#Joni has a fucked up life

[shadendesire]

Gods. Yes I hate having to explain why something hurts me. Or what is wrong. I hate more doing that when I already feel sick or shitty. But for the love of all things, please do not ask me that when you hurt someone I care about. Especially not when you do it in a way I already warned you about. Behavior that had gone on that I might accept for myself at one time, but refuse to allow you to inflict on others.

Yes I acknowledge my complicity in it. Yes I know I have to talk to the person, and risk losing a lot because of it. Because in many ways I am guilty for the pain you caused. Because I hate talking about what was done to me and how it affected me. But I thought you were different. I thought you understood and agreed. But you don’t. You won’t. You cannot be bothered to stand up to them.

So yeah. I laced up my boots and walked away from you for a time. Because yes he matters more. And until I can figure out how this effects us, I don’t want to hear or see you. The thought of it makes my skin crawl and my emotions roll.

Yes I know you will be told this proves what others said about me. But goddess you knew what them doing this exact same thing to me did for all those years. How it made me question myself, doubt myself, and worry if I was just like my sperm donor. Something I totally worry about all over again now.

You telling me, at least is your one saving grace. It’s the reason I am willing to even consider what may come with you. But you will have to give me time. And prepare for me to say, I cannot anymore. Especially with everything.

I will always want the best for you. But if this disease has taught me anything, it is that sometimes, what is best for others is not what is best for me. And I don’t have enough time, that I should worry about it.

[howlinchickhowl]

It's posting day for my @gallavichthings Gift Exchange gift! I got @rayrayor and I wrote a little something for their prompt about Mickey being a 'straight' patron of Ian's gay bar. Happy gift exchange, I hope you enjoy it!

(There's no warnings and it's fairly PG)

You're Like In Love With Me - a gallavich a.u. fiction 🫶

Someone at the brewery has it in for Ian, he’s decided. They’ve assigned him the world’s weediest delivery guy, who manages to shift one keg for every seven Ian hauls off his truck, and always gets to Ian ‘after lunch’, which, tends to be closer to dinner than lunch in Ian’s opinion, and leaves him very little time to get everything stocked and inventoried and get a break in before the evening rush starts.

He’s sweating buckets as he waves the guy off and staggers back out into the main bar for some ice water. He rounds the bar and snags a dishcloth from Joni who wrinkles their nose up at him as he swipes it over his forehead and the back of his neck.

Joni doesn’t sweat, it’s a point of pride for them. Ian isn’t sure if they actually aren’t capable of sweating, or if they just avoid any activity that could possibly cause them to perspire.  If he was at home with his siblings, Ian would shake his head like a wet dog, sending droplets flying all over every surface and into the faces of any person standing close enough. But last year when he took over from Gigi she made him sit through like thirty hours of online health and safety and food hygiene training, and there is an open container of cut limes on the back bar that he can’t in good conscience condemn with his bodily fluids. So he holds himself back and focuses on getting himself a drink and trying not to be too obvious about checking out his favorite regular.

Mickey Milkovich has been coming to The Scratching Post since before Ian’s time, before it was ever even a gay bar, according to the man himself. When he was a kid, before the neighborhood ‘went to shit’ – Mickey’s colorful way of saying got gentrified by the u-haul lesbians and professional gays – it was something of a slum. And Mickey grew up a regular little slumdog. Before The Scratching Post was The Scratching Post, it was The Alibi Room, and the way Mickey tells it, it was basically his dad’s office. He’s told Ian stories about how he used to sit in one of the booths and watch his dad take book or make deals, how he got his first tattoo from the owner’s cousin who was trying to rustle up enough bail money to get her boyfriend out of jail after he shot up their apartment during a bad trip. How his older brother lost his virginity in the upstairs room when it was a short-lived brothel. How the whole fabric of his life is tied up in this place, like he’s just as much a part of it as the stains on the carpet that they’ve never bothered to change.

So now that Mickey is out of prison (attempted murder, but according to Mickey it was a trumped up bullshit charge and if he wanted to murder someone he would fucking succeed) and back living in the house he grew up in, he likes to drink in his neighborhood bar, even if it’s turned into some sort of haven for the L-G-B-T-Q-Whatever (his words). It’s home.

Ian doesn’t mind. Mickey’s a fast drinker and he can hold a lot of booze, and it never hurts to get some steady business during the day. And he likes Mickey. Kind of really likes him, actually. Sort of wouldn’t mind licking the inside of his mouth or tasting the sweat on the back of his neck. And that’s where he gets into a certain amount of trouble. Because Mickey Milkovich? Is straight.

Straight as a ramrod. Straight as a ruler. Straight as the day is long. Capital S Straight. So Ian tries not to think too much about how soft his lips look or how good he smells, and he also tries to keep it under wraps exactly how much he likes to look at the guy. He’s not gonna not look at him. But he doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable in, from what Ian can gather, one of the only places he feels comfortable. And he also doesn’t want to get his ass kicked by a guy he has a crush on. He had enough of that kind of fun in high school.

So he grabs his pint of ice water and wipes his forehead with his stolen rag and he limits his glances to two seconds long with twenty second intervals. Or at least he thinks he does until Joni rolls their eyes at him and announces they are going on a smoke break, since he’s clearly gonna be there for a while anyway. He’d be annoyed but honestly, they’re right.

Mickey always sits in the same spot, on a high stool at the bar just where it’s curved around enough so that he can easily see the door but not so far that he can’t see who’s coming and going from the restroom or the back. His vigilance is quiet, but noticeable if you know what you’re looking for. Or if you just spend a lot of time looking.

He’s in his spot today, left hand curled loosely around his beer like he likes to be ready to drink at any moment, and he’s smiling down at his phone in a way that has Ian’s tummy start to fizz with little sparks of jealousy. What’s got him smiling like that? He’s desperate to know.

He doesn’t always talk to Mickey every time he comes in, he tries to show a respectful level of interest, though if you polled his employees they would probably say he fails at that. He does some quick math in his head while grabbing another rag and starting to wipe down the bar top, making his way down toward Mickey’s end. Today is Wednesday, Mickey didn’t come in yesterday, on Monday Ian kept his distance, and he hadn’t worked Sunday. That meant that their last interaction had been Saturday. Four days. That’s a decent interval, he figures, and he carries on wiping over the bar, trying to come up with a subtle way to find out what has made Mickey smile.

“That your girl?” Is what he’s got by the time he’s stood in front of Mickey, and it may not be subtle but it’s all he could think of.

“Huh?” Mickey asks, looking up.

“You uh, you look like something in your phone is making you real happy, I thought maybe it was a girl.”

“Oh, Uh.” Mickey looks down at his phone and then back up at Ian, his lips tugging down into a half frown. “No.”

He closes his phone and shoves it in his back pocket, eyes shifting around the room as he takes a sip of his beer. There’s something kind of shifty about it, like Ian’s made him uncomfortable somehow, and if Ian had more self-control he’d call this one a loss and find an excuse to leave him be. But his discipline only extends to his exercise regime and diet apparently because he finds himself unable to walk away, quietly desperate to know what Mickey had been looking at.

“So what d’you win a bet?”

Mickey huffs a laugh and sticks hi phone in his back pocket, Ian wipes a spot on the bar that he’s already wiped clean three times.

“Naw man, just a picture of my sister looking fuckin’ dumb in a squirrel hat.”

Ok. Not what Ian had been expecting.

“A…squirrel? Hat?”

“Yeah it’s for her job or whatever, she looks like a fuckin’ idiot.”

His words are harsh, but the smile that’s spreading over his lips is kind of soft, like he is actually kind of fond of his sister. Ian’s never seen him smile like that before. His smile is always kind of dirty, or wry, or sometimes bordering on a grimace, this is different, and Ian feels like he’s unlocked a new Mickey nugget. He wonders if he can get some more.

“I didn’t know you had a sister.”

“Two brothers, one sister.” He takes a gulp of his beer and then does a thoughtful little shrug. “That I know of. The way my dad was though, wouldn’t be too shocked if I got a bunch more I don’t know about.”

There’s that wry smile that Ian’s used to, with a half an eye roll that belies a lifetime of dealing with a parent who never stops disappointing you. It’s an eyeroll Ian has performed many a time himself.

“God yeah me too. I got at least one half-sister who showed up out of the blue a few years back, but I could be related to half the city for all I know.”

“Half the redheads at least.” And there’s the dirty smile. He’s mentioned Ian’s hair a few times, most people tease him about it a little, it’s no big deal. He imagines Mickey would have terrorized him if they’d known each other as kids, chasing him around calling him Carrot Top or Little Orphan Annie. This is kind of a gentle tease though, something warm, accompanied with a squint that could almost be a wink, if Mickey Milkovich was the kind of guy who winked, and it spurs Ian on.

“I knew this girl in high school, her dad had so many kids running around that she had to ask people for their family tree before she would hook up with them.”

Mickey almost chokes on his beer.

“Fuck me, should I be doing that?”

“I don’t know. She had a close call once, and her dad literally had like, thirty kids.”

“No shit.”

“Yeah, so, next time you’re lookin’ to hook up with someone, just, ask for a DNA screening first I guess.”

Mickey nods, and then the air sort of drops out of the conversation, like it has nowhere left to go. Mickey gulps the last of his beer in one huge mouthful that puffs his cheeks out and sort of makes him look like he’s chewing it, and the only thing Ian can think to say is to ask him if he wants another.

“Nah I’m good, gotta get back.” He throws some cash down on the bar to cover his tab and is out the door with his arms still shoving into his jacket before Ian can even say syanora.

And then he doesn’t come back for three weeks.

It’s not like Ian’s moping, Joni can fuck off for implying that. The bar is busy and he has a lot to do and employees to manage and siblings to deal with. But in the afternoons sometimes he’ll find himself staring at the empty space where Mickey would normally be and wondering, kind of forlornly, if the guy is ever coming back. Trying to figure out what he did or said in that last conversation that pissed him off so bad he would forsake his childhood bar.

Ian misses him. His expressive face and his disgusting sense of humour, and the way he makes Ian feel, like on edge and at ease at the same time. It just sucks, not seeing him, and not knowing why.

And then one day, three weeks and four days since The Scratching Post had last seen hide or hair of him, he’s back, sitting on his regular stool when Ian gets done mopping the bathrooms.

It gives him a jolt, a little shiver of excitement running down his spine as he shoves the mop in the corner and rounds the bar.

“Haven’t seen you around here lately.” He greets Mickey, as casually as he can, and Mickey looks up, kind of startled, and then looks down at the bar. Or. There’s a white envelope sitting there, and he seems fixated on it.  

“Everything ok Mick?”

Mickey nods, a quick little jerk of a thing, eyes fixed on the envelope. He doesn’t even have a drink in front of him.

“You want a beer?”

He shakes his head, brings his right hand up to lay his fingertips over the envelope and slide it across the bar toward Ian.

“What’s this?” Ian picks it up, there’s no name on it, no details, it’s not sealed but he’s still not sure if he should open it. Mickey’s looking up at him when he’s done inspecting it.

“It’s uh.” His bright blue eyes flick away and then back again, are they wetter than usual? They seem so shiny when they finally rest back on Ian. “It’s a DNA test.”

“A DNA test?”

“Yeah. We um. We ain’t related. So.”

He raps his knuckles on the bar a couple of times in a short sharp knock that he must think serves as a suitable stop to this most bizarre of conversations, and clambers off his stool, heading for the door.

“Wait Mickey—What?!”

“Just. Read it.”

The door has barely had time to swing shut before Ian is practically tearing the envelope in his haste to look at the paper inside. It’s exactly what Mickey said, a DNA test, comparing Mickey’s DNA to his own, which, he’s gonna have to talk to him about where he got a sample of Ian’s DNA from, and confirming that there’s no overlap. In the top right corner, in a chicken scratch of a hand, Mickey has scrawled the words ‘just in case’ and then a phone number, and Ian almost drops his phone in the ice trough in his rush to pull it out of his pocket and send a text.

[2:34pm]         I thought you were straight?

The reply buzzes through almost immediately, like maybe Mickey’s stood outside looking at his phone waiting to see what happens.

[2:34pm]         Good.

It’s a very Mickey text, and something about it makes Ian feel warm, like he’s being trusted with something Mickey doesn’t trust a lot of people with.

[2:35pm]         Where did you get a sample of my DNA??

[2:35pm]         That really what you wanna be asking me right now?

[2:35pm]         I’ve got a lot of things I want to ask you.

[2:36pm]         So come outside, I don’t got all day.

It’s possible that Ian knocks over a stool and drops his dishcloth on the floor, he’s got bigger fish to fry.

