left Pekka's body behind him, limping over to his friends huddled around you. It was only when he saw the mess of bruises and blood across your skin that he realized he wasn't breathing, and his emotions flickered back to life as he knelt beside you and turned your right arm to the sky.

Horror, when he saw the damage, your tattoo slashed in half. Concern, when he saw the blood seeping from your arm despite Inej's attempts to patch it until Nina could get to it. Fear, when he saw your eyes slipping shut, your chest slowing its intake of air. 

He didn't have enough space to allow his rage back in, enough air to feed its flames. All he felt was terror and the very real truth that you could die.

"Nina, her arm," Kaz said, trying to control his breathing. His lungs were speeding up without his permission, a mass of fear setting in his windpipe and threatening to choke him. "Jesper, the coach. Take Inej. Go."

Jesper rose from where he was bandaging a shallow cut on your other wrist, likely from your bindings, and Inej followed as he ran toward the warehouse doors.

Kaz dropped his cane and ripped a piece of fabric from the inner lining of his coat to start staunching the blood flowing from your arm, trying to buy Nina time as she worked on a gash on your head that Kaz hadn't noticed. He watched your eyes slip shut, and he forgot all about bandaging your cut arm.

No. You're not allowed to die.

He grabbed your hand and squeezed it as if he could tether you here. With him. Long enough that he could free the hesitation and fear from his lungs and tell you exactly what he felt. How he blamed himself, how he was sorry, how he loved you, and how that love had consumed every cell of his body; how he breathed it in from the moment he woke up to the moment he fell asleep. How it soothed every wound, healed and fresh. 

Kaz had to squeeze his eyes shut and look away as his breathing sped up from panic. I need you to live. "Nina," he rasped. He didn't know what he wanted to say to her. He only had words that he wished he could say to you. No room for anything, anyone else.

Not even Jordie's ghost, whom he was keenly aware of in the back of his mind.

"We need a place for the night. She won't make it back to Ketterdam." Nina's words were clipped, matter-of-fact as she traced her fingers down the deep cut down your forearm. A thin layer of skin knitted together to stop the bleeding, and Nina turned her attention back to the infection she could feel surging beneath your skin. "She needs water. Food. Rest."

Kaz nodded, a short dip of his chin. "Will she make it to Lij? Four hours from here if Jesper takes his time."

"And if he doesn't?"

"I hope the paths are clear." 

The warehouse doors thudded open again, and Kaz glanced over his shoulder to find Inej gasping in the doorway as, behind her, Jesper sat atop the coach while the horses neighed and shook their manes in indignation. "C'mon!" Inej called. "Locals heard of a disturbance."

Kaz slid his arms underneath your shoulders and knees and carefully pulled you into his arms, letting Nina pick his cane up from a puddle of blood on the ground. The cold harbor nipped at his ankles and threatened to rise as he cradled you against his chest, occasionally glancing down at you as he limped out of the warehouse. Your head lulled backward, exposing the bruised skin of your throat, and Kaz had to look away, toward Inej as she pulled the coach door open and shielded your head with her hand as Kaz carefully lifted the both of you into the coach.

"Head just north of Lij," Kaz ordered, settling you on one of the plush coach seats and tugging his coat and vest off. He bunched up the vest beneath your head to act as a pillow and covered you up with his coat, bloodied side facing out. "No sightseeing."

Inej and Nina joined Kaz in the coach, and Nina carefully lifted your legs so she could sit at your feet and continue stabilizing you. Inej sat across from Nina and pulled her necklace from beneath her shirt, clutching it in her palm and turning her eyes to the sky. Meanwhile, Kaz sat in the spot across from your head and tried to avoid letting renewed sparks of rage consume him.

Outside the coach on the driver's bench, Jesper chewed on the inside of his cheek, turning his gaze firmly toward the horses before him instead of letting them linger on the puddles of blood he could see just beyond the warehouse doors.

Bruised, bloody, and seething, the Crows left Zierfoort, heading toward the town of Lij. None of them said a word the entire ride.

reader's pov (part 1)

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[kasagia]

Would've, Could've, Should've...

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/Darkling x heartrender! Kaz Brekker's sister! reader Summary: Your life would have been completely different if it wasn't for Aleksander. You regret meeting him... but saints only know that he is the one who can make you feel this way... Warning(s): angst, death, blood, violence, manipulation, falling in love with the wrong person, toxic love, Aleksander is a little manipulator and the reader enters his web, the reader rebels, they love and hate each other, kind of dark! reader? Inspired by "Would've, Could've, Should've" - Taylor Swift SPECIAL FOR 10K LIKES AND 500 FOLOWERS 💙🖤 Thank you once again!! Words count: 11,6k+ Taglist: @aoi-targaryen @morrigan-crowmwell ~•♤♤♤•~ Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~

If you would've blinked then I would've Looked away at the first glance If you tasted poison, you could've Spit me out at the first chance

You were a thief and a paid killer. In Ketterdam you were known as the sister of Dirtyhand, Dreg's second bastard. But that was before you met him... or before you were commissioned to kill him.

You were in a bind then, a messed-up situation. Your elder brother, Jordie, died, and your younger brother, Kaz, was your dependent. You both had to work hard to earn money for food and a dry (but often cold) place to sleep.

That's why you packed up. You left your brother with the promise to return and provide him with a place to stay while you were away. You exchanged as many letters with him as you could. You learned that he was doing well in Ketterdam, slowly becoming the head of one of the most important gangs. You helped him build his "empire" as much as you could, travelling around the world and making money by killing your targets.

But everything went to hell and your life changed completely on the night of a winter fete in Ravka.

You had a very simple task.

Disguised as a servant, you were to deliver the glass with poison to the Darkling, mingle with the other servants, and leave. None of the nobles ever paid attention to the service. Especially when you cover your face with makeup, making it look so dull and ordinary that no one will remember it.

But Darkling was different... you were supposed to find out about it soon.

Everything was going well. You walked over to him and handed him a poison glass, avoiding eye contact with him. But as you walked away, glancing discreetly to see if he raised his glass to his lips, you noticed he gave you a second glance.

You shivered.

He stared at you intently without even blinking. You felt mesmerized under his gaze, like you couldn't take your eyes off him even if you tried... but you didn't even want to try to save yourself from the gaze of his dark eyes.

And just as he was about to raise the cup to his lips, a commotion ensued around you. One of the paid hitmen you worked with has been identified.

The general threw down his glass and gave chase to the hitman. You took this opportunity to run out of the ballroom unnoticed.

You were lucky the general didn't drink the poison after all. If he did, it would be harder for you to leave Ravka and go back to your brother, since you all got disclosed.

In retrospect, you'd rather he'd drank that poison... maybe he'd have gotten rid of you at that first night.

If I was some paint, did it splatter On a promising grown man? And if I was a child, did it matter If you got to wash your hands?

You ran through the corridors until you bumped into one of the people who worked with you. You were breathing heavily from running from the pursuers of the First and Second Army.

"These Grishas dogs are everywhere. They caught Kostrov. We have to get the fuck out of here before their crazy Black General catches us too."

"Kostrov is caught? Shit. He'll turn us in before we leave the walls of this damn palace." you knew very well that if that was true, it was only a matter of time before the man revealed your hiding places. You must run away from there. And as soon as possible.

The voices of the soldiers and their quick steps rumble around you.

"Please tell me you have a plan."

"I always have a plan." you answer confidently and take her by a hand. You lead her through the corridors of the Little Palace until you are outside.

You are heading towards the exit gate when Grishas suddenly appear in front of you. You both stop, looking uncertainly in their direction. Fortunately for you, your disguise makes them a little less suspicious.

"You, get back to the Grand Palace. It's not safe here, servant." they said to you. "You're coming with us." they say, taking your co-worker by the hand.

They drag her towards the Little Palace, but she doesn't give up that easily. She breaks free from their grip, hugs you from behind and puts a dagger to your throat.

"One step closer and I'll kill her." Grishas' joined hands, ready to use a small science. You feel her dagger pierce your neck gently. Blood drips onto your collarbone just like the drops of your sweat. From this position, you can practically feel both her and your heart racing.

"What are you doing?" you whisper, angry at her.

"We'll both get out of here, or no one does." she growls furiously in your ear, backing away slowly. The dagger digs deeper into your skin as she realises there may be no way out of this situation.

You let out a loud scream, and suddenly her grip on you loosens. She falls dead to the ground, and you are right next to her. You press your hand against your throat and try to stop the bleeding. Your eyes study her lifeless body intently.

There are no injuries. No blood. No wound. One of the heartrenders must have stopped her heart.

You look around at the Grishas who are now coming towards you, and in a panic, you realise that there is not a single red kefta among them...

If it wasn't one of them then...

You shake as an unlikely thought comes to your mind, and the world slowly begins to blur into blurs as you feel the blood flow more freely from your neck and seep into your clothes. The dull, thumping beats buzz in your head, making it even more difficult for you to remain conscious.

Black material flashes before your eyes. You feel someone's strong arms lift you up. And before you completely lose your consciousness, you can feel HIS heart pumping warm blood rapidly. Yours is getting slower and slower.

And you wish you had died in his arms right then, before it all started...

A few hours later, you wake up in the Little Palace infirmary. You find out that you are a heartrender, and with your scream, you knocked down not only the woman who worked with you on this assignment (luckily no one knows about your identity and what you were really doing in the palace), but also the Grishas who caught you both (for the second time, the saints took watch over you, so you only knocked them unconscious for a moment).

Ah, and the Black General brought you here himself… the day like others.

Ooh, oh All I used to do was pray Would've, could've, should've If you'd never looked my way I would've stayed On my knees

You were kneeling in the chapel. The stained-glass windows and images of saints gave you a kind of solace in a strange way.

You often prayed to the saints. Even though there weren't many believers in Ketterdam in anything but profit and money.

You believed that they were somehow listening to the prayers of the people on earth… you just didn't know why they chose to so painfully ignore the cries for help for the lifes of your family.

