#Jendell’s finest

[jendellianrambler]

love this pic bc he looks like a polite lil alien who’s about to ask if you can order for him at the register (he doesn’t know English yet 😞)

[shandidellamorte]

Royal Pains

HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS this is one of @ashestoashesvvi ‘s crowning achievements!! Have you ever wondered what it would be like if Steel Panther invaded the KISSteriaverse? No? WELL TOO BAD HERE IT IS ANYWAY!! So in this Michael Starr is Vince’s cousin and a constant thorn in his side. This time the Panther boiz assume to role of party crashers! Placed under a cut for length and dirtiness~

“W- We’re gonna what now?”

“We’re gonna bring some heavy ass metal to my favorite blond richy bitchy cuz! It’s gonna so fuckin’ rock, man!” Michael declared, jumping on top of their pool table in the middle of the room. He downed his open beer in one go and tossed it down on the floor when he was done with a pumped grin. “Woo!! Alright, bitches, c'mon, who’s game to party hard tonight?”

Lexxi blinked, and blinked. Then blinked again. Then he looked back at his mirror, shaking his head and fluffing up his hair. “Ahh, ahhhhh, you can go, but… but…” he paused, rolling the words around in his head. Beside him, Satchel just rolled his eyes as his bandmate’s mind was as lost as ever. “But I- I don’t think I’m for it after we jus- just snorted aaaaall, and I- I mean aaaall, the fuckin’ coke we had, dude. Kinda just wanna stay here and pet my turtle– you guys kno- know my turtle, yeah?”

“Lex, no damn turtle talk.”

“No one wants to hear where you shoved him up.”

“Guys!!” Michael groaned, “Duuuuudes, focus! Party time! Yeah or fuck yeah?”

Stix sighed, flopping down next to Satchel and Lexxi on their demolished, once lavish, black leather couch. “Eh, why the fuck not? It’s been a while since we had some fun, man.”

“Yeah, a whole fuckin’ six hours.” Michael nodded, grinning ear to ear. “C'mon, Lex, don’t you want to have some fun this weekend?”

“I- If by fun, you mean work on my highlights and fu- fuckin’ update our fashion style, then yeah. Ahhh….. What was I– Oh, yeah, just fuckin’, other than that, I- I don’t feel like going to some big party.” he said. He winced when Michael pouted then came running up to him, putting his head on his shoulder, whining and hugging onto his arm.

“Come on, please?”

“Bitch, you’re getting between m- me and the mirror- the mirror, man!” Lexxi pouted, pursing his lips out even more. He swung his mirror around in his hand to keep it out of Michael’s way and more focused on his own beautiful face.

Satchel laughed, “You’re gonna drop that, and that’s gonna break, and you’re gonna cry like a little girl in front of all of us, dude.”

“Then I’ll be careful- duh!” Lexxi sighed, wriggling out of Michael’s strong hold.

“Lexxi, you’re coming with us. It’s not a bitchin’ party until the whole band shows up!” Michael laughed.

“Mmmh…..”

“Lex, c'mon, c'here.” Stix sighed, shifting and standing to grab his taller bandmate. He forced him to lean down so that he could put his head on top of his, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “Come and have fun, okay?”

“Wh- Wha- What’d you say?” Lexxi blinked. He tried to consecrate and think about what he was just asked, but all he could manage was a confused, cute squint.

“Come and have fun, okay?”

“Ca- Can you say the last work- word different?”

“…okie?”

“Ooh, see that’s what I th- thought you said.”

“Lexxi, stop being a dumb fuckin’ blonde– no offence Michael�� for like two seconds and focus, man. Think of it, think of the tiddies! The booze! The drugs! I heard they’re importing these new blue lines straight outta Jendell! Jendell, man! I heard that shit makes electricity shoot right up your spine!” Satchel smirked, rubbing his hands together.