[roosterbruiser]

I'm just thinking about Uncle Bob and Auntie Nix going to Chateau Bradshaw after a long deployment and them just getting absolutely tackled by the Bradshaw girls while Bradley laughs his ass off and Faye makes sure no one gets injured.

I feel like in a way Chateau Bradshaw is home base for everyone especially in the early years before everyone else really settle down, everyone makes a visit when they get home from deployment because Faye is such a mom she'll get them reoriented into life stateside.

shut up shut up shut up this is so fucking sweet :,)

Chateau Bradshaw is definitely the first place everyone goes after deployment if they can swing it. not only because they welcome the tackling of all five Bradshaw girls, plus a solid hug from Bradley and an overall sense of comfort from Faye, but because they're home is just a home.

it's not even that it's always clean and organized and proper, because Lord knows it's not. but it's lived-in. it's warm and full of life and little hands and piano and knitting projects and homework and dogs and home cooked meals. there's always fresh bread and there's never a quiet moment. it's the kind of place where everyone wants to go after living on a giant hunk of metal for months and months on end.

so, while Uncle Bob and Auntie Nix get tackled in the entryway by a horde of little girls wearing paper crowns and tutus and glitter and braided flowers, Bradley's grinning in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. he's patiently waiting his turn to hug Phoenix and Bob, grazing the little bits of gray in his beard as he watches his daughters hang onto two of his favorite people in his childhood home. he always sees a little bit of Carole and Goose in all the girls, especially when they get excited.

and Faye, on the other hand, is smiling softly to herself in the kitchen. it's a mess of orange pulp and strawberry juice and banana peels and smushed blueberries. there's fresh coffee on the pot because Lord knows Phoenix and Bob are gonna need it to keep up with the Bradshaw Bunch. the bread is cooling on top of the oven and Faye still has flour strewn across her cheek and fruit pulp beneath her fingernails. but all the same, as she picks up the fresh fruit platter for Bob and Nix, she's the happiest she's ever been.

"no biting!" Bradley teases Joni, swooping in to scoop her and June up, kissing them both on the cheeks. "let 'em breathe, girls!"

and Bob and Phoenix are blushed with joy, getting all their hugs in, commenting on their growth, petting their curly hair.

"god, they're so big," Phoenix marvels, hugging Bradley and kissing his stubbly cheek. "when did they get so big?"

"they grow about ten inches every time I see them," Bob echoes in disbelief, holding Opal and Finch while Olive hangs onto his leg. "can't y'all just stop it already?"

"I wish," Bradley says with a tired and happy grin. "little beggars, aren't they?"

and when Faye comes out of the kitchen and into the doorway, the vision of domesticity and sweetness with her old apron and her soft edges and tarnished beauty, everyone's breath is in their throat. she's there, holding a platter of hand-cut fruits form her hand-grown garden, grinning that same grin. and she's watery in the eyes and so joyous when she laughs that it's like an alarm for all the Bradshaw girls, who detangle themselves from Bob and Bradley and start galloping towards her.

"I'm so happy you're here," Faye says.

[unreconstructedfangirl]

Get to know you - tag game

@honeyvanity tagged me in this - thank you <3!

Last song you listened to: K.D Lang singing Joni Mitchell's A Case of You. I have an eternal crush on K.D. Lang that will never end. I would, humbly and with respect, like to drink a case of her.

Favourite colour: I have two -- the bright sunshot green of new leaves in spring, and the deep teal of the submerged parts of icebergs.

Currently watching: Succession. But, I think I kind of hate it. At least, I hate everyone in it. I was hoping to develop some sympathy for someone (anyone!) in the story, but I really, really have not. They are all just straight up assholes and I am amazed by how much they resist any form of sympathy. Like, sometimes you think...oh, ok, maybe I'm starting to feel it, and then they open their bitch mouths to say another thing and I'm like...oh. Nope.

Also, I am still stuck in an endless Supernatural rewatch loop, no sign of imminent escape. I love Supernatural. It is weirdly comforting.

And also, Interview with the Vampire, which is bananas and awesome. A+ for everyone involved.

Favourite flavour: Right this minute? Summer peaches, which have been a religious experience this year, iced coffee with milk and no sugar, and also, anything that is pickled. I have never met the pickled thing I did not like. It might be out there, but so far I love all the pickled things, especially walnuts and ginger.

Current obsession: I have two: Poetry (right now by Diane Seuss and Mary Ruefle), and Supernatural, which has deep fucking hooks.

Last thing I googled: "CNB exchange rate" and "Cambridge DELTA bookings". Yes. Exciting, I know. Work, innit.

Favourite season: Spring and autumn are tied. I love them both equally for the thrill of their changing.

Skill I’d like to learn: Fluency in Czech, more methods of bookbinding, and more reliably writing poetry that I feel a bit proud of having produced.

Best Advice: Follow your loves, and be open to wonder. Let your loves guide you, and don't be ashamed of them. Let wonder in. There is not enough time in life to do anything else.

I am tagging @pleaseraisemefromperdition, @luckshiptoshore, @keziahrainalso, @aprillikesthings, @greywrenn, and @mythopoetry , and anyone else who wants to be tagged. And of course it goes without saying that if you would have preferred NOT to have been tagged, please ignore this with my blessings!

[spade-riddles]

Submission:

Hi Spade! You don't need to post this if you think this goes to off-topic but your Ed Sheeran anon has reminded me of something and it might connect to the mass coming-out theory.

If there's another queer closeted couple that has also gone through their own hell like Tay and KK that's definitely Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson (It's too long to detail but management and label fucked them up. It's not difficult to find if you are interested). If they are indeed a couple, which I think they are. The common nexus between those two is indeed Ed Sheran who is both one of Taylor's best friends + one of Harry's best friends as well.

In fact the belief is that on the 28th of September of 2013 Ed Sheeran went to some sort of informal wedding ceremony for Louis and Harry because he literally tweeted " My best friend is getting married today. Mega awesome wicked cool". A lot of people think he was talking about a different friend who had their wedding in the first weekend of October but one day after of that tweet Harry Styles tweeted some Joni Mitchell lyrics: "We don't need no piece of paper from the city hall.". This was followed by days of Harry signalling to his ring finger and more shenanigans. Point is: if anyone does have an album referencing their friends closeting you can bet it's Ed Sheeran because I imgine he's been privy to both of their situations.

Other things that I think are relevant about Taylor connecting with Harry and Louis: someone pointed out on reddit that Taylor's song Peter could be about her talking to Harry. Why? because even tho he is also closeted and queer you can argue that he's had it better or less shitty than Taylor in recent years, that he is more free than she is, I guess. And so the lyrics

"But life was always easier on you Than it was on me And sometimes it gets me When crossing your jet stream We both did the best we could do underneath the same moon" 

would reference how different their closets have turned out even though their situation is similar. If you also subscribe to the theory that this is a message for Harry it would have included him as one of the people that were going to help on the mass coming out before Taylor was forced to change plans. Or maybe Harry is the one that per pumpkin's message left early when they saw the shitshow and that someone had stolen the recipe. "You said you were gonna grow up and you were gonna come find me" sounds very much like Taylor saying you said you were gonna come out and help me come out too.

In recent years Harry's been even more obvious than Taylor on her flaggin and done everything possible to point out he is not straight without outright saying it. He goes by no labels now and has interpreted a closeted queer man in the movie "My policeman". In one of his last music videos, called Satellite, there's a little robot that travels the world and at some point it crosses a street where there's two signs: one of them is Gold Rush street, the other is called Eagles Drive. Which... from the Gold Rush lyrics by Taylor "my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door". Harry also has a song called Golden about his partner which I thin is funny.

The Satellite music video jumped up at me when I first saw it. It's about a little robot feeling lonely and wanting to see the moon because he saw another robot on TV there in the surface, someone like him. Harry's videos are always about not fitting(music for a sushi restaurant), about how difficult it is to be different (Adore you). Satellite has some interesting lyrics as well, from the chorus

"Spinning out, waiting for ya to pull me in I can see you're lonely down there Don't you know that I am right here?"

And it pretty much sounds like Harry telling Taylor that he knows how lonely the closet is and that he is right there, to talk. This song is from 2022. So after Folklore and Evermore but also after harry and Taylor talked at the 2021 Grammys.

Now, about Louis Tomlinson... He's never liked Taylor. When Harry and Taylor were bearding back in the day he was annoyed and jealous as fuck and there's multiple videos of him demonstrating it. But then babygate happened (a massive rabbit hole if your ever want to know about a celebrity faking having a son with a literal nobody, all for the closet) and Louis struggled a lot in his personal life. When he finally released music of his own he had much warmer words for Taylor, admitting that she was a genius at engaging her fanbase and keeping them enthusiastic. The quote is from a September 2019 interview:

"What is great when Taylor Swift, and she is f**king amazing with her fans, does these listening parties and brings fans to the house, the involvement of the fans is never ending"

This happened after summer 2018, when Karlie and Harry were pictured together with more business people on yatch meeting.

I'm now going to go listen to the Ed Sheeran album because we might have missed more stuff than we thought. I laugh every time people still think that either Harry or Taylor are salty at each other or that they are not on good terms. I don't think they are super duper friends but I do think they respect each others work and journey. It would be difficult for Ed Sheeran to sustain friendship with BOTH Tay and Harry if they despised each other.

Sorry for the long submission but its very interesting to me that both of the biggest closets of the same generation could be connected and would some day unite forces for a better industry.

[iwanthermidnightz]

Gracie Abrams is, as the kids say, the moment. Since releasing her first EP—“It's not been very long, but it feels like a million years”—the singer-songwriter has graduated to opening for Taylor Swift on her Eras Tour. Now enjoying the success of her debut album, Good Riddance, Abrams will be touring again with stops in Europe this fall—all before she turns 24.

Her third grade teacher had the class keep “tiny palm-size journals. It wasn't a grand plan to get us into storytelling, but it did feel very serious to me. I was immediately drawn to this private place where you could talk about anything. I lost the journal and it was my first real heartbreak.”

“It’s not to paint my parents in a negative light. I mean, they're the fucking best of all time,” says the middle child of director, writer, and producer J.J. Abrams and Bad Robot's Katie McGrath. “But my strict curfew was not because I was like, ‘There's this concert I'm really passionate about, please, please, please, let me go.’ It was like, ‘There's this boy that I've heard of once who's having a party,’ and they're like, ‘Cool. You're not going.’ I was more observing the clichés of LA than participating in them.”

She credits Joni Mitchell, Carole King, and Phoebe Bridgers—whom she discovered at age 12 on YouTube—as “these formative flags, waving a little bit, that changed my life.”

Attending an all-girls high school and an all-women college, Barnard, helped Abrams find her voice. “I've personally found that you're removing a factor that is so real when you grow up as a girl—these social dynamics where there's a certain sexism.” In school, “I felt zero fear or hesitation to raise my hand every single time I had a thought about anything.”

Abrams watches Swift's show every night she opens for her, getting a master class in how to “maintain intimacy as you grow and step away from 200-cap venues. She does 80,000 people three times a weekend, and regardless of where you are in the stadium—because I've walked around and looked at different views—it feels like just you and her. And she's the biggest star in the world.”

She’s an avowed Swiftie herself. “Every formative memory in my life is paired with a Taylor Swift song that helped me get through. My boyfriend the other day did the thing where we shuffled her discography and played a song for one second…I got them all.”

She first heard from Swift via a call from an unknown number inviting Abrams to the superstar's birthday. Abrams checked it out by calling a mutual producer: “Can you confirm something for me, or is there someone just trying to break my heart?”

Ahead of her first concert performance ever, “I was vomiting because I was so scared. My anxiety had just kind of reached this peak; I was like, ‘I can't do this. I don't want to do this. This isn't for me. I like to write by myself. I don't want to be around other people. This is private.’ And the second I got onstage, I was just so happy. I was so proven wrong. I felt so immediately like the songs that I was singing onstage were no longer about me, but it was about all of the people that were in the room that night. And that's kind of carried on every time I've been lucky enough to play a show since then.”

[feuqueerfire]

GMMTV 2024 Part 2 Showcase

GMMTV 2024 Part 1 Reaction

April 23, 2024

When I watched Part 1 I was barely into series and watched certain trailers that I thought might be interesting but this time I'm planning on watching it live and am so into watching shows again.

The actors I'm actively following right now are Fourth and Gemini, along with some Phuwin (and by extension PondPhuwin) but none of them are getting ship work. So I'm mostly just gonna be there for the stories and concepts we get (though I'm curious about the GemPrim series and what Fourth is gonna be in). I hope I'm really excited by some concept (like The Warp Effect) or a cast/ship (like a surprise one).

