#Jesus Christ that’s Jason Bourne

[gleafer]

When your retired demon gets bored and has to fulfill his need to save you from IMMINENT DOOM.

[retrokid616]

matt's on the move mid combat

[theyuseifan]

jesus christ, it’s

𝓳𝓪𝓼𝓸𝓷 𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓾𝓵𝓸

[algusunderdunk]

Agents swarm the cave, realizing the entrance has been breached.

"Jason Bourne, it's Jesus Christ!"

[theridgebeyond]

Just reviewed my 90 day progress report from therapy. Not sharing the results but she added a fun new diagnosis and I 100% called it.

[memetrafficker]

Jesus Christ, it's Jason Bourne.

[sassypainterangel]

i think

i think too much

i can’t think

there is everything in my head

the denying people denying me

there is nothing in my head

there are too many things

that i need to think.

my brain won’t think fast enough for my thoughts

and i’m not sure if you can understand

but the only way i can get the words out is masking

pretending i’m normal

i’m not normal!

this isn’t normal.

i’m not sure if you understand

when there are too many things in your head

and you need more input

but there are too many things in your head

so the input is really just to drown it out until the tides goes out

because the moon doesn’t work on my sea

c

see?

can you see me?

are we playing a game?

the only option is not to play

you can’t lose

global thermonuclear war

and what about the blind man who drives the van

and drives because he’s being directed through his earpeice

kinda like rally

the baja 1000

is there anything longer than that?

what about SNEAKERS

what about WIRED

and the holy trinity?

is jesus christ coming back

will he save me?

are there too many references?

maybe we just aren’t in the same world

what if midgard

ugh!

it irks me that the marvel movies aren’t accurate to actual norse mythology

ALL THE DOORS ARE OPEN NOW

what has lady odin done?

the black box

there was a black box in sneakers too

raise the temperature of the room to body temperature

so the heat ministers can’t detect you

still move slowly

walking on eggshells

see the bullets fly up through the floor in the elevator shaft

Jason Bourne was actually better than Bond

because of the visual gore

and eye gore

what about biblically accurate celestia?

was Discord a reference to satan?

And did Eve actually eat the fruit first

or did Adam eat it

blame it on eve

and eve learned. copied

blamed it on the snake

is that why men have an adam’s apple?

because they ate the forbidden fruit

but there are too many people killed by god

i’d rather worship satan

yes i’m glad they weren’t enslaved

but then why not free the slaves in the South?

the nile never filled with blood

it was something to do with sulfur

and why are we tasting the science?

i know baking is chemistry

but why is it so obvious when the chicken sizzles

with baking soda and sodium

are there too many referances

can you keep up?

you’re talking too slow for me to keep up

i’m drifting off

into my own world

my worlds are better than this shit

i don’t want to deal with this shit

the OCs in my world

keep me company

no im not lonely

why would you think that?

only children are raised by the kids in their head

the ones they invent

i invented my world

divine creation

[indelicateink]

wow. finale. we've arrived. i have some (major spoilers) thoughts. i'm sleep-deprived, and I'm kinda jumping around here, but christ alive we made it:

omg yay. here we are. all the love.

for me…the pacing felt off on this episode? though possibly the pacing was off for the whole season if they had to rush(?) so many incredibly important "payoff" beats in this episode. we've been building toward this for years so I admit--the MASSIVE armand/betrayal reveal, the lestat reunion, the actual killing of the coven members (aside from santiago)--they felt very hurried to me. lol, obviously the solution is a two-hour finale. i stg they used to do this with season finales.

i am so excited that way back in the day amc made this two seasons instead of one. can you imagine? I cannot fucking imagine that cliffsnotes version. we won bigtime.

the jazz soundtrack to the revenge was certainly a choice. feel like i would not have made that choice. i'll soak it in and reflect.

I enjoyed louis's new invisible friend. sir. after howevermany nights in the hellbox, you get as many invisible friends as you want. but jesus.

an ocean of unanswered questions about lestat. an ocean on jupiter. I get this is the purpose of s3. but there are many things idk how to feel about, which is emotionally unsatisfying? but okay. we wait. without getting information. again. (s'fine.)

rashid is the goddamn JAMES BOND ETHAN HUNT JASON BOURNE OF TALAMASCA AGENTS!!!! that man served TWO TELEPATHIC VAMPIRES as a double agent and LIVED. fucking standing ovation. guy probably has supernatural brainpowers, i'm not knocking it, i'm just impressed he lived.

all their reunion cries: my soul was immolated.

idk how to feel about the pathetic fallacy during the reunion.