You clutched a letter from Kaz in your hand. The tears had long since stopped falling from your eyes and had already dried on your face. After all, how many hours could you cry while sitting on one of the pew?

You didn't want to leave him like this. He was your little brother, and you loved him more than anything. Yet he threw it in your face for choosing your own comfort over his well-being. That you wanted to join the ranks of saints, forgetting who you were and leaving behind your past.

As if staying in the Little Palace was your choice.

You were thrown into the role of Grisha. You didn't even know how to control it... yet you were able to hold back thousands of hearts without any training or learning about small science.

You were capable of much more than an ordinary heartrender. You could manipulate the blood. Move people at your will, controlling the movement of blood through their veins and into their muscles, manipulating people's bodies to your will.

And you found out all this in just a few weeks.

You closed your eyes and rested your forehead on your joined hands. You were tired. Tired of being forced to accept a life you never wanted. You were a thief and a paid killer. Not any Grisha.

In the distance to your right, you heard a faint heartbeat. You sighed. Another bonus of discovering your powers. The sounds of the hearts of people around you overwhelmed you to the point that you had to hide in some secluded place to get rid of the pounding in your ears.

It sucked. And the man who was responsible for your miserable situation was standing right next to you now.

"I wouldn't take you for someone who prays to saints." his whisper echoed throughout the chapel. You turned your gaze away from him. You started looking at the stained glass windows in front of you.

"Maybe I just admire art, general."

"On your knees, with your hands together?" he asks sarcastically. You ignore the intense look of his dark eyes on you. He sighs, sitting on the pew next to you. "And it is Aleksander. I've told you many times."

"Shouldn't you be planning a war or something like that?" you huff, earning a small chuckle from him at your annoyance.

At first, you were afraid of this terrible, Black General of the Second Army. Over time, however, you allowed yourself to be more impertinent towards him. (When pretending to be an obedient Grisha irritated you to no end, you got into a fight and ended up in his war room while he was scolding you. You guess that you fascinated him not only with your powers then.)

"Shouldn't you get enough sleep for training with Baghra?" you groan in despair at his words. Baghra... another reason to run away from this place as fast as you can.

You get up from your knees and sit on the pew next to him. Kaz's letter tucked safely in the sleeve of your kefta, but you wonder how long it will be before he notices the unusual stiffness in your left arm.

"I'm not going there. This woman will kill me one day and tell everyone that it was my own incompetence that did it." his soft chuckle definitely shouldn't make your heart beat faster. You were glad he didn't have powers like yours to find out about this embarrassing fact. "I'm also a little concerned about you knowing my timetable." you say, actually suspecting that the general's good intentions are based on something completely different than your well-being. You still didn't know how you sold him the story about how the orphan from Ketterdam managed to become a servant for Ravka's royal family and didn't pass a single test during her stay in the Grand Palace.

"I care about every Grishas. Some require my attention more than others." He says, shifting his gaze to the stained glass window you were staring at.

Sankta Ursula of the Waves

"You can mock all you want, but I believe in them. You have to believe in something if you want to survive in Ketterdam."

He trembles slightly. He thinks you haven't noticed, but you have. He clears his throat and looks down from the image of a Sankta to look at something else in the chapel.

"Why you pray to her?" he asks, and you, not knowing the importance of this question at the time, shrug and simply say the truth.

"My brother crossed part of the sea alone when he was only 10 years old. If not thanks to the saint's help, I don't know how he survived…" you tell him.

You don't know why, but he has such an aura around him that you just WANT to tell him everything. It was easy to trust him enough to share some of your secrets... After all, everything that's in the shadows is safely kept from the world, right?

And in those dark eyes and that mysterious, confident smirk you could get lost so damn easily…

If you knew better, you would have tried to push him away from you instead of spending nights with him in the chapel, talking about your past or when he "accidentally" joined you, or in the palace garden when he "accidentally" wanted to walk around the lake in the moonlight. You have unknowingly let him to direct you straight to his intricately woven spider web.

And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil At nineteen, and the god's honest truth is that the pain was heaven

Genya has provided you with a wonderful kefta. However, its red was different from the others, Corporalki. It was more bloody, wine-like, and so dark that one could say it was mixed with black.

Aleksander said he needed to recognise his best heartrender, and this kefta, too fanciful for your taste, was supposed to be a symbol of your importance to the Second Army. As if the ridiculous amount of black thread he had ordered to use to decorate it wasn't enough of a sign that the Black General favoured you over his other soldiers.

It was one of many celebrations in the Grand Palace. However, on this occasion, the Tsar and Tsaritsa decided to invite the Grishas as well... or rather, have them entertain a crowd of self-righteous nobility on the occasion of the anniversary of the Ravka uprising.

You weren't a Ravkan. You weren't interested in some artificial celebration, but the general almost forced you to come to this stupid holiday with others... at least you could drink wine secretly with Genya and Fedyor.

You felt the blood flowing freely through your body as you danced with some other Grishas. You laughed carelessly for the first time in a long time and let yourself spin around as the handsome blonde held you in his arms.

The others' heartbeats hummed softly in your ears as you allowed yourself to let go of control a little. The orchestra's music effectively allows you to drown out the sound your powers have picked up.

Being so distracted, you didn't even notice when Grisha leaned closer to you and started whispering something in your ear. You laughed at the ridiculousness of his flirtatious offer and were about to reject him when suddenly an arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you into a strong chest.

As soon as the familiar smell of burning wood and musk mixed with kvass enveloped you, you relaxed. Suddenly, the possessive, too-tight grip on your waist where his large hand was pressing against your stomach and holding his breasts too close to be appropriate didn't bother you as much.

And if, instead of inhaling his scent and perfume like some drug and getting high on it, you saw the death glare he was sending towards the guy who was only flirting with you, maybe you would understand that it was better to run away from him as far as possible instead of melting into the soft fabric of his black kefta and appreciating his muscles you felt through it.

But you couldn't think of anything else but how lucky you were that your summer keftas were so thin.

“I'm going to steal Miss Y/F(ake)/L/N for a while." he says as if he has every right to you. But you are too intoxicated (both by his close presence and the wine you drank) to notice that something is wrong.

And instead of yelling at him like you should have, showing him that you weren't a thing he could take whenever he wanted, you blushed as he turned you towards him and gave you that damned, dangerous smirk that made many Grishas women swoon.

"You looked like you needed saving." he whispers into your ear, gently touching his bearded cheek to yours.

You bit your lip, looking at him as he pulled away from you, perfectly playing the role of gentleman and your fucking knight on a black horse. Too perfect for you to notice then...

"Thank you, general, for caring so much about an ordinary heartrender like me." you tease him as he leads you in a dance.

"My best heartrender." he replies, running his hand down your back, making you shiver. He suddenly dipped you down, forcing you to lean on his hands and trust that he won't let you fall on the floor. You were so close in his arms that you felt every breath he takes matching yours.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Grishas whispering about you, but you don't care. Not while you have him with you, not while he's looking at you with such curiosity and admiration that you feel like you're the only damn person in the room. And you see his eyes linger longer on the black stitched decorations of your kefta on your waist and chest.

"Be careful, Ivan will be jealous." you tease, giving him one of your prettiest teasing smiles, and you almost hold your breath, seeing a hint of something akin to lust in his eyes, as dark as his shadows.

"He has his Fedyor." he replies, pulling you slightly closer to him, and you know he can feel your rapidly beating heart.

He was dangerous—everything you should avoid—something that young and naive girls were warned about. But you were drawn to him like a moth to a flame. And the fact that such a special, powerful man like him was interested in the thief and killer from Ketterdam like you made you unable to push him away.

You liked his attention. The way he touched your cheek tenderly as he brushed the hair from your face after riding with him. The way he sought your presence and the way he showed up at unexpected moments when you really needed someone. The way he gently grabbed your hand, amplifying your already formidable powers so you could practice bigger, more impressive things with him than with Baghra.

He made you felt special, chosen. And with every single second you spend with him, you wanted more from him…

He left you with the tingling feeling of his lips on your hand after thanking you for dancing. He walked away from you, giving you a second glance and a wink. And then you knew he would be your death...

And now that I'm grown I'm scared of ghosts Memories feel like weapons And now that I know I wish you'd left me wondering

"I do not like winter." you say, sitting in one of his armchairs in the war room, warming your hands by the fireplace.

Baghra forced you to train outside, and the cold ingrained itself into your bones. You tried in vain to warm yourself up using your power. The old witch, seeing your incompetence, only let you go when your lips turned blue enough from the cold. And Aleksander was bustling around you now, wrapping an absurd amount of blankets around you and making tea for the two of you.

"Why is that?" he asks, placing the warm mug in your cold hands. You smile gratefully and take a sip, deciding that he did it perfectly, just as you loved it. Which, by the way, wasn't so strange, knowing how many sleepless nights you spent in that chair talking with him.

"My brothers once took me to a frozen lake to go ice skating. I fell into an ice hole, almost froze to death, and got a terrible cold. My mother said that I miraculously escaped death. My parents spent all their money on doctors and medicines for me. And as a result, my brothers and I were strictly forbidden to go out without her supervision. As you might expect, they weren't very grateful to me for this."

You see him swallow and stare into his cup in silence. You don't miss his tense shoulders and the frown on his forehead as he mentions something—something very bad, judging by the pale knuckles of his hands as they grip the cup tightly.

You slowly get up and put your mug on the table. You walk up to him and kneel in front of him. You take the cup from his hands before it breaks under his force, and you slow down his rapidly beating heart with your power to calm him down a bit.

The touch of your soft, gentle hands on his brings him back to reality. His dark eyes stare at you with great intensity, assessing and wondering something deeply as he pierces your very soul.

"I fell into the freezing lake too." he finally says, lowering his gaze to your joined hands. He plays with your fingers and draws patterns with his fingertips on your palm as he weighs his words, not looking at you, as if he might break down under your compassionate pattern. "I was 13 years old… two other children, my dearest friends, attempted to drown me in that freezing lake."

