#Joe Joshin

[whatdoyoumeanablog]

Today is the 9th anniversary of Fleeing the Complex and i decided to do something special for it, so here's a drawing of my favorite Wall guards.

[ask-your-local-boof-dealer]

this is so sad

[adultswim2021]

Frisky Dingo #10: “Flowers for Nearl” | December 18, 2006 – 12:30AM | S01E10

This will likely be attached to a future post, but I stumbled on a Friday Night Fix promo (Adult Swim’s online video service that would debut new episodes on Fridays) that advertised this episode’s title as “Ten”, which makes me think these episode titles I’m displaying for Frisky Dingo came at a later date. It could also mean that whoever cut that promo together just didn’t know what the episode title was and didn’t feel like speaking to Adam Reed to figure it out.

Previously on: Simon is still a runaway. The Xtacles are still in danger of having their heads exploded each hour. Xander and Killface are both blind and being human trafficked. The Xtacles are planning to pass off Nearl, the local “retarded wino” as Xander Crewes in order to make the head explosions stop. 

This is a very memorable episode, and I remember thinking this was the best of the season. Standalone isn’t the right word, but there is a story here with a beginning, middle, and end, which is nice. It mostly focuses on the Xtacles giving Nearl a makeover, discovering that he looks exactly like Xander Crewes, and then injecting him with a brain serum to make him intelligent. He fulfills his intended purpose of making Stan think that the Xtacles have indeed captured Xander Crewes to make the exploding helmet thing stop happening.

This is when they learn Nearl’s true nature: the reason he looks like Xander Crewes is because he actually is Xander’s long-lost twin brother. He was hospitalized and abandoned on the streets when the hospital closed. This is how he became a homeless wino (Mr. Ford, the pet shop clerk from the last episode, is the orderly who drops him off). This plot thread ends when one of the Xtacles shoots him in the head point-blank. When the other Xtacles scold him, he defends his actions by claiming he was merely simplifying everyone’s lives, that the “plot” (of their lives, I mean) was getting too complicated and having a long-lost twin in the mix would only make things more annoying. The Xtacles begrudgingly, then enthusiastically agree. Real funny.

We also get a little scene showing where the real Xander winds up: with Killface in a sweatshop manufacturing Awesome-X dolls. Killface is popping off the Xander head and Xander is replacing it with Stan’s. Both of them being blind, neither of them have any idea what they are making. They do, however, find out that Simon is now running a rabbit knife-fighting ring. End of episode. 

Most of the laughs in here come from cultural references. Nearl is lured into the Xtacles’ ship because they told him it’s Babar’s house. The Wammy from Press Your Luck is a looming threat on the DNA testing machine (this scene also includes a bit of audio outtakes from the actor playing Stan. Come on guys, this isn’t Space Ghost. Nah, just joshin’, I think it’s funny, please rip-off Space Ghost more). There is a run of the 70/30 dickheads yet again flexing how well-read they are by recalling plot details of Flowers for Algernon (the plot of which largely inspired this episode, obviously), Harrison Bergeron (we get it, you’ve read Vonnegut. WELL SO HAVE I SO FUCK YOU BITCH), among other things. I think. Actually the next thing they reference is Tom Bergeron, so maybe I’m overstating things.

Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam is also referenced. I’m embarrassed to remember this but at the time this episode aired I did not know this band and thought the reference was instead to THIS SONG, which I knew because in the late 90s my mom bought it for me for Christmas. She was concerned that even though I was a teenager I did not ask for a single music CD, so she bought me Pauly Shore’s stand-up album, which had that song on it. Earlier this year I randomly found this video and realized I actually saw it in 1991 on MTV. Not only that, it was literally the first time I ever watched MTV in my whole life. I remember my friend Joe, a fellow kid who was also not allowed to watch MTV, turned to me and said “that’s why I love MTV, there’s so many babes!”

The apex of the exploding head gag is reached when one of the Xtacles mentions that he’s missing his kid’s recital, and they cut to a little girl at a piano in front of an audience at a school auditorium, sighing because her dad isn’t there and proceeding with her performance. She (and his new baby, being held by his wife shown in the crowd sitting next to an empty seat) is wearing an Xtacles helmet. The idea that his kids would have Xtacles helmets on, as if it’s an inherited trait, is so exquisitely stupid that I love it. The joke turns dark when they realize she’s susceptible to Stan’s random on-the-hour head explosions. Guess what happens next? This is a serious contender for the funniest joke in the entire series.

