#Jolex oneshot

[she-karev]

Planning Ahead (Jolex Season 21 Imagine)

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: One of One

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Ship: Alex Karev x Jo Wilson/Jo Karev

Canon Episode: Season 21 Episode 6

AN: I didn’t like how Link was being a dick to Jo when she was clearly hormonal not to mention stressed over expecting two babies so I wrote how Alex would have handled it. Jolex will always be canon in my heart and mind and I will continue to write them how they should have been written on social media. Like and reblog below and let me know what you think.

Summary: Alex and Jo take care of Luna who has the cold. Jo suggests they do a scheduled C-section that causes Alex to argue it isn’t safe. He later tells her he can’t watch her die like Izzie and she feels guilty at that. Jo later apologizes and explains why she wanted the C-section at first, Alex comforts her and tells her they will figure this out together.

AKA: 21x06 but with Jolex instead of JoLink

Words: 3065

June 3rd, 2023

Jo sprays the disinfectant on the coffee table and wipes it with a rag while wearing rubber gloves so there’s not another sick person in the house. Luna has been sick for the past two days with a cold causing her parents to worry and take care of her around the clock. Alex took his vacation days so he can help Jo who is getting agitated as her pregnancy continues.

Ever since they found out they were carrying twins; Jo’s mind has been racing with what’s to come of her for the next 7 months. She is still debating whether to have a vaginal birth or opt for a planned C-section since this is a high-risk pregnancy.

She wanted to deliver naturally but since finding out she’s delivering two babies Jo is becoming more inclined to a surgical option that leaves her and her babies less vulnerable to preeclampsia and cord entanglement. Jo only hopes Alex can support her decision for a planned C-section once she lays out the facts she knows as an OB.

“Okay Luna’s temp is still at 100.” Alex tells Jo as he comes downstairs exhausted from taking care of their sick daughter, “Symptoms still haven’t changed so we can rule out RSV and all the other scary illnesses.”

“It’s just an average cold.” Jo says in relief wiping down another table.

“It’s not average to her or to us.” Alex sits on the couch with a groan, “I gave her Pedialyte and she’s keeping it down so that’s something. I’m hoping it gives me at least 20 seconds of rest, God I am glad I saved up so many vacation days.”

“I imagined our vacation days at Disney Land on that Dumbo ride or those moving teacups.” Jo tells her husband who is closing his eyes, “Of course with three kids we’ll be lucky to fit in that tiny cup without cracking it.”

“And I was a big kid so it’s probably gonna be a given for at least one of the twins.” Alex chuckles lightly, still lying on the couch with closed eyes, “Don’t worry once Luna is okay and those twins are out of your uterus, we are gonna get tickets to Disney Land. Do you think they have a section for adults to drink and unwind while their kids are in magical heaven?”

Jo stops cleaning and sits on the couch next to Alex with an imploring look, “Actually that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Not about Disney Land, but about the birth. I think we need to make a plan.”

“We have at least six months until the big day, right now I just want to rest so I can help take care of the child we already have.” Alex yawns, “We’ll make a plan and look into birthing classes or Lamaze or whatever is supposed to help keep us calm while you’re screaming and pushing.”

“That is actually what I wanted to talk to you about.” Jo says before getting to the point, “I think we should talk to Carina about doing a scheduled C-section.”

Alex opens his eyes at that and looks at Jo surprised who explains, “This is a high-risk pregnancy, we both know that better than most. There’s a high chance of preterm labor and by then the organs aren’t fully developed. At least with a C-section at 36 weeks there is a NICU team ready and a neonatal surgeon if anything goes wrong. Not to mention I’m less at risk for hemorrhaging than if I delivered naturally.”

“But you’re at a higher risk for free fluid in the belly and getting an emergency surgery that could have been avoided if we opted for a vaginal birth.” Alex argues already against this plan to Jo’s annoyance, “Not to mention a risk of infection for both you and the babies and fetal trauma and blood clots and limited mobility after for you that is gonna be hard to do when you have three kids at home. You’re an OB you should know all of this and this shouldn’t be an option for you and the babies at all.”

“There are risks for natural birth too I know that as well due to my job.” Jo argues back with Alex rubbing his eyes at this hurdle, “I know hemorrhaging is just as likely to happen after giving birth and the time it takes to prep me for surgery won’t be needed if I’m already in an OR with surgeons to operate. Also, the baby’s cord getting tangled is likely as well putting one or both of them at risk. And the placenta could rupture risking me and the babies. I am trying to plan ahead before we go in with no contingencies and no surgeons around if anything goes wrong.”

Alex tries to get Jo to come to her senses once again, “Jo you know that a C-section is a major surgery. It’s a surgery that should only be planned if the benefits outweigh the risks and they don’t so far. Your ultrasound showed two strong and growing babies, your placenta is perfectly intact and your healthy with no underlying conditions. There is no factor here that calls for a C-section.”

“I’m healthy but I’m not exactly young enough to have a safe natural birth.” Alex scoffs at Jo’s statement, “Do you know what is considered a geriatric pregnancy? 35 years old, as much as I hate to admit it, I am no spring chicken. I’m at a higher risk for complications that come with giving birth.”

Alex inhales deeply to keep calm, “Okay look honey I know that you’re scared of what is gonna happen but right now I think you’re letting your fear cloud your medical judgement. This is something that needs to be made by a sound OB who can tell us if this is necessary or not. Right now, you’re not an OB you are an expecting mother of twins who has been up for the past two days taking care of our sick daughter. Let’s take this to Carina once Luna is okay and we rest, okay?”

Jo is adamant in her decision however shaking her head, “I’m not making a hasty decision here Alex I am planning for the future and making sure both of our babies live to see it. Ultimately, it’s my decision and you and Carina will have to respect it.”

“Excuse me?” Alex asks offended, “This is not just your decision, these are not just your babies they’re ours and my opinion matters here too. And my opinion is that you are not having a C-section, I won’t allow it unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

Jo looks stunned by this barbaric side of Alex, “You won’t allow me to exercise my own medical decisions? Despite Roe v Wade being overturned this isn’t Gilead from The Handmaids Tale, this is my decision too.”

“A decision that you are not making clearly.” Alex argues trying to keep calm in this tense standoff, “A decision that could kill you or one of the babies or both of them or all of you. I am not trying to bully you I am trying to think for all of us after you dropped this bomb out of nowhere. I am trying to protect our family from something that could have been avoided if we both made sound decisions.”

Jo sighs at this ready to argue back when they hear Luna upstairs crying calling out for dada. Alex immediately stands up rubbing his face tired from taking care of Luna and from this argument that is making him close to bashing his head against the wall.

“I got her, I…I gotta calm down and think before I say something I am gonna regret.” Alex goes upstairs leaving Jo on the couch groaning at this argument that is leading nowhere.

Later

Alex comes downstairs to find Jo still in the living room folding laundry tensely. He is also tense from the argument that is playing every worst-case scenario that has to do with Jo requesting a C-section. He imagined her after the surgery bleeding internally and leaving him to raise their kids on his own. He imagined one of the babies being accidentally cut with a scalpel and losing one of them. He imagined all three of them hemorrhaging and he would lose all of them.

Alex keeps his face calm from these dark thoughts as he sits on the couch next to Jo who is still folding the laundry. He thinks of how to tread carefully through this landmine not wanting to ensue an argument that could wake up Luna.

“She’s sleeping.” Alex informs Jo in a low voice, “The Pedialyte seems to be working, and she hasn’t vomited all night, so I think we’re nearing the end here.”

“That’s good.” Jo says as she folds Luna’s blanket before sighing as she sets the blanket down in the basket, “Childbirth is unpredictable, I know it, I’ve seen it its why new protocols were implanted to begin with. I know the risks of both a C-section and a natural birth and I feel like if I choose the first these babies have a stronger chance of making through the delivery safely and a stronger chance of coming home with us.”

“And what about you?” Alex asks imploring instead of pressing, “This C-section affects you too, it mainly affects you, you’re the one whose gonna be on the table. Forget being able to move around or breastfeed, a C-section increases your chances of hemorrhaging and bleeding out. At least with a natural birth you’ll have a faster recovery time and Carina DeLuca is an excellent OB. She won’t miss any steps or ignore you if you tell her you’re in pain. I-I am trying to understand why you are so insistent on a surgery that has higher complications.”

“Because I am trying to plan ahead like my mother should have when she was pregnant with me.” Jo snaps clearly agitated to Alex’s surprise that this goes back to her birth mom, “She didn’t plan, she didn’t go to doctor’s appointments, she didn’t even tell anyone that she was pregnant. She just ignored it until it was too late, and I know she had trauma, and the pregnancy warped her thinking but then I think what if there was a complication with me that she could have resolved if she made plans. What if I had died because she didn’t go to anyone for help? I am doing what she couldn’t. I am thinking about these babies and what could happen in that delivery room. I don’t care what happens to me, I care about what happens to these babies unlike my mother who never cared about what would happen to me.”

Jo goes back to folding the laundry with Alex left silent at this confession. He thought this was just from the surge of hormones going through her body but it’s more than that. It’s from being reminded of her mother not being able to acknowledge her pregnancy that ultimately led to Jo being left at a fire station and into foster care. It’s from Jo fearing that she will react the same way her mother did and hurt these babies as a result.

Alex thinks for a moment on what to say to ensure his wife sees reason before starting, “I was in the room when Izzie coded.”

Jo stops folding the laundry at this mention of his ex-wife but stays quiet to let him finish, “She just had surgery and was trying to regain her memory. It was hard and it was hell that the woman I loved didn’t recognize me, but I stayed, and I reminded her who I was. And when she finally remembered who I was her heart stopped, and she died in my arms.”

Jo looks at Alex in sympathy knowing how difficult that must have been for him, “She signed a DNR, I screamed at Webber and the others to revive her, and they did. They brought her back after the cancer almost killed her. I was stuck in that moment for years, feeling her slipping away in my arms, not being able to do anything, feeling like I lost the most important person in my life then.”

Alex looks at Jo with a pained expression, “I can’t do that again, I can’t have you die in my arms and leave our kids without their mom. I can’t let that happen when I can stop it. I can’t lose you or our kids, I won’t survive, that is gonna be the thing that breaks me so please don’t let your mother’s mistakes make you make a decision that could upend all of our lives, please.”

Jo is left stunned at this confession that makes her feel guilty for making her husband go back to a time when he thought he was gonna lose everything. It makes her feel terrible for willing to risk her own life and her children because of something her mother did when she was pregnant and traumatized. It makes her feel like she is bringing unnecessary pain to her family when they have had enough pain to push through.

A shrill cry upstairs calls their attention with Jo standing up knowing Alex needs space again, “I’ll get her. I…I’m sorry.”

Jo leaves Alex in the living room to tend to their child with both feeling raw as this night keeps on giving.

The Next Morning

Jo and Alex lay in bed feeling tired from taking care of Luna all night who finally went to sleep with a normal fever. The expecting parents have been busy taking care of their child and silently agreed to leave the conversation for after. Now that it’s after Jo decides to start.

“I know I sprung you with the C-section out of nowhere and I should have known it was gonna be a bigger conversation between us.” Jo lies on her side curling up against a pillow facing Alex who turns his tired head towards his wife, “I am not thinking clearly your right about that, and I am ignoring the fact that your in this with me too. I’m so sorry, I feel like my mind is somewhere else half the time and it makes me crazy.”

“You have a good excuse.” Alex reminds her, “Two excuses. I might not be as exposed as you are, but I know hormones are a beast that can cloud a genius’s thinking. So double that I wouldn’t be surprised if you went to work with no pants on.”

Jo chuckles at that before looking at Alex with a solemn grin, “I know it’s gonna be hard for us in the beginning and the middle, but I really want that big family I never had. I want it with you, and I want to be around to see it and live it. I just…I’m so worried that I’m gonna mess it up before we even have these babies. I’m worried that I am gonna repeat my mother’s mistakes. But instead, I am playing games with my own health and my babies as well by letting my fear win. I don’t know why.”

Alex lies on his side to face Jo fully, “You are a resident working crazy hours raising a deaf child with your husband all the while carrying two babies in your womb. And…with your history of depression it would be shocking if this pregnancy wasn’t stirring up feelings about your mother who abandoned you. I mean you told me that you didn’t want biological kids because you were worried you would react like your mother did when she was pregnant. Now your pregnant and that fear is clouding your hormone riddled brain.”

“I think your right.” Jo sighs at this, “I think I am feeling a little bit how I felt when I was depressed. I’m happy to have these babies with you and I was shocked, but I want to continue this pregnancy. I just feel so out of control like my mother was and that scares me because I don’t want to be like her at all. I want to be the mother she never was and give these kids the childhood she couldn’t give me.”

Alex rubs her arms in comfort, “You already are. I mean you were Luna’s rock when she was in the NICU, you raised her while you were working to bring life into this world, you took her deaf diagnosis with stride, and you are learning sign language for her. All of those things are not something your mom would do, it’s something you would do because you are the best mother our kids could have. It’s just the issues with your mother you need to work through again and you will because you are stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

Jo looks at Alex grateful for having him here, “I know that I do. I’m gonna talk to my therapist about this and see what she recommends. Because I love you and our somewhat chaotic family so much and I don’t want that darkness to take it away from me. I’m gonna fight for our family and I’m gonna protect these babies, starting with not getting a scheduled C-section. I don’t want to risk my babies or myself and I don’t want to put you through that pain if I can help it. The screaming and the pain will be worth it once these babies are in our arms safe and sound.”

“Thank you.” Alex grins at this decision, “I love you.”

“I love you.” Jo leans forward to kiss Alex who kisses her back passionately for a few moments before she pulls back to yawn, “I’m sorry.”

Alex chuckles sharing the feeling as well, “It’s okay trust me, at this moment I think I love sleep more than you.”

“Same. Let’s do that.” Jo states before curling up against Alex’s chest as he lies down ready to welcome the sweet lull of sleep they have been deprived of for the past two days, “Good night.”

“Night.” Alex wraps his arms around Jo holding her against him as they sleep in each other’s arm content and blissful after the night they had.

[salt-pepper-jolex]

Can you write a fluffy Jolex AU where before Jo and Alex kiss, they're fighting and Alex says this to her:

"I love you! Is that what you wanted to hear?"

and Jo kisses him in response.

Yep! Here it is!

I kinda went off-script towards the end, just to give them a good, clean apology, but I hope it still matches what you asked for!

Holding You Back to Hold You in My Arms

The tension in the air was thick enough to cut in half.