A cold chill runs through your body. You unconsciously squeeze his hands, trying to catch his gaze.

"Why?" you whisper, shakily, imagining that cruel moment.

He doesn't say anything. He lifts his head and looks at you, and he finds something in your gaze that makes him decide to stare hopingly into your eyes with his dark irises that reflect the glow of the fire in the fireplace for a while.

He sighs, closing his eyes, and suddenly you feel your hands tingle where your skin meets his. And it's not the usual feeling that washes over you every time you're in his intoxicating presence.

NO.

It was something bigger, more powerful, and much more addictive than anything, than Darkling himself was already to you.

"Use your power. Listen to the heartbeat." he whispers his command quietly, completely unlike the way he expresses his orders. And if you opened your eyes, you would see him staring at you intently, watching the reaction on your face.

And then you hear it. Thousands of heartbeats, you feel every flow of blood in the bodies of thousands of people present from the Little and Greate Palace, even throughout the whole capital.

Overwhelmed by so much power, you let go of his hands and breathe heavily, still feeling the blood rushing through your veins and that warm tingle spreading throughout you.

"What... what the hell was that?" you ask him in shock, trying to catch your breath. "How... how did you..."

"You know what an amplifier is, right?" he asks, sliding out of his chair and kneeling in front of you.

He reaches up and slowly tucks your hair behind your ear. You flinch at first at his touch, and he freezes, but you quickly nuzzle into his hand when you notice that you no longer feel as much power emanating from him to you as you did with his earlier touch.

"Yes, but..." you freeze, realising what he's implying. The impossibility of it all only stuns you for a moment. But so many impossible things have already happened in your life that, in the end, this little piece of information doesn't make that much of an impression on you. But you can't say the same about what you found out... about what he must have gone through in his childhood. They practically hunted him like those animals that enhanced Grishas' abilities. "Oh, Aleksander." you whisper and lunge at him to hug him tightly to you.

And by the short sigh he let out as he buried his face in your hair, and by the way it took him a moment to undoubtedly return your strong, tender hug, you knew that this wasn't what he expected, that this wasn't the kind of reaction he was used to seeing.

If only you knew back then that he would start using his memories more often as a weapon in the fight for your feelings, your affection, your forgiveness, and your compassion, then you would rather he left you in the dark, for him to never start sharing THE REAL parts of him with you.

If you never touched me, I would've Gone along with the righteous If I never blushed then they could've Never whispered about this And if you never saved me from boredom I could've gone on as I was

Ravka's love day celebrations are… more successful than you would like to admit.

You went to breakfast, convinced that you would spend today's day off alone, locked in your room or gossiping with Genya about anything other than the romantic, tense atmosphere in the palace.

You were wrong.

It started with you being presented with various flowers from various Grishas along the way, asking if you would spend the evening with them. And they were various proposals. Dinner, a walk in the palace gardens, a horse ride, even spending the night with them (which you found disgusting).

You entered the dining hall and sat down in your usual seat, responding to Fedyor's teasing as you placed a bouquet of all the flowers you were given on the table next to you.

"You don't want to take them from me? Ivan would be happy." you try to shush him but he just laughs more.

"Better tell me which ones are from the general." he teases you, picking up one of the flowers and hitting your shoulder with it.

You tense up and blush slightly. You make sure to mask the beating of your racing heart so that Fedyor can't use it as a clue to your true feelings for the General, which have developed over the months you've spent in the Little Palace.

"None. And it better stay that way. As if all these women didn't look at me with hatred anyway. Can you believe that for all these flowers, no one brought me my favorites? Or any sweets?" you complain jokingly, digging into your food and trying to act as if you were unimpressed by his comment.

"And what are your favorites?" he asks casually, also starting to eat his food. You answer him and then suddenly someone sits next to you. Inferni - Luke, the one you danced with at one of the events and your faithful library buddy, gives you a shy smile.

"Are you doing anything tonight?" he asks, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck.

You feel Fedyor's eyes on you, but you try to ignore him. The heartrender flies away, leaving the two of you alone. You don't know how to answer Luke. He was that classic nice, funny guy that any woman would kill for attention. And probably, if your life were different, you would gladly accept his invitation and reciprocate his shy flirtation.

But you can't and don't want to do it. You don't feel an ounce about Luke what you feel about a certain dark-haired man in a black kefta. And when Inferni's hand connects with yours, you mentally compare the feeling to the tingling excitement that the mere look of Aleksander's dark eyes stirs within you.

Fortunately, you're not the one who has to answer. A grunt from the two of you makes Luke let go of your hand. You both stare at your general, who stands with his hands clasped behind his back. He approaches you slowly and catches your gaze with his dark irises before looking at the Inferni sitting next to you.

"Unfortunately, Miss Y/F/N will be busy tonight." he replies, not even trying to hide from you the silent, unspoken threat he sends with his gaze towards the boy who tired to ask you out.

Luke nods and leaves with a quiet: "Yes, General."

Alexander looks at you, and for a moment, that's all you do. And if you were a little more careful, less blinded by your fascination with this dangerous man who, for some reason, puts you at the centre of his universe, you would try to get away from him as far as possible.

But you are not.

He offers you his hand, patiently waiting to see if you take it or reject it. But you both then know that you are too deeply enchanted by his intoxicating appearance, too mesmerised by the sound of his voice, and too hungry for his touch to allow yourself to lose his attention for even a moment.

So you gently placed your hand on his. He wraps it in a safe hug and helps you up. He pulls you a little closer to him so that the materials of your keftas rub against each other. And the overwhelming amount of black embroidery on it practically hides the red material underneath, matching perfectly to the general's black kefta. This obvious match only now seems trivially obvious to you.

And if the Grishas had any doubt that you belonged to the Dark General, the fact that he pulled out your favourite flowers from behind his back and handed them to you with a small, charmed smirk as you took them from him and buried your nose in the petals told them so quite clearly.

In that moment, you too realised how deeply you felt for this man.

That's why, when he leans towards you, his bearded cheek brushing yours, flushed from the overwhelming feeling that overwhelms you in his close presence, you don't object when he whispers in your ear:

“I'm about to kidnap you for tonight.”

The rational part of you screams at you that this is a bad sign, that he is saying it with too much confidence and hunger in his eyes to be considered mere flirtation and not an act of pure possession and dominance.

But you don't listen.

You don't want to listen.

You want to drown in those dark brown irises, be consumed by his darkness, if it meant that for the rest of your life he would look at you as the only person he wanted.You want to finally feel wanted. Needed. Chosen. The one and only.

And the fact that it was this most powerful Grisha who made you feel this way only fueled your desires more and blinded everything your mind was screaming to your deaf heart. A heart that was deaf to everything that wasn't HIM.

"I can't wait." you whisper back.

And you know, by the way he nods at you and walks away with his usual confidence, the twinkle of victory in his eyes, and the huge, satisfied smile when he realises you're watching him closely until he's out of your sight, that you are gone for good and there is no going back to who you were. That he has clawed his way into your soul too deeply to ever try to deny it.

But lord, you made me feel important And then you tried to erase us

This is one of the best nights of your life.

You knew this from the moment you climbed with him to the highest tower in the Little Palace, which was used to teach little Grishas astronomy lessons.

He laid down with you on the blankets and pillows he had prepared, especially for this occasion, and let you lean against his chest as you both gazed at the stars. You, safely wrapped in his arms and blankets, listened to his slightly accelerated heartbeat as if it were the sweetest music you had ever heard. And the fact that he rested his chin on top of your head, occasionally whispering something in your ear about the constellations in front of you, quickly became by far your favourite place in the world.

"For a long time I only slept under the stars. My mother and I always had to be on the run. We couldn't find a permanent place. People would try to kill the Darkling's son as soon as they found out about my existence."

You lift your joined hands and press a kiss to his as you continue to listen to him. You feel shivers run through his body. You learned, with the time you spend with him, that he was completely unaccustomed to the tender touch of another.

"They were my only solace in the darkness."

"Were you afraid of her? And your shadows?" you ask, turning in his arms to look at him properly. He shifts his gaze from the night sky above you to you and disentangles one of his hands from your grasp to caress your cheek tenderly.

"A bit. I couldn't control them then... they were... unpredictable. My mother used to mock me and say that I was no summoner if I allowed my own power to rule me."

"Aleksander." you whisper, tears in your eyes as you see the pain written all over his face. It was there every time he mentioned that cruel woman. You hold one of his hands tightly and say, with all your conviction and unwavering faith in this man, "You are the strongest person I know. You've been through so much... I'm probably not even aware of half of it yet, and yet, look where you are and what you have achieved. There has never been and never will be a better Darkling than you. You are caring and attentive; you take care of your people, and the Grishas under your rule are better than ever."

He stares at you, frowning halfway through your speech, and something like guilt shines in his eyes as tears begin to form.

You don't know it yet, then.

You don't know why he feels guilty. You don't know why he shivers as you lean into him to press your lips together in your first kiss. You don't know why his hands are shaking as he cups your cheeks. You don't know why, as you try to undo the buttons on his kefta, his hands suddenly stop yours. You don't know why he pulls away after a moment, whispering something under his breath as he practically runs away from you.

All you know for sure is his heart beating madly as he disappears from your sight and the tingling of your lips after the kiss the two of you shared a moment ago.

He hasn't come near you since that night. In fact, you feel like he's trying to avoid you at all costs. And in hindsight, you curse yourself for not taking the hint. That you didn't move away when he tried to make it easier for you.

But you were too stubborn, too longing for his presence floating around you like his shadows, to simply give up and do what's best for you. So you knock on his chambers in the middle of the night, and when he opens the door, you both know you're too far in all of this to try to ignore an attraction between you—this ache in your chest after not seeing each other for weeks.

You don't know who kisses who first. Or when he pulls you towards him and closes the door behind you to pin himself against it. You have no idea who took the other's kefta off first or when you found yourself in his bed as he tried to kiss every part of you. You know you feel safe, warm, loved, and at home. And it's a feeling you haven't felt in a very long time. And so did he. That's why you get lost in each other, completely disregarding the fact that, in the end, you would probably both tear each other's hearts out.