So that’s this one, a real peak for the series as a whole, and very likely the best episode of the season! I’m glad I got to it!

[SORRY THIS POST WAS POSTED LATER THAN USUAL I WAS JACKING OFF TO THE PAULY SHORE VIDEO]

[alannariend]

treasure at tampines condo

In January of 1970 I dug my first V Nickel, a very nice 1902. I had only been metal detecting for about three weeks and was using my $50.00 Medeford BFO detector that my wife gave me for a Christmas gift. Linda did not realize the impact that gift was going to have on my life and finding that V nickel was a key to my becoming hooked on this treasure finding hobby.

Joe Denmark, who grew up in the Tarpon Springs, FL area, had told me about attending a one-room school in Palm Harbor, that was now an orange grove. That Saturday morning in January, I went to the grove and got permission from the owner to hunt a section of the grove that Joe said the school was located. Within twenty minutes I located the 1902 V Nickel and ten minutes later got a 1905. These were the only two coins I found that morning, but I was wowed by the experience. In forty years of metal detecting, I have dug up nearly every date of the collection except for rare 1885, and 1912 S. This nickel variety has an interesting story and I want to make it the monthly dug coin give-away for October, 2008.

The Liberty Head (V) Nickels were officially minted from 1883 to 1912. However, a mint official illegally produced an unknown quantity with the date of 1913. There are five known examples and one sold in June, 2005 for $4.15 million, the second highest price ever paid for a single US coin.

The original 1883 issue lacked the word "cents" on the reverse. Since the nickels were the same size as the treasure at tampines pdf $5.00 gold pieces, some counterfeiters plated them with gold and attempted to pass them off as such. Legend says that a deaf mute named Josh Tatum was the creator of this fraud, and he could not be convicted because he simply gave the coins in payment for items selling less than five cents, but did not protest if he was given change appropriate to a five-dollar coin. Sometimes the 1883 nickel is referred to as the "Racketeer Nickel", and Josh Tatum is sometimes cited as the source of the saying, "Your not Joshin' me, are you?"

V nickels were minted only at Philadelphia until 1912, when Denver and San Francisco each minted small quantities. The 1912 S is the second toughest key to the series. The D or S mint mark is located on the reverse, just below the left-hand dot near the seven-o'-clock position on the rim and I ain't "Joshin you." With less than 35 regular issue coins, this is still a set that the metal detecting hobbyist can come close to completing.

Larry Smith is an avid coin collector and metal detector enthusiast. He's been collecting coins for over 50 years. Larry is giving away his ebook, "Coin Collecting With The Home TOwn Advantage" FREE for a limited time. You can get your copy and start building (or expanding) your own collection right now.

[faithfulcat111]

Just Shapes - Chapter 12

Day 12 (Sunday)

Roman was slightly surprised when he woke up the next morning and there were no strange nightmares haunting his waking moments. It didn’t mean he wasn’t still tired, but he was able to get himself up and out of the house in a decent amount of time. Once he was outside, however, he wasn’t too sure where he was going. Which led to him just wandering through town. Passing the video store, he glanced inside to see Logan standing behind the counter, sorting something. Roman lifted a hand in greeting, but Logan glared back with such intensity that Roman scuttled away for fear of being disintegrated just with a look. “That was weird,” he muttered to himself, still looking back towards the store. This meant that Roman wasn’t watching where he was going and was completely oblivious to running directly into a small punk he knew. “Hey!” they shouted, from where they had been knocked down to the ground. “Oh my! I’m so sorry!” Roman helped Talyn back to their feet. “It’s fine,” Talyn said, rubbing at their head. “Um, what are you doing today? You didn’t look good yesterday and you look even worse today.”