Alex and Jo had been fighting about their lives before they got to be surgeons. Particularly how Alex thought Paul, even in death, was holding her back.

"No, you don't get to say that. You don't get to say that he's the reason I'm staying in Seattle. You're not allowed to have an opinion on that."

"Seeing as I'm your boss, I think it's exactly something I'm allowed to have an opinion on it!"

"Why are you so worried anyway? It's not your business, it's mine, so stay out of it!"

Suddenly, Alex goes quiet. Not long after, Jo gets paged.

"I gotta go," she says, rushing past him.

Later in the ER, Alex finds Jo at the nurses' station.

"Hey," Alex says, apologetically.

"What do you want?" Jo responds sharply, not turning to face him.

"Can we finish talking?"

"No."

"No?"

"Not here." She says, and Alex is left standing. Soon, she's back in front of him, pulling his arm and the rest of his body into a supply closet.

Once he closes the door, she stands in front of him, her arms crossed.

"Well?"

"You asked why I'm worried. It's because you matter enough to me that I care. You're the only person I-" She cuts him off, laughing incredulously.

"I matter enough to you? Really, that's all you have to say to me? Well, good to know. That doesn't and won't ever mean that you're entitled to an opinion about my past and you certainly don't get to talk about how it affects my career. Why would you be concerned about my job? It's not like it means anything to you."

"What are you talking about?"

Suddenly, Jo's facade breaks, and she speaks up, her voice much louder than she intended for it to be.

"Why do you care where I end up? Why does that matter to you so much, huh?" She pried, searching for an answer.

"Because I love you! Is that what you wanted to hear? I love you and you matter so much to me, I can't stop thinking about you. Every time I look at you, I don't think straight. And it matters to me because I want you. Not anyone else. You."

Then, she stepped forward, closing the little space between them, hesitantly putting her lips against his, the world melting away as she moved closer.

"Jo," he spoke, his voice a mere whisper.

"Alex," she replied, her voice light and breathy.

"Jo, stop for a minute," he said, making Jo freeze and back up before he continuing, still never letting go of her arms, "I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to say that I was allowed to have an opinion. Just because I'm your boss, that doesn't mean I have a right to anything."

"Stop. You're not just my boss anymore. Now it's my turn to say sorry. I'm sorry for saying that you can't have an opinion. I'm sorry for saying Paul was the only thing keeping me here. He's not. It's you. I don't want to leave Seattle for a lot of reasons, but the most compelling one is you."

They both knew starting this relationship was risky, but they also knew in the end, it would be so worth it.

fin.

----‐-----------------------------------------------------

Thanks to anyone who read this! I loved writing this prompt, but my biggest challenge was deciding if I should make Jo a resident or fellow. I know the timeline got a little muddy bc technically, Jolex's first kiss was in s9 and Paul doesn't get brought up until s13 or 14, but I couldn't come up with a good conflict.

[z00oo1]

Pairing Recs

Jolex

Oneshot @blancheharrington

Jo’s on early maternity leave and misses Alex, and her sanity.

Jolex Masterlist @fuckyeahalexjo

You Look Happier, You Do @jobrookekarev

When Alex walks back into Grey-Slone for the first time, he spots a little blonde girl who waves at him over her mom’s shoulder.

That same kind of Joy @iamtrebleclefstories

All Roads Lead Me Hear @doc-pickles

Jolex Masterlist @thejolexgroupchat

I knew you’d come back to me @iamtrebleclefstories

“Jo, look I know I’m probably the last person you wanna see right now and I don’t deserve for you to even hear me out

Mr.Perfectly Fine @fan4196

Amy x Laurie

Oneshot @littlejeanniebean

“you’re mine, and i don’t share”

Always, only you @kay-emm-gee

jealous!laurie

[drmarc]

one last dance

a jolex au oneshot inspired by one last dance by us the duo

so i am currently obsessed with us the duo’s song ‘one last dance’ and i had this idea that i wanted to write and i hurt myself again by writing this

 it’s a really beautiful and painful song, and i suggest that you listen to it while you read this, God knows how much i cried (on the inside and the outside) while writing this

this is a small playlist i made with the songs i listened to while writing this and some of the songs that are mentioned in it

anyways, i hope you guys like it!

Hundreds of eyes in the room but yours found mine

I asked you to dance and by chance our hands intertwined

“Alex, just go ask her out please. It’s physically hurting me to see you pine over her like this, just go please.” Meredith pleads to her friend, sitting beside her. They’re at the reception for Miranda Bailey and Ben Warren’s wedding and the group of newly transferred residents are sitting two tables down from them, and one particular resident caught Alex’s eye the minute she walked in the hospital. 

“I can’t, Mer! I told you, I’ve tried but I just, I don’t know what to say or do when I’m actually in front of her.” Alex sighs in frustration. It’s true, he gets all tongue-tied whenever he tries to ask her out and he just doesn’t know why. Cristina and Meredith share a look before turning their attention back to their sulking friend.

“Wow, Evil Spawn is having actual normal girl problems.” Cristina says, and Meredith laughs at her comment while Alex just glares at her before taking a swig of his beer. The two continue to tease Alex for a while before he gets up to order another beer.

“Another round for me.” He says and leans against the bar next to Richard Webber and Catherine Avery, who were also leaning against the bar. They stand up and start to go and mingle with others when Richard turns back around to face Alex and says,

“Just ask her to dance, Karev. You might just sweep her off her feet with that.” Richard nods at him with a smile on his face and turns back around to follow his wife. Alex stares at his back for a second before turning back around to sit on the stool next to him while his eyes immediately go to the brunette who’s currently laughing her ass off at something her friend said. He sighs and nods a thank you to the bartender after he places a glass of beer in front of him.

He tunes everything out and just stares off to nothing as he drinks his beer, he almost didn’t hear her ask the bartender for another round of whatever she and her friends are having. He turns his head to the side to look at her and stares for a minute. He thanks God she doesn’t notice him staring that close. He looks at his drink and chugs it all down before wiping his mouth and hands on a napkin, and turning around to face Jo Wilson.

Jo notices him standing next to her and turns her head to smile at him. Alex attempts what looks like a smile as holds his hand out and asks, “Would you like to dance?”

Jo looks at him, her eyes gleaming as she glances down at his outstretched palm. She looks back up at him with a soft and somewhat teasing smile on her face as she says, “I would love to.”

What lasted for minutes seemed like eternity

I had no clue this one dance would lead you to me

��Alex, where are we?” Jo giggles as she tries not to stumble with Alex leading her up some steps. It’s their first anniversary and Alex said he had a surprise for her, one that he said he’s been wanting to do ever since we danced at Ben and Bailey’s wedding, which is why she’s currently trying not to fall over after he blindfolded her before he brought her to the car and to wherever they are at the moment. She also has a surprise for him, one she’s not sure of what his reaction will be.

“We’re almost there, baby, just two more steps and… Ha! We’re here!” Alex exclaims enthusiastically. Jo puts her arms out and tries to feel out for anything that could give her a clue on where she is but she doesn’t come into contact with anything.

“Okay, so I’m going to take your blindfold off, okay?” Jo nods, and Alex continues, ”I’m gonna take it off, BUT you can’t open your eyes just yet. You can open them when the song ends.” Jo furrows her eyebrows in confusion but agrees to it anyway. Alex slowly undoes the blindfold on her head and as promised, Jo keeps her eyes closed. Alex steps away from her for a moment before music fills the silence around them and Jo smiles at the familiar tune.

She feels Alex slip his hands around her waist and Jo wraps hers around his neck. They start to sway comfortably as Jo tucks her head in the crook of his neck, softly singing along to the song.

“Mmm, so this is love, so this is what makes life divine.” Alex takes her hand and spins her. He takes her back in his arms and softly hums along. They stay in that position, swaying, for the remaining minutes of the song before Jo slowly opens her eyes. She’s in the middle of a living room of a house, a newly built and furnished one at that, and in a picture frame in front of her is a picture that the couple took as a joke for their friends. 

In the photo, Alex is down on his knee with a faux ring in hand and Jo’s hands are on her mouth, feigning shock and surprise. Jo feels Alex���s arm slip around her figure and looks down to see Alex’s hand holding open a small, velvet box with a princess shaped diamond on a ring shining at her. She stares at it in awe, with tears in her eyes, as Alex whispers in her ear, “Will you marry me, Jo?”

Jo grabs the hand that’s holding the small box and spins around to face Alex. She leans in to kiss him and right before their lips touch, she whispers a soft “yes” before closing the gap between them.

They kiss softly before Jo pulls back and rests her forehead against his as her hands hold his face. “I also have a surprise.” Jo says, smiling softly with her eyes closed. She takes one of his hands that was resting on her waist, and slowly slides it to her stomach which was carrying the tiniest bump. It was tiny, very tiny, but it was there, and it makes Alex suck in a breath.

Hundreds of friends in the room and you’re dressed in white

You walk down the aisle and I smile to know that you’re mine

Alex stares at the woman walking down the aisle towards him and he feels like he can’t breathe. He can’t breathe and when Jo grins at him, he can breathe. It’s cheesy he knows, but it was like the girl was his oxygen. Her and the little life she was carrying inside her.

Link, who asked Jo personally if he could give her away, pats Alex’s shoulder and gives him a manly hug once they reach the end of the aisle to where Alex was standing. Jo gives Link a kiss on the cheek after he gives her away to Alex before he goes to his seat.

“We are here today to…” Alex drowns Meredith out and stares at Jo, who feels him staring at her and turns to look at him lovingly. He sees that she’s teary-eyed and he chuckles lightly at that. Jo seems to realize what he’s laughing about and wipes a tear that escapes from the corner of her eyes as she mouths, “Hormones.”

Their stares and actions go unnoticed for a while as they forget where they are before Meredith catches their attention by clearing her throat. “I think this is the part where you guys say I do.” She says quietly to the two in front of her.

“I do? Oh yes, I do!”

“Yeah, I do.”

Jo and Alex stumble over their answers simultaneously and make their small crowd of friends and family laugh. Meredith smiles at the two who join hands and look at each other lovingly, Alex putting his hand on Jo’s 5-month bump, caressing it softly, before holding Jo’s hands again.

We cheers our champagne and wait for our song to begin

The band starts to play and you ask me to dance once again

Jo is sitting and chatting with Helen and Bailey while Alex does the same with their other guests. Helen and Bailey smile at her while Helen puts her hand on top of Jo’s, which was softly caressing her bump. “How are you feeling?” She asks her.

Jo smiles softly as her eyes scan the room, looking for his husband, seeing him laughing and talking with Meredith, Cristina, and Jackson. She looks back at Helen and answers, “I feel wonderful.” 

They continue talking for a while before she feels someone caress her arm. She turns her head around and sees her gorgeous husband standing in front of her, with his hand stretched out to her. She’s taken back to the first time they danced and she smiles giddily at her husband. Her husband, it still feels surreal to her that he is her husband. 

“Would you like to dance?” Alex repeats the words he said to her the night they fell in love and Jo swears she felt like she was falling all over again.

Jo puts her hand in his and stands up as she says, “I would love to.” They head to the middle of the dance floor and they vaguely see the crowd that was dancing in the middle slowly disperse for the couple’s first dance as husband and wife.

Fifty-nine years have gone by since you said yes

Even now in your hospital bed you still look your best

“Hey, ma, you feeling okay?” Caroline, Alex and Jo’s oldest grandchild, says as she walks into Jo’s hospital room and sits by the foot of her bed. Alex is sitting in a recliner chair that their kids brought for him from the house next to Jo’s bed.

Jo smiles at her granddaughter before answering, “As comfortable as I can be, honey.” Jo had a mild stroke the day before and it caused her to also have a mild heart attack which resulted in her ending up in the hospital. Alex almost had a heart attack because of it but their kids, who are also doctors, were able to calm him down.

“What about you, pa? Your blood pressure down?” Alex rolls his eyes after her question and Jo slaps his arm for it. Caroline just laughs at their actions and raises her eyebrow at his grandfather.

“Yes, yes, it’s down.” He smiles softly at her, laughing lightly. They hear a knock on the door and see Jo’s doctor with a look on his face that both Jo and Alex know too well, and Alex wishes he doesn’t know it at all.

“You’re discharged, Mrs. Karev. You can go home and rest now.” Her words are soft and warm, but the meaning behind it is not. Alex and Jo share a look and Jo takes Alex’s hand in hers, softly caressing it with her thumb, as Alex leans forward on her bed and brings their joined hands to his mouth, kissing it softly as a tear makes its way down his face. Jo puts her hand on his cheek and wipes the tear with her thumb as she softly whispers, “Take me home.” Alex nods at her, a few more tears escaping from his eyes as he places a few more kisses on her hand and leans forward to kiss her on the lips before he stands up.

We might be old but there’s still one thing we can do

Put on a song, let’s pretend to dance ‘round the room

“Ly, can you help us with something?” Alex calls down the stairs for his youngest daughter. He hears her say something and soon sees her figure walking up the stairs.

“What do you need, dad?” Elizabeth says whilst she pats her hands dry on her pants. Alex leads her to him and his mother’s bedroom and points to the mini speaker he placed on the bedside table.

“Could you set that up and play your father and I’s song?” Jo says from the bed, grinning slightly at her daughter. Elizabeth agrees with a smile and sets it up while Alex helps Jo up from their bed and sturdies her by hugging her figure to his. Jo puts her arms around his neck as Alex puts his around her waist and Elizabeth plays the song from her father’s phone on the speaker.

They start swaying slightly and slowly to the music as Elizabeth makes a move to leave. She stays by the doorway for a moment, staring at her parents who were still as in love as they were when they were younger. She’s tired and emotional, having spent the day with everyone in their family and eating dinner with her mother while she was still here. She decides to retire for the night and quietly closes the door to her parents’ room. The sound of the song playing loudly in the quiet house, loud enough for everyone in the house to hear.

“You’d think their songs were made for us.” Jo says, laughing lightly as they sway to the song of their favorite duo. Alex chuckles at her comment and holds her tighter, burying his face in her hair. “Maybe they are.” He says, which makes her giggle.

“It’s their wedding vows, and it’s our life.” Jo says quietly. 

Alex wants to cry, but he doesn’t. He wants to, but he doesn’t feel like he has to. His wife is dying. She could die now, in his arms, or she could die later, beside him, and he knows in himself that he will go wherever she does.

They sway lightly, basking in the music and silence, as they whisper the song in each other’s ears. “No matter where you are, I’ll be there.”