Oh, you're a crisis of my faith Would've, could've, should've If I'd only played it safe

He finds you kneeling by his fireplace as you slowly burn letter after letter you wrote to Kaz that he sent back to you. The bastard didn't even open it.

It's been a long time since you kneeled before anything other than him. Your faith in the saints was crumbling with each passing month in the ranks of the Second Army. If the saints were so powerful, why did they continue to allow Grishas to be treated worse than dogs?

You didn't understand it. And the next bottle of Aleksander's kvas that you opened only confirmed your belief that the saints sucked, your brother was an ungrateful scoundrel, and your boyfriend was the only good thing that happened to you. Boyfriend… it felt weird for you to call him that, but you had no other idea in your half-drunk state.

You put another letter into the fire when you suddenly feel a pair of arms wrap around you, pulling you into his strong chest. You sigh, appreciating his scent and the warmth that emanates from him. His shadows slowly wrap around the two of you as you both kneel in front of the fireplace and the burning letters to your brother.

"Are you playing Inferni?" he asks teasingly as his hands go to the bottle of kvas you're holding, and he takes a sip from it.

"Possible. Did you have to grovel before the king again to get money for Grishas for uniforms, training, and food? Which should actually be his fucking duty to provide this for the soldiers who are bleeding for him and other royal snobs on the Fjerdan border.”

"Possible. Don't say it out loud or elsewhere. I don't want to see that pretty ass through the bars in the dungeon."

"We both know you'd save that ass and drag it back to your bed." you both giggle like fools. You lean more into him and sigh satisfied when he starts running through your hair, playing with it.

"Possible. Very much. Who deserves your hatred?" he asks curiously as you throw another letter into the fire. "Be careful not to set fire to my chambers. I have some nice, matching keftas here for the two of us."

"I'm glad you find it amusing that my brother is a dick." you complain a little, wondering what keftas he's referring to besides the ones you're currently wearing.

He insisted that you have at least one all-black one with red embroidery. Of course you agreed. You wanted people to know you were his.

"He didn't respond?" he asks, snapping you out of your thoughts. You take his hand in yours and start drawing patterns on it with your finger. You cling to his claw-like ring and play with it for a while, spinning it around his finger.

"He actually did. He write a big 'Fuck you' at the back of one." you say thoughtfully as you shift your gaze to the letters burning in the fireplace. Maybe it was actually better to stop trying to establish contact with him for a moment and give him space to think?

"Don't think about him. You don't need him." he says, nuzzling your temple with his nose. You frown and turn your head to look at him.

"He is my brother... that's a bound that never die." you speak strongly, convinced that you are right.

The determination in your eyes makes him fall silent, staring at you as he thinks about something, or maybe someone, as he mindlessly plays with your fingers—a nervous habit he showed every time he held you against him and he thought about his past. In moments like these, you just wanted to kiss the sadness and pain from his face.

"Maybe." he finally whispers back, lost in thought. Suddenly, he shakes his head slightly and flashes back to you from his memories. "Maybe it is better for him like that? To only care about himself. To show that he is not emotionally connected to anyone. Maybe he is trying to keep you safe?"

"Why live without love? Without someone close to you who waits for you and cares for you? Who believes in you? Who would have your back at your worst and when you need a rescue?"

"Sometimes people have no choice. It's safer to live alone. To care only about yourself. You know that your actions won't hurt anyone, and if they do, it will only hurt you."

"I would rather live one life in the arms of my love than hundreds of them all alone and in meaningless glory."

He tenses, but his grip doesn't loosen around you. If anything, he grows stronger, as if he's clinging to you to make sure you don't go anywhere further than his arms reach.

He kisses your temple and pulls you in so that you're straddling his lap. He strokes your neck and collarbone gently, and after a long, tender kiss, he whispers into your lips:

"I need to get out and visit a few camps near the fold. Come with me… I need to keep an eye on you to make sure you stay in these arms of mine as long as possible." he teases you, but you know his question-order has more meaning than he is willing to admit.

For the first time, neither of you are alone. You have someone to come back to at night, someone to talk to about your problems, someone to hold in your arms. And it's both a pleasurable and addictive feeling for the two of you.

I would've stayed on my knees And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil At nineteen, and the god's honest truth is that the pain was heaven And now that I'm grown I'm scared of ghosts Memories feel like weapons And now that I know I wish you'd left me wondering

Sun Summoner. Saint Alina. Ravka's Savior.

The girl received more titles and merits, more hope placed in her than many saints to whom you prayed. You would feel sorry for her if she didn't completely rob you of YOUR Aleksander.

And you would endure it. Really. If only that little saint hadn't accidentally blurted out his name at dinner while she was talking to you.

And that's why you stood crying in your... his chambers. You were packing instead of getting ready for the winter fiesta celebrations, fully ready to mend your broken heart on the borders of Ravka, preferably in some camp near Fjerda, so that you could vent the anger, despair, and disappointment boiling inside of you to them.

Although you preferred to keep the heart of a certain little saint rather than some Fjerdan or Drüskell, and to be honest, that desire scared you.

Kaz was right. You chose comfort. You could have tried to escape from the Darkling better and put more effort into your escape plans instead of letting yourself be slandered by that damn bastard who gave that sunny whore a kefta in HIS colour after a WEEK. You waited fucking months for him to give you the black kefta you wanted, which was now hanging in his closet, abandoned like a rag.

In your anger, you packed your things blindly, oblivious to your surroundings. That's why you flinched when suddenly HIS hands gently held your arms, preventing you from packing any further.

You don't turn to face him. You don't make a move, waiting for him to say something as you listen to his heartbeat.

"Where are you going?" he asks, but you know he's only doing it to analyse his next move, to come up with a reason in his head why you'd want to leave him, and he's trying to quickly come up with a plan to talk you out of it.

You may not have known what a son-of-a-bitch he was, but at least you knew him almost as well as you knew yourself.

"On a vacation." you huff and shake his arms off of you. You close your leather suitcase with a bang and turn to face him. He notices that you're wearing your red kefta—the first one that clearly wasn't trimmed with a ridiculous amount of black embroidery typical of heartrenders.

"Y/N..." he sighs and reaches for you, but you pull away from him before his hands land on you and your traitorous body succumbs to his familiar touch.

"Don't. Don't even start it. I know what you are going say all to well."

"What are you talking about?" he asks, frowning at you. You look away from him and sit on his bed as you tie your travelling shoes and make sure you have your daggers hidden in them.

"Oh, you know. That typical 'It's not you, it's me' talk. And the classic 'I don't feel the same about you anymore. And it's my fault, not yours.' Just spare us this crap and let me go somewhere where I don't have to watch you cling to that sunny bitch."

In an instant, he's on his knees in front of you, clutching your hands in his. You know that looking into his damn hypnotic eyes will ruin you, but you're too weak to resist him.

"I admit... I've been busy with the Sun Summoner lately... but she's not the one I return to every night. She's not the one I think about every free moment; she's not the one I want to hold in my arms..."

"But she's the one who got the kefta in your colours from you. She's the one who learned your name before I did. The one you trusted right away when I had to earn your trust every fucking week here. She's your equal. Your goddamn complement. I won't stand in the way of your great, epic love and play the role of the other woman, only because you get used to having me around." you say mad and push his hands away from you.

And instead of letting you go and making the one damn right choice in your life, he stands up and traps you in the tight embrace of his arms and shadows.

You scream, squirm, and try to struggle out of his strong arms, even going so far as to pathetically punch his chest with your fists, but weakly enough that it seems more like a frantic act of your despair and hurt than an actual attempt. hurting him.

You scream, squirm, and try to struggle out of his strong arms, even going so far as to pathetically punch his chest with your fists, but weakly enough that it seems more like a frantic act of your despair and hurt than an actual attempt to harm him.

“Milaya, moye serdtse… (Sweet girl, my heart.)” he whispers in your ear, his hands caressing your back tenderly as you tremble against him. "You are the only light of my life. Moi sol ye tselai. (My sun and stars.) There is no one else, and there never will be. Alina may be the Sun Summoner, my opposite and complement, but it is YOU who challenges me, you are my EQUAL. It is you that I want to return to every night, you are with me... you are the one I want to always have with me."

And then it feels so romantic and sweet, so right, when he kisses the tears from your face and pulls the ring from his pocket to slide it on your finger after his quiet: "Kei onolich yash, milaya?" and your little, almost unnoticable nod.

It feels so good when he throws your leather suitcase off the bed in one move and lays you on it, worshipping you all night long and assuring you that he is yours and yours alone. You feel loved. Wanted. Chosen above the one and only Sun Summoner.

And in that moment, his warm, soft lips on yours, his cold hands caressing your body heated by him, the shadows floating around you that he accidentally released, and the sound of his pounding heartbeat in your ears were enough for you to forget that he was planning to gain Alina's trust in a nefarious way. It was so easy to explain it to yourself. It was so easy for you to convince yourself that he was a good man. It was definitely easier than admitting the obvious, painful truth.

After all, that was all you two wanted... to never feel lonely and unimportant again.

God rest my soul I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close Stained glass windows in my mind

The fold is dark. Cold. It doesn't resemble Aleksander's shadows at all. Your fiancé is also nothing like the version you knew.

Version. That's exactly what he was showing you.

Another version of him. Another of his hundreds of lives. You were so naive and stupid. He had to handcuff you to the deck of the ship so you could finally understand what he was really like.

And so you found yourself in the front row, watching the Black Heretic widen his fold.

He has the nerve to walk up to you and brush the hair out of your face that has been ruffled by the wind his squallers have summoned. And he does it with such tenderness that you almost believe in the truth of his feelings. Almost. The handcuffs blocking your power and hidden beneath the fabric of your black dress—another one of his sick ways of marking his ownership—are a stark reminder of how he has degraded you and how he has reduced your role to nothing more than a pretty toy on his arm so that he is not alone in his madness.