“I do?” Roman hummed. “Um,” Talyn leaned forward again. “Where are you going?” Roman looked up in confusion, barely meeting their eyes. “I’m going out. I’ll see you later,” he started to walk off leaving Talyn staring after him. Eventually, he reached the Food Donkey and sat down in front of the store, ignoring a couple of loud bangs from behind him in the abandoned store. Sometime later, a shadow fell over him and Roman looked up at the person in the orange beanie standing over him. “Hey,” Joan said. “Do you wanna come to my house? I have a trampoline.” Roman smiled, “Sure.” He followed his friend into the woods as they walked along a gravel road and then turned up a long driveway. “This is so weird.” “Why is that?” Joan asked, stopping by a tire swing. Roman shrugged, “I don’t know. I just never pictured you coming from somewhere. I just thought you like appeared in a parking lot one day. “Oh,” Joan hummed in thought. “Sorry,” Roman rubbed at the back of his neck. “That was weird.” “No, it’s cool. Folks from town don’t come out here very often,” Joan said. Roman looked back down the driveway, commenting, “You have a lot of cars.” “My uncles visit a lot,” Joan shrugged. “They fix cars with my dad.” “Do you drive?” Roman asked. “I bike. It’s better for the environment.” “I just keep finding out stuff about you.” “What!” Joan said in defence. “We’re all going to die from temperatures and the sea rising!” Roman sighed, poking at the tire swing next to them, “Is this yours?” Joan tilted his head, “No, it’s my sisters and my cousins.” “Wow,” Roman gasped in shock. “You have sisters?” “Yeah, they are at church stuff right now. That’s why I invited you over,” Joan explained. “It’s adult night around here!” “Adult night?” Roman questioned. “Yup, the one night a week that there isn’t a bunch of kids running all around this place,” Joan started back up towards the house. The two climbed up the stairs to the porch and Joan turned to him and said, “Okay, you should meet my mom?” “Should I?” Roman questioned. “It’s polite since you’re eating dinner here,” Joan explained. There was silence for a moment before Roman said, “I was kidding.” Joan shrugged, “I couldn’t tell!” The two entered the small house. “Take off your shoes,” Joan said. They stepped directly into a kitchen where a woman was standing, stirring something in a pan. “Hey, Mom! This is Roman. He’s eating dinner with us.” “Hi,” Roman gave an awkward wave. The woman turned to look at them, “Hello Roman. I hope you like sloppy joes.” “Who doesn’t?” Roman asked. The woman scoffed, “Nobody in this household.” “I thought you two should meet before dinner!” Joan said a smile on their face. “Hmmm, well that’s very thoughtful of you Joan,” their mom turned back to the stove, stirring the pan. “Okay, I’m going to take Roman to meet Gramma,” they continued. Their mom turned back with a raised eyebrow, “Oh, is that what this is about?” “What?” Roman looked between the two, slightly confused. “Can I?” Joan asked. Their mom shrugged, “Don’t need my permission. Whatever happens is on you.” “What?” Roman was now even more confused by the situation. “Come on!” Joan grabbed Roman’s wrist and dragged him out of the kitchen and into a small living room, their mom calling out a good luck after the two. In the living room, an old lady sat in a rocking chair staring out the window. The two stood awkwardly in front of the lady as she slowly turned her head towards the two. After another long moment, she finally spoke, “Sturdy boy.” “Um, my grandad said that,” Roman shuffled, not really knowing how to react to this woman’s long stare. “Did you…” He trailed off, not sure what to say next. “This is my gramma,” Joan said. Roman continued to stare at the strange lady who narrowed her eyes back. “Okay, well, see ya!” “Wait, what?” Roman gasped, looking at Joan who just flat-out walked out of the room. As soon as Joan disappeared around the corner, Roman turned back to their gramma, “You’re staring at me.” Joan’s Gramma huffed before continuing, “Sturdy is a good word for you. Stout. Big bones.” “Um, yup,” Roman looked around the dark living room. “So, is that it?” “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I upset you?” Gramma asked, one eyebrow rising ever-so-slightly. “No.” “Too bad. You need to be upset.” Roman’s eyes widened and he took a step back as Gramma leaned further back into her chair before continuing, “What’s coming to you, little boy, is three times the trouble you deserve. You are going to go down hard not far from here. You will go down in these woods.” “Are you like telling my fortune?” Roman questioned. The lady just stared at him, blinking, “Little boy, I don’t know what you did, but you’ve got a dark spot in you that one day is gonna take a life. Might be someone else’s. Or it might be yours. Mark my words, you’re doomed.” Roman took another step back, almost back out of the living room, “Okay, I’ll, uh, try to remember that. Wait.” Roman shook his head, coming back to his senses, “What are you trying to say? You don’t even know me. Whatever it is that’s wrong with me? Yeah, I’m not just a shell for my problems to walk around in. ‘Uuuh uuuh you got a dark spot on you.’ What the actual hell do you know about me anyway?” Gramma nodded, a solemn look on her face. “I can’t stop what’s coming,” she said. “But ask you a question you can’t answer, ‘Can you unhaunt a haunted house?’” “I-I- what?” Roman stumbled, thoroughly confused. Gramma stared at him for another second before a grin broke out on her face. “Had you going there for a second,” she chuckled. “What?” Roman asked. “I was just joshin ya,” Gramma’s chuckles were beginning to die down. “I have to have my fun somehow.” “What is wrong with you?” Roman demanded, stomping forward. “That was seriously messed up!” Gramma just continued to chuckle, this time at Roman’s anger, “You’re a good sport. You go outside now, dear! Let Gramma watch Judge Janice.” She picked up a remote next to her flicking on an ancient box TV just to Roman’s right. “Um, okay, I guess I’ll see you around,” Roman said, backing up away from the TV. Gramma gave him one more creepy smile, “Not likely, little boy.” Roman turned and walked out of the living room, not especially eager to engage with the strange old lady again. Roman managed to find Joan out on the edge of the raised porch. Joan turned to him and merely said, “Don’t tell me what Gramma said.” “Why?” Roman asked, still slightly shaken and really wanting to share what happened in that living room with someone. “When Gramma tells you something for you, it’s yours and if you give it away, it’s gone,” Joan explained. “What does that mean?” Roman demanded. Joan just gave him their own creepy grin and stood up. “Watch this!” they said before jumping off the edge of the porch. A second later, they was flying back up, shouting, “Come on!” Roman looked over the edge to see that Joan was jumping on a trampoline, “Holy crap!” He took a few steps back and jumped off the edge to join Joan. The two bounced like that for quite some time, the joy of just jumping up and down, clearing Roman’s mind and making him feel freer then he had in a while. After the two jumped for a while and had decided to take a break, legs dangling over the edge of the porch, Roman heard a voice behind them, “Hey, I know you! You’re Larry Sanders kid!” Roman turned to see two men standing behind both of them, each holding a beer can, “Um, yeah?” “These are two of my uncles,” Joan waved behind them, not even bothering to turn around, staring out into the trees. “We used to see your dad out at Miller’s Bar a lot. We see him a lot less now though. Probably a good thing, huh?” the uncle asked. “Yeah…” Roman said, a little miffed by the blunt tone of this guy. “He didn’t mean nothing by it,” the other guy stepped in. Roman shook his head, “It’s cool.” “Your dad is up at Ham Panther now, right? They’re pretty anti-union, huh?” the first uncle asked. “Yeah, he’s mentioned that,” Roman answered. “Your dad is pretty alright though, kid,” the second uncle said. “You tell him that Ham Panther management can go straight to hell!” “Oh, okay? That’s weird,” Roman raised an eyebrow, slightly confused by these two. “Nothing weird about it,” the first uncle huffed, before turning his gaze to Joan. “Hey Joan, are we going out to Hunwick this weekend still?” “Yup!” Joan finally turned around a smile on their face. “Uh, what’s in Hunwick?” Roman asked. “Old computer show!” Both the first uncle and Joan shouted before the uncle continued, “Gonna look for an old Compton-80.” “Play some Wanderers of Klorgen!” Joan added. “Bunch of dweebs over here!” the second uncle said with a laugh before taking another sip of his drink. “Dinner!” a voice shouted from the door. Joan got to their feet and helped Roman up and the two followed Joan’s uncles into the house. After a delicious dinner of sloppy joes where Roman just watched the quite impressive amount of adults chow down and just chat, Roman found himself and Joan back out on the raised porch. “That was delicious,” Roman said with a content hum. Joan laughed, “Glad you liked sloppy joes.” “Who doesn’t?” Joan laughed again and turned to stare out into the forest with Roman. After another quiet moment, Roman said, “This is kinda weird to ask, but why did you invite me up here? Has Patton even been up here?” “Nah,” Joan said, shaking their head. “Patton’s cool but like Patton’s got things pretty much figured out.” “Yeah, Patton’s the best,” Roman admitted with a smile. “But it seems like you’ve been having a really effing hard time lately and I thought you’d like to just chill out for a bit. Everybody else is like going somewhere or wishes they were, but you’re just not,” Joan explained. “I dunno.” “Yeah,” Roman pulled his legs up to his chest, looking down at his horribly scuffed tennis shoes. “Thanks for dinner.” “Thank my mom.” “No just,” Roman sighed, trying to think. “Thanks. I’ve had a really long fall.” “I know,” Joan gave him another smile. “Glad you like sloppy joes.” Roman laughed, “Who doesn’t?”

