#Jiraiya is going to help Orochimaru cut a bitch

[narutocharacterpolls]

ROUND FOUR

KONAN vs SENJU TSUNADE

Reasons for submission under the cut

Konan

600 BILLION PAPER BOMBS

literally the only female member of the Akatsuki and goddamn does she put up with a lot

she is fierce, quiet, intelligent, and passionate

she's an incredible fighter

she can go toe-to-toe with most of the powerhouse men in the series during the arcs she was in

she has a rich backstory, and she manages to get a sense of justice and need for control to help with her motivations outside of loving Yahiko

unique, strong and beautiful style of jutsu

very intelligent

one of the few good written female characters in the series

her flower ornament is very cute

her love for Nagato and Yahiko is sweet

her blue hair rocks

possibly the only revolutionary kunoichi in the whole story

her angel motif fucks

she is beautiful

Tsunade

milf….

was the best hokage

the regulation she created to include medics on every team saved so many lives

she's funny and a complex and interesting character

is a bad bitch

probably THE most competently written female character in the entire series

she has a very rich history that plays into her character's actions and motivations

wanting to be the best medic-nin possible in order to save more lives because she lost her love Dan, and also change the way ninja squads operated to always have a medic to save more lives did so much for the better during the war to reduce casualties

after being broken down by so many people she cares about dying, she dips and leaves behind ninja society, which has taken everything from her (including wiping out her clan)

because Tsunade is also one of the most legendary/strongest ninja alive, no one could really stop her or chain her down. It takes the conviction of a child who wants her to save the village and heal his friends to get her back to Konoha, despite the all the trauma she's endured

she's a medic with a fear of blood that overcomes that to fight her own teammate and beat his ass so Orochimaru stops killing and maiming people

she steps up to be a leader because it's what the new generation need and someone has to fix all the stuff broken by her selfish teammates and old teacher

the strongest female character both in physical strength and the strength of her writing. It's like she was written first as a character versus most of the other female characters being written first as Girl and Love Interest

Tsunade is vain and a chronic gambler and drunk, she is really brash and abrasive, she is traumatized. But she's also deeply caring, an incredibly accomplished woman, one of the smartest people/medics in the world, and a great leader

she's multi-layered. She is a woman, but her entire character isn't just Woman

finally finished the job on Jiraiya on previous poll

strong arms

she is strong and smart and quick as a whip but still soft and caring when it comes to her loved ones. Characters with rough exteriors who are mushy inside are very good

[ravysu]

Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

[silverstarlightwrites]

weird au premise

it’s knocking about in my brain and it’s a clumsy son of a bitch

It’s quiet, when they wake. Quiet and dark and stuffy, the air dry and stale. He’s not the first one to speak, but he thinks he’s the first to adjust to the lack of light, sitting up and taking in his surroundings. There’s something surprisingly soft under his fingers, a blanket that’s been tucked in over his legs - though let loose across his torso, allowing him to move freely. He seems to be in some kind of... cubby? The nook is small, only barely bigger than he is, and sunk into what must be a wall. To his left there’s a thin screen; he can’t see it in the gloom, but when he reaches out his hand sinks against it, straining but not breaking under his strength.

The claustrophobia sinks in a little, kitten teeth in his nape, as Kakashi realises that he’s trapped.

“H-hello?” calls a voice, feminine and shaking and afraid. She’s somewhere above Kakashi, he thinks, if the barrier keeping him in the nook den, something whispers in his mind-- If it’s not messing with sound too badly, then she’s probably at least two more dens’ worth of distance above him.

“Hello?” calls back another voice in the dark, putting up a better front of bravery but no less shaky than the first. “Who’s that?”

After that it takes several minutes of agonising noise for the voices to die down. Kakashi tries to count them, tries to give his mind something to focus on and quantify through the flood of sound. By the time someone else take command, Kakashi has counted at least sixteen other people; there could be more blended into the cacophony, too similar to another, but he’s at least certain of that many distinct timbres.

“Everybody, be quiet!”

Loud and authoritative, and familiar in a way many of the others aren’t, and miraculously, everybody listens. The frantic voices go quiet, like a wave in reverse, and then the familiar one speaks again, and--

Oh.

Kakashi sucks in a harsh breath. “Minato-sensei?!” he ventures, as loud as he dares. Hope is a choking cloud in his own chest. Why does Sensei’s voice make him feel like he’s about to die?

“Kakashi!” comes the response, and Kakashi can’t even get a reply through his teeth, the way it makes him shake and gasp. “Okay, good.” It’s Minato-sensei, it’s really him, and whatever it is is that makes Kakashi’s vision flicker with something red and snarling when he hears Minato’s voice, he has no interest in--

Red chakra and tails and blood. Mayhem as Kakashi stood passive with his peers, locked off behind a barrier meant to protect them - and meant to cage them. So that they can’t help - so that if Minato fails, if everyone else fails, Konoha will have strength still to rely on.

What?

But that doesn’t make any sense. He’s-- Gods, he’s right here like always. Mask on, his body intact from the brief inspection he’s done. Except he remembers all of that, remembers the years in between and ever since. He remembers the funeral. He remembers his kids. He remembers...

Gods, maybe he doesn’t. It’s all... fuzzy. Strange and echoey around the edges, like a dream. It can’t be real, because Minato-sensei is here, and he’s not an adult, not scarred down the left side of his face, so how could--

“Kakashi-sensei?” The voice is small, but sure of itself, and bright green eyes flash in Kakashi’s mind, the lively excitement of a girl who doesn’t yet know what she’s gotten herself into.

She knows, now. “Sakura?” he calls back, the name bursting from his throat from somewhere deep in the dream-memories he can’t figure out how to parse, and that can’t be right, but--

But she replies. “Sensei! Where are we?”

“Hey, hey, easy,” interrupts Minato-sensei, and it finally dawns on Kakashi that there’s something wrong with his voice. Not as smooth or deep as Kakashi’s used to - an unfamiliar strain that crawls down Kakashi’s back with needled claws. “We need to know who’s here and how many of us there are.” And a murmuring goes through the-- however many of them are here. Some meet the proclamation with terse and uneasy silence, but others quietly agree. If Kakashi is generous with his own abilities, it sounds like the older ones agree.

“Yes, Hokage-sama.”

So the collective begins to sound off, one at a time. Sensei begins.

“Namikaze Minato.”

“Hatake Kakashi.”

