#Jeff Boomhauer
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soupiero · 6 months ago
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boomhauer (koth) for myself! 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 divi + der 0_o ⤷ 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 🏎️
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jenarosscity · 1 month ago
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Me and the bros
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sometranssoup · 1 year ago
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Headcanons I need to tell people before I explode (mainly dale)
As a kid,Bug was away a lot and Dale's mom was always working,with her friends or just 'too busy',so,dale would often feed himself. The fact that he ate mainly junk food or just straight up nothing (or bugs...canonically) until he started eating at Tilly's house and a fast metabolism along with smoking made him incredibly small and thin as a kid. Smoking also stunted his growth (fight me,I will die on short King dale hill)
He played baseball/T-ball growing up.
Only candy he would eat was babe Ruth's bc he thought he was supporting the baseball player
Used to spend a lot of time at the library if he wasn't with Hank, bill and Boomhauer.
When he,Hank,Bill and Boomhauer would go fishing,he'd always quit fishing early to wrestle or run around with Bill while Hank and Boomhauer fished.
Started smoking bc he wanted his parents to find out and scold him.
He,Hank,Bill and Boomhauer always liked hanging out at Boomhauers house because his parents were really nice. They never hung out at Hanks bc of Cotton.
Dale never had anyone over often because his mom was a bit of a hoarder.
Dale tried helping Hank and Bill up over a fence once and broke his arm.
Lots of internalized homophobia and transphobia on Dale and Hanks ends
Dale has a much older sister who worked at an ice cream shop. She got two free scoops per shift so Dale would bring Hank,Bill and Boomhauer by to split the scoops since she got sick of ice cream quick.
Dale and Hank both have these really similar stories from summer camp. They both had secret boyfriends. They both talked via letters left under a tree. They was supposed to meet to carve their initials in the tree but Dale had an accident and had to go home early. Somewhere out there is a tree with D+H in a heart.
Dale had a terrible bed wetting problem and would cry every single time it happened (totally not projecting here)
Dale didn't learn how to talk until he was about five.
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boombhauer · 8 months ago
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save a horse ride a cowboy ect ect ect
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barleyo · 1 year ago
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do you take requests if so for the love of god do more boomhauer please it was so damn hot <3 love your work btw
Straight Tequila Night.
Jeff Boomhauer X Fem! Reader (smut)
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A/N: Thank you so much for your request, and yes, requests are always open! Sorry for the excruciatingly long wait, sweetheart. I'm pretty worthless when it comes to getting requests done in a timely manner, sorry!! This is heavily based off of John Anderson's Straight Tequila Night, so I suggest listening to it while you read. Whoever can find the most references to the song in the fic wins, haha!
Wordcount: 3.4K
Tags: P*rn with plot, p in v, oral (f receiving), sex with a semi-stranger, smut in the later half of the story
He jetted down the highway, looking for any sign or signal that pointed toward a bar. He never liked traveling outside of Arlen for anything, but when his friends were done drinking for the night and his regular pub was closed, he didn’t mind driving a few miles out of town to get a drink and mingle. 
Though Boomhauer was going farther than he originally thought he would need to, he refused to turn around and give up. Instead, he kept on driving down the sparingly lit road. The road there was bumpy, he noticed. Old and cracked pavement, unlike Arlen’s smooth, blacktop roads. He was only twenty or so minutes out of town and he could tell the differences between the two places by how often his car would jump on a jagged crack or pothole too deep to be safe.
Finally, he pulled into the parking lot of a tiny place that did not register as a bar in his mind until a neon sign that read “happy hour, every hour” came into view. The lot was empty besides a car or two in the employee’s spots and a few beat up sedans that were scattered. Boomhauer parked in a spot nearest the door and got out, grabbed his jacket he left in the passenger seat, and shrugged it on. Hands in his coat pockets, he walked in.
For however few cars were in the lot, it looked like even fewer people were even in the place. He surveyed the empty tables and thought to turn right back around to keep looking when a voice called out to him.
“Welcome in,” a woman said. 
His head snapped over to the source, finding her behind the bar. He had not noticed her while he was making his earlier assessment of the place. He offered a quick smile in an attempt to combat his previous indirect rudeness and sat at her bar top. Boomhauer took note of the woman’s age: a bit too old to just be working at a place like this, she was likely the owner.
“Never seen you before, you new here?” She leaned over the countertop inquisitively, leaving enough room between the two of them for comfort. “Or just passing through town?” 
“Just passing through, ma’am,” he said.