Shortly after that, Roman said his goodbyes to Joan and made his way back down into town. Patton wasn’t at the Snack Falcon and Roman really didn’t want to try his apartment. Not after the way Logan was glaring daggers at him earlier. So, Roman merely moved on towards the Ole’ Pickaxe where Virgil was sitting behind the counter, scribbling down numbers on slips of paper. Virgil looked up at him and the pencil fell from his fingers, “Whoa!” “What?” Roman asked, hopping up on the counter by Virgil. “Are you okay?” Virgil leaned forward to get a better look at Roman. “I’m fine,” Roman pushed Virgil’s face away. “Just tired. I’ve had this headache for days and it keeps getting worse.” “Shouldn’t you like go home and rest?” Virgil asked. “I feel like you’d be able to pass out pretty well.” Roman wearily looked over at him, “Nah, I’m fine. I’ve been doing nothing but sleeping and dreaming. Seeing so much weird things and ghosts at night. Doing real stuff helps.” Virgil hummed in response, “How are you feeling about the whole ghost thing?” “Bad,” Roman sighed. “I mean, since it happened I’m sleeping all the time, I feel like there is someone else in my head, and I feel like my skull is about to explode.” “So, not good,” Virgil said, clearing the counter of the scraps of paper, dropping them into the register. “You still up for checking out the graveyard? It’s close enough to closing time, I can shut up and we can go.” “Let’s do it.” Roman helped Virgil shut down the store, pretty close to being a pro at it by this time. They didn’t speak again until they arrived at the graveyard, right at dusk. The two walked in, Roman leading the way with Virgil lighting a cigarette behind him. “Foggy,” Roman commented. “Always got that evening fall fog,” Virgil responded after a long drag. “Collects between the ridges of this place.” “It’s spooky.” “A good spooky. I get really sad because it’s not here year-round,” Virgil looked around. “So are we just going to wait here for the ghost to show up or?” There was a moment of silence before Roman defended himself, “This isn’t dumb!” “Hey,” Virgil held up his hands in surrender, holding the cigarette in one. “I never said it was. I’m just along for the ride.” Roman huffed, kicking at some of the fallen leaves. “Know any ghost stories?” he finally asked. “Not off the top of my head,” Virgil admitted. “Okay, then what scares you?” Roman asked. “Uh, that things are like monumentally screwed right now,” Virgil said. “And no one in power gives a shit or they’re actively making it worse out of spite or profit.” “Whoa! Geez!” Roman cut him off. “I meant like a skeleton or something. Not the entire weight of the world.” “Right,” Virgil snuffed out his cigarette. “Sorry.” “Okay, let’s practice. I’ll say something and you make it spookier. A good ole’ spook-off,” Roman said with a smile. “How about a skeleton outside your window?” “A regular stranger person outside your window,” Virgil responded, pulling his pack of cigarettes out. “He’s smiling-” “-And he’s from the bank.” “Oh come on!” Virgil lit another cigarette before adding, “He’s here to tell you that they are taking your house.” “This is just depressing,” Roman moaned. Virgil thought for a moment before adding, “And he’s a zombie.” “Okay that works,” Roman approved. “Zombie bank guy. Geez, all the things you’re scared of are so boring!” “The scariest stuff in this world are really, really boring,” Virgil monotoned. “Oh my gosh, Verge!” Roman moaned. “Why are you like this?” Virgil rolled his eyes before saying, “Okay, I’m gonna go visit my mom. Give me a minute or two, okay?” Roman nodded, “Of course!” He watched Virgil walk down the hill they were by before turning towards the other graves, wandering through and reading names. After about the tenth grave, Roman wandered back over to the hill to where he split from Virgil, who was standing there, looking off through the fog at some sort of statue. “Hey, how’d it go?” Virgil looked over at him, a hint of sadness clear in his dark eyes, “Fine. She’s still there.” Roman stopped, “Were you worried about that?” “You know how we’ve been having sinkhole problems since forever? Well, they’ve gotten worse over the last three years. And my mom is buried in a pretty low spot. Couldn’t afford the hill, so I was worried,” Virgil explained. “Like, your worried the ground is just going to cave-in?” Roman asked. Virgil growled, “What part of sinkhole is difficult to understand?” “We’re in a