“Better yet,” Stix laughed, catching Lexxi’s short focus again. “Think about it, man… Prince Vince has an entire hall of mirrors in his crib~”

Lexxi’s eyes widened. He’d forgotten about that. He hummed, thinking about it now, debating on the pros and cons before giving in. “Alright, okay. I- I’ll go.”

Michael squealed and hugged him. “Fuck yes! For a second, I thought we had to bring your mother in this.”

“Y- You fuckers leav- leave my mom outta this shit–”

“Heh, she wasn’t out of this,” Satchel motioned to his crotch. “last night, dude.”

“Shuddap!!”

“Oh fuckin’ grow a pair and get over it, Lex. Can’t give her AIDS twice.”

“Or thrice.” Satchel added with a nod of his head.

“Or frice?” Stix said, smiling. “Or whatever the fuck it is.”

“Can y- you guys not gangbang my m- mom?”

“Too late!” Michael said, reaching for his microphone. “I gotta summon us a bitchin’ ride…. Hmmm… what’ll it be tonight, boys? One big limo or…?”

“Flaming limo with flames painted on the sides, and nachos when we get in. I want some fuckin’ nachos right about now, dude.”

“Annnnnnd hookers.” Stix said, letting Lexxi go finally.

Michael nodded, “Oh man, this is so tits. Vince is gonna be soooo fuckin’ happy to see us.”

“Or he’ll banish us from the kingdom again.” Stix shrugged, cracking open a beer.

“Eh, fuck that. We always come back, just like a bad STD.”

“Lexxi would know all about that, wouldn’t you, Lex?” Satchel laughed, poking him in the side.

“Stooooooop, I- I was cleared ages a- ago, man!” he pouted, sitting back on the destroyed couch as they chuckled and relaxed against each other.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

Prince Vince watched his party’s performance in the palace’s throne room. Mick and Tommy sat to his left and Nikki sat to his right. Their eyes all watched as the ceremonial warriors and dancers of the Order of the Golden Pyramid from the realm of Sphynxia performed for them. They watched the sharp blades twirl in their hands and the air with ease in their finest silks and robes.

The normally rowdy court was calmed and entertained by them, and they even cleared the way for the belly dancers to take the main floor of the throne room. All the dancers in the troupe were women, and each one was catching the Prince’s and his friends eyes. Except for Mick, but he had been around enough to not fall so easily and forget that they were still warriors under those black halter tops adorned with gold jewels and beads, long black skirts with high cut slits, gold anklets and gold bangles.

As a final motion, the dancing warriors twirled and all did a ‘death drop’, leaping up into the air, doing a full turn which almost fully exposed their lower bodies, falling to land on one of their bent legs, and spinning around a few times before slowly rising and posing. The kingdom and all the entire court attending burst into applause for their performance. The members of the Order of the Golden Pyramid all gave a short bow of appreciation at the applause.

The leader of the group, Asim, stepped forward to Vince and knelt down in front of him, offering up a sword. “Prince Vince, this is a gift from the Order in honor of our alliance with Anarkia. May it be fruitful and prosperous for both of us.”

“Holy fuck, that’s a big ass sword!”

“Duuude, look how Vince is holding it like it’s his penis.”

“Nah, that blade is waaaay bigger than his tiny dick, man.”

“I- I’m confused… aaaahh, which way was the bathroom? Oh fuck it. Forget it, Imma just go over here.”

“Oh no,” Mick groaned, making a face. “They’re back.”

“Hell yeah! Can’t fuckin’ go and invite the whole kingdom to a huge ass mother fuckin’ party and not invite us! Just cause we’re on the Steel Pantherian moon doesn’t mean you get to skip out on our invite, cuz!” Michael shouted, bounding straight up to the throne. He seemed unaware of Vince’s reddening face of anger and embarrassment. Or he just didn’t care. “Oooh! Sweet! We’re cool with the Sphynx people? Awesome! Cause I need to go there to tan. See, I’m getting a bit pale and–”

“What are you doin’ here, you fucker!?” Vince growled, trying to keep his cool during his important alliance set up. “I banished you fifteen times!”