"Please... I just want to talk." he whispers, his hand never leaving your cheek as he caresses it with his thumb with utmost care.

You don't look at him. You can't anymore. His face is a blatant reminder of your stupidity and naivety. Your greatest weakness and desire - all hidden in the face of a handsome devil in front of you. A Starless Saint you used to pray to in the past...

"I don't care how long it takes you, but in the end, you'll understand and come to accept that there was no other choice. That I'm doing this for us. For you. For all the Grishas." he whispers, placing a kiss on your forehead.

You're shaking. And you curse yourself for doing this, both because you're afraid of him and because his mouth still manages to tear down all the walls you put up because of him around your heart.

"Do not touch me." you snap at him, furious. Trying to at least pretend that you really hated him with every fibre of your being.

This doesn't discourage him. Even the other way around, he pulls you closer to him, tangling his hand in the back of your hair to whisper into your ear:

"I will banish this attitude from you in time, moya tsaritsa." you freeze at his words, realising his true plan—to expand the fold and take over Ravka. He wanted to become a tsar...

"You must be delusional to think for even a second that you will take control over Ravka and put me by your side."

"Isn't that what we promised each other? Stay with each other no matter what? I have seen what you truly are, and I never turned away. I never will." he's trying to convince you, and you know that if it weren't for the numerous lies and half-truths he fed you, you would join him.

You wouldn't care about what he did, what he intended to do, or who he would hurt to fulfil his sick plan that had been hundreds of years in the making. You feel weak and naive like never before. All because of the man, you decided to give your heart and all your devotion.

"I promised this to General Kirigan. Not to the Black Heretic, poisoned by his maniacal beliefs and blinded by the grip of authority and power. No matter how hard you try, you will never have control over anything. Your shadows and pride will be your undoing, Aleksander."

You gasp when he suddenly grabs your jaw roughly, tightening his fingers around your bones and preventing you from saying anything. He glares at you, a combination of betrayal and pain in his dark eyes as he tries to decide what to do with you. And you know that if you were anyone else, he would have used his shadows on you long ago.

And for a moment, you wish that he could finally free you from the suffering, hopelessness, and inner conflict you feel every time you look at his face.

"You shall be right by my side... no matter what you think about me." he promised you, which almost sounds like a threat, and placed a soft kiss on your cheek, near your lips. "You will understand; I know you will... we have all the time we need."

Before you can ask him about the meaning of his words, hell begins to break loose around you.

And you don't know what amazes you more, the fact that Alina is able to resist the bond and summon an incredible amount of light, or the fact that your brother appears next to you, and with the help of some mad hatter with a gun who turns out to be a fabricator, they free you. Kaz and his people take you away from the fold, Aleksander and his Grishas.

You are free.

Only your heart seems to be bleeding, left far behind you in the hands of a man you don't know if he's still alive.

And for the first time in several years, after you have a very emotional conversation with your little brother and after you promise to help the Sun Summoner, you allow yourself to cry quietly in the room they rented in some old inn.

And the worst of it all is that you don't cry for who you were, for the lost years in the Little Palace, or for how Aleksander changed you and transformed you in his image. No. You cry over him because you don't know if you'll ever see that damn bastard again.

And to make matters worse, you find a picture of a Starless Saint in the room. And you know that Aleksander, dead or alive, will haunt you for the rest of your life.

And his engagement ring resting safely on your finger is obvious proof of that.

I regret you all the time Can't let this go I fight with you in my sleep The wound won't close I keep on waiting for a sign I regret you all the time

Baghra teaches you how to control and summon shadows.

Yes, Baghra, Aleksander's mother, who apparently turned out to be on your side, teaches you how to control and summon shadows.

During one rather nasty fight with Drüskelles, it turns out you can summon a fucking shadow cut.

And after Aleksander starts haunting you in your dreams and even in broad daylight, just like he does with Alina, you realise that she's not the only one who got an amplifier from him.

And so you found yourself in a library near the village where you were hiding, trying to find any information about Morozova and his amplifiers. And the women sitting across from you weren't much help.

"Why does he haunt her more than he haunts me? Could it have something to do with the fact that the bond between us is falling apart or is less durable than theirs?" Alina asks Baghra. You roll your eyes at her.

"He obviously has other… priorities." the old woman replies, clearly insinuating the motive for these priorities.

"Maybe please stop insinuating such nonsense?" you mumble over your book, trying to read the text.

It didn't help that you were distracted by their conversations and hadn't slept in days, too afraid of meeting him in your dreams. He was all you could think about anyway.

"I'm just stating facts. The boy constantly thinks about you; you think about him. You seek and reach out to each other unconsciously and appear before the other eyes."

"I'm not at all…"

"I wouldn't embarrass myself more if I were you." Kaz says, walking alongside Mal, Inej, and Jasper. Everyone but him is carrying large stacks of books for your wonderful group to look through.

"At least this one has a brain." Baghra comments, insulting everyone at the table. You can see from Kaz's look that he's rather pleased with her comment. "It's better for you that you're a cripple." you huff, amused, seeing Kaz's expression revert to his trademark cold stare. He frowns grumpily as he plops down on the couch next to you.

It was in good enough condition to allow you to lean on it for a while. That's why you took the opportunity and placed your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes for a moment.

"Are you going to meet your geek?" he asks teasingly, and if you didn't know him, you'd think the snarky tone was meant to mock you.

"You better keep an eye on your girlfriend, Kazzle. She's far too good for you," you whisper back to him and smile victoriously, hearing his heart speed up at the mention of Inej.

"Shut up and go to sleep."

You agree and allow yourself to fall asleep for the first time in days, hoping someone will wake you up if Aleksander invades your dreams again.

If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Years of tearing down our banners You and I Living for the thrill of hitting you where it hurts Give me back my girlhood It was mine first

As soon as you open your eyes, you realise that you are in a different place, somewhere you have never been before. You look around the room and stop in front of the mirror. You shudder as you realise you're wearing the black kefta HE once gave you.

"One day without your annoying presence, is it that much to ask?" you say, turning around after you saw his figure in the mirror.

You shiver, realising that he's much closer than you expected. For a moment, you wish you could pinch yourself to get out of there. It would definitely make life easier for your battered heart.

"You're so successful at avoiding me that I have to take advantage of every opportunity you give me, milaya." he says and takes a step towards you.

You automatically step back, making him clench his fists, keeping them to himself. He sighs and looks at you again, his dark brown eyes scanning your soul, trying, as usual, to find something to convince you to come back to him.

"Please… I just want to talk. You know I would never hurt you." he makes his cute, kicked-up puppy face. Your stupid heart hurts to see him so... broken, but this time your brain is screaming over your heart's pleas for mercy to this man.

"Do you want to talk? Then maybe you can tell me why you put an amplifier in me? Why did you let me summon your shadows?! Why did Grishas have to evacuate from the Little Palace, and why is the king hunting us like Fjerdans and Drüskelles?!" you ask angrily, unconsciously moving closer to him with each sentence you shout at him.

"You can try to make me a monster if it makes you feel better, but I am not your enemy. And you know it. Everything I do, everything I have ever done, I've done for Grishas. And everything I ever do will be for Grishas and for you." he says, as usual, maintaining that damn composure that makes you hate him more. You hate that he pretends he's perfectly fine while you're falling to pieces every day you walk without him by your side.

"Lying. That's all you can do. Lie, manipulate. Tell me, how many gullible girls have you fooled with your beautiful eyes and idealistic talk? How much girlhood have you taken and used for your own benefit?" you ask him, wanting to hurt him, wanting to cause him the same pain he gave you when you found out the truth about him, and your world crumbled around you like a house of cards. Because that's all your life was. Illusion. An illusion created by a man you couldn't hate like he deserved you.

"I've never taken anything you didn't give me willingly."

"I gave you everything just not to lose you. You made me dependent on you; you made life without you seem like cruel torture; you showed me things that I can't even feel with anyone else; you manipulated me so well that I don't feel that I exist without being by your side." you accuse him with tears in your eyes. You're letting them fall freely as you look at his shocked, hurt face. "And every pain you brought me was like fucking heaven. And the worst part of it all is that I would still be your fucking faithful follower and completely surrender my battered soul to you if only you hadn't fucking lied to me."

You let yourself fall apart in front of him. You let him touch you again as he tenderly cups your cheek and pulls your head to his chest. You cry into his kefta, hugging him tightly and digging your fingers into his back as he presses his lips against your head and holds you tightly in his arms.

"I hate you. I hate you." you cry into his chest, inhaling his scent like a drug.

"I will always love you, milaya." he says calmly, but you feel the drops dripping on your hair, and you let yourself believe that they are his own tears as you stand there in each other's arms, clinging desperately to each other.

And I damn sure never would've danced with the devil At nineteen, and the god's honest truth is that the pain was heaven And now that I'm grown I'm scared of ghosts Memories feel like weapons And now that I know I wish you'd left me wondering

Fedyor struggles with Ivan's grip. However, both you and the two heartrenders know that this makes no sense.

The two of you (and Baghra, whose whereabouts you were unaware of) were captured by Aleksander's men. You both actually volunteered. You were supposed to distract attention from the rest of your group of world saviors. Aleksander took the throne as he had predicted. And Ivan now leads you before the new tsar.

You walked through the corridors of the Little Palace, knowing this place all too well by heart, and you wondered if, when Aleksander was building it, he always had in the back of his mind that it would serve as his royal residence in the future. You were actually surprised that his first order wasn't to demolish the Grand Palace.

"Moi tsar." Ivan's voice pulls you from your thoughts. You weren't even aware that you had already reached the throne room.

"Finally. Interrogate the prisoner. Tsaritsa stays here." he says, and you feel his gaze on you, but you don't give him enough satisfaction to grace him with your gaze.

Fedyor swallows. You give him a sympathetic look as he walks away, with Ivan holding him tightly. What can war do to two people in love? You think. At least Fedyor knew how to hate Ivan... not like you.