Thirty-five hours have gone by since your last breath

Memories of dancing with you are all I have left

“Dad, will you be alright here?” Mason, his eldest, asks him. They just got home from the funeral home, where a wake for Jo will be held in a few days. 

She died just the night before, after their last dance, they went to sleep, only Jo never woke up. Alex did, and once he saw her, he knew immediately. He held her for a while, but he didn’t cry, he quietly sang to her and whispered his vows to the silent air. Their kids found them less than an hour later. They cried, their father comforted them, and they pulled themselves together to do what needed to be done.

“I’ll be okay, bee.” He tells him. His eyes wander the room for a while before it settles on the picture frame sitting on their bedside table. Alex sits down and takes the frame in his hands while Mason stays by the door. “I’ll be alright, I just wanna lay down for a while. I’m tired.” He gives his son a crooked smile, to which he mirrors. Mason nods at his father and makes a move to leave, but before he could close the door, Alex calls out to him. “Mason,” He says,

“Take care of our family. I love you.” Mason feels a wave of dread and realization wash over him. He stays in his place for a while before he decides to walk over to his father and give him a hug. Alex rubs his back as he takes a few breaths. Mason gulps, trying to push down the feeling of wanting to cry, “I love you, too.” He walks out and closes the door. 

Alex sighs and lies down on his side of the bed. He turns to his side and stares at the picture framed in his hands, tracing the outline of Jo’s face. He smiles as he sighs and closes his eyes, picturing Jo waiting for him with her hand outstretched, asking him for a dance.

Just a few seconds 

before it’s my time to go

Hello my God and my love, 

at last I am home

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

I wanna do some little Jolex drabbles just for fun so DM me some prompts. Pretty please

New Prompt List

“Yes! I wanna play!”

“You can’t solve your problems by hiding in bed all day.”

“Okay, but first, kiss me.”

“This is going to sound cheesy but… I love when you’re half asleep and talking nonsense.”

“You know who I’m hot for?”

“I know when you’re lying.”  “Yeah, how’s that?”

“I don’t like the dark.”

“Can I hold your hand?”

“Is that my hoodie?”

“I don’t like to be tickled.”

“Bite me.”

“I forgot to mention that I’m… I’m completely in love with you.”

“What are you doing in here?”

“I’m sorry. I can’t help but stare.”

“I can’t sleep when you’re not beside me.”

“You hurt me.”

“Will you make me coffee?”  “What do I get if I do?”

“I can’t do that!”

“Will you stay?”

“Do you love her/him?”  “Yes.”

“Turn the lights out.”

“Just go along with it, please”

“I promise I will never let anything bad happen to you.”

“God, stop doing that.”  “Doing what?”

“I don’t trust myself around you.”

“All I wanted was you.”

“Do you still love me?”    “I don’t know anymore.”

“Please get over me, we can’t get back together.”    “How can I get over you when you’re my entire world?

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, I know I told you it was enough but it isn’t.”

“I don’t know why you get so jealous when I tell you everyday that I love you.”    “I’m just scared that one day you’ll see how much better you are than me and leave me.”

“I’m so goddamn in love with you.”

“Are you leaving me?”    “Do you want me to leave you?”

“Are you trying to seduce me?”

“That’s my ex. Makeout with me and make him jealous.”

“It wasn’t supposed to happen this way”

“I don’t think anyone’s ever said that to be me before”

“Spin the bottle is such a cliché. I’m in”

“You’ve never seen Harry Potter”

“Can we just lie here for a moment”

“We have to stop running in to each other like this”

“I know it’s 2am but can we meet up”

“I don’t know how we ended up sleeping together, but I know I’m mad about it”

“Whatever you do, just don’t tell anyone”

“I don’t come here often, it brings back unwanted memories”

“They told me I’d forget about you; that I’d move on but it’s been three years and here I am”

“I’ve waited to so long for this moment, but now it’s here and I don’t know how to feel”

“You can’t just say that and disappear!”

“I don’t want to be your partner either, but we have to get this assignment done.”

“I’ve never hated you, you just make me feel things I don’t understand.”

“It’s your fault and I don’t think this is something you can fix.”

“This isn’t easy for me either”

“I would never do this to you if I didn’t have to. You know that right?”

“Can you at least promise me that” “I don’t think I can, not this time”

“I’m sorry but it’s very hard to focus when you’re dressed like that”

“On a scale of 1 to 10, how hard you want me to hit you”

“I’d be scared if I were you”

“You can’t go in there alone”

“You didn’t go through my photos did you?”

“I really want to kiss you right now. I know I shouldn’t, and somehow that makes me want it more”

“I’ll give you fifty bucks if I can take you to Christmas dinner and tell my family we’re together. They always ask if I’m dating and I can’t have that conversation again”

“Fuck you” “Not with that attitude”

“You know my house has a door?” You don’t always have to use the window”

“The truth is, my friends dared me to ask you out, but I’m really glad they did”

“I didn’t realise it meant so much to you”

“I wish I was sorry, but I don’t regret any of it”

“I could lie here with you forever. I wish I didn’t have to leave”

“Everything’s changing an I hate it” I liked the way things were”

“You look so incredible, if that didn’t look so good on you I’d properly tear it off”

“Do you think they notice we left?”

“The funny thing is, you could have fixed this and you didn’t even try”

“Are you staring at me or are you staring past me”

“If you were a guy/girl would you go out with me?” “I am a guy/girl”

“Can we tell my parents that I’m at your house, just in case they get suspicious”

“It’s just a blind date! What’s the worst that could happen?” “I could literally die”

“I had a really weird sex dream about you and I’m not sure how I feel about it, honestly.”

“All I know is that if you don’t tell me to stop I’m going to kiss you.”

“I’m not sure when it happened, but I fell in love with you, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done”

“We always share blankets on the couch, I’m sure sharing the bed for the night is fine too.”

“Your lips are getting really close to mine.”

“I’m not jealous, but, like, come on, movie night is just for me and you only.”

“You’ve been pouting ever since I went out on that date, what’s up?”

“You can share my jacket with me, since you’re shivering.”

“Shit, how’d you make me blush like this?”

“Are you trying to turn me on?”

“Let’s hang out, but I’ll pay for everything, and we can go to this fancy restaurant– No, not a date.”

“Okay, I guess this is a date, actually.”

“Stop with the tongue thing, it’s strangely attractive.”

“I keep telling them we’re not dating, but they keep telling me friends don’t normally make out when drunk.”

“When did you get so beautiful?”

“If you’re going to dress like that, I’m not going to let you out of my sight.”

“I accidentally called you my girlfriend/boyfriend today.”

“I had this dream where we were dating.”

“Why do you always call me when I’m on a date?”

“Okay, maybe I am a bit jealous

“It’s weird how we’ve been friends for so long, but never went through that ‘crushing’ phase.”

“I say this a lot, but, look, they’re not good enough for you.”

“You know this voucher only works for couples, right?”

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Right… Well… I’m not sure how we ended up kissing like that…”

“We would make a pretty good couple.”

“How come I always end up calling you when I can’t fall asleep?”

Also this isn’t mine so credit to the original owner.

[pagingevilspawn]

hey, just posted a new chapter of my jolex one-shot book on wattpad, you can find it here!

[cicinicole-14]

is the fic where alex rips the divorce paper a oneshot or a multiple chapter fic? i enjoyed reading that fic so much. please keep on writing about jolex xx

i for one second had no idea what you were talking about and deadass thought u mistook me for another author.

coco is really dumb. anywya. um. i wholeheartedly intended on that being a one shot but like if YOU have an idea on how i could continue it maybe i could be persuaded to write it? idk.

and omg yes i definitely intend on still writing for jolex! 🥰thank you

[doc-pickles]

omg if you ever want to write a follow up to the jolex college oneshot i would love to read it. i keep rereading it it’s so cute

oof I feel like that’s one i’ll never do because it was so dang hard to finish the first one 😂

[blancheharrington]

Can you write some prompts of every day jolex also the airplane jolex ones I LOVE especially since we know they HAD to have been sleeping on each other’s shoulder/ cuddling of some sort idk I just love those

Oneshot #18(ish)

Jo and Alex are on their way to their honeymoon but an overlay in San Francisco seems like the perfect time for Alex to give a gift to Jo. 

Alex tried to rush through the slim aisle of the plane that they had just boarded while he scanned the overhead compartments for their seat numbers. He was inching closer to their spot when an older gentlemen alarmingly popped out of his seat and into the pathway,  causing Alex to quickly halt to a dramatic stop and making Jo accidentally ram into his backside. “Sorry.” She mumbled to him while instinctively rubbing at his back as she returned her carry on bag to her shoulder.

“Not your fault.” Alex said over his shoulder to her while discretely motioning at the inconsiderate man in front of them who was taking his sweet time to take off his jacket and place it into his overhead bin. After a few moments dragged on and when the man sat back down into his seat, Alex hurried on his quest to find their seats, hating to be the guy that caused the traffic jam on the airplane.

When they made it to their designated aisle he stepped to the side in an effort to allow Jo to sneak into her spot next to the window. He tossed his bag quickly into the bin, and then grabbed hers and squashed it in next to his. He began to shuffle down into his seat when he noticed an overwhelmed mother behind him with a sleeping toddler clung to her chest as she struggled to lift her suitcase. He stepped out of the aile once more. “Here, let me help.” He offered as he took the suitcase from her arms. The mother let out an appreciative breath as she watched his arms flex under his shirt while he lifted her bag into the compartment.

“Thank you.” She smiled, touching his bicep for a long moment before pulling back when she noticed his ring. The mother glanced towards Alex’s seat after he nodded back to her and sat down. She watched on as she settled herself and her child into their places.

She noticed Jo’s smile to Alex as he buckled himself into his seat and placed his hand on her thigh. The woman smirked at her foolish obsession over the couple, wondering to herself if she’d ever be able to find someone who helped strangers on a plane without motive. She watched them for the entire duration of their flight until their layover in San Francisco. As her son intensively watched cartoons on her ipad, she attentively watched the couple’s loving gestures. She noticed Jo’s soft touches to his face and Alex’s warm embraces. She watched them play with each other’s hands and fight over the armrest. She swooned at the couple when they shared their trail mix and they bickered because Alex had eaten all of the pretzels.

“You don’t even like the pretzels!” She had heard him say to her.

“But I like knowing that I have the option of eating them if I want to!” Jo had bickered back while clutching the bag to her chest.

During the middle of their flight, the woman’s eyes widened when she watched them both get up from their seats, each a minute apart. She laughed to herself when they didn’t return for ten minutes. When her child began to whimper, she welcomed Alex’s intervention with a game he called “interrupting jellyfish.” and she appreciated his wife’s offering of M&Ms. When the plane landed at the airport in San Francisco and Jo and Alex had let her into the aisle first, she turned to them while they were halted by traffic and interrupted their love bubble. “You guys are a beautiful couple.” She said.

“Thank you.” They both replied back to her and then glanced at each other, impressed with themselves.

As the woman turned to face forward she heard her son drop his cup onto the floor, but when she went to pick it up, she had been beaten to it by Jo who was handing the cup back her boy. “And you have a very sweet boy.” Jo had said to her.

The woman smiled in return and when they exited the plane she ushered her child to the bathroom, all the while hoping that the couple she had just met would have the happiest of marriages and that she would be lucky enough to find someone that made her as happy as they appeared. As she held the bathroom door open for her son, she spotted Jo and Alex once more embracing in a tight hug while they waited in the line to buy coffee. Her son broke her focus when he called out to her, “Mommy, those people on the plane were so nice.”

“They were, weren’t they?” She replied as she followed him into the stall.

“That woman on the plane was really nice.” Jo said as she sipped her iced latte and flicked at the screen of her phone while her and Alex waited to board their next flight.

“Cute kid, too.” Alex agreed, as he ruffled through his backpack and pulled out a short stack of pamphlets. “Oh here, look through these. The hotel sent them to us.”

Jo took the pile from his hand and shuffled through them. “Mountain biking. Surf lessons. Zip lining. Stingray petting. Where’s the brochure for the hot stone massages?” She joked.

“Last one.” He replied nonchalantly, while he continued to ruffle through his bag, picking it up off of the floor and putting it on his lap to dig from a better angle.

“Oh!” Jo said. Somewhat shocked when she thumbed through the pile to discover an actual brochure full of facial treatments and a list of massage options. “Do you want to get one of those cheesy couples massages on the beach where some strangers rub at our naked body while we listen to a CD with the best hits of early 2000s conch shell blowing?”

Alex looked up from his search, “Is that even a thing?”

Jo shrugged her shoulders as she glanced at the other brochures. “I don’t know. Probably.” She looked up from her trance just now noticing how long Alex had been searching for something. “What are you looking for? If you’re checking to see if you remembered underwear, I packed some for you in your suitcase.”

“I’m not looking for underwear. But I’m kinda interested in the zip lining. What do you think?” He quipped back, changing the subject.

Jo went back to looking at her phone and shook her head. “Mmm…Falling through a forest at a hundred miles an hour when the only thing protecting me is a metal chord and a flimsy harness? No thanks. I’d like to live long enough to see our one year wedding anniversary nevermind our 50th. But you sure can if you want to. But, how long do you think I should mourn you before I can remarry?” She glanced back up at Alex as he suddenly dropped his bag back to the ground and held a small box in his hand. “What’s that?” She asked.

“A present!” Alex beamed as he handed the gift to Jo.

Jo’s eyes furrowed as she wondered what she did to deserve a gift from him. “Being married to you is enough of a present.” She said as she gently squeezed his cheeks with her hand.

“Cute. Now will you open the damn thing.” Alex wrung his hands together in excitement while he watched Jo pull off the wrapping paper he had Arizona wrap for him the morning of their wedding.

“Oh, it’s a necklace!” Jo cheered, opening the box to lift out a simple gold chain with a circle pendant hanging from it. She held it up in front of her face, admiring it’s simplicity but still wondering what had sprouted this particular present as they had never been a couple to harp on gift giving.

Alex could tell that Jo was slightly confused, so he reached out to grab the necklace by it’s pendant. He flipped it over onto his palm and showed it to her. “It has a K stamped in it. For Karev. Your new name.” He smiled excitedly.

Jo’s eyes began to swell with tears at the sincerity of his gesture. She let a small, “aww” escape from her lips as she couldn’t bare to contain all of the cuteness bottling up inside of her. Alex clutched the necklace in his fist as Jo leaned into him. Pressing kisses onto his lips and at the side of his cheeks. She pulled back to admire the necklace once more. “It’s beautiful, Alex. I love it.”

“Yea?” He asked, letting out a sigh of relief.

