#Jongho au

[chaeinedup]

*Finish the song* Ateez

[ohmyamor]

Richkid!Jongho

a:/n definitely not inspired by the long expensive coats the stylists put Jongho in...

today is not your day 

first, you woke up incredibly late due to your alarm failing to go off 

then, there was no breakfast in your house, your parents’ note on the fridge saying that they were planning a grocery run this weekend 

it’s tuesday 

meaning you had to leave for school on an empty stomach

which would’ve been fine had you not skipped dinner last night for the sake of finishing your project 

which, might you add, was a group project that none of your group mates participated in

fucking rich kids

long story short, you ended up arriving at school on an empty stomach, leading you to be very, very hangry 

at least until your break, where you grabbed something from the vending machines 

then, when it came time to present the group project, none of your group mates provided anything of substance to the presentation 

they literally just stood there like morons while you presented everything 

you stayed after class to talk to the teacher about possibly getting more credit for doing, you know, all the work

only for him to cut you off, saying that if you had problems, it should’ve either been brought up at the beginning of the assignment 

or you could’ve talked to them yourself 

 but you know the only reason the teacher won’t lower the students grades is because of the hefty donation their parents make to the school every year 

the perks of attending a school full of rich kids

except your family isn’t rich

they’re not poor either, your parents income settling nicely somewhere in the middle 

which you should be grateful for 

because it means that, for the most part, the rich students leave you alone

yeah you’re attending the school on a scholarship, but besides a few snide remarks here and there, you get left alone for the most part

but going back to your horrible day

the icing on the cake has to be right now, at this current moment 

school was let out around 3, but you stayed after for a little bit to help tutor an underclassman who was struggling in a literature class you had already taken 

it was pretty easy to tutor the kid, he seemed like he was really trying to do better, which always made your life much easier 

but still, you can’t deny the relief you felt once the tutoring hour came to an end and you were allowed to leave

opening your car door, you haphazardly tossed your backpack into the passenger seat and buckled yourself in

you place the key in the ignition, turning it and waiting for the rumble of the engine to start up

except it never came 

staring at your steering wheel, you attempt once, twice, three more times to turn the key, praying to whatever gods that were laughing at you to please just let your car start so you could get home

it seems no one answered your prayers 

letting out a loud swear, you throw open your car door and step out before slamming the door behind you. 

you pull out your phone to try and call your parents, but before you can even pull up your contacts, your phone’s screen turns black

it died 

you think incredulously 

letting out a small laugh of disbelief you toss your phone onto the hood of your car

rubbing your face over your hands, you begin to think of a plan 

I think I still have some cash, I might be able to catch the bus home 

I just have to ask the security guards to not tow my car, or else I’ll have to go and pay to get it back with money I certainly don’t have right now-

“Hey” 

you startle, looking to your side

where a sleek, black car has now pulled up next to you

the passenger side window is rolled down, and through it, you see a familiar face

Choi Jongho 

son of the people who literally own the school

You close your eyes

my day cannot get any fucking worse you think

not that you hate Jongho or anything

he’s actually quite nice

a little out of touch with reality sometimes, but pleasant enough

in the beginning of the semester, the two of you were paired up for a short project 

while you initially dreaded it, as every other kid you had ever been paired up with sat back and let you do all the work

you were pleasantly surprised when Jongho insisted on splitting the work evenly with you

he even went as far dropping off assignments you missed when you had unexpectedly fallen sick 

of course, once the project was finished, the two of you went your separate ways 

save for the small nod of acknowledgement the two of you shared when you passed each other in the halls

you guys didn’t talk to each other 

that doesn’t mean you didn’t notice how good he always looked though

with his long coats and perfectly done hair 

and on occasion, the thick round glasses that nicely framed his face-

“(Y/n)?”

Blinking harshly, you’re shaken out of your thoughts when Jongho calls your name 

He quirks an eyebrow

“Are you okay?”

You let out a sigh and shake your head

“My car decided today would be the best day to take a shit on me”

Jongho makes a small o shape with his mouth before reaching over to pop open the passenger door 

“C’mon, I’ll take you home” 

Your eyes widen and you begin shaking your head 

“Nononono, it’s fine. I have money to take the bus anyways, I’ll just come back later for my car. Plus, I don’t want you to waste your gas driving me around-”

your rambling is cut short when Jongho lets out a small chuckle 

“You really think I care about gas?”

You shut your mouth before shrugging 

“I don’t know what you rich kids worry about in the first place,” you tease

Jongho rolls his eyes

“Just get in the car (Y/N), you shouldn’t take the bus right now anyways.”

Thinking it over for a split second, you nod your head and reach back inside your car to grab your backpack, phone and keys

quickly locking your car, you sling your backpack over your shoulder and walk over to Jongho’s car 

sliding in, you can’t help but notice how nice the interior is

there’s not a speck of dust in the whole thing and it smells so good

I wonder if it’s his cologne you muse

“Same address?” Jongho asks, looking at you expectantly 

god, it feels so weird to have his full gaze pinned on you 

even after working with him, you don’t think you’ll ever get over the giddy feeling in your stomach you experience when Jongho rests his full attention on you

“Yup,” you swallow, nodding your head

Jongho is quick to put his car in drive and the two of you take off in a comfortable silence 

“So,” Jongho starts, “what happened with your car?” 

you groan, your head falling back against the headrest 

“Honestly, I have no idea. It’s rarely given me any problems before this, but today, it just decided to stop turning on altogether.” 

Jongho hums

“I have a close friend who’s really good with cars,” he says. 

“I can ask him to take a look at yours, if you want.”

You frown slightly 

If he knows Jongho then it might cost me an arm and a leg just for him to even look at my car

“It’s okay-” you start, trying to figure out how to nicely turn him down

As if reading your mind, Jongho cuts you off 

“You don’t have to worry about money, if that’s what you’re thinking about,” he glances at you from the corner of his eye

“I’ll just say it’s for a friend and he won’t charge me.” 

a friend?

“Plus, he owes me anyway from the last time I helped him out with his girlfriend,” Jongho rolls his eyes, but you can still hear the fondness seeping into his tone

You turn to face him

“Are you sure?” you ask hesitantly 

you don’t like feeling like you owe people things 

not that Jongho is one of those people

but still

his car probably costs more than your house

and you’d rather not have to experience paying him back, whatever way it may be

Jongho shrugs

“Of course. I’d rather help you with car and not worry about you getting around safely than letting you take it elsewhere.” 

You feel your face warm and you have no idea what to say

meanwhile, Jongho is internally freaking the fuck out over letting his thoughts slip 

yeah, okay, maybe he thinks you’re a little cute, and he really admires your work ethic, and how you treat him like a normal human being rather than just another rich kid 

and maybe he thinks your nervous habit of chewing on your lip is a little bit cute and the way you confidently raise your hand to speak up in class is, like, really hot 

but still

he’s supposed to be cool and collected 

not whatever the fuck just happened

there’s an awkward silence while the two of you sit with those words

thankfully, Jongho turns onto your street before the silence can stretch on 

“I’m surprised you still remember where I live,” you admit

Jongho tries to ignore the way his neck feels hot 

“What can I say, I have a great memory” 

slowly, the car pulls up to a smooth stop in front of your driveway

grabbing your backpack, you reach for the door handle 

“Thank you again Jongho, I really appreciate it,”

now it’s his turn to feel flustered at your honest gaze 

“anytime” is all he manages to get out 

nodding slightly, you open the car door and step out, making sure to gently shut the door behind you 

before you’re able to take a few steps forward, a voice stops you in your tracks

“What time should I be here tomorrow?” 

You make a confused noise

“Huh?”

“Well, since you still don’t have a car and I won’t be able to have my friend look at it for another week, I’ll pick you up and drop you off.”

you shake your head 

“No it’s fine! Seriously, this was more than enough, and you’re already doing so much for me-”

Jongho cuts you off again

“But I want to,” he says simply

well shit 

what are you supposed to say to that? 

biting your lip nervously, you eventually nod your head 

“Okay fine, but I’m going to do something to return the favor,” you threaten 

a beautiful gummy smile breaks out on Jongho’s face 

“I can’t wait”

                                               ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

i love jongho so much

[anyamaris]

No Take Backs

Word Count-3738

Summary- Staying with your brother and his best friend and roommate, you find yourself rediscovering some old feelings for your childhood friend.

Pairing- Brother's BFF!Jongho x Fem!Reader

Trope- Brother's bff to lovers AU

Warnings- Vulgarity, unprotected sex (wrap it up irl), MINORS DNI 18+

For all my lovely Jongho lovers, I hope you enjoy! This man deserves so much love! Especially @ssaboala 🤍💜🤍

Thank you to @cafekitsune for banners below!

Tags- @cultofdionysusnet @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @yoonguurt @shinestarhwaa @babesindestroyland @lemonhongjoong @stardragongalaxy @kpop-stories-21 @thelargefrye @sanjoongie @kwanisms @ssaboala @millennial-fangirl @starillusion13 @pyeonghongrie-main

“No no, not that….Mingi….shit!  NO HIT THE …damn it….the turret, Mingi….” Jongho sighs.  You can’t help but stand back and cover your mouth as you watch your brother and his best friend play at their computers.  You’ll never know why Jongho bothered playing with your brother.   Mingi wasn’t very good, but you supposed he was fun to be around.  

“I’m here.” you mumble, knowing the two were too involved to bother greeting you.  Sure enough, Jongho was explaining to Mingi what he should have done and of course ... .Mingi was explaining how he did actually do the thing that you knew very well he didn’t.  Whatever it was….you didn’t pay much attention to the games they played.  

Tossing your bag on the couch and shaking your head, you tuck your spare key into your pocket.  Jongho and Mingi had moved in together after high school and they’d been roommates ever since.  Now that you’d move back to town for the summer, you were going to crash here since they had the extra room.  

You weren’t sure what that was going to mean for the two of them, or how well you’d sleep with the two of them around.  Jongho was fairly respectful, he always had been when you’d been growing up, but Mingi tended to get loud when he was playing games.  Smiling at their antics you watch them for a few moments before you grab your bag and head into the guest room.  

A bit later after putting your few things away, tossing on some sweats and a tank top, you head back out.  It had been quiet and you notice just Jongho sitting at the computer with his headset on.  Wondering where your brother had gone, you walk up next to your long time friend.  

Smiling as  he is so into what he’s doing that you can’t help yourself, you lean down and blow on the back of his neck.  The high pitched yell that escapes him has you laughing like a moron as he spins, pulling the headset down.  His eyes are huge before he notices you and he shakes his head.  

“Y-...Y/n??” he stutters, his cheeks turning pink.  Oh my god, he’s even more adorable than ever, you think, smiling.  Pinching his cheek, you lean down close to him.  “Did I scare you?” you ask, grinning and he pushes his chair back, a scowl coming over his face. “What the hell, when did you get here?” he asks, rubbing his neck.  You can’t help but notice the tinge of red on his neck too and smirk.  He was still so easy to tease.

“I’ve been here since you were explaining to my moron of a brother what to do with some kind of turret thing.” you say and he just looks at you, then shakes his head.  “Why do you still play with him?” you ask and he just sighs.  “I ask myself that all the time, but here I am.” You just smile knowingly and pet his hair.  “My poor teddy bear.” you say pouting and he brushes your hand away.  “Cut it out, we’re too old for that.” he says but you can’t help but notice the little twitch of a smile.  

“Aww….fine then, I’ll just ignore you like every other boring guy.  I’ll go find another cuddly bear to -” Coughing, he stands up, taking your hand and putting it back on his head.  “Fine fine, I’ll be your bear.” he sighs, rolling his eyes.  

“Yay!” you say, clapping.  He gives you his adorable gummy smile and you can’t help but feel the tiny twinge of a long forgotten crush creep up.  Shaking your head, you just brush it off and make your way into the kitchen.  “I bet you two haven’t eaten anything but take out and ramen for awhile huh?” you ask and he makes his way over to the small area, sitting on a stool to watch you pick through their supplies.  

“You know us so well.  Mingi hasn’t shut up about wanting your cooking again though.  I can’t say that I disagree either.” He smiles again and you lean over to pinch his cheek.  “Well I’ve missed cooking for you guys.”  Frowning, you pull open a drawer and quickly grab a notepad and pen, starting a list.  

“UNFORTUNATELY, I will have to go shopping for stuff, since you guys have almost nothing but junk.”  you busy yourself making the list and he just watches you, making chit chat.  Mingi comes barreling back in the door and grabs something off the table.  “OH! HEY Y/N! BE BACK-” he yells, then runs back out.  

“Ooookay, weirdo.” you say, just shaking your head and returning to the list.  “Not going to even ask.” you mutter.  “Ok! Me too, I’ll be back in a bit.” you say, going to grab your bag and shoes.  “I’ll come with you.  I can help carry everything back with you.” he offers and you smile, nodding.  “Thanks, you’re always so sweet and reliable.  Can I just clone you?” you ask and he smiles at you.  

You have an uneventful shopping trip and true to his word, Jongho carries everything back, not even letting you carry a light bag.  “Seriously, are you trying to impress me, sir?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.  He grins and leans over to you.  “Why? Is it working?” he asks slyly and you can’t help but feel your heart skip for just a split second.  “Hmm…it may be …” you say, returning his sly smirk.  

Clearing his throat, you both make your way into the dark apartment.  “What the hell…” Jongho says, then sets everything down.  As you busy yourself putting things away, Jongho pulls out his phone.  “Idiot.  He forgot he had to work overnight tonight.  No wonder.”  he snorts and you burst out into laughter.  

“He still hasn’t been able to figure out his alarm on his phone?” you ask and Jongho shakes his head.  “I’ve tried….even when I do it for him, he loses his phone.  You know how it is.”  You just nod, starting to prep veggies.  “Oh I do…I do..” you smile.  Jongho comes to join you, listening to directions as you tell him how to cut things.  

“You’re still so damned good at everything, aren’t you? Doesn’t it get annoying?” you ask, laughing.  He just smiles down at you, and you can’t help but notice how small you feel compared to him.  “There’s maybe a few things I’ve not mastered yet.  But not many.” he says, and from anyone else it would sound cocky.  But you’ve known him long enough to know the truth…he really was just good at everything he did.  “Somehow I imagine if you truly wanted to do them, you’d do them well.” you mutter, snorting.  He just shakes his head at you as you continue to cook.  

Once everything was done and you’d both eaten, you decide to go change into some pjs.  When you come back out you notice he is just watching something on his computer.   “Hey…if you’re busy I can-” “Nope!” he says, pulling off his headset and getting up.  “Want to watch a movie or something?” he asks and you just shrug, going to flop onto the couch.  

“Sure, I don’t know anything I want to see though…” you say and he sits next to you.  “Ok, we can just browse..” he says, flipping through some apps to find something.  “Why don’t you tell me how you’ve been?” you suggest, turning towards him, pulling your leg under yourself.  He smiles, glancing over at you.  

“How is the singing thing going?  You really need to do something with that gorgeous voice of yours.” You say, letting your head fall to the side and admiring him.  He glances at you again, noticing that you’re staring.  “Uh…yeah well, I’m still doing some training stuff…it’s still…Why don’t you tell me about what you’ve been up to? What’s new?” he asks and you smirk, knowing he hated talking about himself.  

“Hmm…nothing new.  School is fine, one more semester then I should be back permanently unless you know, something incredible happens.” you say.  Pulling the remote from his hand, you toss it to the side.  “I don’t want to watch anything.  I did have….a weird question for you.” you say, biting your lip.  It would be odd to ask Jongho about this but…you didn’t really have anyone but the girls in your dorm back at Uni.  

Talking to a guy would probably be your best bet.  “I…so…” you try to start and he wrinkles his eyebrows, turning towards you, mimicking your posture to listen.  “Tell me…What’s going on?” he asks and you already feel comforted.  Even when you were young, Jongho was always your big teddy bear, even when you and Mingi fought, he was always on your side.  His presence alone was comforting for you.

“Ok don’t tell Mingi I talked to you about this…” you say and he nods, concentrating on you.  “I…sort of dated and I had some issues and I won’t get into them but like…” you trail off as his eyes darken and his lips pull down.  “Dated?” he asks and you nod, scratching your neck as you look away.  “Yeah…guy was kind of a jerk but like….I’m over it! Anyhow-” He cuts you off, grabbing your hand.  “What do you mean?” He asks and his eyes are searching yours.  

“Just uh…I don’t want to get into it!” you laugh, realizing how serious he’s being.  “Probably not a good idea to mention it, sorry.  I forgot it’s probably weird to think of me as anything but Mingi’s annoying little sister.” you say, feeling your cheeks heat up.  His gaze was not leaving you and you felt oddly vulnerable all of a sudden.  

“That’s not what I was thinking, Y/n.  Not at all.  I was wondering if some bastard hurt you and who I was going to have to break in half.” he says, completely deadpan.  You feel your stomach flip at his demeanor and you swallow, realizing your tiny crush may not have been completely squashed at all.  “Jongho…I’m fine…just don’t look at me….like…that.”  you whisper and he frowns, cocking his head to the side.  “Like what?”  he asks, confused.  

You can’t help but let out a small laugh, chewing your lip.  “Like you want to protect me as more than your friends sister….I’ll get weird ideas…” you mutter, then you redden even more as you realize you said that out loud.  Instead of laughing at you though, you’re met with silence as his gaze bores into you.  You can’t help but keep looking away, growing even more confused at his stillness.  Then his eyes change, like he’s come to a decision before he is grasping your hand, pulling you towards him, his mouth meeting yours.

You go completely still in shock for a split second before you throw your arms around his neck and push yourself onto him.  The sudden change in your attitude has him falling backwards, scrambling to grab you and hold you as you pry his lips apart with your tongue.  You moan into his mouth as his tongue slips against yours.  His tentative hold on your waist all of a sudden becomes a strong grip, his hands sliding around you.  One hand slides up your back, his hand cradling the back of your neck.  “Fuck-” he manages as he nips your bottom lip, then your hands are in his hair.  

You used to have dreams of what it would be like to kiss Jongho, far back when you were teenagers.  But those were little girl dreams and this was the real thing.  And it was so much better than you’d ever imagined.  But never once had you imagined he’d actually be the one to kiss you first.  You always assumed he’d never seen you that way.  But his mouth and his tongue and…certain parts pressing against you as you pressed against him were saying something else.

“Jongho-” you moan against his mouth and then he’s tearing his lips from yours, pushing himself back even as you reach for him.  “Shit….Y/n…I’m sorry I-” he says but you just crawl towards him, straddling him as he lays back on the couch, his eyes wide.  “No you don’t, don’t you dare….” you say, seating yourself on him so you can feel his arousal against your ass.  

“Don’t you even, Choi Jongho. Don’t you dare do something like that, then turn around and try to take it back.  You can’t unopen this door.” you say, grabbing his hand and bringing it to your waistband, pulling up your tank top with your other hand.  You only have to bring his fingers to the flesh of your hip before he’s sitting back up, taking control as he dips his hand into your pajama bottoms.  His large hand squeezes a handful of your ass as you grind against him.  

“Shit…” he mutters as you run your fingers through his hair, tipping his head back as you gently pull the strands.  “I want you, Choi Jongho.” you state and he closes his eyes briefly, seeming to steel himself as you wait for him to come to terms with what is about to happen.  “I’m not taking no as an answ-” you start but then he’s flipping you onto your back, settling himself between your parted thighs.  Your eyes go as wide as your smile as you look up at the man hovering above you.  

“Oh my…” you breathe out, your eyes dancing as his stern expression brings a dampness to your panties you hadn’t expected.  “Jongho…” you whisper as he dips down to take your mouth with his, propping himself up on his elbow.  His other hand slips up your top, his fingertips skimming along your side and making you shiver.  “I wasn’t saying no, princess…” he murmurs, kissing down your jawline.   He draws back to look down at you as his hand cups your breast, your lips parting in a moan as he lightly pinches your nipple through the thin material of your bralette.  “Then…what were you stopping for…?” you say, his touch bringing little pants from you.  

“Coming to terms with what I’ve wanted to do for a long fucking time.” he says and your eyes fly open as he yanks your top up, exposing your tits so he can admire you.  “Fuck…you’re so sexy…” he murmurs, then he’s taking your nipple in his mouth, rolling his tongue around on it.  “You’ve- oh my god-” “Shhh, talk later….my mouth is full…” he mutters between moving to your other breast, sucking that nipple into his mouth.  You raise your hips a bit, trying to get him closer, wanting to feel him against you.  

“Patience, princess…” he says and you can’t help but smirk at the cute nickname he’d given you when you were younger.   You tug at his top and he sits up to help you remove it.  You admire his chest, always hidden under so much clothing but you knew he was athletic and it showed.  You run your hands down his bare torso and he hisses as you get to his pants.  “Jongho…” you moan out, licking your lips.  

He just watches as you unbutton, then unzip his jeans, yanking them down with his boxers.  Your eyes light up as his thick, rigid cock is freed, standing big and proud in front of you.  Unable to stop yourself, you sit up enough to take just the head of his cock into your mouth, moaning softly as you taste the saltiness of his precum wet your tongue.  His hand buries itself into your hair as you roll your tongue around, mimicking what he’d done to your nipple as you look up at him.  

The sight of you with your mouth on him, your top yanked up and your tits exposed has him groaning loudly, gasping as you wrap your hand around him to stroke.  You cup his balls in your other hand and as you watch him and slowly take him until he is hitting the back of your throat, he has to pull you off with a small cry.  

“Stop…fuck…” he whispers, standing up and yanking you up with him.  He pulls off your top and bralette, tossing them, then he’s yanking down your pajama bottoms, kicking his own pants off in the process.   Then he’s backing you up against the wall.  “Tell me now, if this is ok.  I want to hear you say again that you want this.  I need to make sure…” he is growling out and there’s nothing in the world that would make you say anything but, “Yes, fuck yes, I need you inside of me right n-” you are pawing at him, as he lifts you and presses your back into the wall.  Your legs wrap around him as he cuts you off with his tongue, delving into your mouth.  

He holds you effortlessly as he slips his hand between you, his fingers exploring your delicate folds, soaked with need for him.  “Oh my god…” he moans and you yank his hair.  “Stop playing and fuck me.” you demand, biting his lip.  He just nods, hoisting you up a bit, his hand leaving your drenched core to guide his thick cock against you, slipping back and forth across your slick to tease you.  “Jongho!!!!” you cry as you wiggle, desperate for him.  

“Patience, little girl…” he whispers as he presses himself into you, stretching you with how thick he is.  “God, you’re so tight….” you nod, your hands clenching his shoulders as he eases himself into you.  “Fuck baby girl…talk to me…tell me you’re doing alright…” he says through clenched teeth and you nod, leaning back so you can see eachother’s faces.  

“Jongho..you feel so good….please….more…more…” you moan and he drops his head onto your shoulder.  “Yeah, more?” he asks and you cry out as he holds your ass and plunges the rest of the way into you.  At your sharp cry, he stops momentarily, but then he starts pulling out, just to drive himself deep into you again.  This draws out another yell, your voice cracking as he fills you completely, his dick so big you can feel it almost in your womb.  

“MORE!” you scream, and he moans loudly into your neck as he plows into you mercilessly.  The feeling of being suspended with just his body holding you up as you dizzy, your abdomen tightening quickly and you grip his hair, his shoulders as you as thrown into a spiral as your orgasm washes over you.  

He leans back to watch you cum, his face completely flushed with passion as you clench around him, drenching him as he continues his steady pace.  Your whimpers have him slowing, then he’s gently letting you down on your legs.  “Turn around for me, gorgeous.  I want to see your pretty ass while I fuck you…” You had steadied yourself for a moment but his words make you go weak again and he’s chuckling in your ear as he turns you to place your hands on the wall.  

“That’s it, don’t worry I’ve got you…” he murmurs, placing his hand on your lower back to bend you  forward.  You look back at him and bite your lip as his hand slips down the front of you, his fingers seeking out your puffy clit as he guides himself back into you.  “Jongho…oh god…you…” you try to say but he’s just humming at you, almost cooing as he buries himself completely within you.  His free hand presses against your lower belly as he starts thrusting into you and he gasps.  “Fuck, I call feel myself inside of you, so nice and deep..” he groans out and you can only whine as he picks up the pace.  

“Jongho…so big…fuck me harder…more…” you cry out and his noises go from heavy breathing and moans to sharper cries as you talk to him.  “Yeah? You like when I fuck you?  You like me deep inside your pretty pussy?” he asks and you scream as his fingers rub your swollen nub faster, driving you over into another orgasm.  

“Jongho! C-ccuu-mming…” you manage, gritting your teeth.  You look back at him again, watching his face contort as you clamp around him and his eyes fly open, then squeeze shut as he gasps, his hips stuttering.  “Ah fuc-” he chokes out but then he’s pulling out of you, and you watch as he cums all over your ass, the white ropes of cum shooting out in spurts.  “Mmm cum for me….so fucking hot..” you moan, as he jerks himself off, milking every last drop.  You can’t help yourself as you turn around and drop to your knees, taking him in your hand to make sure he’s completely empty.  He groans, then almost squeaks as you take him in your mouth, tasting his release and savoring it as you look up at him.  

“Oh my god….you’re killing me…” he moans, then has to gently pull you off as he hisses, too sensitive after cumming so hard.  “Mmmm…you taste amazing…” you murmur, licking your lips and his eyes roll back as he grunts at you.  “Oh man…yeah…you’re going to be the death of me.” 

You stand up and he pulls you into his arms, his mouth capturing yours in a deep, intimate kiss.  “Mmm…” you murmur, happy in his strong embrace.  “Do me a favor, princess.” he says, pulling back to brush your hair back.  “Hmm?” you manage, your lips trying to find his again.  He laughs and pokes your nose.  “Don’t date anyone else.  You’re mine.” he says, and you open your eyes, smiling happily.  

“As if that was even a thought, you big idiot.” you say and he shakes his head at you.  “But…who’s gonna tell Mingi?” you say and his eyes go wide.  You smirk and run towards the bathroom.  “Not it! Now get in here and clean me up!” you yell and he’s immediately chasing you.  

“When I catch you, it’s not cleaning up we will be doing…” he growls and your screams as he catches you echo through the empty apartment.  Finally, your childhood crush had turned into a fully bloomed love for your brother’s best friend.

[twilightzoneletters]

[10:22 pm] breakup!au

time seems to freeze as you read the little bubble of text from jongho on the screen in front of you.

'hey. i don't want to do this because i don't want to hurt you. but i don't think i'm where i need to be to be in a relationship right now. i want to end it now before i end up hurting you'

hurt you???

hurt you?????

it was too late for that.

those kisses and giggles shared between the both of you.

the things you had shared with him and not anyone else.

the vulnerability and time you shared with him.

the promises he made...

how dare he think that by ending it now he would not hurt you.

how dare he think that he hadn't already become someone you cared about deeply.

how dare he break your heart like it was nothing to him.

how dare he love you so dearly for a moment just to let you go as if it were nothing to him.

through text.

how dare he.

[daemour]

Shut Up Before I Fall In Love

Pairing: Jongho x f!Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, childhood f2l, family au

WC: 3729

Warnings: Cursing, absent family is a big part of it but not explored too much.

Summary: After you finish college, your parents ask you to move back home to help with your nephew. As much as you are bitter about your older sister dumping her child to go “find herself”, you’d do anything for little Jihoon.

When you return home, you’re surprised to see your childhood best friend, Jongho, still around, after growing up hearing him talk about how he’d love to move to America. But you won’t say no to his company.

This is written for @pirateeznet's anniversary project! My quiz result was Illusion :) Go and check out the other authors' works!

I do have an idea for a continuation of this more focused on the family part of it so if you want to see that too let me know ^^

-

As you leave the taxi, you hear your nephew screech your name before he can barrel himself into your legs. “Auntie!” You gasp playfully as you wrap your arms around the ball of energy clinging to you. “You’re here!”

“I am!” you cheer as you sweep the preschooler up in your arms, spinning him around once before setting him back down. “You’ve gotten so big, baby. Soon I won’t be able to pick you up anymore!” Jihoon puffs out his chest, proud of his achievement.

“Yeah! Soon I’ll pick you up instead!” You laugh, ruffling his hair. “Will you take me to the park instead of Gramma and Grampa?”

“Yes, baby. We can spend all summer together.” Jihoon cheers, his little fists pumping up in the air, and you smile at the cute action.

When you finally look up from the top of your nephew’s head, you first see your mother waving languidly and then your eyes catch on a familiar figure. “Jongho?” the name falls out of your mouth and the man in question smiles and raises a hand in acknowledgement.

“(Y/N), it’s been a while.”

Your heart is overflowing with such warmth at the familiar sight. “It certainly has been. Still in the same neighbourhood, Mr America?” you tease, grinning at the sight of Jongho’s ears turning red as he averts his eyes.

“Yeah,” Jongho rolls his eyes at your jibe good-naturedly. “I was six, dude. You’re never gonna let me live that down.”

You laugh, shoving at his shoulder. “You were six, and then you were twelve, and then you were eighteen and still talking about it. No, I will not be letting it go. But really, it’s good to see you again. Hopefully we can catch up at some point.”

Before Jongho even gets a chance to respond, Jihoon pulls at your pant leg. “Auntie, talk grown-up later! I’m more important!” At his straight-forward demand, all three of the “grown-ups” laugh and you’re quickly ushered into the house by the child, looking back and giving Jongho a quick wave. His pealing laughter follows you even after the door closes.

-

It’s only been about a week since you’ve returned, and it feels like both nothing and so much has changed. Your room has been changed into a storage unit and you’ve currently taken over the guest room, but the rest of the house’s layout remains unchanged save a few decor. Your mom also remains unchanged, and the only large difference is, well, the presence of Jihoon.

Every so often, you don’t expect him barreling around the corners into your knees and every time you see him, your disdain for your sister grows. It’s not his fault, and it’s definitely not her fault that the father is a deadbeat and out of the picture. And it’s not her fault that she wants to be able to have fun in life, but you also think that her time spent “finding herself” should not be spent partying it up dangerously and only showing up when she wants something from your mother. She doesn’t call him her son unless it’s to his face, but still won’t give him up for adoption for the pity points. It’s despicable in your eyes. Jihoon needs his mom but he doesn’t need your sister.

Thinking about the situation just causes you stress each day. You dropped everything to come here to care for your nephew, but she can’t even spare time to see her son win an award at his preschool. Jihoon is always asking about his mother, and neither you nor your mother has the heart to tell him the truth. Not just yet. His world is full of empty promises and you don’t know how to fix it.

Today’s another day of your mother desperately begging your sister to spend time with Jihoon and you taking the few school hours you have left to sit on the porch and contemplate life. Every so often you can hear another door slam as your mother paces from room to room and you wonder how you got here.

A gentle nudge to your shoulder makes your eyes fly open as you stare up at Jongho. “Falling asleep on the job?” he teases, a crooked smile on his face as he dodges your swat.

“It’s not a job,” you snark, even though you and Jongho know that’s a lie. “I’m just waiting for him to come barrelling down the sidewalk.”

“Spoken like a true mother hen,” Jongho laughs, and judging from his facial expressions he immediately regrets his choice of joke. You don’t point it out, however, and so neither does he. Instead, you scoot aside on the porch swing and Jongho plops down beside you.

You decide to ignore the heat of his body next to you and the press of his thighs against yours, just closing your eyes and letting your head fall against the back of the swing. A moment passes.

“What time is Jihoon’s bedtime?” The question makes your eyes open as you turn your head to look at Jongho’s soft side profile. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“How’d you know I was looking at you?” you ask without expecting an answer. “Anyways, he goes to bed around nine, why?”

Jongho still refuses to look at you and you wonder why in the back of your head. “Wanna get fries afterwards?” You raise an eyebrow at the familiar olive branch, poking at Jongho’s leg with your foot. Every time he felt like he hurt you somehow, he would always offer to buy you food, starting way back in grade school when he accidentally broke your glasses.

“Slick, dude. But yeah, I’d like to.” No more words are spoken on the matter as Jihoon runs up the driveway, just a nod and then your attention turns to the three-year-old. Once again, it’s time to forget you are your own person and become a parental figure for Jihoon. With a sigh and a  shake of your head, you will those thoughts out of your head and prepare for a busy afternoon of watching Jihoon.

-

“Okay, I'm home free,” you announce as you come down the stairs to where Jongho is waiting with a patient smile on his face. “Let’s go get fries.”

“The usual place?” Jongho asks and you nod excitedly.

“I haven’t been to that diner in forever! Ahjussi still going strong?” Your eyes are practically sparkling at the prospect of going to the “old” spot.

Jongho smiles knowingly and that gives you the only answer you need. “And he still hates being called Ahjussi. Come on, I’ll drive.”

Excitedly, you follow him out to his old sedan, hopping into the passenger seat. “Any better at driving?” you tease and he smacks your arm without hesitation. Some things never change.

And just as you remembered, the drive takes a meagre ten minutes, most of which was you singing along badly to the radio with Jongho laughing at your pitiful attempts. Not that you were actually trying.

Giggling, the two of you stumble into the 24/7 diner, placing orders through laughter and you’re pretty sure the worker is already sick of you two. Jongho makes sure to tip her well and you ignore the warmth in your stomach again at seeing his warm smile and hearing his low ‘thanks’.

“So!” Jongho proclaims in a news anchor voice, holding his straw as a makeshift microphone, “Here we have Ms. (Y/N) (L/N), home from college! Please, update us on how your life has been in the great shining city of Seoul!”

You’re laughing too hard to answer him properly and Jongho smiles at you fondly. “You’re just as weird as I remember, huh,” you finally manage to say, wiping the tears from your eyes. “It’s been nice. I really enjoy all the little hole-in-the-wall stores I chance upon there, but it’s really fast-paced there.”

Jongho nods understandingly. “Small towns are really nice in that way. Not so much getting everywhere at all times.”

You frown, leaning forward. ‘That reminds me…why didn’t you go to America? You certainly had the grades to do it.” You didn’t mean to be direct about it, but it’s been pressing on your mind since you returned to town. “I left quickly for college, so I don’t know what was up with you for so long.”

Jongho grows silent, his eyes darting away. “It wasn’t much. I just wanted to stay instead.” But alas, Jongho can’t lie when it comes to you, and he never could. All it takes is one look from you for his resolve to fold. “I…you can’t hate me for this, okay?”

You frown, tilting your head at that. “I could never hate you, Jongho. Come on, just tell me.”