OI. that reunion was KINDA BRIEF for my tastes lol. i mean, i'm glad it happened but I STARVE, MOTHER.

okay i felt insane. I could have sssssssworn SR said in a recent interview that lestat thought louis was dead since 1973. idk if i misunderstood, if I'm misremembering, if this was misdirection, or if lestat really did just have an initial non-reaction to louis rocking up to nola alive after all.

no i'm still on the ocean of questions lol. I still need so much information about lestat, and armand, the coven, and the trial. we gotta wait a couple years to find out what armand had on lestat: fine. ditto whatever was really going on with armand. but there's this weird implication in the air that the coven could have overpowered armand and lestat, these two wildly powerful vampires, and idk if that's going to be satisfactorily answered for a couple years. surely that was not the case. but why did armand have louis locked up in the hellbox, then? many questions. idk, i got four hours of sleep last night and i must think on this.

i found it hard to emotionally connect with what was happening in the magnus-lestat-hell-tower given that i was aware i had no idea what was Really Going On in that moment. except ugh, ugh, no! stop! i know this is Bad but I don't fully know why. (lol, raincheck on more pain!)

i'm on the fucking floor with how much armand got away with lmfao. i am on. the mother. fucking. floor. it's possible you could say his punishment is being in a relationship with a man who HE KNOWS will always consider him no. 2. And yet, I felt armand was on some level willing to put up with that, so idk if that's a real punishment--it's just unfortunate by my personal metric. but:

but anyway, in the 40s alone--let me get this straight: louis is told by armand after louis escapes the TdV that armand sold him out to save himself. eventually, way later, armand gets louis free from the hellbox, though louis wanders paris fucking delusional for awhile. after louis escapes the TdV, louis learns from armand that armand was fucking louis right through his collaboration with the TdV because why not have your cake and eat it too I guess. and in addition to the collaboration, armand never dropped the factoid that lestat was in paris. oh and: CLAUDIA DIED. CLAUDIA AND MADELEINE DIIIIIED. HORRIBLY. FOR ENTERTAINMENT. even going with the "armand, poor little meow meow," version of events, florence du lac is turning over in her GRAVE that louis did not shun this man, let alone attempt to kill him. instead he uses him to punish his ex (i mean yes, florence would be seated for that massive revenge on lestat, louis), and then just. be armand's, what. loveless(not totally) companion for eternity? armand doesn't care if louis settles. I know the wrath of louis de pointe du lac, this ain't it. armand: you are teflon. amazing.

AND THEN. in 2022. louis throws armand into a wall and tells him to gtfo. like. wow. wow. I am an armand fan, I'm not gunning for him, but after spending 3/4 of a century living a brutally painful lie because of armand and suffering more than jesus christ over the death of his daughter because of armand--also the armand who was arranging to have louis burned alive for entertainment, and translated "banishment" to "hellbox"(!!!!!)--after all this is revealed (and I get it's a lot for louis to take in), louis does not explode that building in a ball of fire somehow. armand: you are teflon. akasha is watching in awe and fear. do all the heinous shit you want, you still get to have sex with and cohabitate with louis de pointe du lac for 70 years, as long as you're willing to settle for some lack of enthusiasm and a suicidal partner. no repercussions. go conquer the world.

I adore our secret agent daniel molloy moment. thank you to the talamasca for coming in and saving the payoff of the ending of the show, lol. louis might otherwise be stuck in that tower for another 70 years. we owe you a debt.

oh jesus jesus christ. lestat's little fuckass plank keyboard. THE PATHOS. the misery depression shack is everything, and I loved the ipad. his minion is surely charging his powerpacks at the local coffee shop while he gets those rats, i can't remember if that place even had electricity.