“Of course!” Jo gathered her hair in her hands and swiveled her body away from him in the chair so he could hook it around her neck. As she felt his hands release, she let down her hair and played with the pendant between her fingers, turning back to face him. “Thank you. For this. For everything.”

“I should be the one to thank you. For being crazy enough to marry me.” He said, grasping a hold of Jo’s hand while thumbing at her rings.

“There’s nothing crazy about it. You’re my person. You’ve always been my person. You’ll always be my person!”

Alex couldn’t help but beam at Jo’s words, leaning forward to catch her off guard with a kiss so sweet that it caused her to let out a small moan. Neither of them caring much about the strange man sitting across from them staring. Jo wrapped her arms around his neck and curled the hair at the end of head with her fingers. When they pulled apart, they rested their foreheads against each other, “Love you.” Alex whispered to her as the airline desk assistant paged overhead.

“Now boarding groups A and B for flight 285 to Honolulu. Again, we are now boarding groups A and B for flight 285 to Honolulu.”

“That’s us!” Jo said, jumping to a standing position and stretching out her hands for Alex to grab onto.

With the help of Jo’s tug, Alex stood to his feet and tossed his backpack onto his shoulder. “Well, here we go.”

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

True love survives arguments. Sometimes it even survives break-ups, so you have to live, and then you have to fight for him. Just hold on and fight. In which Jo calls Alex and he actually picks up.

“Alex, I need you to call me or so help me, I will fly to where you are and…”

Jo snaps, she'd been practicing her speech over and over in her head all day, she’d not even considered what she’d do if he actually answered. Which much to her surprise he had…it had taken her moment to even notice she wasn’t listening to the familiar sound of his voicemail but instead the sound of his steady breaths.

“You answered?” She mutters almost in disbelief as she pushes herself up off the couch, pacing around the loft. All she’d wanted all week was for him to answer and now he has the silence is deafening.

“I know you said you were going through something and that you needed time and I wanna give it to you I do, but I spent a lot of the last year pushing you away…”

“Jo…” she pauses as the sound of his voice comes over the line. She has to cover her mouth to stop herself from crying out, three weeks he’d been gone, three weeks of sitting by the phone, three weeks of not hearing his voice. Three weeks of conjuring up the worst possible scenario.

She takes a shaky breath, leaning against the cold window. She needs to get the rest of her speech out before she loses her nerve before she breaks down and begs him to come home. “I know it wasn’t my fault but I did, I pushed you away, but you held onto me then. You did, you held on and you refused to let me go or give up on me. You held on to me. So I’m holding on to you, I’m holding on for dear life.”

It’s quiet for a moment. So quiet she thinks he might have hung up but a quick glance down at her phone screen shows they’re still connected.

“It’s not that easy Jo.” He sounds tired, defeated maybe…either way, it turns her stomach.

“I love you.” She whispers, gripping the phone tighter in her hand. Her eyes watering as she hears his low sigh, like that was the last thing he wanted to hear. “Alex, I love you and whatever this is, whatever you’re going through I wanna go through it with you.”

They fall silent once more. Jo grips to her phone like she’s gripping onto him.

“I love you too.” Jo closes her eyes savoring his words. It should fill her with relief but she knows the but is coming. She thinks back through all her fears, all the scenarios that she’s conjured up these past few weeks. He loves her…he still loves her, so can it really ever be that bad?

“You do?”

“Always.” He confirms.

“Then talk to me, just talk to me. I’m right here.” There’s desperation in her voice as she pleads with him. “For better or worse….”

“What?”

“For better or worse.” They’ve promised it to each other more times than she can count at this point. On a ferry boat in June in front of all their friends. They whispered it against each other's bare skin late into the night. They’ve muttered it in passing on a busy workday when the world felt like it was caving in. He’d promised her it outside the facility the day she was released and he’d promised it to her again just over a month ago in the courthouse.

“Did you mean that?” Jo asks, she’s clutching the phone so tight now she’s sure it will break. She’s holding on for dear life.  “If this is the worst, Alex I can handle it.” She lets out a shaky breath, as she tries to calm herself breathing in for a count of three. “I can handle it...I can handle whatever it is but I need you to tell me what's going on.”

Then nothing.

Silence.

Just their quiet breaths filtering through the line.

Jo can taste her salty tears as they slip down onto her lips then…

“I’m with Izzie.”

He’s so quiet she almost doesn’t hear him. Her mind takes a moment to grasp what Alex had just said.

Izzie

“I called her for Mers hearing and we got to talking…”

“She wasn’t on the list.” It’s the first thing she thinks of, all her worst-case scenarios coming true at once.

“What?”

Her legs feel like jelly, shaking too much to support her weight as she drops to the ground, leaning back against the couch, “She wasn’t on the list.”

“I didn’t put her on there.” He says it like it’s simple. Like it’s an obvious explanation for any of this. He sounds more confident now, his voice clear and concise like he’d practiced it. Maybe he had. Maybe it’s why he’d avoided answering her for so long, he just hadn’t figured out the right words to say.

“She had my kids Jo.” She couldn’t breathe. There wasn’t enough air in the room. “She had twins Eli and Alexis and they're here in Kansas.”

“You have kids?”

“I have kids. Twins. They’re five years old...say something, Jo, please.” He urges after a minute's silence.

She can’t though. She’s clawing at her chest desperately trying to remember all the stupid breathing techniques she’d learned. Trying to get to her happy place, her happy place that had him written all over it.

“I’m so sorry Jo.”

“Do you love her?” She manages through ragged breaths. She’s already on fire, might as well throw on the accelerator.

He hesitates. She hears his breath hitch like he can’t find the right words and then a quiet yes. Yes, he does love her.

“But not like that. Not like I love you.”

The words that had felt healing only moments ago hurt now, causing her heart to tear further into two, now they sound more like pity than hope.

“What does that mean?”

She hears a slight sniffle before he’s clearing his throat. “That I love you...but I can’t come home, I can’t leave them. Can you come here?” He sighs but Jo's mind is still whirling, her body still shaking. She can’t quite comprehend anything that he’s saying.

It’s like all she can see is a huge blinking sign that reads.

He’s with Izzie. He loves her. He has kids.

“You have kids.”

“Jo…”

“You have a family?”

“Daddy?” Jo can feel the gasp falling from her lips before she has a chance to stop it. He’s there now, he’s there with them while she’s sitting alone.

“You’re there now? You’re with them?”

She hears the phone muffle. Obviously, he’s covered the speaker but she can still hear him as he asks his children to go play, that he’d come and join them in a minute. He’s a dad. Something he’d wanted for such a long time. Something only weeks ago she’d been considering bringing up for them.

He understood her. It’s one of the reasons she loved him so much. Since Bailey’s wedding, they’d just had this uncanny ability to understand the other. Even if they didn’t agree with each other. They were cut from the same cloth.

Right now though that feels worlds away. Right now they feel like two pieces of different puzzles. She’s here and he’s there and he’s a parent and she’s not.

His voice breaks through the overwhelming thoughts clouding her brain. “Can you come here, Jo?”

“I can’t.”

It's a low whisper before she does the one thing she could never imagine herself doing before she pressed his contact tonight, she hangs up.

She lets him go to voicemail twice before the phone falls silent. She thinks he knows better than to press the issue, especially when all he’s done is ignore her calls for weeks. She needs time. Time to figure out what this all means.

It’s easier said than done. She manages to drag herself to work, detaching herself from everyone she knows, pushing through by focusing on her patients. He doesn’t call again. Weeks go by in silence. Jo falls into the same routine of working until she might drop, only dragging herself home when she’s so tired she's sure her brain won’t be able to torment her.

It’s only when she’s ransacking her wardrobe having neglected the growing laundry pile for too long that she finds them. Tucked into the back behind an old shoebox. Three tiny baby hats.

She clutched them carefully in her hands, trailing her finger along the detailing. They’re made with such love and care for babies she used to be able to picture so clearly. She doesn’t wanna give up that dream or Alex for that matter she's just not sure how to hold onto him.

For the first time in weeks, she finds herself staring down at her phone, her finger itching to hit call. She doesn’t though. She’s not sure what she’d say about this mess, still feeling too big to wade through alone.

The second time she’s overwhelmed with the need to call Alex comes only days later. She’s just finished discussing surgery options with a new patient when she spots him. He recognizes her immediately, his face lighting up.

“Dr. Wilson…it’s so nice to see you again.”

It’s Charlie Peterson. The heart transplant kid from years ago. He’s older now obviously, he looks healthy and it gives Jo a warm feeling to know she was a little part of that. She so rarely gets to see her patients again.

“Charlie…it’s good to see you. Or I hope it is…are you here for treatment?”

“Just a check-in with Dr. Pierce.” Jo nods offering a soft smile before turning her attention down to her phone. She has to run, she has surgery in a little bit. Sensing their conversation is almost over she watches as Charlie sways back on his feet almost nervously. “Dr. Wilson…there’s something…there’s something I wanted to say. Wanted to thank you for really. It’s something you said to me when I got my transplant.” Jo doesn’t say anything, she can vaguely remember talking to him. She knows it was the day she’d propose to Alex. “You said I had to promise to survive, that true love survived fights and breakups. You said you have to live, and then you have to fight and it always stuck with me you know. So just thankyou.”

Jos' speechless. She’d remember it now, her and Alex arguing. He was so sure she was leaving him that he’d spent the night away from home. Her heart had felt heavy as she returned home that night to an empty loft, it felt cold without him much like it did now. She’d hated it so much she’d refused to let that be her permanent reality. She’d fought for him back then. She got down on her knees and told him she wanted him forever. Where had that gone? Where was her gumption? That need to fight for him?

She wishes Charlie well before excusing herself for surgery but her mind is miles away. It might as well be in Kansas because that’s where her heart is. It's where she should be too.

She’s not sure what happens next. She’s not sure how Izzie and the twins fit or how she fits with them. But she knows how she fits with Alex. She knows that nothing has ever felt that scary when he’s been standing there beside her and if she can just get to him she’s sure they can work this all out.

She scans her phone buying the plane ticket out to Kansas without a second glance. Reading the confirmation email she feels at peace for the first time since Alex had walked out that door. The kinda peace that only came from knowing where your heart truly lied. Tomorrow she’d get to see Alex and no matter how bad or how scary everything else around them was, he’d be there to hold her hand. All she had to do was hope he still wanted to.

Tomorrow she'd be with Alex. Her first love. Her last, her only. He was all of it. He was her everything.

It’s late when she arrives back at the loft, so late she doesn't even notice how the lights are already on as she climbs the steps. It’s only when she spots a familiar pair of boots lined up by the door that she realizes the change. The air seems warmer. Looking up abruptly she spots him standing across the room, leaning against the kitchen island like he’d been waiting for her.

“You came home?” She mutters in disbelief, her keys clattering to the ground as she takes him in. He’d let his beard grow, which makes sense considering she’d been crying at the sight of his razor for weeks. He looks tired though, with deep bags under his eyes.

He nods, taking quick strides until he’s standing before her. She could reach out and touch him if she wanted. She watches his own hands twitch with the same urge. Like he too wanted to confirm she was real and standing in front of him. “I came home.”

Suddenly Jo bursts out laughing. Her hand reaching up to cover her mouth as she tries to keep her giggles at bay. Alex's eyebrows drop in confusion as he eyes her carefully. “I booked a flight.” She admits through uneven breaths.

“What?”

“I booked a flight for tomorrow morning. I was gonna come find you.” She laughs again, finding it overwhelmingly amusing that on the day she’d decided to go find him, he’d come home.

Alex frowns but nods as if he has an understanding of what she’s laughing about. “Jo look…”

“Do you still want me?” She asks abruptly. It’s the only question she has. She can deal with the twins and Izzie and Kansas, she can deal with it all as long as he still wants her.

“What kind of question is that?” Alex settles his hands on her waist, the heat of his palms seeping through her. “Of course I want you. I always want you.”

“Then we’ll figure it out.”

And they do figure it out. They head back to Kansas together the next morning, Alex’s hand clutched tightly in her own. Jo’s nervous and scared and a whole other host of emotions but those feelings soon fade when they step out of the rented car. Alex’s face lights up as two five-year-olds come barreling down the front steps, skidding to a halt in front of her. Their eyes are wide and hesitant as they say a reluctant hello. Jo is struck with the love that flows through her as soon as she sees them, no they’re not her’s but they are his. Little pieces of the man she loves so dearly. She can see parts of him so clearly, he’s in Eli’s lopsided grin and Alexis’s eyes. They’re a part of him; it's impossible not to love them.

She lets Alexis guide her up into the house, accepting a cup of coffee from Izzie who seems genuinely pleased that she's there and they sit for the rest of the afternoon playing tea party. Jo mainly spends the day watching Alex who seems more himself then she’s ever seen him before as he chases the two around.

Later that evening Izzie finds her on the porch swing. Jo feels her stomach turning at what she’s about to say, but she is surprised when Izzie apologizes. She apologizes for keeping the twins a secret, for not calling Alex sooner, and then she apologises the way she’s sure she’s uprooted Jo's life. The funny thing is it doesn't feel uprooted at all. It’s only day one but nothing has been as bad as Jo had made it out to be in her head. The day had flown by in an unexpected bliss, Alex had been the husband she knew, constantly touching base making sure she was okay, a reassuring hand squeeze or a mouthed I love you across the dining table. He needn’t bother though, she was more than okay.

“Do you think she can hear me?” Alexis shouts, making Jo startle out of her daydream. They’d been in Kansas almost a year now. It’s not a picnic by any means but it’s definitely worth it. They’re a family, a real proper family. It’s not just her and Alex and their friends anymore and Jo loves it, every messy second of it. She’d cried when the twins had shown up at their house the day after Mother’s Day with a card that read ‘Not all stepmothers are wicked’ and a bunch of flowers that Izzie had let them pick from her garden. Her life is so far from what she’d imagined it to be after she’d called Alex a year ago. Back then she could never see herself leaving Grey Sloan Memorial or even Seattle but they had and it was better than whatever life they ever had planned.

“What about now?” Alexis yells again, pressing her chin into Jo’s stomach as she looks up at Jo expectantly.

Jo just laughs, their poor baby would probably be deaf by the time she was born. “She can definitely hear you and by the time she joins us she’ll know the sound of your voice.” She runs a hand through Alexis' hair softly as the girl settles her ear against Jo's stomach.

“Can she hear me?” Eli yells suddenly, crashing down on top of his sister as they fight for a place on Jo's stomach. “I want her to hear me.” He cries, making Jo and Alex chuckle as he places his ear against her bump expecting his new sister to talk back.