Jongho bites his lip and averts his eyes, but finally speaks. “I stayed for Jihoon.” You blink, confused, and Jongho rushes to explain himself. “You couldn’t just drop college—you were in your second year—and your mom couldn’t handle both your sister and a newborn. I didn’t want them to have to call you back if they could help it. I didn’t even apply to colleges at that point so I didn’t lose anything. I just–”

“Jongho,” you whisper, feeling your heart bloom with affection for him. “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Jongho smiles weakly. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know. All you knew was that there was a baby, but not all the issues that came with him.”

You smile back at him, reaching out to take his hands. “I don’t hate you, you know. You’ve done so much for us, and I can’t imagine what it would’ve been like without you here. Jihoon loves you.” Jongho peeks at you and you squeeze his hands comfortingly.  “Thank you for all your help.”

Jongho’s eyes are suspiciously shiny, but before anything else can happen, the girl who took your order shyly approaches the table. “Uh, I’m sorry to interrupt…but we’re closing and need to wipe down the tables.”

You and Jongho both stand up startlingly fast, averting both of your eyes in embarrassment. “Yeah, sorry. We’ll be out of your hair,” Jongho reassures before turning to you. “Let’s get you home. It’s a school night after all.”

At that, the tension is gone and you smack his bicep with a snort. “Yeah yeah, dad, let’s go home.”

When the two of you finally arrive home, you pause in the driveway. “I don’t want to go in,” you blurt out and Jongho frowns, coming up behind you. “I know I’m being dramatic, but it feels like if I go in, my life will be gone. I’m twenty-three, Jongho. I can’t be a parent. I love Jihoon but I don’t want to live my life being his mom for my sister.”

Jongho’s hand comes to rest on your shoulder. “I get it. But you know, I think you’re doing great. Jihoon will get older soon and he’ll understand. And you have me and your mom to lean on.” He squeezes your shoulder, and in typical Jongho fashion, winks to brighten up the conversation. You roll your eyes but smile at him, thankful for his comfort.

“Thanks, Jongho. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When he leaves, his words stick with you up until you get ready to sleep and lie in bed, and you dream of his warm smile.

-

“Fries?”

“Fries.”

Those two words became a staple of your and Jongho’s relationship. About once a week, you’d go get fries and just chill and feel like the young adults you actually are. But a new problem has occurred.

You have a crush on Jongho.

And maybe in any other circumstance, it would’ve been fine. Perhaps in a different life, you would’ve been happy with Jongho, starting a life together. But not now, not like this. Not whenever you think about having a life of your own guilt wrenches in your gut because of Jihoon.

So like any self-respecting human being would do, you start to avoid him. At first, it wasn’t an issue. You didn’t mind hanging out in groups, but you avoided one-on-one time like the plague. It helped to use Jihoon as an excuse, but sooner or later, that wasn’t going to fly.

But on a day like this, when it’s just you and your nephew, you feel at peace.  Your mom is having a luncheon with her friends and Jongho is at work so you’re watching your nephew yourself, something that surprisingly doesn’t happen too often. But your mom deserves some time with her friends too and you like having alone time while Jihoon plays by himself.

The pitter-patter of his feet does not catch your attention right until he stops at your side. “Hey, auntie?” Jihoon tugs at your pant legs as you cut vegetables in preparation for lunch. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” you smile at him, putting down the knife and wiping your hands on your apron as you crouch down. “What’s up, kiddo?”

“Are you my mom now?” Your jaw drops and you’re pretty sure you’re not blinking because your eyes are stinging as you just stay in the same position. You both knew this question would be coming and yet weren’t expecting it at all.

“Jihoon, what do you mean by that?” You do know what he means by that but you need to get to the root of his thoughts.

Jihoon shrugs, no longer looking into your eyes as if he did something bad, and you feel guilty over your reaction although you don’t think you could’ve helped it. “My teachers always say mommies are always here and you are! So can you be my new mom?”

You try to speak but nothing but a strangled sob comes out and you clear your throat. “Jihoon, honey…it’s not quite how that works. I take care of you but I can’t be your mom.”

“Why? Grandma’s too old so it’s you!” He sounds almost angry about it and if not for the context you would laugh.

You frown as you think of the best way to explain this to someone whose knowledge of the world consists of LEGOs and Frozen. “It’s just a lot of adult problems that need to be solved first. Just like when you play with building blocks! You gotta build the bottom before the next part!”

Jihoon nods sagely. “Okay,” he agrees easily, patting you on the knee before going back to colouring pages on the couch. You’re left in the kitchen on your knees, silently letting the tears fall as your family breaks apart even more.

You want someone to come. You want your mom, you want Jongho. Distancing be damned. You just want someone. You try your best to wipe away your tears furiously when you hear the door creak open. “Uncle Jongho!”

Oh shit. You didn’t mean to actually manifest Jongho coming around, even if you knew that it was very likely that he would just go over to your place instead of heading to his own. It was almost like his own home at this point, no matter how much you and your mom tried to convince him that he didn’t have to let his life be taken up by your little family.

“Hey, kiddo,” you hear Jongho high-five your nephew and you smile despite your overflowing emotions. “Where’s (Y/N)?”

“Kitchen,” your rascal of a relative rats you out with relative ease (not that he would take that much interest in your forest fire of a crush). “She’s making lunch.”

“Thanks, kiddo.” You can practically see Jongho ruffle Jihoon’s hair, an action the toddler absolutely adores. And soon enough, his heavy footsteps make their way to where you’re standing like a buffoon.

As you’ve mentioned, you’re a self-respecting human. So self-respecting that you whirl around to hide your red eyes and overall pretty shabby appearance. “Hello, Jongho,” you greet him a little too casually and Jongho is immediately on high alert.

“What happened?” is his first question, with no hesitation whatsoever and you silently curse at how well he knows you. “Are you all right?”

“Oh yeah, I’m okay.” You’re not fooling anyone, not with a voice thick with tears and you’re refusal to turn around. “Uh…do you mind finishing up lunch for me? I think I need a moment to myself.”

“Yeah, of course…” There’s confusion and worry prevalent in his voice, and before you can escape to your room, you feel his hand grip at your shoulder as he pulls you into a bone-crushing hug.

The warmth and sturdiness of his arms comforts you more than you can explain and it takes all your energy to not let the tears break free as you squeeze his waist before pulling back and sighing deeply with a whispered “thank you”. You’re still not ready to talk to him but you will never take his consideration for granted.

“Let’s talk later, okay?” Jongho raises an eyebrow and you know it’s not really a question. You can only nod and hope that you can escape the questioning for a little longer before you get your thoughts under control.

-

And you’re caught not two precious weeks later when Jongho corners you before you can go to bed, raising an eyebrow along with his request “fries?” and you know you can’t back out this time.

To your surprise, he doesn’t pull into a parking space, instead utilising the drive-through, before going down an old road you almost don’t remember. It’s only when you reach the destination that you remember—the open field you and Jongho used to skip classes at.

“Jongho?” you start to question but he holds up a hand.

“Not yet. Let’s set up first.”

“Set up?” Your words are stopped short when he pulls out a large picnic blanket from the backseat.

Not moments later, Jongho motions for you to come join him on the ground, smiling to himself at his little impromptu picnic. Unsure, you slowly lower yourself on the ground, and it’s only when you get comfortable he finally speaks. “Why have you been avoiding me?”

You blanch, not ready to have been called out so quickly. “What? What do you mean?” you try to defend but it comes out so squeakily that you know there’s no escaping the conversation. With another look from Jongho, you sigh. “I just needed to think over things. Nothing against you. Getting my life straight and all that.”

Jongho frowns, his concern sweet. “Is it about Jihoon?”

You almost laugh at how close and yet so far he is. “Basically. Just a lot of things adding up and I don’t know…just trying to sort through it.” It’s so hard to lie to him, even if your ability to is a little better than his. It takes everything in your willpower to not spill everything like you’re so used to doing.

Jongho tilts his head adorably and you can feel your cheeks warming up. You turn your gaze away lest you fall further. “I can help you, (Y/N). You don’t have to shoulder it all by yourself.”

Before you can stop yourself, the mental blockade falls and you blink at him, before blurting out, “Stop.” Jongho stares at you, surprised and maybe a little hurt, but your big fat mouth can’t stop moving. “Shut up before I fall in love with you, okay? It’s so hard, Jongho. I just want to be able to live without the guilt of Jihoon and eonni over my head but when you’re so perfect, so pretty and so kind it’s so damn hard to not love you.”

Jongho opens his mouth and nothing comes out and it’s only then you realise the weight of your words. “I…I’m sorry. Just forget I said anything,” you mutter, turning away in embarrassment. You didn’t mean to let it all spill out, and now what is Jongho going to think of you? You want to go home and hide under all of your blankets but the issue is Jongho is your ride home. You’re in no mood to walk and there’s no way Jongho would let you walk home either.

As you sit in awkward silence, a single fry coming into your line of vision baffles you enough to look up. Jongho sits right in front of you, his expression stone cold as he attempts to feed you a fry. When you open your mouth to question him, he just sticks the fry in your mouth. Unfortunately, he is a little too enthusiastic and basically shoves it down your throat and you cough violently.

“Oh shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to do it that harshly,” he panics, rummaging around the bag he brought trying to find his water bottle, and you almost laugh but choke some more instead. “Stop talking you’re making it worse!”

With some patting on the back by Jongho and an unholy amount of water, you finally manage to swallow the fry properly. “What was that for?” you croak out and it’s Jongho’s turn to look away bashfully.

“I just wanted you to shut up and stop being stupid.” Jongho scolds, his hand coming up to rest at the top of your head. You can’t help but notice the way his fingers slowly stroke at your hair. “You shouldn’t hold all that to yourself. Talk about it, you idiot. How else would I know you like me too?”

You stare at him, unblinking as you process his words. “You what?”

Jongho rolls his eyes before leaning closer so his nose almost touches yours. “I like you, you fool. Don’t feel guilty about it, idiot. Jihoon would want you to be happy, and I won’t be weird about it. I practically raised him too, you know. It hurts a little you think I wouldn’t care that much.” 

You don’t know what to say to that and instead just opt for something more simple. “Can I kiss you?”

All Jongho does in answer is press his lips to yours. As soon as your faces meet, you feel the warmth in your stomach bubble up so intensely that you fear you might melt with all the love you have for him. “What did I do to deserve you?” you mumble and you can feel Jongho’s smile against your lips.

“You were you.”

[fxckteez]

・❥・ JONGHO AS BOYFRIEND

° He's cute. You love the way he's always so shy around you.

° Soft smiles when you're talking.

° Pays attention to everything you say and everything you do.

° Always asks you to do a duet with him.

° A honest boy. He would tell you everything that is going on his mind, the way he feels... Always very clear about his feelings.

° It's monday and he's already planning the next weekend with you, because the best part of his days, are the moments you're together.

° Your parents and your friends love him. He's so gentle all the time, it's kinda impossible not loving him.

° His love language is words of affirmation. So often he's gonna say how beautiful and brilliant you are.

[babieateez]

stoner jongho who thought weed was for losers at first but sees you, someone he really likes, smoking at some party and decides to join. he takes his first hit of the joint and barely inhales but coughs so much that his face turns read and he sees stars. when you giggle at him though, his face isn’t red from the coughing anymore. he hardly gets high but pretends to be just so he can get away with staring at your face every chance he gets and not have it be creepy. once you invite him to hang with you and your other friends to smoke some other time, he immediately agrees, forgetting that he doesn’t consider himself someone who would smoke weed for fun. but once he realizes he feels so relaxed and happy being around you (regardless of if he’s high) he embraces the stoner life. he gets his bud from a friend of yours, choi san, and often lets you have entire joints that he’s paid for, because he loves seeing your face light up whenever he offers it to you. every so often, it ends up being just the two of you, jongho and you, smoking in your car somewhere. those times, he finds himself sneaking gentle touches, brushing your shoulders together, moving hair out of your face, moving so you can lean on his shoulders. he doesn’t know it, but you love him. soon, the casual touches turn to more frequent affection, him finding comfort in the way you grab his arm when he tells a funny joke or the way you sigh quietly and let yourself find peace in him after a hard day, and one day you feel like you might cry or melt or cease to exist and you have nothing to hold back anymore and you whisper under your breath, the smell of weed sweetly hanging in the air, a quiet “jongho. jongho i love you.” he goes silent and you think you’ve ruined it, but he looks at you with the widest eyes, completely sober, and brings his hand up to your face, touching your cheek, pulling you close to his face, so close you can feel his breath on your lips and you think he might kiss you but instead he presses his forehead against yours and says “i love you too, i’ve loved you for so long” and then he kisses you, sweetly, gently, lovingly, and you know that he means it, it’s not the weed talking. after he’s done kissing you, he tries to play it cool by taking another hit of the joint you both were smoking but is so excited that you love him back that he chokes on the smoke, coughing almost as hard as the first time he took a hit with you, and you laugh. this time, neither of you have to hide your blushing, and once he’s done coughing you kiss him on the cheek, telling him teasingly “if you can’t hang, i’m gonna have to stop smoking with you.” he knows you’re joking but he pouts anyway, pulling you into his arms saying “nope, now you’re never getting rid of me.”

[mi-rae07]

Choi Jongho : Regret (Part 2/2)

Pairing : Choi Jongho (Ateez) and named character (Na Jieun)

___________________

2 months later :

Jieun was now sitting at home, watching the TV as it was a Sunday and her day off of work. It was already October, a few months away from her favourite holiday week. Just as jieun was about to open the third potato chip packet of the day the channel suddenly switched to SBS, showing pictures of the Ateez members standing together outside a variety show set. Jieun's eyes suddenly went to jongho, realizing how pale and worn out he looked in the videos and photos.

He had always looked tired but this was different, this looked as if he genuinely needed someone to hold him up. Jongho hadn't contacted her from that day but the gifts still continued, jieun even had to buy two extra vases to fit all the flowers in. but she'd forgotten about how jongho could overwork himself to the point where he'd need weeks of rest afterwards.

Jieun let out a breath, keeping the packet of chips away as she took her phone and dialed hongjoong's number before calling. He picked up a few seconds later

Hongjoong : jieun?

Jieun : please don't tell jongho I called, or is he next to you already?

Hongjoong : no he isn't next to me. But-

Hongjoong cut himself off as another voice was heard through the line, a polite female voice

??? : choi jongho-shi will be awake within a few minutes, if you wish you can go meet him now.

Jieun's eyes widened, quickly standing up as she asked

Jieun : hongjoong, are you at a hospital?

Hongjoong : uh yes. Thing is, jongho fainted a few hours ago and we were worried so we brought him to the hospital. The doctors said it was because he'd overworked and tired himself out. He just needs a bit of rest-

Jieun : where is he?

Hongjoong : xxx hospital.

Before hongjoong could say anything more jieun cut the call, quickly putting on her coat before rushing out the apartment.

________________________

Jieun ran into the hospital room hallway with a racing heart, pausing at the sight of san standing right outside the room the receptionist had told jongho was in. He straightened up as jieun walked towards him, worry evident in her eyes as she asked breathlessly

Jieun : jongho, is he okay now?

San : he needs bed rest for a few days, but the doctors say he can be discharged tomorrow.

Jieun let out a shaky breath, the door to jongho's room opening as hongjoong stepped out. He smiled at the sight of jieun before saying

Hongjoong : jieun-ah. You're here already?

Jieun : can I…can I see him?

Hongjoong : of course, you don't need our permission for that. Please, go in.

Jieun nodded and gave a small smile to the both of them before entering inside, shutting the door behind her.

Jongho : hyung I told you I'm fine-

Jieun : it's me.

Jongho paused as jieun walked to his bed where he was currently lying down, his eyes showing shock as jieun said

Jieun : you've done it again.

Jongho : jieun.

Jieun : why can't you ever take care of yourself, jongho? Why can't you-

Jongho : why can't you accept my gifts, hmm? Why do you keep…why do you keep pushing me away?

Jieun : what does that have to do with this, jongho!

Jongho : it has everything to do with this! You're here for what, because hongjoong told you I was hospitalized? Couldn't you have told him we didn't have anything between us anymore? Why did you have to come? Why do you have to pretend as if everything is alright-

Jongho cut himself off as jieun suddenly hugged him, his eyes widening as he felt jieun sniffle against his shoulder

Jongho : jieun-ah.

Jieun : stop. Stop doing this to me, jongho. I'm trying-trying my best to move away from you and you keep doing this, you keep worrying me and I keep coming back.

Jongho laid his hand against jieun's back, closing his eyes as he whispered with small tears in his eyes

Jongho : I was a mess, jieun. I was scared my group would go back because of how less concentration I was paying these days and I thought I'd disappoint my fans so I just…I'm sorry for worrying you, alright? It won't happen again, I promise.

Jieun pulled back, wiping her tears as she said, holding jongho's hands in hers

Jieun : don't do this for me, do this for yourself, jongho.

Jongho : everything I have done I have done for you, jieun-ah. I have forgotten how to do things for me now, it's been too long.

Jieun looked at jongho, tears in her eyes as jongho laid his hand against her cheek before whispering

Jongho : you don't have to do this anymore if you don't want to, jieun. You can go away from me, I'll let you. I'll stop bothering you from now.

Jieun felt her heart drop at jongho's words as he said

Jongho : I want you to be happy, and I can clearly see now that I don't bring happiness to you anymore. So I'll stop, once and for all.

________________________

Jieun plopped down on her couch, feeling empty as ever. This was what she'd wanted, right? She'd wanted jongho to go away, and now he was ready to do so. Jieun looked at the three different flowers vases kept in her kitchen counter, the flowers jongho had given her the past few months all growing really well. At this point she could make a garden out of the flowers he'd given her, and although she'd found it annoying in the beginning, now? Now she'd miss it.

Jieun groaned, falling back against the couch as she placed the back of her hand against her eyes. She hated this, she hated how she felt right now. He was giving her what she'd asked for and now she didn't want it anymore? This was so embarassing.

Just as jieun was about to try and sleep her phone rang, making her sit back up as she checked the contact. It was jongho.

Jieun : hello?

Jongho : yes uhm I was going to ask you to come back home? Not for anything else, it's just because I have some of your stuff left behind at home. And I thought you'd want it back since you're leaving so if you could come by tomorrow-

Jieun : I don't want them.

Jongho : w-what?

Jieun : I don't want them back, they're yours.

Jongho : no jieun, these are your hoodies-

Jieun : those hoodies I'd brought them so we could match together, jongho. There is no point in me having those hoodies if the match can't be made. You…you keep them or throw them away or do whatever with it.

Jongho sighed over the line, jieun gripping the phone harder in her hand as she bit her lip to stop the unwanted tears

Jongho : I'm trying to make this work, jieun. I'm trying to let you go, finally, and you aren't helping.

Jieun : jongho.

Jongho : no what has changed, huh? The fact that I'm hospitalized? That's called pity, jieun-ah, not love-

Jieun : I can differentiate between pity and love myself, jongho. I know what this is, clearly.

Jongho : then what is it?

Jieun : jongho, we can't.

Jongho : no because we're at this anyway, so then tell me. Tell me what I am to you now.

Jieun closed her eyes, feelings tears in them as she whispered

Jieun : I don't know, okay? Up until…up until a few weeks ago I wanted to break up, I wanted us to stop. And then now…now I'm-I feel like I still love you, jongho.

Jongho : are you sure?

Jieun : I am.

Jongho : then come home tomorrow, for lunch. Please?

Jieun wiped her tears as she said

Jieun : yeah, I'll be there.

____________________________

2 weeks later :

Jieun would now go to jongho's house a few times every week, doing whatever it is that he wanted to do that day. From movie dates, to cooking together, or even listening to his new music, they'd do it all together. Jieun had no idea what it meant, and neither did jongho. But whatever it was, they wanted to be together.

Jieun was now helping jongho arrange the library in his house, giggling at something jongho had just said

Jongho : so what I'm saying is, san is just really stupid when it comes to cooking.

Jieun : well you don't know how to do it either so.

Jongho frowned as he lightly hit jieun's head with a book, jieun gasping as she said

Jieun : I'm calling the cops on you, choi jongho.

Jongho : please do. Jail would be a really needed vacay for me.

Jieun smiled, standing on her tiptoes as she tried putting a book onto the top shelf. Jieun paused as she felt a pair of hands wrap around her waist, lifting her off of the ground as she came to the same level as that of the shelf. Jieun let out a breath as she quickly kept the book in, jongho lowering down as jieun whispered

Jieun : I could've just taken a stool or something.

Jongho : why bother?

Jongho was about to move away when jieun quickly held his wrist, making him pause as she said

Jieun : jongho-ya, what…what are we now?

Jongho looked at jieun in part shock at the sudden question, her eyes searching his for some answer as jongho finally said

Jongho : what do you want us to be?

Jieun : you know what, jongho.

Jongho : no, no I don't. because if you remember, you're the one that left me, jieun. You're the one that said you didn't wanna deal with me anymore. So-

Jieun : that was what I thought, okay? But now…now I just-

Jongho : you what, want us back together?

Jieun looked up at jongho as he said

Jongho : I don't think we should do this, jieun. Not right now.

Jieun : jongho-

Jongho stepped away from jieun, his eyes now closed off as he said

Jongho : go back home, jieun-ah, it's getting late.

_______________________________

A week later :

Things had been awkward since then, because whenever jieun would try talking to jongho, he'd either be dry to her or just cut her off entirely. Jieun wasn't enjoying it, and that in turn led to her having too much Soju and ringing the doorbell to jongho's house. The roles really had switched.

Jongho, meanwhile, was scared. He was scared that if the both of them were to start dating again, it'd only hurt jieun in the end. He felt like he wasn't deserving of her, and that made him want to stay away from her, no matter how much he wanted her. But when he saw a drunk jieun staggering in front of his door at 10 in the night, jongho quickly ran to open it.

Jongho : jieun?

Jieun smiled at jongho, quickly falling into his arms as jongho held her up, placing his hand against her red cheek before whispering

Jongho : did you really have to drink so much?

Jieun : did you really have to push me away so much?

Jongho sighed, lifting her up as he said

Jongho : let's get you inside, it's cold.

Jongho stepped inside with jieun in his arms and shut the door behind him, walking up to the couch before placing jieun on it. Jieun quickly sat back up straight, frowning at jongho before saying

Jieun : you're too mean.

Jongho : jieun, you're drunk.

Jieun : shut up, I know what I'm talking about.

Jongho sighed, kneeling down in front of her as he began removing her boots.

Jieun : jongho-ya, I wish you'd come back to me.

Jongho paused halfway through untying the shoelace as he looked up at jieun before saying

Jongho : what?

Jieun : was it not obvious? Isn't that why you pushed me away?

Jongho : jieun nothing's going to change if we get back together, you hear me? I'm going to keep hurting you with my actions and you'll scar me even more with all that you say about it. It's not going to work-

Jieun : it can work if you fucking tried, jongho! Why can't you fight for us, why won't you try changing yourself for the betterment of both of us, so we can be together? Why won't you-

Jongho : because I tried once and it didn't work, jieun.

Jieun : then try again! Try again, and again until it fucking works. Or make it work, I want to be with you.

Jongho let out a breath, keeping both her boots away as he said

Jongho : you're drunk.

Jieun : okay, and? I'm not saying this for fun.

Jongho sighed as he laid her back against the sofa before saying

Jongho : go to sleep, I'll get you a blanket.

Before jongho could leave jieun held the edge of his cuffs once again, making him pause on his tracks as she said

Jieun : jongho, I mean it. We have two weeks left before the new year fireworks, try until then. Because I'll be waiting, for you and for us. I will stand on that bridge until the dawn breaks, jongho, you have that much time to come back to me. If you don't, then I'll consider us done.

Jongho stared at jieun as she said

Jieun : and then I won't bother you ever again, truly.

_________________________

2 days later :

Jongho : hyung, please.

Mingi : you're being so stupid, jongho. She's giving you a second chance and you're not fucking taking it?

Jongho : I'm scared, okay?

Mingi : what the hell are you scared of?

Jongho : of repeating the cycle.

Mingi : then fucking break it, jongho!

Jongho : I'm trying! She asked me to, and I am trying. It just…I don't know if it’s working.

Mingi : you'd only know if it's working if you'd be with her, jongho-ya.

Jongho sighed, resting his head against the recording studio table as mingi said

Mingi : jongho-ya, you know you love her and she loves you too. All you have to do is just make some time for her, and that is not such a heinous task for you to be getting so worked up over it.

Jongho : hyung, what if…what if I can't do it? What if I fail?

Mingi : what's more important to you, jongho, her or your own comfort?

Jongho : her.

Mingi : then you already have your answer. Fail if you will, fail terribly. But in the end, you'd still have tried and that, is more than enough.

________________________

2 weeks later :

Jieun let out a breath as she walked up to the edge of the bridge, staring up at the sky as she realized there was only 5 more minutes until the fireworks started. This fireworks was important to her, because it was the night her parents and jieun would once come up here, sitting on a bench until dawn and talked about how they wanted to go by for the next year.

They'd make resolutions, and promises, and they'd have fun together. After they died jieun had no one to do that with any longer. And then jongho had come, and jieun decided she'd do it with him. And she had, for 6 years she'd stayed up with him until dawn in the same bench that her parents had once sat with her before. They'd talk about their plans, and the future they wanted together.

And now, today would decide their future together. If jongho showed up, he did. And if he didn't, that would mean the end of jieun's world.

Jieun looked up at the sky as a firework suddenly exploded, indicating that it was finally new year. Jieun smiled, small tears in her eyes as she watched the fireworks go up one by one. And just as she was about to pull out her phone for some pictures, a voice interrupted her.

Jongho : happy new year, Na Jieun.

Jieun quickly turned around, her eyes widening at the sight of jongho in front of her.

Jieun : jongho?

Jongho smiled, walking closer to jieun as he said

Jongho : I wanted to see you with someone better, but I realized I wouldn't be able to bear that if it were to happen some day. So I'm going to become better, for you and for us. I'm trying now, jieun. And I will try forever if it means being with you, I'm stupid for not doing that earlier. And I'm sorry.

Jieun quickly hugged jongho as tears streamed down her cheeks, his presence giving her all her answers as she whispered

Jieun : you came.

Jongho closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around her waist before whispering

Jongho : of course I did, I love you, jieun.

Jieun : I love you too, jongho. God I have always loved you. And…I was scared you wouldn't come. I thought you didn't want me anymore, I was so scared.

Jongho placed his hand against the back of jieun's head as he said

Jongho : there isn't a universe in this world where I wouldn't want you, jieun. Not a second in my life have I not thought of you, all I have done I have done for you.

Jieun sniffled as jongho pulled back, cupping jieun's face as he whispered

Jongho : I'm going to give you my everything now. Not just…not just material things but my time, and my love. That's going to be my resolution, because I can't afford to lose you again.

Jieun smiled, looking into jongho's eyes as she whispered

Jieun : then kiss me, we have to seal the resolution, right?

Jongho chuckled, leaning forward as he connected his lips with hers. And as jieun wrapped her arms around jongho's neck, pulling him closer to the kiss, fireworks burst around them, casting the entire place with a dreamy glow.

And just like that, on the new year began a new story.

______________________________

[cosmicrecs]

going from makeshift chemistry to this was kind of a lot😭

but LORDDD do i love this so much🥲 when reader snapped nd went crazy it felt so raw and ugh

i was super excited when i checked ur profile and seen a jongho fic hehe had me giggling and kicking my feet and shit like i was so excited to read this and i'm so glad i did 😭 thank u for ur dark but beautifully written works i CANNOT wait to see what more u post 🤭

Give Me Liberty Or Death

► 𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 - mysterious!jongho x ex!heartbroken!reader ◄ ► 𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎/𝙰𝚄 - exes-to-strangers-??? trope, mafia au, plot with a side of smut (warnings below), heavy angst, Jongho's career choice is !unknown, regret, intense verbal fighting, reader is very !lonely, lots of crying, sexual tension so thick you can cut it with a knife, slice of life, slow burn, time lapses, path to healing, redemption, miscommunication, plot twist ◄ ► 𝚁𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐/𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 - PG-18+ so MDNI!!!, Jongho is an absolute DOM! and he has a !filthy mouth, degrading names (be warned), degradation kink, reader has !masochistic tendencies, spanking, hair pulling, hard biting, overstimulation, blowjob, choking, acarophilia, dacryphilia, creampie, no protection (DO NOT DO THIS!!!!), night terrors, mental breakdown, depressive state, mentions of self-ending (NOT DESCRIBED), extreme violence, gunfight scene (not towards reader) ◄ ► 𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝙲𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝 - 27K+ words ◄ ► 𝚂𝚢𝚗𝚘𝚙𝚜𝚒𝚜 - A storm hits not only your town, but also your heart when Jongho knocks on your door in a panic after not seeing him for more than five years. Everything would have been fine, except he wasn't the Jongho you once knew and loved. He was tense, and paranoid like he was running away from something, and instead of your heart, he now carried a gun. ◄ ► 𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜 - I'm back from my vacation!!! This one might be on the more emotional side and I kept pausing because I got so into it, that it was actually affecting me. I wasn't going to put smut in this one, but it was so necessary. You'll see why. Also changed my name from "dearinsaniiiity" to this one. Hope you enjoy! ◄ ► 𝚃𝚊𝚐𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 - @ginger-mingi @0rangemilk @ruubyrubes @oddracha @jaytheatiny @roxannecos ◄ ► 𝙽𝚎𝚝s - @cultofdionysusnet @wonderlandnet @othersideoutlawsnetwork @whipped-kpop-creators @illusionnet @pirateeznet ◄

𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐄 𝟑, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏

"We interrupt your afternoon delight with a weather forecast of heavy rain and zero visibility in most areas..."

A strong gust of wind that passed and shook my windows slightly broke me out of the trance I almost went into. With a heavy sigh, I got up and double-checked if I had closed them tightly, twisting and turning the lock just to make extra sure.

It's been pouring rain the last couple of days and everyone, including me, thought it was going to pass, but clearly not.

I was disheartened to find out that there was a hurricane in my area when I turned my television on. I looked out my window again, the wind was picking up and it was raining so hard that I could barely make out what was outside.

"Shit, shit!" I panicked when I saw smoke rise up my ceiling and realized that I had overcooked my dinner for tonight.

I hurriedly took out my baked salmon, or what was left of it, from the oven. It was basically inedible.

I sat on the dining table with my head buried in my hands in frustration. This week has been terrible for me.

Because of the oncoming storm, my boss from the local bakery decided that he was going to close for a couple of months and leave town to avoid the storm while vacationing somewhere. I didn't mind, I wasn't going to stay in that job forever, so I applied to a corporation in the next city over, but I was rejected today.

Life hasn't been easy on me, but I'm working towards it.

Just when I was about to burst into pitiful tears, my doorbell suddenly rang. I was alarmed; I wasn't expecting anyone, and nobody in their right mind would be out in an active hurricane.

"Alright, I'm coming, please hang on," I scurried to the door when the doorbell rang over and over again hurriedly, as if the person on the other side was on the verge of collapsing.

But who could this be? I didn't really have anybody close enough with me who would visit without any prior notice. I wasn't really reclused, I just saw no point if they're going to leave anyway eventually.

With a deep breath, I opened the door slowly to peep out and see who was knocking, but that was pointless. I quickly grew frigid and loosened my hold on the door as it swung open on its own.

I recoiled at the surprise - there was someone I was not expecting to see right now. I blinked my eyes over and over and over, and over again. I even went as far as to rub my eyes repeatedly, pressing onto them almost dangerously, just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.

"J-Jongho?" I squeaked, my voice cracking pathetically towards the end. 

I curled my hands into fists. All the pain, raw and real, came rushing towards me as I stared into the eyes of the man who hurt me the most five years ago.

"Hello, Y/N."

His voice sounded so far away, and if it weren't for him actually standing in front of me and looking at me straight in the eye with an expression I couldn't pinpoint, I would have knocked my head against the wall so I could wake myself up from this nightmare.

"I-Is that you? Jongho?"

"That is my name, yes," Jongho spoke as his eyes stared into my own again. There were a million emotions to be said yet none in his eyes.

His voice sent delicious shivers down my spine, my legs started going numb from the pressure and the intensity. It had been years, and his eyes still had this unique, telling amber hue to them from afar, but up this close, his eyes had gold specks swirling in the middle near his irises.

"W-What are you d-doing here?" I sputtered out, my voice clearly holding distress.

"I know this is very sudden and I really don't mean to bother you," he cleared his throat. "I just...didn't know where to go, I passed by and I didn't know there was a storm."

My heart ached uncontrollably. If it wasn't for the storm, he wouldn't even show his face in front of me. "Do you need a place to pass the storm?" I asked rhetorically.

"Do you mind?"

"N-No, not at all. I'm just surprised you still knew your way here, that's all..."

A flashing look of hurt crossed his expression before it completely disappeared. He knows he can't blame me - after all, this was the first time we were seeing each other after five years of complete radio silence from one another.

I hesitated, biting my lips in contemplation. It's not that I didn't want him here, it's just that I was too hurt to see him. 

A strong gust of wind howled from a distance and it was so strong, it had nearly uprooted a nearby tree. I turned back to Jongho in panic and urged him to come inside before he got uprooted.

I waved my hand towards him as a gesture that he could move. "Come along, Jongie---Jongho."

When Jongho started to walk inside and pass me, he paused and stiffened at my mistake. We stared at each other wide-eyed, either of us unwilling to move for fear of what's going to happen next. It was the nickname I loved calling him when we were still together.

But one of us had to. I laughed nervously and broke eye contact as I closed the door behind me. It was so awkward and for a couple of minutes, none of us did anything. The only sound that could be heard was the storm happening outside and Jongho's coat rustling as he took it off and set it somewhere.

My mind was blank except for the constant buzzing that reminded me that this was real, my heart palpitated in an abnormal manner, and at this point I was sure I was going to pass out.

"C-Coffee? Tea?" I blabbered nervously as I tried to busy myself so I wouldn't make eye contact with Jongho.

He chose to sit cross-legged on the couch. In my peripheral vision, I saw him close his eyes momentarily to savour the sensation - I get it, that specific spot was his favourite. It was to the point that we used to joke that when we had kids, he would pass on his 'throne'. Clearly, that didn't work out for us.

"Tea is good," Jongho murmured. "A dash of honey, no sugar or lemon."

I raised a brow, Jongho and tea never used to be in the same sentence. But then again, five years had passed. A lot of things can change in five years. But this was my ex-boyfriend, and I knew Jongho. He was never the type to deviate from what he liked.