There's an awkward silence between you for a moment. Only the rustle of his royal kefta and the heavy steps he takes in his shoes make you look up at him. And you hold your breath.

Of course, you had heard the rumours about his visit to the fold, leaving him with souvenir scars from his encounter with volcras, but well... it wasn't your fault that you immediately thought how hotter he was because of them. And with a crown on his head and a black kefta with red embroidery, he looked amazing. He had no right to look like that when you stood in front of him in your brother's oversized shirt and pants borrowed from Inej.

"Tsaritsa?" you finally ask with a sneer, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I knew you'd react to that." he says with a smirk, walking over to you. "I promised you this, remember? And I keep my promises. Even if I didn't really know you, Y/N Rietveld." you flinch at the sound of your real name, which you somehow managed to push from your memory. You also notice his clear reference to what you told him then in the fold. 'You lied to me too. About your identity. A paid killer. That's why you were at the palace, right? That's why I got the cup from you, with poison in it, if I'm not mistaken?"

"As you can see, quite miserable if you're still alive. Besides, I tought telling you half a story was not a laying at all?" you say, looking at him defiantly. He just laughs and stands in front of you, chest to chest, as you stare at one another.

"Is this how it will be now? Using each other's words against each other?"

"You can let me go, and then you won't have to talk to me at all." you say and he laughs, tucking your hair behind your ear and caressing your cheek with his thumb.

His fingers wander along your jaw, to your neck, to your collarbone, to your shoulder, and to the handcuffs on your hands, blocking your power.

"That's not the option. You are staying right where you are, right where you belong. With me." he says, and to your surprise, he removes the handcuffs from you. He takes your hands in his and presses his lips on the small, almost imperceptible marks on your wrists from handcuffs. He also didn't miss the opportunity to fondly stroke the engagement ring he gave you, which is still on your finger. It makes you blush unwillingly. "I can be your monster and force you to stay to make the whole situation easier for you."

"I would never choose you. Blood is thicker than water." you say, furious at his suggestion that you would choose him over your brother.

"But you can't leave without any of this, can you?"

You become silent. Because he's right. You can't live without him, and you have no idea what awaits you next, but you know that you will have to lose someone. And you are afraid of the end result more than anything else.

Suddenly, he stands behind you. You feel his chest rising and falling with each breath on your back as he suddenly raises his hands. There is something heavy, metallic, and heavy on your head. The bastard gave you a damn crown.

"It's you and me, Y/N. And we are all we need anyway." he says and places a kiss on your temple. He presses his nose, inhaling your scent and hugging you tightly, pressing you against him as his shadows circle the room and wrap around the two of you. You can't deny it and say that you don't feel comfortable at all, that you don't feel the relief that his presence once brought you. Because you do. You've always done. "I will give you the world, everything you want... all you have to do is stay."

You don't protest when he places a gentle hand on your jaw and tilts your head to kiss you. You don't try to break free from his grip as he deepens the kiss, expressing all the longing, anger, and affection you feel for each other. And you eagerly push him to his throne, to straddle him and prove that you want him as desperately as he wants you.

Oh, God rest my soul I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close Stained glass windows in my mind I regret you all the time I can't let this go I fight with you in my sleep The wound won't close I keep on waiting for a sign I regret you all the time

You stood next to him. Just like he wanted. This was your plan before you even came back to him. Fedyor also got back into his good graces and gave them information, and you tried to convince your stupid heart that you were doing the right thing. And now you watched as Alina fought with him to destroy the fold.

And you're really prepared for him to die. You replayed this moment a thousand times in your head as you lay by his side in the Little Palace, watching him in his sleeping state.

What you are not ready for, and what the volcras around you make you realise, is life without him. Without his shadows. Without his voice. Without his dark eyes. Without his touch.

You're still trying to fight with it. Convince yourself that you are stronger and that you can do it. But when you see Alina pick up a Grisha steel dagger and aim it at Aleksander's chest, you react automatically.

You link your hands and form a cut faster than you can process it, and in a moment, the Sun Summoner ceases to exist.

It's just you and Aleksander in the fold.

The world stops for you. Your hands shake as you realise what you've done. And if it weren't for Aleksander's quick reaction and logical thinking, the volcra would have sniffed you out before you could take a step. He guides you out of your crease without even stopping for a moment. But you know it doesn't make sense. You will both perish without light.

Volcra attacks you, despite Aleksander's best attempts to keep them away, and cuts your arm. You scream as suddenly a bright light flows out of you along with your blood. Both you and Aleks freeze and stare at the strong beam of light from your shoulder.

Aleksander tightens his grip on you. You feel him as he amplifies the light within you and brings you out of the fold. You stop only when you are a few metres away from it. You kneel on the ground tiredly, mentally both cursing and thanking the saints, because you have no goddamn idea how you survived this and why Alina's powers transferred to you.

Aleksander is quickly at your side and wraps you in his tight embrace, whispering something you don't quite understand yet. You're too focused on the fact that you can't feel his heartbeat anymore. Your own powers are gone...

And with that, you realise that Y/N Rietveld had long been buried six feet deep beneath the walls of the Little Palace when your eyes met the devil you sold your soul to for the first time.

You gently push Aleksander away from you and kiss him, knowing that this is the only thing that can calm the storm of thoughts raging inside you as you absorb new revelations.

The fold claimed many lives. And it will absorb more than one in the future. It was the tomb of many common people as well as Grishas. And you know it buried Y/N Rietveld/Brekker today.

But a completely new person came out of it. Y/N Morozova. And she was no longer going to pretend that her soul knew anything of her old life anymore. She wasn't going to waste another night wondering how her life could've, would've, or should've gone. Not wasting another moment in the arms of the love of her arms, wondering if it was right to care about him. You didn't play it safe. So now you're going to take what life has got for you. And not alone. Never alone anymore.

"Let's go home, Sasha." you ask him, whispering.

And after a tender kiss on the forehead, you know that you couldn't have made a better decision. Maybe your soul has always been under the care of the saints, specifically this Starless one?

In any case, being the devil's wife suited you.

[wonik1ss]

౨ৎ Work Adversaries ! — minji kim

pairing — non idol!minji x reader song rec : my problem - jordi + passion fruit - nmixx ( 1.3k ) warnings ! none ᯤ ^ ㅇ ^ happy reading ! ⸝⸝・ᘏᘏ

synopsis : on a fateful Wednesday afternoon 2 people cut ties with you. but with cupid on your side you have 2 different paths to take to hopefully get back together with these 2 people by Valentine’s Day end! val event !

“Y/n! Please come into my office!”

As you walked over to your boss's office, you quietly prayed for the best. Because you were easily swayable, he always overworked you.

“Yes boss..?”

“It looks like Sewon’s out sick. Can you do her work as well as yours?"

You hated when people said, ‘Can you’. It's not like you had an actual option to say no. You never did. No more the three days after you joined the company were you getting tossed around like a hot potato.

"Y/nie, can you turn on the computer for me?”

“Y/N, can you grab coffee for the whole floor?”

“Y/N, can you bend backwards to make sure this gets done before the due date?"

No, please, no presents, no thank yous. Your best friend Hanni always told you to say no, but it was so hard. One time someone ran away after attempting to ask for a favor!

"Yes, boss, I’m on it!”

You took the papers, bowed, and hung your head low. Not even five minutes later, you heard a commotion. You looked up from your cubicle to see your boss with a stone-faced girl.

“Everyone welcome Kim Minji! She will be working with us from now on"

You all clapped, and then you turned back to your computer.

“Y/n-shi..”. That was Niri; she always knew you always had piles of work but still asked for help. Meaning you did half her work every day.

"Hmm, Niri, what’s wrong?”

“Can you show Minji-shi around for me? I have to pick up my kid". In which she meant her snotty little puddle named Princess.

“Ok, just come back quickly" Niri nodded and then proceeded to clock out.

"Hi, Mrs. Kim" As you turned to face Minji, she just stared at you blankly.

“Ok, um, do you know where your cubicle is?”. Minji pointed to the one next to you.

"Ok, do you want me to help you with a few of your assignments?”

“No thanks. Can you just show me how everything works on that? I don’t have one at home"

As Minji pointed to the computer, you nodded as she sat down in her seat. Throughly surprised that she could actually talk. You walked over to the girl and hovered over her to instruct her on how the computer worked. Once you were done, she bowed, and you did too. Gosh, did you need some coffee?

You walked over, noticing Kaito and Somi near the water cooler. Shit. They always need-

"Babes, can you take out the trash for us? It would be a great favor." Kaito smirked at you as she tilted your chin up to him.

“Sure Kai..”. The boy dramatically bowed, and his friend laughed while they both left. You sighed and walked over to the coffee machine. What dicks. After you made your coffee, you straightened your tie for war.

As you approached your cubicle, you titled your head. Half your stack of Sewon’s work was done. Maybe you did it in the five minutes before Minji was introduced.

Just as you sat down, Minji peeked out of her cubicle.

“You can just call me Minji Y/nie"

You nodded, and the girl tried to crack a smile. very broken at that. In the next few days, more and more of your work was miraculously done before you even thought about touching it. This day, you decided to catch the person. Yu Xi rarely asked you for anything, so as soon as she entered the office, you offered to do half of her work. She begged you not to, but you fought hard for it. The girl gave you her work and a big hug with it.

This time, you left it at your desk and ran to the break room. You peeled them through the window, waiting. Five minutes later, you saw Minji peek over your desk. Maybe she was looking for you. Two seconds later, she took half your work. In the few days you knew Minji, you only said hi and bye to her. Why was she doing this for you?

“Lunch is on me, guys! The project was successful, so I’ll treat you all." Your eyes darted to Kaito, standing at his desk. Everyone clapped, and the boss laughed, taking Kaito off the desk and giving him a big hug. It's not like you did all of his work for the last week, right?

Hours later, you were drinking tiny sips of alcohol with a piece of cake in a bag next to you. Unlike the others, Yu Xi always got you a sweet when she asked for something. So now you were sandwiched at the end of the booth, between Yu Xi and Minji. Kaito was wasted and told some stories about his dead ghost aunt.