Anticipation Ranking:

My Top 3:

The Heart Killers (BL) [omg KhaoFirst (and Joongdunk) in a show directed by Jojo where they commit crimes and possibly are there for nefarious reasons etc]

The Ex-Morning (BL) [KristSingto + exes-to-lovers ahhhhh]

US (GL) [it seems so moody and angsty and I love Emi's face]

Okay I lied it's Top 4:

Thame-Po (BL) [love a celebrity/idol romance and the trailer is so good and also I'm suddenly invested in William/Est]

Interested, will watch if it turns out well:

Hide & Sis (ensemble, women-focus, by Snap25, dark)

Revamp (BL) [hope they do the supernatural aspect well]

The Dark Dice (ensemble) [Alice in Wonderland vibes, hope it's done well]

Only if they get glowing reviews:

Ossan's Love TH (BL)

Friendshit Forever (messy - 2 pairs)

Break-Up Service

Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist (BL)

Not Really Interested:

Leap Day

Perfect 10 Liners (BL)

Scarlet Heart TH

Trailer-by-trailer thoughts below the cut.

Ended up waking up at 5:30am while the live started at 6:20am and the first trailer released at 6:35am lol

It’s fine tho bc my semester is over, i was afraid it’d happen before im done my exam or worse, on exam day.

Oh, Yfind project which looks for plots for novels and series? and some fandom name in Thailand?

Title: Ossan’s Life trailer

Pair: Earth/Mix

Did I know about this? Yes

Thoughts: omg? I didn’t realize Earth is the one who’s being pursued by Mix and the boss character, I thought it’d be Mix! this is fun. oh, putting on someone’s shoe scene. I finally know what the show is about because of The Conversation Podcast’s episode on it yesterday and this seems in line with the Japanese version. Very comedic, so we’ll see how it goes.

Title: Leap Day

Pair: Dew/Pahn, Pond & Gun

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: Could be interesting but I’m not super into it yet because it doesn’t seem super developed yet beyond the concept of “people around them die.”

Title: The Heart Killers

Pair: Khao/First, Joong/Dunk

Did I know about this? Yes, specifically some sort of KhaoFirst series directed by Joni

Thoughts: I’M SO EXCITED! I was watching the whole trailer while intrigued and giggling. It’s definitely something I want from KhaoFirst, something a little risqué and has some actual plot while it’s different from anything JoongDunk have done so far, so i’d be curious to see how it goes. I hope the actual plot ends up good ahh. I’ll try not to get too attached to the mock trailer bc things will probably be different but I really like it. The song was covered in My School President but the vibe is different here.

After Rewatch: I definitely understood more after the rewatch because on my first watch I was so excited that I definitely missed some scenes and dialogue there loll I'm soooo excited for criminal killer brothers Khao and Joong, tattooist First who is trying to get dirt on them to clear his own car debt record, and Dunk who has been unleashed upon Joong to distract him from KhaoFirst in exchange for a car. KhaoFirst were my pull when I first watched it and they still are because I fucking love to see them on screen but I definitely got the JoongDunk thing more in this watch. Love to see Dunk be wild (kissing Joong when he's threatening him etc) and bold and actually take action this time while Joong is the one who is evasive, a different dynamic than their usuals. I... will try to enjoy this one regardless of plot to be honest lol because people were like meh on the Only Friends storyline. I think it'll help knowing that it's a Romcom with a side of drama rather than an assassin/crime plot with side of romance. I'm also not looking forward to KhaoFirst and JoongDunk's fandoms possibly fighting based on like screentime/acting prowess/"better treatment" and favouritsm/etc. but hopefully it'll turn out okay. I actually don't mind that KhaoFirst got a 2-pair main lead instead of a solo pair show because the pairs seem very connected with each other. Seems like it's inspired by Taming of the Shrew and 10 Things I Hate About You rather than a novel. I wonder if I should watch 10TIHAY just to see what references and such they put in.

A few hours later and I just watched 10 Things I Hate About You lol I get the "date my older brother so that we can date" thing now. I suppose Dunk's character is the "wild" character who can handle his brother Joong's character.

Title: Friendshit Forever

Pair: messy

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: Mook and Pat and New and Boun. It Could be good but idk if i’ll watch it. Pat playing a character who is a shitty friend, a la PSIHY. Title reminds me of Dead Friend Forever. I will say the best part of the trailer was the first few seconds when I was wondering if we’d get a Pat/Mook GL.

Title: Perfect 10 Liners

Pair: Force/Book, Perth/Chimon, girl too many

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: It could be good but I don’t care about any of the actors or pairings in this. PerthChimon were the most intriguing in this though, I liked the parallel on”Are you dating anyone?” Directed by New Siwat, yeah dunno about this one tbh. bruh so many people on stage, were they all actually there in the trailer? There are a bunch of side BL couples in addition to the main 3? crazy fr. and they couldn’t throw in a side GL either?

Apparently this is gonna be 30 eps with 10 eps each of ForceBook, MarkJunior, and PerthChimon... gonna take months and months to air fr, meaning stuff could have to wait while this show keeps airing... agh. or maybe this could prevent another rerun so who knows.

Title: Us

Pair: gorgeous girls who i don’t know the names of. Emi/Bonnie

Did I know about this? I knew about a possible Emi/Bonnie GL but I didn’t know who they were. hm Us, did we expect this novel as well, I vaguely remember having seen this novel rumored to be a series.

Thoughts: GL? These GLs being about your brother/sister’s girlfriends. omg she’s the one pairing the postcards? ahhh GL KISS IN TRAILER! Oh I’m excited and also love the short haired girl’s face sooooo much. Another melodramatic GL a la Pluto, I’m looking forward to it! Is this by the same author as GAP/Pluto/Blank? People always mention how problematic her novels are and somebody mentioned they don’t like the source material for this show either but I love a little problematic romance, so we shall see. Fon is the director.

After Rewatch: Went to MDL to double-check that the girl with cropped hair is Emi (she is! beautiful!) and the rights to this were brought like 2 years ago or what? Over a year ago at least since the comments have been waiting for announcement since then. Dang the acquirement rumour was on r/GMMTV back in February last year, so I probably saw it back then. The plot is quite straightforward, seems like it's focused way more on interpersonal relationships. Love the moody, indie nature of the angsty scenes but then they're so charming and bright when they're like happy and together! Also very happy to see like passionate kissing and romantic physical affection between the women even in the trailer, I'm hoping they have great romantic chemistry in the show. Doubt we'll get this one before 2025 though since it's directed by P'Fon and she's directing High School Frenemy right now and also has Scarlet Heart TH to do. I doubt GMMTV would air 3 GLs in a year already lol, so I'm hoping at least Pluto comes out this year and US is one of the first things out last year at the latest.

Title: Hide & Sis

Pair: ensemble and messy, focused on sisters

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: PSIHY flashbacks. Snap25 is in charge of this, which makes sense. Very vibey, eerie, hope it’s good. Focus on morally corrupt women and sisters yay. Pepper/Lookjun are dating IRL right? hehe cute

Title: Thame Po | Heart That Skips A Beat

Pair: Est/William

Did I know about this? That there is expected to be an EstWilliam

Thoughts: Oh, a BL? So many GMMTV people who I don’t know these days. Another idol BL similar to Only Boo but more mature ig? Is this EstWilliam? I’ve seen so many people excited for their BL but idk their faces lol. It’s a Parbdee project? Exciting. I like the vibes of it. I hope they do the celebrity/commoner aspect well, I like an idol romance in theory (and in fic lol) but I don't think I've yet watched one that I've enjoyed.

After Rewatch: I randomly started seeing Est and William posts start popping up on r/GMMTV a few weeks ago and then this master thread was created for it as well. I didn't know who they were (apparently a LYKN boy and a new GMMTV actor with side roles in the past) so I was just mildly curious but it's fun that this came true. When the trailer first started, I didn't know this guy was Est, so I was like oh nooo I don't wanna watch a show about not being able to find jobs and being a loser or something lol but seems like he finds his gig early enough into the show. The trailer is even better on the 2nd watch when I know what's going on lol. The background music really suits it, it stood out to be during the first watch as well. The trailer is 4 minutes and seems fairly fleshed out, I wonder... if we can hope that it's one of the first ones to film from the 2nd half? It's done by Parbdee who have a few projects this year but the director is Mui Aticha who doesn't have anything else lined up for the year since Beauty Newbie? So maybe she can work on this soon? Crazy resume though, The Gifted, F4, Girl From Nowhere, etc. I wonder how she'll do with this one though since it's a more grounded romance like Beauty Newbie (which didn't receive good feedback rip).

Thame is William and Po is Est and from the characters + how people referred to them during the conference after the trailer, seems like they're going for WilliamEst? Interesting because everybody on the subreddit was just reading calling them EstWilliam lol I enjoy them switching it up a bit to play with expectations and cast based on the characters rather than which order people think the people themselves should be. WilliamEstWilliam would've been fun too. The next day and Est has posted pictures with #WilliamEst. Funny to have William-Williamer-Williamest.

I hope the mood and vibe of it being calmer and romantic and the drama from the celebrity idol life remains true, I don't want it to become more light-hearted and comedic, nor do I want it to become Extra Angsty or anything.

Also, it's such a fascinating yet baffling choice to me to have LYKN star as Mars. You're going to have your own boy group act as the group that's getting broken up by their company and who some company exec calls "losers" except the one guy who's gonna debut in Korea? And also, it's gonna show how not being able to date or come out sucks but it's not like GMMTV is gonna change that for LYKN like group, only for Mars the fictional band in the show lol. and fans wouldn't like it if William has a partner other than Est either. hilarious idk

Side note but every time I think of the title Thame-Po, I think of the song Thaam Lo even though the pronunciation isn't the same.

WilliamEst ship: Okay it's the night of the 24th, so it's been like a day but I'm quite into the ship itself idkkk man, I get why people on the gmmtv sub were going crazy about them for the past month. The thing is they're like so shy on stage when talking about the show omg, I enjoy seeing a ship being shy and unsure when first introduced to the public and they haven't quite figured out how to work everything out yet, it's cute. I also have learned that William is a 05 liner while Est is 01 and I need them to have the same age gap in the show pleaseee, I love a younger pursuer character for real. I know Thame calls Po Phi in the trailer though, so we know William plays a younger character at least

Title: Break-Up Service

Pair: Off/Jorin

Did I know about this? No

Thoughts: Fun concept, I’ll wait to hear if it’s good before I watch.

Title: Revamp: The Undead Story

Pair: Boun/Prem

Did I know about this? Yes

Thoughts: Ah, trailer for the BounPrem vampire story and it seems more serious and sinister than the campy nature of the other vampire BL: Golden Blood. Kinda reminds me of Midnight Museum actually. It looks good, I’ll probably give it a watch.

Title: Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist

Pair: Mark/Ohm

Did I know about this? Yes (Mark was hinting at it)

Thoughts: Two BLs back to back? Uni BL with dentistry student Mark based on Jittitain novel. It’s not super intriguing based on the more exciting stories but I need a good easy-watching, cute, uni BL once in a while in between he heavier hits. So this could be that. The trailer just seems long-winded

Title: The Dark Dice

Pair: Gemini/Prim

Did I know about this? Yes

Thoughts: Ohh kinda reminds me of The Gifted and the trailer for Enigma. A high school show about them trapped in some game. Wish there were more girls in the cast though. Less romantic than I thought. I hope it’s good and not like Homeschool which has a Very Good trailer but didn’t get good reviews.

Title: The Ex-Morning

Pair: Krist/Singto

Did I know about this? Yes, KS were shooting mock trailer with P’Lit

Thoughts: girl I was already like hehe KristSingto as expected BUT THEY ATE EXES!!!!! I love exes-to-lovers and it’s kinda funny since it parallels their ship work. huhhh wtf was that random ass car accident? hah I’m excited for this too. We knew the director is P’Lit who directed SOTUS.

After Rewatch: I thought it parallels KS's journey of Singto leaving GMMTV then him coming back and doing a BL with Krist again (kinda of exes-to-lovers if you squint) while the guy-fucks-up-and-is-crucified-on-the-internet could be parallel Krist's journey and turns out P'Aof wrote the script based on Krist Singto themselves, that's wild. The university days drinking pink milk really gives me a visceral reaction. I LOVE the look on Krist's face when he looks back at Singto in the towel and then quickly turns have his face like O.O it's very cute, I giggled the first time too. They seem to show stuff toward the end like with Krist winning the award again and Singto deciding to leave and also this random ass accident (seems like people are trying to kill Krist? What with the random motorcycle guy as well). I don't tend to like too much info in a trailer (over 4 minutes?!) but maybe if it means that we'll get it as one of the earlier part 2 shows because the script is written, I'll take it. I don't know if that's the case though because Aof is overseeing/scriptwriting and he's a busy man (though Director Lit doesn't have other shows I don't think)

Title: Scarlet Heart Thailand

Pair: Tu and ?Win?