I went to work and I could feel Jongho's sharp eyes following my every movement. It was making me extremely nervous. It was very evident in my actions, especially with the way my hands shook. I accidentally dropped the kettle with how clammy my hands have become and I yelped when it clanged loudly.

I stood frozen at my spot, staring at the fallen kettle. A sigh resounds from the far corner of the room and then the footsteps I missed.

"Are you alright?" Jongho picked up the kettle and set it down. "Sit down. I'll do it."

My head short-circuited from how close Jongho was to me. I could smell his cologne, something that used to comfort me. I had to stop the emotions threatening to bubble up from my chest because this felt so intimate.

"No, please, my hands were just a little clammy. Just relax," I explained, still avoiding eye contact.

My breath was cut short when a hand held my shoulder and a finger gently lifted my chin. I was forced to look into Jongho's eyes and I was surprised at how close he actually was to me. 

It was the first time I was taking a good look at him. Jongho's hair was slicked back, something he barely did before because he loved his bangs. I resisted the urge to frown. It wasn't the only thing that changed, Jongho was much bigger than me now. He's always been taller than me, but now his shoulders were much broader and his chest was definitely harder.

"Do I make you nervous?" Jongho whispered. His eyes searched my face for answers. My breath laboured when they stared a little too long on my lips before his eyes met mine again. 

"Yeah," I nodded, my voice quiet. "You do."

I was rigid as I returned the gesture. I had long forgotten how his plump lips felt like against mine, and I forgot Jongho's face overall.

I forgot about how insanely, utterly, ridiculously good-looking he was - it made me want to pull my hair out. I felt beads of sweat starting to form slowly at my forehead, I must have looked so dumb staring at him with slightly wide eyes.

He pulled away. "Sit down, Y/N. I won't burn down your kitchen."

"I know you won't," I frowned with a slight blush on my cheek. "If you could just let me---"

Jongho snapped his head at me and stared straight into my eyes with an expression that startled me. "Sit down," he repeated, his voice leaving no space for arguments.

I did as told, but I couldn't even concentrate as Jongho prepared the tea, not even when he opened the correct cabinets and worked my stove as if he never left five years ago. 

There was something about his eyes and demeanor that was scaring me a bit. I could argue that it might just be my own anxiety and surprise at seeing him, but no, that wasn't it. I couldn't explain it, when he told me to sit down, I had to.

I had to. It was either I follow or else.

I stared at Jongho as he stood by and waited for the water to boil. He had always been a very nonchalant person as he was quite mature for our age group, but he was different. I wasn't sure if it was the way he moved or the way he talked, but he was very much different from the carefree and easygoing man I once loved.

"Careful, it's very hot," he murmured as he handed me the mug. We both chose to sit at the dining table and I tried my best to stay unaffected than I actually was.

When I took a sip, I whipped my head fast at Jongho who was busy sipping his own tea. There was a ghost of a smirk on his face when I sipped again, this time, savouring the tea and allowing myself to relax a little.

"You remembered," I swallowed. "A sugar cube and a dash of lemon in mine."

Jongho stared at me for a couple of seconds before completely ignoring me. It was awkward, but I wasn't going to push it. There was this dread I'm feeling that I couldn't pinpoint. Moments later, he had completely finished his drink.

"How are you, Y/N?" Jongho asked softly. His voice sounded so calm like the ongoing rain, and I've always loved the sound of the rain.

"I've been good, well, mostly anyway. I'm trying to apply at the capital, but no luck so far," I answered truthfully. "Are you okay, though? The way you knocked got me so worried."

Jongho's face softens significantly. I didn't even notice how tense his body was until he relaxed. "You were worried?" he snorted quietly. "You haven't changed at all."

It hit a nerve. I wish I did change, because if I did, then there wouldn't be a single part of me that was so hurt by his presence right now.

There was still a part of me that will always mourn how he suddenly just left one day and never came back, that is, until today.

"How can you just act like nothing happened?" I looked up at him with inquisitive eyes. "I guess that part of you never changed."

"That's what you think," Jongho murmured. His soft, calm voice always sent shivers down my spine. 

Once again, he started staring at me again with those deep eyes of his. I couldn't help but be taken aback. His eyes looked different - darker. It made me think, what in the world has he been doing after he left town?

I broke eye contact, awkwardly shifting my body in a different angle. "And what of you?" I asked, trying to change the topic. "How are you, Jongho?"

My tone held weight in it, and Jongho knew. We both knew the hidden meaning behind the question - I wanted to know the real reason why he gave up on us when we had it good. His demeanor falters a bit and he sighed deeply before responding.

"Exhausted," he replied like the weight of the world was on his shoulders. "I am very tired."

Silence. I didn't know what to say. This entire time, the way his eyes were reaching out and speaking to me made me want to take all his worries away, but I can't. I wasn't prepared for the day I would have to face him again, fuck, I haven't even moved on.

"Are you going to tell me why?" I whispered, my voice giving out my real intentions.

I knew he wouldn't say anything, but still, I wasn't ready for the instantaneous rejection. "No," Jongho denied, his tone firm and absolute.

I always had this gut feeling that Jongho was doing something behind my back. No, I knew it wasn't an affair. I never did ask why, until today.

"What are you really doing here, Choi Jongho?" I squinted my eyes at him.

He raised a brow in amusement. "I already told you---"

"You're lying!" I gritted my teeth, slighted, then banged my fist on the table. The sound didn't even startle Jongho. "Don't you at least owe me an explanation if you're staying in my house?"

"You would be correct," he agreed, his eyes shifting into something darker; sinister. I shifted uncomfortably on my seat as he slowly leaned forward until our faces were only inches apart. "But there are some things better left unsaid, Y/N."

Better left unsaid, my ass!

The urge to fight for him as we stared at each other unblinking was overtaking all my sense of rationality. As always, I had to back down, else we'd be like this all night up until the next night. Jongho would rather die than give in, even in the little things like this. It was petty and it was endearing before, but now, it just angered me.

I nodded robotically, effectively ending that conversation. "Right," I stood up from the chair as I looked out the window before turning to him. "It's getting late. Would you like to clean up before heading to sleep?"

The urge to pretend we were strangers was immense ,but I couldn't turn my back on him. It was a trait of mine I've always wanted to change - I'm a little too forgiving and caring. I always get hurt in the end.

Jongho had always been a man of few words, and tonight wasn't any different. He stared at me calculatingly, gauging my facial expressions, but I had already gauged his - he did not want to stay. My eyes must've looked more pleading than I wanted to because he looked away with a soft sigh.

"Oh," Jongho hummed awkwardly. "I'll have to go in my car to see if I have some spare clothes."

I shook my head immediately. "No need. Hang on a minute."

I descended towards my room with a blush with what I was about to do. I went into my room and grabbed the clothes I'd always kept at bay, I didn't even sweat looking for them; they've always been hidden away in the most immediate place of my closet. 

I paused on the doorway, willing my shaking hands to stop, but to no avail. I had to mentally tell myself that it was okay, it was just Jongho, he needed help and you were just helping him. It was nothing more than that, nobody deserves to be in the middle of a raging hurricane with nowhere to go.

But why is the hurricane raging in my heart instead?

I could feel Jongho's eyes burning onto my hands - at the clothes I was carrying. When I handed them to him, it was the first time real emotions crossed his features.

"For all this time?" Jongho asked, his eyes holding turmoil and his voice strained with pain as he held his clothes that I've kept. I didn't have the heart to throw them away, I didn't want to.

My words kept getting stuck in my throat. I nodded my head and ignored his burning gaze. His body stiffened in realization before he moved in urgency towards a certain room in my small and modest house. I could only stare at him as he opened the door.

"You could sleep there," I offered, though he probably knew that already. "It's clean, I promise..."

My chest felt extremely heavy as emotions rushed through me, emotions that I've long forgotten because they died along with my soul a long, long time ago. Jongho stared at me, his hand gripping the doorknob  so tight, I was afraid it would crush under his strength. His other hand was balled into a tight fist.

It was the master bedroom, our room when we were still together. However, it was mostly Jongho's room because it was his gaming room. I was starting college back then, mostly online, so I used the other room - the room I used ever since. Jongho would end up sleeping there so it made sense that all his stuff be moved there. 

We were so secure in our relationship that we had no problem sleeping in separate rooms. Of course we'd sleep next to each other most of the time, but the principle behind it stood.

In hindsight, maybe we weren't so secure after all.

"When was the last time you were here?" Jongho asked in urgency. There was an underlying threat to his voice, like he was trying to hold himself back from exploding, but I don't care. I was too focused on my own hurt.

I hesitated. "Five years ago," I replied honestly. "When I...found your letter that said not to look for you."

It was the first time that that door was opened in so long, I couldn't bear to even look at the door because it held so many painful memories for me.

"Why?" Jongho questioned, the heat of his gaze almost melted me into a messy puddle, but I couldn't bear to look at him, he looked so hurt under all the surprise and the facade.

Because I was hoping you'd come back one day.

I shrugged, hoping that I could sell the notion that I didn't care. It was so far from the truth. I couldn't tell him what I really felt.

Jongho was about to say something but I immediately cut him off. "Anyway," I cleared my throat. Jongho frowns deeper but he lets me be. "I'm a bit tired, you know where the shower is."

I turned my back quickly to leave, but Jongho stopped me. "Wait, please."

I stuttered in my steps, only turning my head to look at him and not my whole body. He also wasn't the type to say 'please'. His mouth opened to say something, but he opted to close it. "Good night, Y/N. Sleep well," was all he ended up saying.

I ran to my room a little faster than I wanted to and closed the door a little harder than I intended to. I don't care if Jongho notices, he knows damn well what he was doing when came here.

There was a point in my life where I never wanted to see Jongho again, but at the same time, I needed him to let me heal. But not like this.

I couldn't sleep that night. Up until this point I was working with empathy as my fuel and my body on autopilot. Tonight, everything came crashing down on me now that I was alone. It was horrific, the heartbreak and the pain that came with it barreled down my body and I couldn't breathe. 

I could still feel the biting cold of the harsh winter snowfall when we first laid our eyes on each other. We were just teenagers, no older than fourteen, and it wasn't love at first sight, but it was a slow burn; a gradual fall that would have happened eventually even before we knew it.

Jongho's love always gave me an out-of-body experience, for his love was true and passionate. It was something you'd have to experience yourself to know what I meant. He was the sweetest lover, he was so patient with me and he had the most beautiful smile that always made me cry tears of joy for having him.

I built a world in my head that revolved around Jongho. Him and I managed to graduate high school, but we never went to college because we didn't see the point of it. We did odd jobs here and there until we bought our first house to prepare for the rest of our lives together. We had it so good.

Until it wasn't. He took a part of my heart that I can never, ever get back again when I found a letter in his room one day when I woke up. There was no other explanation. The amount of tears I cried for years could rival the hurricane happening right now.

I'd always suspected it was because of his career. The way he got so irritated and angry whenever I'd want to talk about what he did back then petrified me. He told me he found solace in a bank, but I knew he was lying. I was pretty sure the bank didn't give him all the bruises he came home with all the time.

I did try the dating scene after two years or so, but no such luck. I left every man that I'd make a connection with all the time because I would end up comparing every single one of them to Jongho and it wasn't fair to them.

But everything was in the past now. As I closed my eyes to try and rest, I made up my resolve to try and not catch feelings for him. I would break his heart before he broke mine again.

𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐄 𝟖, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏

It took approximately five days for the rain to finally stop and by this time, it was safe to go out and see the sun.

These five days were some of the most challenging days of my entire life, more so than when I was trying to move on from Jongho before. We were so awkward around one another, it was as if we were strangers that were forced to co-habituate.

The only consolidation was that both of us barely went out of our rooms, except when I made dinner, but even then, we'd still eat in our rooms. I don't know about him, but I refused to go out there willingly and interact with him. Living together again felt a little too intimate for my liking.

And now he was leaving again. It's like he never even came in my life.

"A-Are you sure you're going to be okay?" I asked apprehensively from across the dining table.

Jongho zipped up his duffle bag that contained some of his clothes that he took from the room. It hurt me more than I'd like to admit, it was like he was permanently uprooting what's left of him from this place - from me. 

He looked up and nodded. "Yes," Jongho responded curtly. He hesitated a bit before speaking again. "You're going to go grocery shopping this morning, aren't you?"

I raised a brow in surprise. Jongho pointed at something and when I looked, it was a note I had put there from a week before to remind me to refill my fridge. The tips of my ears warm up with embarrassment. I nodded at him, not knowing where this was going.

"I'll drop you off so you don't have to walk," he offered, voice soft. "The town exit is by that area...I can drive off from there."

I hesitated, biting my lip to think about it. To be quite honest, I was hoping that he would just say his thanks and leave. In reality, I don't want to watch him leave, my unhealed soul won't be able to take it. 

However, maybe seeing it would help me finally move on and heal. "Okay," I agreed, my voice barely audible even in the silence that enveloped  us, but he heard it anyway.

It was how I found myself sitting in the car with him as he drove. It was a small town, I could have walked to the store if I wanted to, but driving was still more convenient for me.

"I hope life will be a bit nicer to you from now on," I whispered all of a sudden as I watched the scenery bristle past us. Even with what happened to us, I will always want Jongho to succeed and be happy.

I could feel his eyes burn through me and I tried not to look at him. "You've always been such an angel," Jongho remarked quietly. The statement made my stomach drop. "Thank you, Y/N. You had no reason to take me in, but you still did."

Before I could ask if I was going to see him again, Jongho halted the car all of a sudden. I yelped a bit when I jutted forward, thank God for seatbelts, and I wanted to look at him in intense confusion, but when I looked up, I understood why.

There was destruction that laid across the streets and the town. Thick, gigantic trees had fallen over and covered the entire divide. It gave me the shivers to look at, but what made both me and Jongho pale was that the exit bridge was entirely destroyed. This town was located at the very edge of the country, and that bridge was the only thing connecting them.

I was startled when a knock sounded from my window. It was a construction worker. I lowered the window and we said our respects.

"I'm sorry for the inconvenience," he began. "It's very dangerous here, please turn back before you get hurt."

"How long until everything is up and functioning?" Jongho asked, obvious tension and anger tainted in his voice even when he was trying to hold back. "I'm not a resident here. Is there any other exit?"

"Afraid not, dear sir. Please, turn back. And it would probably take a couple of months to fix everything..."

Jongho's grip on the steering wheel became dangerously tight. He knew the answer to that question, but he still asked anyway. I didn't pay attention, my ears were ringing loudly in my brain

"Fuck!" Jongho hit the steering wheel hard with the palm of his hands,  the force of it so intense, it shook the car a little bit.

I jumped a bit when he did it again, harder than the last. I've never heard Jongho curse with this vehemence, hell, I've never even seen him lose his temper this quick. Rage was written all over his face, his blown out eyes were wide with adrenaline and thick veins angrily popped out from his temples.

My heart stopped beating for a full second when Jongho snapped his head towards me and ran his eyes all over my terrorized state. His glare held cold emptiness. Who was this man? The Jongho I knew only looked at me with nothing but love and even if he didn't anymore, surely I don't deserve this?

He forced himself to stop glaring at me. It was such an odd sight, as if he was trying to reign in the demons that threatened to overtake him. He tried and tried until all that was left was his softened gaze.

I got so lost in thought that I didn't even realize that Jongho had not only parked his car , but he had also gotten out and opened the door for me. 

"Let's go," he gently coaxed out. "I'd like to be home before sundown."

Home? My head started hurting from all the overstimulation. I looked around me, surprised that we were in front of the grocery store. I stared at Jongho in confusion. "A-Are you going in with me?" I blurted out dumbly.

My skin tingles when Jongho placed his hand at the lower part of my back and started making me walk with me inside. "How am I going to pay for the stuff if I'm not here?"

He grabbed a cart and started pushing it with one hand while his other hand had now travelled a little higher as he gently guided me with him.

"I have my own money," I frowned. "If this is about you staying for a while now, I'm not asking for anything in return."

"So keep them and stash them somewhere as savings," he replied. His hand separated from my back and he paused at one aisle. "You like instant ramen?"

"Oh, yes—wait," I sputtered like an absolute idiot, face getting redder by the minute. "Don't change the topic."

He grabbed the biggest box of instant ramen. Not only did he do that, but he also got my favourite variety. There was a look of amusement painted on his face, it made him look so much younger; it made him look so good.

We carried on doing the groceries together. I was so distracted by how domesticated we both looked. We looked like we were a married couple just trying to replenish their groceries. Jongho grabbed everything I needed but more so the stuff he knew I liked because I would eye them a little longer. I couldn't freely do this, my job at the bakery provided just enough for me to survive but not splurge on things I didn't need.

By the time we were done, the cart was so full that Jongho found it difficult to steer the cart. "There's a lot of things here I'm not even sure how to cook," I deadpanned.

"The internet exists, blossom. We'll figure it out," he assured. He cocked his head towards the cashier area. "Come on."

I lagged behind him, I didn't want him to see how red my entire face had become. Blossom. I'm not sure if he did it on purpose, but it was what he called me during the entirety of our relationship. 

"Hey, Y/N! Good to see you out and about," Choi San, the cashier and one of my best friends, greeted. He turned to Jongho and bowed a bit. "Thank you for shopping with us, Sir..." 

I stopped the smile threatening to come out. If only San knew that he was technically older than Jongho. I can't blame him though, Jongho was born with an old soul, it was one of the things that made me love him so, so much. 

San kept wiggling his eyebrows at me in a teasing manner while Jongho wasn't looking. I put my finger to my lips to shush him, but that seemed to spur him on even more.

"Hope the storm wasn't too bad on you, Sannie. How's Haneul?" I asked him to distract him.

"She wasn't here when it happened, thank God," he laughed a little. He stared at Jongho, me, and then back at Jongho with a sly smile. "Your boyfriend is very generous, Y/N."

I fumbled, redness immediately spreading across my face. I wanted to retort, but the idiot purposefully turned to Jongho to ask some questions.

"Haven't seen you around here before, where are you from?" 

"Seoul, my work is based in the mid-city," Jongho patiently replied as barrages of questions were hurled at him. 

Jongho never really stayed long in this town for people to recognize him, and even if he did, he barely went out anyway. As the conversation went on, I realized that Jongho never corrected San when he said that he was my boyfriend. It sent me into an intense mental whiplash.

"A total of ₩973,841," San stated after he was done doing his cashier things. 

My heart thudded and my grip on my wallet became impossibly tight. I was on a restricted budget since the bakery isn't going to be open for a while, luckily I was good at saving, but still. I was about to open my mouth to retort but Jongho beat me to it.

"Do you accept dollars?" Jongho inquired. When San confirmed they did, he fished out a prestigious black card that everyone only dreamed of having. 

Shame crept onto my face. It meant that Jongho was thriving in his career and even went international. It wasn't a surprise because Jongho had always been meant for greater things while I was still that painfully normal girl. We weren't even in the same level of status at this point.

"Stop thinking what you're thinking."

I was a bit startled when Jongho tucked a piece of my hair behind my ears. "I know you, and it's okay," he murmured. When my expression didn't relent, he sighed. "Make me dinner tonight then, but I'm telling you, I don't need anything."

I agreed. It was better than owing Jongho. He picked up all the heavy shopping bags effortlessly and San's widened eyes made me giggle. San was crazy strong, but Jongho's strength was something out of this world.

"Loaded and strong," San whistled. I blushed in embarrassment and playfully glared at San. His laughter was still ringing in my head even after we left the store.

The drive home was more peaceful this time, except for my internal turmoil. Jongho was going to live with me for God-knows-how-long. 

"That cashier, your friend?" Jongho suddenly asked. "He seems nice."

"San? Yes, he is," I paused for a moment before I spoke again. "He's my ex, actually."

Jongho's brows raised in genuine surprise. "Oh? What happened?"

"Nothing," I shrugged. He side eyed me, unimpressed. "No, I'm serious. Nothing happened, which was why we broke up."

He didn't say anything, waiting for me to continue. "I met San through a mutual friend of ours. He just had his heart broken, and I was lonely, so we tried for each other. Instead of developing romance, we ended up being extremely good friends instead. It was a win-win for us."

It wasn't the entire truth. There were countless nights where San and I cried in each other's arms in desperation because we both wanted to move on and genuinely be with each other, but we just both couldn't. San's heart wasn't ready and I was still desperately in love with Jongho.

"What about you?" I asked with genuine interest. "Anyone within five years, or perhaps as of now?"

I was nervous to hear his answer, but it was only fair that I asked. "Had a few," he admitted. "None of which lasted for more than two weeks, I'm afraid. Last time I even bothered to try was three years ago."

"Why?" I bit my lip as I waited for his response, though I was a bit surprised. Jongho was shy, but he was extremely attractive so that's that.

He parked in front of the house before turning to look at me. "For the same reasons as yours," he whispered.

My heart started to beat a million miles per minute. "You don't even know mine," I frowned.

"But I do," he shook his head slowly. That darkness in his eyes was back. He stole my breath relentlessly when he grabbed my chin and tilted it towards him.

It wasn't normal; the gesture was rough and demanding. "I can see it in your eyes," he said with a small smirk. I gulped when he pressed his thumb on my bottom lip. "We were each other's anchor. You'd do best to believe that."

Jongho got out of the car and I remained frozen in my spot. That was weird, the Jongho I knew would never act like that! Just who was this man I took in for almost a week, and now, will be taking in for a couple of months?

But wait, was he implying that he can't find someone else either because he still loved me?

"Then why did you leave?" I bombarded him when I quickly ran to the house before he could do anything else.

Jongho stared at me blankly. It was uncomfortable, his eyes were the darkest I have ever seen. Without replying, he turned around and locked himself in his room.

I scoffed, tempted to pull my hair out, the nerve of this man! I might as well be talking to a wall! I decided to put all the groceries away and start on dinner.

I couldn't concentrate though, I genuinely thought we had a connection already. And his eyes, his demeanor, it was freaking me out. 

Him walking out wasn't technically new, even before, he'd walk out when he didn't want to be confronted, but this was different. At least before, he used to smile and they would hold this softness to it that I never saw again in another man since he’s walked out of my life.

Dinner was silent. I made homemade ramen and I could see the surprise in his eyes. I smirked in satisfaction when his jaw hardened. He loved it but he doesn't want to admit it. 

"Want to drink tonight?" Jongho blurted out all of a sudden in the middle of dinner.

Just when I thought we were strangers, he busts out things that bring me nostalgia. 

"I suppose I don't mind," I shrugged. "Where?"

"Here. I bought alcohol earlier," Jongho put his dirty dishes in the sink before he turned to my confused expression. "You forgot to check the trunk, blossom. Again."

I blushed in embarrassment. Jongho and I loved drinking occasionally after dinner, we both held our alcohol well, and he has a habit of putting them in the trunk of his car instead. I don't know why, and he doesn't either.

Jongho went outside and when he came back, he was carrying two cases of soju. They were two different flavours, one for me and one for him specifically. My heart was confused if it wanted to soar or drop.

We both excitedly opened a bottle and clinked our bottles together. I couldn't hold back a smile when I began drinking. Jongho had the regular flavor, and I had the peach one. When I got another one, I couldn't open the bottle in a heated fervor.

Jongho saw my struggle and grabbed my bottle. "Really, Y/N? I have to do everything for you it seems," Jongho smirked at me as he gave me the bottle. "Think I should wipe your ass for you too?"

I squinted my eyes at him. He was definitely feeling buzzed, but so was I. "Better than doing it myself," I scoffed.

I got the shock of my life when Jongho reached out and wiped my face vigorously. My mouth drops at his grin, the nerve of this man!

I got up and walked to the fridge to get the dessert I made - homemade doughnuts - as he burst out laughing from behind me. I smiled a little, how I missed that sound coming from him. Too bad it was the alcohol acting.

"It looks like assholes," he blurted out when he got one and inspected that misshapen doughnut. I didn't mean for them to come out like that, I couldn't concentrate.

I snatched the doughnut from him. "Yeah?" I hissed. "I was thinking of you when I made them."

It was his turn to scoff, but I could see the mirth in his eyes. "Don't you think this is getting old?" Jongho smirked.

"So are you," I bit back.

This time, the comeback really made him snort and began laughing so loud that I see tears forming in his eyes. I couldn't help but laugh with him and then we were two idiots just laughing at anything and everything we see. When we stopped, all we did was look at each other and begin laughing all over again.

It was like five years ago all over again and I temporarily felt five years younger as I turned back in time with all the nostalgia flowing through my body with the alcohol.

"Remember that one time you told this kid in our class that he was weird for being right-handed?" I hiccupped, the alcohol taking its full effect on me.

Jongho turned red, if he wasn't already, and began laughing again. "Yeah, well I thought everyone was left-handed like me."

He leaned his elbow on the table and closer to me. "Remember the first time you gave me a 'love letter'?"

I was mortified and I buried my face in my hands with a loud groan. It triggered another laughing episode between the two of us. "Shut the fuck up," I groaned loudly, highly embarrassed. "I really didn't know!"

A year after we met, I already knew I loved Jongho and I knew he felt the same, but he wasn't making a move and I got extremely impatient. I wrote him a love letter and decided to put it in his jacket pocket when he wasn't looking.

Imagine my mortification when I found out that the letter was still in my purse and my sanitary pads were gone.

"You were probably so nervous, so you switched them up," he chuckled, amused by the memory even thirteen years later.

We began mellowing down and just enjoyed each other's presence. I was beginning to get woozy and halfway drunk while Jongho still looked okay, though I can tell he was restraining from getting drunk to a point like mine.

"Jongie? My baby bear?" I squeaked out, lids almost dropping down.

"Yes?" Jongho mused after he got over the initial shock of me calling him my favourite thing.

"Why did you leave me?"

He froze midway from drinking out of the soju bottle. He decided to set it back down the table and heaved a massive sigh. "I can't tell you that, blossom," he whispered, the agony of his words dampening the mood.

I swallowed, my tongue itching for one question I swore to ask him if I ever saw him again. "Did you ever love me?"

Silence. A chill in my blood traveled through my head and made me nauseous. I was coherent enough to ask and remember the next day, but I was far too gone to even care if Jongho answered or not. 

"My love, you're pushing it," Jongho desperately shook his head. "Don't."

How dare he call me his love? His hypocrisy made me giggle out loud. "It's okay," I lied. "You can't break my heart like I can."

I walked every broken path for this man, fought everyone in my way just so I could have him and him I, yet when push came to shove, he was nowhere to be found.

The hurt and the pain cut deep like a razor blade. There were times that I wanted to end it, for dying felt more justifiable than not having Jongho in my life, but I was a coward; I couldn't do it. 

"Hold on to me," Jongho murmured as he started to lift me from the chair and carry me to bed when I started to snooze from the alcohol.

But dying felt unnecessary, I was dead long gone before my conscious body did. Jongho knew how I'd feel if he left, and he still did it. He was content watching me wither away from afar.

He tucked me in like he usually did. He gave me a tender kiss on my head before pressing his forehead on mine. The gesture made my heart clench in my chest. He stayed like that for a while.

"Y/N?" Jongho whispered so softly. I hummed out a reply, I was too sleepy to talk. He shuts his eyes tight. "I am so sorry."

𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝟐𝟐, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏

Two months with Jongho felt like a breeze. It wasn't all bad being with him. Ever since that night, we were both on edge for a while but all of that drifted apart when we relaxed a little and communicated more.

I never asked anything about his departure and his career ever again. It drove him away and even though I'm trying not to love him again, my gut always felt sick when I felt that Jongho slipped away when I asked.

Right now, summer was at its peak and I decided to work on my small garden that was directly in front of the driveway. Gardening was something I picked up from years ago to make myself busy and not think too much about Jongho.

And speak of the devil, and he shall come. I felt his presence by the door. "Is there a tech store here somewhere?" Jongho asked.

"Yeah. You know surprisingly, this town literally has everything," I giggled. "It's in the plaza near town square."

"Great. I need to upgrade my computer for my work, so I'm going out."

I froze. He's never gone out without me before, not because he liked taking me or I wanted to go, but because I wanted to show him around since, again, when we moved he wasn't here long enough to explore the town. 

"H-How long are you g-going to take?" I brushed past him, not bothering to even face him, and washed my soiled hands in the sink. My heart was beating so fast in anxiety.

"Two hours, maximum. I'll pick up lunch on the way too so you don't have to cook. What do you want?"

Something ugly was beginning to rear its head inside me and I turned around to confront it with him, but for the second time, I froze.

His hair was styled into a purposeful tousle that stopped below his ears, his bangs parted in the middle. He wore this very, very tight shirt that emphasized his bulked out chest and arms. It fit him perfectly, and I swear, they were inviting me in so I can get enveloped in a welcoming embrace. 

"Y/N?" Jongho's fingers were snapping to get my attention. "You okay?"

No, I wasn't. When Jongho was met with silence and my teary eyes, he sighed heavily with realization - that I was terrified at the prospect of him leaving and never coming back.

Pain shines in his eyes. He approaches me and grabs my hand to place something in it. "Keep this safe for me, okay?" Jongho murmured. He squeezed my hand and my heart squeezed along with it. "I will need it back."

When I looked down, it was the black card he uses to pay for things - which was everything at this point - and it's all he's been using. I stared at him as he wiped a lone tear from my eyes.

"I'll be back. Be a good girl," he said. Butterflies exploded in my stomach. 

Suddenly his phone rang and his expression changed into relief, like he had been expecting that call. It's probably work. Jongho grabbed the back of my head gently and pulled towards him so he could kiss the top hastily before he left.

I stood on the same spot for well over half an hour after. I could still feel the ghost of his kiss on my head and in a daze, I inspected the heavy card. It looked like an ordinary card, but when I looked closer, it was thick, like there was something inside it...

I shook my head. No, Y/N, you need to sleep," I muttered to myself as I laid down on the couch

Soon enough I fell into a short slumber. It was one of those situations where I know I'm asleep but my mind can't stop working. I was scared to hear those screams again.

For the last two months, I've been waking up every single day in a cold sweat because in my dreams, I could hear Jongho scream for help. I felt so helpless every time because my body can't move and I can't seem to find the source of his anguished voice.

I hated nighttime, I hated closing my eyes because it's where he would haunt me the most.

"You excited?"

I nodded with unmatched enthusiasm. "Of course Jongie bear," I giggled. "I don't think we've ever gone out on a date by the beach before..."

It was beautiful. I could my skin crawl with excitement as I stared at the bluest waves, the finest sand against my feet, and the saltiest smell of the ocean before us.

"My blossom, my love, please be careful, I'm begging you," Jongho pleaded with mercy when I excitedly climbed over a railing and balanced on it. It was old with age, and thin with the constant water hitting it.

It resembled a plank more than a railing. "It's okay," I laughed, playfully rolling my eyes at my worried boyfriend. "You'd always catch me---"

Suddenly, I felt rumbling beneath me and the snap of eroded wood that you would never want to ever hear. And then I was falling to the ocean, and I couldn't swim.

But instead of water, I hit solid ground - more wood. It all happened in a split second, Jongho managed to catch up to me and toss me but he can't swim either.

"Jongho!" I screamed as I tried to grab onto his hand, but to no avail. "Jongho!"

There it was. That raw, guttural scream for help that I was forced to listen to as the love of my life slowly disappeared from my sight.

"Y/N! Help me, I can't wake her up!"

I felt someone shake my shoulder and another one try to gently pat my face in an attempt to wake me up from my nightmare. When I opened my eyes, I was met with sighs of relief and a comforting hug.

"You can't scare us like that!" Wooyoung squawked as he let go of my face.

Someone wiped my tears and I realized I was in someone's arms. "I've never seen you like that," Mingi admitted, rubbing my arms for comfort. "You just kept screaming."

"Drink this..."

I greedily took the water that San gave me and gulped the whole thing in one go. My head pounded, the four of us were so close that they just barged in without knocking to hang out, especially now since we're trapped in town with nothing to do.

"Thank you," I murmured.

Mingi was in some of my classes in high school and we were both surprised when we both saw each other move here. He introduced me to sweet Wooyoung and he claimed that I was his 'best friend' and I just went along with him. He was the mutual friend that introduced me to San.

I got out of Mingi's hold and paced back and forth in my living room. "I was screaming?" I was confused. "Was I screaming anything?"

The three of them looked at each other with hesitant faces. The atmosphere in the room got tense, and I frowned. "What?" I joked. "Please tell me I wasn't saying something embarrassing."

"No, you weren't," Wooyoung pursed his lips. "You were screaming Jongho's name over and over again."

It was like a time bomb set into motion, like that song. Truth be told, that dream was the scariest I've had of Jongho so far.

"Your ex?" San frowned. "I thought you had a boyfriend?"

Mingi and Wooyoung's head snapped towards me in record speed, both of their eyes wide in utmost shock. Betrayal coated their features and I gasped softly, I haven't told them about Jongho living with me!

"That big ass guy reminds me of a bear," San chuckled, unaware of my glare at him. "He always comes every other day to buy your favourite snacks."

Jongho had always been attentive. Obviously, my taste in food has changed in five years, but still, he just knew what I liked.

"Ya, we were supposed to tell everything to each other, you traitor," Wooyoung fake sulked.

"Do we know who it is?" Mingi wondered.

I froze. Mingi was dead spot on; he did know Jongho because of our classes, but I've never shown both San and Wooyoung what Jongho looked like because there was simply no need. All they needed to know was my pain.

"You might," San beamed, making me glare at him harder. "Though I haven't seen him before until a couple of months back..."

I was about to retort something to try and wiggle myself out of this sticky situation, when I heard the keys and the doorknob jiggling. 

"Why are there so many shoes out here? Y/N?" Jongho's voice grumbled from outside. Shit, shit!

But it was too late. When Jongho entered, his body tensed with mild surprise at two grown adult men smiling ear to ear at him. Mingi's jaw slacked open and he turned to look at me.

"Ah, that's him," San grinned. "Hello, Y/N's boyfriend!"

"Hello, San," Jongho curtly replied in true Jongho fashion. I can tell he was getting annoyed with the onslaught of attention. 

It was something that never changed with him - he hated interacting with people he didn't know. He looked around and his eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he composed himself.

"You? Mingi seethed. Wooyoung and San were surprised at the animosity but I wasn't because this was a long time coming. 

Mingi charged quickly at Jongho before anyone could stop him and grabbed him by the collar. "You're a piece of work, aren't you?"

Jongho was taken aback a bit, but a nasty smirk covers his face and I can tell Mingi immediately faltered. "Am I?" Jongho taunted.

"What the hell is going on? You know each other?" Wooyoung frowned. He protectively put me behind him. "Stay here for now, okay?"