graveyard!” Roman exclaimed. “They shouldn’t make these where sinkholes are a problem!” “Yeah, and they shouldn’t build towns where it floods, but here we are!” Virgil sighed. “You know, when I was down there, I heard music from the top of the hill. Voices too.” “Oh? Oh!” Roman did a quick jump. “We should totally go check it out!” “Fine, whatever,” Virgil followed Roman down the incline and towards the tall hill that loomed over the rest of the strangely designed graveyard. At the top, there was an iron gate with three figures in cloaks sitting around it. “Ho, weary travellers,” the first figure said. “You seek answers among the dead,” said the second figure. “But they shall give you none,” said the third figure. “Who the hell are you guys?” Virgil asked. “Messengers.” “Observers.” “Meddlers.” “Teens,” Roman sighed. “They’re weird teens.” “We are the keepers of the gate,” the first figure said after a pause. “That is a literal gate,” Virgil monotoned. “We govern who shall pass,” the second figure added. “And who shall remain,” said the third figure. “Answer these questions.” “Truthfully.” “And you may pass into the realm of the dead.” “What?” Roman held up a friend in front of Virgil to cut him off, “Ok, ok, fine. We’ll play your game.” “Whatever,” Virgil huffed, crossing his arms in impatience. “First question!” the first figure yelled. “Have you ever done it?” Roman groaned, “You can just call it sex, you know. We are all adults here.” Virgil snorted, “Well, ‘we’ are.” “Answer!” the first figure yelled. “No,” Roman quickly answered. Virgil raised an eyebrow, “Really? Roman shrugged, “Just haven’t met the right person.” “I would have thought you and Toby would have done it. Everyone was so sure about it,” Virgil mused. “Well, we didn’t,” Roman snapped back. “Your turn.” “Yes,” Virgil answered without breaking eye contact with Roman. “What? When?” Roman asked, very shocked. Virgil shrugged, “Summer before 11th grade.” “How did I not know about this?” “This was when you weren’t talking to me.” “Oh, sorry. Who was this with?” Virgil just shook his head, “You wouldn’t know him. It was at math camp. “What is math camp?” “What is math camp?” the figure repeated Roman’s question, sounding just as confused. “Just a camp where you go and do math stuff and camp stuff,” Virgil explained. “And apparently lots of sex?” Roman continued, still staring at his friend in shock. Virgil shrugged, “The sex wasn’t very good. Top notch math though.” The first figure groaned, “This is so boring!!!” “Next question!” the third figure yelled. “Okay, geez!” Virgil held up his hands in surrender. “So bossy.” “Describe your dream date.” “These are actually the worst questions.” “Yeah,” Roman agreed. “You are sitting in a graveyard, wearing these stupid cloaks, at dusk, playing ’gatekeeper.’ Don’t you want to ask anything spooky? Or at least a little more creative?” “Dream date!” the second figure screamed. “Okay, fine,” Virgil sighed. “He’d be tall, dress cool, really smart, likes good music. And we’d go to the movies-” “Boring,” the third figure cut him off. “You?” “Wrestling.” Virgil looked over at Roman in slight shock, “Like you’re gonna wrestle or you’re gonna like watch wrestling?” “We would wrestle,” Roman answered. “They would have to be like grrrr though. I don’t even want to date someone who’s not grrrr.” “So you’re gonna wrestle this person?” Virgil asked. “Yeah,” Roman nodded. “They’d be super tough and cool and we’d be all dirty and tired and bleeding and then we’d lay on the floor and tell each other secrets.” Virgil smiled, “That’s actually really sweet.” “I guess,” mumbled the third figure. “What do you want from me?” Roman raised an eyebrow up at the figure. “Next question!” shouted the second figure. “What is your most embarrassing experience?” “What?” “Answer!” “One time I farted in front of the class,” Virgil admitted. Roman started laughing while the figure just looked disappointed, “Okay, that sucked. Now you!” “Oh, uh, oh no,” Roman blanched slightly as he remembered. “This one time in high school, I went to the prom with this guy Toby-” “Oh, I’ve been waiting for this story for years,” Virgil whispered. “-And it was awkward and I had to wear a tux and I can’t slow-dance. He was really nice and stuff I guess and I tried to kiss him, but, somehow, I screwed it up and drew blood?” “You bit him?” the figure gasped. “How badly did you mess up this kiss?” Virgil asked, a cocky smile on his face. “I have no