Did I know about this? no

Thoughts: Not really a trailer, as they sometimes arent with these remakes. Scot’s are all pretty big hitters, especially Tu and Win, along with some people I’m looking forward to like Fourth, Phuwin, Tay, Nanon. Directed by Fon. I don’t know what this show is about at all though.

Expectations: based on rumours I've seen mostly

GemPrim: Yes

KhaoFirst: Yes

MarkOhm: Yes

EstWilliam: Yes

KristSingto: Yes

a GL: Yes

BounPrem and Wabi Sabi updates: Yes

I'm hoping for a large ensemble cast show centering women (PSIHY and Ploy’s Yearbook to a lesser extent, both by Snap25) or some mystery/sff (Homeschool, Gifted): Yes

My expectations were basic and based on some very well-believed rumours, so I'm not surprised they're correct.

Actor Attendance

Observations:

Interesting to go from watching The Warp Effect where I knew pretty much everybody to these trailers where there are so many people whom I don’t know, including main actors for BLs and GLs (Est/William, Emi/Bonnie). Good chance to get to know them if the shows turn out well though!

On that note, it's always interesting when they choose completely new ships to be the main couple of a show, again like Us and Thame-Po. This also means a lot of the familiar main or side BL couples are in ensemble shows like Perfect 10 Liners (there were so many people in that, I couldn't even keep track of them all).

High School: 1

University: 2

Non-School: 10 (or 11 with Ossan's Love)

Very few school shows comparatively, just 3/13, less than a quarter. That's exciting, I'm especially glad that being out of school doesn't just mean office worker shows lol

The puns never end: Friendshit, Revamped, Hide & Sis, Thame-Po (Tempo - 50% pun), The Ex-Morning. Hilarious that there are more shows with puns in their names than school shows.

Overall:

More shows grabbed my interest in this round I think. It seems like a more somber/serious set of trailers than part 1, which is cool.

Also, most of the trailers seem well-made, not necessarily in terms of story because they don't have full plots and stories yet, but in terms of production/quality.

I just hope the scriptwriting for these shows are strong, especially because they're dealing with interesting concepts like idol romance and exes-to-lovers. The concepts are soooo good but bad screenwriting or a story that doesn't deal with the interesting aspects can make the show fall flat.

I'm also glad that there is a mix of old ships, new ships, and totally new faces for these BLs and GL Like we have shows with established main pairs like KhaoFirst-Joongdunk and Forcebook-PerthChimon in ensemble shows, we have interesting situations like KristSingto which is a returning main couple and BounPrem which is an old series but revamped ;) for their GMMTV debut, but then we have a ship like MarkOhm where Mark has been in multiple shows and ships but he's leading in a series with somebody completely different. Then we have Emi-Bonnie and WilliamEst who are new faces as GMMTV leads and their ships are completely brand new.

In Part 1, it was similar in that we had stuff like main roles for existing ships with OffGun - The Trainee and GeminiFourth - My Love Mix-Up, ensemble with existing ships (We Are - PondPhuwin etc), had existing actors in new ships like OhmLeng in Kidnap or JossGawin in My Golden Blood, we had new ships like GreatInn in Wandee Goodday,

All in all, a good part 2, I'm glad I watched it live, it was exciting and I'm looking forward to these shows (though I'm not holding my breath though lol because part 1 shows still gotta be released). I really like these showcases and I'm kinda glad that now it's split into 2 because I get a new one every 6-7 months instead of once a year haha

Actually no my main gripe: Where are all the women? Us, Hide & Sis, and Friendshit Forever seem to be the only shows that focus on more than one woman and the BLs basically have no women, or possibly 1 female side character. Why can't they have side GL pairings or multiple women in the same show, truly what the heck? I hope that more women are cast in the shows as they start writing scripts and such, like a side GL in Us or a side GL in Perfect 10 Liners among all the BL pairs.

[youngshinxjunghoo]

46 🚖

girl help idk if you realized you sent this to the wrong blog but thats totally fine lets so GOOOOOO girl i love you so much for this

anyways this is for you my oboe twin <33

(this is really long for a drabble im so sorry its more of a oneshot)

“And a big yellow taxi took away my old man…” The voice of Joni Mitchell softly croons, echoing throughout the cramped yellow metal box of death on wheels. Her voice is like a sedative, desperate to break through Ludmila’s thick skull and offer her whatever fleeting moments of solace it can. 

Unfortunately, Ludmila has never exactly been taught the meaning of peace. 

Besides, how is she supposed to find any peace with the taxi driver muttering swears under his breath as he jerks the car back and forth on the bumpy roads. 

Ludmila clutches the handle of her suitcase with clenched teeth. How has it come to this? 

She knew it had all been too good to be true, that the small moments of breezy banter and comfort with Vilu had all just been her ‘playing house.’ How could Violetta call Ludmila her sister in one breath and condemn her for something she didn’t even do in the next? How was it so easy for her to turn around and point fingers at Ludmila, her tone weary but resigned, as if deep down she always knew it was going to come to this?

But why wouldn’t she? 

Ludmila’s done nothing but try to torment her, why wouldn’t Violetta blame her? 

But then again, some half baked plan to break her heart and pushing her down the stairs are two completely different things. ...Aren't they? 

Does Violetta really think she was capable of that? That she’s not actually capable of being the sister they had both pretended she was? And more importantly, why is that thought so damn heartbreaking? Why does Ludmila miss Violetta’s disgustingly hope filled eyes and her endless and almost infectious positivity? 

The sound of Joni Mitchell’s goofy laugh breaks her from her warring thoughts as the song comes to a screeching halt.

Whatever CD was in the taxi glitches for a few seconds before bringing the bright guitar chords that introduce Big Yellow Taxi back to life as the song repeats. 

They paved paradise, put up a parking lot… 

…Great.

It looks like Ludmila is going to continue to be tormented by this obnoxiously cheery sounding song. 

She ignores the way her head starts to furiously pound and rests her arms on the top of her blindingly sparkly suitcase. 

Maybe this is her karmic payback. Running away on her own accord from the few meaningful connections she started to build from scratch. But it’s not like those were going to last. They had already started to crash and burn the moment Violetta fell down those stairs. 

Ludmila isn’t sure what’s worse, the fact that no one even had to think twice before blaming her for it, or the fact that she knows exactly who’s responsible and she’s unable to tell anyone. A panicked pressure tightens in her throat whenever she even thinks about running to Vilu and just blurting it out. 

Telling her about her mother.

And not just about the stairs, but about everything. 

She knows Violetta would be sympathetic, horrified even, but she’s too much of a fucking coward to even whisper the word ‘mother’ in front of her pseudo sister. 

Because isn’t that exactly what Ludmila Ferro is? She’s not a human, a sister, or a supernova of any kind, she’s a shriveled up shell of a human who’s doing nothing but hiding behind her mom. 

Her mother who is actively trying to send her to a boarding school in Europe to cover up her own assault. Her mother who hates her. Who gets away with everything. 

Ludmila is sure that even if she managed to tell Violetta who was really behind everything, her mother would find some way to turn everything against her as always. That with that fake placating tone of hers she would once again prove Ludmila’s words as worthless without breaking a sweat. 

So Ludmila ran. 

She can’t do it anymore. 

She can’t handle how fast her heart rate picks up whenever she hears her mother stalking through the Castillo house or how exhausted she is. Her eyes are always one step away from flickering shut and never wanting to open back up again. 

After the year she’s been having, she needs one giant nap. 

But she’s Ludmila Ferro and the universe has never been allowed to give her one good thing. 

So instead, she’s called a taxi and run out of the suffocating Castillo doll house at lighting speed, ignoring Violetta's worried cries and her mother’s heavily disguised threats. 

She doesn’t care anymore. She doesn’t have the strength. 

She doesn’t know where she’s going, but it doesn’t matter. She needs fresh air, which yeah, is not something she’s currently getting in the musty taxi that won’t stop repeating that stupid taxi song, but once she gets to her unknown location she’s sure she’ll think of something. 

She just needs to clear her mind. 

Unfortunately, her mind doesn’t know how to do anything but dwell on the bitterness that’s done nothing but spread like weeds her entire life. 

And damn it, she’s been doing her best to try to remove it, but what’s the point now? 

That doesn’t stop her aching heart from having fruitless wishes- she blames it on Vilu. And just thinking about Violetta and her wide eyes as Ludmila screamed at her and bolted out the front door makes her stomach churn. She dares to sneak a look at her phone, pushing down the nausea she felt as she sees tens of missed messages and calls from Violetta and Naty. The messages from Naty probably offering her her support and full confidence that she could fix this fucked up situation and the ones from Violetta probably offering pity and hollow concern she could never mean. 

Ludmila’s not sure which one hurts more. The undeserved love and pointless faith from Naty or the fact that Violetta’s treating her like a wild animal she needs to coax into coming back home before immobilizing her once and for all. 

A part of her wants to throw her phone out of the window, as if that will solve all her problems. 

But she’s too weak to do it. She’s too fragile to do anything but stare at the worried messages and wonder if she’s making a mistake. Maybe Naty’s right. Maybe there’s a way to fix this. 

It’s too bad that Ludmila’s too tired to look for one. 

The sudden blare of car horns makes her jump in her seat before she cranes her neck to look out the window only to find herself stuck in a sea of traffic. 

She stifles back a groan as the flicker of blinking lights and beeping horns swarms her already anxious mind. 

And to make matters worse, there’s this one car that keeps honking as it slides into the slot right behind the taxi Ludmila’s in. As Ludmila turns around to glare at the driver, she realizes the car looks oddly familiar. 

Ludmila sees a blob of spiky light brown hair and an all too familiar scowl from behind the driver's seat and she can’t help it- she almost bursts into hysterical laughter. 

Of course Violetta would call in the calvary- aka her lovey dovey ‘friend’- to bring her back. 

What’s even more insane than León even being here is the fact that he decides to get out of his car, walk up to the taxi, and knock on the window. Sure, they’re stuck in horrendous traffic so they won’t be moving for a while but still. Just how guilty does Violetta feel that she’s letting her prince charming waltz into the middle of the road for her evil step-sister?

The taxi driver yells at him but it’s León, so he’s not phased in the slightest. 

Ludmila reluctantly rolls down the window, if only to give him one of her trademark ‘disgusted glares.’ 

“Are you insane?” she tries to screech, her own voice shocking her by how rough it sounds. 

León’s not surprised though. But is he ever? 

“Ludmila, what are you doing?” is the only thing he says, his eyes narrowing in what looks like genuine concern. 

Ludmila ignores his look and her urge to throw up and simply glares once more at him. 

“What am I doing? What are you doing? You’re in the middle of the road.” 

“Then let me in.” 

“No.” She crosses her arms like a stubborn child. She can’t help it, this is the one thing she has control over currently. 

“Ludmila, where are you even going?” 

He has no right to ask, so Ludmila doesn’t dare to dignify it with a response. 

“Go back to your car, León.” 

“Ludmila, what’s wrong?” 

“I said go back to your car-”

“We’re worried about you-”

“Go back to your fucking car!” she screams like a child throwing a tantrum.  

León doesn’t even blink. 

“Ludmila, what’s wrong?” he softens his tone, as if that would do anything- 

And damn it, she's blinking back tears.

“Leave me alone,” she gruffly shoots back, but her tone is so lacking in fire that it comes across more depressing than anything else. 

“Ludmila-” 

“You know what’s wrong,” she accuses. “It’s your fault anyway.” 

“My fault?”

“Not just you. All of you.” 

León looks like he wants to fight back, but he bites back his words and simply nods. “Okay. Then tell me what we did wrong. Ludmila, we’re all worried about you.” 

Ludmila’s scoff is disturbingly hollow and empty. “Sure.” 

“We are. Violetta’s sent everyone out to go look for you. She even suggested staking out airports and bus stations.”

At Ludmila’s disbelieving look, he continues. “She cares about you.”

“Right.” Ludmila scowls and slumps back in her seat. “She wants me to be the sister she never had and her enemy at the same time. Well, you can tell that naive not-girlfriend of yours that she can’t have both.” 

“She’s never thought of you as her enemy.” 

Ludmila pauses, staring at León like she wants so desperately to believe him. 

The door to the taxi backseat opens after a few uncharacteristically quiet moments.

“Do you really think I could’ve pushed Violetta down the stairs?” Ludmila asks, her voice soft as León climbs into the taxi next to her despite the complaints of the taxi driver and the loud blaring of Joni Mitchell. 

“You’ve injured Naty. Twice.” His tone is factual, not accusatory, but it feels more like a damnation than anything else and she can’t help but wince. 