San took the initiative to try and break them. "Mingi! What are you doing?" San panicked a bit. "He's not bothering you, let go of him!"

Jongho laughed menacingly, his eyes getting sharper and his aura darkening before my very eyes. "You lot are the ones who are bothersome right now."

San's eyes widened and was visibly taken aback at Jongho's venomous attitude and Mingi's hands noticeably loosened its grip.

"How are you, Mingi?" Jongho patted Mingi's back threateningly with a smirk. "Miss me?"

"Bastard!" Mingi spat and harshly shoved Jongho away from him.

"Stop it!" Wooyoung hissed as he rubbed my arms in comfort. "Can you guys not do this in front of Y/N?"

Jongho quickly regained his footing but not before San tried to help him. Jongho roughly shoved San off of him. "Woah, woah buddy," San put his arms in defense. "I'm just---"

"Get away from him," Mingi gritted his teeth and pointed at Jongho. San, being the helpful person he is, refused until Mingi spoke. "You have one minute to explain why you're here, Choi Jongho."

San gasped and his arms turned limp from his sides. "What did you say?" he hissed, pointing vehemently at a bored looking Jongho. "This is your ex?"

Everyone turned to look at me, even Wooyoung. I looked down at the floor in shame and I nodded. Mingi marched towards me and grabbed my arm to go to the other corner of the room while the other three tried to settle in.

Jongho's eye twitched as he turned to look at San. "Why didn't you tell me?" San snarled.

"You never asked," Jongho scoffed. "I've been paying with my card with my name on it and you never saw?"

"So," Mingi turned to me with his arm crossed. I sheepishly smiled at him but it wasn't working. "When are you going to tell us that you're back with your ex?"

"I-I wasn't!" I sputtered out at his bluntness.

"Jongho sure as hell ain't denying it," Mingi deadpanned. "What have you gotten yourself into?"

"Nothing," I shook my head. "He won't be here for long anyway."

It pained me to say it, but it was true. Mingi bit his lip in apprehension. "And how do you feel about that? Do you still love him?"

I froze. It wasn't something I thought about ever since he came along two months ago. "I don't know," I admitted, much to Mingi's dismay.

"Goddamn it, Y/N," he cursed. "You're setting yourself up for failure, and this time, it might hurt more."

When Mingi and I got back, Wooyoung and Jongho were in a heated verbal match with San interjecting a piece of his mind occasionally. 

"You should have never come back," Wooyoung hissed, his attitude rivaling Jongho's. "And then what? You're going to leave again?"

Jongho's eyes blazed. "Watch your tongue or have it cut from your head."

I choose to sit between Jongho and Wooyoung so they won't have a fist fight. "Jongho, please stop," I pleaded. "You're making it worse."

Jongho glared at Wooyoung, his eyes focused and unblinking. At first, Wooyoung stood his ground and stared back, but when Jongho grinned and bared his teeth, Wooyoung caved in and crumbled.

"You don't scare me," Wooyoung mumbled - a total lie.

"And I don't like you," Jongho scoffed arrogantly.

My eyes widened. Five years ago, Jongho was never this straightforward and I could tell Mingi was a bit taken aback too. Wooyoung squawked at the admission.

"I don't like you either," Wooyoung huffed. "You hurt my best friend!"

The whole afternoon was spent with San and Wooyoung arguing with Jongho back and forth, but I couldn't shake off what Mingi said. Jongho showed no signs of wanting to up and leave but what's to say that he's only biding his time until the bridge is done.

I shuddered. It was possible. With Jongho, the future is uncertain and nothing is set in stone.

"Forgive me for saying this," San said sarcastically. "We were here when you upped and left Y/N."

"Exactly," Wooyoung interjected. "You can't just show up like nothing ever happened!"

"I hate to say it, Jongho, but they're right," Mingi shrugged.

Jongho leaned forward. There was an unmistakable gleam of cynicism in his eyes. "So," he began. "You mean to tell me that all of you are opposed to me staying here?"

"Yes," all three of them said at the same time.

Jongho nodded. "Fantastic. I shall stay longer, then." 

He stood up and made his way to his bedroom with all of our mouths agape with his audacity. "Call me when you've kicked these cretins out, I'm going to take a nap," he told me before he shut the door.

"What?!" Wooyoung screeched as he stood up from the couch so fast, I got a whiplash. "That bastard!"

It took a while but I had managed to convince these three that I was going to be fine. The moment they all left, I managed to let out the breath that I didn't even realize I was holding. The cat's out of the bag now, so that's one less thing to worry about.

I knocked softly on Jongho's door to see if he was okay, but there was no response, so I'm assuming he fell asleep.

Bored, I plopped down the couch and turned the television on. The last time I turned this on was when I was watching out for the storm and it was still as mundane as ever. I shook my head as I flipped through channels.

Finally, I managed to settle on one that's watchable enough. Animal Kingdom. Fine, I could live with that. I groaned hard when a commercial came in, but instead of the regular commercials, this was a newscast.

"Coming all the way from our Korean Intelligence Agency live is Deputy Director Jeong..."

I frowned. Now that I think about it, there was this ongoing case of a well-known mafia in the city that the government was trying to take down. I raised the volume up to hear.

"Sir, would you say that we are close to solving this? And what about the infamous bank heist by the south of Seoul?"

Now that caught my attention. Jongho used to work in that bank when we were still starting out our relationship.

"We are doing our very best. We are closer than ever to---"

I was confused when the television suddenly turned black. I looked behind me and Jongho was glaring holes at the television as he held the remote control.

"You should go to sleep," he said, voice tight. "It's getting late."

I didn't know how to react. This wasn't the first time that Jongho turned off either my television or his car radio when we drove somewhere. 

Deep down, I knew he was hiding something. I'm not foolish enough to not speculate. "I'm not sleepy yet," I said. "Would you like to watch something else with me then?"

"No," Jongho gritted his teeth. I jumped a bit on how harsh his voice had become.

But something in me snapped. "Choi Jongho," I marched towards him until I was directly on his face. "I understand perfectly well that you have problems with your career or whatever, after all, you left me for it."

Jongho's lips twist into a sneer and then he scoffs, but I cut him off. "I don't deserve this, this is my house," I stood my ground. "You can't act like you own it when you haven't even told me why!"

"Your house?" Jongho growled in anger, his tongue pressing against cheek in arrogance. "My name is still in the deed."

"So what?" I retorted with equal arrogance. "I'm the one who made this a home rather than just a place to sleep in!"

"I'm not telling you anything, we've talked about this!" Jongho raised his voice in frustration as he turned to walk away from me. "Why are you so dead set on finding out?"

"Are you hearing yourself?" I screeched. "We belonged to each other at one point, the least you could do is tell me!"

"How much of me are you willing to take?" Jongho banged his palms on the dining table, the sound of it echoing in the distance. "There's nothing left for you to take, don't you understand?"

"Why are you acting like this is my fault?" I screamed in frustration. "I've taken your bullshit for you! You have no respect!"

I also went to the table and banged my hands on it as well, just to show that he can't push me around like he used to. "Give me your reason!"

"Because I hate that I need you! Then, and right now," Jongho confessed in one breath.

My arms went limp at the revelation of his thoughts all along. When Jongho looked at me again, his eyes rimmed red as his chest rose up and down

When we were young, Jongho was my solace - my salvation, my everything. In another life, we could have had children by now, we could have been that couple that grew old and gray. But the truth was right here in front of me, I was the only one to ever have these dreams.

He'd made up his choice a long time ago, I was the only one holding on to a distant memory. This one hurt far worse than when Jongho left, because right now, I can't drive a nail through his mistakes.

"Y/N, please," Jongho's voice brought me out of that darkness. He still sounded angry, but he also sounded desperate. 

His hand reaches out to cup my face and his thumb strokes my skin. "You're the only thing that's keeping me alive. Please, go to sleep."

𝐀𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝟑𝟏, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏

I awoke to cold sweat again, the stickiness of it uncomfortable with how my shirt had clung to my skin. I sighed, another nightmare.

There were nights I fell asleep only because I got too tired from staying awake. I couldn't concentrate much when I woke up from the lack of sleep and it was concerning me.

Jongho and I haven't been on speaking terms for a week or so. His words had plagued my mind since then, but that's not what woke me up tonight.

The screams were back. Jongho's screams in my head were back.

With a heavy sigh and a massive headache, I got up from my bed and left the room to grab a glass of water. I didn't even bother putting on pants, I knew Jongho wouldn't be out in the dead of night.

"Get away from me..."

I paused midway from the glass touching my lips. I looked around, spooked that I was hearing things that I wasn't supposed to because of the sleep deprivation. I waited a little to see if I was going to hear something again.

"Please!"

A high-pitched, grating scream resounded from the entire house and I dropped the glass in shock. The sound of the glass breaking got drowned out from, yet again, another guttural scream.

At first, I thought someone from outside was asking for help and their voice was loud enough to filter in the house, but when another scream resounded, I gasped and slapped my hands over my mouth in a heartbreaking discovery.

It was the same scream in my dreams. The scream was coming from Jongho's room, and all this time, it was never a dream.

"Jongho?" I worriedly knocked on his door. My knocks got louder and louder, more frantic, when he didn't respond. "Jongho, please!"

His repeated screams pierced my heart. I tried everything I could as I screamed his name in urgency - punching the door, jiggling the doorknob, even kicking the door even though I knew it would be fruitless - but nothing.

An idea popped in my head and I quickly acted upon it. Tears started freely flowing from my eyes pathetically as my hands shook too much from finding the right key in Jongho's room. All this time, Jongho was having nightmares and I didn't even realize or help.

"Fuck, fuck!" I hissed when I dropped the keys. No matter what I did, I couldn't stop my shaking hands.

I almost tripped on my feet when I quickly rushed into the bedroom. My heart broke when I looked at Jongho. He was contorted into an odd angle onto himself, his face red and his entire body sweating. He had no shirt on, but I couldn't even care about that right now.

"Jongho, love, please wake up," I tried shaking him gently so he wouldn't freak out when he woke up, but when that didn't work, I tried again.

I burst out in pitiful tears when Jongho let out an anguished groan. His voice was agonizing, primal even, and my heart couldn't handle seeing him like this.

"Jongho, come on now, wake up," I tapped his beautiful face a little harder this time. But that also didn't do anything.

In desperation, I peppered his face with little kisses while also shaking him. "Jongho!" I said out loud since gentle methods didn't work. But nothing.

What did work was when I thumped my fists on his hard chest. It was my turn to scream when Jongho suddenly grabbed me and flipped me on the bed so he was on top of me. He started choking me in a blinded rage and I clawed his hands in a panic.

"J-Jongho, i-it's me," I coughed, wheezing as I felt the oxygen leave my body. "B-Baby bear, p-please..."

The light seemed to come back to his eyes and they slowly melted from this hallucination to something more sentient. I took a big gulp of breath when he let go and wheezed uncontrollably. Jongho's horrified face put two and two together when he stared at the red marks on my neck.

"Oh God," he choked. He hurriedly grabbed my shoulders as he smoothed my hair out of my face so he could see. "I am so, so sorry, are you okay?"

I nodded and unconsciously held onto his arm. "Are you okay?" I worriedly asked.

"For fuck's sake, love, can you please try and worry about yourself for once? I choked you, for crying out loud!" Jongho said, irritation lacing his features.

"I'm good, seriously, I expected it," I assured him truthfully. I pressed a hand to his face and caressed it. "How are you feeling?"

His body froze at the gesture and a storm started to brew in his eyes as he hesitated to move. I bit my lip and nodded. It looked like a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders as he closed his eyes and nuzzled his face in my hands.

A realization started to slowly dawn on me. The fear I felt as Jongho slowly slipped from my fingers just now was the proof of my love for him.

The intimacy of our setup right now also slowly dawns on me. A chill went up my spine when Jongho kissed my palm. The chill further down and I almost cursed when I realized that I was only wearing my shirt and my panties, no bra.

Jongho seemed to realize it at the same time. He slowly traced my skin with his eyes from my legs, my stiff nipples, and my face. I wasn't faring any better - Jongho's toned chest was up my face. I gulped, he was much bigger than I remembered him to be. 

"May I?" Jongho tugged my shirt. When I nodded and raised my arms, Jongho hastily took my shirt off.

His breath hitched as he looked at me over, the desire in his eyes overpowering the nightmares that plagued his mind.

He hovered over me as I laid down flatly on the bed. I let out a breathy moan when he started to kiss the sweet spots on my neck as his rough hand gently kneaded my tits. I whispered his name directly in his ear when he rolled my nipples in between his fingers.

"You know," he pulled away to spread my legs so he could go in between them. "This was my favourite position when I was with you."

It caught me off guard. I blushed at his crudeness and straightforwardness. "Why?" I asked.

"Because," he began. I gasped when he humped my clothed pussy. "The way I could go deeper in you always made my head spin, especially when I see your fucked out face when you're close."

My eyes widened. Sure, back then, Jongho would talk dirty, but he never talked this dirty. I couldn't hold back a loud moan when he humped particularly hard against me.

He leaned down directly to my ear and whispered sensually. "But I especially love when you scream my name when you beg me to make you come."

"Kiss me," I blurted out.

Jongho growled before he held the back of my head and pulled my lips to his. It was passionate, but at the same time, filthy. It was years and years of longing and want. I felt wetness down there when I felt his hard cock twitch inside his sweatpants.

"Jongho," I moaned as I tried to pull away, but he kept trying to chase my lips with his. "Jongho..."

"Mmm," he complained in between his kisses. It took everything in me not to keep going.

"Maybe we should stop," I squealed when his hand brushed against my inner thigh and pussy. 

"We should," he agreed, his voice hoarse with want. "One more and I will."

This time, he claimed my lips stronger. He groaned in my mouth when I pulled on his hair as we both blindly touched each other in random places. But eventually, Jongho had to reluctantly break the kiss.

One thing that never did change was his sweetness and aftercare. He put my shirt back on and we both laid down next to each other with his arm around me and my head on his chest.

"I've been having these nightmares for a while," Jongho said out loud all of a sudden. "I've done...things I will regret for the rest of my life."

He kissed the top of my head. "Things you don't want to know."

He was right. If it's supposed to be like this, then I don't want to know what's bothering him because the more he dives into it, the more I get hurt seeing him fight the demons I don't even dare expose myself to.

"I'm trying to help you," I said, despite my thoughts. "It always seems like you're always running away."

"Maybe because I am," he sighed. "I've been a prisoner in my own hands for a while now."

"I'm sorry," was all I could say. I wanted to say that he wasn't the only one; I've been trapped and enslaved in my own mind for so long that I'm surprised that I haven't lost my mind yet.

When Jongho didn't say anything else, I slowly got up from his hold. I already missed his warmth. "I should get going so you can rest," I mumbled.

When my feet were close to touching the floor, I felt his hands hold on my arm to stop me. "Wait," Jongho whispered. 

I was taken aback by how soft his voice was, especially if I was comparing it from a week ago when we had that argument. He pulled me to his lap, his head nuzzling the corner of my neck. I blushed profusely, I didn't even feel this way when we made out. 

"Stay," his muffled voice requested as his hug became tighter. "I need you right now."

"Jongho," I whined softly. There was nothing left to say, we were blurring the lines between a host helping an old friend out. I bit my lip, to be fair, we already blurred that line earlier when we made out.

"Just for tonight," he bargained. "Then we can ignore each other again tomorrow." 

I know I shouldn't. The logical part of my ego is aware that this was a terrible idea, but the emotional part of my psyche wants me to give myself to my desires just this once.

I crawled out of his lap and positioned myself comfortably on the bed. "How can I go back to ignoring you after this?" I mumbled as he started to spoon me.

"You don't," he answered. "It was hell to know you're here with me but refused to talk."

I hummed. "You know it was your fault right?"

"Yes," he admitted. "Let's catch up on some sleep now, okay?"

"Are you insane?!" I buried my face in my hands. "Don't scare me like that ever again!"

Jongho laughed, his face breaking out into the most beautiful ray of sunshine as he smoothed his wet hair out of his face. He hugged me as tears started to flow from my eyes.

"Hush now, I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd react this bad," he rubbed my back for added comfort.

"Are you kidding?" I sniffled, shuffling my feet to turn and point at the spot where Jongho had fallen by the ocean as a prank. "That scream you'd let out, I thought that was the end of you, you bastard!"

"I'm so sorry," he chuckled at my pouty face. He pouted, how could I resist him? "Let's go swimming properly now, okay? This beach is perfect for us."

I just knew after that, that I will never hear that scream ever again.

My eyes flew open for absolutely no reason this time. My heart was beating out of control when I did. I didn't feel good, I'm about to throw up.

Something was very wrong. There was a sense of impending doom looming over me that I can't explain.

Or maybe I'm just too exhausted and paranoid. I moved my hand to hug Jongho for comfort but my heart could burst out of my ribcage when all my hands touched were pillows and blankets. 

I could feel tears forming in my eyes faster than my mind could comprehend as I rose up quickly from the bed. I did it so fast that blood rushed towards my head and it rendered me nauseous. I almost cursed when I tripped on my two feet, but no matter, I had to find Jongho.

There was only one thing in my mind - had he left me again?

It was definitely a panic attack rising. The room was spinning, the overwhelming doom and desperation was making me function, but it was difficult. What might be something as innocent as Jongho maybe using the bathroom had distorted into something horrifying in my mind.

It's terror, it's shame, it's desperation and it's death all at once.

"You know they're just going to find you, correct?"

I rejoiced at the voice I heard, but all that doom came rushing back when I realized that the voice did not belong to my beloved.

"Of course, I do. You play me for a fool."

That was Jongho, but the way he spoke terrified me. I quickly rushed to the backyard when I realized that the voices belonged there, but I stopped when I took a quick peek at the window overlooking there. My heart dropped, I wasn't expecting anything, but I definitely wasn't expecting another man to be with Jongho.

"What do you want?" Jongho snarled lowly, his voice taking a darker turn. "It must be important if you made your unwelcome presence known."

The man laughed heartily. "Oh Jongho, straightforward as always," he smirked. "Fear not, I won't take long. How's life as a domesticated man?"

"You shut your fucking mouth, or I'll make sure you never talk again," Jongho hissed. He took a step of two towards the man, who didn't even flinch. Rather, he looked amused, like he knew Jongho wouldn't go through with it.

As for me, I felt freezing water pour over me as the cold reality of what Jongho said rang through my head. My Jongho was sweet and kind, and this man in front of me was not him. 

"Feisty," the man grinned sadistically. "You know I love that fire inside of you. Quite a shame that you don't want to be something more."

I didn't move or even breathe. More than what? Something tells me I wasn't supposed to be listening to this.

"You say that as if it's such a bad thing," Jongho smirked.

"It's not," the man admitted. "But for the life we lead, it can be."

"Cut the crap, Hongjoong. Tell me what you want."

"Say 'please' and I'll think about it."

Jongho's laugh afterwards made my body rigid. It was sinister - evil. This was the man who bared his heart and soul to me last night, and he wasn't one for feelings to begin with. I never thought I'd get scared of Jongho, until now.

I strained my ears when they talked in hushed tones. I couldn't hear any but if I moved even an inch, I might get discovered. If this was the choice that Jongho made after he left me, then God bless us all.

"In all seriousness," the man - Hongjoong - spoke. "That's all I know. I won't tell anyone you're here, but if I were you, I would do something about it."

"You think I give a fuck about all of this?" Jongho snapped, his loud voice piercing through the night. He looked nothing short of terrifying. "Do not lie to me, I'm the worst person you can lie to and you know it."

"Or you could just call it quits. You know what to do," Hongjoong tilted his head in amusement. He reminded me of an undertaker for some reason.

I gasped but quickly covered my mouth with my shaking hands. My heart stopped beating for a bit as I watched Jongho hold out a gun and point the other end at Hongjoong, whose expression changed from amused to irritated.

"Or you can tell me what you know or I'll put a hole on your head and look for it, myself," Jongho threatened, his hold on the gun firm and absolute.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Hongjoong's lips curl to a taunting sneer. "What would she say? What's her name again? Y/N?"

Flashes of memories go through my head one by one. I still remember the day we first kissed. Jongho was so shy at that time he didn't even want to look at me. It was slow, sweet, and sure. I also remember the first time we laid under the stars and watched the shooting star. My wish back then was for Jongho to stay the way he is. And he told me he would.

What a terrible lie that had been. The Jongho I knew held my hands, not the cold barrel of a pistol.

"Keep her out of this," Jongho snarled, his hands clearly shaking from where I was with rage. "No mafia is going to stop me from destroying all of you if you involve her, so whatever you're thinking, think again."

“You’re the one who should think twice, Jongho,” Hongjoong hissed as he tips the gun away from his face with his. “We have an audience.”

My heart exploded then and there when Hongjoong’s eyes met mine. He was smirking, but there was a hint of regret in his eyes, something he didn’t hide. How did he know I was here? Had he known I was eavesdropping all this time? It was as if he wanted me to hear everything.

Jongho visibly stiffened before he turned to also look at me with disbelieving eyes. I couldn’t help the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes - he looked utterly defeated and devastated at the sight of me. It was the face of a man whose whole world was falling right before his very eyes.

There was only one expression I could give him - fear.

“Blossom,” Jongho croaked as he dropped his gun, as if it disgusted him, but we both knew it didn’t. “I can explain…”

Before I knew it, I was running away from the scene - away from Jongho - like if I pretended that I wasn’t there, then surely none of those happened. I ran as fast as I with my wobbling legs as I heard the back door swing open and slam close, signaling that Jongho was here.

I felt like free falling, what had my beloved become? Who was this criminal living with me? What had he dragged me into now that there was someone like Hongjoong who knew I existed and how important I was to Jongho? I was no fool, despite my emotions, I knew what their conversation insinuated.

And then the regret came. If I had held onto Jongho a little tighter five years ago, would he be the same person I once knew? If I had just searched for him a little harder back then, would I have pulled him away from this darkness that clouded him?

It hurt seeing the love of my life transform into something I knew he wasn’t.

I screamed bloody murder when I felt a hand hold my arm like a vice, refusing to let go. “Y/N, look at me,” he demanded with the same authoritative voice he used outside. When he saw the fear in my eyes, he softened.

“No, Jongho, get away from me!” I cried out as I tried to pull my arm away, but it only resulted in him holding them tighter. “Jongho!”

“No,” he growled. “We’re going to talk---Y/N!”

Somehow, through pure adrenaline, I was able to twist my arm free from him to quickly enter my room and lock the door shut. My heart was about to fly out of my ribcage with the emotions I was feeling and I didn’t even know which one to acknowledge first.

“Y/N! Open the fucking door!” Jongho shouted as he violently rammed on the door like it was a punching bag. “You better not let me catch you once I break this fucking door! Open it!”

I broke down sobbing as all the energy left my body. I sank down by the corner of my room, burying my face in my knees while I covered my ears with both my hands to block out Jongho’s violent rage outside the door. Each bang had me jumping out of my skin, the terrifying sound rattling my head.

This wasn’t my Jongho, I kept chanting to myself like a crazed person, but I can’t deny it any longer.

I knew this wasn't him the moment he stepped inside the house. He was different - he was angrier, more temperamental, soulless - and all this time, I kept making excuses for him, but I can’t anymore.

I screamed in terror when the doorknob was kicked with force and Jongho used that opportunity to slam the door open. When he tried to march towards me, I screamed again as I backed away.

“Don’t come near me!” I sobbed pitifully, my shaking legs almost giving out from the weight of my emotions.

Jongho looked devastated. He kept reaching out to me but all I did was back away and shout at him. “Please, love, please,” his voice cracked. “I’m not going to hurt you, please don’t look at me like that…”

“Like what?” I glared at him as I felt my blood pressure rise to a dangerous level. Something in him snapped with how mad I sounded.

"Like I'm vile," he spat, his glare leveling mine. "Like I'm a monster. You don't know anything, so quit it."

I scoffed loudly. It ticked him off but I didn't stop. I feel like I was slowly losing myself to this massive disconnect from reality. I am losing my mind.

"Does the man become the monster, or the monster become man?" Uncontrollable tears were now falling from my eyes. Something snapped and all I saw was red.

But I wasn't the only one. "Yeah, you think you're smart?" Jongho laughed out loud like the maniac he had become in my eyes. It was the type that seeped through my bones. "You want to know what I did? You really want to know?"

Without breaking eye contact, he pulled out the same gun I saw earlier and he disassembled it right in front of me. He wasn't gentle with it either, he was rough; deliberate. I nearly jumped out of my skin when he slammed the remnants of it by the bedside table I had. 

"I've used this far too many times that I can remember," he hissed. "You think that this is some sort of game that I can just pause just because this life isn't going according to what you want right now? You think that this world revolves around you?"

He spat on the ground as I felt the sinews of my heart break. "Did you honestly think I was that same man you knew before, Y/N? Did you honestly think that we could ever go back to being the same?"

"You said it yourself, didn't you?" I snapped. "There was nothing left to take---"

"So hate me for the things I've done!" Jongho raised his voice before he rubbed his face, frenzied. "But not for what I've now become."

I was at a loss for words, taken aback with how frantic we both had become in each other's presence. "We're basically strangers now," I gritted my teeth. "You have no right to talk about this like you're the victim!"

Jongho's face melted into something of concern when he realized that my sanity was slowly slipping away from me. I laughed, and then I laughed some more, and then I cried. I cried so hard even Jongho was surprised at all the hurt I was holding in. 

"Everybody kept telling me to move on, to find someone else when they see how lonely I've become," I took a deep breath, but all that did was strengthen my resolve to break something. "They don't get it, I physically, mentally cannot move on."

"I gave you five years to do it," Jongho said as if it was so simple. Everything stopped all at once, except for the 

That did it. I screamed, that spiral within me surging my voice to let out all the pain, the anger, the melancholy. The need to hit and destroy something became so overwhelming and worst of all, I had no idea how to let it all out.

"I hate you!" I wailed as I swiped everything I saw - glass, paper, furniture - anything. Jongho tried to go to me but all I did was hit him in the chest. "I hate you! You don't know, Choi Jongho, I was driven to madness with denial, you make me fucking sick!"

He narrowly avoided me as I tried to lunge at him. "Stop this!" Jongho hissed. I can feel the anger in me start to form. All the denial, the hate, was overtaking me.

I tried to thrash away in panic when I felt Jongho's hands steady me, the remorse and sorrow evident on his face, because he knows - he knows that he did this to me. He drove me to my insanity.

"Shh, baby, please," Jongho shushed as he tried to hold me, but my adrenaline was stronger than the both of us. "It's okay, shh, I'm sorry, I'm here now---"

"No!" I shrieked, my throat not being able to take it. I punched, kicked, scratched at anything, my vision was black. "You killed what was left of the good in me! Let me go!"

"I got you, my love, I got you," Jongho hushed me like I was a child that needed comfort and reaffirmation. "Just like that, let it out on me..."

My screams were muffled when Jongho brought me to his chest. He held my arms behind me for good measure and it was when everything came crashing down. I sobbed pitifully in the arms of the very man I swore to love and hate for as long as I lived.

"You're doing good, baby, let it out," Jongho rubbed all over my back. "Everything's going to be okay..."

"Jongho, please," I begged as he kissed the top of my head over and over again. "I'm so exhausted, please let me be broken..."

"How?" he whispered. "You're not broken, stop saying that."

I couldn't feel my body when Jongho laid me down on the bed. All I did was stare at the ceiling while he leaned his head on my chest. He stayed like that for a while, unmoving. 

"Stay here," he murmured. I saw his misty eyes when I got up, but he tried his very best to hide it from me. Was he crying for me or was it for the burden I caused him?

I laid there for what felt like forever, the dissociation of my body from my conscious mind weighing heavily in my mind. Everything hurts - my body, my heart, my soul, Jongho. Shame trickled but I couldn't seem to care right now. I had just temporarily lost my mind on Jongho, how was I supposed to look him in the eye again?

All the things I've said, I can't take them back. Not that I would, everything I said was the God-honest truth. 

So hate me for the things I've done, but not for what I've now become.

But I could never, ever hate him. It was such a sad way to live, because I knew I'd still love him from the bottom of my heart even if he's worse than a monster. I would take all of him and more, I would give him all of me just so he can always have more backups in case he ever felt empty.

I would kill for him. That's how much I loved him.

"I'm going to bathe you," he said rather than ask when he came back. "We can either do it here so you wouldn't have to walk, or we can go to the bathroom."

I stopped the urge to smile. Leave it to this man to still stay sane and rational even after a horrible mental crisis. I shook my head, indicating that I had no interest in walking, and he took that queue to start undressing me.

There was nothing malicious about it as he stripped me naked. He was deadest focused on soothing me and making me feel better by using the basin and damp cloth on my body. But why did it make me feel worse?

"Was it something I did?" I whispered. I was treading on dangerous waters here. "Was it my fault that you left me?"

While I knew I didn't influence Jongho directly on his decisions, I can't help but believe that everything was my fault as to why he'd turn into the darker side of life. "Where did I go wrong?"

He paused from dabbing the cloth on my chest. I didn't realize how close he was until he looked me straight in the eye. "Is that how you see it?" he asked, his breath fanning my lips as he tucked a stray hair from my face. "You think that this was your fault?"

Fresh set of tears flowed down my eyes, but instead of anger, they were from the loss of out blossoming love. "If not me, then who?" I smiled through them. "C-Can you tell me if there was something that I needed to change in myself back then?"

It stung to ask it, but I had to. Grief passed through Jongho's eyes as he completely stopped what he was doing. It made my heart ache because I've never seen him look this sad before. He set down the cloth back in the basin and he got into the bed beside me. 

He grabbed my chin to make me look at him. "I hate that it seemed you were never enough," he pursed his lips. "Nothing I can do will ever put all your tears back in your eyes, but I can assure you, you were perfect."

In that split second before his touch, every nerve in my body and brain was awakened. It's the anticipation of being together in a way that's more than words - in a way that's so completely tangible. The tension was palpable.

"Then tell me all the things that you regret," I coaxed with gentle persuasion as his hand traveled all over my naked body. He hissed, like he was now just realizing that I was in my naked glory right in front of him.

Jongho shook his head. "The regrets are useless in my mind," he murmured, his breathing laboured. "But if I must confess, you never left my damn mind for five years. I never hated that I needed you."

"And if I'm being honest," Jongho leaned in to give my shoulders sweet kisses. "I'm not over you. Never will be."

I tried to cover my modesty by putting my arms on my chest, not that he hasn't seen anything before. He grabbed my hand firmly and set it down. "Don't," he warned.

The way he stared at me had me mesmerized. I've seen this look, but I never noticed how intense they were. His eyes could burn me down, and it was everything I ever needed and wanted. but at the same time, it was the sanest out of all the madness and possessiveness he held.

Jongho was my drug, I realized. I was instantly intoxicated. "You're going to break me," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Jongho's arms wrapped around my back and in one touch, everything was over. "Then I'm going to make sure I break you in the best way possible."

Our bodies still fit together even after all these years; our lips molded with each other. I was never meant to win - I need him but if I give in, then I lose everything. But losing everything seemed so little in comparison.

I feel his hand wrap around my hair and tug it lightly and it makes me sigh a little in between our kisses. "I love the little sounds you make," he murmured as he tugged my hair harder. He tugged it so hard, my head fell backwards.

"Jongho," I groaned at the inexplicable pleasure the pain brought.

My hands tightened their grip on his shirt as his hands traveled everywhere, each touch igniting a fire that cannot be extinguished. "You've always been mine," I felt his hand move from my cheeks to my mouth. "Even if you were with someone else, you were still mine. Tell me, did you let anyone touch you?"

I was at a loss for words. His thick, veiny hands suddenly wrapped itself around my throat, his eyes were cold as his gaze remained determined. I squeaked when Jongho tightened the choke. The pleasure was insurmountable. We've never had it rough during our time together and the very thought of happening now made my stomach churn in excitement.

"No," I breathed out. "Only you."

"That's right," he chuckled darkly. I let out a soft squeal when he licked a stripe on my exposed neck. "God knows what I'd do if I found out you did. Nobody touches my whore but me, yes?"

I felt a small tingle at the base of my spine and I let them spread all over my body. I bit my lip, highly turned on, and it didn't escape Jongho's attention. He smirked, a wicked look that overtook his soft features.

"Aw, is my little slut wet?" he mocked as his hand slowly went down and down. I whined when he stopped directly above my pubic area. He laughed when I tried to gyrate my hips up, but Jongho deliberately pushed me down. "Ah ah ah," he grinned sadistically. "You're not getting                                                                                                 off unless I say so, got it?"

"Then what the hell are we doing this for?" I snapped. 

The moment I said those, I instantly regretted it. His eyes widened at my defiance before he snapped out of it and roughly grabbed my cheeks and squeezed it. It whined because it hurt but it only encouraged him to squeeze even tighter.

”You misunderstand something,” he began. “I have no problem leaving you here dripping while you beg for your hole to get fucked, but let’s get one thing straight.”

His words sent a chill through me, and his voice was this smooth, dangerously low tone, but it was sharp and firm. “You’re mine. You know what that means? I get to do whatever I want with you. You just have to say ‘yes’.”   

I know I shouldn’t as this was far from my personality, but I was to be a brat for him just to see how he’d discipline me. “Go fuck yourself,” I hissed.

He raised a brow, smirking at the game I was playing. He begins to pull me forward as his lips finally create their mark on my skin. And then, he bit my shoulders as hard as he could. Wetness rushed through my core at the intense pain, but when he didn’t let go, I screamed in protest.

"Say you're sorry," he murmurs softly. I feel the hairs at the back of my neck rise.

"I'm not saying sor--"

My voice is cut off as he shoves two fingers into my mouth. "If you’re not going to, then I’d rather you keep your mouth shut," he sneered in that condescending tone I know so well.

His thick wet fingers slid from my mouth when he saw me tremble. He effortlessly towered over me when he laid me down and for a second, his facade fell as his eyes searched mine for permission. Despite the haze, I smiled at him, and before I knew it, his lips were on mine.

It was more intense than when we made out before. It was raw and it left both of us breathless. It could have made tears in my eyes; I could tell he was pouring all the things he couldn’t tell me in this one single kiss. I mewled when I felt his roam all over me while our tongues were tangled in a fierce battle for dominance.

I felt his hand go lower and lower until I felt that telltale pleasure I’ve been craving for. “Mmm,” I let out a breathy moan when Jongho’s finger traced my slit. “P-Please…”

”Take it then,” he groaned when he put a finger inside. My fingers grip the sheets as every thrust of his finger made me moan louder and louder.