“Sarutobi Hiruzen.” Oh. Thankfully nobody is disputing Minato’s claim to authority yet, but... suddenly, Kakashi wonders what they’re going to do if the Hokages disagree.

Aren’t they dead? Aren’t they both supposed to be dead?

“Tsunade.”

“Uchiha Fugaku.”

“Uchiha Itachi.”

“Uchiha Sasuke.”

This is wrong. It’s wrong. They’re all supposed to be dead. It’s all blood and chaos and grief, and everyone is supposed to be dead.

“Uzumaki Kushina.”

“U--! Uzumaki Naruto!!”

“Hyuuga Hiashi.”

“Hyuuga Hizashi.”

“H... Hyuuga Neji...”

“Hyuuga Hinata.”

“Hatake Sakumo.”

Kakashi can’t help the noise that breaks out of him, or the way he throws himself against the barrier caging him in. It doesn’t give, holding fast no matter how far he pushes against it, and every moment feels like he might just be about to get through it but the freedom never comes. Nobody else says anything, just as nobody’s said anything about all the others.

Maybe they’re all dead, in the end. It’s far more likely, isn’t it? Than everybody who’s ever mattered suddenly being alive again?

“Uchiha Obito.”

“Jiraiya.”

“Orochimaru.” He speaks quietly, too high-pitched, lacking the arrogance Kakashi associates with him. A hiss of dislike floods the room-- the... cavern. Place. Whatever this is.

“H-Haruno Sakura.”

“Nohara Rin.”

Oh gods. She speaks so softly. Kakashi can’t tell which aches more; his hands or his chest.

“Yakushi Kabuto.”

“Yuhi Kurenai.”

“Sarutobi Asuma.”

“Maito Gai.” There’s a flutter that flares out under Kakashi’s skin, his whole body, and it feels unfathomably like relief.

“Y-Yamanaki Ino.”

“Yamanaka Inoichi.”

“Nara Shikaku.”

“Nara Shikamaru.”

“Ak-kimichi Choji...”

A flash of silence. Is... Is Choza not here?

“... Aburame Shino.”

“Abur-rame Ayaki.”

“Kuromizu Keisuke.”

“Kuromizu Kaoru.”

“Kuromizu Kyoki.”

“Uchiha Mikoto.”

“Uchiha Shisui.”

There’s a noise from somewhere in the darkness, and Kakashi recognises Itachi’s voice within it. Nobody acknowledges it.

“Senju Hashirama.”

“T... Tenzo.”

“Inuzuka Tsume.”

“Inuzuka Hana.”

“Uhm... S-Sarutobi Konoha-hamaru.” Oh gods. He sounds young. Even younger than the rest-- And that’s what’s wrong with everyone’s voice, Kakashi realises, eyes widening. Everyone sounds like a child.

“Umino Iruka.”

“Tsubaki Raiden.” Kakashi’s chest lurched.

“Tsubaki Nioko.”

“Akiyama Kaida.” Again.

“Sarutobi Nami.”

“Shiranui Genma.” And again.

“Hyuuga H-Heideki.”

“Iseya Kaede.”

And then, finally, there’s silence. Too much of it, like he’s drowning in it, except Kakashi is counting the times his heart slams against his ribcage, and the number is far too low for the silence to last as long as it feels like it does. It takes everything he has not to shout out - his father is here, Rin, Obito. Itachi. Oh gods, Sasuke. Sakumo.

It’s not fair. Whatever this is, whatever hell or nightmare or sick twisted lie, it’s not fair.

“Alright,” Minato says, and Kakashi can feel everyone listening. “Is everyone in a-- den?” So... he feels that nag too, the little itch that insists that these alcoves - these cells - are called ‘dens’. There’s a round of affirmations, and Kakashi doesn’t add his own but he offers no dissent, and that’s good enough for the crowd of shinobi trapped on all sides.

Someone breaks. Thank gods, any and all that are listening, that it’s not Kakashi.

“What the hell is this?!” It sounds... Kakashi isn’t certain who it is, if he’s honest. They sound like a child. But one hand on his own chest betrays the thinness of it, that he’s also somehow a child. “You’re-- Half of you are dead! This isn’t real...” Kakashi thinks it might be one of the younger children. One of the Aburames, maybe? “This can’t be real.”

Laughter cuts any reply that Minato (or any of the others) might have given. It’s cold and cruel and disappointed. “It’s only too real. Now stop your snivelling; you’re Konoha shinobi. Act like it.”

And this voice, too, Kakashi recognises, but it’s... He can’t quite put a name to it. The memories (dreams?) are like slurry on the inside of his skull, and it’s getting harder and harder to grasp them. It sounds... older. An adult.

“No need to worry, Konoha-nin. You’re here because you’ve failed, but I’m merciful. You’ll have the chance to try again.”

The darkness hasn’t lightened even slightly in all this time, a night so absolute that Kakashi’s eyes can’t adjust to it even if he brightens them with chakra. Subtly, almost blinding even with how slowly it grows, a dim orange light comes on above Kakashi’s head. It pulsates slightly, like a heartbeat, as if the light is a living thing. He hears the ripple of noise that goes through the assembled shinobi, and he can only assume that they’re all getting lights of their own, because he can’t see anything beyond the stretchy barrier.

It’s... a membrane, now that he gets a look at it. Somewhere between black and fleshy pink, and it’s completely opaque but he can still see the blood vessels where they weave through it. Acid rises in his throat.

The den is warm, and Kakashi notes with desperate relief that the rest of the walls don’t seem so alive. They feel like smooth rock, and now he can see them they’re a mottled white-grey that reminds him of marble. Above his head, the orange light itself, is a shallow depression, lined with delicate fur. Kakashi looks into the light, and the light looks back.

Oh gods. It’s an eye.

“Quiet,” snarls the adult voice as a faint stirring of horror sweeps once more through the shinobi. The ‘blanket’ that Kakashi is tucked into-- It’s fur, the soft warmth, and it could almost be welcome if it didn’t run so smoothly into the walls of the den. He’s half-tucked in, still, but it’s not a blanket. It’s a pouch. “Don’t bother with your memories,” he continues, sounding almost amicable again. “You won’t be here too long. You didn’t remember the last time either. And please, for your own sakes, don’t fight it. You’ll note several... notable absences in your roster.”

There’s a soft noise, a whisper on all sides, and Kakashi smells something overpoweringly sweet.