idea!” Roman defended. “But he was bleeding a lot, so I like rushed him to the bathroom to get paper towels. So I’m shoving these paper towels into his mouth and I overdo it and he starts choking and like fighting back and I’m like chowing down on candy almonds-” “Wait, from where?” Virgil asked, thoroughly confused. “I stole them from the tables and shoved them in my jacket. Turned out tux jackets have secret inner pockets. Like dozens of them,” Roman explained. “Anyway, so I’m like ploughing through these almonds and one gets caught in my throat. Poor Toby has like slumped against the bathroom wall by this point, so I try to give myself the Heimlich manoeuvre and it works, but I puke all over Toby. Chicken cordon bleu.” “This is amazing,” the second figure whispered. “Right then, someone walks in and sees Toby dazed and bleeding and choking and me puking into the sink. So I pull all the paper towels out of Toby’s mouth and, for some reason, I think to flush them down the toilet and that makes it overflow. So I grabbed Toby and pulled him out of the bathroom, both of us covered in puke and blood and toilet water and he ran away and left. And he was my ride,” Roman finished. There was silence for a moment before Virgil spoke up again, “How did you get home?” “That kid, Kenny, who rode his tractor to prom,” Roman explained before continuing the apparently incomplete story. “So we’re slowly driving to my house, cars slowing down and honking, while I’m on the back, crying my eyes out.” There was another moment of silence before the figure whispered again, “That’s seriously messed up.” “Ro, I- I-” Virgil trailed off. “I have nightmares about it like once a week,” Roman laughed. “I’m gonna have nightmares about it.” Virgil looked up at the figure, “Can we pass now?” “Well, of course,” the second figure said. “You have come face-to-face with your lowest moment. You may pass unburdened,” the third figure said. The gate swung open before the two. Roman dug a flashlight out of his pocket, flicking it on as the last of the sunlight faded. He looked up at where the teens had been sitting, only to see that no one was there. Virgil was already moving forward to pass through the gate. Roman scrambled after him. Virgil stopped when they both reached the bottom of the hill and looked over at Roman, “So like ghosts.” Roman looked back over at his friend with a raised eyebrow, “Ghosts?” “Like I don’t know if I believe in them but,” Virgil trailed off. A quick nod from Roman prompted him to continue, “So you know how you said that you’ve been seeing ghosts at night? I mean I don’t super believe it’s not just dreams. Because obviously, it’s dreams.” “Obviously.” “But like, did you ever see my mom?” Virgil asked. “No,” Roman admitted. “I mean, I can’t really tell. But I don’t think the ghosts were actual people? Like they’re not sitting around being ghosts. It’s more like echoes? Echoes of shit that happened and people that were here.” Virgil huffed, looking disappointed. Roman quickly tried to reassure him, “Trust me, none of the places looked like super much fun. Your mom was rad as hell. Too rad to hang out there.” Virgil looked up at him, eyes wide, before snorting, a slight smile on his face, “Haha, that’s like… I appreciate you trying to turn this around.” Roman shrugged, “I’m doing my best, Virgil.” Virgil smiled, looking ahead of them. “So, the bad news is that we are locked out by that giant-ass gate.” Roman looked over at the large gate shutting off the old part of the graveyard, “Seriously? Who puts a giant gate in the middle of a graveyard?” Virgil snorted, “To keep folks like you out?” “Rude,” Roman huffed. “And stop whatever you are about to do,” Virgil narrowed his eyes at Roman. Roman gave him an innocent smile and took off, scrambling to the top of the gate before Virgil could catch him. “Good job, idiot!” he called up. “How do you expect to get down now?” Roman just grabbed the branch above the gate, hauling himself up onto it, and started bouncing up and down. Virgil’s eyes widened, “Roman! You stupid prince! Stop! The branch is going to break and you're going to fa-” A loud snap and large crash was heard. When the dust cleared, Roman was laying on top of the now-broken gate, moaning in pain. The branch lay under him, shattered to pieces. Virgil jumped forward, kneeling beside his friend, “You idiot! Are you okay?” Roman sat up slowly with Virgil’s help, rubbing at the back of his head, “Yeah, I think