He didn’t stay long in there but he made up for it when he began to stroke my throbbing clit. His other hand made its way up one of my swollen nipples, flicking it the same time as he did down there made me almost come undone.

’”That’s enough,” he deadpanned as he suddenly stopped and then he pulled away.

”Jongho!” I whined in frustration, pressing my thighs together to find relief, but he grabbed them so I wouldn’t be able to do anything. The only sign that he was into this like I am was the big tent on his crotch.

I blushed profusely. Years and years of pent up sexual frustration was getting to me, and now that Jongho was right here in front of me watching me almost beg for his cock, the feeling was exhilarating.

“Come here,” he growled. I squealed when he suddenly spread my legs and got in between them.

It was embarrassing but I couldn’t even think of that because he suddenly buried his face in my pussy. He hooks my legs up his shoulders and the intensity of his tongue had me dizzy with pleasure. “Jongho—”

”Less talking, more moaning,” he demanded with a painful squeeze to my thighs.

I didn’t need to be told twice. Pleasure rips through me as he lapped on my cunt like he was a starved man. When I tried to wriggle away, he snaked his arms around my thighs, effectively locking me down into place. Suddenly, he slapped my ass, tongue still working on my clit.

“Fucking hell, Jongho, love,” a long moan came out from me when the sting of his slap added to my growing pleasure.  He did it again, his palms smacking my behind so hard, I jut forward the bed. And he does it again, and again, and again. It left me a blubbering mess as I uttered his name like a prayer.

”You little slut,” he hissed. Slap. “Yes, take it.“ Slap. “Fuck, you look beautiful like this,” Slap. “Take it, take it.” Slap. “Fucking take it!”

”Jongho, please, please!” I cried in mixed pain and pleasure. I was pretty sure I’d bruise the next day because my skin felt very raw. 

“Beg for it,” Jongho sucked and lapped my juices again. “Come on, Y/N, beg for it like the whore you are.”

”Please, please, please!” I sobbed, tears falling from my eyes. He groaned at my pitiful state. “Make me come, please! I really, really love you, please!”

I screamed when he inserted two fingers inside me and began sliding them in and out, the wet sounds of my pussy rivaling how loud my moans were. “That’s what I want to fucking hear,” he chuckled darkly. “Say it again. Look at me when you say it.”

I arched my back involuntarily as I chased that high Jongho was willing to give me. His fingers pistoned in and out and I rocked my hips against him to meet his thrusts. “I love you, Jongho, I love you,” I choked out. I was overstimulated, the line between pleasure and pain blurring out.

He goes faster, if it is possible. My moans were desperate, I couldn’t take it anymore. “Then come,” he demanded. “If you really love me, then fucking come for me.”

The force of my orgasm had me reeling with a loud scream. It had me seeing white for the first time in a while as my back arched into an angle where it would have been unnatural had it not been for the quivering climax Jongho's fingers subjected me into.

He leaned in and gave me sweet kisses all over my face. "You okay, love?" Jongho murmured softly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and nodded. "Good. Because now I need my fill."

It took me a minute to recover and my eyes widened at his crudeness. He smiles sadistically. "I don't care if you can't take it. I'm going to fuck you anyway."

I whimpered in response, my entire body flushing with heat as my pussy clenched onto nothing. I could not believe that I was getting off to Jongho being this dominant and rough. It certainly scratched that itch I've been trying to relieve for a while now.

I did not want to just have sex, I needed to get fucked.

"I can see it in your eyes, you know?" he chuckled as he slowly undressed himself. My mouth ran dry when I finally got a glimpse of his body - he was huge. That included his cock. "You need to be taken, pounded like the fucktoy you are."

He grabbed my hair and aligned my mouth to his throbbing erection. "Suck," he demanded. He didn't wait for me to accommodate him, he just straight up thrusted in my mouth until he bottomed out.

I gagged but he didn't stop right there. My muffled chokes spurred him on, my eyes started to water as tears rolled down my cheeks and saliva mixed with his salty precum started to drip to my chin. He groaned, low and breathy, picking up a good angle as his balls started to slap against my chin.

"You dirty little whore," he growled, gripping my hair tightly. "You love choking on my cock, don't you?"

I whispered a sound of agreement, because he was right. I did love it. Suddenly, he pulled out from me. I tried to breathe, but clearly, Jongho had other plans. He got on top of me and aligned his shaft to my entrance.

“Ready?” Jongho bit his lip when I nodded. We both let out a groan when he finally entered me, bottoming out in one go. “I missed this,” he thrusts once. “I can’t believe I lasted this long without this cunt.”

"P-Please move,” I moaned. “I need to feel you—”

I began to spiral at the intimacy and at how hard he was thrusting into me. The feel of him stretching my already abused pussy was what got me. His instantaneous domination towards me as he plunged deeper and deeper inside me almost tipped me to the very edge of that white chasm I’ve been craving to fall into.

“Fuck, baby, you’re fucking killing me like this,” he hissed when I squeezed my cunt on his cock. “You like my cock filling you up?”

It didn't take long before I was squealing with wild abandon and trembling with how rough he was being. It was filthy fucking; the only sounds in the room were skins slapping against each and other the bed creaking. He looked down at his cock sliding in and out of my dripping cunt and I could tell the sight pushed him over the edge.

"Jongho, fuck! Yes, fuck me harder,” I sobbed.

"Shut the fuck up,” he sneered. He fucked harder anyway and I gasped when he wraps his hands on my neck. “You do not tell me what to do, yeah?”

His hand squeezed my throat, his grip strengthening, but he really wasn't really choking me yet. It was more like holding me in my place. His eyes widened and I closed my eyes in shame when we both felt my pussy gush. “Holy hell,” he grinned. “Didn’t know you liked that.”

“Only when you do it,” I moaned.

At first, the sensation was ecstatic, but when Jongho actually started getting carried away, I tried to pull at his elbow. I didn’t want to come yet, so I tried again, but Jongho didn’t budge. “Take your hand off or I will actually choke you,” he threatened.

I bit back a whimper but I obeyed anyway. “J-Jongie, if you k-keep doing it, g-gonna come…”

“Hold it. I haven’t allowed you yet,” he leaned forward until his face was inches from mine. “You are going to obey. Not because I forced you, not because of any punishment, not because you need to, and not even because you want to.”

His lips claim mine in a stormy kiss. “You are going to do it because you are mine. Clear?”

I moaned, my lips pressed firm against his.  Without breaking the kiss, Jongho reached around my waist, lowering it until he reached my ass. He pulled me closer and the angle of him pressing my ass up to meet his thrusts made him groan into my mouth erotically.

My hands weren't idle, reaching around him, one sliding to his head and running through his hair, and the other feeling the muscles in his back. I dug my nails onto his back when his cock touched my cervix and he growled against my skin. 

“Do it again,” he groaned. I did as told and I scratched his back and dug my nails as hard as I could. “Fuck, Y/N, fuck!”

That did it for me. His high pitched moans always had me reeling, especially now that I felt the familiar tickle of another orgasm threatening to rip onto me and Jongho’s thrusts were getting sloppier  as he chased his own high.

"Look at me real quick," he urged. I did as told. "I love you, Y/N. More than you’ll ever know," he whispered as he tucked the stray hairs away from my eyes. "No matter what happens, I will always love you."

The desperation in his eyes scared me a bit. I blinked back the sudden sting of my tears as my emotions drove me greater heights of pleasure. Those three words were what I longed to hear all these years. “You’re not going to leave?” I choked.

”Love, that broken bridge was repaired a month prior, and I’m still here,” he gulped. “You can come now, give it to me.”

I came on command. It was the most intense orgasm Jongho had ever delivered to me.  I twisted and writhed underneath him as his thrusts began to speed up with his own orgasm.

He ignored my shrieks of overstimulation as he fucked me harder and harder.  His thrusts were becoming more and more erratic, and with trembling hands, I reached down and massaged his balls. With one hard thrust and a loud roar, Jongho came inside me, splattering my walls with his cum. 

Between ragged breaths, the both of us slowly came down from our euphoric high. "Was I too rough on you?" Jongho asked softly. Long gone was the sex demon. "Are you hurt?"

"No," I mumbled under my breath. "A bit sore since it's been a while. You were perfect."

"Mmm," he hummed in response. I gasped a bit when he suddenly stood up and began to carry me. "Let's get you cleaned up," was all he said before he started walking to the bathroom. 

I was so out of it that the next thing I knew was that we were both soaking in the bathtub, just enjoying each other's presence. I have never felt so peaceful in my life until now.

"Do you want me to wash your hair?" he thoughtfully asked.

"No, not now," I shook my head. "Just relax with me, are you okay with that?"

He hummed again. This was how he was, he never really talked a lot, and I was perfectly fine with it. I sat perfectly still in between Jongho's legs, leaning my head back on his chest as he played with my hair.

"You know what my biggest fears were during the five years we were apart?" Jongho suddenly said out of the blue just when I was about to fall asleep.

"No," I frowned. I was under the assumption that he was too preoccupied to focus on my memory back then. "What were they?"

"That I'll only remember your face, but not your name," he kissed my temple and his lips lingered there. "That I'd forget you, but not the time we spent."

𝐎𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟏, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏

We fell in love in September. It was as if no time had passed between the two of us and we resumed that flame that once burned for our love.

"Smile," I urged him as I raised the camera so I could take an updated selfie of the two of us.

At first, he rolled his eyes at my antics, but he smiled anyway and leaned closer to me. "Happy?" Jongho flicked my nose playfully. "You owe me something."

I giggled and I leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek but my eyes widened when he suddenly turned so our lips met instead. I felt him smile through the kiss and I knew he wanted to make out but I was laughing too much to continue.

His love was so warm and call me corny, but everything he did was so cute to me and I just wanted to explode.

He was my home. I have never felt more alive than when I was with Jongho. I know what love feels like - it feels beautiful, but it also hurts like nothing else. I suppose this 'true love', we always endured despite everything.

He was becoming less and less tense, something I never thought ever since he lost his temper back then when that man - Hongjoong - came around to visit. I wasn't dumb, I knew Jongho was doing something shady, but I digress.

At this point, I don't want to know what Jongho has been doing in his spare time the last five years. Whatever it was, I can live not knowing what happened so long as Jongho stays with me like this for the rest of our days.

He may not be the Jongho I once and loved, but I was willing to love this new version of him even more.

"Why don't you get ready? Wear your best dress," he said when we broke apart. "Let's go out for dinner. My treat."

"You always treat me," I frowned. "Let's split."

"Would that make you feel better?" he wondered. "I don't believe in that stereotype, blossom. I just want food."

I laughed, but nodded anyway. "It would. You're my boyfriend, Jongho, not my bank account."

"It really isn't like that, but whatever you say," he shrugged. "How long will you take?"

I told him thirty minutes, but unfortunately, when he saw me in this black bodycon dress I purchased years ago, we got a bit frisky and let it out of our systems before we actually went out and drove.

"We're going to be late at our reservation, Jongie. Seriously?" I frowned as I hurried to do my makeup quickly using the side mirror of the car.

He scoffed after he parked. "Oh, please. You love my cum---"

"Anyway," I hissed, to which he laughed out loud. "Let's go, sex always makes me hungry."

"Well, I already had my fill," he shrugged. I stared at him, flabbergasted because there were people around us and they most definitely heard what he insinuated.

Jongho took me to the local steakhouse where Mingi worked part-time as a waiter. He was unimpressed as he begrudgingly trudged towards our table. "It's going to be chilly soon, you guys want to go inside?" Mingi offered.

"I've been cooped up in the house, fresh air is nice," I smiled as I gestured at the outdoor tables.

"What would you guys have?" Mingi asked in his professional mode. Jongho was about to speak when got cut off. "I wasn't asking you," he hissed.

"Song Mingi," I frowned. "Be nice."

"Let him," Jongho smirked as he chewed on the free bread given to us. "He was about to just leave, weren't you, Mingi?"

Mingi rolled his eyes but left anyway along with our order. I frowned when Jongho reached out for my hand across the table. "Did you really have to be like that to him?" I asked.

"No," he replied. "But I wanted to anyway."

"Choi Jongho!" I was slightly appalled. All Jongho did was stare blankly at me. Without breaking eye contact, he sensually kissed my palm. I reddened automatically.

"L/N Y/N," he teased playfully, taking great pleasure at my shyness.

"Come on, can't you be serious for once?" I pouted.

"I am being serious," he laughed, his beautiful smile filling in his precious face.

I stared at him, unimpressed. "Are you jealous of my closeness to Mingi?"

"Yes," he immediately answered. "A thousand percent."

My eyes widened in mild surprise. Something that never, ever changed in him was his jealousy. I wasn't expecting him to actually admit to it straight up because back then, he always denied being jealous.

"My baby bear, you know there's no point in feeling this way," I sighed, wrapping my hand in his. "You're the only one for me."

"It better stay that way," he smirked. He sat straighter to look at me, but then his smile dropped off a bit.

I didn't think of it at first, but then I gasped when his hold on my hand became tighter. I bit my lip, slightly ashamed that I was getting turned on by his light aggression. I waited for him to say something, but he stayed still in his seat.

I thought he was messing with me. I mean, the way he was staring at me could have melted me faster than the sun. It was intense, and if I'm being honest, it instilled fear in me.

"Jongho?" I called out softly when I realized that he wasn't going to say something. His eyes narrow down into dangerous slits. "You're scaring me..."

His grip on my hand tightens with a force. It wasn't enough to hurt, but it was enough for me to worry. My eyes widened at the gesture, and when I took a closer look at him, I realized that he wasn't directing his stare at me, but behind me.

Had he seen something, or worse, someone that made him so tense? I was genuinely concerned now, Jongho only acted like this whenever I tried to pry about his departure five years ago. I straightened up, maybe this was related to it?

"Do you trust me?" Jongho stopped me from looking behind me. I nodded, albeit hesitantly. His next words made me freeze.

"Then whatever happens, do not turn around. Act normal."

I tried my best to mask the fear that was overriding my body right now; the panic that scattered my brain. The hairs at the back of my neck suddenly rose, and I couldn't help but feel that someone was watching us from behind me. Or was that the paranoia talking?

Jongho suddenly motioned for me. "Pretend that you're going to give me a kiss," he ordered. When he saw my rigidness, his glare softened. "Please do as I say," he whispered, desperation evident in his voice.

"Jongho, what's going on?" My voice was shaky.

"I have no fucking time for this," he hissed, eyes widening in surging panic. "You either do it now, or we both die."

My breathing was erratic and the thumping of my heart was escalating. All the while, I thought that whatever Jongho was hiding from me was never going to hunt us down, or at least, not for a while. Suddenly, Hongjoong and Jongho's conversation floated in my head.

"You know they're just going to find you, correct?"

"Of course, I do. You play me for a fool."

"That's all I know. I won't tell anyone you're here, but if I were you, I would do something about it."

I thought wrong. With a deep breath, I stood up and leaned my head towards Jongho, as if I really was just going for an innocent kiss. 

"Stay still," he whispered when I got close enough. My breath hitched when Jongho drew his gun and it dawned on me that he basically used me as a shield so whoever was watching couldn't see.

"Remember what I told you that night?" Jongho asked when I sat back down. I gulped and nodded, my eyes still staring at the concealed weapon that he hid in his inner pocket. "Answer me."

"Yes, I-I remember," I stammered, rubbing my hands together to stop them from shaking so much. "I'm scared..."

He told me he will always love me no matter what happened, how could I forget? His eyes softened. "On the count of three," he began. "Get up, run, and never look back."

My heart exploded then and there. "What? No!" I winced when he attempted to shush me. "I am not leaving you, Jongho, please!"

Jongho's brows furrowed and he opened his mouth to say something but he froze when he realized that Mingi was approaching us with our ordered food. He cursed under his breath and tried to signal Mingi to stop walking.

Mingi, though visibly confused, does stop walking. But it was a mistake on Jongho's end, because whoever was watching had caught on.

"Get down, get down!" Jongho yelled when the first shot rang from a distance. My gasp was cut off from Jongho grabbing my arm painfully and dragging me down with him under the table.

Screams erupted from all over as the other patrons who came to eat had panicked all around us. Mingi dropped the food, startled, and immediately came running to me. "You both okay?" he asked when he ducked down along with us.

His eyes widened when he saw Jongho holding a pistol and then narrowed into slits. "What the hell have you gotten yourself into?" Mingi growled in annoyance.

"No time to explain," Jongho looked left and right, up and down, to check for more gunmen. He turned to Mingi hurriedly. "This table," he tapped it with his gun. "Let's use this as a barricade."

Both of them wasted no time quickly grabbing the heavy wooden table we were supposed to eat on and pushing it down. I tried to help by kicking the chairs away from us. I got startled onto ducking back down when more shots were fired in the air.

"Fucking hell," Jongho cursed out loud, jutting the arm that held the gun and aimed at that distance with precision. Mingi and I looked at each with worry and we both turned our eyes on Jongho's murderous form.

"Where's the quickest exit?" Jongho recoiled his pistol and bullet shells fell on the ground. Shivers travelled through my spine at how experienced Jongho seemed at doing gunfights.

Mingi pointed quickly to a door that was near us. Jongho cursed loudly, it wasn't difficult to go to the door, but we would be exposed to the dangers of getting shot.

I flinched when another shot rang into the air and then screamed when a bullet landed inches away from where we were.

"On my count, both of you will run as fast as you both can to the door. I'll follow after," Jongho ordered both of us. But Mingi wasn't having it.

"Are you kidding me?" he gritted his teeth. "Whoever's out there will shoot us down!"

"And you'd rather we get shot here?" Jongho retorted back, rage etched on his face. It made him look terrifying, like I didn't know him to begin with.

Mingi raised his arm to try and push some sense into Jongho, but the latter put his gun up and pointed the barrel directly in between the former's brows. Mingi froze in his place. "I need her out of here," Jongho took one good look at me before glaring again at Mingi. "I won't hesitate to shoot you if it means getting your ass up to move."

"Fuck you," Mingi spat venomously at him. 

Jongho pulled the safety lever and positioned his finger in the trigger and Mingi visibly flinched. My jaw dropped and I called out for him to stop, but he ignored me. "I'm not playing with you, Song Mingi," he growls, his voice low and dangerous. "Do it."

"Just calm down, okay?" Mingi nervously laughed. Jongho cocks his head in my direction and Mingi gets moving. I was terrified - I could tell Jongho wasn't joking; he will shoot Mingi.

He positioned me in front of him and lowered my head down so my whole body was completely hidden. "Ready?" Mingi asked me softly.

Tears started to blur my vision. Tonight was supposed to be a good time, but alas, nothing really lasts forever - even guilty pleasures.

Jongho started the countdown, and the moment he said three, me and Mingi started running as fast as we could.

I yelped when I heard Jongho fire another shot in the air. I made the mistake of looking back and I almost stuttered in my steps when I saw two masked men running faster and faster in our directions while their big rifles were pointed at us.

My stomach started to churn along with the burn of my running legs - people want Jongho dead. And Jongho want these people dead. A question kept lingering in my mind, how many has he killed? How long has he been doing this?

"Hurry!" Mingi's deep, booming voice screamed for Jongho, his arms motioning for Jongho to move faster when the both of us went through the exit door. 

Jongho moved with deadly purpose. Little by little, my heart shattered as I watched him shoot two shots and hit someone square in the chest with his bullets. Mingi's hold on the door loosened as he watched the bloodbath along with me.

He was so close to the door too, all he had to do was sprint and Mingi would be able to close the door so the people firing at us wouldn't be able to enter the parking lot. 

I slowly realized that the man I loved was killing people left and right like it was nothing to him. It made me sick to my stomach, but what got me was the fact that my love for him never lessened even one bit. Even if he killed twice the amount, I'd still love him. It was sickening.

"Close the fucking door and go!" Jongho screamed at us as he unloaded more bullets at anyone he saw fit to shoot. He made eye contact with me, and for a split second, there was a flash of pain, but it was gone before he could shoot one more time.

"I hate you, Jongho, but I don't want you to die," Mingi snapped. "So get in here before I actually close this door on you!

It all happened in a matter of seconds. It seemed to snap Jongho into moving towards us, and so he started to run. The moment his foot stepped past the door, Mingi shut the door firmly and the three of us started running.

"You okay, love?" Jongho quickly grabbed me and kissed my head as we sprinted towards no direction in mind.

I nodded, the fear clear as day in my eyes. It hurt to see Jongho's resignation as he put the gun away back in his holster, something I didn't even notice when we left the house.

"We can't use my car," Jongho sighed loudly in irritation. "They know what it looks like." 

"Let's use mine then," Mingi began to run in the opposite direction of where we started from and Jongho and I had no choice but to follow him.

The aftermath was anticlimactic. Jongho directed Mingi to drive around in circles so we wouldn't have a tail, but we quickly went right back in track when we realized that we weren't even followed out. They both argued about what had just happened and in normal circumstances, I would have been happy about it. They were both like this even back in high school.

When Mingi dropped both of us at my house, I opted to enter first because those two were still fighting and I could hear them from the inside. I had no choice but to just watch from the window.

"You son of a bitch, what kind of trouble did you bring back to town?" Mingi shouted aggressively.

"Watch your fucking mouth," I heard Jongho hiss.

"Or what?" Mingi taunted, using one hand to viciously push Jongho around. "You're gonna shoot me?"

Jongho hissed in pain, clutching his arm where he had been pushed. Mingi gasped out so loud, it caught me off guard. His whole hand was red and covered in blood.

"Jongho?" Mingi worriedly went to him and quickly grabbed his arm. "You're bleeding---"

My world shattered right then and there and I blanked out as I hurriedly ran towards Jongho and stared at his bleeding arm. "Y-You were shot?" I squeaked in fear when I realized that his whole jacket was soaked wet with blood.

"Get out of here, Mingi," Jongho groaned in pain, making both me and the taller man panic. "In case they find us here, I can only protect one of you..."

Mingi hesitated, regret filling his entire face, but he knew Jongho was right. After quickly saying goodbye and informing us that he'll stay with Wooyoung for now, he drove off away from the house and hopefully away from trouble.

"Don't cry, my pretty love," Jongho chuckled when we finally relaxed and sat on the couch. "It was a graze, nothing to worry about..."

"Nothing to worry about?" Angry tears started to fall from my eyes. "Jongho, you scared the living hell out of me!"

Now that all of the adrenaline has worn off, my chest exploded and tears just started flowing out of me. I didn't want to cry, I wasn't the type to cry at anything in general, but I couldn't stop the overwhelming emotions that overtook all my senses.

"Nothing to be scared of, see?" Jongho tried to cheer me up when he took his jacket off and showed me that indeed, it was just a graze, but it didn't stop me from paling at the sight of his wound.

I blinked the remaining tears away, though at this point I wasn't sure where it was coming from - anxiety, exhaustion, or paranoia. It could be anything. I quickly got to work on the first aid kit and started patching him up.

"Are you ever going to tell me?" I sniffled as I wrapped the gauze all over his bulky arms. "That was an experience, Jongho, don't you think I deserve to know?"

Jongho flexed his arms before he lifted me up and sat me on his lap. He buried his head on my shoulders. "I'm sorry," his muffled voice said. "But I can't."

I sighed deeply, not at all surprised at his response. What he failed to understand was that I don't care about what he did, I just wanted to know if it was going to happen again. "You know I'm willing to endure everything for you?"

Jongho froze. He slowly lifted his head up to meet my eyes. There was an expression I thought I'd never, ever see in those beautiful eyes - fear.

His brows raised at the statement though, eyes roaming all over my face to search for any lies. "Yeah?"

I nodded, leaning down to give his lips a quick peck. "I mean it, Jongho. You could destroy this entire planet and I'd still stick by you."

His grip on my waist tightened and I thought it was because he was grateful for my words, but when Jongho's eyes hardened to a steely resolve, I started to panic. He was staring at me with this deep, unsettling eyes that I couldn't tell if it was awe, sadness, or anger.

"D-Did I say anything wrong?" 

"No," he shook his head, his knuckles softly grazing my cheeks. "I just never realized how far I'd go to keep you safe."

I swallowed a lump in my throat. "Come on," I urged him to get up. "Let's go rest. It's been a long night."

Sleeping would prove to be difficult tonight. I had a lot of things to think about, but so did Jongho. The only difference was he had a lot of things that kept him awake at night and he was currently the reason why I couldn't sleep tonight.

"Y/N?" Jongho called out of the blue as we both laid down in the darkness. I hummed a response. "If I hadn't knocked on your door a couple of months ago, would you have already moved on from me by now?"

His question caught me completely off guard. "Probably not," I answered him truthfully. "You?"

"Ten years would have passed and I'd still love you the same, if not more," he whispered. "Have you ever hated me?"

"Absolutely," I replied without missing a beat. "I went mad being in love with you. I lost myself loving you and to this day, there are still parts of me I can never get back again."

Jongho heaved a weighted sigh. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You did what you felt was right, and I was well within my rights to bear whatever made me feel right."

"Right. Why didn't you give out your heart again?"

I couldn't help but chuckle without humour. "It's not that. I don't want to trust my heart to anyone. Why are you asking these anyway?"

"No reason," Jongho yawned. "I was just curious."

I didn't reply. I had a terrible feeling that sank in my stomach, but I decided to ignore it for now. Maybe it was just the adrenaline rush of it all, being in a near death situation puts your mind in dangerous places.

Moments later, Jongho’s breathing evened out and that’s how I knew he was already sleeping. I watched him sleep for a little, he looked so peaceful, as if he wasn’t the man who used a gun so flawlessly, you’d think he was in an action movie of some sorts. He was a ghost of the man I used to know.

It was the worst sleep of my life. It wasn’t even this bad when I was heartbroken when he left. All the events of what happened tonight kept replaying in my head and I kept waking up in a cold sweat. I would go back to sleep and then wake up again. It was such a vicious cycle.

“Is everything okay, blossom?” Jongho asked me the next day when he noticed me spacing out in our living room.

"Huh? Oh, yes. Everything's okay," I lied through my teeth.

I couldn't possibly tell him that I was apprehensive about something that I couldn't put my finger on. There was this feeling in my gut, and there was another in my heart and they were both so contradictory that I didn't know which one to believe in right now.

My gut said that something was wrong, but my heart was telling me to trust Jongho a little more this time.

"Are you sure?" Jongho hugged me from behind and kissed my shoulders. He pointed at the purse I was holding. "Going out?"

"The grocery store. I want to make dinner for you since we couldn't enjoy last night," I turned around and looped my arms around his neck and pressed a chaste kiss on his lips. "Happy Birthday, my love."

He smirked. "You remembered?"

"Of course I did. I celebrated it every year even after you left," I admitted, shame suddenly creeping up on me.

His eyes softened and he grabbed my face and gave it little peppered kisses. "I love you," he whispered. "More than you will ever understand."

He pulled me into a hug. It was the tightest hug I've ever received from him. "For as long as we both exist in this life, I am all yours," he breathed me in. "I will always go to you. If I can't walk, I will crawl. If they take my sight, I'd give up my eyes to see you one more time. No matter how broken I am, I will never stop fighting for you..."

He kissed my forehead tenderly. "You're my everything."

Tears began to prick at the back of my eyes. "Is everything okay?" I frowned. "You're freaking me out."

"No. Just wanted to let you know how I felt for you," he chuckled. He urged me to the door. "Run along to the groceries, love. Wouldn't want to miss that dinner for anything else."

I shrugged and went out the door to hurry up and get going, but not before looking back, only to see Jongho already staring at me. For a moment, we just stared at each other. Something wasn't sitting right with +me. 

He mouthed for me to go with a small smile and an even smaller wave of his hand. The further I walked away, it was as if Jongho's was also slowly slipping away from me.

I couldn't concentrate on shopping. The goal was to get some stuff for Jongho's birthday, yet every time I stopped in an aisle, I would pause and space out, only for me to forget what I was in there for. The process would repeat and I was losing my mind.

On the other hand, his declaration of love for me made my heart extremely warm. He wasn't one to confess his feelings like that, and so was I. I was so lost inside my head, when I looked down on my cart, there was barely enough stuff in it.

I spaced out so bad that I didn't notice that I bumped onto someone. "I'm sor---Sannie?"

"I've been trying to get your attention for a while now," San frowned. I remembered that he had a shift today. "Are you okay? You look ill."

"I-I don't know," I admitted. "I don't feel so good."

San held my arm and I leaned onto him for support. "Want me to call Wooyoung to take you home?" San offered. "Where's Jongho?"

Something clicked in me at the mention of Jongho's name. I began to pull away from San. "I-I need to go," I murmured before making a run towards the door, not caring if San screamed for my name or the other shoppers looking at me like I just lost my mind.

I ran like hell, tears starting to form in my eyes. That confession meant something. I could hardly breathe, my chest filling with that dread I felt five years ago as my legs started to carry me back to my house. I didn't even realize that I was already crying, salty tears trailed to my mouth as I ran even faster.

I had to pause in my driveway to catch my breath. What would have taken me fifteen minutes of leisure running from the store back here only took me seven minutes in my panic. As I approached the front door, I felt lightheaded from the lack of air in my lungs, my hands were shaking terribly as I pushed the door open.

"Jongho?" I called out. My vision was still blurry with tears, but I was sure Jongho wasn't in my line of sight? "Jongho?!"

The house felt eerie. Not even an hour ago, Jongho and I were here just confessing our love to one another. "Jongho!" I called out louder, kicking the door down to his room in my desperation.

There was no answer, and there was no Jongho.

"Jongho, please," I was sobbing now. "This isn't funny, Jongho!"

I looked all over the house, even though at the back of my head, I knew my love wasn't here anymore. I went back to his room, horrified to find that his clothes were all gone. "J-Jongho," my voice rasped as I ran through every corner of my house, hoping that all of this was a sick joke.

I broke down, my legs wobbling until I crumpled on the floor, and I cried my eyes out. Jongho was gone, and this time, I knew for a fact that he wasn't coming back.

A part of me was hoping that he would come back after a day or two, after all, he did come back to me after five years. But I knew better - that declaration earlier sounded final. I couldn't stop picturing his face when he told me he loved me, I couldn't stop hearing his voice, and that just made me cry even harder than before.

Deep, gut-wrenching sobs and wails slipped past my lips and I buried my face in my hands in a sorry attempt to conceal the harsh sounds of my cries, but it was useless. My heart was so broken, there was a gaping hole in my chest where it used to be.

The force of my own sobs were straining my head and neck, but I couldn't seem to stop. I knew this day would come eventually, that Jongho would one day leave, but I thought we had it so good that he's changed his mind.

And I knew he changed his mind. He wasn't going to leave me anymore. So where was he?

I heard the front door creak open and the gasp that followed at my devastated, crumpled form on the floor. I felt someone kneel next to me, their own sobs filling the room as they tried to help me sit up. At first, my heart had hope, but from the touch, I could instantly tell who it was, and it wasn't Jongho.

"Babe, what's going on?" Wooyoung's panicked voice asked me hurriedly. He was openly sobbing with me. "San called me in hysteria earlier. Come here, oh my God..."

He quickly pulled me into his arms and I fell onto him instantly, burying my face in his chest and clutching shirt as I bawled helplessly. Wooyoung's body was shaking against mine as I felt his own tears fall on my hair. I have never, ever cried like this in front of anyone, and I can tell it was stressing Wooyoung out.

"Just let it out, shh," he hushed me, rocking back and forth to help soothe me, but the only person who could successfully soothe me had left.

"W-Woo," I mewled. "J-Jongho..."

"Did he hurt you?" Wooyoung instantly snarled, ready to beat up the man that wasn't even here anymore.

"Here," I weakly pointed at the center of my chest. "My h-heart..."

I told him everything. From Hongjoong visiting Jongho randomly one night, the gunfight with Mingi - to which his eyes widened and he exclaimed that Mingi never told him, but he could tell the taller was anxious - all the way from today where San saw me spacing out.

"I am so, so sorry. Are you okay?" Wooyoung asked tentatively, worry in his eyes as he helped me to my room. I almost lost control of my emotions then and there.

"Sorry, Wooyoung. You guys are always there to catch me when I'm feeling down," I hiccupped as he wrapped a blanket all over my body to comfort me.

He kneeled in front of me and shook his head. "You're our best friend," he assured. "We're worried about you," he patted my thighs twice. "Let me just call San to tell him you're fine now, okay?"

I wanted to hate Jongho. All this sadness was turning into anger because it was easier to be mad at him than deal with all the grief and loss he bestowed on me. But I couldn't. I had fallen for him twice and it was difficult to ignore the loneliness that was creeping in my heart.

"Yeah, she's good," I heard Wooyoung from outside my door. "I'm more shaken up, you should've seen her, Sannie. She was so broken..."

I could hear San's worried voice from Wooyoung's phone as the former paced all over my house. Tears began to form in my eyes again, but I tried to stop them. I didn't want to worry anyone anymore.

"He left, yes, he did," Wooyoung gritted. "I knew that asshole was trouble, goddamn it, he should've just stayed where he was at---wait."

I frowned at Wooyoung's sudden pause. He began whispering onto the phone and I had to strain my ears to listen to what he was saying.

"...by the kitchen..." Wooyoung's voice trailed off. 

I heard his footsteps get faster and faster and I realized that he was running. I was so confused, especially when I saw him approach me with a letter in his hand. 

"I found this," he handed me the letter, not bearing to look me in the eye. "I think...I'll step out of the house for a bit while you read it."

I eyed the small piece of paper in my hand, not knowing what to do with it exactly. I know it's bad when Wooyoung has to step out. He had the most forlorn, lost, and broken look in his face and it made me so nervous. I wasn't stupid, I know Jongho left me another letter.

I slowly unfolded the paper, and I was correct. Jongho had this distinct penmanship - it was cursive, it was beautiful, and it was his. Tears flowed from my eyes and dripped onto the paper as I read, my hands shaking as I tried not to crumple the paper with how emotional I was being.

You will heal and you will learn how to live without me. Until then, I’m going to set things straight on my end and I will find you when time permits. My soul will find yours again.

𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟓, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏

The pain got worse as time went on. I had no idea how much time had passed, but I assumed it'd been a while.

I had no desire to do anything. My laundry was piled in one messy basket, my garden plants were all dead, any form of self care besides showering and brushing my teeth was beyond me. It wasn't a way to live, I was a shell of my former self.

Sleep wasn't better either. I hardly got enough hours every night. But by far the worst was my solitude. Being alone in my thoughts was such a dangerous thing. 