“Everyone can hear you, ya little monster,” Alex growls, lifting the boy up off the picnic blanket they’d laid out, making him squeal in delight as he tips him upside down, one hand tickling his side.

“Ooo she definitely heard you,” Jo winces, feeling a sharp kick to the ribs. “Here guys come to feel her.” She takes Alexis's outstretched hand moving it about as she traces her daughter's kicks across her stomach until she seems to settle in one spot. She watches Lexs face light up in pure delight, her mouth falling open in wonder.

“Can you feel her Lex?” Alex grins taking the seat beside Jo, placing his warm hand against her bump just slightly to the side of Alexis’s.

“Yeah…yeah, I can feel her,” She nods excitedly.

“Hey, I wanna feel her too…” Eli pouts, crossing his arms over his chest as that famous Karev scowl crosses his face.

Jo shakes her head, reaching her arm around Alex and holding it out towards him. “Come over here then bud,”

They all fall silent for a moment, a very rare moment for the Karevs. The happiness seems to radiate out between them all as they feel the little movements of their newest edition.

The warm sunny day sends a golden filter over the image before her. Alex’s lopsided grin, his hand stretched out across her belly, two smaller hands pressed either side. Eli’s tucked under her arm while Alexis lays across her lap. She knows this perfect moment won't last so she takes extra care to commit it to memory while it happens.

As predicted the moment is broken, the sound of the ice cream truck drawing the children’s attention as they go racing across the grass in a flash and they both know Alex has about ten seconds before he has to go catch up to them. He takes the time to press a chaste kiss to her lips before he goes. Soft and sweet and way too short for her liking.

“Thanks for holding on to me.” He whispers against her lips when he pulls back, shooting her a wink before he’s off and running in the direction of the twins.

“Always.”

She calls back, laughing when he almost trips over as he turns back to grin at her. Jo runs her hand across her bump lovingly, thinking back to how only a year ago she was ready to give up this dream of a life completely. She’s glad she didn't.

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

“Alex…” Jo interrupts, her hand slowly curing round his, the one resting on her bump. He can feel his lips trembling as the tears he’d fought so hard to keep at bay begin to fall. 

"I put glow in the dark stars up.” He whispered. "So she can't be dead."

On one of the rare occasions, Alex and Jo’s days off don’t coincide, Alex finds himself wishing for a six-hour surgery, hell he’d rather be removing splinters than deciding between lemon sherbet and soft daffodil. To say he was excited about the impending arrival of their second child would be an understatement but completing the ridiculously long list Jo had left him to do this morning before rushing off with Robin felt more like torture.

He understood though, with only two months to go everything seemed to pile up on them, the quiet calm they had mistaken for panic when Robin was on the way paled in comparison when they were trying to juggle two full time demanding careers, a new puppy, a new baby and a toddler whose main goal in life seemed to be giving his parents a heart attack with the many hiding places he could find.

And this is how Alex found himself staring into the abyss of a million Amazon boxes that Jo had somehow managed to sneak by him, with various shades of yellow paint cans dotted around.

He understood Jo’s desire to make everything perfect, she’d been that way since she’d stepped out of the loft bathroom over two years ago, her hands shaking as she lifted the test towards him clearly displaying two lines. He swears they both had good intentions when Robin was born, he wouldn’t be spoiled, there wouldn't be gifts that make up for missing birthdays or missing bedtimes, they’d be honest about mommy and daddy having to work hard for everything they have and yet they couldn’t seem to stop themselves, because the luxury of giving their son and now their daughter everything they’d never had brought more happiness to Jo and Alex then maybe their children would ever understand. There could never be a single second their children doubted how loved and wanted they truly were, so it didn’t matter if their daughter would be in with them for the first few months, her room had to be finished before she arrived.

Their daughter...he smiles at the mere thought of her, their daughter, who likes to kick when their reading Robins bedtime stories, or plays the guitar on Jo’s rib cage until Alex sings along softly with her in the early hours of the morning, their daughter who’d refused to make herself seen for the first two scans.

It’s only when Alex finishes the last coat of soft daffodil that he hears the faint ringing of his phone above the radio. Shuffling down the ladder he wipes the back of his hand on his shirt as he hears the familiar ringtone sound again making Alex frown as he manages to navigate his way through the maze of boxes he's built around himself.

There’s a slight twitch in his chest as he begins down the stairs hearing his phone fall quiet only to start up again seconds later. He finds it still plugged in by the coffee machine where he’d left it, glancing at the screen to see he had twelve missed calls and three voicemails.

There's a definite twitch in his chest now as he clicks play on Jo's first voicemail, his lips twitching up at the sound of Robin's singing. They sounded like they were still in the car as Jo listed off a few more things she needed him to do.

"Hey, sorry I know you said not to go overboard but there are two more deliveries coming today so make sure to listen out for them and oh oh...if you get a chance to go grocery shopping we need...well we need pretty much everything but get me those cupcakes with the oranges on them and oh erm..." She paused after taking a slightly heavy breath. "I do not feel great today, maybe I can get someone to take over my surgeries. Oh and don’t forget to get the box of baby clothes down from the attic will you...okay... I love you, Alex, I’ll call you later."

He frowned quickly, bypassing the message Meredith had left, assuming it was whatever love triangle tragedy she had that day. He finds Jo's second message. There was no greeting to this one, only Jo's panicked voice.

"Why aren’t you answering the phone Alex? What’s the point of having one if you don’t ever answer it?”

His phone beeped again, signalling another message had been left, this time from Meredith again.

"Alex, where the hell are you? You need to be here now. I don't know if Jo is trying not to worry you but Carina is having her admitted so get over here before I leave work and drag you here myself.”

He felt his heart begin to drop in his chest as he hit replay, trying to piece together what was happening. Before he even knew it his feet were carrying him towards the front door, keys in hand as he rushed out. His entire mind had narrowed in on one simple need: to get to Jo.

He couldn't think of much else as he drove, he doesn’t even remember his route to the hospital he just remembers being at home and then bursting through the doors of Grey Sloan. He was severely out of breath by the time he caught sight of Meredith outside the maternity ward talking quietly with Bailey.

The best thing about Meredith, and what made her excel as a doctor, was that she was damn good in a crisis. So she knew the minute their eyes met that Alex just needed Jo. As soon as he’s within reach she wraps an arm around his shoulder—which felt way too much like condolences for Alex's liking and leads him through the doors where Carina was already waiting. This had to be a mistake. Jo was fine last night. Their daughter was fine last night. He’d felt her kicking as they’d talked. They’d talked about his mom's upcoming visit, and maybe going to see Amber and her family for Christmas or inviting them here.

"—I know. It's awful." Carina mutters her eyes on Jo's chart. The intern beside her nodded in agreement.

"I hope Dr Karev shows up before the ultrasound. She shouldn't have to deal with that alone." The intern responds.

“He’s here,” Carina whispers as she looks up, hearing Alex and Meredith footsteps as she tucks the chart under her arm. “If you can go set up the ultrasound while I talk to him.”

"Of course."

Alex gulps at the sorrow on Carina’s face as she steps closer, it's all too much for him as he averts his gaze down to the floor, his eyes catching on the silver band around his finger, splattered with yellow paint from earlier.

"What's going on?" Alex asks, hearing his voice crack as Meredith drops her hand from his back.

"Alex, you need to take a breath and pull yourself together because right now Jo needs you.”

He doesn't respond to Mer, doesn't even look at her as he raises his gaze back towards Carina, “What’s going on?” He repeats, his voice lower this time.

"Jo's in premature labour. She mentioned a couple of hours ago that she had some pretty bad Braxton Hicks, but then she timed them and they were too close together and too regular. So she paged me, and when I checked her cervix had already begun to open-”

Alex found himself nodding along but Carina’s words soon faded to quiet buzz in his ears. His fingers are already twitching to hold Jo. This couldn’t be happening, not to them. Not now.

"Okay." He whispers his voice dangerously low as he blinks back tears, desperately trying to pull himself together when everything in him was burning. Please don’t do this, please don’t take her from us, please don’t do this to her . He can feel his nails digging into the palm of his hand, the only way he's sure he’s still alive is the dull pain he feels as he takes a deep breath gathering himself slowly. Suddenly his doctor brain kicks in as he begins to ask what they are doing to fix this, listing everything he knew like he wasn’t surrounded by some of the best doctors he knew.

Carina nods, her words still buzzing in Alex’s head as she explains the past couple of hours, Jo’s contractions stopped an hour ago, her cervix hasn't opened any further.

“We’re just waiting to do an ultrasound...it really needs to be done right away.”

“Right...what's the problem then?”

“She’s refusing Alex, won't let anyone near her.”

Alex shakes his head, that's not true. Jo wouldn’t...she would never do anything that could harm their baby. She wouldn’t refuse medical care. He watches as Meredith shoots another look to Carina who sighs, tilting her head in a way that has Alex’s heart dropping into his stomach. “I tried earlier with the stethoscope to find the heartbeat...and was unsuccessful.”

"Alex, do you understand? We couldn't find a heartbeat. Dr DeLuca tried and I did too. Even Jo tried...now she’s refusing the ultrasound, she won’t let anyone touch her."

The childish reaction was quick and automatic. "Maybe you didn’t try hard enough, you didn’t do it right, okay? You know you should check properly.”

Carina took a deep breath. "Alex, I'm sorry. I’m going to do an ultrasound, of course, but…I don't know. It's usually easy to hear it with a stethoscope at twenty-eight weeks. Intrauterine deaths happen and there's not much—"

He felt like he couldn't breathe. His hand was clutching at his chest trying to feel the air filling his lungs but he couldn’t feel a thing as everything went fuzzy again. "Stop. Just shut up. You don’t know Jo. You don’t know our…"

"I'm so, so, s o sorry, Alex," Mer whispered. "I know how much you wanted her."

He felt his eyes burning. "I still want her. And you're wrong because I just felt her kick last night. She was kicking when I sang—she always does that. She does. So she can't be dead."

He chokes on his words. “She’s not...dead.”

There’s a quiet discussion mainly between Carina and Meredith who seems to be answering for Alex as they both guide him towards a door at the end of the corridor:

He has to stand outside the door for a full minute as he tries to get a hold of himself. He doesn’t want his face to show how truly scared he is at this moment.

When he does finally gather himself enough to step into the room he notices how the curtains were pulled, blocking almost all of the sunlight from the otherwise dark room. Jo was curled up onto her side, her entire body tucked protectively around Robin's sleeping frame. She hadn't even lifted her head or made a move to turn when the door shut behind Alex, and that terrified him so deeply that he couldn't even move. It had all suddenly gotten very real.

He walked slowly around the bed so he could see her face, he needed to meet her eyes or he’d never believe any of this was true. But as he rounded the bed he was met with her blank stare, blinking slowly as she took in his form.

"Robin needs to go home. I don't want him to have to see any more of this." She said quietly. She made no move to speak about what was going on. She was emotionless and it terrified him. Suddenly flashbacks of the first time he’d ever seen her look so shut down came to mind. When she’d first met her biological mother. When she’d shut down and left him out in the cold. He wasn’t sure he could survive it back then, he’d needed her so much but now he was certain he’d never survive without her.

Alex turned his focus to his son, who was asleep with his face scrunched up against Jo’s chest, his chubby hands resting on the swell of her stomach.

"I can get Mer to take him home with her." He told Jo quietly, he couldn't find any other words to say, it seemed neither could she.

Jo just nods in response but makes no effort to move. Alex could tell by her hand curling tighter around Robin's back that she wasn’t quite ready to let him go yet.

He’s not sure how much time passes next, as he takes a seat carefully on the edge of the bed. Reaching out gingerly to run his hands softly across Jo's cheek. And it’s in that moment when their eyes meet, his thumb tracing the already dried tear tracks down her face that they break. She lifts her right arm gathering a handful of his shirt tightly pulling him closer, pressing her cheek against his chest so she could hear his steady heartbeat. She doesn't say anything and for a second she’s silent before the sob she must’ve been holding back erupts from her and Alex can feel the tears begin to soak through his T-shirt. He feels powerless, all he can do is keep a steady arm wrapped around his wife holding her tightly to him. That was what hurt him the most about this. He couldn't do anything to take her pain away. He couldn’t fix this.

“Jo…Jo Carina is waiting to do an ultrasound…we need…we need to be sure.” Alex sighs trying to keep his tears at bay as she continues to shake in his arms. “Why won’t you let her help?”

"I didn't want anyone else." She finally admits, loosening her grip enough that he can see her face, her lips trembling as she speaks. The sight alone sends another sharp stab through Alex’s heart. "I didn't want anyone. I wanted you. I wanted—I wanted you to make it better."

Alex nods, wishing with everything in him that he could make any of this better. He lets out a shaky breath as Jo settles back down so her head was resting on his chest, her face pressing into his collarbone. He knows it is selfish, he knows it might kill them both but he can’t help reaching out over Robin's little body and pressing his hand to her stomach. He waits a moment…before pressing again, still waiting to feel the usual response. He hears Jo's breath hitch as she too waits for the little nudge of their daughter's feet, he knows she’s usually responded by now but he waits, he just keeps waiting. He thinks sort of him will always be waiting for that little kick…he thinks this moment might be frozen in time. Not us. This happens to people, but not us. Maybe it wasn’t fair to think like that, after all, every day he sees the worst card parents could ever be handed in life and yet he says the same lines about support groups and doing everything he could and not once did he think he’d ever need to hear those words.

He doesn’t know how long he keeps his hand there just waiting. "I just finished painting the nursery. I went with soft daffodils but if you prefer lemon sherbet we can change it…we can pick whatever colour you want, and I know I said we didn’t need a new crib but if you want that fancy one we’ll-“

“Alex…” Jo interrupts, her hand slowly curling around his own on her bump. He can feel his own lips trembling as the tears he’d fought so hard to keep at bay begin to fall.

"I put glow in the dark stars up.” He whispered. "So she can't be dead."

There’s no logic to what he said. There’s no truth to his reasoning but he believes it. Jo winces at his words or more likely one word in particular. He feels her drag his hand down to where Robin's tiny hands rest, a little reminder of what they still have.

Alex moves closer to them, pulling Robin gently onto his chest, sliding over and opening his arms for Jo. Letting her sink into him. She rests against him like she no longer has the strength to hold herself up.