“Ma’am? Gosh, polite, aren’t you? You can call me Mary, none of all that ‘ma’am’ stuff. Your name, if you don’t mind me askin’?” 
“Jeff Boomhauer. Friends call me Boomhauer.”
“Alright then, Boomhauer, what’re you havin’ here on this fantastic night?” What Mary lacked in numbers, she made up for in energy and entertainment for the guests she did have. The emptiness of the bar did not seem to bother her.
“Alamo, if you’ve got it.”
“Alamo? Oh, honey, you’re from Arlen aren’t you?” she asked, biting back a laugh when he nodded. “Y’all really love your Alamo, huh? Nobody here drinks it. Thought about replacing it on tap to save my money, glad you’re here to drink it.” Mary bent down, disappearing under the bar to grab the beer mug. “Sixteen ounces okay?” She pulled the tap and filled the cup.
“Mhm, that’s fine by me,” he grabbed the mug and took a swig from it, and looked to his side. He saw a wine glass sitting next to him on a napkin. Before he could ask about it, someone walked over.
“Someone else here, Mary?” 
“Yup, (Y/N),” Mary was already turned to the girl’s direction, hearing the click of her heels before hearing her voice, “Out-of-towner from Arlen.”
(Y/N) took her seat next to Boomhauer and faced him. “It’s ‘bout time we see someone who isn’t a regular,” she laughed, holding her hand out. “Nice to meet you.” 
Shaking her hand, he replied, “You too, Miss (Y/N).”
“Oh, so polite,” she said. “Didn’t know I was a ‘Miss’ kind of girl!”
“That’s what I was saying too! Jeff Boomhauer, are all Arlen men like this? Because if so, I might need to get me one,” Mary joked while she wiped down the other end of the bar, scrubbing at a stubborn stain. 
Boomhauer said nothing in return and instead sipped at his mug quietly, listening in on Mary and (Y/N)’s chat. He allowed himself to peer at her from the corner of his eyes every so often. She was an exceptionally pretty thing: big smile, cute voice, and even cuter laugh. He was normally a talkative man, but feeling so enthralled and out of place made him want to listen especially closely to the two women.
“So, uh,” he cleared his throat, “you come here often?” He internally cringed at his own cliche, but (Y/N) seemed not to mind. 
“I’m Mary’s favorite regular, if that gives you any clue.” She looked at him, a sweet smile covering her face. 
“Don’t let her fool you, she’s still a pain in my rear,” Mary interrupted absentmindedly. 
“See, that’s real love right there,” (Y/N) grabbed Boomhauer’s arm as she chuckled to herself, and let go once she was done. “Hey, do me a favor, would you?”
“Yeah?”
“Take these,” she dug in her purse and pulled out a small handful of quarters. “Put on, uh, K-13 on that ol’ jukebox in that corner.”
“You got it,” he said. He stood up and stepped over to the jukebox, inserting the coins. He hovered his fingers over the number keys of the jukebox’s keyboard and punched in the numbers that she told him to. “I didn’t even know these things were still used,” he said. “Ain’t seen one since I was a kid.”
“I know, right? Used to be my favorite thing: headin’ to a diner with my daddy, popping on whatever song I could with the nickels and dimes he found for me in his car’s cup holders.” 
Boomhauer sat back down and watched (Y/N)’s face contort into a fond smile as she went over her memories.
“Yeah, I know what you mean.” He did not try to stop his own smile from forming at her words.
“Well,” she started, “you in town for long?” 
“Nah, just tonight. Came here when my dang ol’ favorite place was right n’ closed up. Just trying somethin’ new.”
“Ah, well, cheers to that then!” She held her glass up and clinked it against his. She drank from it again, finishing out the rest of her white wine. “You know, we almost never get people just blowing by here,” she traced the rim of the glass, “the place is just too boring for people, I guess. Empty town and all that.”
“I like it.”
“Hm?”
“I don’t mind it here, man. Nice n’ quiet, wouldn’t say it’s better’n Arlen, but I don’t mind it here,” Boomhauer said, watching (Y/N)’s face warm up from the alcohol, assuming the same was happening to his own face. 
“Oh, Boomhauer, don’t say that or else I’ll have to convince you to move here! We could use some more cuties like you here, it’d make it worth hanging around this town.” 
“Maybe someday, Miss (Y/N), maybe someday,” he chuckled at her dramatics, but on the inside he felt a sharp spark. She was joking, of course, but the hint of truth behind it was all Boomhauer could hear. He couldn’t possibly move to a new town for a woman he’d known for only the lesser half of an hour, but God, he’d be lying if he said it didn’t feel tempting every time he heard her laugh. 