“….And?” Michael giggled, then caught sight of the lovely warrior beside them. “Oooooh~ Hello, baby~ Hey, hey, don’t get with this bratty prince, c'mon and hang out with a duke and his boys, honey. I got a real swollen member, and I really need to cum in an ass tonight~”

The olive skinned warrior scoffed, then snatched the sword straight from the prince’s hands. “Master Radames will hear of this behavior and this- this vulgar offering. He had thought you Anarkians had matured after assisting the KISSterians in battle so many times.”

“N- No! Th- This fool is not affiliated with us!”

Nikki growled, nodding in agreement with Vince. “These bastards are just a buncha crossbred, inbred fucks! C'mon! You can’t just–”

“There is a certain level of respect that we expect during such ceremonial events, and this,” Asim motioned to the long hair blonde taking a piss behind a potted plant. “This is not something I can allow to happen on my first mission of alliance.” She shook her head, signaling to the rest of her troupe to pack up and head out.

“Hey, hey,” Michael said, grabbed the warrior’s wrist. “Listen, please. I’m sorry… I guess I messed up… Lemme restart, c'mon, how about I make it up to you and my cousin by offering to let you both blow me. You don’t even gotta worry about the rest of the band. Trust me, compared to the rest of the guys, I’m less likely to cheat, too, if you wanna meet up a second time and make it a thing.”

Rolling her eyes, she pushed him away harshly. “My master will certainly hear about all of this.”

“Michael, I’m gonna fuckin’ strangle you and banish you to a damn realm without pussy!!” Vince screeched, putting a hand on his cousin’s shoulder.

“Hey, dude, fuck off!” he snapped, “I’m trying to help things!”

“You’re making it worse!” Vince growled, his grip on Michael’s shoulder growing tight.

“Hey, let go of our Michael, you royal fuckwad!” Satchel shouted, darting in from the side, swinging a fist back and punching Vince square in the nose.

The crowd gasped, and the members of the Order of the Golden Pyramid quickly fled before an infamous Anarkian battle broke out right in their palace.

Vince growled at the punch, coming at Satchel angrily. With one quick motion, he slammed the guitarist’s head toward the floor, then felt the hardest hit he’d ever had in the ribs. Stix smirked at him as he gasped, standing there frozen and a little shaken from what had just happened.

Tommy came up from behind and kicked the bulkier drummer to the wall across the throne room. “You fuckin’ assholes!! You ruined everything– again!!”

“Ugh… Fuck you! We just came for fun and a good time!”

“BAD FUCKING TIMING, FUCKERS!” Vince shrieked, recovering, then leaping to try and claw his cousin’s eyes out. Michael laughed, holding his wrists an inch from his pretty face.

“Awww, hey, I missed this!!” he giggled, staring into the blazing pits of hatred of the prince’s gaze. “Jeez, I’m just sorry we didn’t show up sooner!”

“IMMA KILL YOU ASSHOLES!!!”

“Nah! You’re just gonna banish us again!” Michael smiled at him, “Make it a tiddie beach this time, though, would ya? I get bored just jerking it off to Lexxi’s girly face.”

“D- DID YOU JUST NOT HEAR ME—!?!” Vince shouted, then cut himself off in an angry roar. “AAAAAAAARGHHHH!!!!!”

“I’m too old for this shit…” Mick growled, sinking down in his chair, glaring at Lexxi off to his side. Blue electricity protectively crackled around him as the tall blonde just stared at him like he let a hamster borrow his last brain-cell. “I’m not gonna do a fist fight, you lil’ shit.”

“Nah, I- I’m just… ahh, well… fuck, someone said something about a mirror hall…. yeah, mirrors.”

Mick squinted at him, then jerked his thumb back behind the throne. “Down the hall.”

“Thanks, old dude.”

“Ugh…” Mick rolled his eyes, watching the court explode, then actually explode into fire and flames. “There goes another perfectly good alliance.”