“I'm sorry. I thought it was nothing more than Braxton Hicks. Can you believe that? I’m a freaking doctor and I couldn’t tell the difference between Braxton hicks and labour. I should have known better. I did this. This is my fault—"

Alex cuts her off, shushing her. "It's not your fault," he assures her. Life was unfair. He knew that. But this pain Jo didn’t deserve. Not his children. Not Robin. Not their new little girl with the stars on her ceiling. Not his family. They hadn't built this together for it to be broken.

"Please don't cry," she pleaded, her voice wavering. "Please don't, it terrifies me. I'm already so scared, Alex. I'm so scared."

Alex just nods, swallowing deeply as he pulls her tighter against his side. It was true that everything had changed once he'd had children. He no longer understood how he had lived without them. And he was realizing that everything he gained could be taken just as easily. He knew that, if this baby really were gone, there would be nothing he could do to ever fix the pain that would settle in Jo's heart or his own for that matter.

He feels Robin begin to stir against him and he forces a smile on his face and kisses his head, smiling genuinely when the little one lifts his arms, reaching out for his father in an instant.

"Daddy” He cheered, his little fists gripping Alex’s T-shirt as he shifted him higher up his chest. He settles his palm on the back of his head and kisses his head again.

"Robin, how would you feel about playing with Ellis, Bailey and Zola tonight?" He asks him carefully.

Robin is as stubborn as his mother. "Scout?" He suggests instead.

"Yeah okay, we can see if Uncle Link will take you. You can play with Scout and then mommy and daddy will see you when you wake up." He knows Robin has no real clue on what’s happening around him but he knew Jo had been right. He didn't need to be here.

Robin lifts his head and peers down at Jo. He seemed to be thinking hard about the proposition before shaking his head fiercely.

"No."

No was his new favourite word and Alex was already sick of hearing it. He strokes his hair back as he meets eyes with Jo. Her tears are still falling steadily. Her hands spread out over her stomach and he knew she was waiting to feel something still.

"No, I want mommy," Robin insists. His little face mustering up what Alex assumed was a scowl as he reached over to wrap his hand around one of Jo's curls hanging loose in front of her face. Alex didn’t have it in him to battle Robin today, it’s not like he wanted to let go of Jo either.

They were out of time to decide what to do about Robin because Carina was already wheeling in the ultrasound. Jo tensed beside him, her hand gripping his tightly as he rose from his place on the bed lifting Robin with him.

"I can't. Please." She whispers and if possible his heart cracked even more.

She was hanging on by a thin thread, but she was hanging onto him. They could survive this…they could survive it together. He lifts Robin higher up his chest, gently cradling Robin's head to his shoulder as the little one's legs wrapped around him.

Alex stared at the swell of Jo’s stomach, the same stomach he'd kissed just last night and singing old country songs much to Jo's amusement. There was no way…there was no way she was…he’d just finished her room…the paint was still wet. Her name is written in stars above her crib. She can’t be.

Alex didn't even realize he was crying until Carina flashes him a sympathetic smile. Robin lifts his head as he squirms in his fathers’ tight grip, peering up at him with a frown. Reaching out to touch his cheeks with his small hands.

"Daddy sad?” He whispers curiously. Alex was torn because there’s no way of explaining this to their toddler and he doesn't want to scare him. Instead, he settles for pressing him back against his chest, his little face squeezed against his neck because while he didn’t want him to watch he also couldn’t bear to let him go.

He watches as Carina helps Jo to sit up. It was too much to watch, the way her whole body shakes as her cries shook through her. He reached for her hand, laying limp by her side, his hand covering hers as he threaded their fingers together. She squeezes his hand back, gripping onto him like he was the only thing stopping her from coming undone. Her hand in his gave him a spark of hope that maybe no matter what happened next they’d make it together, as long they just kept holding on.

He almost dropped Robin in paralyzing relief when the familiar whooshing of the heartbeat filled the room. He lets out a cry of relief as he shakes his head. Alex presses his face back into Robin's hair and squeezes Jo's hand tightly, his heart still pounding away.

"Why wasn't she moving?" Jo asks, her voice hoarse. "I tried everything and she wouldn't move. And why couldn't you find it before?"

"Babies don't move much if at all during labour," Carina explained. "And I don't know. I listened for such a long time.” Once again Alex’s mind blocks out the surrounding noise until it’s a quiet buzz. Instead, he focuses on the image of their baby girl on the screen, the feel of Robin's hot breath against his neck and Jo's hand still clutching his tightly. His family. He’s had these images ever since they’d decided to try for a second…maybe even longer, before Robin, before he and Jo had even got married he’d had this whole dream…Jo, their kids and the house they’d live in and the life they’d live. “But you'll have to be on strict bed rest for the rest of this pregnancy, and even then there's no way to know how long you can prolong labour. If we can keep her from being born for at least a month she’ll be in a much better position."

He comes back down to reality when he feels Jo tug at his hand, she’s looking up at him expectantly. “There’s our girl,” He whispers, leaning closer, pressing a quiet kiss to her hair, not even glancing at Carina as she backs out of the room to give them a moment.

"What if I have to give birth soon?" She mumbled into his shirt. "What if we lose her anyway?"

He shook his head firmly. "We won't.”

He kisses her forehead and glances down at Robin before turning back to Jo. She was looking at him with that look. The one that communicated very clearly that she trusted him with everything in her.

Alex set his hands on her stomach and let out another relieved breath.

"God." He said quietly. She set her hand over his and caressed the back of his hand with her thumb.

Jo's expression twists with guilt. "I’m so sorry...this is all my fault. I've been overworking myself. I always think I can do so much more than I can and our girl is suffering because of it. Maybe I'm not fit to be a mother."

Alex shook his head. "If you're not fit to be a mother, Jo, no one is. Hell, you know what an unfit parent looks like and you are not one."

She opens her mouth to say something else, but abruptly she stops, her eyes widening slightly in surprise. Her expression goes from shock to joy in no time at all as she grabs his hands gently and moves them back to her stomach, pressing down lightly. Alex feels a familiar, returning nudge, gentle and soft, but definitely there. He laughs giddily and locks eyes with Jo, pleased when she laughs in return. He moves around the bed, leaning over Jo so he could press a kiss to the spot he'd last felt the nudge. He keeps his cheek pressed against her soft skin for a moment, whispering a quiet ‘I love you.’ before looking back at Jo’s teary gaze.

"Robin, come here. Come feel your sister." He tells the toddler. Alex tugs him up into his lap and helps guide his hand to the spot he'd just kissed. He applies slight pressure and laughs at the joyous giggle Robin gives when he feels the baby move underneath his hand.

"That's your little sister."

Robin looked up at her father and smiled but the tiny movements didn’t keep his attention for long as he began to climb out of Alex’s grip, into Jo's welcoming arms.

“It’s gonna be okay Jo. We’re gonna be okay.”

Jo looks up at him. Tears still trailing down her face but the sparkle missing from her gaze earlier was slowly making its way back.

He smiles gently, reaching out to cup her face in his hands, rubbing his thumbs softly over the wet trails her tears left. "Everything’s gonna be okay.” He promised. "You'll see."

And she did. A little over two months later their baby girl made her entrance into the world, a little less dramatic than her brother as she’d been monitored so closely, that it was no surprise when she decided to join everyone. With her brown eyes sparkling with the same warmth as her mother’s and a full head of hair she was every little bit perfect as Alex had imagined. A little taste of heaven.

“Hey, baby…welcome home.” Alex grinned as he pulled open the door to the nursery, ushering in Robin who proudly displayed the teddy he’d chosen for his baby sister as Jo slowly made her way inside. She’d been too afraid to step inside since the incident, she claimed it would jinx it.

“Oh wow…” She hummed happily looking down at the bundle in her arms, who as predicted was still asleep and had no understanding of the magnitude of the moment happening around her. “Aren’t you a lucky girl P?”

“Mommy… I see…you sit.” Robin yelps, pulling Jo from the bottom of her cardigan towards the new rocking chair set up in the corner. Jo is all too happy to take a seat, allowing Robin to catch sight of his baby sister.

“It’s perfect Alex…Thank you.” Jo mumbles after a minute, catching Alex’s eye who had taken the moment to settle against the door frame and just watch his family.

He smiles softly, before pushing up off the frame heading towards the window. “You haven’t seen the best bit.” He pulls the blinds down slowly, letting darkness take over the room leaving only the glowing stars for light.

Robin gasped as he looked around in wonder but Jo's eyes remained trained on Alex. “I love you.” She whispers.

“I love you.” Alex grins, kneeling down beside the chair as he runs his hand across their daughter's head. “I love you all…now look up.”

Tilting her head, Jo looked up at the ceiling and gasped. The stars trailed up the wall and right above the crib, they clustered together, spelling out their dear daughter's name.

Peyton.

-

Yes. This is a day late. But it's also very on-brand for me so.

This one-shot is part of the What Could've Been universe so if you haven't read them I would thoroughly recommend reading them, you find them all under my master post on Tumblr.

Also, I made all the medical crap up, so don't come for me with corrections...I don't care.

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

Five times Jo asks Alex to dance and the one time she asks someone new.

The first time Jo and Alex ever dance together, they’re just friends. It’s new…their friendship. Alex isn’t exactly sure what to call it, in the space of two weeks she went from the annoying intern he was happy to keep as nothing more than a work colleague to the person he spent most of his time with. In the last week, she’s spent more nights on his couch than at home and they’ve grabbed dinner together every day. It’s funny they seemed to have fallen into this pattern without any real thought, it was the day after Ben and Bailey’s wedding they’d become inseparable, she’d sought him out at the end of shift insisting she needed pizza and beer and that he was paying thanks to the raging hangover she was sure was his fault.

He didn’t hate it...having her around all time that is. Which surprised him, it had been a long time since Alex had genuinely enjoyed being in someone else’s company for such a long period of time. Even now when Jos’ has one too many beers and is singing along loudly (and out of tune) to Taylor Swift (not Alex’s choice of course) he finds himself happy just to sit and watch her.

“Oh this is my favorite Alex, come dance with me,” Jo calls from where she’s spinning around in the kitchen. She’s reaching out for him, her warm hand against his forearm pulling him towards her.

“I don’t dance.” Alex protests, remaining firmly in his seat. Shaking his head as she continues to pull at him. He tries to keep his smile at bay but he’s secretly amused by the way she attempts to give him a puppy dog look.

“Don’t or can’t?”

“Both…whatever answer gets you away from me.” He grumbles, trying to remove her grip on his arm but she’s quick, tangling their fingers together and giving him another tug.

“Come on Alex…everyone can dance. Just one dance…pretty please.”

He groans but drops his beer bottle down on the counter and follows Jo back to her makeshift dance floor.

“One dance…and you’ll leave me alone?” He asks, cocking his head to the side as he sets one hand on her hip, the other still gripped in hers tightly. He doesn’t know the song well but he finds himself slowly swaying to the beat.

“I won’t bother you until at least tomorrow.” Jo reasons, smiling softly, a triumphant glint in her eyes that makes Alex think he should stop letting her get her way.

Alex's breath hitches as Jo lays her head against his chest a moment later, he’s sure she can feel the way his heart pounds in his chest. They stay that way for the rest of the song, just swaying back and forth and Alex is surprised to find himself actually enjoying holding Jo so close.

“See… dancing isn't that bad right?”

He pulls her closer, tighter until her chest was pressed flush against his. “No…no you're right, this is pretty good.”

The second time they danced was a couple of years later. They’ve just finished furnishing the loft, and Jos’ even surprised herself with how it had turned out. It really felt like a home…their home.

“I know you’re gonna say a record player is pointless, but it looks cute and before you laugh they were on like every Pinterest board I saw so we have to have one.” Jo reasons, hoping this wouldn’t turn into another disagreement as the throw pillows had. Apparently, because it looks good isn’t a good reason to spend money on Alex’s book.

Secretly she loves every argument/discussion they have. There's just something about them discussing their home, her first proper home that fills her with such joy.

Setting up the record player was easy. Jo had found it a nice home against the window of what she’d marked out to be the living room. She’d even picked up a few old records from the store, Elvis, The Beatles, even Ella Fitzgerald.

She set the record on the turntable and brought down the needle, then closed the lid. There was the crackle of static as the vinyl began to spin.

She reached for his hand during the first verse. “Dance with me?” Jo suggested her voice barely above a whisper. “I know you hate dancing but indulge me this one time.” She insists as he reluctantly places his hands in hers, allowing her to pull him in, their chests brushing up against each other as his hand finds her hip and he holds her against him warm and steady.

They sway like that for the duration of the song and Jo takes the time to scan their newfound home. It's everything she'd hoped it would be and more. She feels Alex's hand fidgeting over her spine as the song comes to an end as if he's contemplating ending their dance before she feels his fingertips drift lower, coming to rest on the small of her back.

“You’re happy right? I know you kinda hated this place at first but…”

“I’m more than happy…” He whispers, leaning back as he brings one hand up to rest against her cheek, brushing the loose hair from her bun behind her ear gently. Jo relaxes against him, letting her worries go at his reassuring words. “I’m home.”

The third time they dance together, Alex surprised them both by being the one to ask Jo to dance. They’re at their makeshift engagement party that the kids on the peds ward had insisted on having when Alex informed them all they couldn’t attend the wedding. It felt kinda surreal, to see various hospital staff all filter in as a handful of his patients gather in the family room. All these people gathered to celebrate him and Jo. He’s not sure how he’d ever got so lucky.

“For everyone who doesn’t know Dr. Alex and Dr. Jo are getting married this weekend…” Kimmy announces, tapping the microphone on the makeshift stage as everyone turns towards her. “And all of us here just wanted to wish you both a huge congratulations.” Alex feels a surge of emotion, as Jo wraps an arm around his waist resting her head against his shoulder. Her eyes were a little watery, maybe she was feeling just as overwhelmed as he was.

“So I thought I’d sing a little something for you both.” Kimmy grins, and Alex gives her a small nod, rolling his eyes as the familiar tune from Beauty and The Beast begins. Now it makes sense why she’d been practicing it all week.

“Think we should dance?” He asks, turning towards Jo.

“You wanna dance? You never wanna dance with me.”

Alex furrows his eyebrows at her statement, wrapping an arm around her waist, swaying them gently, “I never wanna dance full stop but with you…with you it’s definitely bearable.”

Jo rolls her eyes “Charming.”

Alex just chuckles as he takes a step back, keeping his hand firmly in hers. When their arms are outstretched, he tugs on her hand until she gets the memo and twirls back toward him. Alex catches her by the waist, grinning down at her as she laughs warmly.

Cheers erupt around them but Alex can’t bring himself to tear his gaze from Jo. She’s gonna be his wife and he for one can’t wait.