There were multiple times where I wanted to end everything, but the fact that I wouldn't remember Jongho anymore stopped me. It was such a vicious cycle in my own head and I just want them to stop.

San would always get me my groceries for Wooyoung to cook and Mingi would always force me to eat something. The food was delicious, it was my stomach that was rejecting it because it would churn the moment anything went into it.

I was always worried for them because sometimes I'd hear one of them get emotional at my depressed state, so I knew I had to conquer my demons if I was to not make my friends worry, but how I was supposed to do that? I couldn't even go into Jongho's room without bawling my eyes out.

I wore a hoodie that Jongho left behind and laid myself down on his bed, something I've been doing to cope for the last couple of months. Tears automatically sprung in my eyes. Everything was always so warm in his clothes and on his bed, just like him.

What was worse was that I could still smell him like he was still here. It felt like a blow to my chest. His scent was so strong that I could have sworn he was still here. How long would it take for his presence to completely disappear? How long would it be until this room is nothing but a space full of unwanted memories?

A tear finally slipped down my cheeks. Jongho and I were talking a lot about our future and he always looked so alive whenever we did. I knew he was truly happy. Sometimes, I'd think I was dreaming because I still didn't want to let him go. We were through before we had truly begun.

Jongho told me that I had to live without him. How was I supposed to do that? This darkness always threatened to swallow me whole.

And so I cried. I cried for the love me and Jongho had always meant to have, but never will. I cried for Jongho and the path he took that overtook him. I cried for myself, most of all, because I knew that I was never going to be the same ever again.

As I was about to relapse into another mental breakdown, a loud knocking from my door interrupted me. I quickly wiped all of my tears away and hoped that my face wasn't swollen enough for Wooyoung to berate me, then cry with me.

"I'm coming," I grumbled loudly when more knocking ensued.

It was probably Mingi. I had a doorbell and he knew it, but he always thought of the stupidest things to try and get me up so I couldn't lay down in bed all day. It worked, but sometimes, it pissed me off to no end.

Imagine my surprise when I opened the door and saw that it was not, in fact, Mingi.

"L/N Y/N?" the random stranger asked. I nodded slowly, a little too depressed to even care and ask how this man knew my name and my address.

He wasn't a bad looking man, rather, he looked quite pleasant. He had the most intimidating persona I have ever seen, the aura and energy he gave out made me shrink from where I was standing. He wore this tight fitting business suit that reminded me of CEOs rather than businessmen. 

"C-Can I help you, Sir?"

"It's more like me helping you instead of the other way around," the man gave me a wolfish grin. "We should talk inside."

I frowned, gripping the doorknob tightly and ready to slam it if this man tried something sketchy. Despite the haze of sadness, I was sentient enough to not let in random people, especially as arrogant as this one.

"You're going to want to hear me out," he tried to bargain. "It's about Jongho."

My expression must have been so crestfallen that the smirk that threatened to come out of him slowly disappeared the closer he stared at me. Despite myself, my bottom lip wobbled and I bit on it to stop it from doing it, but to no avail.

"Oh, Lord have mercy, he ruined you," the man sighed. "I give you my word that I am not going to hurt you in any sort of way, so please, let's talk inside."

I had nothing to lose because I had nothing to live for now, so I just let him in anyway. I was semi happy that he had the decency to remove his shoes and sat on my couch after I had sat on it. It was a basic form of respect.

"My name is Park Seonghwa and Jongho works under my department," the man started. "And I owe you an explanation."

I blinked at him multiple times. I don't know what I was expecting, and to be honest, I had no expectations, but I certainly was not expecting that.

"E-Excuse me?" I sputtered out. "Department?"

"Where's your television remote?" Seonghwa asked. I blankly pointed it at him and he clicked my TV open. "There's something I have to show you..."

He kept flipping through different channels until he found the one he was looking for. I was extremely confused, but I decided not to question it and just see what he wanted to show me. Something tells me that I wasn't going to like what I'm about to see.

It was some sort of press conference and it was live. There were reporters going absolutely crazy over a couple of people and guards trying to stop them from forming a horde. It was a hot mess. I side eyed Seonghwa and he was just staring blankly at the television, like he was already expecting things to happen.

Suddenly, the camera panned to a stage where a couple of people who wore suits and some people with handcuffs were getting swarmed by the crowd. 

I knew what this was. It was the controversial fight between the Korean Force and the rising mafia family that orchestrated bank heists all over the city and a select few towns like where I was - like that bank Jongho used to work at.

At first I was still confused, that is, until I saw a familiar figure standing in the back. He was wearing a mask, but I knew it was him. My hands flew to my mouth before my eyes widened and more tears formed. 

"I am Second Director Kang Yeosang, in charge of the capture of the most notorious group that has been running rampant in our city," a man spoke from the television.

"What is the meaning of this?" I gasped at Seonghwa. He didn't say anything and pointed at the television again.

"The credit goes to all our wonderful Agents who aided in their capture," the man gestured to where Jongho was. He looked so stiff, so rigid, but I knew he was the man I loved - the man who hurt me deeply.

The TV was suddenly turned off, but honestly, I couldn't bear to look at it for another second longer anyway, else I might break down completely, and I did not want to do that with a random stranger in my house.

“Do you have any idea as to why Jongho had to leave you all of a sudden five years ago?” Seonghwa asked me, his eyes showing genuine curiosity.

I gulped nervously. “Hell, if I knew,” I scoffed. Then, I realized something that made my heart drop. “Are you telling me that he left me for the mafia, or something?”

Seonghwa smirked. “Not quite. I would say he joined the group that stopped the mafia.”

No amount of self-control could have stopped me from the sheer surprise that crossed my face. “Impossible,” I shook my head in denial. “Jongho would never put himself in a position that purposely put his life in danger, let alone do something like that...”

“Are you sure about that?” Seonghwa crossed his arms. “I could tell you what happened, but do you want to hear it?”

No. Accepting what Seonghwa was saying means that I have to face the reality that Jongho really did choose to go his way and make his future without me, but not accepting it amps my fear for the truth. I nodded in resignation and Seonghwa began to talk. 

“First of all, I would like you to know that Jongho joined us by method of force,” he said. “In fact, he wanted out so badly that he threatened us that he’ll bite his tongue. Literally.”

My heart dropped at the newly found information and my hands were already shaking, but I let him continue. “It was supposed to be a successful operation, we were tracking a series of money laundering crimes and we chose the bank that Jongho worked at as the place for our sting operation.”

“Long story short,” he continued. “Jongho saw something he wasn't supposed to. Did you know what his position was at the bank?”

“A t-teller,” I replied, my voice also shaking. I wanted to cry, Jongho had been carrying that burden all by himself.

“Right. Unfortunately, Jongho found out that we were having an operation that day. He suspected that something was wrong with the enemy’s bank information, so he started snooping and saw every illegal money deposit in it.  We couldn't have that, it was either we killed him or he joined us.”

“What?” I couldn’t help but hiss at him. “It wasn’t his fault,” I snapped. “Your failure on your operation does not constitute an emergency on his part!”

All Seonghwa did was smirk at me and it pissed me off. I glared at him, but he just shrugged. “I’m not saying you’re wrong,” he stated. “In fact, I agree with you. I never wanted him, Jongho was just a boy.”

My face fell as I limply fell back on my seat, defeated and in disbelief. “I’m a failure,” I sarcastically laughed. “All this time I thought he left me because he didn’t want me as his partner anymore.”

“Not your fault,” Seonghwa sighed. “We were the ones who told him he had to leave you. It was either he told you, but then he’d have to take you, or keep you in the dark but you’ll be safe. Obviously, Jongho chose to keep you safe.”

I couldn’t stop all the tears that suddenly started to flow. It was both out of sadness and relief. After five long years, I now had the answers I’ve always wanted to desperately know.

But was it worth it?

“I wasn’t supposed to tell you any of this. My superiors don’t know I’m here,” Seonghwa said after he had waited for me to calm down and compose myself. I’ll give him that, I appreciated it. “Jongho loved you so, so much.”

I stared at him, waiting for him to continue. “Our training was in the United States, Lord knows how many times he got punished for trying to escape and come back here in Korea,” he chuckled. “You know, I grew to care for that kid. I owe this to him after years and years of denying him any contact with you.”

Jongho wanted to contact me all these years? I had to bite my thumb to stop myself from shedding more tears, but Seonghwa grabbed my sleeves to stop me from hurting myself further. 

“That capture on the television, that was his doing. What would have usually taken ten years of a normal agent, Jongho cut in half all because he wanted to see you again.”

“Hongjoong told me you saw them talking that night?” Seonghwa asked. I nodded in conformation. “He didn’t mean any harm. Jongho wasn’t supposed to be here, let alone disappear for a couple of months. We covered for him, but it was only a matter of time until our higher ups found out.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. All these years I was wallowing myself in pity and Jongho had been suffering overseas because of something that wasn’t even his fault. All this time, this was what Jongho had been hiding.

”What was he doing here in the first place then?”

“He wanted to see you one more time before he went into hiding so we could erase all his ties to the CIA, so I allowed him. Imagine my surprise when he didn’t come back anymore. Hongjoong had barely found this place.”

I remember that day like it just happened. I will never forget the day I started being alive again when he showed up at my door. The storm had been an excuse after all, and that bridge falling over wasn’t part of his plans. It was no wonder he was extremely angry when it broke.

”And the shooting a couple of months back?” I asked. I didn’t even need to elaborate, his face already showed that he knew what I was talking about.

He shook his head. “That was the mafia set to eliminate Jongho.”

My blood ran cold. That meant that we were that close to actually losing our lives. My face fell, that almost meant that Jongho left me for the second time for the same reason he had the first time - to protect me.

Seonghwa patted my shoulders. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way,” he spoke silently. “It’s almost over, he’ll be back.”

I froze, craning my head in his direction, my breath hard and laboured. “Y-You mean that?”

He nodded. “You have my word. And I’ve never gone back on my word before.”

Hours after Seonghwa had said his goodbye and left, I still stayed unmoved from my spot, unwilling to get up just yet for fear that everything I just found out, I’d suddenly forget. I stared at the card that he had left on the table that contained his contact number, not knowing what to do with it exactly.

One good thing that came out of there was that the heavy weight that loomed over my shoulders was suddenly lifted and the relief it brought had made it easier for me to finally breathe.

I have everything I would wish for right now. All these years, I thought I was looking for happiness or the will to move on, but all this time, relief has always been the one I was after - it was what finally set me free.

I closed my eyes, I can almost picture Jongho’s smile when he looked at me for the last time before he went his way.

Life was so cruel, wasn't it? Fate had allowed me and Jongho to meet and fall in love again and gave me a taste of what it would have been like had he not left, only for the same fate to yank it all away. 

What’s worse was that I would do it all over again, even when I knew that our love would end as a tragedy. I would give everything just to feel his warmth, even if it’s only a second. I would endure anything.

Suddenly, Jongho’s absence didn’t feel so heavy after all. For the first time in a while, there was a small smile on my face.

𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟗, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

The arches of my brows creased as I glanced up to the bright, blue sky. The tip of my nose was red, but it was okay.

My hands can't seem to feel themselves as I walk out. It wasn't even that bad, I thought, before I left my rented studio apartment without bringing my trusty wool coat. By the time I realized that the wind had picked up, it was already too late to turn back and grab it. 

I can almost taste the bitter cold hitting my skin, but I was happy anyway. Autumn was my favourite season, I love the colours and the cozy pumpkin spice flavoured things, and most of all, it was also Jongho’s favourite season. 

It’s been three years since that fateful day. I slowly got over the pain, but I never forgot what it felt like. I still had that note he gave me, I could never throw it away even if I wanted to.

I couldn't forget him, if I tried.

I did, however, decide to move away from South Korea all the way to the other side of the world in France. I couldn't bear to stay in the house where all the four corners had Jongho in it, so I decided to sell it. I made the impulse to apply for corporate work, courtesy of Choi San, and so far, Marseille has been nice to me.

And speaking of San, he took that giant leap and found love. The only thing surprising about it was that it was in Song Mingi. It wasn't because of anything bad, it was because I never even noticed the tension between them. I may or may not have cried at their obvious happiness. 

Wooyoung was the only one who came with me to my journey in another country. For a while, we both lived together in my apartment here, but he got addicted to the feeling of traveling and now, he's been painting the town red somewhere in Italy.

I've never seen or heard from Jongho ever again. He hasn't contacted me  whatsoever. The constant visits from Seonghwa doesn't really count, though I have grown a somewhat decent relationship with him and found out he was actually a nice man.

He hasn't found me and to be quite honest, I quit searching for him after a while. It was eating away at my life and it wasn't a healthy way for me to cope at his loss. I just hope he found somewhere safe to settle where the mafia couldn't reach or hurt him.

"Ticket for one?" the attendant from the museum entrance kindly asked me.

"Yes, please. Thank you," I smiled back. Today, I decided to treat myself to a day off by going to this local museum I've been eyeing for a while.

"Do you wish to get upgraded for the fair in the back?" they asked me after handing in my ticket.

I tilted my head in confusion. "Fair?"

"Ah, there is a local fair that comes here every year. The museum decided to collaborate this year to garner more people to come."

It was an easy yes for me. I haven't been to fairs in a while and I remembered loving them as a kid. It almost denied it though, all my memories of me going to one had all been with Jongho. He loved Ferris Wheels the most.

As I admired the museum collection, I couldn't help but rejoice because of how much I've grown into myself. Moving was definitely difficult at first, but I've managed to wiggle my way to success, or at least, my definition of success. Slowly, I began to put Jongho at the back of my mind.

I suddenly remembered what Jongho said to me three years ago about his fear. 

That I'll only remember your face, but not your name. That I'd forget you, but not the time we spent.

I chuckled. What a terrible lie that had been on his end. There was no way I was forgetting him in any way, shape, or form.

There wasn't much in the museum, it was quite small, so I went straight to the fair and I was pleasantly surprised because it resembled a carnival more than anything. There was the usual fair food and the carnival-esque rides, like roller coasters and adult carousels.

But most of all, the biggest Ferris Wheels I have ever seen in my life was right here. I smiled, I will definitely have to come back to that.

It was great, as expected for fairs. The food was absolutely fantastic, and I have a thing for their huge cotton candies. I knew then and there that I made the correct decision to go here for my day off.

"Excuse me? Is this seat taken?"

I was so lost in my thoughts that I was a bit startled when a masculine voice sounded to my side. I turned my head and I swear my heart dropped to my foot instantly.

"N-No," I stammered, redness spreading all over my face. "Y-You can t-take it if you want."

The man smirked and took the seat anyway. I didn't say a word - I couldn't - but neither did he. Rather, we basked in the sun that was shining directly to where we were both seated even though it was cold.

He was absolutely gorgeous. I have never, ever seen a man so stunning that it rendered me speechless for a bit. His brown cashmere coat perfectly complemented his physique. His cropped out hair fitted him well, and the way he carried himself was what was interesting to me.

His eyes were something else. There was a swirling mixture of amber as the tiniest bit of sun hit him made it very mesmerizing to stare at.

And those same pair of eyes were now staring at my very own. 

I was shocked. I felt the shame slowly creep in and my face turn the reddest it has ever been in my life. I looked away clearly flustered and looked down on the forgotten sweetness of the cotton candy I hadn't touched again since this man sat down next to me.

Darn it, darn him for giving me the subtlest smirk as I looked away. From my peripheral vision, I can see him still looking at me, unblinking. I got so conscious that I didn't realize that I was holding my breath steadily.

I definitely looked like I was creeping on him. I almost hit myself in frustration. This is what happens when you're touch starved from a man for so long. I should have smiled back at him, I mean I still could given the fact that I can feel the hairs on my arms stand up in attention to his still unrelenting stare at me.

"How are you liking the carnival?" he had asked.

His voice was calming and it had automatically brought a sense of peace in me. I almost chastised myself, there was no need to be on edge. After all, I was here to relax, not to be awkward with the people I encounter.

"It's good," I shrugged. "I kind of wish it wasn't as cold as it was today. You? What brings you here?"

It was his turn to shrug. "Just to relax. I need to unwind after my work and all. It's stressful, you know?"

I nodded, surprising the need to smile. "Oh? What do you do?"

He chuckled, putting his hands in his pockets, his form also visibly relaxing. "Nothing interesting. There's just a lot of paperwork involved in it, that's all."

"I see," I murmured, trying to avoid eye contact all over.

I'm not sure when the tension started. Perhaps it was a subliminal thing. Or maybe, it was the physical proximity. Despite the cold weather, I could feel the smoldering heat from where he sat. He's been pretty respectful of the distance though, aside from the occasional stare he would point at me, but so far, I don't mind it.

"You don't look like you're from here," I pointed out, trying to start up a conversation. "What brings you to France?"

He hummed before responding. "I'm trying to find my purpose. I lost it a couple of years ago and now I'm intent on getting that back in my life," the man gazed at me meaningfully. "Sometimes you don't know what you have before it's all gone."

I gave him a tight smile. "And this," I waved my hand around. "Purpose, so to speak, how important is it to you?"

"Everything," he replied so fast it actually scared me a bit. He was looking at me dead in the eye too. "It means everything to me. I...made a lot of mistakes in my past, but now I'm here to make up for all of those."

I stared at him for a couple of minutes and he held eye contact with me, unblinking and unmoving. Was this my sign to move on from the past?

"Well, I wish you all the luck," I told him sincerely. "I suppose I can relate. I put my life on halt a couple of years ago, myself. My purpose had left me."

The man frowned and then sighed wistfully. "And how did that make you feel?"

It was a question I wasn't expecting. Suddenly, it was just the two of us, the carnival fading onto the background. "I was devastated," I admitted truthfully. "But not anymore. I know my purpose will always find me wherever I go."

There was a pleasant surprise on the man's face before he broke out into the most painfully beautiful smile I had ever seen. "I'm sure this world has been dying to give you your purpose back."

I went rigid at his statement. This world had been the one that orchestrated me and Jongho's end. It let me love and be loved again in return, and that same blessing turned out to be my biggest curse. I was this close to having it all, and now, I just stood still on the ashes of all my memories.

"Did I say something wrong? I apologize," he frowned.

I waved my hand. "No, you didn't. I, uh, just remembered something very unpleasant on my end."

He hesitantly held his hand out for me and motioned for me to grab it. "It's a beautiful day today," he mused out. "Would you like to ride that thing with me?"

He pointed at the big 'ol Ferris Wheel that was situated at the end of the fair, though it wouldn't have mattered. It was big enough for everybody to see. The way he smiled at me was of unbridled confidence and I can tell then and there, that he doesn't know how to lose.

"Let's," I smiled brightly and held his hand with the perfect squeeze and prolonged eye contact.

I could tell that it caught him off guard, but it didn't stop him from squeezing my hand back and leading me towards the line so we could get on the ride.

"Mind if I do this?" he asked, hesitantly putting his arms across my shoulder.

I shook my head. "Not at all."

My heart flipped incessantly in my chest when I felt him squeeze my shoulder once before pulling me plush on his chest. I blushed profusely, I can smell his cologne. It was fresh with hints of something citrusy, and by God, I couldn't help but close my eyes.

"Getting comfortable there, aren't we?" I could hear the smirk in his voice when I leaned my head against his shoulders.

I looked up at him with a playful smile. "Would you like me to stop?"

"No," he replied instantaneously. It was my turn to smirk at him.

It was pretty uneventful afterwards, and the next thing I knew, we were sitting across each other inside the little passenger cabin, or whatever that was called, and up we went really, really slowly, but surely.

The view from up here provided a perspective that only something from this afar would provide. It makes me realize that we are nothing but specks in this world, and our problems are usually so small compared to what everyone else has.

"The last time I was here was with someone really dear to me," he suddenly began to speak as he stared at the view with me. 

I squirmed in my seat, but I forced myself to look at him. "I'm sure they loved it here as much as you did," I said. "Do you miss them?"

"There has never been a day where I didn't," he said, melancholy seeping in his voice and in my heart.  He crossed his arms and heaved a sigh. "What about you?" He gave me a pointed look. "Have you ever been in love before?"

"Of course I have," I whispered, my voice thick and raw in the empty cabin we were in. "He had some things to finish, things that didn't involve me. Sometimes I think he already forgot me."

"What makes you think that?"

I smiled morosely at him. He was looking at me like I just tore my heart from my chest and presented it to him on a silver platter. "It's just my heart yearning for him," I shrugged. "I will forever treasure the rare love we both had, keep it as long as I live."

I lifted my head and looked him in the eye. "Even after everything, he was still the greatest thing that has ever happened to me."

"And what of you?" I asked when I saw that he wasn't going to say anything. "Have you ever been in love?"

He began to chuckle darkly, until he was fully laughing like I just said the most outrageous thing ever known to mankind. "The question is, when have I ever not loved you?" 

He was done playing this little game and so was I. All I could do was stare at Jongho, I couldn’t afford to be surprised when he suddenly sat with me earlier because we were in public, but now that it was just us, I couldn’t help all the hurt that suddenly came crashing down on me. 

But I wasn’t the only one. Jongho was struggling to contain himself, his breathing was laboured and any attempt to control his stance was long gone. “For three damn years,” Jongho chuckled bitterly. “All I ever wanted was you.“

I felt heat surge in my blood. “You were the one who left me,” I muttered. “You gave me misery I don’t want my enemies to feel.”

I almost didn’t want to forgive him. I could feel my bottom lip tremble so I bit it. I was terrified that if I let go, the dam would burst. Jongho heaved a shaky sigh, his eyes looking at me with such longing that I almost felt bad. 

“I’m sorry,” his voice was thick with emotion. “I am so, so sorry, Y/N. I’m so tired.”

His voice cracked towards the end and I put my knuckles in my mouth to prevent myself from crying. How could I get mad at him? None of it was his fault, everything he did, both the good and the bad, all of it was to keep me safe from something he didn’t even want nor could control.

“You were my lifeline, whether you knew it or not,” Jongho began. “I’ve done a lot of stuff, things I had to do, and were forced upon me, but whenever I’d think of you, everything seemed to be alright, and whenever I was this close to losing myself, your image in my head always put me back on solid ground.”

“So please,” Jongho was shaking, trembling, as he put his hands up together like he was praying. "I'm begging you, Y/N, please have me. I’m so exhausted of not having you with me, I can’t take it anymore.”

I have never seen him this desperate before, or was I only seeing what I wanted to? Upon closer inspection, underneath all his handsome features was a man who lost his mind so long ago. His eyes were sunken, lips chapped, skin pale. 

I’d made up my mind. I’d always viewed his love as something celestial, and he always made me feel divine. Despite all that happened, his eyes still held that gentleness I loved him for. He was my sweet summer sun, I could lay with him and always feel his warmth. 

“I can’t survive without you anymore, blossom, I’m at my limit,” Jongho’s eyes reddened with emotions. “You don’t have to love me back like you used to and you don’t have to belong to me, but please, let me be yours.”

My heart began to beat so fast, I was scared that it was going to pop out of my chest and I wouldn't have time to catch it

He held my hand and held it tight. “Director Jeong and Director Kang were pleased at my work, and they gave me a lot of payment for it. It’s also for the life they stole from me,” he swallowed tentatively. “We’re set for life.”

I was hesitant, but he wasn’t done. “I bought a house for us and our future family, if you’ll have me. I know you sold the old house,” he said, his first tear falling on my hands. “My dreams are so small, but it looks much bigger when I picture you with me.”

That did it for me, and then I was hysterically crying. My emotions were all over the place, at first, it was my grief. It felt so strong that I couldn't help but drown in it. I haven't cried in a while - years even. The familiarity of my tears comforted me in a messed up way.

I felt myself being pulled on a firm chest. "It's okay, love, hush now, you're okay," he rubbed my back soothingly. "I'm here now, I'm not leaving you ever again..."

"What took you so long?" I sobbed pitifully, hiccupping at every syllable. I thumped my fists on his chest. "Goddamn it, Jongho, stop doing this to me, my heart can only take so much---"

I was hastily pulled onto the best kiss of my life. We were so rough about it too, I could feel both of our teeth clash onto each other because of how much we wanted to breathe each other in, but I didn't care. These were three years of longing, yearning for each other as our tongues danced with each other in a battle for dominance.

I could feel his tears mesh with mine and eventually we broke our kiss. "It's over, love, it's over," Jongho's hands were shaking so badly when he leaned his forehead with mine as he cupped my face. "I'm out of the CIA, I'm sorry it took me three years, but I had to make sure nothing will separate us again."

I could feel the waves of my grief lessen as Jongho kept whispering sweet nothings in my ear, and they slowly ebb into relief as my chest gets flooded with overwhelming love for this man.

"Don't cry, my love, I'm here now," Jongho whispered as he wiped my tears with his thumbs. He gave me the sweetest kiss on the tip of my nose. "I'm not going anywhere this time."

I couldn't help but giggle. "You promise?" I sniffled loudly. "I-I can't do this again, Jongho. I'm going to die this time if you leave me again."

"I'm never letting you go," he smiled tightly. He pointed outside the cabin. "Look."

I stared in awe. We were at the highest point of the Ferris Wheel and the colourful sun was beginning to set. 

I buried myself onto his chest and he envelops me in a hug. "We made it," I murmured. He hummed. "I love you so much, Jongho."

I felt butterflies rush into my tummy, as if this was our first time all over again. He brought his lips closer to my ear. "I love you, too."

"How did you know I was here?" I couldn't help but wonder. "How did you find me?"

His embrace tightened and I couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped me. If someone had told me days ago that I would be this happy, I would have laughed at their faces. 

I never thought this day would come, and I'm not sure what the future holds, but I have a feeling that today marks the start of me and Jongho's happily ever after.

"I told you, didn't I?" Jongho smiled, grabbing my hand and planting a tender kiss on it. "My soul will always find yours."

Dividers from: @arcielee ❤️❤️❤️

[dullstyle]

☆Calling Ateez Your Husband While you two are just Friends☆

୨୧ Warnings: Sexual themes/ ideals in some member's messages୨୧

୨୧ Authors Note at the Bottom! Very Important! ୨୧

𝘒𝘪𝘮 𝘏𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘫𝘰𝘰𝘯𝘨 + 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘚𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘸𝘢

𝘑𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘠𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘰 + 𝘒𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘠𝘦𝘰𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘨

𝘊𝘩𝘰𝘪 𝘚𝘢𝘯

𝘚𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘔𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘪

𝘑𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘞𝘰𝘰𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 + 𝘊𝘩𝘰𝘪 𝘑𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘰

 ୨୧ Hello Lovelies! I just wanted to say thank you so much for being so patient with me, I have been out of town, sick, and I just had something big happen yesterday which I have been preparing for, for weeks. During the next few weeks, I should be able to post more regularly again because I am healing from yesterday's big thing! I already have San and Mingi's snapchats ready to post so those will be going up the next two days! If you have any ideas for text smau's or any other kind of fic ideas, please let me know! Once again thank you for being so so patient. ୨୧

୨୧ Taglist - @baby-stay92 ୨୧

[arilevenatz]

Royally Bound

Pairing: Prince!Seonghwa x reader

Genre: Arranged marriage au, fluff (omg so much of it)

Word count: 10k

Warnings: none :)

AN: Get ready to be bombarded with the most gentleman of gentleman Seonghwa. Omg he is so sweet to mc. I wrote this solely because I had a thought of ONE scene from this and I wrote an entire fic based on it. And don't forget to like and reblog pls it motivates me to write more!!!

Masterlist

In the heart of the flourishing kingdom of Eryndor stood a grand castle, its towering spires reaching toward the heavens as if to touch the very stars. Within its walls resided the royal family: King Park, a wise and benevolent ruler; Queen Park, a graceful and compassionate woman; and their only son, Crown Prince Park Seonghwa.

Prince Seonghwa was the embodiment of strength and discipline. His cold, straightforward demeanor had earned him a reputation as a strict and unyielding leader. While some whispered of his severity, the majority of Eryndor’s people revered him. For though his words were sharp and his judgments firm, his actions always spoke of his deep love for the kingdom.

Each morning, as the first rays of sunlight pierced through the castle windows, Seonghwa would rise, his mind already set on the day’s duties. From overseeing military drills to attending council meetings, his meticulous nature allowed no room for error. He walked the castle halls with a commanding presence, his dark eyes scanning every corner, every detail, ensuring that everything was in its rightful place.

Despite his stern exterior, Seonghwa’s heart was one of quiet devotion. He spent hours in the castle library studying the histories of past kings and queens, seeking wisdom to guide his future rule. He visited the kingdom's towns and villages, speaking to the people not with flowery words but with a genuine desire to understand their struggles.

Even in the grand halls of the castle, where the kingdom’s most influential figures gathered for meetings and important events, Crown Prince Seonghwa was a figure of quiet authority. Draped in royal attire that reflected his status, he sat at the long, ornate table, his posture impeccable, his expression unreadable.

Unlike many who sought to fill the air with their voices, Seonghwa remained silent, his sharp eyes observing every gesture, every word exchanged. He spoke only when addressed directly, and even then, his responses were concise and precise, like arrows hitting their mark.

At times, his silence unnerved those around him. Ministers and advisors would glance at him nervously, uncertain of what he might be thinking. Yet, when he did speak, his words carried such weight and clarity that they often silenced the entire room.

During a particularly heated council meeting, where arguments about the kingdom’s trade policies had reached a crescendo, Seonghwa had remained still, his gaze shifting between the quarreling parties. Finally, when the king himself turned to him for his opinion, Seonghwa’s voice cut through the chaos like a blade.

“Trade benefits the kingdom only when it is fair and sustainable,” he stated coldly. “If you cannot negotiate terms that protect Eryndor’s interests while maintaining alliances, then perhaps someone more capable should handle the matter.”

The room fell silent, the weight of his words pressing down on everyone present. Though his tone was devoid of anger, his bluntness left no room for misinterpretation. The advisors exchanged uneasy glances, while the king nodded, a faint smile of approval gracing his lips.

At royal banquets and celebrations, Seonghwa’s presence was equally commanding, even though he rarely indulged in pleasantries. While others mingled and exchanged smiles, he stood by the sidelines, his watchful eyes scanning the room for anything amiss. When addressed, he responded with the same measured calm, his words carrying a sense of purpose that few could match.

The people of Eryndor often whispered about his reserved nature, some calling it aloofness, others seeing it as strength. But whether feared or admired, there was no denying that Crown Prince Park Seonghwa was a man of unwavering discipline and control, a leader who valued action over words and results over empty promises.

The grand dining hall of the castle was bathed in the soft glow of candlelight, its high ceilings adorned with intricate carvings of Eryndor’s storied history. The royal family dined in silence, the clinking of silverware the only sound until Queen Park, with her ever-graceful demeanor, broke the silence.

“Seonghwa,” she began, her voice gentle but firm, “your father and I have been discussing a matter of great importance.”

The Crown Prince, seated at the head of the table, set his goblet down with practiced precision. His dark eyes lifted to meet hers, his expression as composed as ever. “Pray, speak your mind, Mother.”

The queen exchanged a brief glance with the king before continuing. “It is time, my son, for you to consider a union. The kingdom requires a future queen, someone to stand by your side and share the burdens of rule.”

Seonghwa leaned back in his chair, his posture unyielding as his gaze shifted between his parents. “Is that so?” His tone was measured, devoid of enthusiasm. “I was under the impression that my duties as Crown Prince were quite sufficient without the added endeavor of courtship.”

King Park sighed, his deep voice resonating through the room. “It is not merely about duty, Seonghwa. A union strengthens alliances, fortifies the kingdom’s position, and, dare I say, may bring you some measure of solace in the years to come.”

“Solace,” Seonghwa repeated, a faint trace of irony in his voice. “How poetic. Yet I see no such necessity. The kingdom flourishes, the council obeys, and the people prosper. What more is required?”

Queen Park’s serene expression faltered ever so slightly. “A ruler cannot stand alone forever. You may not see the need now, but in time, you will.”

For days thereafter, the subject lingered like an unwelcome guest, the queen and king broaching the topic at every opportunity. Seonghwa, however, remained steadfast in his reluctance, deflecting their attempts with a mastery born of his disciplined nature.

But even the most resolute walls crumble under relentless tides. On the morning of the seventh day, Seonghwa finally relented, though his disinterest was plain for all to see.

“Very well,” he said, his voice as cold as the winter wind. “If it shall grant me relief from your incessant nagging, I shall meet this woman you have selected. But let it be known, I do this not out of desire, but out of obligation.”

Queen Park’s face lit up with a hopeful smile, though she knew better than to voice her triumph aloud. “You shall not regret it, my son. We have known the Hwang household for a while now.”

Seonghwa rose from his chair, his movements deliberate and measured. “We shall see, Mother,” he replied, his tone carrying the faintest edge of skepticism. “Though I pray you do not expect me to feign interest where there is none.”

With that, he left the room, his long cloak trailing behind him, the echo of his boots fading into the distance. The queen sighed, her heart a mixture of relief and concern. For while her son had agreed, his heart remained as untouchable as ever.

The Hwang household was one of great renown in the kingdom, its name carrying a legacy of loyalty and service to the royal family. Your grandfather, Hwang Taejin, had been the closest confidant of King Park when he ascended the throne, forging a bond that still tied the two families together.

As the youngest daughter, you were the quiet shadow amidst your lively siblings. Your eldest sister, Hwang Seoyoon, was the pride of the family—a graceful woman of charm and poise, admired by many. Your brothers, Hwang Jinhyuk, Hwang Minseok, and Hwang Daehyun, were no less impressive: boisterous, ambitious, and ever eager to showcase the family’s brilliance to the world.

And then there was you.

While Seoyoon spent hours selecting gowns and jewels, and your brothers busied themselves with their social engagements, you preferred the solace of your room or the quiet corners of the garden. Your straightforward nature often set you apart; you had no patience for flowery words or pointless chatter. When spoken to, you answered with blunt honesty, a trait that earned you both admiration and exasperation in equal measure.

“Honestly, you’re hopeless,” Seoyoon often sighed, fussing over her reflection in a gilded mirror. “How can you expect to make a good match if you refuse to step outside?”

“Who says I expect to make a match at all?” you would reply, your tone calm but unyielding.

Jinhyuk, the eldest of your brothers, was no less persistent. “You’re the youngest. People expect you to be lively and charming, not... whatever this is.” He gestured vaguely in your direction.

“Then people are fools for expecting anything at all,” you would counter, much to his chagrin.

Minseok and Daehyun, the middle brothers, often tried to coax you out of the house with promises of excitement. “Come, little sister,” Minseok would say, his grin infectious. “There’s a festival in the town square. You’ll love it!”

“No,” you replied curtly, not even glancing up from your book.