She smirked at him and ushered him to stand up and follow her. She tossed a few bills onto the countertop on both her side and Boomhauer’s, pushing his hand down as he reached into his pocket to pay. “Lightin’ up and headin’ out, Mary,” she called from behind her shoulder. 
“Long as you don’t do it in here, hon,” Mary called back. “See you.” She had taken to looking through a magazine while the ‘couple’ were chatting with each other and was still engrossed with what she was reading.
(Y/N) grabbed Boomhauer’s hand and pulled him out the door, letting go of his hand and sitting on the curb just outside the bar. She patted the spot beside her. He sat down with her and watched her take a box of cigarettes out of her purse. 
“You smoke?” she asked.
“Mhm, yeah.” He did not smoke. He may have lit a cig once or twice in high school, but never as an adult, and why he told her he did, he did not know. 
“Shit,” (Y/N) groaned, pulling her final cigarette out of its lonely box. “One left.” She lit it and took a drag, exhaling a dark cloud and tapping the ash off of the end. “Hm,” she grunted as she held the stick out to Boomhauer. 
He lifted his eyebrows in surprise but took it anyway. He saw the red ring of (Y/N)’s lipstick around the filter of the cigarette and smiled, taking a puff of his own. An unfamiliar heaviness grew in his lungs and he fought back a cough, handing it back to her.
“You know,” she took another drag before continuing, “I’m glad you came on in tonight. It’s always just me n’ a few random regulars. Every damn night, never a newbie or anyone interestin’.” She sighed and leaned her head onto Boomhauer’s shoulder. 
He tensed up a first, but calmed down once he felt her start to hum gently. 
“There’s something about this town I love,” she puffed from the cig and coughed. “The community, the familiar faces. Everyone knows each other, and there’s charm to that.”
Boomhauer nodded, the smoke swirling around him as (Y/N)  exhaled. “Yeah, it’s true. Arlen’s like that too, bit bigger though. Everybody knows everybody. Can’t go any-dang-where without bumpin’ into someone you know.”
“Right,” she replied, a bittersweet smile gracing her lips. “But sometimes, it’s nice to step outta your bubble, really get out there.”
He thought for a moment, contemplating her words. It had been a long time since he ventured outside of his comfort zone, outside of his town. Sitting there with (Y/N) on that quiet curb, he couldn’t help but feel a strange comfort. Maybe there was more to life than the familiar routine he had grown accustomed to.
“You might be onto somethin’ there,” he finally said. “Life’s too short to stay in one place, a man’s gotta be free, man. Maybe it’s time I start takin’ some risks, tryin’ new things.”
(Y/N) grinned, a playful glint in her eyes. “I like the sound of that, Boomhauer. A man with a sense of adventure is very sexy.”
They kept speaking to each other, inching closer throughout the night.The initial awkwardness between them melted away, replaced by a growing connection and a shared sense of curiosity.
Eventually, the cigarette burned out.
“Can’t believe how fast time flew by,” Boomhauer said, a tinge of regret in his voice. “I gotta get goin’.”
“Don’t know if I’m being forward, but am I gonna see you around these parts again, Mr. Boomhauer?” she asked with a laugh, copying his formality from the beginning of the night. 
He caught on. “Well, Miss (Y/N), depends on if you’re good and sure you wanna see me again.” 
“Hm, I think I’d like to. Could get used to sitting by a handsome not-stranger like yourself every Friday night. Mary likes ya’ too.” She angled her head up to make eye contact with him. “I like you more, though.” She leaned in and pressed her red-stained lips against his chapped ones.
He placed his hand on her face and tilted her into the kiss, savoring the feeling. Stroking her cheek with his thumb, he ran his tongue over her bottom lip, slowly pushing into her mouth. She moaned as he explored her mouth, intertwining his tongue with hers briefly before breaking away.
They both panted as they caught their breath, still holding eye contact. 
“I should get going,” (Y/N) sighed, standing up.
“Right, uh, yeah, man, me too.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and watched her turn to walk away. “You need me to walk you to your car?”
“No, hon, I’m okay. Just–” she looked back at him, “just make sure to come here again real soon, yeah? Don’t be a stranger, Boomhauer.” She walked to her car, heels clicking. She got into the car and drove off, rolling down her window to flash a final smile at him. 
Boomhauer had gone back to that small, desolate bar every week on Fridays for a long time. He did not see (Y/N) there for a while. He was upset, thinking that she had forgotten about their little promise so quickly, but he still showed up. Every Friday, sometimes Saturdays. He had soon started to devote less and less of his time to visiting Mary’s pub in search of her.