"DID YOU HURT YOURSELF." JUST REACH THROUGH THE SCREEN AND PUNCH ME IN THE FACE. i needed more time with this scene, or tighter shots, or maybe i just need to inject it into my veins.

lestat breaking down over claudia and the blood tear and i can't i cannot it was everything and i died i fucking died

the armand-is-alice theories remain in suspense

felt weird that the rest of the coven died offscreen. but okay.

lolllll i always kinda pause when the show drops little nuggets that say "yeah. hi audience on social media. we see you. we know what you're saying." i'm not used to my show talking back to me.

delirious post-hellbox louis was a tour de force. intro speech louis was a tour de force. amc, the timing that left iwtv without the possibility of emmys is a heartbreak, i get you know this, though

felt kinda ill seeing louis back in that penthouse, even if he is solo. START FRESH IN A NEW, THIRD COUNTRY, FRIEND. CONSIDER IT.

okay someone do a breakdown of the New Painting louis was beaming at on That Wall in dubai

oh! his lil paul portrait

idk if I could live with a display of the dress my daughter died in, but we've already covered that ldpdl is so much more hardcore than I am. carry on.

lol I loved daniel's nails showing up in the interview before his big YEAH I'M TAKING OFF MY GLASSES NOW, IT'S REAL, PEOPLE, moment. so pleased for eric. living the dream.

devil's minion is totally secure, that's a thing that will be depicted in one fashion or another, there's not even a whisper of a doubt

loustat reunion. hi real lestat. hi present-day new orleans. i have reached the oasis in the angst desert. i lived. pretty sweet trip.

[oriandcate]

okay, who do i have to kill to get a Jason Todd/Jason Bourne universe fusion titled “Jesus Christ, It’s Jason Todd?” (where Jason loses his memories after being sent to kill Tim Drake)?

[dmmyring]

jesus christ it's jason bourne

[retrokid616]

oh shit liams moving

[renrenlady]

Jesus Christ that’s Rat Jason Bourne

[allhorsenoplinko]

the pants revolution is here!

Jesus Christ, it's Jason Bourne.

[chappell-roans]

the taste 😘 here r mine. bolded is my number 1 rn and i added some notes (if ur gonna cheat I am too lol)

ts: so many bops for a debut

should've said no

our song (side note she looked so fucking good in this music video idk what hold those fake curls and DCOM prom dresses had on her because she was born to be a cunty straight haired victoria secret girl)

honourable mentions

picture to burn (I hate that 👏 stupid 👏old 👏pickup👏 truck 👏you never let me drive 💃)

teardrops on my guitar (its a classic we must pay respect)

the outside

fearless: again, such a bopathon

forever and always piano version (superior version im afraid)

the way I loved you

honourable mentions

tell me why (such a good song to describe toxic partners and how insidious and common emotional abuse is)

you're not sorry

speak now: a third bop has hit billboard sir

if this was a movie (great chorus although i just realized the lyric is not 'come back to me Eli' lol) (usually one of the below would take this place but im feeling it rn)

never grow up (crying 😭 and its most constantly my fave top pick and won't fall out of the running ever)

honourable mentions

dear john

better than revenge (its problematic and its the cuntiest song shes ever written, the duality of man)

haunted

long live (its so cute i love it)

red: excuse me? I need to report a boppery

all too well (is anyone surprised?)

the lucky one (all hail joni mitchell)

honourable mentions

the last time

come back… be here

girl at home

1989: jesus christ… that's Jason Bourne a bop

wildest dreams (she owes lana for this)

style

honourable mentions

blank space

I wish you would

reputation: don't have a pun L moment :(

Don't blame me

I did something bad

honourable mentions

Getaway Car

Dress

Lover: somehow palpatine the bops returned (thank god)

Cruel Summer (she's an icon she's a legend and she is the moment)

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince (has currently dethroned cruel summer)

honourable mentions

Death by a Thousand Cuts

Cornelia Street :(

folklore: the bop n roll hall of fame

illicit affairs

my tears ricochet

honourable mention

seven

hoax

evermore: certified triple bop (most difficult to choose)

no body no crime (so good like omg netflix limited series when??)

champagne problems

honourable mentions

willow

gold rush

tis the damn season

midnights: no bops head empty (lmao not really I just don't really listen to it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

would've could've should've

the great war

honourable mention

you're on your own kid

midnight rain ( all you had to do was stay's sexier older sister)

ttpd: the tortured bop department: pitchfork (5.5/10)

the albatross

the bolter

honourable mentions

I can fix him, no really I can (in an alternate universe theres a lana version of this song that would eat us all up)

Florida! (florence is an angel on earth)

and scene

uhsdnjczdsf cannot tell you how much i enjoyed reading this you got some good laughs out of me, and you have good taste to boot! like i have nothing to add but pitchfork took me out also like. amazing. made my morning thank you anon

[lolli-says-stuff]

Jesus Christ it’s Jason Bourne*

*5pm already.