“Please do better, this time. The mess you’ve made of this attempt...” He tuts, and his voice starts to become distant. The sweet smell is too much, saturating everything, and Kakashi claws down his mask as he gags. Nothing comes up, but the ache is sharp and he struggles to remind himself that he can breathe just fine. What...? Oh gods. He can hear the gasps and choked sounds from the others, too. “And for gods’ sake, try not to kill each other. We do actually need the Uchiha clan, and all the others. If any of you manage to remember anything, just remember not to do that.”

The walls are melting. Aren’t they...? No, they’re... they’re leaking. The sweet smell is coming from the viscous fluid oozing from the walls, and they’re not marble, oh gods they’re not marble, but Kakashi can’t rightly guess what they are. Cries of fear go up around him, even as he sucks in a breath riddled with saccharine scents and tastes honey.

Someone calls out his name. Is it Minato-sensei? Is it his father? Gods forbid-- is it one of his own kids? His genin must be terrified.

“Alright, hush now. It hurts less if you stop fighting. I’ll probably see you again next time, Konoha. Toodle-loo!”

The eye-light blinks, and the oozing turns to a cascade. No longer slowly, but all at once, the dens fill entirely and it doesn’t feel as much like drowning as Kakashi expects it to. He can’t breathe, not exactly, but he doesn’t feel like he’s asphyxiating, either. He doesn’t feel like he’s dying.

He reaches up, every sound muted and wrong through the sugary ooze filling his ears - and his nose and mouth and lungs and everywhere - and the eye-light winces when he touches the fur encircling it. Meets his gaze.

There’s a flash - not light, nothing so tangible, but it feels like connection, like a rope being knotted around his soul - and then the eye-light closes and everything goes, once more, completely dark.

[nenastrology]

you should rate the arcs. share your wisdom with us. (or rank them by craziness /wtf moments)

ok i think rating them is easier than ranking them i can add craziness as a category alright alright

ok this ended up being nightmarishly long so im just putting it all under the cut for anyone who feels like reading giant blocks of text on my opinions on every single naruto arc

land of waves - classic very good i genuinely wish there could have been more arcs like it to show team 7 really bonding and growing together before sasuke ends up feeling alienated its got a really sweet touching story and naruto and sasukes relationship starts off already at a pretty high level of crazy like oh yeah right out of the gate they are trying to die for each other this can only get crazier from here i would have probably liked it more if id read the manga first because the anime murders the pacing of the fights here but overall i do really like it

chuunin exams - i love lots of chunks of it but it did really feel like a slog to get through parts of the forest of death and a lot of the more minor fights because kishimotos really just not very good at writing fights that he doesnt put his absolute most effort into i really love how the anime added to the part where sasuke gets the curse mark and how naruto is separated from him its really emotional and strong sakura actually feels like shes trying to become a character here i love her fight with ino and cutting off her hair legendary and im not a monster gaara vs rock lee still makes me scream the craziness of this arc is actually finally not riding on sasuke being crazy finally gaaras carrying the craziness hello blood drinking 12 year old i hope you get better soon 

konoha crush since i guess its a different arc - ok i actually really love all the weird political stuff kinda added in here the hints at some actually interesting village conflict i wish thats what the ninja war arc could have built from and orochimarus definitely the most comprehensible villain in the story and i love naruto vs gaara so much like thats really peak and tbh extremely satisfying to watch the shitty old bitch hokage kick the bucket like killing gaaras evil dad and hiruzen really was the best thing orochimarus done finally gaara has more help with craziness cuz narutos losing his mind too and sasukes getting some crazy seeds planted for later craziness harvest

search for tsunade - i feel like i really like this arc but when i actually read it im like hmm theres all these parts i dont like but i really love all the character stuff itachis introduction is iconic and i really do love tsunade and her fighting orochimaru was like highlight of everything its weird i dont have a lot to say but i do actually like this arc a lot in a way im like not sure why craziness is kinda low except for sasuke whos absolutely losing his entire mind which stresses me out so much and this is where i start getting extremely sad about sasuke

sasuke recovery mission - 80% of it is the absolute worst part of part 1 and 20% of it is the absolute best part of part 1 like this is really where all the warning signs of quality dropping and like kishimotos lack of skill writing fights really really starts to show like really all those fights do is kill the emotional thread running from the hospital fight, sasukes goodbye to sakura and sasuke and narutos fight which are like the best things hes ever written the craziness is turned up as high as it can get the emotional stakes and pain and love are also so high this is peak naruto if we just pretend the fights against the sound 4 never happened just skip them

kazekage rescue mission - this is where all the omens from sasuke recovery mission and the quality drop really like finally start meaning something because really this arc SHOULD be good and its like really really good in certain places like any time naruto and gaara are talking thats just love right there and all those moments really make it almost worth it except that kishimoto really took such a nose dive on understanding how to pace fights the parts that dont have gaara and naruto gazing tenderly at each other feel like pulling teeth like sasori vs sakura really should be absolute peak and its got some truly fantastic moments but it just goes on for so long i feel like im gonna die before sasori ever does that fight could have given us womens rights and the craziness is really high like naruto is just losing his mind about gaara and sakura killed a man with her bare fists

tenchi bridge - oh the love its palpable here and so is the craziness like naruto going to 4 tails because orochimaru just says a few things about sasuke like wow and their whole reunion is so good the passion and weird emotional issues all coming to the surface i love yamato here hes a fun guy and i really like the new team 7 dynamics they are fun i like lots of parts of it but i cant think of anything else to say its what it says on the tin emotional sauske and naruto reunion

akatsuki suppression mission - alright full disclosure i fucking love this arc this arc is the reason i sometimes throw my brain right out of my head and start talking about how much i love shikamaru i prefer all the emotional moments in the anime a lot it felt very rushed in the manga and like that whole episode of team ten processing their grief was so good but god im so so mad that only shikamaru got to have a big important fight like ino and choji should have been helping equally and i really really hate the fight with kakuzu its just more badly paced bullshit for kakashi and naruto to get to be super op when this was supposed to be a bonding moment for team ten this is a little crazy but its team 10 crazy not team 7 crazy which means they are still pretty normal well adjusted people with brains in their heads who are just having a moment

itachi pursuit mission - sasuke killing orochimaru really was so incredibly perfect and forming taka? this arc is about gay rights uum its really short so i dont have the most thoughts but yeah sasukes like maybe at his least crazy until the end of the story like hes got a real concrete plan find gay friends and kill his brother but hes really got a big storm coming 