“I didn’t do this.” Ludmila looks away, afraid that the desperation she feels has seeped its way into her wide eyes. “Lion, I know I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff, but I wouldn’t hurt Violetta. Not like this,” she amends when she sees a flash of skepticism on León’s face. “She’s my sister.” Her voice firms up. “Why would I do anything to lose her?” 

León studies her for a few careful moments. “Come back, Ludmila.” 

Ludmila only raises an eyebrow. “That's it? That’s your pitch for convincing me to come back?”

“Then what’s your plan? You’re going to survive on your own? With one tiny suitcase?”

“It’s better than letting my mom ship me off to boarding school,” Ludmila snaps, anger finally flaring up in her eyes as she thinks about her mom’s haunting smile as she told her about her plans to send her away once and for all. “Just… Just leave me alone.” 

“Ludmila, if it wasn’t you… who was it?” 

Ludmila freezes. She turns to León, panic filling her eyes for a split second. “If you’re so smart then why don’t you figure that out on your own?” she spits out, but the attack is weak. It’s almost like her eyes are pleading with León to do just that. 

León’s gaze softens. The person sitting next to him can’t truly be Ludmila Ferro. The shattered remnants of Ludmila, maybe, but not the annoying supernova who did nothing but piss him off for years. And that thought was chilling. Had they really failed Ludmila this much?

“Ludmila, come home,” León tries again. He has to. “We’ll figure this out.” 

His tone is so matter of fact, so reassuring, that Ludmila almost gives in immediately. 

But she can’t. 

She can’t go back. Not with her mother waiting for her, probably with plane tickets and her wicked grin. And with that image floating in her mind, her blood runs cold. Her mom’s going to kill her if ever steps foot in the Castillo house again.” 

But León won’t stop trying. 

“Ludmila, I promise. I’ll figure out who did this.” 

No. She can’t give in. She can’t, she can’t she can’t-

“Come on, what’s the Studio going to do without our supernova?” León teases, softly nudging her shoulder and offering her a grin that instantly loosens all of the interwoven tension in her chest. 

Why the hell are his simple responses and stupid smiles having this effect on her? 

She doesn’t want to be phased, but damn it, she wants to believe him so badly. She wants to take this chance more than anything else. 

Maybe this is her chance to take one of those leap of faiths Violetta has chirped on and on about. She’s never been able to before- she’s never had a failsafe that wasn’t her mother. 

But as she looks at León’s reassuring expression, well, if she crashes and burns again won’t she at least have Violetta on her side? Violetta, who somehow does view her as her enemy? Violetta, who seems at least willing to hear her out. Violetta, who sent all her friends out like a battalion desperate to find their missing soldier. 

And when León holds out his hand to her, her wall of apprehensions shatters. 

Consequences be damned. She has her sister (and her sister’s sort of boyfriend too, she supposes.) 

Ludmila can’t help the rusty grin that finally dares to settle on her face, almost hesitantly. “Fine. But only because you’d lose the school without me.” 

Then she takes his hand. 

She’s held León’s hand many times before, but this time, it’s the sturdy support she’s been craving for who knows how long. She follows his lead out of the taxi as the Joni song concludes for the millionth time and when she’s hit with the bustle of traffic and thick air pollution, she finally feels like she can breathe. 

[lumpsbumpsandwhumps]

I'm not sure if you're still doing drabble requests, but if you could do a scenario where Jonas gets kidnapped by a different whumper and Malik goes absolutely feral because how dare someone take his Jonie? *tears up* that would be swell

“Get in the fucking car, Jonas.”

Malik’s tone was far too dangerous to be dismissed, not unless Jonas was also looking to be on the receiving end of a tire iron to the skull. Yet somehow, despite the primal fear it instilled in him like a young lamb hearing a wolf’s growl for the first time, he couldn’t bring himself to move from his frozen position on the ground. His legs refused to listen to the demand and carry him to the passenger side door, his hands refused to wretch on the handle and buckle himself in, his eyes refused to look away from Todd’s swollen face when the tire iron came down on him two more times.

A part of Jonas wanted to be relieved that his second kidnapper had been stopped and…taken care of, so to speak. It was so easy to fall into the way of thinking that he had deserved it for being in this shady line of work anyways, for thinking he could waltz in and snatch up anything Malik deemed a prized possession regardless of what permission he has been given from Tucker. Who was to say he wouldn’t have been a worse tormentor, if such a status was even possible to reach at this point? And yet, who’s to say he wouldn’t have been better? Kinder, nicer, more willing to send Jonas home and remember a meal at least daily. That was the other part of Jonas that wanted to feel guilty, or just a touch sympathetic for the gruesome end Todd was met with.

He almost had to wonder if this was some kind of set up on Tucker’s part, not that he knew very much of the man to come up with any concrete theories to back the notion up. All Jonas knew was that Todd had been sent to the basement to ‘collect’ someone, had decided that the Belmont heir was that someone in particular, and Malik was not happy about it. There must have been some prior discussion if the brazen kidnapping occurred when Malik wasn’t around to stop it, or maybe it really was simply the result of poor planning and regretful assumptions that the killer wouldn’t mind losing his favorite toy to someone else. How vile it made Jonas feel that he was more upset over losing a chance at freedom under someone else’s cruel care than he was watching Malik snuff out the man’s life one brutal swing at a time.

When he had yet to obey Malik’s clear instructions, the older man turned around to fully face Jonas and God help him he was fucked. Malik was pissed. Malik was beyond pissed. Malik looked ready to tear anyone within a three mile radius apart with his own hands, the boy included. Naturally, the sociopath was not privy to typical emotions felt by most empathetic people. He could smile, laugh, cloud his eyes with tears, but it was never genuine. It was all for show, a way to convince people on the outside that he was certainly one of them. Even now, so full of an unbridled rage, his unmasked face conveyed something of deep annoyance rather than homicidal hatred for another person. But Jonas saw all the dangerous little differences. He saw the way Malik’s brow knit tighter, the way his jaw clenched, how his eye twitched. There was no bandana to obscure the rare emotions that managed to peak through his blank slate appearance. There was no show to put on for anyone else.

Malik was angry, and he wasn’t going to stop until he wasn’t angry. Jonas did not want to witness firsthand what methods it would take for him to calm down, nor did he want to leave himself out in the open lest the killer assume he wants to fall victim to his rage as well. His spindly legs had him clambering into the car and locking the door before Malik had a chance to tell him a second time, assuming it’d be a verbal warning over a physical one. Regardless, he was satisfied enough to carry on his beatings to what used to be his associate, well on his way to becoming more mush than man. If Jonas looked out of the side mirror, there was a clear view of the massacre happening only ten feet behind him.

He looked at the dashboard instead and did his best to mentally prepare for whenever Malik would slide himself into the driver’s seat. Would he still be angry, would it be directed at Jonas now? Would he be blamed for this? Would the older man instead be eerily calm, all of his limited emotions spent, and drive them both back to the Kelley Funeral Home in silence? God forbid, would his fury turn to lust as often was the case after particularly gruesome sessions, with poor Jonas still being forced to endure this turn of events?

Something snapped, then squished outside. He hoped Todd could cling to life a little longer so Jonas had a few extra minutes to himself.

[kaylor]

Idk if Taylor has always always been this literal in terms of the concept and the name of the album (maybe with speak now) idk i guess each album gets a bit of that but to me her entire explanation of this one being “this album is about those thoughts you have at midnight so my album is gonna be named midnights and in every single song i will used the word midnight, even tho sonically the album doesn’t make any fucking sense and it doesn’t look or even hear as an bum, because this album is set at midnight. It will come out at midnight because that’s the concept of the alb-“ and the fact that she claimed it’s a concept album, I’m crying laughing.

yeah i mean she's always been pretty literal with album titles tbh, like reputation was very on the nose but was just cool enough to work. lover/daylight again very basic on the nose, even though you have to respect the implications of referring to both yourself and your partner as Lovers on an album full of wedding imagery. it's still a bad album title but the implications.... 😈

folklore, 1989 and red, in that order, i think are her best album titles. folklore is exceptional because she is literally turning her life experiences into stories, warping them and disconnecting them from herself, but making them part of her own mythology anyway. no one will ever know the truth behind any of these stories, and no one ever should. they're folklore now, they're up to interpretation, and every swiftie will have a different version of taylor swift folklore in their minds. genius.

1989 is super cool because it's so mysterious, it gives nothing away beyond hey this music is inspired by 80s pop but it's also about myself but it's also not about myself anymore. it's like. this album is about rebirth, not as a person, but as an artist. the metanarrative about moving to new york to become herself + immediately solidifying her position as a pop behemoth, chefs fucking kiss.

red is great because, well, does it even need saying. the joni mitchell inspiration. the lipstick. the synesthetic emotional state of a fresh breakup. the literal colors in autumn. it shouldn't work, it should be super overdone, but it fucking works!!

on the flip side there's evermore, which to me is such a nothingtitle. it's very much a "we have all these b sides we have to call it something" vibe. no hate to evermore, there's some amazing tracks, but it's not an album it's a collection of songs. speak now is... fine i guess? very funny to title your album with a command to speak now when the album is full of songs you wrote because you did not speak then. again no hate to speak now because it's got many of my favorite songs on it, but it is only loosely cohesive as a unit because it's just a coming of age album. i would have to sit down and have a proper think about what i would have titled it.

and while we're here we may as well talk about fearless and self titled too. fearless is a good album title, it's very 2008, it's exactly what an 18 year old should be feeling, it perfectly captures the album. nothing groundbreaking, just decent and appropriate. i personally find it extremely boring for artists to name an album after themselves. i think it's uninspired, i think it's lazy, i think it should be illegal for artists to do this. i don't care how much you reinvented yourself or whatever, it's BORING. do better.

and then there's fucking Midnights. maybe the laziest concept ever conceived. it's literally just "i wrote a bunch of songs about my feelings" okay what's new? "i'm almost topless in the photoshoot" incredible no notes. but is the album interesting? hardly.

[befuddledmackem]

I was tagged by @todayiwrotenothing to post ten songs and tag some other people. I refuse to actively tag people because my anxiety spiked when I thought about it (ffs) but rest assured that if you're reading this I'd love to know what's been rattling around in your head recently!

No rules were given, so I've just picked songs that I've caught myself singing recently.

Inkpot Gods by The Amazing Devil (honestly, I'm yet to find a song of theirs that I don't like, but this has been my shower song of choice lately - see also Blossoms by them)

Daytona Sand by Orville Peck ("It's not that I don't care / it's just hard to make a plan" hits me hard, also that voice tho)

Thick as Thieves by The Jam (my brain just latches onto "we're no longer as thick as thieves / no we're not as thick as we used to be" and repeats it in an endless, maddening loop.)

Supernatural by Barns Courtney (another shower concert banger. I also love the acoustic version. A wailed "Yeah, I must be outta my mind" goes through my head multiple times a day.)

My Silver Lining by First Aid Kit (Pretty voices, innit?)

A Case of You by Joni Mitchell ("I could drink a case of you, darling / and I would still be on my feet" my heart!)

Good Life by Shayfer James (this is a fucking bop. Another song in the shower concert line up. I first heard it through a Disco Elysium animatic which used it perfectly. Spoilers though!)

Handshakes by Do Nothing (Another song I like to wail along to)

Obstinate Brain by Päter (This is such a bop and also describes my own relationship with my goddamn brain so well.)

Riverboat Shanty by Emily Axford (ELDERMOURNE MY BELOVED. The first time I heard this I was crying at the Eldermourne finale, on a bench, in public, and let me tell you, this song did not help the situation re: tears.)

[teddypmedley]

Tv shows I like with absolutely bangin soundtracks

Gilmore Girls - Carole King, Grant-Lee Philips (troubadour), The Bangles, The Shins, Sam Philips, Bowie, Blondie, Nancy Sinatra, The Smiths, Talking Heads. Everything from the oldies to current stuff, mostly various flavors of rock. Lots of new wave and post punk vibes. It’s got everything from greatest hits to deep cuts. The whole show is a love letter to (mostly American, mostly white) art/media in general. While I acknowledge plenty of the references do not hold up, I hold that the soundtrack has zero misses in terms of well-chosen bangers.

Sex Education - Ezra Furman does a lot of it, and then they throw in loads of rock and pop classics and current stuff. Violent Femmes, Fleetwood Mac, T.Rex, The Velvet Underground, Brenton Wood, Queen. It’s honestly on par with Gilmore Girls, Furman takes the place of Carole King/Grant-Lee Philips and then everything else is an eclectic and fun mix. It’s more diverse than the GG soundtrack and also has zero misses.