“Just once,” Daehyun chimed in, leaning against the doorframe. “You’re wasting your youth locked away in here.”

“Better to waste it in peace than to squander it in nonsense,” you retorted.

Your parents, while loving, were equally puzzled by your reluctance to engage in the vibrant social life your family cherished. “You are a Hwang,” your mother reminded you one evening. “With that name comes responsibility. You cannot hide away forever.”

But you didn’t see it as hiding. To you, the world beyond your home was a noisy, chaotic place, and you found no joy in it. The garden, the library, the quiet evenings by the fire—these were your treasures, and you saw no reason to trade them for the fleeting pleasures your siblings pursued.

Unbeknownst to you, however, your life was about to be entangled with the royal family in a way you could never have anticipated.

The late afternoon sun cast a warm glow through the windows of your room as you sat in your favorite corner, a thick book resting in your lap. The quiet rustle of pages was soothing, a rare moment of peace in a household that was anything but.

Your eldest sister, Seoyoon, had made herself comfortable on the chaise near the window. She was in the midst of a long-winded tale about the latest fashions in court, her voice animated and full of excitement. You, however, barely glanced up, too engrossed in the intricate story unfolding in your book.

“And then Lady Eunhwa had the audacity to wear the same gown twice in one week!” Seoyoon exclaimed, placing a dramatic hand on her chest. When you failed to respond, she huffed, her voice turning teasing. “Are you even listening? Or is that book more interesting than my tales?”

“Far more interesting,” you replied bluntly, not looking up.

She clicked her tongue in exasperation but continued regardless. “Oh, by the way, two of the king’s guards came by today.”

At that, your eyes flickered up from the page, though only briefly. It wasn’t unusual for members of the royal household to visit. After all, the king favored your father greatly, treating him almost like a younger brother. The king, slightly younger than your late grandfather, had become close to your family over the years, especially as your father had grown into a trusted confidant.

“It’s hardly news, unnie,” you said, turning a page. “The king’s guards have been here countless times before.”

“Yes, but they don’t usually come with such a formal air,” she replied, a mischievous glint in her eye. “I overheard Father speaking with them. It seems they were delivering a message about... well, something rather important.”

You raised an eyebrow, finally giving her your full attention. “Important how?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to spoil the mystery,” she said coyly, though you could tell she was itching to share. “But I will say this—it has something to do with Prince Seonghwa.”

At the mention of the Crown Prince, you frowned. “Why would anything involving him concern us?”

Seoyoon leaned closer, lowering her voice as if she were sharing a secret. “The relationships are a bit tangled, don’t you think? The king was close to Grandfather, but he had Prince Seonghwa later in life. Meanwhile, Father had us all when he was still quite young. It makes the royal family feel less like distant rulers and more like... well, extended relatives.”

“Relatives who happen to rule the kingdom,” you muttered, shutting your book with a quiet thud. “What exactly are you trying to say, unnie?”

She smiled, a knowing look in her eyes. “I’m saying, little sister, that perhaps this visit wasn’t as routine as it seemed. Perhaps you should start paying more attention to the world outside your books. You never know what might be coming your way.”

You stared at her for a moment, trying to decipher her meaning. But when she simply rose from her seat with a graceful shrug and left the room, you couldn’t help but feel a nagging sense of unease. Whatever the king’s guards had come for, you had a sinking feeling it would disrupt the quiet life you so fiercely cherished.

When Crown Prince Seonghwa learned of the arrangements his parents had made, he stood in the vast study of the royal palace, his arms crossed behind his back as he gazed out of the towering windows. The distant sound of the bustling kingdom below barely registered in his mind.

“So, it is the youngest daughter of the Hwang household,” he said aloud, his tone carefully neutral, though there was a faint trace of hesitation in his voice.

Queen Park, seated gracefully by the hearth, nodded with a small smile. “Indeed. Youngest of Hwang. A quiet young lady, from what I have gathered. She is much unlike her siblings, preferring solitude to society. A curious match, I admit, but one worth considering.”

Seonghwa turned to face his mother, his expression calm but his thoughts clearly at war. “The connections between our families are... unusual, to put it plainly,” he said, his voice thoughtful. “Her grandfather, as you know, he and Father shared a bond that went beyond mere loyalty. But then there’s her father—he’s younger than father, yet he married and had children before he did. My father married late and had me even later. That’s a strange difference in timing and position, don’t you think?”

He sighed, pacing slowly as he spoke, his thoughts almost unraveling as he considered the oddities of the situation. “The generations between us are not just tangled—they’re almost mismatched. It’s a contrast of decisions, timing, and expectations that’s hard to ignore.”

He glanced at his mother, the faintest trace of doubt in his eyes. “I understand the deep affection for the Hwang family, especially given the history with my father and her grandfather. But I wonder if that admiration has made him overlook how strange these connections really are. It’s a lot to consider in something as important as marriage.”

The queen chuckled softly, though her gaze was steady. “You speak as though this is of great consequence. The ties between our families have always been strong. Surely you understand why your father holds them in such high regard.”

Seonghwa exhaled, his brow furrowing slightly. He did understand. The Hwang family had been pillars of loyalty and wisdom for decades, their contributions to the crown invaluable. The late Hwang Taejin had been more than a counselor to King Park—he had been a brother in spirit, if not in blood. And even now, the king's fondness for the Hwang household was evident in every interaction.

Still, the prince could not shake his reservations. “I do not question their loyalty or merit,” he replied, his voice calm but firm. “But I see little reason to entangle myself in such matters simply because of sentiment.”

“You agreed to meet her, Seonghwa,” the queen reminded him gently. “It would do you well to approach this with an open mind. Who knows? Perhaps you will find her company agreeable.”

Seonghwa gave a faint, almost imperceptible scoff. “Agreeable,” he echoed. “I have little need for agreeable company, Mother. What I require is a partner of intellect, strength, and understanding. If she possesses these qualities, then perhaps this meeting will not be entirely futile.”

“Fate has a way of surprising us,” the queen said softly, rising to her feet. She placed a hand on her son’s arm, her expression a mixture of hope and fondness. “Give her a chance, Seonghwa. That is all we ask of you.”

The prince nodded curtly, though his mind remained conflicted. He was no stranger to duty, but this arrangement felt... complicated. And yet, as much as he might resist, he could not entirely ignore the deep respect his father held for the Hwang family. If nothing else, he owed it to the king to see this through.

As he returned to his chambers later that evening, Seonghwa allowed himself a rare moment of reflection. Her name lingered in his thoughts, an enigma wrapped in his family’s history. He resolved to meet her with the same quiet strength and scrutiny he approached all things—but he would not let sentiment cloud his judgment.

For a man as steadfast as Seonghwa, the prospect of meeting someone new, especially under such circumstances, was a challenge. But little did he know, the meeting would test him in ways he had never anticipated.

The soft afternoon light filtered through the window beside you, casting warm patterns on the wooden floor. You were curled up in a small nook by the window, a quiet corner of the house that you had claimed as your own. The garden beyond the glass was lush and vibrant, its blooms swaying gently in the breeze. It was a peaceful sight, one you often sought solace in.

The sound of hurried footsteps broke the silence, and you sighed quietly, already bracing yourself for the disruption. Moments later, Seoyoon and Minseok burst into the room, their faces alight with a mixture of excitement and intrigue.

“Y/N,” Seoyoon began, her voice sing-song as she made her way toward you. “Have you heard what Father’s been planning?”

You didn’t look up from your book, your tone flat as you replied, “I’m sure you’ll tell me regardless of whether I have or not.”

Minseok laughed, plopping down onto a nearby chair. “She’s as blunt as ever,” he said, shaking his head. “But you’ll want to hear this, little sister. It’s about the royal family.”

That caught your attention, though you didn’t let it show. Keeping your eyes on the page, you said evenly, “What about them?”

Seoyoon perched herself on the edge of the table, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Apparently, Father has been talking with the king. And do you know what they’ve decided?”

You glanced up at her, your expression unreadable. “I’m sure you’re going to enlighten me.”

“They’re planning for you to meet the Crown Prince,” she said, her voice dripping with glee.

You blinked, the words hanging in the air for a moment before you set your book down. “Why?”

Minseok leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “It’s obvious, isn’t it? The king and Father have always been close. And with the prince needing a bride, it seems Father thinks you might be a good match.”

Your gaze shifted between your siblings, your mind working to process this sudden revelation. “And no one thought to ask me what I think about this?”

Seoyoon laughed, a melodic sound that made your irritation spike. “Oh, Y/N, you always act as though you have a choice in these matters. This is about duty, about family. You should feel honored.”

“Honored,” you echoed, your tone dry. “To be paraded in front of a man I’ve never met, all for the sake of politics? Forgive me if I fail to see the appeal.”

Minseok held up his hands in mock surrender. “We’re just the messengers, little sister. If you have complaints, take them to Father. But I doubt it’ll change anything.”

You turned your gaze back to the garden, your thoughts swirling. The idea of meeting the Crown Prince—a man whose reputation for coldness preceded him—was far from appealing. But you knew your father well enough to know that his mind was likely already made up.

“Lovely,” you muttered under your breath, picking up your book once more. “This is exactly how I wanted to spend my time.”

Seoyoon grinned, patting your shoulder as she stood. “Cheer up, Y/N. Who knows? Maybe you’ll surprise yourself.”

As Seoyoon leaned in closer, her grin widening, you sighed and finally closed your book, resting it on your lap. You turned to her, your tone as dry as ever. “Aren’t you married, Seoyoon? Why are you here, meddling in things that don’t concern you? Shouldn’t you be at your own home, managing your household?”

Seoyoon gasped, placing a hand over her chest as though you’d struck her. “How cruel, Y/N! Is this how you speak to your poor elder sister who only wants the best for you?”

“You’re hardly poor, and your meddling is far from helpful,” you retorted, arching an eyebrow. “Go home, Seoyoon. Surely your husband must be wondering where you’ve disappeared to.”

Seoyoon pouted theatrically, but the sparkle in her eyes betrayed her amusement. “For your information,” she said, drawing herself up with mock dignity, “my work at home is complete. Everything is running perfectly, and my husband is away on business for a while. So, I’ve decided to grace this house with my presence for a couple of weeks.”

You groaned quietly, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Wonderful,” you muttered under your breath. “Just what we all needed.”

Minseok laughed from his seat, clearly enjoying the back-and-forth. “You should be glad, Y/N. Seoyoon’s here to keep you company. Isn’t that nice?”

“Thrilling,” you deadpanned, leaning back against the nook. “Exactly what I wanted—unsolicited company and unsolicited plans for my life.”

Seoyoon reached out and ruffled your hair in a way that only an older sibling could get away with. “Oh, come now, Y/N. You’ll thank me someday for my wisdom and guidance. Just wait and see.”

You swatted her hand away, glaring at her half-heartedly. “I highly doubt that.”

As she and Minseok shared another laugh, you sighed and picked up your book again, silently bracing yourself for the chaos her extended stay would undoubtedly bring.

The warm glow of the evening lanterns filled the dining hall as your family gathered for the evening meal. The atmosphere was lively, with Seoyoon chatting away about her plans for the week, Minseok teasing her, and your other brothers laughing at their antics. You sat quietly at your usual spot, focused on your plate, letting the noise of the room wash over you.

As the meal was nearing its end, your father cleared his throat, a sure sign that he had something important to say. The room quieted almost instantly, everyone turning their attention to him.

“I have news to share,” he began, his tone steady but carrying a weight that made your stomach sink slightly. “The king and queen, along with the Crown Prince, will be visiting our household in three days’ time.”

The words hung in the air for a moment before they fully registered. Your siblings exchanged surprised glances, and Seoyoon’s face lit up with excitement. You, however, frowned, your grip tightening on your utensils.

“To what purpose?” you asked, your voice calm but edged with suspicion.

Your father met your gaze, his expression firm yet warm. “They are coming to formally meet you, Y/N, and to discuss the arrangements for your marriage to the Crown Prince.”

The room erupted in chatter—your brothers asking further questions, Seoyoon clapping her hands in delight—but you felt as though the ground had shifted beneath you.

“Marriage?” you repeated, your tone sharper now. “And when, exactly, were you planning to inform me of this?”

Your mother, who had been quiet until now, placed a gentle hand on your father’s arm and smiled at you. “Y/N, we knew you’d react this way, and we didn’t want to burden you with unnecessary worries before everything was set.”

“Unnecessary worries?” you echoed incredulously, setting down your utensils with a clatter. “You’re discussing my marriage—my future—and you didn’t think I should have a say in the matter? Or even be informed before decisions were made?”

Your father waved a hand dismissively, his tone remaining calm but final. “This is not something for you to worry about, Y/N. The king himself has chosen you, and this is a great honor for our family. Everything has been decided with the best intentions for you and for us all.”

“But—” you tried to protest, only for Seoyoon to cut in, her voice bright and eager.

“Oh, Y/N, stop being so dramatic! It’s the Crown Prince we’re talking about! What more could you possibly want?”

You shot her a glare but bit back your retort, knowing it would be futile. Looking back at your father, you tried one last time. “I only wish I had been told sooner. Surely I deserve that much.”

“Y/N,” your father said firmly, his tone leaving no room for argument. “You are my daughter, and as part of this family, you must trust that we have made the right choice for you. The matter is settled.”

You sank back in your chair, the weight of their words pressing down on you. Around you, the conversation quickly shifted to the preparations for the royal visit, your family buzzing with excitement. But you couldn’t shake the frustration and unease bubbling within you.

You sat quietly, your appetite gone, staring down at your untouched plate as their voices grew distant in your mind. The life you cherished—the quiet, predictable solitude—was slipping away, and no one seemed to care.

The day the royals arrived, the Hwang household was bustling with activity. The servants had been working tirelessly to prepare the house, and your family was dressed in their finest attire. You stood near the back of the receiving room, watching as your parents greeted the king, queen, and the Crown Prince with warm smiles and formal bows.

When they entered, Prince Seonghwa's presence was immediately commanding. Dressed in a perfectly tailored royal suit, his sharp features and cold demeanor matched everything you had heard about him. He was polite but distant, exchanging pleasantries with your father and siblings, his tone measured and precise.

You, however, remained quiet, answering only when directly addressed, and even then, your responses were curt and to the point. The rest of your family, particularly Seoyoon, made up for your lack of enthusiasm with their excitement and chatter.

After a lengthy discussion between your father and the king about the arrangements, your mother approached you with a pointed look and said softly, “Y/N, why don’t you and the prince have a private conversation? Get to know each other.”

You wanted to protest, but before you could, Seoyoon nudged you forward with a teasing smile. Reluctantly, you followed the prince to the garden, where the air was cooler, and the faint scent of blooming flowers lingered.

Seonghwa walked a step ahead of you, his hands clasped behind his back. When you reached the center of the garden, he turned to face you, his dark eyes scanning your face for a moment before he spoke.

“I trust you find this arrangement agreeable?” he asked, his tone formal and detached.

You gave a polite nod. “If it pleases my family, then it pleases me.”

He raised an eyebrow, his expression unreadable. “That is... an expected answer. You speak of duty rather than choice.”

“It seems choice was never part of the discussion,” you replied evenly, your gaze meeting his without flinching.

For a moment, there was silence between you, the distant hum of conversation from the house filling the space. Seonghwa tilted his head slightly, studying you. “You don’t talk much, do you?”

You hesitated for a moment before answering. “I speak when there’s something worth saying.”

A faint flicker of amusement crossed his face, so brief you almost missed it. “An admirable philosophy,” he said. “Though it makes conversations rather... challenging.”

“That depends on who I’m speaking to,” you replied, your tone calm but not unkind.

He seemed to consider your words, his expression softening just slightly. “Fair enough,” he said, his voice quieter now. “I suppose I am not accustomed to people who value silence over unnecessary chatter.”

You didn’t respond immediately, instead letting the silence stretch between you. The weight of his gaze was palpable, but you refused to shrink under it. Finally, you said, “I’m sure the prince has little need for idle conversation, either.”

This time, his lips twitched into the faintest semblance of a smile. “Perhaps not,” he admitted. “But I find myself curious about you, Miss Hwang. You are... different.”

You inclined your head slightly. “Different isn’t always favorable, Your Highness.”

“Not always,” he agreed, his voice thoughtful. “But sometimes it is necessary.”

The two of you stood there for a moment longer, the quiet garden suddenly feeling more intimate than before. You couldn’t quite read the prince, his every word and movement calculated, but there was a strange sense of understanding in his tone.

Before either of you could say more, a servant appeared in the garden, bowing deeply. “Your Highness, the king has requested your presence.”

Seonghwa nodded once, then turned back to you. “Until next time, Miss Hwang.”

You offered a polite nod in return. “Your Highness.”

As he walked away, you exhaled softly, unsure of what to make of the exchange. Something about the prince unsettled you—not in an unpleasant way, but in a way that left you wondering.

It had been a week since the royals left, and life at the Hwang household had returned to its usual rhythm—at least on the surface. Beneath the calm, preparations for your upcoming marriage were already in full swing, much to your quiet displeasure. You found solace in your little routines, but even that was short-lived.

One crisp morning, as you sat in your usual nook by the window with a book in hand, a servant hurried in with a message. “Miss, the Crown Prince has arrived. He wishes to take you on an outing.”

You froze, the words sinking in. Closing the book slowly, you looked up. “Did he say why?”

The servant hesitated. “No, miss. But your father has already given his approval.”

Of course, you thought grimly. Rising reluctantly, you made your way to the front of the house, where the prince stood waiting. He was dressed impeccably, as always, and his expression was as composed as you remembered.

“Miss Hwang,” he greeted with a slight bow.

“Your Highness,” you replied, offering a polite nod.

“I trust you are ready?” he asked, though his tone made it clear that readiness was not optional.

With no room to argue, you stepped forward, and the two of you were soon seated in a carriage heading toward the nearby town. The ride was silent, save for the occasional creak of the wheels. You glanced out of the window, unsure of what to say—or if you should say anything at all.

Finally, Seonghwa broke the silence. “I take it this arrangement was not your idea either.”

You turned to him, surprised by his bluntness. “No, it wasn’t. But I assume it wasn’t yours, either.”

A faint smirk tugged at the corner of his lips. “You assume correctly. It seems our families are quite determined to ensure we... bond.”

“Bonding is difficult when both parties are here against their will,” you said, your tone matter-of-fact.

His smirk grew just slightly. “Indeed. Though I must admit, it is refreshing to meet someone who doesn’t mask their opinions with pleasantries.”

You tilted your head slightly, studying him. “I could say the same, Your Highness. Most people would not dare admit to disliking an arrangement like this.”

“Most people are not in my position,” he replied simply.

The carriage came to a stop, and the footman opened the door. Seonghwa stepped out first, offering you his hand. Reluctantly, you took it, allowing him to help you down. The two of you stood at the entrance to the bustling town square, the lively atmosphere a stark contrast to the tense silence between you.

“This town is known for its markets,” Seonghwa said, gesturing to the colorful stalls ahead. “I thought it might be... suitable for an outing.”

You glanced at him, raising an eyebrow. “Was that your idea, or your family’s?”

He paused, his gaze steady. “Does it matter?”

You didn’t answer, instead turning your attention to the market. The two of you walked side by side, the chatter and laughter of the townsfolk filling the air. Occasionally, Seonghwa would point out a stall or comment on a vendor’s goods, but your responses were short and polite.

At one point, he stopped in front of a flower vendor, his eyes scanning the vibrant array of blooms. “Do you have a favorite flower, Miss Hwang?”

You blinked, caught off guard by the question. “Not particularly.”

He picked up a small bouquet of white lilies, studying them for a moment before handing them to the vendor. “Then allow me to choose,” he said, his tone calm but firm.

You accepted the bouquet hesitantly, unsure of what to say. The gesture felt oddly personal, and you couldn’t decide whether to be flattered or annoyed.

As the outing continued, the initial stiffness between you began to ease—just slightly. By the time the sun began to set, the carriage ride back was not as silent as before. Though your exchanges were still brief, there was a newfound understanding between you, however faint it might have been.

When you arrived back at the Hwang household, Seonghwa escorted you to the door, his expression as composed as ever. “Thank you for indulging this outing, Miss Hwang. I hope it was not entirely unpleasant.”

You glanced at him, clutching the bouquet of lilies. “It was... tolerable,” you said, a hint of dry humor in your tone.

He inclined his head slightly, the faintest trace of amusement in his eyes. “I shall take that as a success. Until next time.”

With that, he turned and left, leaving you standing at the door with the flowers in hand. As you watched the carriage disappear down the path, you couldn’t help but wonder what the next “arranged” meeting would bring.

You retreated to your room, eager for solitude. You placed the bouquet of white lilies on a small table near the window, their subtle fragrance filling the air as you sat on the edge of your bed.

Moments later, your door creaked open without so much as a knock. Seoyoon stepped in, her eyes immediately landing on the bouquet. A mischievous grin spread across her face.

“Well, well,” she began, closing the door behind her. “It seems the Crown Prince is quite the gentleman, isn’t he?”

You didn’t look up, reaching for the book on your bedside table. “If you’re here to tease me, save your breath. I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh, come now,” she said, flopping onto the chair near the window and picking up one of the lilies. “A prince gives you flowers, and you sit here sulking as if it were some great tragedy. Most girls would be over the moon!”

“You’re welcome to them if you’re so envious,” you replied dryly, flipping a page.

Seoyoon gasped theatrically, holding the lily to her chest. “How heartless! And here I thought you might finally soften up a little. Tell me, how did it go? Did he say anything romantic? Or was it all as cold and stiff as you?”

You shot her a glare over the top of your book. “It was... fine. He talked. I listened. That’s all there is to it.”

“‘Fine,’” she echoed, rolling her eyes. “You’re impossible, you know that? Most people would kill for a chance to speak with him, let alone be courted by him.”

“I’m not ‘most people,’” you replied, your voice flat.

She leaned forward, resting her chin on her hand. “You didn’t thank him for the flowers, did you?”

Your silence was enough.

Seoyoon groaned, shaking her head in disbelief. “You’re hopeless, truly. The least you could do is try to show some interest. He’s the Crown Prince, for goodness’ sake!”

Closing your book with a snap, you fixed her with a level stare. “I didn’t ask for any of this, Seoyoon. I didn’t ask for the flowers, the outing, or the marriage. If he wants to court someone, he can find someone who actually cares.”

Seoyoon sighed, her teasing demeanor softening slightly. “I know you didn’t ask for this, Y/N. But it’s happening, whether you like it or not. You could at least give him a chance. Who knows? He might surprise you.”

You, staring at the lilies with a faint frown, replied bluntly, “He looks like he doesn’t enjoy company himself. This whole arrangement is just as forced on him as it is on me.” You paused, your voice lowering. “I’ve been a burden to all of you long enough. Now, I’ll just be a burden to the royal family instead.”

Her brows knit together, and she crossed her arms, stepping closer to you. “Y/N, don’t say that. You’re not a burden.”

You let out a humorless laugh, finally looking up at her. “Am I not? Everyone in this house pushes me to be someone I’m not. To go out, to socialize, to act the part. And now, I’m being married off to a prince who probably thinks I’m as much of a nuisance as I think this whole situation is.”

Seoyoon crouched slightly so she could look directly into your eyes, her expression unusually serious. “You’re not a nuisance, and you’re not a burden. You’re just... different. And that’s not a bad thing.”

You sighed, shaking your head. “It doesn’t matter what I think, does it? I’m not doing this for me. I’m doing it for Father, for the family, for appearances. Isn’t that all I’ve ever done?”

Seoyoon’s lips parted as if she wanted to argue, but no words came out. She knew you were right, at least in part. Finally, she placed a hand on your shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“I won’t pretend to understand how you feel, but I do know this—whatever the reason for this marriage, it’s not because you’re a burden. You’re marrying a prince, Y/N. That means, whether you like it or not, someone sees your worth.”

You scoffed, but your gaze softened slightly. “Or they just see what’s convenient.”

Seoyoon straightened up and shook her head with a faint smile. “You’ll see, Y/N. Maybe he doesn’t look like the warmest person, but I doubt he’s as indifferent as you think. People like him don’t show their cards right away.”

“Or ever,” you muttered under your breath.

“Give him a chance,” she urged one last time, heading for the door. “And give yourself one too.”

As the door clicked shut behind her, you turned back to the lilies, their delicate beauty contrasting sharply with the heaviness in your chest. A burden or not, the path before you had been set. All that remained now was to walk it, whether you liked it or not.

The royal wedding was a grand affair, filled with splendor and elegance that you could hardly process. The intricate decorations, the endless sea of nobles in fine clothing, and the constant hum of polite conversation all blurred together in your mind. Through it all, you remained stoic, performing each ritual with quiet precision.

Seonghwa, as expected, was composed and regal throughout, his every action calculated and perfect. Yet there was something in his demeanor—something almost... softer than you’d expected.

When the final ritual was completed, and the two of you were officially declared husband and wife, the grand hall erupted into applause. You stood there, holding his hand lightly as tradition demanded, your expression unreadable.

It wasn’t until the two of you were seated at the head of the banquet table that Seonghwa’s façade shifted ever so slightly. Leaning closer, he asked in a low voice, “Are you comfortable, Miss Hwang?”

You blinked, momentarily caught off guard. “It’s Lady Park now,” you replied, your tone calm.

A faint smile tugged at his lips. “Ah, yes. My apologies. Are you comfortable... Lady Park?”

You hesitated, then nodded. “I am fine, Your Highness.”

He glanced at the feast before you, his voice quiet but insistent. “And the food? Is it to your liking?”

“It’s... more than sufficient,” you replied, unsure how else to respond.

For a moment, silence hung between you as you both turned your attention to the crowd of nobles mingling below. Then, out of nowhere, Seonghwa leaned in closer, his shoulder brushing lightly against yours. “See that man in the green coat near the pillar?” he whispered, his tone conspiratorial.

Your eyes followed his gaze to a portly man with a large mustache. “Yes?”

“That’s Lord Baek. He prides himself on his wine collection, yet he can’t tell the difference between a rare vintage and a common bottle of grape juice. It’s quite the running joke among the court.”

You glanced at him, unsure whether to laugh or remain indifferent. “And you’re telling me this because...?”

“Because,” he said, a hint of amusement in his voice, “you’ll hear him mention his wine at least three times tonight. Consider it a test of your patience.”

Despite yourself, a small smile ghosted across your lips. “Noted.”

He nodded, his expression still unreadable but his tone oddly warm. “And over there, by the orchestra—that’s Lady Seo. She once petitioned the court to create a holiday celebrating her dog’s birthday.”

This time, you couldn’t suppress a quiet chuckle. “You’re joking.”

“I assure you, I am not,” he said, his lips quirking into the faintest smile. “The petition was, of course, denied.”

As the evening progressed, Seonghwa continued his whispered commentary, pointing out various nobles and sharing tidbits about them. His tone remained calm and steady, but there was a subtle playfulness in his words that made it feel almost like a private game between the two of you.

For the first time, the weight of the occasion felt a little less suffocating. While you remained stoic, you couldn’t deny that his unexpected warmth and attentiveness were... surprising.

When the banquet finally began to wind down, he leaned closer once more, his voice just loud enough for you to hear. “I know this is overwhelming, Lady Park, but if it is any consolation, you’ve handled it with grace.”

You turned to him, meeting his steady gaze. “Thank you, Your Highness. Though I suspect you’ve handled it far more times than I ever will.”

He inclined his head slightly, his faint smile returning. “Perhaps. But it seems we’ll be handling it together now.”

The weight of his words lingered as the evening drew to a close, leaving you with an unexpected sense of companionship—however fragile it might have been.

The grand festivities had finally come to an end, and the palace halls grew quiet as the guests dispersed. Servants had escorted you and Seonghwa to the newly prepared royal chamber, its luxurious décor only adding to the weight of the day.

The large room was lit softly by golden sconces and candles, the warmth of the light contrasting with the coolness of your nerves. You stood in the center of the room, unsure what to do or say, your hands fidgeting slightly with the heavy jewelry draped over you.

Seonghwa, ever composed, closed the door behind him. For a moment, he stood silently, observing you with his usual unreadable expression. Then, stepping closer, he spoke in a tone that was softer than you expected.

“May I help you?”

You looked at him, startled. “With...?”

He gestured toward the intricate outer layers of your wedding dress and the heavy ornaments adorning your neck and wrists. “With this. I imagine it has been a long day for you.”

You hesitated, unsure whether to agree, but the weight of the jewelry was becoming unbearable. Finally, you gave him a small nod. “If you wish, Your Highness.”

A faint smile ghosted across his lips as he stepped behind you. “Turn around,” he instructed gently.

You complied, feeling his presence close behind you as his hands moved to unclasp the elaborate necklace around your neck. His movements were careful, precise, as though he feared hurting you.

“This must be heavier than it looks,” he murmured, setting the necklace aside on a nearby table.

“It is,” you replied quietly, your voice barely audible.

He moved to the bracelets next, unfastening them with ease. “I imagine it wasn’t easy to wear all this through the day.”

“It wasn’t, but I managed,” you said, your tone as stoic as ever.

“Of course you did,” he said, a hint of admiration in his voice.

Next, his hands reached for the ties of your outer gown, his fingers working deftly to loosen them. You felt the fabric lighten as he removed the outer layer, draping it neatly over a chair.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he said, stepping back slightly. “It felt inappropriate to summon a maid for this.”

You turned to face him, surprised by his consideration. “It’s fine,” you said softly, meeting his gaze briefly before looking away.

He inclined his head slightly, his dark eyes studying you for a moment. “You must be tired. You should rest.”

“And you, Your Highness?” you asked, your tone polite but distant.

He smiled faintly, the expression barely reaching his eyes. “I’ll manage, as I always do.”

With that, he stepped away, giving you space to prepare for bed. Though the room was large and luxurious, the atmosphere between you was quiet, almost delicate. As you finally lay down, your mind swirled with thoughts of the day, of the marriage, and of the man who had, against your expectations, shown you an unexpected gentleness.

When Seonghwa finally settled into the space beside you, he didn’t say a word. Yet, the calmness in his demeanor seemed to ease some of the tension in the room. And though you still felt like strangers, for the first time, you didn’t feel entirely alone.

The room was quiet, save for the faint crackle of the fire in the hearth. You lay on the grand bed, staring at the ornate canopy above, trying to will yourself to sleep. The day had been exhausting, yet your mind refused to settle. Beside you, Seonghwa’s steady breathing suggested he was equally restless.

Minutes passed in silence before his voice broke through the stillness, low and steady. “You’re not asleep either, are you?”

You turned your head slightly, catching the faint outline of his face in the dim light. “No,” you admitted. “Too much on my mind.”

He hummed thoughtfully. “Understandable. Today was... a lot, even by royal standards.”

You nodded, though he couldn’t see it clearly. “Do you ever get used to it? The expectations, the attention, the... weight of it all?”

“Not entirely,” he replied honestly. “But you learn to carry it differently over time.”

There was a pause, and then he added, “Though I imagine this is harder for you. You didn’t grow up with it.”

You let out a soft sigh, your voice quieter now. “It’s overwhelming. I feel like I don’t belong here.”

He shifted slightly, propping himself up on one elbow to look at you. “You’ll find your place. It may take time, but you will.”

You turned to face him, his face now more visible in the faint glow of the firelight. “Why are you being so gentle with me?” you asked, your tone a mixture of curiosity and disbelief.

His lips curved into the faintest smile, one corner quirking up. “I’m introverted, not heartless.”

The unexpected honesty in his reply caught you off guard, and for the first time that day, a small, genuine smile tugged at your lips. “Fair point.”

He lay back down, his voice softer now. “I don’t see the point in making this harder than it has to be. We’re both here because of duty, not choice. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find a way to make it bearable.”

You considered his words, the tension in your chest easing just slightly. “I suppose that makes sense.”

After you murmured your agreement, Seonghwa shifted slightly, turning onto his side to face you. His dark eyes, steady and calm, met yours in the dim light.

“You should sleep,” he said softly, his tone carrying a hint of finality. “It’s been a long day, and tomorrow will bring its own demands.”

You blinked at him, surprised by the subtle warmth in his voice despite his usual reserved demeanor. “I could say the same to you,” you replied, your tone quieter now.

A faint smirk tugged at the corner of his lips, barely visible in the low light. “I’ll sleep when you do. Consider it... a gesture of fairness.”

You didn’t argue, though you couldn’t quite bring yourself to look away from him. The firelight cast faint shadows on his face, softening the sharpness of his features. For a moment, you wondered if the man who had seemed so cold and distant all day might have more to him than you had assumed.

“Goodnight, Lady Park,” he said, his voice low and steady, his eyes lingering on yours for a beat longer than necessary before he closed them.

You hesitated, then finally replied, “Goodnight, Your Highness.”

Turning onto your back, you stared up at the canopy once more. But this time, the weight of the day felt a little lighter, and though your thoughts still swirled, the warmth of his words lingered, eventually lulling you into a restless, yet strangely comforting sleep.

The soft light of morning filtered through the curtains as you rose, the events of the previous day still weighing on your mind. After breakfast, you were introduced to your lady-in-waiting, a young woman named Eunji. She was polite and cheerful, eager to assist as she began organizing your dresses and jewelry in the royal wardrobe.

As she carefully laid out a selection of necklaces, her eyes lingered on one in particular—a delicate piece adorned with shimmering pearls and intricate goldwork.

“This one is especially beautiful,” she said softly, almost as though she hadn’t meant to voice her thoughts aloud.

You glanced at the necklace, then at her. “Do you like it?”

Her cheeks flushed as she quickly shook her head. “Oh, no, My Lady. It’s not my place to—”

You cut her off gently. “If you like it, you can keep it.”

Eunji froze, her eyes wide. “What? No, My Lady, I couldn’t possibly—His Highness would be furious if he found out—”

“He won’t,” you interrupted, your tone calm but firm. “And even if he does, I’ll deal with him.”

She hesitated, wringing her hands as she looked from you to the necklace. “But it’s too valuable... it wouldn’t be right.”

You sighed lightly, picking up the necklace and placing it in her hands. “Eunji, if I say it’s yours, then it’s yours. Consider it a gift.”

Her eyes filled with hesitation, but also gratitude. “My Lady, you’re too kind...”

“I insist,” you said, giving her a faint smile. “Besides, what’s the point of having all of this if it can’t bring someone a little happiness?”

After a moment of silence, she finally nodded, her fingers curling around the necklace. “Thank you, My Lady. I’ll treasure it.”