tale of jiraiya the gallant - i really do not like jiraiya all that much hes just boring and weird but i love the chunks of rain trio backstory we get they are really the last bit of complete villain characters we are gonna get very tragic idk the fight is like alright for this stage of naruto but it still lasts too long and pains powers still make no fucking sense and feel just too overpowered you know also zero crazy which is very disappointing all naruto arcs should have crazy

pain fight - ive got lots of conflicted feelings like the fights not very compelling at first because genuinely the pain bodies are just too strong its very weird and narutos got this big power up which is what it is i really love pain as a villain like hes literally right about everything hes saying but it has to be bizarrely undercut by just bonding awkwardly about jiraiya and yeah theres some very cool battle moments theres some good shit in there but long drawn out battles arent exactly my thing but naruto going 8 tails was still pretty fucking cool and god it was such a cop out that everyone came back to life at the end COWARD KISHIMOTO

kage summit - the one the only kage summit absolute peak craziness like sasuke trying to take down the entire world government thats absolutely iconic i love him for it so much narutos having his own melt down about sasuke sakuras decided she doesnt actually need a brain anymore and has also lost her whole fucking mind in the whirlwind of chaos like this arc feels like an anxiety attack at some points but god do i love it naruto and sasukes whole confrontation is absolutely peak ill bear the burden of your hatred and die with you?? the love the tragedy this is truly peak gay drama thats really like hes planning a lovers suicide and we are all just along for this crazy fucking ride love it

war arc - how did we go from kage summit to this like kage summit felt like it was maybe actually going somewhere but the quality drop is just like an elevator was cut and we are now all speeding to crash at rock bottom here what the fuck happened why was this written why is it literally 1/3 of all of naruto why has god abandoned us itachi and sasukes reunion was very good and needed i loved all the parts with hashirama and madara and really for one sweet moment it seemed like madara might just be a dumb sexy villain who just wrecks shit until all that spiraled down into garbage if i think about obito for too long i start to go crazy thats the real craziness of war arc is how fucking stupid it is and that is making everyone whos ever read or seen it go crazy right along with it

wiki is telling me the kaguya bit is its own arc so lets go with that - ok kaguya fight is pretty cool im into it to a certain extent her weird portal powers are fun i like that but thats really not what we are here for now are we no we are here for the conclusion to 15 years worth of crazy we are here for sasukes final massive lose his mind time and naruto to go right along with him the love and the tragedy but the hope it offers as well love was really invented by the second valley of the end fight and the anime said gay rights and made it the prettiest thing you will ever look at and also adding all the extra tender moments between them like this is it this is why you watch naruto you watch it all for this and god do we love it but wow the trying to be serious stuff about hokage really is so fucking stupid lets pretend that never happened 

wow i really just typed that all out shout out to u 2 loyal fans who read all this shit i guess it was only a matter of time before i wrote something this long and stupid see i do actually like naruto i feel like i couldnt really hit the balance of complaining or praising so idk it might sound more positive or more negative than i actually am but there are really some good parts yes i watched the whole war arc no you shouldnt

[jouissezduprintemps]

Happy Birthday, Jiraiya!

Rating: T Warnings: Swearing Words: 226 Fandom: Naruto Summary: It’s Jiraiya’s 23rd birthday, and the sannin have a bigger adventure than they had planned.

Tendrils of smoke hung lazily in the air, creating a haze around the dim, artificial lights suspended from the ceiling. The bar itself was large enough for a few scattered tables and a single line of stools, which sat flush against the L-shaped counter. At the far end sat three shinobi. They were well into their sake; several bottles sat empty in front of the white-haired man and blonde woman. Far fewer sat before the black-haired man, who seemed to be nursing his cup.

The bell above the door rang, but the trio paid no mind to their newest companions. The woman, who sat between the two men, knocked back her cup and sighed. The white-haired man laughed. “Take it easy, Tsunade.” His actions contrasted his words when he poured more alcohol into her cup.

“You’re being hypocritical, aren’t you, Jiraiya?” The black-haired man’s lips curled into a smirk as he looked at his companion.

“Come on, Orochimaru. It’s my birthday. Let me do what I want.”

“Twenty-three going on seven,” Tsunade quipped, mocking his childish indignance.

“Hey, Bartender! One more on the tab!” Jiraiya held a finger in the air to emphasize his request.

“You know, just because it’s your birthday doesn’t mean I’ll be paying your bill,” Orochimaru warned, studying his teammate’s face, which was already tinged red from the alcohol.

Jiraiya huffed in response. “You know, it wouldn’t kill you to have a little fun.”

“With the way you two drink, it’s amazing that you haven’t killed more than your wallets.”

“Oh, get a room,” Tsunade sneered, silencing her teammates, if only temporarily.

Jiraiya burst into a drunken fit of laughter, and Orochimaru gave an amused smile. On nights like these, anything could be forgiven if they were given a few seconds. For ten years, the three of them fought side-by-side for the sake of the village. Yet nothing bonded them together like a long night of drinking. By all rights, their sensei should have come with them, but he was tied up with his duties as Hokage.

Orochimaru poured the last drop of sake from his bottle into his cup, which he polished off in a single sip. “That’s it for me,” he declared, stepping down from his seat at the bar.

“What?!” Jiraiya demanded. “You can’t bail on us like that. Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“At home, in bed, as it should be. Unlike you two, I have to be in the lab tomorrow morning. I can’t afford a hangover.”

“Let him go, Jiraiya.” Tsunade waved her hand dismissively. “If he makes a mistake in one of his research reports, we’ll never hear the end of it.”

“An error like that-” Orochimaru cut himself off, reminding himself that they were both too far gone to try to reason with them. “Remember, we’re meeting with Hiruzen-sensei tomorrow afternoon to train. Try not to be too hungover, will you?”

“No promises,” Jiraiya chortled as his teammate exited the bar.

The pair continued to place orders, and the bartender was more than willing to see their bill increase. The three, newly-dubbed sannin were always good for their tab once they sobered up; intoxicated, they seemed to forget that their drinks cost them money.

Jiraiya noticed that Tsunade was being watched by a man, about their age, on the other end of the bar. He narrowed his eyes, but the man seemed not to notice. Tsunade was clearly aware of the situation, but she paid him no mind.