Grace & Frankie - the intro theme is Stealers Wheel but the rest of it is a mix of oldies and current stuff. Eclectic as hell, I adore it. Everything from Gloria Gaynor to Bahamas. A bit of it is covers but they’re good covers. Then you’ve got Any Winehouse, The Milk Carton Kids, Kenny Loggins, Dionne Warwick, Alabama Shakes, 7horse, Little Richard, Adele. I think I caught a bit of punk in Frankie’s car in one scene, it might’ve been the Clash but I forget.

Madam Secretary - ok hear me out!!!! You’ve got Andra Day, Adele, Bowie, Peter Frampton, Joni Mitchell, a song from a Sondheim musical, several songs performed by the cast with their vocals and piano (inc. Can’t Take My Eyes Off You, a parody of a Billy Joel song, a few Christmas songs…). And then the song of all time, Cemalım (Erkin Koray) which slaps.

Our Flag Means Death - every song in the soundtrack is a banger I just personally always have different associations with them already because they’re always quite important to me before i see the show. Which is why it’s so low on the list for me personally. Also I have spent the last year and a half overthinking every song I hear through the brainrot lens and I associate like a whole other group of songs with that show now instead of the soundtrack. But the actual canon soundtrack is good, I love Lou Reed, Fleetwood Mac, etc.

How to Get Away With Murder - man I didn’t even finish watching this show and some of the songs stuck with me. Mostly IAMX.

What We Do In The Shadows - the fucking intro Norma Tenga song alone changed my life. It goes so goddamn hard. And then you add King Luan, Tol-Puddle Martyrs, Matt Berry’s originals, MUSE!!!!, Echo & The Bunnymen, Haley Heynderickx (who is SURELY also in Sex Ed), THE CRAMPS (perfect choice, I was furious until they finally put ‘em in), Siouxsie and Bauhaus (both almost certainly also in Gilmore Girls, but I could be wrong)… man I could continue from just season 5 alone they really don’t miss.

Community - their soundtrack includes The Police, Florence + The Machine, The Fratellis, The Cranberries, Lord Huron… and of course loads of cast originals.

Criminal Minds - pixies, NIN, the Kinks, Dean Martin, Ella Fitzgerald, Jeff Buckley… all of this was also on Gilmore Girls. Billy Joel, Sara Bareilles, Jason Mraz, Deep Purple, Korn, Boston, Johnny Cash, AC/DC, Bob Dylan, THE BLACK KEYS!!!!, REM, Leonard Cohen, Cage the Elephant… all bangers. Honestly that’s part of what kept me watching for so long.

I’d just like to acknowledge Twin Peaks, The Sopranos, Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, Father Brown, and Heartstopper, Derry Girls, the Good Place, and Parks and Rec, which all also have soundtracks.

[what-gs-watching]

“Sunlight over me, no matter what I do.”

This week on what G’s watching - what G’s listening to. 

This is exciting!

Gang, I told you content is how I apparently digest my feelings, and a big ol’ part of that is music. Always has been, my dad has this crazy extensive collection of albums. When I was a kid he always had something on in the car, or playing from the old stereo in our living room. One of my favorite memories is listening to the Beatles’ White Album with him on long afternoons. He’d let me dance around on his feet, and we’d sing every single one, I was the eight year old who knew the entire thing by heart.

Music is a core fucking memory for me, it’s my dad in a nutshell. I remember one year for Christmas, he gave me a bunch of burned cd’s - all of the Beatles broken up by time period, Cat Stevens, Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell,  a set of discs that included the top songs broken out by month between 1964 and 1968, six in total. The tracks, he told me eventually, perfectly encapsulated the way those different seasons felt to him - The March/April disc really feels like springtime.

If you knew my dad, you’d know that the effort he put into it was much  more than his usual Christmas attempts, which were: my mother buying the gifts and then writing his name on the tag. 

So the point is: music can be an incredible thing and it’s a large part of who I am. I could write an entire post about all of that (and one about the Beatles, and one about Paul McCartney specifically, and one about Adele, and one about Bo Burham…see, I’m nuanced)  but I won’t. Right now, at least. 

Because I want to talk about Fleet Foxes. Specifically, Helplessness Blues.

This album came into my life at a weird time, I’d moved to a new city and was working my first ever real tech job and I was living with my sister, trying to figure my shit out. Which involved coworker-turned-friend drama because at the time I was absolutely not the best person, and it was very early 20’s of me. You know, when everything feels frenetic and you aren’t sure what the fuck you’re supposed to be doing with your life, so you’re just…doing random things, all the things. 

Which made me extremely susceptible to the creeping kind of darkness infused with hope the album has. I have a penchant for indie folk bands. I can’t help it. I fucking love guitar and thrumming drums with violins and shit. It just feels real to me. Authentic. Organic.

So it’s no wonder Fleet Foxes pulled me. I had a couple of their other songs on random playlists but had never attempted to listen to their first release. And then one day I was getting my oil changed, sitting in the waiting room and I read a review of Helplessness Blues in a magazine, probably Rolling Stone. I immediately bought it, which wasn’t really like me at the time - I was deep into stitching together random lists on my ipod, pulling tracks from all over the place, but I felt like I had to.  Thankfully.

I don’t know what it is about this album, but it’s the perfect mix of mauldin, shiny, twisted, uneasy, exciting, overwhelming. It feels like there’s a story to it, it’s cohesive and purposeful, but I couldn’t tell you what the narrative actually is. And that’s probably the point. It’s whatever the story is to you, and man this album for me is angst and questioning and accepting. It’s become one of those perfect albums you can listen to, never skipping a track, because they’re always a little different depending on the mood you’re in.

And right now, I'm in a weird mood. I’m lost in my life again, and angst sounds about right, so I put the album  on this afternoon after I’d finished my unemployment application and tried to harass the pharmacy for my husband, did some laundry, some dishes, random life things. I decided all I wanted to do with my Friday was chill the fuck out, blast Helplessness Blues through my airpods, and just, be with myself, and  something familiar. Inside my own brain, but with something comforting, lulling me in the background. 

I wanted to wrap myself up in something, and this was the perfect choice. Apparently one of my coping mechanisms is to just put some music on and let it overwhelm me, turning the volume up as high as I can tolerate, and singing along as needed at the top of my lungs. It’s honestly therapeutic. 

That’s what Helplessness Blues is good for. Because it’s quite a production. You can get lost in the story and it’ll morph into whatever you need at the time. Today it’s a squirming  sense of unease, but also triumph. It’s so good.

I could probably talk about all of the tracks, I’m not going to lie, but that sounds exhausting; they’re still lulling my brain right now and I don’t feel like I could pick out each one well enough, they flow together too well. 

However, The Shrine / The Argument is fucking ambitious. It’s so many different things all at once and it’s almost confusing as one song but eventually it’s really, really not. It’s weird and it ends with a horrible cacophony but then delivers really soft and agonizing violins. It has some of my favorite lyrics from the entire album:

In the morning waking up to terrible sunlight / All diffuse like skin abuse the sun is half its size

When you talk you hardly even look in my eyes

In the doorway holding every letter that I wrote / In the driveway pulling away putting on your coat

In the ocean washing off my name from your throat

Because, who hasn’t felt like that? It’s a really specific loss. How else can you say something like that? 

This is clearly getting away from me, but that’s okay. This is what I wanted to do today. I don’t do this very often, Helplessness Blues isn’t in my regular rotation, because it deserves to be listened to and I don’t always have that kind of time. I’m thankful that I do today though, I’m almost through my second rotation, and it's helping. I’m updating the story that it is, for me. Next time I listen to it, it’ll remind me of this stupid thing I’m going through and all that I am right now, a little bit. 

For example: listening to Blue Spotted Tail was very Crowley and Aziraphale today.  That’s apparently where I am, so now it’s part of the story. 

Why in the night sky are the lights hung? Why is the earth movin’ around the sun? Floating in the vacuum with no purpose not a one…

Poor little Antony J.

 Why is life made only for to end? Why do I do all this waiting then? Why this frightened part of me that's fated to pretend?

So. If you need to feel ways about things (we all do, now and again, right) this album will do it for you. And this is a terrible love letter to it, but just…trust me.

[boricuacherry-blog]

Girl, let me tell you - Joni [Mitchell] has saved my life on more than one occasion. I get it when somebody says the artist becomes this soundtrack to somebody else's life, because she definitely was the one to mine. I'd be on a tour bus and frustrated as hell, because Rufus and I, offstage, had a rather turbulent relationship. Anyway, I'd get on the bus after a gig, and I'd be getting fucked up back there. I'd have all the windows open. The bus would be flying down the road, the wind blowing in the bus. I'd have Joni Mitchell blaring through the windows on the bus by myself back there. And she saved my life, on the Hejira album especially. When I listened to the words she was singing, they just spoke my life, what I was going through at the time. Because she was on the road, too. I got it. Now my daughter knows all her songs. So Joni is a generational inspiration in my family.

-Chaka Khan

[holdmeclosertinytaron]

Epilogue

A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! This year has been crazy and I'm so glad that it's over. I hope everyone has the best evening and that 2023 is filled with love and happiness.

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Explicit language

Story Page / FAQs / ETTC chats.

The setting sun mixed with the burning fire in Taron’s living room cast perfect golden hues throughout the entire room. Mixed with the sweet sound of Joni Mitchell coming from the record player in the far corner, it was a perfectly chilled late December afternoon. 

Amelia sat curled into Taron’s side with Milk and Honey in her hands and Pickle behind her legs. Taron’s glasses sat on the end of his nose as he read his own book–by an author that Amelia couldn’t for the life of her pronounce. They were in pure bliss, reading together and enjoying one another’s company.

A plate of freshly baked cookies sat on the coffee table with their half-finished cups of tea. Taron still had his Christmas decorations up so the gentle glow from the lights lit the room a little. It was weird, but Amelia felt more Christmassy than she had four three days prior on Christmas Day. 

The sunflower necklace Taron bought for her–which was engraved with ‘My Pretty Baby’ on the back–sat proudly around her neck and she would keep holding it between her thumb and forefinger, moving the chain so that it was around her jaw as she read. She used the motion as a distraction from her own thoughts. 

There was a bittersweet atmosphere surrounding them. They were so unbelievably happy to finally have one another how they wanted, even though there were no labels to what they were, but they were just as devastated that the day had come where Amelia was leaving. 

The snow started to melt on boxing day and by the 28th it was safe enough for people to drive. As much as Amelia wished she could stay in Rivercliffe, she had work that needed doing and press that needed finishing. She’d spent the better half of two months hiding in a small village surrounded by the best people who she grew to love and treat as if she’d known them her entire life. For two months she’d hidden from her responsibilities so she had to go. 

Her suitcase sat by the back door in the kitchen and her phone sat on her thigh as she waited for Will’s text to say that he was outside waiting for her. Amelia was more than happy to pay for a taxi to get herself back to London but Will insisted that he would get her. All the better that he did, really, for Amelia knew that she would cancel the taxi and stay with Taron for as long as she could. 

'I already miss you and you haven’t even bloody left yet,' Taron mumbled sadly from behind Amelia. 'Can’t you stay for one more night, at least? I haven’t had you long enough yet.' 

Amelia could feel Taron’s arms snake around her waist where he pulled her onto his lap. Amelia closed her book and swallowed the tears. She promised herself she wouldn’t cry. If she cried then she’d agree to stay another night and she couldn’t. If she cried then she’d never stop. 

'I can’t,' she choked, not able to look into Taron’s teary eyes. She fiddled with her hands in her lap but could feel Taron’s eyes burning a hole in the top of her head. 'You know that if I could I would stay in a heartbeat. Would stay as long as you wanted me to.' 

'I never want you to leave. Don’t wanna be on my own again.'

Taron’s reply was instant and his words broke Amelia’s heart. She knew that it would be hard to leave Taron and Rivercliffe but she never anticipated it to feel near impossible. When she finally lifted her head to look at Taron, she caught a tear falling from his eye. 

'Let me change your ticket home,' he added as he breathed shakily. 

'I don’t have a ticket for you to change, gorgeous. Will’s coming for me.' 

'Let me cancel Will then.' Taron snaked his arms around her waist properly, holding her in place. He let his head fall forward to land between her boobs where he inhaled her perfume. Oh, how he would miss the way she smelt. 'I-fuck. I don’t want you to go.' 

Amelia’s heart pounded in her chest and she knew that Taron would be able to feel it. There was no way that he wouldn’t. Leaving Taron was the last thing she wanted to do but she had no choice. 

'I don’t want to go but-' 

The phone buzzing from the sofa next to them left Amelia freezing in her spot. She knew Will was on his way but she thought it would take him longer. Taron’s head moved back so that he could look at the phone, ‘Willy Wonka’ coming up at the top of the call screen.

