#John Coltrane is the third most famous jazzer (arguably) and getting kicked out of whole foods is a national past time

[thespamman24]

What your favorite jazzer says about you!

Louis Armstrong- You don’t know why I’ve just broken into your house and asked you at gunpoint what your favorite jazz artist is, as you don’t listen to much jazz.

Miles Davis- You’re basic.

Bill Evans- You’re racist.

Chett Baker- You want to have sex with Chett Baker. 

Sun Ra- As a kindergartner, you were reprimanded for eating paper, an event that has haunted you for life. A career as a very unique artist awaits you. Also, you can name every species of preying mantis, all 51 of them. 

Pharaoh Sanders- You don’t know shit about preying mantises. 

Alice Coltrane- You’ve been trying to find Satchinada for the last 20 years, but it continues to allude you.

Phelonois Monk- Your favorite kind of sandwich is peanut butter and jelly.

Peter Brotzmann- You didn’t stop eating paper at kindergarten. In fact, as you read this, you’re currently eating the stuff. You do you, I guess.

João Gilberto- You constantly carry around a fanny pack full of important provisions such as trail mix. You’re disappointed that no one wants to use your Netflix password.

Wayne Shorter- Everyone laughs at your pointy shoes. “What are you some kind of elf?” they ask. Then, you kick them. They aren’t laughing after that.

Duke Ellington- A prestigious career of drawing of drawing furry smut awaits you. I salute you. 

Ryo Fukuri- You keep a shotgun beneath your bed in case someone with tattoos comes too close to your front lawn.

Max Roach- You’re wondering if I may have switched those last two. No, I did not. Shut up. 

Charles Mingus- You wear a bald cap wherever you go because it increases the chances of being slapped on the head- the most enjoyable aspect of living.

John Coltrane- You’ve been kicked out of eighteen Whole Foods stores, and you plan to make that number in the triple digits before you depart this green earth. Nothing brings you more satisfaction than opening the nut dispensers and watching the waterfall of cashews descend onto the ground.

Art Blakey- Fuck if I know.