“Just leave it be,” she warned her partner. She didn’t need him going on the defensive. He could be embarrassing enough without trying to start a fight with some creep who was leering at her.

He did as he was told, turning his attention back to Tsunade. She listened attentively as he relayed yet another story about his disciples. “I wish you could have seen Yahiko’s face!” he exclaimed, almost in tears at the memory.

Tsunade laughed along with him. As much as she knew he missed them, she was happy to have him back in the village. It was selfish, but they were finally in an unsteady peace. The three of them could start to live their lives off the battlefield.

Her demeanor changed sharply when the man from the other side of the bar approached them, an inebriated smile on his face. He slipped around to Tsunade’s side, taking the opening Orochimaru had left. “Hey, cutie,” he crooned in a way that made the hair on Tsunade’s neck stand on end. “What’d’ya say you come home with me tonight?”

Tsunade ignored the comment, turning her back to the man. Jiraiya glared at him over her head, warning him to back off.

He didn’t seem to get the message. In a bold move, he snaked an arm around Tsunade’s waist. “C’mon, babe, I’m talking to ‘ya.”

Jiraiya placed a hand on the bar with the intention of standing up in a threatening manner. Before he had the chance to move, Tsunade had twisted around on her stool, connecting his face with her fist. The man was knocked off his feet, and he was sent flying across the bar. His back slammed into a table, overturning it. The glasses on top crashed to the ground, shattering on impact. The man groaned and made a move to get up.

Tsunade was on him in an instant, beating him within an inch of his life and shouting a colorful array of profanity. As much as he wanted to let Tsunade kill the man, Jiraiya did the ethical thing and stepped in. He wrapped his arms around Tsunade’s waist and pulled her off of the man, lifting her into the air. She kicked her legs in resistance.

“Put me down!” she shrieked, almost bloodthirsty.

“Calm the fuck down!” Jiraiya growled, trying to carry her far enough away that she couldn’t go back on the offensive.

“You did not just tell me to calm down!”

Two dark-haired men left their table and approached the scene, advancing warily. “What’s the problem here?” one of them asked authoritatively.

“Fuck you!” Tsunade hissed.

It was simply bad luck that one of the groups of patrons were off-duty officers of the Konoha Police Force.

Citing assault and property damage, Tsunade was restrained and handcuffed. Jiraiya tried to argue, and, although he didn’t regret doing so, he found himself in the same situation.

It was an understatement to say that things had gotten out of hand.

Jiraiya rubbed his temples with the thumb and middle finger of his right hand, trying to ward off the headache he felt creeping up from the base of his skull. The chains of his handcuffs clinked together as he lowered his arms, placing his hands on his knees. He tilted his head back against the cold, stone wall. The metal bench was uncomfortable, and he shifted, spreading his legs further apart in an attempt to alleviate his situation.

Outside the cell, the clock above the Uchiha insignia on the wall read 04:00.

Tsunade slammed her open palms against the metal bars with enough force to rattle them. “Hey! I’m talking to you!” When the black-haired man at the desk refused to acknowledge her, she snarled “What the hell’s your problem?!”

“Tsunade,” Jiraiya hissed, “sit down.”

“No! I want my fucking phonecall!”

“You already made it. Now sit your ass down. You’re just gonna make it worse.”

Tsunade wheeled around and glared at him with murder in her eyes. Her cheeks were ruddy, the effects of alcohol still heavy in her system. Jiraiya faltered, but, to his credit, he maintained his ground. It was a pleasant surprise when she did as she was told, throwing herself down beside him like an angry child.

It was clear that they were being held until they were sober enough to answer questions. They had been locked up for hours, and after their initial processing, they had been completely ignored by the skeleton staff of the night shift.

It was a good move on the part of the Uchiha to separate Jiraiya and Tsunade from the rest of the people in holding. Jiraiya was the only one who stood a chance if Tsunade decided to take her frustration out on him. She would easily break a normal person.

“Son of a bitch deserved it,” Tsunade grumbled.

“Yeah, he did,” Jiraiya had to agree. “But they’re not gonna take a statement from you until you sober up.”

“Why’d you have to get in the way?”

“We’d be a lot worse off if you killed the guy, you know.”

“Tch.” Tsunade obviously didn’t agree.

The pair sat in silence, uncomfortable and inebriated. There was nothing for them to do other than wait. Hiruzen-sensei had told Jiraiya, point-blank, that they could sit out the night in the holding cell; it was a complete waste of Jiraiya’s phone call. Stupid old man.

Unsurprisingly, Tsunade had slumped against his side, asleep. After drinking, she had the uncanny ability to sleep even in the most uncomfortable places. In a way, he envied her. He shifted his arm out of the way and allowed her head to rest on his chest, and his arm wrapped around her shoulders. To his amusement, she snored loudly. The clock read 04:40.

Selfishly, he allowed himself to enjoy the moment. When she was drunk, she let down her defenses, if only by a bit. She would never fall asleep on him if she was sober. Over the years, she’d made it painfully clear that she had no interest in him. Jiraiya could readily admit that, as genin, he was far from normal. He had been hyperactive and loud-mouthed. As chunin, his demeanor improved, but she refused to acknowledge him.

Once they were jonin, Tsunade met Dan. Jiraiya humbly took the back seat, realizing that she was happier with Dan than she could be with him. It stung, but he did his best to accept the situation.

When Dan died, Tsunade closed herself off. It took a long while for her to pull herself out of her depression. When she did, she had changed, even more so than after her brother’s death. No matter what he did, Jiraiya couldn’t reach her.

She preferred to keep him at arm’s length after that day, and he complied. These rare moments, when she was relaxed, were the only way he knew that she didn’t despise him. He wanted nothing more than to help her heal, to make her happy, but he didn’t have the power. No matter how much he loved her, she didn’t love him back. After losing Dan, he doubted that she ever would.

So, he took what he could get. Her gestures of friendship, her companionship, and her presence were a constant. He was fairly certain that she knew he loved her. He’d be surprised if she didn’t, at this point. She loved him too, in a strictly platonic fashion. Somehow, that was enough.

He gently brushed her blonde hair back from her face, but she was in such a deep sleep that she didn’t react. Perhaps she had the right idea. They’d been awake for almost twenty-four hours. A little sleep couldn’t hurt. He let his head rest against the wall, and he closed his eyes.

The sound of metal scraping across the floor woke him. His body tried to cling to sleep, but his mind spurred him awake. He opened his eyes and saw the door to the cell open, much to his relief. He shook Tsunade gently, then roughly when she didn’t move. She sat up slowly, mumbling incoherently.