If there’d been a decline option he would have declined the call before Amelia could answer. But there wasn’t, and Amelia was already pulling the phone to her ear. 

'Hey, Will,' she sniffled, her emotions getting the best of her. 'Yeah, if you carry on from the pub and then turn left by the stream. There’s room for you to turn around and I’ll get myself ready. Okay, yeah alright, see you in a minute.' 

Amelia’s heart broke more as she pried herself away from Taron’s grip so that she could get off his lap and pack her bag. Taron watched silently as she put her book in the bag followed by her phone charger and phone itself. He watched as she turned to him with the saddest eyes and held her hand out for him to take. 

When he’d successfully stood from the sofa she wrapped her arms around his middle so tightly he could barely breathe. But he couldn’t breathe thinking about not being around her anymore. He would rather not breathe than face a day without her. 

Being squeezed so tightly he couldn’t breathe hurt less than knowing he wouldn’t wake up with her in his arms the next day. It hurt less than not knowing when he would see her again…if he would ever see her again. 

'Please don’t go,' Taron practically begged. He felt selfish for begging her to stay because he knew that she was a busy woman but he just wanted more time with her. 'Please.' 

'Taron-' 

'I know you have to go but I wish we had more time. Feels like we wasted six weeks.' 

Amelia chuckled through her tears. 'We did waste six weeks. That’s why I’m so pissed that I have to leave. But work starts in four days.' 

Taron nodded, grabbing Amelia’s hand and walking her through to the kitchen. He knew that there wouldn’t be long until Will got to his house ready to pick Amelia up and he wanted her to be ready. She followed behind him slowly, wanting to waste more time like she was seemingly good at. 

When they stood by the door he stopped Amelia from grabbing her coat so that he could kiss her. He needed to pour every single emotion into her in the only way he knew how. Amelia’s hands found purchase on his squishy hips as he held her face firmly, not wanting her to pull away at all. 

The honk of Will’s horn pulled them apart. Their breaths were ragged and Amelia officially started to cry. Seeing Taron look so distraught in front of her with red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks was enough for her to fall into a pit of sadness too. She sobbed into his chest with the hand that wasn’t holding his, balling his jumper in her fist. 

'Tell me not to go,' she pleaded. 'Tell me to stay. Tell me that you want me to stay.' 

Taron took a deep breath, stroking her hair down before slowly pushing her away from his body. 

'I can’t,' he hiccuped. 'I wish I could but I can’t.' 

'Taron-' 

'Amelia, work is important.' 

'You’re more important than any work responsibility. I’d give it all up…just tell me to fucking stay!'

'I want to tell you to stay. I want to open this door and tell Will to go home and then I want to pick you up and carry you to the bed where I can show you how much you fucking mean to me.' Taron could barely see through his tears. 'You have no idea how much you mean to me.' 

Will honked again and Amelia watched silently as Taron handed her her coat and opened the front door fully. He acknowledged Will before turning to Amelia who looked up at him in despair. Her eyes screamed for him to tell her to stay, to show her how much she meant to him. But he couldn’t.

'I’ll bring your suitcase to the car,' he offered quietly. 

Amelia nodded as she rolled her lips into her mouth. Taron held the door open for her and she squeezed under him and onto the path outside. She gave Will the smallest wave before turning back to Taron who left the door ajar and joined her. 

The walk down the tiny garden path broke Amelia more than she cared to admit. Each step away from the house she took was a step further away from what she really wanted. All she needed was for Taron to stop her. She wanted him to grab her wrist and turn her into his body. She wanted him to kiss her and tell her not to go. 

But he didn’t. He let her get all the way to the car where Will stood by the boot ready to put her case inside. Taron wheeled it over to him while Amelia stood at the passenger side looking at the ground. 

'Tell me not to go,' she pleaded. 'Tell me to stay. Be selfish and tell me that you don’t want me to go.' 

Taron took a shaky breath, stepping closer to her and cupping her jaw in his hands. His eyes were still letting tears fall freely and he felt like such an idiot standing barefoot in the middle of his street when there was still snow on the ground. 

'You know that I want you to stay,' he whispered. 

'Then I’ll stay. I’ll get Will to go home and we can go back inside and snuggle on the sofa while we eat cookies and drink tea and we can kiss and we can be together and-' 

'Amelia…' 

'Taron, please.' 

He let his lips capture hers for the final time. They could taste one another’s tears and they held each other so tightly. Neither of them wanted to pull away. Amelia’s hands bunched his top at the bottom of his back while his hands remained on her cheeks the entire time. 

'Please,' she cried against his lips when he pulled away to rest his forehead against hers. 'I’m going to miss you so fucking much.' 

'I’m going to miss you too, baby. You have no idea how much.' 

'It hurts.' 

'I know,' he choked out as he grabbed her waist to sway her lightly. It hurt him too. So bad. 'But you’re going to get in the car and you’re going to go and make so many people happy, okay? You’re so many people’s favourite person…mine included.' 

'You’ll text me?' 

'I’ll text you as soon as you’re sat in the car.' 

Amelia nodded, letting herself pull away enough so that she could look into his eyes. They were red and swollen from crying but they were still so bright. She was going to miss staring into them continuously. 

There were lots of things that she would miss about being with him. 

She would miss waking up to his smiley face every morning. 

She would miss laughing with him in the kitchen while he wore only his joggers and she wore his t-shirt. 

She would miss making food with him and have it end in him smearing sauce on her face to which she would shriek and get him back. 

She would miss going for walks in the early hours of the morning with him where they would be kids again. 

She would miss having dinner in the pub with him and his friends. 

But more than anything, she would miss the way she felt when she was around him. 

Taron brought the best out in her. She didn’t overthink when she was around him. He helped her be carefree and relaxed in every sense of the word. Taron helped her overcome her fear of big animals. With Taron, she wasn’t scared to open herself up. There’d been so much that she wouldn’t tell anyone else but she told it all to Taron because she knew that he wouldn’t judge her. He was the better half of her and she wasn’t scared to admit it. 

'Come on, skip,' Will spoke up from the other side of the car. 'We really should be going.' 

'Bye, Taron.' 

'Bye, Pretty Baby.' 

******

Taron got back into his cottage and climbed onto the sofa where he pulled the blanket over his body. It still smelled like Amelia and he breathed her in deeply. She’d been gone less than five minutes and he felt like she’d been gone a lifetime. When she finally got in the car with Will, he stood and watched the car disappear, waiting outside for another couple of minutes after that before finally allowing himself to go inside. 

He didn’t know what he was waiting for. It wasn’t like Amelia was going to tell Will to turn around and take her back. She had stuff to do. But there was a small part of him that hoped she’d turn around for one more kiss, one more minute with him. 

The record player stopped playing but Taron didn’t get up to change it. Sitting in silence was better than listening to the songs he listened to with Amelia. If he listened to the songs then, he’d probably have a breakdown. He missed her so much. His phone sat on his knee as he waited for Amelia’s reply to his text. 

Just like he’d promised, as soon as she was in the car, he texted her to tell her how much he missed her. But she hadn’t replied. Maybe she didn’t miss him as much as he thought she did. Maybe she didn’t care at all. 

Pickle jumped from the sofa to the coffee table where he sniffed the cookies that still sat there. Taron sat up enough to shoo him away but his eyes caught the little box that sat in the centre of the coffee table. He lifted it up and sat back in his spot, taking the lid off and pulling the photos from it. 

The first photo on the garland Amelia gifted him was one of the two of them in the pub doing karaoke. Harry had stolen her camera to take a photo of them, knowing she’d want to keep the memory of the night. On the back she’d written, in her beautiful penmanship, ‘I have endless love for you. This is the night we made up after I made a twat of myself over Rosie…’ 

The second photo was of the two of them at the light switch on. Taron’s arms were around Amelia and they were smiling widely at something in front of them. On the back, she’d written ‘One of my favourite days…despite the shit that happened’. 

Just as he was starting to look at the third photo, there was a continuous knock at the door. He wanted to ignore it and pretend he hadn’t heard it but the longer it went on, the more his patience wore away. 

He trudged to the door slowly, lifting his hands to his ears to drown out the sound of the knocks. When he pulled the door open, a little harsher than he’d expected to, his face dropped. Stood in front of him, completely out of breath with no coat on, was Amelia. The last person he expected to see. 

'Wha-' 

'No I need to say something,' she butted in. 'If I don’t say it now, I’ll forget and then it’ll be a whole nightmare and I just need to say it.' 

Taron stayed silent as he took a step back so Amelia could walk into his house and out of the cold outdoors. 

'You’re a dick for letting me go. You said you’re falling in love with me and that you care about me but you let me go without a fight. I didn’t reply to your text because I was pissed. I still am. But, I care too much about you to not come back and fight.'

'I-' 

'I’m not done. Pack a bag, get your passport and let’s just run away together. We can go anywhere in the world. Name it and we’ll go. Anywhere in the world, I don’t care. I just want to be with you.' 

'I don’t have anyone to look after Pickle,' Taron replied sadly. He wanted to go with Amelia but he had to think about his dog too. 'I can’t just leave him on his own.' 

'I texted Autumn on my way here. She’s going to come and get him for you. You don’t need to think about anything apart from packing a suitcase. I’m begging you to come away with me.' 

Amelia stood in the middle of Taron’s kitchen, her cheeks covered in tear stains and her eyes on his. She tried to read him and see how he felt but she couldn’t. For the first time since meeting him she had no idea what he felt and it left her feeling uneasy. Sick, really. She hated the thought that maybe she’d turned up and he didn’t want to go away with her. 

Taron couldn’t speak. He tried to, but he couldn’t. So he did the one thing he knew that he could do well. He took two strides forward and cupped Amelia’s cheeks, pressing his lips to hers hungrily. Her hands immediately found refuge on his back and she held him tighter than she ever had before. 

'Come away with me,' she mumbled against his lips.' 

'I wouldn’t want to do anything else,' he replied through a smile, pulling her in for another kiss. 

****** 

'If it wasn’t for you, I’d be so lost,' Taron whispered against Amelia’s shoulder before he puckered his lips to kiss the soft skin after. 'I’m so glad you came into my life.' 

Amelia closed her eyes with the cheesiest grin plastered on her face. Taron’s front was flush to her back and she could feel his heart pulsing against his chest as he held her close. She couldn’t think of a better way to spend the new year and the beginning of a new decade. Wrapped up in bed with Taron, feeling his arms around her middle and his lips pressing scattered kisses to her shoulder. 

She turned around in his arms, cupping his jaw with her hand and stealing a kiss from him. 

'I’m so glad that you came into my life,' she whispered against him when she pulled away. Their foreheads pressed together as they looked at one another fully. 

They were so caught up in one another that they barely heard the countdown begin outside. The sounds of thousands of people shouting through the last ten seconds of 2022 were drowned out by a simple look. It was a look that, like many others that they’d shared before, told the other everything they needed to know. 

'1!' came muffled from outside.

'I love you,' Taron spoke quickly, not giving Amelia time to wish him a happy new year. 

Amelia froze in her spot. She knew he was falling in love with her but she didn’t know that he was actually in love with her. 

'I lied on Christmas,' he continued, sensing Amelia’s shock. 'I was in love with you then. Have been since the first time I saw you, really. And I don’t mean seeing you in films. I mean seeing you in person, really seeing you.' 

'Taron I-' 

'Don’t have to say it back. I just needed you to know that I, Taron Egerton, am unequivocally, passionately, insatiably in love with you.' 

'I love you too,' Amelia spoke up, 'so fucking much.'

For three days they’d been cosied up in a hotel room in New York. There hadn’t been a time where they left the hotel. The furthest they’d ventured was the heated swimming pool at 2am one night after Amelia bribed reception to let them up. 

For three days Amelia had been fighting herself from saying those three words in fear that it was too soon. 

'I am truly,' she kissed his lips once, 'madly,' twice, 'deeply,' three times, 'foolishly,' four times, 'completely,' five times, 'in love with you.' 

Taron smiled at her before rolling over so that he hovered over her, nudging her nose with his and stealing a suctioning kiss from her already plump lips. He could feel her chest heave under his as she raked her nails down his back, silently begging him. 

'Gonna let me make love to you? Gonna let me show you how much I love you? Gonna let me call you my girlfriend?' 

'Yes, yes, yes,' she mumbled against his lips as his hand trailed down her body to rest on her thigh. 

'Happy new year, Pretty Baby.' 

'Happy new year, Sexy Baby.' 

[woodrokiro]

Do It For the Band, Part Eight (fic)

Fandom: Bleach

Pairing: IchiRuki

Summary: When Tatsuki said she wanted their sophomore album to be the next Rumours, this is NOT what she meant. Band AU.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26590339/chapters/108462588

Rukia’s ambling ahead of him, hands loosely clasped behind her back as she throws her head back to gaze at the stars and all he can think about is how pretty she looks right now.