“I aim to please” He mutters before pulling her in closer, pressing his lips to hers as a few groans from the younger patients sound.

The fourth time they dance is a given. Their first dance as husband and wife, sure it's not the reception they planned but Avery's penthouse with everyone they care about most in the world feels as close to perfect as you can get.

“Come dance with your wife.” Jo cries as she makes her way through the crowd, reaching out for Alex who’s taken a seat at the kitchen island. He’d been enjoying a moment to just watch everyone around him. Days like this full of love and happiness were kinda rare to find.

“Jo, you know I hate dancing.” He whines but he's already on his feet, allowing her to guide him back through the crowd. He’s not gonna deny her today, not like he ever denied her before either.

She just smiles, and god it makes his heartache knowing that’s the smile he’s gonna wake up to every day for the rest of his life. “I know you say you hate dancing but I think you secretly like it.”

He turned his hand over in hers, wrapping his fingers around her palm before pulling her to him by the waist. Jo’s free arm sliding up to his shoulder as they spun slowly.

“Thank you…”

“For what?”

“Dancing with me even though you hate it.”

He holds their joint hands in the air, letting Jo turn herself away from him. She’s only out of his grip for a split second before she twirls back into him. He catches her, tips her backward until her hair is dangling down over his knee.

“I’ll always dance with you,” Alex whispers, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips before helping her stand straight again. He can hear the buzz of the party around them, see the bright light of flash go off somewhere as Jo wraps her hands around his neck, hiding her face against him.

“Should’ve put that in our vows.”

He’s not sure how long they stay like that, arms wrapped around each other swaying to whatever song is playing whether a slow dance suits it or not. They might be in a room full of their closest friends and chosen family but neither one can focus on anyone else.

“It’s funny…” Jo mumbles after a while, lifting her head so she can meet Alex’s gaze.

“What’s that?” Alex asks, his thumb tracing a soft pattern against the small of her back as her left hand sorts out his.

“In those lifetime movies, I used to watch. You wait the whole movie for the couple to kiss in the last five seconds and then you just assume that they end up together…in reality, it’s probably never a happy ever after.”

Alex frowns, he’s not quite sure what Jo was getting at but if she was doubting what happens next she shouldn’t. If they could make it through today and still end up married and all in one piece then they could make it through every day that came next.

“We don’t have to worry about that.” He smiles, the hand still clutching hers lifting a little higher so she can see the light catch against her wedding set as he runs his thumb across them.

“No, we don’t.”

The last time they dance together is a couple of days before Alex leaves. He seems to have thrown himself into work the last few weeks. He’s so busy he’s almost never home. They’re like ships passing in the night and Jo’s not ashamed to admit she misses her husband.

“Come on…” She mutters, turning the radio up slightly so the music can be heard over in the kitchen, holding her hand out to Alex who’s been staring at various charts since he’d arrived home in the early hours of the morning.

“Not now Jo…I’m exhausted okay?” He sighs brushing her hand away as he turns back to the pages before him.

Jo shakes her head refusing to take no for an answer as she carefully takes the documents from his hand. Setting them down on the table. She cups his cheek, turning his face towards her. “One dance. Come on.”

She watches the internal argument he’s having with himself, his eyes refusing to meet hers.

“Alex you promised…you’d always dance with me...for better or worse...till death do us part?”

He tenses at her words closing his eyes, but before Jo can even question it he’s up, slipping his hand into hers, leading them towards the empty space between the kitchen and the unused dining table with a frown.

“I know Mr. Grumpy…you hate dancing, you've told me before.”

“That’s Dr. Grumpy to you.”

Jo drops his hand only to lift her arms around his neck and Alex sets his hands loosely on her waist.

“I love you.” He breathes after a moment. He leans his head over her shoulder and drops a kiss to the side of her head, wrapping his arms tighter around her waist.

Jo smiles softly at his words as Alex presses her hand into his chest, over his heartbeat. They're gonna be okay, she's sure of it. They hold onto one another, dancing slowly as the song continues.

“I love you too, Dr. Grumpy.”

They keep swaying even as the song ends and another begins, Jo can’t remember what song had played next, but she knows they’d danced to it anyway.

Jo didn't dance much after Alex left. Didn't do much of anything that reminded her of him. She’d got rid of nearly every trace of him. She’d gone into survival mode and removed every last reminder of him from her life. That is except for the few things she just couldn’t bear to lose.

His shirt…the first one she’d ever borrowed. Back when they were just friends and she was crashing on his couch after one too many beers. The same shirt that’s now hanging loosely off her shoulder as she tries to tidy up after her rambunctious toddler, who’s currently making a mess pulling every record out from its cover and onto the floor.

Their wedding album hurt too much to keep. She couldn’t skim the pages without feeling sick. But she keeps one photo…she can’t not. There’s one photo taken at their wedding reception, Jo wasn't even aware of it being taken at the time. She's mid-spin, her hair fanning out around her, hand clutching Alex's tightly above her head. She looks so happy and carefree in that photo but that's not the reason she kept it, no she kept it because of the way Alex's looking at her in it. Like she was the only one in the room. He looks at her so intently that just the photo sets a fire deep inside her. No matter how painful the ending was, she knew how truly loved she was by him.

“Mommy…princess dress?” Luna asks, pulling the worn photo from its hiding space in an old record sleeve. Of course, she's found it, she’s into every draw and cupboard she can reach these days. Her eyes shine as she shakes the photo in Jo's direction.

“Yeah, mommy had a princess dress,” Jo agrees, lifting Luna up from the floor and settling them both on the couch. She’s too young to know that it's a wedding, too little to ask who the man holding her mother is. She was just excited that her mom looked like one of her favorite Disney characters. Jo stares down at the photo, it's not lost on her that she's sitting in the same spot the dance took place.

“Hey, Lulu?” Jo hums, pressing a kiss to the little girl's hair as she wriggles in her lap. “Shall we have a dance party?”

Jo hasn’t had much time to dance these last few years, hadn’t had much desire too but as she stares down at her daughter she suddenly feels the urge to dance again.

Luna nods, as Jo lifts her up off her lap before turning towards the old record player in the corner. She wipes her hand across the dust that’s settled on it before opening it up, taking a second for the slow melody to filter out. When she turns back Luna is already twirling around, her tutu flowing out around her.

Jo laughs as she lifts her baby girl up onto her hip, spinning them both. She throws her head back laughing as Luna squeals in delight, ordering Jo to keep spinning until they're both dizzy and their giggles drown out the music.

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

He tried not to stare, his hands sweating the second their eyes met. She offers him nothing more than a polite nod as he splutters an awkward hello before she turns her attention to someone else. That’s it. No earth-shattering moment. His heart still firmly beating in his chest, it hasn’t been ripped out and left in tatters as he’d imagined it would be the second he laid eyes on her.

Did he know he was leaving? Did he know it was the last time they’d be together? Did he take her favourite shirt hoping it would be enough? Did he watch her sleep that last night just memorising every detail of her face, committing her beauty to memory one last time knowing deep in his gut he’d never hold her again? Yes deep in his gut he’d known he was never coming home, he’d known his home was firmly in the little hands of his children. He’d known that he was tearing his own heart in two to give them everything he’d never had and he’d done it willingly so he had no one else but himself to blame for the ache that now lived permanently within him. The sort of ache that only came from losing the other half of you and watching them become whole with another.

Nothing makes it easier. Nothing stops the ache, it doesn’t fade with time he just learns to live with it. He sees her all the time, she’s there in the grocery store or passing through the hospital, or down the street near the dog park, and even outside the kid's school. All the places he knows she’s not he sees her. Wisps of brown hair that for a single second feel so familiar, before the bubble bursts, his eyes readjust and he sees the subtle ways the woman that’s caught his eye isn’t her. So when he does finally see her it doesn't even seem real.

The wedding is beautiful if nothing else. The backyard lit up with string lights, mismatched chairs surrounding the makeshift dance floor where everyone was gathered to watch the first dance. The air is warm and the laughter is loud, a rare moment where everyone seems genuinely happy.

He hangs back for most of the day, he’d promised to be there to stand by his friend's side, a promise he’s happy to keep but it doesn't make it any easier. He’d seen the surprised looks and heard the hushed whispers as the guests had arrived. He can’t help but feel out of place, he’d fought so hard to make this place his home, now he felt like he was a piece of the wrong puzzle trying to make himself fit.

He felt the air cool the minute she’d arrived, filtering in with a group from the hospital. He tried not to stare, his hands sweating the second their eyes met. She offers him nothing more than a polite nod as he splutters an awkward hello before she turns her attention to someone else.

That’s it. No earth-shattering moment. His heart still firmly beating in his chest, it hasn’t been ripped out and left in tatters as he’d imagined it would be the second he laid eyes on her.

She was here. He could reach out and wrap an arm around her, remember what it feels like to hold her if he wanted to. He won’t. But the knowledge that he could have is enough to fill him with a kind of warmth he hasn’t felt for years.

He tries to focus on his friend's joy as the ceremony starts. Forcing himself to keep his eyes trained ahead and not on the brunette a few rows back. He listens carefully as they make their promises, promising for better or for worse, till death do they part and all that other jazz. He tries to stay present, tries so hard to keep the memories that are flooding his mind at bay. His mind betrays him of course, her smiling face shining bright in his memory, the wind flowing through her hair, the way her hands had trembled in his as they promised forever, and her smile so infectious in the sunlight. He remembers feeling so happy in that moment that it overwhelmed him, just the sight of her smile as she’d said I do. A kind of happiness he’d never expected to feel in his life, the type he hadn’t thought was possible until he felt it. He hopes that’s how they feel now standing up at the altar, he hopes they hold onto that happiness always because like everything in life it doesn’t last.

As the ceremony ends she gets lost in the chaos and he doesn’t see her again until after the speeches, she’s let her hair down now and it flows down in waves to her shoulders framing her face. She’s standing beside Link, laughing away at something he’s said. He considers going over there, maybe they could talk. Maybe they could make polite small talk, or maybe she’d be happy to see him and they’d spend the night talking into the early hours like they had back when they’d first met. He knows it’s more likely she’d not want anything to do with him, that he’d end up upsetting her, hurting her even more, and ruining what is meant to be a happy day. So he busies himself talking to past friends that he really has missed and chased after the kids that are more grumpy, almost teenagers these days. He finds himself drawn to her whether she is, he follows her around the room, at one point he almost drops his drink when her laugh erupts from somewhere behind him, sweet and carefree and he swears it’s infectious. His lips curl up without warning as he shuffles his feet away from the crowd, content to step back and watch the festivities.

His behaviour goes unnoticed by everyone but the bride of course. She’s the first one to find him when he slips away from the party, guiding him to the quiet of the front porch.

“Thank you for coming today.” She whispers, leaning against the wall beside him. “It means a lot that you’re here Alex.”

“Anytime.” A soft smile graces his face as he leans forward pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. He means it, anytime no matter what, she’s family, their bond is buried deep. Their history is too entangled for him to ever be able to say a proper goodbye.

They sit in silence for a moment. Never the type of friends that needed many words. She knows, of course, she knows, it’s written all over her face when her new husband comes to find her, ushering her back to the party.

“She’s okay…really she’s happy.” Mer whispers, squeezing his hand one time before slipping back into the house. He sighs, he still needs a breather as he takes a seat down on the front steps. The same space he’d found her all those years ago. He remembers the feeling of seeing her usually perfect porcelain skin mottled with purple bruises. At that moment he’d realised whatever he’d thought he’d felt for her run much deeper than that. At that moment he’d realised his heart resided firmly outside his chest, it still probably does. If he had to be really honest he thinks she might always have his heart. He doesn’t even want it back. Happy for it to always be hers even he himself can no longer be.

He checks his watch. He could probably go now, he’d stayed long enough to be deemed acceptable but there is something that twists deep in his gut like he can’t leave without seeing her again. Just one more glance, it would never be enough, but damn he could try and make it. So he turns back towards the house, making his way through to the garden where everyone seems to be dancing it out like there’s no tomorrow and he shakes his head at the family he’s missed so dearly as he settles against the door frame.

He finds her without really trying, he’s just drawn to her. He takes a deep breath letting the image of her settle in his bones. He watches as she looks up, turning her attention to someone across the table she’s sat at and she smiles, not at him…she hadn’t even looked his way since she’d arrived and he knows because his gaze has never left her for longer than a few seconds. After all this time he watches her smile, and he smiles too. His lips curled up involuntarily at the joy radiating from her face.

A happy ending suits her. It’s how he wants to always remember her. He once had thought he could be that for her but he’s so glad she found this new one. She’s tucked against some guy's side, as she runs a reassuring hand down his back the same way she used to for him. The ending they’d planned together. The house, the kids, the smiles. It’s still her ending…and knowing that is enough. Knowing that is everything to him.

There’s a commotion as the kids take the dance floor for some planned routine and her gaze searches the room until she stumbles across his. He gives her a short nod as their eyes meet ignoring the way his body burns with the urge to cross the garden, close the gap between them, take it all back and beg for another chance. He doesn’t of course, their story is over, she has a new one and so does he. She offers him a friendly smile, it’s brief, barely a second but it’s a second that holds a lifetime. As quick as it came it went, her attention being called elsewhere as a little girl no older than five grabs hold of her hand dragging her towards the dance floor.

He hears the little one call for her mother. His eyes closed involuntarily like the sight was too much. And for the briefest second, he allows himself to imagine what it would be like to be standing there with them. It’s a cruel game, one that will only hurt more than it does heal. He shakes it off, standing up straighter as he seeks her out once more. She was okay...she was more than okay.

Her dress flows out around her as she spins around copying her daughter who squeals in delight as her own dress puffs out around her. It reminds him of the one she’d worn when she’d proposed except it’s lighter. She’s lighter, happier, even more, radiant than she was back then. Maybe he’s done that thing where his memory of her all these years had not been doing her justice or maybe she truly is just happier now.

He glances at his watch. He has to go. No time to debate what to say if he could. He has a life to get back to and she has one here. One more glance, one more second to take her in. When he’d left he’d left knowing he may never see her again, that he’d go his whole life without ever seeing that smile, and honestly he thought that would be okay. He thought that it would be easier that way.

He was wrong, watching her now he knows it, he was always gonna wanna see her, be in her orbit, he knows it’s not a possibility but he’ll take what he can get. Even if what he can get is shy glances across a makeshift dance floor. His phone buzzes, the car is waiting. Slowly he pushes off the doorframe, taking one last look around at the happy faces scattering the dance floor. There’s no empty gap of where he once was. Life has moved on.