You gave her a small nod and returned to sorting through the rest of the items. Though you didn’t say it aloud, her joy over something so simple felt strangely fulfilling, a brief reprieve from the unfamiliar world you now found yourself navigating.

Later that afternoon, Seonghwa approached you as you sat in the study, quietly reading through a book. His footsteps were soft, but his presence was impossible to miss. Without preamble, he spoke, his voice calm but carrying an undertone of curiosity.

“I see you’ve gifted something to one of the servants.”

You looked up from your book, meeting his gaze. His face, as usual, betrayed little emotion, but there was no trace of anger there. “Yes,” you admitted evenly. “Are you mad?”

A ghost of a smile flickered across his lips. “It’s your belongings. Do whatever you wish with them.”

His words were simple, yet they carried an air of reassurance that you hadn’t expected.

He paused briefly, glancing toward the window before continuing. “By the way, I noticed you’ve organized your belongings in my room quite efficiently. Impressive.”

You blinked, your calm exterior faltering just slightly. “Should I... remove them?” you asked hesitantly, unsure if he found the arrangement intrusive.

Seonghwa turned his gaze back to you, his dark eyes steady and unreadable. “No,” he said, his tone firm but not unkind. “This room, this house—they’re yours now. You can do whatever you want here.”

For a moment, his words hung in the air, heavy with meaning. He wasn’t just giving you permission to arrange your belongings; he was offering you a sense of ownership, of belonging, in a world that still felt foreign to you.

You nodded slowly, unsure how to respond. “Thank you,” you murmured, returning your attention to your book, though your thoughts now lingered on his unexpected generosity.

Seonghwa didn’t say anything more. He simply gave a faint nod and walked away, leaving you with a strange sense of comfort and the quiet realization that, perhaps, this new life wouldn’t be as lonely as you had feared.

The days in the palace continued, a quiet routine settling between you and Seonghwa, interrupted only by the occasional royal event or meeting. You had grown accustomed to the rhythms of royal life, though the sense of unfamiliarity still lingered in the corners of your mind. The grand halls, the soft whispers of servants, the unspoken expectations—they all seemed so far removed from the life you had once known.

One afternoon, as you sorted through your tasks, you hesitated for a moment before turning to Seonghwa, who was seated at his desk, reading through a pile of royal documents.

“Seonghwa,” you began, your voice tentative, “I was wondering if I could have a little money. I need it for... something.”

He glanced up from his papers, his gaze sharp as always, but this time, there was a trace of something softer behind his eyes. He studied you for a moment, and then, it hit him—the realization that you still seemed uncertain, still hesitant when it came to making decisions, even small ones.

He set down his papers, his voice quieter, almost gentle as he addressed you.

“You still ask for permission, don’t you?” he said, a subtle sadness creeping into his words.

You froze, not quite understanding what he meant. “I... I just don’t want to overstep.”

Seonghwa shook his head, standing up from his desk. “This is your house now. It’s your life, your choices. And,” he paused, walking over to you with a soft expression, “my money is your money. You don’t need permission for anything.”

His words were simple, but they carried a weight of sincerity, as though he were explaining something basic to a child. And for a brief moment, you felt a warmth in your chest—a quiet understanding that perhaps, in his own way, Seonghwa was offering you a sense of freedom, something you had never truly known in this new world.

“You can do whatever you want,” he continued, his voice softer now. “The money, the house, everything. It’s yours. Don’t ask for permission again.”

You blinked at him, surprised by the softness in his tone, the genuine care that laced his words. Slowly, you nodded, the nervous tension in your shoulders easing. “Thank you,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.

Seonghwa gave you a small smile, one that didn’t quite reach his eyes but still held a certain warmth. “You don’t need to thank me for that. I’m just reminding you of something you’ve already earned.”

You felt a strange comfort in his words, the weight of them sinking into your heart. It was a small moment, a simple exchange, but somehow it made this life, this strange new world you were trying to navigate, feel just a little more like home.

For the first time since childhood, since stepping into the palace and the unfamiliar life it held, you felt something you hadn’t realized you were missing: importance. You were no longer just a piece in someone else’s game, a mere addition to a royal family that was bound by duty and expectation. Seonghwa’s words—his reminder that this house, this life, was as much yours as it was his—had cracked open something inside you.

Without thinking, your arms moved instinctively, wrapping tightly around him. His presence, his warmth, and the unexpected kindness of his words had unraveled something deep inside you, something you hadn’t let yourself feel before: a sense of belonging.

Seonghwa froze for a moment, clearly startled by the sudden embrace. His body stiffened, unsure of how to react to the closeness, the softness in your hold. You could feel his breath catch slightly, his posture rigid as though he were trying to figure out whether to push you away or to let the moment pass. But you held on, the need to feel this sense of connection overwhelming any reservations you had.

“I... I’m sorry,” you muttered, realizing only then that you were clinging to him, your face pressed against his chest.

For a long, tense moment, neither of you spoke. The silence between you felt thick, as though both of you were holding your breath. Then, slowly, you felt Seonghwa’s arms move around you—hesitant at first, as though he wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to the warmth of your embrace. But when he did finally wrap his arms around you, the touch was gentle, almost tender, as though he was grounding himself in this unspoken moment.

“You don’t need to apologize,” he murmured quietly into your hair, his voice low and steady. There was an unfamiliar softness in it, a rare vulnerability that he seldom allowed to show. “You’re not a burden, you know.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, the knot in your chest loosening. His words, so simple yet so profound, made your heart flutter. You had been carrying the weight of so many expectations for so long, always trying to be what was needed, always trying to do what was right. But here, in his arms, you felt for the first time like you mattered—not for what you could offer, but for who you were.

“I just... I don’t know what I’d do without you,” you confessed, your voice barely above a whisper, as though you were afraid to speak the truth out loud. “I don’t know how to navigate this life. It feels... so different.”

Seonghwa’s grip on you tightened slightly, not out of necessity but of understanding. “You’re not alone in this, you know. I’m here. I’ll help you find your way.”

His words settled over you like a blanket, warm and comforting. You didn’t need to say anything more. You simply held on, and for a moment, the world outside seemed to fade. There were no royal expectations, no duty or obligations weighing down on you. There was just Seonghwa, just the feeling of being held, of being seen.

When he finally pulled back, his hands lingered at your sides, a hesitant gesture as if he weren’t ready to completely release the closeness you had just shared. His gaze met yours, and for the first time, you saw something in his eyes—a flicker of care, an unspoken connection between the two of you that neither of you had acknowledged until now.

“You’re important,” he said softly, his voice unwavering. “More than you know.”

And in that moment, you loved this feeling, you believed him.

[ohmyamor]

Richkid!Jongho pt. 2

here’s part one if you want to read it :)

It’s been a few weeks since the incident with your car

Jongho had taken it upon himself to be your designated chauffeur which, you’re ngl, was really nice

that weekend after your car had given up on you, the two of you went to visit Jongho’s mechanic friend Mingi

Mingi was nice

you liked him

his “shop”, if you could even call it that, was a little garage in some random house he was apparently renting out to work in

prior to this visit, you had asked Jongho on your way to school how you were supposed to get your car to Mingi’s shop

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll take care of it” was all he had replied

stupid rich kids and their ominous words 

Sure enough, the Saturday Jongho picked you up, your car was gone from your driveway

“What did you do with my car, Choi?” You had asked, staring him down from outside his car

if questioned, Jongho would deny the funny feeling in his chest when you looked at him like that

“It’s already waiting at the shop for us, so c’mon, let’s get going.”

when the two of you had arrived to Mingi’s shop, you were pleasantly surprised at how organized and mechanic-y everything seemed

you’re not really sure what you were expecting tbh

when Jongho said he had a friend who was good with cars

you thought he might’ve been talking about some old guy his family knew or something

not an incredibly tall, incredibly handsome man with a cute smile

if your mind wasn’t already preoccupied by a certain someone, you could have very easily fallen for this Mingi guy

“Mingi, this is my friend (Y/n), her car stopped turning on a few days ago and I was wondering if you could check it out.”

as straightforward as ever, that Jongho

“Hi,” you waved a little awkwardly

Mingi returned the gesture with a small “hello” before raising a brow at Jongho

“(Y/n), huh?”

luckily for Jongho, you were a little too busy looking around the garage to notice this exchange between the two friends

it was also lucky for Mingi because Jongho had already planned about five different ways he could make the tall boy disappear without a trace if needed

“So, do you think you could help her out?” Jongho had asked, trying to get out of there as soon as possible

Mingi nodded

“Yeah but it’ll take me at least a week and a half, I’ve got a lot of school things going on plus some other clients I’m working on first”

you blinked in surprise

“Oh, you’re in school too?”

Mingi hummed

“Yup, I’m a year older than this kid over here,” he nodded his head towards Jongho, who rolled his eyes

“I’ve never seen you around before,” you mentioned offhandedly

“I go to a different school than you two”

you nodded

“Well, thank you for agreeing to help me out with my car, I really do appreciate it,” you thanked Mingi sincerely

“Of course! Any friend of Jongho’s is a friend of mine.”

his smile is so cute

“Okay well, now that that’s settled, we should get going now, thanks man,” Jongho all but pushed you out of the shop

“Bye Mingi!” you waved, barely catching the small wave he returned 

once the two of you were gone, Mingi couldn’t help but laugh to himself 

“that kid” he shook his head before returning back to work

it had been a few weeks since then and now, you officially had your car back

the morning your car had been returned to you, you were peacefully sleeping in, seeing as it was a Sunday and you had completed all your assignments for the weekend

then, your phone began buzzing incessantly 

with your eyes still closed, you reached a hand out from your little blanket burrito and blindly reached for the annoying device

“what?” you questioned, annoyed that whoever was calling you had so rudely disturbed your beauty rest

“oh, so I guess you don’t want your car back?” Jongho’s teasing voice sounded through the speaker 

“huh?” you yawned

“I’m outside with your car,” was all Jongho had managed to get out before you cut him off

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” you yelled into the phone, running outside 

sure enough, there stood Jongho, leaning against your precious car

“my baby,” you whispered, softly touching the roof of the car

Jongho laughed 

“alright weirdo, Mingi said it was a problem with the engine, but he went ahead and fixed it up for you. He said to let him know if you have anymore problems and he’ll be happy to fix it for you.”

but you were hardly listening, already sitting in the driver’s seat, happy beyond belief that your car had finally been returned 

and maybe a little sad you wouldn’t be able to see Jongho everyday

stepping out of your car, you threw your arms around Jongho’s neck 

“thank you” you whispered sincerely 

the poor boy had frozen as soon your skin touched his, but he was quick to snap himself out of it and placed his hands softly on your waist 

“anything for a friend” he swallowed

now that your car had officially been returned, you began brainstorming ways to pay Jongho back for being your chauffeur

except there was one tiny problem 

you had no idea what to do

so, after four days of being unable to come up with anything, you decided to ask someone who would for sure know what Jongho would like 

“Mingi I need your help” you all but yelled as you walked into his garage 

you startled him from where he laid under a car and he jumped, smacking his head on the underside of the car

“oh fuck” the man cursed 

“oh my god I’m so sorry” you apologized, running over to where he was sliding out 

Mingi waved you off, saying he just gets startled easily 

“So,” he started, wiping some sweat off his forehead

“What’s up? Did something happen with your car again?” he asked concerned

you shook your head

“No, actually, my car’s never run this smooth before so thank you”

He blushed 

“I need help with Jongho” you admitted

“Finally!” Mingi threw his hands up in the air 

“Do you know how much that kid talks about you? At first it was cute, but after a while, it got really annoying. Honestly, I’m glad you’re confessing first because for some reason he doesn’t have the balls to do it, keeps saying that he ‘doesn’t think you feel the same’.” he made air quotes when he said those last few words

“Uh, Mingi?” your face felt hot 

“which is a load of bs because you guys are obviously so into each other,” the man in front of you continues 

“Mingi, I’m not confessing!” you blurt out

he stops 

“What?”

“I-I’m not confessing to Jongho” you stammer out 

“I want to do something to thank him for helping me out the past few weeks, but I don’t know what he likes or doesn’t like so I have no clue what to do” you explain

it’s quiet for a moment 

“oh”

the two of you stare at each other in silence before Mingi clears his throat

“well, confession or not, it’s all the same,” he starts 

you open your mouth to correct him, but he doesn’t let you speak

“Jongho’s a simple man. He’s not huge on big displays of affection or flashy parties or gifts or anything. He prefers small, but sentimental things, you know, like something that shows that you put some time and effort into it” Mingi explains

you nod, taking mental notes

“But honestly, because it’s you, Jongho would be happy even if you gave him a piece of fruit,” Mingi fixes you with look you can’t quite understand

electing to ignore the last comment, you take Mingi’s advice into consideration

“Alright that makes sense”

you fix your bag that rests on your shoulder

“Well, thank you for all your help Mingi” 

he waves you off 

“It’s nothing”

“But,” Mingi points at you, “if you guys end up together, you’ll have to give me the credit”

you roll your eyes, shoving him slightly 

“Bye Mingi” you walk out of his shop, his loud laugh echoing behind you

that night, you had stayed up thinking of different things you might be able to do 

“something small, but sentimental,” you muttered to yourself, laying on your bed

suddenly, a thought popped into your head

you scrambled to grab your phone, sending Jongho a message to meet you at your place the next morning 

“ok” he replied, surprisingly fast

smiling to yourself, you stood up and began gathering the things you were going to need to pull this off

the next morning, you were already outside standing in front of your car when Jongho pulled up in front of your house 

he quickly parked before stepping out onto the sidewalk and making his way over to you

“care to explain why you needed me here so urgently?” he questioned

you smiled brightly at him

“It’s finally time to pay you back for all your help!” you exclaimed

Jongho let out a small “ah” before reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out his phone

“what are you doing?” you asked puzzled

“sending you my bank account info” came his simple reply 

you couldn’t help the way your mouth dropped open

Jongho glanced up and let out a happy laugh at your reaction 

“I’m kidding.” 

you pouted at his laughter and punched his arm 

“jerk” you muttered

“no but seriously,” he continued once his laughter had died down. “what’s the plan?”

“well now, telling you would ruin the fun, wouldn’t it?” you teased 

“just get in the car and you’ll find out,” you called as you unlocked your car and walked over to the driver’s side 

once the two of you sat in your car, you inserted the key and listened as the engine came to life

“if you’re driving, I might have to tell my family to get the will ready,” Jongho grimaced

“oh shut up, you drama queen,” you rolled your eyes as the two of you took off

a thirty minute drive later, you two had finally arrived to an empty parking lot

turning off your car, you excitedly got out and began grabbing something from the trunk that Jongho couldn’t see 

“You know,” Jongho started as he recognized where the two of you were at

it was a small, mostly unknown park on top of a hill that overlooked your city

“If you brought me here to kill me and take my money, you should’ve at least made me turn off my location,” he teased

only to stop abruptly when he finally faced you

his eyes took in your small, slightly awkward smile as you faced him

in your hands was a wicker basket and over your arm was a blanket 

a picnic basket he realized 

“surprise” you laughed nervously 

Jongho didn’t say anything, so you continued speaking 

“I said I was going to pay you back somehow and this is what I came up with. I know it’s small and nothing fancy, especially compared to what you might be used to, but I had some help from Mingi and he said you weren’t a fan of flashy or extravagant gifts-”

your rambling was cut short when Jongho took a step forward so that the two of you were inches apart

“Thank you,” he whispered, staring into your eyes

your mind blanked and all you could think about was how close he was

“uh, yeah” you said breathlessly, unable to break the eye contact the two of you held. “anytime”

Jongho broke the eye contact when he gently grabbed the basket out of your arms 

before you could even begin protesting, he gently shushed you 

“what kind of gentleman would I be if I made you do all the heavy lifting?” he quirked a brow 

“well that could hardly be considered heavy” you replied, ignoring the warmth in your chest 

you two entered the park, and once you found a suitable patch of grass to rest on, Jongho helped you fix the blanket and take out all the food you had prepared 

you guys ate comfortably, making light-hearted conversation and cracking jokes 

sometimes, it felt as if the two of you had known each other forever 

“so,” Jongho started once you guys had finished your sandwiches

“you went to Mingi for help?” 

you let out a small laugh

“yeah, well, I was going crazy trying to figure out a way to repay you and finally I decided, hey, might as well ask someone who’s close to you because then I definitely can’t mess up”

your mind went back to the conversation you had with the mechanic 

“it’s funny though,” you began 

Jongho hummed, urging you to continue 

“Mingi thought I was confessing to you.”

Jongho couldn’t help but choke on his drink 

“ohmygod” you watched as Jongho coughed violently

you reached into the picnic basket and pulled out some extra napkins you had brought with you, handing them to Jongho 

“are you okay?” you asked with genuine concern

Jongho nodded, using the napkins to wipe down his pants where he had spilled his drink 

“yeah, that just caught me by surprise” he choked out, trying to ignore the way his neck was beginning to feel hot 

there was brief moment of awkward silence 

“what did you say?” 

“huh?” you turned to Jongho wide-eyed

“to Mingi?” he clarified. “What did you tell him when he asked you that?”

You let out a nervous laugh 

“I mean, I told him what I was planning, which he didn’t seem to believe for some reason.”

you could feel Jongho’s stare on the side of your face, which caused you continue talking 

“Yeah, he mentioned something about you having feelings for me? Which I didn’t believe, because like, you’re the Choi Jongho and I’m just some student on a scholarship and we’ve only known each other for a few months so it wouldn’t really make sense.”

Jongho frowned at the way you seemed to talk down upon yourself 

“What if he was right?” he cut you off 

“What?”

“What if Mingi was right, that I have feelings for you?” Jongho repeated himself. 

your mind went blank, and you could do nothing but stare at Jongho

when did he get so close you wondered, noticing how he was now a few inches away from your face

you swallowed harshly, your mouth suddenly feeling dry 

you pretended not to notice the way his eyes glanced quickly at your lips before returning to your eyes 

ever so slowly, Jongho neared your face until you could feel his breath on your lips

“Is this okay?” he whispered

you opted not to answer and instead leaned forward to close the tiny gap that rested between you two 

Jongho’s lips were incredibly soft, you noted

he was also an incredibly gentle kisser, bringing his hand up to softly hold your cheek

he kissed you like he had all the time in the world

after what felt like forever, the two of separated to catch your breath

Jongho rested his forehead softly on yours, keeping his hand on your cheek to stroke the sides of your face

“wow” you said breathlessly 

Jongho giggled, a gummy smile overtaking his face and his eyes turning into little crescents 

“I’ve been wanting to do that forever” he shyly admits

you smile, scooting closer to him and leaning your head onto his shoulder 

Jongho’s arm slowly sneaks around your waist and he turns his head to lay a soft kiss on your head 

there, the two of you sit contently in each other’s arms watching the sun rise over your city

                                         ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

and yes, in case it wasn’t obvious, I am jongho biased.

[minkieater]

texting ATEEZ ˗ˏˋ ´ˎ˗

────── telling them you ran into your ex at the store

a lil suggestive for some, this was fun !! and my first text thingy so be nice pls big huge giant thank u to @chimivx for the idea <3 ily

kim hongjoong ᰔᩚ

park seonghwa ᰔᩚ

jeong yunho ᰔᩚ

kang yeosang ᰔᩚ

choi san ᰔᩚ

song mingi ᰔᩚ

jung wooyoung ᰔᩚ

choi jongho ᰔᩚ

[anyamaris]

Sing Me to Sleep

Word Count-611

Summary-Awoken from a terrible nightmare, your boyfriend comes home unexpectedly and comforts you.

Pairing- BF!Jongho x F!Reader

Trope- Fluff

Warnings-Mentions of nightmares

"Y/n?" You hear a soft voice calling out for you and you cringe a bit. Your senses were still on high alert so it took you a moment to process that it was your boyfriend's voice.

"Jongho?" you whimper out and then you're scrambling out of your closet, to the silhouette of him in your bedroom doorway. "Baby, are you ok?" he asks, flicking on the light. He takes in your tear streaked face and the big hoodie you're drowning in.

He immediately puts down his bag and guitar case, then rushes to your side. "Baby, shh, it's ok. What's going on?" He asks, his eyes wide. He knows that look, and that you only wear his clothing to bed when you're having an especially bad night.

He is rubbing your arms as he pulls you into his chest, looking around the room. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you lean into him, inhaling his scent.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asks, kissing the top of your head. "Mmmmm" you mutter and he draws you over to the bed. He sits down and pulls you into his lap, concern washing over his features.

"Why didn't you text or call me?" he asks and you just melt into him, winding your arms around his neck and burying your face in his chest. "Didn't want to bother you." you whisper and he sighs.

"Babe, you can always bother me. I don't care if I'm on tour or doing something in the studio." he says, drawing you back so he can look at your face. His thumbs wipe at the tears silently falling from your eyes.

You smile at him and he smiles back, leaning in to kiss your forehead. "You're not a bother, anyhow. You make me happy even when you just say good morning to me." You reach up and touch his face, then he's drawing you in to kiss you sweetly.

"I'm here now. You are safe. I'm not leaving. Look how tired you are, baby." he's cooing at you and you nod, knowing the bags under your eyes are horrid. "You've been having them since I left last week, haven't you?" he sighs and shakes his head. You bite your lip and nod, shrugging.

"It's fine, they are just silly nightmares." You say, feeling childish. "You're not silly at all, it's alright to be afraid of things." he kisses your nose and you smile wider, loving his cute side.

"You're not scared of anything." you pout at him and his face gets serious. "Oh yes I am." he says and you look at him curiously. "You are?" you ask, sincerely curious. Jongho was always so stoic and calm when it came to the scarier things you'd done together. You've never seen him afraid.

"I'm afraid of losing you, and I'm afraid of not being here when you need me." He says and you feel tears well up all over again.

"I love you." he says and kisses you again, deeper this time. You melt into him and sigh. He gently settles you on the bed and goes over to his guitar case, opening it up.

Grabbing it out and setting himself back on the bed, he pats his thigh. "Lay your head down and relax. I'll play you a song." he says, kissing the top of your head.

Happily, you curl up next to him, laying your head on his leg and stare up at him, as he starts to strum and he hums softly.

"I love you too," you whisper as you drift off, the sound of his sweet voice and the guitar chasing away the nightmares.

@cultofdionysusnet @stardragongalaxy @sanjoongie @yoonguurt @flowerboykun @hwasrie @veronicasawyerschainsaw @shinestarhwaa @kpop-stories-21

[edenesth]

By Order of the Black Pirates

An 'Ice On My Teeth' Comeback Special Series

"N-No, please! Spare me! I was wrong! I swear I'll never do it again!" The man's voice cracked as he grovelled on the damp ground, tears carving paths through the grime on his face. His trembling hands offered up the tiny diamond he'd been foolish enough to steal—his last-ditch effort to appease the eight figures towering over him like shadows of death.

He'd heard the whispers, the warnings: Never cross the Black Pirates. Never touch what belongs to them. Never even think of betrayal. Yet greed had blinded him. Now, staring into their cold, merciless eyes, he knew his regret was far too late.

The leader of the gang stepped forward, a smirk tugging at his lips as he tilted his head, studying the pitiful man like a cat sizing up a doomed mouse. "Didn't I ask you to screen these rats better?" he drawled, casting a sideways glance at the eldest among them before shifting his focus back to their prey. "No time to waste. Finish him."

A low chuckle echoed through the tension-filled night as the gang's usual executioner, a broad-shouldered figure clad in his signature fur coat, stepped forward, his grin as sharp as the blade in his hand.

"Sorry, buddy," he mused, his voice dripping with mock sympathy. "This will be the night you take your final breath—by order of the Black fuckin' Pirates."

ـــــــــــــــﮩ٨ـ

Watching the harrowing scene from a distance stood a figure with crossed arms, his voice low as he muttered to his right-hand, "Every man has a weakness. Find the Black Pirates', and we'll knock them off their high horses."

"And if they have none, sir?"

The figure's lips curled into a dark smile. "Then we'll make sure they do."

Pairing(s): gang members!ateez x fem!reader

AU: gang au

Summary: One by one, the Black Pirates uncover their greatest weakness. But when the cracks begin to show, will they stand firm or let their vulnerabilities bring their empire to its knees?

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort

Trigger Warnings: violence, torture, abuse, blood, murder, language, contains dark themes in general

A/N: Credits to the wonderful @sundaybossanova for giving me the idea of something Peaky Blinders inspired. Thank you so much and ily💖

**Dearest readers, please note that all chapters are interconnected. You're advised to read them in order.

ATEEZ MASTERLIST

Hongjoong

‣ The Captain

The Captain of the Black Pirates—respected, feared, and unmatched in strategy—lives by his sharp mind and unshakable resolve. But his carefully constructed world begins to crumble when a grave mistake leads him to torture an innocent suspect nearly to death. Haunted by guilt, his quest for redemption takes an unexpected turn, awakening a part of him he never thought existed: a desire to protect and care for someone.

Seonghwa

‣ The Gentleman

The Black Pirates' poised diplomat, celebrated for his refined demeanour, sharp wit, and unmatched negotiation skills, is always in control. But his composure falters when he encounters an unwilling captive trapped in the Red Room—a ruthless training ground for spies. Driven by an unexpected urge to save her, he finds his carefully maintained boundaries beginning to unravel.

Yunho

‣ The Enforcer

The towering enforcer of the Black Pirates, both disarming and deadly—his easy charm capable of winning over enemies, while his legendary fury dominates the battlefield. But his unbreakable facade begins to crack when he meets a psychologist during a mission—someone who can see through his carefully crafted mask, just as he can see through hers. Beneath her confident exterior lies a frightened soul lost in a dark world, and for the first time, he finds himself compelled to protect someone in a way he never expected.

Yeosang

‣ The Phantom [Coming soon]

Mysterious and elusive, the Black Pirates' intelligence expert is known for his sharp instincts and unparalleled skill in espionage and reconnaissance. But when he crosses paths with a woman who surpasses him in both skill and wit for the first time, his confidence begins to waver. As she outsmarts him at every turn, he finds himself unexpectedly drawn to her, eagerly anticipating each challenge—because the thrill of being near her is something he never expected to crave.

San

‣ The Tempest [Coming soon]

The Black Pirates' most unpredictable force is a whirlwind of fiery passion and unbridled energy—always the first to leap into action when chaos erupts. But his world tilts when he stumbles upon a woman who, unlike his victims who always begged to live, is on the brink of ending her own life. Upon discovering she's terminally ill, he finds himself gripped by an unfamiliar and urgent desire to save her, igniting a battle within himself unlike anything he's ever faced.

Mingi

‣ The Firestarter [Coming soon]

The Black Pirates' wild card is notorious for his fiery temper and even more explosive schemes—a dangerous yet irresistibly charming presence. But his confidence takes a hit when one of his near-disastrous plans is salvaged by an unlikely passerby: a composed and resourceful former aristocrat, exiled and stripped of her wealth, now navigating the world's harsh realities. Her icy demeanour and unshakable poise captivate him, leaving the ever-impulsive man unexpectedly drawn to her.

Wooyoung

‣ The Charmer [Coming soon]

The Black Pirates' negotiator and master of distractions is renowned for his confidence and flirtatious charm, which can sway almost anyone. But his ego is severely wounded when he encounters the loyal bodyguard of a high-profile target, someone completely immune to his usual tricks, during a high-stakes mission. Frustrated by his failure yet captivated by her unwavering resolve, he finds himself unable to stay away, drawn to the challenge—and to her—in ways he never expected.

Jongho

‣ The Anchor [Coming soon]

The steadfast foundation of the Black Pirates is renowned for his unfaltering strength and calm under pressure. As the gang's moral compass and protector, he's always put duty above all else. But when a rival gang's attack threatens the life of their kind-hearted hired doctor, he begins to realise that his priorities extend beyond just his brothers. Torn between his loyalty to the gang and his growing feelings for her, he faces an agonising choice: protect his family or save her.

Voila, my loves! As promised, I finally managed to come up with a little something for this comeback teehee. I hope you're as excited about this as I am! Truthfully, I just returned from a 10-day trip in Shanghai and am back to work on Monday already - which means I might not be able to write much until the following weekend but I will do my best to get the parts out ASAP!

Super excited to hear your thoughts on the concept! Do let me know which member's summary enticed you the most!✨ and of course, just leave a comment if you'd like to be tagged for when the parts are released!

General ATEEZ Tag list:

@aurasblue @marievllr-abg @itsvxlentine @minghaoslatina @huachengsbestie01

@evidive @weedforthoughtz @minkiflwr @cheolliehugs @ho3-for-yunho

@the-kpop-simp @itstheghostofmypast @vantediary @green-agent @skzline

@sharksandminhos @writingwieny @heyitsmetonid @tinyteezer @hollxe1

@pandabur666 @vampzity @tournesol155 @lilactangerine @oddracha

@haven-cove @idfkeddieishot @vic0921 @vnessalau @apriecotte

@bangtannie7 @vtyb23 @khjoongie98 @scuzmunkie @anxiousskylar

@bunny4yungi @zl-world @bethelighthalazia @tsunchani

All Rights Reserved © edenesth

DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR OTHERWISE REPURPOSE ANY OF THE WORK HERE.

[rmview]

how they kiss you, ATEEZ.

featuring — ateez members x gn!reader ( masterlist )

summary — an imagine of what it’s like kissing the ateez boys!

contents — fluff, suggestive content, no warnings.

hong ♡ joong

hongjoong’s kisses are filled with meaning, as if he’s trying to convey everything he feels in that single moment. he’s a perfectionist, even in romance, so his kisses are thoughtful and intentional. he takes his time, holding your face gently in his hands as his lips brush against yours, soft and lingering. hongjoong prefers intimate moments when it’s just the two of you, away from the world’s chaos, where he can focus entirely on you. he often pairs his kisses with whispered words — small affirmations of love or a cheeky remark to make you smile. after a long day, he likes to lean his forehead against yours, closing his eyes before pressing a slow, sweet kiss to your lips. to him, every kiss is a promise: that he’s yours and always will be.

“come here, love. let me remind you just how much you mean to me.”

seong ♡ hwa

seonghwa’s kisses are tender and comforting, the kind that makes you feel cherished and protected. he’s incredibly gentle, brushing his lips softly against yours, taking his time to savor the moment. seonghwa often cups your cheek with one hand, his thumb stroking your skin as he kisses you, ensuring you feel every ounce of his affection. his kisses are warm and patient, like he’s reminding you that there’s no rush — he’s here, and so are you. he loves stealing kisses on your forehead or the corner of your lips, especially when you’re not expecting it, just to see you smile. during moments of passion, he lets his emotions take the lead, kissing you deeper and holding you tighter, as if he never wants to let go.

“you’ve been on my mind all day. c’mere, baby.”

yun ♡ ho

yunho’s kisses are playful and full of joy, much like his personality. he loves making you laugh mid-kiss, often pulling away just to press a quick peck on your nose or whisper something silly. his energy shines through every kiss, making each one feel like a burst of happiness. yunho enjoys spontaneous moments, catching you off guard with a cheeky grin before pulling you close. despite his fun-loving nature, he has a soft side that shows during more intimate moments. when he kisses you deeply, it’s with a mix of tenderness and passion, his arms wrapping around you as if he’s shielding you from the world. to yunho, kissing is just another way of expressing his boundless affection for you.

“hey, don’t just stand there looking cute. come here and let me love you properly.”

yeo ♡ sang

yeosang’s kisses are subtle but full of unspoken emotion. he’s not one for grand displays of affection, but when he kisses you, it’s with purpose and sincerity. his lips graze yours softly, almost teasingly, before he lets the kiss deepen. yeosang often kisses you as a way to reassure you of his feelings, especially when words feel inadequate. he loves the quiet moments, like when you’re sitting together in comfortable silence, and he leans over to press a kiss on your temple or your hand. there’s a quiet intensity in the way he kisses, as if he’s letting you into the depths of his heart with every touch of his lips.

“you have no idea how beautiful you are to me, pretty girl.”

san ♡

san’s kisses are passionate and electric, leaving no room for doubt about his feelings. he’s the type to pull you close, his hands framing your face or resting on your waist, as he pours all his emotions into every kiss. san loves eye contact, locking eyes with you just before leaning in, a playful smirk tugging at his lips. his kisses can range from soft and tender to fiery and intense, depending on the mood, but they’re always full of love. he’s also incredibly affectionate, peppering your face with quick, playful kisses when he’s in a good mood, just to hear you laugh. when san kisses you, he makes you feel like the center of his universe, his lips telling you everything without the need of words.

“you’re mine, and i’ll never get tired of reminding you.”

min ♡ gi

mingi’s kisses are a mix of sweet and bold, much like his personality. he’s not afraid to show his affection, often pulling you into his arms for a kiss that leaves you breathless. there’s a playful side to his kisses — he loves teasing you, brushing his lips against yours before finally closing the gap. mingi often kisses you out of the blue, surprising you with his spontaneity, but he also knows how to set the mood for something more intimate. when he kisses you deeply, it’s with a quiet intensity, his hands resting securely on your lower back as he pulls you closer. with mingi, every kiss feels like an adventure, full of warmth and excitement.

“come here, i need to kiss you.”

woo ♡ young

wooyoung’s kisses are fiery and passionate, often leaving you a little dizzy but craving more. he’s confident and playful, always finding ways to make you blush. wooyoung loves teasing you before a kiss, leaning in close and whispering something flirtatious, only to pull away at the last second with a cheeky grin. when he finally kisses you, it’s with a spark of energy, his lips moving against yours in a way that feels both thrilling and deeply affectionate. he’s not shy about his love, often kissing you in public to show the world you’re his. despite his bold nature, wooyoung also has a softer side, surprising you with gentle kisses when you least expect it, reminding you that his love runs deep.

“mine, *kiss* mine, *kiss* mine.”

jong ♡ ho

jongho’s kisses are steady and grounding, a reflection of his calm and adorable nature. he takes his time, ensuring every kiss is meaningful. jongho isn’t one for grand gestures, but the simplicity of his kisses speaks volumes about his love for you. he often kisses you softly, his hand resting on the back of your neck as he leans in. there’s a quiet strength in the way he kisses, as if he’s silently promising to always stand by your side. jongho also loves pressing small, affectionate kisses on your forehead or the top of your head, especially when you’re feeling down. to him, kissing is a way to connect with you on a deeper level, showing his love through actions rather than words.

“darling, let me take care of you.”

notes: my first post, yay! i'm new to the fandom (and writing) so forgive me if their characters/mannerisms aren't accurate, it's just how i perceive them :p constructive criticism and requests are welcome!