Beautiful, the slightly buzzed side of his consciousness corrects him — and yeah, okay, she’s fucking gorgeous. For all the times that he’s tried to keep professional boundaries, tried to remind himself that she’s just a teammate, just someone he works with, sometimes even friends with — he can’t get over how much he really, really wants to — 

“Come along, loser. We’re killing moonlight with how slow you’re walking.” She’s looking at him now, a single eyebrow raised in that judgy way that makes his chest do weird jumpy shit. 

He coughs into his hand, hiding the redness coming to his cheeks. “‘Killing moonlight?’ Rukia, my dad can make better jokes than that.”

“It wasn’t a joke! The night is young and you’re killing it. Slowly.”

“... I’d hardly call two a.m. ‘young’--”

“Stomping on its throat as it coughs up blood, choking off its oxygen supply—”

“All right, all right! Nice job, Poet.”

“Actually I’m a lyricist, if you haven’t figured it out.”

“Oh weird, I would've never guessed.”

 This. This is what he lov—likes about being around her. Their bickering is so dumb, but it just feels so. Easy. Being with her like this.

“Har-har.” She turns her nose up at him. “You know, I still don’t — I still can’t believe you don’t like Taylor Swift. She writes a lot of cheesy stuff, too — kind of like you.” 

“I do not write cheesy stuff. And besides, it’s not that unheard of for a guy not to listen to her.”

“Oh, so we’re sexist now? We don’t believe a woman can write good music? Interesting, Kurosaki, reeeeeally interesting.”

“Oh shut up! Even I can admit you’re a better songwriter than me.” He almost makes a dumb follow up remark when she stares at him with an unreadable expression, but he decides to be brave.

He clears his throat. “Besides, Joni Mitchell made one of my favorite albums. Blue is the stuff of lyrical dreams. ‘Means a lot to me, actually.”

“Hmm. Can’t say I know it.” She’s about to turn away from him again, and he has half a thought to sputter what kind of person doesn’t know who Joni Mitchell is but instead he—

“We should listen to it.”

She turns back to him, bemused. “Now?” 

“Why not? Like you said: the night is young. What else were we gonna do but go straight to bed?”

Ichigo hopes that she doesn’t catch the way his voice unintentionally cracks on the word “bed.” He didn’t mean to make it insinuative, but man. What a dumb Freudian slip. 

To his relief, she shrugs. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. One song, why not? Then I can decide whether the rest is worth listening to.”

 He rolls his eyes, mutters out a “brat” as he pulls his phone out of his pocket to find the song he’s thinking about. Another thought comes to him, and he starts to dig deeper into the same pocket again. 

“You know uh—we’re in a residential area so… we should probably listen on like. Earphones, or something? So we don’t get screamed at from windows.”

“Oh wow. Ichigo afraid-of-a-noise-complaint Kurosaki.” She takes the right corded earphone from him nonetheless. “What, no AirPods? Are you still living in 2010 or something?”

“Oh my god, will you shut up?Just listen to the fucking song.” 

He hits play just as she snickers, and the nostalgic opening of Joni’s Appalachian dulcimer fills the earbuds. 

They stand together like that for what seems like ages, just listening to a song that is no longer than four and a half minutes long. Ichigo tries his best not to look over at Rukia’s expression, weirdly nervous for the first time in his life of what he’ll find in her expression. Will she like it as much as he does? Find it annoying or strange? Impossible. Who doesn’t love Joni as soon as they listen to her? Like, he’s been all for the classics of rock n’ roll all of his life but even he’s a fan—

Rukia steps closer to him, her head barely touching his lower shoulder. 

Holy shit. 

She must be cold or something. That’s it, right? Has to be. But it’s late March? And like? Sixty degrees? And she has a freakishly high cold tolerance? But she’s wearing one of her strappy dresses so maybe—

The song stops. Fuck.

The Last Time I Saw Richard starts to play, but Ichigo doesn’t move. He’s barely breathing, just hyper aware of Rukia’s head tilting up, up, up toward him. 

“Ichigo.” 

He looks down at her, finally meeting her eyes. She’s looking at him like she knows him, all of him, and he’s gotta say something or else he’ll break this moment—

“That was my mom’s song.”

Welp. Way to ruin said moment, Ichigo. Bring up your dead mother to the girl you really want to ki—

She raises her heels to catch his lips with hers. 

He’s shocked for a millisecond before he realizes holy shit this is happening and he responds in fervor, winding his right hand up to frame her face while the left slides down her lower back. 

In all honesty: he hasn’t done this too much. He’s gotten a few hastily written phone numbers on napkins by giggling fans before they flittered away before, but never really had an interest in being with anyone just for the sake of it. He’s really new… Like really new to all this but Rukia—

Rukia makes him feel like all that doesn’t matter. Again: it’s easy, being with her.

Especially when she makes those little sounds of approval and is appreciatively tugging at his hair like that. 

They part, forehead to forehead, and Ichigo once more doesn’t really know what to say. Rukia seems to read his thoughts (or lack thereof) and smirks. 

“Your room or mine?”

He barks out a short laugh, and he takes her hand while they’re both grinning like idiots.

Ichigo’s never wanted to get back to their hotel so fast.

—

He wakes up first.

A pounding in his temples stirs him, and he winces as he rubs at his eyes.The light is streaming through a window somewhere in the room, and he curses himself for not closing the curtains before bed. 

It occurs to him that he should probably, in fact, take note of his surroundings and make sure he’s not in some dump. He’s not that kind of guy to black out and do that kind of thing, but hey. Any night involving a Tatsuki hang out in a bar is possible. 

Okay. What first? He looks to his nightstand and finds — oh thank God, he was smart enough to pour himself a glass of water before falling asleep. His wallet is there too, which… Is a relief, considering that one birthday his friends took him out and he left it at a rowdy izakaya. 

The room itself (now that his blurry, sleep-addled vision is getting a little clearer) is definitely not in his apartment, but… Ah! Hotel room. Yeah. This is his. He recognizes that weird ass lamp in the corner from when he checked in yesterday. Couldn’t miss it. It was so weird looking, in fact, that as soon as they were walking out to the venue together Ichigo started describing it and made Rukia laugh —

A mass of black hair on the pillow next to his sighs. 

… That’s when Ichigo realizes he’s completely nude. 

And oh. He remembers how the rest of the previous night went, too. 

The head of inky hair turns toward him, revealing none other than Rukia in all of her dead-to-the-world morning glory. 

He’s seen her asleep before — in the mornings after she spends the night on his couch, when he putters out from his room to make them a pot of coffee — but never this close, never so much more than the short glance he’ll allow himself, like she’ll disappear if it’s any longer. 

Now that he’s this close, he can see that Rukia Kuchiki asleep is actually kind of a disaster.

She’s drooled at some point in the night, from what he can see in the wet evidence on her pillow. Her hair is splayed all over her face in a way that he’ll be shocked if she can get into any semblance of neatness later, and her lips are slightly pouted by the way she sleeps on her tucked arm. The other hand rests softly on the sheet that dips just below her breast — her bare breast, he might add, but he’s not gonna spend too much time on that otherwise his brain will short circuit and he wants to — 

He wants to focus on how stupidly charming this all is, and how much he’s wanted this. 

As if she can hear how loud he’s yelling in his brain, she stirs. 

When she wakes up, he learns, is where she regains some of her elegance. Her body softly twisting into a graceful stretch, both arms thrown over her head as she rolls onto her back. She sighs again, more moan-y this time, and it may be one of the most erotic things he’s ever heard (other than uhhh othernoisesshemadelastnight). Her eyes start to blink open slowly, and when she turns her head toward him he fully expects himself to turn into a puddle of goo and ask her if she wants to go get breakfast and —

But something in her eyes once she comprehends his existence next to her makes his blood run cold. 

(“Looking back, honestly… Yeah it could’ve been the same as me when I woke up.” He tells Tatsuki. “She could’ve just been still processing everything that happened. How she got there, how we got there, blah blah. But I just… I didn’t give it enough time before I—”)

He panics. 

“Sorry.” He says without much thought—without even thinking what he was sorry for—and that does it. 

The spell is broken. 

“Oh.” Rukia’s eyes blink several times, and she purses her lips. Her eyes shift to somewhere above his head, and he realizes the connotation of what he just said. “No I — Oh, Ichigo. No, I should be —”

“Wait, hang on, that’s not what I —”

“This was a mistake.” She suddenly sits up, tightly clutching the sheet to her chest as she swings her legs over the side of the mattress. 

His body fills with dread. “Rukia, c’mon, don’t — come back to bed, I didn’t mean it like —”

“No, really Ichigo, I was — this was so, so stupid of us. I never thought we’d be so dumb to—”

“Well… Hang on. It’s not the dumbest thing to have happened. I mean, look at all the people who were teasing us.” He desperately means to sound jovial, to hopefully use some sort of reason to brighten the mood.

Evidently: it does the opposite. She spins back on him, her eyes flashing. “So you’re saying you were expecting this to happen?”

“No — I mean I was hoping it would, but —” 

“Oh my God.” She gets up, does a sort of dance of trying to put on her discarded clothes while covering herself with the sheet. It would make him laugh given any other occasion. “You’re such a child.”

That. Hmm. Makes his blood flare a little. He frowns. “Okay, hold on —”

“ — Can’t believe how unprofessional you are, I mean have you ever worked with other people? Do you KNOW that sleeping with colleagues is not something you should be doing or —”

“Hang on, do I need to remind you that you kissed me first?” 

She stops with her back to him, facing the door. After a brief moment of silence, she takes the time to re-secure the straps to her dress, to smooth down her hair into something (somewhat) manageable. Waiting for her like this might even frustrate him more, especially when she refuses to look at him—

And then she turns.

Her eyes are filling with tears (fuck) while still giving him a legendary Rukia Kuchiki glare that he knows damn well will haunt his nightmares for the next week at least. “You’re right Ichigo. I’m really, truly sorry I ruined our night. That was so unprofessional of me — and I promise. It won’t happen again.”

“Rukia, damn it, would you just listen —”

He’s cut off by the sound of her slamming the hotel door shut.

—

It’s a few days later and he still feels wholly, entirely, unconditionally like a piece of shit. 

He’s not proud of… Well. Any of how that morning went, to be honest. Because… See, the thing with Rukia is: being with her is so easy and vibrant and makes him feel like he’s someone to give a shit about, yes.

But she also sometimes renders him entirely incapable of getting his words right. This was — quite unfortunately and disastrously — one of those times. 

What he wanted to say was: I’m not sorry. What he wanted to tell her was: I think I’ve been dreaming of waking up with you ever since you first crossed your arms at me. What he wanted to let her know was: you’ve got me so messed up even our friends can see how head over heels I am for you. He wanted to add: when you kissed me I think that might’ve singlehandedly been the best moment of my life. 

What he wanted to say was: stay. 

It takes him about a day to figure all that out, to practice what he’s feeling through some dumb lyrics he writes on a paper napkin — but he thinks that he should also give her a few days to blow off some steam. Rukia has a silent but deadly anger, allowing it to simmer for longer for its quiet intensity. Very opposite of Ichigo’s, but — he likes that about her, too. He finds they compliment each other in that way, strangely enough. 

In any case: he doesn’t want to mess this next conversation up like last time. 

That’s a bit easier said than done, considering he has waaay too little experience in all this; so he does what he thinks he should. He carries his notebook full of dumb songs he wrote about her to show her later; rehearses what he’ll say to his bathroom mirror while brushing his teeth; picks up some flowers from her favorite bodega stand on his way over to her apartment.

He tries to psyche himself up as he approaches a corner a couple blocks away from her place. Honestly, it’s not like he thinks it’ll go badly. It might be a little brutal at first, considering Rukia’s aforementioned temper. She might call him a complete idiot, and — okay, maybe this is the one time he’ll allow it and agree with her, but if that’s the price to pay then so be it. And then they can go upstairs and enjoy the rest of this stupid break wrapped up in each other, writing songs about the other, which he realizes is all he ever really wanted and — 

He stops when he sees her with someone in front of her apartment building. 

Some guy with wild red hair is clearly telling her a joke and making her laugh. Ichigo doesn’t recognize him — is this a guy that Rukia ever mentioned? He can’t recall, but anyway maybe it’s just a delivery guy or something —

And then she hugs him. 

It’s an intimate embrace: one of familiarity and genuine warmth. The kind where she has to reach up on her tiptoes to wrap her arms securely on his upper back. She murmurs something and the guy chuckles, and then they’re releasing each other but —

But Ichigo’s seen enough. He turns the opposite direction and starts walking, throwing the flowers in the next trash can he passes by.