Orochimaru stood outside the cell, looking at Jiraiya with disdain. His pale skin made the dark circles underneath his eyes more apparent. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his black hair was in a state of disarray that Jiraiya had never seen. His teammate was clad in a purple yukata, making it clear that he’d just gotten out of bed.

“Orochimaru!” Jiraiya beamed. He lifted Tsunade onto his back, carrying her through the door. “Man, you’re a lifesaver.”

“Hm.” His teammate looked at him with cold eyes. “You can thank Hiruzen-sensei. I was so rudely awoken with the order to come get you.” His frown deepened, which didn��t seem possible. “When I left last night, it was to avoid something like this.”

“Trust me, we didn’t plan to get arrested.”

“You never do.” Orochimaru was unamused, but Jiraiya laughed all the same.

The trio left the police station, and Tsunade groaned when they stepped into the sun. Feeling her hangover, she tilted her head so she could press her face into Jiraiya’s shoulder to block out the light. Jiraiya wasn’t feeling well himself, but he was a lot better off than his drinking buddy.

“Are you taking her home?” Orochimaru looked at his teammate.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. You bailed us out; I’ll take care of the rest.”

“I’ll tell sensei we’ll need to reschedule our training.”

Jiraiya groaned. “Shit, I forgot about that.”

“I’ll take the fall. Consider it your birthday present.”

“Cheapskate.”

Orochimaru looked challengingly at Jiraiya, whose face made it clear that he was joking. His scathing retort died on his tongue, and he chuckled. “If you don’t like it, stop getting yourself into trouble.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Jiraiya raised a hand in farewell as he turned down a side street, parting ways with the other ninja. It may not have gone as planned, but he spent his birthday in the company of the two most important people in his life. To him, it was worth it.

[dreamscript]

HEY IT ME AGAIN-- LITERALLY SAME I GOT SICK AND LIKE IM STILL COUGHING AND I WANT IT TO STOP. LIKE. RIGHT. NOW. I hope you feel better soon! I can only imagine how bad you're suffering! Make sure to get lots of rest and binge watch Naruto hehehehe// I got sick around Christmas so it's kinda just here// But yeah lol just excuse me late responses (; 7 ; ) and yas girl just embrace you're inner otaku its okay xD (i wanna re-read Naruto actually//) OMG YES PLZ I LOVE YOUR FICS AND-

{CONT} YO HOW DARE YOU WRITE THAT JUNGKOOK FIC IM SHOOKED JKSDFNKJD// LMAO IF THAT AINT ME IN ANY MATH CLASS FUKFFKFKKFKF BUT ITS OKAY YOU CAN DO IT I BELIEVE IN YOU! There was freezing rain here a day or so ago. That was fun . u . (sobs) IF YOU COULD TWEEK MY BLOG OMG ID LOVE THAT. But the theme isn’t originally mine and I’d assume the original owner wouldn’t want the original code changed?

{CONT} IDK I wanted to change my theme for a while now // Something not endless scroll but just boxes for previews? Also I wanted a minimalistic theme based with pastel colours and black and white hehe/ ANYWAY NO NO WORRIES SOMETIMES IM JUST HERE WONDERING IF YOONGI SUED BIGHIT FOR DYING HIS HAIR TOO FREQUENTLY AND NOW HE BALD (LOL) BUT YEAH APPARENTLY THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO HAVE A COMEBACK IN FEBRUARY AND MY WALLET IS UPSET. I ALSO WANT THE NEW ARMY STICK FOR NO GOOD REASON AT ALL LOL

{CONT 3 xD} I’ve only read Naruto Manga so if you wanna screech with me about that lets do it ahaha/ HECK YES I WILL READ THEIR FIC- I WILL NOT STUDY JAHAJSDSDKJF Shout out to Cat and Fae too like i seriously love their fics- your Christmas series had me shooked!! Anyways I have so much work to do and so i will bother you later :) - Sakura !

IM HEALED AND BETTER NOW THANK YOU I HOPE YOU’RE FINE NOW TOO??!?! but i remember my doctor telling me once that if you’re still coughing like a month later you should get it checked out or something D:

and oh. my. god.

naruto.

LISTEN I LITERALLY CRY EVERYTIME IT MAKES ME SO EMO. I WATCHED NARUTO THE ROAD TO NINJA MOVIE LIKE TWO NIGHTS AGO AND I CRIED LIKE A BABY WATCHING HIM INTERACT WITH HIS PARENTS AND ALL LIKE D’:: highkey still hated on sasuke though

but yeah no it’s okay! i have super late responses as of late…. and it’s really only because i’ve been too emotionally spent by the end of the day or tired or busy or just “not feeling it”

idk, but i hope to get back into being more active. i miss this place. i miss interacting with others, as little of it i seem to be doing right now (guh _ _)

LOL I HAVE SO MANY SEX SCENES ALREADY PREWRITTEN OUT FOR HTE JUNGKOOK FIC AND SO NOW THAT I’VE GOT THE HARDEST PARTS DONE, IT’S JUST DOWN TO FILLING IN THE PLOT AND SUCH. aaaand that’s kinda hard too, but i think i’ll manage. hopefully.

(help)

dude it was rainy and windy and cold today and i had to go outside and the entire time i was walking/running/dying to class i was thinking a) why b) this was a Mistake

ah well in regards to your theme, usually the theme makers are okay with minor changes (sometimes major ones too) as long as you keep the credit and the changes are for personal use (as opposed to commercial use/redistribution, etc). just to be sure, you can just check their rules. they usually have that whole page/pop up or will simply include it in their theme code.

hmm what do you mean by boxes for previews? i don’t think i’ve ever seen such as thing. it sounds interesting, though. are they previews for like posts or…?