Today, he decided, would be one of his final trips. He was still hopeful, of course, but he was not completely delusional and knew when enough was enough. 
He walked in, head down. Not looking up, he sat down at his regular seat, right by the middle of the bar top.
“Hey, Mary,” he groaned, finally looking up. 
“Hey, not-stranger.” (Y/N) smiled at him while picking up her glass.
Boomhauer looked up, seeing her face again. He felt relief, anger, and happiness all at the same time. “(Y/N)? (Y/N), where have you been? I– I’ve been comin’ here wantin’ to see you every week.”
“I know, I know, Mary’s grilled me about it plenty, and I’m sorry.” She plopped down next to him in the chair, facing him with a grimace on her face. “I don’t even know what happened. I was getting dressed to come see you on that Friday and I just couldn’t leave, same with all the others.” She grabbed her shot glass. It was filled to the brim with tequila, and it probably was not the first or only one she had that night.
“What do you mean?”
“Damn it, I don’t know, Jeff,” she sighed and shot the drink back, wincing at the burning feeling it left in her throat. “You’re just so nice, you were so sweet, and you listened to me when I was talking the whole time. You let me joke and be silly and made me feel like you felt like I did, even if it was a lil’ soon.”
“I do feel the same, (Y/N), I feel it too, but if you felt this way, why didn’t you just tell me?”
“Wasn’t that simple, I felt so scared and I couldn’t take the chance of you not feeling the same. You say you do, but even telling you now makes me so nervous,” she covered her face with her hands, and her voice was a bit muffled as she ranted. Her hands felt clammy with her sweat and tears. 
Boomhauer gently wedged his hand between her face and her palm, tilting her head to angle her eyes at his. “Darlin’, c’mon now, don’t cry. I get it, you don’t have to explain anymore.” He got up and tapped her arm. “You’re too drunk to drive, let me take you home, yeah?”
(Y/N) nodded, thick tears still dripping down her cheeks. 
They both exited the bar, (Y/N) clinging onto Boomhauer’s arm, snuggling into it against the cool night air. They got in Boomhauer’s car and (Y/N) typed her address into his phone’s GPS system.
They drove in near silence, the only sound being a sniffle of huff from (Y/N)’s side of the car. He soon pulled into her driveway. Getting out, he walked to her side and opened her door, lifting her to her weak, tired legs and walked her to the door. 
“I guess I’ll see you whenever I can see you–?”
He was interrupted by (Y/N) pulling him into a kiss. It was not like their first one, this one was rushed and full of need and desire. She pulled him back into the house, still locked in the kiss, and slammed her door shut. She led him to the bedroom and fell back on her bed.
“This okay?” He asked, laying on top of her.
“Mhm, yes. Please, g’head n’ touch me.”
That was all he needed to hear. He pushed her head to the side and placed his lips on her neck. He sucked the soft skin until a tender, dark bruise formed on it. Moving his head up, he littered the hickies closer to her jaw. 
Pulling away with a pop, he examined the marks. They were shiny with his spit.
“They don’t hurt, do they?” He traced over the wet marks with his thumb, pressing onto them gently. 
(Y/N) craned her neck into his touch, pushing into it further. “It does, but I like it. Don’t need’a worry ‘bout me.”
“Hm.”
Boomhauer ducked his head down and created a trail of kisses, each dipping lower than the last until his lips were situated at her chest, just at the divot of her shirt. He quickly slid his finger through the buttons of her shirt, unbuttoning them and helping her shrug the shirt off. 
Goosebumps littered her skin when the cold air hit her body, soon being soothed by the warm kisses he placed over her abdomen. She gasped at the feeling. Boomhauer made his way lower, slipping her skirt and panties down. 
“Here,” he gripped onto her thighs and held them apart, “hold still for me.” 
He placed his head fully between her legs, licking thick stripes over her cunt. From her entrance to her clit, he traced a path, licking up her wetness and replacing it with his spit. 
“God, ‘s too much,” she whined.
“Ain’t even started yet, just wait,” Boomhauer said, voice muffled while he slurped and sucked on her sensitive, swollen bud. 
Licking at her slit, he pushed into her, dipping his tongue in-and-out. He rolled his tongue deeper, nose bumping against her clit. Little shocks of pleasure coursed through (Y/N), back arching with each pass over her clit.
Running her hands through his blond hair, she took purchase over the back of his head, grinding her pussy up into his mouth. 