When he finds her again he is surprised to find her eyes already on him. Like she knows he’s leaving this time. The same warm brown that he’d fallen for in that supply closet so many years ago bore into him. She doesn’t make any attempt to move but she offers him another warm smile, a genuine one this time. Then she’s gone, he faintly hears her being called away by her daughter and the spell is broken. He slips away from the party without another glance.

Maybe their paths never cross again and maybe that’ll be okay, she’s happy and loved and everything she deserves to be. So if he never gets to lay eyes on her again the memory of her spinning her daughter around the dance floor will be enough. But he hopes to god they do, even if all they get is another almost moment. Even if for the rest of their lives they only get brief glances and polite smiles he wants it…wants her…always.

He wants their story to end the way it began. Strangers stealing glances at each other across the operating table, over beers on the couch, at a friend's wedding…wherever and whenever they can. They were back to the beginning, strangers but this time with the memories filled with love, and quite strangely he’s okay with that. That in itself feels like a happy ending because they really are living happily ever after…just not together.

He’d abandoned their story, he’d ripped the pages out so quick he’d given her whiplash. He’d scrawled out THE END in the form of his name and that was it. But he stands here now a wiser man, watching her light up like he’d never seen before and he knows he made the right choice. Sometimes it’s hard to turn the page when you know someone won’t be in the next chapter, but the story must go on, so he slips away without a word and leaves the rest of their story blank.

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

Anything Like Ice Cream Kisses

“Are you staying tonight?” Kit asks as he throws the ball towards Alex who catches it swiftly.

“Erm...I don’t think so bud.” Alex mutters, flashing his son a bright smile as he throws the ball back once again. Truth be told he hadn’t spent the night at Jo’s or with Jo for that matter since Christmas day. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, he just didn’t want to rush anything. No matter how much Jo insisted that it was okay, that she wanted him there. It wasn’t lost on Alex just how lucky he was to have a second chance at this life with her and he had no intention of messing it up, he wanted to earn it, earn her. “I do have something to ask you though.”

“What is it?”

“How would you feel about me taking your mom on a date?”

carry on reading here

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

Hiiii can you write prompt number 4 from the first list kinda need some Jolex rn

pick up the pieces & build a lego house

It’s only when she looks up from unpacking and notices how dark it is, does she realise how much time has passed. Disregarding the box she’d just ripped open she decides her husband had been far too quiet for far too long. She’s not sure when his gruff voice mumbling a string of curse words as he tried to assemble what felt like a never-ending amount of baby crap they’d decided to leave till the last minute had filtered out but it had definitely been a while since she’d heard him gain another self-inflicted injury. 

“Alex?” She calls out, shifting up off the floor, one hand curled around her burgeoning bump. She lets out a deep breath as she waddles her way towards the staircase, calling out to her husband once again. The second they’d said goodbye to the loft she’d regretted it, space was overrated, having everything in one room might have seemed a little crowded but Jo would rather call it convenient.  Her short temper begins to flare as she calls out for a third time with no response. Annoyed Jo makes her way up the stairs, feeling a little out of breath as she reaches the top, all courtesy of their big-headed baby getting all up in her lungs. 

“Alex I swear if you’ve made me come all the way up these stairs and you aren’t dead I’ll kill you myself.” 

As she rounds the corner of the nursery, it takes her a second to catch sight of her husband in between all the boxes, with all excess wrapping laid out...the room resembles a junkyard more than it does a nursery. 

And there he was, in between all the chaos leaning back against the crib that she’d instead he put up now, he’d cushioned himself against an excessively large teddy bear his godchildren had picked out. His face scrunched up like he was almost in pain, mumbling faintly under his breath and Jo has to tiptoe closer to hear him.

 “Babies don’t crunch like that...”

Jo has to stifle a laugh as Alex tosses side to side lightly mumbling utter nonsense about BBQ chips being less baby like then sour cream ones. 

“I don’t wanna crush the baby like chips you know?” His voice sounds rough, half-asleep. Jo clamps a hand over her mouth as she makes her way over, she clears her throat, as she leans down in front of him, brushing some of his hair out of his face, it had grown a little unruly in lockdown and after her first attempt at playing hairdresser, he promised to never let her near him with scissors again. 

“Sorry,” she whispers, a soft smile playing on her lips as she kneels down resting on the new plush rug as his sleepy eyes find hers, “I didn’t mean to wake you.” She can tell he’s a little disoriented as he sits up, rubbing his eyes for a moment. 

His confused face only makes her smile brighter. She is not surprised to find him asleep up here, he’s been exhausted these last few weeks. Between her midnight cravings, the house move and the constant updates from both hospitals he really wasn’t getting the chance to rest much and no doubt that wasn’t gonna change anytime soon. 

Before Alex even has a chance to respond she moves in closer, her lips meeting his, kissing him slowly as his hands slide up her body resting over her bump. They’d spent most of her pregnancy apart...not what either one of them had imagined but when the pandemic hit very little was known about its effects and so of course Jo was made to isolate and while Alex had wanted nothing more than to stay home with her, he was still the chief of a hospital unequipped to deal with the level of patients coming in and they both knew deep down he was needed elsewhere. They’d managed somehow, a lot of FaceTime at the baby scans and car park meetings from six feet apart. There were people worse off, they knew that. But when Jo had hit seven months Alex couldn’t keep away any longer, he was already battling with the guilt of missing so much. So home he came, home, however, was actually all their belongings stuffed into various cardboard boxes all just waiting to be moved across town. 

“This is going to sound cheesy but… I love when you’re half asleep and talking nonsense...you’re adorable.” 

He laughs and smiles against her lips as he begins to rub soft circles across her bump. “Adorable probably isn’t the word I’d use.”

“Really? What would you use?” Jo grins, as she settles beside him leaning back against the crib that wouldn’t see any use for a long while yet. See while Alex had been working Jo had been left feeling pretty useless, I mean if there was ever a time doctors need to step up it was now and yet here she was trapped at home, watching the news on a loop. Finding their new home had given her something to do, something that didn't make her feel useless.

“Oh, you know handsome...incredibly sexy?” Alex smirks, lifting her legs so they laid out across his lap, his warm hand resting on her thigh. 

“Oh you’re right...you taking a nap on a giant teddy bear, mumbling about chips of all things is incredibly sexy.”

“Glad you agree...” Alex smiles, resting his forehead against Jo’s. Here it’s so easy to forget what's going on outside when it’s just the two...or three of them. No one’s sick or dying, here in these four walls they’re safe. They’re home.

Something Jo never really had before she met Alex. A place where their children would always call home, they wouldn’t drag their stuff in a rubbish bag from one crappy place to the next. No here is where they’ll take their first steps and get startled by the flash as Alex struggles to get in on video. Downstairs by the entrance is where they’ll mark their height as they grow and Jo and Alex will mark theirs as they shrink in old age. Outback will be filled with memories of badly burnt BBQs, water gun fights and snow castles. A home where no matter how dark and scary things get outside will always be filled with love.

I can’t remember the last time I did a request. I’ll be honest I’m too scared to even go through my asks but I saw this one and I really enjoyed writing a little fluff with no plot.

Thanks for reading.

[odd-birds-and-booksellers]

“He said he'd be here”

Jo felt herself shrink away, as she lent back against the cool door, finally feeling like she could breathe as the cold Seattle night air hit her. The party noise becoming a light buzz in her ears as the happy cheery and cheesy Christmas carols fade out. She didn't know why she had agreed to come, some part of her had thought she could actually handle this, people laughing and smiling in their perfect little worlds, sipping on eggnog and that disgusting candy cane vodka, like nothing was wrong, oblivious to the fact she dying on the inside. She can't count the number of times people have asked how she is, the happiness fading from their eyes as they avert their gaze. Did you hear he just left her? I heard he was having an affair the whole time. Poor girl never stood a chance. The whispers whirl around and there's no amount of fake smiling that will help.

The Christmas lights glisten along the window as Jo catches sight of Link and Amelia on the sofa, their little boy squished in between them, dressed in some ridiculous elf costume Link had bought, they're taking silly selfies as they both press a kiss to their little one's cheeks, laughing as he squeals in delight. Zola and Bailey run pass the window, dressed in their best Christmas outfits as they hand out candy canes to all the guests, Ellis trailing along behind, her tiara slightly crooked as she tries to catch up to her siblings. Meredith was standing on the other side of the room, her eyes following her children around the room as she tried to listen along to whatever story Hunt was telling, giggling as Hayes leaned in whispering something in her ear.

He should've been here. He would've turned up late, grumbling about how he hated fancy parties. His tie would've been crooked and he would have huffed as she fixed it for him, but he would've loved her party dress, a little too much maybe as he sought out the mistletoe, smirking as he held it over their heads pulling her in closer and he would've let out a huge crooked grin the minute the kids came flying down the stairs. He would've been Zola's partner in crime in stealing all the candy, and he would've fixed Ellis crown for her. He would've wrapped his arm around Jo's waist and pulled her closer to him, rubbing small circles on her hip as they listened to Koracick drown on and on, letting her know he had her. She can hear him now saying he doesn't like Hayes while they watched Meredith flirt with the guy and rolling his eyes as Link went overboard for his sons first Christmas. He should've been here. He should've been here and maybe it wouldn't have only been Link and Amelia's sons first Christmas, maybe they would've had their own bundle to squish in between them.

"Jo?" It's Meredith's voice that breaks Jo's trance, turning to find her leaning against the open door frame, her arms wrapped around herself as she tries to keep herself warm. She hadn't even noticed her break away from the group. "You okay?" She whispers, biting her lips as she tries to think of something to say, the sympathy shining in her eyes makes Jo want to turn and run, she hates it, she sees it everywhere she goes and she hates it. It's only when she feels a warm splash against her cheek does she realise she's crying, hot tears following down her face as she continues to stare through the window.

"He should've been here." She whimpers as she feels Meredith wrap her arms around her, her hands brushing up and down Jo's arms in a lame attempt to warm her up. He should've been here, she can't do this without him, she doesn't want to.

"I know…" Meredith nods as she begins to guide Jo back inside, eyeing a concerned Maggie from the doorway, as the snow begins to fall around them. "I know Jo." She whispers.

Jo feels herself breaking as peoples gaze turns to her as she re-enters the party, feeling relief flood through her as the buzzing from her pager rang out. Instantly pulling out of Meredith's grip as she sees the SOS flash on the screen. Thank god for Christmas miracles. Jo had done everything to get out of this party, to get out of the entire freaking holiday but Bailey had refused to put her on shift because she'd worked the last two Christmas already. Little did she know she'd worked them all in the hopes of having Christmas off with her own little family one day, not to be the women sitting alone in a cold loft with no husband to fix the heater or keep her warm.

"I should go...looks like the snow has brought the E.R into chaos," Jo muttered as Koracick passed her, grabbing his coat as he muttered something about Christmas eve accidents. A few more doctors head out as Jo examines the room, she feels out of place here, she can't spend the rest of night staring at the door hoping for a miracle where he walks in saves her from the loneliness that is currently overwhelming her every sense.

She heads down the hall, not waiting for Meredith's response as she tries to find her bag in between all the mess in the kitchen. Catching sight of the Christmas cards littering the fridge door, her breath getting caught in her throat as his eyes stare back at her. He looks tired she thinks, not much but she can tell, his signature crooked smile plastered across his face, she almost wants to laugh at how he always looks like he's got gun to his head when he smiles for a picture, but her desire to laugh soon fades as she scans the rest of the photo, Izzie’s well-manicured hand wrapped around Alex's arm as she smiles brightly beside him, her hair curled to perfection as her other hand sits upon her son's shoulder while Alex has his hand wrapped around his daughter. They look perfect, the thought alone makes Jo gag, she'd known Alex a long time, and she'd consider herself an expert and never had she imagined him to be the guy with the professional family photo sending out Christmas cards like they were some Hallmark channel family.

He's really not coming home. He's not her husband anymore. He's not the man she knew. Jo was in no way living in denial, Alex was long gone but a small part of her had always thought maybe just maybe one day he'd turn up at her door, tell he was sorry and they'd try again. She knows it's a silly dream but she swears sometimes when the pit is bursting at the seams and everyone's yelling in all different directions that she can hear him call her name, or hear his key in the door when she's drifting off to sleep, the whispered I love yous in the early morning moments when shes not yet awake but no longer asleep still playing tricks on her mind. He may be the one person in the world that means the most to Jo but she is no longer his, and seeing it, seeing it made it so much more real to Jo. He's not coming home because he is already home, she knows that now.

It's almost four am when Jo gets out of surgery, wandering outside the hospital she notes that the snow has stopped falling, instead a thick blanket covers the floor, as it crunches underneath her feet, sighing she watches her breath fan out in front of her. He phone feels like fire in her hands, the missed call notification staring back at her pierced straight through her heart. As she debates what to do next, her phone lights up again, his grumpy face lighting up her phone as the ringtone filled the quiet night's air.

"Jo?" His voice is barely a whisper but it sends shivers down her spine, as she clutches the phone tightly pressing it against her ear painfully, not wanting to miss a single second of his voice as the warmth fills her body.

"Alex…" She mutters after a beat, the fresh tears already splashing against her scrub top as she listens to his breathing on the other side of the line.

"I didn't wake you did I?" His voice picks up a bit, as she leans against the hospital entrance, hot tears spreading across her face.

"No, I just came from surgery…" She manages to mutter, hoping he doesn't note the way her voice cracks, as she tries to stop herself from crying out.

"Oh…" There's a pause and for a moment she thinks he's gone as silence falls. "I just wanted to...I don't know what I…I'm sorry." He finally mumbles. Jo nods, as she tries to compose herself, hearing the crack in Alex's voice matches her own as she takes a deep breath.

"Yeah...I'm sorry too." She's sorry they didn't make it, it's not her fault she knows but still, she's sorry their story ends this way, sorry that somehow both their hearts hurt even though she's the one sleeping alone.

"Daddy, Santa came you have to come to see…" "Dad quick look Santa ate all the cookies…"

Jo chuckles softly, whipping away her tears as she hears the excitement through the line, as the little voices continue to call out for their dad and she knows it's time to go as she lets out another shaky breath.

"Merry Christmas Alex." She whispers, a small smile playing on her lips, as she whispers her last goodbye.

"Merry Christmas Jo."

It is officially Taylor Swift X Jolex week and there is already so much good stuff, i can’t wait to see what is next. I know mine is Christmas themed but fuck it I like Christmas. 

The Moment I Knew - Taylor Swift

You should've been there Should've burst through the door With that "Baby, I'm right here" smile