YEAH OMG I’M REALLY EXCITED BECAUSE FEBRUARY IS BOTH MINE AND ALSO @taesthetes​‘ BIRTHDAY MONTH SO ITS LIKE A BIRTHDAY PRESENT WOOHOO

thank you for loving our collaboration! i’m still amazed on how quickly we got things put together and everything… honestly… cat and @zephyoongist​ are so talented i don’t know what i’m doing here :’) (or where i would be without them)

and now finally…

(for the maaaain event)…

okaY OKAY I WILL SCREECH WITH YOU ABOUT NARUTO. RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW. just under the cut because spoilers:

I’M SUCH AN EMOTIONAL WRECK OVER NARUTO THE ONLY BEST WAY I CAN TRULY EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AT THE MOMENT IS JUST THROUGH BULLET POINTS SO:

i love kakashi

i also love gaara. i can’t choose between the two, but lately i’ve been more biased towards kakashi. i blame it on my sister because she’s always had a thing for him

(i still love you gaara its okay my sand child)

kakashi’s backstory had me in tears… like… with obito died and he’s telling kakashi he’ll give him his sharingan (the sharingan that he’d always been talking about that would get him to hokage) to be his eye to see the future…

i just..

fucking broke down man like dude… stop… you’re killing me here… and then how kakashi really changes afterwards

(okay but listen child kakashi was savage as fuck though and it was hilarious)

(also i know it’s a filler but that one episode in which it showed guy and kakashi comparing dick sizes as kids….,,..,.

….,,..i wasn’t expecting that at all but i don’t mind the info heheheheh heh /dies)

OKAY BUT THEN RIN DIES WHY

literally if she hadn’t died a lot of the issues in naruto wouldn’t have occurred but they fucking did

no i’m not blaming her she died for a noble reason okay it just makes me really sad i’m sorry

AND FINALLY MINATO DIES TOO AND KAKASHI IS THE LAST OF HIS TEAM IM EMO

on a side note minato and kushina were cute as fuck

ANYWAYS GAARA OH MY OH MY GOD MY POOR BABY as a kid he was so cute and just wanted some friends and was out helping all those villagers and such but then his damned dad just had to go and screw those things up like STOP IT HE;S MY CHILD

even though i love those two, my favorites are actually the akatsuki

like. they hate each other but istg they secretly love each other like have you seen kakuzu and hidan’s interactions??? they tease and insult and threaten (and have killed) each other but kakuzu is actually patient with hidan’s rituals and such, and hidan will still accompany kakuzu to the collection centers

also, when he sees asuma’s guardian shinobi thing the first thing that comes to mind is kakuzu and how he’d want him for the money and he’s like u gh but like !!!

and AND when hidan at first thinks he’s accidentally killed kakuzu in his fight with shikamaru & co., he has that look of panic ooooh my god I JUST GASHUDFJSDIJASD

also hidan is just hilarious. like when they go to recruit him he’s like “who are you guys, all wearing the same clothes?? are you guys an orchestra or band or something?”

/points at kakuzu/ bet you play the bass

/points at konan/ bet the girl does vocals and keyboards

/points at itachi/ …or do you do vocals…?

and then the first thing hidan and kakuzu do to each other is kill each other

the look of utter disbelief on both of their faces

“what the–why aren’t you dead?”

“bitch that hurt–wait. why aren’t you dead?”

but anyways we can’t forget about itachi and kisame either, now can we?? like. they are actually like the only partner group that openly got along with each other, and they were sad oh my god they were sad upon realizing each other’s death’s

and idk just the way kisame says “itachi-san” does something to me

 i t a c h i

oh boy i have so much to say about this kid

but before i move on i must! address! the others!!

okay so like deidara is actually op as fuck and sometimes idk i feel like he doesnt get enough credit?? idk.

BUT LIKE LISTEN OKAY HE GOES THREE DAYS AND THREE NIGHTS TO SEAL THE ICHIBI AKA SHUKAKU AKA GAARA’S TAILED BEAST and then immediately after decides to take on naruto (and kakashi)

AND HE ONLY HAD ONE ARM AT THE TIME HAVING JUST LOST ONE IN HIS FIGHT WITH GAARA LIKE WHAT IS THIS STAMINA AND HOW DOES HE NOT BLEED OUT THIS KID IS FUCKING AMAZING WHAT THE HELL

and he’s 19 like lol what bye

but anyways, after his “fight” he loses his other arm because kakashi and now he’s armless BUT THIS KID STILL HOLDS HIS OWN though completely on the defense AGAINST TEAM GAI LIKE WHAT THE FUCK HE’S AMAZING and then he manages to create a bomb without using any sort of handseals and fools them all into thinking he’s dead

like

i love this boy give him a metal why did he have to die so early why (yet another reason why i dislike sasuke lmfao)

black zetsu scares the fuck out of me (esp when i learned of his true past and intentions) but white zetsu!! he’s such a sweetie holy shit

I JUST REALLY LIKED THAT TIME WHEN HE BURSTS INTO THE 5 KAGE SUMMIT AND HE’S LIKE “HALLLLOOO!!!!!!” WITH THE ARMS AND EVERYTHING DAW OMG

and also unlike so many others he actually likes everyone and when he saves deidara he’s like “you’re a fun guy to be around” and then and then later when he’s talking to tobi he reveals that he’s sad that so many of the akatsuki members died like D::

let’s not forget when black zetsu called him weak (they had split in two at the time) and white zetsu just kind of D: and wilts a little like ooHH NO oo baby it’s okay it’s okay

ahem

konan is so strong… holy crap… like… her ultimate attack? with the bajillion paper explosive tags disguised as a lake?? that go off for 10 minutes? holy fuck.

yahiko’s pretty damn hot if you ask me (yes i know he’s a cadaver in the main time period but listen)

idk my favorite arc of the entire thing was pain’s invasion of konoha… like from the moment jiraiya’s message arrived to when everyone got revived…. and then kakashi almost became hokage…

it was fantastic

i think it’s mainly because it was a mystery, race against time, battle thing all in one and it was so neat i guess

also you could see everyone in the village working together, fighting their hardest, showing their potentials for like, the first time ever

um um um okay sasori mentally scarred me as a child, and now whenever i hear the rattling puppet noises i immediately think of these scary nightmares i had after watching his fight with sakura… yeah, puppets scare me a lot now

orochimaru is a creep ‘nuff said moving on

tobi! i love this alternate ego of obito/”madara” like idk he’s so jumpy and honestly it’s fucking hilarious watching him because he’s so secretly op certain people underestimate him at first (and then others overestimate him because of his association with akatsuki)

like. when he was warding off konoha from itachi vs sasuke’s fight (which i am still emo about) he was just like playing whack-a-mole with them and then he’s like lemme use this ability! frill-necked lizard!