“Ah– almost, almost there, keep–”
He pulled off, a wide grin plastered over his slick, reddened face. He wiped his face with his forearm.
“Turn over, baby,” Boomhauer grabbed her waist and flipped her over, face pushed into the mattress. “You ready?” He lined himself up at her entrance, slowly edging the tip in.
“Mhmph.”
His thrusts were slow and agonizing, but not teasing. He wanted this just as bad as she did, no: worse. He felt the velvet ribbing of her cunt suck him in with each thrust, drawing him in and constricting around his cock. 
“Tight lil’ thing,” he said, gritting his teeth. “Can’t keep squeezin’ like that, darlin’, makin’ me wanna cum early.”
“Oh, sorry,” she whined slightly, arching her hips further up as if he were trying to guide his cock to her deep spot. “There,” her mouth fell open with a cry, “ooh, right there, right there!”
“Yeah? Yeah, I-I got you..” 
Boomhauer tried to keep his hips directly flushed to her back, holding the position she put herself in under him. He turned his full, fast strokes into a rough and meaningful rutting, like he was trying to bury his dick into her G-spot.
“Fuck, fuck.” She panted deeply, pathetically, knowing she was close. A final stroke threw her over the edge into her ecstasy, from a final, sweet knock onto her cervix’s tip. 
He saw her shimmery nails grip the sheets tightly, watching as her knuckles practically turned white. “Aw, sweet– shit, sweetheart,” he cooed into her ear, fumbling over his words a bit. 
He got lost in his own pleasure, hardly being able to pull out. He managed to in time, however, and fisted his cock. After giving the base a few quick strokes, he groaned seeing his cum spurt out on her bare lower back.
(Y/N) hummed and looked back at him, sleepiness hanging over her eyes. 
“Boom,” she said after she heard his breathing steady, “will y’stay with me tonight? Please?”
“I’ll stay longer’n that, girl.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, looking over to him as he took a spot underneath the covers with her.
“Didn’t you notice the suitcases in the backseat of m’car?
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galedribble · 6 months ago
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Me and the homies partaking in beach activities :3
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5qu1dink · 2 years ago
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i CANT be normal about men i can’t. i’m not sorry
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megaturtle1012 · 9 months ago
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The Arlen Avengers.
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strange-birdy-me · 1 year ago
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This is so wholesome. 😊
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abyzoudev · 3 months ago
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A random bit I did after one of Coqui's streams. lol
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1sonic2tdpi3 · 2 months ago
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Anime King of the Hill main characters
Bobby, Joseph, Bill, Nancy, Hank, Peggy, Luanne, Dale, Connie, and Boomhauer
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sometranssoup · 1 year ago
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Look I'm sorry,but,if your favorite koth episode isn't 'Livin' on reds, vitamin c and propane',you're wrong
It's a perfect episode and showcases the fact Hank IS in fact the groups mom friend wether he wants to be or not
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bvrnoutprincess · 3 months ago
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me and gang (we’re all a bunch of 14 y/o girls living in the midwest)
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boombhauer · 1 year ago
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im your huckleberry 🐎
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boomhauerhot · 2 months ago
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Dang ol' hey man, Boomhauer 'ere. Just wanna check in, yo. So how's it going?
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galedribble · 6 months ago
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🏠KOTH Episode analysis🏠
S11. EP6 : Glen Peggy Glen Ross
Spoilers ahead! Go watch for the full context:
-Peggy becomes a realtor and manages to accidentally sell their own house. She fucks up big time this episode. Her egotistical crappy boss is mostly to blame but I digress she was still a major jackass this episode.
-Hank & Peggy have to intentionally fail a home inspection so the buyer is convinced to not go through with it. Hank clearly struggles with this considering how much work and time he puts into his home. He is now forced to appear like a bad homeowner in front of the neighborhood as well as the inspector and the buyer.
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-I found this particular scene really wholesome. Boomhauer, Dale and Bill are all fully aware how much his home means to Hank. Boomhauer silently offers to bash the metal pipe for Hank after seeing him trembling and struggling to destroy it himself. I adore this scene, it’s short but you get to see the trio try their best to help out Hank. It’s nice to see them help out Hank once in a while considering he’s usually the more responsible one of the group. (Let’s be honest he’s the mom friend)
-Hank is such a diligent and passionate handyman it’s so admirable. I know he’s not real but dammit he feels real! I could go on all day about how well written Hank’s character is and how amazing this show as a whole is. I’ll probably do more of these since I’m currently re-watching the show. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk my fellow alleyway gremlins.
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