So you took this time to turn to Minji. The girl poured and turned to face you.

“Minji”

“Mm?”

“Why are you doing my work for me?”. The girl's eyes furrowed, and she rolled her eyes. Did you hurt her in a past life?

“Yeah, none of it is your work.”

“But-“

“It’s the work of your lazy coworkers". You knew it was true, so you just nodded.

“Thanks Minji.. I’ll try to say no". Then, for the first time ever, you saw Minji genuinely smile.

“It’s ok.. I enjoy your reaction when you see it’s already done"

You laughed, and just like that, you had made your second actual work friend. You slowly started to say no to some of your coworkers, and as a result, Minji treated you every other day. It even got to the point that Hanni even met her.

“Minji!”.Your face dropped. Minji wasn’t in her cubicle. You pouted and sent her a quick text: ‘U ok, Minji?’. You check two hours later and there is no response. Two days later, Minji showed up. Bags under her eyes, her hair tied up. You ran over to her, engulfing her in a hug.

"Minji, are you okay?" As you pulled away, all the taller girl did was blink twice and go to her cubicle. That’s how you ended up crying in the office bathroom stall. Until you heard a knock.

“Someone’s in here!”

“I know! Can you come out?" Weirdo

When you walked out, a tall girl dressed in all pink greeted you. Pink glasses, pink bag, pink suit, skirt, and heart eyes?

“Hear my card." You grabbed the card out of the girl's hand and laughed. It said ‘cupid 101’.

“Is this some kind of joke because Valentine’s Day is next week?”

“No.. I’m cupid.. the 101st actually." The girl pushed up her glasses. Just then, two girls walked into the bathroom. The taller girl cracked her knuckles and shot an invisible arrow at them. The girls turned to each other and started to make out. One pushing the other into a stall.

“See!”. Your eyes grew big.

“Why, why are you talking to me then?”

“You messed up! Minji’s your soulmate! Not platonically, and I’m here to help you fix your mess!”. Seeing as you were stunned, the pink girl spoke again.

“I’m Wonyoung, aka Cupid 101, and I’m going to make you go back in time with the knowledge you have now and fix the mistake you made with Minji.”

“I didn’t make a mistake!”

"Ya, but you made someone else.. butterfly effect, you know." The girl turned around in the mirrors and applied lipstick to her lips.

“What if I say no?”

“You’re alone for ever, duh." The girl said she was looking at you through the mirror.

“So what are you choosing? I got three other clients, girl." Wonyoung tapped on her pink watch.

“Yes?”. Wonyoung smiled.

“Good luck”. Suddenly, you heard a stall open, and you turned to see the two girls leaving the stall. Then Wonyoung was gone. Wonder when the traveling back will

“Y/n-shi! Please go to the cafe and get us lunch, please." Then you were suddenly five days back in time. The devil works hard, but Wonyoung works harder.

[useless-catalanfacts]

On mythological beasts, water that still springs from an ancient coffin, and an on-going promise

Every year on July 30th, people from Montboló and Arles (Northern Catalonia) do a procession whose main element is a wheel made of bee-wax. The origins of this procession are to thank the saint who freed the towns of the simiots, mythological beasts who once terrorized the area.

Simiots are a creature in Catalan mythology, a kind of magic hairy monkey that is sometimes considered half-wild and half-man. They are wild animals that live on trees in the mountains, and they are the ones who cause the summer sudden storms, and can also cause hailstorms, strong winds, dense mist, and other bad weather that leads to problems for the fields.

The story says that, around the year 1000, the simiots were out of the forests and ran wildly in the Tec valley, terrorizing the villagers from Arles: they attacked humans, took their children to eat them, and caused droughts, storms and hail that destroyed the harvests. Desperate, the abbot from the Arles monastery, who was called Arnulf, went to Rome to find some relics that could protect the town. He asked the Pope which saints could protect them from simiots, but the Pope did not know what these are and could not give an answer. Arnulf went to the catacombs, where many martyr saints were buried. He said a prayer and then saw how two tombs started glowing: the tombs of Saint Abdon and Saint Sennen. Arnulf followed this divine sign and got the Pope's permission to take the relics. To keep them safe during the long trip, he hid the bodies in a metal box, and each metal box inside a wine barrell filled with water.

He arrived by ship to Cap de Creus and made his way up on a mule to Arles. On the way, all the simiots they encountered ran away. When they reached Arles, he opened the barrels and then all the simiots yelled with a horrible sound and ran away.

Arnulf gave water for all the villagers who were there, and everyone who was ill and drank from that water got cured. The relics and the remaining water were placed in an old 4th-century sarcophagus that was in the town. A long time later, the relics were moved elsewhere, but the miraculous water still springs from that sarcophagus.

The simiots were banished from the area, but in 1465 a shepherd from Montboló (town near Arles) saw two witches invoking the simiots to cause a storm. He quickly went to get the Saint Abdon and Sennen relics and managed to stop the new catastrophe. Ever since then, every year on July 30th, the inhabitants of Montboló offer a 20-meter-long bee-wax candle rolled on itself in the shape of a wheel (rodella). They take it on a procession from Montboló, crossing the forests, arriving to Arles.

That day is a holiday with music and dancing, people buy little rodelles, and there are religious ceremonies. It's still traditional to drink a glass of water from the sarcophagus, in exchange for a few coins for the church. This water is said to be miraculous and medicinal.

Photos by Jordi Borràs Abelló published in La Mira. Information from festes.org and the book Mitologia dels Països Catalans by Daniel Rangil and Laia Baldevey.

[defire]

Back to the Dregs Part 11

Part 1 Next

Notice the content warnings pls

Content: on-screen rape, whipping, forced to watch, multiple whumpers, noncon nudity

"Please--" Michael wriggled back as grips shifted and the gangsters struggled to roll him onto his chest.

As his chest smacked into the floor for like, the fourth time that week, he sobbed harder. His back was still bruised, too. This was going to be too much.

Jordie accepted the cord from Pete. Someone pulled Michael's shirt up all the way to his shoulders.

"I--I had no fucking choice!" Michael roared through his gritted teeth, keeping his head off the ground to watch Jordie's dreaded approach.

Jordie gave him an unassuming glance and twirled the cord, measuring his distance as the gangsters holding Michael down readjusted their grips to keep from accidentally getting hit.

Don't scream. Michael told himself. You're a grownup, you can't scream.

Then there was a woosh as Jordie brought the stiff cord down on Michael's back.

A grunt came through Michael's throat, despite him holding his breath, even as he felt one of the stripped wires prodruding from the end of the cord zip into his flesh, adding a cutting sting to the heavy impact.

He jerked involuntarily, choking himself off so he didn't scream.

Two hit across his hips, eliciting a choked gasp from his throat. The fourth burst the scream out of his chest. He could hardly take three of these, let alone twenty.

"Please, no, no, please!" He screamed as the cord struck again. And again.

His screams for mercy did nothing. They never did in the past either.

He'd lost count somewhere around nine, writhing and muddled and trying pointlessly to kick away the powerful hands holding him.

Woosh. Split. Blood trickled down his ribcage and thighs as he jerked, wailing after every lash. No more words ame to his mind. Just relentless agony over his entire body.

It felt like forever, like it was never done.

And then suddenly it stopped.

He glanced back at Jordie, then he felt a twisted relief as the man tossed the bloody cord over to Pete, who picked it up distastefully.

Michael rolled onto his side with another wail as the stinging, bruising bites all over his back and legs started to fully register. There was no energy to sob. Just the breathy whinies that didn't express even a tenth of the pain.

"Alright," Michael heard Pyscho walk closer. "Now strip him."

Michael tried to get up, cursed, and moaned as he barely moved an arm and leg. He wanted to at least crawl away, get his back to that wall of crates behind him.

They were already pulling off his shirt, despite his weak resistance and wordless cries. Someone's fingers hooked into his underwear, scraping down his butt as they pulled his pants don. The cloth had been stuck into the wounds on his legs, and it burned and stung even more as they ripped it off.

The pain didn't take away the humiliation and horror of being stripped naked in front of these monsters. And his scars down his arms burned so much they almost echoed hte bleeding rips down his back.

He could see drips of his red blood on the seasoned pine floor.

"Start the call," The boss said. "And who's up for this?" He gestured at Michael, still moaning on the ground. "Somebody oughta make use of him. It's our last chance to lure 'em out before the Huers are too strong."

Michael rolled onto his knees with a gasp of anguish, old tears dripping off his nose as he tried to crawl away from the man behind him.

A hand landed on his naked leg, slipping in blood as Michael jerked it away.

Then Jordie's boot came down on his back. He screamed as the wounds lit up again.

The other guy walked up behind him.

He heard him kneel, unzip his jeans, and touch his butt, running his fingers up form his balls to between his cheeks.

Chills ran up Michael's spine as he gulped back nausea and shame.

"You don't have to." He choked out. "I can sell it for you."

The guy behind him chuckled.

"I know," He said, "but I want to."

He felt it twitching between his cheeks and gritted his teeth as the man spread him, then pushed inside slowly. It ripped, and ripped, wider and wider, and Michael screamed and lurched, but the nails of the rapist dug under his hips and pinned him as he drove in.

"Hold still, or I won't be so gentle."

Michael cursed and cried, trying not to buck again as the man rhythmically ripped him apart inside.

"So what you're telling me is no one from Columbus answered." Morgan paced backand forth, intermittently raking his nails over his scalp until it burned.

"It's not like there's a time constraint, is there sir?" Al answered.

Morgan ground his teeth. Of course there wasn't. Acting like there was a time constraint would be walking straight into the Westsiders' trap.

"Alright, fine, then." Morgan said. "We're going in with who we have."

"Sir, uh..."

"Are you questioning me?"

"No sir, no." Al replied hastily. "But... if you could tell me why you're in such a hurry, we could put our heads together.."

Morgan moved over to his laptop.