so.” “Good,” Virgil smacked him in the back of the head. “What the effing hell were you thinking?” Roman just pushed himself to his feet, “The gate’s open. Let’s find the grave before someone comes investigating.” Virgil’s eyes widened and he turned to look around before following Roman who had started trudging forward. Eventually, they did find it, the grave simply marked ‘Little Joe’ with a pair of pickaxes above it. “Now what?” Virgil asked. “Ugh!” Roman suddenly screamed. “Why is this whole business never easy? This is stupid. This ghost, this graveyard, those stupid teens, me, and especially this stupid gravestone.” He suddenly leapt forward, landing on top of the gravestone and started jumping. “Roman!” Virgil gasped in shock. “What the hell are you doing?” “Oh, what’s he going to do?” Roman snapped. “Reach his stupid boney hand out of the grave and grab me and drag me under? Not going to! Because! He’s! A! Freaking! Coward!” Roman screeched as the whole world suddenly tilted around him and he heard Virgil shriek in terror beside him. Suddenly, everything settled again and Roman lay blinking in the dirt, Virgil shouting behind him, “You idiot! Didn’t I warn you that this whole graveyard is littered with sinkholes? What were you thinking?” Roman blinked wearily, looking up at him, “I wasn’t.” “You weren’t. Of course you- oh my gosh!” Virgil took a step back, looking at something on the other side of Roman. Roman looked over to see the end of an old wooden coffin was poking out of the dirt. “You disturbed this grave, Roman. Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.” “Oh calm down, Panic at the Everywhere,” Roman snapped. “It’s fine. I’m gonna open it.” “You’re what? No! No, you are not going to open it!” Virgil yelled but made no move towards Roman to stop him, terrified of what might happen. Roman reached for the edge of the coffin, prying the lid open, and screamed as a skull fell out, leading Virgil to scream before even seeing why. “Why did you scream?” Virgil demanded after calming himself slightly. “There was a skull!” Roman yelled back. “It is a coffin! What did you expect? A bouquet of fresh flowers!” Roman huffed, turning away. Suddenly, Roman heard another terrified gasp behind him. “What?” he asked, turning to see Virgil had actually turned paler than his foundation. “I- I,” Virgil turned his eyes down towards Roman, who was still kneeling next to the skull, covered in dirt. “I thought I saw someone, but then they disappeared,” he whispered. “Can we run?” Roman asked, his voice quiet. “I never thought you’d ask,” Virgil whispered back as Roman slowly got to his feet. “On the count of three. One… Two… Three!” The two took off running. Right before they got to the destroyed gate, Roman glanced back to see the figure in the long cloak standing in front of Little Joe’s grave, staring at him. Then it turned and flew off, disappearing between the trees. Roman turned forward and hoofed it to catch up to Virgil. The two didn’t stop until they reached the front gate. They stood there for a long moment, catching their breath, before Roman hoarsely whispered, “I think I saw the ghost too.” “No,” Virgil shook his head adamantly. “It wasn’t a ghost.” Roman looked up at him in surprise, “But it was him?” Virgil turned back with a sudden glare, “How do you even know the ghost was a dude?” Roman growled, “Okay, fine! But it was him! I saw him while we were running!” Virgil started shaking his head again, “No, no, no. It was probably just the groundskeeper. You’ve got me all spooked with horrible prom stories, breaking gates, and jumping on gravestones! The groundskeeper was probably just coming to investigate that horrible crash when you did break the gate. We should probably get out of here before he comes back and demands we pay for damages.” “No, no, no!” Roman screeched back. “Why does no one-” Roman suddenly gasped as everything around him began to swirl and he vaguely could feel himself dropping. Virgil, swirled with the purples of his hair and the haunted trees of the forest, ran forward to catch him. Or someone. No, it was him. Roman came back to with a horrible pain in his head. “-okay?” Virgil seemed to be saying. Roman slowly blinking up at him. “My head hurts,” he moaned, closing his eyes again, burying his face into Virgil’s hoodie. “Okay,” Virgil whispered. “Let’s get you home.”

[ask-your-local-boof-dealer]

oh god oh fu

[ask-your-local-boof-dealer]

It's been 84 years...