and they all kinda stand and stare at him intensely execting something legit

but in reality that’s it. the extent of htat ability is just him hanging upside down with the cloack falling behind him to look like a frill-necked lizard

and it’s fucking hilarious

i also thought it was fucking adorable when he and deidara first confront sasuke

and the little bitch goes ahead and slices through him

literally through him

and HE MAKES THE MOST ADORABLE NOISE BEFORE FALLING FLAT ON HIS FACE GAH

but sasuke thinks that he actually killed him and sasuke’s all like “one down”

and deidara just kinda

ugh this kid

and tobi gets up and brushes himself off like wow that was rly fast!!! and sasuke just >:/

URM OKAY ENOUGH ABOUT THE AKATSUKI MEMBERS

sorry i thought i should make this clear but i lowkey highkey have this vendetta thing against sasuke like this little shit

i mean ofc i know the reason for his disillusionment really isn’t all his fault like @ itachi really?

like really when he goes back to konoha and sasuke tries to kill him… he goes and easily breaks his wrist

and he kinda just considers him for a moment like

…hm

how about i….. make his situation even worse…?

and then traps him in a genjutsu that forces him to relive their parents death for 24 hours like why the fuck this is literally all your fault

and also on a side note, fuck danzo. why the fuck did the 3rd not kill him when he was supposed to. why. all the wrong people lived for far too long.

anyways

but yeah no idk i just really don’t like sasuke after he defected and became a Vengeful Teen

AND ITACHI’S STORY MAKES ME CRY EVERY TIME HOLY SHIT IT MAKES ME SO SAD WHY DID THIS BOY HAVE TO SUFFER SO MUCH and then mess up his little brother’s psyche to the point in which he starts killing like everyone wtf

AHEM

another favorite moment arc of mine is the very beginning

like the first 15ish episodes

IRUKA SENSEI

he’s such a blessing. he’s literally one of those crucially important side characters and i appreciate him and i love him and it would’ve been nice to see more of him, but hey, that’s okay too.

(his part in the naruto road to ninja movie had me in tears. like at the end. fucking tears.)

like naruto and kakashi may be super close and stuff, but when he needs someone as a guardian, naruto turns to iruka and idk i feel that says a lot about their relationship and it makes me cry all the fucking time

um anyways yes i also love zabuza

he’s so strong and empowered

AND THAT WHOLE ARC MADE ME CRY A LOT TOO AND THE FACT THAT IT BECOMES SUCH AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE STORY MAKES ME SO FUCKING HAPPY

i have a lot more the say probably but it’s getting late and i need to take a shower and sleep and get up early in the morning to make food so i’ll just leave it at that

(i wrote a lot i know i’m sorry)

(hope i didn’t blow you away with any spoilers D:)

[bamfkitten-blog]

SasuNaru prompt

SasuNaru...! I love SasuNaru... And this one keep nagging me since I read Love-Mailed by Yukikyokira. And here my thought: Sasuke is bad boy of the school (figured), someday just noticed Naruto and being asshol* to him. And behold, Naruto prank him big time (had to be very creative here, do it in whole school knows and leave pretty bright evidence scale). Sasuke found Naruto actually cute and caught his tail and somewhat make him his toys (mainstream, I know). That's escalates quickly till they graduate. Sasuke even legalized everything, make Naru his and live with him, easier since Naru's an orphan and his guardian (Jiraiya) dead. Bonus if you forced Sasuke to mary some mean bitch and three of them life under the same roof. Mikoto is sweet, Itachi doesn't care, has his own plan, and Fugaku is a bigger di*k to Naru. Sasuke cut Naru from his friends and job and everything, hurt Naru bad (here for BDSM fans, I'm no fan though), Naru ended up dying and had to be hospitalized. Then Naru died. Epilogue is Mikoto horribly hurt for what his husbando and kid has done to sweet Naru, ask for divorce, leave the Uchiha and gone MIA. And Sasuke that dead inside and destroy his bitchy wife company and family which is a bit shady. That's arch I, ready for arch II? Here we go... Arch II: We will show things which looks like not connected, like Sasuke being a bigger asshol*, the uchiha family scattered (well, that still connected) some former classmate being celebrity, a news that forecast increasing criminality, and a very suspicious man saving a cat from a tree in a superhero way. All Sasuke friend are settle down or have job, (I want a police Shika, a fire fighter Kiba, a doctor Neji, and a shady detective Gaara). Only Sasuke seems to unable to move on. Sasuke still mad at Itachi for (guess what) orchestrated the whole thing that pushed Naruto with him together in miserable way. New player insert, Naruto has a big bro that wanna take revenge on the entire Uchiha clan. This big bro is none other than (guess who) Kyuubi, who has a connection with a superhero vigilante named Phantom who seemed to have seven diffetent personalities within him. Itachi ofcourse just have to fall in love with Kyuubi. Fugaku want his family back and go help his sons only to fell regularly to unfortunate bad spot. (Get creative, dump himp in the mud literally might be fun). It's revealef then that the superhero isn't exactly a hero to the Uchihas. Itachi trying to work it out, only to discover that every single one Naruto's years friends is actually work under Kyuubi and Phantom, except Sasuke ofcourse, even the ex-crazy fan girls. And ofcourse phantom is Naruto who's faking his death and still alive. When Itachi knows, he want Naruto to stop making his baby bro miserable and just confess because he know Naruto still love him. And Naruto goes, 'oh well, I might still love him, but no way I just walking to him and worship him like a stockholm syndrome induced boy, rape is no joke and neither is slavery. So i gotta completely destroy him, you and your entire clan first.' That wonderfull plan disturbed when a villain kidnap Sasuke (bonus if you use Orochimaru, tentacle master or whatever, get creative here) and hurt him not unlike Sasuke hurt Naruto in the past. Villain killed and Sasuke broken. And they're all reminded that there's still a lot more important thing than to dwell in the past and they're all trying to let go. Mikoto appear to save the day, and trying to recover Sasuke. The story may end with Kyuubi slap Itachi, and then kissed him to the next day. Because the entire story Itachi only did two things, trying to uncover the mystery and chasing Kyuubi to the moon. Epilogue says Itachi recreate Naruto pranks for Sasuke birthday and all of Naruto friends are there. Bonus if Sasuke ex-bitch is there and Kyuubi, who's engaged to Itachi, pranks her to the next century. Bingo combo if you make Sasuke come home from the party only to find Naruto sleep on his bed peacefully with the most adorable face in the universe. Duh, who's gonna write this tooo long story? I sure won't, I will never finished this in 50 years. But , worth a shoot.