"Yeah, you're right. See... They've got Huer property." He opened up the email, frowning at the icon of the video. "And they're rubbing it in my face." He clicked his tongue. "I'm sending this to you. I want you to show the others. I'll call a meeting in a couple days or so and see what friends we can rustle up."

"Days? That's not going to be--sir..."

"Did I stutter?"

Morgan's irritable orders were cut short by the sound of a Skype call notification.

Immediately he hung up. it was the 0605 number. He recognized it from last time.

He stared at the screen, then noticed the messages they'd been sending him.

"Come and get him if you still want him."

"He's really getting it."

"You might want to hurry."

Morgan rolled his eyes and growled a curse. Then he hit the green icon and put his thumb over his camera while he tried to figure out how to turn it off.

The screen lit up and Michael's weakened screams filled the room.

"N--no don't, please!" His trembling vioce pitched upward into a whine of agony. His grimacing face was barely visible in the corner of the screen, the rest being filled with a mass of red and orange blur. For a second Morgan couldn't process what he was looking at.

Then it registered.

Michael was naked. He aws crying. Actually crying. He was covered in bruises, dripping blood down the back and legs. Morgan had a sickened feeling as he recognized the effects of a flogging. Narrow fingers curled around his brother's bloody hips, starting to thrust in rhythm. Rape. They were raping him.

Morgan hissed and turned away, rage heating up his hands, balled up into fists.

He tried not to hear the pained grunts and whines coming from michael. He shouldn't be reacting like that. That wasn't how Michael was. If it wasn't enough to make him scream, Michael would be begging, reasoning... And with what was happening, screaming in pain for sure. The man was being cruelly rough. But even though Michael's mouth opened as if to yell, all that came out were unbelievably high-pitched sobs.

His hoarse voice sounded broken. And the tears and blood. Fuck.

"You want us to stop?"

Morgan recognized the voice as Psycho, the self-proclaimed leader of the Westsiders.

"You gonna let us keep raping the Huer property--"

"No!" Morgan's shout erupted from his chest without warning.

Then he shot a hand out and slammed the laptop shut.

Fuck it, they were going in now.

Taglist:

@fleur-a-whump @watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees @whumped-by-glitter @whump-writings @mimostic @tildeathiwillwrite

Whumped-by-glitter thank you for the writing assistance for the first half of this chapter!

[barelytolerabled]

At the End of the Day

Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Summary: Spencer Reid has always been your best friend, supporting each other through relationships and life's ups and downs. But as he prepares to leave for a job at the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit, he realizes he has feelings for you.

Warnings: none

WC: 1.623

Taglist: @envraijesaispas @rosecentury @taygrls @thisismeraki @thenerdthatwrites@bigbunnygucci @jordie-gvf

The rain poured heavily against the windows of the small flower shop in Las Vegas as you carefully arranged a bouquet of vibrant roses.

It was just another day in your little world of petals and fragrances. You glanced up as the door chimed, revealing the familiar figure of your best friend, Spencer Reid.

His tall, lanky figure entered, his hair slightly disheveled from the rain. He smiled warmly at you, though his eyes held a tinge of uncertainty.

Spencer had been a constant presence in your life for as long as you could remember. From childhood adventures to teenage heartaches, you two had weathered every storm together.

Over the years, you had shared your hopes, dreams, and countless cups of coffee. You had witnessed each other's highs and lows, always supporting one another.

In that moment, as the rain tapped against the windowpanes, a rush of memories washed over you. You vividly remembered the time when you and Spencer had taken a road trip to the coast, just to chase the sunset. The sky had painted itself in hues of orange and pink as you both sat on the beach, your shoulders brushing against each other. It was a moment of pure serenity and unspoken connection, as if the world had faded away, leaving only the two of you in a bubble of warmth and understanding.

You recalled the countless coffee dates you had shared, sitting across from each other in cozy cafes, sharing stories and dreams. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee always hung in the air, creating a comforting backdrop to your conversations. There were mornings when you would arrive at the shop early, and Spencer would join you shortly after, bringing you your favorite cup of coffee without even needing to ask. Those moments, with his shoulder grazing against yours as you sipped your coffee, felt like the epitome of comfort and companionship.

In times of heartache, you had sought solace in each other's presence. You remembered the night you received devastating news, and Spencer had shown up at your doorstep without a word, pulling you into a tight embrace. It was a moment of unspoken support, where his arms around you became a sanctuary, a refuge from the pain. In that embrace, you had felt his unwavering presence, a reminder that no matter the circumstances, you would always have each other.

The memories swirled together, highlighting the bond you and Spencer had built over the years. The adventures, the late-night conversations, the shared laughter—they all served as the foundation of an unbreakable friendship. And in those moments of vulnerability and shared experiences, you had unknowingly laid the groundwork for something deeper.

As the rain continued to pour outside the flower shop, the warmth of those memories filled your heart. You realized that the closeness you had with Spencer went far beyond the surface level of friendship. It was a connection that ran deep, built on trust, understanding, and an unwavering support for one another.

As he walked up to you, a mix of excitement and apprehension flickered in his eyes. "Hey," he greeted, a touch of nervousness lacing his words.

"Spence! What are you doing here?" you exclaimed, concern lacing your voice as you rushed to grab a towel.

He accepted the towel gratefully, his piercing brown eyes meeting yours.

Taking a deep breath, he cleared his throat. "I got a job offer at the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit in Quantico," he started, his gaze fixed on the floor. "It's a big opportunity, and it's what I've always wanted. But... I can't go without telling you something first."

Your heart skipped a beat. The BAU—the Behavioral Analysis Unit—was Spencer's dream job. You felt a mix of excitement for him and a twinge of sadness deep within. It meant he would be leaving Las Vegas, and you couldn't imagine your life without him.

"That's amazing, Spencer!" you exclaimed, unable to hide your genuine happiness for him. "The BAU is lucky to have you."

A bittersweet smile tugged at his lips. "Thank you. But there's something else I need to tell you." He paused, gathering his thoughts.

"I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately, and I've come to a realization."

Your curiosity piqued, you leaned closer, urging him to continue.

His gaze met yours, his eyes filled with a mix of vulnerability and longing. "I've always liked you. From the moment we met, you've been more than just a friend to me. You're my confidante, my rock, and my source of strength. And if there's even the slightest chance that you feel the same way about me, I want to explore that possibility, Sunshine."

"Sunshine" slipped off his tongue effortlessly, as if it had been a part of your shared language for as long as you could remember. It held a history that spanned back to your early childhood days when you would spend hours playing in the sun-soaked fields near your homes.

The nickname originated during a particularly sunny day when you were both around five years old. You had stumbled upon a patch of wildflowers, their vibrant colors reminiscent of a rainbow. As you danced and twirled among the flowers, your laughter and radiant energy seemed to light up Spencer's world. In that moment, he had called you his "Sunshine," a name that captured the warmth and joy you brought into his life.

From that day forward, the pet name became a symbol of your enduring friendship. As you grew older and faced the challenges of life, the nickname served as a reminder of the light you brought into each other's lives, even during the darkest of times.

During your teenage years, when Spencer struggled with self-doubt and anxiety, he would often turn to you for comfort and support. You became his guiding light, helping him navigate through the stormy seas of adolescence. In those moments, he would whisper the nickname, a word that held so much meaning between the two of you, reminding him that there was hope even in the bleakest moments.

As adults, the nickname continued to be a thread that wove through the tapestry of your friendship. It became a secret language, a word that held a world of shared memories, inside jokes, and unspoken understanding. It was a name that represented the deep connection you had forged over the years.

And now, as Spencer stood before you, professing his feelings and baring his soul, his use of the pet name "Sunshine" held even more weight. It was a term of endearment that encompassed his unwavering affection and his recognition of the light you brought into his life. It was a testament to the depth of your bond, the history of shared experiences, and the unspoken love that had grown between you.

Your heart swelled with a torrent of emotions. Spencer's confession took you by surprise, yet it resonated deep within your soul. You had spent countless hours daydreaming about what it would be like to take your friendship to another level.

But then reality hit you like a cold gust of wind. You had a life in Las Vegas—a flourishing business, friends, and a sense of stability. Leaving all that behind seemed unimaginable.

"I... I can't, Spencer," you managed to say, your voice trembling. "I have everything I love here in Las Vegas. My work, my friends, my life. I can't just give it all up."

His face fell slightly, the disappointment evident. "I understand. I wouldn't want to force you into something you're not ready for."

With a heavy heart, you watched as Spencer turned to leave, his footsteps echoing in the silence of the shop. But as the door closed behind him, your thoughts raced, your heart pounding with a newfound clarity. You couldn't let him go, not without giving love a chance.

Without a second thought, you dropped everything and ran outside into the pouring rain. The droplets soaked your clothes, clinging to your skin as you hurried toward the airport. Every step brought you closer to the person who had been your constant, your rock, your everything.

Breathless and soaked to the bone, you finally reached the departure gate. There, amidst the crowd, you spotted Spencer, his gaze fixed on the ground. With every ounce of strength, you called out his name, your voice carrying above the commotion.

He turned, surprise and disbelief etching across his face as he saw you standing there, drenched and determined. The world around you blurred as you closed the distance between you, your heart pounding in your chest.

He stared at you, his eyes wide with disbelief. "Y/N, what are you doing here?"

"I couldn't let you go without a fight," you confessed, the raindrops blending with your tears. "At the end of the day, I want it to be you and me. I want your early mornings, I want your late nights. I want you on your good days, and even more on your bad."

A flicker of hope sparked in his eyes as a smile tugged at his lips. Without a second thought, he took a step closer and pulled you into a warm embrace. The world around you faded, leaving only the sound of rain and the beating of your hearts in perfect sync.

"I've always wanted this, Sunshine," Spencer whispered, his voice filled with love and gratitude. "Together, we can face anything."

And as you stood there, rain-soaked and breathless, you knew you had made the right choice. With Spencer by your side, you were ready to embark on a new chapter, hand in hand, and heart to heart.

At the end of the day, it was you and him, against the world.